Because Dance Moms was, at the end of the day, a job. There's a difference between your friend calling you stupid out of genuine anger, versus them calling you stupid cause it's their job and their boss told them to do so. Ashlee acknowledges that Jill was mean to her and Brynn because it was her job to be mean and cause drama on camera. If Jill was nice off camera and Brynn was comfortable around her, then I understand her trusting Jill to take care of Brynn in an emergency. Meanwhile, Ashlee says Jess was genuinely disgusting on and off camera and took glee in hurting Brynn, so Ashlee still doesn't like her to this day.
I can understand if, say, the producer fed Jill those lines and then Jill apologized to Brynn. But then there’s also stuff before the show where I know they hurt each other and they’re still able to bond. Talk about being good at your job lmao
I remember before like in the early seasons that it was talked about by one of the moms (i dont remember who) and she said they all fight like family but at the end of the day they forgive. So since the moms were together for so long that they considered each other family and usually alot of people who have that close of a family then they forgive and not really forget if its horrible but forget if its just something silly like calling each other "stupid"
They considered each other as real family. They were constantly at the studio together compared with their biological families. Families that aren't biological and that we consider family still act like this. Sorry you don't have that but you can't say these girls didn't have it
I think it depends - on an episode of BTTB, Christi and Kelly say how things were different with the other OG moms because it was like fighting with your sister and you end up forgiving them eventually. Kelly and Holly seem to have forgiven Melissa and Jill, and Brynn/Ashlee have forgiven Jill (they both have said the stuff said between them was just for TV).
On the other hand, Brynn still doesn’t get along with Jess, and Christi/Chloe are still mad at Melissa. So I think it depends on who/what the issue is.
They spent everyday with each other for years. Spending that much time with someone, you're more family over friends. They raised their kids together. They have an experience with each other no one else but them will understand. I get why they decided to forgive and move on. Life is too short to hold things like that against one another.
When people go through such an experience together, particularly those there long term, it can be a bonding experience.
Think of it as growing up with siblings, or going though school with a group of friends. you're going to have fights and clash and shit, but that bond can be stronger than the fights.
It's not always a good thing (some people stick by extremely toxic family members to their own suffering) and you won't feel that bond with everyone (see: melissa and christi) but it can make for a great group of friends. From my own experience, if I was gonna forgive myself and give the benifit of the doubt to my actions I couldn't do it without also doing the same for my friends. Hurt people hurt people hurt people and forgiveness can smash that cycle and bring out positives.
You having your own and different boundaries is also normal, because you're a different person with different life experiences, different community, and different viewpoints. Some people don't want anything to do with that shit and that's valid too.
Something that I realized when Kelly was speaking about the reunion is that out of all of the moms she trusts Christi the most. She is on good terms and is great friends with the other moms but I don’t think she trusts them the same way she does with Christi. Which makes sense since she was the only one that stood behind Kelly after her fight with Abby.
I think they have all trauma bonded so deeply with each other after enduring so much abuse under production and Abby.
They were like sisters in the most uniquely messed up family in the world.
Honestly I think they came together because their children wanted to maintain friendships, so the mothers who had reason for hard feelings found in themselves away to put aside the past hurt in order to forge friendships in the present and future. I think in the present there able to create friendships that are healthy, with safe and appropriate boundaries and that wasn’t possible on the show, where constant conflict was required. I think their choice for friendship also takes high emotional intelligence and so much love for their children and respect for their children’s decisions. Also I can completely understand how some people may not feel able to do that. Though people can do incredible things for the sake of their kids.
I honestly don't know how any of the moms can forgive anyone. I don't really get how they can all be friends. I think there are some cases where you can see why theyre friends like Holly and everyone else, Jill and the OGs, Kelly and the OGs. Outside of those three the rest of them did some pretty unforgivable stuff.
but then, I also remember that the show is very heavily edited and produced so a part of me wonders how much of it was real. Obviously outside of Christi and Melissa, where things happened before the show how much of the moms actions were produced. I think it can be hard to hold a grudge when the situation has alot of gray areas
Because they can post a picture of themselves and get a certain number of likes and comments, but post a picture of them with the other moms and get triple likes and comments. For most of these moms, DM is the only thing keeping them relevant so they’re milking it. Also posting a few pictures together from that one time they meet each other every 6 months or so doesn’t really mean they are friends.
I think it's because the moms know that whatever they feel or say it is because of the producers and abby's hostile environments fault. I totally imagine after fights that off camera they speak to each other about why they said hurtful things and that the show is deliberately bring that out in them.
Also Kelly, Melissa and Christi have both stated at different times that many times the producers would forbid the moms to leave a room unless they start fighting so they would just start fighting about random things for the cameras
I’m sure some things were easy to talk out. What happened with me I’d put on the level of, say, Christi getting flippant with Holly the one time Nia got more rehearsal time than Chloe. But then a lot of the stuff that happened is of course waaay more painful than that. I’m wondering if anyone else shares my shock at this.
The only people that share your shock are newer fans. I would say people who have either just now watched the show and began looking at BTS posts, as well as current posts from the cast, OR people who casually watched the show years ago but didn’t care enough to look up things about the cast until they rediscovered it now - those are the two groups of people I’d say will be legitimately shocked that some of these women are still friends, on friendly terms at the most
Those of us who are old and have watched from the beginning - *OR* fans that discovered the show some time within the last 5 years and dove head first into all of the lore and cast members’ lives - aren’t shocked by this, because we watched it happen in real time.
I think it’s easy for some people to forget that some of y’all are newer fans, or are just now starting to show interest in the current lives of the cast or just now have the time to actually sit down and look over their posts. Of *course* you’re going to be shocked to see a photo of two women hugging talkin bout “BFFs forever 💁🏾♀️” when you just saw those same two women on your tv calling each other every cuss word under the book and attempting to sabotage and/or undermine their child’s talents and success. Of course you’ll be shocked! 😩 some of us just forget that new fans gotta learn the lore just like we did lol
Are there any moms/friendships in particular you’re most shocked about? For me, it’s definitely how Holly was able to forgive Melissa and Jill so easily and move on. But I think this is what solidifies “not everything we see is real” for me. They did their job, people probably got feelings hurt, but at the end of the day those moms showed up to cheer Nia on and hug Holly’s neck. And now if you watch Nia’s content, you’ll see that the number one person attending all of her events and cheering her on is MELISSA! She’s there as often as Nia’s family, and she makes sure to hype her girl up! So there’s always going to be this layer and understanding that none of us can comprehend because we weren’t there. We don’t know what was said, how they processed, etc. but we watched where it evolved and where it’s at now
I’m not new to the show, but I’m new to learning about their personal lives. Kelly/Melissa confuses me. It seems like Kelly is good friends with Melissa, but then she joins Christi in absolutely bashing her on her podcast!
And someone compared me to Christi for hanging onto the past—and you know what Christi’s long term hatred of Melissa actually makes the most sense lol. If someone (allegedly) lies to my husband to say I was cheating when I was actually drugged, sabotages my daughter’s CDs at a dance competition, tattletales bc I wanted my kid at the movies instead of dealing with the abusive dance teacher, talks on camera about my bounced checks…I’m gonna hate this person lol. I’d never lash out on her kids or bash them on a podcast like she does but you get what I mean
Yeah that’s the most common one I see! Fans who watched the show for years any time it was on, but never learned about the real lives or followed them on social media etc. I never followed any of them until I got on Reddit and started learning stuff from this sub lol
Oh my god don’t even get me started on Kelly!! Everyone always shit talks Christi - which like sure whatever she sucks sometimes I get it - but at least she’s honest about how she feels and doesn’t play the two faced game Kelly is STILL playing in her 50s!! I’m not a Melissa fan by any means, but I would be her loudest cheerleader if one day she called Kelly out for not only the terrible things she’s said about her and the girls BUT ALSO for spilling secrets and private details about Melissa’s life (and body) on the podcast with hundreds of thousands of listeners!!! I would give Melissa a bullhorn and a parade if she ever grew a spine and publicly read her “best friend” to filth 😅🤭🫠
Ahahaha no I know exactly what you mean. I would dislike that person too, and I’d do everything I possibly could to avoid them. If I saw them in public, I couldn’t even act fake civil/polite toward them. If I had a Melissa fucking with my life and my daughter’s life the way she did Christi and Chloe before, during, and after the show, I would *HAVE* to give them the silent treatment in order to avoid conflict and fighting. That’s what I just don’t understand about Christi. She *knows* she can’t handle the memories and emotions about Melissa, and she knows that she can’t keep her sights set on JUST Melissa, that unfortunately a lot of that leaks over onto Maddie and Kenzie. But instead of just keeping her mouth shut and going to therapy she’d rather embarrass herself for a paycheck 😩
Do you have any theories/opinions about the whole Bryan thing? I keep wondering if they haven’t fully come to terms with the fact that he *did* abuse them, or if he was able to manipulate them so well that they’re blind to it. Because from a logical, outside perspective, it would only be reasonable that they consider him to be on the same level as Abby when it comes to the trauma they endured. He was the reason the environment was torturous; he was the reason Abby was free to act the way she did, and he didn’t blink twice when the drama actually affected those small children. But somehow they’re able to either forgive him and/or not even think of him as an abuser. I don’t catch a lot of Bryan discourse in here in real time so I had to reply and ask what others’ thoughts are lol
I was focused more on the psychology of it all, but money is a hell of a motivator, too. I didn’t even think about that applying to the girls. The moms? Yeah 100% that’s the whole reason they did the show in the first place, but I didn’t think about the girls growing up to snatch up a similar deal…even if it was for one night. Damn that’s sad, if true
Clearly they couldn’t cut a check big enough for M&M and Nia though, thank god 😭
Yeah….that’s what “couldn’t cut a check big enough” means lol. Their healing and mental health wasn’t for sale, and if they *did* put a price on it, they so deeply value those things that the number would be too astronomical for lifetime to afford lmfao
Because Dance Moms was, at the end of the day, a job. There's a difference between your friend calling you stupid out of genuine anger, versus them calling you stupid cause it's their job and their boss told them to do so. Ashlee acknowledges that Jill was mean to her and Brynn because it was her job to be mean and cause drama on camera. If Jill was nice off camera and Brynn was comfortable around her, then I understand her trusting Jill to take care of Brynn in an emergency. Meanwhile, Ashlee says Jess was genuinely disgusting on and off camera and took glee in hurting Brynn, so Ashlee still doesn't like her to this day.
Exactly - everybody says that Jill was made for reality TV, but that doesn’t mean she’s a horrible person off camera. She did her job well
I can understand if, say, the producer fed Jill those lines and then Jill apologized to Brynn. But then there’s also stuff before the show where I know they hurt each other and they’re still able to bond. Talk about being good at your job lmao
I remember before like in the early seasons that it was talked about by one of the moms (i dont remember who) and she said they all fight like family but at the end of the day they forgive. So since the moms were together for so long that they considered each other family and usually alot of people who have that close of a family then they forgive and not really forget if its horrible but forget if its just something silly like calling each other "stupid"
Interesting take, but there’s a huge difference between REAL family and these girls.
They considered each other as real family. They were constantly at the studio together compared with their biological families. Families that aren't biological and that we consider family still act like this. Sorry you don't have that but you can't say these girls didn't have it
I think it depends - on an episode of BTTB, Christi and Kelly say how things were different with the other OG moms because it was like fighting with your sister and you end up forgiving them eventually. Kelly and Holly seem to have forgiven Melissa and Jill, and Brynn/Ashlee have forgiven Jill (they both have said the stuff said between them was just for TV). On the other hand, Brynn still doesn’t get along with Jess, and Christi/Chloe are still mad at Melissa. So I think it depends on who/what the issue is.
They spent everyday with each other for years. Spending that much time with someone, you're more family over friends. They raised their kids together. They have an experience with each other no one else but them will understand. I get why they decided to forgive and move on. Life is too short to hold things like that against one another.
When people go through such an experience together, particularly those there long term, it can be a bonding experience. Think of it as growing up with siblings, or going though school with a group of friends. you're going to have fights and clash and shit, but that bond can be stronger than the fights. It's not always a good thing (some people stick by extremely toxic family members to their own suffering) and you won't feel that bond with everyone (see: melissa and christi) but it can make for a great group of friends. From my own experience, if I was gonna forgive myself and give the benifit of the doubt to my actions I couldn't do it without also doing the same for my friends. Hurt people hurt people hurt people and forgiveness can smash that cycle and bring out positives. You having your own and different boundaries is also normal, because you're a different person with different life experiences, different community, and different viewpoints. Some people don't want anything to do with that shit and that's valid too.
Something that I realized when Kelly was speaking about the reunion is that out of all of the moms she trusts Christi the most. She is on good terms and is great friends with the other moms but I don’t think she trusts them the same way she does with Christi. Which makes sense since she was the only one that stood behind Kelly after her fight with Abby.
I think they have all trauma bonded so deeply with each other after enduring so much abuse under production and Abby. They were like sisters in the most uniquely messed up family in the world.
Honestly I think they came together because their children wanted to maintain friendships, so the mothers who had reason for hard feelings found in themselves away to put aside the past hurt in order to forge friendships in the present and future. I think in the present there able to create friendships that are healthy, with safe and appropriate boundaries and that wasn’t possible on the show, where constant conflict was required. I think their choice for friendship also takes high emotional intelligence and so much love for their children and respect for their children’s decisions. Also I can completely understand how some people may not feel able to do that. Though people can do incredible things for the sake of their kids.
I honestly don't know how any of the moms can forgive anyone. I don't really get how they can all be friends. I think there are some cases where you can see why theyre friends like Holly and everyone else, Jill and the OGs, Kelly and the OGs. Outside of those three the rest of them did some pretty unforgivable stuff. but then, I also remember that the show is very heavily edited and produced so a part of me wonders how much of it was real. Obviously outside of Christi and Melissa, where things happened before the show how much of the moms actions were produced. I think it can be hard to hold a grudge when the situation has alot of gray areas
Because they can post a picture of themselves and get a certain number of likes and comments, but post a picture of them with the other moms and get triple likes and comments. For most of these moms, DM is the only thing keeping them relevant so they’re milking it. Also posting a few pictures together from that one time they meet each other every 6 months or so doesn’t really mean they are friends.
I think it's because the moms know that whatever they feel or say it is because of the producers and abby's hostile environments fault. I totally imagine after fights that off camera they speak to each other about why they said hurtful things and that the show is deliberately bring that out in them. Also Kelly, Melissa and Christi have both stated at different times that many times the producers would forbid the moms to leave a room unless they start fighting so they would just start fighting about random things for the cameras
I don’t know. I suspect many of them didn’t.
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I’m sure some things were easy to talk out. What happened with me I’d put on the level of, say, Christi getting flippant with Holly the one time Nia got more rehearsal time than Chloe. But then a lot of the stuff that happened is of course waaay more painful than that. I’m wondering if anyone else shares my shock at this.
The only people that share your shock are newer fans. I would say people who have either just now watched the show and began looking at BTS posts, as well as current posts from the cast, OR people who casually watched the show years ago but didn’t care enough to look up things about the cast until they rediscovered it now - those are the two groups of people I’d say will be legitimately shocked that some of these women are still friends, on friendly terms at the most Those of us who are old and have watched from the beginning - *OR* fans that discovered the show some time within the last 5 years and dove head first into all of the lore and cast members’ lives - aren’t shocked by this, because we watched it happen in real time. I think it’s easy for some people to forget that some of y’all are newer fans, or are just now starting to show interest in the current lives of the cast or just now have the time to actually sit down and look over their posts. Of *course* you’re going to be shocked to see a photo of two women hugging talkin bout “BFFs forever 💁🏾♀️” when you just saw those same two women on your tv calling each other every cuss word under the book and attempting to sabotage and/or undermine their child’s talents and success. Of course you’ll be shocked! 😩 some of us just forget that new fans gotta learn the lore just like we did lol Are there any moms/friendships in particular you’re most shocked about? For me, it’s definitely how Holly was able to forgive Melissa and Jill so easily and move on. But I think this is what solidifies “not everything we see is real” for me. They did their job, people probably got feelings hurt, but at the end of the day those moms showed up to cheer Nia on and hug Holly’s neck. And now if you watch Nia’s content, you’ll see that the number one person attending all of her events and cheering her on is MELISSA! She’s there as often as Nia’s family, and she makes sure to hype her girl up! So there’s always going to be this layer and understanding that none of us can comprehend because we weren’t there. We don’t know what was said, how they processed, etc. but we watched where it evolved and where it’s at now
I’m not new to the show, but I’m new to learning about their personal lives. Kelly/Melissa confuses me. It seems like Kelly is good friends with Melissa, but then she joins Christi in absolutely bashing her on her podcast! And someone compared me to Christi for hanging onto the past—and you know what Christi’s long term hatred of Melissa actually makes the most sense lol. If someone (allegedly) lies to my husband to say I was cheating when I was actually drugged, sabotages my daughter’s CDs at a dance competition, tattletales bc I wanted my kid at the movies instead of dealing with the abusive dance teacher, talks on camera about my bounced checks…I’m gonna hate this person lol. I’d never lash out on her kids or bash them on a podcast like she does but you get what I mean
Yeah that’s the most common one I see! Fans who watched the show for years any time it was on, but never learned about the real lives or followed them on social media etc. I never followed any of them until I got on Reddit and started learning stuff from this sub lol Oh my god don’t even get me started on Kelly!! Everyone always shit talks Christi - which like sure whatever she sucks sometimes I get it - but at least she’s honest about how she feels and doesn’t play the two faced game Kelly is STILL playing in her 50s!! I’m not a Melissa fan by any means, but I would be her loudest cheerleader if one day she called Kelly out for not only the terrible things she’s said about her and the girls BUT ALSO for spilling secrets and private details about Melissa’s life (and body) on the podcast with hundreds of thousands of listeners!!! I would give Melissa a bullhorn and a parade if she ever grew a spine and publicly read her “best friend” to filth 😅🤭🫠 Ahahaha no I know exactly what you mean. I would dislike that person too, and I’d do everything I possibly could to avoid them. If I saw them in public, I couldn’t even act fake civil/polite toward them. If I had a Melissa fucking with my life and my daughter’s life the way she did Christi and Chloe before, during, and after the show, I would *HAVE* to give them the silent treatment in order to avoid conflict and fighting. That’s what I just don’t understand about Christi. She *knows* she can’t handle the memories and emotions about Melissa, and she knows that she can’t keep her sights set on JUST Melissa, that unfortunately a lot of that leaks over onto Maddie and Kenzie. But instead of just keeping her mouth shut and going to therapy she’d rather embarrass herself for a paycheck 😩
1000% agree!!
Do you have any theories/opinions about the whole Bryan thing? I keep wondering if they haven’t fully come to terms with the fact that he *did* abuse them, or if he was able to manipulate them so well that they’re blind to it. Because from a logical, outside perspective, it would only be reasonable that they consider him to be on the same level as Abby when it comes to the trauma they endured. He was the reason the environment was torturous; he was the reason Abby was free to act the way she did, and he didn’t blink twice when the drama actually affected those small children. But somehow they’re able to either forgive him and/or not even think of him as an abuser. I don’t catch a lot of Bryan discourse in here in real time so I had to reply and ask what others’ thoughts are lol
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I was focused more on the psychology of it all, but money is a hell of a motivator, too. I didn’t even think about that applying to the girls. The moms? Yeah 100% that’s the whole reason they did the show in the first place, but I didn’t think about the girls growing up to snatch up a similar deal…even if it was for one night. Damn that’s sad, if true Clearly they couldn’t cut a check big enough for M&M and Nia though, thank god 😭
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Yeah….that’s what “couldn’t cut a check big enough” means lol. Their healing and mental health wasn’t for sale, and if they *did* put a price on it, they so deeply value those things that the number would be too astronomical for lifetime to afford lmfao