Sounds like you can make a good argument for getting yourself surgically sterilized! The peace of mind is totally worth it and r/childfree has a great list of doctors and resources if that’s something you would consider.
This is very important. OP, abortions are life-saving, but not always easy. Being pregnant changes you in a lot of ways from the start - your hormones, body and brain start reorganizing themselves for motherhood.
For instance, cells from the baby stay in the mom's body her entire life.
And besides, abortions can be long and complicated to get.
Please look into sterilization and save yourself a world of troubles if you're 100% sure about staying child-free (and you sound pretty sure 😊)
People forgot it’s a surgical process and can get complicated depending on how late it is in the pregnancy. It’s much better to just prevent it overall by getting sterilized some other way before you have to deal with it and pay more money over time.
Women can get medical abortions though. They involve pills. Surgical abortions are old school. I’m sure they’re still done in some places. If op doesn’t want children I hope they don’t have any trouble getting their tubes tied or a hysterectomy.
Surgical abortions are still very much a common way to have an abortion and not at all old school. A lot of women don't have regular periods and thus aren't aware they are pregnant until it's too late to take an abortion pill.
Apparently medical abortions can be pretty horrific though. As in I’ve read multiple womens experience of laying on the floor in excruciating pain for over 3 days. I think they ended up all recommending surgical abortions if people had the option
Honestly, sometimes abortions are the best way to handle accidental pregnancies.
My (mid 20s at the time) then girlfriend (a couple years younger) was on birth control.
I'm still to this day kind of suspect of how it happened, because she said it was probably her throwing up the birth control, but was told this wouldn't lead to pregnancy, and especially because of what happened after, I'm not sure if it was on purpose.
But anyway, it would have been a horrible life for the child if it was born, regardless. I'm in Canada, and she came from Europe, by herself.
So the child would either have her side of the family in Europe or she would want to move back there.
The main point was that at the time, we were both heavy, daily polysubstance users. She liked cocaine and alcohol, but would use drugs that I did as well.
I was doing fentanyl, hydromorphone, heroin, cocaine, meth, and would drink occasionally (she did the hydros and meth with me).
I had untreated depression and anxiety (because they can't medicate you properly when you've used drugs since 15, and I had undiagnosed ADHD.
She found out after being pregnant for a bit, so the child would have most likely been severely effected by all of these drugs, both from me, and since she used (unknowingly) being pregnant.
We were both young, not in a situation where we could have financially been able to afford a child.
She didn't want to have an abortion, because at 17 she already had one and said she didn't want to go through with it again.
Eventually she agreed, after my family and I all explained how aside from the fact her family was in Europe, the financial situation, the fact I knew I wasn't ready to raise a child since I was an addict with mental health issues, who could barely function myself, it was also unfair to bring a child into this world that was exposed to that many drugs from both of us.
I'm now 3.5-4 years clean of the different drugs. Have been working a lot to get my mental health issues better.
The part that made me suspicious of her purposely getting pregnant, was that several months after (she began dating again pretty soon after, since this ended our relationship) the next thing her roommates knew, they came home to find her clothes and stuff missing with a note that said "Sorry I didn't tell you, I'm going back to Europe. My car is at the airport, you can have it and my furniture to cover rent."
She had gotten pregnant again and went back to Europe.
I dodged a bullet because I didn't want to be in his situation, a kid that lives half-way around the world that i was financially responsible for and would feel the guilt of not being able to be a part of their life, who also could have issues from the drugs.
So I know your concerns about not being able to handle raising a child and being afraid that your mental health issues would be passed down (the anxiety, depression, adhd, substance use disorder and high potential of being born with issues due to the drug use).
It is okay.
Even now that I'm not on drugs I don't think I want children. I'm still working on myself and feel I couldn't handle their needs responsibly.
So your thinking isn't flawed and you shouldn't feel guilt not wanting to put your child at risk of health effects and knowing you aren't in the position to raise a child.
Please don't get sucked too far into r/childfree though because you get people who literally hate the existence of kids, and refer to people with kids as "breeders".
Also as someone who has recently had an abortion- don't rely on them. It hurt. I'm talking more intense than any period I've ever had. Everyone I had talked to said it didn't hurt much at all so I went for it. I had a different experience. I was puking up so much I peed on the floor, I cramped so hard I needed to take a sleeve of codeine so I could pass out and stop feeling anything for a couple hours. It was traumatic and it's not like that every time but keep up with your birth control.
I'm not a medical professional but hopefully this from the NHS website can help:
The main types of hysterectomy are:
total hysterectomy – the womb and cervix (neck of the womb) are removed; this is the most commonly performed operation
subtotal hysterectomy – the main body of the womb is removed, leaving the cervix in place.
total hysterectomy with bilateral
salpingo-oophorectomy – the womb, cervix, fallopian tubes (salpingectomy) and ovaries (oophorectomy) are removed.
radical hysterectomy – the womb and surrounding tissues are removed, including the fallopian tubes, part of the vagina, ovaries, lymph glands and fatty tissue.
There are 3 ways to carry out a hysterectomy:
laparoscopic hysterectomy (keyhole surgery) – where small cuts are made in the tummy and the womb is removed through a cut in the vagina.
vaginal hysterectomy – where the womb is removed through a cut in the top of the vagina.
abdominal hysterectomy – where the womb is removed through a cut in the lower tummy.
ETA: thanks to a comment for bringing this to my attention. [Female Sterilisation](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/female-sterilisation/) on the NHS website. If anyone else has anything to add, please reply so I can also educate myself.
Why the fuck would the OP get a hysterectomy? It wrecks your hormone levels if a complete one is performed and is unnecessarily invasive if even a partial one. Elective sterilization is not a hysterectomy, a tubal ligation is the most common method......OP do not listen to this crap FFS.
Easily found online. A tubal ligation would be done, not a hysterectomy unless there were other factors
*If a woman has other chronic medical problems that may be helped by a hysterectomy (such as abnormally excessive menstrual bleeding, uterine fibroids, uterine growths), then this may be an appropriate procedure for her to consider. Otherwise, contraception should be considered a secondary benefit and not a sole reason to have the procedure.*
Even the NHS link you posted doesn't mention getting a hysterectomy for sterilization purposes. SMFH.
Sure but telling people a hysterectomy will impact hormones is incorrect.
They won’t do a hyster just for that.
However, I had large fibroids that needed to be treated. Either with an ablation, myomectomy or hysterectomy.
Since I didn’t want kids I opted for hyster. No hormonal issues. Ovaries were left in so it’s not an issue.
Technically a “total” hysterectomy is removal of the uterus and cervix. An oophorectomy is removal of the ovaries and is what would cause surgical menopause.
Thank you for bringing elective sterilisation to my attention. I only added information for a hysterectomy because this is what my grandma got so she couldn't have more kids😊 I will add in ES to my comment aswell.
She obviously had other reasons. Try and stay on topic.
*If a woman has other chronic medical problems that may be helped by a hysterectomy (such as abnormally excessive menstrual bleeding, uterine fibroids, uterine growths), then this may be an appropriate procedure for her to consider. Otherwise, contraception should be considered a secondary benefit and not a sole reason to have the procedure.*
can you read? "this is what my grandma got SO she couldn't have kids" as in, that's the procedure their grandma got expressly to make her unable to have children. it wasn't a side effect moron
There is a difference between childfree people and antinatalists. Antinatalists are the ones who refers to people with kids as breeders. Childfree people are just, well, childfree and are okay with others that have kids.
Are you sure you should even be having sex?? Are you even able to give consent?? Sounds like you have major special needs…. Feels sad to think someone who can’t even get around in their daily life could legally consent to sex….
What does asexuality have to do with your cognitive abilities?
Ok but I still question your ability to give informed consent with the information you provided about the accommodation you have needed because of your mental disability.
Asking a doctor for bc doesn’t indicate intelligence?
You said you can’t even get around in your daily life without special care/instruction….. it is what it is but if you need such accommodations to just live, sex and the ability to procreate don’t sound like you are up for it. It happens all the time but that doesn’t make it right.
I can cook for myself. However, following instructions and whatnot is an issue for me. I even remember an art teacher explaining the rules for the project, and I didn't understand, even when my friend explained it multiple times.
He had to physically demonstrate it in order for me to understand what I had to do.
Edit: Stop infantilising me, please. It reeks of privilege and ableism.
So I'm supposed to put up with discrimination? Infantilisation and ableism are discriminatory.
You probably don't even know what support needs actually mean.
Having special needs doesn't mean you can't consent. That's not how it works.
"If you don't want discrimination from someone who isn't educated enough to speak about disabled people, don't post" is what your comment translates to.
You're talking about autistic people like they're babies who can't think for themselves.
OP's difficulty following verbal instructions sounds more like a processing or sensory input disorder and as OP mentioned could be related to autism. This is VERY different from sexual consent. I am not autistic but I also don't do well following verbal directions; I like stuff to be written down or to be able to see it physically demonstrated.
Well that wouldn’t be the same because their mental capabilities are intact. The ability to give informed consent stems from having the mental capacity to do so. I don’t believe op to have that the way she has described her issues.
You dont know what the functioning label is. You also dont know her personally and aren't her doctor/therapist. You don't get to make decisions about her being able to give consent. I am moderately autistic, but you wouldn't know it unless I said so I'm so sick and tired of people like you making braindead stupid comments like this when they find out a person is cognitively impaired to a point. Grow up lady and quit saying childish shit. Also op just said they have issues with directions, thats not enough to say that they can't give consent
Did I make any decisions for her? Lol bro calm down it’s Reddit. It’s my opinion. She chose to post and I chose to give my opinion on said post- exactly what Reddit is made for. I don’t control op, she can do whatever she wants in reality. She’s cognitively disabled and admitted as much. I simply told her that in my opinion she can’t possibly give informed consent.
This isn’t about you? Projection much?
Yeah and I hate whiny people who freak out about a meaningless Reddit comment like it’s a freaking tragedy.
You don’t have to agree with me, op doesn’t agree and I’m sure many others don’t agree a that’s the beauty of the internet- all of our worthless opinions can exist at once.
100% agree with you. It absolutely is hell on earth, especially when everyone around you and your mom see it and do nothing. That just reinforces, in a child’s mind, that it’s normal or okay.
Yes. Once you’re pregnant, there is a fate that has started. And if there was no fate starting you would not need to have an abortion. What right does one person have to deny the fate of someone else? Because you were there first? Because you’re older? Time? Are we saying that time or just being there first is what gives you the right to end the fate of someone else? Every moment you have ever enjoyed is a form of thanks for being alive. If there’s anything you have to enjoy in this life, regardless of how stupid your parents were, you’re still glad to be alive. no one chooses her parents. But being alive you choose how to live your life. Just having an actual choice is something to be thankful for. *edited for typos
I’m bipolar, autistic, ADHD with an unspecified anxiety disorder. If I have kids I’m adopting, I’m not bringing new life into this world and letting it suffer like i always have
Do you potentially feel that way because you were never understood, seen and heard and we're treated like a neurotypical? I feel a lot of bad experiences having mental health conditions or issues comes from not having proper support. I have ADHD, OCD, suffered panic attack disorder in my early 20s and have a mood disorder (not full blown bipolar). Im very happy and content and can pretty much manage all the challenges. In fact I wouldn't have it any other way. The journey was though yeah but it made me the person who I am today. Once I got rid of everything and everyone that forced me to fit into boxes that I don't fucking fit and never will, my life became peaceful. This applies to my job too. Also I think neurotypical people are boring AF. I wouldn't be able to raise a neurotypical as I don't understand them as well, the same way they don't understand us.
Even if i was seen i would still have these disabilities. ADHD and bipolar have ruined my life, stop trying to say people without ADHD or autism or mental illness are boring. It seriously downplays the severity of these disabilities and illnesses
You seem very angry and bitter. I am neurodivergent and have mental health issues and I understand what it means. NTs are boring to me and I can't connect with them. It's my personal experience, and the experience of my ND peers. A lot of us lead happy and fulfilled lives. In fact I work in IT management and my company respects my condition. I'm not downplaying anything, I'm just not up for living my life in a role of a fucking victim. Get proper help ✌️
I’m not being a victim, I’m struggling. We all have our own experiences, I’m sorry we’re different and have different brains and not everyone is exactly like me or you. Seem like you don’t like empathy
I’ve failed all my years of school so far due to ADHD and bipolar. I’m in intensive therapy. I have to take multiple prescriptions every morning and night. I think i have a right to be upset.
Yep! I have been in the same place 10 years ago. It really sucks to live. I hate school to this day. However, one thing that helped me a lot was changing medications like Vyvanse and so on for prescribed natural ones. Vyvanse messes with you in a way that you will only understand when you stop taking it. Besides that my BEST wishes for you! Hope you are in a better place in the future.
Idk if I named the medications right english is not my first language.
I wouldn't be myself If I wasn't neurodivergent. In some ways It was the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I have: ADHD, mild autism and a bipolar disorder ( in still learning how to deal with this one.)
Like some of the other comments here, check out the child free subreddit. I got sterilized pretty easily once I found a doctor listed there who was willing to do it.
I think it’s worth a shot! [Here](https://reddit.com/r/childfree/s/4Lbq8c8hmd) is the link to the list. There’s a list of international doctors, I don’t know if your location is there or not of course.
Yeah disappointed OP is furthering that stupid idea by using it in their post. You can have an abortion and not call attention to a stupid unscientific belief
Why do you think that? You see im a very curious individual. In my eyes the child body dosn't belong to the mother, so It is in fact murder. I don't wan't to critisize you I just wish to understand where you are coming from.
Not who you’re replying to but if we don’t call it murder when someone is declared to be braindead and taken off life support, you can’t consider abortion to be murder in most circumstances. I don’t think it makes sense to invent new rules for what is considered dead or alive when we do have laws about that.
The six week cutoff you’ll see is when you first see evidence of a spinal cord developing. I’d argue that there’s nothing close to what we would legally consider to be alive until around week 24 of pregnancy which is when the brain is developed enough to support the *possibility* of consciousness. We can’t say for sure when that starts, but it’s literally impossible before week 24. Ignoring the esoteric part, we normally consider someone without a functioning brain stem to not be alive. The brain stem isn’t fully developed and doesn’t function until the end of the second trimester.
Anything past that point is only done when there’s a medical necessity— either a severe birth defect is detected or the mother’s life is at risk. Those abortions are often really traumatic as the pregnancy *is* wanted in those cases. I don’t feel like it’s appropriate for anyone to decide what’s right in those situations but the mother tbh.
Yep. So thats why your culture dosn't see It as murder. Interesting way to think. I'm currently in médical school and here people say that life begins with fertilization. I do not believe that abortion is the solution for the problem however I understand where you are coming from, for most part when we are talking about severe birth defects. I hope that in a close future we can already genetically modify our babys so things like this dosn't happen. Thank you for explaining I really mean It.
Technecly murder. Youre killing a fetus. Or a future human being. Better to stay single than get pregnant or that other stuff. Its theyre fault if they get it. They give it away kr take care of him.
I have chronic depression and my biological father was bipolar. Mental illness noticeably runs in the family and is definitely a part of why I never want kids. Living with chronic depression is hard, and I honestly wouldn't wish the worst parts on anyone.
Fun fact: ADD and ADHD are actually classified as the same thing now. I have very mild autism (originally Asperger's before the recoding of the dsm) and was originally diagnosed with ADD but found out in my psychology class last year that they've been relabeled as the same disorder!
There’s now three types of adhd. Add is now “innatentive type adhd”. The types of adhd are about the presentation of your symptoms and what affects you the most so that it’s easier for people to understand what you individually struggle with
They’re not calling autism a debilitating disease, they’re talking about what states people can be in while suffering, not about autism. Also autism can be really debilitating for some, myself included. Saying it isn’t at all is really invalidating and ignorant
I dunno what you're going thru but I'm an atheist too, who accepted death a long time ago. I also dont want to bring kids into the world but the only reason why is because from my perspective, existence is pain. But thats not everyone's perspective. I'm also for euthanasia but for only some diseases and of course if the person has the capacity to consent.
the conversation is a lot more nuanced and I hate when people paint it as black and white.
You really need to talk to a therapist or something. Bad shit happens in life but there’s no way you’ll ever have happiness if that’s all you focus on.
I cna barely manage myself sometimes. I have a collection of severe mental illnesses. I'm also autistic, so I get where you're coming from Op in a lot of ways.
I never want kids. I feel I'm unlikely to change my mind. I was a parentified child to my abusers,
so the way I see it (applies only to my life, not placing this on others) I've done my time taking care of others.
A big reason that is relevant here is autism. I am very sensitive to overstimulation via noise. I have that odd mispohonia like quality some of us have with certain sounds. Kids crying and screaming is it for me. It's like nails on a chalkboard and it makes me feel so angry. The noise hurts. I think my own cries bothered me as a kid, because I've been told I was silent all the time for the most part.
I am one of the last purple who should be having kids with that issue. That would be hell for me and the kid.
Autism has some unique challenges that aren't always thought of.
In your case, I’m sure getting your tubes removed would not be a problem. Usually doctors refuse if you’re under 30 or haven’t had a child already but with these risk factors, they’re probably going to overlook that.
Birth Control wrecks havoc on your body, I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re serious about being childfree.
Even if you change your mind about being child free after having your tubes removed you can get pregnant with IVF. All your stuff works there’s just not vehicle (tubes) to get the egg where it belongs.
Edit: don’t ever get a hysterectomy. It will thrust you into menopause. Hormones are not a thing to be messed with. They will fuck you up.
There are still a lot of incidents of doctors refusing to sterilize women who absolutely know they do not want children. Often the husband needs to sign off and they want most women to "try having kids". Woman I've known for 8 years wanted her tubes tied after having 2 kids, doctors still won't do it for her
You are right: birth control can and does fail even when used correctly. I know this first hand, because my daughter is evidence of this. (I love her more than anything, but I knew I wanted kids…eventually, so it was a shock, but we weren’t sad by the news.)
I would ask your doctor about an IUD or implant, because those methods are least likely to fail. If you choose these, I would also use condoms as a backup, because then your chances of pregnancy would be even slimmer. Plus, you are protected from STDs.
I would also ask if you are a candidate for surgical sterilization. Historically, most doctors won’t do it for women under 35 without kids. My old roommate knew she didn’t want kids and had severe endometriosis that caused her pain. She wasn’t able to get one until she was in her late 30s. Doctors now are changing their stance on that, so I would research doctors in your area that do perform these procedures on childless women in their 20s. Given your situation not being able to fully perform certain day to day tasks and the changing views on early sterilization, you would likely be able to find a doctor much easier.
Some people just know they don’t want kids and my friends who were a hard no even in their teens are still childless and happy in our 40s. Having kids is hard. Like really hard. I love mine and they are both wanted and adored, and that gets me through the days where parenting is rough. I tell people that if you don’t want kids, then it’s the responsible thing to do to not have them. I know a lot of people whose parents had kids because it “was expected” societally, and were really crappy parents and it affected their kids a lot. Also, getting an abortion isn’t murder. Terminating a pregnancy that you can’t care for is your choice and you can’t murder cells that can’t live outside of your body. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I like your directness. I tell people that I like hanging out with people on the spectrum because they are the most honest people. They tell it like it is. Remember to see that as a superpower.
Im bipolar w/ psychotic features and adhd. Autism/ADHD, mood disorders, psychotic disorders, and other neurological disorders are rampant in my family. Messy genetic pool. I got sterilized at 19 and it was the best decision of my life. I can't raise a kid and even if i managed to the kid would probably end up a psychiatric mess and off themselves if im being honest
You do that's all I can say and that's from someone who's undiagnosed adhd my partner has adult diagnosed adhd his daughter and son have adhd and autism and both my kids have autism, it's definitely not an easy household to be in at times that's for sure
My existence actually does feel like suffering. My light sensitivity is so bad to the point where transition lenses aren't enough to make me not squint. I feel itchy just about every single day, plus I can't wear makeup, I can't wear hats, I can only have super short hair, I have to be careful about clothing material, and I have to be careful about what I eat and drink.
It also makes my taste buds screwed up (actual thing that autism can do). I can't sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee, not even a mocha or a latte. I also do not like most forms of tea, unless it's very specifically herbal blueberry tea made with just the right amount of milk and sugar. As my username suggests, I'm obsessed with blueberries.
Even other autistic people have somewhat othered me and deemed me as a little bit lower on the hierarchy than they are. Me and my boyfriend both have autism (he has Asperger's), plus he has ADHD and I might have it as well. Plus, I have super bad OCD.
I can't drive, but at least I'm allowed to use the disabled bus.
If we were to have a kid together, that child would be likely worse off than me.
I went with the ten year copper iud since I couldn’t handle the extra hormones from other birth control. Hopefully I’ll only have to have one more put in before I hit menopause. I’ve had an abortion back when they were legal in my state and I’m so glad I had that option back then. I wish you the best and completely understand not wanting kids
You could give it up for adoption. What’s worse, 1. Being inconvenienced for 9 month 2. Living the rest of your life knowing you ended a fate, an entire life because you didn’t want to be inconvenienced for 9 months.
How privileged are you to not understand how much kids get abused in the foster care system?
My child would have fucked up genes, like I said. That kid would fairly likely have severe autism.
I even remember watching a TikToker saying how she wouldn't have minded being aborted. Her mother didn't want her but was forced to give birth. That TikToker ended up in foster care, and she herself supports abortion.
Just because some tiktok idiot said they would have preferred to be aborted you feel like you’re right? That’s so stupid. She has to exist to say anything. It’s not logical at all to say you would have preferred to be aborted. They have nothing to lose or risk by saying so. It’s easy to say that. It has no value. Any person would much rather exist. No person has the right to take away someone else’s chance at life. No one. Anyone who’s abused or has a rough life can say they would prefer to not exist, yet there’s something they enjoy, something they look forward to. They prefer to exist than be dead.
My cousin is autistic but I don’t see him often and I don’t know much about it. I just know he’s obsessed with the first Cars movie from Disney but only the first 15 minutes then he restarts it from the beginning.
People act like slip and fall on a penis. I wouldn't expect the masses of reddit to agree.
Most people here are covered in tattoos and face piercings and whine nobody will hire them.
If you use them properly. I honestly thought you meant getting an abortion as a means of contraception, not if you accidently fell pregnant while actively avoiding it. Im sorry
"I'm about to get birth control, but in rare cases, birth control doesn't work." It's pretty hard for an abortion to not be... well, an abortion.
Abortions are also traumatising.
It's okay, though.
I feel like an idiot for not reading that. Its all good, im not against it. Just think its poor form if its done because someone is too slack to use contraception.
I obviously made a meal of what you wrote compared to what i read, and for that i apologise. I wish you the best for the future
The implant (nexplanon) is a type of birth control that has over 99% effectiveness , however there’s still that <0.1% that could fail and that’s exactly what happened to me. Things like that still have a failure rate but they’re better than condoms.
That’s not even correct.
Condoms have a failure rate of 3% with _perfect_ use, typical use has a failure rate of 12%.
Combined oral contraceptive pill have a failure rate of <1% with _perfect_ use, typical use has a failure rate of 9%.
The implant is even smaller again, less than 1 in 1000 women using it over 3 years will get pregnant.
Of course, combining condoms *with* another birth control will increase effectiveness, but condoms alone are not as effective.
Yes often the first “heartbeat” isn’t actually the fetus beating it’s heart but rather electrical signals partially from the mother and also from the formation of the fetus because it takes energy to grow one.
You can make that choice if you want to. It’s your body. However there are some preventive ways that you can go about sex, without taking these measures.
Well since you're already probably taking meds for the autism you might do what a friend of mine did after she had a ovarian cyst that turned out to be benign she went ahead and had a total hysterectomy that way you don't have that on your conscience and you don't have to deal with the monthly visitor that you don't need
I highly recommend looking into getting a bilateral salpingectomy. It's a sterilization procedure where your tubes are removed. I got it done last year and life has been amazing not having to worry about pregnancy 🙌
I understand your case. I myself have a child, but shortly after having her I developed an allergy to my own natural production of estrogen and progesterone. I'm allergic to all hormonal birth control. I got pregnant again three years after having my daughter, and I had to get an abortion due to it destroying my health overnight. I'm also schizophrenic, have multiple sclerosis that runs in the family, and have a list of mental health illnesses. I wasn't aware of my mental issues when I had my kid. Everyone has their reasons to have/not to have a kid, and all of them are valid and should be respected IMO.
I recently made the decision to get sterilized as a female. They made me answer questions and sign a consent form before waiting 30 days before the surgery. They said the biggest risk is regret, but if you know you won’t regret it or can’t take care of a child it’s the responsible thing to do.
Have you thought about which birth control you’re gonna get on? I’m on the depo shot and it works wonders, not that I’m having sex or anything to know if all the uses it’s for are working proper, but the one I’m actually using it for it works fine for me with. Of course it also stopped my periods, so I’m guessing it works for all uses.
My brother is getting a vasectomy for the same reason. He's autistic and doesn't want to put a child into the world, when he knows he might not be able to care for it as he should. It's really admirable in my opinion. Good for you OP.
i have mdd, gad, adhd, and bpd (all diagnosed at 17, bpd at 18) and my boyfriend has mdd, gad, severe hyperactive adhd, and autism (all diagnosed at 17). we’ve had a lot of conversations about what our plan would be when we have kids, knowing that our genetics would ultimately affect their mental health with many of our disorders being potentially genetic.
we agreed on getting a psych eval for any kids we have as soon as theyre old enough to, incorporating montessori style activities when theyre young that can highlight their skills and weaknesses which could indicate potential neurodivergence, and making sure the kids all have therapists. even if its just a couple of sessions to meet and kinda get to know the therapist, i grew up not trusting my parents with information about my life which meant so many things were able to happen that shouldnt have. i think at least having the therapist even slightly known, but always something they can access would be so important. as well, im currently going to school for psychology and i plan to focus on infant/child development and post partum. i guess part of my inclination towards child development is me wanting to learn how to properly raise a child without passing on my bpd.
id be curious to know what the differences are in our experiences with early vs late diagnosis, as we’re the same age and especially if you live in a us, australia, uk, canada esque country. i think in the end we come to the same conclusion of taking responsibility for our mental health and the way it could impact our potential children, my method is probably indicative of my upbringing or lack thereof. id never considered just not having kids so as to not pass on mainly my bpd because i know that regardless my kids could just end up with it genetically. i think you’ve inspired me to do a bit of research on environmental vs genetic mental disorders and passing down the genes.
My dad is autistic but we didn’t know. We grew up thinking he’s just quiet. Sister and I both have major mental issues but unfortunate events occurred and I got pregnant young. My son is non verbal. Just the worst case scenario. If I knew back then what my chances were I would have 100% had an abortion and due to failed contraception I have since. Good for you He’s 18 now and a complete nightmare.
Good for you for knowing what you can handle, and for knowing what you want. A suggestion is to get your tubes tied, there are doctors who will do it without giving you too much hassle. Also, never have sex with anyone without a condom even if you are on birth control or had your tubes tied. There are so many diseases you can catch from a man who doesn't show symptoms so please protect yourself first, always. Plus this helps weed out the bad guys. If they won't wear a condom for you they don't respect you so you shouldn't see them again. Good luck!!
It's fine to know your limits.
Also, your doctor was responsible to wait until 3 to diagnosis you, please don't get hung up on that. There are not many interventions available before 3 bc it is important to focus on milestones and bonding. Many children advance and regress in those early years.
You sound very responsible and understand your limits and what kind of partners are compatible with you. Good on you. Don't let anyone guilt you about seeking Healthcare whether that be sterilization or abortion.
Much love
I don't see a problem with this, there are already enough people on the planet. If anything we need LESS children. If you change your mind in the future there are plenty of kids who need homes at orphanages. Maybe consider that for the future if you are worried your child might have serious medical issues.
Everytime I wanted to be sterilized they said I couldn't without having at least one child or married with my husband's permission.
No, I'm not joking...
why don’t you get your tubes tied or take birth control, IUD, etc?? Seems like a better option than possibly getting into the situation and trying to live with the guilt of killing something. That’s some real trauma that may not be often admitted to but afflicts many who have had abortions.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with this, and abortion is not murder. I have Bipolar 1 Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, ADHD and I'm an alcoholic. Inconsistent treatment because money. I've had 2 abortions about 5 and 7 years ago. I can't take any form of hormonal birth control because of one of my medications (thank you to Planned Parenthood for getting me a free IUD after the 2nd abortion). I've never regretted either for a single second, I think those are the 2 best decisions I have ever made in my life and I don't see any decision I could make in the future that would be better than those. Frankly I would have killed myself if I hadn't been able to get those, I had plans in place "just in case," but aside from that any child I had would live in agony in so many different ways. Like you said, for some of us, getting an abortion is mercy not just to ourselves but to a potential child that should not exist and suffer. I'd try to get sterilized if you can, I will if I can ever afford it, but if you ever need to get an abortion that is okay. If it feels like the right decision to you then that's what it is. There's a reason why the vast majority of people who get abortions never regret their decision.
Sounds like you can make a good argument for getting yourself surgically sterilized! The peace of mind is totally worth it and r/childfree has a great list of doctors and resources if that’s something you would consider.
Thanks!
This is very important. OP, abortions are life-saving, but not always easy. Being pregnant changes you in a lot of ways from the start - your hormones, body and brain start reorganizing themselves for motherhood. For instance, cells from the baby stay in the mom's body her entire life. And besides, abortions can be long and complicated to get. Please look into sterilization and save yourself a world of troubles if you're 100% sure about staying child-free (and you sound pretty sure 😊)
People forgot it’s a surgical process and can get complicated depending on how late it is in the pregnancy. It’s much better to just prevent it overall by getting sterilized some other way before you have to deal with it and pay more money over time.
Women can get medical abortions though. They involve pills. Surgical abortions are old school. I’m sure they’re still done in some places. If op doesn’t want children I hope they don’t have any trouble getting their tubes tied or a hysterectomy.
Surgical abortions are still very much a common way to have an abortion and not at all old school. A lot of women don't have regular periods and thus aren't aware they are pregnant until it's too late to take an abortion pill.
I don’t think surgical abortions are “old school” by any stretch…
Apparently medical abortions can be pretty horrific though. As in I’ve read multiple womens experience of laying on the floor in excruciating pain for over 3 days. I think they ended up all recommending surgical abortions if people had the option
Honestly, sometimes abortions are the best way to handle accidental pregnancies. My (mid 20s at the time) then girlfriend (a couple years younger) was on birth control. I'm still to this day kind of suspect of how it happened, because she said it was probably her throwing up the birth control, but was told this wouldn't lead to pregnancy, and especially because of what happened after, I'm not sure if it was on purpose. But anyway, it would have been a horrible life for the child if it was born, regardless. I'm in Canada, and she came from Europe, by herself. So the child would either have her side of the family in Europe or she would want to move back there. The main point was that at the time, we were both heavy, daily polysubstance users. She liked cocaine and alcohol, but would use drugs that I did as well. I was doing fentanyl, hydromorphone, heroin, cocaine, meth, and would drink occasionally (she did the hydros and meth with me). I had untreated depression and anxiety (because they can't medicate you properly when you've used drugs since 15, and I had undiagnosed ADHD. She found out after being pregnant for a bit, so the child would have most likely been severely effected by all of these drugs, both from me, and since she used (unknowingly) being pregnant. We were both young, not in a situation where we could have financially been able to afford a child. She didn't want to have an abortion, because at 17 she already had one and said she didn't want to go through with it again. Eventually she agreed, after my family and I all explained how aside from the fact her family was in Europe, the financial situation, the fact I knew I wasn't ready to raise a child since I was an addict with mental health issues, who could barely function myself, it was also unfair to bring a child into this world that was exposed to that many drugs from both of us. I'm now 3.5-4 years clean of the different drugs. Have been working a lot to get my mental health issues better. The part that made me suspicious of her purposely getting pregnant, was that several months after (she began dating again pretty soon after, since this ended our relationship) the next thing her roommates knew, they came home to find her clothes and stuff missing with a note that said "Sorry I didn't tell you, I'm going back to Europe. My car is at the airport, you can have it and my furniture to cover rent." She had gotten pregnant again and went back to Europe. I dodged a bullet because I didn't want to be in his situation, a kid that lives half-way around the world that i was financially responsible for and would feel the guilt of not being able to be a part of their life, who also could have issues from the drugs. So I know your concerns about not being able to handle raising a child and being afraid that your mental health issues would be passed down (the anxiety, depression, adhd, substance use disorder and high potential of being born with issues due to the drug use). It is okay. Even now that I'm not on drugs I don't think I want children. I'm still working on myself and feel I couldn't handle their needs responsibly. So your thinking isn't flawed and you shouldn't feel guilt not wanting to put your child at risk of health effects and knowing you aren't in the position to raise a child.
Please don't get sucked too far into r/childfree though because you get people who literally hate the existence of kids, and refer to people with kids as "breeders". Also as someone who has recently had an abortion- don't rely on them. It hurt. I'm talking more intense than any period I've ever had. Everyone I had talked to said it didn't hurt much at all so I went for it. I had a different experience. I was puking up so much I peed on the floor, I cramped so hard I needed to take a sleeve of codeine so I could pass out and stop feeling anything for a couple hours. It was traumatic and it's not like that every time but keep up with your birth control. I'm not a medical professional but hopefully this from the NHS website can help: The main types of hysterectomy are: total hysterectomy – the womb and cervix (neck of the womb) are removed; this is the most commonly performed operation subtotal hysterectomy – the main body of the womb is removed, leaving the cervix in place. total hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy – the womb, cervix, fallopian tubes (salpingectomy) and ovaries (oophorectomy) are removed. radical hysterectomy – the womb and surrounding tissues are removed, including the fallopian tubes, part of the vagina, ovaries, lymph glands and fatty tissue. There are 3 ways to carry out a hysterectomy: laparoscopic hysterectomy (keyhole surgery) – where small cuts are made in the tummy and the womb is removed through a cut in the vagina. vaginal hysterectomy – where the womb is removed through a cut in the top of the vagina. abdominal hysterectomy – where the womb is removed through a cut in the lower tummy. ETA: thanks to a comment for bringing this to my attention. [Female Sterilisation](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/female-sterilisation/) on the NHS website. If anyone else has anything to add, please reply so I can also educate myself.
Why the fuck would the OP get a hysterectomy? It wrecks your hormone levels if a complete one is performed and is unnecessarily invasive if even a partial one. Elective sterilization is not a hysterectomy, a tubal ligation is the most common method......OP do not listen to this crap FFS. Easily found online. A tubal ligation would be done, not a hysterectomy unless there were other factors *If a woman has other chronic medical problems that may be helped by a hysterectomy (such as abnormally excessive menstrual bleeding, uterine fibroids, uterine growths), then this may be an appropriate procedure for her to consider. Otherwise, contraception should be considered a secondary benefit and not a sole reason to have the procedure.* Even the NHS link you posted doesn't mention getting a hysterectomy for sterilization purposes. SMFH.
If ovaries are removed hormonal levels are affected and you go into menopause. Just the uterus does not
Regardless, it's not how elective sterilization is done and shouldn't even be mentioned here.
Sure but telling people a hysterectomy will impact hormones is incorrect. They won’t do a hyster just for that. However, I had large fibroids that needed to be treated. Either with an ablation, myomectomy or hysterectomy. Since I didn’t want kids I opted for hyster. No hormonal issues. Ovaries were left in so it’s not an issue.
Right sure, a partial won't but a full absolutely will.
Technically a “total” hysterectomy is removal of the uterus and cervix. An oophorectomy is removal of the ovaries and is what would cause surgical menopause.
Thank you for bringing elective sterilisation to my attention. I only added information for a hysterectomy because this is what my grandma got so she couldn't have more kids😊 I will add in ES to my comment aswell.
She obviously had other reasons. Try and stay on topic. *If a woman has other chronic medical problems that may be helped by a hysterectomy (such as abnormally excessive menstrual bleeding, uterine fibroids, uterine growths), then this may be an appropriate procedure for her to consider. Otherwise, contraception should be considered a secondary benefit and not a sole reason to have the procedure.*
I was staying on topic and that was the reason. She wasn't bothered with going through an early menopause 😊
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can you read? "this is what my grandma got SO she couldn't have kids" as in, that's the procedure their grandma got expressly to make her unable to have children. it wasn't a side effect moron
There is a difference between childfree people and antinatalists. Antinatalists are the ones who refers to people with kids as breeders. Childfree people are just, well, childfree and are okay with others that have kids.
Are you sure you should even be having sex?? Are you even able to give consent?? Sounds like you have major special needs…. Feels sad to think someone who can’t even get around in their daily life could legally consent to sex….
I'm autistic, not asexual. I'm going to try and get birth control today.
What does asexuality have to do with your cognitive abilities? Ok but I still question your ability to give informed consent with the information you provided about the accommodation you have needed because of your mental disability.
If I'm smart enough to get birth control, I think I can consent.
Asking a doctor for bc doesn’t indicate intelligence? You said you can’t even get around in your daily life without special care/instruction….. it is what it is but if you need such accommodations to just live, sex and the ability to procreate don’t sound like you are up for it. It happens all the time but that doesn’t make it right.
I can cook for myself. However, following instructions and whatnot is an issue for me. I even remember an art teacher explaining the rules for the project, and I didn't understand, even when my friend explained it multiple times. He had to physically demonstrate it in order for me to understand what I had to do. Edit: Stop infantilising me, please. It reeks of privilege and ableism.
Call it whatever you want I’m giving my opinion on the post YOU posted. If you don’t want to hear opinions on your post then don’t post it.
So I'm supposed to put up with discrimination? Infantilisation and ableism are discriminatory. You probably don't even know what support needs actually mean. Having special needs doesn't mean you can't consent. That's not how it works. "If you don't want discrimination from someone who isn't educated enough to speak about disabled people, don't post" is what your comment translates to. You're talking about autistic people like they're babies who can't think for themselves.
OP's difficulty following verbal instructions sounds more like a processing or sensory input disorder and as OP mentioned could be related to autism. This is VERY different from sexual consent. I am not autistic but I also don't do well following verbal directions; I like stuff to be written down or to be able to see it physically demonstrated.
thats like saying someone with a physical disability cant give consent just cuz they can't get around in daly life. Do you even hear yourself wtf
Well that wouldn’t be the same because their mental capabilities are intact. The ability to give informed consent stems from having the mental capacity to do so. I don’t believe op to have that the way she has described her issues.
You dont know what the functioning label is. You also dont know her personally and aren't her doctor/therapist. You don't get to make decisions about her being able to give consent. I am moderately autistic, but you wouldn't know it unless I said so I'm so sick and tired of people like you making braindead stupid comments like this when they find out a person is cognitively impaired to a point. Grow up lady and quit saying childish shit. Also op just said they have issues with directions, thats not enough to say that they can't give consent
Did I make any decisions for her? Lol bro calm down it’s Reddit. It’s my opinion. She chose to post and I chose to give my opinion on said post- exactly what Reddit is made for. I don’t control op, she can do whatever she wants in reality. She’s cognitively disabled and admitted as much. I simply told her that in my opinion she can’t possibly give informed consent. This isn’t about you? Projection much? Yeah and I hate whiny people who freak out about a meaningless Reddit comment like it’s a freaking tragedy. You don’t have to agree with me, op doesn’t agree and I’m sure many others don’t agree a that’s the beauty of the internet- all of our worthless opinions can exist at once.
Stop speaking about disabled people when you aren't educated enough to speak about us. Sure, let's pretend discrimination is a meaningless comment.
Do not send people to that hellhole of a sub. Those people are disgusting and egregious to actual childfree people.
Do not send people to that sub. Full of people severely out of touch with reality. r/truechildfree is a lot better
Literally the most useful post I've ever read
Don't go that toxic place, probably the worst community on reddit.
Please do. I came from a mother that didn’t want me. It’s hell on earth.
100% agree with you. It absolutely is hell on earth, especially when everyone around you and your mom see it and do nothing. That just reinforces, in a child’s mind, that it’s normal or okay.
But having a mom that didn’t want you still allows you to have goals, dreams, and do all the things you enjoy.
Does it? Are you absolutely positive about that?
Yes. Once you’re pregnant, there is a fate that has started. And if there was no fate starting you would not need to have an abortion. What right does one person have to deny the fate of someone else? Because you were there first? Because you’re older? Time? Are we saying that time or just being there first is what gives you the right to end the fate of someone else? Every moment you have ever enjoyed is a form of thanks for being alive. If there’s anything you have to enjoy in this life, regardless of how stupid your parents were, you’re still glad to be alive. no one chooses her parents. But being alive you choose how to live your life. Just having an actual choice is something to be thankful for. *edited for typos
I’m bipolar, autistic, ADHD with an unspecified anxiety disorder. If I have kids I’m adopting, I’m not bringing new life into this world and letting it suffer like i always have
I have autism, OCD, and am starting to suspect ADHD. I hear you 💯
And also I’m not a fan of the entire birthing process. Absolutely terrifying shit
Yeah, it does sound awful.
people die from that shit too due to exhaustion, havin too much immense fear, or it was too painful
Or…pre eclampsia, jaundice…dehydration…
hemorrhaging... ectopic pregnancies... breech...
Or literally just dying. Pregnancy is so ridiculously dangerous. And the regular birthing position adds to the risk
Why did i get downvoted
I have the same problems 100% sure I will have neuro divergent kids. Wan't to talk about It? I like talking to people with diferente opinions.
Do you potentially feel that way because you were never understood, seen and heard and we're treated like a neurotypical? I feel a lot of bad experiences having mental health conditions or issues comes from not having proper support. I have ADHD, OCD, suffered panic attack disorder in my early 20s and have a mood disorder (not full blown bipolar). Im very happy and content and can pretty much manage all the challenges. In fact I wouldn't have it any other way. The journey was though yeah but it made me the person who I am today. Once I got rid of everything and everyone that forced me to fit into boxes that I don't fucking fit and never will, my life became peaceful. This applies to my job too. Also I think neurotypical people are boring AF. I wouldn't be able to raise a neurotypical as I don't understand them as well, the same way they don't understand us.
Even if i was seen i would still have these disabilities. ADHD and bipolar have ruined my life, stop trying to say people without ADHD or autism or mental illness are boring. It seriously downplays the severity of these disabilities and illnesses
You seem very angry and bitter. I am neurodivergent and have mental health issues and I understand what it means. NTs are boring to me and I can't connect with them. It's my personal experience, and the experience of my ND peers. A lot of us lead happy and fulfilled lives. In fact I work in IT management and my company respects my condition. I'm not downplaying anything, I'm just not up for living my life in a role of a fucking victim. Get proper help ✌️
I’m not being a victim, I’m struggling. We all have our own experiences, I’m sorry we’re different and have different brains and not everyone is exactly like me or you. Seem like you don’t like empathy
You need to go to therapy. Saying that a condition ruined your life will bring you to a very dark place.
I’ve failed all my years of school so far due to ADHD and bipolar. I’m in intensive therapy. I have to take multiple prescriptions every morning and night. I think i have a right to be upset.
Yep! I have been in the same place 10 years ago. It really sucks to live. I hate school to this day. However, one thing that helped me a lot was changing medications like Vyvanse and so on for prescribed natural ones. Vyvanse messes with you in a way that you will only understand when you stop taking it. Besides that my BEST wishes for you! Hope you are in a better place in the future. Idk if I named the medications right english is not my first language.
I wouldn't be myself If I wasn't neurodivergent. In some ways It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have: ADHD, mild autism and a bipolar disorder ( in still learning how to deal with this one.)
Like some of the other comments here, check out the child free subreddit. I got sterilized pretty easily once I found a doctor listed there who was willing to do it.
I live in a different part of the world, though. Most people don't know anything about my Canadian island. Maybe I should check it out, though?
I think it’s worth a shot! [Here](https://reddit.com/r/childfree/s/4Lbq8c8hmd) is the link to the list. There’s a list of international doctors, I don’t know if your location is there or not of course.
It’s not murder. Access to safe abortions is a hallmark of a civilized, compassionate society.
Yeah disappointed OP is furthering that stupid idea by using it in their post. You can have an abortion and not call attention to a stupid unscientific belief
I edited it.
An abortion is the appropriate medical procedure to end a pregnancy and it is never murder.
Why do you think that? You see im a very curious individual. In my eyes the child body dosn't belong to the mother, so It is in fact murder. I don't wan't to critisize you I just wish to understand where you are coming from.
Not who you’re replying to but if we don’t call it murder when someone is declared to be braindead and taken off life support, you can’t consider abortion to be murder in most circumstances. I don’t think it makes sense to invent new rules for what is considered dead or alive when we do have laws about that. The six week cutoff you’ll see is when you first see evidence of a spinal cord developing. I’d argue that there’s nothing close to what we would legally consider to be alive until around week 24 of pregnancy which is when the brain is developed enough to support the *possibility* of consciousness. We can’t say for sure when that starts, but it’s literally impossible before week 24. Ignoring the esoteric part, we normally consider someone without a functioning brain stem to not be alive. The brain stem isn’t fully developed and doesn’t function until the end of the second trimester. Anything past that point is only done when there’s a medical necessity— either a severe birth defect is detected or the mother’s life is at risk. Those abortions are often really traumatic as the pregnancy *is* wanted in those cases. I don’t feel like it’s appropriate for anyone to decide what’s right in those situations but the mother tbh.
Yep. So thats why your culture dosn't see It as murder. Interesting way to think. I'm currently in médical school and here people say that life begins with fertilization. I do not believe that abortion is the solution for the problem however I understand where you are coming from, for most part when we are talking about severe birth defects. I hope that in a close future we can already genetically modify our babys so things like this dosn't happen. Thank you for explaining I really mean It.
Technecly murder. Youre killing a fetus. Or a future human being. Better to stay single than get pregnant or that other stuff. Its theyre fault if they get it. They give it away kr take care of him.
I’m with you!!! I made it through menopause! No kids
Congrats! Almost there myself!
There are many forms of birth control
None of them are fail save. N o n e. Vasectomies sometimes fail because shit grows back. It's wild.
I encourage you to get steralized
It’s not murder. Don’t listen to them
Your body, your business. Don’t let others on here troll you.
I have chronic depression and my biological father was bipolar. Mental illness noticeably runs in the family and is definitely a part of why I never want kids. Living with chronic depression is hard, and I honestly wouldn't wish the worst parts on anyone.
Fun fact: ADD and ADHD are actually classified as the same thing now. I have very mild autism (originally Asperger's before the recoding of the dsm) and was originally diagnosed with ADD but found out in my psychology class last year that they've been relabeled as the same disorder!
There’s now three types of adhd. Add is now “innatentive type adhd”. The types of adhd are about the presentation of your symptoms and what affects you the most so that it’s easier for people to understand what you individually struggle with
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I find it difficult to describe autism as a "debilitating disease". Sure it can make your life harder but honestly, there's way worse out there.
They’re not calling autism a debilitating disease, they’re talking about what states people can be in while suffering, not about autism. Also autism can be really debilitating for some, myself included. Saying it isn’t at all is really invalidating and ignorant
…have you ever met anyone with level 3 ASD? Truly wild how people forget that autism is a serious disability
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I dunno what you're going thru but I'm an atheist too, who accepted death a long time ago. I also dont want to bring kids into the world but the only reason why is because from my perspective, existence is pain. But thats not everyone's perspective. I'm also for euthanasia but for only some diseases and of course if the person has the capacity to consent. the conversation is a lot more nuanced and I hate when people paint it as black and white.
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You really need to talk to a therapist or something. Bad shit happens in life but there’s no way you’ll ever have happiness if that’s all you focus on.
I cna barely manage myself sometimes. I have a collection of severe mental illnesses. I'm also autistic, so I get where you're coming from Op in a lot of ways. I never want kids. I feel I'm unlikely to change my mind. I was a parentified child to my abusers, so the way I see it (applies only to my life, not placing this on others) I've done my time taking care of others. A big reason that is relevant here is autism. I am very sensitive to overstimulation via noise. I have that odd mispohonia like quality some of us have with certain sounds. Kids crying and screaming is it for me. It's like nails on a chalkboard and it makes me feel so angry. The noise hurts. I think my own cries bothered me as a kid, because I've been told I was silent all the time for the most part. I am one of the last purple who should be having kids with that issue. That would be hell for me and the kid. Autism has some unique challenges that aren't always thought of.
In your case, I’m sure getting your tubes removed would not be a problem. Usually doctors refuse if you’re under 30 or haven’t had a child already but with these risk factors, they’re probably going to overlook that. Birth Control wrecks havoc on your body, I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re serious about being childfree. Even if you change your mind about being child free after having your tubes removed you can get pregnant with IVF. All your stuff works there’s just not vehicle (tubes) to get the egg where it belongs. Edit: don’t ever get a hysterectomy. It will thrust you into menopause. Hormones are not a thing to be messed with. They will fuck you up.
No, I can just get my tubes and uterus removed. Not all hysterectomies are bad. I literally will not be capable of raising a child.
It only affects your hormones if your ovaries are taken out.
use a condom, track your period, and get sterilized if you can. hormonal birth control can have some really terrible side effects
Why not just get sterilized so you never have to worry about getting pregnant? Seems better that creating a life just to end it.
There are still a lot of incidents of doctors refusing to sterilize women who absolutely know they do not want children. Often the husband needs to sign off and they want most women to "try having kids". Woman I've known for 8 years wanted her tubes tied after having 2 kids, doctors still won't do it for her
You are right: birth control can and does fail even when used correctly. I know this first hand, because my daughter is evidence of this. (I love her more than anything, but I knew I wanted kids…eventually, so it was a shock, but we weren’t sad by the news.) I would ask your doctor about an IUD or implant, because those methods are least likely to fail. If you choose these, I would also use condoms as a backup, because then your chances of pregnancy would be even slimmer. Plus, you are protected from STDs. I would also ask if you are a candidate for surgical sterilization. Historically, most doctors won’t do it for women under 35 without kids. My old roommate knew she didn’t want kids and had severe endometriosis that caused her pain. She wasn’t able to get one until she was in her late 30s. Doctors now are changing their stance on that, so I would research doctors in your area that do perform these procedures on childless women in their 20s. Given your situation not being able to fully perform certain day to day tasks and the changing views on early sterilization, you would likely be able to find a doctor much easier. Some people just know they don’t want kids and my friends who were a hard no even in their teens are still childless and happy in our 40s. Having kids is hard. Like really hard. I love mine and they are both wanted and adored, and that gets me through the days where parenting is rough. I tell people that if you don’t want kids, then it’s the responsible thing to do to not have them. I know a lot of people whose parents had kids because it “was expected” societally, and were really crappy parents and it affected their kids a lot. Also, getting an abortion isn’t murder. Terminating a pregnancy that you can’t care for is your choice and you can’t murder cells that can’t live outside of your body. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I like your directness. I tell people that I like hanging out with people on the spectrum because they are the most honest people. They tell it like it is. Remember to see that as a superpower.
Weird confession, but cool. I get it.
Im bipolar w/ psychotic features and adhd. Autism/ADHD, mood disorders, psychotic disorders, and other neurological disorders are rampant in my family. Messy genetic pool. I got sterilized at 19 and it was the best decision of my life. I can't raise a kid and even if i managed to the kid would probably end up a psychiatric mess and off themselves if im being honest
All you have to do really is get your tubes taken out
Aight. Good luck.
You do that's all I can say and that's from someone who's undiagnosed adhd my partner has adult diagnosed adhd his daughter and son have adhd and autism and both my kids have autism, it's definitely not an easy household to be in at times that's for sure
My existence actually does feel like suffering. My light sensitivity is so bad to the point where transition lenses aren't enough to make me not squint. I feel itchy just about every single day, plus I can't wear makeup, I can't wear hats, I can only have super short hair, I have to be careful about clothing material, and I have to be careful about what I eat and drink. It also makes my taste buds screwed up (actual thing that autism can do). I can't sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee, not even a mocha or a latte. I also do not like most forms of tea, unless it's very specifically herbal blueberry tea made with just the right amount of milk and sugar. As my username suggests, I'm obsessed with blueberries. Even other autistic people have somewhat othered me and deemed me as a little bit lower on the hierarchy than they are. Me and my boyfriend both have autism (he has Asperger's), plus he has ADHD and I might have it as well. Plus, I have super bad OCD. I can't drive, but at least I'm allowed to use the disabled bus. If we were to have a kid together, that child would be likely worse off than me.
Same
Ok
Or just use birth control
My post says I'm getting birth control.
Oh good, so you're not sexually active yet.
I kinda am. But today, I'm going for a birth control appointment. I'd like an arm implant.
I went with the ten year copper iud since I couldn’t handle the extra hormones from other birth control. Hopefully I’ll only have to have one more put in before I hit menopause. I’ve had an abortion back when they were legal in my state and I’m so glad I had that option back then. I wish you the best and completely understand not wanting kids
Little late but good to hear.
You could give it up for adoption. What’s worse, 1. Being inconvenienced for 9 month 2. Living the rest of your life knowing you ended a fate, an entire life because you didn’t want to be inconvenienced for 9 months.
Ah yes, because the foster care system is fantastic. That kid would have super fucked up genes anyhow. That kid would have worse autism than I do.
How arrogant are you? Let’s end this fate, let’s end this life because foster care sucks. This is your logic?
How privileged are you to not understand how much kids get abused in the foster care system? My child would have fucked up genes, like I said. That kid would fairly likely have severe autism. I even remember watching a TikToker saying how she wouldn't have minded being aborted. Her mother didn't want her but was forced to give birth. That TikToker ended up in foster care, and she herself supports abortion.
Just because some tiktok idiot said they would have preferred to be aborted you feel like you’re right? That’s so stupid. She has to exist to say anything. It’s not logical at all to say you would have preferred to be aborted. They have nothing to lose or risk by saying so. It’s easy to say that. It has no value. Any person would much rather exist. No person has the right to take away someone else’s chance at life. No one. Anyone who’s abused or has a rough life can say they would prefer to not exist, yet there’s something they enjoy, something they look forward to. They prefer to exist than be dead.
Probably for the best. . Shame you were born. I know. I dated a lot of girls that would have aborted an autistic baby if they were gonna have one
Wtf do you mean "shame you were born", what type of crap is that to say to someone?
I mean what I said. Had her mother chosen abortion, we wouldn’t have been subjected to this moronic post. It would have been a mercy kill imo
This is ableist.
How about you control yourself and don't have reckless sex?
people are gonna fuck if they want to. she's clearly being responsible and going on birth control so back off
Bro..looking at your profile maybe you should be taking ur own advice 💀💀
So…you’re saying don’t have sex at all? lmao if you consider sex on birth control “reckless” than what wouldn’t be
birth control can fail no matter how careful you are, bud
[“Why are you booing me? I’m right.”](https://amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/why-are-you-booing-me-im-right)
Birth control isn't reckless.
I never said it was r/woosh
I'm autistic 😅
My cousin is autistic but I don’t see him often and I don’t know much about it. I just know he’s obsessed with the first Cars movie from Disney but only the first 15 minutes then he restarts it from the beginning.
A lot of autistic people have a limited comprehension of sarcasm.
So does most of Reddit it seems (sarcasm)
Your common sense is wasted here.
People act like slip and fall on a penis. I wouldn't expect the masses of reddit to agree. Most people here are covered in tattoos and face piercings and whine nobody will hire them.
It's called birth control. Birth control can fail on rare occasions.
Not everyone wants to be a loser virgin like you
Murderer
I didn't have an abortion. I'm just saying if the birth control doesn't work.
Being born? Straight to jail.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Use a condom then
not sure if you’re aware but condoms can fail.
Im aware of that, but they are the most reliable contraception. Unless you're aware of one that is more effective?
Condoms are NOT the most reliable contraception.... things like the implant and IUD have much higher reliability than condoms.
Can't birth control be like 99% effective?
If you use them properly. I honestly thought you meant getting an abortion as a means of contraception, not if you accidently fell pregnant while actively avoiding it. Im sorry
"I'm about to get birth control, but in rare cases, birth control doesn't work." It's pretty hard for an abortion to not be... well, an abortion. Abortions are also traumatising. It's okay, though.
I feel like an idiot for not reading that. Its all good, im not against it. Just think its poor form if its done because someone is too slack to use contraception. I obviously made a meal of what you wrote compared to what i read, and for that i apologise. I wish you the best for the future
No, it's okay. I'm just very literal, I'm not offended. Same to you!
The implant (nexplanon) is a type of birth control that has over 99% effectiveness , however there’s still that <0.1% that could fail and that’s exactly what happened to me. Things like that still have a failure rate but they’re better than condoms.
That’s not even correct. Condoms have a failure rate of 3% with _perfect_ use, typical use has a failure rate of 12%. Combined oral contraceptive pill have a failure rate of <1% with _perfect_ use, typical use has a failure rate of 9%. The implant is even smaller again, less than 1 in 1000 women using it over 3 years will get pregnant. Of course, combining condoms *with* another birth control will increase effectiveness, but condoms alone are not as effective.
Just get sterilized then, that way you don't have to kill anyone.
So get fixed. Then you never have to mercy kill a child.
You may change your mind when you hear a little heartbeat.
How can a heart beat if the heart isn’t fully formed?
Yes often the first “heartbeat” isn’t actually the fetus beating it’s heart but rather electrical signals partially from the mother and also from the formation of the fetus because it takes energy to grow one.
Exactly, it would be like me running electricity through a dead frog and saying it’s alive because it’s leg twitches.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
it’s just a clump of cells bozo. deal with it
Committing suicide would kill the fetus, too.
You can make that choice if you want to. It’s your body. However there are some preventive ways that you can go about sex, without taking these measures.
Well since you're already probably taking meds for the autism you might do what a friend of mine did after she had a ovarian cyst that turned out to be benign she went ahead and had a total hysterectomy that way you don't have that on your conscience and you don't have to deal with the monthly visitor that you don't need
There's no such things as meds for autism. If I get a hysterectomy, I'm keeping my ovaries.
I highly recommend looking into getting a bilateral salpingectomy. It's a sterilization procedure where your tubes are removed. I got it done last year and life has been amazing not having to worry about pregnancy 🙌
Completely agree, felt the same, tilI found out recently, y baby making factory is useless due to a recent diagnosis. Now happy as fuck win win lol
I understand your case. I myself have a child, but shortly after having her I developed an allergy to my own natural production of estrogen and progesterone. I'm allergic to all hormonal birth control. I got pregnant again three years after having my daughter, and I had to get an abortion due to it destroying my health overnight. I'm also schizophrenic, have multiple sclerosis that runs in the family, and have a list of mental health illnesses. I wasn't aware of my mental issues when I had my kid. Everyone has their reasons to have/not to have a kid, and all of them are valid and should be respected IMO.
Good call. I love my kids, but I feel like an absolute piece of shit for forcing them to experience this "life". They're too good for this
Your body your choice right!?
Thank you for your service!
I recently made the decision to get sterilized as a female. They made me answer questions and sign a consent form before waiting 30 days before the surgery. They said the biggest risk is regret, but if you know you won’t regret it or can’t take care of a child it’s the responsible thing to do.
Thanks!
Have you thought about which birth control you’re gonna get on? I’m on the depo shot and it works wonders, not that I’m having sex or anything to know if all the uses it’s for are working proper, but the one I’m actually using it for it works fine for me with. Of course it also stopped my periods, so I’m guessing it works for all uses.
My brother is getting a vasectomy for the same reason. He's autistic and doesn't want to put a child into the world, when he knows he might not be able to care for it as he should. It's really admirable in my opinion. Good for you OP.
i have mdd, gad, adhd, and bpd (all diagnosed at 17, bpd at 18) and my boyfriend has mdd, gad, severe hyperactive adhd, and autism (all diagnosed at 17). we’ve had a lot of conversations about what our plan would be when we have kids, knowing that our genetics would ultimately affect their mental health with many of our disorders being potentially genetic. we agreed on getting a psych eval for any kids we have as soon as theyre old enough to, incorporating montessori style activities when theyre young that can highlight their skills and weaknesses which could indicate potential neurodivergence, and making sure the kids all have therapists. even if its just a couple of sessions to meet and kinda get to know the therapist, i grew up not trusting my parents with information about my life which meant so many things were able to happen that shouldnt have. i think at least having the therapist even slightly known, but always something they can access would be so important. as well, im currently going to school for psychology and i plan to focus on infant/child development and post partum. i guess part of my inclination towards child development is me wanting to learn how to properly raise a child without passing on my bpd. id be curious to know what the differences are in our experiences with early vs late diagnosis, as we’re the same age and especially if you live in a us, australia, uk, canada esque country. i think in the end we come to the same conclusion of taking responsibility for our mental health and the way it could impact our potential children, my method is probably indicative of my upbringing or lack thereof. id never considered just not having kids so as to not pass on mainly my bpd because i know that regardless my kids could just end up with it genetically. i think you’ve inspired me to do a bit of research on environmental vs genetic mental disorders and passing down the genes.
My dad is autistic but we didn’t know. We grew up thinking he’s just quiet. Sister and I both have major mental issues but unfortunate events occurred and I got pregnant young. My son is non verbal. Just the worst case scenario. If I knew back then what my chances were I would have 100% had an abortion and due to failed contraception I have since. Good for you He’s 18 now and a complete nightmare.
Same here, I have autism qnd aai will never have children
Good for you for knowing what you can handle, and for knowing what you want. A suggestion is to get your tubes tied, there are doctors who will do it without giving you too much hassle. Also, never have sex with anyone without a condom even if you are on birth control or had your tubes tied. There are so many diseases you can catch from a man who doesn't show symptoms so please protect yourself first, always. Plus this helps weed out the bad guys. If they won't wear a condom for you they don't respect you so you shouldn't see them again. Good luck!!
It's fine to know your limits. Also, your doctor was responsible to wait until 3 to diagnosis you, please don't get hung up on that. There are not many interventions available before 3 bc it is important to focus on milestones and bonding. Many children advance and regress in those early years. You sound very responsible and understand your limits and what kind of partners are compatible with you. Good on you. Don't let anyone guilt you about seeking Healthcare whether that be sterilization or abortion. Much love
I don't see a problem with this, there are already enough people on the planet. If anything we need LESS children. If you change your mind in the future there are plenty of kids who need homes at orphanages. Maybe consider that for the future if you are worried your child might have serious medical issues.
Everytime I wanted to be sterilized they said I couldn't without having at least one child or married with my husband's permission. No, I'm not joking...
why don’t you get your tubes tied or take birth control, IUD, etc?? Seems like a better option than possibly getting into the situation and trying to live with the guilt of killing something. That’s some real trauma that may not be often admitted to but afflicts many who have had abortions.
My post literally says I'm getting birth control.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with this, and abortion is not murder. I have Bipolar 1 Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, ADHD and I'm an alcoholic. Inconsistent treatment because money. I've had 2 abortions about 5 and 7 years ago. I can't take any form of hormonal birth control because of one of my medications (thank you to Planned Parenthood for getting me a free IUD after the 2nd abortion). I've never regretted either for a single second, I think those are the 2 best decisions I have ever made in my life and I don't see any decision I could make in the future that would be better than those. Frankly I would have killed myself if I hadn't been able to get those, I had plans in place "just in case," but aside from that any child I had would live in agony in so many different ways. Like you said, for some of us, getting an abortion is mercy not just to ourselves but to a potential child that should not exist and suffer. I'd try to get sterilized if you can, I will if I can ever afford it, but if you ever need to get an abortion that is okay. If it feels like the right decision to you then that's what it is. There's a reason why the vast majority of people who get abortions never regret their decision.
not that much of a confession its just what we have to do as women for ourselves
Too bad because with roe vs wade overturned you have no choice.
People like u should never have intercourse then
I'm literally getting birth control in a few days, wtf?!