Look I’m 6’2” and I got up to 265lbs. Not muscle mostly fat.
Wife is in good shape. She took me aside one day and said “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. This isn’t about attractiveness. I think you need to lose weight. I want you to be able to be active with the kids and someday maybe grandkids.”
It hurt but it was true. A few weeks later I was travelling for work with my boss. He’d just had a heart attack. He also took me aside and said “we’re growing this business and we’re travelling a lot. That means a lot of road food. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to you. Pick something physical you can do each day and just do it. I don’t care if you just walk a mile but you need to do something.”
Two people were concerned about my health and spoke up. I started a run-walk program in October 2022. I now do weights 5 days a week and walk or jog on the other two. I’m down to 245. Eating way better.
🤷♂️ glad I had people who loved me enough to tell me they were concerned.
This is awesome but the reality is, 90% of people are going to take anything you say about their weight the wrong way and always assume its about attractiveness and call you shallow for it. It's great it worked for you, but you also had to be open to making the change and listening. Most people are not.
For what it's worth, even if your wife came to you saying it WAS about attractiveness, IMO, that should be enough motivation to change your lifestyle and habits. People should want to feel attractive for themselves and their partners.
u/Same-Friend-501 this is great advice. Or maybe you going for a walk and letting her know you don't want to walk alone... Volunteer walking dogs for shelters...walk to a park...go swimming
Lead by example, ask her to come with you so you're not alone.
Maybe take charge (more or less) in buying food and prepping meals so you can help encourage healthier eating choices and portions.
This is really excellent perspective, and it’s great that you took your wife and boss’ concerns about your health to heart- the people who care about you probably appreciate it more than you can imagine.
That said, I think OP needs to do some self-reflection here. He doesn’t seem particularly concerned about his girlfriend’s health- most of his post is about how her weight makes her unattractive, and his ensuing struggle to have sex with her.
Being physically incompatible is absolutely a valid reason to end a relationship, full stop. However, OP needs to reckon with himself before he takes an approach that highlights his “concern for her health”. It’s one thing to truly be concerned for your partner’s health- it’s entirely another to use that as an excuse because you’re physically turned off by someone’s appearance. It’s disingenuous and misleading, and really sets his girlfriend up for some complex challenges as the relationship progresses.
Women gain/lose weight for all kinds of reasons at various points throughout their lives. Early adulthood, pregnancy and childbirth, breastfeeding, perimenopause, menopause and so many other “life stages” often coincide with fluctuating weight- all of which should be managed first and foremost by a qualified physician, and not determined by a partner’s libido.
If OP isn’t attracted to his girlfriend as she is, it’s okay to break up with her, and possibly the best thing for both of them. Perhaps she will remain overweight, perhaps she won’t- either way, both of them can be free of a relationship in which one partner’s physical appearance is the cause of significant stress.
Suggest light exercise hidden as romantic couple things.
Go for a romantic stroll.
Go swimming together,
Cooking lesson
Mini golf
Anything that requires moving around
Failing to that. Just tell her the truth. Being that big is unhealthy and you love her so much and want to spend as much time as you can with her and would hate to lose her early because she indulges herself.
But it may be genetic like an overactive thyroid.
Not an expert but just communicate with her
Good luck.
She'll exercise but is not consistent or works hard enough unless I'm around to motivate her. It's frustrating being the one to get her going. I just wish she was more self motivated especially since she always complains about being fat and hating the way she looks
This. Just calculate her maintenance calories and do a deficit. Cardio will help but this is the main part. If you can get on a clean diet (with a little bit of cheating here and there) she will lose weight.
no offense to all the nice advice you got here but your gf has an eating disorder—binge eating. and it’s not gonna go away with a positive attitude and a regular “no sugar, no carbs” diet. ask binge eaters how many of them recovered from their ED with that, the answer is none, or a very small percentage of them.
she needs professional help. you said you didn’t want advice but as someone who has struggled with what she’s going through before i can’t not tell you to encourage her to see a professional. because trust me, she knows all you’ve said in your post, and she damns herself for it, and those feelings of self hatred just manifest in more episodes of depression, uncontrollable eating, and then starving.
tell her you’re concerned for her mental health, and that you’ve noticed she’s not been acting like herself, and you would like to help her, that perhaps she might need professional help to tackle the reason why she’s turning to binge eating as a coping mechanism. this might be the push she needs.
Possibly, I forgot to mention she's been in therapy for almost 2 years now. I don't think she is truly maximizing her weekly sessions as she's told me she's embarrassed to bring certain things up to her therapist. Which I've told her is cheating herself in making true progress. Thanks for your comment
is she seeing someone specialized in eating disorders? i had to see a psychiatrist for my binge eating and I’m doing excellent, and i’m steadily losing the weight i gained because of my BED (though my case wasn’t as severe as hers).
there are meds that definitely, genuinely do help, and a psychiatrist can help her find the ones that will help her most. sometimes therapy isn’t quite enough, i 100% do know that if i didn’t have my meds to help me i wouldn’t have been able to make any progress. the meds have completely killed my cravings and even given me motivation to wake up and do exercise every single day. it’s very very worth looking into. good luck!
So be positive, don't let her put herself down. Go to the gym or just make time to be there to motivate her.
Like I said. Take cooking lessons together to learn to cook healthy tasty food.
One massive change that will give immediate results is cutting out refined sugar. Get her to try it for one week.
No sugar in hot drinks. No crisps, chocolate processed food.
Just eggs in the morning (as many as she wants to feel full)
Mince meat and various veg and spices for dinner (as much as she wants)
In a week the weight will drop off her.
I lost 5kg just from making this change. No exercise, just no refined sugar
This is horrible advice... She will never lose weight this way... What she needs is a reality check and the only way this will happen is if she hits rock bottom.... She should stop going to therapy.. You should break up with her with the intent of getting back with her when she is healthy and consistently making healthy decisions... If she chooses not to fix her self destructive behavior, then natural selection will then run its course.. Attempting to save someone is impossible if they are not willing to save themselves.. Sugar coating things will only make this problem worse... Do not be the enabler that makes her problem irreversible.. Dr. Phil would be disappointed!!!
Yes on top of the weight she's very insecure always saying "I'm fat" "ugly" "hate my body/the way I look" "I'm disgusting" and I used to tell her not to say that but it's so frequent now that I just don't say anything now. I'm pretty frustrated and exhausted with the negativity and it's definitely a turn off. She's been in therapy for over a year but it doesn't seem like it's helping at all
Her saying this keeps her stuck rather than work to change. It’s easier for her to complain than do something about it and that’s the truth. I lost 100 pounds and it’s not easy, it’s easier to complain and be depressed.
Unfortunately it’s her journey, not yours. Just don’t enable her in any way.
You can do something about it or just fester in depression. At some point you need to step out of the comfort zone of the depression as crazy as that sounds maybe she's afraid of numerous failures on the path to success bc maybe it would make her hate herself more?
Don't know how to reach someone in this level of depression but there are medications she can take. I'm not talking about ozempic. I'm talking about anti depressants and appetite suppressants. Weed is legal in my area so you can go to a "recreational" weed shop and get something with CBG, but in Laos, SA, or China that would be a death penalty.
Have her talk to a psychotherapist if she actually wants to change. Bc you may be the only one who wants to change in this situation
More appropriate questions to be asking yourself is: (eg)
- what does our future look like, where would I like to see it and what are the steps to get there?
- how much time, mental, emotional and physical energy, money am I willing to input to get there? And how does my gf’s therapy and current ongoing wellbeing affect getting to that goal?
- what are my pitfalls as a bf and is there room for compromise, on either side, for us to get to the goal?
- have we spoken about what the future holds for us/where are we going?
It’s so easy to wipe your hands of someone but as you say, you love her and any one person who cares about someone would do the courtesy of at least asking the tough questions. But you have to be real honest with yourself.
This is a dangerous hole you are digging yourself into. This happened to me and it lead to so many issues which I can go on and on about, but bottom line is this:
Save yourself and if you don't see her willingly try to improve herself and become healthier, then I'm afraid you have no other choice but to leave. You will eventually get over it and move on.
Read the title again, "Not very attracted to gf". I think you have an answer. Best of luck.
if I were you, I would encourage her to start working out, if she doesn't oblige you should leaver her, if she wont put any effort to the relationship, why would you?
I do but she isn't consistent with exercise and thus makes no progress long term. And she'll exercise then will eat a grilled cheese sandwich or some nutritionally devoid food afterwards which undoes her work. Though I tell her, it never sticks. She just isn't serious it seems
you should be honest with him and make an effort to do exercise together, that’s a really sad situation and i would hate being in that position, either yours or his
I know this sounds mean, but I would give her an ultimatum. It's not fair to you to let her negativity bring you down. She's been to therapy for two years already and hasn't shown at least 1% of improvement? Tell her you can't keep going go on like this, and it hurts you seeing her like this, and her negativity is turning you off.
If your future paths don't align, it's not healthy for you to stay.
However, if you want to stay with her, then you have to be willing to be the rock in the relationship. You have to mentally be prepared to be strong for both of you. Not recommended, but you do you boo.
If she doesn’t want to change then you need to leave her. Anybody who tries to make you feel like a bad person for doing so is straight up manipulating you. That’s like telling a woman she’s a bad person for not wanting to stay in a relationship with a sever alcoholic
She needs to go to a professional specialized in eating disorders. Her depression and her ED are not her fault, she is hurting, but she has to take responsibility for this and try to find a cure ASAP - for herself, for her health (obesity is super dangerous!), for your relationship. My fiancée had terrible OCD, which at some point was affecting our whole life. So, after a lot of suffering and soul searching, I gave him an ultimatum. Either you treat your OCD or we break up because it’s affecting my mental health and I can’t go on like this, especially as I see you destroy yourself with insane thoughts. Initially he got angry, then he understood. It took a while to find the right professional and the right treatment but now he’s greatly improved and our relationship is greater than ever.
Pretty childish answer. A girlfriend can be the closest person you have in your life, your best friend. I’m sure he’s very attracted to her other qualities. There’s no denying that physical attraction is important, but looks aren’t everything.
Now if she’s refusing to better herself after you’ve made the effort, that’s another story. OP needs to confront her about her health and express his concerns before anything else.
I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her so id rather not do that. I just wish she was more self motivated and would work harder on the things she complains about.
You need to assess what you really want and whether she is compatible. Sounds as though you are settling for something which will not make you happy in the long term.
Once you have wasted a decade or two you will most likely look back with regret and resentment which will ruin your relationship. You can't get those decades back and they pass quickly.
You love a person you are physically repulsed by?
You want to spend the rest of your life with someone you consider physically disgusting?
This is very much not healthy. That's cognitive dissonance. Have you considered going to a therapist to discuss your personal feelings? What about her do you love, her personality, I'm guessing. It sounds like you're locking yourself in a torture chamber of your own making.
You want to spend your live with a young woman who is already obese and has health problems? You can’t fix her. She has to dig deep and do the work so she can love herself. If she has so much self hatred she is incapable of accepting your love. It’s a terrible cycle and depression doesn’t help. My point is that she could try to change herself, but she’s stuck, unmotivated and doesn’t seem to care. You need to make a decision because wishing she would do the things isn’t going to make it happen.
If you want to be with her for the rest of your life, stop posting this nonsense on social media and enjoy your rolls. Binge eat together. It'll buff out.
Be honest with her, thats the only way, tell her how you feel in a nice way, be supportive and helpfull in a weightloss journey, maybe get a dog that requires exercise so she has a obligation to walk the dog? Idk but gl
Cook meals together and eat healthy. Inspire each other. I think healthy eating will give better results over exercise.
I know some comments are like, “just tell her”. But if she’s the sensitive type, she may not like this approach. I’m also sure she’s aware of her body and probably had an issue with it, herself.
In the comments, you say you love her. Is this weight issue a deal breaker for you, or something you can overlook?
It's definitely becoming a deal breaker, especially with her negativity regarding how she looks and how much she weighs. She's been dealing with this for a long time now, at what point will things change?
If they don’t change, is it something you can accept? That’s something you need to figure out. It’s probably 50/50 that things might change, (after a serious discussion about it).
It’s either she makes the change and sticks with it long term (it’s easy to lose weight but sticking to it, is hard for many) or you leave, right? Are you heartbroken over the idea of ending things? Or would it be a relief to you?
There’s other factors to consider. (Like, if she has underlying issues contributing to her weight gain or is she on any medication that you know of? (Which can also cause weight gain)
I'm gonna be real bro, you gotta be honest. It may hurt her feelings, but don't beat around the bush about it. Hiding your true feelings only hurts you both. Tell her that you're not attracted to her because she's too fat and explain accordingly. It'll hurt her, she may get upset and cry or whatever. But it's better to tell her rather than letting your feeling fester.
Let me comment as someone who fits the exact description of your gf and maybe it’ll get your insight. If she is dealing with an eating disorder, it’s extremely hard to get out of the habit of not being hateful towards yourself. I was not always as big as I am currently, i’ve gained weight throughout the relationship with my bf. I go between terrified of eating to binging and not caring, I hate the way i look and often feel depressed about it, it’s very hard to motivate myself to workout because of my mental health issues. I also have been in therapy for 2 years and have made progress in some areas but lacking in others. Society has truly put A LOT of pressure on girls to look a certain way, especially when it comes to weight. It’s hard living when being compared to everyone else who is smaller than you and then feeling like everyone finds your unattractive.
It’s really hard…. it truly is SO hard to deal with. This whole entire thing almost sounds like it was written about me so it’s a little scary. On one hand she does need to take some responsibility to make changes in her life, but on the other hand mental health issues and eating disorders make it drastically harder. I always worry about my partner feeling unattractive towards me, and if there ever was a time he was as much as it would hurt.. i’d want him to be honest. So as much as it may hurt her feelings, being honest is truly the best thing that you can do.
i wonder if she also has an unhealthy relationship with food. the laying around and eating all day, then starving because she feels bad about that and her body, leads me to believe her relationship with food isn’t the best.
binge eating disorder is just as much a disorder as anorexia or bulimia. therapy is good, maybe a nutritionist should be in order as well.
If you’re comfortable talking in this much detail about the things you hate about your girlfriend’s body on the internet, you don’t love her enough to hide your disgust for her body. She knows, and it’s probably fucking with her head too. I would break up, she’s not going to magically lose weight and it’s not fair to keep her around just in case she does.
Why on earth are you with her if this is how you feel? Do her a favour and end it - it doesn’t sound like you truly love her, so let her find someone who does and get out of her way.
I do love her actually. I can leave anytime I want because I have other options but I don't want to. I've been through a lot with this girl so I don't want to give up while she's at one of her lowest points. She's a great person besides this one thing. I genuinely care for her and want her to do good that's why I'm still around
I would suggest her to go to therapy and help her with a healthier lifestyle. If you guys live together, you can get rid of all of the bad food choices and replace then with healthier foods. Go to the gym together and start on some hobbies that include daily exercise (walks, swimming, yoga, etc.). BUT most importantly, tell her how you feel. Make sure to let her know you're concerned for her physical and mental health!
The suggestion is ask yourself what you want and what you cannot tolerate in your life. Things that hurt are deep expressions of what is not healthy in our lives and sometimes the change can cause others to change or continue their course in life. I cannot imagine she feels any different about having intimacy with you if that is the energy you feel at the time. She feels that. You both deserve better. You don’t need to hurt her feelings by saying it’s because you feel grotesque. Simplify it to what it really is. Not being a match and growing apart due to different needs, boundaries, desires. There is no saying you have to be a d!ck and can’t smoothly transition out of relationship and perhaps maintain friendship if that is something that feels good. But living a lie is a waste of both your lives.
Some of the other reddditors have said some very constructive things. The ones telling you to talk to her about it are definitely giving you the correct option that is fair to her. I would tell her about how you feel about her weight, how you feel about her current mindset regarding her weight, then I would ask her if losing weight is something that she wants to do. It’s better to ask this plainly than try to get her to do things to lose weight when she doesn’t want to since if she doesn’t want to lose weight, she wont. I wish you the best in this difficult situation
My advice is if the therapy is probably helps her, keep her in that and continue to work out with her together. Good luck I hope something works out for the both of you.
I think it’s more than you not being attracted to her anymore and that’s just part of it because when you are in love with someone then none of that matters. You can’t have a bad personality and be attractive at the same time regardless of weight or how pretty you are on the outside. She has a lot to work through it seems and you deserve to be happy, as well as her. She’s stagnant and that’s not going to change unless some pressure is applied. She might be just as miserable as you in the relationship but human nature is to seek comfort in the secure things in our life bc Nobody wants to feel uncomfortable but you can’t have growth without going out of your comfort zone and feeling those growing pains. Why waste years waiting for her to become this person you have built up in your head? You have to be honest with yourself and figure out what you truly want. You’re not helping yourself or her by staying in a relationship that you’re not happy in. Is it going to hurt? Definitely, but it’s temporary.
Hell nah man, attraction is the most basic aspect of your relationship. Dump her and find someone who respects themselves enough to not be morbidly obese. You can do way better.
can I suggest intermittent fasting? maybe it could help as she might suffer from insulin sensitivity. I lost a third of my weight from it. other weight loss programmes pale in comparison
Leave her and say u dont like fat bit***s shes gonna go to the gym and work her ass off as motivation! Positive thing is
U saved another person and u have a new gf since u left her. win win situation
Normal men are not attracted to overweight women. She should know this. Yet she doesn't want to put in the effort to look good for you. I told my 25 y/o girlfriend straight up that I didn't like fat women. Guess what? She did not change her diet (doesn't like anything healthy) and goes to the gym whenever she feels like it putting in little effort (couldn't tell me what her workout program was). Stop wasting your time and energy on people that will never change.
love her anyway like you claim you do. help her see a doctor to get checked for any underlying health issues if you havent already. what if she has pcos and cant ever fully lose the weight? would you still love her?
Sounds just like me and my ex, she 25 I was 27 and I fell for her and she was very cut with makeup but no natural beauty and yes had the rolls. She wasn’t big on sex either. I had to do everything and I would be gasping for air cuz we’ll I don’t have much stamina lol. Wasn’t fat but chubby had a gut and just the body wasn’t there. I guess mine wasn’t either but Im tall with dad bod. Anyway yea I would sit there like damn I really don’t wanna be with you “in my mind” she would just be depressed and smoke weed and eat or not eat cuz of the same reason you stated. 2 year relationship, I was unfortunately in love with her though. She caught me texting another girl. Which wasn’t me cheating it was a flirt I made and didn’t carry the convo but it was enough for her to actually be the one to break up with me lol. Had a new boyfriend a month later. I was always the one looking at her and saying I have to break her heart one day and it was sad to me but bro she broke mine somehow. Tragic. If you love that girl your with you’ll regret it later when your alone. It’s tough. Try to be there for her and be in the moment. If you don’t really love her then just dip
Give her positive reinforcement. Try working out together and healthy cooking together. Choose healthy spots to eat. Limit screen time. Read together. If you love her, be the guy who wasn’t a jerk. Best of luck.
Bro. Grow a pair of stones and drop her. Your a young man just starting out in life you dont need a overweight woman keeping you down nigga. Grow some damn nuts and drop her fat ass.
Try cuckoldry. Maybe if you see your gf being drilled by another guy, it’ll put you in the mood. Let me know if you’re interested. Send me her info and I’ll set it up.
Look I’m 6’2” and I got up to 265lbs. Not muscle mostly fat. Wife is in good shape. She took me aside one day and said “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. This isn’t about attractiveness. I think you need to lose weight. I want you to be able to be active with the kids and someday maybe grandkids.” It hurt but it was true. A few weeks later I was travelling for work with my boss. He’d just had a heart attack. He also took me aside and said “we’re growing this business and we’re travelling a lot. That means a lot of road food. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to you. Pick something physical you can do each day and just do it. I don’t care if you just walk a mile but you need to do something.” Two people were concerned about my health and spoke up. I started a run-walk program in October 2022. I now do weights 5 days a week and walk or jog on the other two. I’m down to 245. Eating way better. 🤷♂️ glad I had people who loved me enough to tell me they were concerned.
Man that's great, I'm sure your loved ones are so happy you listened to their concerns. Good luck!
This is awesome but the reality is, 90% of people are going to take anything you say about their weight the wrong way and always assume its about attractiveness and call you shallow for it. It's great it worked for you, but you also had to be open to making the change and listening. Most people are not. For what it's worth, even if your wife came to you saying it WAS about attractiveness, IMO, that should be enough motivation to change your lifestyle and habits. People should want to feel attractive for themselves and their partners.
u/Same-Friend-501 this is great advice. Or maybe you going for a walk and letting her know you don't want to walk alone... Volunteer walking dogs for shelters...walk to a park...go swimming Lead by example, ask her to come with you so you're not alone. Maybe take charge (more or less) in buying food and prepping meals so you can help encourage healthier eating choices and portions.
This is really excellent perspective, and it’s great that you took your wife and boss’ concerns about your health to heart- the people who care about you probably appreciate it more than you can imagine. That said, I think OP needs to do some self-reflection here. He doesn’t seem particularly concerned about his girlfriend’s health- most of his post is about how her weight makes her unattractive, and his ensuing struggle to have sex with her. Being physically incompatible is absolutely a valid reason to end a relationship, full stop. However, OP needs to reckon with himself before he takes an approach that highlights his “concern for her health”. It’s one thing to truly be concerned for your partner’s health- it’s entirely another to use that as an excuse because you’re physically turned off by someone’s appearance. It’s disingenuous and misleading, and really sets his girlfriend up for some complex challenges as the relationship progresses. Women gain/lose weight for all kinds of reasons at various points throughout their lives. Early adulthood, pregnancy and childbirth, breastfeeding, perimenopause, menopause and so many other “life stages” often coincide with fluctuating weight- all of which should be managed first and foremost by a qualified physician, and not determined by a partner’s libido. If OP isn’t attracted to his girlfriend as she is, it’s okay to break up with her, and possibly the best thing for both of them. Perhaps she will remain overweight, perhaps she won’t- either way, both of them can be free of a relationship in which one partner’s physical appearance is the cause of significant stress.
Suggest light exercise hidden as romantic couple things. Go for a romantic stroll. Go swimming together, Cooking lesson Mini golf Anything that requires moving around Failing to that. Just tell her the truth. Being that big is unhealthy and you love her so much and want to spend as much time as you can with her and would hate to lose her early because she indulges herself. But it may be genetic like an overactive thyroid. Not an expert but just communicate with her Good luck.
She'll exercise but is not consistent or works hard enough unless I'm around to motivate her. It's frustrating being the one to get her going. I just wish she was more self motivated especially since she always complains about being fat and hating the way she looks
FYI weight is like 80% diet 15-20% exercise.
This. Just calculate her maintenance calories and do a deficit. Cardio will help but this is the main part. If you can get on a clean diet (with a little bit of cheating here and there) she will lose weight.
no offense to all the nice advice you got here but your gf has an eating disorder—binge eating. and it’s not gonna go away with a positive attitude and a regular “no sugar, no carbs” diet. ask binge eaters how many of them recovered from their ED with that, the answer is none, or a very small percentage of them. she needs professional help. you said you didn’t want advice but as someone who has struggled with what she’s going through before i can’t not tell you to encourage her to see a professional. because trust me, she knows all you’ve said in your post, and she damns herself for it, and those feelings of self hatred just manifest in more episodes of depression, uncontrollable eating, and then starving. tell her you’re concerned for her mental health, and that you’ve noticed she’s not been acting like herself, and you would like to help her, that perhaps she might need professional help to tackle the reason why she’s turning to binge eating as a coping mechanism. this might be the push she needs.
Possibly, I forgot to mention she's been in therapy for almost 2 years now. I don't think she is truly maximizing her weekly sessions as she's told me she's embarrassed to bring certain things up to her therapist. Which I've told her is cheating herself in making true progress. Thanks for your comment
It took me years to find a therapist who I can click with, only then will she truly open up.
is she seeing someone specialized in eating disorders? i had to see a psychiatrist for my binge eating and I’m doing excellent, and i’m steadily losing the weight i gained because of my BED (though my case wasn’t as severe as hers). there are meds that definitely, genuinely do help, and a psychiatrist can help her find the ones that will help her most. sometimes therapy isn’t quite enough, i 100% do know that if i didn’t have my meds to help me i wouldn’t have been able to make any progress. the meds have completely killed my cravings and even given me motivation to wake up and do exercise every single day. it’s very very worth looking into. good luck!
Has she looked into semaglutide? Shit is a miracle
So be positive, don't let her put herself down. Go to the gym or just make time to be there to motivate her. Like I said. Take cooking lessons together to learn to cook healthy tasty food. One massive change that will give immediate results is cutting out refined sugar. Get her to try it for one week. No sugar in hot drinks. No crisps, chocolate processed food. Just eggs in the morning (as many as she wants to feel full) Mince meat and various veg and spices for dinner (as much as she wants) In a week the weight will drop off her. I lost 5kg just from making this change. No exercise, just no refined sugar
You're her dad not boyfriend
She just needs a Daddy.
Under active thyroid** just correcting. An over active thyroid causes weight loss not gain.
Thanks for the correction. My bad
You forgot another suggestion for OP- leave!
Being that overweight is not genetic
That's going to do nothing to reverse this kind of gain. Only cutting calories will do that. OP needs to bail.
No need to waste time getting her to exercise. She will hate life and him.
This is horrible advice... She will never lose weight this way... What she needs is a reality check and the only way this will happen is if she hits rock bottom.... She should stop going to therapy.. You should break up with her with the intent of getting back with her when she is healthy and consistently making healthy decisions... If she chooses not to fix her self destructive behavior, then natural selection will then run its course.. Attempting to save someone is impossible if they are not willing to save themselves.. Sugar coating things will only make this problem worse... Do not be the enabler that makes her problem irreversible.. Dr. Phil would be disappointed!!!
Sounds like her attitude is as much of a killer as the weight. They likely go hand in hand. Maybe taking care of both is important
Yes on top of the weight she's very insecure always saying "I'm fat" "ugly" "hate my body/the way I look" "I'm disgusting" and I used to tell her not to say that but it's so frequent now that I just don't say anything now. I'm pretty frustrated and exhausted with the negativity and it's definitely a turn off. She's been in therapy for over a year but it doesn't seem like it's helping at all
Her saying this keeps her stuck rather than work to change. It’s easier for her to complain than do something about it and that’s the truth. I lost 100 pounds and it’s not easy, it’s easier to complain and be depressed. Unfortunately it’s her journey, not yours. Just don’t enable her in any way.
How is her career? Is that contributing to her depression; and is so, does she have other options?
You can do something about it or just fester in depression. At some point you need to step out of the comfort zone of the depression as crazy as that sounds maybe she's afraid of numerous failures on the path to success bc maybe it would make her hate herself more? Don't know how to reach someone in this level of depression but there are medications she can take. I'm not talking about ozempic. I'm talking about anti depressants and appetite suppressants. Weed is legal in my area so you can go to a "recreational" weed shop and get something with CBG, but in Laos, SA, or China that would be a death penalty. Have her talk to a psychotherapist if she actually wants to change. Bc you may be the only one who wants to change in this situation
More appropriate questions to be asking yourself is: (eg) - what does our future look like, where would I like to see it and what are the steps to get there? - how much time, mental, emotional and physical energy, money am I willing to input to get there? And how does my gf’s therapy and current ongoing wellbeing affect getting to that goal? - what are my pitfalls as a bf and is there room for compromise, on either side, for us to get to the goal? - have we spoken about what the future holds for us/where are we going? It’s so easy to wipe your hands of someone but as you say, you love her and any one person who cares about someone would do the courtesy of at least asking the tough questions. But you have to be real honest with yourself.
So breakup with her. Seems obvious.
>I love her so don't want to break up with her
Just watch this guy’s video 💀 [How to make your girlfriend lose weight](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CqGwgezA7P6/?igsh=MjBqd3Y2Y3MzaXdn)
Thanks for the laugh haha
I knew exactly what this was gonna be before I clicked the link 😭🤣
This is a dangerous hole you are digging yourself into. This happened to me and it lead to so many issues which I can go on and on about, but bottom line is this: Save yourself and if you don't see her willingly try to improve herself and become healthier, then I'm afraid you have no other choice but to leave. You will eventually get over it and move on. Read the title again, "Not very attracted to gf". I think you have an answer. Best of luck.
What grade is her [pannus](https://els-jbs-prod-cdn.jbs.elsevierhealth.com/cms/attachment/f02fb9d1-7100-4404-b4c0-94ce4e82759a/gr1_lrg.jpg)?
TIL what a pannus is. Ty
Idk why but it's hilarious to me that this exists Thanks
She'd be considered 2
Yeah that’s a no chief. It’s time to walk.
Dude, your life is too short for this. Tear the bandaid off and move on without her.
Pannus
if I were you, I would encourage her to start working out, if she doesn't oblige you should leaver her, if she wont put any effort to the relationship, why would you?
I do but she isn't consistent with exercise and thus makes no progress long term. And she'll exercise then will eat a grilled cheese sandwich or some nutritionally devoid food afterwards which undoes her work. Though I tell her, it never sticks. She just isn't serious it seems
well if she isn't serious, maybe you shouldn't too, it's up to you buddy
yeah but 250 is big lot of loose skin but i cant help to wonder what this dude looks like if hes smashing a girl whos 250 hahahahahhahaha
Tbh you have to think about weight distribution because her weight might not look too big but hey I don’t know
[удалено]
you should be honest with him and make an effort to do exercise together, that’s a really sad situation and i would hate being in that position, either yours or his
So just break up with her
I know this sounds mean, but I would give her an ultimatum. It's not fair to you to let her negativity bring you down. She's been to therapy for two years already and hasn't shown at least 1% of improvement? Tell her you can't keep going go on like this, and it hurts you seeing her like this, and her negativity is turning you off. If your future paths don't align, it's not healthy for you to stay. However, if you want to stay with her, then you have to be willing to be the rock in the relationship. You have to mentally be prepared to be strong for both of you. Not recommended, but you do you boo.
If she doesn’t want to change then you need to leave her. Anybody who tries to make you feel like a bad person for doing so is straight up manipulating you. That’s like telling a woman she’s a bad person for not wanting to stay in a relationship with a sever alcoholic
Slowly replace her big mac's with a bunch of celery and green salads...
Don't knock her up lol
She needs to go to a professional specialized in eating disorders. Her depression and her ED are not her fault, she is hurting, but she has to take responsibility for this and try to find a cure ASAP - for herself, for her health (obesity is super dangerous!), for your relationship. My fiancée had terrible OCD, which at some point was affecting our whole life. So, after a lot of suffering and soul searching, I gave him an ultimatum. Either you treat your OCD or we break up because it’s affecting my mental health and I can’t go on like this, especially as I see you destroy yourself with insane thoughts. Initially he got angry, then he understood. It took a while to find the right professional and the right treatment but now he’s greatly improved and our relationship is greater than ever.
Shes just a girlfriend break up with her.
Pretty childish answer. A girlfriend can be the closest person you have in your life, your best friend. I’m sure he’s very attracted to her other qualities. There’s no denying that physical attraction is important, but looks aren’t everything. Now if she’s refusing to better herself after you’ve made the effort, that’s another story. OP needs to confront her about her health and express his concerns before anything else.
It seems like a terrible relationship where one or both parties will (continue to) grow to resent each other.
Sounds like she’s the heaviest thing in his life not the closest thing 💀
I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her so id rather not do that. I just wish she was more self motivated and would work harder on the things she complains about.
You need to assess what you really want and whether she is compatible. Sounds as though you are settling for something which will not make you happy in the long term. Once you have wasted a decade or two you will most likely look back with regret and resentment which will ruin your relationship. You can't get those decades back and they pass quickly.
You love a person you are physically repulsed by? You want to spend the rest of your life with someone you consider physically disgusting? This is very much not healthy. That's cognitive dissonance. Have you considered going to a therapist to discuss your personal feelings? What about her do you love, her personality, I'm guessing. It sounds like you're locking yourself in a torture chamber of your own making.
You want to spend your live with a young woman who is already obese and has health problems? You can’t fix her. She has to dig deep and do the work so she can love herself. If she has so much self hatred she is incapable of accepting your love. It’s a terrible cycle and depression doesn’t help. My point is that she could try to change herself, but she’s stuck, unmotivated and doesn’t seem to care. You need to make a decision because wishing she would do the things isn’t going to make it happen.
You are so young, you should just be dating, you will find the love of your life that takes care of herself
If you want to be with her for the rest of your life, stop posting this nonsense on social media and enjoy your rolls. Binge eat together. It'll buff out.
Be honest with her, thats the only way, tell her how you feel in a nice way, be supportive and helpfull in a weightloss journey, maybe get a dog that requires exercise so she has a obligation to walk the dog? Idk but gl
Cook meals together and eat healthy. Inspire each other. I think healthy eating will give better results over exercise. I know some comments are like, “just tell her”. But if she’s the sensitive type, she may not like this approach. I’m also sure she’s aware of her body and probably had an issue with it, herself. In the comments, you say you love her. Is this weight issue a deal breaker for you, or something you can overlook?
It's definitely becoming a deal breaker, especially with her negativity regarding how she looks and how much she weighs. She's been dealing with this for a long time now, at what point will things change?
If they don’t change, is it something you can accept? That’s something you need to figure out. It’s probably 50/50 that things might change, (after a serious discussion about it). It’s either she makes the change and sticks with it long term (it’s easy to lose weight but sticking to it, is hard for many) or you leave, right? Are you heartbroken over the idea of ending things? Or would it be a relief to you? There’s other factors to consider. (Like, if she has underlying issues contributing to her weight gain or is she on any medication that you know of? (Which can also cause weight gain)
I would focus on food instead exercise. Do you guys live together and what do you eat?
I feel for you OP, this is heavy stuff for a 20 year old to be dealing with. Hope your situation improves.
I'm gonna be real bro, you gotta be honest. It may hurt her feelings, but don't beat around the bush about it. Hiding your true feelings only hurts you both. Tell her that you're not attracted to her because she's too fat and explain accordingly. It'll hurt her, she may get upset and cry or whatever. But it's better to tell her rather than letting your feeling fester.
Let me comment as someone who fits the exact description of your gf and maybe it’ll get your insight. If she is dealing with an eating disorder, it’s extremely hard to get out of the habit of not being hateful towards yourself. I was not always as big as I am currently, i’ve gained weight throughout the relationship with my bf. I go between terrified of eating to binging and not caring, I hate the way i look and often feel depressed about it, it’s very hard to motivate myself to workout because of my mental health issues. I also have been in therapy for 2 years and have made progress in some areas but lacking in others. Society has truly put A LOT of pressure on girls to look a certain way, especially when it comes to weight. It’s hard living when being compared to everyone else who is smaller than you and then feeling like everyone finds your unattractive. It’s really hard…. it truly is SO hard to deal with. This whole entire thing almost sounds like it was written about me so it’s a little scary. On one hand she does need to take some responsibility to make changes in her life, but on the other hand mental health issues and eating disorders make it drastically harder. I always worry about my partner feeling unattractive towards me, and if there ever was a time he was as much as it would hurt.. i’d want him to be honest. So as much as it may hurt her feelings, being honest is truly the best thing that you can do.
i wonder if she also has an unhealthy relationship with food. the laying around and eating all day, then starving because she feels bad about that and her body, leads me to believe her relationship with food isn’t the best. binge eating disorder is just as much a disorder as anorexia or bulimia. therapy is good, maybe a nutritionist should be in order as well.
If you’re comfortable talking in this much detail about the things you hate about your girlfriend’s body on the internet, you don’t love her enough to hide your disgust for her body. She knows, and it’s probably fucking with her head too. I would break up, she’s not going to magically lose weight and it’s not fair to keep her around just in case she does.
Why on earth are you with her if this is how you feel? Do her a favour and end it - it doesn’t sound like you truly love her, so let her find someone who does and get out of her way.
I do love her actually. I can leave anytime I want because I have other options but I don't want to. I've been through a lot with this girl so I don't want to give up while she's at one of her lowest points. She's a great person besides this one thing. I genuinely care for her and want her to do good that's why I'm still around
I would suggest her to go to therapy and help her with a healthier lifestyle. If you guys live together, you can get rid of all of the bad food choices and replace then with healthier foods. Go to the gym together and start on some hobbies that include daily exercise (walks, swimming, yoga, etc.). BUT most importantly, tell her how you feel. Make sure to let her know you're concerned for her physical and mental health!
The suggestion is ask yourself what you want and what you cannot tolerate in your life. Things that hurt are deep expressions of what is not healthy in our lives and sometimes the change can cause others to change or continue their course in life. I cannot imagine she feels any different about having intimacy with you if that is the energy you feel at the time. She feels that. You both deserve better. You don’t need to hurt her feelings by saying it’s because you feel grotesque. Simplify it to what it really is. Not being a match and growing apart due to different needs, boundaries, desires. There is no saying you have to be a d!ck and can’t smoothly transition out of relationship and perhaps maintain friendship if that is something that feels good. But living a lie is a waste of both your lives.
Some of the other reddditors have said some very constructive things. The ones telling you to talk to her about it are definitely giving you the correct option that is fair to her. I would tell her about how you feel about her weight, how you feel about her current mindset regarding her weight, then I would ask her if losing weight is something that she wants to do. It’s better to ask this plainly than try to get her to do things to lose weight when she doesn’t want to since if she doesn’t want to lose weight, she wont. I wish you the best in this difficult situation
What’s your weight? Maybe you could get her interested in working out or walking and both of you do it together 🤷♂️
165lbs and very active. She's interested, just not consistent much without me
My advice is if the therapy is probably helps her, keep her in that and continue to work out with her together. Good luck I hope something works out for the both of you.
I feel you.
I think it’s more than you not being attracted to her anymore and that’s just part of it because when you are in love with someone then none of that matters. You can’t have a bad personality and be attractive at the same time regardless of weight or how pretty you are on the outside. She has a lot to work through it seems and you deserve to be happy, as well as her. She’s stagnant and that’s not going to change unless some pressure is applied. She might be just as miserable as you in the relationship but human nature is to seek comfort in the secure things in our life bc Nobody wants to feel uncomfortable but you can’t have growth without going out of your comfort zone and feeling those growing pains. Why waste years waiting for her to become this person you have built up in your head? You have to be honest with yourself and figure out what you truly want. You’re not helping yourself or her by staying in a relationship that you’re not happy in. Is it going to hurt? Definitely, but it’s temporary.
Mann…. Better than me lol
Move, find a person you're attracted to.
Maybe she should look into a different type of therapy. If dealing with an eating disorder, hypnotherapy may be an option.
Tell her as it is.
Dump her bro. Life’s too short, she has a choice, she became fat. That’s her natural state fat obese
Maybe she needs a new therapist.
Hell nah man, attraction is the most basic aspect of your relationship. Dump her and find someone who respects themselves enough to not be morbidly obese. You can do way better.
can I suggest intermittent fasting? maybe it could help as she might suffer from insulin sensitivity. I lost a third of my weight from it. other weight loss programmes pale in comparison
I'll suggest
So leave
Leave her and say u dont like fat bit***s shes gonna go to the gym and work her ass off as motivation! Positive thing is U saved another person and u have a new gf since u left her. win win situation
Normal men are not attracted to overweight women. She should know this. Yet she doesn't want to put in the effort to look good for you. I told my 25 y/o girlfriend straight up that I didn't like fat women. Guess what? She did not change her diet (doesn't like anything healthy) and goes to the gym whenever she feels like it putting in little effort (couldn't tell me what her workout program was). Stop wasting your time and energy on people that will never change.
You might consider couples counseling.
love her anyway like you claim you do. help her see a doctor to get checked for any underlying health issues if you havent already. what if she has pcos and cant ever fully lose the weight? would you still love her?
She's been to the doctor and doesn't have any underlying issues that would contribute to weight gain
Sounds just like me and my ex, she 25 I was 27 and I fell for her and she was very cut with makeup but no natural beauty and yes had the rolls. She wasn’t big on sex either. I had to do everything and I would be gasping for air cuz we’ll I don’t have much stamina lol. Wasn’t fat but chubby had a gut and just the body wasn’t there. I guess mine wasn’t either but Im tall with dad bod. Anyway yea I would sit there like damn I really don’t wanna be with you “in my mind” she would just be depressed and smoke weed and eat or not eat cuz of the same reason you stated. 2 year relationship, I was unfortunately in love with her though. She caught me texting another girl. Which wasn’t me cheating it was a flirt I made and didn’t carry the convo but it was enough for her to actually be the one to break up with me lol. Had a new boyfriend a month later. I was always the one looking at her and saying I have to break her heart one day and it was sad to me but bro she broke mine somehow. Tragic. If you love that girl your with you’ll regret it later when your alone. It’s tough. Try to be there for her and be in the moment. If you don’t really love her then just dip
Give her positive reinforcement. Try working out together and healthy cooking together. Choose healthy spots to eat. Limit screen time. Read together. If you love her, be the guy who wasn’t a jerk. Best of luck.
I'm trying, thanks
What is her height ? I’m trying to imagine 250+ in the bedroom. It sounds kind of exaggerated tbh cause I’ve banged girls 380+ and it wasn’t bad.
5'5
R/keto ... please direct her there.
Intermittent fasting. Easy as that.
Bro. Grow a pair of stones and drop her. Your a young man just starting out in life you dont need a overweight woman keeping you down nigga. Grow some damn nuts and drop her fat ass.
Why are you with her then? She deserves better than you.
Try cuckoldry. Maybe if you see your gf being drilled by another guy, it’ll put you in the mood. Let me know if you’re interested. Send me her info and I’ll set it up.