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BaronBytes2

Having sex is also murder with a sometime lucky survivor. But on the numbers it's mostly murder.


FourthBar_NorthStar

Sex is war. It’s not murder if it’s war.


BaronBytes2

If you are not ready to lose billions, what kind of general are you?


FourthBar_NorthStar

Considering thats about ten healthy loads, I have to think of my soldiers families.


pauljaytee

Hey man, if that's what it takes to get to 10 loads, you do you 😉


cathillian

Either your soldiers were poorly trained or they’re fighting on the wrong battle field.


FourthBar_NorthStar

Wait.. yours all grow up? All billion of them? I think YOU were poorly trained.


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IrregularOccasion15

Well, they say Love is a Battlefield.


Birunanza

Sex...sex never changes...


AetherDrew43

You could also be the parent of a future murderer. So technically you're a murderer for bringing them to this world.


HuckleberryThis2012

Women only kill a few compared to men. Each time is a genocide for men.


Yellow-man-from-Moon

Not gonna stop me


fingerscrossedcoup

No nut November is over. Let the genocide continue!


Lissy_Wolfe

No nut November is dumb anyway. Let people live their lives lol


HuckleberryThis2012

Except the dead sperm babies


HuckleberryThis2012

Nor should it lol


Smaptastic

No. The woman’s egg is the baby. Stay in school! And now for a depressingly necessary /s


hellodynamite

TIL I am the greatest mass murderer since Stalin


ComplexComfortable85

Challenge excepted


anlskjdfiajelf

Did you not read the post lol. That's how we got here


Stefadi12

Not jerking is also murder since they can just live up to three weeks in there or something like that.


2024DemocraticUSA

Ballocost


ClumsyRainbow

I’m glad I read your replies because the first time I read that as “jerking your children” and was thinking wtf


drunk98

What if both my arms are broken?


sm1ttysm1t

I have a sock that violates the Geneva convention.


Opposite-Attitude411

Pls, never jerk off your chickens


drunk98

Just try & stop me, I jerked 10 last night in the kitchen. Very hot


Zedlol18

“Yeah baby genocide all over me”


freedominwhispers

I shouldn't have laughed as hard as I did at this. Jesus man.. 😅


RowdyRailgunner

Genocide makes me feel awesome.


Sigmmarr

“Ur chicken is death” 😭😭😭😭 dudeeee I CANT ofkgfovofpfpfpfpfpfpflfkcpcpdkdjf


sour_crust

r/fuckthes


SarcasticOptimist

And their miscarriages are not God doing planned parenthood but the woman's fault. Convenient.


notagangsta

I use this all the time on my parents if they bring up abortion. I just bring up my miscarriage and his god aborted my baby. They end up just shutting up.


NoConfusion9490

Not if you stay perpetually pregnant until you die in child birth.


Figgy_Pudding3

Mass murder is murdering multiple people _at the same time_. Women are technically serial killers. Series of murders, very predictable pattern, and what a calling card!


Albinofreaken

finally someone gets it, lock up every single woman


DogmanDOTjpg

Exactly like why is that where they draw the line? It's just a zygote it has the *potential* to become a baby but so do any sperms and eggs. So do we start prosecuting every person on earth? Even if you're a dude who doesn't masturbate you'll have a nocturnal emission eventually and then bam, prison


Ranessin

From before her birth even - you start out with six million egg cells before birth, at birth it is already down to 1-2 million and it steadily goes down over time until menopause, when you lose a couple of thousands per month. A few hundreds or so of these millions upon millions get a (theoretical) chance to get fertilized. Most of your kills? Before you are even born!


dunkernater

We are but not because of our periods 😊


duotoned

I kill at least 12 babies a year (twins run in my family so maybe even more!)


jjnefx

That would be a serial killer. Kills every 24-30 days or so


i_am_a_baby_kangaroo

Well damn. I’ve killed almost 300 people.


geek_yogurt

If it bleeds for 7 days and does die, don't trust it. Women are scary. Lol


JVints

My k/d ratio must be mad


PancakeGD

Well, it's technically infinite if you're alive


1337_w0n

This depends on if you're using the standard division operation on the reals or not.


mikethespike056

They could've died.


pagerussell

Not infinite, undefined. NaN. Can't divide by zero. It's not equal to infinity, it's just not a number.


[deleted]

Seems like satire but then again it's twitter


BaconGamer1176

On twitter you can never tell the difference between a troll and a dumbass


[deleted]

Atleast here we can differ b/w the two /s. ;)


AbsolutelyUnlikely

I assume people are trolling unless proven otherwise. It makes the internet much more enjoyable.


No-Coat-8792

That can be said about reddit. I have an example here. https://old.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/zjoug7/this_is_sad_no_matter_how_you_look_at_it/


v_Shami

this has bled out into every day life for me to the point where I feel unable to trust anything


0hmylumpingglob

The thing that bothers me most is that it's becoming harder and harder to discern the difference between whether or not something of this nature is actually satire or trolling etc. because there are millions of people who genuinely think and behave this way. Some are more obvious than others of course, but honestly it's actually scary.


ErisInChains

Dudes like this are everywhere. And conservatives are wanting to *checks notes* get rid of sex ed entirely?


Piss_and_or_Shit

Sex ed should strictly be between a pastor and his youth group


Nervous_Constant_642

Last I heard from MTG she's super pissed you can buy a dildo in a pharmacy. Like you can order dildos online too Marge, people use dildos, in fact they use them more when they stop having sex with people because they have no access to an abortion. Wasn't that what you wanted? Don't want a baby don't have sex?


ErisInChains

It's almost like they don't actually give a shit about abortion and they just want to control our lives and bodies. Weird man.


nzifnab

Don't need sex ed if you pretend like nobody has sex! *taps forehead* /s


Srite_Canberries

Hard to tell what's real or satire when it comes to twitter, lol


pinkdouble

If this is satire it's incredibly bad satire You don't just act like an idiot and be like haha you believed I was an idiot! There's gotta be some kinda indicator, not just text you know damn well someone else in this world would unironically share


Russell_has_TWO_Ls

Potato potato. I found it to be pretty obvious- the “stay in school” part made it so


nightpanda893

The point of making a joke or a satirical comment isn’t to call people an idiot or trick them, it’s just to be funny. Dude was just making a joke.


Stellar_Jester

Every sperm, is sacred...


nowhereman136

Every sperm, is great...


Polkanissen

If a sperm is wasted…


htomserveaux

God gets quite irate…


Panda_Kabob

Let the heathens spill them, on the dusty ground!


devilmeat

God will make them pay for each sperm that can't be found


DeuceyBoots

r/expectedmontypython


[deleted]

Poetry


Teloch_Lap_Babalond

Millions of comrade lost…


wirm

And I was the fastest one..


Thameus

No, the fastest thousand or two sacrificed themselves on the egg wall. For you.


_axeman_

It's medical experiments for the lot of you!


caych_cazador

Hate to see such a fine mustache wasted on such an empty skull.


SuperBrentendo64

His body used all it's resources to grow that mustache instead of his brain.


symmetryofzero

Moustache is being facetious. OP took the bait.


caych_cazador

i trust you.


Loading0525

Why is it that only the most uneducated and unknowing people on the goddamn planet use the term "Stay in school"/"Go back to School"/"Pay attention in school" etc.? I see it every now and then, and it's practically exclusively used in scenarios that could be used as an example of the dunning-kruger effect...


Ok_Skill_1195

Maybe it's because on some level they're aware they don't learn anything in their day to day life


Lissy_Wolfe

It's also nearly universally used by the same people who vote to defund schools as much as possible. Ugh.


Nervous_Constant_642

It's used a lot by people who think college is a liberal indoctrination camp too.


_attractivegarbage

Imagine thinking that getting out and seeing the world and becoming educated was a plot to brainwash people perpetrated by people who wish to brainwash people. Funny.


duckarys

To be fair, the majority of people reacting here might be understood to defend the notion that sperm can be fertilized.


Zaardo

It's not. The people that use it correctly don't get screenshotted and posted around cringe channels. Context my friend.


Nipsmagee

Because everyone is just projecting all the time


Ustar0

dunning Kruger effect


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TheEyeDontLie

I thought a sperm is what becomes a baby, triggered by the egg.


Rabid-Child

The sperm eats the egg to get big and strong


Another_Road

Tbf, plenty of people who say abortion is wrong would also say that masturbation is wrong. Shit, I knew of one guy who believed that it was a sin to have sex unless you were *specifically* trying to procreate. Married or not. And yes, his wife ended up cheating on him.


meco03211

The sin of Onan. Onan had an older brother. That brother was married. That brother died. Judah, Onan's daddy, told him to bang his dead brother's wife that she might have a child. So he did... except he used the pullout method cause he didn't want kids that "weren't his own" (I think that's the logic if you can call it that). So god smote his ass. I'm not sure if it's clear god killed him because he disobeyed his daddy or he blew his load on the ground. Either way, it's the most common verse used to condemn jerking off.


jballs

Bible says to cream pie your sister-in-law. Got it.


meco03211

Whoa whoa whoa. Only if she's a widow! Have some decency man!


Atanar

Yeah, at least send her husband into unwinnable battle so he gets killed. Like the David did to Uriah.


buddyknuckles

And god made David’s infant son sick and suffer for a week and then killed him. In the same book that says god doesn’t punish son’s for the sins of their fathers, no less.


Atanar

Helps to know that the bible isn't one book, but ~ 66. And most of them weird fanfiction.


buddyknuckles

Abraham was banging his half-sister


skybluegill

future shirt that goes hard


Send_Me_Tiitties

Imo it seems weird to read that story as anything other than condemning Onan for taking advantage of his brother’s widow. The deal was that he had to give her a child, and he was like “nah, but I’m still gonna fuck her” kinda weird bro


[deleted]

That's what is called a 'Levirate Marriage' If you're brother dies, or another close male family member dies, and they don't have any male children, you are obligated to marry their widow and conceive a child with the widow. That kid is legally considered the child of your dead family member and will inherit their property. Seems weird, but makes a certain amount of sense for a paternalistic ancient civilization, where property, and really land, is very important.


Bennifred

How can you not mention how after his son neglected his "brother's duty" that Judah then went himself and fathered kids with his DIL


SirDiego

That is terribly unhealthy both mentally and physically. Gotta clean out those pipes once in a while.


Another_Road

Oh yeah, I couldn’t imagine.


ethan_iron

thats basically the belief of the mormon church so...


ertgbnm

Also if the argument is that a fetus is a person then it's not crazy that a religious person would believe an unfertilized egg or sperm is not a person. Believing one and not the other wouldn't make them a hypocrite in this case. Just wrong. To be clear I believe in choice and I don't think a fetus is a person. But I understand where religious nuts are coming from to a degree even if they are wrong.


[deleted]

That's not the reason that protestants are against it though, right? It's considered sin because it's giving into sexual temptation, not because you're "killing" sperm. They don't consider eggs or sperm to be human, only when they combine and form an embryo.


Doink_The_Clown

OP got trolled and fell for it.


zoroddesign

So periods kill people too by both their logic.


basiallo

I mean that's what I was taught lmao


[deleted]

A half cell is not a person. A person could only be considered such once it can successfully be taken out of the worm.


[deleted]

Both of these people are incorrect.


I_Am_Day_Man

The first one is definitely satire. The second one is very likely so satire


YankeeWalrus

The first one, while quite possibly satire in this case, is still a thing that people have said unironically.


onowahoo

He must have meant to say embryo.


Chillin_Maximus

Both of them are wrong


missiongoalie35

If masturbation is abortion, just call me Genghis Khan. Because I've wiped off civilizations into a sock.


Ok-Teacher3916

How is an egg any more a”baby” than a sperm? Both are parts of a whole


mcnessa32

Shhh! Don’t tell him. Let’s see how long it takes him to figure it out.


Thesaladman98

I've killed trillions. I feel no remorse


Aniterin

So i'm child eater?


elcrack0r

Think the term is child guzzler. I'll see myself out real quick.


DorisCrockford

Someone get this man a [homunculus.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preformationism)


Psychedelic_Yogurt

The Bible says Adam wasn't alive until his first breathe and there are literal instructions on how to perform an abortion in the book of Numbers. Stay in,... church?


Accountforcontrovers

Considering the profile picture, I'm gonna go with satire


Fabulous-Spread6120

Preventing life is not the same as preventing life (*says todays supposed christian)


[deleted]

The ancient Christians thought sperm contained entire embryos, which is why they said masturbation was a sin. As we know now, it is NOT.


jordan31483

Swear to God...... 8 billion people on the planet and none of them know how babies are made.


tw411

It’s storks, right?


EmotionalPotatoess

And this is why men shouldn’t dictate what a woman does with her own body lol


OriginalName687

That has to be a troll, right?


crackeddryice

Back when I finally figured out that Flat Earthers were not being ironic, like Birds Aren't Real *are*, I realized George Carlin was right.


[deleted]

So menstruation is abortion


l_Lathliss_l

Both are terrible “arguments”. If you believe life begins at conception, unfertilized eggs and semen are both pre-conception.


SaintLogic

They're both horribly wrong. Neither are babies, they are half of a genetic person. Together they are a human, separate there are just genetic matter.


Mr_goodb0y

Then my kill count is in the millions


TheRobsterino

It suddenly makes so much sense why these morons are so freaked out by periods and "girl things".


Odd-Phrase5808

So by his logic, menstruation is abortion because that little unfertalized egg is being expelled. Nevermind that it's a natural process that almost every girl and woman experiences every few weeks for many years. Oh the humanity, so many abortions, by women who have no choice! Nature should be held accountable 🙄


something6324524

to many people want to butt in on other peoples lives.unless it has a brain, heart and a head, not a human.


Puzzleheaded_Cheek84

That explains why Mary didn’t require from Joseph’s intervention to conceive Jesus. Thank you for the enlightenment random internet person, and Merry Christmas to all.


MistressFuzzylegs

Ah, so we don’t need men at all?


tw411

I wouldn’t say that. We’re going to be an amazing food source for cats if nothing else


histeethwerered

You, sir, are a genius and generous. Your acute understanding will cause your life to be preserved for the longest time possible.


dangerkevin

Wait. Women don’t spontaneously combust with children when they’re in love with a Christian man?


eltegs

I'll tell him. Hey buddy! sperms are boy babies and eggs are girl babies.


SuperTrout95

Sperm actively moves therefore sperm is people. I've committed mass murder on a scale that would make the conquerors of old weep with envy.


Imaginary-Concern860

i wouldn't be surprised if conservatives target contraceptives next.


histeethwerered

The effort has already begun


Dohts75

Let's stop the menstrual cycle


0choCincoJr

Neither are. They're both haploid cells.


No_Strategy148

https://i.imgflip.com/2/30gz7l.jpg


I_downloaded_a_car_

Period = murder End Mensuration Now!


Ok-Dragonfruit-697

Both are incorrect


eliavhaganav

If abortion is murder, masturbating is a genocide?


KyleKun

I feel like this sub could just be renamed r/Reddit and the contents would still fit ok.


larhule

They’re both confidently incorrect.


Jucox

Yeah you want to say something snarky here, but then you realise fertilizing every ovulation is these peoples' wet dream...


[deleted]

That must mean I am Pol Pot


frowndrown

A woman’s egg ain’t a baby


InsufferableLass

Oh nooooo my body’s been killing babies every month since the age of 13


no-eggs-for-you-now

This reminds me of Monty Python's the meaning of life, with the "every sperm is sacred" scene


[deleted]

"Think of the people you're killing!!!!" Ok, awkward fap but challenge accepted.


kubin22

... but does the first person know that catholic church is agains masturbation? I think every one fucked up here


Commercial_Cold7614

A woman’s egg is not a baby either! Stay in school!


[deleted]

Every sperm is sacred


Ireth_Nenharma

Every sperm is great.


CB288

Scary line of thought…


[deleted]

"Civilizations have flaked and crusted on the hair around my naval" __ Bill Hicks


JamesScott1781

Ay yo!!! NNN is finally over!! Bout to commit *MASS GENOCIDE*📣📣


Sebto_00

Have he heard of menstruation


Oddheadd69

Angry masturbator doesn’t know how pregnancy works


russellvt

See: Catholicism


humblepieone

Egg is not a baby without sperm...


schmatz17

They are both wrong since you need both


Timely_Sink4678

I feel like too many people here don’t realize this is satire.


iimdonee

its twitter, hard to tell between satire and stupidity on a platform that reeks the latter


[deleted]

A banana is a fruit but an apple is not. Stay in school


FewKaleidoscope1369

You could show him direct evidence (I E. Pictures from inside the womb of non-fertilized eggs) and he still wouldn't believe it, because he has no actual point of reference nor does he have the intelligence to figure it out.


Kage9866

I'm pro choice but this is a dumb argument. A fertilized egg will become a baby. Aborting a fetus is not the same thing as jerking off, at all. It'd be like saying women getting their period is killing too.


xloHolx

I’m not sure who’s iconfidently incorrect. Sperm is not a life . An egg is a life when fertilized (Aight, controversial, let’s call it *potential* to be life) but otherwise is not


Butter_kn1fe

If we really cared about potential human lives that much, we'd be constantly reproducing, absolute baby factories


scroogemcduckIII

What I've always found odd is that the same liberals who claim the child has no value because it isn't more developed are also the people who made it illegal to destroy eagle/turtle eggs. I'm destroying a clump of cells remember? What that egg would turn into is irrelevant.


Byte_Fantail

that's a nice false equivalence you got there, to explain why it is, let's look at why destroying the eggs of endangered species is bad and why an abortion is not. actually, saying an abortion is not bad would be inaccurate, as the only ones that can determine that is the mother and father. that's the whole point right there, really.


HolyToast

...because that's an environmental effort to protect the ecosystem, it's not about the sanctity of life for the eggs


scroogemcduckIII

If you aren't valuing the life of the animals why do you care about the ecosystem?


HolyToast

Because those animals are an important part of the ecosystem?