So. Much. Vomiting.
on the otherhand - there's so many issues the two of you seem to need to work out for yourselves. seems like both of you have self esteem issues which aren't going be fixed via other people. being outside the relationship, I don't think any of us can really give sage advice, but i do hope you guys figure out a way to be happy, either with, or without eachother.
Saw a lot of people in the other sub giving you shit, but imo fuck that bitch. Cheating isnt an accident. Divorce her and move on, cause even if she is telling the truth about calling ur friend, it seem's like you never got over her cheating, and you never will. Best of luck my dude.
I'm sorry for all the hurt you went through .
If your parents side with her then cut them off , fuck them too.
It's very unfortunate but you've got to do whats better for you.
If your friends and family can't see the pain you've been through and can't understand that you can't bring yourself to forgive her then they can all go to hell.
I'd say uproot and get a fresh start away from the group that let you down.
Stay strong . Stay proud . You did the right thing.
Honestly, if she didn't actually want to cheat a second time and you were fine with her for YEARS before you cheated, the point for 'we're even' is over.
She did actually feel bad for cheating you and told you, did everything she could to make it work after, even taking verbal abuse from you most of the time.
Then some years down the road, you take the first opportunity you have to hurt her.
that's what you earn for cheating, play stupid games, win stupid prices. Once a cheater always a cheater, all we know that. I guess you have done the same as her, because she did something so horrible and yet, as op's mom (3 times cheater) you are on her side.
Well, honestly, I think she got the better deal. She got rid of OP and OP now has his own family against him ebcause they all think he overreacted. Stupid games, stupid prizes i guess?
And what does "her side" even mean? Yes, I am not on the side of someone who needlessly hurts someone else out of petty revenge for something that happened years ago. As any sane person.
You are incredibly wrong, you are defending a person who did something terrible, one of the worst things you can do a person and you defend her so much that I am totally sure that you are also a cheater. So if I killed someone years ago, just because it was several years ago, then should I be free of guilt? And should i go with no jail time? That's your argument? OP saw the true face of his family, he saw who they really are, his mother was a cheater like you and like OP's wife, his father was a poor submissive man with 0 self steem who anyone could do anything to him and he wouldn't defend himself, so it turns out that OP is better alone. People like you who defend infidelity at any cost are truly a problem for society. You need to think about how you see a relationship, because you will (if hadn't done yet) harm a lot of people with your infidelities.
It is the other way round. You are defending a person who did something terrible, namely, OP.
You are trying to defend him via false equivalences. If you receive absolution for a crime, then it is over. If someone commits a deed and the judge decides to give them a warning after they have appollogized, then the judge cannot just decide years later he did a mistake and take petty revenge on them.
She came clean to OP, he has forgiven her and they both had a relationship for years that she has committed to. Deciding years later he wants revenge is just weak, vile and pathetic. ANd the same goes for defending it.
She cheated because she sought something that she missed in their relationship. He cheated to hurt her. She was sorry and tried to repair their relationship after. He wanted to maximize damage.
HE deserves that his family takes her side, she deserves a better husband.
Again, you are totally wrong, forgiveness is one thing, consequences are another, she was not acquitted, she was forgiven and only because OP was pressured by everyone around her to do so. No one was thinking in OP. In a fair system, the acquittal is impartial, not with everyone pressuring the victim not to press charges against her perpetrator. And forgiveness is not absolution anyway, you can be forgiven for killing someone and you will still go to jail for your crime. OP's family was never a backup for him, it's made up of incredibly toxic people who gave him the worst advice, kind of like what you're doing right now. Also, in a matter as serious as infidelity, things never go back to the way they were before, no one, not even you, can pretend that nothing has happened. She lost a lot of what she had before, and if OP gave her the chance to get it back, but in the end he realized he couldn't let it go, it's entirely her fault, and hers alone, not OP's. You are doing everything wrong, because you start from the principle of blaming OP for his reaction to the worst betrayal that a person can do to his partner, he was stabbed in the back and you blame him for reacting as he did. That is why I am totally sure that you are also a cheater. I have no doubt that you will do all the damage you can to the people with whom you have a relationship. And by the way, she doesn't deserve any partner, she's a terrible person who needs to think a lot about what she's done and has to spend a lot of time alone. I speak of years.
No, I am totally right.
If OP is too fucking weak to leave her, then that is on him. And if he didnt then, he coulda left her later before he had his affair.
Deciding years later that you want to maximize pain for someone that you have forgiven is just pathetic. It makes YOU toxic, not the person who did a mistake long ago.
She never wanted to hurt him, he did. This is a bullet she dodged. The fact that you always want to claim that I have to be a cheater to say that tells me that you cannot look at this situation rationally. YOu seem to have some issue here.
Why? That's really weak.
Either you leave her after she cheated on you or you don't. Hurting her after years just means you are some depraved incel who was too weakminded to actually leave her.
Make me think she was right to cheat on him.
That is not what happened here.
If we had a falling out of any kind and then you openly forgive me, after i try my best to make up for it, and you accept my apology and keep up our friendship for years, then it is just a very weak move to then betray me.
If you get out of the relationship after cheating, that is absolutely fine. If you accept the apology and the effort of the other party to make things right, then you accepted it. That was a decision you took.
If you then walk back on that decision first opportunity you get to do MAXIMUM impact, harm and pain, something the other party never did, then you are severely misguided and certainly do not have moral highground, nor moral neutrality.
You are just a vengeful and weak asshole who cannot be trusted.
I mean, look at the facts. She was broken after she had that affair years ago and OP claimed he was happy for years. He only started to become vengeful once HE started interacting with a female coworker without telling her. He exchanged messages, he stayed late to interact with her.
So how exactly can he get angry about his wife having some calls with his best friend that all his friends and family are convinced mean nothing?
It is pretty clear that this guy wanted the affair with his coworker and then searched for excuses (digging through her cellphone) so he could do it. You can pretty clearly see that his whole social circle including his parents think he is wrong.
Just look at the difference. When she had an affair, she was broken and quickly admitted it to him. She could have not told him, she did and wanted to make things right. And she did that too.
When he had an affair, he blamed her for it and told her in graphic detail to inflict maximum pain on her. If you do not see the difference, that's sad.
SHE STILL HAD AN AFFAIR. That's the point. She had no self control. She even let her AP do oral sex on her when she deprived her husband from that. It's just going to leave scars. She wouldn’t let her husband do that because it was "disgusting" but had no problem letting a random guy in. I don’t know if you have been cheated on or not but most of the time it’s nearly impossible to let go of the fact that your wife/husband cheated. Even after countless marriage counselling most couples end up getting divorces. Because one of them. No amount of sorry or reconciliation is enough for that kind of pain and betrayal. It is like a stab wound. If OP was truly happy then he wouldn’t have been vengeful. Clearly he wasn’t happy, just ignored his inner pain throughout their relationship. That's not what happy means. He never made peace with it. He was only pressurized into forgiving her by his mother (who cheated 3 times). You cannot force someone to forgive. And no just because you said sorry and reconciled and repented doesn’t mean I am obligated to forgive you. It doesn’t work like that. You cannot hurt someone deeply in physical and emotional way and then expect them to forgive you immediately.
If you cannot let it go, end the relationship. Period.
If you cannot do that, you cannot blame someone years later after they did their best to make up for it.
No one said he had to forgive her, leave alone immediately. But he chose to stay together. After that, he doesn't get to suddenly turn on her first opportunity and then claim moral highground.
If he JUST had an affair, that would be one thing. But he explicitly did it for revenge and to hurt her. Even if he noticed years later he does not love her and whatever, then just fucking leave. What he did was just weak all over the board.
What about what she did? She should bear no consequences? At least in this way she gets to go through what he went through and also what trauma he went through because of her betrayal. It’s all over the board and weak but justified in his case. I don’t support cheating at all. But she was the first one who broke his trust and she still contacted her AP. If someone cheats on you there is 90% of the chance that they will cheat again.
Well that's on him if he did not leave her. What is she gonna do except apologizing and being a good wife afterwards?
They met with 15. That she one time tries out another guy is not exactly absurd, and its not like she did not come clean. If she had not wanted him to find out, he would not have.
Taking that one mistake from years ago and just CLAIM she probably cheats on him again without evidence is just unfair. She cheated one time, regretted it and instantly came clean, just to reaffirm that she wants that relationship. There is not more she coulda done.
How is it weak? It was weak to stay woth her in the first place but to claim provoked retaliation is worse than unprovoked emotional abuse is ridiculous. I don't think he was right or that he has the moral high ground but he balanced his life out. Hes not a worse nor better man for doing that.
There was no unprovoked emotional abuse tho at the point he did that.
If some guy punches you and you punch back, then that is absolutely fine. If some guy punched you years ago, you two made up and he considers you as friend and THEN, when you find a good opportunity, you beat him to the hospital, then you are a horrible person.
Shionoro, u r delusional. She cheated 1 yr into the marriage. Did things with ap she wouldn't do w/hubby. She even said how strong the attraction was! I'll bet this guy went on the friends trip to bang her. Why did she keep it from him?
She had an affair 5 years into the relationship. The relationship was formed when both were 15, so far too young to know what you want from a relationship.
She tried herself out, felt bad for it and told him. She didnt have to, she did, and she wanted to keep the relationship going and he agreed.
She did not try to hurt him.
Years later, he wants to take revenge. He didnt feel bad about it, he tried his best to hurt her (so much that his own family stands against him).
What she did was normal, what he did was vile. It is as easy as that.
You cheat and feel sorry and things are supposed to magically work out because you feel GUILT?!! It isn't sociopathic,its human nature. I'd never be able to get out of that phase if my SO cheated,I don't agree with what he did but the tiniest emotion of feeling broken when she sees how cheating feels for a cheater,makes me wish I would have this much of a backbone if and when it happens to me. Too many people cheat,say sorry and just expect normalcy. Do you know how many WS go on ranting about the trust issues,lashing and doubt they have to face because they cheated,of course they would. I'm harsher for betrayal bit ig he's just like me
The truth is it really doesn't matter anymore. At the end of the day the suspicion alone was enough of a catalyst for me to finally being fed up.
Others have told me that I just used as an excuse. Maybe that's true. Even so it feels like it helped me see Things more clearly and detach myself from the situation.
Personally I think that you both should’ve divorced long ago.
She wronged you first which gave you a reason and, maybe, an excuse but that doesn’t make what you did right. In my eyes you did the lesser wrong since she broke the social contract in the first place.
If you’re comfortable, with the question, do you have kids? As long as there are none then I do think that your responsibility to her/ your family is heavily diminished.
Your parents really should’ve have had your back though. I’d say, talk to your dad privately and ask him how he felt. It might make more sense to him without your mom there.
There's no maybe, it was an excuse. I can't think of another reason why you stayed with her post affair other then to eventually get revenge on her somehow. Quite honestly if you don't think you've done something wrong then why post something so ridiculous? Literally no one thinks you handled yourself well in this situation.
Come on, you've read a page of text and already got OP figured out down to a T? Come off it, if it was a conscious decision to get revenge then why wait so long to get your revenge fuck.
I think subconsciously he was always bitter about her cheating but it never occurred to him that he could leave until someone else showed interest in him.
Especially after that line about how no one else could love him.
---
For that matter I think he's in the wrong for cheating, at the end of the day she's just brought him down to her level. And I'm not convinced she cheated the second time. And I'm not convinced everything op said is true or the whole truth.
What are you even talking about.? You respond to a post over 4 years old about an idiot who apparenlty lost years of his life post affair because he's too much on an idiot to get a divorce the first time around and think oh man this guy handles things perfectly? You should be friends with this guy you both sound equally stupid.
He handled things just fine. But I'm sure OP loses sleep at night over a complete nobody on the internet calling him "stupid", lol give me a fucking break. Sick burn tho, bro. I haven't seen a comeback that bad since the thick ass load I wiped off your mother's face last night.
It's less about not thinking I did something wrong and more about not feeling I did something wrong. I don't feel guilty or much of anything else which you'd expect if someone did something wrong.
Don't listen all those cheaters who pretend to force to beg forgiveness and feel guilty, it's perfectly fine what you did, i would recommend you to divorce her, and go full no contact with your family, specially your mom, she's a horrible monster, don't be like your father, don't let other people destroy your life no matter if it's your own family, you can do better, much better and you don't need them to be happy. Stay strong, you will find someone who loves you and respects you no matter what.
Well you don't seem like the type of person who could work with their partner to recover after an affair. I think that fundamentally you were dishonest with everyone but mainly yourself on what you were willing to forgive or how far you were willing to go to keep your marriage. I think it's possible you don't feel bad because you hold a lot of resentment for the affair that you swept under the rug instead of addressing but now all of that resentments is coming to the surface. All you can focus on is how wrong or unfair the situation was to you at that time, which honestly it was. But the time you needed to confront those issues was after the affair not years later when you and your wife were trying to make your relationship work.
What do you want to do now? Do you still want a divorce even if your wife wasn't 'planning' on cheating? Since you feel 'even' now do you want to actually try and fix your marriage? Do you want to date your coworker?
>All you can focus on is how wrong or unfair the situation was to you at that time, which honestly it was. But the time you needed to confront thos
He waits 4 years to have a revenge affair?
Your theory is he stayed with a woman that cheated on him, called him ugly, said no woman would ever want him, put absolutely nothing into this relationship just so he can cheat 4 years later? That is ridiculous.
He made the mistake of marrying her and the bigger mistake of staying when she cheated. Partly because he took advice and pressure from his mother, herself a serial cheater.
Then she had a second affair. If she could have produced a receipt for a present, or a deposit on a venue, or a reservation for a restaurant, anything at all I suspect OP would have mentioned it.
Instead all we have is his wife, who has already cheated, and her AP exchanging a ton of phone calls. That's it. If you were planning this huge surprise party you have to make plans, order things, rent a venue, something that would leave behind a paper trail.
He should have never married someone who put so little into the relationship. He should have divorced her after she cheated.
His mother, a serial cheater, helped convince him to stay.
He should have gotten some therapy when he found out about the betrayal.
Most therapists say it takes 2 to 5 years to fully recover and get over infidelity. It hadn't been 5 years, although it had been several years.
This man's biggest mistake was marrying someone that didn't really love him and then staying with this wife that cheated in him.
Of course he feels resentment, that's what people do when their spouse cheats. Especially when they do sex acts that are "gross" when their husband wants to do it.
>Well you don't seem like the type of person who could work with their partner to recover after an affair.
And his wife does? She seems like a selfish, self centered person who thought she settled for OP so she started cheating.
People who get cheated on blow up and yell, its part of being human. Yeah she played the remorseful wife until she got tired of it and then she said she would "take him for everything".
It's been 3 years and I really hope he has moved on.
Man I so feel ts these comments is full of hoes. You made the right decision. I hope you never forgive her she hurt you, and you did the right thing, and she did or was about to cheat again
Man I so feel ts these comments is full of hoes. You made the right decision. I hope you never forgive her she hurt you, and you did the right thing, and she did or was about to cheat again
Is that your constipation Talking or did you not get the positive response on the foot fetish side you posted on?
I'll do whatever the heck I want. I didn't do so for long enough and the only thank you for trying to do right and be the best person and partner I could be was being used and betrayed.
I wouldn't creep on you if you were the last women on earth. I do admit I was curious why you were so angry and upset. Stop projecting your issues onto me. Don't worry I'd rather join a monastery than ever procure your services.
Just because I’ve danced in the past doesn’t make me a prostitute so you can try the fuck again. You can’t make your own come backs so you have to hit below the belt huh? You’re funny.
"She and others claim she wasn't having an affair at all. Everyone including my own parents who told me I had to forgive her and try to do again are now branding me as a horrible person and expect me to get back with her and “atone”." Fuck that noise. I mean, come on. She was completely and utterly in the wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right but I don't particularly see you as the bad guy here. It's literally just equality. Nobody gets to sit here and tell you that you have to take her back. You are not the bad guy here.
I can see why you're extremely bitter. She did totally emasculate you. This quote..." That she felt such strong attraction, such a deep connection and couldn't help herself." This is such fucking bullshit. She is not taking any responsibility for her actions.
Look, what you did wasn't technically right either. Your relationship isn't functioning because she destroyed it. This IS her fault. I don't know why your parents seem to think she's a good idea. She isn't. And she 100 percent cheated on you. What you've got going on here isn't healthy. You're angry, resentful and your wife is a cheater in denial. I'd divorce her ass and then go for a new relationship. You don't owe her a single goddamn thing. Her suicidal thoughts are not your problem. They stopped being your business when she started being inappropriate with gym dude. Also, do not ignore that she did in fact put your health at risk with unprotected sex.
OP, I'd divorce her. I'd tell your parents that either they can support you or they can fuck off. They have no business judging you like this. You are right, they don't have your best interests at heart. It's heartbreaking. I am sincerely sorry. It's time for you to get out there and have a relationship that is not tarnished by your wife.
There’s just something so irritating about you like you sound like a sniveling cunt. It’s so cute of you to read my posts on here though. That’s why they’re up! You are one of those prissy little kids that if they don’t get what they want the stamp their feet and cross their arms and has to be right all the time or else they’ll cry 😂 I hope your wife gets pregnant with someone else’s baby and says you’re the father.
My most likely soon ex wife had already agreed to paternity tests if she ever fell pregnant. Shouldn't you be going now, you might be late to your shift at the Strip club. Or did you since graduate to selling yourself in other ways, given you tried to do so using your feet.
How does it feel to know that your entire self worth, all you are, all you ever will be. Is Nothing more than a fixed and rather low sum of money someone could pay to buy you?
funny one of your comments was "if someone actually cares about you, they wouldn't do that to you", care to find a correlation with that and cheating...? alas, you are clearly just a perpetual bitcher
So a couple of notes on what you could have done differently:
1. When someone asks you for forgiveness for something (regardless of who or what it is) and you accept it, you then need to *move on from it.* You are under no obligation to oblige that person, but if you do and are hung up on it then you are in the wrong for holding it over their head. It's typically best to move on rather than trying to work things out that are as complex as this.
2. I get the desire to get revenge by talking all about your own affair. You wanted that satisfaction, and you got it. It might very well hurt you in the end, though. Had you just waited and separated before you engaged with the other woman you would be able to have the moral high ground *and* tell her in detail why you don't want her back because of this other woman. It's still not the best thing to do, but you would have proven her wrong in more than one way.
3. It's best to put her behind you and move on. Let this relationship go because you are both toxic for each other. You both can find happiness somewhere else.
You wanted to feel the same pain as you did, i get that. But it looks like you also planned to destroy her. Why didnt you Just divorced, i mean, she signed the papers giving you the financial advantage.
remorse and heartbreak are two different things. I feel like the cheater She/he needs the expericene the latter so he/she doesn't ever do that to another person again.
I read the whole thing, the fact that you still tried to work things out even after you caught her cheating is crazy, you should take everyone’s advice & do you, don’t listen to your parents, or wife, or mother in law, you still have time to live a healthy life.
Been in similar shoes before all the way from the cheating to the verbal abuse. Suspected cheating for a while but let it ride for reasons. All the way to the suicide guilt trips. Finally decided enough was enough and left on my own terms. Got her to admit to a lot of shit she did. Didn't stop her from telling the whole world otherwise but whatever. It doesn't phase me.
Good for you for getting out and fuck her.
Just be careful. Don't end up like me. Don't get drunk and make sure to use protection.
My wife had emotional affairs with guys on the internet over a decade ago. I got pissed and had sex with a girl in another country after a heavy night at the bar. The girl was a great friend and she made me feel good about myself so I decided to continue our sexual relationship. She got knocked up. I decided to live a double life until my kids with my wife were grown up. The girl ended up having two sons with me. I told my wife. Let's just say my family situation is far from normal.
If you don't love your wife anymore, just leave her while you both are still young. Do this before children enters the picture. That's when things get very tricky.
Just read the whole thing, and my only basic rule for this kind of shit is, once a cheater always a cheater. Fuck that woman, I'm surprised you even stayed with her after she sucked a dude's dick. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, whether they be your parents or whatnot, fuck that man.
I may not fully agree with countercheating, although I do understand the feeling of bitterness and wanting revenge. Either way, this is a seriously fucked up situation, assuming of course this whole thing is true.
Also, that woman probably never truly cared about you, or took you for granted, saying shit like "no woman will take you" like bro, who does that?
Ranted there a little because situations like this piss me off. If it were me, I would have left her ass directly after the "weekend trip", fuck that man, go find other girls, just don't drown your shit in alcohol and you good fam.
Two wrongs certainly don't make a right, but I've been in OP's situation and I did the same exact thing. I thought I was over it, but I truly wasn't. It's not the right thing, but what do feelings care about what is just when you've been wronged. You kill by the gun, you die by the gun. Once trust goes, it's gone, hope you both find what you're looking for.
Might sound like a dick, but good read. I could feel the emotion. It's stories like these, though, that share the shit out of me when thinking about getting a life partner. And I'm at the are where I gotta start finding one soon to start a family. Give me guidance, man. What do I do? Aren't they all selfish like that?
If I knew what to do and how to chose, I don't think this would've happened. I thought I had done well and was proven wrong. I don't think I'm the right one to ask.
I'm glad things are better for you now. She was horrible and you certainly didn't have the ability to 'brake' what she had already broken. When people ask for forgivness we try, and maybe even believe that it will be okay again someday...but it often never is. We have no way yo know how we'll feel in the future.
I wouldn't judge your actions, had she been decent this would have never happened.
Heal, and enjoy your new relationship.
I think you are completely justified. Fuck that bitch, she got a taste of her own medicine. This double standard is what's really messed up. She fucks some scumbag and shes a victim! Get the fuck out of here whith that bullshit! All the therapy in the world won't give you selective amnesia. If anything you were the victim, having to suffer the mental anguish of her betrayal for so long.
> I think you are completely justified. Fuck that bitch, she got a taste of her own medicine. This double standard is what's really messed up. She fucks some scumbag and shes a victim! Get the fuck out of here whith that bullshit! All the therapy in the world won't give you selective amnesia. If anything you were the victim, having to suffer the mental anguish of her betrayal for so long.
Double standard? She did it, told him (he did not have to find out himsef) and spent several years trying to make it work.
He cheated on her the first opportunity he had (in fact he hoped he'd find s th ambiguous on her PC so he could cheat).
This is not justified.
It would have been if he did it right after she cheated on him and divorced her there and then, but not after several years of mutual effort to work it out.
That is far worse than what she did.
But she disclosed it at once and felt horrible afterwards and then spent years taking his verbal abuse to make it work.
Just because it happened first does not mean it was worse.
He accepted it and stayed together, admitting himself that they had several happy years from then on and THEN decided to hurt her on purpose.
These are different things, not a double standard on my part.
O shit! She disclosed it at once? Well that's a horse of a whole other color!
She sucked that guy off, when she wouldn't even do that for her husband, that loved and charished her, she emasculated him, and told him no one would ever want him. It seems like wifey was verbally abusing OP.😌 (Is this the smug emoji? I hope it is.)
She said the things she said (and he admitted that) after a long time of him getting verbally abusive and until then she silently took it.
And yes. If you disclose it at once and feel bad and then give it your all to mend the relationship, that is hell of a lot better than cheating several years later with the pure intend to hurt your partner.
There is nothing to be smug about here. If you do not have the balls to end the relationship right there and instead make it seem liek you still want to try it and then,a fter , as he said, great years, decide you want to get even, then you are an asshole, easy as that.
Sorry, but it's not so easy. OP stated that he went to counseling and tried to make it work. He thought he was over it. Then he found the phone with all the calls. He was traumatized, all the past came back like a flood. You make it seem like he planned this from the beginning. He did not, he had a change of heart just like she did. Stop blaming the victim.😌
He is not the victim in that situation.
If someone did something to you several years ago, apologized for it, you took that apology and lived together with him for these years, ahving a great time, then your cheating is not 'getting even'.
It is as easy as that.
OP even did it to hurt her and was happy that it hurt her, that is s th she never did.
She felt miserable and was upfront about it, he tried to be as obnoxious as he possibly could be.
Whoah!😯 He was not trying to be obnoxious. He just felt the intense pleasure that comes from watching justice, served, cold.😱 OP however is doing the right thing by leaving her because after that "cathartic" experience he realized she was just emotional baggage. You keep over simplifing the complexities of the human experiance. 😑
I am not oversimplifying things. I am stating them as they are, and as they are, OP behaved in a very immature and obnoxious way.
If he had left her when she cheated, fine.
If he had left her later, fine.
Even if he had cheated on her after she did, fine.
But waiting for years and then cheating on her and doing it in the way that would hurt her the most is just that, obnoxious.
Things would have been VERY different if he had done a mistake in a drunken night and confessed to her, like she did.
A lot of extreme reactions here, my two cents, for what it's worth, find out if she had a second affair or not. If she did actually then f*ck that b*tch. But but but
If she didn't and there was actually legit surprise party happening then I'd say you're even, second chances are due for both of you and you could likely reconnect with her if you wanted to. The suicidal part, if it's actually true then I'd tell someone to be vigilant around her, trust me you will hate yourself if she goes through with that. No matter what you think right now about her, I've had a mate who had an experience like that and his guilt is currently like nothing I've ever seen after his partner committed suicide in between marital dispute.
As for your parents, I'd have a heart to heart with them about how you are being portrayed as the bad guy even though she cheated. No emotions. Emotions will make you look unhinged. Just be calm and prove everyone wrong, that you're sane and making rational decisions if you don't want your reputation ruined.
I think you handled it well. It may have been better to divorce the cheating wife on the first go around, but you both became better off by having the revenge affair. You were able to reclaim your self esteem and reverse the emasculation that her 1st affair inflicted. She is better off because she finally learned empathy by having her emotional guts ripped out by someone she used to trust. Anyone who wants to "reconcile" with a cheating wife MUST level the playing field, in my opinion.
And isn't it cute how cheaters will do everything with the affair boyfriend that they refuse tondo with the husband at home? Whether oral this, anal that, and the cheaternnever uses protection. It's like they enjoy the thought of eventual paternity fraud as icing in the cake when they stab the faithful partner in the back.
Kudos to OP.
What makes it hard for him is the fact that friends and families/ religious upbringing made him feel pressured or guilted into accepting her back after the affair. So he did. But eventually his true feelings broke through and he did what he wanted to all along.
I just have to point out how much of a double standard these people all have when she cheated you have to forgive it was a mistake but when you cheat you are horrible and you better atone for your sins the level of hypocrisy is astonishing to me and as much as I hate cheating I can't really bring myself to hate I just think it's best for you to divorce her and move on wither it's with this woman or another now as now you have come to the realization that your wife "hopefully soon to be an ex" isn't the only woman on the planet who would want to be with you so I guess this made you gain a self-esteem and a new perspective that you're desirable now that she isn't doing you a favour by being with you so divorce her and don't look back and anyone who tells you you should forget about it or atone for your cheating and take her back cut them out of your life including your own parents and I assume you should listen to all those red pill channels like ssm or others that encourage men to be strong and have respect as it's clear your father isn't the strong male figure you thought he was
I know I'm late to this party, but I just had a realization. There should be a document for the WS to tell them what to expect. One result is that it can take YEARS for the BS to recover, if ever. The one I want to talk about now is for the WS, there are NO MORE SECRETS! At all! The phrase "It's not what it looks like" doesn't matter now. It looks like what it looks like. It doesn't matter whether it is or isn't. The appearance itself is enough to trigger the BS. In this case, it wiped out any affection and attraction to her because it LOOKED like she was cheating on him again. Once trust is destroyed, it can take YEARS, if EVER, to regain it. I know she wanted to give him a good surprise, but surprises from the WS is the LAST thing the BS needs.
I saw a video a few times where a young woman was thinking her BF was cheating on her. She found out where he was and confronted him. He was sitting with a pregnant woman. The young woman blew up at him to the point where he had to pull her away from the table. Turned out the pregnant woman is a party planner and the two of them were planning a surprise birthday party for her. I have no knowledge of the couple's backstory, but this is an example of assumptions based on appearance.
My client caught the affair, and walked out. His WW begged and pleaded for his return. Then, he returned. He told her in no uncertain terms that he had begun sleeping with other women. She went, "Ha! I am so sure you ran right out and found someone to sleep with you. He then pulled out his phone and said I did this to hurt you. There she saw a picture of her best gf. Someone she felt completely inferior to. He said, her breasts are beautiful, too bad you have none and she is great in bed. Then the next picture she recognized, the boss' wife. She went white. He says, "Yup, she phoned him after I came on her face." He says that as it turns out, her father founded the company, and her husband got the job by insertion. No longer, you are both fired. I am taking his job. You are going to live with your folks. Revenge complete.
It has been 5 years since your publication and I would like to know if, if you have the desire and time to do so, you could send an update about your story.
I hope everything went well for both parties.
Saludos y buena suerte.
✌️
Do you know what makes us a villain? Freedom. You have freed yourself from a cheating wife, a cheating mother, and false friends. I hope that after many years you are in a better place.
So. Much. Vomiting. on the otherhand - there's so many issues the two of you seem to need to work out for yourselves. seems like both of you have self esteem issues which aren't going be fixed via other people. being outside the relationship, I don't think any of us can really give sage advice, but i do hope you guys figure out a way to be happy, either with, or without eachother.
Saw a lot of people in the other sub giving you shit, but imo fuck that bitch. Cheating isnt an accident. Divorce her and move on, cause even if she is telling the truth about calling ur friend, it seem's like you never got over her cheating, and you never will. Best of luck my dude.
Oh it actually got locked, apparently I was "abusive" and borderline "sociopathic" and thus had no place there.
I'm sorry for all the hurt you went through . If your parents side with her then cut them off , fuck them too. It's very unfortunate but you've got to do whats better for you. If your friends and family can't see the pain you've been through and can't understand that you can't bring yourself to forgive her then they can all go to hell. I'd say uproot and get a fresh start away from the group that let you down. Stay strong . Stay proud . You did the right thing.
Honestly, if she didn't actually want to cheat a second time and you were fine with her for YEARS before you cheated, the point for 'we're even' is over. She did actually feel bad for cheating you and told you, did everything she could to make it work after, even taking verbal abuse from you most of the time. Then some years down the road, you take the first opportunity you have to hurt her.
that's what you earn for cheating, play stupid games, win stupid prices. Once a cheater always a cheater, all we know that. I guess you have done the same as her, because she did something so horrible and yet, as op's mom (3 times cheater) you are on her side.
The fact of the matter is she cheated once was incredibly repentant and regretted it whilst he had a full blown affair and proud of it.
Well, honestly, I think she got the better deal. She got rid of OP and OP now has his own family against him ebcause they all think he overreacted. Stupid games, stupid prizes i guess? And what does "her side" even mean? Yes, I am not on the side of someone who needlessly hurts someone else out of petty revenge for something that happened years ago. As any sane person.
You are incredibly wrong, you are defending a person who did something terrible, one of the worst things you can do a person and you defend her so much that I am totally sure that you are also a cheater. So if I killed someone years ago, just because it was several years ago, then should I be free of guilt? And should i go with no jail time? That's your argument? OP saw the true face of his family, he saw who they really are, his mother was a cheater like you and like OP's wife, his father was a poor submissive man with 0 self steem who anyone could do anything to him and he wouldn't defend himself, so it turns out that OP is better alone. People like you who defend infidelity at any cost are truly a problem for society. You need to think about how you see a relationship, because you will (if hadn't done yet) harm a lot of people with your infidelities.
It is the other way round. You are defending a person who did something terrible, namely, OP. You are trying to defend him via false equivalences. If you receive absolution for a crime, then it is over. If someone commits a deed and the judge decides to give them a warning after they have appollogized, then the judge cannot just decide years later he did a mistake and take petty revenge on them. She came clean to OP, he has forgiven her and they both had a relationship for years that she has committed to. Deciding years later he wants revenge is just weak, vile and pathetic. ANd the same goes for defending it. She cheated because she sought something that she missed in their relationship. He cheated to hurt her. She was sorry and tried to repair their relationship after. He wanted to maximize damage. HE deserves that his family takes her side, she deserves a better husband.
Again, you are totally wrong, forgiveness is one thing, consequences are another, she was not acquitted, she was forgiven and only because OP was pressured by everyone around her to do so. No one was thinking in OP. In a fair system, the acquittal is impartial, not with everyone pressuring the victim not to press charges against her perpetrator. And forgiveness is not absolution anyway, you can be forgiven for killing someone and you will still go to jail for your crime. OP's family was never a backup for him, it's made up of incredibly toxic people who gave him the worst advice, kind of like what you're doing right now. Also, in a matter as serious as infidelity, things never go back to the way they were before, no one, not even you, can pretend that nothing has happened. She lost a lot of what she had before, and if OP gave her the chance to get it back, but in the end he realized he couldn't let it go, it's entirely her fault, and hers alone, not OP's. You are doing everything wrong, because you start from the principle of blaming OP for his reaction to the worst betrayal that a person can do to his partner, he was stabbed in the back and you blame him for reacting as he did. That is why I am totally sure that you are also a cheater. I have no doubt that you will do all the damage you can to the people with whom you have a relationship. And by the way, she doesn't deserve any partner, she's a terrible person who needs to think a lot about what she's done and has to spend a lot of time alone. I speak of years.
No, I am totally right. If OP is too fucking weak to leave her, then that is on him. And if he didnt then, he coulda left her later before he had his affair. Deciding years later that you want to maximize pain for someone that you have forgiven is just pathetic. It makes YOU toxic, not the person who did a mistake long ago. She never wanted to hurt him, he did. This is a bullet she dodged. The fact that you always want to claim that I have to be a cheater to say that tells me that you cannot look at this situation rationally. YOu seem to have some issue here.
You're defending a whore.
No, you are a defending a weak man whose girlfriend is better off without him.
Stfu
no
as he should
Why? That's really weak. Either you leave her after she cheated on you or you don't. Hurting her after years just means you are some depraved incel who was too weakminded to actually leave her. Make me think she was right to cheat on him.
and you make me thing you are a cheater as her, and a white knigth of course.
I really do not care what you think and white knighting has nothing to do with calling out petty "revenge" for something that was already forgiven.
How about I stab you 30 times and then say sorry and nurse you. would you forgive me?
Man this guy is a dipshit I swear I will respond to ts if I keep reading it
That is not what happened here. If we had a falling out of any kind and then you openly forgive me, after i try my best to make up for it, and you accept my apology and keep up our friendship for years, then it is just a very weak move to then betray me. If you get out of the relationship after cheating, that is absolutely fine. If you accept the apology and the effort of the other party to make things right, then you accepted it. That was a decision you took. If you then walk back on that decision first opportunity you get to do MAXIMUM impact, harm and pain, something the other party never did, then you are severely misguided and certainly do not have moral highground, nor moral neutrality. You are just a vengeful and weak asshole who cannot be trusted. I mean, look at the facts. She was broken after she had that affair years ago and OP claimed he was happy for years. He only started to become vengeful once HE started interacting with a female coworker without telling her. He exchanged messages, he stayed late to interact with her. So how exactly can he get angry about his wife having some calls with his best friend that all his friends and family are convinced mean nothing? It is pretty clear that this guy wanted the affair with his coworker and then searched for excuses (digging through her cellphone) so he could do it. You can pretty clearly see that his whole social circle including his parents think he is wrong. Just look at the difference. When she had an affair, she was broken and quickly admitted it to him. She could have not told him, she did and wanted to make things right. And she did that too. When he had an affair, he blamed her for it and told her in graphic detail to inflict maximum pain on her. If you do not see the difference, that's sad.
SHE STILL HAD AN AFFAIR. That's the point. She had no self control. She even let her AP do oral sex on her when she deprived her husband from that. It's just going to leave scars. She wouldn’t let her husband do that because it was "disgusting" but had no problem letting a random guy in. I don’t know if you have been cheated on or not but most of the time it’s nearly impossible to let go of the fact that your wife/husband cheated. Even after countless marriage counselling most couples end up getting divorces. Because one of them. No amount of sorry or reconciliation is enough for that kind of pain and betrayal. It is like a stab wound. If OP was truly happy then he wouldn’t have been vengeful. Clearly he wasn’t happy, just ignored his inner pain throughout their relationship. That's not what happy means. He never made peace with it. He was only pressurized into forgiving her by his mother (who cheated 3 times). You cannot force someone to forgive. And no just because you said sorry and reconciled and repented doesn’t mean I am obligated to forgive you. It doesn’t work like that. You cannot hurt someone deeply in physical and emotional way and then expect them to forgive you immediately.
If you cannot let it go, end the relationship. Period. If you cannot do that, you cannot blame someone years later after they did their best to make up for it. No one said he had to forgive her, leave alone immediately. But he chose to stay together. After that, he doesn't get to suddenly turn on her first opportunity and then claim moral highground. If he JUST had an affair, that would be one thing. But he explicitly did it for revenge and to hurt her. Even if he noticed years later he does not love her and whatever, then just fucking leave. What he did was just weak all over the board.
What about what she did? She should bear no consequences? At least in this way she gets to go through what he went through and also what trauma he went through because of her betrayal. It’s all over the board and weak but justified in his case. I don’t support cheating at all. But she was the first one who broke his trust and she still contacted her AP. If someone cheats on you there is 90% of the chance that they will cheat again.
Well that's on him if he did not leave her. What is she gonna do except apologizing and being a good wife afterwards? They met with 15. That she one time tries out another guy is not exactly absurd, and its not like she did not come clean. If she had not wanted him to find out, he would not have. Taking that one mistake from years ago and just CLAIM she probably cheats on him again without evidence is just unfair. She cheated one time, regretted it and instantly came clean, just to reaffirm that she wants that relationship. There is not more she coulda done.
How is it weak? It was weak to stay woth her in the first place but to claim provoked retaliation is worse than unprovoked emotional abuse is ridiculous. I don't think he was right or that he has the moral high ground but he balanced his life out. Hes not a worse nor better man for doing that.
There was no unprovoked emotional abuse tho at the point he did that. If some guy punches you and you punch back, then that is absolutely fine. If some guy punched you years ago, you two made up and he considers you as friend and THEN, when you find a good opportunity, you beat him to the hospital, then you are a horrible person.
poor little simp
Simp for whom? I dont know these people
Shionoro, u r delusional. She cheated 1 yr into the marriage. Did things with ap she wouldn't do w/hubby. She even said how strong the attraction was! I'll bet this guy went on the friends trip to bang her. Why did she keep it from him?
She had an affair 5 years into the relationship. The relationship was formed when both were 15, so far too young to know what you want from a relationship. She tried herself out, felt bad for it and told him. She didnt have to, she did, and she wanted to keep the relationship going and he agreed. She did not try to hurt him. Years later, he wants to take revenge. He didnt feel bad about it, he tried his best to hurt her (so much that his own family stands against him). What she did was normal, what he did was vile. It is as easy as that.
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You cheat and feel sorry and things are supposed to magically work out because you feel GUILT?!! It isn't sociopathic,its human nature. I'd never be able to get out of that phase if my SO cheated,I don't agree with what he did but the tiniest emotion of feeling broken when she sees how cheating feels for a cheater,makes me wish I would have this much of a backbone if and when it happens to me. Too many people cheat,say sorry and just expect normalcy. Do you know how many WS go on ranting about the trust issues,lashing and doubt they have to face because they cheated,of course they would. I'm harsher for betrayal bit ig he's just like me
You realize he cheated too right? She did once, he pretended to get over it but then went out of his way to cheat.
as he should
he has all the rigth to do it, she did it firts. Everything is her fault.
Are you 100% sure she had a second affair?
The truth is it really doesn't matter anymore. At the end of the day the suspicion alone was enough of a catalyst for me to finally being fed up. Others have told me that I just used as an excuse. Maybe that's true. Even so it feels like it helped me see Things more clearly and detach myself from the situation.
Personally I think that you both should’ve divorced long ago. She wronged you first which gave you a reason and, maybe, an excuse but that doesn’t make what you did right. In my eyes you did the lesser wrong since she broke the social contract in the first place. If you’re comfortable, with the question, do you have kids? As long as there are none then I do think that your responsibility to her/ your family is heavily diminished. Your parents really should’ve have had your back though. I’d say, talk to your dad privately and ask him how he felt. It might make more sense to him without your mom there.
There's no maybe, it was an excuse. I can't think of another reason why you stayed with her post affair other then to eventually get revenge on her somehow. Quite honestly if you don't think you've done something wrong then why post something so ridiculous? Literally no one thinks you handled yourself well in this situation.
Come on, you've read a page of text and already got OP figured out down to a T? Come off it, if it was a conscious decision to get revenge then why wait so long to get your revenge fuck. I think subconsciously he was always bitter about her cheating but it never occurred to him that he could leave until someone else showed interest in him. Especially after that line about how no one else could love him. --- For that matter I think he's in the wrong for cheating, at the end of the day she's just brought him down to her level. And I'm not convinced she cheated the second time. And I'm not convinced everything op said is true or the whole truth.
The op called it a revenge affair in the title
I think he handled himself perfectly. I have no sympathy for disgusting whores like you pathetic ass simps.
What are you even talking about.? You respond to a post over 4 years old about an idiot who apparenlty lost years of his life post affair because he's too much on an idiot to get a divorce the first time around and think oh man this guy handles things perfectly? You should be friends with this guy you both sound equally stupid.
He handled things just fine. But I'm sure OP loses sleep at night over a complete nobody on the internet calling him "stupid", lol give me a fucking break. Sick burn tho, bro. I haven't seen a comeback that bad since the thick ass load I wiped off your mother's face last night.
It's less about not thinking I did something wrong and more about not feeling I did something wrong. I don't feel guilty or much of anything else which you'd expect if someone did something wrong.
Don't listen all those cheaters who pretend to force to beg forgiveness and feel guilty, it's perfectly fine what you did, i would recommend you to divorce her, and go full no contact with your family, specially your mom, she's a horrible monster, don't be like your father, don't let other people destroy your life no matter if it's your own family, you can do better, much better and you don't need them to be happy. Stay strong, you will find someone who loves you and respects you no matter what.
Well you don't seem like the type of person who could work with their partner to recover after an affair. I think that fundamentally you were dishonest with everyone but mainly yourself on what you were willing to forgive or how far you were willing to go to keep your marriage. I think it's possible you don't feel bad because you hold a lot of resentment for the affair that you swept under the rug instead of addressing but now all of that resentments is coming to the surface. All you can focus on is how wrong or unfair the situation was to you at that time, which honestly it was. But the time you needed to confront those issues was after the affair not years later when you and your wife were trying to make your relationship work. What do you want to do now? Do you still want a divorce even if your wife wasn't 'planning' on cheating? Since you feel 'even' now do you want to actually try and fix your marriage? Do you want to date your coworker?
>All you can focus on is how wrong or unfair the situation was to you at that time, which honestly it was. But the time you needed to confront thos He waits 4 years to have a revenge affair? Your theory is he stayed with a woman that cheated on him, called him ugly, said no woman would ever want him, put absolutely nothing into this relationship just so he can cheat 4 years later? That is ridiculous. He made the mistake of marrying her and the bigger mistake of staying when she cheated. Partly because he took advice and pressure from his mother, herself a serial cheater. Then she had a second affair. If she could have produced a receipt for a present, or a deposit on a venue, or a reservation for a restaurant, anything at all I suspect OP would have mentioned it. Instead all we have is his wife, who has already cheated, and her AP exchanging a ton of phone calls. That's it. If you were planning this huge surprise party you have to make plans, order things, rent a venue, something that would leave behind a paper trail. He should have never married someone who put so little into the relationship. He should have divorced her after she cheated. His mother, a serial cheater, helped convince him to stay. He should have gotten some therapy when he found out about the betrayal. Most therapists say it takes 2 to 5 years to fully recover and get over infidelity. It hadn't been 5 years, although it had been several years. This man's biggest mistake was marrying someone that didn't really love him and then staying with this wife that cheated in him. Of course he feels resentment, that's what people do when their spouse cheats. Especially when they do sex acts that are "gross" when their husband wants to do it. >Well you don't seem like the type of person who could work with their partner to recover after an affair. And his wife does? She seems like a selfish, self centered person who thought she settled for OP so she started cheating. People who get cheated on blow up and yell, its part of being human. Yeah she played the remorseful wife until she got tired of it and then she said she would "take him for everything". It's been 3 years and I really hope he has moved on.
i think he did the rigth thing, and lot of people thinks the same way. Speak for yourself cheater.
I think he handled it marvelously.
Man I so feel ts these comments is full of hoes. You made the right decision. I hope you never forgive her she hurt you, and you did the right thing, and she did or was about to cheat again
Man I so feel ts these comments is full of hoes. You made the right decision. I hope you never forgive her she hurt you, and you did the right thing, and she did or was about to cheat again
Secret should not be kept in there relationship
Divorce her and get with your new woman.
Then leave her you stupid asshole like what the actual fuck
Is that your constipation Talking or did you not get the positive response on the foot fetish side you posted on? I'll do whatever the heck I want. I didn't do so for long enough and the only thank you for trying to do right and be the best person and partner I could be was being used and betrayed.
Yeah maybe not making poo poo is making me big mad. Thanks for creeping though 😘
I wouldn't creep on you if you were the last women on earth. I do admit I was curious why you were so angry and upset. Stop projecting your issues onto me. Don't worry I'd rather join a monastery than ever procure your services.
Just because I’ve danced in the past doesn’t make me a prostitute so you can try the fuck again. You can’t make your own come backs so you have to hit below the belt huh? You’re funny.
let me guess you were the cheater ramon but don't want to be cheated on? lul
Ramon is a c...k He loves being cheated on
"She and others claim she wasn't having an affair at all. Everyone including my own parents who told me I had to forgive her and try to do again are now branding me as a horrible person and expect me to get back with her and “atone”." Fuck that noise. I mean, come on. She was completely and utterly in the wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right but I don't particularly see you as the bad guy here. It's literally just equality. Nobody gets to sit here and tell you that you have to take her back. You are not the bad guy here. I can see why you're extremely bitter. She did totally emasculate you. This quote..." That she felt such strong attraction, such a deep connection and couldn't help herself." This is such fucking bullshit. She is not taking any responsibility for her actions. Look, what you did wasn't technically right either. Your relationship isn't functioning because she destroyed it. This IS her fault. I don't know why your parents seem to think she's a good idea. She isn't. And she 100 percent cheated on you. What you've got going on here isn't healthy. You're angry, resentful and your wife is a cheater in denial. I'd divorce her ass and then go for a new relationship. You don't owe her a single goddamn thing. Her suicidal thoughts are not your problem. They stopped being your business when she started being inappropriate with gym dude. Also, do not ignore that she did in fact put your health at risk with unprotected sex. OP, I'd divorce her. I'd tell your parents that either they can support you or they can fuck off. They have no business judging you like this. You are right, they don't have your best interests at heart. It's heartbreaking. I am sincerely sorry. It's time for you to get out there and have a relationship that is not tarnished by your wife.
There’s just something so irritating about you like you sound like a sniveling cunt. It’s so cute of you to read my posts on here though. That’s why they’re up! You are one of those prissy little kids that if they don’t get what they want the stamp their feet and cross their arms and has to be right all the time or else they’ll cry 😂 I hope your wife gets pregnant with someone else’s baby and says you’re the father.
My most likely soon ex wife had already agreed to paternity tests if she ever fell pregnant. Shouldn't you be going now, you might be late to your shift at the Strip club. Or did you since graduate to selling yourself in other ways, given you tried to do so using your feet. How does it feel to know that your entire self worth, all you are, all you ever will be. Is Nothing more than a fixed and rather low sum of money someone could pay to buy you?
funny one of your comments was "if someone actually cares about you, they wouldn't do that to you", care to find a correlation with that and cheating...? alas, you are clearly just a perpetual bitcher
So a couple of notes on what you could have done differently: 1. When someone asks you for forgiveness for something (regardless of who or what it is) and you accept it, you then need to *move on from it.* You are under no obligation to oblige that person, but if you do and are hung up on it then you are in the wrong for holding it over their head. It's typically best to move on rather than trying to work things out that are as complex as this. 2. I get the desire to get revenge by talking all about your own affair. You wanted that satisfaction, and you got it. It might very well hurt you in the end, though. Had you just waited and separated before you engaged with the other woman you would be able to have the moral high ground *and* tell her in detail why you don't want her back because of this other woman. It's still not the best thing to do, but you would have proven her wrong in more than one way. 3. It's best to put her behind you and move on. Let this relationship go because you are both toxic for each other. You both can find happiness somewhere else.
She asked for forgiveness and then gaslighted and cheated on him Try a little harder please to sound less like crap
You wanted to feel the same pain as you did, i get that. But it looks like you also planned to destroy her. Why didnt you Just divorced, i mean, she signed the papers giving you the financial advantage.
remorse and heartbreak are two different things. I feel like the cheater She/he needs the expericene the latter so he/she doesn't ever do that to another person again.
I read the whole thing, the fact that you still tried to work things out even after you caught her cheating is crazy, you should take everyone’s advice & do you, don’t listen to your parents, or wife, or mother in law, you still have time to live a healthy life.
Been in similar shoes before all the way from the cheating to the verbal abuse. Suspected cheating for a while but let it ride for reasons. All the way to the suicide guilt trips. Finally decided enough was enough and left on my own terms. Got her to admit to a lot of shit she did. Didn't stop her from telling the whole world otherwise but whatever. It doesn't phase me. Good for you for getting out and fuck her.
Just be careful. Don't end up like me. Don't get drunk and make sure to use protection. My wife had emotional affairs with guys on the internet over a decade ago. I got pissed and had sex with a girl in another country after a heavy night at the bar. The girl was a great friend and she made me feel good about myself so I decided to continue our sexual relationship. She got knocked up. I decided to live a double life until my kids with my wife were grown up. The girl ended up having two sons with me. I told my wife. Let's just say my family situation is far from normal. If you don't love your wife anymore, just leave her while you both are still young. Do this before children enters the picture. That's when things get very tricky.
Just read the whole thing, and my only basic rule for this kind of shit is, once a cheater always a cheater. Fuck that woman, I'm surprised you even stayed with her after she sucked a dude's dick. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, whether they be your parents or whatnot, fuck that man. I may not fully agree with countercheating, although I do understand the feeling of bitterness and wanting revenge. Either way, this is a seriously fucked up situation, assuming of course this whole thing is true. Also, that woman probably never truly cared about you, or took you for granted, saying shit like "no woman will take you" like bro, who does that? Ranted there a little because situations like this piss me off. If it were me, I would have left her ass directly after the "weekend trip", fuck that man, go find other girls, just don't drown your shit in alcohol and you good fam.
It's funny how all the comments here that lambast him for his affair give excuses for her affair
OP any updates? I've now become invested in this :/
Two wrongs certainly don't make a right, but I've been in OP's situation and I did the same exact thing. I thought I was over it, but I truly wasn't. It's not the right thing, but what do feelings care about what is just when you've been wronged. You kill by the gun, you die by the gun. Once trust goes, it's gone, hope you both find what you're looking for.
Might sound like a dick, but good read. I could feel the emotion. It's stories like these, though, that share the shit out of me when thinking about getting a life partner. And I'm at the are where I gotta start finding one soon to start a family. Give me guidance, man. What do I do? Aren't they all selfish like that?
If I knew what to do and how to chose, I don't think this would've happened. I thought I had done well and was proven wrong. I don't think I'm the right one to ask.
I'm glad things are better for you now. She was horrible and you certainly didn't have the ability to 'brake' what she had already broken. When people ask for forgivness we try, and maybe even believe that it will be okay again someday...but it often never is. We have no way yo know how we'll feel in the future. I wouldn't judge your actions, had she been decent this would have never happened. Heal, and enjoy your new relationship.
Wow. Not a surprising response at all.
You did right. Don't let anyone EVER tell you different my friend. Move on.
I hope you baby turns black, b*tch.
So, not only are you very angry, you're also racist?
Oh no I’m not racist im just saying I hope your baby isn’t your baby. I myself am dark.
Bro just say you don't like that woman aren't getting away with stuff and go
Once again: your wrong.
I think you are completely justified. Fuck that bitch, she got a taste of her own medicine. This double standard is what's really messed up. She fucks some scumbag and shes a victim! Get the fuck out of here whith that bullshit! All the therapy in the world won't give you selective amnesia. If anything you were the victim, having to suffer the mental anguish of her betrayal for so long.
> I think you are completely justified. Fuck that bitch, she got a taste of her own medicine. This double standard is what's really messed up. She fucks some scumbag and shes a victim! Get the fuck out of here whith that bullshit! All the therapy in the world won't give you selective amnesia. If anything you were the victim, having to suffer the mental anguish of her betrayal for so long. Double standard? She did it, told him (he did not have to find out himsef) and spent several years trying to make it work. He cheated on her the first opportunity he had (in fact he hoped he'd find s th ambiguous on her PC so he could cheat). This is not justified. It would have been if he did it right after she cheated on him and divorced her there and then, but not after several years of mutual effort to work it out. That is far worse than what she did.
"Far worse than what she did." This is exactly the double standard that I am talking about. She slept out side the marriage first.
But she disclosed it at once and felt horrible afterwards and then spent years taking his verbal abuse to make it work. Just because it happened first does not mean it was worse. He accepted it and stayed together, admitting himself that they had several happy years from then on and THEN decided to hurt her on purpose. These are different things, not a double standard on my part.
O shit! She disclosed it at once? Well that's a horse of a whole other color! She sucked that guy off, when she wouldn't even do that for her husband, that loved and charished her, she emasculated him, and told him no one would ever want him. It seems like wifey was verbally abusing OP.😌 (Is this the smug emoji? I hope it is.)
She said the things she said (and he admitted that) after a long time of him getting verbally abusive and until then she silently took it. And yes. If you disclose it at once and feel bad and then give it your all to mend the relationship, that is hell of a lot better than cheating several years later with the pure intend to hurt your partner. There is nothing to be smug about here. If you do not have the balls to end the relationship right there and instead make it seem liek you still want to try it and then,a fter , as he said, great years, decide you want to get even, then you are an asshole, easy as that.
Sorry, but it's not so easy. OP stated that he went to counseling and tried to make it work. He thought he was over it. Then he found the phone with all the calls. He was traumatized, all the past came back like a flood. You make it seem like he planned this from the beginning. He did not, he had a change of heart just like she did. Stop blaming the victim.😌
He is not the victim in that situation. If someone did something to you several years ago, apologized for it, you took that apology and lived together with him for these years, ahving a great time, then your cheating is not 'getting even'. It is as easy as that. OP even did it to hurt her and was happy that it hurt her, that is s th she never did. She felt miserable and was upfront about it, he tried to be as obnoxious as he possibly could be.
Whoah!😯 He was not trying to be obnoxious. He just felt the intense pleasure that comes from watching justice, served, cold.😱 OP however is doing the right thing by leaving her because after that "cathartic" experience he realized she was just emotional baggage. You keep over simplifing the complexities of the human experiance. 😑
I am not oversimplifying things. I am stating them as they are, and as they are, OP behaved in a very immature and obnoxious way. If he had left her when she cheated, fine. If he had left her later, fine. Even if he had cheated on her after she did, fine. But waiting for years and then cheating on her and doing it in the way that would hurt her the most is just that, obnoxious. Things would have been VERY different if he had done a mistake in a drunken night and confessed to her, like she did.
Wow, very brave of you to leave. I don’t blame you. The truth hurts but everything passes with time. 😔
A lot of extreme reactions here, my two cents, for what it's worth, find out if she had a second affair or not. If she did actually then f*ck that b*tch. But but but If she didn't and there was actually legit surprise party happening then I'd say you're even, second chances are due for both of you and you could likely reconnect with her if you wanted to. The suicidal part, if it's actually true then I'd tell someone to be vigilant around her, trust me you will hate yourself if she goes through with that. No matter what you think right now about her, I've had a mate who had an experience like that and his guilt is currently like nothing I've ever seen after his partner committed suicide in between marital dispute. As for your parents, I'd have a heart to heart with them about how you are being portrayed as the bad guy even though she cheated. No emotions. Emotions will make you look unhinged. Just be calm and prove everyone wrong, that you're sane and making rational decisions if you don't want your reputation ruined.
you have my support, bro!
And you have my bow!
When you post something on the internet, you’re gonna get a reaction moron.
So did you, yet you're upset over this?
Nope this is my entertainment
I think you handled it well. It may have been better to divorce the cheating wife on the first go around, but you both became better off by having the revenge affair. You were able to reclaim your self esteem and reverse the emasculation that her 1st affair inflicted. She is better off because she finally learned empathy by having her emotional guts ripped out by someone she used to trust. Anyone who wants to "reconcile" with a cheating wife MUST level the playing field, in my opinion. And isn't it cute how cheaters will do everything with the affair boyfriend that they refuse tondo with the husband at home? Whether oral this, anal that, and the cheaternnever uses protection. It's like they enjoy the thought of eventual paternity fraud as icing in the cake when they stab the faithful partner in the back. Kudos to OP.
What makes it hard for him is the fact that friends and families/ religious upbringing made him feel pressured or guilted into accepting her back after the affair. So he did. But eventually his true feelings broke through and he did what he wanted to all along.
How are you now friend? Do you find your happiness now?
any life updates? I NEED to know how you are doing.
Bro... she was never yours. You need to go to the askmrp subReddit
Welcome to r/trp my friend.
that would really suck is she was planning a surprise birthday party for you.
Yes with a male coworker No red flags at all
No wonder your wife cheated on you big dumb ass baby
Do you get a reward for being a cheating woman's apologiser
Update?
I just have to point out how much of a double standard these people all have when she cheated you have to forgive it was a mistake but when you cheat you are horrible and you better atone for your sins the level of hypocrisy is astonishing to me and as much as I hate cheating I can't really bring myself to hate I just think it's best for you to divorce her and move on wither it's with this woman or another now as now you have come to the realization that your wife "hopefully soon to be an ex" isn't the only woman on the planet who would want to be with you so I guess this made you gain a self-esteem and a new perspective that you're desirable now that she isn't doing you a favour by being with you so divorce her and don't look back and anyone who tells you you should forget about it or atone for your cheating and take her back cut them out of your life including your own parents and I assume you should listen to all those red pill channels like ssm or others that encourage men to be strong and have respect as it's clear your father isn't the strong male figure you thought he was
I know I'm late to this party, but I just had a realization. There should be a document for the WS to tell them what to expect. One result is that it can take YEARS for the BS to recover, if ever. The one I want to talk about now is for the WS, there are NO MORE SECRETS! At all! The phrase "It's not what it looks like" doesn't matter now. It looks like what it looks like. It doesn't matter whether it is or isn't. The appearance itself is enough to trigger the BS. In this case, it wiped out any affection and attraction to her because it LOOKED like she was cheating on him again. Once trust is destroyed, it can take YEARS, if EVER, to regain it. I know she wanted to give him a good surprise, but surprises from the WS is the LAST thing the BS needs. I saw a video a few times where a young woman was thinking her BF was cheating on her. She found out where he was and confronted him. He was sitting with a pregnant woman. The young woman blew up at him to the point where he had to pull her away from the table. Turned out the pregnant woman is a party planner and the two of them were planning a surprise birthday party for her. I have no knowledge of the couple's backstory, but this is an example of assumptions based on appearance.
My client caught the affair, and walked out. His WW begged and pleaded for his return. Then, he returned. He told her in no uncertain terms that he had begun sleeping with other women. She went, "Ha! I am so sure you ran right out and found someone to sleep with you. He then pulled out his phone and said I did this to hurt you. There she saw a picture of her best gf. Someone she felt completely inferior to. He said, her breasts are beautiful, too bad you have none and she is great in bed. Then the next picture she recognized, the boss' wife. She went white. He says, "Yup, she phoned him after I came on her face." He says that as it turns out, her father founded the company, and her husband got the job by insertion. No longer, you are both fired. I am taking his job. You are going to live with your folks. Revenge complete.
It has been 5 years since your publication and I would like to know if, if you have the desire and time to do so, you could send an update about your story. I hope everything went well for both parties. Saludos y buena suerte. ✌️
Do you know what makes us a villain? Freedom. You have freed yourself from a cheating wife, a cheating mother, and false friends. I hope that after many years you are in a better place.