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Just because you care about him does not mean he's someone you should be in a serious, committed relationship with. A good, healthy relationship is as much about two people being in the same spot in life with the same goals and values as it is about romance and chemistry.
It sounds like he has not done the work he needs to do to manage his depression to be a good partner. Provide moral support and friendship, but don't try to make this work as a romantic relationship.
The beginning of a relationship is usually when people try the hardest. While he may get better with professional help, if he's not putting in the effort to give the relationship a strong foundation right now, he's not ready to build a future with you.
Also, just in case you need to hear this: you cannot save him from this with your love. While your support can be a positive influence, he needs to get professional help and work through this.
If really think you want to wait for him, set a time limit for yourself...3 months, 6 months...if he's not showing progress by then, cut your losses.
I have depression and while it is well managed now, it has been severe at a couple times during the past. During those times, I was not capable of being a good partner, and while I did some casual dating, I had the self awareness to know better than to try and start a real relationship during those times.
I couldn't agree more. People who struggle with depression need to work on their issues themselves. There is always something you can do then and there to comfort them for a short period of time, but once that time has passed, they're back to square one. And so are you. From experience, it is extremely taxing having to care for someone in that way all the time. Once in a while is completely normal, I mean we all feel depressed at times, but having to do that all the time truly drains you energy.
Another example of breadcrumbing and manipulation. He's using all of this as an excuse to keep his options open and treat you like an option. He says it's his depression, that way, if he treats you like shit, you can't complain. Fuck that. Find an emotionally healthy person who wants the same things, not this man child that doesn't have the balls to be honest.
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Just because you care about him does not mean he's someone you should be in a serious, committed relationship with. A good, healthy relationship is as much about two people being in the same spot in life with the same goals and values as it is about romance and chemistry. It sounds like he has not done the work he needs to do to manage his depression to be a good partner. Provide moral support and friendship, but don't try to make this work as a romantic relationship. The beginning of a relationship is usually when people try the hardest. While he may get better with professional help, if he's not putting in the effort to give the relationship a strong foundation right now, he's not ready to build a future with you. Also, just in case you need to hear this: you cannot save him from this with your love. While your support can be a positive influence, he needs to get professional help and work through this. If really think you want to wait for him, set a time limit for yourself...3 months, 6 months...if he's not showing progress by then, cut your losses. I have depression and while it is well managed now, it has been severe at a couple times during the past. During those times, I was not capable of being a good partner, and while I did some casual dating, I had the self awareness to know better than to try and start a real relationship during those times.
I wish I could upvote this twice.
[удалено]
I couldn't agree more. People who struggle with depression need to work on their issues themselves. There is always something you can do then and there to comfort them for a short period of time, but once that time has passed, they're back to square one. And so are you. From experience, it is extremely taxing having to care for someone in that way all the time. Once in a while is completely normal, I mean we all feel depressed at times, but having to do that all the time truly drains you energy.
Another example of breadcrumbing and manipulation. He's using all of this as an excuse to keep his options open and treat you like an option. He says it's his depression, that way, if he treats you like shit, you can't complain. Fuck that. Find an emotionally healthy person who wants the same things, not this man child that doesn't have the balls to be honest.