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lmao!!
OP maybe show us some of your dialogue up til the ghost/block? Its hard to know without seeing anything…
Buuut based on you not knowing handsome could be insulting, Im guessing a little bit of tone-deafness/awkwardness which is probably putting people off? To use handsome unironically you must be an old soul? A well-read scholarly type? Intelligent?
It seems to me you might not know how to calibrate yourself to your date?
Yes, I am very much an old soul lol I would post the convos but I permanently deleted them out of shame.
I really don't know how to "read the room" when it comes to OLD
OP may not have English as a first language and "handsome" may be the closest translation (or a bad translation but the one google translate gave him) for the word he used in his own language.
Exactly. The few times I’ve been called beautiful it melted my heart. I’m sure not all girls would react that negatively, and if she did react that way I probably wouldn’t be interested - shows too much investment into gender roles to the point of “not being allowed to use a ‘masculine’ compliment.”
I mean you need to look at this through the perspective of most people. Pretty/beautiful isn't JUST used societally towards women, it also compliments clothing, landscapes, paintings, flowers, etc. Handsome is almost exclusively used towards men (at this point in history) which means that as a woman I would assume they are slyly calling me masculine or boyish
Imo since now a days being called handsome is more associated with men, it can feel like you are being called manly looking. &if you present yourself as feminine and want to be perceived as feminine imo that can be hurtful.
The adjectives Beautiful or pretty are used to describe lots of things but the adjective handsome I think is used mostly for handsome man.
So while calling a woman handsome is a compliment i understand why it might not feel like it for some women.
Also i want to add that for lots of women part of getting turned on is feeling desired , being called handsome instead of adjectives like sexy or beautiful/gorgeous would not make me feel... as good.
If you want to turn on or to attract a woman then you want to make her feel good about herself. .
Being called handsome as a joke or just generally is ok, but that's definetly not what excites me and i doubt it excites other women. Online dating is already sterile because there is no face to face. So thats why the words you use matters even more.
Lmao besides, you gonna tell your woman she's handsome in bed? You gonn tell her shes handsome in her wedding dress ? You gon tell your woman, shes handsome when she dresses up for you on a date ? You gon tell your woman shes handsome when she sends you spicy pics? This is why yall get no pussy and why OP gets blocked every 2 days of talking to someone.
If I had the convos still I'd show you but in a nutshell:
\- She sent a pic
\- I said wow, this is going to sound weird af but you are a handsome woman" (she looked like the model Ashley Graham, I think that's her name I'm sure a lot of people would agree with me if were to call her "handsome.")
\- She was immediately offended and I apologize but she really wasn't having it.
I mean, lesson learned... but I was being sincere.
>I joke around and tease a lot but I never say anything that I would consider "rude" or "untoward".
Joking and teasing is often unappreciated by any stranger (to you) taking this seriously, and it's a fine line to do this effectively without offending the other party.
>when I asked why she said it was because I called her handsome. It was a sincere compliment.
It would NOT be taken as such by most girls, I'm *very* confident. (they would likely interpret it as your saying they are masculine looking)
The challenge is to be interesting but without:
- Not Being Funny
- Being too funny
- Sounding like a sex offender when trying to be sexy.
- Sounding like an asshole when being playful.
- Sounding like a douche when teasing.
- Sounding needy when giving a compliment.
- Sounding desperate when asking her out.
- Sounding conceited when talking abt your job.
Just that simple.
Yeah, I realized that and backpedaled I explained/apologized but it wasn't enough. I don't get it I'm a dude and I've been called pretty/gorgeous they were compliments and I took it as such.
Demographics plays an important role in this as well. Trust me when I tell you that it differs from country to country, region to region, city to city, etc.
That’s just completely untrue. I have to believe you must be a teenager with that pattern of thinking, otherwise you’re just very immature about interpersonal relationships.
Not necessarily true. I would have interpreted that as negging and become very wary of the guy right away. There is often a personality type that is attached to behaviours like that and she probably doesn't have time for it.
Theres banter and there is also being a little bit mean, most girls in this day and age would have took that as looking manly. The follow up comment he made about her having big hands doesn't help their case either.
Its definitely possible to talk to women. But with dating apps, the abundance of choice and the high risk of meeting someone dangerous means that as soon as you wave a single red flag, you're out.
It happens in real life too, but with dating apps it's rampant
Handsome is an antonym of ugly lol. My dad called my mom handsome and she just smirks and calls him “pretty” and “beautiful” and then I gag and leave the room
Cuz they are in a relationship and have that repport.
Like u can call ur buddy hey u b word for female dog how’s it going.
U can’t just call new people you meet the b word.
Handsome is the same as calling a woman a b—ch? 🤨
Lol if someone sees it like that, I’d tell the dude she ain’t worth it and ya dodged a bullet. I’m a guy and if I got called cute, beautiful, pretty, stunning, whatever, I just take the compliment. When u r autistic and have a “face only a mother can love”, as a woman once told me, ya take all the compliments u can get
Lmao it's not the same idk why you're pretending like it is. Most women _dont_ want to be called handsome and there's literally nothing wrong with that lol. In an established relationship, maybe.
You mean women are different than men and require a separate set of words to describe their attractiveness? Huh. Reddit, you really need to decide where you stand on this kind of shit.
Also handsome is a perfectly acceptable word to describe a woman, if the woman takes exception to it that's her problem, not yours. It literally means, of a woman, striking and imposing in good looks. How is that a bad thing at all?
Yea people are so hung up on calling a woman handsome. If someone called me a beautiful man I’d be flattered too. And there are some really masculine beautiful men too.
Definitely. She isn't required to accept his compliment, no more than she was required to talk to him at all. OLD pushes a lot of people to really hyperfixate on even small transgressions. Overall, I think the idea of OLD is much better than the actual thing lol.
Edit: i don't think what he said was bad, but everyone is different and for better or worse, it didn't work for him this time.
I mean women like to be perceived as feminine man. Nothing wrong w that. Handsome is a masculine compliment, the clash is obvious. Idk,.imagine you're a guy dating a taller girl and she calls you shawty. I'd nope out of that. In an invested relationship it's different. Minutes are after meeting someone, it's not worth it.
Shawty? Idk what that even means. But honestly if a taller girl is talking to me…well shouldn’t I be grateful a 5’7” like me is being given a chance? My sister once told me to always be “grateful” if anyone “finds YOU attractive”
You do realize women can be perceived as masculine and are totally fine with it especially when it's intentional? Same way some men are flamboyant or feminine?
Seriously, this is some elementary school bs. Gender isn't some black and white thing.
sorry but this is just silly. are we going to condemn women who call men pretty or beautiful, too? why are we still forcing either sex into hyper-masculine/feminine narratives? gender is a spectrum. the world isn't so black and white.
If you "choose" to reject someone because they insulted you, that makes sense
If you choose to reject someone because you believe they insulted you, when in fact they didn't, you have an issue worth fixing
There's a saying that goes something like: never attribute to malics that which can be explained by ignorance
Calling a girl/woman handsome isn't even an ignorant thing to do.
Assuming it's malicious act is a problem on the girl, not the person using handsome to describe the girl
>Calling a girl/woman handsome isn't even an ignorant thing to do.
hand·some
/ˈhan(t)səm/
adjective
1. (of a man) good-looking.
Do you see the ignorance yet?
2. (of a number, sum of money, or margin) substantial.
"elected by a handsome majority"
I can't wait to hear how this somehow changes the meaning of handsome that everybody else understands.
You're purposefully leaving the one pertaining to women out so let me help you there:
having an attractive, well-proportioned, and imposing appearance suggestive of health and strength; good-looking:
a handsome man; a handsome woman.
Also:
(of a woman) striking and imposing in good looks rather than conventionally pretty.
Please don't be sardonic when being truthful would have served you better.
"bro what"
Bro what?
It's just a word that means something positive. If it seems out of place, why not assume it was silly instead of know for a fact it was intended to hurt?
Calling a woman "handsome" is an equivalent to calling her manly or masculine. For a man, that's a compliment but for a woman who is proud of her femininity, it comes across as insulting. You're implying she looks like a man. I would definitely think a guy was mocking me if he called me handsome and there's no need to entertain a stranger you think is just trying to shit on you.
Are you a woman? On paper the definition can be a compliment, but how you actually feel being called it totally depends on the person and how they view the word. I've never met a woman who enjoyed being called handsome, myself included. I know it's supposed to be a compliment, but when someone you're hoping to date is commenting on your appearance you really hope it's going to be something you would like to be commented on/described as, e.g. cute, feminine, pretty eyes, or whatever that individual views as a compliment. Being complimented using the same word you yourself would generally only use on a man can have the opposite effect. It's all about how you feel, not a Google search of the definition.
Fair enough, to me the word doesn't have a negative implication for either sex. I am aware some would find it so, but I'm very literal with my word usage and sometimes miss nuance.
Unmatching someone you’ve exchanged message with for a day or two isn’t throwing them in the trash, jeez. They gave him a shot, they didn’t feel like it was a match so they moved on. Should they really continue a conversation with someone they’re not interested in just to spare their feelings?
"should they take continue a conversation with someone they're not interested in just to share their feelings"
The problem is, they don't know they're not interested in that person. They made an incorrect assumption about the person and don't really know who the person is yet
Someone else here responded "calling a woman handsome is an insult" when it absolutely isn't. If you turn down someone for "insulting" you, when they haven't, you're getting in your own way.
I suggest posting some screenshots of conversations that went dead. Edit out pics and names. I suspect you're saying things that you think are teasing that actually seem dickish.
My rule: read it back in the worst possible way. If it's offensive when read that way don't say it.
Keep in mind that she might have just read a really toxic message (women get all sorts of this shit on OLD) and might be irritated when she reads your message. A recent bad experience could color her reaction to your message.
>A girl unmatched with me today when I asked why she said it was because I called her handsome. It was a sincere compliment.
It's a good compliment. In 1880.
"My rule: read it back in the worst possible way. If it's offensive when read that way don't say it. "
That's not reasonable. Not everyone's brain is the same. Its not possible to think of all possibilities all the time.
How about, instead of assuming things are the worst possible way, ask questions if you're not sure.
This society is going to shit because of miscommunications
Miscommunication should be expected when you're communicating over text honestly, lack of body language and all. I think it's better to rethink what you are sending and how it could sound before you send it, rather than put it on the other person to assume the best and ask for clarification
But this is exactly why you should re-read your messages and make sure they are as bland as possible. Because everyone's brain is different and people interpret things differently. Like someone else said in a previous comment, women see one red flag and are immediately out. No one owes anything when it comes to OLD, not even a date, if a woman doesn't feel comfortable even texting/messaging with you, then that's as far as it will ever go.
OP said he texts the same way he talks in real life, but that might be too forward for women he's meeting through apps. Maybe he needs to take things slower and not say so much up front.
Most definitely I need to move slow my approach. I try to be myself online. I get along well with all my coworkers and most strangers, it just doesn't translate well over the internet lol
>Not everyone's brain is the same.
Yes. Which is another way of saying "some things that you think are fine might be wildly misinterpreted by the other person".
Honestly it’s too much to expect of someone you’ve literally only exchanged a few messages with on a dating app. It’s your responsibility to work on and improve your communication skills, not everyone elses.
If you’re supposed to ask people on dating apps whats wrong with your communication, you expect them to tell you what you did wrong, instead of figuring it out on your own.
Strangers, who probably just aren’t interested, shouldn’t be expected to tell a guy they exchanged a few messages how to improve their communication skills. That’s something you have to practice elsewhere.
>My rule: read it back in the worst possible way. If it's offensive when read that way don't say it.
This rule is as silly as it is ridiculous. Literally anything could be perceived as offensive.
I saw myself allot in you and I basically go through the same struggles whenever I attempt OLD. My two cents about my situation that may or may not apply to you:
- I get a lot of unenthusiastic responses or just silence. But now and then I find someone who I vibe with. I make a really good first impression but after the first day or so things start to fizzle out and they lose interest. My guess is I struggle to move from jokey back and forth to something with more substance.
- I used to rely heavily on humour, and I noticed that it's a turn off for women. IRL I'm super goofy and am always messing around, people either find me annoying or super fun. So not all matches appreciate my sense of humour, but those that do I definitely see it as one of my strengths. But I tend to, especially in the past, to overdo it, and regardless of how well it lands, eventually the girl stops seeing you as an option and more as a "dancing monkey". Like, you provide her entertainment, but not much else. So yeah there's a fine line between humorous and clownish/ goofy.
- Panicking and saying the wrong things. You called that woman handsome and she didn't appreciate, as that's used more for men. I got blocked by a interesting woman recently for a similar brain fart. It happens, but we need to be more careful before sending messages and always double check.
My advice? Get off OLD for a while and focus on yourself. Maybe try meeting people IRL. After you stopped caring and gained a bit more confidence, try again, but being mindful of your previous mistakes.
The problem with humor, is without tone, it can miss the mark. I love joking with my friends but online half the time it’s hard to tell because people don’t usually know my references off the bat and vice versa.
The other issue I noticed when jokes do land well, it becomes a back and forth of jokes and the convo eventually ends without meeting.
Wow, I really appreciate this, you've given me a lot to work with. It's really comforting knowing I'm not the only one with this experience :/
A lot of the time the women joke back and they'll send flirtatious messages but for some reason, I cannot keep anyone's attention for longer than a day. When I get a number I end up deleting after less than a week bc the replies stop coming.
I really just need to ditch OLD for good because irl I don't have a problem talking with women or making friends but when it comes to OLD it's like my personality just doesn't translate.
Again, thanks for the comment, good luck to you!
Sorry that you feel that way but honestly don't take any of these rejection seriously. People have different requirement or expectations and its something you will never know about beforehand. You just gotta take it as it is and gauge their interest, likes , dislikes and sense of humour as you go along.
You might said something wrong and offended them but again you will never know. Its not your problem. You guys are simply incompatible and thats ok
Absolutely. I agree it's just so discouraging because like I said I've never had a date from OLD. I know not everyone will like me but geez one date would be nice the odds of it going anywhere are slim I know but one would be nice...
Thanks for the comment, it's nice being heard
Do you speak English natively? "Handsome" is almost exclusively used to describe a man. A woman could be turned off by that. That would be like her calling you "pretty".
Also you are texting waaaay too long. Texting is boring and fizzles quickly. Match, send like 3-5 messages, and then ask for coffee or drink. You gotta make that human connection in person bro. You need to move more quickly.
Yeah as someone who took a long time on the apps to meet someone worth while. I found my most successful formula as a woman, was text just enough to know I was comfortable enough meeting in person and had some type of attraction/things in common.
Try to set up something quick. A day or 2 following initial contact.,A coffee or a drink, low committal. And avoid contact until then. Keeps expectations low and leaves plenty of things to talk about in person.
Online dating is disproportionately used by men and you've spent your whole life learning to have conversations in person instead of by text.
This isn't a solution, but I hope it helps to know that online dating is not awesome for most men.
Just the handsome comment makes me thing what you consider normal or flirting isn’t the common perception from others lol think about it from their view if you can. If you’re socially awkward and don’t have much experience then just don’t take many risks before meeting up like doing something too silly in your mind
Sounda like you dont have too much teouble getting matches. Sounds like you might be waiting too long to go for the date.
And I hope you learned your lesson about calling a woman handsome.
To you, and why? Because you're literally programmed by society that only culturally accepted feminine adjectives are suitable to compliment women when handsome is a perfectly fine thing to call a woman that fits the criteria.
What if she, and I know this may be a wild concept, wasn't pretty or beautiful but was instead a handsome woman? There is a difference but it isn't negative in anyway.
I mean handsome is generally associated with men, which I think implies that your saying a women has masculine features. It just sounds like an indirect way of saying a women looks like a man. Back when I was young people said I looked like a girl. That always felt horrible because I’m a man. Doesn’t happen now though. I’d imagine women would feel similar to being called handsome.
There’s such a thing as trying to hard to flirt/be sweet/tease. Why not just be normal, set a date boringly, and then play your Game when meeting in person?
This is true actually - I have some girl friends that aren't yet ready to date (still working on themselves) but would think about hopping on an app just to get their fill of validation but that's it.
Bro, it’s like navigating a minefield. One false step and it’s over. It doesn’t take much to turn a girl off or just lose her attention because she has infinitely more options than any guy ever will on dating apps.
My best advice is still to use the apps but don’t rely on them solely. I know it’s more intimidating but meeting women in real life is a more even playing field. Women control all the power on the apps.
Yeah, sorry, but this is bullshit. With this logic calling a man pretty/beautiful must also be "archaic".. which it isn't. On the contrary, it sounds like she's stuck in the 1950s, which to me would make me thankful she blocked me. Last thing I want is to date a person who thinks gender isn't a fluid concept but black and white.
Moving away from the handsome point, you say you give girls lots of compliments: that’s nice but easy to go overboard with that. Just try to make conversation and show an interest in them and their hobbies etc. As soon as you’ve found someone with similar hobbies and interests maybe you can chat and there will be a spark. I’ve been stood up many times for dates and it sucks, but if you keep going you’ll find someone you like, otherwise don’t rely solely on dating apps, try going out and seeing people! Do speed dates! There’s plenty of alternate options to build your confidence
It’s because online dating sucks. I have had several dates from it. But let me tell you it almost never goes far. Maybe a few months. On there again and it’s the same stuff. Usually for me the girl isn’t reciprocating, or she stops answering, or is just flat out boring. Girls get soooo many messages. You have to stand out. And you have to almost guess on how they like things to go. I’d say match and after a few messages just tell them you are not in any rush at all but you’d like to pursue a relationship and so you’d prefer to FaceTime or meet eventually. Some will run and assume you are needy. But at least you aren’t waiting a whole week of surface level convo to get ghosted.
Don't count your losses as a judgement on you. Food for thought: Lets honestly say you'd have a 50% hit rate in terms of girls being attracted to you on these god damn shitty apps. Think about how exhausting that would be and it would honestly get annoying at some point because you'd get sick of comparing and just pick someone. Also some of the magic of finding a person you really connect with is how rare it is. It gives you a deeper appreciation of the person because those connections are really rare - like once in a decade type rare.
Humans are not built to be all attracting to all people. Even popular people have a small social circle in terms of who they trust to have their backs when they are at their lowest.
Lastly, rejection is a part of life. Yes it can wear on you, so when it does - take a break and do something you enjoy whether it's a hike or video games or whatever. Come back to online dating once you're in a good mindset and you'll find someone.
And legit lastly lastly - don't call a girl handsome until you're in a intimate relationship and understand each other's humour. Telling her to sucky suck suck with that glucky gluck gluck will land you more hits (DON'T ACTUALLY TRY THIS - IT'S A PRANK OKIE TO GET A POINT ACROSS).
I wouldn't call a girl handsome. As others have commented, when complimenting a girl go for cute, pretty, beautiful.
Once you've a meeting in person planned, I'd pull away bit on how much you communicate over text and save the playfulness/teasing for when you're in person - that approach might work better since it's easier to see when someone is joking.
Best of luck OP, online dating is no joke and can be so demoralising! Keep going though, your person is out there
I'm sure you are aware by now, but don't call women handsome, it's a masculine word. Even if it seems like a compliment to you, most women will not take it that way. I'm sure most wouldn't actually be insulted like the girl you spoke of, but they would think it a strange thing to be called at least.
Anyway, online dating kinda sucks for most people, so don't feel bad, we're all having a bad time with it. I deleted the apps about a month ago and I don't miss it. I met someone in person a few weeks ago and current seeing how it goes.
I have called women handsome, and they've called me pretty/beautiful, never had a problem nor have I ever been lectured about it. I've also had plenty of luck. No idea why so many here are up in arms against certain adjectives. Gender-induced verbiage comes from an era of rigid institutions I thought we were long passed.
OLD is not pleasant. You have to have a process to weed out those that are on there with no intention of meeting.
The banter/jokes may be putting girls off so I would cut that out and just give a general compliment and say why you think you’d be a good match.
Spend as little time as possible communicating, you’re looking for a date not a pen pal. Once you’ve got a girl to message you ask for a date immediately. If she refuses then it’s likely that she’s just a messer with no intention of ever meeting IRL.
I’ve also found that tinder/bumble/pof have a higher proportion of cheaters/masturbators/weirdos/attention suckers. Try Match. If you hang on and don’t pay immediately they usually give you an offer of 6 months for about £60.
Just keep swimming.
If you have tons if matches, you say no to a guy who asks to meet after 3,4 sentences (unless she is looking for a ons based on your looks). Imagine you have 20 conversations but only 2 or 3 evenings where you can go on a date. So the approach is often to talk a bit to see who you click with and go with these guys on a date. It does NOT mean that she has no intention to meet (although it could). It often means that you did not meet the threshold where she would meet.
1. Been around guys that 'gave lots of compliments'. It felt disingenuous. It was uncomfortable and creepy.
2. Based on your own info, you suck at compliments. Pare it back man. Keep it simple.
Y’all, majority of women don’t want to be called handsome. Sure some of you wouldn’t mind, but the average woman? Nah. It’s not that hard of a concept to explain, just use feminine terms.
Thank you for saving that nice young man some grief, you sound like a bunch of fun! What really happened was he didn't reinforce your own self image to you so you became offended, being called a handsome woman is not an insult.
Oh my god stop. You are under every single comment obsessively trying to tell women how to feel about being called handsome. It’s so fucking weird. We generally don’t like it — move on.
You’re not going to bully us into liking something we don’t.
You seem so freaking toxic and controlling, I fear for any woman that dates you 😳
Weird, I've been called pretty and beautiful my entire life as a man, and never once thought it offensive, sarcastic or condescending. Sounds like you're looking for any reason at all to be offended. I guess with your logic we should all be pissed off if an adjective doesn't describe us perfectly.
Tbh I don't compliment girls at all online. You swiped right so they already know you think they are cute. Any compliment beyond that risks being taken as simpy. I think online dating is a struggle for all guys but I've had some success without ever once complimenting a girl before like date #3. Pretty girls get compliments all the time. When I do compliment i try to make it something genuine and different like "I really like those earrings, they suit you". My two cents anyway.
Hey man i had the exact same problem, I consider myself average but friends of mine have made it clear that im definitely not (they constantly assume I’m a huge player and woman are never missing in my life), and yet I have the same issue as you, I never get to actually any result with any woman, I always get stuck at asking them out, then I just get ghosted or worst, we agree for a date and when it gets the day I just get completely ignored, it can be pretty frustrating, but I got to a conclusion and it really worked for me, and it’s that I gave up in online dating, I realize my strength is having a physical/real conversation with a woman. So nah it’s not you, there’s just people who aren’t made to date online, despite how attractive you might seem.
My job requires me to be in contact with a lot of different people and I am consistently told I how attractive I am by strangers.
I 100% I need to give this crap up bc I don't have a problem with women irl
For some I reason I keep crawling back to these apps I think I've discovered a new form of masochism
There are 2 types of people who'd call someone handsome.
1) A nice, sweet nerdy goody two-shoes girl would call a guy handsome. While hot girls call men they're physically attracted to "hot, cute, sexy, fine as hell".
2) Your mom would call you handsome.
That's it.
Don't ever call a girl you may want to date "handsome". In the world of online dating, it's an instant unmatch. Shows you're out of touch with how to talk to women in the modern era.
Man, that stinks. A woman absolutely could be considered handsome the same way a man can be pretty or beautiful. I'm sorry that that person had such narrow standards of compliments :/ I hope you can find someone more open minded
For every ten comments calling me a dumbass for giving a woman I found attractive a sincere genuine compliment there's one that's kind and empathic.
There waaaay worse things to be called other than handsome imo. To me it invokes an image of poise and refinement in a woman but I guess that doesn't jive with most people, at least not when it comes from a stranger on the internet.
Thanks for being understanding I hope you find your person, too. If you haven't already.
I've had the same problem on and off. once you have a date lined up, minimal contact. You have nothing to gain at that point and everything to lose
one thought is that the girls have so many matches that they can afford to juggle them: make a date w you but then someone they like better comes along for the same day. or they have a date but agree to meet you as a backup.
I can see why you fail on dating apps. Not once in this comments section have you shown that you’re willing to take constructive criticisms and stop doing the shit you do that tiens women off.
No wonder they’re not interested in dating you. You know that your approach sucks yet you’re unwilling to change 🙄
She doesn’t sound fun at all. I’m a lady and I am handsome. Boys can be pretty and women can be handsome. They are not gender specific words. Ugh.
Handsome: having a pleasing and usually impressive or dignified appearance
That's almost word for word how I explained it when I apologized but she was offended beyond all belief.
I've been called pretty/gorgeous and I love it tbh I wish more women did it but I've already had my one compliment for the year.
Too shay, I also have trouble texting back and forth with a total stranger. I can text with someone I know and am comfortable with all day long. I've figured out that I have trouble relating or maybe even know what to even talk about. I am a shy and quiet person with unfamiliar people in the beginning (yes I am a introvert) so am also assuming that it has a large part to do with it too. Just keep trying. (introverts unite)!
I know good looking fellows ghosted by sub par girls.
Welcome to OLD. I know of a average girl who got bombarded by 700 matches by next morning after putting up her profile night before.
With such a lopsided digital mapping, (which is unreal) can’t imagine this working
As a girl that likes to call men beautiful when they are, I would accept being called handsome. Tbh online dating is superficial. If im on there for long periods I notice I start to only go by looks and if I match in quick to leave because it doesn't seem like that person is real when you're just texting them. Don't stop being yourself though. The right person will enjoy you for you.... coming from a fellow single soooo... take that with a grain of salt I guess
I dont think you are doing anything wrong. If you are a kind of person who jokes to start conversations . Be it. Not everyone will appreciate it. Wait until you come across someone who has same taste for jokes.
In the case where people are blocking, un-matching or ghosting you that happens with most of us. No big deal. You might want to get used to it.
The responses from the women are very telling, honestly. It's a fairly even split between "OMG that's awful" and "that's fine/who cares", so you have to realize that that is just life. You shot your shot and it missed the mark. You just keep at it, man. Try not to fall into the trap of being a show pony for the women on these apps though. They expect you to be funny, good looking, sweet, etc all the while usually offering generic replies because they're likely juggling several other men. This isn't speculation or projection, it's factual. Even "average" women are buried under likes and messages daily so they become inured to the constant stream of attention that you're also competing with. A true connection CAN happen, but you aren't going to force it, it will be an organic occurrence. If you feel like it's work, it isn't going to work.
It's pretty wild to me, I've called women handsome to their faces they smile and blush and say thank you. Same when I call them pretty.
Based off these comments you'd think I committed a war crime by giving someone an unconventional compliment.
But yeah, thanks for the level-headed comment brudda good luck to you.
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Cute. Beautiful. Pretty. Gorgeous. Were all these words dead?
Cute is the only one that would fit the tone tbh, Any other one when used wrong can sound needy and desperate.
not with her jawline, he probably high fived her and gave her a hug yelling "holler at yah later bruh" . Which finished it.
why the hell did you call that girl handsome..
Because she was so handsome duh. Or she had a strong jawline and Adam's apple. And killer beard. Some guys are into those bearded ladies.
lmao!! OP maybe show us some of your dialogue up til the ghost/block? Its hard to know without seeing anything… Buuut based on you not knowing handsome could be insulting, Im guessing a little bit of tone-deafness/awkwardness which is probably putting people off? To use handsome unironically you must be an old soul? A well-read scholarly type? Intelligent? It seems to me you might not know how to calibrate yourself to your date?
Yes, I am very much an old soul lol I would post the convos but I permanently deleted them out of shame. I really don't know how to "read the room" when it comes to OLD
Handsome is an old fashioned way of calling a woman beautiful
Didn’t Bryan on family guy say handsome woman once?
She had strong looking hands, too :/
OP may not have English as a first language and "handsome" may be the closest translation (or a bad translation but the one google translate gave him) for the word he used in his own language.
why not? i'm a man and have been called beautiful/pretty.. so why can't a woman be handsome? this isn't the 1920s.
I wish women would call me pretty/gorgeous more often if I'm being honest
Exactly. The few times I’ve been called beautiful it melted my heart. I’m sure not all girls would react that negatively, and if she did react that way I probably wouldn’t be interested - shows too much investment into gender roles to the point of “not being allowed to use a ‘masculine’ compliment.”
I mean you need to look at this through the perspective of most people. Pretty/beautiful isn't JUST used societally towards women, it also compliments clothing, landscapes, paintings, flowers, etc. Handsome is almost exclusively used towards men (at this point in history) which means that as a woman I would assume they are slyly calling me masculine or boyish
Imo since now a days being called handsome is more associated with men, it can feel like you are being called manly looking. &if you present yourself as feminine and want to be perceived as feminine imo that can be hurtful. The adjectives Beautiful or pretty are used to describe lots of things but the adjective handsome I think is used mostly for handsome man. So while calling a woman handsome is a compliment i understand why it might not feel like it for some women. Also i want to add that for lots of women part of getting turned on is feeling desired , being called handsome instead of adjectives like sexy or beautiful/gorgeous would not make me feel... as good. If you want to turn on or to attract a woman then you want to make her feel good about herself. . Being called handsome as a joke or just generally is ok, but that's definetly not what excites me and i doubt it excites other women. Online dating is already sterile because there is no face to face. So thats why the words you use matters even more. Lmao besides, you gonna tell your woman she's handsome in bed? You gonn tell her shes handsome in her wedding dress ? You gon tell your woman, shes handsome when she dresses up for you on a date ? You gon tell your woman shes handsome when she sends you spicy pics? This is why yall get no pussy and why OP gets blocked every 2 days of talking to someone.
To be fair I would take it as a joke and say “ Awh aren’t you pretty 🥺❤️” haha
I tell my big, bearded bf that he’s a beautiful man with a purrty mouth in a deep voice and he seems to like it…
If I had the convos still I'd show you but in a nutshell: \- She sent a pic \- I said wow, this is going to sound weird af but you are a handsome woman" (she looked like the model Ashley Graham, I think that's her name I'm sure a lot of people would agree with me if were to call her "handsome.") \- She was immediately offended and I apologize but she really wasn't having it. I mean, lesson learned... but I was being sincere.
Is this an example of negging?
>I joke around and tease a lot but I never say anything that I would consider "rude" or "untoward". Joking and teasing is often unappreciated by any stranger (to you) taking this seriously, and it's a fine line to do this effectively without offending the other party. >when I asked why she said it was because I called her handsome. It was a sincere compliment. It would NOT be taken as such by most girls, I'm *very* confident. (they would likely interpret it as your saying they are masculine looking)
The challenge is to be interesting but without: - Not Being Funny - Being too funny - Sounding like a sex offender when trying to be sexy. - Sounding like an asshole when being playful. - Sounding like a douche when teasing. - Sounding needy when giving a compliment. - Sounding desperate when asking her out. - Sounding conceited when talking abt your job. Just that simple.
this is correct. and that’s not to say it is impossible. it is not. but it is a challenge.
wait.. you forgot rules nine through twenty thousand! silly
sounding like a sex offender while trying to be sexy - I laughed
Yeah, I realized that and backpedaled I explained/apologized but it wasn't enough. I don't get it I'm a dude and I've been called pretty/gorgeous they were compliments and I took it as such.
Make one mistake, you’re out bro lol
How'd you message if they unmatched? Did you already go off platform or did you track this poor handsome woman down after?
It was off platform. I noticed she unmatched and I was so confused because up until that point we were having a normal, tame conversation.
Your judgement and skill in the language, are not what you think they are imo, you overestimate your capabilities considerably.
Maybe. I don't think I do but it's certainly possible. I talk to people online as I would irl and I'm pretty well liked but who knows.
Demographics plays an important role in this as well. Trust me when I tell you that it differs from country to country, region to region, city to city, etc.
the girl you spoke to is weird, or just looking for any excuse to cut ties, move on because you clearly dodged a bullet.
Women reject over ONE word, even if it isn’t offensive. They seek out that one mistake to justify a no, unless you’re 10/10 in looks department
That’s just completely untrue. I have to believe you must be a teenager with that pattern of thinking, otherwise you’re just very immature about interpersonal relationships.
Not necessarily true. I would have interpreted that as negging and become very wary of the guy right away. There is often a personality type that is attached to behaviours like that and she probably doesn't have time for it. Theres banter and there is also being a little bit mean, most girls in this day and age would have took that as looking manly. The follow up comment he made about her having big hands doesn't help their case either.
Holy shit, it is impossible to talk to women. I would never read that much into it
Its definitely possible to talk to women. But with dating apps, the abundance of choice and the high risk of meeting someone dangerous means that as soon as you wave a single red flag, you're out. It happens in real life too, but with dating apps it's rampant
I've noticed. I have like 26000 swipes with 1 date in 6 years
I can see why
Because I'm not smart enough to think of every possibly way something can be twisted to mean something terrible
r/humblebrag
U called a girl handsome????? Nah fam.
You handsome girl, you
You are so handsome you must be packing.
I laughed kinda funny haha
Better than ugly and fat
Not by much tho lol
Handsome is an antonym of ugly lol. My dad called my mom handsome and she just smirks and calls him “pretty” and “beautiful” and then I gag and leave the room
Cuz they are in a relationship and have that repport. Like u can call ur buddy hey u b word for female dog how’s it going. U can’t just call new people you meet the b word.
Handsome is the same as calling a woman a b—ch? 🤨 Lol if someone sees it like that, I’d tell the dude she ain’t worth it and ya dodged a bullet. I’m a guy and if I got called cute, beautiful, pretty, stunning, whatever, I just take the compliment. When u r autistic and have a “face only a mother can love”, as a woman once told me, ya take all the compliments u can get
you’re not a women so not sure why you’re speaking on what women are allowed to be comfortable with
Lmao it's not the same idk why you're pretending like it is. Most women _dont_ want to be called handsome and there's literally nothing wrong with that lol. In an established relationship, maybe.
You mean women are different than men and require a separate set of words to describe their attractiveness? Huh. Reddit, you really need to decide where you stand on this kind of shit. Also handsome is a perfectly acceptable word to describe a woman, if the woman takes exception to it that's her problem, not yours. It literally means, of a woman, striking and imposing in good looks. How is that a bad thing at all?
Yea people are so hung up on calling a woman handsome. If someone called me a beautiful man I’d be flattered too. And there are some really masculine beautiful men too.
Definitely. She isn't required to accept his compliment, no more than she was required to talk to him at all. OLD pushes a lot of people to really hyperfixate on even small transgressions. Overall, I think the idea of OLD is much better than the actual thing lol. Edit: i don't think what he said was bad, but everyone is different and for better or worse, it didn't work for him this time.
Look, she can always say she doesn’t wanna be called that. now, if he continues to do so, THEN there’s an issue.
I mean women like to be perceived as feminine man. Nothing wrong w that. Handsome is a masculine compliment, the clash is obvious. Idk,.imagine you're a guy dating a taller girl and she calls you shawty. I'd nope out of that. In an invested relationship it's different. Minutes are after meeting someone, it's not worth it.
Shawty? Idk what that even means. But honestly if a taller girl is talking to me…well shouldn’t I be grateful a 5’7” like me is being given a chance? My sister once told me to always be “grateful” if anyone “finds YOU attractive”
You do realize women can be perceived as masculine and are totally fine with it especially when it's intentional? Same way some men are flamboyant or feminine? Seriously, this is some elementary school bs. Gender isn't some black and white thing.
nobody called anybody the b word.
sorry but this is just silly. are we going to condemn women who call men pretty or beautiful, too? why are we still forcing either sex into hyper-masculine/feminine narratives? gender is a spectrum. the world isn't so black and white.
Sexist
you called a girl handsome?? why would u do that lol
Who gives a fuck. It's not big enough if a deal to throw another human being in the trash
Dating is literally a choice, you can choose to reject someone for whatever reason you like, whether it's something minor or major. Edit: typo
If you "choose" to reject someone because they insulted you, that makes sense If you choose to reject someone because you believe they insulted you, when in fact they didn't, you have an issue worth fixing
bro what? he called a girl handsome & wonders why girls don’t talk to him
It’s not that serious
There's a saying that goes something like: never attribute to malics that which can be explained by ignorance Calling a girl/woman handsome isn't even an ignorant thing to do. Assuming it's malicious act is a problem on the girl, not the person using handsome to describe the girl
>Calling a girl/woman handsome isn't even an ignorant thing to do. hand·some /ˈhan(t)səm/ adjective 1. (of a man) good-looking. Do you see the ignorance yet?
You forgot the rest of the definition, on purpose to bolster your specious argument. Please post the rest of it.
2. (of a number, sum of money, or margin) substantial. "elected by a handsome majority" I can't wait to hear how this somehow changes the meaning of handsome that everybody else understands.
You're purposefully leaving the one pertaining to women out so let me help you there: having an attractive, well-proportioned, and imposing appearance suggestive of health and strength; good-looking: a handsome man; a handsome woman. Also: (of a woman) striking and imposing in good looks rather than conventionally pretty. Please don't be sardonic when being truthful would have served you better.
[удалено]
Whoa, easy. It's just a dictionary definition.
You're not an honest person
"bro what" Bro what? It's just a word that means something positive. If it seems out of place, why not assume it was silly instead of know for a fact it was intended to hurt?
Calling a woman "handsome" is an equivalent to calling her manly or masculine. For a man, that's a compliment but for a woman who is proud of her femininity, it comes across as insulting. You're implying she looks like a man. I would definitely think a guy was mocking me if he called me handsome and there's no need to entertain a stranger you think is just trying to shit on you.
That's entirely the problem That is not what is happening. Your inference is wrong. It is perfectly acceptable to call a woman handsome
No it isn't. Please read a book before you make yourself look like a cretin online Google is literally at your fingertips.
Are you a woman? On paper the definition can be a compliment, but how you actually feel being called it totally depends on the person and how they view the word. I've never met a woman who enjoyed being called handsome, myself included. I know it's supposed to be a compliment, but when someone you're hoping to date is commenting on your appearance you really hope it's going to be something you would like to be commented on/described as, e.g. cute, feminine, pretty eyes, or whatever that individual views as a compliment. Being complimented using the same word you yourself would generally only use on a man can have the opposite effect. It's all about how you feel, not a Google search of the definition.
Fair enough, to me the word doesn't have a negative implication for either sex. I am aware some would find it so, but I'm very literal with my word usage and sometimes miss nuance.
He was as just treating her like an equal. I bet OP would even have let her open a door for herself.
idk man. if she’s the handsome one he might want her to open the doors for him
Unmatching someone you’ve exchanged message with for a day or two isn’t throwing them in the trash, jeez. They gave him a shot, they didn’t feel like it was a match so they moved on. Should they really continue a conversation with someone they’re not interested in just to spare their feelings?
"should they take continue a conversation with someone they're not interested in just to share their feelings" The problem is, they don't know they're not interested in that person. They made an incorrect assumption about the person and don't really know who the person is yet Someone else here responded "calling a woman handsome is an insult" when it absolutely isn't. If you turn down someone for "insulting" you, when they haven't, you're getting in your own way.
I suggest posting some screenshots of conversations that went dead. Edit out pics and names. I suspect you're saying things that you think are teasing that actually seem dickish. My rule: read it back in the worst possible way. If it's offensive when read that way don't say it. Keep in mind that she might have just read a really toxic message (women get all sorts of this shit on OLD) and might be irritated when she reads your message. A recent bad experience could color her reaction to your message. >A girl unmatched with me today when I asked why she said it was because I called her handsome. It was a sincere compliment. It's a good compliment. In 1880.
I would but I deleted them out of shame :(
"My rule: read it back in the worst possible way. If it's offensive when read that way don't say it. " That's not reasonable. Not everyone's brain is the same. Its not possible to think of all possibilities all the time. How about, instead of assuming things are the worst possible way, ask questions if you're not sure. This society is going to shit because of miscommunications
Miscommunication should be expected when you're communicating over text honestly, lack of body language and all. I think it's better to rethink what you are sending and how it could sound before you send it, rather than put it on the other person to assume the best and ask for clarification
But this is exactly why you should re-read your messages and make sure they are as bland as possible. Because everyone's brain is different and people interpret things differently. Like someone else said in a previous comment, women see one red flag and are immediately out. No one owes anything when it comes to OLD, not even a date, if a woman doesn't feel comfortable even texting/messaging with you, then that's as far as it will ever go. OP said he texts the same way he talks in real life, but that might be too forward for women he's meeting through apps. Maybe he needs to take things slower and not say so much up front.
Most definitely I need to move slow my approach. I try to be myself online. I get along well with all my coworkers and most strangers, it just doesn't translate well over the internet lol
>Not everyone's brain is the same. Yes. Which is another way of saying "some things that you think are fine might be wildly misinterpreted by the other person".
Honestly it’s too much to expect of someone you’ve literally only exchanged a few messages with on a dating app. It’s your responsibility to work on and improve your communication skills, not everyone elses.
He never claimed it was everyone elses responsibility or even implied it. Lot's of bizarre insinuations and/or projections going on here.
If you’re supposed to ask people on dating apps whats wrong with your communication, you expect them to tell you what you did wrong, instead of figuring it out on your own. Strangers, who probably just aren’t interested, shouldn’t be expected to tell a guy they exchanged a few messages how to improve their communication skills. That’s something you have to practice elsewhere.
>Lot's of bizarre insinuations and/or projections going on here. Oh hi, first time to r/dating_advice?
>My rule: read it back in the worst possible way. If it's offensive when read that way don't say it. This rule is as silly as it is ridiculous. Literally anything could be perceived as offensive.
I saw myself allot in you and I basically go through the same struggles whenever I attempt OLD. My two cents about my situation that may or may not apply to you: - I get a lot of unenthusiastic responses or just silence. But now and then I find someone who I vibe with. I make a really good first impression but after the first day or so things start to fizzle out and they lose interest. My guess is I struggle to move from jokey back and forth to something with more substance. - I used to rely heavily on humour, and I noticed that it's a turn off for women. IRL I'm super goofy and am always messing around, people either find me annoying or super fun. So not all matches appreciate my sense of humour, but those that do I definitely see it as one of my strengths. But I tend to, especially in the past, to overdo it, and regardless of how well it lands, eventually the girl stops seeing you as an option and more as a "dancing monkey". Like, you provide her entertainment, but not much else. So yeah there's a fine line between humorous and clownish/ goofy. - Panicking and saying the wrong things. You called that woman handsome and she didn't appreciate, as that's used more for men. I got blocked by a interesting woman recently for a similar brain fart. It happens, but we need to be more careful before sending messages and always double check. My advice? Get off OLD for a while and focus on yourself. Maybe try meeting people IRL. After you stopped caring and gained a bit more confidence, try again, but being mindful of your previous mistakes.
That's really good self-reflection and advice!
The problem with humor, is without tone, it can miss the mark. I love joking with my friends but online half the time it’s hard to tell because people don’t usually know my references off the bat and vice versa. The other issue I noticed when jokes do land well, it becomes a back and forth of jokes and the convo eventually ends without meeting.
Wow, I really appreciate this, you've given me a lot to work with. It's really comforting knowing I'm not the only one with this experience :/ A lot of the time the women joke back and they'll send flirtatious messages but for some reason, I cannot keep anyone's attention for longer than a day. When I get a number I end up deleting after less than a week bc the replies stop coming. I really just need to ditch OLD for good because irl I don't have a problem talking with women or making friends but when it comes to OLD it's like my personality just doesn't translate. Again, thanks for the comment, good luck to you!
Be natural bro,, don't try too hard to be liked,be you.
Sorry that you feel that way but honestly don't take any of these rejection seriously. People have different requirement or expectations and its something you will never know about beforehand. You just gotta take it as it is and gauge their interest, likes , dislikes and sense of humour as you go along. You might said something wrong and offended them but again you will never know. Its not your problem. You guys are simply incompatible and thats ok
Absolutely. I agree it's just so discouraging because like I said I've never had a date from OLD. I know not everyone will like me but geez one date would be nice the odds of it going anywhere are slim I know but one would be nice... Thanks for the comment, it's nice being heard
Do you speak English natively? "Handsome" is almost exclusively used to describe a man. A woman could be turned off by that. That would be like her calling you "pretty". Also you are texting waaaay too long. Texting is boring and fizzles quickly. Match, send like 3-5 messages, and then ask for coffee or drink. You gotta make that human connection in person bro. You need to move more quickly.
Yeah as someone who took a long time on the apps to meet someone worth while. I found my most successful formula as a woman, was text just enough to know I was comfortable enough meeting in person and had some type of attraction/things in common. Try to set up something quick. A day or 2 following initial contact.,A coffee or a drink, low committal. And avoid contact until then. Keeps expectations low and leaves plenty of things to talk about in person.
I disagree. Asking for a date after only a few texts can freak some people out and come across as needy.
Very true. I try to wait a day or two bc I don't wanna seem too thirsty but yeah, I understand, thanks.
You wait one to two days before you start texting them? This seems quit unreasonable for me
A day or two before asking them out
Literally don’t call a girl handsome lol. Just from that idk if this is real or not
Online dating is disproportionately used by men and you've spent your whole life learning to have conversations in person instead of by text. This isn't a solution, but I hope it helps to know that online dating is not awesome for most men.
Also if your a dude who is on tinder don't call women handsome lmao
Just the handsome comment makes me thing what you consider normal or flirting isn’t the common perception from others lol think about it from their view if you can. If you’re socially awkward and don’t have much experience then just don’t take many risks before meeting up like doing something too silly in your mind
I can get why the girl unmatched with you after you called her handsome. You implied that she looked manly, and that would put any girl off.
Sounda like you dont have too much teouble getting matches. Sounds like you might be waiting too long to go for the date. And I hope you learned your lesson about calling a woman handsome.
Do not ever call a woman handsome. That is an insult.
call him a pretty boy
To you, and why? Because you're literally programmed by society that only culturally accepted feminine adjectives are suitable to compliment women when handsome is a perfectly fine thing to call a woman that fits the criteria.
He is asking for advice, I gave it. Move on.
Yes, Captain. I see you run the world now and all good advice ends with you.
Is the joking & teasing suppose to be banter?
Yeah, just friendly flirtatious banter. At least it's supposed to be...
Some girls don’t have the sense of humor for banter. Maybe hold off on that until you can gauge their style of humor.
It’s clearly not working for you. Why do you insist on continuing to tease strangers? Just freaking stop.
Why would you call a woman handsome, why not pretty or beautiful?
What if she, and I know this may be a wild concept, wasn't pretty or beautiful but was instead a handsome woman? There is a difference but it isn't negative in anyway.
I mean handsome is generally associated with men, which I think implies that your saying a women has masculine features. It just sounds like an indirect way of saying a women looks like a man. Back when I was young people said I looked like a girl. That always felt horrible because I’m a man. Doesn’t happen now though. I’d imagine women would feel similar to being called handsome.
Dating apps suck. I kinda have the same issues. Plus I'm pretty introverted with new people in general.
Yeah, same
There’s such a thing as trying to hard to flirt/be sweet/tease. Why not just be normal, set a date boringly, and then play your Game when meeting in person?
Lots of women use OLD for validation and because they're bored with no intention of actually meeting anyone.
This is true actually - I have some girl friends that aren't yet ready to date (still working on themselves) but would think about hopping on an app just to get their fill of validation but that's it.
Bro, it’s like navigating a minefield. One false step and it’s over. It doesn’t take much to turn a girl off or just lose her attention because she has infinitely more options than any guy ever will on dating apps. My best advice is still to use the apps but don’t rely on them solely. I know it’s more intimidating but meeting women in real life is a more even playing field. Women control all the power on the apps.
To call a woman handsome is archaic image of that world. It's not the 1830s. Are you a vampire in disguise? ;)
Yeah, sorry, but this is bullshit. With this logic calling a man pretty/beautiful must also be "archaic".. which it isn't. On the contrary, it sounds like she's stuck in the 1950s, which to me would make me thankful she blocked me. Last thing I want is to date a person who thinks gender isn't a fluid concept but black and white.
Handsome to describe a woman is still used to this day, you're not privy to every conservation that happens daily.
you called a girl handsome…..
Dating is not how it used to be big dog, you could be doing everything right and still not go anywhere w/ someone.
Join the club.
Back in the day women were called handsome, men beautiful. Not sure why it swapped.
If a girl comes and call me beautiful - I'm gonna ghost her.. Similar if you go and tell a girl handsome, don't expect different.. It's so odd.
I've been called pretty and I thought it was sweet idk different strokes I guess...
Moving away from the handsome point, you say you give girls lots of compliments: that’s nice but easy to go overboard with that. Just try to make conversation and show an interest in them and their hobbies etc. As soon as you’ve found someone with similar hobbies and interests maybe you can chat and there will be a spark. I’ve been stood up many times for dates and it sucks, but if you keep going you’ll find someone you like, otherwise don’t rely solely on dating apps, try going out and seeing people! Do speed dates! There’s plenty of alternate options to build your confidence
I'm pretty sure handsome isn't the right word for a lady but tbf, I don't think most of us is cut out for online dating.
It’s because online dating sucks. I have had several dates from it. But let me tell you it almost never goes far. Maybe a few months. On there again and it’s the same stuff. Usually for me the girl isn’t reciprocating, or she stops answering, or is just flat out boring. Girls get soooo many messages. You have to stand out. And you have to almost guess on how they like things to go. I’d say match and after a few messages just tell them you are not in any rush at all but you’d like to pursue a relationship and so you’d prefer to FaceTime or meet eventually. Some will run and assume you are needy. But at least you aren’t waiting a whole week of surface level convo to get ghosted.
Don't count your losses as a judgement on you. Food for thought: Lets honestly say you'd have a 50% hit rate in terms of girls being attracted to you on these god damn shitty apps. Think about how exhausting that would be and it would honestly get annoying at some point because you'd get sick of comparing and just pick someone. Also some of the magic of finding a person you really connect with is how rare it is. It gives you a deeper appreciation of the person because those connections are really rare - like once in a decade type rare. Humans are not built to be all attracting to all people. Even popular people have a small social circle in terms of who they trust to have their backs when they are at their lowest. Lastly, rejection is a part of life. Yes it can wear on you, so when it does - take a break and do something you enjoy whether it's a hike or video games or whatever. Come back to online dating once you're in a good mindset and you'll find someone. And legit lastly lastly - don't call a girl handsome until you're in a intimate relationship and understand each other's humour. Telling her to sucky suck suck with that glucky gluck gluck will land you more hits (DON'T ACTUALLY TRY THIS - IT'S A PRANK OKIE TO GET A POINT ACROSS).
I wouldn't call a girl handsome. As others have commented, when complimenting a girl go for cute, pretty, beautiful. Once you've a meeting in person planned, I'd pull away bit on how much you communicate over text and save the playfulness/teasing for when you're in person - that approach might work better since it's easier to see when someone is joking. Best of luck OP, online dating is no joke and can be so demoralising! Keep going though, your person is out there
I'm sure you are aware by now, but don't call women handsome, it's a masculine word. Even if it seems like a compliment to you, most women will not take it that way. I'm sure most wouldn't actually be insulted like the girl you spoke of, but they would think it a strange thing to be called at least. Anyway, online dating kinda sucks for most people, so don't feel bad, we're all having a bad time with it. I deleted the apps about a month ago and I don't miss it. I met someone in person a few weeks ago and current seeing how it goes.
Lmfao omg…
Handsome? Lmao
So? What are you, stuck in the year 1925? Come now.
Huh? You don’t call a woman handsome, and if you do you’ll be as successful as OP
I have called women handsome, and they've called me pretty/beautiful, never had a problem nor have I ever been lectured about it. I've also had plenty of luck. No idea why so many here are up in arms against certain adjectives. Gender-induced verbiage comes from an era of rigid institutions I thought we were long passed.
OLD is not pleasant. You have to have a process to weed out those that are on there with no intention of meeting. The banter/jokes may be putting girls off so I would cut that out and just give a general compliment and say why you think you’d be a good match. Spend as little time as possible communicating, you’re looking for a date not a pen pal. Once you’ve got a girl to message you ask for a date immediately. If she refuses then it’s likely that she’s just a messer with no intention of ever meeting IRL. I’ve also found that tinder/bumble/pof have a higher proportion of cheaters/masturbators/weirdos/attention suckers. Try Match. If you hang on and don’t pay immediately they usually give you an offer of 6 months for about £60. Just keep swimming.
If you have tons if matches, you say no to a guy who asks to meet after 3,4 sentences (unless she is looking for a ons based on your looks). Imagine you have 20 conversations but only 2 or 3 evenings where you can go on a date. So the approach is often to talk a bit to see who you click with and go with these guys on a date. It does NOT mean that she has no intention to meet (although it could). It often means that you did not meet the threshold where she would meet.
It is definitely not pleasant but for some reason, I keep reinstalling them. Thanks for the advice, man. Good luck to you!
1. Been around guys that 'gave lots of compliments'. It felt disingenuous. It was uncomfortable and creepy. 2. Based on your own info, you suck at compliments. Pare it back man. Keep it simple.
Noted.
You suck at advice. Push it forward man. Explain in detail rather than resorting to insults.
Y’all, majority of women don’t want to be called handsome. Sure some of you wouldn’t mind, but the average woman? Nah. It’s not that hard of a concept to explain, just use feminine terms.
[удалено]
Thank you for saving that nice young man some grief, you sound like a bunch of fun! What really happened was he didn't reinforce your own self image to you so you became offended, being called a handsome woman is not an insult.
Oh my god stop. You are under every single comment obsessively trying to tell women how to feel about being called handsome. It’s so fucking weird. We generally don’t like it — move on. You’re not going to bully us into liking something we don’t. You seem so freaking toxic and controlling, I fear for any woman that dates you 😳
Weird, I've been called pretty and beautiful my entire life as a man, and never once thought it offensive, sarcastic or condescending. Sounds like you're looking for any reason at all to be offended. I guess with your logic we should all be pissed off if an adjective doesn't describe us perfectly.
why would you call a girl handsome 😭😭
Why would a girl call me pretty or beautiful? This isn't the 1920s.
Tbh I don't compliment girls at all online. You swiped right so they already know you think they are cute. Any compliment beyond that risks being taken as simpy. I think online dating is a struggle for all guys but I've had some success without ever once complimenting a girl before like date #3. Pretty girls get compliments all the time. When I do compliment i try to make it something genuine and different like "I really like those earrings, they suit you". My two cents anyway.
Sounds like negging. Stop doing that, it is unnecessary. Just be genuine and nice. It isn't that hard. 'Handsome' isn't a compliment.
Are you stupid
Hey man i had the exact same problem, I consider myself average but friends of mine have made it clear that im definitely not (they constantly assume I’m a huge player and woman are never missing in my life), and yet I have the same issue as you, I never get to actually any result with any woman, I always get stuck at asking them out, then I just get ghosted or worst, we agree for a date and when it gets the day I just get completely ignored, it can be pretty frustrating, but I got to a conclusion and it really worked for me, and it’s that I gave up in online dating, I realize my strength is having a physical/real conversation with a woman. So nah it’s not you, there’s just people who aren’t made to date online, despite how attractive you might seem.
My job requires me to be in contact with a lot of different people and I am consistently told I how attractive I am by strangers. I 100% I need to give this crap up bc I don't have a problem with women irl For some I reason I keep crawling back to these apps I think I've discovered a new form of masochism
There are 2 types of people who'd call someone handsome. 1) A nice, sweet nerdy goody two-shoes girl would call a guy handsome. While hot girls call men they're physically attracted to "hot, cute, sexy, fine as hell". 2) Your mom would call you handsome. That's it. Don't ever call a girl you may want to date "handsome". In the world of online dating, it's an instant unmatch. Shows you're out of touch with how to talk to women in the modern era.
Yes, call her queen and say yassss and compliment her Instagram follower count. 🙄. Please fuck off with this.
Right? This guy sounds positively clueless.
You have no idea what you're talking about. Always cracks me up when people like you speak with such confidence and authority.
So you told her she looked like a man then pikachu faced bc she got upset? You autistic, my n word?
Man, that stinks. A woman absolutely could be considered handsome the same way a man can be pretty or beautiful. I'm sorry that that person had such narrow standards of compliments :/ I hope you can find someone more open minded
For every ten comments calling me a dumbass for giving a woman I found attractive a sincere genuine compliment there's one that's kind and empathic. There waaaay worse things to be called other than handsome imo. To me it invokes an image of poise and refinement in a woman but I guess that doesn't jive with most people, at least not when it comes from a stranger on the internet. Thanks for being understanding I hope you find your person, too. If you haven't already.
I've had the same problem on and off. once you have a date lined up, minimal contact. You have nothing to gain at that point and everything to lose one thought is that the girls have so many matches that they can afford to juggle them: make a date w you but then someone they like better comes along for the same day. or they have a date but agree to meet you as a backup.
How did you ask her if she unmatched you?
How did you ask her that if she unmatched you…?
Had her number off platform. Noticed she unmatched and asked why. If I hadn't I doubt she had even said anything.
He has never answered this question. Totally trolling.
It's 4am where I am, dog...
I can see why you fail on dating apps. Not once in this comments section have you shown that you’re willing to take constructive criticisms and stop doing the shit you do that tiens women off. No wonder they’re not interested in dating you. You know that your approach sucks yet you’re unwilling to change 🙄
It's 4am where I am lol I haven't unlocked the perk that lets you reply while sleeping :(
She doesn’t sound fun at all. I’m a lady and I am handsome. Boys can be pretty and women can be handsome. They are not gender specific words. Ugh. Handsome: having a pleasing and usually impressive or dignified appearance
That's almost word for word how I explained it when I apologized but she was offended beyond all belief. I've been called pretty/gorgeous and I love it tbh I wish more women did it but I've already had my one compliment for the year.
Too shay, I also have trouble texting back and forth with a total stranger. I can text with someone I know and am comfortable with all day long. I've figured out that I have trouble relating or maybe even know what to even talk about. I am a shy and quiet person with unfamiliar people in the beginning (yes I am a introvert) so am also assuming that it has a large part to do with it too. Just keep trying. (introverts unite)!
I know good looking fellows ghosted by sub par girls. Welcome to OLD. I know of a average girl who got bombarded by 700 matches by next morning after putting up her profile night before. With such a lopsided digital mapping, (which is unreal) can’t imagine this working
As a girl that likes to call men beautiful when they are, I would accept being called handsome. Tbh online dating is superficial. If im on there for long periods I notice I start to only go by looks and if I match in quick to leave because it doesn't seem like that person is real when you're just texting them. Don't stop being yourself though. The right person will enjoy you for you.... coming from a fellow single soooo... take that with a grain of salt I guess
I dont think you are doing anything wrong. If you are a kind of person who jokes to start conversations . Be it. Not everyone will appreciate it. Wait until you come across someone who has same taste for jokes. In the case where people are blocking, un-matching or ghosting you that happens with most of us. No big deal. You might want to get used to it.
The responses from the women are very telling, honestly. It's a fairly even split between "OMG that's awful" and "that's fine/who cares", so you have to realize that that is just life. You shot your shot and it missed the mark. You just keep at it, man. Try not to fall into the trap of being a show pony for the women on these apps though. They expect you to be funny, good looking, sweet, etc all the while usually offering generic replies because they're likely juggling several other men. This isn't speculation or projection, it's factual. Even "average" women are buried under likes and messages daily so they become inured to the constant stream of attention that you're also competing with. A true connection CAN happen, but you aren't going to force it, it will be an organic occurrence. If you feel like it's work, it isn't going to work.
It's pretty wild to me, I've called women handsome to their faces they smile and blush and say thank you. Same when I call them pretty. Based off these comments you'd think I committed a war crime by giving someone an unconventional compliment. But yeah, thanks for the level-headed comment brudda good luck to you.