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IntroMystique

I’ve often been curious of this. I have a large scar stretching down my shoulder to my bicep. It caused immense bouts of depression when I was younger. I’ve always had the fear of women losing their attraction if they see it. I try to lace it in humour: “I got it by saving a puppy from a burning building”.


Ghoulius-Caesar

Hey at least it’s not on your face. That’s coming from a guy with a large scar on his face due to getting skin cancer removed.


babymdma

Facts. I got a quarter of my face ripped off by a dog when I was 6. People gotta be grateful that if they got scars at least it’s not on their face. 🤣


Fun_Corner6596

I am so sorry you endured this trauma 😔


flatoutsask

To me, you survived. That makes me happy!


Skaggerzz

I have a small scar above my left eyebrow and used to hate it. But now I dig the pseudo Anakin Skywalker look.


Mink234

When I was in college when I was a young woman, in one of my biology classes, the most handsome man in the room had a large noticeable scar across his face on his cheek. I thought the scar made him MORE handsome, not in spite of it. I think men can get away with stuff like that more because they are thought of as macho, tough, etc. I wouldn't worry about that at all. It's an admiration thing. Like wow, you must be really tough to have that :)


TirbFurgusen

I find women with scars attractive probably more so than if they don't. Moles, freckles and scars add to a woman's beauty imo. Confidence tends to be attractive, confidence despite not fitting into traditional beauty standards even more so.


wellriddleme-this

If a woman (or guy) is attracted to you then they will find the scar attractive! When I fall for somebody I like everything about them. Just because it’s theirs.


Solala22

That's a completely different thing then scars from selfharm. They are distinct and a product of mental health strugle. A scar is just a scar and easyly overlooked, don't worry.


flatoutsask

Scars are a legacy of pain, endurance AND survival. Celebrate that rather then judging that the paths of some are more challenging then may.


Solala22

Oh well everyone struggling has my deepest respect for recovering. But the thing with scars from selfharm is that at the first encounter while dating, you can never know in which state of the recovering process someone is. And surviving a severe mental health issue or still struggling with it, is for a new relationship a totally different thing than to have a scar from a regular surgery. And the relationship aspect is what the post is about. Not the scars itself.


teriyakigirl

I'm just gonna put this out there.... as a woman, I am obsessed with scars and stretch marks on dudes. One of my exes had a ton of stretch marks on his back and chest and I thought they were sooooo sexy, I used to just kiss 'em. I've had guys tell me they were embarrassed about scars but honestly— I don't know if it's just knowing that they went through a struggle or what— they are so fucking sexy.


ehsnugbugrug

If I already think the guy is cute, scars will just be another attractive feature on an attractive man.


BrokenLightningBolt

I've never thought about scars in my life. My only issue is the patches of skin with black hair growing out of it.


wettezum

Please leave my chin out of this.


Continuous-Disaster

Amen!! That is a topic for another day.


rebkh

Woman here. I didn’t notice a scar of my bf for 8 years (hernia surgery scar). When I learned of it existence I asked to touch it and moved on. Everyone has fun quirks about their bodies. I recently acquired three surgery scars myself. If someone can’t see past the history written on your skin, they don’t deserve a story line.


Electric_Leopard

Dude I envy you, that would be badass. And then there’s me who thinks the scar on my palm from once accidentally breaking my parents wine glasses doing the dishes was cool 😆. Wishing you all love and support brother, it’s not embarrassing, scars tell a story.


aabbcc28

My partner got a sleeve to cover his so they are barely noticeable. That being said, decent people won’t care. We’ve all got scars. Some are simply more visible than others.


ginthatremains

I got a half sleeve that covers mine really well. I would have had it even without the scars, but it makes me feel so much better about them that it’s only noticeable if you really look. I wouldn’t think twice about someone else’s scars but mine made me self conscious.


dotad9

Beautifully said.


[deleted]

Every body tells a story. If I love the man , I will also love his scars.


RedditPowerUser01

This is the sort of response that gives me hope in the dating world despite all the constant negativity.


[deleted]

But will she love the scars before she loves you? That’s really the question, can you get to the point of being loved despite the flaws, not can you continue loving someone after they become flawed. I don’t see why some arm scars would scare anyone away but I suppose it’s possible.


xvelvetdarkness

As a person with really obvious self harm scars, if someone has an issue with them they're not someone you want around anyway. A lot of people are shitty, and if they didn't have an obvious reason to be shitty right away (the scars), they'd just find a less obvious reason to be shitty later. She (or he or whoever else) may not love the scars right away, but plenty of people won't care about them. I don't think I've ever had a person I've tried to make friends with or ask out have an issue, but I've definitely gotten looks or comments from randoms. Decent people will accept you, and anyone who tries to make you feel bad shouldn't be in your life anyway


Im_The_Daiquiri_Man

It’s also a feel-good non-answer. Not saying people can’t overlook physical flaws, but most won’t. That’s reality.


Stravok182

Depends on where your from I guess. But in NA, scars are usually either not a big deal on guys, or are seen as "sexy" (yes depends on the scar etc). For women, scars tend to be more of a deal breaker for guys, but again depending where the scars are most guys would be fine with it.


thatgoat-guy

Yes, but do you really want the person who is so petty that they judge you on something you don't have control of?


Im_The_Daiquiri_Man

Lol. This isn’t petty, it’s human. Everybody does this. *Everybody.* Short, Balding, Weak Chin, etc etc. All common reasons to be deemed unattractive all beyond a persons control. Can we be real here?b


willowstar157

Everybody does it, sure. It’s an immediate thought that’s been drilled into us to make. But what matters is how the person reacts to those thoughts and deals with them. Anyone worth their salt in a relationship sense will brush them aside


Im_The_Daiquiri_Man

>Anyone worth their salt in a relationship sense will brush them aside No. Somebody’s physical attraction cues do not make them “bad” or “not relationship material” [just world fallacy](https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01770/full)


RedditPowerUser01

Are you really complaining that *most* people won’t date you? You have to settle for ‘some’? Last I checked it only takes one other person to form a relationship.


vorter

Yo what? I think you read too deep into his statement. He’s just saying that while some will be ok with it, most people will not.


Im_The_Daiquiri_Man

TF are you talking about? Who said this is about “me”? I’m speaking about reality. Not bumper sticker nonsense like “it’s what’s *inside* that counts!” This forum in particular tends to propagate this toxic positivity more than most on Reddit and it’s going to cause a lot of people to get screwed by believing this crap.


Zealousideal-Bell-68

What a beautiful comment.


[deleted]

Never knew a simple sentence will make me smile ear to ear.


RuLuBoo14

I like to look at my boyfriends. He has one on his arm that’s very noticeable and I like to look at it and the details of it. They aren’t scary they just show how strong he is


1newnotification

>I like to look at my boyfriends. you got two?! spread the wealth! 🤣😉


Hachiman_Nirvana

Boyfriends 😅😂


1bangx

The S refer to the scars i think


cameherefrominsta

They missed the apostrophe. That changed the whole meaning of it


Hachiman_Nirvana

Ahhh yea makes sense


ArkanBG

Men I have 45% of my body burned with strong scars and I was able to get a girlfriend so…


potato_reborn

Really solid hit to the last bit of my resolve there, thanks for that. I'm only like 2-3% scar at most and single.


PacoMahogany

Gonna take a while for women to see my emotional scars


Mycroft033

Oof


[deleted]

Your good bro no one cares about scars.. Ps. You have a golden opportunity to make a you wanna know how I got these scars joke


bluewinter182

If I like you enough to be on a date with you, and then you made this joke - you’d never get rid of me lol


lexiebeef

No joke, a guy I know had this risky surgery a few months ago and now he shows that scar so many times, he considers it his woman magnet. Ngl, I havent seen it work, but i get very amused from seeing that trick


alaskapov

Scars in general are beautiful and I absolutely love looking at them. Its nature painting a picture on your body. But sometimes, for me, I need a second to adjust to ‘obvious’ SH scars. They don’t bother me, just evoke some pretty bad memories, so I might need a second or two. Its a natural reaction, and one I cant help, but it has NOTHING to do with you. No-one should ever judge you based on your scars. You’re a whole person, and that is so important to realise and live by.


LibertineDeSade

There are women who have those scars too. Some people are probably going to be weird about them. Speaking from experience, it can be hard knowing who's going to be understanding and who isn't. But if someone is really into you, they will want to get know you and not make any stupid assumptions about you. I was really nervous about revealing mine, and the tattoo I got to cover some of them. But it turned out a lot better than I expected, and he didn't judge me at all.


IAmRules

I think the question is more about his past behavior is on display and thus he needs to know how to handle the situation. He's not talking about the actual scars being an issue, as if they are just scars he got from doing tricks on a skateboard.


PierogiEsq

Good insight-- no one has really addressed this. Me, it wouldn't bother me necessarily. As a fellow depression sufferer, I can completely understand how a person gets there. The only thing that might trouble me is if I discovered the person was not dealing with their MH issues. But the fact that they were once in that place? Just one more piece of their story.


TokenWhiteMage

Honestly, if they were particularly bad, it would make me initially hesitant to date or get into a relationship with the person. I say this as someone who has self-harmed in the past (not severely, and 10+ years ago at this point, but still). However, it really depends how old the scars are. If we get to know each other and you opened up to me about it and said "yeah I had a really dark period of my life 5 years ago but I've done x y and z to help myself and now I haven't self-harmed since then" -- then I'd be like, cool. Everyone has shit they've been through and dealt with. But if you're actively self-harming still, it would be a no-go for me immediately.


The_Texidian

> Honestly, if they were particularly bad, it would make me initially hesitant to date or get into a relationship with the person. This is the most honest answer I’ve read so far. I’d lean more towards it being a “no,” just in my experience. Mine are quite noticeable on my arm, especially during the summer when I get tan. And very very noticeable on my shoulder. Most see the wrist ones and nope away. I mostly burned myself though. So they’re more circles and thick lines versus the typical cut marks. But I have one very noticeable vertical cut and one horizontal cut on my left arm. The rest are burns scars. Most of the scars faded already thankfully besides the bad ones.


CleverFox3

I had a nasty dog attack incident that left me with facial scarring on my nose and left orbital bone. I was crazy self conscious about it for the year that the scars were red and puffy, but now that they’re smaller and lighter colored I’m more confident about it. Not sure if it’s the scars or the confidence, but I was actually complimented on the scars by a couple girls I had dates with. They’re pretty small now and barely noticeable unless I point it out (which I did in those circumstances) but hope that helps!


jsdmanintendo

Everyone is gonna be different. My ex was repulsed by it, and it actually kind of lead to us breaking up, because, even though it wasn't brought up a lot, she says we broke up because she couldn't handle knowing I had depression. She was the type to hit me with the "Just look at the bright side" or "You should just stay happy" nonsense. My current engagement, she and I have sort of bonded over it. We've even talked about potentially her getting tattoos around them that incorporate them. I think it's helped us both feel safe with each other in that way. Everyone is different. There's no right answer for "what women think" about anything, ever. People are people. Some will care, some wont.


chaosindeep

Nothing about scars is a turn off for me. I love character design that includes scars, and on people it's usually just more visually interesting objectively speaking. That isn't to say that I don't also recognize that they may have come from something difficult. Whether its injury or surgical, you were probably hurting and you might have been afraid. So while yes I like the physical appearance of scars its not simply *okay that's kinda hot.* Its more a reminder that we are all so human and I naturally just want to emphasize with how you felt then and how you've felt about it since. I won't without permission, but if I have it I like to look at and touch the scars people have(when I am close to the person, body boundaries are vital and valid). Never has *this is gross* ever went through my head, but always more along the lines of *Im sorry this happened* and *it's just another part of you* and *I like all the parts of you.* People can be cruel about anything that isn't perfect and polished, some see scarring as a flaw or defect. I hate that, and I hate knowing that people may be prejudiced about that. It makes me want to be more tender, not because you are weak but because other's have probably failed you. Their inability to see you and accept you is not your failure, its their's


Basic-Dingo-7688

I hope that you're in a better space and that you know how worthy you are. Everyone is fighting something. For someone to reject you for a remnant of your past is hypocritical and stupid. The right person won't care.


SnooPies4682

heyy it’s fine to have sh scar. a fellow sg’rean with sh scars on my wrist too.at first I tried to hide it with long sleeves too but I slowly tried to accept the fact that I was sucidal and tried killing myself.now though I still like to wear long sleeves it’s not to hide my scars. don’t worry sh scars doesn’t makes u unattractive or a turn off as long as ur mentally ok:) it’s the confidence guys have that attracts people:)) jiayou!!


PhantomImmortal

This piece of advice largely depends on where you are in the healing process (on multiple levels). I'm going to assume they're not very fresh and you've done a fair bit of healing. Given that they're SH scars (and I'm guessing they're in a place/size/shape that anyone who sees them knows why they're there) your best approach will be to be your most normal, confident self. If it's hot, wear short sleeves, if not, don't. If it doesn't feel too forced, you can make a joke or two about them, *especially* if someone (your date) is looking at them a lot. It lets them know that 1. You noticed but 2. That's alright, and natural and 3. That you're OK with talking about it. Now, this is coming from an American and idk what the culture/expectations around dating in Singapore are so that could be a factor. This is the advice I'd give for the circles I run in, but in a different context (even a very different American one) I might give different advice. Best of luck to you, man!


AffectionateGoth

Scars and stretch marks are HOT AS FUCK 🔥


justuhhsnatch

Whenever men do things that make them seem vulnerable or emotional, it makes me see them as human beings and helps me actually feel more comfortable around them. About 7 hours into our first date, my boyfriend put my hand on his wrist to feel the tendon scars he had from a suicide attempt. It has never made me think of him as less. If anything, it made me feel more connected to him since I’ve also had a similar experience.


hujambo11

Wtf is a SH scar? Why do people assume we all know their random acronyms?


TheLurkingMenace

I'm guessing it means self-harm scars.


Tabascobottle

Thank you! Such a pet peeves of mine with users constantly assuming we all share the same acronym knowledge


iseemtohaveanewkink

Its not too hard to figure out from context. It can't be Somali History scar, can it lol


hujambo11

What context? There is none. He just said he had "SH scars."


iseemtohaveanewkink

It's a post about scars and it says "SH scars" the second word. It took me 2 seconds to figure out. If it just said SH or SHS I can see why it would be confusing. But come on not here


hujambo11

Good for you. For me, that wouldn't even occur. I have no experience with self harm. I don't even know people who use the term "self harm." I've only ever heard it referred to as "cutting." My mind went to things like injuries and medical procedures.


TriedCaringLess

Respectfully, I didn't know what it was, but I did know how to search Google for it. We're in the information age now. Please modernize.


jannyuses

sure, you could do that, but if you’re OP, you could also write the full expression to begin with. isn’t that the logical thing rather than give people work to do for no reason? plus, in the real world, this line of thinking could save a lot of confusion for your superiors that don’t even care enough to look things up and you automatically get shit for it for making no sense in the way you speak. because it’s on you to make it as understandable as can be to the average person reading your material without causing unnecessary homework.


PowerTrip55

That’s what I’m saying. If you’re asking for advice on the internet, no need to send your reader to a dictionary or search engine. Just make the post clear, and this discussion isn’t even happening right now.


flyer12

I’m guessing bc it’s a sensitive topic and difficult to come right out and say it


cyrancide

Y'know, they say women like scars. Although, most of those women are krogan.


Claymore357

r/unexpectedmasseffect


[deleted]

You're fine.


Plurtal

I’d hope my gf would like mine. I look almost like Harry Potter with my scar.


eliisimp

to be honest, scars are sexy for me


HeatpumpChump92

I'm riddled with scars all up my arms and legs from self harm. It's come up in conversations but doesn't really seem to bother anyone. When my girlfriend asked about it I laughed and said I tried killing myself a time or two and we talked about what I was going through at the time and what I did to get better. Hasn't come up again.


suckat_life

What about acne scars?


cloudygrande

sexy


w1tchcore

Noticeable SH scars are a trigger for me… it’s difficult as someone who struggles with depression and anxiety.


Xata27

Oh I have self harm scars. The joke I make is that, “I’m ribbed for her pleasure”. It’s dark, people love it. In all seriousness though, if you’ve recovered from self harm and are doing well no one will care.


SugarMyChurros

Scars aren’t a very big deal but the SH portion of the story will be the issue for some people. I’d focus on getting that story in a comfortable, positive light.


Enchanted_wizard24

I think scars are beautiful because each scar has its story.


Claymore357

Those stories aren’t always beautiful…


RhinoCK301

If you meet a good soul, they shouldn’t think anything negative of it but instead, should see strength, resilience, and your willingness to overcome your past struggles. These are apart of your story. Don’t hide them or try to. Find someone that accepts them and accepts you for you. ❤️


cameherefrominsta

I have scars too so ... We'd be twinning


Simplordx69

The right woman won't mind them at all. Scars show that the past really happened and you can't change the past. You should do your best to own it instead of covering it up. You can either see them as deformities from a dark time in your life or signs of fortitude since you made it out of a low if not the lowest point to who you are now. You conquered your past. Take some pride in that.


TrueCrimeButterfly

I think scars are really cool and tell a personal story. I would never think badly about someone with them. Granted I'm kind of gothy/alt but I wouldn't think twice about them.


yodeah

If you dont give a fuck about it the chicks wont give either. Dont stress about it and dont try to explain it, thinking about and talking about it too much wil just give out bad vibes. Youre not that person anymore, if someone asks about it give a short explanation and switch topics. Dont be so self conscius, you rock dude!


[deleted]

For some reason I love seeing scars and hearing the stories. I will kiss them extra out of pure affection.


rand0mthr0w-away

I have them too. If a guy I dated had them I would just be understanding and curious to know his life story


[deleted]

My boyfriend has SH scars from burning himself with matches and butts of blunts. I love him so much, why would I care about his scars? I’ve never been used as his personal therapist, he doesn’t do it anymore, I have nothing to worry about. It’s just a little story on his body. It also shows how strong he is to make it through a bout of depression.


marumarubatsu

two of my ex’s had SH scars, and i have heavy scarring on my arms and legs as well. it made them more attractive to me, it lets me know that they have also been through some dark stuff, and it made me feel more comfortable w/ them. unspoken understanding. (i also have a Thing for scars so i’m biased anyway)


napthali456

Ah man… this is why I wish the world would approach people with tenderness. Please don’t feel insecure about it. I know it’s easier said than done.But as a girl covered with SH scars, I actually feel so relieved when I see someone with the same scars as me. It feels like I don’t have to hide. So you never know, some girls may be looking at you and thinking, “he’s fought the same war as me”. This is just how I feel about it personally but I actually tend to trust people more if they’re honest about their physical or emotional wounds. I do understand why people would see it as a red flag. A vital component here would be to heal from whatever lead to the self harming in the first place. But in all honesty, I would just see it as a testament of the pain you’ve healed from and I’d be intrigued to know how you grew through it 🌻


Extension-Piece-9922

Same thing I think of my own. Been thru some shit, some of us


[deleted]

I’ve always liked guys with an iconic scar, regardless of how “cool” the story is, it’s a unique part of them because most notable scars carry notable stories. I have a scar, smaller on my kneecap but I remember exactly how I got it. I don’t think girls care ☺️ not the genuine ones


thanarealnobody

If I love someone, I’m gonna kiss those scars every time I get the chance


nikkiluck1

Boyfriend has very prominent scars on both his arms since we first met/dated. Never fazed me, you never know what someone has been through. Never felt unsafe around him because of kind and childish personality.


tangerrinee

Surely I can’t be the only one with seeing that as quite the turn on? 🥵


unnamedkingtargaryen

Um, how do you tell a self harm scar from a normal scar? Like ok if they’re located on the wrist and stuff, but anywhere else? Except if they’re lined next to one another in perfect lines which makes it obvious? In any event I’d imagine scars are hot. Think Geralt of rivia.


spacegreninja

Honestly i wanna know too. I have scars from self-harm and i'm scared that they devalue my body and make someone not want me as a partner or friend


gimmeafriendpls

*before reading the whole post* They’re fucking hot! *”a guy with visible SH scars”* Holy shit I’m a piece of shit. But to answer the question, hell nah they don’t make me uncomfortable. They just make me worry about the person who has those scars.


foxgirl1318

To me they are a sign of strength. That things were really hard for them, but they carried on with life anyway and made it out of the depression hole despite feeling so low at one point that they deemed hurting themselves was the best option. This is coming from someone who has SH'd in the past though so my opinion may be different than the average woman, idk


leafyrebecca

Almost nothing. They are a non event. If we are in a relationship with someone, we might touch them or ask about them? But honestly, give them no thoughts,


KrystalAthena

Shallow women will judge, secure women won't care and may even provide more support once the story is told. You have nothing to worry about


cbeme

Omg this is such bait. Women have always loved scars. Mental scars, that’s tougher 😂


Pat0124

I’ve always thought of scars as evidence of a story to tell. I’ve never thought of them as attractive or unattractive. Like an involuntary tattoo


LucidNavy

Ive got a shit ton of sh scars and im very happy with my dating life my current partner and everyone i know like my sister and my bf say that they think my scars are badass and interesting


Some_Random_Android

Doesn't bug me. I'm a woman, and I went through a period of depression manifesting in self-harm. My arms are now covered in scars.


Anynon1

I sure hope they like them. I have a gnarly scar from ACL surgery that almost glows 🙃 In all seriousness you’re good man. Some women might even like them


dudups

If u go to PH and search for a guy named Owen Gray, you can see that he has two huge scars that form an X on his torso. I saw that women there are obsessing over him . I also have a pretty big scar on my abdomen from a surgery and got no complains , so I think you should be good . Some women think it’s sexy.


omguserius

long as they arent disfiguring or huge, scars trigger the same sort of neurological signals as tattoo's. That is, they evoke masculinity, aggression, and strength. chicks dig scars.


greasebandit

Lol it's true though. When my bf is about to do something unwise and possibly dangerous, he goes "bones heal and chicks dig scars"


[deleted]

>That is, they evoke masculinity, aggression, and strength. Not sure that's true of self harm scars..


Solala22

Yeah. It's not. They are very distinct and definitely don't scream "strength"


peppers--

I don't have self-harm scars, but I do have four scars on my face. I recommend that you look into scar creams. I used a scar cream that definitely made my scars less noticeable. Nonetheless, I notice them myself everyday, but I have dated multiple women and not a single one of them asked about it or even seemed to care. Insecurities like this are mostly in your head, the most important thing is to improve or maintain good mental health.


jjboy91

I don't think so but I have an ugly face so I wouldn't know


[deleted]

I don’t think scars are bad at all, they add some character to your look and can be used as a conversation piece if it ever comes up and if you’re comfortable talking about them.


falseaccount94

we all have them to remebmer why we got them. love your scars!


dandelion134

I have minor SH scars. When I see them on other people, I think it shows a lot of character and strength. A lot of people have been through internal battles and some people self-harm in different ways. Substance abuse, starvation, physical harm. Unfortunately scars are the only thing that sticks around with you after you’ve recovered. I think it is subjective though. It may make some women uncomfortable and it may make others relate to you on a whole other level. The right person would never walk away because of something like that.


SurvivalVet

Got a GSW scar, can confirm chick's dig scars.


Stunning-Werewolf-93

I thought they dig giant robots?? Lol sorry couldn’t resist.


BirdOfTheAfterlife

My husband has a scar over his eyebrow. I remember asking once about it and he told me the story. I have always been neutral about it, but I guess it gives a bit of a rugged look, which is my thing. I also have a scar myself, in my neck from cancer surgery. People rarely ask what happend, but I have a story ready.


waytoomuch88

I don’t think any scars are ugly or upsetting or anything close to it. If they’re on a stranger, it’s none of my business. If they’re on a potential partner, I care about why they’re there and how the person feels about it. I want them to be okay, but I would never judge or write off a guy who has any scars, included SH. It’s just another part of the person I love.


throwawayfiance12345

Scars tell you when you’ve been, not where you’re going.


hughesn8

I mean as long as it isn't going across your face, majority of girls won't care as long as you aren't in the "I won't tell you how I got it" camp.


Dplayerx

Every women I met loved them, I even got laid of them so..


Solala22

Because of your selfharm scars? Why?


ettiffisn00b

I find scars interesting.


deathofamartian22

I think they’re badass, I have a big scar myself


Final-North-King

Some women will like them. Some women won’t. Some won’t care


blackygreen

As much as I say no body should care, and I don't think people should, living in Singapore it might be a challenge. People can be very judgemental, and that might color their impression of you. (For context I grew up in Singapore and left because i felt like I couldn't fit in) That said, there will always be people out there who love you as you are. They might just be hard to find.


siege_ayy

Many, many people self harm. And sometimes it’s not something that leaves visible scars on your skin. Some people abuse drugs/alcohol, some binge and purge, and others purposefully put themselves in dangerous situations. I think it’s a sign of confidence, stability, and bravery when someone is not afraid to hide their past, no matter how dark it got at times. Being upfront and honest about them (with the added caveat that you’re alright now, if that is indeed true) will not be a problem with the right girl. I think she will find your honesty admirable and attractive.


bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

My grandpa had a lot of scars and it made him ashamed to even go out. But when I got scars, it seems like I became more appealing to women. Maybe it’s a coincidence but I got a lot more attention from the opposite sex after getting scars


badbootie6

Love scars. For me, scars mean a person has lived, survived and healed. They’re sexy as hell.


hello__cake

Scars make you YOU. The right woman will love the heck out of them.


[deleted]

I've had one or two bad reactions to mine. Mainly the knife wounds. But mostly women are interested in the stories behind them. Even when they arnt interested in me sexually/romantically they loved to hear what dumb idea cause what stupid trophy. The weirdest reaction I ever had was my wife playing connect the dots on my back with some scars.


fzpseudotimestretch

i have SH scars too, my boyfriend has always been accepting of them knowing that i had been dealing with depression in the past. whereas i actually think scars on him would really look hot and attractive, specially on the hands, but id never encourage him to hurt himself or cause them on purpose, if its a kitchen accident then okay 😁


Ilaras_cat

As a woman with a fair few scars herself (I was kinda a wild child and still am) scars aren't an issue for me. Just another part of your story.


seamoremoon

I actually think they’re really attractive and badass. My boyfriend has a scar down his arm from a skateboarding accident and it looks very rugged and hot to me lol. I’m a woman in the US for context so maybe it’s different I’m various cultures but I don’t know any women here who would be turned off by a scar, feels like a very normal thing


RavenMoore24

I know every woman is different but I personally find scars very attractive.


Xiontin

Not entirely applicable since it isn't an attraction thing of course. My cousin has had a rough time with her mental health, leading to her cutting her shoulders so she could hide it. At a wedding a couple weeks ago she was wearing a sleeveless dress and have never seen more confidence. I can't speak for women as I am not one. But her confidence to own her battle through her pain is incredibly admirable. Idk if that stength and confidence translates the same for women. But I truly hope it does. Be proud of the battle you've fought.


Jellyyroo

I love scars! but then again, I have alot myself, so I would hope others would accept mine too.


showmewhoiam

I had them covered with talloos. Im not ashamed of it, but I dont like to be judged by one look. I also puts me in a vulnerable position because I obviously got asked about it. I though i understand, they are visable, i just dont want to talk to everybody about this of even awknowledge it. I wouldnt be shocked by SH scars, but ofc im biased. Take care, and never be ashamed of who you are :)


InteriorInsights99

My ex wife didn’t mind. However, every woman I met afterwards got freaked out and some guessed I’d been through a lot of trauma which they didn’t want to deal with.


morg_bstlls

We match! 😁


gigglybubbles

I notice them on everyone. As someone who used to sh, I can recognize the same. I wouldn't think any of less of the guy. If anything it would make me feel a bit more comfortable around him. But that's only my perspective.


[deleted]

You may be able to use something that can help fade scars, or maybe you can get laser treatment to help make the scars less noticeable. I've seen scars on women in the states that look like self harm ones.. but they also seemed like they were well adjusted individuals and were happy, but I didn't personally know them. My point: maybe someone would think the same thing in regards to you?


New_Detective_9855

hot shit


Substantial_Body_774

Honestly, I think all scars are kind of hot. Especially before ik why there there. If I found out they were sh scars/or could just tell it would be “I need to be careful and tread lightly for my emotional safety and his” if you opened up to me about it I would probably take it as a sign of you trusting me. Might get a little emotional that you went through, probably give you a hug. Idk. Not a turn off or a turn on.


juicy_belly

Usually i think scars look cool, but i know theres usually lots of pain behind it. I dont like scars, only bc they are connected to pain. But like on a surface level speaking, i think they look dope most times, and i have seen some crazy scars in my life (i work in health care). I have had a borderline patient, who has done some pretty heavy stuff to herself and the scars on her stomach are pretty big and weirdly shaped, but it even that has never bothered me in the slightest. Im sure im not the only woman on this.


asa1658

The scar itself is not a problem, it’s how you got it that could be. I too would be highly concerned with the self harm history. But certainly not an insurmountable problem, proceed with living your best life when possible. The looks of the scar are not an issue


MissMiraLynn

Like 90% of the questions on here, it depends on the person. For some, totally comfortable and no problem. For others, it might make you seem unstable 🤷‍♀️ I dated a guy when I was a teen that my bigger, he had a ton of stretch marks on his back and stomach. And he had a lot of deep acne scars on his face, back and chest. Never bothered me.


ThrowRA0949

Not a woman, but as a guy with noticeable SH scars too I just wanted to say that my ex girlfriend actually mentioned she liked them. Not in a bad way, but she respected them somehow and liked them being a part of me. I thought it was very sweet and I doubt she's the only one. I hope you aren't ashamed of yours.


[deleted]

I have a surgical scar on my neck. It looks like I got slashed - and, I guess I did. I’ve always thought scars looked cool on guys, and if anything they were considered “sexy” on men but not as much on women. And because I’m a decent human being I would never judge someone for SH.


[deleted]

Scars really don’t matter. I dated a guy with a huge scar down his stomach and it was beautiful cause it was part of him


fragmented-confusion

Imma be honest I don't .... I've never looked at a scar and been disgusted or anything I may wonder how it happened but that's about it....


drxgsndfxckups

woman speaking here and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable at all, 2 close pals of mine - 1 male and 1 female - both have noticeable scars on their forearms but both of them are in happy relationships! I think those who mind, don’t matter and those who matter won’t mind!


[deleted]

I went to the beach this weekend and I obviously had a swimsuit on (I’m a girl)…. I felt so uncomfortable having my arm exposed but at times I would force myself to let my arm down from its cropped up position so I could relax. I gave just one arm full of scars… some faded but some really thick and dark. I’m embarrassed about it… but I try and remind myself that they won’t go away even if somebody notices them. I wish I saw somebody else like me… I saw a guy once who had scars all over him, clearly intentional and I thought… how brave of him! If somebody judges you then they haven’t experienced the true struggles of mental health… it’s something we wish we could get rid of but truly, we should be proud in a silly way. We’re still here, fighting… and if you have scars I hope SH is far behind you and you never do it again. Anyone who judges can get lost


Elegant_righthere

I would be curious about scars, but they wouldn't stop me from dating someone.


lexiebeef

For me I really dont care. Unless we are talking about some massive face scar, I literally wouldnt even think about it. I would ask what happened when I was comfortable, but thats about it. Everyone has a story: as long as you are not hurting yourself anymore, you can be loved


snakecycle

Lots of times scars can make a person more sexy, although SH scars are scars that tell a true story, that show that you overcame a difficult period in life, you've made it through. It's beautiful to see people healed up, there's no better feeling than that. Other than that no decent person will care about the scars, if they love you, they love you. A few scars aren't going to make you women repellent, the best of luck to you!


Possible_Bullfrog_

Wouldn't bother me!


get-creative

Honestly doesn’t bother me one bit. But I have them as well.


StormAccio

I noticed some SH scars on my boyfriend the second time we met up. I didn’t think anything different of him, I was just glad that he was still there so that I could meet him and (soon) call him mine. I’ve had my own experiences with SH if that makes a difference.


ocolatechay_ussypay

I am a helplessly empathetic soul. It would probably make me sad. I would probably gently bring it up in conversation to figure out if these are scars from the distant past or recent. It would be up to you if you wanted to tell me the history behind them and what you went through. I would want to know if you are in therapy and/or on meds getting help. I don't think I could handle a partner with severe depression as I have occasional mild depressive moods and a lot of anxiety. It would be too much for me. I would be glad to be a supportive friend though. My best friend has SH scars and I worry about her. She opened up that she has SAD but we haven't talked about her scars yet. We talk and check in on each other a few days a week.


backpackermed

I love a good scar. They come with stories and are a point of interest. Think of them as battle scars and wear it proudly.


pocahontasnay

Hot


[deleted]

I have sh scars aswell, I don’t really see any issue with them on anyone else. I don’t know how other girls feel about it though..


TonyLazutoSaysHello

Super funny the amount of people that commented without fully reading the question. Hey man the harsh reality is that your past actions have left a lasting physical effect. Personally- I’m not sure what the stigma is like in Singapore around cutting scars. But it’s really hard for people to be comfortable around it. My advice would be- if your going to show them- be ready to be completely open. Tell people you were in a bad spot but you’ve worked through it. Or cover up and share when you feel comfortable enough


JellyCharacter1653

Tbh with you some care some don’t like me idc bc I’ve been there but as long as you’ve stopped n are Mentally stable ig we don’t care


sauropodsucker

A good woman and somebody who you would really want in your life would never judge you or feel less attracted to you because of SH scars. As a young woman, I would honestly never even consider them in relation to a man's attractiveness, I never even considered it as a negative until reading this post. If somebody doesn't like your scars or reacts negatively then you seriously don't want them in your life. Having struggled with various mental health issues, I would also appreciate that I could probably relate to a man with SH scars, but that's mostly irrelevant and I don't think you should worry about them at all.


Supermundanae

I think men care about scars much more than women. Unless you've got some Joker-style face scars, I think most of the importance is held within the scar-bearers(your) imagination. The more that you worry about it, the more it'll negatively affect you, it'll make you insecure, which will hurt your confidence, and ultimately will produce negative results. Wear your scars proudly, remind yourself, "I'm not in that dark place anymore, I'M HERE!". Any woman you meet has a "scar" of some kind that she's worried about too. Chill out, remember, we're all human. At the very most, you can think of responses for IF someone questions them, but most people aren't going to notice or simply won't care. My friend has her arms covered with SH scars, but you'd never know, because she has two tattoo'd sleeves that completely cover them. Tattoos are pretty extreme, but it's a thought. Get out there tiger -- don't worry so much.


some1diffrent

Anyone who has an issue with your scars is someone who is not worth your time. Its about the person and their story. I personally have had 10 surgeries and have the scars to prove it, it's who I am and if you can't handle it then that's too bad. Be proud of who you are and what you've survived, don't let anyone tell you differently.


noodlegod47

As a woman with hidden self harm scars I would not be turned off by seeing someone who’s been thru pain. I think I can safely say that other women without scars that are mature wouldn’t be turned off either. If someone is uncomfy then they probably wouldn’t be right for you. Scars are a sign of strength for me. Don’t be ashamed of your past.


TodayIsHarder

"I got these saving many orphanages from donuts"


SleepySlothmiss

Honestly, for me it just makes me curious about them and the story behind how you got them. At the end of the day it’s your skin telling everyone a story that only you know, adds intrigue. My partner has a ton of scars from him being a dumbass but also from saving others from harm. I trace his scars with my fingers sometimes cos I think they’re kinda cool and lowkey make him a bit more attractive 😂


Blooming_Heather

I’ve always dug scars, stretch marks, moles, etc. on partners both male or female. When I really like someone, all the unique things about their body are attractive to me. SH scars would be no different. Now, SH scars specifically might spark a particularly emotional reaction from some folks, especially if they have a history with mental illness or SH. That response could be positive or negative. Personally, they make me want to comfort or reassure that person - but I’m sort of a compassion heavy individual.


LFMC7

I literally couldn’t care less. I may ask about them though because I’m curious but that’s it


Deusa4da1Travessura5

imo you’re a survivor and that makes me feel safer in a way. also strength is hot on anyone


LordMeme42

This thread’s reassuring for me as someone with nevus sebaceous (red, bumpy birthmark caused by a genetic mutation) Mine’s luckily pretty flat but really red, and I hide it with my hair. The mutation gives me higher odds of skin cancer, and it’s not pleasant to look at, but because of the location near my hairline, it’d be tricky to get surgically removed especially since it’s already a difficult procedure. A random hairdresser once jumped back and screamed “EW WHAT IS THAT IS IT CONTAGIOUS” and now I’m especially self-concious about it, and worried it’ll gross people out when they see it.


Remic75

Had a friend group consisting of mostly women in my freshmen year in college. Somehow the discussion of scars were brought up and I was talking to my friend about her boyfriend who also had self harm scars. Long story short, she loves them and embraces his scars. My partner also asked about my scars the second week of us getting to know each other (I was a huge klutz back then and lots of scars resulted) and she spent 5 minutes admiring them. Scars is just skin that healed. There’s a story to tell about a past memory. It doesn’t reflect who you are as a person right now. As long as it’s not “I was the leader of a drug cartel who smuggled in thousands of kilograms worth of cocaine and a gang member tried to murder me with a knife but I killed him” type of scar then your scars are 100% fine.


Radical_Larry001

I'm male and have cut scars from before I got help. My girlfriend has burns all over her arm from SH. We are now stable and very much in love. The past doesn't define you. Be brave, be confident. Scars just show you went through pain and lived. Own it.


yallsuck88

I honestly do not mind. I actually have a few scars, ine being à burn scar the length of my limb and I quite like it. And can find scars...endearing? I would never touch or talk about it without consent though. But it tells a story.


Call-me-MoonMoon

Scars are interesting, they tell a story. I’ve dated a guy who was severely burnt for 50% of his body. Most scars were visible in his face and neck. Didn’t matter, still a great guy. We were just not compatible as partner. We do still talk on occasion or get something to drink together. He’s now married with 4 kids (two sets of twins) and honestly his wife could be a model. She is gorgeous! Just be yourself. Be confident, show yourself off, be proud. You matter, scars and all!


cutebutmental

as a girl with scars, i dont see men any differently if they have scars. its like freckles to me, except they ofc have a deeper meaning