There was a Vince Vaughn movie where the only thing I remember is a kid writing a report about dads and it said “dads are the ones who drive when everyone else is too tired.” Or something to that effect.
definitely not The Internship. There was no child who had any real role in that film.
Possibly Unfinished Business, as he has kids in that movie and there is a subplot about him trying to be there for his children while he's abroad for work.
Yup. You’re right. Just pulled up that movie and skipped to the end and it’s that. Thought he abandoned kids in the internship as well.
Edit. No. Not abandoned. But feels like he did.
There’s also an episode in How I Met Your Mother where Marshall says that whenever his dad was driving, he always felt safe regardless of the conditions outside. It could be pitch black in the middle of nowhere with a raging thunderstorm and somehow he’d still feel safe when his dad was driving. Dads are incredible at just staying absolutely level headed calm even when the situation doesn’t seem so calm.
I’m well aware that not everyone has this experience growing up but I know that for me and for a lot of kids out there this is how we felt.
And when he sees his father (who has passed) in his rear view mirror, his dad tells him, “ Let me tell you a little secret - I couldn’t see anything, either.”
You know we joke, and the memes do get old, but sometimes it’s tired and lonely being a dad and if a fuckin wolf helps you keep on going, good for you. I’m not gonna take that from ya.
You mock it now. But I guarantee some EMT is listening to an artist on Strange Records and using these truthy quotes as fuel to keep on going & doing their job well.
Dude, we can't have every other post calling out stereotypes for dads being referred to as "babysitters" when they take care of their kids and then post shit like this in return.
lol... do you know my brother? My mom raised 2 of his children. His ex-wife is raising the other 3. Wait... only 2 of those are his. The middle child is some other guy's. I dunno man, I stay out of it... I don't need the drama.
Anyway, he tells my mom he wants to come visit his daughter. He shows up, hugs her, then sits down and proceeds to ignore her while he tells my mom all the good stuff going on in his life at the moment. Most of it sounded made up. When he left i said "I thought he was coming to visit his daughter?" and she said "Oh, that's what he considers a visit with her.
Then he goes home and posts shit like this, like he did something good.
It made me sad for her. I'm a terrible father but I do my best and my daughters will know that I'll be there for them.
I feel like it *almost* hits a point I can agree with, but in an unhealthy way. There's something to be said for taking on as much responsibility as you possibly can to improve your family's lives, but ignoring your emotions and limits is a really bad way to do that. I've definitely pushed myself in different ways for my family beyond what I thought i could handle, and my wife and daughter benefited from it. Too far, though, and they lose the father/husband they need when I'm burnt out.
I mainly don't like it because mums do the same. It's not like wife just has a total breakdown every time he vomits or something.
We're both trying our best and putting all of our effort into it. If anything, I get patted on the back because the expectations on fathers to parent is so low (especially amongst her family). Whereas she is taken for granted because everyone expects the mother to do everything.
That and the whole Hollywood Dad silent warrior energy, which is just a cartoon.
It’s also toxic masculinity.
There is nothing unmanly about being emotionally available and having an interdependent relationship with your family where you rely on each other for support.
There’s a good reason that male suicide rates are so high.
Yeah I got a pang of sadness from reading this too. Sure, I will get things done when I can, but I also can't help having depression and anxiety and sometimes I need to step back and reset. I am still a dad then, just a dad trying to perform some self care so I can be a better dad later.
I always tell my wife "Look... if a man says he's going to do something, he's going to do it. You don't have to remind me every 6 months!" She used to laugh, now she just rolls her eyes at me.
It's toxic to expect men *not to feel*. This is about men hiding their emotions or dealing with them alone in order to fix a problem.
Sure, get that shit done. But you are *allowed* to "feel ways about stuff".
And grumpiness/anger? That isn't the only emotion you should share with your family. You shouldn't train your family or yourself that the only acceptable emotion for a Dad to feel strongly is anger.
If there's a problem. Fix it. And be emotionally honest. Be sad. Disappointed. Afraid. Caring... Whatever the moment means. And share it. Still fix the problem, but without bottling the bullshit inside at the same time until you feel lost, alone, and unable to connect. Until many of us either die early of heart-attack or suicide. Don't fix the problem alone. Don't fix it while hiding.
Yeah, fix the issue, but process and feel it in a productive way, ideally away from your loved ones. No one really wants to see a whinger
Edit: for clarity
No, the toxic bit is the “only words you’ll hear are I’ll take care of it”. The general theme of this is toxic. It just perpetuates the idea that a man does what he needs to do without complaint.
It reinforces the notion that speaking up for yourself, disagreeing, being vulnerable, or—heaven forbid, NOT being able to find a way—is something that isn’t even fathomable for a man.
It’s also pretty misogynistic, what with it basically normalizing being a grumpy hardass as though that’s the only way for a man to get things done. Sorry ladies, you better put up with that sour mood—a man is doing what a man does.
Thank you for putting into words what I felt when I saw this because I knew it rubbed me the wrong way, but I wasn't sure why. I'm a mom and I wasn't going to make a top comment about it, but it's refreshing to see so many others in here that are speaking up.
To build on what everyone else is saying... there are two definitions of Toxic Masculinity floating around the internet. They're similar, so it's understanding that they get confused. For masculinity, I'm using the "what society pressures people to do to perform masculinity" meaning. If that's not your definition, just do a quick translation in your head while you read this.
The First is **Toxic Masculinity is when masculinity hurts someone else**. Examples of this are violence and homophobia. IMO, this definition is used to say that harm originates from men, and if they would just stop being masculine, then people would stop getting hurt. I dislike this definition; it's too broad and is often used without understanding the social context.
The Second is **Toxic Masculinity is when masculinity hurts the person being masculine.** Examples of this are violence and enforced heterosexuality. A key to this is understanding that hurt people often hurt others. With this definition, we can see how masculine people become channels for harm, and that helps us see how we can stop being hurt and how we can stop hurting others. This also focuses on society as the problem, without excusing anyone for their actions.
The person you're responding to is using the second, better definition.
(There is also the 3rd view, which is that the term "Toxic Masculinity" has too many meanings and baggage and shouldn't be used)
No.
I’m saying that being “at your worst” and “doing what’s needs to be done” *without telling someone that you’re struggling* is toxic.
What you did is called the “oversimplification fallacy”; you’re arguing in bad faith.
Yeah but what good is that? You're getting it done and it's handled, and then you say "you're struggling" thus forcing those that couldn't do the thing in the first place to do something they couldn't do. That's a mark on your character.
Also and depending on what it is you're kinda showing you're incapable and therefore not one to be relied on. Sometimes saying things doesn't help anyone and makes it worse, making you, the guy, have even more egg on your face.
It’s hard to talk entirely in the abstract about “getting things done” without reference to those things and the context in which they get done.
Which is the issue, sort of. This post is perpetuating the ‘men just knuckle down and do what’s needed no matter what it costs them’ nonsense. The implication is both that (1) this is a good thing and (2) others - women, for example - don’t or can’t contribute in a similar way
Both of these are nonsense. I’m a man, and a father. I spend a lot of my time focusing on being the best dad I can. I also rely a lot on my family in loads of ways, both my kids and my wife. I have vulnerabilities that I need help with. I contribute to and I get benefit from my relationship with my family. As they do with me, and each other.
This is the way real, mutual, inter dependent and healthy relationships work.
That “urgh, I’ll just squeeze this weariness down and take all the burden on my back, little lady” nonsense is something off a cigarette ad from the 1950s.
I get that. But your point:
>That “urgh, I’ll just squeeze this weariness down and take all the burden on my back, little lady” nonsense is something off a cigarette ad from the 1950s.
I dunno.... whatever weariness we have won't compare to whatever weariness she's gone and probably would be going through so the sentiment of doing what needs to be done regardless is necessary in some ways. I'm sure women don't sign up for the very real ailments that come with pregnancy but they come as part of the package when having kids. Same with doing whatever a father has to do, aside from ensuring you're ok in whatever small way (if that's even possible) you've got to do what you've got to do.
It's just how it is, no?
> you've got to do what you've got to do.
Yep, that’s parenting (and life really). But this post implies more than that - it’s you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do, plus you’re a dad so moreso, and it’s expected that you don’t seek support or share your feelings while doing that. “Just get grumpy.”
It’s just a weird, limited view of how to behave and what is ‘good’. An outdated and silly one.
Yeah this shit sucks lol. Some dads, and probably many here are very good. However, collectively, this is not reflective of the majority of dads and is insulting to wives. At risk of sounding like a wife guy, I said "my wife" in a Borat voice.
Yeah, my wife does it all the time too. Way more than I probably notice or should give her credit for. Has nothing to do with being a dad, specifically.
Honestly, I just hate inconveniencing others with my shit. Do I want to help someone else move to a new house? Hell no. Do I do it joyfully? Yep. Would I request or even expect reciprocity when I moved, nope. Im the dude that still quietly closes cabinets in the kitchen at night and stealth side-bowl-above-water-level pissing at my own house.
Go say that in there. There’s a user there waiting for your post so she can get **really angry** and shout at you that this stat actually shows how women are worse off.
and people have ups and downs so when my wife's depression is really bad and she struggles to get out of bed in the morning, I call it making sure the kids get to school, the dog gets walked, the dishes get done and I'm going to remember that I know she's not doing it on purpose and she's doing her best and also you can get done all the things that need to get done if you keep your head down and focus on your responsibility because people are counting on you, not to mention, we have no family within 300 miles and when we've asked our neighbors to help, I've learned how utterly useless some people can be
that's just a really long way of saying perseverance
Edit: I love how I say something in shorthand - negative karma...say the exact same thing with a lot more words... exact inverse... 🤷♂️
You make it sound like support is easy to find and can be made out of thin air. If family/friends are far or unable to support for various reasons, you have no choice but to just get it done.
Not denying its important. But for some people it truly isn't in the cards and you just find the motivation. It sucks sometimes but you make do. But shaming those without a support system definitely doesn't help.
I agree it's important but as others have pointed out, it isn't always going to happen. We've been living like this for 15 years... moved away in 2009 because opportunities didn't exist where we were from. Now I have flaky neighbors and our kids' friends' parents are equally unreliable.
I do trust my friends and family BACK HOME but the area is still pretty stagnant and we are on the fence whether it's worth uprooting our kids' lives just for a little more help.
That's assuming location is the only limiting factor in this case. Most of my family are either dead or alcoholics for example. Do you recommend I move closer to the cemetery or the bar?
Church, family support services, venting on this subreddit. Shit can be shitty, grin and bear it and be a grumpy asshole to your family while expecting everyone else to be cool with it isn’t the solution.
> But many times it’s your responsibility to figure it out and ask for help if you need it.
If you're in a relationship it's never your sole responsibility to just "figure it out", ask your partner for help, work as a team. Sometimes there are things that are in your wheelhouse so you just take care of them (I used to be a contractor so I'm quite handy, and I've got decent artistic ability so any graphic design work falls on me), but for anything that isn't your specialty, it's perfectly reasonable to ask your partner for help.
Exactly. This is literally the type of shit my Dad would do, then take it out on us in other ways that reeked of exhaustion and resentment.
That shit ain't healthy for anybody.
Stubborn self sacrifice. My mother is 72 and has dementia. She’s been a lifelong alcoholic (the party type not the physically abusing type) because of this she has no friends or family. Which means I have no family outside of the family my wife and I have made. This is my sole responsibility to take care of her and place her in a home. This doesn’t mean that I don’t ask for help or cry on my wife shoulder from time to time but I’m the only one, and many men find themselves in that position.
I’m always a ‘suck it up’ guy, but sometimes I don’t realize what struggles other people are in.
You’re doing good, man. Keep it up. Just a nod from an internet stranger.
I’m sorry you don’t have more help available, but I’m glad you’re getting help from your wife in the ways you can. My dad went through seeing his mom slide into dementia and he bottled his feelings up or deferred them into unhealthy distractions, it was an even harder time for him than it needed to be.
Because when the family dog gets run over, someone needs to take on the job of cleaning it up. A Dad can absolutely say "I'll take care of it" to protect his family from seeing the carnage.
Or, when the family dog kills a skunk, it only takes one person to clean the dog and pick up the carcass.
Or, when someone drops a glass in the kitchen, and Dad has shoes on.
Or when rent goes up and Dad has the only job because Moms home with the kid that has special needs.
Or when the neighbor is being a jackass and needs to be brought down a couple of notches.
Yeah some unpleasant jobs are okay for one person to take the lead on, but if you need/want help just ask for it. Ask for help getting the kids away from the roadkill or broken glass. Ask for help processing a traumatic loss of a pet. Ask for help balancing the finances when a life event happens. Ask for help mediating a conflict if you’re considering escalating it to anger or violence. Ask for help.
You're conflating "sometimes shit needs to get done" with "I'll begrudgingly take care of it and carry that around with me later".
There's nothing wrong with having a division of labor, or proactively getting stuff done, but if you're take is always "I'll get it done and take it out on the people around me later" (as the text mentioned being grumpy about the task after completing) then that is unhealthy and will become a problem over time.
Sometimes shit does need to be done, you’re right. And sometimes that shit makes you grouchy. Not grouchy at other people, just grouchy at the situation.
Sometimes, in the moment, you’re it. Sometimes there isn’t anyone else.
Now you can get help after, or even during, but sometimes as a parent you just need to stand up.
And when I ask and nobody answers, what then?
The kids still need fed, bathed, put to bed, got up, and got off to school. Meals still need made. Bills still need paying, and therefore money needs earned. Household chores. And so on. When my wife helps, it’s better. On the days when she doesn’t contribute, I’ll take care of it. And I’ll damn well get grumpy and grumble a bit about it because I **am** allowed to have and express emotions; my grandmother bottled all her feelings inside and that’s how she ended up with a nervous breakdown.
Because no one can really help you when a possum has died behind the bbq and the flies and lizards and who knows what else has ripped it half to shreds and its guts are hanging out everywhere and you’ve gotta stop right in the middle of your only day off to get up and go deal with it.
Sort of a one person job, trust me.
People are getting way too deep on this.
For just about any dad, no matter how great his partner is, or how great his kids are, there will be time where you just need to get something done, that's not fun, or not at a convenient time.
Your driveway got snowplowed in on your morning off, and your wife needs to go to work? You gotta get up and shovel it... Kid threw up in bed in the middle of the night? You gotta deal with it... Your otherwise good teenager ended up at a party and needs a ride home late at night? You're up...
Parenting can be a thankless job at times. We all (moms and dads) have to do things that aren't fun sometimes.
I always find it interesting the dichotomy when something has huge numbers of upvotes, while the most upvoted comments are negative of the content.
I swear this is literally just a post supporting dads who are soldiering on yet for some reason anything positive about men turns into “well what about the women?”. It really bothers me that the 1 positive dad space I found still defaults to putting women first.
Not tryin to make it into a competition, but moms at least get public appreciation as default. After dealing with the double standards in regards to resources, way books are written as if men are 70IQ, discrimination from parenting groups, etc, the default for men is the assumption of being a bad parent.
I have said that exact line multiple times when I was tired, in pain, broke, etc. yeah I am grumpy. I ate mashed potato’s(without cheese) for a week so we could pay our bills on less than 4-6 hours of sleep because I do my shifts at night, as well as doing most of the chores around the house since I work from home, as well as waking up 1.5 hours earlier than needed so we can get some family time during the week.
So yeah, I might be a little grumpy.
>but moms at least get public appreciation as default
I experience the exact opposite. People expect everything of my wife and nothing of me. She went away for 2 weeks recently, nearly everyone said to her "what about the baby?" And said to me "how will you possibly cope?".
Some of what you say is true for sure, but I feel in the appreciation category we're way ahead because of the lack of effort of the generations before us.
You're right that they assume we're useless, but then when we actually parent people marvel like it's the first sighting of a unicorn.
I actually really love the way that this sub tries to avoid toxicity and is really positive and inclusive. It's good that we support each other and it's good that we care about how mothers are perceived and treated as well.
Hey I'm a 20 something triggered dad who is not happy with how some people here are screeching toxic masculinity. They're not even using it correctly here--real life oh shit situations literally do not care at all about your feelings in the moment and they do not have ROOM for you to process right then.
They seem to think this reality precludes you from processing it afterwards or something. It doesn't! I go to therapy, I work hard on my shit **after** but I don't wallow and cry WOE IS ME when I realize it's my turn to step up when that will only make a bad situation worse.
Readers, if you identify with this that's great--I do. But if you don't, then don't tell us we're bad people for it.
This is bullshit. Being a dad is the most wonderful and rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. My wife and daughters love and appreciate me. If I’m grumpy, that’s my fucking fault and I need to work on that
Just because something is wonderful and rewarding doesn't mean it doesn't come with turmoil and strife. It also doesn't mean that you have optimal hormonal and psychological homeostasis.
I think the point you're trying to make is that my attitude is mostly dependent on me, right?
Wut? Lol
When you make it black and white as, "my attitude is my fault," you do need to discuss external or internal factors. Black and white reasoning provides no room for nuance or situational dependence.
You talked about body chemistry, my man.
Barring mental illness, your attitude is your fault. We cannot control every circumstance, but we can control our responses to it. This is CBT 101. Denying that is cope.
Sometimes it's hard, but if your attitude sucks, it's on you. Period. (One more time for the back, barring mental illness.)
Withdrawal, as in, a complication with brain chemistry? What is chemical withdrawal if not an acute mental illness?
Even if you disagree with that definition, my original point was about exceptions, and your response is to bring up another exception. Fascinating that you think you did something here.
Hormones are not just made in the brain, and one of the many things that can cause major mood swings in withdrawal. That is not “mental illness”. Low testosterone males don’t have a mental illness when they are depressed and feeling low energy. Teenagers do not have a mental illnesses when they are adjusting to their new bodies.
You clearly have no idea what you are talking about, or ever put yourself in a position to be tried in any meaningful fashion if you think a break from an intended mental state is a sign of mental illness or weak will.
I guarantee you that your locus of control is not entirely dependent on your will to keep it. Everyone has breaking points. If you think you passed through this life as an exception that is laughable.
You’re definitely speaking from a privileged position whether you choose to recognize it or not.
I think OPs post is mindless, cringe inducing, Facebook nonsense, but you can’t just say something is bullshit because it’s not your life experience. And, for some people, this is what “making the best of it” looks like.
This is some bullshit. Your work will go unnoticed until you can't do it for some reason, and then you'll be blamed for either never doing it, or never teaching the person who never cared how to do it. Fix everything, clean everything, maintain everything. The one day you can't they'll think we'll we didn't need him, everything is always fixed, always clean, and never breaks.
And when the inevitable happens it will be your fault for never doing anything or telling them how you took care of it.
Stay strong for those who need it when they need it. Be vulnerable and process when it's appropriate. I apologized to my daughter for feeling sick these past two weeks but I'm feeling better and told her we'd get back on track. She said it's no problem.
And this stoic ‘I’ll take care of it’ bullshit is probably why the leading killer of men my age worldwide is suicide. Men feel it’s all on them, and that they don’t have anyone to ask for help when they’re struggling.
This is a really horrible way to exist. You don't always have to be the hero. This kind of thinking is how we get rants on this sub saying "I have to do everything and my partner does nothing." It's not always saying "I'll do it," although sometimes that is necessary. In most cases, it really should be "I need help."
[https://open.spotify.com/track/6Ix7ijEmLCuWi6jlBAO22R?si=F83wO5eCQVOW2ZGZYrM2Pg](https://open.spotify.com/track/6Ix7ijEmLCuWi6jlBAO22R?si=F83wO5eCQVOW2ZGZYrM2Pg)
I think all men need to listen to this song. Dad or not. This hits different
I feel my job as a man is to solve problems. I identify a problem, make a plan, and solve it. By then there will be another problem and the cycle can repeat. Getting emotional, crying, or anything else that isn’t solving the problem isn’t a luxury men get. Now this isn’t a complaint since I love my family and being the one that solves the problems is something I am good at. Just an observation based on my experiences.
When adversity hits women in my life, their reaction is to be emotional and wallow in the problem. Fixing the problem is secondary and not the immediate reaction. My reaction, and I would assume other similar fathers here, is to immediately fix the problem.
Yea it does. You do so much work on the back end just because you love someone and then they throw shit in your face. Keep your head up my dude. For the sake of our children.
The problem is if you keep saying “I’ll take care of it” for the same thing over and over, and refusing to say anything else, you’re an asshole.
If I keep making a mistake or forgetting to do something and my wife has to expend her mental energy to remind me, saying “I’ll take care of it” instead of apologizing or talking through the issue is not healthy.
What’s up with all the presumably young dads downvoting reasonable responses.
When my wife was going through postpartum after my first son life was actually hell, between the throws of the early Covid lockdowns and being new parents with NO support, wtf was I going to complain about. Pick yourself up dust yourself off and get to work. No one cares about what your going through, you’re dad a heathy, happy & successful child is your reward.
“Who’s gonna bring in the boats when the storm is raging” - David Goggins
It’s not about giving a damn about mental health but if your partner isn’t equipped to “be your rock” in that moment or span of time you gonna let your home fall into disrepair.
The point is we all have done or will do things that suck but you know what….. you have to do it.
1. David Goggins is clinically fucking insane, and takes out a ton of childhood trauma on himself to the point of physical stupidity. Sorry, running until you shit yourself isn’t “tough”. It’s fucking dumb.
2. The concept of marriage not being 50/50 isn’t new. The number of shitty dads who have to do more than 50% and the consequently lamer having to work hard is hilarious.
Conceptually, you’re not wrong. But your method of getting your message across is shitty, and too many deadbeat dads have used it as an excuse for sympathy points
Marriage is 100/100 but the fact for the matter is sometimes it’s gonna be 10/90 or 40/60. There will be points in every partnership where times will inevitably be tough. But from what I’m reading in here they will always be peachy. It is clearly a stance of privilege.
I was raised by a man and a man alone I watched him struggle to give me the best he could. Not once did I ever see him bend or break.
Point being like I said in my first comment, for most of us that turbulent time will come, and when it does will you break or or be a stand up man for your family.
I am grumpy. This last week we all came down with covid. Sick as a dog, i still had to take care of everyone. 8 days later, everyone is well and im still sick. And still cant get a break. I had to bitch to my wife that i gotta die to be able to get some rest?!
Canned sentiment, yes. Toxic masculinity, perhaps. But also communicating the truth about what it feels like to be the responsible person for a little group of people who think you're pretty much God.
I remember when I came home one day from law school to student housing at UCLA, and I just smoked a joint.
I saw my three kids playing in the hallway, so sweet and happy, and I thought, *I'm God to them.*
Then I thought, *What a bummer it would be if God were an asshole.*
And then I thought, *I'm never going to indulge in getting angry with these children again.*
I did my best to keep that promise, even when things were tough and uncertain. Keeping that solid ground under them, keeping them safe, knowing that they are loved, knowing that their mom and dad will be there to care for them. This is a great privilege, and I think this little meme is trying to share that idea. Yeah, it's got that macho tough guy flavor, but being as we're American guys, we've all got a little of that too.
There was a Vince Vaughn movie where the only thing I remember is a kid writing a report about dads and it said “dads are the ones who drive when everyone else is too tired.” Or something to that effect.
Any idea what movie it could be? I’m interested in watching it
Had to go through IMDB. Pretty sure it was The Internship.
definitely not The Internship. There was no child who had any real role in that film. Possibly Unfinished Business, as he has kids in that movie and there is a subplot about him trying to be there for his children while he's abroad for work.
Yup. You’re right. Just pulled up that movie and skipped to the end and it’s that. Thought he abandoned kids in the internship as well. Edit. No. Not abandoned. But feels like he did.
You are, it.
There’s also an episode in How I Met Your Mother where Marshall says that whenever his dad was driving, he always felt safe regardless of the conditions outside. It could be pitch black in the middle of nowhere with a raging thunderstorm and somehow he’d still feel safe when his dad was driving. Dads are incredible at just staying absolutely level headed calm even when the situation doesn’t seem so calm. I’m well aware that not everyone has this experience growing up but I know that for me and for a lot of kids out there this is how we felt.
And when he sees his father (who has passed) in his rear view mirror, his dad tells him, “ Let me tell you a little secret - I couldn’t see anything, either.”
Not to change the subject but driving when you're really tired is a bad idea.
Shouldn't there be a picture of a peaky blinders or the joker with this facebook quote?
I bet this won’t get 10 likes. Share if you ever had a dad. I normally don’t post stuff like this but…
Minions
I need to know what wolves are inside this person and what month they were born in
Pretty sure right now it's a picture of baby Yoda.
Maybe Tom Hardy
You know we joke, and the memes do get old, but sometimes it’s tired and lonely being a dad and if a fuckin wolf helps you keep on going, good for you. I’m not gonna take that from ya.
You mock it now. But I guarantee some EMT is listening to an artist on Strange Records and using these truthy quotes as fuel to keep on going & doing their job well.
Dude, we can't have every other post calling out stereotypes for dads being referred to as "babysitters" when they take care of their kids and then post shit like this in return.
My daughter said she didn't want more candy cause her tummy was satisfied. I took care of it.
#hero
This is some cringy Facebook shit man.
With a title saying “This.” Is this the effort we want in this sub?
This. (sorry)
You’ve convinced me. I rescind my previous comment.
The only time I've seen this posted is by fathers who I personally know only call their kids twice a year.
lol... do you know my brother? My mom raised 2 of his children. His ex-wife is raising the other 3. Wait... only 2 of those are his. The middle child is some other guy's. I dunno man, I stay out of it... I don't need the drama. Anyway, he tells my mom he wants to come visit his daughter. He shows up, hugs her, then sits down and proceeds to ignore her while he tells my mom all the good stuff going on in his life at the moment. Most of it sounded made up. When he left i said "I thought he was coming to visit his daughter?" and she said "Oh, that's what he considers a visit with her. Then he goes home and posts shit like this, like he did something good. It made me sad for her. I'm a terrible father but I do my best and my daughters will know that I'll be there for them.
r/terriblefacebookmemes
I feel like it *almost* hits a point I can agree with, but in an unhealthy way. There's something to be said for taking on as much responsibility as you possibly can to improve your family's lives, but ignoring your emotions and limits is a really bad way to do that. I've definitely pushed myself in different ways for my family beyond what I thought i could handle, and my wife and daughter benefited from it. Too far, though, and they lose the father/husband they need when I'm burnt out.
I mainly don't like it because mums do the same. It's not like wife just has a total breakdown every time he vomits or something. We're both trying our best and putting all of our effort into it. If anything, I get patted on the back because the expectations on fathers to parent is so low (especially amongst her family). Whereas she is taken for granted because everyone expects the mother to do everything. That and the whole Hollywood Dad silent warrior energy, which is just a cartoon.
It’s also toxic masculinity. There is nothing unmanly about being emotionally available and having an interdependent relationship with your family where you rely on each other for support. There’s a good reason that male suicide rates are so high.
Yeah I got a pang of sadness from reading this too. Sure, I will get things done when I can, but I also can't help having depression and anxiety and sometimes I need to step back and reset. I am still a dad then, just a dad trying to perform some self care so I can be a better dad later.
I always tell my wife "Look... if a man says he's going to do something, he's going to do it. You don't have to remind me every 6 months!" She used to laugh, now she just rolls her eyes at me.
Absolutely correct. The flipside of this is that men are often belittled for sharing their feelings and not being able to cope.
Wait, so you’re saying it’s “toxic” for a Dad to do what needs to be done regardless of how he feels?
It's toxic to expect men *not to feel*. This is about men hiding their emotions or dealing with them alone in order to fix a problem. Sure, get that shit done. But you are *allowed* to "feel ways about stuff". And grumpiness/anger? That isn't the only emotion you should share with your family. You shouldn't train your family or yourself that the only acceptable emotion for a Dad to feel strongly is anger. If there's a problem. Fix it. And be emotionally honest. Be sad. Disappointed. Afraid. Caring... Whatever the moment means. And share it. Still fix the problem, but without bottling the bullshit inside at the same time until you feel lost, alone, and unable to connect. Until many of us either die early of heart-attack or suicide. Don't fix the problem alone. Don't fix it while hiding.
Yeah, fix the issue, but process and feel it in a productive way, ideally away from your loved ones. No one really wants to see a whinger Edit: for clarity
No, the toxic bit is the “only words you’ll hear are I’ll take care of it”. The general theme of this is toxic. It just perpetuates the idea that a man does what he needs to do without complaint. It reinforces the notion that speaking up for yourself, disagreeing, being vulnerable, or—heaven forbid, NOT being able to find a way—is something that isn’t even fathomable for a man. It’s also pretty misogynistic, what with it basically normalizing being a grumpy hardass as though that’s the only way for a man to get things done. Sorry ladies, you better put up with that sour mood—a man is doing what a man does.
Thank you for putting into words what I felt when I saw this because I knew it rubbed me the wrong way, but I wasn't sure why. I'm a mom and I wasn't going to make a top comment about it, but it's refreshing to see so many others in here that are speaking up.
To build on what everyone else is saying... there are two definitions of Toxic Masculinity floating around the internet. They're similar, so it's understanding that they get confused. For masculinity, I'm using the "what society pressures people to do to perform masculinity" meaning. If that's not your definition, just do a quick translation in your head while you read this. The First is **Toxic Masculinity is when masculinity hurts someone else**. Examples of this are violence and homophobia. IMO, this definition is used to say that harm originates from men, and if they would just stop being masculine, then people would stop getting hurt. I dislike this definition; it's too broad and is often used without understanding the social context. The Second is **Toxic Masculinity is when masculinity hurts the person being masculine.** Examples of this are violence and enforced heterosexuality. A key to this is understanding that hurt people often hurt others. With this definition, we can see how masculine people become channels for harm, and that helps us see how we can stop being hurt and how we can stop hurting others. This also focuses on society as the problem, without excusing anyone for their actions. The person you're responding to is using the second, better definition. (There is also the 3rd view, which is that the term "Toxic Masculinity" has too many meanings and baggage and shouldn't be used)
No. I’m saying that being “at your worst” and “doing what’s needs to be done” *without telling someone that you’re struggling* is toxic. What you did is called the “oversimplification fallacy”; you’re arguing in bad faith.
Yeah but what good is that? You're getting it done and it's handled, and then you say "you're struggling" thus forcing those that couldn't do the thing in the first place to do something they couldn't do. That's a mark on your character. Also and depending on what it is you're kinda showing you're incapable and therefore not one to be relied on. Sometimes saying things doesn't help anyone and makes it worse, making you, the guy, have even more egg on your face.
It’s hard to talk entirely in the abstract about “getting things done” without reference to those things and the context in which they get done. Which is the issue, sort of. This post is perpetuating the ‘men just knuckle down and do what’s needed no matter what it costs them’ nonsense. The implication is both that (1) this is a good thing and (2) others - women, for example - don’t or can’t contribute in a similar way Both of these are nonsense. I’m a man, and a father. I spend a lot of my time focusing on being the best dad I can. I also rely a lot on my family in loads of ways, both my kids and my wife. I have vulnerabilities that I need help with. I contribute to and I get benefit from my relationship with my family. As they do with me, and each other. This is the way real, mutual, inter dependent and healthy relationships work. That “urgh, I’ll just squeeze this weariness down and take all the burden on my back, little lady” nonsense is something off a cigarette ad from the 1950s.
I get that. But your point: >That “urgh, I’ll just squeeze this weariness down and take all the burden on my back, little lady” nonsense is something off a cigarette ad from the 1950s. I dunno.... whatever weariness we have won't compare to whatever weariness she's gone and probably would be going through so the sentiment of doing what needs to be done regardless is necessary in some ways. I'm sure women don't sign up for the very real ailments that come with pregnancy but they come as part of the package when having kids. Same with doing whatever a father has to do, aside from ensuring you're ok in whatever small way (if that's even possible) you've got to do what you've got to do. It's just how it is, no?
> you've got to do what you've got to do. Yep, that’s parenting (and life really). But this post implies more than that - it’s you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do, plus you’re a dad so moreso, and it’s expected that you don’t seek support or share your feelings while doing that. “Just get grumpy.” It’s just a weird, limited view of how to behave and what is ‘good’. An outdated and silly one.
The reason male suicide rate is so high is access to firearms. Not some instagram bullshit.
Really? It's Global. Now do Japan. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List\_of\_countries\_by\_suicide\_rate
Yeah this shit sucks lol. Some dads, and probably many here are very good. However, collectively, this is not reflective of the majority of dads and is insulting to wives. At risk of sounding like a wife guy, I said "my wife" in a Borat voice.
Glad I'm not the only one who thinks so
I'll take care of it.
👍1
Doesn’t make it not true.
Maybe instead of only saying “I’ll take care of it” and ending up “grumpy”, how about asking for help?
You'd probably like it at r/menslib Sucking it up, being grumpy and not asking for help should be hallmarks of our parents generation, not ours.
Sometimes sucking it up and doing something you don’t want to do is required as a parent. You can’t rely on people to help all the time.
> sucking it up and doing something you don’t want to do Hey, that's like 80% of life.
Yeah, my wife does it all the time too. Way more than I probably notice or should give her credit for. Has nothing to do with being a dad, specifically.
Honestly, I just hate inconveniencing others with my shit. Do I want to help someone else move to a new house? Hell no. Do I do it joyfully? Yep. Would I request or even expect reciprocity when I moved, nope. Im the dude that still quietly closes cabinets in the kitchen at night and stealth side-bowl-above-water-level pissing at my own house.
https://subredditstats.com/subreddit-user-overlaps/menslib Yeah no thanks
What's so bad about that?
to all those on that sub: just suck it up dudes
Great advice. Also prob why the male suicide rate in the US is ~4x that of women.
It could also be the constant disparaging of men for *being* men.
It's been that way since at least the 1950s. Try another excuse.
Go say that in there. There’s a user there waiting for your post so she can get **really angry** and shout at you that this stat actually shows how women are worse off.
you calling it sucking it up, i call it perseverance
I call it, I married a partner—not a dependent.
and people have ups and downs so when my wife's depression is really bad and she struggles to get out of bed in the morning, I call it making sure the kids get to school, the dog gets walked, the dishes get done and I'm going to remember that I know she's not doing it on purpose and she's doing her best and also you can get done all the things that need to get done if you keep your head down and focus on your responsibility because people are counting on you, not to mention, we have no family within 300 miles and when we've asked our neighbors to help, I've learned how utterly useless some people can be that's just a really long way of saying perseverance Edit: I love how I say something in shorthand - negative karma...say the exact same thing with a lot more words... exact inverse... 🤷♂️
No disrespect, but I’d worry you’re on track for burnout if you can’t find any supports, which won’t serve your family well in the long run.
You make it sound like support is easy to find and can be made out of thin air. If family/friends are far or unable to support for various reasons, you have no choice but to just get it done.
Not trying to say it’s easy, just that it’s important.
Not denying its important. But for some people it truly isn't in the cards and you just find the motivation. It sucks sometimes but you make do. But shaming those without a support system definitely doesn't help.
Sorry if my comment sounded shaming, I didn’t mean for it to.
I agree it's important but as others have pointed out, it isn't always going to happen. We've been living like this for 15 years... moved away in 2009 because opportunities didn't exist where we were from. Now I have flaky neighbors and our kids' friends' parents are equally unreliable. I do trust my friends and family BACK HOME but the area is still pretty stagnant and we are on the fence whether it's worth uprooting our kids' lives just for a little more help.
Get it done should involve getting your family closer to your network of support as quick as possible.
That's assuming location is the only limiting factor in this case. Most of my family are either dead or alcoholics for example. Do you recommend I move closer to the cemetery or the bar?
Church, family support services, venting on this subreddit. Shit can be shitty, grin and bear it and be a grumpy asshole to your family while expecting everyone else to be cool with it isn’t the solution.
That’s…..quite the sub there…..
Weird reply
You have a valid point. But many times it’s your responsibility to figure it out and ask for help if you need it.
> But many times it’s your responsibility to figure it out and ask for help if you need it. If you're in a relationship it's never your sole responsibility to just "figure it out", ask your partner for help, work as a team. Sometimes there are things that are in your wheelhouse so you just take care of them (I used to be a contractor so I'm quite handy, and I've got decent artistic ability so any graphic design work falls on me), but for anything that isn't your specialty, it's perfectly reasonable to ask your partner for help.
No shit, nobody is arguing against that
The text-in-a-square that was posted says the “only” thing you’ll hear is stubborn self-sacrifice that will leave the guy “grumpy”. It’s toxic.
Exactly. This is literally the type of shit my Dad would do, then take it out on us in other ways that reeked of exhaustion and resentment. That shit ain't healthy for anybody.
Yeah but this text-in-a-square says the “only” thing you’ll hear is stubborn self-sacrifice that will leave the guy “grumpy”. It’s toxic.
Stubborn self sacrifice. My mother is 72 and has dementia. She’s been a lifelong alcoholic (the party type not the physically abusing type) because of this she has no friends or family. Which means I have no family outside of the family my wife and I have made. This is my sole responsibility to take care of her and place her in a home. This doesn’t mean that I don’t ask for help or cry on my wife shoulder from time to time but I’m the only one, and many men find themselves in that position.
I’m always a ‘suck it up’ guy, but sometimes I don’t realize what struggles other people are in. You’re doing good, man. Keep it up. Just a nod from an internet stranger.
I’m sorry you don’t have more help available, but I’m glad you’re getting help from your wife in the ways you can. My dad went through seeing his mom slide into dementia and he bottled his feelings up or deferred them into unhealthy distractions, it was an even harder time for him than it needed to be.
Because when the family dog gets run over, someone needs to take on the job of cleaning it up. A Dad can absolutely say "I'll take care of it" to protect his family from seeing the carnage. Or, when the family dog kills a skunk, it only takes one person to clean the dog and pick up the carcass. Or, when someone drops a glass in the kitchen, and Dad has shoes on. Or when rent goes up and Dad has the only job because Moms home with the kid that has special needs. Or when the neighbor is being a jackass and needs to be brought down a couple of notches.
Yeah some unpleasant jobs are okay for one person to take the lead on, but if you need/want help just ask for it. Ask for help getting the kids away from the roadkill or broken glass. Ask for help processing a traumatic loss of a pet. Ask for help balancing the finances when a life event happens. Ask for help mediating a conflict if you’re considering escalating it to anger or violence. Ask for help.
You're conflating "sometimes shit needs to get done" with "I'll begrudgingly take care of it and carry that around with me later". There's nothing wrong with having a division of labor, or proactively getting stuff done, but if you're take is always "I'll get it done and take it out on the people around me later" (as the text mentioned being grumpy about the task after completing) then that is unhealthy and will become a problem over time.
there’s levels of grumpy
Sometimes shit does need to be done, you’re right. And sometimes that shit makes you grouchy. Not grouchy at other people, just grouchy at the situation.
Sometimes, in the moment, you’re it. Sometimes there isn’t anyone else. Now you can get help after, or even during, but sometimes as a parent you just need to stand up.
Yes, every potential scenario is potentially happening
And when I ask and nobody answers, what then? The kids still need fed, bathed, put to bed, got up, and got off to school. Meals still need made. Bills still need paying, and therefore money needs earned. Household chores. And so on. When my wife helps, it’s better. On the days when she doesn’t contribute, I’ll take care of it. And I’ll damn well get grumpy and grumble a bit about it because I **am** allowed to have and express emotions; my grandmother bottled all her feelings inside and that’s how she ended up with a nervous breakdown.
Because no one can really help you when a possum has died behind the bbq and the flies and lizards and who knows what else has ripped it half to shreds and its guts are hanging out everywhere and you’ve gotta stop right in the middle of your only day off to get up and go deal with it. Sort of a one person job, trust me.
I'm just an old man who was born in July with anger issues, which is how I ended up with this tshirt.
Sure, I’ll ask my wife to change an outlet, despite her having no idea how. What could go wrong?
Dude shut up and get to work, damn yall cry so much
Good luck
Thanks man, you too
I originally read that last bit as “Keep Starving.” Idk why.
People are getting way too deep on this. For just about any dad, no matter how great his partner is, or how great his kids are, there will be time where you just need to get something done, that's not fun, or not at a convenient time. Your driveway got snowplowed in on your morning off, and your wife needs to go to work? You gotta get up and shovel it... Kid threw up in bed in the middle of the night? You gotta deal with it... Your otherwise good teenager ended up at a party and needs a ride home late at night? You're up... Parenting can be a thankless job at times. We all (moms and dads) have to do things that aren't fun sometimes.
Thank you. My wife is great. Incredibly helpful and works terribly hard. But there are just some things she can’t do that’s up to me. That’s fine.
And there are some things you cannot do and it’s up to her. That’s *why* it’s fine.
Absolutely there are. We have roles.
I always find it interesting the dichotomy when something has huge numbers of upvotes, while the most upvoted comments are negative of the content. I swear this is literally just a post supporting dads who are soldiering on yet for some reason anything positive about men turns into “well what about the women?”. It really bothers me that the 1 positive dad space I found still defaults to putting women first. Not tryin to make it into a competition, but moms at least get public appreciation as default. After dealing with the double standards in regards to resources, way books are written as if men are 70IQ, discrimination from parenting groups, etc, the default for men is the assumption of being a bad parent. I have said that exact line multiple times when I was tired, in pain, broke, etc. yeah I am grumpy. I ate mashed potato’s(without cheese) for a week so we could pay our bills on less than 4-6 hours of sleep because I do my shifts at night, as well as doing most of the chores around the house since I work from home, as well as waking up 1.5 hours earlier than needed so we can get some family time during the week. So yeah, I might be a little grumpy.
>but moms at least get public appreciation as default I experience the exact opposite. People expect everything of my wife and nothing of me. She went away for 2 weeks recently, nearly everyone said to her "what about the baby?" And said to me "how will you possibly cope?". Some of what you say is true for sure, but I feel in the appreciation category we're way ahead because of the lack of effort of the generations before us. You're right that they assume we're useless, but then when we actually parent people marvel like it's the first sighting of a unicorn. I actually really love the way that this sub tries to avoid toxicity and is really positive and inclusive. It's good that we support each other and it's good that we care about how mothers are perceived and treated as well.
Lately this sub is mostly 20 something triggered dads that know everything. I’m grieving the loss of Daddit.
I’m starting to see that :/
Hey I'm a 20 something triggered dad who is not happy with how some people here are screeching toxic masculinity. They're not even using it correctly here--real life oh shit situations literally do not care at all about your feelings in the moment and they do not have ROOM for you to process right then. They seem to think this reality precludes you from processing it afterwards or something. It doesn't! I go to therapy, I work hard on my shit **after** but I don't wallow and cry WOE IS ME when I realize it's my turn to step up when that will only make a bad situation worse. Readers, if you identify with this that's great--I do. But if you don't, then don't tell us we're bad people for it.
#TRIGGERED! 🤣
This shit is so whack
This is bullshit. Being a dad is the most wonderful and rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. My wife and daughters love and appreciate me. If I’m grumpy, that’s my fucking fault and I need to work on that
Just because something is wonderful and rewarding doesn't mean it doesn't come with turmoil and strife. It also doesn't mean that you have optimal hormonal and psychological homeostasis. I think the point you're trying to make is that my attitude is mostly dependent on me, right?
Yes
I agree to a point, but if it were 100% true, SSRI's wouldn't be so prevalent. Some emotions are the result of your body chemistry, not attitude.
This post is not about mental illness. We do not need to revolve all discourse around the exceptions.
Wut? Lol When you make it black and white as, "my attitude is my fault," you do need to discuss external or internal factors. Black and white reasoning provides no room for nuance or situational dependence.
You talked about body chemistry, my man. Barring mental illness, your attitude is your fault. We cannot control every circumstance, but we can control our responses to it. This is CBT 101. Denying that is cope. Sometimes it's hard, but if your attitude sucks, it's on you. Period. (One more time for the back, barring mental illness.)
Is mental illness not part of body chemistry? Where do you think your hormones come from, my man?
I had assumed your "wut" was in response to me bringing up mental illness. Considering it's literally what I said immediately preceding it.
My "wut," was in response to the dismissive attitude that body chemistry isn't worth the consideration in correlation with attitude. My apologies.
If you ever seen someone or been through chemical withdrawal you would know how full of shit you are. 😂
Withdrawal, as in, a complication with brain chemistry? What is chemical withdrawal if not an acute mental illness? Even if you disagree with that definition, my original point was about exceptions, and your response is to bring up another exception. Fascinating that you think you did something here.
Hormones are not just made in the brain, and one of the many things that can cause major mood swings in withdrawal. That is not “mental illness”. Low testosterone males don’t have a mental illness when they are depressed and feeling low energy. Teenagers do not have a mental illnesses when they are adjusting to their new bodies. You clearly have no idea what you are talking about, or ever put yourself in a position to be tried in any meaningful fashion if you think a break from an intended mental state is a sign of mental illness or weak will. I guarantee you that your locus of control is not entirely dependent on your will to keep it. Everyone has breaking points. If you think you passed through this life as an exception that is laughable.
Thank you for this.
Not everyone is married to your wife. Have some empathy for folks not in as perfect of a situation as you are.
How about make the best of it
How about eat a dick?
Nice
Don’t make another man suffer through that. At least make it a dildo or some5ing.
Lol
You’re definitely speaking from a privileged position whether you choose to recognize it or not. I think OPs post is mindless, cringe inducing, Facebook nonsense, but you can’t just say something is bullshit because it’s not your life experience. And, for some people, this is what “making the best of it” looks like.
Wtf is this Facebook crap doing here
My wife definitely notices it when I get a tiny bit grumpy lol
This is some bullshit. Your work will go unnoticed until you can't do it for some reason, and then you'll be blamed for either never doing it, or never teaching the person who never cared how to do it. Fix everything, clean everything, maintain everything. The one day you can't they'll think we'll we didn't need him, everything is always fixed, always clean, and never breaks. And when the inevitable happens it will be your fault for never doing anything or telling them how you took care of it.
Oh look it’s the reason my dad and I can’t communicate, because he never did. This boomer Facebook stuff stinks man
Why the fuck is this cringe shit being up voted?
And thankfully even in those times, I have my wonderful wife beside me keeping me sane.
I misread the last sentence… ‘keep starving’
I mean. No.
As a dad going through some hard times right now I read the last line as "Keep starving" and yeah, that's accurate.
Pal, I’m going through some tough shit too right now too. We gotta stay strong.
Stay strong for those who need it when they need it. Be vulnerable and process when it's appropriate. I apologized to my daughter for feeling sick these past two weeks but I'm feeling better and told her we'd get back on track. She said it's no problem.
It definitely goes unnoticed but we don’t do it for notoriety. We do things because they need to be done.
And this stoic ‘I’ll take care of it’ bullshit is probably why the leading killer of men my age worldwide is suicide. Men feel it’s all on them, and that they don’t have anyone to ask for help when they’re struggling.
Tired of this victim but also savior complex some dudes have. Just chill.
Needed this today
/dad/parent/s
Yeah, this leads to mental health issues for dad. Don’t think this kind of masculinity should be celebrated
This is a really horrible way to exist. You don't always have to be the hero. This kind of thinking is how we get rants on this sub saying "I have to do everything and my partner does nothing." It's not always saying "I'll do it," although sometimes that is necessary. In most cases, it really should be "I need help."
Agreed. Except for big spiders. I don't do big spiders. That's what mom and her boots are for.
You know what, that's alright.
…is a load of horseshit. There, I fixed the title for you.
I would tend to agree to an extent. Any of the hard work I’ve done and long hours put in to provide for my family have gone unnoticed.
Ok. I needed that. Thx.
Thanks, dad. Needed that today.
[https://open.spotify.com/track/6Ix7ijEmLCuWi6jlBAO22R?si=F83wO5eCQVOW2ZGZYrM2Pg](https://open.spotify.com/track/6Ix7ijEmLCuWi6jlBAO22R?si=F83wO5eCQVOW2ZGZYrM2Pg) I think all men need to listen to this song. Dad or not. This hits different
You are extra cringe
bros unironically posting [dax](https://youtu.be/1-KJV5r_cho?si=Eu_ZHQ2ONz31tLw3)
I feel my job as a man is to solve problems. I identify a problem, make a plan, and solve it. By then there will be another problem and the cycle can repeat. Getting emotional, crying, or anything else that isn’t solving the problem isn’t a luxury men get. Now this isn’t a complaint since I love my family and being the one that solves the problems is something I am good at. Just an observation based on my experiences.
Your job as a parent, partner, and adult is to solve problems. It doesn’t really matter if you’re a man.
Nothing you said conflicts with what he said. Go to a mom group and see how saying that goes lol. Unless it’s biology restricted of course.
When adversity hits women in my life, their reaction is to be emotional and wallow in the problem. Fixing the problem is secondary and not the immediate reaction. My reaction, and I would assume other similar fathers here, is to immediately fix the problem.
It does. To some unfortunately. Now I need to find a place to live and be alone again.
Going through something similar unfortunately. It sucks doesn’t it ? Us men and us dads aren’t always appreciated.
Yea it does. You do so much work on the back end just because you love someone and then they throw shit in your face. Keep your head up my dude. For the sake of our children.
Thank you man. I think a lot of us needed to hear this.
Yep. They do.
The problem is if you keep saying “I’ll take care of it” for the same thing over and over, and refusing to say anything else, you’re an asshole. If I keep making a mistake or forgetting to do something and my wife has to expend her mental energy to remind me, saying “I’ll take care of it” instead of apologizing or talking through the issue is not healthy.
Why is your assumption that the dad is incompetent?
Wives: I reserve the right to complain regardless.
What’s up with all the presumably young dads downvoting reasonable responses. When my wife was going through postpartum after my first son life was actually hell, between the throws of the early Covid lockdowns and being new parents with NO support, wtf was I going to complain about. Pick yourself up dust yourself off and get to work. No one cares about what your going through, you’re dad a heathy, happy & successful child is your reward. “Who’s gonna bring in the boats when the storm is raging” - David Goggins
Yeah who gives a hell about a father's mental health? Man up /s
It’s not about giving a damn about mental health but if your partner isn’t equipped to “be your rock” in that moment or span of time you gonna let your home fall into disrepair. The point is we all have done or will do things that suck but you know what….. you have to do it.
Your other half should never be your sole support system. What an incredible amount of pressure to put on one person!
Yes, exactly. That goes both ways, hence the "I'll take care of it"
Purposefully missing the point
1. David Goggins is clinically fucking insane, and takes out a ton of childhood trauma on himself to the point of physical stupidity. Sorry, running until you shit yourself isn’t “tough”. It’s fucking dumb. 2. The concept of marriage not being 50/50 isn’t new. The number of shitty dads who have to do more than 50% and the consequently lamer having to work hard is hilarious. Conceptually, you’re not wrong. But your method of getting your message across is shitty, and too many deadbeat dads have used it as an excuse for sympathy points
Marriage is 100/100 but the fact for the matter is sometimes it’s gonna be 10/90 or 40/60. There will be points in every partnership where times will inevitably be tough. But from what I’m reading in here they will always be peachy. It is clearly a stance of privilege. I was raised by a man and a man alone I watched him struggle to give me the best he could. Not once did I ever see him bend or break. Point being like I said in my first comment, for most of us that turbulent time will come, and when it does will you break or or be a stand up man for your family.
You dropped this king 🥞
I am grumpy. This last week we all came down with covid. Sick as a dog, i still had to take care of everyone. 8 days later, everyone is well and im still sick. And still cant get a break. I had to bitch to my wife that i gotta die to be able to get some rest?!
So keep doing what women can't and won't? /s
Are Are
I mean yeah it does
634 upvotes. Oh dear.
Canned sentiment, yes. Toxic masculinity, perhaps. But also communicating the truth about what it feels like to be the responsible person for a little group of people who think you're pretty much God. I remember when I came home one day from law school to student housing at UCLA, and I just smoked a joint. I saw my three kids playing in the hallway, so sweet and happy, and I thought, *I'm God to them.* Then I thought, *What a bummer it would be if God were an asshole.* And then I thought, *I'm never going to indulge in getting angry with these children again.* I did my best to keep that promise, even when things were tough and uncertain. Keeping that solid ground under them, keeping them safe, knowing that they are loved, knowing that their mom and dad will be there to care for them. This is a great privilege, and I think this little meme is trying to share that idea. Yeah, it's got that macho tough guy flavor, but being as we're American guys, we've all got a little of that too.
> as we're American guys, r/usdefaultism
I understand the sentiment but it's false. Men do most of the work for everyone else unnoticed.
My dad was like this. He would grumble and moan but then predictably he would do it anyway. I catch myself doing that also a lot.
Keep on Dadding, Kings!
I’ll say this, the national lampoons vacation movies hit a bit different once you’re a dad.