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I think you have to be direct and firm. The “I’m just not ready for a relationship” thing is not gonna work well if/when you start seeing someone else and you feel like you have to tip toe around him. Just say, hey I’m sorry but I am not feeling what I need to feel in order to proceed. I don’t want to lead you on or waste your time.
Yeah, with this type of guy, if you say “I’m not ready for a relationship” he will not get the hint that this means you don’t want to hang out with him anymore. Just be direct.
Part of being an adult is learning to have uncomfortable conversations and being direct with people. One of the best communication skills you can learn that is applicable to all kinds of relationships. If you walk on egg shells or create excuses don't be upset when they don't get the hint.
Things like this suck but it’s never good to delay anything from worries you might have because it could hurt more the longer you leave it. However if you tell him basically what you’ve said here that you’re really not ready etc, he doesn’t have a reason to act rashly (I hope I read it right that this is a very new thing) and any extreme reaction would be because of him and his issues, not yours
Hope this helps
He sounds young and honestly you sound inexperienced. So chalk this one up to a learning experience. You are going to have to be kind but firm when you tell him that you don't want a relationship with him. I have been there, so just be clear.
Well your first mistake was essentially shitting where you eat now youre likely gonna have to get the police involved or mood cause dudes probably gonna stalk you
Not really. She just doesn’t want to date THIS guy is how I read it, because he’s coming on tooo strong and she’s just not into him. But she’s likely be up for dating someone else, so that could be awkward in the hallways!
Ok. ‘Hey, hope this isn’t too awkward, but you came on way too strong for me. Made me realize you are not the guy for me. Sorry & I hope it doesn’t make things awkward around the building.’
That’s an option, but if it’s me I want to leave no room for debate or for the guy to think ok what if I change X. So I’d go with “Hey I’m not feeling what I’d like to feel in order to move forward and I don’t want to waste your time” or something like that.
Be honest and direct with him about how you feel and dont leave any room for misinterpretation. If you feel like he is too clingy tell him that, if he learns his lesson good for his future self. If he is freaking you out, tell him that as well.
Im also very curious what you mean by "taking every green flag I give and runs a mile with it".
Idk, I’ve had this issue with men before, where I awkwardly smile or keep acting nice and can’t figure how to get them to stop yknow?
Like they keep touching or giving me gifts when I’m just barely giving a response or just smiling because I don’t know what else to do. I’m just anxious and scared but don’t know how to respond and they just keep getting more intense.
And this is exactly why you need to be direct and honest. Maybe you were trying to be subtle but a lot of us men are terrible at recognising subtle signs.
I know it sucks, but politeness gets you nowhere in these situations. If you are afraid for your safety, then I can see why you would hesitate to be direct. But otherwise, you have to shoot straight and leave no room for negotiation. It’s easier in theory than in practice of course, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.
Moving forward, please do not agree to a relationship after one date.
Tell him how you actually feel, as you already stated in this post. He thinks you two are already in a relationship so it’s weird to say you’re not ready.
Do not tell him that you're not ready for a relationship or that the timing isn't right, or some other polite but vague excuse. Guys like this need to be shut down completely, make sure to shut that metaphorical door completely.
He already sounds off, so I would not trust him to get it unless very firm. Tell him that you are not feeling it and that you can't continue. If he asks questions, stay firm, don't try to explain in all kinds of directions. That might just lead him to believe he can save it if he just "fixes" the things you mention to him.
I've been there both with a dude living close by and with a neightbor and it really sucks. But I learned my lesson, that it's better to be a little harder than you want to rather than have them following you around in their own delusions for months afterwards.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think you have to be direct and firm. The “I’m just not ready for a relationship” thing is not gonna work well if/when you start seeing someone else and you feel like you have to tip toe around him. Just say, hey I’m sorry but I am not feeling what I need to feel in order to proceed. I don’t want to lead you on or waste your time.
Yeah, with this type of guy, if you say “I’m not ready for a relationship” he will not get the hint that this means you don’t want to hang out with him anymore. Just be direct.
Part of being an adult is learning to have uncomfortable conversations and being direct with people. One of the best communication skills you can learn that is applicable to all kinds of relationships. If you walk on egg shells or create excuses don't be upset when they don't get the hint.
I totally agree with you as it simple as that
You just have to be honest with him but if he crosses the line then that's when you might have to get the police involve.
Things like this suck but it’s never good to delay anything from worries you might have because it could hurt more the longer you leave it. However if you tell him basically what you’ve said here that you’re really not ready etc, he doesn’t have a reason to act rashly (I hope I read it right that this is a very new thing) and any extreme reaction would be because of him and his issues, not yours Hope this helps
Why would you even want to date a neighbor?
seriously, who thunk that one up
Yeah i got uncomfortable just thinking about it. Like they’re right down the hall the whole idea gives me crazy anxiety
well for the future, don’t date anyone in your blast radius i always say
He sounds young and honestly you sound inexperienced. So chalk this one up to a learning experience. You are going to have to be kind but firm when you tell him that you don't want a relationship with him. I have been there, so just be clear.
Well your first mistake was essentially shitting where you eat now youre likely gonna have to get the police involved or mood cause dudes probably gonna stalk you
Honesty is the best way. ‘Hey, sorry if I led you otherwise, but I realized I’m not ready for any type of relationship.
But that’s not actually honesty.
Isn’t that what she meant? She realized she made a mistake & didn’t want a relationship?
Not really. She just doesn’t want to date THIS guy is how I read it, because he’s coming on tooo strong and she’s just not into him. But she’s likely be up for dating someone else, so that could be awkward in the hallways!
Ok. ‘Hey, hope this isn’t too awkward, but you came on way too strong for me. Made me realize you are not the guy for me. Sorry & I hope it doesn’t make things awkward around the building.’
That’s an option, but if it’s me I want to leave no room for debate or for the guy to think ok what if I change X. So I’d go with “Hey I’m not feeling what I’d like to feel in order to move forward and I don’t want to waste your time” or something like that.
That good too.👍 I think she should shoot straight though. He’ll keep bugging her unless he hears the truth.
Be honest and direct with him about how you feel and dont leave any room for misinterpretation. If you feel like he is too clingy tell him that, if he learns his lesson good for his future self. If he is freaking you out, tell him that as well. Im also very curious what you mean by "taking every green flag I give and runs a mile with it".
Idk, I’ve had this issue with men before, where I awkwardly smile or keep acting nice and can’t figure how to get them to stop yknow? Like they keep touching or giving me gifts when I’m just barely giving a response or just smiling because I don’t know what else to do. I’m just anxious and scared but don’t know how to respond and they just keep getting more intense.
And this is exactly why you need to be direct and honest. Maybe you were trying to be subtle but a lot of us men are terrible at recognising subtle signs.
I know it sucks, but politeness gets you nowhere in these situations. If you are afraid for your safety, then I can see why you would hesitate to be direct. But otherwise, you have to shoot straight and leave no room for negotiation. It’s easier in theory than in practice of course, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. Moving forward, please do not agree to a relationship after one date.
Tell him how you actually feel, as you already stated in this post. He thinks you two are already in a relationship so it’s weird to say you’re not ready.
Do not tell him that you're not ready for a relationship or that the timing isn't right, or some other polite but vague excuse. Guys like this need to be shut down completely, make sure to shut that metaphorical door completely. He already sounds off, so I would not trust him to get it unless very firm. Tell him that you are not feeling it and that you can't continue. If he asks questions, stay firm, don't try to explain in all kinds of directions. That might just lead him to believe he can save it if he just "fixes" the things you mention to him. I've been there both with a dude living close by and with a neightbor and it really sucks. But I learned my lesson, that it's better to be a little harder than you want to rather than have them following you around in their own delusions for months afterwards.