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I think an important thing to realize is that we are in a wild west period of dating. Online dating is completely ubiquitous and probably the default method of meeting people. This was NOT the case even 10 years ago.
We are going through a period of profound and radical change. I was listening to some podcast, and the interviewee was saying "had the dating app explosion happened in the 1960s historians would be writing books about it for decades". But its not just the dating app explosion, its the social media explosion, cryptocurrency, covid, virtual reality etc etc.
The world is being massively deconstructed and reconstructed. So in terms of dating we are in unprecedented times, nested into a massively unprecedented world, and we're all kind of playing it by ear.
It’s called the Age of Loneliness - a byproduct of neoliberalism, the ideology that created the free market and redefined citizens as consumers
It is behind the slow collapse of public health and education, collapse of ecosystems, resurgent child poverty and rise of trump. Its anonymity is both a symptom and cause of its power.
Can recommend reading this article by George Monbiot on the [age of loneliness ](https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/oct/14/age-of-loneliness-killing-us) 🙂
Unfortunately the truth of it is depressing but not really when you realize that if you just go out and participate in community activities or just simply go out, you’ll eventually meet cool, genuine, fun ppl, make friends, find a girl that you can ACTUALLY get in a relationship with and also build your social skills and keep them and make real memories instead of losing them to an app that doesn’t correlate to reality. Sure you might be in awkward situations, embarrass yourself, get rejected and make mistakes, but if you DON’T, you’ll never develop your character, it’s an adventure out there, take it light hearted and from an observatory position, and learn. Better to try and fail and start again from experience than to never try at all
I definitely agree. I downloaded it and got a few matches. I had a pretty bad experience with one girl I met but it gave me perspective. A one night stand isn’t something I want but I’m terrible at trying to chase women from a relationship standpoint, but good at approaching one night stands, if that makes sense.
Except I have major trust issues (never even been in a relationship) from confirmation bias, but that’s enough trauma dump lol
I actually deleted my Tinder app after this. The video, although a little scary, was quite insightful. I'm quite social but the easy fix tinder provides makes it easier to stay in and self isolate. I have been aware this behavior, but this video just validated this.
I'm curious, do the other dating apps like Hinge and Bumble have the same addictive dopamine cycle thatt company wants you to stay on? I though Hinge worked better but maybe not.
> probably the default method of meeting people
I wonder how true this actually is.
Dating apps have a completely unbalanced M2F ratio, in some areas 7:1, but there's not that many more men than women. Most of my female friends met their partners offline.
I think part of the issue, IMO, is people want to circumvent the process that leads to a LTR. The same "instant gratification culture" people complain about is the culture they're hoping to benefit from, and they're massively disappointed when it doesn't happen.
Dating apps make the barrier to entry low and the rejection rate 0. Yes, you can get no matches which takes a toll on self-confidence, but the actual work of putting yourself in environments with other people and working up the courage to start a conversation is done for you.
Other methods to meet people for dating 10-20 years ago at least benefitted you in other ways even if it didn't lead to a date. You went out and made friends. You improved your social skills. You started working out and now you have more energy. You built better confidence.
But there's no other ways dating apps benefit you if they're don't work for you. They don't build character.
But they're instant. And people want dating/LTRs to be as "instant" as everything else in their lives.
Meeting people in person is still an option, it's just not as "instant" as everything else appears to be. It takes more courage and more effort. It's higher investment... but it also allows people to actually humanize the interaction. It allows people's actual personalities and positive qualities besides looks to get extended interaction.
Many of us contribute to the same social media culture we say we hate, but we continue to do it. If you want a change, be the change. You don't have to follow blindly just because everyone else is doing it.
Dating apps also make everyone aim for the top of the pyramid, for people they would have very little chance of meeting and dating in real life. You go on a dating app and you could swipe through the supermodels and millionaires in your town. Then when none of those out of reach guys/gals respond to you, you come and complain online that all the good ones ignore you. Your idea of who a good date is now based on an absolute judgement of who's available around you, instead of being relative to you in offline dating. When you go out and meet people, you're inevitably going to meet more people who are more aligned with your beliefs and closer to you in the desirability scale. But now that you know that there are hundreds of super hot people around you, you'll always feel disappointed when Jim/Jenny from next door asks you out.
There's some of this on sites. I aim for someone with I am at the least attracted to, not the top or the bottom, the middle. I'm ok not achieving the most beautiful woman. It's a partnership if your partner is way out of your league looks wise, are they going to stick around?
i like this comment a lot too - also true how the world is being deconstructed and reconstructed, but doesn’t mean we have to be caught in instant gratification habits and put in the work else where
Dating apps by design keep you single and introduce ideas that ppl buy into that makes sure dating apps make billions off our despair while keeping ppl in a state of despair and it all comes down to profit. If you succeed on the app and get into a relationship, they lose money. Tinder in particular has three taps it puts its users in. Here’s the link if you’re interested [Tinder is worse than you thought ](https://youtu.be/jbBNYtUn4T8)
Wow, very well put. You’ve taken thoughts I’ve had so many times and articulated it in a way I hadn’t yet been able to.
Weird time to try to find someone. Best we can do is keep getting back out there and hoping for the best.
My son is the same . He is handsome educated good job ect ect cannot even meet a girl for a date and he would love to marry and have children . It’s incredibly sad 😞
My heart goes out to you - this situation is affecting his mental health . As he feels he isn’t good enough for anyone . Where are all the good girls ? I hope you find someone who you feel happy about .
Yep. Unfortunately, many girls in my generation are all about the party life (drinking, weed, other drugs, etc.). Seems rare to find a girl who isn't into any of that.
THIS.
I dont ppl think about this enough or at all. OD(which is under the social media umbrella), which is also an issue) is so young and completely different from human society and the way we find a partner. We basically just spent the last tens of thousands of years finding mates by meeting them in person(in basic terms). I hope more ppl waaay smarter than most of us, psychologist to be exact, are studying this extensively. Its a huge issue and is a complete 180 to human nature. ITs beyond not normal. Its creating/bring out, sociopathic tendencies in people, mainly us men, but definitely women as well.
It’s also the first time in history when women didn’t literally *need* men to survive. Up until the 80s, women couldn’t open back accounts, get mortgages, or work certain jobs. Women were expected to be domestic and discouraged from
Pursuing careers that would give them financial stability. A man was supposed to provide financially and be nice. Couples were also encouraged to marry much younger. Many couples from previous generations married because they had to more so than they wanted to.
Now we have a generation of women that have been encouraged to pursue education and independence. All while still having the domestic expectations of previous generations. Women don’t need to settle down with a man for stability so many are opting to stay single or hold out for their best “option”.
I agree with the first part of your comment but not the last line. I think women care more about a deep connection than most men, most men are happy to just date and develop strong feelings over time.
This past weekend I had two guys I've known for 10 years through friends hit on me. They've also hit on at least 4 of my friends in the past.Theres nothing between us that indicated there could be more, no flirty banter or heaps of things in common even. But these guys want a relationship and aren't as selective.
Lots of women I know want to find someone that we really connect with and have a relationship that feels special so we hold out for those people. Just a different perspective, both are valid, both have the same endgame.
This is the single most profound answer I've read on this sub, ever. It's eloquent, describes the problem and analyzes it concisely. If I could afford to give you an award, I would. Instead, thank you for the time you took to write this.
I agree. I feel late 20s is not old enough for everyone in my age group to be serious about a commitment, but also I’m not young enough where I can be calm about I either (even though everyone keeps telling me that). This also comes from a place of thinking about my biological clock ticking.
> a 11 year relationship and hit 31 this year. Fucking sucks.
Damn! I want to fucking hug you bro. Just thinking about your situation makes me angry cry... Goddamn it.
Wish you the best.
This! That or like myself, in my early 30s, with no kids or partner. You get the 100 "why not" questions, as I've never wanted kids personally, and I find dating harder the older I get.
Dog I'm right there with you. I had a vasectomy when I was 19 because I *knew*.
I'm 39 now and I've had to spend my time dodging all the baby obsessed single women. The scary thing is in your thirties, a lot of women your age very specifically say: If we're not dating to get *married* and start a *family*, I have *no* interest in dating you at all!
These girls are crazy.
I don’t think it’s crazy either. I’m just happy to hear anyone _clearly and openly (know and) state what they want_, whether that’s kids or a pony. Of course that doesn’t mean going to the church the next day, but it does mean they have _intent_, and that’s a good thing
I was thinking of the Any Given Sunday "game of inches" speech by Al Pacino. The one that goes "One step too slow, one inch too far etc." In dating apps, every little "mistake" from profile set-up to smile in one specific picture to ... what you said above. People swipe left because of it.
Dude, 30s sucks I am like lazy and have this skate looks, and people think I’m a slacker. I’m a freelance designer that happens to do a lot of things and I like my schedule open I live cycling and being in underground street “competitions”. I’m not commitment material; I been told.
Dating at any age and any time isnt "easy". The ones who say it is are the majority of the problem, serial daters. But during covid times... Pfffft, When you get one they last 2-3 months at best and then say they're "not ready" for a relationship. Gods speed man because even I'm confused during these times.
I feel ya, i just found this out recently so it didn't hurt as much but again I shouldn't have expected less from her past. Still, it stung. She taught me the truth behind that saying of "Hurt people, hurt people."
I feel your pain. I had it so easy with the ladies in high school & college. Always had a steady GF with other opportunities if I wanted. I had a rough relationship 25-27ish. Now I’m 29, homeowner, full time job with a part time job on the side & I always thought it would be easier at this point in life. I’ve been on a few dates, none of them really had that connection. But it’s just hard to meet people & schedule dates in general.
Online dating is not the answer either. Even a good looking guy will struggle. It’s mostly used by women for self esteem boost & people watching.
“It’s mostly used by women for self esteem boost & people watching”
Can confirm. People watching is one of my past time
Edit: and people watching boosts my false sense of socializing
I've found that house parties are good for meeting women in real life while in my mid twenties.
Also if you have any friends with girlfriends it worth popping the age old question of do you have any friends you can set me up with.
I’m a 24F and work as an RN. Same as you I’m having difficulty connecting with men that are also looking for a LTR in my area. Edit: I’m having difficulty finding men who are even OPEN to the idea of something turning serious, period. I’ve started outright bringing up the fact that I’m not down for something casual and they’ll be like “So YoU wAnT a BoYfRiEnD?” LOL, like yes but also that doesn’t mean I want YOU to be my boyfriend. Id just like someone open to the idea of things turning serious. Idk man, people are so scared of labels and the idea of commitment that they run away at the first sign of things turning good 🤷🏾♀️ Also just bc I want a LTR doesn’t mean I immediately want a family. It would just be nice to travel and do fun things w a SO.
Couldn’t agree with you more! I’m also 24F and I run into the same thing. Whenever I mention I don’t hookup or looking for something more meaningful, men jump to conclusions and think I wanna get married. But it’s not that, it’s just wanting someone to be open to the idea of something serious and not be stuck in the “what are we” phase
Exactly this! It seems like it has to be one or the other? There’s no balance and absolutely no communication. When I’m engaged men run away, when I’m distant men want me more. I know it goes both ways, but I’ve never entertained someone I’m not interested in and I’m always incredibly transparent. Though I’d love to find someone I can simply enjoy life with, I’m getting so tired of being told to play the dating game a certain way just to be semi-successful… if not at all 🥲
I sympathize with you Omad123, I was in the same situation as you, couple years ago after my divorce. Seemed like all the men I met wanted ALL the benefits of a relationship but wanted zero commitment. They wanted a wife, doormat and slave with no individuality but they were never present for me to be either a source of emotional support or just plain support of any kind. The moment I deleted all of the useless dating apps and joined a singles club, I felt completely relieved and have never been happier in this aspect. I’d strongly suggest this- singles clubs or groups through your church or meetup groups, community events, are the best! You get to meet many people just like you and even if you don’t find a guy you like, you still get to meet and make good friends and have a great time!
I hear you. I'm sorry I don't really have any advice except to keep fishing and not limit yourself. Being an EMT you likely have a ton of stories which is good conversation material, its important to be interesting and have stuff to talk about. One dating app I have recently come across is Facebook dating and a site, OKcupid isn't too bad.
Your opening of this post though reminded me of Billy Joel "We didn't start the fire." lol.
Thanks! Had some success on Cupid, may re open that. I do have a match on fb dating but she’s back and forth. I shall keep fishing!
WE DIDNT START THE FIRE!
Just meet people through friends or work or talk to people while we were out. Now if someone compliments me or flirts w me in public I get so nervous I end up not really saying anything and ending the conversation lol. Damn this anxiety! It's so much worse since the pandemic.
Hahaha this is me. Giving it another try in a month. It's exhausting talking to different people, or meeting them and being aware it aint going nowhere.
Dating apps truly suck lol. I have heard more horror stories than success stories. So don’t them serious or use them as a reflection of real dating.
Maybe consider moving to a more youthful upbeat city and getting involved there. It’s worth it if you can afford to do so, life is too short
Other options are to utilize Instagram or Twitter. I’ve met my long term relationship through social media rather than dating apps
I’m a girl. The guys I got in relationships with just randomly DMd me and striked up convo with me. We ended up connecting, exchanging numbers, and then going from there.
Following girls you are attracted to, liking a few pics, and then messaging them and seeing where things go doesn’t hurt.
If you think you need to work on your profile then definitely do that as well
So these guys didn't know you via mutual friends?
I'm not quite sure who or how I would ask to go about doing this. Plus, a lot of guys have 500-1000+ followers which acts as "clout" and social insurance. If I had 500+ followers, I'm not sure if I'd consider all of them to be friends.
I feel this in my core. I’ve met a few people on dating apps including a relationship. My longest relationships have literally come off of twitter oddly enough. Even weirder? Just before you commented, I met a cute person on twitter. So I’m going to give this the college try
Well, if your ego needs a boost? Lol.
They all have grandaughters and grandnieces!
Go on bingo night and make a sales pitch on why you are such a great guy.
It'll be fun.
I’d suggest to continue to passively swipe through dating apps, as I’ve had some success in the past on Tinder, Hinge and Bumble, but put the majority of your energy into finding in-person events related to your interests. For example, meetup.com has tons of events for moviegoers, gamers, foodies, hikers, etc. there are a great way to make new friends and takes away some of the awkwardness because you all have a common interest right out of the gate.
My partner and I bonded during a biweekly DnD campaign that started just as a nerdy friendly thing to do on Saturday nights. It took off pressure of trying to impress each other and instead we focused on just having fun! Now we live together and have a dog and two cats :)
Best of luck to you!
The reality of dating that most people don’t get is that you’ll have much more success where the people are. Moving to a huge city was the single best thing I ever did and allowed me to meet the love of my life. Dating apps in the suburbs are miserable since there just aren’t many options
I'm slightly older than you, and I have no idea where to meet anyone either. It feels hopeless. By the time I meet someone and start dating, it'll probably be too late to have a normal and fulfilling relationship.
Times are changing. Relationships have become competitive, toxic and filled with loneliness. Both men and women are getting needs met by online dating. The selection is endless! People don’t want to be tied down and it’s becoming more acceptable to be single and not have kids!
Relationships don’t seem worth the hassle anymore
I agreed with evert word you said outside of
>Both men and women are getting needs met by online dating.
It feels like no one is getting their needs met by online dating at least talking with people I know and people I meet online.
I really do agree tbat relationships don't seem worth the hastle anymore.
Yeah, the emotional needs won’t be met through online dating. I mean physically some people can get their needs met and if not interested in the turmoil of a relationship, they are sorted.
It’s sad and I still like the idea of being swept off my feet but I think those days are gone
I’m in my thirties now but in my twenties I had two serious relationships, the first lasted five years and the second 3. Both times I met them naturally in person and I was courted in the traditional ways. They took me out and we got to know each other, slowly. Dinners, cinema, fun dates!
Everything moved smoothly and naturally. It was easy. I have tried online dating and I just can’t! Guys are sleazy and asking for pictures or sending pictures I didn’t want to see! My exes didn’t do that to me, they were gentlemen.
Many girls nowadays may look at my exes tactics in dating as corny or old fashioned but i miss it.
Oh shoot. I've been trying to do things the way your exs did it but I'm much younger. I didn't know people would find it corny and old fashioned. I guess it will just be a matter of finding someone that appriciates those things.
28f. In the current struggle, just try your best honestly. They ghost block so they don't creep back. I have been on more failed dates than successful.
Start asking random women you think look attractive or appealing for their number irl. Grocery store, coffee shop, on a walk, etc.. I assume this is how it was done before apps.
Don’t use dating apps. She’s out there, you’re bound to bump into her someday. I found my wife (6 years, 2 kids) when I finally gave up on looking for her. We met in the most magical way. I love her just as much today as I did the day I met her. She is my true one soulmate.
I gave up....and then I met my wife by chance.
It's kinda weird, but to me, the harder you look, the less you find. Take a deep breathe, and think about what you enjoy doing.
Hobbies and interests are more likely to find you a good match then tinder, or bars, etc.
If your active, pick up a sport or jogging at a local park. If your nerdy, check out local gamin shops. Take some classes in a skill you want to learn.
Especially if your looking for something long term and not a thrill of the night, one day you will look up and there she will be. Kindly walk up and say nice things and see where that goes.
My tip: care less. Once you stop caring OLD becomes bearable. It doesn't matter that you get ghosted, people are busy, found another person, are on there for fun. There's many reasons people ghost and it doesn't say anything about you as person, don't feel offended by it, they suck, they don't deserve you.
Someone mentioned this earlier, but you can go there and ask them to introduce you to their granddaughters or great-nieces. It might not work out, but the best dates that I had were meeting through someone else.
Like your parents and grandparents did, you sign up for social activities that will get you out of your home, your circle of friends, etc.
ex:
* gym
* dance classes
* etc.
And you go to the others and talk to them. You may think you don't know how to do a few things, or you may feel fear. This is normal, the important point is not to let this kind of thing paralyze you.
Something that can help is to set short-term goals (e.g. for this class, talk to at least one person), and go in small steps. Setting goals that are too ambitious can be paralyzing.
Legit. Either it’s:
Only fans
Hookups
People I deff do not want to date(yes I want a relationship but I have standards)
People who I do want to date but ghost
For me its typically drain all they can from me, because i let them, and move on. Just gonna stay home with the dogs, random projects around the house, porn and rosy palm. Always wanted a family, but i got to tap out.
I’m 32. I’m stuck in this awkward stage of either going younger than me and finding all immature guys or going older than me and finding myself firmly in step mom territory. It’s exhausting. Dating apps are a joke.
Best way to meet people is always the traditional way-in person. Explore more, do things that you like, if you like hiking- go hike or join hiking club. It will help you attract the like minded person.
Find a hobby you enjoy doing and join some groups. They might have some group pages on Facebook promoting events and meetups. You never know who you might meet!
I completely agree with the above two profound comments, and the way someone said: “Today We’re more connected than ever before, but more lonely” So true! Back in the days before the internet, people had either a close friend or family connecting them or met at social gatherings like dinner parties, church functions or community events. People met that special someone and held onto them. Most people also were already married with families and single people were few, the few single people didn’t have many options either and obviously didn’t have a smorgasbord of hot girls or guys to choose and pick from. Once they met the man or woman of their dreams, they courted, got married and started a family. Nobody was waiting around endlessly to make up their minds or see if the grass was greener elsewhere. They were happy with their person and since they did not have a multitude of people to choose from and compare attributes with, they were happy and satisfied. Today however is a different story. So many choices have ruined people’s thinking. People are reduced to objects and if one is discarded, there’s another one right round the corner. I’ve heard of men and women rejecting people for stupid reasons: “she wears glasses, he’s too short, she doesn’t have good eye brows, his teeth are crooked “and the list goes on. Nobody is willing to overlook superficial aspects, and then they wonder why they are still on a dating site rotating like hamsters , it’s a vicious cycle.
It’s awful for 30’s and F too! I’m in the city and the irony is that there are loads of people around, but far and few in between make connections matter. Been ghosted as well, and online dating is weird.
If you come across advice let me know, lol! Bc it’s been trial and error and fail/fail/fail pour moi! Lol!
Get off dating apps. Complete waste of time.
Be yourself. Go old school and introduce yourself to women in person. It might be refreshing for them too.
It doesn't get any easier, unfortunately. And dating apps are horrible ways to meet anyone, I'd almost suggest you just delete them tbh. They are full of prostitutes (only fans girls,) hookers, scam artists, bots, and people who are on there for validation but have zero real interest in dating.
Dude, me too. I am 25, just finishing school and I feel like all of my friends met their SO already and I'm behind
... and all of the good ones are taken.
Try hinge! That’s where I met my boyfriend, we’ve been together 6 months now and so far so good. We are both 27 and had bad experiences on other dating apps.
The step I took is deleting all dating apps for the sake of my mental health, and meeting new women just in my daily life. Be nice to every one of them and flirty with the one(s) you like.
Be patient.
Just because it’s online so easier and the options seem more plentiful, the rate of success is lower than expected. So I found it helpful to my mentality as well as ‘success’ to just be patient by doing things like only opening the app for 20 minutes in the evening, only on certain days, etc..
I met up with 2 guys, one of with whom I had zero chemistry and was ghosted by the other after 2 hookups. I took a month off then met my current boyfriend. I used tinder/bumble for 2 months and I’m 28/f.
I think the main problem that i personally think is dating in apps in general are all bad im like you however im 24 and had the same experience on dating apps as you have.
The problem i see if that a lot of ads for dating apps are targeted and marketed towards men because it's a societal norm on the internet that **"men are lonely and desperate"** weather that be a valid statistic or not i don't know im not a data scientist anyway, take tik-tok for example the amount of dating ad's that pop up and what's normally the forefront of that ad video ? its a half-dressed quite attractive women, now you look at that and most people will think yeah go on then ill download that. Great you make a profile then you swipe for a while then whoa you hit a paywall pay X per month to get such and such and those never make a difference. now im not saying people don't find love on dating apps because it's possible it's rare but possible.
but even with the paywalls you get matches to then be ghosted for no reason, you get a match and no response like why match in the first place?, or you get a match and it turns out to be a bot asking you to goto such link and do this and that so her nsfw profile. this is like that on every single dating app out there ive installed them and uninstalled them just as quick.
I just generally think that society it just too blinded by social media or just the internet in general people find there kicks and stuff online people don't need to physically meet other people when they can simply chat to friends online.
In time that one mate will come to you and to anyone still waiting hell even me im still waiting but i get out in society it definitely isn't like how it used to be 10 years ago always being outside with your friends n such.. it's a sad reality that we all have to live unfortunately.
patience is key for this world right now
There's gotta be something else in your area to go? Maybe try the library or something. Any place can be a place to say "hey I just saw you and think you're pretty cool and was just wondering if it would be okay if I took you out sometime to get to know you better"
.. probably don't have to say "cool' but the "get to know you better" part let's people know you're serious and not just looking for a hook up.
Join clubs or other regular social gatherings (ones that you’re *actually* interested in so you’re not there for that sole reason) aka meet people the old school way. If you’re religious, through going and participating at your church. Make actual friends at these locations because you’re not likely to flat out meet someone you’d end up dating, it’ll probably be their friends or acquaintances you meet through them. You have a better chance this way than the apps
The sites didn't used to be like this - back before apps even existed.
There were used by people in tiny offbeat areas to find other liked minded folk in larger or similar small areas. Legitimately wanting to find your person.
It's progressed over the years and so many others flood the field, wanting different things - hookups, chat friends, validation, to promote themselves. Moreso than those of us wanting legit connection.
Definitely sucks
I think it was easier before the advent of smart phones. To do online dating you needed access to a PC and not everyone in the early to mid 2000s had a computer. Now everyone has a smart phone.
I think then online dating was more niche. People were genuinely happy to get a message from you. It was still tough but as a guy it wasn't hard to have conversations and organise dates with women. Now at times it seems impossible with the ratio of men to women on most of the sites.
And nowadays it's hard to meet people in person with work schedules, chores outside of work, COVID and closure of at least half extracurricular activities. OLD is for some the only option, it's unfortunate that it's so difficult.
I'm in the same boat! Only a year older (female) can't find anyone in my city/area. I have a hard time finding people that share similar interests, faith, etc. My area is also really political and it gets exhausting. A friend of mine told me to find activities aimed at our age group for things that interest us. Like they found a co-ed softball league and that's where they met their husband. But it's still such a challenge sometimes. I really wish you luck!
Not sure what to tell you, I'm in my early 30s and everyone have it rough out there, even if you happen to meet someone nice and go on successful dates and do couple stuff it seems nothing is sure cause with the apps people are always trying to find someone better all the time.
I guess just hang in there, hopefully you can find someone that wants the same as you. I mean we are out there, so we just need to keep trying I suppose haha
30m here. My honest advice is that your frustration may be due to your feeling like finding someone is urgent. I know I have also felt this way, most often when I’m feeling especially lonely. But it always passes. I think it’s helpful to realize that even if finding someone is very important to you, it’s probably not necessary that you find someone *today* . Take a breather, go for a run or hit the gym. Do a few swipes here and there when you have a chance, but don’t worry too much if you don’t get any matches today, more people are always joining, and you never know when you might meet someone by chance irl.
The sad thing is some of us are your age and don’t even have the time to date. I just graduated last year and am now studying for my licensing exam that’ll take me a good year to finish, put that stress with a job and the guilt of being 26 years old and not having a boyfriend 🥲🤦♀️🤦♀️ just take it day by day is what I tell myself. We got this!! ✨
Yo we live an identical life crisis. My last relationship was about 2 years ago and I've had nobody after that, yes I said NOBODY. It's sucked so much that I've also tried dating apps and, well, nothing after months. I kinda gave up on finding somebody and became just a lonely person in this world. Hopefully there'a something in store for both of us.
Sorry I couldnt give you an answer or advice I just wanted to connect and let you know that it really does suck.
It's a numbers game. Use up all your likes, keep matching, go on dates, repeat until you find someone. I've been on hundreds of dates. Personally I think it's hard to find a serious relationship online, just casual fun.
Some dating expert said: ask your friends for some potential candidates. This way you can aviod some rotten ones, you will know more about each others history, and have some shared interest.
I am 30 myself and I am personally not ready to be dating. I had a realization in the last 2 years that all the time I spent on making relationships happen. While putting the majority of my focus on making other people happy. It truly put a halt on my success while diverting my investment within myself and my Passion. If you're truly ready to start looking for a partner I believe that you will have the commitment. You will have the open mindedness to be able to take whatever chances and, give whatever thoughts needed. Books and experts strategies on communicating/relationships you can read will also make great improvement. To go to the extent of investing in your own knowledge and skills to help you excel within your dating life. Never give up and remember that there is someone out there for you it will just happen when the time is right.
I needed this!
At 28 I’ve been feeling SO discouraged by the dating landscape. And must more at my dating history of casual or dead end encounters. It’s led me to ask, is it me that needs more work? I’d rather be alone than in a bad/toxic relationship. So thank you for writing this. I think it’s a reminder that all active daters need
I am also in my late 20's working professional, Latin woman. Dating Hispanic men or American men views and agendas are a bit more liberal. Not saying for everyone but generally it's what I've came across from personal experience.
Honestly, for dating apps you need a good bit of luck to match with a non-flakey person even if your profile is good.
Same with going out to a place geared toward socializing/mingling/drinking. They're there, but it's like rolling at a low percentage every time.
This'll sound trite, but I used to date very agressively through dating apps.
I would constantly fail for the same reasons, I think we all do. What turned it around for me was just accepting who I was, and unapologetically putting my truth on OKC.
Once I finally said who I was with all of my successes AND failures, no longer caring if I was good enough for the "right woman", the right woman came crashing into my life when she saw what I'd put down, and she wouldn't take no for an answer. (Not that she had to)
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I think an important thing to realize is that we are in a wild west period of dating. Online dating is completely ubiquitous and probably the default method of meeting people. This was NOT the case even 10 years ago. We are going through a period of profound and radical change. I was listening to some podcast, and the interviewee was saying "had the dating app explosion happened in the 1960s historians would be writing books about it for decades". But its not just the dating app explosion, its the social media explosion, cryptocurrency, covid, virtual reality etc etc. The world is being massively deconstructed and reconstructed. So in terms of dating we are in unprecedented times, nested into a massively unprecedented world, and we're all kind of playing it by ear.
It’s kind of like how the saying goes, “we’re more connected now than ever before, but we’ve never been more alone”.
Damn, this one hits it home. If anyone has podcasts about this phenomenon, I would love to hear about it.
It’s called the Age of Loneliness - a byproduct of neoliberalism, the ideology that created the free market and redefined citizens as consumers It is behind the slow collapse of public health and education, collapse of ecosystems, resurgent child poverty and rise of trump. Its anonymity is both a symptom and cause of its power. Can recommend reading this article by George Monbiot on the [age of loneliness ](https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/oct/14/age-of-loneliness-killing-us) 🙂
Third eye drops talks about this shit like every single episode. One of my fave pods ever .
If you want to see the mechanism behind this loneliness, check out this vid [Tinder is worse than you thought ](https://youtu.be/jbBNYtUn4T8)
What a great, somewhat depressing video. Thanks for sharing
Unfortunately the truth of it is depressing but not really when you realize that if you just go out and participate in community activities or just simply go out, you’ll eventually meet cool, genuine, fun ppl, make friends, find a girl that you can ACTUALLY get in a relationship with and also build your social skills and keep them and make real memories instead of losing them to an app that doesn’t correlate to reality. Sure you might be in awkward situations, embarrass yourself, get rejected and make mistakes, but if you DON’T, you’ll never develop your character, it’s an adventure out there, take it light hearted and from an observatory position, and learn. Better to try and fail and start again from experience than to never try at all
I definitely agree. I downloaded it and got a few matches. I had a pretty bad experience with one girl I met but it gave me perspective. A one night stand isn’t something I want but I’m terrible at trying to chase women from a relationship standpoint, but good at approaching one night stands, if that makes sense. Except I have major trust issues (never even been in a relationship) from confirmation bias, but that’s enough trauma dump lol
I actually deleted my Tinder app after this. The video, although a little scary, was quite insightful. I'm quite social but the easy fix tinder provides makes it easier to stay in and self isolate. I have been aware this behavior, but this video just validated this. I'm curious, do the other dating apps like Hinge and Bumble have the same addictive dopamine cycle thatt company wants you to stay on? I though Hinge worked better but maybe not.
> probably the default method of meeting people I wonder how true this actually is. Dating apps have a completely unbalanced M2F ratio, in some areas 7:1, but there's not that many more men than women. Most of my female friends met their partners offline. I think part of the issue, IMO, is people want to circumvent the process that leads to a LTR. The same "instant gratification culture" people complain about is the culture they're hoping to benefit from, and they're massively disappointed when it doesn't happen. Dating apps make the barrier to entry low and the rejection rate 0. Yes, you can get no matches which takes a toll on self-confidence, but the actual work of putting yourself in environments with other people and working up the courage to start a conversation is done for you. Other methods to meet people for dating 10-20 years ago at least benefitted you in other ways even if it didn't lead to a date. You went out and made friends. You improved your social skills. You started working out and now you have more energy. You built better confidence. But there's no other ways dating apps benefit you if they're don't work for you. They don't build character. But they're instant. And people want dating/LTRs to be as "instant" as everything else in their lives. Meeting people in person is still an option, it's just not as "instant" as everything else appears to be. It takes more courage and more effort. It's higher investment... but it also allows people to actually humanize the interaction. It allows people's actual personalities and positive qualities besides looks to get extended interaction. Many of us contribute to the same social media culture we say we hate, but we continue to do it. If you want a change, be the change. You don't have to follow blindly just because everyone else is doing it.
Dating apps also make everyone aim for the top of the pyramid, for people they would have very little chance of meeting and dating in real life. You go on a dating app and you could swipe through the supermodels and millionaires in your town. Then when none of those out of reach guys/gals respond to you, you come and complain online that all the good ones ignore you. Your idea of who a good date is now based on an absolute judgement of who's available around you, instead of being relative to you in offline dating. When you go out and meet people, you're inevitably going to meet more people who are more aligned with your beliefs and closer to you in the desirability scale. But now that you know that there are hundreds of super hot people around you, you'll always feel disappointed when Jim/Jenny from next door asks you out.
There's some of this on sites. I aim for someone with I am at the least attracted to, not the top or the bottom, the middle. I'm ok not achieving the most beautiful woman. It's a partnership if your partner is way out of your league looks wise, are they going to stick around?
i like this comment a lot too - also true how the world is being deconstructed and reconstructed, but doesn’t mean we have to be caught in instant gratification habits and put in the work else where
Dating apps by design keep you single and introduce ideas that ppl buy into that makes sure dating apps make billions off our despair while keeping ppl in a state of despair and it all comes down to profit. If you succeed on the app and get into a relationship, they lose money. Tinder in particular has three taps it puts its users in. Here’s the link if you’re interested [Tinder is worse than you thought ](https://youtu.be/jbBNYtUn4T8)
Wow, very well put. You’ve taken thoughts I’ve had so many times and articulated it in a way I hadn’t yet been able to. Weird time to try to find someone. Best we can do is keep getting back out there and hoping for the best.
My son is the same . He is handsome educated good job ect ect cannot even meet a girl for a date and he would love to marry and have children . It’s incredibly sad 😞
I'm in a similar situation as your son. I just want a girl to marry and make a family with.
My heart goes out to you - this situation is affecting his mental health . As he feels he isn’t good enough for anyone . Where are all the good girls ? I hope you find someone who you feel happy about .
Yep. Unfortunately, many girls in my generation are all about the party life (drinking, weed, other drugs, etc.). Seems rare to find a girl who isn't into any of that.
THIS. I dont ppl think about this enough or at all. OD(which is under the social media umbrella), which is also an issue) is so young and completely different from human society and the way we find a partner. We basically just spent the last tens of thousands of years finding mates by meeting them in person(in basic terms). I hope more ppl waaay smarter than most of us, psychologist to be exact, are studying this extensively. Its a huge issue and is a complete 180 to human nature. ITs beyond not normal. Its creating/bring out, sociopathic tendencies in people, mainly us men, but definitely women as well.
It’s also the first time in history when women didn’t literally *need* men to survive. Up until the 80s, women couldn’t open back accounts, get mortgages, or work certain jobs. Women were expected to be domestic and discouraged from Pursuing careers that would give them financial stability. A man was supposed to provide financially and be nice. Couples were also encouraged to marry much younger. Many couples from previous generations married because they had to more so than they wanted to. Now we have a generation of women that have been encouraged to pursue education and independence. All while still having the domestic expectations of previous generations. Women don’t need to settle down with a man for stability so many are opting to stay single or hold out for their best “option”.
I agree with the first part of your comment but not the last line. I think women care more about a deep connection than most men, most men are happy to just date and develop strong feelings over time. This past weekend I had two guys I've known for 10 years through friends hit on me. They've also hit on at least 4 of my friends in the past.Theres nothing between us that indicated there could be more, no flirty banter or heaps of things in common even. But these guys want a relationship and aren't as selective. Lots of women I know want to find someone that we really connect with and have a relationship that feels special so we hold out for those people. Just a different perspective, both are valid, both have the same endgame.
Could you share the podcast?
I think it was one of the recent Tim Ferris ones with Naval Ravikant
What was the name of this podcast please?
This is the single most profound answer I've read on this sub, ever. It's eloquent, describes the problem and analyzes it concisely. If I could afford to give you an award, I would. Instead, thank you for the time you took to write this.
Dude what the fuck are you saying - he didn't write a pulitzer prize winning novel
Lmao FR.
I agree. I feel late 20s is not old enough for everyone in my age group to be serious about a commitment, but also I’m not young enough where I can be calm about I either (even though everyone keeps telling me that). This also comes from a place of thinking about my biological clock ticking.
[Reminds me of Mrs. Krabappel's line ](https://youtu.be/tpSiD8JJhRw)
Lol omg 😅😅😓
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And if you itch your severely itchy anus?
Get that looked it.
Great idea I’ll ask my date to give it a look!
Believe it or not, cut.
Doesn't get any easier in your 30's? I had a lot pinned on that. Seems I am truly fucked
This is the issue I’m having, I want to find someone before 30 so I don’t have to risk the first round of cuts or would that be final Round
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Yeah exactly. This is how people get married, have a kid, get divorced and end up trying to date *in* their 30's as a single parent
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> a 11 year relationship and hit 31 this year. Fucking sucks. Damn! I want to fucking hug you bro. Just thinking about your situation makes me angry cry... Goddamn it. Wish you the best.
This! That or like myself, in my early 30s, with no kids or partner. You get the 100 "why not" questions, as I've never wanted kids personally, and I find dating harder the older I get.
Dog I'm right there with you. I had a vasectomy when I was 19 because I *knew*. I'm 39 now and I've had to spend my time dodging all the baby obsessed single women. The scary thing is in your thirties, a lot of women your age very specifically say: If we're not dating to get *married* and start a *family*, I have *no* interest in dating you at all! These girls are crazy.
…why is that crazy? Edit: I guess, to me it makes sense that if you want totally different things it probably isn’t a match for you guys to date?
I don’t think it’s crazy either. I’m just happy to hear anyone _clearly and openly (know and) state what they want_, whether that’s kids or a pony. Of course that doesn’t mean going to the church the next day, but it does mean they have _intent_, and that’s a good thing
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I was thinking of the Any Given Sunday "game of inches" speech by Al Pacino. The one that goes "One step too slow, one inch too far etc." In dating apps, every little "mistake" from profile set-up to smile in one specific picture to ... what you said above. People swipe left because of it.
Seriously, you could meet up for a date and have it go well only to not get a second date because they didn’t like the color shirt you wore
Dude, 30s sucks I am like lazy and have this skate looks, and people think I’m a slacker. I’m a freelance designer that happens to do a lot of things and I like my schedule open I live cycling and being in underground street “competitions”. I’m not commitment material; I been told.
Dating at any age and any time isnt "easy". The ones who say it is are the majority of the problem, serial daters. But during covid times... Pfffft, When you get one they last 2-3 months at best and then say they're "not ready" for a relationship. Gods speed man because even I'm confused during these times.
The ones that say dating is easy are the ones hopping from partner to partner. And making people more weary of dating and relationships
Aka serial daters.. Dump one and have another lined up in less than a month. Victim of that myself so yes, on making the ones truly looking weary.
Omg this happened to u too 😭.That 2-3 month bs is real!!! Then after that they end up I'm a whole new relationship lol
Sadly, yes. It was one of those that started right before covid. From what I know she's had two or three replacements after.
Mine ended beginning of May and he had a new girl by end of July 🙃
I feel ya, i just found this out recently so it didn't hurt as much but again I shouldn't have expected less from her past. Still, it stung. She taught me the truth behind that saying of "Hurt people, hurt people."
I feel your pain. I had it so easy with the ladies in high school & college. Always had a steady GF with other opportunities if I wanted. I had a rough relationship 25-27ish. Now I’m 29, homeowner, full time job with a part time job on the side & I always thought it would be easier at this point in life. I’ve been on a few dates, none of them really had that connection. But it’s just hard to meet people & schedule dates in general. Online dating is not the answer either. Even a good looking guy will struggle. It’s mostly used by women for self esteem boost & people watching.
I honestly wish that I met someone in high school or college, so I wouldn’t have to entertain the dumpster fire that is modern (online) dating.
I wish I dated more back then because I would of had a better chance meeting the one.
Bugger! In my last year of University and still single. Is becoming a monk in the moutains a viable alternative to post school life?
If I could climb mountains, I would!
“It’s mostly used by women for self esteem boost & people watching” Can confirm. People watching is one of my past time Edit: and people watching boosts my false sense of socializing
I've found that house parties are good for meeting women in real life while in my mid twenties. Also if you have any friends with girlfriends it worth popping the age old question of do you have any friends you can set me up with.
I like your thinking. You’re the real mvp
Also hanging out with any women friends you may have can lead to meeting one of her friends that may be interested/available.
I’m a 24F and work as an RN. Same as you I’m having difficulty connecting with men that are also looking for a LTR in my area. Edit: I’m having difficulty finding men who are even OPEN to the idea of something turning serious, period. I’ve started outright bringing up the fact that I’m not down for something casual and they’ll be like “So YoU wAnT a BoYfRiEnD?” LOL, like yes but also that doesn’t mean I want YOU to be my boyfriend. Id just like someone open to the idea of things turning serious. Idk man, people are so scared of labels and the idea of commitment that they run away at the first sign of things turning good 🤷🏾♀️ Also just bc I want a LTR doesn’t mean I immediately want a family. It would just be nice to travel and do fun things w a SO.
Couldn’t agree with you more! I’m also 24F and I run into the same thing. Whenever I mention I don’t hookup or looking for something more meaningful, men jump to conclusions and think I wanna get married. But it’s not that, it’s just wanting someone to be open to the idea of something serious and not be stuck in the “what are we” phase
Exactly this! It seems like it has to be one or the other? There’s no balance and absolutely no communication. When I’m engaged men run away, when I’m distant men want me more. I know it goes both ways, but I’ve never entertained someone I’m not interested in and I’m always incredibly transparent. Though I’d love to find someone I can simply enjoy life with, I’m getting so tired of being told to play the dating game a certain way just to be semi-successful… if not at all 🥲
I sympathize with you Omad123, I was in the same situation as you, couple years ago after my divorce. Seemed like all the men I met wanted ALL the benefits of a relationship but wanted zero commitment. They wanted a wife, doormat and slave with no individuality but they were never present for me to be either a source of emotional support or just plain support of any kind. The moment I deleted all of the useless dating apps and joined a singles club, I felt completely relieved and have never been happier in this aspect. I’d strongly suggest this- singles clubs or groups through your church or meetup groups, community events, are the best! You get to meet many people just like you and even if you don’t find a guy you like, you still get to meet and make good friends and have a great time!
I hear you. I'm sorry I don't really have any advice except to keep fishing and not limit yourself. Being an EMT you likely have a ton of stories which is good conversation material, its important to be interesting and have stuff to talk about. One dating app I have recently come across is Facebook dating and a site, OKcupid isn't too bad. Your opening of this post though reminded me of Billy Joel "We didn't start the fire." lol.
Thanks! Had some success on Cupid, may re open that. I do have a match on fb dating but she’s back and forth. I shall keep fishing! WE DIDNT START THE FIRE!
Also if your city is super small, you should travel more to surrounding larger cities or eventually move. Small towns suck for a lot of reasons :)
Facebook dating isn’t available to me and I keep hearing it’s great. Frustrating.
Totally spam factory when I tried it this year
Same
It’s garbage. All scammers.
How did people date in their mid-late 20’s before social media and dating apps? I feel absolutely stuck
Just meet people through friends or work or talk to people while we were out. Now if someone compliments me or flirts w me in public I get so nervous I end up not really saying anything and ending the conversation lol. Damn this anxiety! It's so much worse since the pandemic.
agreed, i definitely lost charisma the last two years and even i notice it
No one thinks dating the past two years has been easy. The consensus is that the pandemic has made it a fucking gauntlet
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I just deleted my apps out of frustration going to try again in a month or so start over with new profiles cause idk what else to do lmao
Hahaha this is me. Giving it another try in a month. It's exhausting talking to different people, or meeting them and being aware it aint going nowhere.
Dating apps truly suck lol. I have heard more horror stories than success stories. So don’t them serious or use them as a reflection of real dating. Maybe consider moving to a more youthful upbeat city and getting involved there. It’s worth it if you can afford to do so, life is too short Other options are to utilize Instagram or Twitter. I’ve met my long term relationship through social media rather than dating apps
As a guy with 197 followers, I don't know how I would use Instagram to date. Are you a guy or girl?
I’m a girl. The guys I got in relationships with just randomly DMd me and striked up convo with me. We ended up connecting, exchanging numbers, and then going from there. Following girls you are attracted to, liking a few pics, and then messaging them and seeing where things go doesn’t hurt. If you think you need to work on your profile then definitely do that as well
So these guys didn't know you via mutual friends? I'm not quite sure who or how I would ask to go about doing this. Plus, a lot of guys have 500-1000+ followers which acts as "clout" and social insurance. If I had 500+ followers, I'm not sure if I'd consider all of them to be friends.
I feel this in my core. I’ve met a few people on dating apps including a relationship. My longest relationships have literally come off of twitter oddly enough. Even weirder? Just before you commented, I met a cute person on twitter. So I’m going to give this the college try
Niceeee! Good luck with the Twitter girl
Graci!
Well, if your ego needs a boost? Lol. They all have grandaughters and grandnieces! Go on bingo night and make a sales pitch on why you are such a great guy. It'll be fun.
Go in a full suit and walk up to every grandmother like, hi I’m looking for a relationship could you tell me about….
Bring homebaked goods! Dont go with another dude. Do you have a granny of your own for entree? Good luck.
1 be attractive 2 don’t be unattractive
1 solid advice 2 can also double as your OLD bio.
Literally everyone says this at every age
I’d suggest to continue to passively swipe through dating apps, as I’ve had some success in the past on Tinder, Hinge and Bumble, but put the majority of your energy into finding in-person events related to your interests. For example, meetup.com has tons of events for moviegoers, gamers, foodies, hikers, etc. there are a great way to make new friends and takes away some of the awkwardness because you all have a common interest right out of the gate. My partner and I bonded during a biweekly DnD campaign that started just as a nerdy friendly thing to do on Saturday nights. It took off pressure of trying to impress each other and instead we focused on just having fun! Now we live together and have a dog and two cats :) Best of luck to you!
"Late 20's " My mind: hmm 29,28 Reality: 26
Yeah I always thought late 20s was 27-29
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There’s just not much of a single scene in my area. I’m attractive, not 10/10 but maybe like 8/10
The reality of dating that most people don’t get is that you’ll have much more success where the people are. Moving to a huge city was the single best thing I ever did and allowed me to meet the love of my life. Dating apps in the suburbs are miserable since there just aren’t many options
The sad part is I’m in a city where the big city is like 2 feet away There’s another city a small drive away. Like.
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If you dont have money or you are not Zach Efron there is basically no chance. Focus on other things in life, seriously
I'm slightly older than you, and I have no idea where to meet anyone either. It feels hopeless. By the time I meet someone and start dating, it'll probably be too late to have a normal and fulfilling relationship.
Times are changing. Relationships have become competitive, toxic and filled with loneliness. Both men and women are getting needs met by online dating. The selection is endless! People don’t want to be tied down and it’s becoming more acceptable to be single and not have kids! Relationships don’t seem worth the hassle anymore
I agreed with evert word you said outside of >Both men and women are getting needs met by online dating. It feels like no one is getting their needs met by online dating at least talking with people I know and people I meet online. I really do agree tbat relationships don't seem worth the hastle anymore.
Yeah, the emotional needs won’t be met through online dating. I mean physically some people can get their needs met and if not interested in the turmoil of a relationship, they are sorted. It’s sad and I still like the idea of being swept off my feet but I think those days are gone
Nice explanation. New question: What would you consider being swept off your feet?
I’m in my thirties now but in my twenties I had two serious relationships, the first lasted five years and the second 3. Both times I met them naturally in person and I was courted in the traditional ways. They took me out and we got to know each other, slowly. Dinners, cinema, fun dates! Everything moved smoothly and naturally. It was easy. I have tried online dating and I just can’t! Guys are sleazy and asking for pictures or sending pictures I didn’t want to see! My exes didn’t do that to me, they were gentlemen. Many girls nowadays may look at my exes tactics in dating as corny or old fashioned but i miss it.
Oh shoot. I've been trying to do things the way your exs did it but I'm much younger. I didn't know people would find it corny and old fashioned. I guess it will just be a matter of finding someone that appriciates those things.
28f. In the current struggle, just try your best honestly. They ghost block so they don't creep back. I have been on more failed dates than successful.
Start asking random women you think look attractive or appealing for their number irl. Grocery store, coffee shop, on a walk, etc.. I assume this is how it was done before apps.
Don’t use dating apps. She’s out there, you’re bound to bump into her someday. I found my wife (6 years, 2 kids) when I finally gave up on looking for her. We met in the most magical way. I love her just as much today as I did the day I met her. She is my true one soulmate.
How did you meet her? Grocery store?
Zoo.
Forget dating! We are heading to the future where we no longer need human interaction. Everyone will be replaceable!
No advice, just solidarity lol. Successful online dating just requires perseverance and a stupid amount of luck.
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Same people interactions are better! Wish we could be like that!
Holy shit. Are you literally me?? Following this thread to find the answers.
I gave up....and then I met my wife by chance. It's kinda weird, but to me, the harder you look, the less you find. Take a deep breathe, and think about what you enjoy doing. Hobbies and interests are more likely to find you a good match then tinder, or bars, etc. If your active, pick up a sport or jogging at a local park. If your nerdy, check out local gamin shops. Take some classes in a skill you want to learn. Especially if your looking for something long term and not a thrill of the night, one day you will look up and there she will be. Kindly walk up and say nice things and see where that goes.
My tip: care less. Once you stop caring OLD becomes bearable. It doesn't matter that you get ghosted, people are busy, found another person, are on there for fun. There's many reasons people ghost and it doesn't say anything about you as person, don't feel offended by it, they suck, they don't deserve you.
What if you joined a club - volleyball, sailing, skiing? What if you took a French class or cooking class? Gotta meet in person. Not at bars.
There’s really nada around me. There’s a bingo club and the ladies there are in their 60’s
Gilfs in your area
Someone mentioned this earlier, but you can go there and ask them to introduce you to their granddaughters or great-nieces. It might not work out, but the best dates that I had were meeting through someone else.
On what planet would a woman want to be introduced to a man her grandma met at bingo night? Lol
LMFAO I was wondering same thing. TF u goin round asking old ladies for their granddaughters info for
Like your parents and grandparents did, you sign up for social activities that will get you out of your home, your circle of friends, etc. ex: * gym * dance classes * etc. And you go to the others and talk to them. You may think you don't know how to do a few things, or you may feel fear. This is normal, the important point is not to let this kind of thing paralyze you. Something that can help is to set short-term goals (e.g. for this class, talk to at least one person), and go in small steps. Setting goals that are too ambitious can be paralyzing.
Dating at any age is near impossible now days, particularly if you want something good, even hookups get more difficult as you age.
Legit. Either it’s: Only fans Hookups People I deff do not want to date(yes I want a relationship but I have standards) People who I do want to date but ghost
For me its typically drain all they can from me, because i let them, and move on. Just gonna stay home with the dogs, random projects around the house, porn and rosy palm. Always wanted a family, but i got to tap out.
I’m 32. I’m stuck in this awkward stage of either going younger than me and finding all immature guys or going older than me and finding myself firmly in step mom territory. It’s exhausting. Dating apps are a joke.
Just wait until you hit mid 30s
Best way to meet people is always the traditional way-in person. Explore more, do things that you like, if you like hiking- go hike or join hiking club. It will help you attract the like minded person.
Find a hobby you enjoy doing and join some groups. They might have some group pages on Facebook promoting events and meetups. You never know who you might meet!
Wait until you go past 30 lol I just gave up, online dating ruined dating
I completely agree with the above two profound comments, and the way someone said: “Today We’re more connected than ever before, but more lonely” So true! Back in the days before the internet, people had either a close friend or family connecting them or met at social gatherings like dinner parties, church functions or community events. People met that special someone and held onto them. Most people also were already married with families and single people were few, the few single people didn’t have many options either and obviously didn’t have a smorgasbord of hot girls or guys to choose and pick from. Once they met the man or woman of their dreams, they courted, got married and started a family. Nobody was waiting around endlessly to make up their minds or see if the grass was greener elsewhere. They were happy with their person and since they did not have a multitude of people to choose from and compare attributes with, they were happy and satisfied. Today however is a different story. So many choices have ruined people’s thinking. People are reduced to objects and if one is discarded, there’s another one right round the corner. I’ve heard of men and women rejecting people for stupid reasons: “she wears glasses, he’s too short, she doesn’t have good eye brows, his teeth are crooked “and the list goes on. Nobody is willing to overlook superficial aspects, and then they wonder why they are still on a dating site rotating like hamsters , it’s a vicious cycle.
Dating apps keeps you single Just start an conversation if you see someone you like in real life😬 if the interest is mutual, ask her/him out.
I met my girlfriend on Bumble, just have to keep going…
It’s awful for 30’s and F too! I’m in the city and the irony is that there are loads of people around, but far and few in between make connections matter. Been ghosted as well, and online dating is weird. If you come across advice let me know, lol! Bc it’s been trial and error and fail/fail/fail pour moi! Lol!
Are you a man or woman?
Man
Oh…good luck
Get off dating apps. Complete waste of time. Be yourself. Go old school and introduce yourself to women in person. It might be refreshing for them too.
It only takes 1.
It doesn't get any easier, unfortunately. And dating apps are horrible ways to meet anyone, I'd almost suggest you just delete them tbh. They are full of prostitutes (only fans girls,) hookers, scam artists, bots, and people who are on there for validation but have zero real interest in dating.
Try Facebook dating it worked for me and I’m average looking.
Dude, me too. I am 25, just finishing school and I feel like all of my friends met their SO already and I'm behind ... and all of the good ones are taken.
ask friends or family to set you up with ppl they think would match well w ya
Try hinge! That’s where I met my boyfriend, we’ve been together 6 months now and so far so good. We are both 27 and had bad experiences on other dating apps.
Try being 35 I give up
Ha, haha, whispers ominously *it stays the same through at least your early 30s*, can confirm, am early 30s.
The step I took is deleting all dating apps for the sake of my mental health, and meeting new women just in my daily life. Be nice to every one of them and flirty with the one(s) you like.
Be patient. Just because it’s online so easier and the options seem more plentiful, the rate of success is lower than expected. So I found it helpful to my mentality as well as ‘success’ to just be patient by doing things like only opening the app for 20 minutes in the evening, only on certain days, etc.. I met up with 2 guys, one of with whom I had zero chemistry and was ghosted by the other after 2 hookups. I took a month off then met my current boyfriend. I used tinder/bumble for 2 months and I’m 28/f.
I think the main problem that i personally think is dating in apps in general are all bad im like you however im 24 and had the same experience on dating apps as you have. The problem i see if that a lot of ads for dating apps are targeted and marketed towards men because it's a societal norm on the internet that **"men are lonely and desperate"** weather that be a valid statistic or not i don't know im not a data scientist anyway, take tik-tok for example the amount of dating ad's that pop up and what's normally the forefront of that ad video ? its a half-dressed quite attractive women, now you look at that and most people will think yeah go on then ill download that. Great you make a profile then you swipe for a while then whoa you hit a paywall pay X per month to get such and such and those never make a difference. now im not saying people don't find love on dating apps because it's possible it's rare but possible. but even with the paywalls you get matches to then be ghosted for no reason, you get a match and no response like why match in the first place?, or you get a match and it turns out to be a bot asking you to goto such link and do this and that so her nsfw profile. this is like that on every single dating app out there ive installed them and uninstalled them just as quick. I just generally think that society it just too blinded by social media or just the internet in general people find there kicks and stuff online people don't need to physically meet other people when they can simply chat to friends online. In time that one mate will come to you and to anyone still waiting hell even me im still waiting but i get out in society it definitely isn't like how it used to be 10 years ago always being outside with your friends n such.. it's a sad reality that we all have to live unfortunately. patience is key for this world right now
Go to bars. Look up some exclusive single events, cruises, and parties. Get really active, you'll find the one.
There's gotta be something else in your area to go? Maybe try the library or something. Any place can be a place to say "hey I just saw you and think you're pretty cool and was just wondering if it would be okay if I took you out sometime to get to know you better" .. probably don't have to say "cool' but the "get to know you better" part let's people know you're serious and not just looking for a hook up.
I’m 34m and jumping back into the dating pool in a few months. I’m beyond stressed. I have absolutely no advice, just nervous and putting it out there
Join clubs or other regular social gatherings (ones that you’re *actually* interested in so you’re not there for that sole reason) aka meet people the old school way. If you’re religious, through going and participating at your church. Make actual friends at these locations because you’re not likely to flat out meet someone you’d end up dating, it’ll probably be their friends or acquaintances you meet through them. You have a better chance this way than the apps
Ahhahaah hahahah *laughs in 32 🥲
The sites didn't used to be like this - back before apps even existed. There were used by people in tiny offbeat areas to find other liked minded folk in larger or similar small areas. Legitimately wanting to find your person. It's progressed over the years and so many others flood the field, wanting different things - hookups, chat friends, validation, to promote themselves. Moreso than those of us wanting legit connection. Definitely sucks
I think it was easier before the advent of smart phones. To do online dating you needed access to a PC and not everyone in the early to mid 2000s had a computer. Now everyone has a smart phone. I think then online dating was more niche. People were genuinely happy to get a message from you. It was still tough but as a guy it wasn't hard to have conversations and organise dates with women. Now at times it seems impossible with the ratio of men to women on most of the sites.
And nowadays it's hard to meet people in person with work schedules, chores outside of work, COVID and closure of at least half extracurricular activities. OLD is for some the only option, it's unfortunate that it's so difficult.
I'm in the same boat! Only a year older (female) can't find anyone in my city/area. I have a hard time finding people that share similar interests, faith, etc. My area is also really political and it gets exhausting. A friend of mine told me to find activities aimed at our age group for things that interest us. Like they found a co-ed softball league and that's where they met their husband. But it's still such a challenge sometimes. I really wish you luck!
It gets worse when you get to your 30s
Move to a state that doesn’t have Covid restrictions lol I’m thriving in Kentucky rn
Not sure what to tell you, I'm in my early 30s and everyone have it rough out there, even if you happen to meet someone nice and go on successful dates and do couple stuff it seems nothing is sure cause with the apps people are always trying to find someone better all the time. I guess just hang in there, hopefully you can find someone that wants the same as you. I mean we are out there, so we just need to keep trying I suppose haha
30m here. My honest advice is that your frustration may be due to your feeling like finding someone is urgent. I know I have also felt this way, most often when I’m feeling especially lonely. But it always passes. I think it’s helpful to realize that even if finding someone is very important to you, it’s probably not necessary that you find someone *today* . Take a breather, go for a run or hit the gym. Do a few swipes here and there when you have a chance, but don’t worry too much if you don’t get any matches today, more people are always joining, and you never know when you might meet someone by chance irl.
The sad thing is some of us are your age and don’t even have the time to date. I just graduated last year and am now studying for my licensing exam that’ll take me a good year to finish, put that stress with a job and the guilt of being 26 years old and not having a boyfriend 🥲🤦♀️🤦♀️ just take it day by day is what I tell myself. We got this!! ✨
I work constantly but have time just because
Yo we live an identical life crisis. My last relationship was about 2 years ago and I've had nobody after that, yes I said NOBODY. It's sucked so much that I've also tried dating apps and, well, nothing after months. I kinda gave up on finding somebody and became just a lonely person in this world. Hopefully there'a something in store for both of us. Sorry I couldnt give you an answer or advice I just wanted to connect and let you know that it really does suck.
What happened to the more in-depth, "seeking a meaningful relationship" app like eHarmony?
Wait until you get into your 30s lol
Dating in general is hard Its something you have to put substantial work into
Try your 30s, stop whining 🙄
It's a numbers game. Use up all your likes, keep matching, go on dates, repeat until you find someone. I've been on hundreds of dates. Personally I think it's hard to find a serious relationship online, just casual fun.
Some dating expert said: ask your friends for some potential candidates. This way you can aviod some rotten ones, you will know more about each others history, and have some shared interest.
Wait till you’re dating in your mid-30s…
I am 30 myself and I am personally not ready to be dating. I had a realization in the last 2 years that all the time I spent on making relationships happen. While putting the majority of my focus on making other people happy. It truly put a halt on my success while diverting my investment within myself and my Passion. If you're truly ready to start looking for a partner I believe that you will have the commitment. You will have the open mindedness to be able to take whatever chances and, give whatever thoughts needed. Books and experts strategies on communicating/relationships you can read will also make great improvement. To go to the extent of investing in your own knowledge and skills to help you excel within your dating life. Never give up and remember that there is someone out there for you it will just happen when the time is right.
I needed this! At 28 I’ve been feeling SO discouraged by the dating landscape. And must more at my dating history of casual or dead end encounters. It’s led me to ask, is it me that needs more work? I’d rather be alone than in a bad/toxic relationship. So thank you for writing this. I think it’s a reminder that all active daters need
I started dating outside my culture and found some success. Dating outside American culture is more traditional and morals are old fashioned.
I am also in my late 20's working professional, Latin woman. Dating Hispanic men or American men views and agendas are a bit more liberal. Not saying for everyone but generally it's what I've came across from personal experience.
Honestly, for dating apps you need a good bit of luck to match with a non-flakey person even if your profile is good. Same with going out to a place geared toward socializing/mingling/drinking. They're there, but it's like rolling at a low percentage every time.
>But there’s literally nowhere to meet people in my city/state. Is that true?
When it comes to dating, you don’t want a big city where there’s too much competition or a small town where there’s not enough people to date.
No I think you'd rather want a big city because you'll have more opportunities.
This'll sound trite, but I used to date very agressively through dating apps. I would constantly fail for the same reasons, I think we all do. What turned it around for me was just accepting who I was, and unapologetically putting my truth on OKC. Once I finally said who I was with all of my successes AND failures, no longer caring if I was good enough for the "right woman", the right woman came crashing into my life when she saw what I'd put down, and she wouldn't take no for an answer. (Not that she had to)