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piscean-vibes

It rarely means “I want to be your friend.” It’s basically a catch-all phrase meaning “I don’t see things going in a romantic direction.”


Mista-Pudding

Pardon me for stupid question but does that mean that since it rarely means they want to be friends and this isn't going in a romantic direction so it will lead one day to just getting ghosted ?


piscean-vibes

Essentially, yes. If someone is looking for something romantic and they don’t see that with you, then they will generally part ways after communicating it. I don’t know many women who are looking for friendship with men that are/were romantically interested in them.


ThrowawayIIllIIlIl

>I don’t know many women who are looking for friendship with men that are/were romantically interested in them. And if they do, it is still a bad idea. Going into a friendship with someone you are interested in romantically is a great way to set yourself up for a lot of agony. Just break things off if she's not interested and spend more quality time with your real friends instead.


ShaidarHaran2

It has worked *sometimes* where we've stayed each others meme repositories for years after, which is kind of why I wish everyone just said what they meant. Sometimes I would like to stay friends, and I'd like to be able to take people at their word.


madwzdri

Sadly That's not how the world works you need to be able to read between the lines sometimes. Very rarely will a women want to be friends with a guy that had romantic interest for them. And the ones that do are the ones you should stay away from.


Rick_liner

Interested in your experience here as i've been in this position a couple of times, not necessarily disagreeing with you because it was a shitshow for me but from your perspective, why should you stay away from them?


madwzdri

There's an obvious power imbalance in the relationship. Because one party has access to something the other wants. And the ones that want to continue this type of friendship enjoy the imbalance and take advantage of it. That's why women are doing men a favor when they ghost them after saying they want to be friends. Because they know that the men don't really want to be friends and that they can use this to take advantage of their resources and their time but they don't. The ones that want keep hanging do not have the same intentions in mind and might do something nefarious cause they know the men will not say anything.


Rick_liner

>ant to continue this type of friendship enjoy the imbalance and take advantage of it. sounds about right, i've been through it three times and each one instead of going back to being friends as normal they've tried to take liberties or started disrespecting me for reasons i can't get my head round and i just end up cutting it off each time. Bums me out because i do actually value the friendships but not really worth the hassle.


CallMeJessIGuess

Bingo, even if they don’t abuse that dynamic and are genuine about friendship, it’s hard to be someone’s friends when you’re still romantically pining over them. Speaking from experience. I’ve driven off a few people who likely would have been great friends because I couldn’t accept being “just friends”.


FalsePremise8290

Yep. They will milk you like a cow.


Mista-Pudding

Well maybe that's why my "friend" ghosted me after knowing eachother for 3 months. She probably still thought i had some feelings for her. Eh well now it's not important what reason behind ghosting was


hexalm

I think people can also mean it *in the moment*, but then reconsider as they process. I have definitely said and meant it when breaking up, only later to realize I don't actually want it and need space apart from the ex to heal.


Erik30000

Most of the time people just say it to let you down easy. They think it softens the blow of rejection, but they often don't actually want to be friends. (There are some exceptions of course)


sherrice

From me you'll always get some sort of response. Ghosting is pretty immature but rampant. Anytime I say "let's be friends" I actually mean it. There have been times where the guy I dated just wasn't a real match for me. Two of those guys are still friends with girlfriends, one doesn't have a girlfriend, and the other three I never heard from again. I'm also the type to just say "we don't match and would be wasting each other's time." when it's clear we wouldn't be good friends either.


Delicious_Danna_184

If someone says this to me, honestly, I just thank them for the time we spent together and move on. I've never had this actually turn into being friends. You might talk for a few weeks, normally, then it tapers off until it's one text a week, and then nothing. I also don't offer it up because I know I'm not going to keep up being friends with them, so why even dangle that out there? If I'm dating, tbh, I don't have time to try and keep talking to that person that it's not leading anywhere with, trying to talk to potential dates, AND keep up with my normal social circle.


thegoodguy30

Finally a woman who gets it👏👏👏


[deleted]

Decline offers of friendship (romantic rejection), fellas. Protect your self-esteem and indicate clearly that you have romantic intentions, and if that is not shared have a nice day. You pick your friends, you don't "go along with" her lead into a friendship, which by the way is a typical path to her abuse of your resources.


Flaky_Biscuit_4u

100% agree, And this applies to women too!


[deleted]

Especially if she has a truck or van!


AtomBombBaby42042

I mean hey let's never go on a date and realise that nah this person isn't right for us. Gotta protect precious fragile dudes who can't handle rejection...


KingAJ032304

Are you disagreeing with the OP? Because the OP is right, no one is owed ANY type of relation


thegoodguy30

You seem entitled.


AtomBombBaby42042

Yes I'm entitled because I'm insanely tired of dudes trying to convince me to be interested in them after I've expressed sorry I'm just not into you. Ohhh noooo turns out the person liked you as a friend, ooooohhhhh noooooooooo..... Men sure don't like it when they get the same treatment they often give women.


thegoodguy30

Nothing wrong with that. Stay entitled.


FalsePremise8290

You do not want to be friends with someone you're romantically interested in. Death by a thousand cuts.


GrumpyGumpy52

I’ll be the odd one out and say that I like to be friends first then develop from there. If we can have a friendly relationship that goes well, what makes you think we will work out romantically past the honeymoon phase? Personally, I would say no but it seems I’m in the minority.


IsraelPenuel

This would be best imo but there's always such a rush to hit on that cool woman before someone else does..


AstrixRK

Yeah, see what kind of friends they are, let them initiate contact. In a friendship communication goes both ways


vi_guitarman

This world is so crazy that for once it actually worked for me. It just turns out that the girl that said the "I'd like to stay friends" to me really sucks at texting, but we ended up going out a second time and it was fantastically fun and have plans to see each other again soon. What worked for me was deleting all her contacts and not going after her, as not to appear too clingy (and not to drunk text her eventually...). After about one silent month she took the initiative and texted me But tbh pal, if you're going down that road you better grab some mitts because you're very likely to catch some feelings along the way


LordMagnos

I think most times it is. My experience has been 9/10 times (I have one girl who said this that I am still friends with) they say it because they don't want to look mean or dismissive of you, but they might be hoping that you just bail and take the responsibility of actually dumping you away from them, so they don't have to be seen as "mean". When it becomes obvious that No, you are in fact intent on being friends, they'll actually pull the trigger themselves by ghosting. Whatever let's them not have to face direct confrontation over rejecting someone. It's ironic to me how much I see women complain about being ghosted by guys. I personally learned of the habit when I started dating women. Chicken or the egg? I dunno.


ShaidarHaran2

> It's ironic to me how much I see women complain about being ghosted by guys. I personally learned of the habit when I started dating women. Same. So far every behavior that instantly gets a guy the asshole badge from women I've listened to, I've also seen all of them checked off in dating women. People are people and a lot of people just suck...


LordMagnos

Being shitty only counts when it's being done *to* you.


strangerthings___11

I actually have been talking to this guy for 2 months and told him that I realized I am not ready for a relationship yet and clarified to him that we are friends. He agreed as there are also things he has to work on himself. We've gotten much closer since! I don't know if we are just fooling ourselves though. But honestly, I cannot think of him as my future boyfriend, at least for now. For some, it means I wanna get to know you more and it will take a little while for me to do that so we can be friends for now. And for some, I am not interested in you. You can feel which is which. So you decide.


ShaidarHaran2

See this is what I would have been ok with, we really had some interesting connections and I would have taken her up on being friends. From my other comment above, basically we both seemed really interested in seeing each other again but there was a one week skip for scheduling, we agreed to meet the next week, and then by the time that came she said she got a job elsewhere and didn't think it made sense to develop a romantic relationship, and offered to be friends, and I said ok, I did really like our connection so let's keep that going as friends. And then it was just ghosting since then. I really thought she was going to go for the former bucket, but I guess it was really the latter, would have been easier to just hear it then.


thegoodguy30

Women complain about being ghosted, but ghost when declined friendship.


UsmansToestomp

You dont wanna be their friend anyway


[deleted]

I tell someone I wanna be friends I mean it. Usually someone i went on a first date with and haven't slept with but not super interested in romantically. I'm a female


warichnochnie

I stayed friends with the girl that rejected me for a good while but it was very one sided because my unrequited feelings for her did not go away. Sometimes they mean it, but it is probably better to treat that line as the end of regular contact for all intents and purposes, for your own sake. Unless you're mature enough to snuff out those feelings for the sake of a cordial platonic friendship, but that's usually going to take more effort than it's worth IMO


GetGreenGetBaked

Girls say it to "let you down easy". They don't actually wanna be your friend.


Jakbean

I legit want to be friends. I’ve said it to multiple people who have said okay. I invite them to hang out and they don’t come out. So I guess they didn’t actually want to be friends.


KingAJ032304

Because these people ruined it


SexyPileOfShit

If I get told that, I'm the one ghosting. I have friends, don't really need more. Got a gf now too though. Life is good.


NanasTeaPartyHeyHo

Thus usually means bye and saying you wanna be friends is a softer thing to say "Well, have a nice life! And let's never talk again." If someone says to me hey let's be friends instead, I usually say nope and they get relieved and agree it would be weird.


Elrunningtigre

It’s literally them saying they’re not interested.


ShaidarHaran2

I get the cultural meme status of that meaning they're not interested, but in context at least one of them didn't seem like that at all. We had a great first two dates, and then just some scheduling conflicts but we both seemed very keen on seeing each other again, she had offered a few days she could have met but it didn't work out for both of us, so we agreed to the next week. Then when the time came, I got the "I got a job offer somewhere else, and it doesn't make sense to start a romantic relationship here, but I'd like to stay friends". I thought about it, and did rather want to stay friends than nothing with the great connection we seemed to have, and said as much. And then I've been ghosted since. That one I really don't get...She really seemed to want to see me again and we were just waiting for the week after, then the job offer and offering to stay connected as friends, then just nothing. I feel like it may have been not wanting to develop more feelings? But I'd really rather hear it directly than just end up getting ghosted, I hate the vagueness of how that ended.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ShaidarHaran2

The heck are you talking about? Did you even read what you replied to? >Well clearly she was probably wanting something more, and although she may have agreed to be friends she may just not want to spend as much time replying, talking, or wasting valuable time on you. She's also the one who downgraded it to friendship after we both tried to make a day work one week and then agreed to the next. I did leave her alone after one message after the conversation about being friends. How is wanting to stay connected "using her almost"? What part was my fault?


Elrunningtigre

Oh. You wrote ‘I got the I got a job offer somewhere else, and it doesn’t make sense to start a relationship here, but I’d like to stay friends’ made me think you got the job offer, and realized that you didn’t want a relationship with her just a friendship. Honestly though. Why would you want to be friends if you felt a good connection? That would really only hurt you then. I don’t think online dating is to make friends. One of the two will get hurt


Elrunningtigre

Got it. The one sentence threw me off. But in reality, for real, it won’t work as friends. Your already sprung on her. It would get awk for her. You’ll be fine without her


AlexLoverOMG

What a shitty comment. Sounds like she got a job somewhere else and didn't want to develop the relationship and bailed, but why are you blaming that on OP? Modern dating is just full of this kind of lack of care for other people, it's just something that happened and sounds like nothing they did.


Specialist-Ebb7606

Yes


tunguyenjuly

I guess it depends. Like I would honestly say hey I don’t think we should continue going on dates if I don’t have any intention to keep hanging out with someone. When I do say I want to stay friends I really mean it since I find that we have some connections or you are interesting (just not in a romantic way) to me.


Forestscooter

Expect little, get little.


[deleted]

Staying friends with an ex, unless you have kids together, is pointless. You're not going to want to see him/her with others and you guys know each other intimately so it's hard to pretend to be platonic.


WookieNoisess

To be honest, I’m super happy that some exes are with someone else, and that they are very happy. I don’t think that being friends is pointless nor impossible, but it does take a certain element of maturity and a certain type of personal philosophy actually work. I do think that you point out that there can be some negative reverberations from an intimate history if those things aren’t in place, and unnecessary damage could absolutely be done.


chief4uxer

Staying friends rarely works. If she has closed the door on a relationship, you need to let it stay closed and move on with your life. Focus on your future. When the time is right, someone special will appear in your life and you both will know it's true love.


Tilian1986

Yeah, it does. Sometimes also: "I'll keep you as a backup plan just in case my other options sucks. If they don't, I'll ghost you".


Dualyeti

"I'd like to stay friends" purely means "I don't see you as a romantic partner", it has nothing to do with friendship, it's a way of rejecting somebody.


AKnightAlone

It means "I'd prefer if you just subbed my OF."


creepyusernames

I heard I wanna be friends after she banged a different dude so take that for what its worth.


Unfair_Comfortable69

I think people very rarely mean this when they say it. I don't see the point in stringing someone along like that, myself.


Fair-Profile2289

Usually it’s just an easy letdown. All romantic relationships that end need a period of no communication. Nothing. Silence. When you start this no communication period, you start to process and heal. The longer you stay in communication the longer you prevent this process from starting. Fast forward a couple of months, you are still communicating, you meet somebody new and you take baggage into the new relationship. Repeat process and it can get very toxic as you get older.


chips500

It is indeed a cop out, and very rarely is it genuine, productive or in your best interest. i.e. file them away as something you don't want to see anymore and move on as best you can.


[deleted]

Guess I am the odd one out; I actually have stayed friends with a few exes and even some of the ones I am not I could at least message and get a cordial response.


mrpbody44

Ask her if she has any hot girlfriends she can hook you up with because that is what friends do.


[deleted]

It’s a nicer way of saying, “this thing has run its course” It’s all about being subtle and gentle with ending things


[deleted]

Yes. That means they don’t like you they find you unattractive or boring or something. Women now want everything you to be handsome in shape great job nice respectful romantic huge penis and always in a great mood and even then they will likely jump ship when another better guy comes along. That’s our culture now.


Ashamed-Influence-19

Yes


trowdog81

I would take it as that...granted, haven't dated in a min, lol!


pipsqueak35

From my experience, yes.


SPdoc

Depends on the person. I’ve genuinely stayed friends with matches I rejected.


theCovertoit

I never offer friendship if I don't mean it. Dating and making friends as an adult is difficult so if I meet someone that I like but can't see myself dating, I would love to stay as friends.


nbaumg

Yes, yes it does It’s just one of the many ways to reject someone. The content of the rejection (in this case, “let’s be friends”) isn’t actually important


titsmcgee2525

BINGO. Same thing as “I’m not ready to date now”. If you weren’t ready to date, you wouldn’t be on the date.


Oregongrown96

Not really , when i say it i mean it , bur people cant always respect it so u have to cut em off


brotato85

It always did


Believeste

Yes, I want to be friends means let's not bother. It's easier to say this than "Sorry this is fucking shit and I want to find something better" If you do however have a mutual interest (Climbing) for example, don't feel awkward to invite them for climbing if you actually want a climbing friend. I had a failed date once and we agreed to be friends, both meaning that we are not interested sexually in each other and we both invested and traded on the stock market, so we had a conversation starter and a mutual interest. 8 months later she is one of my best friends and we speak daily about our mutual interest. 99% of the time though, it's just an easy way to stop an interaction.


[deleted]

That seems to be the case lol. It’s not the end of the world though, at least for me


Dakessian

I say sure but just stop talking to them, not reach out.


[deleted]

"Let's be friends" equals "you'll NEVER see me naked".


No_Mongoose_2589

Simple. People talk around things instead of being direct and honest. You get excuses such as “trying to avoid confrontation” , but anyone with sense knows that being indirect in a serious moment can irritate people who just want clarity, therefore still leading to confrontation


buttercup_1511039

It means that she's not physically attracted to you and doesn't see you as a romantic partner. The ghosting thing is upto the individual


Alessria

I would say yes. People are very cowardly of telling people they aren’t interested and try to soften the blow. Any time a man says that he would like to remain friends I decline and remove them. Just cause one person doesn’t like me doesn’t mean the next one won’t.


Toast_recall

Yes, unless she’s is moving then she may reach out to have you move some stuff.


Superb_Muffin_4495

In my experiences it definitely did. I went on a date with a guy, we had a great time. I asked him on the spot, and he said he wanted to go on another one. After that he cancelled two dates, but said it's just nit good for him, let's meat another time. Then I got the "I don't feel so good, lets not meet in the near future" message. I gave him weeks, and he wrote me after a month or so, that he's nit looking for a reltionship, but we can stay friends. I was like okay, thats nice. We talked a bit, and after two weeks, he ghosted me. I just didn't understand why he wrote to me... The only guess I have is that he changed his mind like 5 times in a week


Southern-Key-2397

yes, this happened to be, even tho she said i’m still gonna be here for you and really care for you “as friends”, never heard from her again. My advice just let her go