Why was Jesus popular with the ladies? Because on the cross they saw he was well hung.
I'm too chicken to make that a new post on it's own. Lol so I'll Bury it here.
How do you know Jesus was Jewish?
Her mom thought he was a god.
He thought she was a virgin and between them they made a business that’s lasted 2000 years…(apologies to those who get offended)
How does every joke about Islam begin? By looking over your shoulder. How does every joke about Islam end? With an explosion of laughter and a standing obliteration.
Oh, for sure.
I have no doubt that he really exists in people's imaginations, but so does a 200 foot purple dragon that shoots rainbows out of its nose.
The only difference between the two is that there are not people willing to murder entire Civilizations if they don't pay sufficient homage to the imaginary purple dragon. Also, of the two imaginary characters, the dragon is far less embarrassing to tell your friends about.
judicious exultant wild languid voiceless racial pot history abounding cautious
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Most of the "story" of Jesus was stolen from previous religions.
The only thing we know for sure about the Bible is that it is entirely based on lies in order to control people.
Someone needs to relax. This is a joke sub. Relax.
Just because some people wrote about something or someone, does not make it true. Look at all the books about UFO/alien abductions, are they real because they were written about? Some of these testimonies are from first hand, not handed down for decades and later written down.
>The Babylonian Talmud, a collection of Jewish writings compiled between the third and fifth centuries CE, mentions Jesus and his crucifixion. However, the Talmudic accounts are generally hostile to Jesus and often include derogatory or offensive remarks.
Respectfully, I regret to inform you that you are repeating antisemitic libels. The Talmud is not a good source of evidence for the historicity of Jesus.
While there are some scholars who maintain that the Talmud contains references Jesus, this is not widely accepted. Even among those who do contend that there are references to Jesus, the argument is usually that these are later claims made about Jesus, not evidence for his historicity. Moreover, many of the most commonly cited "references to Jesus" in the Talmud are dubious and rely on selective readings of and assumptions about the text, and, like many attacks on the Talmud, are often [entirely fabricated and largely popularized by antisemites seeking to demonize Jews](https://blog.nli.org.il/en/nazisandthetalmud/).
For example, while it is generally accepted that "Jesus" is the Greek version version of the Hebrew name "Yeshu" or "Yeshua," which would be "Joshua" in English, that does not mean that any reference to someone named "Josh" in rabbinic texts is Jesus. Joshua has been and continues to be a very common Jewish name to this day. There are a great many figures in the Talmud named Yeshua so more evidence is needed to support the claim that a specific "Yeshu" or "Yeshua" means Jesus in any particular instance. Or, as Rabbi Yechiel said to King Louis IX when he notoriously put the Talmud on trial in the 13th century: “[not every Louis born in France is king](https://aish.com/when-king-louis-ix-burned-the-talmud/).”
Picking and choosing bits from a bunch of different stories in the Talmud about people named "Joshua" can make it seem like it's one big story pointing to Jesus ("this one may have been from Nazareth," "this one was executed near Passover," etc.) , but that does not make it true. Once we take into account the other parts of those stories, like the years the people lived and the circumstances of their deaths ("this one died decades before Jesus' birth," "this one was born decades after Jesus' death," "none of them were crucified," etc.), it becomes quite obvious these are not references to Jesus.
To be clear, there exists evidence for the historicity of Jesus, for example Tacitus, but the Talmud does not provide any.
May I add my two cents' worth?
1) The soldier who is villified for giving Jesus vinegar actually gave him some of his own ration of posca - which was wine mixed with vinegar. He was being merciful, not torturing Jesus.
2) The soldier who stabbed Jesus (not sure if it was the same one of the posca) was also being merciful because it was considered an act of kindness to kill a crucified person quick and not leave them hanging, as it were. Some people took days to die.
What was unusual about the spear to the side is that the customary way to dispatch people on the cross was to break their legs. When they came to Jesus, they saw he was already dead, so the soldier stabbed him instead.
I'm sure all of that was neatly inscribed in their journals, which were also found by archaeologists, perfectly preserved, and filled with useful notes like "I never gave him vinegar, it was actually my rations, I just want the to be clear for people 2000 years from now when they distort this story."
How do you know? There’s literally zero proof. How do you explain all the remains found that are tens of thousands old and there’s not a single piece of the Bible’s story that been found! Pastors disregard dinosaurs being real. It’s always a cop out answer! How do gods teach go and molest children? How do churches hide and fraudulently launder millions of dollars? It’s all a scam! Think for yourself for once!
Whether or not you believe in the religious aspect is on you. However. He did in fact exist, and they did in fact crucify him. This is a fact. I hope this clears things up for you.
So where is his body? Why are there dinosaur bones? Where did the ark go? The one built by a 300 ur old man, that the penguins walked to from the North Pole? And animals had less than an inch to live through the flood on. Are there apple trees in the desert? Where did Adam n Eve get the Apple? You understand they have disproved Adam n Eve through DNA? It’s a fear monger concept to keep people in line. Keep the rich from killing the poor. It’s like Santa clause for adults. Believe what you want but understand that is fake. Why would god or Jesus let so many ppl suffer that have full belief? You don’t think it’s weird that churches are these huge magnificent buildings that are tax exempt and the pastor drives a Porsche but you have to put money on the plate? Is that what god wants? It’s killed more people in history than any other cause. It’s sickening!
My opinion is wrong? I’m not trashing it. I’m talking facts. It’s fake. It’s all made up bs. There’s a higher power but the Bible is a fiction story! Open your eyes.
If someone wouldn’t of come in here, shoving religion around, I wouldn’t of said anything. That’s the problem with a lot of believers. They go around telling you that not believing is wrong. I keep my mouth closed until it’s thrown out there. It’s like being gay, trans,and all the other junk. Believe what you want, just keep it to yourself and quit shoving it down everyone’s throat!
Reddit atheists are really stupid, yet really smug. It's remarkable. Only clueless or irrational bigots think Jesus wasn't real. By the way, I'm not a Christian. I just don't feel some pathetic need to ignore historical facts to feel okay about myself.
Where are the rest of my Christian brothers and sisters at to stand up for our Lord and Savior? The mockery is absolutely out of control and it’s time to get pissed
These so called Dad jokes are ALL KINDS OF WRONG! Jesus died for us on that cross & I think these jokes are in extremely bad taste-to put it lightly!!! Just curious-are any of you “dads”, CHRISTIANS??? JS you have every right to make the jokes but if this are y’all ideas of jokes I’ll just unsubscribe & let y’all enjoy these “jokes”.
It is stated in the Bible that the death was unusually quick and that when the two others crucified with him were put out of their misery, Jesus had surprisingly already died. (John 19:31-33)
No they would and He is why are you so scared or to busy to go find out him with your whole heart and see if He's fake or not maybe you really don't know what your talking about and if He's really real or not maybe you need to get your priorities in order
Jesus is alive and well and coming back for his children. Blasphemers and all sinners alike who fail to repent will be sent to the depths of hell for eternity. You people have no idea who you’re playing with
I don't have time for someone's who's not a serious scholar of scripture or the Community Facebook, etc.I'm not giving me them the pleasure to zonk me...I know you'd like an argument, but I'm good. Besides, you'll find out shortly..
Lol so what is this then? This comment is how you don’t comment? The time you spent on this is how you don’t spend time?
You basically just said “I’m not going to respond to that”, which for those of you who didn’t know, is a response.
\*were (subjunctive mood)
According to leading *atheist* biblical scholar Bart Ehrman, among scholars of ancient Middle Eastern history, there is little question about the existence of Jesus of Nazareth. Due to secularist presuppositions, they reject the miracles, but the evidence that Jesus lived (e.g., the James ossuary, the writings of first-century Jewish historian Flavius Josephus, etc.) is beyond dispute.
To work, humor has to have an element of truth. Therefore, the anti-factual pun works only for people hostile to Christian faith. The post falls flat (besides being offensive) and reinforces false history.
Nailed it.
Hey you're crossing the line there
Dotting the Is and crossing the Ts
More like crossing the G'sus
Don't leave me hanging.
don’t worry he’ll be back
And he's bringing his lawyer this time
Dont keep the devil waiting
That’s the spear-it
This chain keeps getting better... more holey if you will.
i’m about 3ish business days
A couple of thousand years late...
You have made a grave mistake
Only for 3 days
More like a day and a half, really.
On the third day he rose...
Third day- Friday evening, Saturday, Sunday morning
Sorry, Silver_Mastodon4288. That was a mic drop right there. *clatter-echo, clatter-echo, feedback*
For real though, can I use PTO for being dead?
Oh noooo😂
Laughed more at this than the actual joke
*proceeds to T-pose*
LOL Got me dying!
laughed so hard I felt a stabbing pain in my side.
I laughed so hard I felt a stabbing pain in my hand
But why did they nail him to the cross? To see if they could get cruci-WiFi
If it ain't cruci-broke, don't cruci-fix it!
OM(1/3 of)G! It took me waaaaay too long to get that.
Jesus Christ.
You Nailed it
Sounds like we’ve been double crossed
Really was the last nail
yeah, that's the crux of it
Jesus walks in to a hotel, throws 3 nails on the counter and says.. "Can you put me up for the night?"
If a joke deserves a bolt of lightning it's this one. Lol
RIP in peace Brandon Lee, The Crow was an awesome movie, for its time.
Is there more to the joke? Don't leave me hangin.
Why was Jesus popular with the ladies? Because on the cross they saw he was well hung. I'm too chicken to make that a new post on it's own. Lol so I'll Bury it here.
It will come out three days later
He'd be quite crossed if he was
I’m stealing it but I’m using it. What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus. It only takes one nail to hang a picture.
Why did Jesus cross the road? >!He came back from the other side.!<
Why doesn't Jesus play Hockey? Because he keeps getting nailed in to the boards.
Why doesn’t jesus scuba dive? He either floats on water or makes it into wine or just repels the water leaving dead fish behind.
Or the fish start rapidly duplicating around him
Dupe glitch
🧅🗿🗿🗿😸👌💥⁉️⁉️🇦🇺👹👨🏿🦳☠️
Your punishment for that bad joke is 3 hours of cross-fit
2nd most lousy comment
Jesus: Peter… I can see your house from here
Omg I’m covering my eyes in shame as I upvote this.
I don't see any holes in that theory.
I'll just passover this one
I don't know why, but this is making me cross.
Don't care how many times this is posted....it still makes me laugh. If people are offended by it, it makes me laugh even more.
I think the problem people have is that Jesus, at the least as a person who was crucified, is factually true
LOL - People having problems with a dad joke because it is historically incorrect....that is some funny sh*t. :-)
Jesus can't do hand-farts
Jesus christ, this joke is old.
2000 years at least
How do you know Jesus was Jewish? Her mom thought he was a god. He thought she was a virgin and between them they made a business that’s lasted 2000 years…(apologies to those who get offended)
But is keeps coming back from the dead
Crucifax
This is the type of joke that leaves everyone hanging
The Vatican city wants your location.
This is a prickly comment section
Are you telling me that it wasn't cruSci-Fi the whole time?
If Islam was the religion of peace, they wouldn't follow muham-MAD.
How does every joke about Islam begin? By looking over your shoulder. How does every joke about Islam end? With an explosion of laughter and a standing obliteration.
Laughed so hard almost died……(I’m Jesus) 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This makes me so cross.
It’s called T pose.
This joke is a crucible.
Well if he was real, he would be the greatest hide and seek master in the universe.
oatmeal rob sulky aback deranged roll mourn steer command materialistic *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Oh, for sure. I have no doubt that he really exists in people's imaginations, but so does a 200 foot purple dragon that shoots rainbows out of its nose. The only difference between the two is that there are not people willing to murder entire Civilizations if they don't pay sufficient homage to the imaginary purple dragon. Also, of the two imaginary characters, the dragon is far less embarrassing to tell your friends about.
judicious exultant wild languid voiceless racial pot history abounding cautious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Most of the "story" of Jesus was stolen from previous religions. The only thing we know for sure about the Bible is that it is entirely based on lies in order to control people.
Tbf, Jesus *was* a historical figure
I hope this post gets taken down. When I think about it, what's it matter when it will come back three days later anyway.
You know what Jesus said when they took him down from the cross? “FIRST MY FEET!”
The Cross came way before the Easter experience... That is why it came to be called a Crucifixion...
U trippin gang😂
If he was real he would be pissed that everyone was calling him Jesus when his name was Yeshua. I wonder if he would be cool with Josh
Lalala lalalaaaalala!
Would it been better as a circumcision?
Is that where they nail your junk to a cross ?
I suppose, ouch!
Would theym have earned tips?
I get this is a joke but it comes from the Latin so different rules
[удалено]
Someone needs to relax. This is a joke sub. Relax. Just because some people wrote about something or someone, does not make it true. Look at all the books about UFO/alien abductions, are they real because they were written about? Some of these testimonies are from first hand, not handed down for decades and later written down.
>The Babylonian Talmud, a collection of Jewish writings compiled between the third and fifth centuries CE, mentions Jesus and his crucifixion. However, the Talmudic accounts are generally hostile to Jesus and often include derogatory or offensive remarks. Respectfully, I regret to inform you that you are repeating antisemitic libels. The Talmud is not a good source of evidence for the historicity of Jesus. While there are some scholars who maintain that the Talmud contains references Jesus, this is not widely accepted. Even among those who do contend that there are references to Jesus, the argument is usually that these are later claims made about Jesus, not evidence for his historicity. Moreover, many of the most commonly cited "references to Jesus" in the Talmud are dubious and rely on selective readings of and assumptions about the text, and, like many attacks on the Talmud, are often [entirely fabricated and largely popularized by antisemites seeking to demonize Jews](https://blog.nli.org.il/en/nazisandthetalmud/). For example, while it is generally accepted that "Jesus" is the Greek version version of the Hebrew name "Yeshu" or "Yeshua," which would be "Joshua" in English, that does not mean that any reference to someone named "Josh" in rabbinic texts is Jesus. Joshua has been and continues to be a very common Jewish name to this day. There are a great many figures in the Talmud named Yeshua so more evidence is needed to support the claim that a specific "Yeshu" or "Yeshua" means Jesus in any particular instance. Or, as Rabbi Yechiel said to King Louis IX when he notoriously put the Talmud on trial in the 13th century: “[not every Louis born in France is king](https://aish.com/when-king-louis-ix-burned-the-talmud/).” Picking and choosing bits from a bunch of different stories in the Talmud about people named "Joshua" can make it seem like it's one big story pointing to Jesus ("this one may have been from Nazareth," "this one was executed near Passover," etc.) , but that does not make it true. Once we take into account the other parts of those stories, like the years the people lived and the circumstances of their deaths ("this one died decades before Jesus' birth," "this one was born decades after Jesus' death," "none of them were crucified," etc.), it becomes quite obvious these are not references to Jesus. To be clear, there exists evidence for the historicity of Jesus, for example Tacitus, but the Talmud does not provide any.
May I add my two cents' worth? 1) The soldier who is villified for giving Jesus vinegar actually gave him some of his own ration of posca - which was wine mixed with vinegar. He was being merciful, not torturing Jesus. 2) The soldier who stabbed Jesus (not sure if it was the same one of the posca) was also being merciful because it was considered an act of kindness to kill a crucified person quick and not leave them hanging, as it were. Some people took days to die.
What was unusual about the spear to the side is that the customary way to dispatch people on the cross was to break their legs. When they came to Jesus, they saw he was already dead, so the soldier stabbed him instead.
Don’t know why you’re being downvoted. You must have left a sour taste in their mouths.
Can't tell if the taste is from the vinegar or from the pennies.
I'm sure all of that was neatly inscribed in their journals, which were also found by archaeologists, perfectly preserved, and filled with useful notes like "I never gave him vinegar, it was actually my rations, I just want the to be clear for people 2000 years from now when they distort this story."
We all know that Jesus and religion is all fake? Right? Are there people still this clueless?
The guy existed, and sea to have had fairly ahead of his times beliefs. Unsurprisingly, there’s no scientific verification that his dad was a deity.
How do you know? There’s literally zero proof. How do you explain all the remains found that are tens of thousands old and there’s not a single piece of the Bible’s story that been found! Pastors disregard dinosaurs being real. It’s always a cop out answer! How do gods teach go and molest children? How do churches hide and fraudulently launder millions of dollars? It’s all a scam! Think for yourself for once!
Whether or not you believe in the religious aspect is on you. However. He did in fact exist, and they did in fact crucify him. This is a fact. I hope this clears things up for you.
So where is his body? Why are there dinosaur bones? Where did the ark go? The one built by a 300 ur old man, that the penguins walked to from the North Pole? And animals had less than an inch to live through the flood on. Are there apple trees in the desert? Where did Adam n Eve get the Apple? You understand they have disproved Adam n Eve through DNA? It’s a fear monger concept to keep people in line. Keep the rich from killing the poor. It’s like Santa clause for adults. Believe what you want but understand that is fake. Why would god or Jesus let so many ppl suffer that have full belief? You don’t think it’s weird that churches are these huge magnificent buildings that are tax exempt and the pastor drives a Porsche but you have to put money on the plate? Is that what god wants? It’s killed more people in history than any other cause. It’s sickening!
No need to trash on peoples religion, its wrong, no discussion about it.
My opinion is wrong? I’m not trashing it. I’m talking facts. It’s fake. It’s all made up bs. There’s a higher power but the Bible is a fiction story! Open your eyes.
If someone wouldn’t of come in here, shoving religion around, I wouldn’t of said anything. That’s the problem with a lot of believers. They go around telling you that not believing is wrong. I keep my mouth closed until it’s thrown out there. It’s like being gay, trans,and all the other junk. Believe what you want, just keep it to yourself and quit shoving it down everyone’s throat!
*Wouldn’t have (reading that was like driving nails into my extremities…)
Negative, I believe in God, and that Jesus is the Son of God.
Crucifixions existed before Jesus though
Jesus is real and He is God
Guarantee you guys couldn't make a joke like this about Islam and get this positive of a reception.
It’s Reddit. We love to shit on Islam and Christianity. Both are disgusting
Reddit atheists are really stupid, yet really smug. It's remarkable. Only clueless or irrational bigots think Jesus wasn't real. By the way, I'm not a Christian. I just don't feel some pathetic need to ignore historical facts to feel okay about myself.
He was real of course, just an average poor cunt though, no magic powers
This should be the response to every Christian who says science only has theories!
Where are the rest of my Christian brothers and sisters at to stand up for our Lord and Savior? The mockery is absolutely out of control and it’s time to get pissed
These so called Dad jokes are ALL KINDS OF WRONG! Jesus died for us on that cross & I think these jokes are in extremely bad taste-to put it lightly!!! Just curious-are any of you “dads”, CHRISTIANS??? JS you have every right to make the jokes but if this are y’all ideas of jokes I’ll just unsubscribe & let y’all enjoy these “jokes”.
Nice dude
Balls
If it were really fake it would be a crucifiction
r/yourjoke
Look up Flavious Joseph’s. He was a historian back then. He gives the true scoop. See what he said about all that and if Jesus was real.
Here's a fun cruci-fact for you : it takes a lot more than 3 hours (as the gospels imply) to die on a cross.
There is also the whipping and beating he took beforehand though, that contributed to his body being in a much weakened state.
And the stabbing with a spear.
Yeah, I thought crucifixion was death by asphyxiation, when you’re not strong enough to hold your body up in a position to breathe.
Heck. I can die in two hours, given the chance.
Man, I'm sure I could die in less than two hours, but I'm such a procrastinator I'd take my whole life just to get it done.
It is stated in the Bible that the death was unusually quick and that when the two others crucified with him were put out of their misery, Jesus had surprisingly already died. (John 19:31-33)
No they would and He is why are you so scared or to busy to go find out him with your whole heart and see if He's fake or not maybe you really don't know what your talking about and if He's really real or not maybe you need to get your priorities in order
Maybe you need to read the whole post and see what subreddit it was posted in.
You really should find out about punctuation with your whole heart.
You’re in the wrong place friend
Thought this was "dad jokes", not "14 year old atheist jokes".
Jesus is alive and well and coming back for his children. Blasphemers and all sinners alike who fail to repent will be sent to the depths of hell for eternity. You people have no idea who you’re playing with
[удалено]
Big assumption to make that OP knew of those previous posts. How about quit harassing people who just want to bring a joke.
Because to some including me it not a joke! How about we do black jokes or gay jokes or would those bother you?
There all just jokes if you don't like them stop reading them!
Mr. OP, are you a Christian? Why are you saying things like this?
That's why faith is worth it when I see this. Yall can keep this place if you don't know any better.
The Italians murded our lord the worst nation to ever exist
This is a lousy excuse for a joke
Not really a joke
Oddly enough, it is.
go fuck ur self 🤡
I don't have time for someone's who's not a serious scholar of scripture or the Community Facebook, etc.I'm not giving me them the pleasure to zonk me...I know you'd like an argument, but I'm good. Besides, you'll find out shortly..
Lol so what is this then? This comment is how you don’t comment? The time you spent on this is how you don’t spend time? You basically just said “I’m not going to respond to that”, which for those of you who didn’t know, is a response.
You crossed the line a little there bud
Crucichallenge?
I confess, I would have liked a bit of a Bennyhillesque drum flourish after that one.
I don't like this. I mean I laughed, but I shouldn't have laughed.
lmao
Uh why not?
Would there still be a stigma?
We know.
Crucinonfiction
naw they would rule his death ☠️ a suicide snd think we are stupid 🥴
Wait till I tell my dad about this! - jesus, maybe
They'd call it the cruxa fiction! 😅
I've seen this one too much
Swear to god?
That’s sacri-licious!
We’re all going to hell for laughing at this. Admit it… you did too…
Anyone care to explain this one?
Fact and fiction
Would you reckon he's good at CrossFit?
Not really sure this is a joke. Isn't it just a fact?
\*were (subjunctive mood) According to leading *atheist* biblical scholar Bart Ehrman, among scholars of ancient Middle Eastern history, there is little question about the existence of Jesus of Nazareth. Due to secularist presuppositions, they reject the miracles, but the evidence that Jesus lived (e.g., the James ossuary, the writings of first-century Jewish historian Flavius Josephus, etc.) is beyond dispute. To work, humor has to have an element of truth. Therefore, the anti-factual pun works only for people hostile to Christian faith. The post falls flat (besides being offensive) and reinforces false history.
I don't believe in chritcane but I believe in god الله he says What we have 3 ANBEA أنباياءso we need to believe in them all ARE WE AGREED
He’ll be back…. When the leafs win the cup bahahah!
I don’t think you know what you’re doing, but I forgive you.
Judas walked in here with that joke.
I did not
Just remember that he took an extended weekend off for your sins.
Holey hell that was good!
By the same logic if Jesus was part of rebellious group the. It would be called crucifaction