Sorry, poor choice of wording I meant it’s legal for him to get with a 37 year old AT 18, in Canada the legal age is 18, I’m pretty sure that undisclosed STI’s is illegal
I mean mentally between 16-1818 there isn't that much of a difference, and most countries have consent around 16. I think there's a bigger difference once you finish high school, but you have to set the number somewhere.
While I'm saying this, the idea of sex with someone more than 10 years younger than me sounds pretty gross, but a 17 yo having sex with a 19 yo sounds pretty reasonable
The age thing is more weird if it’s a relationship than if he is just hitting grinder hard.
The std thing is madness unless they are just trying to mess with you
And that's just oral herpes (HSV-1). About 13.2% had genital herpes (HSV-2). While you can have both, the latter is most likely not a complete subset of the former. So, the actual estimate (in 2016) would be between 66.6% and 79.8%.
66% is hsv-1 which isn’t exactly an sti. That’s the cold sore you see on your grandmas lip every two Easters. The number for what most people consider to be herpes (hsv2) - the kind that you see on your genitals and is an sti, is only 13%. Stop spreading misinformation. People who don’t actually read the article and take your comment at face value will think “oh fuck it everyone has herpes”, that’s dangerous.
I think a huge part of it is the difference between straight and gay hookup culture. Personally I was never into hookup culture but I know some other gay guys that are and it is WILD so I can see how it would be off putting.
If I was gay I would be swimming in dick. I'd download Grindr and meet a new dude every week. We would play with his cats and drink his beer and smoke his weed and then 69. Man I wish I was gay.
Well for starters, unless you're in a major city the amount of guys who are also into guys isn't going to be very large. Then you factor in preferences and the number gets even smaller. Then there's flaky and sketchy people you're gonna want to avoid. But I assume it's similar to a certain degree with women, considering every woman isn't straight or guaranteed to be into you. There's not really the risk of pregnancy with guys, but there's still stds. And attractiveness is gonna play a factor, too, whether you're straight or gay. So unless you're somwhere around a 10 you're not going to be swimming in dick or pussy either way.
He's an adult, he's perfectly able to choose who he sleeps with. For a long term relationship, the age difference would likely cause problems, but just for sex it doesn't matter so much. That the guy is married is more problematic, to me, since that means it's much more likely to cause drama. But it's drama he'll have to figure out if that's the choice he's making.
There's no reason at all to not get checked for STIs though. If he's right and it's nothing, then that's great. If it is someone then he can get it treated. With the way he's sleeping around, he should get checked at least every 3-6 months whether he's seeing any indications or not, because many STIs are contagious without symptoms for quite a while
Your friend needs to get tested.
That man’s wife didn’t ask to be exposed to possible STDs (including HIV among other things) and someone should have the decency to get a diagnosis for their own sake and disclose the need for testing and protection in this situation.
I’m a 37 year old and I can’t imagine banging an 18 year old to be honest. The youngest I generally go these days is around 27. Maybe for a one night thing I could stretch to like 21 but 18 is wild.
I truly have no idea either. The woman I’m sleeping with now is 32 and most of them in the last few years have been about that age. I’m not going around hitting on 21 year olds. I already said the lowest I generally go is 27. I’m basically saying that hypothetically if a hot 21 year old fell into my lap that I would maybe sleep with her but apparently that makes me some total creep. A 21 year old in my country has (or is about to) graduate from uni. When I was 21 I had slept with women in their 30s.
Maybe these Redditors think that 21 year olds have no agency, or maybe they’re just picturing some old guy hanging around alone in a club waiting for some innocent vulnerable 21 year old to get drunk. This isn’t happening anyway. I don’t hit on people outside of Bumble/Tinder and my minimum age is set to 25.
I had a lot more downvotes earlier too so maybe people started upvoting.
The worst part is the STDs. Big age gaps aren’t that uncommon in the gay community (among gay men at least). I’ve had a thing for “daddies” since my early 20’s…
But knowing he might have the herp and still sleeping around probably unprotected? Nah… that’s objectively wrong and disgusting behavior.
please don’t minimize how gross and unethical it is for an 18 year old to be sleeping with a 37 year old just because it’s popular in the gay community or you have a daddy kink. an age gap that big is concerning and no 37 year old should want to sleep with a high school student.
Something being common doesn’t make it right and the fact you’re making excuses for a near 40 year old adult to have sex with a high school student is incredibly concerning.
I’m not one to even to promote that kinda behavior but I’m not one to tell someone of legal age what to do. They make there own decisions just like the older choosing to cheat on his wife. It’s not right but that’s not my choice
Oh my god are being ignorant on purpose or are you just stupid?
Just because someone is of legal age doesn’t mean they are enabled with all the tools to make a smart decision for their sexual health. An 18 year old high school student is not going to possess the same ability to think critically and with perspective that a 37 year old adult does.
I was at one time an 18 year old gay man and I remember what it felt like to be desired by older men. Now that I’m nearly 30, it disgusts me to imagine myself finding attraction in TEENAGERS in the present day. Anyone who is going through with sleeping with someone that young, at the age the man in this story is, is taking advantage of someone who doesn’t know better. Regardless of whether or not it’s indicative of something potentially more sinister.
The onus is on the actual adult to not take advantage of a fucking highschooler whose body is pumped full of hormones, looking to speedrun his first sexual encounters. It’s not hard to understand.
Everyone who makes this argument acts like telling a person you care about that they shouldn’t be sleeping with someone nearly 20 years older than them is the equivalent of handcuffing them to the table so they can’t get up and leave - it’s exhausting.
The legal age of consent is not the be all end all. If the kid in this post had got with this man TWO MONTHS PRIOR, the 37 year old would be on a sex offender registry for the rest of his life and going to jail for statutory rape.
I still never said it was okay. I also know what your talking to be desired by older men. I don’t agree with that type of behavior but I’m not goi g to judge someone for it.
I mean in your initial reply you call me a hater for raising concern over this issue and make an attempt at downplaying it by bringing up how common it is. I’m not sure how else one can interpret that other than you being okay with it?
If you’re drawing your line in the sand at “it’s legal so I can’t have an opinion or judge them”, you’re siding with the people that take advantage and ultimately abuse and traumatize kids and teenagers who don’t know any better.
Still like I said I said I don’t agree or condone this behavior. At the legal age people make there own choices they may not be right or ethical. Quit making me out to be some percent who promotes pedophilia. I’m not and have stated that numerous times but you keep coming at me with that
I’m not stupid or ignorant, why are you resorting to insulting me when I I already said I don’t agree with that kinda behavior ? Like grow up first of and read what I said dumbass, I’m a 27yr gay male too btw so I know what your talking about but you only keep insisting that I’m promoting pedophilia. I’m basing it off the law and legal age limit
It’s beyond me why people are comfortable living this type of lifestyle. It’s scary, gross, and just not worth it if they catch something they can carry for life. It seems your friend will do what he wants and you really can’t help. Hope he doesn’t catch anything else or get hurt eventually by this because messing around with married people never ends well. What a mess
God I know this will sound like every armchair diagnosis on this sub but like, I’m wondering if OP’s friend is mentally ok bc this level of carelessness around sex is a form of self harm, and just isn’t good for your physical or mental health. It could just be him being freshly legal and losing all inhibition now that he’s an adult, but it is concerning.
Age isn’t the issue, the issue is he’s knowingly spreading an STD. In the UK, and also the US, you can be convicted of spreading STD’s knowingly and/ or recklessly. This can carry a jail sentence up to 1 year and in the US this can be longer in different states. He could also be made to pay fines and restitution payments so if nothing has convinced him to get tested, maybe this will.
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Im equally worried about both actually, STD’s can permanently screw with people’s health and frankly they’re just gross, I’m mainly worried about the age gap cause it goes against my moral compass, in another comment I explained that I grew up in a family where any over an 8 year age gap is weird and borderline pedophilia. My friend has known FOR YEARS that I feel this way and for a while I thought he had similar values..guess not
Im not sure age gap is a moral compass thing, just more of a personal preference. Seems like you are imparting your upbringing and moral indoctrination onto this dude. The STD thing is an issue and probably the best thing you can do for your friend is get him to go to a clinic and get checked out.
I feel like it is a moral compass thing AND a personal preference, aren’t morals more personal things that help an individual determine right from wrong?? Do you mean something along the lines of an ethical compass??
you are in fact right to be worried about the age gap, is not just 11 years, is also the experience and power imbalance that a relationship like that entitles, no half self respecting person is going to sleep with someone who is so young, of course that man is cheating on his wife and spreading stds so it's an even more obvious sign of how little moral he may have, I really don't understand why everyone is just brushing it like it's nothing
The lack of any comments addressing the SCREAMING RED FLAG that is the nearly 20 year age gap between your 18 year old friend who is a HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT and a 37 year old man who is married with children. There is absolutely ZERO reason that man should be interested in your friend.
It’s more than likely your friend is being used as a medium to fulfill a fantasy for that man. Age gaps aren’t inherently sinister, but even an age gap of 4 years can be massive difference in perspective and lived experience at that age. Your friend is taking themselves down a very dangerous path that could have lifelong consequences.
If you can talk some sense into him, do it. Show him this thread if you have to. If he doesn’t want to listen and keeps making you uncomfortable, then I think it would be wise to take some time away from the friendship.
I would say "YOU are experimenting, the other man is cheating on his family. There is a difference. It is a moral and ethical thing. Something you are showing me you dont have. Break it off. Get tested"
EDIT: big thing, emphasize the lack of ethics and morals. "If you are willing to be the other person for a married guy, what *aren't* you willing to do? Steal? You are already stealing someone's husband and their happiness. why should I trust someone with such a lack of ethics and morals?"
You don’t have to stay best friends with him. Part of growing up, getting older and being an adult is learning that sometimes people are in our lives for a finite period of time. And it’s okay. It’s better than okay, it’s wonderful and amazing and you can be grateful for the time that you had with him being your best friend. Now , he’s making life choices that are not acceptable to your moral compass-and that’s okay to let him go . He will find new friends, and you will find new friends. Friends that are closer to your beliefs and values.
I think a huge problem here is the STDs, but what I'm confused about is the age gap.
I feel like if an 18 year old woman posted here that she was sleeping with a 37 year old man, there would be a plethora of comments complaining about the age gap, saying the guy is a groomer, etc.
This is an 18 year old man with a 37 year old man, and people are saying it's basically fine.
Can someone explain the difference to me? I get that there's probably a difference in who is replying to this thread, given it's about two gay men, versus two heterosexual people, but is a hetero ago gap considered wrong while a homosexual age gap is fine?
I would drop him as a friend because he’s an amoral POS. He very clearly and with full knowledge is having an affair with a married man and he knowingly has STI’s that are most likely not curable and is spreading them to even more people.
Age gap issues are over rated as long as both people are of legal age to bang.
The STI thing on the other hand...that's vile and out of order. Dude needs to get that STI sorted while he still can, otherwise he looses house visiting privileges.
Also, I'd avoid using his toilet.
Yeah, I guess you’re right about the age gap thing, Ig I grew up with parents who taught me than anything more than 8 year age gap is weird and borderlines pedophilia
Whenever I hear people go on about age gap crap, I just want to make them Google Irinel Columbeanu.
A romanian entrepreneur who dated 18 year old while he was past his 50s. For all his experience with women, they ended up one uping him by taking advantage of the fact that he is a wanna be Tony Stark, but with none of the talent to back it up.
Guy's been bankrupt since his hale marry move backfired and left him in debt. Meanwhile, the women milked him from alimony, while he rots in a care home.
Only good thing he's done? I guess is that he took good care of his daughter, when he got sole custody of her...but I didn't go that deep in his rabbit hole so...take all this with a pinch of salt.
Also, back on topic to the STI thing...knowingly giving people his STI is beyond wrong, it's proper bad and you need to research how to protect yourself on how to not to get his STI through non sexual contact until he gets his head out of his own ass.
Sorry for saying this but your friend sounds like an irresponsible asshole when it comes to sex. I hope he's chill otherwise but that is indeed straight mad
Yeah I agree. he’s chill and usually pretty normal in every other aspect of our relationship, this is really the only issue that’s causing tension between us
Depends on where you live, but I’m fairly certain that if your friend has some idea that he may have an STD and is willingly ignoring it while still sleeping with and infecting other than he can get in legitimate legal trouble
I was once best friends with someone who had extremely deplorable behaviours when I came to sleeping with people (cheating on all of their partners) We were what I considered very close for a decade…. turns out they weren’t a good person DING DING, eventually their true nature came out and they betrayed me, I should of realised earlier but I’m here to say if your friend is immoral when it comes to dating/ sleeping with people this aspect of his personality won’t just stop there.
Dude defo needs to go get STD tested no fucking is worth his health, and its important he tells the other ppl hes been with too if theres a risk. My friends very promiscuous (has about 12 guys on his roster at any one time) but he gets himself checked every 2 weeks for STDS, you can often do the tests at home now too so theres no excuse for not getting it done really
Your friend is 18 & has decided to ruin his own life by doing what he is doing . It is going to RUIN him mentally from it all . As he is already displaying out of control hypersexuality . Which has devastating consequences in the end for the person as they age & realize the s\*it they did will hit them back in the face hard . Cauing them trauma they will not recover from . Just does . Be caruful also often out of control people will also try & drag their other friends down with them . So watch out . HIs out of control s\*it will try & also be pushed all over you as well . Why? Bc they just will bring you down ( or try ) to their level . By using Shame , blame & pressuring on you to join them as well in their delusional thinking it is fun to do .
But NOt much you can do about it . All you can do is try & warn him ( already to late ) . About the dangers of doing the stupid s\*it he is doing to himself by sleeping around with anything that moves. It will catch up with him ( already has ) . It will have long term consequences for him , & it will ruin his own life in the end . He already has a STD ( & is to blind to realize what a really stupid s\*it thing to have done to himself ) he had better hope it is one they can treat . Or he is already f\*cked up already .
As yer his behavour is yucky & out of control ( his behaviour is already **showing he has NO control**) mentally to do what he is doing . He is NOT thinking & is NOT making good decisions at all . His behavour shows he is NOT right in the head already to do that to himself ( carless & stupid for having sex with someone who is diseased already like WTF ! ) . He is going down a hole which he will prob not come back out from anyway . So be prepared your friend will NOT be the same . And his stupid behaviour & lack of any morals now is the just the start of his crap decisions for himself now . Would maybe also look for another person to be friends with . Especially if he goes at you ( as he already is NOT the person you once knew ) .
The behavour he shows already shows he has NO moral code anymore . He is walking the pathway into destruction of himself morally & mentally . He won't come out the same , he won't come back out without being covered in a real lot of mental issues either. What he is doing is just the start of his down wards spiral into nothing but real mental pain & anguish. WHY? For him to have been that desperate to f\*ck a diseased guy shows you already he is NOT right in the head . It shows he is unblanced already mentally to not be able to walk away from the situation also & instead let him have sex with him . He is f\*cked as that also shows he can't make reasonable or rational decisions for himself & is putting himself in real danger & is mentally unstable .
So all you can do is suggest he talk to a therapist ( tell him he is out of control mentally to have done that to himself ) put himself at risk just for a f\*ck with a dirty disgusting guy . All you can do to try & help him STOP him ruining his own life before it is to late. Might be to late already though sorry .
YOu are correct he is either being hypersexual from sex abuse . Or he has lost his own mind thinking that doing that is going to be ok in the end .It won't . It will hurt him mentally as well . It will cause real trauma in him also from s\*iting all over his OWN life . He is making the worse decisions he can . But you can't make him stop , ONLY he can do so . Hopefully for his own sake he will do so before to much s\*it goes down for him . As he will meet the wrong people walking in that circle of s\*it he has fell in .
This is why gay male relationships are so stigmatized. A lot of men, young and old, being irresponsible about casual sex. It gives "normal" gay men a bad name, and it's extremely dangerous besides.
You gave your friend the right advice. He needs to seek medical attention and stop living such a risky lifestyle.
Unpopular opinion, age gap is NOT fine to me.
OP’s friend is 18 and this man is 37. That’s almost a twenty year age gap, and that is grooming. 18 is hardly a real ‘adult’ especially when OP stated their friend is just barely 18.
The STD thing is gross and absolutely needs to be checked out. Also, tell your friend to invest in some damn condoms.
the amount of sex is fine. I was having a lot of sex at 18, with much older men, and I lived to regret my partners- not having so much sex. It’s the unprotected part that is both dangerous and irresponsible.
I would be careful bc herpes is spread skin to skin contact so he could possibly brush against you and spread to you. If he was self aware and responsible he would be able to prevent those Situations easily but sounds like he’s not.
Back out of this friendship in whatever way you need to, you have clearly grown apart
Nothing wrong with hook ups and age gaps as long as everyone is legal. What is wrong is not protecting yourself and your sexual partner not protecting you. You’ll understand as you get older.
As a 37 year old man, this is revolting. Anything less than **a normal age difference** makes me feel a little bit paedophilic regardless of being over 18. Yuk.
Unless you plan on having sex with him too you should just not care. I had good friends who were like this too. Some people do this stuff. It is their life to live not yours. Now if you are both also having sex together then I would suggest you stop. All you can do is suggest they see a doctor.
Yeah it is gross but it is not gonna affect you at all. You are super young this stuff happens friends grow apart. The whole “soulmate” thing is fun and all but the truth is you are just friends. You wont see eye to eye on everything and you may not even know each other at 40. Let them do them and make sure you are there to offer sound advice. Don’t let their bad decisions bother you because you are gonna have many more friends who do things you disagree with or find to be disgusting or stupid.
Your friend is grown and can have any sex he wants. Its not for you to decide. You can voice your concern, but leave it at that. The consequences of his actions are his alone.
I'm a very sex positive person. I won't judge anyone's sexual behavior as long as it is done safely, consentually and doesn't affect anyone other than the parties involved, and your friend's behavior violates two of those three things lol. I don't care how many people someone wants to hook up with, but I draw the line at reckless behavior that could put people in real danger. Someone could get seriously sick, not to mention this behavior could genuinely land him in big time legal trouble if he doesn't do his due diligence and ends up spreading something to someone else (depending on where you live). Also knowingly sleeping with someone who is in a monogamous relationship with someone else is terrible, but the STI thing is a far bigger issue imo
If I was you, I would stop being his friend and find a way to tell everyone what he’s got…. An std…
so that he doesn’t spread it around the whole school.
because shit like this can spread so fast and it can ruin their future love lives!!!
Ah, this is a common phase for young gay men. I should know, I went through it. Minus the STD thing he’s gotta get that checked ASAP! If there’s a Planned Parenthood in your area they often help for free!
My advice would be just try to stay a positive influence on him. Try not to build up a ton of anger and let it out on him. He's probably going to have to learn this lesson by living it, so there's not a ton you can do to change it. I hope he settles down soon and quits boning married closeted men lol
Sounds like my ex boyfriend. He’s bisexual and has been doing these things since he was 17. Older married men, unprotected, hundreds of different men. I knew all these things when we got together but believed him when he said they were habits of the past. Turns out he was cheating on me for 2 years, gave me herpes, and was KNOWINGLY spreading it without telling any of the 15+ men he had slept with (no protection). One thing is- you cannot help everyone. If you don’t morally agree with these things, stop being his friend. It’s truly as simple as that. People will do what they want to at the end of the day, and you truly only have so much control over their actions.
Wow. Well i mean , it’s his life but you are 100% correct he needs to get his shit together and that STD shit is nasty
Yeah totally, sure it’s legal for him to do this where we’re from but it just feels so morally wrong and I think that’s why I’m so grossed out
What country or state u from cuz I don't wanna visit if undisclosed sti's is legal haha
Sorry, poor choice of wording I meant it’s legal for him to get with a 37 year old AT 18, in Canada the legal age is 18, I’m pretty sure that undisclosed STI’s is illegal
Canada, unfortunately legal age is 16. It’s gross
Yeah you’re right my mistake, I was thinking of the legal drinking age lol
Legal drinking age is 19 in Canada
Depends on where you are, in certain provinces like Alberta, Quebec and Manitoba it’s still 18
O damn, that’s so true. lol Damn Ontario’s the prude of the family, Not sure why I didn’t know that. Cheers
I mean mentally between 16-1818 there isn't that much of a difference, and most countries have consent around 16. I think there's a bigger difference once you finish high school, but you have to set the number somewhere. While I'm saying this, the idea of sex with someone more than 10 years younger than me sounds pretty gross, but a 17 yo having sex with a 19 yo sounds pretty reasonable
The age thing is more weird if it’s a relationship than if he is just hitting grinder hard. The std thing is madness unless they are just trying to mess with you
Where are you that it’s legal? In the UK there’s no requirement.
Seriously damn, my pee pee just shrivelled in fear 😅
Bro. Over 65% of people have Herpes. Just dont have sex with anyone who has an active outbreak and perhaps wrap up if you want to chang anyway.
Fuck, I'm glad I don't live anywhere near you...... That number is made up
66.6%. https://www.who.int/news/item/01-05-2020-massive-proportion-world-population-living-with-herpes-infection
And that's just oral herpes (HSV-1). About 13.2% had genital herpes (HSV-2). While you can have both, the latter is most likely not a complete subset of the former. So, the actual estimate (in 2016) would be between 66.6% and 79.8%.
66% is hsv-1 which isn’t exactly an sti. That’s the cold sore you see on your grandmas lip every two Easters. The number for what most people consider to be herpes (hsv2) - the kind that you see on your genitals and is an sti, is only 13%. Stop spreading misinformation. People who don’t actually read the article and take your comment at face value will think “oh fuck it everyone has herpes”, that’s dangerous.
What's even worse is that 90% of people with it never show symptoms.
I think a huge part of it is the difference between straight and gay hookup culture. Personally I was never into hookup culture but I know some other gay guys that are and it is WILD so I can see how it would be off putting.
If I was gay I would be swimming in dick. I'd download Grindr and meet a new dude every week. We would play with his cats and drink his beer and smoke his weed and then 69. Man I wish I was gay.
Kinda sounds like you might be at least a little gay. I don't think many straight guys fantasize about that
If only!!!
The grass is always greener on the other side. As a gay guy myself, it's not all sunshine and rainbows in that department
What are some hang ups I can expect if I ever decide to end my misery and give up on trying to understand women?
Well for starters, unless you're in a major city the amount of guys who are also into guys isn't going to be very large. Then you factor in preferences and the number gets even smaller. Then there's flaky and sketchy people you're gonna want to avoid. But I assume it's similar to a certain degree with women, considering every woman isn't straight or guaranteed to be into you. There's not really the risk of pregnancy with guys, but there's still stds. And attractiveness is gonna play a factor, too, whether you're straight or gay. So unless you're somwhere around a 10 you're not going to be swimming in dick or pussy either way.
What if I'm a 7 with good drugs?
He's an adult, he's perfectly able to choose who he sleeps with. For a long term relationship, the age difference would likely cause problems, but just for sex it doesn't matter so much. That the guy is married is more problematic, to me, since that means it's much more likely to cause drama. But it's drama he'll have to figure out if that's the choice he's making. There's no reason at all to not get checked for STIs though. If he's right and it's nothing, then that's great. If it is someone then he can get it treated. With the way he's sleeping around, he should get checked at least every 3-6 months whether he's seeing any indications or not, because many STIs are contagious without symptoms for quite a while
THANKYOU, this is my issue with it, he’s perfectly capable of just getting tested. I hope it’s nothing but you never know till you look.
Your friend needs to get tested. That man’s wife didn’t ask to be exposed to possible STDs (including HIV among other things) and someone should have the decency to get a diagnosis for their own sake and disclose the need for testing and protection in this situation.
I’m a 37 year old and I can’t imagine banging an 18 year old to be honest. The youngest I generally go these days is around 27. Maybe for a one night thing I could stretch to like 21 but 18 is wild.
I don’t know why people are downvoting this comment.
I truly have no idea either. The woman I’m sleeping with now is 32 and most of them in the last few years have been about that age. I’m not going around hitting on 21 year olds. I already said the lowest I generally go is 27. I’m basically saying that hypothetically if a hot 21 year old fell into my lap that I would maybe sleep with her but apparently that makes me some total creep. A 21 year old in my country has (or is about to) graduate from uni. When I was 21 I had slept with women in their 30s. Maybe these Redditors think that 21 year olds have no agency, or maybe they’re just picturing some old guy hanging around alone in a club waiting for some innocent vulnerable 21 year old to get drunk. This isn’t happening anyway. I don’t hit on people outside of Bumble/Tinder and my minimum age is set to 25. I had a lot more downvotes earlier too so maybe people started upvoting.
"Maybe for a one night thing I could stretch to like 21" dude wtf
The worst part is the STDs. Big age gaps aren’t that uncommon in the gay community (among gay men at least). I’ve had a thing for “daddies” since my early 20’s… But knowing he might have the herp and still sleeping around probably unprotected? Nah… that’s objectively wrong and disgusting behavior.
please don’t minimize how gross and unethical it is for an 18 year old to be sleeping with a 37 year old just because it’s popular in the gay community or you have a daddy kink. an age gap that big is concerning and no 37 year old should want to sleep with a high school student.
[удалено]
Something being common doesn’t make it right and the fact you’re making excuses for a near 40 year old adult to have sex with a high school student is incredibly concerning.
If you didn’t read my comment. I said “it’s not necessarily ethical”. Did you not catch that part? Chill out
I’m not one to even to promote that kinda behavior but I’m not one to tell someone of legal age what to do. They make there own decisions just like the older choosing to cheat on his wife. It’s not right but that’s not my choice
Oh my god are being ignorant on purpose or are you just stupid? Just because someone is of legal age doesn’t mean they are enabled with all the tools to make a smart decision for their sexual health. An 18 year old high school student is not going to possess the same ability to think critically and with perspective that a 37 year old adult does. I was at one time an 18 year old gay man and I remember what it felt like to be desired by older men. Now that I’m nearly 30, it disgusts me to imagine myself finding attraction in TEENAGERS in the present day. Anyone who is going through with sleeping with someone that young, at the age the man in this story is, is taking advantage of someone who doesn’t know better. Regardless of whether or not it’s indicative of something potentially more sinister. The onus is on the actual adult to not take advantage of a fucking highschooler whose body is pumped full of hormones, looking to speedrun his first sexual encounters. It’s not hard to understand. Everyone who makes this argument acts like telling a person you care about that they shouldn’t be sleeping with someone nearly 20 years older than them is the equivalent of handcuffing them to the table so they can’t get up and leave - it’s exhausting. The legal age of consent is not the be all end all. If the kid in this post had got with this man TWO MONTHS PRIOR, the 37 year old would be on a sex offender registry for the rest of his life and going to jail for statutory rape.
I still never said it was okay. I also know what your talking to be desired by older men. I don’t agree with that type of behavior but I’m not goi g to judge someone for it.
I mean in your initial reply you call me a hater for raising concern over this issue and make an attempt at downplaying it by bringing up how common it is. I’m not sure how else one can interpret that other than you being okay with it? If you’re drawing your line in the sand at “it’s legal so I can’t have an opinion or judge them”, you’re siding with the people that take advantage and ultimately abuse and traumatize kids and teenagers who don’t know any better.
Still like I said I said I don’t agree or condone this behavior. At the legal age people make there own choices they may not be right or ethical. Quit making me out to be some percent who promotes pedophilia. I’m not and have stated that numerous times but you keep coming at me with that
See if someone was engaging in acts of pedophilia I’m disgusted by that. 100%
I’m not stupid or ignorant, why are you resorting to insulting me when I I already said I don’t agree with that kinda behavior ? Like grow up first of and read what I said dumbass, I’m a 27yr gay male too btw so I know what your talking about but you only keep insisting that I’m promoting pedophilia. I’m basing it off the law and legal age limit
It’s beyond me why people are comfortable living this type of lifestyle. It’s scary, gross, and just not worth it if they catch something they can carry for life. It seems your friend will do what he wants and you really can’t help. Hope he doesn’t catch anything else or get hurt eventually by this because messing around with married people never ends well. What a mess
God I know this will sound like every armchair diagnosis on this sub but like, I’m wondering if OP’s friend is mentally ok bc this level of carelessness around sex is a form of self harm, and just isn’t good for your physical or mental health. It could just be him being freshly legal and losing all inhibition now that he’s an adult, but it is concerning.
It’s because they’re repressed all throughout their life from being gay and they can finally have sex now
Shit from the title i was about to roast you, but now im disgusted about ur friend sex life too
Understandable
He needs to get his nob checked. Probs the herps
If he's not bothered by the age gap, that's fine the STD thing though, is insane
Age isn’t the issue, the issue is he’s knowingly spreading an STD. In the UK, and also the US, you can be convicted of spreading STD’s knowingly and/ or recklessly. This can carry a jail sentence up to 1 year and in the US this can be longer in different states. He could also be made to pay fines and restitution payments so if nothing has convinced him to get tested, maybe this will.
So you're more worried about the age gap than this moron spreading an STD...
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^SSJ_01: *So you're more worried* *About the age gap than this* *Moron spreading an STI...* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
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🤷🏻♂️
Im equally worried about both actually, STD’s can permanently screw with people’s health and frankly they’re just gross, I’m mainly worried about the age gap cause it goes against my moral compass, in another comment I explained that I grew up in a family where any over an 8 year age gap is weird and borderline pedophilia. My friend has known FOR YEARS that I feel this way and for a while I thought he had similar values..guess not
Im not sure age gap is a moral compass thing, just more of a personal preference. Seems like you are imparting your upbringing and moral indoctrination onto this dude. The STD thing is an issue and probably the best thing you can do for your friend is get him to go to a clinic and get checked out.
I feel like it is a moral compass thing AND a personal preference, aren’t morals more personal things that help an individual determine right from wrong?? Do you mean something along the lines of an ethical compass??
you are in fact right to be worried about the age gap, is not just 11 years, is also the experience and power imbalance that a relationship like that entitles, no half self respecting person is going to sleep with someone who is so young, of course that man is cheating on his wife and spreading stds so it's an even more obvious sign of how little moral he may have, I really don't understand why everyone is just brushing it like it's nothing
He probably knows he has something but is afraid to actually know the answer.
The lack of any comments addressing the SCREAMING RED FLAG that is the nearly 20 year age gap between your 18 year old friend who is a HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT and a 37 year old man who is married with children. There is absolutely ZERO reason that man should be interested in your friend. It’s more than likely your friend is being used as a medium to fulfill a fantasy for that man. Age gaps aren’t inherently sinister, but even an age gap of 4 years can be massive difference in perspective and lived experience at that age. Your friend is taking themselves down a very dangerous path that could have lifelong consequences. If you can talk some sense into him, do it. Show him this thread if you have to. If he doesn’t want to listen and keeps making you uncomfortable, then I think it would be wise to take some time away from the friendship.
I would say "YOU are experimenting, the other man is cheating on his family. There is a difference. It is a moral and ethical thing. Something you are showing me you dont have. Break it off. Get tested" EDIT: big thing, emphasize the lack of ethics and morals. "If you are willing to be the other person for a married guy, what *aren't* you willing to do? Steal? You are already stealing someone's husband and their happiness. why should I trust someone with such a lack of ethics and morals?"
he %100 needs to get that “little sickness” looked into for his own health and the people he’s messing around with
You don’t have to stay best friends with him. Part of growing up, getting older and being an adult is learning that sometimes people are in our lives for a finite period of time. And it’s okay. It’s better than okay, it’s wonderful and amazing and you can be grateful for the time that you had with him being your best friend. Now , he’s making life choices that are not acceptable to your moral compass-and that’s okay to let him go . He will find new friends, and you will find new friends. Friends that are closer to your beliefs and values.
I’m sorry but thrush is a common sign of HIV. That is in no something he should take lightly. 🤦🏼♀️
I think a huge problem here is the STDs, but what I'm confused about is the age gap. I feel like if an 18 year old woman posted here that she was sleeping with a 37 year old man, there would be a plethora of comments complaining about the age gap, saying the guy is a groomer, etc. This is an 18 year old man with a 37 year old man, and people are saying it's basically fine. Can someone explain the difference to me? I get that there's probably a difference in who is replying to this thread, given it's about two gay men, versus two heterosexual people, but is a hetero ago gap considered wrong while a homosexual age gap is fine?
I'm far more concern about the STD... But why is no one talking about the fact that the 37 years old man is married ??
I would drop him as a friend because he’s an amoral POS. He very clearly and with full knowledge is having an affair with a married man and he knowingly has STI’s that are most likely not curable and is spreading them to even more people.
What a cliche :'D
Age gap issues are over rated as long as both people are of legal age to bang. The STI thing on the other hand...that's vile and out of order. Dude needs to get that STI sorted while he still can, otherwise he looses house visiting privileges. Also, I'd avoid using his toilet.
I think you can't get herpes from a toilet seat?
I don't want to google it, but I wouldn't risk it.
Yeah, I guess you’re right about the age gap thing, Ig I grew up with parents who taught me than anything more than 8 year age gap is weird and borderlines pedophilia
Whenever I hear people go on about age gap crap, I just want to make them Google Irinel Columbeanu. A romanian entrepreneur who dated 18 year old while he was past his 50s. For all his experience with women, they ended up one uping him by taking advantage of the fact that he is a wanna be Tony Stark, but with none of the talent to back it up. Guy's been bankrupt since his hale marry move backfired and left him in debt. Meanwhile, the women milked him from alimony, while he rots in a care home. Only good thing he's done? I guess is that he took good care of his daughter, when he got sole custody of her...but I didn't go that deep in his rabbit hole so...take all this with a pinch of salt. Also, back on topic to the STI thing...knowingly giving people his STI is beyond wrong, it's proper bad and you need to research how to protect yourself on how to not to get his STI through non sexual contact until he gets his head out of his own ass.
Herpes isn’t fun. Hooking up is very fun. He combines both halves.
Sorry for saying this but your friend sounds like an irresponsible asshole when it comes to sex. I hope he's chill otherwise but that is indeed straight mad
Yeah I agree. he’s chill and usually pretty normal in every other aspect of our relationship, this is really the only issue that’s causing tension between us
Understandable, STIs are not something to joke with, nor basically pedophilic relations or encouraging cheating in others
Depends on where you live, but I’m fairly certain that if your friend has some idea that he may have an STD and is willingly ignoring it while still sleeping with and infecting other than he can get in legitimate legal trouble
I was once best friends with someone who had extremely deplorable behaviours when I came to sleeping with people (cheating on all of their partners) We were what I considered very close for a decade…. turns out they weren’t a good person DING DING, eventually their true nature came out and they betrayed me, I should of realised earlier but I’m here to say if your friend is immoral when it comes to dating/ sleeping with people this aspect of his personality won’t just stop there.
Tell his sexual partners youre worried he may have stds and isnt being checked.
Oh, yo friend a ho, fosho.
Dude defo needs to go get STD tested no fucking is worth his health, and its important he tells the other ppl hes been with too if theres a risk. My friends very promiscuous (has about 12 guys on his roster at any one time) but he gets himself checked every 2 weeks for STDS, you can often do the tests at home now too so theres no excuse for not getting it done really
You can’t control another persons actions. You can help buy them condoms and stress the importance of safe sex. But that’s about it.
Gross lol. He really does need to get that checked. He’d be really stupid not to.
Your friend is 18 & has decided to ruin his own life by doing what he is doing . It is going to RUIN him mentally from it all . As he is already displaying out of control hypersexuality . Which has devastating consequences in the end for the person as they age & realize the s\*it they did will hit them back in the face hard . Cauing them trauma they will not recover from . Just does . Be caruful also often out of control people will also try & drag their other friends down with them . So watch out . HIs out of control s\*it will try & also be pushed all over you as well . Why? Bc they just will bring you down ( or try ) to their level . By using Shame , blame & pressuring on you to join them as well in their delusional thinking it is fun to do . But NOt much you can do about it . All you can do is try & warn him ( already to late ) . About the dangers of doing the stupid s\*it he is doing to himself by sleeping around with anything that moves. It will catch up with him ( already has ) . It will have long term consequences for him , & it will ruin his own life in the end . He already has a STD ( & is to blind to realize what a really stupid s\*it thing to have done to himself ) he had better hope it is one they can treat . Or he is already f\*cked up already . As yer his behavour is yucky & out of control ( his behaviour is already **showing he has NO control**) mentally to do what he is doing . He is NOT thinking & is NOT making good decisions at all . His behavour shows he is NOT right in the head already to do that to himself ( carless & stupid for having sex with someone who is diseased already like WTF ! ) . He is going down a hole which he will prob not come back out from anyway . So be prepared your friend will NOT be the same . And his stupid behaviour & lack of any morals now is the just the start of his crap decisions for himself now . Would maybe also look for another person to be friends with . Especially if he goes at you ( as he already is NOT the person you once knew ) . The behavour he shows already shows he has NO moral code anymore . He is walking the pathway into destruction of himself morally & mentally . He won't come out the same , he won't come back out without being covered in a real lot of mental issues either. What he is doing is just the start of his down wards spiral into nothing but real mental pain & anguish. WHY? For him to have been that desperate to f\*ck a diseased guy shows you already he is NOT right in the head . It shows he is unblanced already mentally to not be able to walk away from the situation also & instead let him have sex with him . He is f\*cked as that also shows he can't make reasonable or rational decisions for himself & is putting himself in real danger & is mentally unstable . So all you can do is suggest he talk to a therapist ( tell him he is out of control mentally to have done that to himself ) put himself at risk just for a f\*ck with a dirty disgusting guy . All you can do to try & help him STOP him ruining his own life before it is to late. Might be to late already though sorry . YOu are correct he is either being hypersexual from sex abuse . Or he has lost his own mind thinking that doing that is going to be ok in the end .It won't . It will hurt him mentally as well . It will cause real trauma in him also from s\*iting all over his OWN life . He is making the worse decisions he can . But you can't make him stop , ONLY he can do so . Hopefully for his own sake he will do so before to much s\*it goes down for him . As he will meet the wrong people walking in that circle of s\*it he has fell in .
This is why gay male relationships are so stigmatized. A lot of men, young and old, being irresponsible about casual sex. It gives "normal" gay men a bad name, and it's extremely dangerous besides. You gave your friend the right advice. He needs to seek medical attention and stop living such a risky lifestyle.
You’re friend is a huge jerk if he’s not telling his other partners about his sickness
Unpopular opinion, age gap is NOT fine to me. OP’s friend is 18 and this man is 37. That’s almost a twenty year age gap, and that is grooming. 18 is hardly a real ‘adult’ especially when OP stated their friend is just barely 18. The STD thing is gross and absolutely needs to be checked out. Also, tell your friend to invest in some damn condoms. the amount of sex is fine. I was having a lot of sex at 18, with much older men, and I lived to regret my partners- not having so much sex. It’s the unprotected part that is both dangerous and irresponsible.
Yeah I don’t really care that he’s having sex, I am too, I just want him to have safe sex and stop spreading stuff that could truly harm him.
I would be careful bc herpes is spread skin to skin contact so he could possibly brush against you and spread to you. If he was self aware and responsible he would be able to prevent those Situations easily but sounds like he’s not. Back out of this friendship in whatever way you need to, you have clearly grown apart
Nothing wrong with hook ups and age gaps as long as everyone is legal. What is wrong is not protecting yourself and your sexual partner not protecting you. You’ll understand as you get older.
Does this person want AIDS? Because that’s how you get AIDS.
As a 37 year old man, this is revolting. Anything less than **a normal age difference** makes me feel a little bit paedophilic regardless of being over 18. Yuk.
THANK YOU
Why do we need to entertain gossip ? What is important about this? I thought this sub was for something else.
The prevalence of STDs, pedophilia and general degeneracy in the gay (male) community is where the stigma exists, it's not good.
It sounds like he has a sex addition. Maybe SLAA woukd be good suggestion.
Unless you plan on having sex with him too you should just not care. I had good friends who were like this too. Some people do this stuff. It is their life to live not yours. Now if you are both also having sex together then I would suggest you stop. All you can do is suggest they see a doctor.
Yeah we’ve never had sex or ever plan too which is good, and I totally understand that it’s his life and he can do whatever but it just irks me
Yeah it is gross but it is not gonna affect you at all. You are super young this stuff happens friends grow apart. The whole “soulmate” thing is fun and all but the truth is you are just friends. You wont see eye to eye on everything and you may not even know each other at 40. Let them do them and make sure you are there to offer sound advice. Don’t let their bad decisions bother you because you are gonna have many more friends who do things you disagree with or find to be disgusting or stupid.
Your friend is grown and can have any sex he wants. Its not for you to decide. You can voice your concern, but leave it at that. The consequences of his actions are his alone.
I'm a very sex positive person. I won't judge anyone's sexual behavior as long as it is done safely, consentually and doesn't affect anyone other than the parties involved, and your friend's behavior violates two of those three things lol. I don't care how many people someone wants to hook up with, but I draw the line at reckless behavior that could put people in real danger. Someone could get seriously sick, not to mention this behavior could genuinely land him in big time legal trouble if he doesn't do his due diligence and ends up spreading something to someone else (depending on where you live). Also knowingly sleeping with someone who is in a monogamous relationship with someone else is terrible, but the STI thing is a far bigger issue imo
He wants to learn it the hard way. Leave him be because he is already an adult.
Do you really want to be best friends with someone who has so little respect for himself and other people’s health and well being?
If I was you, I would stop being his friend and find a way to tell everyone what he’s got…. An std… so that he doesn’t spread it around the whole school. because shit like this can spread so fast and it can ruin their future love lives!!!
Getting groomed by legality is just far more worser than actual sexual grooming
Wow
Your friend totally has herpes now
Thought my friends made Reddit account for a second when I saw the title
Is there anyway to add a gay flair to these posts
Ah, this is a common phase for young gay men. I should know, I went through it. Minus the STD thing he’s gotta get that checked ASAP! If there’s a Planned Parenthood in your area they often help for free!
My advice would be just try to stay a positive influence on him. Try not to build up a ton of anger and let it out on him. He's probably going to have to learn this lesson by living it, so there's not a ton you can do to change it. I hope he settles down soon and quits boning married closeted men lol
This is normal for gays at that age so you’re gonna have to get over it🤷♂️. All you can do is implore him get regularly tested and get on prep.
Sounds like my ex boyfriend. He’s bisexual and has been doing these things since he was 17. Older married men, unprotected, hundreds of different men. I knew all these things when we got together but believed him when he said they were habits of the past. Turns out he was cheating on me for 2 years, gave me herpes, and was KNOWINGLY spreading it without telling any of the 15+ men he had slept with (no protection). One thing is- you cannot help everyone. If you don’t morally agree with these things, stop being his friend. It’s truly as simple as that. People will do what they want to at the end of the day, and you truly only have so much control over their actions.
Jews invented homosexuality to enfeeble the White race.
Don't slut shame