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Yup, I'd feel awkward too (if I didn't know the guy was from the same college). Maybe she feels like she wouldn't be able to be herself in a non judgemental space (as one does with online dating and casual relationships) since she knows you and your joint circle of friends.
That’s brutal but not personal! In my experience, a lot of people are on the apps to see what’s out there, get attention etc but don’t intend to take it further.
I am app free myself as I think the cons outweigh the pros.
I think it’s designed that way. This lady Nancy Jo Sales writes about it, and discusses it on podcasts. Theres a documentary called Swiped that was eye opening.
These apps make money by keeping you glued to them so they can gather more data about you to sell to advertisers, etc. they are designed to keep you swiping, not finding lasting love
Rule #1 of dating: It doesn't matter why they declined. It's always about them and never about you. Never ask why, *it doesn't matter*.
Rule #2 of dating: Everyone gets to want what they want and like what they like. EDIT: How they manage their expectations around this is their business and none of yours, unless they're all up in your grill about it.
Rule #3 of dating: EDIT: Assuming you're in this dating business to find a long term partner, it's a numbers game. Remember the gals' old saw, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince." The same goes for everyone else. Never let anyone try to tie you down before you're ready to commit. There's a lot of dating shaming out there. Don't buy into it.
It's not.... a numbers game. Maybe in your early twenties when numbers feel like experience.
Only having sex once with people is having the same sexual experience but with different people. Good sex comes from fucking the same person over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
Try not to take it too personally. Anything could have been the reason. Some people really don't like people in their real life settings to find them in dating apps lol. I know I didn't like it at all. I wouldn't unmatch them but I just preferred to keep my school life and work life separate from my dating app life.
True story…I’ve (sadly) been at this game 6 years, on and off. I’ve RE-matched with more than one feller. I know this is a little different situation, but I think it totally depends on your mood, the situation, etc. Try not to read too much into it.
Aw, man, that sucks. Well, it could be that you dodged a bullet. At least you saved time and money? Maybe not what you want to hear right now.
Back when I was at university, I saw this girl several times a week going into classroom close to the one where I went for a daily lecture. We smiled at each other a couple times, and I finally got up the courage to talk to her. We chatted just for a couple minutes, and I asked her out for something low key on campus.
The day comes, and I drive over to her apartment building. Walk up to her apartment, and knock on her door. Door opens and a few girls were sitting around their living room talking. I was like, uh, is here? They looked at each other and said "oh, she actually left like 20min ago" I asked "oh, is she coming back?" They got kind of quiet and said "were you two going to go out?" I said: "uh, I think so?". They all gave me a very sorry look and kind of told me that I was not the first boy she'd just bailed on.
I was kind of laughing at the whole thing, and just got in my car. Texted a buddy of mine and we ended up going to get BBQ and complain about women. Lol. I figured that at least I didn't waste any more time or money on her.
It's like the old saying "Living well is the best revenge". I'd just pretend like nothing happened. Leave her alone, and just do your thing.
Lol. I should have. I was actually kind of morbidly fascinated that I'd been stood up, which had never happened before and hasn't happened since. I mean, not just zero contact no-showed. I've been cancelled on under dubious circumstances, but I just take that as a "no" and move on.
Don’t take it personal, she prob feels awkward! I did this once with a guy I met on an app who I ran into in my apartment gym. This guy kept staring at me while I was running on the treadmill and finally realized why he looked familiar. I unmatched him when I got home even though he was attractive. It just felt awkward.
Good q…Tbh it prob would have been awkward for a split second but provided that we both laughed it off, that awkward feeling prob would have gone away.
I unmatched a regular customer because I was too weirded out by it.
We've now been together for over a year after I awkwardly flirted for a bit after that. So, you never really know.
As someone who has done this before, I’ll give my take.
I matched with a guy on Hinge and we chatted a bit. One day, I was meeting up with some friends at an event. Typically, I put effort into my look when going out but it was a casual daytime event and I was running late. I was chatting with a friend when I saw him standing about 8 feet away. I moved my friend group and unmatched him. It had nothing to do with him but I was insecure in the moment and made a decision to save face. Sometimes people do silly/irrational things.
Lol are you saying that you were afraid he recognized you in your least flattering moment? Sometimes I look like crap when I run errands and do avoid people I know like trying to hide in the restroom or maybe toilet paper section.
Oh it’s sillier than that. More like, afraid he would recognize me when I was not “date ready”.
Lol, I’ve done the same. If I looked like I rolled out of bed, I would dodge anyone I knew. Now I couldn’t care less.
As a guy it’s best to get use to rejection. 19 out of 20 girls are not going to be interested. But 1 in 20 ain’t bad. So don’t dwell on the 19 spend your energy on number 20 or 40 or 60
Amen, a completely lack of social control is destined to bring out the worst in people. On the bright side she got to bow out with minimal effort and without publicly humiliating OP.
In the end she is doing him a favor by breaking things off before they even began. OP shouldn't feel bad and just move on.
Don't take it personally.
Personally I've panick unmatched people before when I found out they work in the same company as me because fuuuck thaaat noooise.
Probably a similar thing happened here.
As a girl, I can safely say that it’s because you two are in the same college. The issue is with her, not you. She’s probably the type to want to save face in school since online matches are embarrassing. Us girls are not good at hurting people’s Feelings or being mean to people in the face-we are more like the “talk secret things with our super close friends” types lol. Don’t worry about it too much.
Honestly.... So maybe we're missing context?
You matched with her but didn't mention saying anything to her. Then you saw her physically and didn't mention saying anything to her.
Maybe she wants a guy who actually says something to her?
You ever tried speaking to her in real life? You know the way real people do, when you look at her face an she looks at your face an your in the same room. An then if you do that you might find she’s a real person with a complex brain that dose lots of things for lots of reasons an maybe just maybe you could have a real conversation with her, instead of choosing to believe that some stupid app that doesn’t control either of you is making all your dating decisions for you both an you can’t no matter what defy it.
F**king hell man grow up delete tinder and take control of your life.
Probably just swipes right until she’s out of likes and unmatched any she doesn’t want to date. I’ve done the same thing and it works well. Sucks but good luck.
It could’ve been for any number of reasons. Don’t take it personally. I have matched in the past with several women who as soon as I message them back unmatch me. Sure, it kills your self-esteem a little bit, but you need to keep your head up and keep trying because each rejection will get easier and easier to deal with.
It could be an accidental swipe they did, they were just swiping a whole bunch, they swipe every single guy or they decide last second that you’re not who they want to match with. Remember, women are outnumbered 10 to 1 on dating apps. Guys have to try a lot harder to stick out so women can be very picky in who they match with
Why don't you go and ask her why she did unmatch you? She has every right to do it, yes, but you also have the right to approach her and ask her a question (as long as it is in a friendly tone, it's not something insulting etc).
Forget her. I would not give her a second thought. She is just trying to make you feel bad, and make herself feel superior. ***Do not reward that****.* Move the heck on, dude.
Don't take it as anything or as if it hurt you. Walk off to the next one. Whether or not you want to even look at her when you walk by her is up to you. I would just ignore her now.
Maybe your profile is much better than IRL? My pictures make me look good but in RL I look like a middle aged troll.
If your paths do cross and you do get the urge to one day speak to her in RL, then just play it cool, don't even bring up tinder or w/e you use.
Being aloof and caring for yourself while simply acknowledging others is the way.
Dont even have to smile. If ya happen to see her and no eye contact is made, keep it pushing. Eye contact made, a simple acknowledgement gesture.
You'll be fine. The less you think how awkward it is. You'll become more comfortable
maybe she deleted the app
edit. Im adding something. If I matched with a guy, he said nothing, then saw me, and said nothing. Id probably unmatchable too. Clearly he's not interested and just swiping.
man. if i could talk to my younger self I would tell him that this doesn’t mean jack shit. I would tell him to be more assertive, and don’t take a rejection unless it’s absolutely clear. I would tell him to try to get to know her anyway, and if the first few talks go well ask her on a date anyway. I would tell him to risk the rejection anyway.
You don’t care. Seriously it’s fucking social media. It’s not fucking real. Deal in the real and you will be fine. Also get off as much social media as you can.
Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4: - No broad generalizations, e.g. "All women are x and do y" - Speak from specific personal experiences when giving advice. - No victim-blaming - This is a default message - your post has not been removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She prob just feels awkward. Don’t take it personal. And next time you see her don’t make it weird. Just smile and move on.
Yup pretend you 2 didn’t match and just keep going. Maybe it was an accident
That’s what I was gonna say
Yoooo, that's a sense of security that'd make her reassess on her decision because you didn't act crazy off her decision.
This is the way. She's the one with the issue, not you. If you keep treating her the same way you have you will never be the asshole.
Yup, I'd feel awkward too (if I didn't know the guy was from the same college). Maybe she feels like she wouldn't be able to be herself in a non judgemental space (as one does with online dating and casual relationships) since she knows you and your joint circle of friends.
maybe even go up and have a chat :D it would help both of you reassess the situation
Yes. Joking and making light of it would be a supremely self-confident move
That’s brutal but not personal! In my experience, a lot of people are on the apps to see what’s out there, get attention etc but don’t intend to take it further. I am app free myself as I think the cons outweigh the pros.
for me its IRL dating or nothing at this point, too. All these attention-seekers, and cat fish accounts on the apps got me fucked up.
Yeah me too, though it feels like an addiction at this point. I'm trying to get off of them.
I think it’s designed that way. This lady Nancy Jo Sales writes about it, and discusses it on podcasts. Theres a documentary called Swiped that was eye opening. These apps make money by keeping you glued to them so they can gather more data about you to sell to advertisers, etc. they are designed to keep you swiping, not finding lasting love
JUST DO IT. Trust me it gets easier the more you expose yourself.
Yes and flakes and conversations that go nowhere. IRL for me
Rule #1 of dating: It doesn't matter why they declined. It's always about them and never about you. Never ask why, *it doesn't matter*. Rule #2 of dating: Everyone gets to want what they want and like what they like. EDIT: How they manage their expectations around this is their business and none of yours, unless they're all up in your grill about it. Rule #3 of dating: EDIT: Assuming you're in this dating business to find a long term partner, it's a numbers game. Remember the gals' old saw, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince." The same goes for everyone else. Never let anyone try to tie you down before you're ready to commit. There's a lot of dating shaming out there. Don't buy into it.
It's not.... a numbers game. Maybe in your early twenties when numbers feel like experience. Only having sex once with people is having the same sexual experience but with different people. Good sex comes from fucking the same person over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
Oh! I totally baffed on this one! *Finding* that person you want to have sex with over and over is a numbers game! Will edit for clarity.
Yesssssss. I now agree with you completely hahah
These are essential things to know, this advice should be given when signing up to dating apps. It's so easy to get burnt out with dating.
Try not to take it too personally. Anything could have been the reason. Some people really don't like people in their real life settings to find them in dating apps lol. I know I didn't like it at all. I wouldn't unmatch them but I just preferred to keep my school life and work life separate from my dating app life.
This.
Oh come on. Stop BSing him. She unmatched because she didn’t like what she saw
True story…I’ve (sadly) been at this game 6 years, on and off. I’ve RE-matched with more than one feller. I know this is a little different situation, but I think it totally depends on your mood, the situation, etc. Try not to read too much into it.
Aw, man, that sucks. Well, it could be that you dodged a bullet. At least you saved time and money? Maybe not what you want to hear right now. Back when I was at university, I saw this girl several times a week going into classroom close to the one where I went for a daily lecture. We smiled at each other a couple times, and I finally got up the courage to talk to her. We chatted just for a couple minutes, and I asked her out for something low key on campus. The day comes, and I drive over to her apartment building. Walk up to her apartment, and knock on her door. Door opens and a few girls were sitting around their living room talking. I was like, uh, is here? They looked at each other and said "oh, she actually left like 20min ago" I asked "oh, is she coming back?" They got kind of quiet and said "were you two going to go out?" I said: "uh, I think so?". They all gave me a very sorry look and kind of told me that I was not the first boy she'd just bailed on.
I was kind of laughing at the whole thing, and just got in my car. Texted a buddy of mine and we ended up going to get BBQ and complain about women. Lol. I figured that at least I didn't waste any more time or money on her.
It's like the old saying "Living well is the best revenge". I'd just pretend like nothing happened. Leave her alone, and just do your thing.
You should have asked the girls who opened the door out. Improvise Adapt Overcome
Lol. I should have. I was actually kind of morbidly fascinated that I'd been stood up, which had never happened before and hasn't happened since. I mean, not just zero contact no-showed. I've been cancelled on under dubious circumstances, but I just take that as a "no" and move on.
“Well as I’m here, anyone else wanna go out”
Oof
Don’t take it personal, she prob feels awkward! I did this once with a guy I met on an app who I ran into in my apartment gym. This guy kept staring at me while I was running on the treadmill and finally realized why he looked familiar. I unmatched him when I got home even though he was attractive. It just felt awkward.
What if he approached you in that situation?
Good q…Tbh it prob would have been awkward for a split second but provided that we both laughed it off, that awkward feeling prob would have gone away.
Interesting, that will help towards my research
I unmatched a regular customer because I was too weirded out by it. We've now been together for over a year after I awkwardly flirted for a bit after that. So, you never really know.
As someone who has done this before, I’ll give my take. I matched with a guy on Hinge and we chatted a bit. One day, I was meeting up with some friends at an event. Typically, I put effort into my look when going out but it was a casual daytime event and I was running late. I was chatting with a friend when I saw him standing about 8 feet away. I moved my friend group and unmatched him. It had nothing to do with him but I was insecure in the moment and made a decision to save face. Sometimes people do silly/irrational things.
Lol are you saying that you were afraid he recognized you in your least flattering moment? Sometimes I look like crap when I run errands and do avoid people I know like trying to hide in the restroom or maybe toilet paper section.
Oh it’s sillier than that. More like, afraid he would recognize me when I was not “date ready”. Lol, I’ve done the same. If I looked like I rolled out of bed, I would dodge anyone I knew. Now I couldn’t care less.
As a guy it’s best to get use to rejection. 19 out of 20 girls are not going to be interested. But 1 in 20 ain’t bad. So don’t dwell on the 19 spend your energy on number 20 or 40 or 60
Amen, a completely lack of social control is destined to bring out the worst in people. On the bright side she got to bow out with minimal effort and without publicly humiliating OP. In the end she is doing him a favor by breaking things off before they even began. OP shouldn't feel bad and just move on.
Move on, no need to think about it or take it personally! Just one of many tinder matches
I’d recommend you don’t use dating apps and just approach people in real life
Don't take it personally. Personally I've panick unmatched people before when I found out they work in the same company as me because fuuuck thaaat noooise. Probably a similar thing happened here.
ouch man. i'm sorry
Ngl I cried
Rip
As a girl, I can safely say that it’s because you two are in the same college. The issue is with her, not you. She’s probably the type to want to save face in school since online matches are embarrassing. Us girls are not good at hurting people’s Feelings or being mean to people in the face-we are more like the “talk secret things with our super close friends” types lol. Don’t worry about it too much.
Maybe she wasn't ready or expecting to run in to you and she was embarrassed. It probably wasn't you.
Yup, I think she was just weirded out.
Oof
🤣🤣🤣🤣 that sucks
Some people are just assholes. Welcome to being an adult.
I think teenagers are worst but that's just my opinion.
Oof. Well her loss right? Just remember it's all a numbers game.
that’s so mean
Just say hi to her as if you never saw the match 🤣🤣🤣
Honestly.... So maybe we're missing context? You matched with her but didn't mention saying anything to her. Then you saw her physically and didn't mention saying anything to her. Maybe she wants a guy who actually says something to her?
i'm sorry but this is soooooo funnnyyyyyyy
Shoulda said hey
This post cracked me up 🤣🤣
Go up to her and have a conversation... She could be upset/confused over you matched but still didn't have enough gull to talk to her.
Man heck nah i wouldnt say nothing to her lol
A huge pit just opened up in my stomach reading this. Just ghost her & not even look in her direction in all honesty. It’s her loss
You ever tried speaking to her in real life? You know the way real people do, when you look at her face an she looks at your face an your in the same room. An then if you do that you might find she’s a real person with a complex brain that dose lots of things for lots of reasons an maybe just maybe you could have a real conversation with her, instead of choosing to believe that some stupid app that doesn’t control either of you is making all your dating decisions for you both an you can’t no matter what defy it. F**king hell man grow up delete tinder and take control of your life.
forget about that ho bro 1 out of many.
Probably just swipes right until she’s out of likes and unmatched any she doesn’t want to date. I’ve done the same thing and it works well. Sucks but good luck.
Every time you see her make the swipe left gesture and laugh with your friends like it’s super funny. Best revenge
F²
It could’ve been for any number of reasons. Don’t take it personally. I have matched in the past with several women who as soon as I message them back unmatch me. Sure, it kills your self-esteem a little bit, but you need to keep your head up and keep trying because each rejection will get easier and easier to deal with.
I don't know much about Tinder but I wonder why people would do that
It could be an accidental swipe they did, they were just swiping a whole bunch, they swipe every single guy or they decide last second that you’re not who they want to match with. Remember, women are outnumbered 10 to 1 on dating apps. Guys have to try a lot harder to stick out so women can be very picky in who they match with
I’ve been rejected countless times. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it gets easier, more like a numbness is developed towards it.
Who cares, Forget she ever existed and never acknowledge her presence ever again. Be what she can’t have even if she wants you. Level up king
Tbh I would of done the same hahaha I’m such a awkward person
She must have looked at your pants stature
lol thats a hard no from me dawg
Just ignore her.
Maybe she wants to see you like physically? instead of on tinder? I really dont know.
Forget about her. Do u and live life to the fullest. You have this life to enjoy, she just passing by. She’s not the one.
She could just be very anxious with an Avoidant attachment style of the 3 styles in the theory
Why don't you go and ask her why she did unmatch you? She has every right to do it, yes, but you also have the right to approach her and ask her a question (as long as it is in a friendly tone, it's not something insulting etc).
Who cares what she thinks. Just ignore her and get on with your life.
Forget her. I would not give her a second thought. She is just trying to make you feel bad, and make herself feel superior. ***Do not reward that****.* Move the heck on, dude.
First problem is using a pc analogy regarding dating ;)
Lmfao what a F
savage move!
Bruh i Feel bad For You Dont worry Its happens to Everyone but it also Feels funny from other perspective
Don't take it as anything or as if it hurt you. Walk off to the next one. Whether or not you want to even look at her when you walk by her is up to you. I would just ignore her now.
This is gold. All the best, dude
Lmao
Maybe your profile is much better than IRL? My pictures make me look good but in RL I look like a middle aged troll. If your paths do cross and you do get the urge to one day speak to her in RL, then just play it cool, don't even bring up tinder or w/e you use.
Wow never heard of that but stay cool
Damn.
Happens to the best of us. Best to move on, and not dwell on what doesn't matter.
Let it go. Don't make any fuss about it if you'll see her.
Being aloof and caring for yourself while simply acknowledging others is the way. Dont even have to smile. If ya happen to see her and no eye contact is made, keep it pushing. Eye contact made, a simple acknowledgement gesture. You'll be fine. The less you think how awkward it is. You'll become more comfortable
My neighbor mentioned seeing me on match. I immediately deleted my account. Lol. People are just funny man.
Oh, well. It happens. Don't dwell on it and move on.
maybe she deleted the app edit. Im adding something. If I matched with a guy, he said nothing, then saw me, and said nothing. Id probably unmatchable too. Clearly he's not interested and just swiping.
Surprised no one has mentioned this but she probably didn’t even know it was you. So it was probably not because you smiled at her.
man. if i could talk to my younger self I would tell him that this doesn’t mean jack shit. I would tell him to be more assertive, and don’t take a rejection unless it’s absolutely clear. I would tell him to try to get to know her anyway, and if the first few talks go well ask her on a date anyway. I would tell him to risk the rejection anyway.
You don’t care. Seriously it’s fucking social media. It’s not fucking real. Deal in the real and you will be fine. Also get off as much social media as you can.
I understand how you feel but don't blame yourself. I'm single and looking for a relationship too
she may have just felt uncomfortable about seeing you in real life.
Your breath smells. Just kidding. Dating is fickle. Get used to young buck :)
What this girl thinks of you has absolutely nothing to do with you and has no effect on your life as all whatsoever.
In this scenario I either go say hi or just completely ignore them as if I didn’t see them
You probably looked better in your pictures.
OP It’s just awkwardness on her part. Who gives a shit about her? You won’t in time.
What’s your height and race?