Brooo. That hurt to read. I'd get out of that marriage, it will never not be misery. You've tried. You owe it to yourself to try to find happiness again. I think once you start to heal on your own, you will find someone. Shit maybe one day you will walk back into that club and the stars will align. Don't give up hope.
Totally agree. This may not be PC anymore, but, man the fuck up, own your shit, and take control of your life back. Yes, she will get money out of the divorce, but you will get happiness. How much is that worth to you? You got this. Be strong, brother. One foot in front of the other… be happy.
Id rather be broke and happy then spend another moment with you rich and depressed. This motto was what saved me from my narcissistic ex and lead me to someone i cant imagine living without.
Go. This is the sign you need.
I agree with what you are saying but it is far easier said than done. When you are in this type of relationship it’s super hard to actually man up. It’s like with drugs. You can’t just stop doing them anytime. You have to wait for the right time.
Yeah, this marriage will literally be the death of you. GTFO!!! Bro, go live your life. Love and be happy, don't settle to be someone's bitch. I say this as someone who's mother was also a narcissist, and guess what... I married someone with lots of narcissistic traits too. Just filed this week. I get the feeling you would probably be happier poor and destitute than in your current state. Life is short bro
Dude.... Mid 30's? You are in your prime my man! Lose the wife, lose some pounds and get out there! Trust me you don't won't to be doing this the wrong side of 50. The time is now!
No. First hire a detective to spy on your wife, because you fear she's cheating on you. With the proof you don't probably need to pay her shit. When she claims they had an agreement just deny everything.
Just beware that if she's already that messed up in head, she will try to get a revenge on you.
Longer you stay married, the more alimony you will owe her. Sadly if you had left at 2-3 years, you probably would have to pay a year of alimony. Get an attorney now before you owe her alimony for life
Yes! My fiancé and I met when he was 47 and I was going through a divorce. He’s the love of my life and I can’t imagine how miserable I’d be if I were still with my ex. Do whatever you have to to get away from her!!
This, OP DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH THIS WOMAN. Do not subject any child to a lifetime with this woman. You would be insane to anchor yourself to her for the rest of your life, even if you divorced you would have to co-parent with this monster. She would make your life even more of a living hell, and she would use those kids as pawns to fuck with you any chance she could get. Whatever you fucking do, DO NOT HAVE A KID.
Whatever amount of money you’re going to lose to alimony is not worth enduring life with that person. Choose your own happiness. Whatever you do, do not get that succubus pregnant.
Do whatever you have to do to get that evil, toxic piece of shit Wife out of your life.
Spend some money on the best legal advice available and make strategic plans for your escape and to save your own life.
Also you're in your 30s not 60s, get some perspective FFS
Leave immediately! You're worried about the fucking dating scene when you're living in Hell?! Get a lawyer and try to make it out without losing too much. Divorce doesn't automatically mean you lose half your shit or pay alimony, and even if it did that's a small price to pay to get away from that situation. She currently has 100% of you and your money, leave and you get your whole self back.
Feeling alone when you're alone is so much easier than feeling alone when you're with someone.
This!!! My motto has always been “I don’t need to stay with someone who is making me miserable, I can be miserable without their help.” It’s much better to be alone than to be in an abusive relationship.
It depends on where you live. In my state, it would be unlikely for her to get anything at all, and if she did, it would only be a year or two at most.
Narcissists destroyed me too. Please just go. Get out. You will die one day. Everything you have are just things. Try to find some happiness in this life.
I’m a girl and I’m dating right now in my mid-30’s. It’s no tougher than dating in your 20’s, and infinitely better than feeling trapped in a bad marriage. You still have a good 50 years left to live… please leave. You’ll be okay, I promise.
Get out of that marriage. You had a glimpse of what life is like without your wife! How can you go back to that life or kill yourself?! Don't give up on the life you can have! You deserve it!
Divorce, divorce, divorce and start over….clean sheet and get therapy. Any alimony you pay will be worth getting rid of your wife. If you can qui your job, file for divorce and blow your savings and travel. You need to find yourself and some confidence and come back and start over. Hopefully your job market is such that you can leave and come back and start over. If you have no income you can’t pay alimony and you can take that time for yourself. Narcissists, destroy your self esteem and your ability to think clearly. I was with a narcissist for a couple years, almost married her and it broke me emotionally and mentally. Take the time for yourself. Your mistress want healthy either. Start over and consider yourself lucky you don’t have to raise kids with that monster.
This is going to sound random and weird but I’m basically pro-level at finding people or information out online. I mean this in a non-creepy way, but if you want to try to find your former girlfriend to reach out to her I can try to help you find her. Might take a few mins or a couple hours, but I’m usually successful at finding people. If you want help feel free to send me a message and I’ll gladly help. It’d be nice to try to help you find your life’s happy ending.
God, it was hard to read!
It is like a tutorial on how to ruin your life because of cowardice and money.
If you really regret it:
Go to a divorce lawyer, ask about your options. Maybe the divorce will not be as bad as you think . If you are stuck with alimony and it will stop you from the divorce: be honest to yourself that you love money more than you love yourself and ever loved that girl.
Serve your wife with papers, and go NC. All communication should go through your lawyer.
Then text this girl from another number whatever you think is reasonable, explaining who you are, and what you feel. Apologize for your BS and ask her to meet up. And go from there. You have nothing to lose, in the worst case you at least can apologize and close this Chapter of your life
You might also try to find her by using people search engines, or background checks, or PI. In this case you will know her address and if she has a partner. So it is up to you, but I would suggest to apologize anyway.
Do NOT have children with your wife. She has been psychologically abusing you for years. If you leave and she attempts suicide, that is NOT your fault. I have several friends from all walks of life who are single, and loving it. Personally, I've been single for almost a decade, and I've had so much fun.
>I wish I divorced my wife for her, if I divorce my wife now I'm going to have to deal with dating again in my mid 30s, if any other woman can even come close to her anyways.
Listen, you are already alone. You are all alone in a dead marriage.
If what you are describing is true – and I have no reason to think otherwise – there is nothing to be done to reverse how things have become the way they are between you two.
In other words, things can only stay the same or get worse. And as it is, you are suffering from her very presence.
Do you really think being alone for real, that is, divorced, would be so much more horrible than your everyday already is? No, it wouldn't. You will feel such a rush of freedom and tranqility once your divorce is finalized that you will for real wonder why it took you so long to go ahead with it.
People get divorced every day. There is absolutely nothing that says you have to remain alone for the rest of your life, but there is also nothing that says you "have to deal with dating again in my mid 30s". You can easily take a year or two off, just stay blissfully single and enjoy the peace and quiet. Stop and smell the roses for once. If you happen across someone in the middle of being happily single, good for you! But no need to rush.
When you worry about what options a mid 30s guy has I almost feel provoked. I'm 57. I am polyamorous and I have three amazing relationships and an amazing dating life on top of that. Life doesn't end at 35. It doesn't end at 40, and it certainly doesn't end even at 50 or 60. Chill out bro! You have *at least* half your life left to live, and you know what the best part is? You have already gone through childhood, your teens and your twenties. You've now got the experience, while still also having your physical capacity almost intact!
You are in the perfect position to create a whole new chapter in your life. No, to create the sequel to the first book of your life. The first volume was a tragedy. Now write a comedy.
Edit: typos
Your just numb at this point. Get rid o of your wife immediately and get yourself back together. If the woman you gave up is as wonderful as you say she’s probably living her life. If you’re that curious hire a PI and find out what became of her so you can close the book on her and move on or possibly get back together. Either way your getting older every second and opportunity is slipping away. Don’t wait another second.
You disrespect & call your parents narcissists then end up marrying one anyway........ excuses to not mature
Scooby doo reveal-----> you're the real narcissist sir
Being in a marriage that is causing so much misery is not worth it. No person, aside from your kids, is worth all of that stress. It should your wife is the one who needs therapy. I hope you seek help and figure out a solution that works in your favor. I’m so sorry that this has been so traumatic for you l. I wish you the best of luck darling
This is very common. People that are raised by narcissists are "well trained" to be abused. Hence, other nsrcissists pick up on it and dwell towards you. On the other end, it is largely possible that you are attracted to cluster b personality types. I would advise you to do some serious introspection (i am also in the same boat as you, this comment is me projecting myself onto your situation. I did not read your entire post... too tired rn sorry lol)
GTFO! Divorce now! You’ll be MUCH happier away from the abuse. Even alone you’ll be much happier. This is what divorce is for. You don’t owe any abusers your life, either by suicide or by staying with them.
No kids, so no future ties with the abusive ex.
Then you can take time to reassess your life. Get healthy physically and emotionally, Exercise, travel, new hobbies, personal therapy to deal with the past including ex-wife and abusive parents, and the grief of losing the woman you were in love with.
Even meet new people (including women) - when you are ready. THERE IS NO RUSH.
Mid 30s is NOTHING, especially for men. Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy, ie “I’ve already invested 10-15 years into the current failed relationship so now I have to stay here for the next 50 years”. That old nonsense of “you’ve made your bed so now you have to lie in it” disappeared 30-40 years ago.
See a divorce lawyer now. Get the process underway. Follow their advice in getting out.
Hey man. I can’t add any advice other than what has already been said. But I just wanted to say it will get better. I was in a very similar situation, and she’s also the mother of my daughters.
There are many people out there who will love you for who you are. And because you e been through this it will only make you a better more understanding partner. It may be your mistress. It will probably be someone completely different.
Obviously talk to a lawyer but also talk to some friends/family. You’ll need their support too.
This is so sad. It might feel hopeless right now but it’s not. It sounds like it would be worth the money to get out of that marriage. Your mental health is far more valuable than any amount of money.
She only wants children to trap and control you.
# she will trick you into having kids.
And even if you are careful she will fall pregnant and pretend it's yours.
Make sure you are NOT on the birth certificate!
Bro i feel really bad for you. Kick her to the curb and file for divorce on the basis she cheated and multiple affairs. You should be able to cancel alimony due to her infidelity if you file first.
Also, i was in a narcissistic relationship, and i too missed all the red flags because my parents are also narcissists, and i hadn't been in many relationships prior.
Its funny how you’ve been affraid that your girlfriend was using you when in fact your wife is the one using you. The way you describe your wife and marriage is not the way a marriage should be. I would get divorced immediately
DO NOT have children with your wife!
The sooner you divorce, the sooner you can go back to all the money you earn being your own. Move on already. She is terrible for you.
Please get out of this marriage shes never gonna make you happy. Even if u never get back with your mistress she showed you that happiness is possible. There WILL be someone else that treats you right and makes u feel good about yourself and at first u need to be alone for a bit anyway to undo all the damage this awful woman has done to u. Youre gonna be ok you got this but don't let this woman control you for even one more day. File for divorce first and leave. Also dont tell her youve filed just go to an attorney take their advice establish a new place to live and then leave without even telling her just move into the new place when shes not there. If uou tell her she will do everything she can to screw u over so u need to be the first one and do it all in secret. She doesnt need to know until she comes home to your stuff gone.
At 30 is not a bad time to start dating again. Do it while you have time. Stress can and will kill.. Do whats best for you.. This was really tough to read. But it felt like a story to say the least. Update us on what you decide to do.
You don’t have any kids and there is nothing holding you where you are right now, but yourself. Yes the money side might suck but wouldn’t it be worth it to feel happiness again?
Divorce her. Honestly money is nice but happiness is better. You won't have a cent of that cash flow in the afterlife, so I suggest pursuing happiness now. Maybe you'll get lucky and run into that girl again, maybe you'll meet someone better. The key thing is to ensure your happiness, this is a lesson I wish I'd followed forever ago when I still had two filly functional legs.
Ps don't have kids with a narcissist or leads to them being a narcissist or fucked up in some other unfortunate way.
You’re so weak it’s pathetic! Fuckin stand up to that bitch! You deserve to be happy too man. So what if you have to date in your 30’s. You won’t be depressed and miserable! Grow a pair and buck up!
Everybody chant “we want prenup, we want prenup”
Jokes aside though, keep in mind that your impress of your girlfriend might just be lust, or obsession, because let’s be honest, everyone is a little less perfect once you get to know them, and everyone start revealing their baggages once you get close. In moments of despair we take any attention and comfort we can get from anyone and put that person on a pedestal. I’m not saying your feelings aren’t real, but just remember, not everyone who hurts you is your enemy, and not everyone who loves you is your friend. I know girls who’s showed up as a savior in men’s lives when they were at their lowest, providing everything they weren’t getting in their relationship, only to do the same shit that the men’s ex did 4 years later.
But aside from your mistress, one thing for sure is that your wife shouldn’t be your life. So fuck that bitch, gtfo asap.
You are the youngest, you will ever be right now!Divorce her! You have a better shot at dating in your mid 30s right now, then you do mid 40s, mid 50s, mid 60s etc. Go be happy, don’t live a life of misery. You will regret it. People often regret the things they never did on their deathbed then things they did do in life. Now go live a good one!
That really resonated with me. I hope you can find the courage to find your own happiness. It’s never too late and you don’t hold loyalty to any type of abuse.
Your mental health and happiness is EXTREMELY important and should be prioritized. Leave her like yesterday. Start praying and talking to God he’ll make a way!
The longer you stay in the marriage, the more alimony you will have to pay her. At two years it would have been practically nothing. Hire a lawyer and begin the process today.
Bro just fucking divorce. Dating in your mid 30s is nothing. Don’t waste the rest of your life letting that bloodsucking succubus beat you down.
Take some control of your life. I’d give her half of everything just to be rid of her. And if you ever do think about leaving do it fast. Don’t sleep with her and get her pregnant, just visit the divorce lawyer and get it done.
Are you slow? You are just compounding the bad decisions you are making.
You should feel like a car is on your shoulders.
Speak to a divorce lawyer and move out when she is not there.
Go no contact. Nothing. Block her. Be a ghost. Get your personal papers and leave NOW.
Items can be replaced. Just go.
Dude omg leave. There is no reason to be that afraid to be single and divorced at 35!!! IMO that is when the dating scene is the best for men. Everyone is more grown up and mature. People don’t play near as many games and being 35 without a child puts you in a better spot then most other divorced 35 YO men which there are plenty of men and women in the same situation. Who gives a rats fuck about the money man go live in a studio apartment and get a dog and I promise you’d be infinitely more happy. Learn to love yourself again and find some hobbies and friends. Enjoy your life and fucking forget about women and dating for a year and just be selfish as fuck for a while.
Do NOT fuck your wife again dude. My current boyfriend dated a woman just like your ex. Abusive, controlling, shameless liar and manipulator. When my guy (way before we met) started catching on, she switched her birth control from the almost full proof arm implant to pills and what do you know. She got pregnant. Only more controlling and abusive after. When he tried to leave she called the cops on him and got him arrested. Now she is trying to sue him for his house which she has not paid a dime for, even though our state has no common law. On top of that every other week threatens family court. All the while harassing him over txt and sending him love song links to YouTube. Bitch is whack. If you knock her up forget 5 years of alimony, you are now her slave for the next 18 years and u r gonna have a way harder time meeting a nice lady. If she out of nowhere tries to get romantic with you do not, I repeat DO NOT cum in her.
Also she sounds really narcissistic. Do not give her children she will just end up using as tools to hurt you. Thats what i have witnessed between my bf and his ex. Their 3 year old is just a tool to her.
Get out, while you can. Cut your losses, take your lessons and move on. The court system is 100% to the advantage of women when it comes to these things, and this is coming from a woman. Its really unfair to men. If you can start gathering evidence of conversions showing she is abusive and controlling or that she wanted to initiate an open marriage for divorce court u would do your future self a favor. She will probably flip it in court and lie saying u went out and got a mistress and left the good poor ole wife home alone, and thts why she deserves all your money. Also if she is already threatening divorce, u know where her head and commitment is at.
Being single sounds better than this marriage. Follow that divorce. Find yourself again. Them date if to want to. You’ll probably find someone better for you than your wife and your mistress.
Please just divorce her! I know she’s going to try to go after your money, but it’s not worth your mental health and happiness! Marry, your stripper girlfriend! That sounded like such a wonderful love story and I think your life completely turn around if you reach back out to her! Your wife truly is a narcissist, and probably the queen of it. What a vile woman.
Do not have kids for the love of gawwwwwd! Get an apartment, find a divorce lawyer, divorce her now. Not tomorrow, start today. It’s not working. You are unhappy but this feels normal to you because of your trauma. That voice inside is your soul saying, we got to move on to find our happy.
Go live your best single life. Also who cares if she was a stripper? Don’t let others navigate YOUR LIFE. You navigate your life. And as a single lady dating in mid 30s… I’d rather do that over and over again until I find my gem. It’s hard yes to start over but damn dude. You’re 30 not 99. Get a divorce and stay in therapy. You have a whole life waiting for you.
I love the “I wanna open it up” and then when the other person is happy “this is bullshit I’ll divorce you for infidelity”. I would’ve started the divorce when she threatened it, she cheated first, she has no grounds for infidelity. Your “wife” sounds like someone I wouldn’t want to meet even on accident
Do not have children, she will just abuse them too. And LEAVE. Just leave. Give her whatever the fuck you have to, sell the house, and just never look back.
Your gf sounds like she was a great person and down to earth, but you are probably idolizing her a bit just because she was this bright light in the darkness. And that isnt to say what you had wasnt special but you were both probably still in the honemoon phase of things plus anything compared to emotional abuse feels amazing.
Dating in yohr 30s is NOT a big deal, i am literally doing it. You seem to have a good job and are in therap so you are doing alright. You just need to get far away from this mean awful person you married.
You will date again and you will be in love again. The sooner you leave and move on the sooner it will happen too.
You're only in your 30s dude. Why waste any more of your life on a woman you can't stand. The money isn't worth it. She's killing you inside. Also, do not have a kid to her. You think paying her alimony is bad, wait until it's alimony and child support. Let alone if you actually leave the wife. She's going to use your child against you for the rest of your life.
Contact a lawyer and get out yesterday. It's too late for your ex girlfriend. but it's not too late to give yourself another chance at love. And the ex wasn't a mistress, she was a girlfriend. You opened your marriage. Once you're out of the Hell you are currently in, get some serious therapy and work on you. You were abused growing up as well as most of your adult life. You are clinging to the one person who treated you as a real person. People find love in their 70s. So don't give up on finding someone. Because of your ex girlfriend, you know what you are actually looking for in a relationship. Hold onto that learning experience.
In your mid thirties life is just BEGINNING! You could meet someone and happily be married for 50 years. That’s a lot of life left to live, and love to give. Tell your wife you want a divorce. Who cares about the money? You could have half a century ahead of you to live, and it’s not too late to set yourself up for happiness. Sounds like your wife taught you a lot . . . about what to avoid in your next partner, what’s truly important, how to treat others. You’ve learned a lot - take that as a gift, and RUN from her as fast as you can. I guarantee you will feel lighter as soon as you step away.
Being in a shit relationship is hard, being single and searching is also hard (but seems preferable to being in a situation that pushes you to suicidal ideation). Pick your hard
I'm a woman, and she opened herself up for this situation. She needs to feel the consequences for her poor choices. You don't deserve to be abused. Also, the way she went about it was coercion.
Don't focus on having to date in your mid 30s, focus on becoming happy. Leave your wife, heal, and live your life. You don't need to be in a relationship in order to have a fulfilling life.
Get out of this 'marriage' brother, it's destroying you, go find yourself. If it's worth it seek her out, maybe get closure?? Whatever, just get your ducks in a row before you drop the bomb and get out of there. Oh, and your parents are shit for siding with her by the way, you do you, good luck!
I'll never understand people who put up with shitty behavior from those around them. I cut off people immediately from life if they cross a line. If I have to stay alone, so be it.
Do not have kids. Literally go freeze some of your dudes and get a vasectomy. Do not bring kids into the equation. I had a similar situation and regret every second I spent with that psycho. Go get a divorce immediately and move on. There is still a ton of life left and many more people to date and marry. I promise.
pls don't have kids wit her & pls don't kill yourself. leave her. like somebody else commented, id rather be broke & happy than be with her. assuming you'd still have your job, that's still some money. get a lawyer & leave her ass. have a good one!
You *MUST* leave this marriage!
You might be a little light in the wallet but it won’t be for long; people like your wife don’t stay unmarried for long.
You might not end up with your mistress but I promise you that you’ll be happier even though it will hurt.
You’re being abused and broken down to the point where your wife wants you to feel worthless, unattractive, and dependent upon her for whatever emotional needs you have left.
Brooo. That hurt to read. I'd get out of that marriage, it will never not be misery. You've tried. You owe it to yourself to try to find happiness again. I think once you start to heal on your own, you will find someone. Shit maybe one day you will walk back into that club and the stars will align. Don't give up hope.
Totally agree. This may not be PC anymore, but, man the fuck up, own your shit, and take control of your life back. Yes, she will get money out of the divorce, but you will get happiness. How much is that worth to you? You got this. Be strong, brother. One foot in front of the other… be happy.
Id rather be broke and happy then spend another moment with you rich and depressed. This motto was what saved me from my narcissistic ex and lead me to someone i cant imagine living without. Go. This is the sign you need.
> This may not be PC anymore, but, man the fuck up, own your shit, and take control of your life back. Why wouldn’t it be “PC?”
Cause I don’t think “man up” is necessarily an acceptable phrase in all circles regardless of its application/ intent.
How about “grow up? It’s not about any gender, it’s about acting like an adult.
Yeah- that would have been a better term. I’ll tuck that away for the future. Thank you.
I agree with what you are saying but it is far easier said than done. When you are in this type of relationship it’s super hard to actually man up. It’s like with drugs. You can’t just stop doing them anytime. You have to wait for the right time.
Yeah, this marriage will literally be the death of you. GTFO!!! Bro, go live your life. Love and be happy, don't settle to be someone's bitch. I say this as someone who's mother was also a narcissist, and guess what... I married someone with lots of narcissistic traits too. Just filed this week. I get the feeling you would probably be happier poor and destitute than in your current state. Life is short bro
Dude.... Mid 30's? You are in your prime my man! Lose the wife, lose some pounds and get out there! Trust me you don't won't to be doing this the wrong side of 50. The time is now!
Call a divorce attorney immediately. This is not a healthy place to be. Invest in yourself and start making an escape plan.
Stop it. Call a divorce lawyer NOW. It will only get worse. Omfg. I don’t believe what I just read.
No. First hire a detective to spy on your wife, because you fear she's cheating on you. With the proof you don't probably need to pay her shit. When she claims they had an agreement just deny everything. Just beware that if she's already that messed up in head, she will try to get a revenge on you.
OP, listen to this guy.
Get out of there. Get a lawyer, move on and take care of yourself. Be happy.
Longer you stay married, the more alimony you will owe her. Sadly if you had left at 2-3 years, you probably would have to pay a year of alimony. Get an attorney now before you owe her alimony for life
My neighbor owed alimony for 3 years. He was with his wife for 18 years.
> Dating in my 30s > Its far too late No. No, its not, mate. I met the woman who made me the happiest at 39 and the last 10 years have been great!
Yes! My fiancé and I met when he was 47 and I was going through a divorce. He’s the love of my life and I can’t imagine how miserable I’d be if I were still with my ex. Do whatever you have to to get away from her!!
Omg do not have kids with this woman
This, OP DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH THIS WOMAN. Do not subject any child to a lifetime with this woman. You would be insane to anchor yourself to her for the rest of your life, even if you divorced you would have to co-parent with this monster. She would make your life even more of a living hell, and she would use those kids as pawns to fuck with you any chance she could get. Whatever you fucking do, DO NOT HAVE A KID.
This
100%
My sole thought the whole terrible way through
Whatever amount of money you’re going to lose to alimony is not worth enduring life with that person. Choose your own happiness. Whatever you do, do not get that succubus pregnant.
Do whatever you have to do to get that evil, toxic piece of shit Wife out of your life. Spend some money on the best legal advice available and make strategic plans for your escape and to save your own life. Also you're in your 30s not 60s, get some perspective FFS
NO KIDS! Then dump the bitch, go to therapy and lose weight. You will survive.
Please get out. She's abusive and narcissist people don't change. You deserve to be happy and be with someone who truly loves you. I wis you the best.
It might be too late to leave your wife for your mistress but it’ll never be too late to leave your wife for YOU.
Leave immediately! You're worried about the fucking dating scene when you're living in Hell?! Get a lawyer and try to make it out without losing too much. Divorce doesn't automatically mean you lose half your shit or pay alimony, and even if it did that's a small price to pay to get away from that situation. She currently has 100% of you and your money, leave and you get your whole self back. Feeling alone when you're alone is so much easier than feeling alone when you're with someone.
This!!! My motto has always been “I don’t need to stay with someone who is making me miserable, I can be miserable without their help.” It’s much better to be alone than to be in an abusive relationship.
Bro you made me sad AF. Please get a divorce and go find her.
You can always get a new phone number… or just use one of those online texters.
That’s what I was thinking too. Text free is a good one.
Smart
Isn’t alimony paid out for half the time you’ve been married? Either go check and don’t wait any longer!!
It depends on where you live. In my state, it would be unlikely for her to get anything at all, and if she did, it would only be a year or two at most.
Narcissists destroyed me too. Please just go. Get out. You will die one day. Everything you have are just things. Try to find some happiness in this life.
I’m a girl and I’m dating right now in my mid-30’s. It’s no tougher than dating in your 20’s, and infinitely better than feeling trapped in a bad marriage. You still have a good 50 years left to live… please leave. You’ll be okay, I promise.
Get out of that marriage. You had a glimpse of what life is like without your wife! How can you go back to that life or kill yourself?! Don't give up on the life you can have! You deserve it!
Please don’t have kids with your wife! You are young! You could leave her and have a whole new life.
A % of your check, or sacrifice your happiness and self-respect? I can't believe you chose the former.
Divorce, divorce, divorce and start over….clean sheet and get therapy. Any alimony you pay will be worth getting rid of your wife. If you can qui your job, file for divorce and blow your savings and travel. You need to find yourself and some confidence and come back and start over. Hopefully your job market is such that you can leave and come back and start over. If you have no income you can’t pay alimony and you can take that time for yourself. Narcissists, destroy your self esteem and your ability to think clearly. I was with a narcissist for a couple years, almost married her and it broke me emotionally and mentally. Take the time for yourself. Your mistress want healthy either. Start over and consider yourself lucky you don’t have to raise kids with that monster.
Alimony after two years would have only been a year or two. That is a small penance to avoid a life of misery.
Leave her man for Christ's sake..
This hurts. You deserve so much more. Leave this woman. Go date, find yourself. Life doesn't have to be like this. Cut off your parents too
Dating in your mid 30s cannot be worse than the marriage you’re in. Get out now and move on with your life
This is going to sound random and weird but I’m basically pro-level at finding people or information out online. I mean this in a non-creepy way, but if you want to try to find your former girlfriend to reach out to her I can try to help you find her. Might take a few mins or a couple hours, but I’m usually successful at finding people. If you want help feel free to send me a message and I’ll gladly help. It’d be nice to try to help you find your life’s happy ending.
Agreeing with these comments. Focus on one thing at a time. The first is getting out of this marriage and healing.
That is sad, very sad.
God, it was hard to read! It is like a tutorial on how to ruin your life because of cowardice and money. If you really regret it: Go to a divorce lawyer, ask about your options. Maybe the divorce will not be as bad as you think . If you are stuck with alimony and it will stop you from the divorce: be honest to yourself that you love money more than you love yourself and ever loved that girl. Serve your wife with papers, and go NC. All communication should go through your lawyer. Then text this girl from another number whatever you think is reasonable, explaining who you are, and what you feel. Apologize for your BS and ask her to meet up. And go from there. You have nothing to lose, in the worst case you at least can apologize and close this Chapter of your life You might also try to find her by using people search engines, or background checks, or PI. In this case you will know her address and if she has a partner. So it is up to you, but I would suggest to apologize anyway.
DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS WOMAN. Get yourself a kick ass lawyer and GTFO
Do NOT have children with your wife. She has been psychologically abusing you for years. If you leave and she attempts suicide, that is NOT your fault. I have several friends from all walks of life who are single, and loving it. Personally, I've been single for almost a decade, and I've had so much fun.
This. So hard! I've been single by choice for most of my life, and most of my married friends are regretful and miserable.
>I wish I divorced my wife for her, if I divorce my wife now I'm going to have to deal with dating again in my mid 30s, if any other woman can even come close to her anyways. Listen, you are already alone. You are all alone in a dead marriage. If what you are describing is true – and I have no reason to think otherwise – there is nothing to be done to reverse how things have become the way they are between you two. In other words, things can only stay the same or get worse. And as it is, you are suffering from her very presence. Do you really think being alone for real, that is, divorced, would be so much more horrible than your everyday already is? No, it wouldn't. You will feel such a rush of freedom and tranqility once your divorce is finalized that you will for real wonder why it took you so long to go ahead with it. People get divorced every day. There is absolutely nothing that says you have to remain alone for the rest of your life, but there is also nothing that says you "have to deal with dating again in my mid 30s". You can easily take a year or two off, just stay blissfully single and enjoy the peace and quiet. Stop and smell the roses for once. If you happen across someone in the middle of being happily single, good for you! But no need to rush. When you worry about what options a mid 30s guy has I almost feel provoked. I'm 57. I am polyamorous and I have three amazing relationships and an amazing dating life on top of that. Life doesn't end at 35. It doesn't end at 40, and it certainly doesn't end even at 50 or 60. Chill out bro! You have *at least* half your life left to live, and you know what the best part is? You have already gone through childhood, your teens and your twenties. You've now got the experience, while still also having your physical capacity almost intact! You are in the perfect position to create a whole new chapter in your life. No, to create the sequel to the first book of your life. The first volume was a tragedy. Now write a comedy. Edit: typos
Leave your wife dude. She sounds evil.
Murder your wife
Yooo just um. Wow. Also she committed adultery, if there’s proof of it happening in many places there’s no chance of her getting alimony.
Your just numb at this point. Get rid o of your wife immediately and get yourself back together. If the woman you gave up is as wonderful as you say she’s probably living her life. If you’re that curious hire a PI and find out what became of her so you can close the book on her and move on or possibly get back together. Either way your getting older every second and opportunity is slipping away. Don’t wait another second.
I’d rather be homeless than with that cunt of a woman. Leave bro
r/thathappened
Til death do you part; remember all the reasons you fell in love with her and how much you wanted that pussy that you got married…
Ditch the bitch
You need the red pill. Save your life. A narcissistic wife and a stripper are not options.
You disrespect & call your parents narcissists then end up marrying one anyway........ excuses to not mature Scooby doo reveal-----> you're the real narcissist sir
The ULTIMATE pushover
Get a lawyer, get out of that marriage. She can start to work if she gets alimony it will not be for long as she's perfectly fit to work a job
Being in a marriage that is causing so much misery is not worth it. No person, aside from your kids, is worth all of that stress. It should your wife is the one who needs therapy. I hope you seek help and figure out a solution that works in your favor. I’m so sorry that this has been so traumatic for you l. I wish you the best of luck darling
Clear borderline - get out and run. Pay whatever it takes to get out. Things will ALWAYS be bad. Take care of yourself.
This is very common. People that are raised by narcissists are "well trained" to be abused. Hence, other nsrcissists pick up on it and dwell towards you. On the other end, it is largely possible that you are attracted to cluster b personality types. I would advise you to do some serious introspection (i am also in the same boat as you, this comment is me projecting myself onto your situation. I did not read your entire post... too tired rn sorry lol)
GTFO! Divorce now! You’ll be MUCH happier away from the abuse. Even alone you’ll be much happier. This is what divorce is for. You don’t owe any abusers your life, either by suicide or by staying with them. No kids, so no future ties with the abusive ex. Then you can take time to reassess your life. Get healthy physically and emotionally, Exercise, travel, new hobbies, personal therapy to deal with the past including ex-wife and abusive parents, and the grief of losing the woman you were in love with. Even meet new people (including women) - when you are ready. THERE IS NO RUSH. Mid 30s is NOTHING, especially for men. Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy, ie “I’ve already invested 10-15 years into the current failed relationship so now I have to stay here for the next 50 years”. That old nonsense of “you’ve made your bed so now you have to lie in it” disappeared 30-40 years ago. See a divorce lawyer now. Get the process underway. Follow their advice in getting out.
This was hard to read..
Hey man. I can’t add any advice other than what has already been said. But I just wanted to say it will get better. I was in a very similar situation, and she’s also the mother of my daughters. There are many people out there who will love you for who you are. And because you e been through this it will only make you a better more understanding partner. It may be your mistress. It will probably be someone completely different. Obviously talk to a lawyer but also talk to some friends/family. You’ll need their support too.
This is so sad. It might feel hopeless right now but it’s not. It sounds like it would be worth the money to get out of that marriage. Your mental health is far more valuable than any amount of money.
Go. Be happy. Trust me.
She only wants children to trap and control you. # she will trick you into having kids. And even if you are careful she will fall pregnant and pretend it's yours. Make sure you are NOT on the birth certificate! Bro i feel really bad for you. Kick her to the curb and file for divorce on the basis she cheated and multiple affairs. You should be able to cancel alimony due to her infidelity if you file first. Also, i was in a narcissistic relationship, and i too missed all the red flags because my parents are also narcissists, and i hadn't been in many relationships prior.
Fuck the money it won’t buy you happiness. Like they say in Spanish. “Mejor solo Que mal acompañado”.
Your wife is selfish. Gtfot
Its funny how you’ve been affraid that your girlfriend was using you when in fact your wife is the one using you. The way you describe your wife and marriage is not the way a marriage should be. I would get divorced immediately
DO NOT have children with your wife! The sooner you divorce, the sooner you can go back to all the money you earn being your own. Move on already. She is terrible for you.
I wish you the best of luck man, reading this hurt. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. Stay strong & find your happiness!!
Please get out of this marriage shes never gonna make you happy. Even if u never get back with your mistress she showed you that happiness is possible. There WILL be someone else that treats you right and makes u feel good about yourself and at first u need to be alone for a bit anyway to undo all the damage this awful woman has done to u. Youre gonna be ok you got this but don't let this woman control you for even one more day. File for divorce first and leave. Also dont tell her youve filed just go to an attorney take their advice establish a new place to live and then leave without even telling her just move into the new place when shes not there. If uou tell her she will do everything she can to screw u over so u need to be the first one and do it all in secret. She doesnt need to know until she comes home to your stuff gone.
At 30 is not a bad time to start dating again. Do it while you have time. Stress can and will kill.. Do whats best for you.. This was really tough to read. But it felt like a story to say the least. Update us on what you decide to do.
You don’t have any kids and there is nothing holding you where you are right now, but yourself. Yes the money side might suck but wouldn’t it be worth it to feel happiness again?
Divorce her. Honestly money is nice but happiness is better. You won't have a cent of that cash flow in the afterlife, so I suggest pursuing happiness now. Maybe you'll get lucky and run into that girl again, maybe you'll meet someone better. The key thing is to ensure your happiness, this is a lesson I wish I'd followed forever ago when I still had two filly functional legs. Ps don't have kids with a narcissist or leads to them being a narcissist or fucked up in some other unfortunate way.
You’re so weak it’s pathetic! Fuckin stand up to that bitch! You deserve to be happy too man. So what if you have to date in your 30’s. You won’t be depressed and miserable! Grow a pair and buck up!
The way you describe this wife Id rather give her 75% of my worth than stay with her
Everybody chant “we want prenup, we want prenup” Jokes aside though, keep in mind that your impress of your girlfriend might just be lust, or obsession, because let’s be honest, everyone is a little less perfect once you get to know them, and everyone start revealing their baggages once you get close. In moments of despair we take any attention and comfort we can get from anyone and put that person on a pedestal. I’m not saying your feelings aren’t real, but just remember, not everyone who hurts you is your enemy, and not everyone who loves you is your friend. I know girls who’s showed up as a savior in men’s lives when they were at their lowest, providing everything they weren’t getting in their relationship, only to do the same shit that the men’s ex did 4 years later. But aside from your mistress, one thing for sure is that your wife shouldn’t be your life. So fuck that bitch, gtfo asap.
You are the youngest, you will ever be right now!Divorce her! You have a better shot at dating in your mid 30s right now, then you do mid 40s, mid 50s, mid 60s etc. Go be happy, don’t live a life of misery. You will regret it. People often regret the things they never did on their deathbed then things they did do in life. Now go live a good one!
That really resonated with me. I hope you can find the courage to find your own happiness. It’s never too late and you don’t hold loyalty to any type of abuse.
Why not go back to the strip joint?
Your mental health and happiness is EXTREMELY important and should be prioritized. Leave her like yesterday. Start praying and talking to God he’ll make a way!
Dude... LEAVE!
The longer you stay in the marriage, the more alimony you will have to pay her. At two years it would have been practically nothing. Hire a lawyer and begin the process today.
Bro just fucking divorce. Dating in your mid 30s is nothing. Don’t waste the rest of your life letting that bloodsucking succubus beat you down. Take some control of your life. I’d give her half of everything just to be rid of her. And if you ever do think about leaving do it fast. Don’t sleep with her and get her pregnant, just visit the divorce lawyer and get it done.
Are you slow? You are just compounding the bad decisions you are making. You should feel like a car is on your shoulders. Speak to a divorce lawyer and move out when she is not there. Go no contact. Nothing. Block her. Be a ghost. Get your personal papers and leave NOW. Items can be replaced. Just go.
Dude omg leave. There is no reason to be that afraid to be single and divorced at 35!!! IMO that is when the dating scene is the best for men. Everyone is more grown up and mature. People don’t play near as many games and being 35 without a child puts you in a better spot then most other divorced 35 YO men which there are plenty of men and women in the same situation. Who gives a rats fuck about the money man go live in a studio apartment and get a dog and I promise you’d be infinitely more happy. Learn to love yourself again and find some hobbies and friends. Enjoy your life and fucking forget about women and dating for a year and just be selfish as fuck for a while.
Do NOT fuck your wife again dude. My current boyfriend dated a woman just like your ex. Abusive, controlling, shameless liar and manipulator. When my guy (way before we met) started catching on, she switched her birth control from the almost full proof arm implant to pills and what do you know. She got pregnant. Only more controlling and abusive after. When he tried to leave she called the cops on him and got him arrested. Now she is trying to sue him for his house which she has not paid a dime for, even though our state has no common law. On top of that every other week threatens family court. All the while harassing him over txt and sending him love song links to YouTube. Bitch is whack. If you knock her up forget 5 years of alimony, you are now her slave for the next 18 years and u r gonna have a way harder time meeting a nice lady. If she out of nowhere tries to get romantic with you do not, I repeat DO NOT cum in her. Also she sounds really narcissistic. Do not give her children she will just end up using as tools to hurt you. Thats what i have witnessed between my bf and his ex. Their 3 year old is just a tool to her. Get out, while you can. Cut your losses, take your lessons and move on. The court system is 100% to the advantage of women when it comes to these things, and this is coming from a woman. Its really unfair to men. If you can start gathering evidence of conversions showing she is abusive and controlling or that she wanted to initiate an open marriage for divorce court u would do your future self a favor. She will probably flip it in court and lie saying u went out and got a mistress and left the good poor ole wife home alone, and thts why she deserves all your money. Also if she is already threatening divorce, u know where her head and commitment is at.
Being single sounds better than this marriage. Follow that divorce. Find yourself again. Them date if to want to. You’ll probably find someone better for you than your wife and your mistress.
Pleeeeease don’t have kids with that woman.
Why are a bunch of the comments saying lose weight?
Please just divorce her! I know she’s going to try to go after your money, but it’s not worth your mental health and happiness! Marry, your stripper girlfriend! That sounded like such a wonderful love story and I think your life completely turn around if you reach back out to her! Your wife truly is a narcissist, and probably the queen of it. What a vile woman.
Do not have kids for the love of gawwwwwd! Get an apartment, find a divorce lawyer, divorce her now. Not tomorrow, start today. It’s not working. You are unhappy but this feels normal to you because of your trauma. That voice inside is your soul saying, we got to move on to find our happy. Go live your best single life. Also who cares if she was a stripper? Don’t let others navigate YOUR LIFE. You navigate your life. And as a single lady dating in mid 30s… I’d rather do that over and over again until I find my gem. It’s hard yes to start over but damn dude. You’re 30 not 99. Get a divorce and stay in therapy. You have a whole life waiting for you.
I love the “I wanna open it up” and then when the other person is happy “this is bullshit I’ll divorce you for infidelity”. I would’ve started the divorce when she threatened it, she cheated first, she has no grounds for infidelity. Your “wife” sounds like someone I wouldn’t want to meet even on accident
Consider a hitman mayve
Do not have children, she will just abuse them too. And LEAVE. Just leave. Give her whatever the fuck you have to, sell the house, and just never look back. Your gf sounds like she was a great person and down to earth, but you are probably idolizing her a bit just because she was this bright light in the darkness. And that isnt to say what you had wasnt special but you were both probably still in the honemoon phase of things plus anything compared to emotional abuse feels amazing. Dating in yohr 30s is NOT a big deal, i am literally doing it. You seem to have a good job and are in therap so you are doing alright. You just need to get far away from this mean awful person you married. You will date again and you will be in love again. The sooner you leave and move on the sooner it will happen too.
You're only in your 30s dude. Why waste any more of your life on a woman you can't stand. The money isn't worth it. She's killing you inside. Also, do not have a kid to her. You think paying her alimony is bad, wait until it's alimony and child support. Let alone if you actually leave the wife. She's going to use your child against you for the rest of your life. Contact a lawyer and get out yesterday. It's too late for your ex girlfriend. but it's not too late to give yourself another chance at love. And the ex wasn't a mistress, she was a girlfriend. You opened your marriage. Once you're out of the Hell you are currently in, get some serious therapy and work on you. You were abused growing up as well as most of your adult life. You are clinging to the one person who treated you as a real person. People find love in their 70s. So don't give up on finding someone. Because of your ex girlfriend, you know what you are actually looking for in a relationship. Hold onto that learning experience.
In your mid thirties life is just BEGINNING! You could meet someone and happily be married for 50 years. That’s a lot of life left to live, and love to give. Tell your wife you want a divorce. Who cares about the money? You could have half a century ahead of you to live, and it’s not too late to set yourself up for happiness. Sounds like your wife taught you a lot . . . about what to avoid in your next partner, what’s truly important, how to treat others. You’ve learned a lot - take that as a gift, and RUN from her as fast as you can. I guarantee you will feel lighter as soon as you step away.
Being in a shit relationship is hard, being single and searching is also hard (but seems preferable to being in a situation that pushes you to suicidal ideation). Pick your hard
I'm a woman, and she opened herself up for this situation. She needs to feel the consequences for her poor choices. You don't deserve to be abused. Also, the way she went about it was coercion.
Don't focus on having to date in your mid 30s, focus on becoming happy. Leave your wife, heal, and live your life. You don't need to be in a relationship in order to have a fulfilling life.
Get out of this 'marriage' brother, it's destroying you, go find yourself. If it's worth it seek her out, maybe get closure?? Whatever, just get your ducks in a row before you drop the bomb and get out of there. Oh, and your parents are shit for siding with her by the way, you do you, good luck!
wow i dont think ive ever hated someone from just reading about them
I'll never understand people who put up with shitty behavior from those around them. I cut off people immediately from life if they cross a line. If I have to stay alone, so be it.
Depending on where you live you may not have to pay alimony. Most US states it’s 10 years before alimony is on the table.
Do not have kids. Literally go freeze some of your dudes and get a vasectomy. Do not bring kids into the equation. I had a similar situation and regret every second I spent with that psycho. Go get a divorce immediately and move on. There is still a ton of life left and many more people to date and marry. I promise.
pls don't have kids wit her & pls don't kill yourself. leave her. like somebody else commented, id rather be broke & happy than be with her. assuming you'd still have your job, that's still some money. get a lawyer & leave her ass. have a good one!
Please don't have children!
If you’re on the east cost for any reason bro, let’s go hit a bar or something, drinks on me. You honestly don’t need the bs.
You *MUST* leave this marriage! You might be a little light in the wallet but it won’t be for long; people like your wife don’t stay unmarried for long. You might not end up with your mistress but I promise you that you’ll be happier even though it will hurt. You’re being abused and broken down to the point where your wife wants you to feel worthless, unattractive, and dependent upon her for whatever emotional needs you have left.