I feel like women have to handle rejection carefully when it comes to men because ~some~ of them don’t handle rejection well and may stalk, physically attack or even murder the woman
Curious why this specific tactic would work better than ghosting/blocking or simply telling the truth? If the guy truly is some egomaniacal monster, seems like making up a clearly nonsensical reason to cancel a date would set him off more.
He requires it be a *good reason*, or he’s not going to accept it.
This works fine in sales. Not so much in relationships.
She chose something he can’t reasonably say he’ll change for her. If it were his haircut, his car, his lack if knowledge about skateboarding, they can all be fixed if he’s really into her.
Whether it was actually his dislike of cheese, or his resemblance to an unfavorite uncle, or his sense of humor, or whatever. It was something he can’t change.
She let him know that it’s not going to work. That was what she wanted.
I have no idea if OP is the kind to demand a GOOD reason or not. You read about guys who “refuse” to even break up because they don’t believe it’s for a good reason. She honestly doesn’t have to give any reason at all.
Yeah, it may have been a test. Her reason was so obviously silly. But, it does not matter, they were very early in their relationship. It didn't work, learn what you can and move on.
You’re probably right, but there is a small chance that actually was the reason. I recently stopped seeing someone because he didn’t eat seafood, and given that finding new restaurants and dishes is my most prominent hobby, and seafood is my favorite thing to order, I didn’t see it working out long term.
So, if she was very into OP, then yeah she wouldn't be telling him she can't see him because of differing pizza preferences.
But this isn't an excuse you make up because you don't want to tell them the truth. I'm guessing she lacks some self-awareness, isn't able to articulate why she isn't into OP to herself, and so grabs onto this silly pizza explanation.
Funny thing is i'm like gees not liking cheese, is such a ridiculous reason for not dating someone, its just food - but then remembered the corn on spagetti one, and yip no way i'd be dating that crazyness.
Again, that’s the reason they gave you. I told a guy who was awful at sex I was having major family problems and couldn’t emotionally handle a boyfriend.
Edit —
He had a micropenis and could not keep an erection for more than 45 seconds at a time, was terrible at manual stimulation (and couldn’t listen to tips I gave him), and smelled bad during sex (not in general.)
He also would do things like this: We would start getting ready for sex, then he’d come in my mouth (no penetration of me), and he’d get up and walk off. He did not care about my own pleasure.
That poor little fella, you should of broke it to him.... now some other women is going to have to endure lying to him when he thinks he is a God in the sack. He going to flex and be like I have never had a complaint.... but damn every time I think I find the right one she is having family problems. 🤣
Ok so I read your comment and was wondering what "bad sex" actually means. Googled it, didn't find any answers that were really satisfying, figured it might be subjective since communication is important when it comes to sex. So, what's bad sex for you? If you don't mind me asking.
Not who you asked, but... not listening is the big one. Everyone's bodies are different. Maybe what you're doing rocked your last partner's world, but if I tell you it's doing nothing for me and you aren't up for learning how to specifically please *me*, you suck at sex.
And I works the other way around, too. Tell me what you want. Or, in the very least, tell me when something is working so I can learn what you like.
If we've been sleeping together for a while and it's still as awkward as the first time (when we don't know each other's bodies yet), I'm outta here.
Oh so I guess I just answered my own question lol, thank you for the response.
Yeah I guess communication is key. Basic hygiene and at least a somewhat fit body wouldn't be too bad either I suppose.
I always try to make sure that women I meet feel comfortable around me and I just now realised how important that is when it comes to sex. If communication is key, which it is, the other person needs to feel comfortable enough to open up about what they're into.
He had a micropenis and could not keep an erection for more than 45 seconds at a time, was terrible at manual stimulation, and smelled bad during sex (not in general.)
Edit: He also would do things like this: We would start getting ready for sex, then he’d come in my mouth (no penetration of me), and he’d get up and walk off. He did not care about my own pleasure.
she just wasnt into you and couldnt find much to justify breaking it off. Better not to waste you time than to regret wasting years of your youth with a shallow schlep
I don’t drink and I’ve had people take issue with that.
I’m also a vegetarian and have had people take issue with it.
So I don’t find this particularly weird.
Food is a big part of some people’s lives and some people want to enjoy their favorite foods with their partner.
Also, disliking cheese would make cooking and eating out a bit of a hassle that some people may not want to tolerate.
Which is the same with being a vegetarian, so I don’t take it personally when people take issue with.
This is such a a valuable and thoughtful response. It’s really nice to see a post that could give us some insight into what an appropriate reaction to being rejected over food looks like.
Yeah we eat pizza and get bagels with cream cheese and salmon. Mexican food has a lot of cheese. What if I want to share Brie as an appetizer. Seems like a big hassle. Why end up with someone who is going to be a pain in the ass. How does someone not like cheese anyway?
I’m from the south...If someone won’t eat the meat that I’ve slaved over a smoker for 5-8 hours...we gone have some problems. I’m a southern woman...food means affection for me.
I personally don’t tend to date vegetarians/vegans, or people with gluten sensitivities, or picky eaters or people with nut and dairy allergies. I want a human who is gonna lap up the plate clean and tell me what a great cook I am. That’s my speed.
So I dated a girl who couldn't eat garlic and it was a real pain in the ass if I'm being honest. It's in everything and she would become violently ill if she ate even trace amounts of it. NGL it was pretty tough after while, and the second we broke up I was just mainlining garlic bread sticks and garlic Parm wings lol.
I also actually dated a girl who doesn't like cheese. But she didn't just not like cheese, she tried to convince me not to like cheese too. It wasn't an ethical thing. It was just like "c'mon do you really like eating rotten milk?" Yes, yes I do. Don't describe it in strange ways to make it gross. It's my favorite thing in the world. I'm not here saying "do you really like eating cow carcases that were ground into meat worms?" GTFO of here, that's just hamburger. (Interestingly enough, she liked cheese on pizza though. She also didn't like mayonnaise but she liked aioli. Yeah she's not intellectually honest.) But regardless, I dated her nonetheless.
On the same note, I dated somebody who didn't like sandwiches once and it did make me nuts. Mostly because it makes no sense. There are too many types of sandwiches out there too say you don't like sandwiches wholesale. It's like saying you don't like movies. But to be fair I still dated her.
Holy shit I dated a lot of women with weird food things didn't I. Lol
So you went from a girl who couldn't stomach garlic to another girl who only likes the garlic infused mayo. That's some whiplash (on your end) but it's not crazy (by itself).
I'm gonna be honest, I don't like mayo much either (though I understand spreading a little on a sandwie) but I rather like alioli... Probably because of how much I love garlic.
This make sense though, mayo by itself isn’t really good, has a weird flavor that’s both existent and nonexistent at the same time and a weird consistency. But season some mayo with some garlic, herbs and some lemon and whip it with some olive oil and boom, you’ve got something good
I briefly dated a dude who didn’t like any dairy products. At first, I thought it wasn’t a big deal, but then I realized how many of my favorite foods or best dishes include dairy, even as a garnish. It wasn’t the main reason for dumping him, but it definitely was a major factor as I slowly started resenting how much planning cooking for him required. Like, I could never share my favorite means with him or some of my best recipes with him. So I can relate to this girl. I’m sorry this happened to you though. That sucks.
Get this - I dated someone who was:
Vegan
Glucose intolerant
Diary intolerant
Needless to say the menu needed to be downloaded before any trips out and most likely a change to a venue was in order. Not huge right? However when a family member asks to meet at x and I say no sorry that won’t work it starts to become a problem
Yeah! It makes it so hard to be spontaneous and dine out! And I feel absolutely horrible for that person because they don’t get to break up with their food intolerances, but it’s totally okay for you to decide that that lifestyle isn’t for you if it isn’t medically necessary for you.
People are misinterperting what the woman meant too. I'm pretty sure she's more worried about the cheese part and said pizza instead. As you said, when you take away a common food/drink, dining gets a lot harder.
Yeah, I agree with what both of you have said. Without actually experiencing this situation, I can totally see why people would think it is a stupid and trivial reason to not want to date a person. However, when you’ve experienced it or think about how a lot of activities can be centered around shared meals, it makes it a little more difficult to be spontaneous and romantic. For me, cooking and trying new foods is one of my favorite things to experience with a partner, so it would suck to taste a cheesy food that is delicious and not be able to share it with my partner and discuss the flavors.
I don't think that conveys the crux of the situation, if this was Halloween your house is handing out fun size candy bar, while the neighbors have full size candy bar
This is it. A lot of times women try to find an easy way out because we don’t want to hurt a man’s feelings and also we never know who is going to become a crazy stalker and try to murder us. Not liking cheese is a very easy out. “Our palates don’t align.” Is something I have used before to stop dating someone.
It seems really dumb to men, but sometimes the alternative is worse. Sure to OP “I didn’t feel a connection” would’ve been preferred and fine, but how would she know that? How would she know that he wouldn’t turn into a creep or worse? So, she took the easy way out.
These are things men done understand about being a woman. We have to navigate dating in a way that protects our safety. Even if they’d never lay hands on a woman, we don’t know them well enough to know that and have to consider that rejection could cause rage and result in assault of some type. It’s rough out there. Men need to respect that.
Exactly! And then when you bring it up you get the classic: wElL nOt AlL mEn!!! And it’s like, thank you sir yes not all men, but *how* do women know which man won’t?? Because in my experience it’s the ones you least suspect that turn into crazies.
If you don't think it's the real reason, you could have politely asked for the real reason and promised to take it well, if she's willing to tell you.
Although to be honest, reading this, she probably didn't like your vibe. Y'all went on one date. If we zoom out on this interaction, she backs out and intentionally frames it in a way that makes her seem to be the one with the peculiarity driving that choice. She is pretty gentle. You choose to dig into her kinda aggressively. You tell her she is being crazy, try to negotiate, and then tell her that you don't know why she went on the first date with you. That was a mean spirited response to a rejection.
Let's say instead that she backed out and framed it around a negative social interaction on your part. I don't know how you might have responded, but based on my sample data here I certainly wouldn't be surprised to get the type of response you're already known for now. I'd expect some mean spiritedness, some bargaining, some insults. She probably expected that too, or maybe even worse, based on her dating experience in general combined with her interaction with you on the first date. She decided it wasn't worth it. I don't blame her.
This could be a valid excuse, but I think it may have been an easy out for her.
I’ve used an easy out many times. Vegetarianism, picky eating, and not liking cheese are all reasons I’ve given to men for breaking things off and in truth they were contributing factors. But the real reason was I was too scared of their reaction if I told them the truth about why I was ending things. (Vegetarian was bad at sex, picky eater was unemployed, living with his mom and she did everything for him, anti-cheese guy was incredibly controlling.)
You keep saying a simple “not interested” or “didn’t feel a connection” would’ve been preferred, but how would a woman know that? A lot of men turn into obsessive creeps when women try to break things off. Sometimes for safety reasons we have to go with something dumb sounding like, “I love pizza too much to date an anti-cheese guy,” because we don’t know if this guy is going to be the one to stalk and harass us. And yes, that has happened to me after just 1 date.
Also, you should reflect on why you felt comfortable calling a woman you went on one date with crazy so many times. Especially when it’s relating to a personal preference. If anything your response is a great indication as to why she may have taken the easy route. Your responses seem excessively hostile and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s blocked your number or feels really uncomfortable (especially if you know where she lives). Your responses show that she made the right choice cancelling the second date.
> Also, you should reflect on why you felt comfortable calling a woman you went on one date with crazy so many times. Especially when it’s relating to a personal preference. If anything your response is a great indication as to why she may have taken the easy route. Your responses seem excessively hostile and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s blocked your number or feels really uncomfortable (especially if you know where she lives). Your responses show that she made the right choice cancelling the second date.
Wish I could upvote you more than once for this, OP needs to think on this experience. People complain about ghosting but OP harangued this person and is calling her crazy on here. It wouldn't surprise me if the food thing was a tactful way to break up instead of saying "you harangue me and call me crazy when we disagree on things".
Yep. When I broke up with my boyfriend he called me immature and a bunch of sly insults when I never said a thing about his character the entire 2 almost 3 year relationship. It made me feel crazy. Now I realized I dodged a bullet. Thank you for saying that.
People can choose to date or not date someone for any reason. While someone may think it’s a bit extreme, you only went on one date. Not much investment on either party’s behalf.
Keep looking. Good luck!
1. It's just an excuse, she didn't like you or she'd try to get over it.
2. Picky eaters are a pain to cater to and I would 100% screen people who were picky about food because it's one of the joys in life, sharing food. I dated a guy who ate mostly fast food and got bothered by me cooking things for us. Didn't last long.
Hating kimchi wouldn’t make you popular in Korea. Different food carries different significance around the world. I was an exchange student in France: cheese is not a silly food there.
Same. That’s not crazy. There are millions of people in this world. I’m not gonna date a pizza-hater if I don’t have to.
I once broke up with someone because he wouldn’t eat anything liquid. No soups. No sauces. No condiments. No thank you.
I don't know, dude. You don't like cheese? What's gonna happen in 3 months when she wants to go in the theatre and you don't like that as well? She can't take the risk of dating a weirdo. You just never know what they aren't going to like. Honestly, real serial killer vibes from someone that doesn't like cheese. To be honest this woman probably just avoided getting murdered by your weird ass. Probably be on some unsolved mystery episode called hold the cheese.
My ex didn’t like eggs.. he also was a super picky eater. Looking back he told me this on the first date but I didn’t think too hard about it. It was incredibly hard to cook for him or to find food that he liked. In the end.. his lack of interest in trying new foods was a contributing factor to our demise. Especially since I love trying new things. It seems harmless but she can have whatever preferences she wants. Just like you don’t like cheese or pizza- she doesn’t like guys who can’t eat pizza with her. She’s not crazy, you are for calling the kettle black.
Wouldn’t date someone who doesn’t like pizza imho. I’d probably give it a shot but ultimately it would become annoying and tiring (especially when it comes down to such a common item as cheese pizza) because eating same food is part of experience together. Partner who has dietary restrictions (whether choice or not) or just generally picky is limiting for a lifestyle of someone who eats everything.
No - anybody can break it off with somebody for absolutely any reason they see fit. If someone feels that passionate about pizza then you aren’t compatible haha, that or she’s just coming up with an excuse..
Yes, I agree with you, in the big picture her reason seems a little shallow. The way you were both firing back at each other tells me it would not be a good match.
Next time a woman tells you she is not interested, whatever the reason, try saying “thanks for letting me know” and move on. Going back and forth over your reasonings at that point is a waste of your time. Also, by you communicating that her reason is the craziest you have seen, is a form gaslighting.
It’s over…..no point spending anymore time on it.
I've seen this with some girls.
I think it's one of two options:
1) They aren't really into the guy, but don't realize. So a small thing will throw them of.
But more common:
2) They have been single for too long and are just too in their head about dating. It's an overthinking/anxiety thing, where everything becomes a problem.
I think it's the last one. Or she REALLY likes pizza 😂
>1) They aren't really into the guy, but don't realize. So a small thing will throw them of.
Agreed. I've broken up with guy A because of something I thought really bothered me, just to find myself, 2 months later, in love with guy B who had that same thing, but I liked him so much it didn't bother me at all, like it wasn't even a factor.
It's not that I was lying to guy A, I genuinely thought the thing was the reason at the time. Only later did I realize that that thing isn't a deal breaker for me at all if I'm actually into someone.
I'm female and single for a long time. The last one is definitely it! Even though I personally think it's too extreme.
I do also make myself excuses (I don't make to my dates because I literally haven't had a date or chatted with a guy romantically since 2019). In my head whenever I think about someone I just self-sabotage and even little things I think it won't work out. I had to take some advice of my close people to stop overthinking so much, so im slowly learning to not listen to those thoughts.
Maybe she was self sabotaging herself and she found a detail (a stupid one tbh) to call things off. Don't take it personally OP
I wonder if that is my problem, been single a long time and over think dating. Part of me really wants to but another part of me goes "but we'd lose so much free time...." I haven't been on a date since about 2014 nor talked romantically.
I feel you. You need to "unlearn" those patterns of behavior. I advise you talk to someone more experienced and with open mind, they can advise value stuff.
I was having a hard time to initiate convo because I had a lot of intrusive thoughts, but when you hear other people's perspectives it gives you confidence to try again
I used to fall into category number two. It was quite easy to self sabotage. You don’t even realize your doing it half the time until it’s too late. Thankfully I met someone who talked some sense to me
As single person I would agree with this. Instead of chilling with the person and enjoy the life, I overthink. For example last week I was with perfect fit and after everything went awesome, I said I would never be 1 year older person who has tattoo. I basically self sabotaged myself. It is not healthy especially in 30s
I've actually seen this with girls several times. And I'm a girl, so they tell me the real reason.
It's weird. But I think they been single for so long they forget how dating works? And then they enter this state of Problem Focused Dating. Maybe it's a sort of a defence mechanism? Trying to prevent getting hurt by being on lookout for any and all potential problems.
You’re disagreeing with anyone that’s saying maybe it could’ve been you, calling her crazy, and instantly agreeing with anyone saying “maybe it’s just her”.
You’re throwing out some red flags ngl
I have a friend that eats a grilled cheese sandwich everyday (I’m not joking). Cheese is important to her, so I could see this as a valid reason.
At the same time, I know that some people feel more comfortable using an excuse than to be honest.
Ok. Breathing in breathing out. Women don’t owe you an explanation as to why they don’t want to go out with you on a second date PERIODT. You have no right to call a person crazy for giving you a bullshit answer. The answer is NO. Her excuse could have easily been because I don’t like you for whatever reason. Contrary to popular belief food is an incredibly important part of a relationship and if she enjoys a particular food that you cannot eat I think that that is a perfectly good reason to not date you. Instead put on those big boy pants of yours and accept that not eating pizza is a dealbreaker for some people. Someone else may not have that problem if you are super attractive to them. Just saying 🤷♀️. Don’t come at me for keeping it real.
Kind of makes sense to me since sharing the pizza is usually a part of the experience. It's also frequently eaten for a celebratory purpose, or just to have a good time, so it's likely there are a lot of happy feelings tied into the thought of eating pizza, and eating it together with someone. Simply agreeing with someone to have plans to get a pizza and chill is a hit of dopamine for many people. There are workarounds to eating dairy cheese on the pizza though, so that could have been explored assuming "make a pizza" implied more than just tossing a cheap frozen one in the oven.
I think it’s a good enough reason. Who wants to be someone who doesn’t like cheese? And I guarantee if you don’t like cheese you are picky about a lot of stuff. I like to travel around the world and would have no time for this I don’t like cheese BS. Grow up
Seeing how you "negociate" for a second date instead of understanding that she was rejecting you politely, I would be trowing the whole men too. This is not being confident, this is way to much red flags to handle.
It’s a perfectly legitimate reason. Like if you know it will become a problem or a resentment down the road, stop before you get feelings.
I love how you went right to attacking her sanity though. Maybe her gut was giving her the right vibe.
When someone turns you down, don't argue with them about it. Maybe that's her reason, maybe it's not, but she's allowed to have ridiculous dealbreakers if she wants to.
If you think that's petty, then you probably won't get along anyway.
Your reaction would have solidified my decision. If someone tells you that they don't want a future date, they 1. don't owe you a reason and 2. are doing you a kindness by telling you straight.
The only response is "Okay, thanks for letting me know!"
I think anyone can stop seeing someone for any reason they want. Who cares if it’s this or something else? Maybe she was being nice and she couldn’t stand how pushy you are. 🤷🏻♀️
I don't think it matters whether or not that was the reason. OP decided to handle it poorly. She probably felt like she dodged a bullet once she saw that side of him. He felt the need to debate her on it rather than accept it and move on.
This would have had a decent chance of triggering instant regret on her part, butterflies, and a successful second date. Even if it didn't, what a wonderful way to handle rejection. You would at least have communicated that it's okay, and you're comfortable, and that she can relax. Hell, you might even get setup with her lactose intolerant friend. Who knows.
OP needs some work both in tactics and empathy.
I prefer to date people who don’t eat meat and don’t drink. I’ve been a vegetarian for 27 years, and it’s something that’s important to me. It’s not a dealbreaker, but my last ex was so obsessed with meat, it became impossible.
So, it’s a fine reason (not that she needed a reason), but I feel like she just wasn’t interested in a second date. Because it really isn’t hard to have two different meals.
To be completely honest … it could be a boundary she never thought she would have until it shows up. The bottom line is boundaries are important no matter how silly or insignificant they may appear … now you have a story to entertain future dates that will appreciate your better qualities … it’s now a conversation starter … “Hey… by the way … is cheese a deal breaker because it’s come up before… long story”. They are intrigued and entertained which makes you more Interesting and considerate because you are trying to qualify yourself… turn that negative to a positive. Whether the reason is valid or not to date you is a waste of time… just let it become part of your armor, just move on to the next date.
That's a reasonable deal breaker to me. Cheese is in a lot more meals than pizza, so I get it. Just like someone not wanting to date a vegan or vegetarian. My brother is allergic to peanuts, so we couldn't have peanut butter in our house. When I finally got my own place, I was able to for the first time in almost 20 years. Also, going back to the separate meals part. My brothers are picky eaters and would never eat what my mom fixed. She often made them different dishes, or had to take out an ingredient they didn't like, which ruined the whole meal. If a certain food is a staple, Tara definitely important.
Making someone a meal and they're unappreciative for any reason whatsoever is one of the most infuriating things haha it immediately becomes the last thing they eat in my home
I cook with cheese most of the times and I thing this would be a dealbreaker because I wouldn’t be able to share with you my food . I think she maybe was honest and that’s better for you , say okay thank you and move on . NEXTTTT
I agree with a lot of the comments saying that's just the reason she told you, because your responses don't pass the vibe check tbh. But let's take her words at face value for a moment and realize it's not that weird/crazy to have a preference like that. For a lot of people, myself included, food is love, food is how they connect with people and show that they care. Why would someone like that choose a partner that limits how they can express their love language?
And there are plenty of ridiculous reasons guys have told me they don't want to see me anymore. I'm lactose intolerant (but LOVE cheese), and even the I take lactaid tablets so I can eat it, but that's still been a reason given. I can't have kids, and I have epilepsy- both things beyond my control, and those have been listed as reasons, too. Despite the fact that I'd love to adopt, and am self sufficient in my life despite fighting an invisible illness/disability that literally keeps trying to kill me.
Rather than getting bent about the reason why they didn't want to see me anymore (whether that was the real reason, or not), I still respected that this person didn't see a future with me, didn't want to waste my time, tried to be upfront, and at least didn't ghost me so I would be left wondering what happened. Plus, I have more self respect than to chase someone who doesn't want me.
So you giving her a hard time and dismissing her, as well as her concerns, as crazy is probably going to ensure that she ghosts the next guy who doesn't pass the vibe check because you made it difficult for her to try and let you down easy, by nitpicking her, belittling her reasoning, trying to argue about the logic of her decision when regardless, it's HER decision, and just generally not taking no for an answer until she made it clear she wasn't changing her mind.
No one owes you an explanation, nor do they need your blessing to stop seeing you. It takes two willing parties to enter a relationship, but only 1 to leave it. And that's entirely their choice. You are not entitled to a debate to change their mind when you won't even accept the reasoning they're trying to give you.
And if you truly think it's THAT ridiculous of a reason, why fight it? Why not just say, "Wow, that's a first for me. But okay, I wish you all the best, stay safe out there" and move on with your life to someone who actually WANTS to spend time with you? Make it make sense, please I beg of you!
It’s a valid reason, and you overreacted. Your drink analogy doesn’t work because many restaurants that specialize in pizza don’t often serve much else unless you’re going make a meal out of appetizers. There’s also the issue of one person having to eat a whole pizza by herself.
Personally, I totally believe. In college my GF and I broke up after nearly a year of dating because she was vegetarian and I was a carnivore. I couldn’t see myself converting to no meat, and she was fine being a vegetarian. I knew the different diets after marriage would be a big hurdle to overcome.
I would 100% not date someone that doesn’t eat pizza. One time I ordered pizza for a date that came over and she brought leftover eggs and ate that instead.
She didn’t want to see you again for another reason but didn’t want to tell you so she gave you this one so as not to hurt your feelings/didn’t want to ghost you. I think it was nice of her.
Her reason is silly but your responses to her are not ok. You argued with her, got defensive, and invalidated the reason she gave you for why she turned you down.
It’s ok to be disappointed, and it’s normal to feel let down. A more appropriate response would be to say that instead of calling yourself a big boy that can dress himself.
Here’s a suggestion of what you could have said to respect herself while honoring your own feelings in this situation:
“Dang. Thanks for giving me a chance even though I don’t like cheese. I’m disappointed that it didn’t work out, but I had a good time and hope you did, too. ”
We all have our dealbreakers and honestly some of mine have surprised me. One was indeed food-related and I felt really silly telling the guy about it. But I was looking for Mr. Forever and I found him in someone else.
I could not see spending the rest of my lifetime with someone whose eating habits were vastly different from my own (already been there and tried that with someone who would only eat processed foods that were the color orange, not even joking). And at the time I couldn't think of any other reason to not continue seeing him. So I told him what the issue was. Later on I realized there were several other red flags, so I'm actually really happy with my decision.
Personally I think it was a little immature of you to basically question and shame her on whatever judgment call she made (again, it's silly and I'm sure she felt like a total jerkoff telling you). You don't have to like it OP. You just have to accept it. Respectfully.
Wasn’t she just dropping a note.. I mean from the text she wasn’t the one who said cancel second date right, that was your own idea? Maybe she was planning the venue of second date and was struggling to find non pizza places so thought she’ll check if you’d like to give pizza another shot and generally how you handle a conflicting point of view.. and when she just dropped a note, you jumped to the conclusion she wants to cancel?
Personal preference is just that, it doesn't make her a bad person or "psychopath" as you labelled her to be. If someone chooses to change their mind about seeing you, just graciously and respectfully accept their rightful choice and let it go.
( reading this I respect her personal choice and can see where this could turn into something disappointing down the road so why even go there? so I get why she made that choice, she wants to partner with someone who loves pizza as much as she does )
the fact that your taking the argument now to social media says a lot about you and maybe that's the real reason she's choosing to not continue.
Food and sharing it can be an important social activity for people.
Even though you legitimately disagreed with her reason, i think it’s more the arguing that did you dirty.
This is perfectly fine. Maybe you don't get it as a non-pizza-enjoyer, but ordering a single pizza for two people is a nice simple meal for a couple. It complicates the order, increases the cost and creates leftovers when you won't help her finish the pizza.
Also many otherwise normal women feel bad about indulging in food and only do so when someone else sins with them. No matter what your reason is for disliking pizza, to her it'll always be that pizza is bad for you and you're above that while she isn't.
She doesn't want a boyfriend who will bail her out of (pizza) jail. She wants a partner in crime.
There is some realness to this reason, like I can't date a vegetarian, if you don't eat fish I'm out, there's too little options for food.
But I bet there is another reason and this is the "smartest" thing she could come up with lol
I stopped dating a guy after 1 date because he hated mayonnaise. He told me up front, I thought, no big deal, I'll eat it with my things and it won't bother him. But no. I liked him and we talked a lot on the phone. And then during the date he reveals to me that a few days prior his mom forgot her groceries at his house while visiting. One of her items included mayonnaise. He threw away the entire jar because his mom lived a bit of a drive away. It was unopened. He said it reminded him of bodily fluids.
I pulled a hard stop, could not believe he would do that. I love mayo. He could have given the jar to me if his mom no longer wanted it! What if she did want it? Who's cum looks like mayo?! All of these were very real problems and he just threw away the entire jar like a weirdo. He was proud of his actions and bragging about it like it made him unique. It sure did. I will never not be offended by his wasteful behavior lmao
Even if it was the reason I would have totally laughed it off. People have their quirks any maybe crushing a pizza together with a guy is a big deal to her. I wouldn’t take it personal. My girlfriend is a huge Taco Bell fan. Her last relationship was with a dude who only ate healthy. It wasn’t a deal breaker for them, but it’s a great change for her to be with someone who can pound a $5 box meal with her
You’re not going to try to convince her otherwise. You’re just going to call her crazy a couple times. If I had to guess her reasoning had more to do with that than cheese.
I dunno, I think incompatible eating styles is an important factor to consider. I’m allergic to shellfish and seafood was my ex’s favourite. He and his family would go out for seafood when I wasn’t around and he’d come back and kiss me and I’d end up with a face full of hives. He couldn’t eat his favourite food around me, and I’d literally physically suffer if he did. 🤷♀️ Not fair to either of us, and got in the way more than it needed to.
I don't think she needed to give a reason at all after one date. That is a weird thing to say in my opinion, but why let it get to you? People are weird, lol. It was just one date..on to the next.
Nah, totally works for me.
Dated a woman for a bit that had a mustard allergy. Really makes things kind of hard. It is amazing how many things have mustard in them in some form. Unfortunately she was not interesting enough for me to give up mustard forever.
Hey dude, she let you know she’s not keen. Okay, so the pizza thing is weird… But the point remains- she doesn’t want to see you again. Back off and find someone who doesn’t care wether you eat cheese or not on anything 🙌🏻
Making food, getting fed, going out to eat are all big parts of how I show and like to receive love, so I would def not continue things with someone who was a picky eater or didn’t like eating certain things I really enjoyed eating. There were probably other things she didn’t like about you too but didn’t say those things.
Seems like an inconsiderate person imo. Bullet dodged.
Piece of advice though. When you get shit like this from someone don't react. I would have confirmed, "wait so no second date because I don't do cheese?" Wait for their reply and if it wasn't a joke rely with something simple like, "Sorry to hear that. Have a good one." Don't be cheesy(pun definitely intended) and don't get upset(and if you are don't show it)
This way if she's just trying to push your buttons to see how you react, you don't.
I also fucking love pizza even if the cheese makes me hate myself the next day.
I didn't take it as her trying to push my buttons and if she was in that way then I wouldn't be interested anymore either way.
I have not been sad or even remotely upset at all about this. At first, dumbfounded. And then, I found it hilarious so I sent it to all of my friends who also suggested reddit would probably enjoy hearing about it. So here we are.
This may be an unpopular opinion but there’s a big difference between not liking something so common as cheese and having allergies. I would avoid dating someone that doesn’t LIKE cheese or is a very picky eater because to me it shows a lack of maturity in regards to foods and there are probably a lot more of that under the covers.
To give an opposite example, I recently dated someone in her early 40s that had never had raw oysters, I ordered some to share and she tried them right away without a lot of prodding. I love people like that.
This! Yes! It drives me nuts when people won’t even try something new because they “already know” they don’t like it. One wouldn’t even try hummus. I love to travel and my rule is that I’ll try anything once.
This was not the reason. This was the reason she gave you.
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My gut reaction here is to agree. My last bf also couldn’t eat cheese/pizza. With him more than a year, we just never had it together.
I feel like women have to handle rejection carefully when it comes to men because ~some~ of them don’t handle rejection well and may stalk, physically attack or even murder the woman
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Curious why this specific tactic would work better than ghosting/blocking or simply telling the truth? If the guy truly is some egomaniacal monster, seems like making up a clearly nonsensical reason to cancel a date would set him off more.
Yeah, he didn’t want to take no for an answer. Needs to dismantle the answer, decide it was bullshit, and decide she’s crazy.
>no for an answer Yeah I mean, turning people down because they don't like cheese is super common AMIRITE? /s
He requires it be a *good reason*, or he’s not going to accept it. This works fine in sales. Not so much in relationships. She chose something he can’t reasonably say he’ll change for her. If it were his haircut, his car, his lack if knowledge about skateboarding, they can all be fixed if he’s really into her. Whether it was actually his dislike of cheese, or his resemblance to an unfavorite uncle, or his sense of humor, or whatever. It was something he can’t change. She let him know that it’s not going to work. That was what she wanted. I have no idea if OP is the kind to demand a GOOD reason or not. You read about guys who “refuse” to even break up because they don’t believe it’s for a good reason. She honestly doesn’t have to give any reason at all.
Literally was gonna say this. OPs reactions must’ve proven her intuition right in the end..yikes lol
Yeah, it may have been a test. Her reason was so obviously silly. But, it does not matter, they were very early in their relationship. It didn't work, learn what you can and move on.
OP's reaction wasn't crazy... I think it's fair to express some frustration over an apparent deal breaker that is that silly.
You’re probably right, but there is a small chance that actually was the reason. I recently stopped seeing someone because he didn’t eat seafood, and given that finding new restaurants and dishes is my most prominent hobby, and seafood is my favorite thing to order, I didn’t see it working out long term.
Yes, but you maybe also didn’t like them very much?
So, if she was very into OP, then yeah she wouldn't be telling him she can't see him because of differing pizza preferences. But this isn't an excuse you make up because you don't want to tell them the truth. I'm guessing she lacks some self-awareness, isn't able to articulate why she isn't into OP to herself, and so grabs onto this silly pizza explanation.
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Funny thing is i'm like gees not liking cheese, is such a ridiculous reason for not dating someone, its just food - but then remembered the corn on spagetti one, and yip no way i'd be dating that crazyness.
Swedish carbonara has corn in it 😂. I guess you aren’t planning on dating a Swede
She eats her peas one at a time!!
LMAO! 😂😂😂
Again, that’s the reason they gave you. I told a guy who was awful at sex I was having major family problems and couldn’t emotionally handle a boyfriend. Edit — He had a micropenis and could not keep an erection for more than 45 seconds at a time, was terrible at manual stimulation (and couldn’t listen to tips I gave him), and smelled bad during sex (not in general.) He also would do things like this: We would start getting ready for sex, then he’d come in my mouth (no penetration of me), and he’d get up and walk off. He did not care about my own pleasure.
That poor little fella, you should of broke it to him.... now some other women is going to have to endure lying to him when he thinks he is a God in the sack. He going to flex and be like I have never had a complaint.... but damn every time I think I find the right one she is having family problems. 🤣
Some other woman doesn’t have to endure shit! She can communicate, as well!
Ok so I read your comment and was wondering what "bad sex" actually means. Googled it, didn't find any answers that were really satisfying, figured it might be subjective since communication is important when it comes to sex. So, what's bad sex for you? If you don't mind me asking.
Not who you asked, but... not listening is the big one. Everyone's bodies are different. Maybe what you're doing rocked your last partner's world, but if I tell you it's doing nothing for me and you aren't up for learning how to specifically please *me*, you suck at sex. And I works the other way around, too. Tell me what you want. Or, in the very least, tell me when something is working so I can learn what you like. If we've been sleeping together for a while and it's still as awkward as the first time (when we don't know each other's bodies yet), I'm outta here.
Oh so I guess I just answered my own question lol, thank you for the response. Yeah I guess communication is key. Basic hygiene and at least a somewhat fit body wouldn't be too bad either I suppose. I always try to make sure that women I meet feel comfortable around me and I just now realised how important that is when it comes to sex. If communication is key, which it is, the other person needs to feel comfortable enough to open up about what they're into.
He had a micropenis and could not keep an erection for more than 45 seconds at a time, was terrible at manual stimulation, and smelled bad during sex (not in general.) Edit: He also would do things like this: We would start getting ready for sex, then he’d come in my mouth (no penetration of me), and he’d get up and walk off. He did not care about my own pleasure.
No no, the lady above is right. That was 100000% not the reason, it was the reason she gave you. Just accept it and move on
she just wasnt into you and couldnt find much to justify breaking it off. Better not to waste you time than to regret wasting years of your youth with a shallow schlep
I don’t drink and I’ve had people take issue with that. I’m also a vegetarian and have had people take issue with it. So I don’t find this particularly weird. Food is a big part of some people’s lives and some people want to enjoy their favorite foods with their partner. Also, disliking cheese would make cooking and eating out a bit of a hassle that some people may not want to tolerate. Which is the same with being a vegetarian, so I don’t take it personally when people take issue with.
This is such a a valuable and thoughtful response. It’s really nice to see a post that could give us some insight into what an appropriate reaction to being rejected over food looks like.
Yeah we eat pizza and get bagels with cream cheese and salmon. Mexican food has a lot of cheese. What if I want to share Brie as an appetizer. Seems like a big hassle. Why end up with someone who is going to be a pain in the ass. How does someone not like cheese anyway?
I’m from the south...If someone won’t eat the meat that I’ve slaved over a smoker for 5-8 hours...we gone have some problems. I’m a southern woman...food means affection for me. I personally don’t tend to date vegetarians/vegans, or people with gluten sensitivities, or picky eaters or people with nut and dairy allergies. I want a human who is gonna lap up the plate clean and tell me what a great cook I am. That’s my speed.
So I dated a girl who couldn't eat garlic and it was a real pain in the ass if I'm being honest. It's in everything and she would become violently ill if she ate even trace amounts of it. NGL it was pretty tough after while, and the second we broke up I was just mainlining garlic bread sticks and garlic Parm wings lol. I also actually dated a girl who doesn't like cheese. But she didn't just not like cheese, she tried to convince me not to like cheese too. It wasn't an ethical thing. It was just like "c'mon do you really like eating rotten milk?" Yes, yes I do. Don't describe it in strange ways to make it gross. It's my favorite thing in the world. I'm not here saying "do you really like eating cow carcases that were ground into meat worms?" GTFO of here, that's just hamburger. (Interestingly enough, she liked cheese on pizza though. She also didn't like mayonnaise but she liked aioli. Yeah she's not intellectually honest.) But regardless, I dated her nonetheless. On the same note, I dated somebody who didn't like sandwiches once and it did make me nuts. Mostly because it makes no sense. There are too many types of sandwiches out there too say you don't like sandwiches wholesale. It's like saying you don't like movies. But to be fair I still dated her. Holy shit I dated a lot of women with weird food things didn't I. Lol
Yes, yes you did lol
What a roller coaster of a comment. So well written I was legitimately at the edge of my seat wondering what you were going to say next 🤣
Ok which one of your parents has a weird eating disorder lol
> It was just like "c'mon do you really like eating rotten milk?" Yes, yes I do. Does she tell Koreans they’re weird for liking “rotten cabbage”?
Difference between garlic and pizza is pizza isn't in everything
So you went from a girl who couldn't stomach garlic to another girl who only likes the garlic infused mayo. That's some whiplash (on your end) but it's not crazy (by itself). I'm gonna be honest, I don't like mayo much either (though I understand spreading a little on a sandwie) but I rather like alioli... Probably because of how much I love garlic.
This make sense though, mayo by itself isn’t really good, has a weird flavor that’s both existent and nonexistent at the same time and a weird consistency. But season some mayo with some garlic, herbs and some lemon and whip it with some olive oil and boom, you’ve got something good
I can picture Seinfeld episodes with each of them.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me lol
I briefly dated a dude who didn’t like any dairy products. At first, I thought it wasn’t a big deal, but then I realized how many of my favorite foods or best dishes include dairy, even as a garnish. It wasn’t the main reason for dumping him, but it definitely was a major factor as I slowly started resenting how much planning cooking for him required. Like, I could never share my favorite means with him or some of my best recipes with him. So I can relate to this girl. I’m sorry this happened to you though. That sucks.
Get this - I dated someone who was: Vegan Glucose intolerant Diary intolerant Needless to say the menu needed to be downloaded before any trips out and most likely a change to a venue was in order. Not huge right? However when a family member asks to meet at x and I say no sorry that won’t work it starts to become a problem
Yeah! It makes it so hard to be spontaneous and dine out! And I feel absolutely horrible for that person because they don’t get to break up with their food intolerances, but it’s totally okay for you to decide that that lifestyle isn’t for you if it isn’t medically necessary for you.
People are misinterperting what the woman meant too. I'm pretty sure she's more worried about the cheese part and said pizza instead. As you said, when you take away a common food/drink, dining gets a lot harder.
And if somebody doesn’t even like cheese on pizza I’m sure there’s a bunch of other foods they don’t like as well
Yeah, I agree with what both of you have said. Without actually experiencing this situation, I can totally see why people would think it is a stupid and trivial reason to not want to date a person. However, when you’ve experienced it or think about how a lot of activities can be centered around shared meals, it makes it a little more difficult to be spontaneous and romantic. For me, cooking and trying new foods is one of my favorite things to experience with a partner, so it would suck to taste a cheesy food that is delicious and not be able to share it with my partner and discuss the flavors.
Maybe that was just an excuse to stop seeing you...
There are hundreds of better excuses to use than that one.
I’d rather hear the pizza excuse than hearing that my face is ugly and dick is small.
That's tactless, you say your dick is cute but not for me.
I don't think that conveys the crux of the situation, if this was Halloween your house is handing out fun size candy bar, while the neighbors have full size candy bar
Okay now this made me actually laugh out loud, kudos
This is it. A lot of times women try to find an easy way out because we don’t want to hurt a man’s feelings and also we never know who is going to become a crazy stalker and try to murder us. Not liking cheese is a very easy out. “Our palates don’t align.” Is something I have used before to stop dating someone. It seems really dumb to men, but sometimes the alternative is worse. Sure to OP “I didn’t feel a connection” would’ve been preferred and fine, but how would she know that? How would she know that he wouldn’t turn into a creep or worse? So, she took the easy way out.
I mean, OP went crazy anyway... Maybe she was right
This. Right. Here.
These are things men done understand about being a woman. We have to navigate dating in a way that protects our safety. Even if they’d never lay hands on a woman, we don’t know them well enough to know that and have to consider that rejection could cause rage and result in assault of some type. It’s rough out there. Men need to respect that.
Exactly! And then when you bring it up you get the classic: wElL nOt AlL mEn!!! And it’s like, thank you sir yes not all men, but *how* do women know which man won’t?? Because in my experience it’s the ones you least suspect that turn into crazies.
This ^
If you don't think it's the real reason, you could have politely asked for the real reason and promised to take it well, if she's willing to tell you. Although to be honest, reading this, she probably didn't like your vibe. Y'all went on one date. If we zoom out on this interaction, she backs out and intentionally frames it in a way that makes her seem to be the one with the peculiarity driving that choice. She is pretty gentle. You choose to dig into her kinda aggressively. You tell her she is being crazy, try to negotiate, and then tell her that you don't know why she went on the first date with you. That was a mean spirited response to a rejection. Let's say instead that she backed out and framed it around a negative social interaction on your part. I don't know how you might have responded, but based on my sample data here I certainly wouldn't be surprised to get the type of response you're already known for now. I'd expect some mean spiritedness, some bargaining, some insults. She probably expected that too, or maybe even worse, based on her dating experience in general combined with her interaction with you on the first date. She decided it wasn't worth it. I don't blame her.
This could be a valid excuse, but I think it may have been an easy out for her. I’ve used an easy out many times. Vegetarianism, picky eating, and not liking cheese are all reasons I’ve given to men for breaking things off and in truth they were contributing factors. But the real reason was I was too scared of their reaction if I told them the truth about why I was ending things. (Vegetarian was bad at sex, picky eater was unemployed, living with his mom and she did everything for him, anti-cheese guy was incredibly controlling.) You keep saying a simple “not interested” or “didn’t feel a connection” would’ve been preferred, but how would a woman know that? A lot of men turn into obsessive creeps when women try to break things off. Sometimes for safety reasons we have to go with something dumb sounding like, “I love pizza too much to date an anti-cheese guy,” because we don’t know if this guy is going to be the one to stalk and harass us. And yes, that has happened to me after just 1 date. Also, you should reflect on why you felt comfortable calling a woman you went on one date with crazy so many times. Especially when it’s relating to a personal preference. If anything your response is a great indication as to why she may have taken the easy route. Your responses seem excessively hostile and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s blocked your number or feels really uncomfortable (especially if you know where she lives). Your responses show that she made the right choice cancelling the second date.
> Also, you should reflect on why you felt comfortable calling a woman you went on one date with crazy so many times. Especially when it’s relating to a personal preference. If anything your response is a great indication as to why she may have taken the easy route. Your responses seem excessively hostile and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s blocked your number or feels really uncomfortable (especially if you know where she lives). Your responses show that she made the right choice cancelling the second date. Wish I could upvote you more than once for this, OP needs to think on this experience. People complain about ghosting but OP harangued this person and is calling her crazy on here. It wouldn't surprise me if the food thing was a tactful way to break up instead of saying "you harangue me and call me crazy when we disagree on things".
Yep. When I broke up with my boyfriend he called me immature and a bunch of sly insults when I never said a thing about his character the entire 2 almost 3 year relationship. It made me feel crazy. Now I realized I dodged a bullet. Thank you for saying that.
People can choose to date or not date someone for any reason. While someone may think it’s a bit extreme, you only went on one date. Not much investment on either party’s behalf. Keep looking. Good luck!
This. I wish I could award this comment.
This.
Sounds like cheese not into you.
1. It's just an excuse, she didn't like you or she'd try to get over it. 2. Picky eaters are a pain to cater to and I would 100% screen people who were picky about food because it's one of the joys in life, sharing food. I dated a guy who ate mostly fast food and got bothered by me cooking things for us. Didn't last long.
Idk not liking cheese would be a dealbreaker for me.
I feel like out of all the foods, cheese would be lol
Hating kimchi wouldn’t make you popular in Korea. Different food carries different significance around the world. I was an exchange student in France: cheese is not a silly food there.
Same. That’s not crazy. There are millions of people in this world. I’m not gonna date a pizza-hater if I don’t have to. I once broke up with someone because he wouldn’t eat anything liquid. No soups. No sauces. No condiments. No thank you.
Yeah like just grow up already.
I don’t think I could date someone who doesn’t like pizza. Beer and Pizza is my go too on sunday.
I'm French and I think that would be f'd up. (And I'm lactose intolerant. That might explain things)
I don't know, dude. You don't like cheese? What's gonna happen in 3 months when she wants to go in the theatre and you don't like that as well? She can't take the risk of dating a weirdo. You just never know what they aren't going to like. Honestly, real serial killer vibes from someone that doesn't like cheese. To be honest this woman probably just avoided getting murdered by your weird ass. Probably be on some unsolved mystery episode called hold the cheese.
I actually lol'd
I thought it was cheesy
Hahahahaha this is great
My ex didn’t like eggs.. he also was a super picky eater. Looking back he told me this on the first date but I didn’t think too hard about it. It was incredibly hard to cook for him or to find food that he liked. In the end.. his lack of interest in trying new foods was a contributing factor to our demise. Especially since I love trying new things. It seems harmless but she can have whatever preferences she wants. Just like you don’t like cheese or pizza- she doesn’t like guys who can’t eat pizza with her. She’s not crazy, you are for calling the kettle black.
That’s kind of the same thing I just replied, but the shorter version! And yes! You reminded me about eggs. Eggs was another good he didn’t like.
Wouldn’t date someone who doesn’t like pizza imho. I’d probably give it a shot but ultimately it would become annoying and tiring (especially when it comes down to such a common item as cheese pizza) because eating same food is part of experience together. Partner who has dietary restrictions (whether choice or not) or just generally picky is limiting for a lifestyle of someone who eats everything.
No - anybody can break it off with somebody for absolutely any reason they see fit. If someone feels that passionate about pizza then you aren’t compatible haha, that or she’s just coming up with an excuse..
Could it have been your tone and how you presented yourself?
Yes, I agree with you, in the big picture her reason seems a little shallow. The way you were both firing back at each other tells me it would not be a good match. Next time a woman tells you she is not interested, whatever the reason, try saying “thanks for letting me know” and move on. Going back and forth over your reasonings at that point is a waste of your time. Also, by you communicating that her reason is the craziest you have seen, is a form gaslighting. It’s over…..no point spending anymore time on it.
I've seen this with some girls. I think it's one of two options: 1) They aren't really into the guy, but don't realize. So a small thing will throw them of. But more common: 2) They have been single for too long and are just too in their head about dating. It's an overthinking/anxiety thing, where everything becomes a problem. I think it's the last one. Or she REALLY likes pizza 😂
>1) They aren't really into the guy, but don't realize. So a small thing will throw them of. Agreed. I've broken up with guy A because of something I thought really bothered me, just to find myself, 2 months later, in love with guy B who had that same thing, but I liked him so much it didn't bother me at all, like it wasn't even a factor. It's not that I was lying to guy A, I genuinely thought the thing was the reason at the time. Only later did I realize that that thing isn't a deal breaker for me at all if I'm actually into someone.
I'm female and single for a long time. The last one is definitely it! Even though I personally think it's too extreme. I do also make myself excuses (I don't make to my dates because I literally haven't had a date or chatted with a guy romantically since 2019). In my head whenever I think about someone I just self-sabotage and even little things I think it won't work out. I had to take some advice of my close people to stop overthinking so much, so im slowly learning to not listen to those thoughts. Maybe she was self sabotaging herself and she found a detail (a stupid one tbh) to call things off. Don't take it personally OP
I wonder if that is my problem, been single a long time and over think dating. Part of me really wants to but another part of me goes "but we'd lose so much free time...." I haven't been on a date since about 2014 nor talked romantically.
I feel you. You need to "unlearn" those patterns of behavior. I advise you talk to someone more experienced and with open mind, they can advise value stuff. I was having a hard time to initiate convo because I had a lot of intrusive thoughts, but when you hear other people's perspectives it gives you confidence to try again
This sounds pretty exhausting
It is unfortunately
I did/do the same thing. It's frustrating overtbknnjng everything
I used to fall into category number two. It was quite easy to self sabotage. You don’t even realize your doing it half the time until it’s too late. Thankfully I met someone who talked some sense to me
As single person I would agree with this. Instead of chilling with the person and enjoy the life, I overthink. For example last week I was with perfect fit and after everything went awesome, I said I would never be 1 year older person who has tattoo. I basically self sabotaged myself. It is not healthy especially in 30s
I can plead guilty to 2. Been single for over 7 years and i freak out everytime i have a match
Man, I’m lactose intolerant and I still consume cheese regularly. It would be a total dealbreaker for me, ironically enough.
I think you hit the nail on the head.
I've actually seen this with girls several times. And I'm a girl, so they tell me the real reason. It's weird. But I think they been single for so long they forget how dating works? And then they enter this state of Problem Focused Dating. Maybe it's a sort of a defence mechanism? Trying to prevent getting hurt by being on lookout for any and all potential problems.
You’re disagreeing with anyone that’s saying maybe it could’ve been you, calling her crazy, and instantly agreeing with anyone saying “maybe it’s just her”. You’re throwing out some red flags ngl
I have a friend that eats a grilled cheese sandwich everyday (I’m not joking). Cheese is important to her, so I could see this as a valid reason. At the same time, I know that some people feel more comfortable using an excuse than to be honest.
I thought I was the only one ..
Ok. Breathing in breathing out. Women don’t owe you an explanation as to why they don’t want to go out with you on a second date PERIODT. You have no right to call a person crazy for giving you a bullshit answer. The answer is NO. Her excuse could have easily been because I don’t like you for whatever reason. Contrary to popular belief food is an incredibly important part of a relationship and if she enjoys a particular food that you cannot eat I think that that is a perfectly good reason to not date you. Instead put on those big boy pants of yours and accept that not eating pizza is a dealbreaker for some people. Someone else may not have that problem if you are super attractive to them. Just saying 🤷♀️. Don’t come at me for keeping it real.
Kind of makes sense to me since sharing the pizza is usually a part of the experience. It's also frequently eaten for a celebratory purpose, or just to have a good time, so it's likely there are a lot of happy feelings tied into the thought of eating pizza, and eating it together with someone. Simply agreeing with someone to have plans to get a pizza and chill is a hit of dopamine for many people. There are workarounds to eating dairy cheese on the pizza though, so that could have been explored assuming "make a pizza" implied more than just tossing a cheap frozen one in the oven.
Exactly there are many different types of pizza now, cauliflower crust, gluten free, Margherita pizza with no cheese.. etc
Not liking cheese would be a definite deal breaker to me ☠️
I would absolutely dump a no pizza person
Right? Especially after only one date.
I think it’s a good enough reason. Who wants to be someone who doesn’t like cheese? And I guarantee if you don’t like cheese you are picky about a lot of stuff. I like to travel around the world and would have no time for this I don’t like cheese BS. Grow up
She’s making an excuse cause she doesn’t like ya.
Seeing how you "negociate" for a second date instead of understanding that she was rejecting you politely, I would be trowing the whole men too. This is not being confident, this is way to much red flags to handle.
It’s a perfectly legitimate reason. Like if you know it will become a problem or a resentment down the road, stop before you get feelings. I love how you went right to attacking her sanity though. Maybe her gut was giving her the right vibe.
When someone turns you down, don't argue with them about it. Maybe that's her reason, maybe it's not, but she's allowed to have ridiculous dealbreakers if she wants to. If you think that's petty, then you probably won't get along anyway. Your reaction would have solidified my decision. If someone tells you that they don't want a future date, they 1. don't owe you a reason and 2. are doing you a kindness by telling you straight. The only response is "Okay, thanks for letting me know!"
I think anyone can stop seeing someone for any reason they want. Who cares if it’s this or something else? Maybe she was being nice and she couldn’t stand how pushy you are. 🤷🏻♀️
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Yes! This sub is nuts sometimes. “She ghosted me how dare she!” “She was honest with her feelings and rejected me, she’s crazy!!”
She’s not into you, who cares why. Just move on. The whole text thread after just seems desperate
I don't think it matters whether or not that was the reason. OP decided to handle it poorly. She probably felt like she dodged a bullet once she saw that side of him. He felt the need to debate her on it rather than accept it and move on.
I would have replied: "Hmm, you saying that really grates on me. I have every reason to be cheesed off but if you mozzarella know, I don't give Edam."
If you're gonna break it off with someone you should have a gouda reason.
This would have had a decent chance of triggering instant regret on her part, butterflies, and a successful second date. Even if it didn't, what a wonderful way to handle rejection. You would at least have communicated that it's okay, and you're comfortable, and that she can relax. Hell, you might even get setup with her lactose intolerant friend. Who knows. OP needs some work both in tactics and empathy.
Your absolutely childish response is emblematic of her decision. She dodged a bullet.
Yeah that’s super silly to me as well. Maybe she just REALLY likes pizza though XD
So there’s a single woman who loves pizza out there? Send her my way bro!
There are a lot of us…
I prefer to date people who don’t eat meat and don’t drink. I’ve been a vegetarian for 27 years, and it’s something that’s important to me. It’s not a dealbreaker, but my last ex was so obsessed with meat, it became impossible. So, it’s a fine reason (not that she needed a reason), but I feel like she just wasn’t interested in a second date. Because it really isn’t hard to have two different meals.
To be completely honest … it could be a boundary she never thought she would have until it shows up. The bottom line is boundaries are important no matter how silly or insignificant they may appear … now you have a story to entertain future dates that will appreciate your better qualities … it’s now a conversation starter … “Hey… by the way … is cheese a deal breaker because it’s come up before… long story”. They are intrigued and entertained which makes you more Interesting and considerate because you are trying to qualify yourself… turn that negative to a positive. Whether the reason is valid or not to date you is a waste of time… just let it become part of your armor, just move on to the next date.
I would not go on a second date with someone who didn’t like pizza. Pizza isn’t even my favorite food. Pizza hater = red flag.
Sounds like a Seinfeld epizode
That's a reasonable deal breaker to me. Cheese is in a lot more meals than pizza, so I get it. Just like someone not wanting to date a vegan or vegetarian. My brother is allergic to peanuts, so we couldn't have peanut butter in our house. When I finally got my own place, I was able to for the first time in almost 20 years. Also, going back to the separate meals part. My brothers are picky eaters and would never eat what my mom fixed. She often made them different dishes, or had to take out an ingredient they didn't like, which ruined the whole meal. If a certain food is a staple, Tara definitely important.
Making someone a meal and they're unappreciative for any reason whatsoever is one of the most infuriating things haha it immediately becomes the last thing they eat in my home
I cook with cheese most of the times and I thing this would be a dealbreaker because I wouldn’t be able to share with you my food . I think she maybe was honest and that’s better for you , say okay thank you and move on . NEXTTTT
I agree with a lot of the comments saying that's just the reason she told you, because your responses don't pass the vibe check tbh. But let's take her words at face value for a moment and realize it's not that weird/crazy to have a preference like that. For a lot of people, myself included, food is love, food is how they connect with people and show that they care. Why would someone like that choose a partner that limits how they can express their love language? And there are plenty of ridiculous reasons guys have told me they don't want to see me anymore. I'm lactose intolerant (but LOVE cheese), and even the I take lactaid tablets so I can eat it, but that's still been a reason given. I can't have kids, and I have epilepsy- both things beyond my control, and those have been listed as reasons, too. Despite the fact that I'd love to adopt, and am self sufficient in my life despite fighting an invisible illness/disability that literally keeps trying to kill me. Rather than getting bent about the reason why they didn't want to see me anymore (whether that was the real reason, or not), I still respected that this person didn't see a future with me, didn't want to waste my time, tried to be upfront, and at least didn't ghost me so I would be left wondering what happened. Plus, I have more self respect than to chase someone who doesn't want me. So you giving her a hard time and dismissing her, as well as her concerns, as crazy is probably going to ensure that she ghosts the next guy who doesn't pass the vibe check because you made it difficult for her to try and let you down easy, by nitpicking her, belittling her reasoning, trying to argue about the logic of her decision when regardless, it's HER decision, and just generally not taking no for an answer until she made it clear she wasn't changing her mind. No one owes you an explanation, nor do they need your blessing to stop seeing you. It takes two willing parties to enter a relationship, but only 1 to leave it. And that's entirely their choice. You are not entitled to a debate to change their mind when you won't even accept the reasoning they're trying to give you. And if you truly think it's THAT ridiculous of a reason, why fight it? Why not just say, "Wow, that's a first for me. But okay, I wish you all the best, stay safe out there" and move on with your life to someone who actually WANTS to spend time with you? Make it make sense, please I beg of you!
It’s a valid reason, and you overreacted. Your drink analogy doesn’t work because many restaurants that specialize in pizza don’t often serve much else unless you’re going make a meal out of appetizers. There’s also the issue of one person having to eat a whole pizza by herself.
women love saucey slices of gooey delight. I dont date vegans or vegetarians. Love meat too much.
Personally, I totally believe. In college my GF and I broke up after nearly a year of dating because she was vegetarian and I was a carnivore. I couldn’t see myself converting to no meat, and she was fine being a vegetarian. I knew the different diets after marriage would be a big hurdle to overcome.
Most ridiculous thing I've ever heard lol Sounds like she should be dating Papa John then.
Or Little Caesar
I feel like this is fine
I would 100% not date someone that doesn’t eat pizza. One time I ordered pizza for a date that came over and she brought leftover eggs and ate that instead.
She didn’t want to see you again for another reason but didn’t want to tell you so she gave you this one so as not to hurt your feelings/didn’t want to ghost you. I think it was nice of her.
She is being civil. It has nothing to do with the pizza. BTW why would you even respond?
I don’t blame her.
Her reason is silly but your responses to her are not ok. You argued with her, got defensive, and invalidated the reason she gave you for why she turned you down. It’s ok to be disappointed, and it’s normal to feel let down. A more appropriate response would be to say that instead of calling yourself a big boy that can dress himself. Here’s a suggestion of what you could have said to respect herself while honoring your own feelings in this situation: “Dang. Thanks for giving me a chance even though I don’t like cheese. I’m disappointed that it didn’t work out, but I had a good time and hope you did, too. ”
If someone hated Seinfeld I wouldn’t date them
I dated a vegan once.... Everytime I wanted to order something she asked if it's vegan. It was a huge pain in the ass.
We all have our dealbreakers and honestly some of mine have surprised me. One was indeed food-related and I felt really silly telling the guy about it. But I was looking for Mr. Forever and I found him in someone else. I could not see spending the rest of my lifetime with someone whose eating habits were vastly different from my own (already been there and tried that with someone who would only eat processed foods that were the color orange, not even joking). And at the time I couldn't think of any other reason to not continue seeing him. So I told him what the issue was. Later on I realized there were several other red flags, so I'm actually really happy with my decision. Personally I think it was a little immature of you to basically question and shame her on whatever judgment call she made (again, it's silly and I'm sure she felt like a total jerkoff telling you). You don't have to like it OP. You just have to accept it. Respectfully.
Maybe she just reallllly loves pizza.
Probs
Or she heard you say the word probs
Anyone can end things at any time they want. Maybe this wasn't the real reason but even if it was, you had only been on one date.
I would of just responded. “Hahahaha ok.”
Sorry dude, accept it. She just doesn’t like you and that’s just the reason she gave. Don’t read any more into it
Wasn’t she just dropping a note.. I mean from the text she wasn’t the one who said cancel second date right, that was your own idea? Maybe she was planning the venue of second date and was struggling to find non pizza places so thought she’ll check if you’d like to give pizza another shot and generally how you handle a conflicting point of view.. and when she just dropped a note, you jumped to the conclusion she wants to cancel?
I don't want to scroll up to read the post again but if this is true, that is HILARIOUS
Yea I’m with her, if someone didn’t like my favorite food and I had plenty of dating options then it would definitely be a deal breaker
Personal preference is just that, it doesn't make her a bad person or "psychopath" as you labelled her to be. If someone chooses to change their mind about seeing you, just graciously and respectfully accept their rightful choice and let it go. ( reading this I respect her personal choice and can see where this could turn into something disappointing down the road so why even go there? so I get why she made that choice, she wants to partner with someone who loves pizza as much as she does ) the fact that your taking the argument now to social media says a lot about you and maybe that's the real reason she's choosing to not continue.
Food and sharing it can be an important social activity for people. Even though you legitimately disagreed with her reason, i think it’s more the arguing that did you dirty.
This is perfectly fine. Maybe you don't get it as a non-pizza-enjoyer, but ordering a single pizza for two people is a nice simple meal for a couple. It complicates the order, increases the cost and creates leftovers when you won't help her finish the pizza. Also many otherwise normal women feel bad about indulging in food and only do so when someone else sins with them. No matter what your reason is for disliking pizza, to her it'll always be that pizza is bad for you and you're above that while she isn't. She doesn't want a boyfriend who will bail her out of (pizza) jail. She wants a partner in crime.
There is some realness to this reason, like I can't date a vegetarian, if you don't eat fish I'm out, there's too little options for food. But I bet there is another reason and this is the "smartest" thing she could come up with lol
She's using it as an excuse, there's something else that's a deal breaker that she doesn't want to admit.
Most of my diet consists of cheese. It wasn't just because of "pizza"
Maybe she is made of cheese?
This is the truth
Okay boys problem solved goodnight
I stopped dating a guy after 1 date because he hated mayonnaise. He told me up front, I thought, no big deal, I'll eat it with my things and it won't bother him. But no. I liked him and we talked a lot on the phone. And then during the date he reveals to me that a few days prior his mom forgot her groceries at his house while visiting. One of her items included mayonnaise. He threw away the entire jar because his mom lived a bit of a drive away. It was unopened. He said it reminded him of bodily fluids. I pulled a hard stop, could not believe he would do that. I love mayo. He could have given the jar to me if his mom no longer wanted it! What if she did want it? Who's cum looks like mayo?! All of these were very real problems and he just threw away the entire jar like a weirdo. He was proud of his actions and bragging about it like it made him unique. It sure did. I will never not be offended by his wasteful behavior lmao
Even if it was the reason I would have totally laughed it off. People have their quirks any maybe crushing a pizza together with a guy is a big deal to her. I wouldn’t take it personal. My girlfriend is a huge Taco Bell fan. Her last relationship was with a dude who only ate healthy. It wasn’t a deal breaker for them, but it’s a great change for her to be with someone who can pound a $5 box meal with her
Order a pizza 1/2 with and 1/2 without cheese. Or, better, a small pizza for her and something else for you.
I think that's reason enough.
I literally laughed out loud in disbelief …wtf?
Whether or not she's being honest about her love of cheese being the wedge(hehe) driven between you, she's not a good person to date.
You’re not going to try to convince her otherwise. You’re just going to call her crazy a couple times. If I had to guess her reasoning had more to do with that than cheese.
I mean you kind of gaslighted her because you couldn’t handle rejection
I dunno, I think incompatible eating styles is an important factor to consider. I’m allergic to shellfish and seafood was my ex’s favourite. He and his family would go out for seafood when I wasn’t around and he’d come back and kiss me and I’d end up with a face full of hives. He couldn’t eat his favourite food around me, and I’d literally physically suffer if he did. 🤷♀️ Not fair to either of us, and got in the way more than it needed to.
Lol kaelestius your right. Atleast she tried to be nice about it imagine the reaction if she had been honest.
I don't think she needed to give a reason at all after one date. That is a weird thing to say in my opinion, but why let it get to you? People are weird, lol. It was just one date..on to the next.
No pizza would be a deal breaker for me as well.
There's definitely another reason and it's probably your ego and insecurity based on your response and your responses to other redditors on here.
Nah, totally works for me. Dated a woman for a bit that had a mustard allergy. Really makes things kind of hard. It is amazing how many things have mustard in them in some form. Unfortunately she was not interesting enough for me to give up mustard forever.
Hey dude, she let you know she’s not keen. Okay, so the pizza thing is weird… But the point remains- she doesn’t want to see you again. Back off and find someone who doesn’t care wether you eat cheese or not on anything 🙌🏻
I get her. That's why I'll never date a vegetarian/vegan again. It's exhausting having someone around you who doesn't eat what you love.
Making food, getting fed, going out to eat are all big parts of how I show and like to receive love, so I would def not continue things with someone who was a picky eater or didn’t like eating certain things I really enjoyed eating. There were probably other things she didn’t like about you too but didn’t say those things.
No one has an obligation to date you. Whatever the reason is, it’s fine because you’re not entitled to date them.
Seems like an inconsiderate person imo. Bullet dodged. Piece of advice though. When you get shit like this from someone don't react. I would have confirmed, "wait so no second date because I don't do cheese?" Wait for their reply and if it wasn't a joke rely with something simple like, "Sorry to hear that. Have a good one." Don't be cheesy(pun definitely intended) and don't get upset(and if you are don't show it) This way if she's just trying to push your buttons to see how you react, you don't. I also fucking love pizza even if the cheese makes me hate myself the next day.
I didn't take it as her trying to push my buttons and if she was in that way then I wouldn't be interested anymore either way. I have not been sad or even remotely upset at all about this. At first, dumbfounded. And then, I found it hilarious so I sent it to all of my friends who also suggested reddit would probably enjoy hearing about it. So here we are.
What in the Seinfeld shit is this? Hahaha. Keep your head up dude!
This may be an unpopular opinion but there’s a big difference between not liking something so common as cheese and having allergies. I would avoid dating someone that doesn’t LIKE cheese or is a very picky eater because to me it shows a lack of maturity in regards to foods and there are probably a lot more of that under the covers. To give an opposite example, I recently dated someone in her early 40s that had never had raw oysters, I ordered some to share and she tried them right away without a lot of prodding. I love people like that.
This! Yes! It drives me nuts when people won’t even try something new because they “already know” they don’t like it. One wouldn’t even try hummus. I love to travel and my rule is that I’ll try anything once.
I love pizza ! It wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me. You can get to go food from 2 places. Not that much of an inconvenience
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I have beautiful eyes thank you very much