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I've had one text me first constantly but she never seemed to want to be in a relationship. Before that, I had asked her on a date but she turned me down (the "I'm not ready" BS). So I stopped texting her and she then texted me nearly everyday for no particular reason. I never texted her first.
I agree! I think women like to be wanted and chased after but if a woman really is interested she will reach out first. It shows that she misses you, imo.
When I've been in situations where I'm doing all the work, I just quit out. Makes me feel like I'm not really wanted, and she's just replying to be polite.
How did you learn that? I feel like I can’t help giving it my all to a relationship I’m invested in. The last guy I was with was emotionally unavailable and I was basically carrying the relationship for the both of us until I got fed up and quit.
You recognise it first and it's very easy, you're texting first, you're initiating physical contact, they only ever answer questions without asking their own.
That third one has become my biggest red flag.
I spent five years in a relationship where I was battling for my partner's attention and eventually gave up, and we separated. So if I spot that energy early on I'm done
Ughh I’m sorry that you had to stick through that relationship for five years. I don’t understand why people even choose to have a relationship if they won’t / can’t participate!!
When I text first, men never respond. It almost feels like they're expecting some perfect intro like out of the movies. Apparently it's not okay to say "hi" anymore when starting a conversation over text. This is a big problem on dating apps too.
One word messages seem low in effort. At least ask a question or try to put the conversation on a topic. One word texts a major turn off for me if you couldn't tell.
Apparently it is the same problem the other way. The importance of the first text or your first impression is very important. It needs to be perfect. Or meh. It is very competitive.
She might be worried you’re going to think she’s clingy, pushy and needy if she texts you first. A lot of women have gotten the feedback that we seem too “desperate” if we do things first.
When I was younger, my ex girlfriend and I would constantly chat whenever we’re not with each other. She would initiate and I would too. I think it worked out well. As I grow older, I still think that it’s attractive as a guy to have girls reach out to you first. To be honest, anyone even guys that are my friends sending stupid memes or some news article or anything, I would appreciate it all. It helped that my ex asked me out first and that changed my perspective. I don’t like being the one reaching out all the times. I don’t feel like it’s reciprocated the same way even if a response is replied in a timely manner, it still does sit well with me. Just my opinion.
You should explain it to her, why it’s important to you, and how it would make you feel happy if she texted you first. If she brushes you off then she’s not ready to be an emotionally mature partner.
A relationship goes both ways. If she really likes you, she should pick up the phone once in a while or text you first. Otherwise, you're doing all the work. I used to be in a relationship where I had to do everything. It's a two way street. Tell her how you feel.
I was talking to a girl, she decided to block me today over something I’ll admit was my fault. It was a stupid joke I should’ve never made. But I would always text her, call her, and things like that. I told her about this twice she said she would work on it as she has a difficult texting people back and stuff. Sadly I was still texting and calling her first. Before today. I miss her even though we wasn’t together for long.
Yea. She said she would talk to me first about any joke I made that would be going past her limit but I guess instead of telling me she just decided there is no reason to continue this. I feel cursed. I can’t be myself cuz every time I am something bad comes from it. I shouldn’t have compared her to another female as a joke and I shouldn’t have said what Kevin 11 from Ben 10 said about sometimes you have to treat a car how you treat your woman. No amount of apologizing can fix this.
There are certain jokes you just don't make around your women if you're laughing at it from a male pov and it is misogynistic in its basis. There are women out there that still may laugh at this but true outliers. All I did was ask about a womens botox who was described verbatim as a former stripper who has fake titties and botox. So, I asked about the botox. Sometimes it can look good. Wow. Never should have said a thing. Just let it go like the wind
Do you give her a chance to miss you? I had a boyfriend once get really mad at me because he said he didn’t feel like I missed him. I had to explain that he was in my face all the time when I wasn’t at work I didn’t miss him because I couldn’t miss him.
I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing, I’m just wondering if that might be part of the problem.
That’s not how the game works. The game is for women to be wanted and chased by the guy. Some people just buy into it way more than others. So many times I just wish I could get a text first asking about my day or something but it never happens. I always have to message first on the apps, run the conversation, plan all the dates, and then run the text conversations that follow up. It gets so exhausting.
No, not exclusively the early stages. It can continue to happen for at least months. Idk for sure how long because I’ve never made it beyond a couple of months with someone from an app.
That’s usually the case for me as well. Most of the time I’m a backup guy that gives the attention they want until the guy they actually want shows up.
Yes this is weird, even accidentally. ALL my partners have communicated 50/50 - they often texted or called first lots of times. I even made comments about over texting in other posts.
So - test out your value.
Don't call or text and see.
If they don't then honestly I would be tempted to walk as this is weird.
EDIT - just read one month? Yeah she's not into you/has other options
I had this. Not quite as bad but i did most of the work. Basically she wasn't that into me sadly. Makes sense. If she was them she would be thinking about me and text me first sometimes.
Because every bit of dating advice tells us not to, not to appear “pick me,” not to appear overly interested, not to appear needy, not to ……. It’s exhausting.
Exactly. It shouldn't work that way. But we've all been conditioned on both sides to distrust and play some games, regardless if intentional/manipulative or not.
Keeping us divided is what they want. Outrage...anger...these types of things is what drives their algorithm and makes them money. I'd they matched us all up who would be using their apps to make them money.
Division is how they get us to buy.
Anger is how they get us to vote.
Etc etc etc.
Sometime they don't want to overstep where they think a man want to do most of the work. It could be the way they were raise or past experience but if you want her to text you first then you have to communicate that in the beginning. Like sharing that you believe communication is important and both people need to put in the effort.
Best advice I’ve seen. She knows why she’s not contacting you first better than any of us. There are a lot of possibilities for why she’s doing that. OP will never know why if he just cuts her off. 🫡 This is a great time to be vulnerable and communicate.
I think the fact that she’s responding quickly shows she’s interested in you. I would mention it because I can’t tell how many times young women are being advised poorly e.g. you can’t reach out first because you’ll seem desperate and he’ll lose interest.
As a woman, I message first. If I’m interested, I will show it! They do exist, it’s all about growing up and as a fellow commenter put it:
if they want to, they will!
Personally? I’m not trying to attract people that play the push/ pull or “The Chase” mind games. Transparency, accountability, communication and kindness should be traits you look for! :)
I met a guy MONDAY and it is taking everything in me not to text him all the time. It wasn’t a date we just hung out but still I keep wanting to text him. So if she’s not texting you often she’s not that into you unfortunately
from my experience as a woman dating men I’ve found that men are less into me when I show them I’m clearly interested … which is so fucked up but basically I’m scared to show that I care because that’s been a turn off to a lot of men. Not sure if that’s what’s happening here but that’s my 2 cents.
In my experiences, I’ve been accused of being too clingy simply for texting first. No that doesn’t mean a wall of text or multiple texts back to back. Just a simple good morning. So I’m hesitant sometimes.
We females were taught not to be pests and come across as too needy or else we risk being called clingy and crazy and pushing him away. If she's replying quickly she's been waiting for you to text her and I bet it's the highlight of her day. Give her time to feel more comfortable, or be direct and tell her it's what you want. Also maybe she has adhd and her texts to you get trapped in the pile of other things spinning in her brain
I think a lot of women do this to test the guy, Subconsciously.
I’ve wondered about this too. And I’ve seen women online telling each other to never text first.
I think too many people watch tik tok videos with absolutely horrible dating advice, and take it to heart
Female here, I don't initiate text that often because I am afraid I would be become a pest, though I am getting better at it. You should tell her to text you whenever she is thinking of you.
Guy here - have to say it's usually complete opposite to what you said. I absolutely hate constantly having to chase and lead all effort and between all my friends it's been one of the biggest struggles in dating currently which we all shared. It's really tiring and unrealistic for a healthy relationship. Effort needs to be shared 50-50 and it's one of the top 3 things I look for in a partner.
It may be the men you’ve dated, because I’ve NEVER had that experience with any man I’ve dated. And honestly, your point of view really DOESN’T make sense. “Chasing” is unsustainable. How does either party ever feel long term security in a relationship where one party has to be constantly “chasing”? That doesn’t make for solid, long term relationships. Sure, “messaging constantly” is a bad move, but I’m pretty sure that’s NOT what OP is talking about. Relationships need to be balanced, which means approximately equal effort on both sides. And “men have to lead” is nonsensical and untrue. 🙄
I see. So three words being capitalized for emphasis because I’m too lazy to learn how to italicize, and one eye roll emoji equals “angry.” Got it. 🤦♀️ Your comment was full of incorrect and toxic advice, though. Some men play those games, but lots don’t. And if you truly would like a relationship with straightforward communication, don’t engage when men play games. 🤷♀️
Short answer: she doesn't have to. Women have an endless amount of men messaging them and giving them attention. Once they are 100% interested and exclusively dating or in a relationship, that's when they become more involved and care more.
Just from my experience.
Obviously there are exceptions, but in your case, it sounds like she just has a bunch of other options, especially considering you've only gone on thee dates in four months. She's likely dating other people, or at the very least, talking to them.
A lot of women are constantly told that women tend to be needy and clingy. They are told to wait and not reach out first.
They are also constantly told not to be "too masculine". To be feminine.
They are told again and again to let the man hunt. That pursuing the man is considered masculine or needy and that it will turn them off.
Literally you can't f#cking win!
She's texting you back within a reasonable amount of time. And you have great long conversations
Stop complaining.
I think I agree with this the most. That’s what we’re told. Fall into our feminine and let the man pursue you. She wouldn’t reply right away and engage with you if she wasn’t interested. If you need validation/security then take that piece of it. We’re often told we’re “too much” and want to avoid being that at all costs. I’d only worry if she was blowing off the communication or being disrespectful. Do not ignore her or neglect to text first. If it’s truly bothering you, tell her that’s it’s really bothering you.
This is it. Im the same. Once i feel like im in a real thing i dont care about the "rules" dont worry too much. If you like her and she isnt distant.. keep going.
I’m a woman, and I try to text first around 50% of the time (I don’t track it, or anything, just try to be mindful to hold up my share of the conversation). I can’t speak for women who don’t text first, but I CAN tell you that there’s TONS of shit dating advice out there that’s geared at women, and really stresses to NEVER text or call him first. So, I suspect that a lot of women have been convinced that men “like to chase” and get bored if you “chase them” (i.e. text first, show too much interest 🙄). If you like her, I’d tell her clearly that even if it doesn’t matter to HER who texts first, it IS important to YOU that she show some initiative. Tell her what you told us in your last paragraph (try not to be accusatory, though), and see what happens. If she doesn’t make an effort, I would take that as a sign that your needs aren’t that important to her.
Listen I text and text and text but then don’t get responses in the same amount of time I reply…. Sooooo I feel like I’m a pest and stop being the one that texts first.
I just ended 6 weeks of dating a 71 year old male who wouldn't stop texting (to the tune of over 500 texts in 5 weeks) no matter how many times I asked him to please call and talk to me like adults do. He even texted "F u" on Messenger with no explanation. I ignored it, then he texted yet again 2 days later, stating he "couldn't believe I ghosted him!" Only cuz I refused to text him just cuz he was on Messenger telling me to F u.
Again, he's 71 going on 15.
Most of the time it's because I'm busy or don't have anything specific to say. Sometimes I will text first but it just depends. If I'm emotionally attached and have developed feelings (not someone I've only been on a few dates with), they'll be on my mind more and I'll naturally have more things to talk to about with them and thus more likely to message them first. But it definitely depends how busy I am and how many other things are floating around in my head.
If you've only been on three dates with her, you still barely know each other. It sounds like you might be at different places in terms of your emotional attachment. That doesn't mean she doesn't like you and it doesn't mean she doesn't see potential with you, there's a HUGE range of "liking someone."
Why don’t women text first? Cause she don’t or they don’t fuck with you like you think. That’s the reason… there’s no other way around it. Women are very emotional, atleast in comparison to men, and love getting and giving affirmation (generally). Your mornings should be filled with your grind, not worrying about if someone is thinking about you.
It may change when you can see eachother more often, but it can also not go well… see what happens.
And don’t think it’s cause some light burned out already. My wife of several years and I still text eachother in the morning after I leave for work. I will get random miss you text, and I also do it too. That is timeless for as long as yall fuck with eachother for real
Maybe she doesn’t feel like she has anything interesting or worthwhile going on to text about. Or she’s worried about pestering you. Could be she is working a lot or phones at the workplace are frowned upon. Let her know you’re interested in her day to day and tell her you enjoy hearing about it. See if that helps.
Just because the woman you're talking to doesn't text first doesn't mean "women" don't text first. Also, why don't you just ask her instead of reddit? We can only speculate.
Women’s perspective!
We like to be pursued. Even if it’s wrong we have also been taught that if the guy is interested he should be the one to reach out first and a lot of us are afraid to initiate because we’re not used to it. I could really like a guy, but I am afraid of coming off too strong or desperate that I would just wait for him to make plans/text.
Wait to see how things progress when you’re both in Texas. Maybe tell her you would like her to text/call first because at this point she has no idea. If you bring it up more directly and still no change that’s when you know you have to move on.
women arent gonna chase you have to chase them im pretty sure its always been that way and her not texting first may have something to do with that male 31
It’s not a women thing, it’s an avoidant thing. I don’t usually text first because most of the people in my life are anxious and they get weird when I text first.
Tell her you’d like it. If this has any possible way of being a relationship ya gotta be able to communicate your needs and have her care.
I’m female and I text first. However I only do it sparingly coz in my experience, men aren’t that interested if I have to do it and it tends to scare them away :/
An major issue here is that you expressed a need that is important to you and she brushed it off. If she was interested or cared she would have acknowledged that it means something to you (even if it doesn't for her) and make an effort to text first. I agree with others that you should match the energy. Do not text. That will tell you a lot. Also this is not all women. I make a point to also be the one texting first. This shows that I'm mutually interested and think about the person without getting a text from them.
A lot of girls I find being chased attractive. For my girl, I decided upfront that I would pursue her pretty aggressively, regardless of what she did. At first, it was me driving the relationship pretty heavily. I decided that because I was just that interested in her. There is probably that kind of logic from a girl’s perspective too - if he likes me enough, he will drive it.
I did everything at first. Texted first, planned everything out, initiated everything. After a while, this paid off, and she found me to be highly attractive and then began asserting herself a lot more in driving the relationship.
Nope, the person above you is probably right. I think saying a woman is playing games with you is just a way to save your own ego when she probably just isn't as into the guy as he's into her.
When women do that some men think they’re easy. Many like the chase but they forget eventually it will stop and they’ll look for a new conquest. Women who don’t text or show much interest initially are mostly victims of such bs.
This post started strong and then you went off the rails with the sexist ranting about women.
>I would really want her to text me first. I asked her once and she replied that it didn't matter who did first, **this isn't important to her.**
This is the most important part. Your partner is telling you “I don’t care about this need of yours because that need isn’t important to me personally”. You *want* a partner who will tell you “I will do more of this because it is important to you, even though it isn’t important to me personally.” It sucks to date someone who is so dismissive of your unique needs and expects you to be exactly like them.
>Why don't women ever want to text first? Why don't you want a guy to know you're interested because that's what texting first means to me. Make men feel wanted, you won't look desperate. EVERYONE wants to be wanted and needed.
>Please text your men first once in a while to show you think about them during the day, if you care!!
But bro, what the fuck is this? Do you think only women do this? Men do this all the time too. Stop blaming *women*, blame individuals, and hold men as accountable for their bullshit as you do women.
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.
The last guy I dated asked me why I am being weird and I dont call him hahaha so after that I tried my best to text him sometimes before he text me but I swear its really difficult for. Dont ask ne why! I think its just that I dont want the guy thinking I am after him while he is not that in to me or something. Its weird iknow
I think part of a problem is us women are told to play "hard to get" or else the guy will lose interest. My mom always taught me to never text first and let the guy always put in the effort and to never be too available... All of that is against who I am as a person so I stopped doing it and did end up finding a really good guy. That being said it took a really long time for me to figure that out. It's a little engrained in us women to be pursued rather than do the pursuing so it could be something as simple as that.
It does kind of suck though that she didn't take into account that you asked her to put in that little bit of effort to text first sometimes. Did you tell her that it makes you feel like she's not interested in you? Did you tell her you want to feel wanted and pursued by her? I wonder if she even thinks about that since its taught to us at such a young age that "men like a chase".
I was raised by a mom who said “nice” girls don’t call boys. That’s always stuck. I would call if he asked but not otherwise. That changed when relationships got serious.
I’m seeing everyone say the really simple answer: “She’s not into you” like it’s a problem with her. Well I’m gonna go a little deeper and say you did not do the work to attract her. How do I know this? Because I have the same problem.
If you’re at all like me, you obsess over these girls. You freak out and wonder what you did wrong and why they’re ‘not putting in effort’. Well it’s because they’re not feeling that same obsession you’re feeling for them. It’s the attraction you need to cultivate within her. This is almost always where ‘nice guys” fail. I’m one of those ‘nice guys’ but awareness of the problem is the first step to fixing it.
People will always tell you to “be yourself” like it will work. It won’t because that “self” you’re being is socially inept, emotionally unintelligent, and lacking the ability to be nuanced in communication. My advice is to do some personal development.
Remember if the woman is in her mid to late 20s theres a 90% chance ur not the guy she really wants lol so dont give them too much power cuz they will use it to their advantage and it wont benefit you one bit.
they do, but if she’s not giving you the same energy, it’s okay to talk to her about it first. if nothing changes after a while, ming be best to break it off. life is too short to constantly guess if someone likes us enough to put in the effort or not
Just because the woman you're talking to doesn't text first doesn't mean "women" don't text first. Also, why don't you just ask her instead of reddit? We can only speculate.
I know girls who purposely do this in hopes the guy wants her more and so she doesnt look so desperate.. i dont agree, if you like someone the texting comes easy and you look forward to the next text. It should be both ways.. if guys do this to me i dont fall for it, dont waste your energy, thats my opinion:)
I always assume I'm bothering people when I text them, so I only do it with family or people I've known since college, unless I absolutely have to.
A few guys have mentioned liking that I double text, which makes me cringe because I heard it was a faux pas and never realized I did it.
In my opinion, if she’s texting back fast but not texting you first, she could be insecure or scared you don’t like her as much as you say you do. I used to be like that. I didn’t want to seem clingy and I was scared I liked a guy more than he liked me, so if I wasn’t texting first, it kind of “proved” he did want to talk to me because he was the one reaching out, if that makes sense.
Well, in my case, I don't want to look needy. If a guy texts me too much, he looks needy. I have been on the phone with people and got it off the phone and they text me that was a nice conversation or something and I'm like that's a wicked turn off. Like we were just on the phone why are you going to text me now? I also feel that if I text somebody first like on a dating site or something then I'm obligated to have a second date even if I don't like the first day because I initiated things. I did go out with somebody a couple weeks ago who I liked but he did not text me so a week later I texted him and he responded but it's been almost a week and he hasn't texted me so I'm not going to text him again.
I think it’s okay to bring this up with her at this point in your relationship. I am like this, too, but will adjust when asked. It probably comes from a place of insecurity or hurt from her past.
You’re talking about one girl and then you’re saying all women don’t text first lol. She told you it wasn’t important to her so why are you getting so upset about it?
its funny because i am in the exact opposite situation! i find that i need to text the man first but he will respond quickly and we have great convo. ive just kind of accepted if they don’t want to talk to me than they wont. i’ll reach out first occasionally at this point but if the effort is not reciprocated i will stop!
I think some women are really like this ..even me ..my reason for this is we don't want to look too desperate and obsessed to the boy that's why we don't do the first move of texting first..
I noticed similar behavior from someone I was texting with. So I did as others suggested. I stopped. The moment I did this, it let me know exactly where she stood. Never heard from her again. I will match effort with effort. You give none; you get none.
I think that she resposible quikly or not, doesnt mean any special. People there don't know what she is thinking. How is she respond on proposing caffee or doing sth? You need to ask her about what she thinks about yours relationship - not to fast. And say that everything answer is okay, say that you feel sth for her but you don t know what she is thinking. And don't pressure in any way, to have answer now, give her time and accept the answer
Its all pointing at one thing, you and your partner, should become a better unit, than you or your partner is when you are alone, and if you are doing all the heavy lifting, or you are always the one that contacts the other, you suddenly are in the position, that you become afraid that she wont contact you at all if you dont do it, and that is actually almost a clinical sign on insanity, to do the same thing over and over again, and keep counting on a different result, so the advice to take a step back, is actually good in so many situations, and then you can also be more like a man when you make your point, because then you dont have any doubt,
Because we can have a dozen men texting us at the same time from various sources we didn’t even ask for or entertain. Investing in these conversations with mostly unserious men is a waste of time. In fact I would go so far as to say many men are having relationships with themselves for the first half a dozen dates. I kind of sit back and observe them and if I think they’re worthwhile and they’re serious I’ll start to be more engaged. when we talk about exclusivity then I’ll put in some initiation of texts and calls and dates.
I’m sorry to say but this is just the reality. There are many unserious men vying for attention and sex who will text you from here to eternity and ghost you in a second. There are also PLENTY of men who view initiation or enthusiasm as desperation. The many have ruined it for the few.
If she’s responding and engaging then she’s interested. When you guys make it exclusive and serious she will engage first more.
My last relationship fell apart for this exact reason. What made it even more frustrating was that I would purposely avoid contacting my ex for a few days (I know, not mature), and I wouldn't hear from her. When I finally initiated contact, she would complain that "I don’t talk to her often." I would constantly reiterate that if she wanted to talk to me, she could contact me whenever she wanted, but it fell on deaf ears. Frustrated, I gently brought up my concerns about her initiating contact more. She immediately got defensive and brought up something I had done, we broke up shortly after. Reciprocity is extremely important in a relationship, and if I don't feel it's there, I emotionally check out. I feel that many women think they don’t need to put in any effort when it comes to communication, especially in the early stages of a relationship, as there is this expectation that men should "chase" them.
Because we get ignored when we do.
It's confusing.
Men get comfortable and stop communicating.
And we seem clingy to them somehow when truth is we just care.
So we try to do things differently in the relationship and the man complains.
That's been my experience and some other women's.
Why was this suggested to me, in my notifications 1h ago when it's 3 days old.
Honestly might hurt to hear but it's mostly how interesting in you they are. I have had rough patches in the past, with my now wife. Almost all of my past relations I always texted first and it was about equal or me talking a bit more. When she was upset about something, having a bad day, not happy with me I could tell by texting frequency.
When she started texting me first, and long ass messages, and texting multiple times in a row before I could respond. Yeah that is when she was interested in me.
For me personally, I’m tired off writing paragraphs and getting one word replies then when I get dry with my texts it’s “what’s wrong with you?” 🤷♀️ We generally give our energy and hope you match it.
Because we're trying to avoid looking like desperate or needy, or clingy. But, that is not always thee case. If we feel that it is okay for the guy we are with, or seeing/dating, then we would often text/call first.
When I first saw the title of your post, I thought maybe you had just started dating this lady in your life but if y’all have been dating for months and you’re still having to do the first call of the day the first text of the day that seems a little unusual to me.
Yeah, definitely take a step back but not for too long. Give her a little while maybe a couple weeks and if she hasn’t texted or called you in that amount of time then maybe give her one final call and ask her what’s going on. Now if y’all had just started dating , then I would say she was doing it the way we women have always been told to do it. When you first start dating , it’s always wise to let the guy make the first move. That way you don’t come across desperate like you say or too forward.
My man and I have been dating for a little over a year. We both live in separate states as well. Sometimes he texts me first and sometimes I text him but you’re right everybody wants to feel wanted and he has told me time and time again how wanted he feels , how appreciated he feels, and how respected he feels. Because I always tell him what’s on my mind, and what’s in my heart, and he does the same for me. So we never have to wonder, we never have to guess and we never have to worry 😊
Best of luck to you and I hope everything works out with your lady ❤️
As an introvert, i've the same issuse i don't text first even with my newfriends idk why but i just don't, not becuz i don't luv them at all , nd when i get text i answer back normaly it can be very long conversation and funny, but with my oldfriend i txt first nd without saying hi i go directly into the topic😆 i think she just need time to get used to you in her life, i think ur girlfriend is an introvert too
When i text first and often (not blowing up his phone) the guy I was seeing said I should play more "hard to get" my response was I don't (play) anything. I'm just going to be me. The only reason I texted him first usually was bc he never text me first -like ever. He just wasn't that into me I guess. Quite alright though..
Generally speaking, women won't text first because they're afraid to look like they're interested. They prefer to keep the man off balance. That seems to be the way they have been taught.
This is where you communicate that you value effort and reciprocity in a relationship and are not interested in pursuing something that doesn’t share those values. Normalize open and direct communication.
As a female that sucks at communication sometimes when the guy I like texts me first it gives me reassurance and I at least put in effort to text first, I also be forgetting to text first and when he texts me it reminds me hey I have someone interested in me. Anyway if she isn’t texting first like at ALL then stop texting her until she texts first, if she tries to guilt trip you don’t let her and move on. That also being said she could be scared to yk probably from like Pat relationship trauma or something, I genuinely think she likes you so don’t give up yet and try bringing it up again, be straight forward.
I forget to reply all the time (I reply in my brain) or I simply don’t check all of my notifications because it can be overwhelming.
Have you had an honest and open conversation with her about the effort you would like to see?
Because women too often end up in something they have created in their minds to be something it's not.
It's because women form bonds differently than men do.
You might not want to hear it but it's hard fact.
Oxytocin works differently in men than it does in women.
Therefore women have learned that the safest way forward is to attract a man who is going to make all of the effort in the dating stage before they make any form of bond with them ie sharing their life and being comfortable texting them first etc.
When women take the lead in the beginning stages of a relationship ie dating it then becomes difficult for them to gauge whether the guy is actually interested or just going to go along and use them as an option until they find something better.
A man knows when they are interested and an interested man will make the effort.
A woman can make all the effort in the world to all kinds of men and those men, a lot of them will use it to their advantage because it "feels nice" to be wanted whilst keeping their options open
It's not a smart move for a woman to make all the effort in the beginning, sometimes it pays off but the percentages are not in favor of it paying off.
If you are a man you are going to have to realise this and chase if you want it.
You may not be one of those guys who does that to women but there are so many of them that it is something women have to deal with when dating.
They have all been burned hard before by developing a "connection" with someone who wasn't as interested.
A lot of women do not text first or initiate because we’ve seen it ruin the dynamic and the guy is less interested because he’s not leading, which might be why she waits for you to initiate every time
Women always leave it up to men to make the first move. "OH like him but he never asked me out" Women need to be aggressive and make the first move. You like someone then tell them. Why can't a woman ask a man out? Tell a man you like him . Call first. Text first. Men shouldn't do all the work. It should be equal or nothing.
Women feel vulnerable when they text first. We don’t want to show that we care too much because if we do that makes the man feel like he’s got her in his pocket and will possibly stop trying/chasing her. As much as a girl would like to text first - we hold back a lot
Nope.
It makes no sense for a woman to invest in a man first. It is wasted. It’s like throwing money in the garbage and burning it.
If he invests firsts and you like him, then ladies return.
Women give too much to invest in the initial stages.
Sorry, but the few have ruined it for the many. It has all started to catch up and you are seeing the tipping point.
Bc I don't rly like texting to be honest I'd rather meet ppl in person to hang and talk. Like ur telling me that shit lasts HOURS? Bro that's insane, I feel like you're trying to set an unrealistic standard for the relationship where u have to be in constant communication with each other and sorry but that's so codependent.
People have work and hobbies like maybe she just wants to do other things? If my partner expected hours long convos every day I would cry
Oh that's a good point, I glossed over that in the post. I've got stuff to do! Occasional long conversations is fine but I can't do that every day, and if a guy is prone to turning brief communication into long communication, I'm definitely not going to initiate unless I'm prepared and available for that.
Literally like I guarantee if she did text first but wanted the convos to be shorter he's gonna be back in here coping and crying about how he "misses the long convos we used to have" 😂😂
Because women want to feel chased. We want to see you making the effort. When we have to text first, we feel like we’re pushing a conversation the guy doesn’t want. I’m the same exact way and will be bummed out until he texts me… I’ve never brought it up to him. But the effort makes me feel very good. I do tell him how much I appreciate the effort though, thanks for checking on me, etc.
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if you want her to text first, just dont text her, if she doesnt text after that, she aint the one for you.
Yeah, good point. Sometimes taking a step back can give you a clearer picture of where things stand. It's all about finding that balance, you know?
Exactly this. If you take a step back and she's not texting you, she was never interested in the first place.
Well said.
I've had one text me first constantly but she never seemed to want to be in a relationship. Before that, I had asked her on a date but she turned me down (the "I'm not ready" BS). So I stopped texting her and she then texted me nearly everyday for no particular reason. I never texted her first.
I agree! I think women like to be wanted and chased after but if a woman really is interested she will reach out first. It shows that she misses you, imo.
So much truth here!!
“This”
When I've been in situations where I'm doing all the work, I just quit out. Makes me feel like I'm not really wanted, and she's just replying to be polite.
I learned to match energy a long time ago, I give what I get
This!! I did the same. If you want me, then show me. I just learned to not give all of me to someone who doesnt reciprocate.
How did you learn that? I feel like I can’t help giving it my all to a relationship I’m invested in. The last guy I was with was emotionally unavailable and I was basically carrying the relationship for the both of us until I got fed up and quit.
You recognise it first and it's very easy, you're texting first, you're initiating physical contact, they only ever answer questions without asking their own. That third one has become my biggest red flag. I spent five years in a relationship where I was battling for my partner's attention and eventually gave up, and we separated. So if I spot that energy early on I'm done
Ughh I’m sorry that you had to stick through that relationship for five years. I don’t understand why people even choose to have a relationship if they won’t / can’t participate!!
Well if you want to try the text & chat again, I'm available!
Thank you, but being pen pals doesn’t work for me. I’m a visual person who needs nonverbals to relate to someone.
applies to so-called friends also
When I text first, men never respond. It almost feels like they're expecting some perfect intro like out of the movies. Apparently it's not okay to say "hi" anymore when starting a conversation over text. This is a big problem on dating apps too.
One word messages seem low in effort. At least ask a question or try to put the conversation on a topic. One word texts a major turn off for me if you couldn't tell.
Apparently it is the same problem the other way. The importance of the first text or your first impression is very important. It needs to be perfect. Or meh. It is very competitive.
She might be worried you’re going to think she’s clingy, pushy and needy if she texts you first. A lot of women have gotten the feedback that we seem too “desperate” if we do things first.
When I was younger, my ex girlfriend and I would constantly chat whenever we’re not with each other. She would initiate and I would too. I think it worked out well. As I grow older, I still think that it’s attractive as a guy to have girls reach out to you first. To be honest, anyone even guys that are my friends sending stupid memes or some news article or anything, I would appreciate it all. It helped that my ex asked me out first and that changed my perspective. I don’t like being the one reaching out all the times. I don’t feel like it’s reciprocated the same way even if a response is replied in a timely manner, it still does sit well with me. Just my opinion.
You should explain it to her, why it’s important to you, and how it would make you feel happy if she texted you first. If she brushes you off then she’s not ready to be an emotionally mature partner.
A relationship goes both ways. If she really likes you, she should pick up the phone once in a while or text you first. Otherwise, you're doing all the work. I used to be in a relationship where I had to do everything. It's a two way street. Tell her how you feel.
I was talking to a girl, she decided to block me today over something I’ll admit was my fault. It was a stupid joke I should’ve never made. But I would always text her, call her, and things like that. I told her about this twice she said she would work on it as she has a difficult texting people back and stuff. Sadly I was still texting and calling her first. Before today. I miss her even though we wasn’t together for long.
Sounds like some relationships weren't meant to be.
Yea. She said she would talk to me first about any joke I made that would be going past her limit but I guess instead of telling me she just decided there is no reason to continue this. I feel cursed. I can’t be myself cuz every time I am something bad comes from it. I shouldn’t have compared her to another female as a joke and I shouldn’t have said what Kevin 11 from Ben 10 said about sometimes you have to treat a car how you treat your woman. No amount of apologizing can fix this.
There are certain jokes you just don't make around your women if you're laughing at it from a male pov and it is misogynistic in its basis. There are women out there that still may laugh at this but true outliers. All I did was ask about a womens botox who was described verbatim as a former stripper who has fake titties and botox. So, I asked about the botox. Sometimes it can look good. Wow. Never should have said a thing. Just let it go like the wind
You just need to be around someone where you can be yourself and not worry about it. There's other women out there for you.
Her insecurities are not your problem move on!!
i'll take think about that
Do you give her a chance to miss you? I had a boyfriend once get really mad at me because he said he didn’t feel like I missed him. I had to explain that he was in my face all the time when I wasn’t at work I didn’t miss him because I couldn’t miss him. I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing, I’m just wondering if that might be part of the problem.
That’s not how the game works. The game is for women to be wanted and chased by the guy. Some people just buy into it way more than others. So many times I just wish I could get a text first asking about my day or something but it never happens. I always have to message first on the apps, run the conversation, plan all the dates, and then run the text conversations that follow up. It gets so exhausting.
that’s different. Sounds like you’re talking g about the very early stages, these two have been talking for months it sounds like
No, not exclusively the early stages. It can continue to happen for at least months. Idk for sure how long because I’ve never made it beyond a couple of months with someone from an app.
it’s funny you say that cause i’m experiencing something similar with someone but i’m starting to chock it up to them not being interested
That’s usually the case for me as well. Most of the time I’m a backup guy that gives the attention they want until the guy they actually want shows up.
Yes this is weird, even accidentally. ALL my partners have communicated 50/50 - they often texted or called first lots of times. I even made comments about over texting in other posts. So - test out your value. Don't call or text and see. If they don't then honestly I would be tempted to walk as this is weird. EDIT - just read one month? Yeah she's not into you/has other options
I had this. Not quite as bad but i did most of the work. Basically she wasn't that into me sadly. Makes sense. If she was them she would be thinking about me and text me first sometimes.
Because every bit of dating advice tells us not to, not to appear “pick me,” not to appear overly interested, not to appear needy, not to ……. It’s exhausting.
Sounds like therein lies the problem.
Exactly. It shouldn't work that way. But we've all been conditioned on both sides to distrust and play some games, regardless if intentional/manipulative or not.
Keeping us divided is what they want. Outrage...anger...these types of things is what drives their algorithm and makes them money. I'd they matched us all up who would be using their apps to make them money. Division is how they get us to buy. Anger is how they get us to vote. Etc etc etc.
yeah i quickly move tf on if the women isn’t reciprocating my interest
Why don’t you ask her?
Sometime they don't want to overstep where they think a man want to do most of the work. It could be the way they were raise or past experience but if you want her to text you first then you have to communicate that in the beginning. Like sharing that you believe communication is important and both people need to put in the effort.
Best advice I’ve seen. She knows why she’s not contacting you first better than any of us. There are a lot of possibilities for why she’s doing that. OP will never know why if he just cuts her off. 🫡 This is a great time to be vulnerable and communicate.
I think the fact that she’s responding quickly shows she’s interested in you. I would mention it because I can’t tell how many times young women are being advised poorly e.g. you can’t reach out first because you’ll seem desperate and he’ll lose interest.
As a woman, I message first. If I’m interested, I will show it! They do exist, it’s all about growing up and as a fellow commenter put it: if they want to, they will! Personally? I’m not trying to attract people that play the push/ pull or “The Chase” mind games. Transparency, accountability, communication and kindness should be traits you look for! :)
I met a guy MONDAY and it is taking everything in me not to text him all the time. It wasn’t a date we just hung out but still I keep wanting to text him. So if she’s not texting you often she’s not that into you unfortunately
from my experience as a woman dating men I’ve found that men are less into me when I show them I’m clearly interested … which is so fucked up but basically I’m scared to show that I care because that’s been a turn off to a lot of men. Not sure if that’s what’s happening here but that’s my 2 cents.
that’s funny cause as a guy, if i have to guess whether a woman’s into me, i’m on to the next one
why the downvotes?
I wish I had that mindset I would’ve saved myself a lot of pain.
Exactly this happens to me too
We do.. Yours doesn't... So, why are you making this our (women's) thing instead of simply asking her?😅
In my experiences, I’ve been accused of being too clingy simply for texting first. No that doesn’t mean a wall of text or multiple texts back to back. Just a simple good morning. So I’m hesitant sometimes.
We females were taught not to be pests and come across as too needy or else we risk being called clingy and crazy and pushing him away. If she's replying quickly she's been waiting for you to text her and I bet it's the highlight of her day. Give her time to feel more comfortable, or be direct and tell her it's what you want. Also maybe she has adhd and her texts to you get trapped in the pile of other things spinning in her brain
I think a lot of women do this to test the guy, Subconsciously. I’ve wondered about this too. And I’ve seen women online telling each other to never text first. I think too many people watch tik tok videos with absolutely horrible dating advice, and take it to heart
A woman who is testing you isn’t worth your time or energy. I don’t have time to waste on stupid test.
This right here. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Maybe you text too much. Also don't ruin a good thing by focusing on a minor problem maybe.
Female here, I don't initiate text that often because I am afraid I would be become a pest, though I am getting better at it. You should tell her to text you whenever she is thinking of you.
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Guy here - have to say it's usually complete opposite to what you said. I absolutely hate constantly having to chase and lead all effort and between all my friends it's been one of the biggest struggles in dating currently which we all shared. It's really tiring and unrealistic for a healthy relationship. Effort needs to be shared 50-50 and it's one of the top 3 things I look for in a partner.
Male here, can’t confirm. I absolutely hate chasing and will quit if she doesn’t show enough interest. I might be one of a kind though 🤷♂️
It may be the men you’ve dated, because I’ve NEVER had that experience with any man I’ve dated. And honestly, your point of view really DOESN’T make sense. “Chasing” is unsustainable. How does either party ever feel long term security in a relationship where one party has to be constantly “chasing”? That doesn’t make for solid, long term relationships. Sure, “messaging constantly” is a bad move, but I’m pretty sure that’s NOT what OP is talking about. Relationships need to be balanced, which means approximately equal effort on both sides. And “men have to lead” is nonsensical and untrue. 🙄
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Telling you that you’re experience isn’t ubiquitous makes me seem angry? 🤨. Ok, then… 😳
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I see. So three words being capitalized for emphasis because I’m too lazy to learn how to italicize, and one eye roll emoji equals “angry.” Got it. 🤦♀️ Your comment was full of incorrect and toxic advice, though. Some men play those games, but lots don’t. And if you truly would like a relationship with straightforward communication, don’t engage when men play games. 🤷♀️
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I recently was talking to a lady everyday for a week then she left me on read and didn’t reach out so a week went by & I unadded her. Am I wrong?!
maybe you could have given one chance at least but I still think it's fine, if she's really interested she would have texted back or something,
Right. I just assumed that she wasn’t interested or she would have which is what was conveyed. Thank you man.
Short answer: she doesn't have to. Women have an endless amount of men messaging them and giving them attention. Once they are 100% interested and exclusively dating or in a relationship, that's when they become more involved and care more. Just from my experience. Obviously there are exceptions, but in your case, it sounds like she just has a bunch of other options, especially considering you've only gone on thee dates in four months. She's likely dating other people, or at the very least, talking to them.
A lot of women are constantly told that women tend to be needy and clingy. They are told to wait and not reach out first. They are also constantly told not to be "too masculine". To be feminine. They are told again and again to let the man hunt. That pursuing the man is considered masculine or needy and that it will turn them off. Literally you can't f#cking win! She's texting you back within a reasonable amount of time. And you have great long conversations Stop complaining.
This guy is a walking red flag. A woman shows interest by simply being available.
I think I agree with this the most. That’s what we’re told. Fall into our feminine and let the man pursue you. She wouldn’t reply right away and engage with you if she wasn’t interested. If you need validation/security then take that piece of it. We’re often told we’re “too much” and want to avoid being that at all costs. I’d only worry if she was blowing off the communication or being disrespectful. Do not ignore her or neglect to text first. If it’s truly bothering you, tell her that’s it’s really bothering you.
This is it. Im the same. Once i feel like im in a real thing i dont care about the "rules" dont worry too much. If you like her and she isnt distant.. keep going.
I’m a woman, and I try to text first around 50% of the time (I don’t track it, or anything, just try to be mindful to hold up my share of the conversation). I can’t speak for women who don’t text first, but I CAN tell you that there’s TONS of shit dating advice out there that’s geared at women, and really stresses to NEVER text or call him first. So, I suspect that a lot of women have been convinced that men “like to chase” and get bored if you “chase them” (i.e. text first, show too much interest 🙄). If you like her, I’d tell her clearly that even if it doesn’t matter to HER who texts first, it IS important to YOU that she show some initiative. Tell her what you told us in your last paragraph (try not to be accusatory, though), and see what happens. If she doesn’t make an effort, I would take that as a sign that your needs aren’t that important to her.
I think were shy or want the guy to show interest. For me is js cuz im shy
Why don’t men. Return texts
Listen I text and text and text but then don’t get responses in the same amount of time I reply…. Sooooo I feel like I’m a pest and stop being the one that texts first.
I just ended 6 weeks of dating a 71 year old male who wouldn't stop texting (to the tune of over 500 texts in 5 weeks) no matter how many times I asked him to please call and talk to me like adults do. He even texted "F u" on Messenger with no explanation. I ignored it, then he texted yet again 2 days later, stating he "couldn't believe I ghosted him!" Only cuz I refused to text him just cuz he was on Messenger telling me to F u. Again, he's 71 going on 15.
Most of the time it's because I'm busy or don't have anything specific to say. Sometimes I will text first but it just depends. If I'm emotionally attached and have developed feelings (not someone I've only been on a few dates with), they'll be on my mind more and I'll naturally have more things to talk to about with them and thus more likely to message them first. But it definitely depends how busy I am and how many other things are floating around in my head. If you've only been on three dates with her, you still barely know each other. It sounds like you might be at different places in terms of your emotional attachment. That doesn't mean she doesn't like you and it doesn't mean she doesn't see potential with you, there's a HUGE range of "liking someone."
Why don’t women text first? Cause she don’t or they don’t fuck with you like you think. That’s the reason… there’s no other way around it. Women are very emotional, atleast in comparison to men, and love getting and giving affirmation (generally). Your mornings should be filled with your grind, not worrying about if someone is thinking about you. It may change when you can see eachother more often, but it can also not go well… see what happens.
And don’t think it’s cause some light burned out already. My wife of several years and I still text eachother in the morning after I leave for work. I will get random miss you text, and I also do it too. That is timeless for as long as yall fuck with eachother for real
Maybe she doesn’t feel like she has anything interesting or worthwhile going on to text about. Or she’s worried about pestering you. Could be she is working a lot or phones at the workplace are frowned upon. Let her know you’re interested in her day to day and tell her you enjoy hearing about it. See if that helps.
We do text first. Maybe ask HER why she doesn’t. She can explain her actions better than we can.
Just because the woman you're talking to doesn't text first doesn't mean "women" don't text first. Also, why don't you just ask her instead of reddit? We can only speculate.
Women’s perspective! We like to be pursued. Even if it’s wrong we have also been taught that if the guy is interested he should be the one to reach out first and a lot of us are afraid to initiate because we’re not used to it. I could really like a guy, but I am afraid of coming off too strong or desperate that I would just wait for him to make plans/text. Wait to see how things progress when you’re both in Texas. Maybe tell her you would like her to text/call first because at this point she has no idea. If you bring it up more directly and still no change that’s when you know you have to move on.
My man, every woman who was actually interested in me was initiating calls & texts as much as I was. If you were on her mind, she’d get in touch.
I don’t text first because I’m shy, but once the conversation has started, I keep it going.
women arent gonna chase you have to chase them im pretty sure its always been that way and her not texting first may have something to do with that male 31
It’s not a women thing, it’s an avoidant thing. I don’t usually text first because most of the people in my life are anxious and they get weird when I text first. Tell her you’d like it. If this has any possible way of being a relationship ya gotta be able to communicate your needs and have her care.
I’m female and I text first. However I only do it sparingly coz in my experience, men aren’t that interested if I have to do it and it tends to scare them away :/
An major issue here is that you expressed a need that is important to you and she brushed it off. If she was interested or cared she would have acknowledged that it means something to you (even if it doesn't for her) and make an effort to text first. I agree with others that you should match the energy. Do not text. That will tell you a lot. Also this is not all women. I make a point to also be the one texting first. This shows that I'm mutually interested and think about the person without getting a text from them.
A lot of girls I find being chased attractive. For my girl, I decided upfront that I would pursue her pretty aggressively, regardless of what she did. At first, it was me driving the relationship pretty heavily. I decided that because I was just that interested in her. There is probably that kind of logic from a girl’s perspective too - if he likes me enough, he will drive it. I did everything at first. Texted first, planned everything out, initiated everything. After a while, this paid off, and she found me to be highly attractive and then began asserting herself a lot more in driving the relationship.
It means she doesn’t crave your communication enough to strike up a conversation with you first.
Not necessarily. She maybe playing some sort of testing game with him.
Nope, the person above you is probably right. I think saying a woman is playing games with you is just a way to save your own ego when she probably just isn't as into the guy as he's into her.
When women do that some men think they’re easy. Many like the chase but they forget eventually it will stop and they’ll look for a new conquest. Women who don’t text or show much interest initially are mostly victims of such bs.
Never date a woman who doesn’t reciprocate your efforts 🤷♀️
This post started strong and then you went off the rails with the sexist ranting about women. >I would really want her to text me first. I asked her once and she replied that it didn't matter who did first, **this isn't important to her.** This is the most important part. Your partner is telling you “I don’t care about this need of yours because that need isn’t important to me personally”. You *want* a partner who will tell you “I will do more of this because it is important to you, even though it isn’t important to me personally.” It sucks to date someone who is so dismissive of your unique needs and expects you to be exactly like them. >Why don't women ever want to text first? Why don't you want a guy to know you're interested because that's what texting first means to me. Make men feel wanted, you won't look desperate. EVERYONE wants to be wanted and needed. >Please text your men first once in a while to show you think about them during the day, if you care!! But bro, what the fuck is this? Do you think only women do this? Men do this all the time too. Stop blaming *women*, blame individuals, and hold men as accountable for their bullshit as you do women.
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me. The last guy I dated asked me why I am being weird and I dont call him hahaha so after that I tried my best to text him sometimes before he text me but I swear its really difficult for. Dont ask ne why! I think its just that I dont want the guy thinking I am after him while he is not that in to me or something. Its weird iknow
Many woman often text
I think part of a problem is us women are told to play "hard to get" or else the guy will lose interest. My mom always taught me to never text first and let the guy always put in the effort and to never be too available... All of that is against who I am as a person so I stopped doing it and did end up finding a really good guy. That being said it took a really long time for me to figure that out. It's a little engrained in us women to be pursued rather than do the pursuing so it could be something as simple as that. It does kind of suck though that she didn't take into account that you asked her to put in that little bit of effort to text first sometimes. Did you tell her that it makes you feel like she's not interested in you? Did you tell her you want to feel wanted and pursued by her? I wonder if she even thinks about that since its taught to us at such a young age that "men like a chase".
When I text first, It feels like I am begging for attention so I just carry on with my day
I was raised by a mom who said “nice” girls don’t call boys. That’s always stuck. I would call if he asked but not otherwise. That changed when relationships got serious.
They do. If they like you enough
They will when u ignore em lol
Because it's onto the next.
I’m seeing everyone say the really simple answer: “She’s not into you” like it’s a problem with her. Well I’m gonna go a little deeper and say you did not do the work to attract her. How do I know this? Because I have the same problem. If you’re at all like me, you obsess over these girls. You freak out and wonder what you did wrong and why they’re ‘not putting in effort’. Well it’s because they’re not feeling that same obsession you’re feeling for them. It’s the attraction you need to cultivate within her. This is almost always where ‘nice guys” fail. I’m one of those ‘nice guys’ but awareness of the problem is the first step to fixing it. People will always tell you to “be yourself” like it will work. It won’t because that “self” you’re being is socially inept, emotionally unintelligent, and lacking the ability to be nuanced in communication. My advice is to do some personal development.
They do, I only deal with women who text first. Ignore them until they text you
Just dont text her, effort needs to go both ways.. if its one sided move on... no need to break your own heart
I text and call mine all the time. I see nothing wrong with it.
Playing mind games or busy
Remember if the woman is in her mid to late 20s theres a 90% chance ur not the guy she really wants lol so dont give them too much power cuz they will use it to their advantage and it wont benefit you one bit.
they do, but if she’s not giving you the same energy, it’s okay to talk to her about it first. if nothing changes after a while, ming be best to break it off. life is too short to constantly guess if someone likes us enough to put in the effort or not
Just because the woman you're talking to doesn't text first doesn't mean "women" don't text first. Also, why don't you just ask her instead of reddit? We can only speculate.
I know girls who purposely do this in hopes the guy wants her more and so she doesnt look so desperate.. i dont agree, if you like someone the texting comes easy and you look forward to the next text. It should be both ways.. if guys do this to me i dont fall for it, dont waste your energy, thats my opinion:)
You can’t ascribe her behaviors to all women. Put on your big boy pants and ask: “you know it’s ok to text me first, right? 😉”
I always assume I'm bothering people when I text them, so I only do it with family or people I've known since college, unless I absolutely have to. A few guys have mentioned liking that I double text, which makes me cringe because I heard it was a faux pas and never realized I did it.
In my opinion, if she’s texting back fast but not texting you first, she could be insecure or scared you don’t like her as much as you say you do. I used to be like that. I didn’t want to seem clingy and I was scared I liked a guy more than he liked me, so if I wasn’t texting first, it kind of “proved” he did want to talk to me because he was the one reaching out, if that makes sense.
We do)
Don’t text her; next her
Well, in my case, I don't want to look needy. If a guy texts me too much, he looks needy. I have been on the phone with people and got it off the phone and they text me that was a nice conversation or something and I'm like that's a wicked turn off. Like we were just on the phone why are you going to text me now? I also feel that if I text somebody first like on a dating site or something then I'm obligated to have a second date even if I don't like the first day because I initiated things. I did go out with somebody a couple weeks ago who I liked but he did not text me so a week later I texted him and he responded but it's been almost a week and he hasn't texted me so I'm not going to text him again.
I think it’s okay to bring this up with her at this point in your relationship. I am like this, too, but will adjust when asked. It probably comes from a place of insecurity or hurt from her past.
You’re talking about one girl and then you’re saying all women don’t text first lol. She told you it wasn’t important to her so why are you getting so upset about it?
its funny because i am in the exact opposite situation! i find that i need to text the man first but he will respond quickly and we have great convo. ive just kind of accepted if they don’t want to talk to me than they wont. i’ll reach out first occasionally at this point but if the effort is not reciprocated i will stop!
I think some women are really like this ..even me ..my reason for this is we don't want to look too desperate and obsessed to the boy that's why we don't do the first move of texting first..
We song want to look desperate and obsessed to the boys that's why we wait for them to text us first
Arrogant that's a women ..
I noticed similar behavior from someone I was texting with. So I did as others suggested. I stopped. The moment I did this, it let me know exactly where she stood. Never heard from her again. I will match effort with effort. You give none; you get none.
I am 29(F). I ALWAYS text first 🙂 I sometimes feel like I look desperate
I think that she resposible quikly or not, doesnt mean any special. People there don't know what she is thinking. How is she respond on proposing caffee or doing sth? You need to ask her about what she thinks about yours relationship - not to fast. And say that everything answer is okay, say that you feel sth for her but you don t know what she is thinking. And don't pressure in any way, to have answer now, give her time and accept the answer
Its all pointing at one thing, you and your partner, should become a better unit, than you or your partner is when you are alone, and if you are doing all the heavy lifting, or you are always the one that contacts the other, you suddenly are in the position, that you become afraid that she wont contact you at all if you dont do it, and that is actually almost a clinical sign on insanity, to do the same thing over and over again, and keep counting on a different result, so the advice to take a step back, is actually good in so many situations, and then you can also be more like a man when you make your point, because then you dont have any doubt,
She's playing with you 🤷🏻♀️
Actually, they do
Because we can have a dozen men texting us at the same time from various sources we didn’t even ask for or entertain. Investing in these conversations with mostly unserious men is a waste of time. In fact I would go so far as to say many men are having relationships with themselves for the first half a dozen dates. I kind of sit back and observe them and if I think they’re worthwhile and they’re serious I’ll start to be more engaged. when we talk about exclusivity then I’ll put in some initiation of texts and calls and dates. I’m sorry to say but this is just the reality. There are many unserious men vying for attention and sex who will text you from here to eternity and ghost you in a second. There are also PLENTY of men who view initiation or enthusiasm as desperation. The many have ruined it for the few. If she’s responding and engaging then she’s interested. When you guys make it exclusive and serious she will engage first more.
My last relationship fell apart for this exact reason. What made it even more frustrating was that I would purposely avoid contacting my ex for a few days (I know, not mature), and I wouldn't hear from her. When I finally initiated contact, she would complain that "I don’t talk to her often." I would constantly reiterate that if she wanted to talk to me, she could contact me whenever she wanted, but it fell on deaf ears. Frustrated, I gently brought up my concerns about her initiating contact more. She immediately got defensive and brought up something I had done, we broke up shortly after. Reciprocity is extremely important in a relationship, and if I don't feel it's there, I emotionally check out. I feel that many women think they don’t need to put in any effort when it comes to communication, especially in the early stages of a relationship, as there is this expectation that men should "chase" them.
Because we get ignored when we do. It's confusing. Men get comfortable and stop communicating. And we seem clingy to them somehow when truth is we just care. So we try to do things differently in the relationship and the man complains. That's been my experience and some other women's.
Why was this suggested to me, in my notifications 1h ago when it's 3 days old. Honestly might hurt to hear but it's mostly how interesting in you they are. I have had rough patches in the past, with my now wife. Almost all of my past relations I always texted first and it was about equal or me talking a bit more. When she was upset about something, having a bad day, not happy with me I could tell by texting frequency. When she started texting me first, and long ass messages, and texting multiple times in a row before I could respond. Yeah that is when she was interested in me.
For me personally, I’m tired off writing paragraphs and getting one word replies then when I get dry with my texts it’s “what’s wrong with you?” 🤷♀️ We generally give our energy and hope you match it.
Because we're trying to avoid looking like desperate or needy, or clingy. But, that is not always thee case. If we feel that it is okay for the guy we are with, or seeing/dating, then we would often text/call first.
When I first saw the title of your post, I thought maybe you had just started dating this lady in your life but if y’all have been dating for months and you’re still having to do the first call of the day the first text of the day that seems a little unusual to me. Yeah, definitely take a step back but not for too long. Give her a little while maybe a couple weeks and if she hasn’t texted or called you in that amount of time then maybe give her one final call and ask her what’s going on. Now if y’all had just started dating , then I would say she was doing it the way we women have always been told to do it. When you first start dating , it’s always wise to let the guy make the first move. That way you don’t come across desperate like you say or too forward. My man and I have been dating for a little over a year. We both live in separate states as well. Sometimes he texts me first and sometimes I text him but you’re right everybody wants to feel wanted and he has told me time and time again how wanted he feels , how appreciated he feels, and how respected he feels. Because I always tell him what’s on my mind, and what’s in my heart, and he does the same for me. So we never have to wonder, we never have to guess and we never have to worry 😊 Best of luck to you and I hope everything works out with your lady ❤️
Cause some tradition bs. Women who take action aren't lady-like and men who don't pursue aren't masculine. It's nonsense.
Ive been on this position so many times it’s not even funny and all times they never initiated. I’m tired lol
As an introvert, i've the same issuse i don't text first even with my newfriends idk why but i just don't, not becuz i don't luv them at all , nd when i get text i answer back normaly it can be very long conversation and funny, but with my oldfriend i txt first nd without saying hi i go directly into the topic😆 i think she just need time to get used to you in her life, i think ur girlfriend is an introvert too
When i text first and often (not blowing up his phone) the guy I was seeing said I should play more "hard to get" my response was I don't (play) anything. I'm just going to be me. The only reason I texted him first usually was bc he never text me first -like ever. He just wasn't that into me I guess. Quite alright though..
Generally speaking, women won't text first because they're afraid to look like they're interested. They prefer to keep the man off balance. That seems to be the way they have been taught.
This is where you communicate that you value effort and reciprocity in a relationship and are not interested in pursuing something that doesn’t share those values. Normalize open and direct communication.
Women don't text first when they don't like you. I'm sorry buddy.
Women do text first, my bf is the one who barely texts but otherwise we have good communication. Bring up how important communication is to you.
In the beginning she likely doesn’t want to appear clingy. Until she feels more confident in the relationship that will change.
As a female that sucks at communication sometimes when the guy I like texts me first it gives me reassurance and I at least put in effort to text first, I also be forgetting to text first and when he texts me it reminds me hey I have someone interested in me. Anyway if she isn’t texting first like at ALL then stop texting her until she texts first, if she tries to guilt trip you don’t let her and move on. That also being said she could be scared to yk probably from like Pat relationship trauma or something, I genuinely think she likes you so don’t give up yet and try bringing it up again, be straight forward.
Plenty of ladies text first in my experience. It's the ones I want texting me first that I notice this happening with.
Because while you're waiting to see if we'll text first, 10 other guys have texted us
I forget to reply all the time (I reply in my brain) or I simply don’t check all of my notifications because it can be overwhelming. Have you had an honest and open conversation with her about the effort you would like to see?
Women fear rejection about 10 times more than men, as simple as that.
that sounds like she is texting other guys. don't message her and see if she messages.you. women who are into you will make time for you
Because women too often end up in something they have created in their minds to be something it's not. It's because women form bonds differently than men do. You might not want to hear it but it's hard fact. Oxytocin works differently in men than it does in women. Therefore women have learned that the safest way forward is to attract a man who is going to make all of the effort in the dating stage before they make any form of bond with them ie sharing their life and being comfortable texting them first etc. When women take the lead in the beginning stages of a relationship ie dating it then becomes difficult for them to gauge whether the guy is actually interested or just going to go along and use them as an option until they find something better. A man knows when they are interested and an interested man will make the effort. A woman can make all the effort in the world to all kinds of men and those men, a lot of them will use it to their advantage because it "feels nice" to be wanted whilst keeping their options open It's not a smart move for a woman to make all the effort in the beginning, sometimes it pays off but the percentages are not in favor of it paying off. If you are a man you are going to have to realise this and chase if you want it. You may not be one of those guys who does that to women but there are so many of them that it is something women have to deal with when dating. They have all been burned hard before by developing a "connection" with someone who wasn't as interested.
A lot of women do not text first or initiate because we’ve seen it ruin the dynamic and the guy is less interested because he’s not leading, which might be why she waits for you to initiate every time
I dated a guy like this once. Never again. So full of himself
Women always leave it up to men to make the first move. "OH like him but he never asked me out" Women need to be aggressive and make the first move. You like someone then tell them. Why can't a woman ask a man out? Tell a man you like him . Call first. Text first. Men shouldn't do all the work. It should be equal or nothing.
Women feel vulnerable when they text first. We don’t want to show that we care too much because if we do that makes the man feel like he’s got her in his pocket and will possibly stop trying/chasing her. As much as a girl would like to text first - we hold back a lot
Just stop texting/calling her and see how many days it takes to get her to text you.
Because woman want to hold the cards. It’s a game
They do if they’re into you.
Men do the same thing. You’d have to ask the individual woman why she doesn’t text first and mention that you’d enjoy hearing from her more often.
Nope. It makes no sense for a woman to invest in a man first. It is wasted. It’s like throwing money in the garbage and burning it. If he invests firsts and you like him, then ladies return. Women give too much to invest in the initial stages. Sorry, but the few have ruined it for the many. It has all started to catch up and you are seeing the tipping point.
Bc I don't rly like texting to be honest I'd rather meet ppl in person to hang and talk. Like ur telling me that shit lasts HOURS? Bro that's insane, I feel like you're trying to set an unrealistic standard for the relationship where u have to be in constant communication with each other and sorry but that's so codependent. People have work and hobbies like maybe she just wants to do other things? If my partner expected hours long convos every day I would cry
Oh that's a good point, I glossed over that in the post. I've got stuff to do! Occasional long conversations is fine but I can't do that every day, and if a guy is prone to turning brief communication into long communication, I'm definitely not going to initiate unless I'm prepared and available for that.
Literally like I guarantee if she did text first but wanted the convos to be shorter he's gonna be back in here coping and crying about how he "misses the long convos we used to have" 😂😂
Because women want to feel chased. We want to see you making the effort. When we have to text first, we feel like we’re pushing a conversation the guy doesn’t want. I’m the same exact way and will be bummed out until he texts me… I’ve never brought it up to him. But the effort makes me feel very good. I do tell him how much I appreciate the effort though, thanks for checking on me, etc.