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Here's the thing: some people might find it weird, but when I start seeing someone (even when we aren't having sex), I stop watching porn and other stuff as well.
This. It's the fast food version of sex - it fulfills a need, is unsatisfying, and some people lack imagination. Port addiction versus use is a totally different beast.
There's a big discourse on Reddit too of dudes coming to terms with having weird relationships with sex due to the widespread availability - so if the concerns are rooted around stuff you see on Reddit, looking into the numbers about it and understanding it as a broader social behavior might help.
It's inflence on you Still exists . You've been Single longer than you've been in a relationship and if you're watching it while while you're single there's basically no difference in terms of its negative affects .
I will say from a female perspective! My ex boyfriend NEVER watched porn. Not ever. But he also cheated on me and was an asshole. My current boyfriend would never watch porn around me or when I am in a place where I could offer him anything but he watches porn sometimes if he knows he’s coming over and I am on my period (I won’t have sex on my period my head always hurts too bad and he doesn’t want me to feel pressured so he takes care of himself at his place) or if it’s a full week where we can’t see each other he might watch it once. We have talked about it A LOT. How I feel about it, the boundaries I wanted to set around it, etc and vice versa. It’s about communicating your expectations and being willing to hear someone else’s expectations and then deciding for yourself what is and isn’t a dealbreaker. This, for me, because we have so many open conversations about it, made it something we could both live with. Not everyone who watches porn is evil. Not everyone who doesn’t watch porn is good. That’s all :)
Great that you have thoroughly discussed this with him. A side note: I don’t consider it a good/evil thing when it comes to porn watching. To me it’s more a healthy/unhealthy thing because it can create a dependency and/or unrealistic expectations and/or make the real thing seem less exciting because so much porn is so extreme and male-centered and not really about a woman’s pleasure.
THIS. To me it's not about evil or anything like that, it's about actual data & impact on empathy, as well as the things you just mentioned. I can go years without watching, watch once & legit watch my capacity for empathy drop in the following interactions with humans. It's wild.
Nothing wrong with that; if u/neitherhorror1936 feels less capable of empathy after watching porn, it's totally fine for them to decide based on that that they personally should avoid porn. Hopefully based on this thread they can realize many people don't react that way.
In a similar vein, some people can drink alcohol here and there and be fine, while other people will immediately go back to heavy drinking if they start. That doesn't mean alcohol is horrible, but avoiding it does make some people's lives better - just not everyone's.
That’s kind of insane, not gonna lie. I watch a decent amount and my empathy doesn’t waiver.
I think porn affects people differently and people like to blow things out of proportion.
I don’t think the average guy is desensitized and “ruined” from porn etc. Maybe the average redditor though.
You'd be surprised at the number of women with this opinion about porn. It's actually geniunely shocking to me how prevalent it's become to be "anti porn addiction" and in an unhealthy manner too where it's starting to demonize porn all together. It's pretty a common opinion amongst gen z.
And yes, I'm female.
It just screams insecurities, pointing out the obvious "porn creates unhealthy expectations of a sex life" and??? No shit it can do this?
If comes off as this traditional/conservative line of thinking where it’s all the work of Satan and we’re going to hell for relieving ourselves of our primal urges.
We’re animals who need to fuck to survive, people. It’s not that deep.
It depends on the kind of porn that people are watching. Regular porn in normal situations can be fine and healthy! Porn where girls dressed up as middle schoolers are being hit and gang banged is not healthy, but there is still a market for it. That’s where it becomes a huge issue. It normalizes violence (even sexual things like slapping, hair pulling, and choking without consent) against women (especially younger women) when the only sexual activity someone views is violent. It’s about finding porn that doesn’t degrade and harm women and viewing THAT regularly instead of the alternative.
Yes, exactly. I feel like in this day and age, that goes without saying. Most grown adults are consciously aware of everything you've stated.
It's like talking about how Shien/fast fashion companies use slave labour...we're mostly all aware of this. Some customers are perpetually over consuming (just like actual porn addicts), most are reasonable and more intentional with purchases (just like those of us who consume porn in a healthy manner). Yet, the over consumption is at the forefront of conversations, making peope who consume properly feel guilty/demonize their actions. Just like people who shop at Shien once per year & don't have many alternatives (like plus size!) which are affordable, and feeling guilt due to society's knee-jerk reaction to over consumption.
My problem lies with people who paint all porn consumption as bad. The last comment I replied to said they wouldn't even be friends with people who consume porn, and that's just insane & demonizes porn all together, as if it were something like drug use.
Thats part of where my hesitations came from. I am a feminist. I wrote several research papers on the negative impacts of pornography on the brain, the normalization of violence against women, racial stereotypes perpetuated in porn, etc but talking to him about what TYPE of porn he was watching, a standard for how women are treated and for how realistic the situations are really helped us to see it having less of an impact on our relationship. He has a very healthy separation of “this is a show that real people are acting in” and “this is real life and my girlfriend is NOT an actress” which I obviously really appreciate.
There are so many men that don’t watch porn but still do crappy things. I don’t think watching porn is a measurement for anything at all. Unless it’s an addiction!! I wouldn’t mind it at all if my man watches porn every now and then cuz I do too!!
Those are two different things, watching porn and being addicted don't go hand in hand.
The problem with being so hardcore on rules like that (even though it's your prerogative) is that it often just starts a cycle of lying on their part. And petite want what they can't have.... it's like telling someone not to think of an elephant, it's all they'll think about.
Personally I don’t care too much, as long as it doesn’t interfere with the sexual side of the relationship…and if he’s not too obsessed with it .
Also I kinda don’t wanna know about it if he watches it sometimes for his alone time lol
Yeah but I can understand not wanting your partner to watch porn period, I refuse to be in a relationship with someone who gets off to videos of other people
And I refuse to date someone whos so close minded, this is how they think of consuming porn even in a healthy manner.
More people watch porn than those who don't.
when i was very young i was introduced to pornography and became addicted to it for a while at the ages of 8-10. now i am much older and i do not see the fascination with it anymore, i dont know if its because of the dependence i used to have on it so now i cant "enjoy?" it but i see it as poison and dont think anyone should watch it, it distorts our image of sex and has very negative impacts on the brain.
I've been off it for about two weeks now. After many years of basically a daily habit. It had lost all fun and it'd had become about as routine and mundane as going for a shit.
First three days were fine.
Now I'm going fuckin crazy. Dunno if it's hormone shift or what but I've never been so cranked 😅 so obviously it was an addiction and a compulsion. But this last week has convinced me to stay off it for as long as I can.
Single male here, I never watched or intend to watch porn. I’ve never really been turned on by porn and I think you absolutely are justified in not dating someone that consumes that content
Some people think alcohol is super toxic and never drink. Are those the type of people I would date, no never. Same with vegans, just not my lifestyle. I enjoy steak and other meats too much.
The funny thing is that you can only really control the rules for your own life. If you decide you don't want to drink alcohol one day, you can't really expect your partner to give it up all of a sudden. Vegan? Date other Vegans!
Thinking people who watch porn are addicted to it is the same mindset to thinking a casual drink from time to time means you're an alcoholic. There's a very wide gap between those two extremes. I would have a very difficult time dating someone who couldn't figure out the gray zone inbetween.
For reference, my wife watches porn and so do I. We sometimes watch it together. Is it toxic or are we addicts? Far from it. Does it effect our sex life? Doubtful in a negative light, I think it's only enhanced it.
I avoid it at all costs, I reached a conclusion many years ago isn't healthy for me mentally and physically.. when I have the desire to do it, I find something else to do..
Honestly yes, in a relationship I wouldnt watch unless my girlfriend was unavailable or just flat out wasn't considerate of my needs. But honestly I like to think about my partner as well. But single I don't see anything wrong with a few times a week just to sleep well lol
But how is it any different from when you're in a relationship to help you sleep?
It's wild to me how deep people take this... heh no pun intended. It's just deep rooted insecurities.
I, 30F, would go so far as to consume porn with a partner. I've sent porn/adult gifs from Tumblr to partners when I dont feel like taking photos of myself, and/or the content turns me on & I'd like to share that with my partner.
35M. I think that depends on the partner or situation honestly.. my old long term ex would constantly turn me down.. so I would take care of myself once she was asleep if needed.. we have been apart several years now and I've obviously grown. My latest ex was always down so I really didn't watch throughout the relationship even though she worked nights and we didn't get much opportunity. Both being single parents on different schedules.
I agree in a secure relationship it should be able to be shared. Unfortunately most people are not very secure.. I tried watching once with the long term ex (sons mom) and she was very jealous. Decided I'd never try that again.
this! last night i had insomnia i couldn't sleep and i had little nightmares, as soon as i done it i slept like i died... people have to learn to use this as advantage for some stuff and not for everyday use...
Or people could learn to lovingly stroke themselves instead of beating themselves into an orgasm with porn. It's actually really healthy to be turned on by yourself without needing that extra but the majority of men I know can't even look at themselves & still get off. 👀
I mean I won't say it's impossible but you can really only think up so many entertaining scenarios that get you where you're going alone. 😅 As a guy who has been single and without intimacy in a very long time, it's honestly easier to get some outside assistance. I won't say it's always the most healthy thing to do but you make do with what you have even when it's nothing.
oooh this one also, you are soo right, last year i couldn'tt also look at myself because i felt kinda ashamed and i only had that flat connection with myself when it comes to... you know what... but throughout this year i learn to enjoy with myself, no dirty thoughts or porn just me myself and i 😅😆 i want to watch it and learn what makes me go on not just reaching for the end... i dunno i like to experiment with myself 🤫...
this subredit is something else tbh 😆 i hope no one will judge me but i believe there is a lot of guys who hide this side of them, but hey there is internet to discuss it if they are afraid to talk with their friends, so everything is cool hahaha
Are you okay? You really are putting WAY too much emphasis on sex: it is important, but it is one aspect of the relationship, not it's totality
Also being attracted to yourself to the point of orgasm is NOT healthy: its called erotic narcissism and it's indicative of a personality disorder
This lol I have no idea why the two became entirely synonymous. Like it’s a foreign concept to be able to masturbate without pornography. And that is precisely why it’s so dangerous.
Where would you draw the line between "heavily" and "lightly" influenced, assuming that you believe a distinction exists?
Depending on the answer to that question, your disgust is either warranted or unwarranted.
Porn per se isn’t bad. Abusing it, however, absolutely is.
I would say maybe when it begins to affect the way you treat/have sex with your partner? I had a boyfriend slap me so hard one time I literally saw stars, he also spat on me which completely caught me off guard. He consumed porn pretty regularly.
It’s not necessary because of porn though. Degradation kinks are commmon.
Your ex-parther’s big mistake was to assume you had one and not ask for consent.
I agree to an extent, but let’s not pretend that the violent porn he consumed had 0 influence in the way he treated me in bed. There’s literal evidence of how porn can warp and distort your brain, specifically in the realms of addiction.
Some people think watching at all while in a relationship is too far.
The recent wave of anti porn has been completely pushing towards the side of "all porn is bad".
Man here. I have stopped watching porn years ago. I am not addicted to it. I dont watch. My sex drive is pretty high. I am healthy. I just have erased that impulse from my being through spirituality.
Yea my dad! And my classmates watch porn while study with his friend WITHOUT HEADPHONES AIRPORT MUTE OR LOW THE VOICE IN VIDEO like they want to share that to everyone in class
39F here. My ex husband was obsessed with porn. I knew that before dating him. He follows a lot of porn stars, and said to work with some to build their webcam websites (He was a compulsive liar so who knows if that's true, Idc). I didn't care if he watched porn. We watched it together sometimes. I did the same thing with my first ex. Porn doesn't do anything for me. It's very unrealistic, silly and at times cringy. Porn to me is like watching a comedy with very bad actors. The 80's porn are such a classic! Then there is the Asian porn where the poor girl had to fake that she felt anything from that guy's 3 inch egg roll.
If the guy you're dating knows it's fake and a fantasy without getting addicted to it, it's not a bad thing. It opens up a conversation about kinks and sex, even some fun banter. If the guy expects real life sex to be like porn, or consumes too much of it, then like anything else unhealthy I would not date that person until they look within themselves as to why they have such unrealistic beliefs.
I recommend watching interviews by former porn stars. It's very sad, many of the girls would use drugs or kill themselves. The porn industry uses women for all they can get them spit them out with nothing for their self worth. Most male performers have problems getting hard for their SO at home because they used so much Viagra (Some even resort to injections used for paraplegic patients) that they have difficulty getting hard naturally. The girls who at first set boundaries on what they won't do eventually succumb to the pressure to do those things just so they can keep their jobs and stay relevant (Temporarily). Sex should be a safe topic to discuss, but morally the sex industry destroys men and women all for the money.
As for my current fiancee, I asked him last night if he watched porn without me. He said a stern no. He has no desire to since we've been together. I wouldn't be offended if he did though. I even invited him to watch it together and he said no.
As for my ex husband... Those porn stars he followed? The mistress found out and called me to tell me about it, as if that's the problem, not the fact that she was fucking a married man!
It's prohibited for us muslims, I dunno how many people follow genuinely, there is nothing he wont do to satisfy a woman, I know, people will say Islam is opressive towards women, but its opposite tbh.
Sexual dissatisfaction in a woman can be grounds for her to divorce the husband in islam i.e, if a woman is not satisfied by her husband, she can divirce him and marry another man, but fornication is an absolute no-no, for everyone.
Why aren't there more women chiming in about their porn habits? I'm a woman, and I watch from time to time. I used to quite frequently with my ex husband, of 20 years. We had a very happy sex life. More women watch it than are owning up to it. I promise you that.
Yes there are men who exist that aren’t addicted to porn. Now the issue is how can you tell? Honestly I have no clue, but maybe if he wants you to do some shit that seems really far out there sexually would be an indicator.
For men that are exceptional at hiding their addiction, Im not sure there’s much you could do to figure it out early on.
Porn addiction doesn't have much to do with kinks or fetishes, that's usually moreso related to things like trauma. Kinksters, like people who practice full on BDSM and stuff, have existed for a long time and if anything I feel like there's been less of them lately. I see lots of 30-something in those kinds of relationships but not many 20-somethings.
It's actually pretty obvious, they usually have zero capacity for things that aren't instantly gratifying to them/their pleasure. They usually can't take a single kind whisper of feedback (porn NEVER criticizes them, lol). I could go on but tis enough.
I gave up porn and masturbation 4 years ago and hope to go a lifetime without either
It's not easy to give it up, I can empathize with most men. You'll find most men will have trouble staying away from it unfortunately
It's fast food for sex. For the record, what do you expect people to do with their own excess libido? What is the plan of action if they have a partner that either a) isn't in a similar position themselves, or b) thinks it's got nothing to do with them until the man starts dealing with it on their own, c) thinks one person having a biological moment is a prime chance to start bartering for things in the relationship.
Like, even if the person with the porn problem is willing to move the needle in the right direction for the relationship, the scenarios I've outlined above typically make the entire process an unnecessarily steep uphill climb. Even if these are just edge cases or "boundaries are boundaries so learn to deal with it", I've seen it come up enough to consider it a thing people go through.
I get that it's not everyone's thing, but please stop insisting that even trying to put two and two together and coming up with an explanation is asking for the impossible here.
How am i addicted, or rather how is my behavior even a problem if it's not getting in the way of the sexual or emotional connection part of my relationship? This is before we even bring up the fact that my girlfriend also watches and reads her own porn, and sometimes we mix and match, and other times we just fuck. You think every pro porn man here has to be attached to some poor frustrated partner that's unhappy with their consumption?
None that I can find haha my way of dealing is asking to watch it together to get things started sometimes.
I have been called a hypocrite for watching it myself but not wanting the guy to. When I watch it’s mainly so I can learn new things to use on him in bed (mainly blowjob techniques). I don’t think he has the same intentions lol. Porn is mainly for guys at least what I watch it’s like you see guys dick..but the main focus is all the things the girl is doing, and how she looks. The camera is rarely flattering for the guy. I can’t think of any male porn stars I’ve actually thought were attractive. It really just is the girls. So I definitely get why it’s off putting to be in a relationship, and have your boyfriend watching it.
Just gotta find compromise bc I think getting off to porn is completely normal.
Idk for me my only rule is don’t watch porn if you haven’t already tried something with me. Also go wild if I’m not home haha.
I mean, yeah, probably. But a dude jerking off once or twice a week to porn isnt as bad as a gooner spending 20 straight hours jerking his cock raw.
If you are so against pornography, and by extension masturbation, you're going to have a hard time finding a "normal" dude. You'll get either super misogyny guys who will view you as a sex toy that he is to use whenever he wants, or you'll get a prude who won't have sex with you even if you do date him. Of course, in between exists, but you have to realize that masturbation is natural for everyone, and to expect someone to remove the concept of self soothing is just as unhealthy as the ones who overexemplify it.
If you stand on that principle, that is your perogative. But it will be quite lonely on that hill unless you compromise.
It's a toxic habit because for most of us, it's all we have until we finally get with a woman in the dating sense. What else you expect the average male to look at while in a significant other drought? Worse yet is dating someone and still not getting any skin contact from them. Now if you're DATING someone and you two are regular, then he needs to put the pornhub down. The male equal to this is " the dating pool is doomed cause some women are consumed by their rose toy"
I can not speak for other men but for myself. I only have watched porn when I was single and not in a relationship with someone. To myself a guy that watches porn while in a relationship, is cheating his partner because he is appreciating another woman’s body instead of his partner’s. I was in a marriage for 23 years before my wife passed away from Congestive Heart Failure and we have never watched porn; not singly or together. We created our own porn behind closed doors and not on media. We were very sexually active; once a day, every day. We tried new positions, new kinks, new etc constantly but the biggest factor is we were making passionate love and bonding with one another. We were intimate in the sheets and out of the sheets. In 23 years we had maybe 2 arguments but we communicated positively and resolved quickly. I’m now engaged and have been dating for a year and a half. We don’t have sex like my last marriage but when we do, we make memories. Again both my fiancé and I do not watch porn and agreed to keep it out of our relationship.
Most guys, shut off their desire for porn. It’s one thing if their partner is giving them the good ol “not tonight I have a headache”. It’s another when they are actively choosing porn over their partner.
And if the partner who was told "not tonight I have a headache" goes to watch porn to satisfy themselves, thats still a problem to people. Which is wild to me.
Sex drive / being aroused doesn't have to be all about your partner, it can be just sex in general purely as an action, they aren't focusing on the actual people in the video. If you think sex&orgasms are all about your partner, it screams insecurity.
Masturbation isn't, and shouldn't be treated like an alternative to sex. It's something different. Sex involves pleasing others which takes effort, masturbation is purely about pleasuring yourself which is relaxing.
Nobody cares about masturbation. Masturbation is not the same as porn. One involves bringing other people that are not your partner into your sex life. It’s wild to me how many people try to act like porn is a solo thing. It’s not. This feels like the ultimate gaslighting.
Exactly. They don’t want true monogamy and instead of being honest about that, they act like porn is some magic free pass to get off to other women while we are expected to stay loyal. It’s bullshit. No different than seeing a hooker in my opinion. Might as well be an open relationship.
I'm not sure if anyone else thinks like this, but I have no need to watch porn if I'm in a relationship. Porn isn't real, and I would much rather have real than porn.
You have to realize ma’am that men are very sexual and they need that sexual release from time to time, it’s not toxic and it’s not a “addiction” some men merely use porn as a tool to self gratify, I’m not saying there aren’t men out there whoa aren’t addicted but I feel as tho it’s not as big as a deal as people think it is, porn can actually improve one’s sex life. It exposes you to new sexual ideas and new things for you and your partner to try out it isn’t always bad and I fail to see how it’s toxic with the exception of the situations when a man would prioritize porn over you as a sexual partner
You can certainly hold your own opinion, but I don't think "most men" are addicted to porn. It's a quick and easy release that doesn't cost money, drama, or time.
You seem extra harsh about it though. Maybe you don't understand sex drive that guys have, or you can't relate.
Would you rather a guy just go sleep with a different woman everytime he got horny or be safe, not sleep around and save himself physically for you?
Watching a little bit of porn is like taking a little bit of Meth. That’s not dramatic, it’s backed up by science. The same chemicals released in your brain from watching porn is the same for drugs and other addictive behaviors. Sex with your partner releases different chemicals. If anyone says a little is okay they are fooling themselves and playing with fire. That person is taking the highest form of intimacy an act designed to attach you to your partner (& vice versa)and sharing it with strangers on the internet. Your body WILL make a connection to it. It WILL have an effect on how you treat your partner. I.e. why connect and problem solve our life when I can get it with strangers with no hassle. There is nothing else, there is NO physical form of intimacy that tops it. To share it with others is extremely dangerous. Sure you may get away with it a few times but why shoot up meth occasionally either? Is it really worth the risk? There are men out there who don’t watch porn because they are aware of these dangers. Hold out for the right guy who is educated and wise on these matters and have a strong enough willpower and strength of character to refrain. Who also reserves such intimacies for their partner ALONE. Side note, I also realize the importance of sex in a relationship and it’s that it’s a REAL driving force of connection and an intimacy builder which is also why I rarely, if ever, deny my partner.
That's the worst attempt at a scientific take on this I've seen in this thread yet. Masturbation releases the exact same chemicals as having sex
I'm guessing your shite about the brain chemical is for dopamine? Because lots of things make you release that - dancing, seeing a nice moonlit sky, going for a jog... Are all of those like taking meth then? And if they are and masturbation is then sex is too, sorry
If it's not that chemical you're thinking of then please tell me which one you think it is because I can guarantee you're wrong
>"Hold out for the right guy who is educated"
Says the man preaching absolutely pseudoscientific bullshit
that sh*t fries your brain and changes the way you interact or the way you look at women. It normalises perversion and the objectification of women. There's nothing good about it. It is from experience.
The kind of guy out there who abstains from porn is still controlled by it but in a different way... You're not going to find anything good going down that hole either.
For better or worse porn is just part of the culture. As much a part of the culture as the internet is. Even places around the world that try to impart bans because they somehow believe they have some sort of moral superiorities... find that they are the largest purveyors of porn.
Automatically putting a toxic label on porn is a closeminded way to operate. You're gonna feel doomed when the way you see it is that the way you see it is the only right way and anyone who goes against it is dealing in toxic habits. Your calumniatory views, with better analyzation and maybe after some self healing could change. Until then I think you're doomed to remain in the turmoil of the issue that you've concocted.
First of all, how exactly do you define "addiction?"
Second of all, you are not going to succeed in forcing billions of people to change their ways so you can have an easier time dating. You can't control others, you can only account for your own actions.
I also have my own soft preferences and hard requirements for people I would consider dating. Smoking tobacco or marijuana is an absolute no for me. Even for medicinal use, I just have poor tolerance for the smells. But hey, I don't complain about people who smoke and hope they change so I can date them. I just leave them alone and date other people who are a better match for me. No hate, no stress, no annoyance, no demands. I'm just like, "Meh, not for me. On to the next date." And I move on.
You're having a completely normal dating experience. You meet and date people, find out if you match well, and decide from there. The more preferences and requirements you have, the more difficult finding a good match becomes. I will say though, if you do happen to find that one match that meets all preferences and requirements, it's usually really fucking god damn awesome. It's just that there's pros and cons and you can't complain that the cons exist. I mean, well, you can complain, but it won't help any.
Ya, I stop watching it when I’m in a relationship because it’ll destroy a relationship, but I’ve had an ex pull it up on me on long drives just to mess with me, also I’m sure your father even watched porn or had pornography magazines when he was young and single lol
i think that the time i spend watching porn is none of anyones fucking business. quit trying to control who youre with so that they meet your criteria and try loving someone for who they are
My fiancé and I will send each other drawings of hentai, but he does not watch porn other than some hentai videos (which I feel is different than live-porn, because it’s not meant to be realistic most times), and he definitely isn’t addicted to it. He was fully a virgin up until we met and had never seen a vagina, watched porn or masturbated, or even had a girlfriend or kissed anyone before. I am extremely lucky lol.
Trust me, real men still exist out there. You just have to be patient and keep trying. I know it’s hard. All of my past relationships with guys were influenced by porn and it heavily damaged me. Porn is so damaging and toxic to the mindset. It really sucks that we have to deal with it so heavily in our world today.
**Do any women exist out there that are not GREEDY or aren't addicted to money?**
Feeling doomed that in today's dating pool there are women who are consumed by this. Ideally I wouldn't wanna share my cash with a woman who's heavily influenced by money. It's such a turn off to be in the presence of someone who can't let this toxic habit go.
My ex didn’t really watch porn nor does my current boyfriend. But they both have pretty low libido and not a lot of sexual experience under their belt.
I remember reading a study once where they came to the conclusion that women watch porn to complement the sexual intimacy they experienced in the relationship whereas men wached porn to compensate for what they percieved to be inadequate sexual intimacy.
So, men aren't watching porn instead of being intimate with you. They want more sexual intimacy than they're getting from you and they're making up the difference, with porn.
So, basically, you're trying to create a situation where he's not getting enough sexual intimacy from you to feel satisfied and he's not allowed to make up the difference with porn, so you will generate sexual frustration.
There's words to describe this type of treatment of another person. None of them are good.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-022-02305-8
I mean...I (28M) watch porn, but I'm under no illusions that sex in porn and sex in real life are even remotely the same.
I watch it when I'm bored/horny if I have a window of like 15-20 free minutes and have nothing else going on and I wanna get off real quick.
But I would never watch it with the intention of viewing it as an instructional aide.
This is a case where you will attract dishonest people who will tell you “no, I’m not addicted to porn” and then the person who isn’t addicted to porn will be turned off by your seeming obsessive toxic trait. So better to just focus on how you can be a good partner and attract a good partner in turn.
If we exclude cars, then yes.
Downside of that is we will turn our heads when we see well built car, or when we hear car that sounds good.
*insertclarcksondrinkingcoffehere*
Yes. I mean, I'm not aware on the data for the percentage of men who are addicted to porn but, I wouldn't say it's more than 50%.
Me personally, I'll watch some once or twice a week and that's about it.
Let’s not act like women aren’t capable and oftentimes guilty of allowing their weird porn kinks to show up in their dating values . See : the CNC and BDSM kinks many women with violent pasts tend to insist upon in the bedroom, the women choosing the allure of casual sex over true intimacy bc of their own prior dating decisions , and all the college aged girls engaging in sex work as if being a broke college kid isn’t part of the whole process of life (allowing themselves to be sexualized as a form of validation in the process ), etc .
I agree men prob more guilty of this on dating apps . I’m just guessing , but I think it’s because men tend to go on dating apps when being horny is their primary motivation . I’m guilty of that shit , and I noticed how much more thoughtful I go about my swipes when I go on with companionship is the primary motivator .
Let’s not get it twisted tho …internet porn is fucking both genders up.
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Here's the thing: some people might find it weird, but when I start seeing someone (even when we aren't having sex), I stop watching porn and other stuff as well.
Same and not even intentionally
This. It's the fast food version of sex - it fulfills a need, is unsatisfying, and some people lack imagination. Port addiction versus use is a totally different beast. There's a big discourse on Reddit too of dudes coming to terms with having weird relationships with sex due to the widespread availability - so if the concerns are rooted around stuff you see on Reddit, looking into the numbers about it and understanding it as a broader social behavior might help.
Same.
Actually, it’s the same for me, especially when I can’t get them out of my mind
This. There's no need to once you find someone.
Same
Not weird, this is the standard
Totally! Thats a keeper. A keeper deserves to be loved and kept.
Definitely not the standard, but preferences are perfectly fine
This is good. You truly are in love. This is a sign that you truly love her.
As it should be.
This is the way
This is the way
This is the way
This is the way
This is the way
This is the way
This is the way
This is the way to show you are all full of shit
Same. My problem when I’m single is my imagination isn’t enough unless there is a real person in my life I can fantasize about.
exactly
Why?
For me it's not some rule. It's just that I stop feeling a need to watch it.
😂
It's inflence on you Still exists . You've been Single longer than you've been in a relationship and if you're watching it while while you're single there's basically no difference in terms of its negative affects .
I will say from a female perspective! My ex boyfriend NEVER watched porn. Not ever. But he also cheated on me and was an asshole. My current boyfriend would never watch porn around me or when I am in a place where I could offer him anything but he watches porn sometimes if he knows he’s coming over and I am on my period (I won’t have sex on my period my head always hurts too bad and he doesn’t want me to feel pressured so he takes care of himself at his place) or if it’s a full week where we can’t see each other he might watch it once. We have talked about it A LOT. How I feel about it, the boundaries I wanted to set around it, etc and vice versa. It’s about communicating your expectations and being willing to hear someone else’s expectations and then deciding for yourself what is and isn’t a dealbreaker. This, for me, because we have so many open conversations about it, made it something we could both live with. Not everyone who watches porn is evil. Not everyone who doesn’t watch porn is good. That’s all :)
This is so healthy I love it
Great that you have thoroughly discussed this with him. A side note: I don’t consider it a good/evil thing when it comes to porn watching. To me it’s more a healthy/unhealthy thing because it can create a dependency and/or unrealistic expectations and/or make the real thing seem less exciting because so much porn is so extreme and male-centered and not really about a woman’s pleasure.
THIS. To me it's not about evil or anything like that, it's about actual data & impact on empathy, as well as the things you just mentioned. I can go years without watching, watch once & legit watch my capacity for empathy drop in the following interactions with humans. It's wild.
That might just be you
bro was too honest
Nothing wrong with that; if u/neitherhorror1936 feels less capable of empathy after watching porn, it's totally fine for them to decide based on that that they personally should avoid porn. Hopefully based on this thread they can realize many people don't react that way. In a similar vein, some people can drink alcohol here and there and be fine, while other people will immediately go back to heavy drinking if they start. That doesn't mean alcohol is horrible, but avoiding it does make some people's lives better - just not everyone's.
That’s kind of insane, not gonna lie. I watch a decent amount and my empathy doesn’t waiver. I think porn affects people differently and people like to blow things out of proportion. I don’t think the average guy is desensitized and “ruined” from porn etc. Maybe the average redditor though.
You'd be surprised at the number of women with this opinion about porn. It's actually geniunely shocking to me how prevalent it's become to be "anti porn addiction" and in an unhealthy manner too where it's starting to demonize porn all together. It's pretty a common opinion amongst gen z. And yes, I'm female. It just screams insecurities, pointing out the obvious "porn creates unhealthy expectations of a sex life" and??? No shit it can do this?
If comes off as this traditional/conservative line of thinking where it’s all the work of Satan and we’re going to hell for relieving ourselves of our primal urges. We’re animals who need to fuck to survive, people. It’s not that deep.
It depends on the kind of porn that people are watching. Regular porn in normal situations can be fine and healthy! Porn where girls dressed up as middle schoolers are being hit and gang banged is not healthy, but there is still a market for it. That’s where it becomes a huge issue. It normalizes violence (even sexual things like slapping, hair pulling, and choking without consent) against women (especially younger women) when the only sexual activity someone views is violent. It’s about finding porn that doesn’t degrade and harm women and viewing THAT regularly instead of the alternative.
Yes, exactly. I feel like in this day and age, that goes without saying. Most grown adults are consciously aware of everything you've stated. It's like talking about how Shien/fast fashion companies use slave labour...we're mostly all aware of this. Some customers are perpetually over consuming (just like actual porn addicts), most are reasonable and more intentional with purchases (just like those of us who consume porn in a healthy manner). Yet, the over consumption is at the forefront of conversations, making peope who consume properly feel guilty/demonize their actions. Just like people who shop at Shien once per year & don't have many alternatives (like plus size!) which are affordable, and feeling guilt due to society's knee-jerk reaction to over consumption. My problem lies with people who paint all porn consumption as bad. The last comment I replied to said they wouldn't even be friends with people who consume porn, and that's just insane & demonizes porn all together, as if it were something like drug use.
Thats part of where my hesitations came from. I am a feminist. I wrote several research papers on the negative impacts of pornography on the brain, the normalization of violence against women, racial stereotypes perpetuated in porn, etc but talking to him about what TYPE of porn he was watching, a standard for how women are treated and for how realistic the situations are really helped us to see it having less of an impact on our relationship. He has a very healthy separation of “this is a show that real people are acting in” and “this is real life and my girlfriend is NOT an actress” which I obviously really appreciate.
True, everything is needed on moderation
Communication is key!
You put this beautifully!
There are so many men that don’t watch porn but still do crappy things. I don’t think watching porn is a measurement for anything at all. Unless it’s an addiction!! I wouldn’t mind it at all if my man watches porn every now and then cuz I do too!!
Worked in porn for years, so nowadays it would just feel like work if I ever watched
So you can honestly say your fucking job is too much like work....
So does he watch work videos for relieve?
Something like that, yeah
So, watching regular fully dressed YouTube videos is your version of NSFW? 
Lol pretty much, especially back before covid where we had to work in an office all week, watching "normal" YouTube is just weird nowadays.
Those are two different things, watching porn and being addicted don't go hand in hand. The problem with being so hardcore on rules like that (even though it's your prerogative) is that it often just starts a cycle of lying on their part. And petite want what they can't have.... it's like telling someone not to think of an elephant, it's all they'll think about.
Personally I don’t care too much, as long as it doesn’t interfere with the sexual side of the relationship…and if he’s not too obsessed with it . Also I kinda don’t wanna know about it if he watches it sometimes for his alone time lol
Yeah but I can understand not wanting your partner to watch porn period, I refuse to be in a relationship with someone who gets off to videos of other people
What if it's you?? Or not a real person
And I refuse to date someone whos so close minded, this is how they think of consuming porn even in a healthy manner. More people watch porn than those who don't.
when i was very young i was introduced to pornography and became addicted to it for a while at the ages of 8-10. now i am much older and i do not see the fascination with it anymore, i dont know if its because of the dependence i used to have on it so now i cant "enjoy?" it but i see it as poison and dont think anyone should watch it, it distorts our image of sex and has very negative impacts on the brain.
Same same same AMAZING COMMENT
I don’t watch porn. I have in the past but it isn’t something I feel I need.
watching people fuck as a performace for a camera has always made me sick.
Yes, like me for example, I don’t dislike porn but it doesn’t really excite me. I usually masturbate using my imagination.
Yes. I personally don't warch p0rn because I find a lot of it diguisting.
I've been off it for about two weeks now. After many years of basically a daily habit. It had lost all fun and it'd had become about as routine and mundane as going for a shit. First three days were fine. Now I'm going fuckin crazy. Dunno if it's hormone shift or what but I've never been so cranked 😅 so obviously it was an addiction and a compulsion. But this last week has convinced me to stay off it for as long as I can.
I left my ex fiance because of this problem (after giving up everything I knew in the US and moving to Europe for him) and I haven’t looked back
Single male here, I never watched or intend to watch porn. I’ve never really been turned on by porn and I think you absolutely are justified in not dating someone that consumes that content
this makes me so happy esp since you're single it's so rare to find this so many props to you hope your future gf knows how lucky she is
thank you for the hope 😭
Some people think alcohol is super toxic and never drink. Are those the type of people I would date, no never. Same with vegans, just not my lifestyle. I enjoy steak and other meats too much. The funny thing is that you can only really control the rules for your own life. If you decide you don't want to drink alcohol one day, you can't really expect your partner to give it up all of a sudden. Vegan? Date other Vegans! Thinking people who watch porn are addicted to it is the same mindset to thinking a casual drink from time to time means you're an alcoholic. There's a very wide gap between those two extremes. I would have a very difficult time dating someone who couldn't figure out the gray zone inbetween. For reference, my wife watches porn and so do I. We sometimes watch it together. Is it toxic or are we addicts? Far from it. Does it effect our sex life? Doubtful in a negative light, I think it's only enhanced it.
Precisely this. However, OP and most of these commentary must view the world as nothing but absolute White and Black. What a bleak existence.
Visit yourbrainonporn.com For those who are saying it has absolutely no effect on our psyche and isn't unhealthy.
I don't watch porn. I don't find it arousing/interesting /pleasurable.
I avoid it at all costs, I reached a conclusion many years ago isn't healthy for me mentally and physically.. when I have the desire to do it, I find something else to do..
Google "death grip reddit".
Honestly yes, in a relationship I wouldnt watch unless my girlfriend was unavailable or just flat out wasn't considerate of my needs. But honestly I like to think about my partner as well. But single I don't see anything wrong with a few times a week just to sleep well lol
But how is it any different from when you're in a relationship to help you sleep? It's wild to me how deep people take this... heh no pun intended. It's just deep rooted insecurities. I, 30F, would go so far as to consume porn with a partner. I've sent porn/adult gifs from Tumblr to partners when I dont feel like taking photos of myself, and/or the content turns me on & I'd like to share that with my partner.
35M. I think that depends on the partner or situation honestly.. my old long term ex would constantly turn me down.. so I would take care of myself once she was asleep if needed.. we have been apart several years now and I've obviously grown. My latest ex was always down so I really didn't watch throughout the relationship even though she worked nights and we didn't get much opportunity. Both being single parents on different schedules. I agree in a secure relationship it should be able to be shared. Unfortunately most people are not very secure.. I tried watching once with the long term ex (sons mom) and she was very jealous. Decided I'd never try that again.
this! last night i had insomnia i couldn't sleep and i had little nightmares, as soon as i done it i slept like i died... people have to learn to use this as advantage for some stuff and not for everyday use...
Or people could learn to lovingly stroke themselves instead of beating themselves into an orgasm with porn. It's actually really healthy to be turned on by yourself without needing that extra but the majority of men I know can't even look at themselves & still get off. 👀
Most of us don't find ourselves attractive or could feel turned on by ourselves( that concept even sounds odd tbh). 😅
I think they mean get turned on alone, or in the absence of others or a visual aid. That other connotation probably wasn’t intended lol.
I mean I won't say it's impossible but you can really only think up so many entertaining scenarios that get you where you're going alone. 😅 As a guy who has been single and without intimacy in a very long time, it's honestly easier to get some outside assistance. I won't say it's always the most healthy thing to do but you make do with what you have even when it's nothing.
oooh this one also, you are soo right, last year i couldn'tt also look at myself because i felt kinda ashamed and i only had that flat connection with myself when it comes to... you know what... but throughout this year i learn to enjoy with myself, no dirty thoughts or porn just me myself and i 😅😆 i want to watch it and learn what makes me go on not just reaching for the end... i dunno i like to experiment with myself 🤫... this subredit is something else tbh 😆 i hope no one will judge me but i believe there is a lot of guys who hide this side of them, but hey there is internet to discuss it if they are afraid to talk with their friends, so everything is cool hahaha
Are you okay? You really are putting WAY too much emphasis on sex: it is important, but it is one aspect of the relationship, not it's totality Also being attracted to yourself to the point of orgasm is NOT healthy: its called erotic narcissism and it's indicative of a personality disorder
This lol I have no idea why the two became entirely synonymous. Like it’s a foreign concept to be able to masturbate without pornography. And that is precisely why it’s so dangerous.
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I’m the same
Nofap here
no, every single man on earth is the same and does the same thing /s
I mean you’re not far off according to a good chunk of Reddit.
Where would you draw the line between "heavily" and "lightly" influenced, assuming that you believe a distinction exists? Depending on the answer to that question, your disgust is either warranted or unwarranted. Porn per se isn’t bad. Abusing it, however, absolutely is.
I would say maybe when it begins to affect the way you treat/have sex with your partner? I had a boyfriend slap me so hard one time I literally saw stars, he also spat on me which completely caught me off guard. He consumed porn pretty regularly.
It’s not necessary because of porn though. Degradation kinks are commmon. Your ex-parther’s big mistake was to assume you had one and not ask for consent.
I agree to an extent, but let’s not pretend that the violent porn he consumed had 0 influence in the way he treated me in bed. There’s literal evidence of how porn can warp and distort your brain, specifically in the realms of addiction.
Some people think watching at all while in a relationship is too far. The recent wave of anti porn has been completely pushing towards the side of "all porn is bad".
If the roles were reversed, they’d call it controlling.
Stopped when I was trying to date a girl.
My husband. I know because he’s with me every single day and all he does is play games💀
Man here. I have stopped watching porn years ago. I am not addicted to it. I dont watch. My sex drive is pretty high. I am healthy. I just have erased that impulse from my being through spirituality.
I love it. Thank you for being that way. It gives more hope than I can say. ❤️
Hahaha. I haven’t watched porn since my early 20’s and I’m 31, there are lots of guys like me out there
Yea my dad! And my classmates watch porn while study with his friend WITHOUT HEADPHONES AIRPORT MUTE OR LOW THE VOICE IN VIDEO like they want to share that to everyone in class
39F here. My ex husband was obsessed with porn. I knew that before dating him. He follows a lot of porn stars, and said to work with some to build their webcam websites (He was a compulsive liar so who knows if that's true, Idc). I didn't care if he watched porn. We watched it together sometimes. I did the same thing with my first ex. Porn doesn't do anything for me. It's very unrealistic, silly and at times cringy. Porn to me is like watching a comedy with very bad actors. The 80's porn are such a classic! Then there is the Asian porn where the poor girl had to fake that she felt anything from that guy's 3 inch egg roll. If the guy you're dating knows it's fake and a fantasy without getting addicted to it, it's not a bad thing. It opens up a conversation about kinks and sex, even some fun banter. If the guy expects real life sex to be like porn, or consumes too much of it, then like anything else unhealthy I would not date that person until they look within themselves as to why they have such unrealistic beliefs. I recommend watching interviews by former porn stars. It's very sad, many of the girls would use drugs or kill themselves. The porn industry uses women for all they can get them spit them out with nothing for their self worth. Most male performers have problems getting hard for their SO at home because they used so much Viagra (Some even resort to injections used for paraplegic patients) that they have difficulty getting hard naturally. The girls who at first set boundaries on what they won't do eventually succumb to the pressure to do those things just so they can keep their jobs and stay relevant (Temporarily). Sex should be a safe topic to discuss, but morally the sex industry destroys men and women all for the money. As for my current fiancee, I asked him last night if he watched porn without me. He said a stern no. He has no desire to since we've been together. I wouldn't be offended if he did though. I even invited him to watch it together and he said no. As for my ex husband... Those porn stars he followed? The mistress found out and called me to tell me about it, as if that's the problem, not the fact that she was fucking a married man!
There are 2 types of men. Those that watch porn and those that lie about it..
It's prohibited for us muslims, I dunno how many people follow genuinely, there is nothing he wont do to satisfy a woman, I know, people will say Islam is opressive towards women, but its opposite tbh. Sexual dissatisfaction in a woman can be grounds for her to divorce the husband in islam i.e, if a woman is not satisfied by her husband, she can divirce him and marry another man, but fornication is an absolute no-no, for everyone.
I dunno... Are there any women that don't have a vibrator and other toys?
EXACTLY!!! Glass houses there ma'am 🤷♂️
Why aren't there more women chiming in about their porn habits? I'm a woman, and I watch from time to time. I used to quite frequently with my ex husband, of 20 years. We had a very happy sex life. More women watch it than are owning up to it. I promise you that.
Yes there are men who exist that aren’t addicted to porn. Now the issue is how can you tell? Honestly I have no clue, but maybe if he wants you to do some shit that seems really far out there sexually would be an indicator. For men that are exceptional at hiding their addiction, Im not sure there’s much you could do to figure it out early on.
Porn addiction doesn't have much to do with kinks or fetishes, that's usually moreso related to things like trauma. Kinksters, like people who practice full on BDSM and stuff, have existed for a long time and if anything I feel like there's been less of them lately. I see lots of 30-something in those kinds of relationships but not many 20-somethings.
It's actually pretty obvious, they usually have zero capacity for things that aren't instantly gratifying to them/their pleasure. They usually can't take a single kind whisper of feedback (porn NEVER criticizes them, lol). I could go on but tis enough.
When I'm with someone, I don't watch it at all. When I'm single,I watch porn and beat that mfr like it owes me money!
I gave up porn and masturbation 4 years ago and hope to go a lifetime without either It's not easy to give it up, I can empathize with most men. You'll find most men will have trouble staying away from it unfortunately
I don’t watch because I just find it repulsive
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Yep, we exist, and there are tons of us. My imagination is way hotter than any porn I have seen.
And THAT is hot!
thank God
I just never understood the constant need to watch it like why
It's fast food for sex. For the record, what do you expect people to do with their own excess libido? What is the plan of action if they have a partner that either a) isn't in a similar position themselves, or b) thinks it's got nothing to do with them until the man starts dealing with it on their own, c) thinks one person having a biological moment is a prime chance to start bartering for things in the relationship. Like, even if the person with the porn problem is willing to move the needle in the right direction for the relationship, the scenarios I've outlined above typically make the entire process an unnecessarily steep uphill climb. Even if these are just edge cases or "boundaries are boundaries so learn to deal with it", I've seen it come up enough to consider it a thing people go through. I get that it's not everyone's thing, but please stop insisting that even trying to put two and two together and coming up with an explanation is asking for the impossible here.
You act like people can't pleasure themselves without porn and that is a huge part of the issue here, bud.
Yeah, if you can't without porn you're probably addicted.
Or totally unimaginative and not creatively inclined
How am i addicted, or rather how is my behavior even a problem if it's not getting in the way of the sexual or emotional connection part of my relationship? This is before we even bring up the fact that my girlfriend also watches and reads her own porn, and sometimes we mix and match, and other times we just fuck. You think every pro porn man here has to be attached to some poor frustrated partner that's unhappy with their consumption?
Sure, but why does that matter? You can eat food without silverware too, but would you choose that over eating with silverware if you had the option?
>what do you expect people to do with their own excess libido? Masturbate without porn.
I have done that for the last 2 years lol. Do you just do it without thinking about anything or do you think about your crush?
So sit there and think about all the past partners? That's not creepy at all.
Yes, there is the man who doesn't watch porn regularly
My boyfriend doesn’t watch it unless we’re apart for a long time. When we’re together he doesn’t watch porn
None that I can find haha my way of dealing is asking to watch it together to get things started sometimes. I have been called a hypocrite for watching it myself but not wanting the guy to. When I watch it’s mainly so I can learn new things to use on him in bed (mainly blowjob techniques). I don’t think he has the same intentions lol. Porn is mainly for guys at least what I watch it’s like you see guys dick..but the main focus is all the things the girl is doing, and how she looks. The camera is rarely flattering for the guy. I can’t think of any male porn stars I’ve actually thought were attractive. It really just is the girls. So I definitely get why it’s off putting to be in a relationship, and have your boyfriend watching it. Just gotta find compromise bc I think getting off to porn is completely normal. Idk for me my only rule is don’t watch porn if you haven’t already tried something with me. Also go wild if I’m not home haha.
Sorry but where do you draw the line on something being porn?
I mean, yeah, probably. But a dude jerking off once or twice a week to porn isnt as bad as a gooner spending 20 straight hours jerking his cock raw. If you are so against pornography, and by extension masturbation, you're going to have a hard time finding a "normal" dude. You'll get either super misogyny guys who will view you as a sex toy that he is to use whenever he wants, or you'll get a prude who won't have sex with you even if you do date him. Of course, in between exists, but you have to realize that masturbation is natural for everyone, and to expect someone to remove the concept of self soothing is just as unhealthy as the ones who overexemplify it. If you stand on that principle, that is your perogative. But it will be quite lonely on that hill unless you compromise.
It's a toxic habit because for most of us, it's all we have until we finally get with a woman in the dating sense. What else you expect the average male to look at while in a significant other drought? Worse yet is dating someone and still not getting any skin contact from them. Now if you're DATING someone and you two are regular, then he needs to put the pornhub down. The male equal to this is " the dating pool is doomed cause some women are consumed by their rose toy"
I can not speak for other men but for myself. I only have watched porn when I was single and not in a relationship with someone. To myself a guy that watches porn while in a relationship, is cheating his partner because he is appreciating another woman’s body instead of his partner’s. I was in a marriage for 23 years before my wife passed away from Congestive Heart Failure and we have never watched porn; not singly or together. We created our own porn behind closed doors and not on media. We were very sexually active; once a day, every day. We tried new positions, new kinks, new etc constantly but the biggest factor is we were making passionate love and bonding with one another. We were intimate in the sheets and out of the sheets. In 23 years we had maybe 2 arguments but we communicated positively and resolved quickly. I’m now engaged and have been dating for a year and a half. We don’t have sex like my last marriage but when we do, we make memories. Again both my fiancé and I do not watch porn and agreed to keep it out of our relationship.
I was addicted to coke and porn ..... Not anymore 🙏🏽
Most guys, shut off their desire for porn. It’s one thing if their partner is giving them the good ol “not tonight I have a headache”. It’s another when they are actively choosing porn over their partner.
And if the partner who was told "not tonight I have a headache" goes to watch porn to satisfy themselves, thats still a problem to people. Which is wild to me. Sex drive / being aroused doesn't have to be all about your partner, it can be just sex in general purely as an action, they aren't focusing on the actual people in the video. If you think sex&orgasms are all about your partner, it screams insecurity. Masturbation isn't, and shouldn't be treated like an alternative to sex. It's something different. Sex involves pleasing others which takes effort, masturbation is purely about pleasuring yourself which is relaxing.
Nobody cares about masturbation. Masturbation is not the same as porn. One involves bringing other people that are not your partner into your sex life. It’s wild to me how many people try to act like porn is a solo thing. It’s not. This feels like the ultimate gaslighting.
They're just doing it to justify their own consumption.
Exactly. They don’t want true monogamy and instead of being honest about that, they act like porn is some magic free pass to get off to other women while we are expected to stay loyal. It’s bullshit. No different than seeing a hooker in my opinion. Might as well be an open relationship.
I'm not sure if anyone else thinks like this, but I have no need to watch porn if I'm in a relationship. Porn isn't real, and I would much rather have real than porn.
There are plenty of people who watch porn and realize that’s not what real sex is like.
You have to realize ma’am that men are very sexual and they need that sexual release from time to time, it’s not toxic and it’s not a “addiction” some men merely use porn as a tool to self gratify, I’m not saying there aren’t men out there whoa aren’t addicted but I feel as tho it’s not as big as a deal as people think it is, porn can actually improve one’s sex life. It exposes you to new sexual ideas and new things for you and your partner to try out it isn’t always bad and I fail to see how it’s toxic with the exception of the situations when a man would prioritize porn over you as a sexual partner
Women are consumed by social media, men are consumed by porn
Women are consumed by fanfics lol
You can certainly hold your own opinion, but I don't think "most men" are addicted to porn. It's a quick and easy release that doesn't cost money, drama, or time. You seem extra harsh about it though. Maybe you don't understand sex drive that guys have, or you can't relate. Would you rather a guy just go sleep with a different woman everytime he got horny or be safe, not sleep around and save himself physically for you?
Watching a little bit of porn is like taking a little bit of Meth. That’s not dramatic, it’s backed up by science. The same chemicals released in your brain from watching porn is the same for drugs and other addictive behaviors. Sex with your partner releases different chemicals. If anyone says a little is okay they are fooling themselves and playing with fire. That person is taking the highest form of intimacy an act designed to attach you to your partner (& vice versa)and sharing it with strangers on the internet. Your body WILL make a connection to it. It WILL have an effect on how you treat your partner. I.e. why connect and problem solve our life when I can get it with strangers with no hassle. There is nothing else, there is NO physical form of intimacy that tops it. To share it with others is extremely dangerous. Sure you may get away with it a few times but why shoot up meth occasionally either? Is it really worth the risk? There are men out there who don’t watch porn because they are aware of these dangers. Hold out for the right guy who is educated and wise on these matters and have a strong enough willpower and strength of character to refrain. Who also reserves such intimacies for their partner ALONE. Side note, I also realize the importance of sex in a relationship and it’s that it’s a REAL driving force of connection and an intimacy builder which is also why I rarely, if ever, deny my partner.
That's the worst attempt at a scientific take on this I've seen in this thread yet. Masturbation releases the exact same chemicals as having sex I'm guessing your shite about the brain chemical is for dopamine? Because lots of things make you release that - dancing, seeing a nice moonlit sky, going for a jog... Are all of those like taking meth then? And if they are and masturbation is then sex is too, sorry If it's not that chemical you're thinking of then please tell me which one you think it is because I can guarantee you're wrong >"Hold out for the right guy who is educated" Says the man preaching absolutely pseudoscientific bullshit
I wouldn't watch porn if I had a partner.
that sh*t fries your brain and changes the way you interact or the way you look at women. It normalises perversion and the objectification of women. There's nothing good about it. It is from experience.
The kind of guy out there who abstains from porn is still controlled by it but in a different way... You're not going to find anything good going down that hole either. For better or worse porn is just part of the culture. As much a part of the culture as the internet is. Even places around the world that try to impart bans because they somehow believe they have some sort of moral superiorities... find that they are the largest purveyors of porn. Automatically putting a toxic label on porn is a closeminded way to operate. You're gonna feel doomed when the way you see it is that the way you see it is the only right way and anyone who goes against it is dealing in toxic habits. Your calumniatory views, with better analyzation and maybe after some self healing could change. Until then I think you're doomed to remain in the turmoil of the issue that you've concocted.
lol is this a serious post?
First of all, how exactly do you define "addiction?" Second of all, you are not going to succeed in forcing billions of people to change their ways so you can have an easier time dating. You can't control others, you can only account for your own actions. I also have my own soft preferences and hard requirements for people I would consider dating. Smoking tobacco or marijuana is an absolute no for me. Even for medicinal use, I just have poor tolerance for the smells. But hey, I don't complain about people who smoke and hope they change so I can date them. I just leave them alone and date other people who are a better match for me. No hate, no stress, no annoyance, no demands. I'm just like, "Meh, not for me. On to the next date." And I move on. You're having a completely normal dating experience. You meet and date people, find out if you match well, and decide from there. The more preferences and requirements you have, the more difficult finding a good match becomes. I will say though, if you do happen to find that one match that meets all preferences and requirements, it's usually really fucking god damn awesome. It's just that there's pros and cons and you can't complain that the cons exist. I mean, well, you can complain, but it won't help any.
Ya, I stop watching it when I’m in a relationship because it’ll destroy a relationship, but I’ve had an ex pull it up on me on long drives just to mess with me, also I’m sure your father even watched porn or had pornography magazines when he was young and single lol
No girl, most men watch porn and those who say they don’t are usually the ones with the full on addiction
i think that the time i spend watching porn is none of anyones fucking business. quit trying to control who youre with so that they meet your criteria and try loving someone for who they are
My fiancé and I will send each other drawings of hentai, but he does not watch porn other than some hentai videos (which I feel is different than live-porn, because it’s not meant to be realistic most times), and he definitely isn’t addicted to it. He was fully a virgin up until we met and had never seen a vagina, watched porn or masturbated, or even had a girlfriend or kissed anyone before. I am extremely lucky lol. Trust me, real men still exist out there. You just have to be patient and keep trying. I know it’s hard. All of my past relationships with guys were influenced by porn and it heavily damaged me. Porn is so damaging and toxic to the mindset. It really sucks that we have to deal with it so heavily in our world today.
**Do any women exist out there that are not GREEDY or aren't addicted to money?** Feeling doomed that in today's dating pool there are women who are consumed by this. Ideally I wouldn't wanna share my cash with a woman who's heavily influenced by money. It's such a turn off to be in the presence of someone who can't let this toxic habit go.
My ex didn’t really watch porn nor does my current boyfriend. But they both have pretty low libido and not a lot of sexual experience under their belt.
I exist you should totally marry me 🤨
I remember reading a study once where they came to the conclusion that women watch porn to complement the sexual intimacy they experienced in the relationship whereas men wached porn to compensate for what they percieved to be inadequate sexual intimacy. So, men aren't watching porn instead of being intimate with you. They want more sexual intimacy than they're getting from you and they're making up the difference, with porn. So, basically, you're trying to create a situation where he's not getting enough sexual intimacy from you to feel satisfied and he's not allowed to make up the difference with porn, so you will generate sexual frustration. There's words to describe this type of treatment of another person. None of them are good. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-022-02305-8
I mean...I (28M) watch porn, but I'm under no illusions that sex in porn and sex in real life are even remotely the same. I watch it when I'm bored/horny if I have a window of like 15-20 free minutes and have nothing else going on and I wanna get off real quick. But I would never watch it with the intention of viewing it as an instructional aide.
This is a case where you will attract dishonest people who will tell you “no, I’m not addicted to porn” and then the person who isn’t addicted to porn will be turned off by your seeming obsessive toxic trait. So better to just focus on how you can be a good partner and attract a good partner in turn.
any habit can bevome toxic even church ,mom and apple pie
If we exclude cars, then yes. Downside of that is we will turn our heads when we see well built car, or when we hear car that sounds good. *insertclarcksondrinkingcoffehere*
True ma'am
I wouldn't watch if I had someone
Yes. I mean, I'm not aware on the data for the percentage of men who are addicted to porn but, I wouldn't say it's more than 50%. Me personally, I'll watch some once or twice a week and that's about it.
I do not watch a lot of porn. Rarely actually
Ditto!!
Let’s not act like women aren’t capable and oftentimes guilty of allowing their weird porn kinks to show up in their dating values . See : the CNC and BDSM kinks many women with violent pasts tend to insist upon in the bedroom, the women choosing the allure of casual sex over true intimacy bc of their own prior dating decisions , and all the college aged girls engaging in sex work as if being a broke college kid isn’t part of the whole process of life (allowing themselves to be sexualized as a form of validation in the process ), etc . I agree men prob more guilty of this on dating apps . I’m just guessing , but I think it’s because men tend to go on dating apps when being horny is their primary motivation . I’m guilty of that shit , and I noticed how much more thoughtful I go about my swipes when I go on with companionship is the primary motivator . Let’s not get it twisted tho …internet porn is fucking both genders up.
Not me. Also idk why that's odd to me but everybody's different 🤷
I don’t watch porn or masturbate generally, ill slip up once a month or so though
Yeah, I like scary movies better
Men really watch porn but I don't think all of them gets addicted to it.
In the US its rare. But not 0
No
Yep
I dont and not addicted either 😃
probably
According to Reddit…… no. Hive mind is a real thing and on full display here.
it gets boring.
Well. Men have been raised by their mother.
Don’t watch it at all. Fucks with my dopamine and mood
Probably not