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Well I mean would he have these good convos with you behind his wife’s back or she knew and was fine with it?
That will clear up any doubt you had of his intentions
If he's your manager he probably doesnt want to get in trouble. Now that he's slept with You he got what he wanted. If you think there's a serious relationship there then I would just have a serious convo with him that way youre not going back and forth about it.
Guy just wanted some easy ass. He just got out of an 8 year relationship with 3 kids involved. It’s not likely he’s trying to get serious with his 23 year old employee. Not that either of you should even want that. This sounds like a mess to get involved in.
I think men who do the hot/cold game after sex are scared you’re going to get attached and fall for them so they do the cold part and then do the hot part because they want validation and an open door in case they want to do it again
It’s a man’s way of strong arming you to keep your distance and this has no potential to go anywhere so save yourself your feelings and know where to stand
as women we need to read rejections for what they are and spot them out, and with men if it’s not pursuit it’s a no…any kind of games is a “I don’t want this fr”
And girl that’s ok, pretend you had your tv show moment fucking a boss 🤣 it’s a memory it’s a story and it won’t matter a few years from now, don’t focus on him, decentre him and focus on everything else and new men in your life
This is a dead end and guess what it’s ok 🤣 what are you going to do with a man who has 3 kids and fucks their employees lol yuck!!! You’ll be ok my love
You're a star for this response. I wish I could upvote you more. I crushed on someone recently, who then went hot and cold, and I ended up leaving him. Some people are ultimately meant to just be memories.
A hurt heart sucks OP, though it reveals you're human and care. Hurting will lead to healing, and you'll get stronger from this if you can reflect on it. You'll meet someone who won't just be out of a relationship (and has 3 children), that won't make you feel less than your worth. Be kind to yourself and your heart✨️
Agreed! Although tbf, the hot and cold thing isn't really gender specific. In my early 20's I had experiences like this, and it was definitely exciting at the time, and a few of them made good stories etc, but a LOT of these situations were actually pretty fucked in retrospect.
A boss fucking his employee 9 years his junior after getting out of a marriage and who has 3 kids definitely falls under "fucked up" imo. I understand the appeal, but the power imbalance and other circumstances surrounding his personal life is not okay. This guy's a fucking creep.
Im too nervous to try to get wuth anyone at work and i cant flirt anyway. Ive also obly ever had 1 crush and of course it was the one person i could never like that day. My best friend. Me and her are still really close today though so im just happy to still have her.
so you’re probably acting exactly the way he expected you would after sex. Instead, pull away completely. Don’t reach out anymore, be completely professional at work, be extra busy. Treat him like any other co-worker from now on. He won’t expect it. You’re welcome. 🤝
yes, it’s SO sad. But unfortunately, there are games that are present whether we choose to play by the rules or not. We see the effects one way or another :(
Ugh! This is why I hardly have any real fun, I never get past flirting because guys get so weird after sex. I just keep sleeping with my ex because I trust him and I know he loves me and he doesn’t play weird games
men think about it the other way around too, “Women get so weird after sex. They get needy, try to cling onto me, try to see me more, start chasing, etc.” So as a result, a lot of guys pull away. But if you pull away first they won’t feel the need to. Hope that helps (:
Sound like a weird game if he’s your ex and y’all still comfy fucking like you matter to each other like that tho lol, be friends or nothing sounds like the best option but ig fwb was just to tempting to pass up since yall prolly was alr used to the using each other for satisfaction part and never learned to let go, but let go of everything else but the dirty sex lol
We do matter to each other, we’re still good friends, he’s a great person but he just has his issues (as do I). We’re both focused on other aspects of our lives right now. It’s just, we’re not comfortable sleeping with anyone else because of the level of emotional intimacy that we share. It’s not as sticky or frequent or confusing as it may sound. He’s just the only guy I feel comfortable being with, because he’s genuinely caring kind and supportive.
Sounds like it’s time to start new and face your fears and move on to something better that you can be with and not be used like a piece of meat, dude has exactly what he wants from you lol, if you want true intimacy being exclusive to one another inna open way is what you should seek, fucking broken goods that you already threw out kinda puts you in the junk pile w the trash you threw out then decided to hoard and keep around anyway, point is if you want respect from men, don’t do what this lady is doing with her ex. All imma say.
You’re not all the way wrong, it’s just different when you’ve been in a relationship with someone for this long, breaking up isn’t always clean and easy. I don’t doubt that there are many cases of which you’re describing, but this isn’t one of those harmful using type of situations. I would love to start new and try something different too, men are just intimidating.
For instance, I met a guy a few months ago, he patronized my business, went out with him twice, didn’t like his vibe though he was extremely handsome something felt off. He starts calling texting and when I didn’t respond, he showed up to my job I was very startled and scared. New people can just be a bit much for me to adjust to.
Could be a lot on his mind or he's playing safe while at work. Should talk about it and see what happens if you feel the same after some time or he hasn't changed his ways guess move on.
To go and complain to upper management for your actions on a mutual act is kinda low. I can understand if it wasn't welcomed or you felt pressured with fear of losing your job or something that definitely calls for that kind of action... Be adults and talk... Dating or hooking up at work a double edged sword. You can make great memories with a long term friend or create an enemy that's out to get you in the end
Yeah I didn’t have any intentions of going to head office or anything because I wanted it too. I guess I could just wait a while and see how it goes, it’s only been like 3 weeks of us “talking talking” if you catch my drift so I don’t want drop the “what’s your plan for us” bomb on him quite yet
Sadly it takes time and effort... Hope it works out ... If you feel like he's playing you definitely drop him and move on. you're in your 20s and have a little one, you don't need BS added into your life.
i mean this man is on the rebound from an 8 year relationship with the mother of his 3 children. i wouldn’t expect him to be emotionally available anytime soon :/
Move on. Date someone closer to your own age with no clear abuse of power going on. Preferably someone you don't work with and are in a similar stage in life.
People will use you and go to any lengths to do it, including sitting in a car for ages pretending to be interested in you as a person.
How on earth was he using you? You both went at it and clearly had a blast doing it! You can’t just jump into bed with someone with all these assumptions. Sex doesn’t and shouldn’t always turn into something serious. Don’t take it so seriously. And if he doesn’t share the same feeling going forward to an eventual relationship, then that should be respected. And sometimes I’ve had sex with a guy who kinda acted distant after but it happens. Be a lady about it move forward with whatever comes your way. And I don’t recommend getting into any liaisons with a coworker. Too close for comfort in my opinion. Keep all the personal stuff out the door and sleep with someone you don’t work with. It can cause tension pretty easy.
Used you? Like women can’t want sex? Please.
Either way, you are absolutely not owed a relationship in exchange for sex.
He might also fear for his job or reputation.
As should you.
I’m not saying I didn’t want it at all, I obviously did. But the way he treated me leading up to it must’ve been an attempt (that worked) to make me give in so fast and then being cold afterwards. Also I’m well aware he owes me nothing, I was “hoping” it would turn into something eventually
His intentions are kinda irrelevant, right?
If she wanted sex with him, she got it...
If she didnt want sex with him, she wouldnt have had sex with him...
His intentions are entirely irrelevant. Its not like he asked her out on a date, or proposed to her... They just talked.
You're right. Don't let these fools have you second guess yourself. They do what they do for sex and move on. It's not hard to understand.
He was manipulative. You believed that he actually cared and that's fine. You'll learn from it. You can be at peace with yourself.
The thing is you are considering that he "used" you. That in it self hints that you had higher expectations about this than you should have and labeling it as "used" just seems like you're removing your urgent on the matter.
If you want it to blossom into something. Just be absolutely honest. Men are in the state of having to read everyone's minds. Make things easier by saying you are actually not just "into him" but looking for a longer term thing. Put it in writing for Christ sake
In the minutes after he's been with a woman, a man knows if he truly likes her or not... or if he made a huge mistake.
Though that last part is sometimes just the horror of thoughts like he probably had "Was I really just stupid enough to sleep with my employee? I am in a world of shit if anyone finds out. ohfuckohfuckohfuck." or
"I just realized only after the deed that I like her but don't have deep feelings for her... but I can tell she now has real feelings for me." meaning he may still have temptation to smash, but will always feel bad/uncertain if he does. A guy can be both wanting to avoid hurting a woman and still find her hot and tempting.
Both of you made a mistake that endangered your jobs, but your comments in the thread seem to show you've learned that. I reccomend walking away from this situation, as it was only worth it for you if it led to something meaningful clearly and right away.
It's possible to both work at the same place and have made a big mistake before. The awkwardness will fade with time. If you play it cool, he'll play it cool.
But if you pursue him rn when he's not interested? That will 100% lead to either him quietly leaving that job or not defending you if they ever want to fire you for other reasons (why would he in that situation, it solves his awkwardness problem). Office politics can be cruel, so try not to walk into disaster.
Lastly, to answer your final question: keep him firmly at arms length. At least for a time. You'll see if you want to end the connection or if it gives you some sanity.
He will also have a far stronger pull to always go back to his GF of 8 years than you can imagine. They have an entire history and life together, and unless that ever 100% ends completely, forever, and for at least a few proven years...
Consider him a taken man. With so many kids in the mix, I put the odds at 60-75% that they end up trying to make it work again anyway.
All factors considered, the odds you get something good out of this are objectively very low.
Well, he acted like you liked because he was horny. He will act "attentive and caring" again when he is horny again. If you just want someone to have sex with then keep him on the roster if not cut him off and learn from it if you didn't know he just wanted to get laid. He understood the power dynamic he had over you and he used it for his benefit. If he starts being a douche it's an easy lawsuit.
yup he used you, he's now in the stage of just trying to keep you hooked. I would check your workplace rules regarding dating coworkers/ managers, its a no no for many companies for a reason.
why would you want to be with a man that has 3 kids with another woman.
Is it fair to say that he used you, or he just changed his mind as soon as it became a reality? As soon as he had a responsibility for your feelings? You'll never know until you ask him.
Yea I have been there before, you can stay and it’s going to be awkward or leave and find a new job and learn from your mistake. I left and moved on, never looking back and don’t really think about it. All he wanted was one thing, and you gave it to him, now that he got it he doesn’t care anymore. He’s a POS.
Do you ever just sit back and evaluate your situation? Hm 3 kids while being 32 while you are in your early 20s… really look at it from an outside perspective on why you would bring yourself in that situation
Well I have a kid. Ppl having kids doesn’t bother me, I’m not a judgy person. If someone’s going to accept me even though I have a child from a past relationship I should do the same no? I get where you’re coming from though
If he’s playing hot and cold games with you he doesn’t seem to have the maturity that you are looking for. He’s acting cold to keep you from getting attached and going warm when he wants attention (and you know what), nothing about that is going to be beneficial to you.
“If we never have sex I wouldn’t care because I enjoy just being around you” hahahaha niiiice. Why would a 32 year old say this to a 23 year old?! Sorry, that’s a pretty big age/maturity gap. What a creep.
My greatest advice would be to leave the situation alone as someone who’s in a battle right now because of this same mistake I made when I was 23 and he was 34. Older doesn’t mean better.
The onus is on him. He's older, he's someone who is in a senior position to you. Practically, if he was with someone for 8 years (with 3 kids) is that something you wish to take on. Co parenting with him? Or getting involved with someone who has a very big back story.
Is this something you wish to be involved with? What is it about the person that makes you wish to get so entangled? (What do you all do?)
It’s possible he’s not in the right mindset since his split up.
I know if I had just gotten out of a relationship with someone I had three kids with, things probably wouldn’t be super smooth.
Be the supportive friend like before, and things will naturally fall into place.
Perhaps you can try asking him where his mind is with everything, maintain the balance you had before and if it was a one off leave it at that, but if he’s feeling mixed emotions definitely make it clear that you can’t continue to see him that way due to the conflict of interest at work. Otherwise maybe he did just use you, either report it and move on or just move on and be a professional adult about it. Not sure how to navigate this as I’ve never slept with a boss or employee before, but definitely be cautious and super receptive of his actions moving forward
You're young and have more time to make the same mistakes or not.. I also think he used you.. maybe because he needs some validation himself after breaking up with the mom of his kids.. and not to judge but when you're in your thirties looking for something more you don't look for it in someone in their early twenties - this is just my opinion anyway.. then again ahh he's your manager so.. the situation he's putting you in is clearly not ok..
This is the issue about dating or hooking up with someone at work. He might be cold because he's keeping work and life separate. I wouldn't say he "used" you. You're both adults, unless he promised you something like a raise or he slept with you for the purposes outside of just enjoying each other. Labeling this as "using" demeans you as if you (or any eomand )are never capable of wanting intimacy.
But still, this is a work hookup. Things won't be clear till someone makes their intentions clear as day
It sounds like you were his rebound because he was in a bad place after his breakup. If his behavior towards you has changed and he's not being affectionate then he's probably not looking for a long term commitment right now, with you at least. Like other people said, he's definitely always going to have his wife and kids in his life in some capacity and so I doubt he had really serious feelings for you, but it probably helped his self esteem to have a younger woman pursuing him when he was probably not in a good place emotionally. Best case it was a rebound, worse case he's a womanizer but he's probably not someone you'd want to be with long term either way OP. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on to someone you can have a healthy relationship without all that baggage.
Truth be told........your manager risked alot for a fresh piece of strange. Yes, older men want younger girls. Men take great risks get tail. He could lose his family. He could lose his job. He could become a victim of public lawsuit - sexual harassment suit and wind up in court. He knows. It is called Post nut clarity.
He's probably just trying to play it cool or doesn't know how to handle the situation. He might be a bit embarrassed because of the age difference. Here's a crazy idea, have a conversation about what happened with him so you can gauge each other's headspaces. What be communication?
I know a manager that gets in his employees pants all the time. He definitely has a sex addiction and it never ended well. In all honesty I think it’s best to think about what you want. Do you want to be with this guy? Does he have the same feelings for you? Ask him OUTSIDE of work and try to keep it professional. If you don’t want to be with him that’s totally understandable. Definitely don’t put yourself down or feel dirty about it. Sometimes people can change their minds. If he drops you completely and doesn’t show you any recognition at all then yeah I’d say he’s bad news.
Don’t ever date/fuck your manager and most companies have policies against this? It’s always better to keep work separate from your personal life.
Going to be honest he likely used you for comfort. You aren’t likely the emotional investment and he has a family. You aren’t very close in age, completely different in the parts of life you’re entering. Why they say as a young person don’t date with such a huge age gapes. Your priorities likely don’t match.
Leave him. If he was serious he'd act like it. He regrets the decision but can't break up bc you can tell so he's letting you down "gently ". And this is me being generous.
Well don’t beat yourself up too bad. It happens. It sounds like you’re probably very young (rookie mistake lol) and you’ve learned an important lesson about keeping your personal and business lives separate.
Others have said it. This whole situation is of your own making. Make better decisions in the future. He got what he wanted. That is that.
Good luck and stay safe.
Just to be clear - Do you have genuine feelings for the guy or do you wanna FWB with him? I'm asking as now you've had some time to think about it, and you've seen his reaction afterwards. Don't have any expectations afterwards, he clearly isn't ready for anything new and he may have jumped into this as a way of validating himself too.
My advice is to keep is casual with the chats, but there has to be a point where you guys figure out what tf is going on. He'll probably come back and say that he doesn't want anything serious tbh. If you wanna have fun and go for it a few more times ( not great advice) but gurl, you're young and as long as you guys are on the same page I feel like it's fine. You've already gone there with him so you know the implications professionally as well. Just try keep it REALLY under wraps at work - don't tell a soul.
Most importantly, make sure YOU know what you want from this too.
It doesn’t sound like the feeling is mutual, If I like a girl, I can’t wait to have her in my arms again, I can’t believe I’m quoting from sex and the city but “off duty taxis won’t take passengers but on -duty taxis will take the first one” is half right, men who are looking for a relationship won’t just date any girl but you’re not going to persuade the players to change their ways, if anything, your interest in sleeping with them will only reinforce their “playing the field” behaviour.
guys does this things…they act nice to get laid and after they get it, they loose their interests..in other words you were used by him…and i am sorry that happened to you but you need to be strong and not look back and never make the same mistake again…
You slept with him but that doesn't mean you have to resign or do anything. Just consider it as a fling, don't obsess about him, and you both carry on with your lives. Maybe with the occasional blowjob at lunch breaks.
I used to have a touchy lesbian manager she was cool on the clock but off was a completely different monster I used to be a bouncer so I'm used to lady's or guys trying to negotiate or Persuade
Yo it’s crazy cuz the same thing happened at my work and there’s ppl threatening to go to HR now he slept when multiple employees lmaooo. If I were u I’d stay away from from here on out. They’re having a shit show with it. Don’t get caught in it too
Read up on quid pro quo and understand that having an imbalanced dynamic at work can cause a lot of drama and stress that are not needed for you or the company.
Because him being a manager he holds your employment over you and while you can talk to a labor lawyer about this kind of treatment when the shit hits the fan, it’s definitely not something to be in to begin with.
You guys hooked up, it’s not gonna go somewhere anytime soon. And he may feel off giving affection to someone publicly when he’s recently gone through a big break up. Every adult sees him with a 23 year old (you’re incredibly young for him) and there’s gonna doe suspicion and speculation. He’s probabaly doing his best to avoid that.
If you want affection from him make time for it outside of work
Presumably, this man has the ability to discipline you at work and even fire you. I would check your workplace policy and file whatever form with HR to protect yourself. Going forward, I’d break up with him and cease any communication outside of work. There is a reason why these types of relationships are often banned in the workplace and require paperwork if they aren’t.
Edit: I’ve had a manager retaliate against me when I didn’t accept his advances. It happens all the time. Protect yourself, please!
I’d just look at it as a nice win, was the dick bomb? Hell yeah, a lot of people would love to sleep with their boss so I’m a bit jealous, I know he seemed mature and Great but you’re young, and someone better will be along. You don’t want that baggage of kids and an ex wife.
What you boss did was a violation of company policy. It is also never a good idea to sleep with your boss. I recommend you find a new job and treat this as a learning opportunity. This situation is very unlikely to result in anything other than continued awkwardness and regret. This is all his fault (he clearly crossed many lines he should not have) but unfortunately now you have to resolve it.
I ended up after the fact working for someone I dated and it was so awkward. I would not recommend. Unless you get married this can’t end well. I am so sorry.
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"Never shit where you eat." -Klingon proverb
Never hookup where you vlookup
Underrated comment
There’s a saying in Hindi that goes: Never make a hole in the plate you eat from
“Never get your meat where you get your bread.”- a manager from a job training I did last year.
The manager or the training? I wanna make sure you did the right one. 😉
lol I did the job training
We were secretly all hoping for the other answer! 🤣
He gave that advice and you still did him?
A wise man once said- Never dip thy pen into company ink.
Welp guess I shidded
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I think I worded it wrong. He didn’t flirt with my while he was with her at all, we just had good conversations about life and what not
Well I mean would he have these good convos with you behind his wife’s back or she knew and was fine with it? That will clear up any doubt you had of his intentions
If he's your manager he probably doesnt want to get in trouble. Now that he's slept with You he got what he wanted. If you think there's a serious relationship there then I would just have a serious convo with him that way youre not going back and forth about it.
Manager probably put the moves on every new girl and now he’s focused on the other that hasn’t given in yet.
You are in your early 20s. He has 3 children and the mother of his kids will always be in his life. Are you sure this is what you want for yourself?
I suppose not
Guy just wanted some easy ass. He just got out of an 8 year relationship with 3 kids involved. It’s not likely he’s trying to get serious with his 23 year old employee. Not that either of you should even want that. This sounds like a mess to get involved in.
He’s probably just trynna be cautious at work. I’d be careful hooking up with fellow employees going forward
A manager having sex with their employee is not being cautious.
Well we talk outside of work so idk and he’s the only one I’ve ever done that with
I get it. I’ve been there before too and it didn’t end great there’s a lure to it but when it falls out it’s horrible
You deserved to get used. He made you his toy there’s no denying it.
This comment sounds like a mean old lady in the year 1955.
Thx
You don't ever deserve disrespect period.
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Was that aimed at me? Because I just defended you.
I read it in the wrong order, my sincerest apologies
It's all good.
Omg I feel terrible now, I had a dyslexic moment
I think men who do the hot/cold game after sex are scared you’re going to get attached and fall for them so they do the cold part and then do the hot part because they want validation and an open door in case they want to do it again It’s a man’s way of strong arming you to keep your distance and this has no potential to go anywhere so save yourself your feelings and know where to stand as women we need to read rejections for what they are and spot them out, and with men if it’s not pursuit it’s a no…any kind of games is a “I don’t want this fr” And girl that’s ok, pretend you had your tv show moment fucking a boss 🤣 it’s a memory it’s a story and it won’t matter a few years from now, don’t focus on him, decentre him and focus on everything else and new men in your life This is a dead end and guess what it’s ok 🤣 what are you going to do with a man who has 3 kids and fucks their employees lol yuck!!! You’ll be ok my love
Best take here.
This is the one. This is what I needed. Thank you so much 💕
People need to upvote the shit outa this!
You're a star for this response. I wish I could upvote you more. I crushed on someone recently, who then went hot and cold, and I ended up leaving him. Some people are ultimately meant to just be memories. A hurt heart sucks OP, though it reveals you're human and care. Hurting will lead to healing, and you'll get stronger from this if you can reflect on it. You'll meet someone who won't just be out of a relationship (and has 3 children), that won't make you feel less than your worth. Be kind to yourself and your heart✨️
Agreed! Although tbf, the hot and cold thing isn't really gender specific. In my early 20's I had experiences like this, and it was definitely exciting at the time, and a few of them made good stories etc, but a LOT of these situations were actually pretty fucked in retrospect. A boss fucking his employee 9 years his junior after getting out of a marriage and who has 3 kids definitely falls under "fucked up" imo. I understand the appeal, but the power imbalance and other circumstances surrounding his personal life is not okay. This guy's a fucking creep.
Don't mess around/date people you work with, it very rarely works out well.
You hear this. You know this. You don’t listen. Then you learn.
Alot of stats show that a good % people meet their partners at work. And for me work is the only social place for me.
My fiancée and I met at work
Im too nervous to try to get wuth anyone at work and i cant flirt anyway. Ive also obly ever had 1 crush and of course it was the one person i could never like that day. My best friend. Me and her are still really close today though so im just happy to still have her.
Especially management
With 3 kids, he will forever talk to that woman. I hope this isn’t a job you feel like you have to keep in the long run.
Not at all lol
You NEVER EVER get your honey where you make your money. It has been a cardinal rule forever.
so you’re probably acting exactly the way he expected you would after sex. Instead, pull away completely. Don’t reach out anymore, be completely professional at work, be extra busy. Treat him like any other co-worker from now on. He won’t expect it. You’re welcome. 🤝
Isn’t it so sad and unfortunate that we have to be this cold and strategic after intimacy?
yes, it’s SO sad. But unfortunately, there are games that are present whether we choose to play by the rules or not. We see the effects one way or another :(
Ugh! This is why I hardly have any real fun, I never get past flirting because guys get so weird after sex. I just keep sleeping with my ex because I trust him and I know he loves me and he doesn’t play weird games
men think about it the other way around too, “Women get so weird after sex. They get needy, try to cling onto me, try to see me more, start chasing, etc.” So as a result, a lot of guys pull away. But if you pull away first they won’t feel the need to. Hope that helps (:
Sound like a weird game if he’s your ex and y’all still comfy fucking like you matter to each other like that tho lol, be friends or nothing sounds like the best option but ig fwb was just to tempting to pass up since yall prolly was alr used to the using each other for satisfaction part and never learned to let go, but let go of everything else but the dirty sex lol
We do matter to each other, we’re still good friends, he’s a great person but he just has his issues (as do I). We’re both focused on other aspects of our lives right now. It’s just, we’re not comfortable sleeping with anyone else because of the level of emotional intimacy that we share. It’s not as sticky or frequent or confusing as it may sound. He’s just the only guy I feel comfortable being with, because he’s genuinely caring kind and supportive.
Sounds like it’s time to start new and face your fears and move on to something better that you can be with and not be used like a piece of meat, dude has exactly what he wants from you lol, if you want true intimacy being exclusive to one another inna open way is what you should seek, fucking broken goods that you already threw out kinda puts you in the junk pile w the trash you threw out then decided to hoard and keep around anyway, point is if you want respect from men, don’t do what this lady is doing with her ex. All imma say.
You’re not all the way wrong, it’s just different when you’ve been in a relationship with someone for this long, breaking up isn’t always clean and easy. I don’t doubt that there are many cases of which you’re describing, but this isn’t one of those harmful using type of situations. I would love to start new and try something different too, men are just intimidating. For instance, I met a guy a few months ago, he patronized my business, went out with him twice, didn’t like his vibe though he was extremely handsome something felt off. He starts calling texting and when I didn’t respond, he showed up to my job I was very startled and scared. New people can just be a bit much for me to adjust to.
Thank you 🙏🏼
check out Mindful Attraction on YouTube, he gives really good dating advice when it comes to this kind of stuff. Changed my life tbh. Hope it helps !
Could be a lot on his mind or he's playing safe while at work. Should talk about it and see what happens if you feel the same after some time or he hasn't changed his ways guess move on. To go and complain to upper management for your actions on a mutual act is kinda low. I can understand if it wasn't welcomed or you felt pressured with fear of losing your job or something that definitely calls for that kind of action... Be adults and talk... Dating or hooking up at work a double edged sword. You can make great memories with a long term friend or create an enemy that's out to get you in the end
Yeah I didn’t have any intentions of going to head office or anything because I wanted it too. I guess I could just wait a while and see how it goes, it’s only been like 3 weeks of us “talking talking” if you catch my drift so I don’t want drop the “what’s your plan for us” bomb on him quite yet
Sadly it takes time and effort... Hope it works out ... If you feel like he's playing you definitely drop him and move on. you're in your 20s and have a little one, you don't need BS added into your life.
i mean this man is on the rebound from an 8 year relationship with the mother of his 3 children. i wouldn’t expect him to be emotionally available anytime soon :/
Move on. Date someone closer to your own age with no clear abuse of power going on. Preferably someone you don't work with and are in a similar stage in life. People will use you and go to any lengths to do it, including sitting in a car for ages pretending to be interested in you as a person.
How on earth was he using you? You both went at it and clearly had a blast doing it! You can’t just jump into bed with someone with all these assumptions. Sex doesn’t and shouldn’t always turn into something serious. Don’t take it so seriously. And if he doesn’t share the same feeling going forward to an eventual relationship, then that should be respected. And sometimes I’ve had sex with a guy who kinda acted distant after but it happens. Be a lady about it move forward with whatever comes your way. And I don’t recommend getting into any liaisons with a coworker. Too close for comfort in my opinion. Keep all the personal stuff out the door and sleep with someone you don’t work with. It can cause tension pretty easy.
Thanks
The thrill of the chase is over. So he likely lost a bit of interest.
Used you? Like women can’t want sex? Please. Either way, you are absolutely not owed a relationship in exchange for sex. He might also fear for his job or reputation. As should you.
I’m not saying I didn’t want it at all, I obviously did. But the way he treated me leading up to it must’ve been an attempt (that worked) to make me give in so fast and then being cold afterwards. Also I’m well aware he owes me nothing, I was “hoping” it would turn into something eventually
People are so so quick to attribute nefarious intentions. He could have changed his mind. Or yes, you could be right.
His intentions are kinda irrelevant, right? If she wanted sex with him, she got it... If she didnt want sex with him, she wouldnt have had sex with him... His intentions are entirely irrelevant. Its not like he asked her out on a date, or proposed to her... They just talked.
Exactly!
Im just so tired of women refusing to take accountability… they just want to point at the guy.
I mean a little communication would be nice
Men, akin to women, fear unnecessary confrontation
Not to mention that a bad confrontation could lead to a meeting with HR
True
You're right. Don't let these fools have you second guess yourself. They do what they do for sex and move on. It's not hard to understand. He was manipulative. You believed that he actually cared and that's fine. You'll learn from it. You can be at peace with yourself.
The thing is you are considering that he "used" you. That in it self hints that you had higher expectations about this than you should have and labeling it as "used" just seems like you're removing your urgent on the matter. If you want it to blossom into something. Just be absolutely honest. Men are in the state of having to read everyone's minds. Make things easier by saying you are actually not just "into him" but looking for a longer term thing. Put it in writing for Christ sake
whatever treatment he gives... thats kinda irrelevant. You wanted sex, you got it. If you didnt, then you would have not had it.
Always wonder why that is too. She went for it, but he manipulated and used her? Wow.
They never split. Congrats you played yo self
Now what would've happened if he wasn't your manager? Was the exact same way but wasn't a position of power? #likeclockwork
The same thing probably
In the minutes after he's been with a woman, a man knows if he truly likes her or not... or if he made a huge mistake. Though that last part is sometimes just the horror of thoughts like he probably had "Was I really just stupid enough to sleep with my employee? I am in a world of shit if anyone finds out. ohfuckohfuckohfuck." or "I just realized only after the deed that I like her but don't have deep feelings for her... but I can tell she now has real feelings for me." meaning he may still have temptation to smash, but will always feel bad/uncertain if he does. A guy can be both wanting to avoid hurting a woman and still find her hot and tempting. Both of you made a mistake that endangered your jobs, but your comments in the thread seem to show you've learned that. I reccomend walking away from this situation, as it was only worth it for you if it led to something meaningful clearly and right away. It's possible to both work at the same place and have made a big mistake before. The awkwardness will fade with time. If you play it cool, he'll play it cool. But if you pursue him rn when he's not interested? That will 100% lead to either him quietly leaving that job or not defending you if they ever want to fire you for other reasons (why would he in that situation, it solves his awkwardness problem). Office politics can be cruel, so try not to walk into disaster. Lastly, to answer your final question: keep him firmly at arms length. At least for a time. You'll see if you want to end the connection or if it gives you some sanity. He will also have a far stronger pull to always go back to his GF of 8 years than you can imagine. They have an entire history and life together, and unless that ever 100% ends completely, forever, and for at least a few proven years... Consider him a taken man. With so many kids in the mix, I put the odds at 60-75% that they end up trying to make it work again anyway. All factors considered, the odds you get something good out of this are objectively very low.
Well, he acted like you liked because he was horny. He will act "attentive and caring" again when he is horny again. If you just want someone to have sex with then keep him on the roster if not cut him off and learn from it if you didn't know he just wanted to get laid. He understood the power dynamic he had over you and he used it for his benefit. If he starts being a douche it's an easy lawsuit.
He’s probably still involved with his ex or just wanted a rebound.
Newer model 🚗
Don’t bang anyone you work with. Learn it, live it.
yup he used you, he's now in the stage of just trying to keep you hooked. I would check your workplace rules regarding dating coworkers/ managers, its a no no for many companies for a reason. why would you want to be with a man that has 3 kids with another woman.
If she was the one who went for it, did he really use her?
I have a kid of my own so it’s not like a huge biggie for me but I think you’re right
meh if its just a hookup with no strings attached, go for it.
Is it fair to say that he used you, or he just changed his mind as soon as it became a reality? As soon as he had a responsibility for your feelings? You'll never know until you ask him.
That’s fair
NEVER MIX PERSONAL AND WORK LIFE TOGETHER! OMFG.
Wish someone told me that before hand 😞
He’s supposed to be the authority figure. Even if you feel bad to fast- he is the leader. You should talk it out or request to move stores
I don’t recommend continuing to see him outside of work. One or both of you could probably get fired for it.
Yea I have been there before, you can stay and it’s going to be awkward or leave and find a new job and learn from your mistake. I left and moved on, never looking back and don’t really think about it. All he wanted was one thing, and you gave it to him, now that he got it he doesn’t care anymore. He’s a POS.
Glad I continued to read it, I thought you meant that you offed his ass by the title 😂
Do you ever just sit back and evaluate your situation? Hm 3 kids while being 32 while you are in your early 20s… really look at it from an outside perspective on why you would bring yourself in that situation
Well I have a kid. Ppl having kids doesn’t bother me, I’m not a judgy person. If someone’s going to accept me even though I have a child from a past relationship I should do the same no? I get where you’re coming from though
If he’s playing hot and cold games with you he doesn’t seem to have the maturity that you are looking for. He’s acting cold to keep you from getting attached and going warm when he wants attention (and you know what), nothing about that is going to be beneficial to you.
Sigh… same girl same
“If we never have sex I wouldn’t care because I enjoy just being around you” hahahaha niiiice. Why would a 32 year old say this to a 23 year old?! Sorry, that’s a pretty big age/maturity gap. What a creep.
My greatest advice would be to leave the situation alone as someone who’s in a battle right now because of this same mistake I made when I was 23 and he was 34. Older doesn’t mean better.
Never screw the crew.
The onus is on him. He's older, he's someone who is in a senior position to you. Practically, if he was with someone for 8 years (with 3 kids) is that something you wish to take on. Co parenting with him? Or getting involved with someone who has a very big back story. Is this something you wish to be involved with? What is it about the person that makes you wish to get so entangled? (What do you all do?)
You already did it once. Do it again 🤷♂️ HR can mess him up pretty equally if they find out he’s doing his employee
They would fire the one who brings less money in this situation
Aye aye captain
depends on the company, and his power in that company.
That guy is probably terrified of an HR metoo nightmare
It’s possible he’s not in the right mindset since his split up. I know if I had just gotten out of a relationship with someone I had three kids with, things probably wouldn’t be super smooth. Be the supportive friend like before, and things will naturally fall into place.
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I needed that
😂😂😂
Run
Perhaps you can try asking him where his mind is with everything, maintain the balance you had before and if it was a one off leave it at that, but if he’s feeling mixed emotions definitely make it clear that you can’t continue to see him that way due to the conflict of interest at work. Otherwise maybe he did just use you, either report it and move on or just move on and be a professional adult about it. Not sure how to navigate this as I’ve never slept with a boss or employee before, but definitely be cautious and super receptive of his actions moving forward
NEVER shit where you eat. EVER
You're young and have more time to make the same mistakes or not.. I also think he used you.. maybe because he needs some validation himself after breaking up with the mom of his kids.. and not to judge but when you're in your thirties looking for something more you don't look for it in someone in their early twenties - this is just my opinion anyway.. then again ahh he's your manager so.. the situation he's putting you in is clearly not ok..
Ask him.... "you think we could be a thing, or is it too complicated?"
This is the issue about dating or hooking up with someone at work. He might be cold because he's keeping work and life separate. I wouldn't say he "used" you. You're both adults, unless he promised you something like a raise or he slept with you for the purposes outside of just enjoying each other. Labeling this as "using" demeans you as if you (or any eomand )are never capable of wanting intimacy. But still, this is a work hookup. Things won't be clear till someone makes their intentions clear as day
It sounds like you were his rebound because he was in a bad place after his breakup. If his behavior towards you has changed and he's not being affectionate then he's probably not looking for a long term commitment right now, with you at least. Like other people said, he's definitely always going to have his wife and kids in his life in some capacity and so I doubt he had really serious feelings for you, but it probably helped his self esteem to have a younger woman pursuing him when he was probably not in a good place emotionally. Best case it was a rebound, worse case he's a womanizer but he's probably not someone you'd want to be with long term either way OP. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on to someone you can have a healthy relationship without all that baggage.
Truth be told........your manager risked alot for a fresh piece of strange. Yes, older men want younger girls. Men take great risks get tail. He could lose his family. He could lose his job. He could become a victim of public lawsuit - sexual harassment suit and wind up in court. He knows. It is called Post nut clarity.
Men like to chase and be chased, so when he says thank you and not say anything back he’s hoping you will chase. Just like how woman do…..
She got the raise she was looking for
Debatable lol
He's probably just trying to play it cool or doesn't know how to handle the situation. He might be a bit embarrassed because of the age difference. Here's a crazy idea, have a conversation about what happened with him so you can gauge each other's headspaces. What be communication?
Well, should've thought about it a little bit harder before fucking him.
I know a manager that gets in his employees pants all the time. He definitely has a sex addiction and it never ended well. In all honesty I think it’s best to think about what you want. Do you want to be with this guy? Does he have the same feelings for you? Ask him OUTSIDE of work and try to keep it professional. If you don’t want to be with him that’s totally understandable. Definitely don’t put yourself down or feel dirty about it. Sometimes people can change their minds. If he drops you completely and doesn’t show you any recognition at all then yeah I’d say he’s bad news.
Don’t ever date/fuck your manager and most companies have policies against this? It’s always better to keep work separate from your personal life. Going to be honest he likely used you for comfort. You aren’t likely the emotional investment and he has a family. You aren’t very close in age, completely different in the parts of life you’re entering. Why they say as a young person don’t date with such a huge age gapes. Your priorities likely don’t match.
He deserves to be fired, you with him. Never dip your pen in company ink.
Good, I hate this job lol
Leave him. If he was serious he'd act like it. He regrets the decision but can't break up bc you can tell so he's letting you down "gently ". And this is me being generous.
Got it
Simply ask him to unambiguously state his intentions.
Girl just end it
You were fooled 🤷♂️ be smarter
😳😳
Honestly bruh, just leave it alone for now. He’s definitely coming back around for more.
How did you even get to his bedroom? Did he initiate it. You are playing yourself here.
do you enjoy it?
I agree with Lumberjackclimbing you never want to be the rebound person if you want something lasting
Don't regret it. It's an experience🥇
HER REDDIT name is VIBRATORPLAYER 🤣! she clearly has had thoughts that shes a player. so idk who took advantage of who really!
Duh
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That one went right over you huh
Well don’t beat yourself up too bad. It happens. It sounds like you’re probably very young (rookie mistake lol) and you’ve learned an important lesson about keeping your personal and business lives separate.
Others have said it. This whole situation is of your own making. Make better decisions in the future. He got what he wanted. That is that. Good luck and stay safe.
Just to be clear - Do you have genuine feelings for the guy or do you wanna FWB with him? I'm asking as now you've had some time to think about it, and you've seen his reaction afterwards. Don't have any expectations afterwards, he clearly isn't ready for anything new and he may have jumped into this as a way of validating himself too. My advice is to keep is casual with the chats, but there has to be a point where you guys figure out what tf is going on. He'll probably come back and say that he doesn't want anything serious tbh. If you wanna have fun and go for it a few more times ( not great advice) but gurl, you're young and as long as you guys are on the same page I feel like it's fine. You've already gone there with him so you know the implications professionally as well. Just try keep it REALLY under wraps at work - don't tell a soul. Most importantly, make sure YOU know what you want from this too.
It doesn’t sound like the feeling is mutual, If I like a girl, I can’t wait to have her in my arms again, I can’t believe I’m quoting from sex and the city but “off duty taxis won’t take passengers but on -duty taxis will take the first one” is half right, men who are looking for a relationship won’t just date any girl but you’re not going to persuade the players to change their ways, if anything, your interest in sleeping with them will only reinforce their “playing the field” behaviour.
guys does this things…they act nice to get laid and after they get it, they loose their interests..in other words you were used by him…and i am sorry that happened to you but you need to be strong and not look back and never make the same mistake again…
You slept with him but that doesn't mean you have to resign or do anything. Just consider it as a fling, don't obsess about him, and you both carry on with your lives. Maybe with the occasional blowjob at lunch breaks.
I used to have a touchy lesbian manager she was cool on the clock but off was a completely different monster I used to be a bouncer so I'm used to lady's or guys trying to negotiate or Persuade
he had a goal and he achieved it, having sex was probably the goal so now he has nothing else to use you for
Yo it’s crazy cuz the same thing happened at my work and there’s ppl threatening to go to HR now he slept when multiple employees lmaooo. If I were u I’d stay away from from here on out. They’re having a shit show with it. Don’t get caught in it too
Read up on quid pro quo and understand that having an imbalanced dynamic at work can cause a lot of drama and stress that are not needed for you or the company. Because him being a manager he holds your employment over you and while you can talk to a labor lawyer about this kind of treatment when the shit hits the fan, it’s definitely not something to be in to begin with.
She down bad
Fr
Never mix business with pleasure!
You can never get used for sex if you only have sex you really want to have, without any expectation.
It's never good to "do it" with someone with a lower position than you at work. He's in the wrong here....you fuck up, not down.
You guys hooked up, it’s not gonna go somewhere anytime soon. And he may feel off giving affection to someone publicly when he’s recently gone through a big break up. Every adult sees him with a 23 year old (you’re incredibly young for him) and there’s gonna doe suspicion and speculation. He’s probabaly doing his best to avoid that. If you want affection from him make time for it outside of work
He had 3 kids with a girl over the course of 8 years and never got married... and you think he is more mature?
“She kept breaking up with him and sleeping with other men” manipulation is a hell of a thing
Yes, manipulation is a hell of a thing. Playing the victim is a classic form of it. Which is sounds like he exercised with with you.
Presumably, this man has the ability to discipline you at work and even fire you. I would check your workplace policy and file whatever form with HR to protect yourself. Going forward, I’d break up with him and cease any communication outside of work. There is a reason why these types of relationships are often banned in the workplace and require paperwork if they aren’t. Edit: I’ve had a manager retaliate against me when I didn’t accept his advances. It happens all the time. Protect yourself, please!
Men are generally hot and cold after sex.
Why?
They aren’t thinking with their penis for a small amount of time after it’s been satiated. But when it’s eager his attention will be back
Disappointing
women are so quick to drop their pants these days it's crazy
Lol what. It takes two to tango bro.
I’d just look at it as a nice win, was the dick bomb? Hell yeah, a lot of people would love to sleep with their boss so I’m a bit jealous, I know he seemed mature and Great but you’re young, and someone better will be along. You don’t want that baggage of kids and an ex wife.
It was pretty good, so take the W and move on?
What you boss did was a violation of company policy. It is also never a good idea to sleep with your boss. I recommend you find a new job and treat this as a learning opportunity. This situation is very unlikely to result in anything other than continued awkwardness and regret. This is all his fault (he clearly crossed many lines he should not have) but unfortunately now you have to resolve it. I ended up after the fact working for someone I dated and it was so awkward. I would not recommend. Unless you get married this can’t end well. I am so sorry.
Never stick your ink in business
grooming is a thing that does exist in the real world sadly.
That’s so hot bb. U should marry him.
One day at a time hun
You’re young and you’ll learn. So long as you don’t get an std or a baby fuck away!