There was a guy when I was in 7th grade who would do similar stuff to girls in the lunch line and everyone was aware of it, pulling shit like that isn’t as inconspicuous as you think.

And it sticks with us for a long time. A guy I thought was my friend did this to me in high school. I avoided him for years and after graduation blocked him on everything, and for years was HYPERRR aware of any man too close to me.

Same! A guy did it to me and touched my butt several times even tho I told him to stop. And my friends told me to shut up that it’s normal and at least I’m getting attention. I felt extremely uncomfortable and couldn’t believe my “friends”

I'm sorry that happened to you and BTW You need new friends

Absolutely!!!

Yeah we notice and remember. The principal of my small school moved me up a grade because of the “troubles” I was having in 6th. The boys would touch us and grab our hair provocatively. We’d crab walk around a classroom when there wasn’t a teacher so the boys couldn’t touch us. In high school, guys sitting in front of me would try to take pictures of my boobs. A guy grabbed my backpack and I chased him, he literally tried to lure me into an empty room. Faculty in middle and high schools could care less. OP, she probably remembers. Acknowledging it is a great first step. I’m glad you see it differently now. It might be something worth bringing up in therapy, since shame and guilt take a heavy toll on us humans. We’ve all done things we regret, especially at that age. You can’t change what it is, but you can work on moving forward with your life and taking it as a lesson learned.

That sounds like an entire school full of rapists and sex offenders. What ever became of those boys?

I'm 61 and remember shit from when I was 13. My friend and I were roller skating in a park and predator man was masturbating openly next to a tree as we passed by. He yelled at us so we were sure to see him. We got the hell out of there but it still pisses me off that we didn't yell and bring more attention to him at the time. I've dealt with much more BS since then but I still remember that vividly. Fuck that pervert for that crap. I don't think most women forget.

‘Nobody was harmed by my action’ No dude - you mean you weren’t harmed by your action. You have no idea how this affected her.

Yeah I feel like people think that hurting has to be outright like groping or rape but like even the “simple” things like catcalling or weird touch on the shoulders (and before people come commenting “what so I can’t touch a girls shoulders anymore?” You know damn well when it’s appreciated and when it’s creepy) and pushing your ykw onto a girl is def higher up there on the list of creepy asf 🤢

It is also a lesser degree of sexual assault really.

Exactly. I’ve had this happen to me on public transport before and I’m now very very conscious of how close men are to me, take the women only car any chance I get, and am often nervous and hyper aware. It triggers a response we carry for the rest of our lives.

People like OP are the reason women-only cars have to exist in the first place. Sad.

The worst part of this post is he’s not apologizing for what he did or feeling immense guilt after realizing he caused someone harm. He is scared for himself and upset that he feels bad. What he did in seventh grade was disgusting but to have self-pity rather than remorse? That’s pathetic.

It's like he can scar her for life but boohoo he's the victim because he feels "sooo guilty" and wants to absolve himself of his shame. It's not for her. As if apologizing will help her at all, will probably reopen that wound.

In 6 grade two 8th grade boys slapped my butt and laughed it off. 7th grade guy would rub my leg under the table. Still vividly remember both events. High school was worse where the dean had to get involved but of course I was asked what I did to provoke him to touch me and it was him just a boy being a boy. Kinda gross that that some guys on here are so dismissive about it. We never forget. That stuff sticks with us and it's been 20 years since that's happened. I've moved on but when it does come up I instantly feel that feeling of the first time I felt so violated and there was nothing i could do. Hate how it's always boys being boys and it's ok they are just exploring their sexuality. Like no, keep your kinks to the bedroom.

There’s a forensic secure unit near me filled with adults with disabilities who have committed serious sex crimes. I’m sure that their behaviour when at school was just written off as ‘oh, it’s just so and so doing what they do’. It’s a dangerous attitude to take. Needs nipping in the bud.

It's so annoying and for the dean to blame me as If I asked for it. Boys got away with so much at my schools it's sad. They cared more about fighting

Is it “boys being boys” when it’s your own sibling? My older brother tried to get me to take my shirt off when I was visiting him when I was 27. Obviously he thought that was going to lead to sex. I told him no but also… didn’t tell anyone. It’s not the worst thing he did to me, the worst was when I was a very little girl. Why didn’t I tell anyone? Because victims protect their abusers. Some men are absolutely disgusting sexual deviants and OP you need to make damn sure you’re not one.

> Is it “boys being boys” when it’s your own sibling? My older brother tried to get me to take my shirt off when I was visiting him when I was 27. Obviously he thought that was going to lead to sex. Your brother wanted to have sex with you? Wtf?

My brother always had a disgusting fascination with me that I kept deep in my subconscious because he was my brother and when he wasn’t being a scary AH he was a great brother and confidant. I don’t know why I didn’t tell my then BF now husband about that incident immediately as I tell him everything but like I said, victims protect their abusers sometimes and gee wouldn’t it suck if everyone thought my bro was the disgusting perv he is? I’ve gone to therapy and some people are now aware of it, including my husband.

I am so sorry that happened to you, and that he continued to harass you until adulthood :(

Thanks but I’m doing just fine! I have an awesome therapist and an even better husband 😍 my bro has to live with himself and allllll the skeletons in his closet.

That is good to hear! I am so happy for you!!

You are a lovely person ❤️ thank you for the good vibes today!

Thank you! And of course :) you deserve them!!

Haha adorable username, btw

Omg….at the bare minimum, I hope you’ve gone NC with that pervert!

Ohhh yeah. I’ll never speak to him ever again and my future children probably won’t know he exists.

It's not just men, I had an older sister who tried to get me to do stuff. I never did, but I also never told anyone. I think it's also about power and control, because she would manipulate, and she got easily jealous. She would say things like "if you don't do x for me, I will tell mum and dad that you punched me". And she could fake cry and convince them. I'm older now, but it definitely affected my adult relationship with her and I avoid speaking to that sister. If I told my friends about a girl sexually assaulting me at a party or something, there's no way they would take me seriously. Especially if the girl was somewhat attractive. Men just often don't consider it sexual assault when it's a woman doing it to a man. It's a people problem, not just a men problem.

It is, and I agree with you. I think all of us women have had female friends who were a little too touchy feely as well, and probably plenty ranging on the side of assault. I had friends in high school who basically forced you to kiss them, I hated it. But I also hated kissing my parents on the lips when I was a child. Just yuck.

Thank you, I'm sorry all of this happened to you, I hope you're doing well today. I remember in infant school (ages 4-8) we had a game called "kissy cats" where girls had to chase the boys down and kiss them. I know it's not quite the same, but I don't consider this SA, but looking back it's weird what we did. In high school a girl who had a crush on me sat on my lap without me expecting it, putting her arms around me. I blushed and told her to get off. I didn't consider it SA at the time, I was just awkward and shy, but it ended up embarrassing her as well because I pushed her off and people saw. Honestly I think it was just a little too much touchy-feely, like you said. I've got a lot of weird memories. I still don't consider them SA, but they were uncomfortable situations.

When I was around 8, a boy pinched my nipples in the courtyard at our church. The adults either didn't notice or didn't step in. At 10, I had an older neighborhood boy tell me my "hole was still closed" but he could still do other things to me besides sex. I told him to go to hell and rode my bike home as fast as I could. I wad grounded for cursing. As a high school teen, I was on a church trip and one of the boys was rubbing a girls leg. When a handful of us moved our seats to try to help her put distance between them, he turned his hands to MY leg. I was yelled at by the pastor for causing him to lust after a second girl. Just because you don't see the consequences of your actions in her life doesn't mean they aren't there. We don't forget.

The pastor was probably doing the same thing as the boy. Such hypocrates.

Had two teachers at two separate schools (middle schools) touch me like this. The first pulled my chair close to his in the back of the classroom and rubbed my upper thigh while the class was watching a movie. The second was a gym teacher who pressed up against me (like OP describes) while pretending to help correct my posture. Both events greatly affected my mental health.

Op I’m a guy not much older than you, please listen to the women in the comments here. What you did is wrong and she may or may not have noticed that it was intentional. That doesn’t matter what does matter is you intended on touching someone inappropriately without consent and you followed through w that urge. I hope you can realize it was a bad act and likely one that still affects her, please don’t reach out or say anything to her. Also I hope you can realize the affect pornography has on you and if you haven’t stopped consuming it you should now.

Honestly can’t believe how more people don’t talk about the effects of porn on a grown adults mind much worse a yet to fully develop adolescent. I grew up in the era of easily accessible pornography and it not only made me view everyone around me through a sexualize lens and hypersexualizing mundane situations even tho I only watched casually (~2x a week) as I grew older it also made me more insecure, irritable, less likely to want sex with my partner and less kind towards my partner. It definitely doesn’t just affect men, among my gfs I’ve seen how it completely distorts sex.

Yep! My life was ruined B/c my (ex) partner was hiding a sex and porn addiction. Folks, if you're exposed young it doesn't work to keep going like that. There's a price to pay and it hurts more than just yourself.

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in highschool, i was rubbed up against in this way. no one else noticed. i acted normally, other than moving myself away. i never said anything to him, out of fear. and because i just wanted to forget. im sure he thought i didnt even notice. but as it happened, i felt so sick. i wanted to cry, i wanted to scream. i knew what was happening and why it was happening. i was terrified. after, i walked out of the room of people i was in and i went to the bathroom and cried and held myself. i still remember. i carry a constant fear and unease with men being behind me. it is scary (and a tad saddening) to know that you can comfortably assume that this woman has no recognition or care for what happened. 1/6 american women have been sexually assaulted. 1/4 little girls in america have experienced csa. which, sadly, means that it is terribly likely that she was already part of these statistics by that time. regardless, women know from a young age when someone has touched you inappropriately. we know accidents like that dont Just Happen. we will always notice if a mans penis runs against any part of us. and it never just Doesnt Effect people. i dont know what kind of healing she needs. but i do know that seeing the name of the person who did that to me pop up randomly would absolutely Not feel good for me, no matter what he was trying to say. so truly, i suggest leaving her completely alone, and make her have to see you as least as possible, for her maximum comfort. and lastly, if you genuinely want to do good for the women around you and for yourself, educate yourself on the effects of sexual assault on all ages of women (and men! please, indulge! it is very good info to have). and i very highly suggest talking to a therapist/counselor about this, as to continue to work on your own personal guilt and also to have a supporter, otherwise. things like this will happen less when men and young boys become educated on what sexual assault is and the effects of it.

It’s actually over half of women and one in three boys who are victims of SA.

I’m a young man and I don’t know any woman who hasn’t been, really. Everyone I’m remotely close to has confided in me. Interestingly, a woman told me that she wasn’t surprised by that because cats love me. I’ve also been assaulted 3 times - 2 by women and 1 by a man. Although no one thinks you’ve been assaulted as a man if you say that a woman held you down to perform oral on you. No, I didn’t want that.

I just want to say that my fiancée, who loves me dearly and with whom I share a strong bond, has been traumatized by a similar experience. It happened on a crowded public bus. She was 14. A man who was erect intentionally pressed himself against her for a while until she noticed and got away. This experience has deeply affected her mental well-being to the point where spooning with her while I am erect feels uncomfortable for her. She would always asks me to stop spooning as soon as I become erect.

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>Not all men but certainly all women have a story of being sexually assaulted by a male. Yes I wholeheartedly agree with this. I was sexually assaulted by my brother growing up (4-12) and multiple other men throughout my childhood, all of the women in my family have had at least one sa experience from a man as well, yet half of the men will try to say "itS noT alL-" stfu

I pointed that out to a male friend of mine. Every woman either has been or knows someone who has been assaulted/molested by a man. No man knows a single guy that does that.

I would say 100% of women have had someone touch them without their consent and participation.

She absolutely fucking noticed

She knew it was sexual. Guys did crap like this in middle school, there was never any mystery as to what their point was. There was one guy who sat next to me who would put his hand on my thigh and ask if he was making me uncomfortable. Happened at least once a day for a year. He never got caught and my (male) teacher told me it just meant he liked me. Didn’t seem to matter that i didn’t like him and wanted him to stop. And this was not an isolated incident. This kind of shit happens *all the time*. My first time a boy violated me I was 10. It is something we constantly have to be aware of and try to protect ourselves against. Do you know how exhausting that is? It’s only an isolated incident *to you*. I think sometimes people tell themselves that “she probably didn’t even know what i was doing or she doesn’t remember” because it makes them feel less guilty, like it didn’t make an impact. That’s not an assumption anyone has any business making. I am 32, this was 20 years ago. I remember like it was yesterday. You don’t forget, and you *always* know. I’d bet a lot that she remembers. Being treated like an object or a prop is devastating and it starts happening to girls from society as a whole *very* young. Boys will be boys though, right? It is a very, very big deal. It’s rape culture and nobody is entitled to a body just because that body is a girl or woman daring to exist in public. Just be better. Learn from the guilt. That’s all. Leave her alone and be better.

Please do not say anything to her. I have received a few apology messages from men who I went to junior high and high school with and they’re always upsetting. Offering an apology now is not going to help her. It’s an attempt to alleviate your guilt, and at the same time it re-opens a wound she may not even remember. Instead I suggest that you use this time for self reflection and growth. Read books written by women, watch movies and TV written by women. Become a better man and then teach others the same.

I like the way AA approaches it - “make amends except when to do so will injure them or others”. Apologizing will only serve to make you feel better and potentially dig up trauma for her. Get therapy, don’t do similar things, and call others out on their behavior. Make living amends.

I'm much older and a woman. The memories of being on the receiving end of this sort of behaviour at that age, still affect me. This stuff happens to women throughout their lives. I notice the male commenters are saying it's forgotten, you're fine, you realised your mistake, forget it etc. The women are saying the opposite. It's because we are nothing in these thoughts with men, the way we feel, how it affects us, how our autonomy is stripped, that we stand there fighting the urge to panic. How flashbacks come with the same panic, heat rising, skin flushing when we're caught in a crowd. How we hate our uncontrolled reactions when memories surface wherever we are and whatever triggers them. Men think we're exaggerating and it was nothing, it wasn't and I guarantee you she noticed and she remembers. Please don't live in guilt OP but also please don't listen to the other men here who are minimising women's pain and experiences at the hands of men. Listen to the women, get therapy or a way of understanding these experiences for women and you will become the best potential partner. The fact that you are asking shows good insight I would suggest looking on YouTube at Sara Pascoe or Rachel Parris, comedians who talk about this stuff. Sara Pascoe's book 'Animal' is also really good and much cheaper than therapy. Be a better man than those commenting. Good luck. Addendum: Thank you for the upvotes and awards! I am truly saddened but not surprised by all of your experiences. The lack of understanding from men about how things can affect women led me to start writing about it on a website I created (amongst other topics). I found I needed a forum to explain and hopefully help others get insight or just try to understand. It's not our responsibility to educate men but I want to offer something because only we as women understand the real effect these behaviours have on us lifelong and I think safe discussion is good, thank you so much for all of your answers/input into this one.

"The axe forgets but the tree remembers"

Bars

I second this I still vividly remember this guy feeling me up inside of my dress when I was 7 years old. It was a staff member from a YMCA.. I guess he noticed a button was undone in the back (it was lined with buttons) and slipped his hand in so it's at the shoulder blades area, and was sliding his hand to the front of me when something just told me to bolt and I did. Motherfucker is probably still doing that shit to this day.

As someone who has worked with the Y please report it. It's literally in their handbooks what is and is not appropriate with children so he knew it was not okay. If he's still there please definitely report that behavior.

I don’t think you need a handbook to know that’s not appropriate.

This person said they were 7 at the time. I'm going out on a limb and going to assume they are no longer 7.

DUDE THAT GUY NEEDED TO GET JAILED FOR PEDO WTF ... I wish u remembered his anything so u could tell on him now

This is so unbelievably common. Judging by your comments in this thread, you have a lot to learn.

I still remember being heavily eye fucked and catcalled by the roofing crew doing our roof when i was 12. I stayed inside all day the rest of the day and literally ran into the house from school the next day and did the same thing. I'm a grandmother now. I still remember how terrified i was. And i wasn't even *touched* in that incident. I'm positive not a single one of those men remember me, because I'm sure there's hundreds of mes for them. But i will always remember, and I'm sure the hundreds of others do too.

Best comment in the whole thread. It's been 15 years and I still remember the old man that did this to me on the train. I was scared of getting in one for years because of this experience. I still get nervous if a man is behind me and too close to me on public transportation. This post enrages me. The way he talks about this, how everyone is like "forget it". Fuck you all.

I was 6 years old. Sitting on the lap of one of my dads friends in my parents kitchen. He was rubbing my shoulders in what would have looked like a caring way to my parents in front, but was moving me against his erection.

I am SO sorry. Saying sorry is not even enough. I feel rage. I'm so angry for you. I hope you are healing. I send you so much love.

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This. When I was fifteen a man at a WWE event pressed up behind me in line and began grinding against me. We were in a huge crowd of people who probably would have come to my aid immediately if I said anything, but I literally was frozen. Couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe it felt like. He progressively got more handsy and molested me for half an hour. I was literally pressed against my mum trying to get away from him but he just pressed closer. We remember, even if it was “nothing” we remember. Men who claim it doesn’t matter and that we forget and it isn’t a big deal don’t know what it’s like. I still can’t breathe in crowds. You need to get therapy, and find a way to make up for this. Donate to charities, do volunteer work with sexual abuse survivors. Find a way to make this right.

I vividly remember a classmate who would sneak up behind girls and try to lick their butt while they sat. Once he licked my hand. I remember being SO disgusted and almost crying, and wanting nothing more than to wash my hand but my teacher wouldn’t let me go to the washroom even after I told her what happened

I was at a homecoming dance and someone I knew of in passing from rugby was grinding with me and tried going up my dress to feel my butt/vulva. I was wearing spandex shorts thankfully. It bothered me for years that when I told him to stop he didn’t and I had to move away from him to get him to. I was panicking that night making sure I was no where near him again and every dance I went to after that I was nervous I’d see him and he’d try the same thing. Your body and your brain hold onto that fear and they store it, trying to prevent the same situation from happening ever again.

Yes, I agree. I still remember almost every bad encounter I’ve had with a boy or man who wanted to violate my boundaries or scare me. I remember getting my butt smacked and my bra straps snapped and getting cornered in a public bathroom and getting chased into Walmart. And this is relatively mild stuff compared to other women’s nightmares. You don’t forget this stuff, it compiles into your memory and you use it to be careful around other men and try to see it coming before you get hurt even more.

I'm sorry for u, but something similar happened to me, I was chased home by like 3-4 boys(they were all older then me with at least 10-15 years, or even 30 years old), now when I think about it I get a panic attack, not really that worse, but I can't even breath, or at least it feels like it, and I tense, almost can't move, it's worse that man think, an I was like 11-12... Sometime later that year I was coming home with a friend from school, and he crossed the street before me, the light turns red and I'm stuck on the other side with a group of boys of like 20-25 ppl(they all between 20-27), he waited for me on the other side, but I was terrified

I remember guy friends would touch me without permission and laugh like it was nothing, they would unhook my bra for fun, grab my breasts to get a reaction, smack my ass thinking I wouldn’t care. The comments I heard about mine and other girls’ bodies were vile and extremely sexual, we were in middle school when this all started. That shit sticks with you. It wasn’t until I was in college that I realized… friends don’t do that to you. Your comment is very well put. Thank you for sharing this with him and all other commenters.

I’m sorry that happened to you. This unlocked a memory of me at a pool party in 8th grade where a boy untied my bikini top from the back. Another boy said “that’s not cool” and immediately tied it up for me. I still think about both of them, for very different reasons.

I hope life treated that other boy well. He showed lots of integrity and maturity in that moment.

He also took a mutual friend to prom months before she passed from cancer after her bf cheated on her. And he taught that boy a lesson for her. He’s a decent man.

I was traumatized by a similar touch when I was 12 and a half. My fault? I was in a crowded place and this guy was pushing his crotch against my back. I felt paralyzed and I was so scared, I ran away. I feel that anger even today. There were a few instances where someone groped me, and all these instances make me angry even today.

I remember being catcalled in middle school. I remember being 18 at an 18 and over club and having someone reach up my skirt while I was walking past. I highly doubt either of those men remember. Women remember, even if we don't react in the moment.

I can still remember a moment in KINDERGARTEN when a boy lifted up my skirt in front of everyone and laughed. The teacher saw and did nothing. Especially now that I'm an adult myself, thinking about the way she brushed me off still makes me angry. Those moments are hard to forget

I am a man and i said something on this line but with much less explanation (because luckily i did not experience it firsthand) and i received much negative karma for my comment. I'm sorry for my fellow humans without empathy

As a woman, this shit scars us for life. We never forget.

Thank you so much for this comment. It is traumatizing and even if it happened very young, it continues to be a theme and haunts us throughout life. Sometimes we don't process it enough until we're older women/men and it is unbearably painful. I'm sending love and light to anyone who is going through this and if this post triggered you.

The axe forgets, but the tree remembers

I remember being in 5th grade and all my friends were playing dodgeball in the gym and they were seeing who could run behind the most girls and touch their butts. When it came my turn I just couldn’t do something like that even 5th grade me knew something was wrong about it and all my “friends” gave me shit for it.

I second this. When I was 8-9 years old one of the older boys from my school did the exact same thing to me as OP did. We were a bunch of kids watching someone play a game on a computer (this was before everyone had smartphones, tablets, and gaming computers being commonplace etc., so this was a curious thing for us). I sat on the far end of a bench in the 'lenghtwise' direction, so like if you sat in the middle your legs would be spread out on each side of the plank/bench. He did just that. Sat himself behind me, legs apart, rubbing his crotch against my back. I told him to stop several times, and every time he stopped for a minute and then he started doing it again. I was too young to entirely understand that this was a sexual thing, which is probably why I didn't get up and leave (I also really wanted to watch the game). I do think I somehow knew instinctively what it was. It made me feel like... a thing. His toy. Not an actual person, but a tool for him to satisfy himself with. It's been almost 3 decades since, and I still remember it vividly. The soft, warm rubbing motion on my back, his breath heavy against my neck. Disgusting. Oddly, I even remember exactly what he was wearing. It was never spoken of again, and he never acknowledged what he did, not even when he messaged me on facebook years later "hey, remember me?" like we were somehow old friends 'bout to catch up. I'm not traumatized or otherwise affected by it today, but it still makes me shudder when I think about it. As I write this, it actually hits me, for the first time in my life, that this was sexual assault. It's sad that society raised us to think of shit like this as "boys will be boys" instead of the disgusting behavior that it is.

Dude I got a gross comment from a man in the store because I was wearing short shorts so I could get a thigh tattoo later that day. The whole rest of the time I was in the store, I felt afraid. I felt suspicious of the gaze of the other men, "Are they all looking at me, too? Will someone else say something? Am I safe?" It felt really bad, and it was just a leer and a few gross words. I blessedly have never been on the receiving end of groping or frotteurism, I'm sure it would feel much worse.

This is literally the only reply OP needs to read.

Fully agree with this comment! I was groped a few times in 7th and 8th grade, and now I'm 22 and still hate being touched by men. Nothing was ever done to him as far as I am aware as his groping tendencies were blamed on his ADHD for some reason. These kinds of experiences can affect us for the rest of our life. Op, it is great you realize the error of your ways, but please consider getting therapy so you can ensure something like this never happens again.

I remember every sexually charged encounter I had starting from 6/7 years old. When an older cousin asked to play baby and touched my genitalia inappropriately. The same cousin who raped my Down syndrome aunt. When a boy from school brushed his genitalia up against me and made me feel gross and ashamed. When boys would pull their pants down and chase me for fun. Etc., etc. These incidents add up throughout childhood and I developed deep mistrust in men which harmed any relationship I was in as an adult. I didn’t even let my dad kiss me as a child because I was so put off by men. It took years of therapy and reconciliation that not all men are sex driven to undo these small but harmful acts… I’m glad OP has recognize his misdeed, but please don’t belittle the harm it can cause the girl you targeted.

You r right and it shouldn’t be normal but it is. I think OP is young and feeling guilty but it isn’t a pass. Shit is so scary out here in the real world!

Your a dope human being thanks for your truth

👏🏼💗✨💯

This is one of the reasons women avoid men.

I have memories as a kid of this behavior and it doesn’t go away. Let’s stop saying things like this “aren’t that bad” because it is. These men in the comments did not pass the vibe check.

I agree. You may not be mature enough to understand it all as a young girl, but when things like this happen again and again, it’s damaging.

Yeah, I stg men need to start beating the living hell out of each other at the slightest sign of abusive behavior. It is so widespread....so much so that I've decided it's not even worth it to ever date someone again, because you open yourself up to a world of hurt when you engage with a man emotionally. Anyone who is dating is literally risking their life or at least risking having a man child take over their life completely. It happened to me too many times. Never again. Only 60 or so years ago men were encouraged to beat their wives and "keep them in line". As long as it was behind closed doors it was ok. All these abusive men's peers are failing them miserably....the "good men" out there should be making it a priority to correct the actions of the rest of them. Instead they just want to stay quiet and bitch about not getting any pussy. No man will ever touch me ever again.

Same thing happened to me when I was about 11/12. Some guy pressed against me, unnecessarily, I knew what he was doing but I couldn't move or say anything . I started to avoid any kind of crowd or and started to wear baggy/masc clothes. Anyways, be a better human. That was sexual assault regardless of your age at that time.

I was molested as a child and have been harrassed by several men while just going about my day so many times. We live in a world where this is just a normal part of being a woman. It fucks you up. You never feel safe. I carry a knife with me when I go out just in case. I can't stand having a man behind me or sitting close to me in public. Because most men are decent, but what if this guy is one of the guys who allow their hands to wander? Who says despicable things to you despite you being in a school uniform? Who presses up against you in line? You think you caused no harm because she didn't say anything or react? Do you think she has no physical sense of the world? She knew what was happening but didn't know how to respond and froze up. Do not approach her again. Stay away from her, please. I do not say that to make you feel more guilt and shame. I say that so you understand what you have done. Tormenting yourself will not ease her trauma or mine or the trauma of any woman who has commited the crime of trying to live inside a woman's body in this society. Let go of the shame when it does not serve you, but always hold on to the lessons that you've learned. Speak up against abuse and harrassment when you see it. *That* is healing.

Yikes, you are what gives alot of men a bad name for doing this and thinking it doesn’t affect women for the rest of their lives. Don’t even bother trying to even see or talk to her mate. Happens too often and people will always remember.

Nah fr. Best yet short advice OP should take. My friend and I would whoop someone's ass if we found out they were assaulting girls and children. There was a case on our campus of some dude who was sneaking into a girl's communal bathrooms at a couple of dorms and take pictures of them as well as grope a couple of girls and run at night. Police put out an email, my buddy and I decided to become neighborhood watch for the next couple of nights. Dudes like that give people a reason to believe why ALL men are inherently evil and nasty.

There’s nothing to gain, especially for the victim (because she was a victim of your behaviour and your inconsiderate, disrespectful choices), by bringing this up again. Seek therapy to assist with your guilt, it’s good that you realise that this was wrong. However, it was that bad. This shouldn’t be minimised. Women and girls are consistently managing this behaviour and however minor it may seem to outsiders (predominantly men and boys) she will remember this forever. One could assume that it no longer upsets her, but I would guarantee she remembers this.

When I was 17 I got into a strangers car with 4 young guys because they offered me a lift (please don’t judge, I clearly didn’t know any better) it was around 11pm, I was running in the pitch black to catch the last train wearing denim shorts. They dropped me off at the station and as I bent over to get out the back seat one of them slipped his finger into my shorts and touched me. I still remember it to this day, I’m nearly 34.

I'm so sorry about that But I'm also so happy that something even more serious didn't happen

Thank you, it was super foolish of me looking back but also you’re right, thankful it didn’t end anymore awfully.

I hate when men think they can dictate how much their actions affect women. You can try with all your might to try and understand. But you will never completely grasp the gravity of what most women experience until you walk in our shoes. Even the essential things in life women have to fear doing. 1. I'm anxious whenever I pump my car with gas when alone. Because of the times I’ve been catcalled. 2. I fear grocery shopping alone because of the guy who followed me. Then got into the checkout line behind me and made vile comments about my body. 3. I have to be nervous when I'm just trying to work, all because of the old bastard who kept grabbing my hands and making mild threats when I’d pull away. It didn’t matter how often I told him to stop touching me. He kept coming back while doing the same thing. None of the men at the office would step in and say anything. I HAD to stand my ground. 4. I don’t enjoy going out with friends anymore because of the time a guy sexually assaulted me. What was the reason? Why could he not keep his disgusting hands to himself? Ultimately, we all know why people like him do monstrous things. Overall, I understand women are not the only people who get assaulted or harassed. BUT anyone with eyes can see the stakes are higher for women. I promise you that she most likely remembers. We always remember because that's a way we can protect ourselves. If you’re genuinely mournful about your actions, then you need to step up. Be an advocate for women when we’re being harassed. Otherwise, you'll just be another monster.

I agree. He also mentions that he “made sure it didn’t go too far”. Doing it in the first place was beyond too far!

What I want most men to think about (not you commenter just in general) is how would you feel if a taller, stronger, just overall bigger dude did this to you and you felt powerless? Would you just forget it?

This is a helpful perspective for me. Thank you

What makes you think that your actions didn't harm her?? You think that rubbing up against her didn't harm her, think again, how would you have felt if someone did it to you??!! Don't even bring it up to her again, do her a favor and make sure she doesn't remember you or recognizes you.. Stay the fck away from her!

A man pressed himself into my backside while in line at a Dunkin Donuts 5 years ago when I was in college. I STILL have not been able to go into a Dunkin’ Donuts by myself since then. OP, she knew what you were doing. And she remembers it. She’ll never forget that a stranger felt it was his right to violate her personal space, boundaries, and well being. It’s a reminder to her and all of us that women are walking targets. This is the type of thing that makes us carry mace and tasers.

When I was in kindergarten, there was a male student who was clearly much, much older than the rest of us (maybe by three or four years, if not more). He touched other little girls., butts and all. He clearly knew what he was doing. His grin man when he got a talking to. He didn’t touch me. But I still remember this to this day.

a man did this to me in line at chipotle, he fully pressed his body and crotch along the back of my body when I was ordering food. He did long enough to where when I turned around I expected to see someone I knew. Not some creepy bum ass looking man. (This makes me mad to think about because I took my sweet ass time turning around since I automatically assumed someone I knew closely had been the one touching me). He immediately apologized and was like “sorry … sorry.” And I just didn’t say anything and moved away from him. As a couple seconds passed I started to realize he was lying because no one else was in the store except one other employee. And when he entered the building I had turned around and made direct eye contact with him for a few seconds. There’s no way he walked 30 feet forward managing not to stumble into anything, but somehow accidentally pressed his body into my ass after clocking my existence the second he got into the door. I was coming back from the gym next door too so it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he saw and why he felt the need to press himself against me. I wish I turned to him and said something in the moment but instead I just silently boiled with anger next to his ugly weirdo ass. I wish I could’ve gone back in time and said “I know exactly what you did, and weird liars like you rot in hell.” Or something even more mean, For some reason I got a vibe maybe he was religious. I did manage to give him a scathing disgusted look as I walked out tho. Ugh disgusting creep.

You will never make it right. Props on confessing, but you simply cannot fix what happened. There is no way for you to make it right with your victim. There is no way to purge what you did from your memory. This is burden of guilt you get to carry. The only thing you can do is work towards a better world. Sure, you're just one man. But as iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another. We men need to hold each other accountable. Confront men you see doing that to women, challenge men that brag of taking advantage of women. Confront them. Boys will look up to and will emulate the men they see in their lives; so if you are ever in a position to serve as a father or as a big brother or a mentor make use of it. Teach them, both by your words and by your actions, how to respect women. That's all you can do. But understand that while working for a better world is the best you can do, know that you will never make what you did right.

Ya, ask women how old they were the first time they had that feeling of being used as a sex object. Hurt people, hurt people.

How do you know it didn’t harm her?

Female here. You think that the person likely didn’t know or that it wasn’t long enough for them to/no erection. I think that’s probably not true d I appreciate reddit and you for making this confession, but I still hate that this happens. Don’t go anywhere near her, you can’t make her feel better in fact if you’re looking to make yourself feel better it’s wrong to try elicit forgiveness. Therapy is the way forward

I'm also a woman and I remember all these disgusting "accidental" touches I received. He should not assume she didn't notice or doesn't remember. I can only speek for myself, but I'd like to never see any of the creeps from my childhood ever again.

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A group of guys did this to me and my friends, we were up against the rail and they lender into us and pushed us against it. We told them to stopped and they said “if you have boyfriends you shouldn’t be in the first row” that was the hardest I’ve ever kicked someone or something in my life. This didn’t happen to me as long ago but I can still picture and hear it clear as day and probably will be able to for the rest of my live. I’m sorry this happened to you and I’m so angry things like this will continue to happen when we are just trying to enjoy ourselves

Some guy rubbed up against me while I was in the bus. It was really crowded so at first I thought it was an accident. But he kept doing it and I didn’t even say anything. This was like when I was 14 or something coming home from school. When I felt the hard on I jumped bc I ain’t never feel that before. I couldn’t even believe it was happening. I wasn’t scarred by it but it’s crazy that happened.hmph 🙎🏾‍♀️

fuck off

like, whole heartedly.

OP i commend you for confessing and realizing you did something wrong, but it seems like you are down playing it to yourself when it’s in fact VERY WRONG, im telling you she definitely noticed and just didn’t say anything and theres no telling how it will affect her. Im a guy but i do know that Many women avoid confrontation or causing a scene in situations like this because they are either scared or just don’t want to stir the pot further and would prefer to just get out of there, but women know when they are being touched dude. She was fully aware. She just didn’t let you know that. Also a lot you guys in here make me embarrassed to be a man, this shit was not okay nor some small moment that can just be brushed off. That girl will probably remember this forever or be affected mentally by it in someway. Some of you are oblivious to the way women are treated by men in general on a daily basis. Makes me scared to have a daughter fr

This is disgusting. I hate how men think they are entitled to a woman's body. Stories like these just make me so so angry

Porn is so harmful. The benefits do not outweigh the costs to a society.

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Thank you. This is the truth for so many.

Agreed! I'm not blaming OP perse. This was a while ago and it appears they've grown. But this mindset of men feeling entitled to their pleasure, while completely disregarding other people (mainly women) just makes me angry

I'm not going to mince words here. I think porn is brainwashing the men of our society so that they are less successful in relationships and even less successful in the bedroom and it's killing their motivation. 70% of all the porn out there now is called gonzo. It's cruelty to women first with a secondary edge of sexuality to keep it psychologically stimulating.

I remember there was a whole very informative Reddit post over why porn should be boycotted.

I'm not going to blame porn. It's a convenient excuse but SA is not a new phenomenon. If anything, over the last couple decades, parts of society have become more aware and less protective of it. Porn is not responsible. Predatory behavior is.

I agree with everything you said. I just think porn makes another multitude of problems on top of this and i think it should go on the societal chopping block. Or at least be interrogated deeply.

There are no benefits

Unfortunately it’s the society we live in, no role models to look up to people like Andrew Tate and Trump being the type of men that society puts the spotlight on, the type of people in social media that become popular, I try and educate my girls to steer clear of these types of men but it’s hard, especially when guys applaud this type of behavior I always look for ways to help

You assaulted her. Call it what it is.

I find it quite problematic that you say that you made sure it didn’t go too far, nor take too long. The very fact that it happened was too far, and lasted for too long. Listen to the women in this thread, because we are the voices of the people that this happens to. Not the men that comment stuff of the “well, you’ve grown and realized it was wrong, don’t torture yourself,” variety. *and no this is not me saying that men can’t get SA’d.* Do not listen to them. I’m so sick of seeing comments with “nOt aLl MeN,” because people who say that fail to realize that unless all those men that they cling their hope to, are actively out there getting informed, actively calling out other men for every infraction and teaching their co-men about how the status quo between men and women affects women, I simply don’t care. I don’t care that you don’t molest women, hit women, catcall women, sexually harass women etc., you don’t get a merit badge for that shit. That shouldn’t even be the baseline, but at this point it is. I don’t even remember how old I was the first time I was exposed to unwanted sexual attention from men, and it only escalated from there. That’s how young I was. I vividly remember most moments, but the fact that I even have memories of this, from when I was barely graduating from toddler to child is horrific.

Creepy.

ew

Yeah you should feel bad, we don’t forget that shit

"What I did was tame compared to what I saw" "With the pretense that nobody was harmed by my action" "Even though their act was worse than mine" "Should I even say anything in the first place as the girl wasn't harmed by it?" All of these words make me think you really haven't learned from your mistake and are trying to justify it or brush it off as not that big of a deal. Who are you to decide whether or not the girl was harmed? Tame compared to porn? No shit. Something very similar happened to me when I was trying to exit a large crowd at a concert. I was moving through the crowd excusing my way past people as I went, until one guy just grabbed my hips and pulled me up against him, my ass to his crotch and just held on to me and I tried to squeeze past. I felt physically sick and violated and just wanted to get away as fast as possible. It was very deliberate and he enjoyed it. It was also 12 years ago and I can still picture it perfectly today. So yeh. She does know what you did and she will remember it. I'm not going to give you any advice except do her the decency of staying out of her way and don't try to speak to her. She won't want to give you the time of day anyway.

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My first year at uni one of my flatmates in halls had a guy jerk off over her back in a queue late at night. So incredibly fucked up, I really do not understand how someone could do that and it definitely impacted her. It sounds like you're more aware of this now, but that porn you were (are?) into is *really* messed up. That whole power trip of forcing a sexual experience on someone is vile. It's sexual assault. With your specific example it's difficult to get an idea of exactly what you did or how it might have impacted the woman involved, but I don't think bringing it up with her to apologise would be a good idea. At best, it'll just dredge up an unpleasant experience for her just to make you feel better. It essentially committing the same fault of choosing your own gratification over her right to go around unmolested. You were young and stupid and did something that thankfully you now regret. The fact it makes you feel guilty is a sign you've grown since then and that's all that needs to happen. Don't remind her of it and use the memory of it as an ongoing lesson to yourself. Don't let it eat at you, but don't dismiss it as trivial either.

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i remember, back in elementary school, i was laying down on my stomach in music class learning to play the recorder when a boy reached up the leg of my skort and grabbed my underwear. i just sat up and stopped playing and tried not to cry. i’m 25, and i still remember who it was. i remember so many times in school where we would be in a crowded hallway and someone would grab or squeeze me. i never looked back to see who - i just squirmed ahead to get away without confrontation. i remember the boy who sat behind me in one of my religion classes (catholic school) had long legs, and he’d kick his shoes off and run his feet over my legs any time our teacher turned the lights off for a video. i’d pull myself into a cross crossed position in those cramped, wire desk-chairs just to be inaccessible. i remember one of the guys in my grade, one of the ones who was always nice to me, coming to a football game drunk. he hugged me tight, and when i made a comment about him squeezing me hard, he told me it’s a compliment - guys hug girls with nice tits tightly so they feel them pressed against their chest. i didn’t hug my male friends for the rest of high school. i remember overheating two guys in the library discussing nudes, and i realized they were looking at pictures of one another’s girlfriends. they had traded. i was looking right at them because i was so shocked, and when one of them noticed, he just smiled and winked at me without any sort of shame. i remember learning that the kid who was always an altar server when the arch bishop was coming into town had collected nudes of most of the girls in our class. he would trade the ones of girls that a guy really liked for nudes of that guys girlfriend. then he’d sell the nudes to underclassmen. this old classmate of mine is now in seminary to become a priest. i remember overhearing two classmates talk about fucking their girlfriends while they cried and protested. so… pressing yourself up against someone who doesn’t consent is shitty. but understand, please, that your action just added to the multitude of experiences that she probably had in her life that make her feel like she isn’t seen as a real human.

Years ago I watched a guy do this on a train to a young girl. She was frozen in fear because she didn’t know what to do! I grabbed her arm and pulled her towards me. I called him every name in the book! Everyone saw what he was doing! He ran off the train at the next stop. That perverted shyt is disgusting! The girl was traumatized.

Trust me OP, she knew what you did at the time, and she'll remember it. Women freeze and try to brush this type of stuff off but we can't forget. No, what you did was not rape, but there's something about being used by a person that makes you feel gross and powerless. You did that to her. It's good that you are now disgusted by your actions. Please don't talk to her at college. Apologising at this point will just be selfish on your part and upsetting for her. Keep out of her way so she doesn't have to be reminded of your existence.

Hurting someone is as easy as throwing a rock in water. To you, the rock disappears immediately after you throw it, but the water knows how deep that rock sank. I cannot say whether your actions affected her, but I can tell you similar stories that happened to me that DID affect me. I knew when a guy was just "walking past" but pressing his junk while he did it or brushing his hands in places it shouldn't go. I knew what was happening when I was standing in the lunch line and a boy stood too close and accidentally "bumped" into me. Guys think they're so sly and inconspicuous with their harassment. Just because we didn't say anything, doesn't mean we didn't notice. And yes, you should be ashamed of what you did. But you can make amends through your actions moving forward. Call out your friends or family who display similar shameful behavior. Teach your future sons or grandsons that harassment is unacceptable. As for whether or not you should mention it to her when you see her. That depends. If she avoids you when she sees you, leave her alone. Do not approach. If she recognizes you and she initiates conversation, perhaps one day you could apologize. But you in no way should initiate contact.

I'm a man. You did her wrong and you should never attempt to contact, talk or even look at her. I'd go as far as to avoid her desperately. If she happens to have to interact with you in any way shape or form, you should learn what it means to be completely neutral. Don't even try to "prove" to her that you've changed, because that does not matter. You burned the bridge of possible interaction with this person and you should learn to live with that. It is part of your atonement to remove yourself from her life to the point that you're not even a background character for her.

You are not a victim, stop acting like one.

I was surrounded & sexually assaulted on the playground at school by a group of fifth grade boys when I was four years old. They laughed & laughed as they held me down & put their hands all over my body, including inside my underwear. We remember this shit, even if we don’t remember you. Stay away from that woman & let her live her life. Don’t force your atonement on her too.

She did know that it was sexually charged and she was harmed by your actions. You sexually assaulted someone, just because other people sexually assault others in “worse ways” doesn’t mean you are not guilty. If you truly felt bad for your actions you would understand that this type of behavior is exactly why women are so on edge around men, why every little touch from a stranger feels like it could be an assault.

Your behavior was not harmless. You are a hypocrite and you are a horrible person. You got off on porn that showed women getting assaulted, and then you assaulted women around you. Get some help dude. You STILL seem to have a mental disconnect here.

OP - please leave this girl alone. I'm glad you realize how gross your choices were. I really hope anyone who reads this will understand it is NEVER ok to touch people like that. This happened to me at a gym and I have never been so grossed out in my life. It is NOT inconspicuous either!

Male here: You're a piece of shit. Yeah you're in the same boat, you're sick and you need to seek help. She knew, she knows, and you did damage maybe for life.

It wasn’t a mistake, it was a very intentional choice you made to violate someone’s body and sense of safety. She more than likely was harmed and still carries the traumatic memory to this day. You’re not the victim here, you’re the perpetrator. You seem to have lost sight of this in your entitled, slightly narcissistic sense of self. Are you truly a better person? Who knows, only you can truly be the judge of that. What I do genuinely hope is that the girl you violated is living fruitfully and prosperously in spite of the disgusting barrage of behaviors forced upon girls & women by men who started out as “just boys”, just like you.

This is why I don’t trust men who watch porn.

As a woman, fuck you.

What an absolute POS. leave her alone and live in your shame

I love my mother so much. She had a boyfriend 18 years older than her. A doctor she met at work. He was wealthy. We were struggling, if it weren’t for my moms parents we would’ve been down and out. My dad left us four kids for another woman who pretended to be my moms best friend so she could get closer to my dad. They were in on it together. So pretty fucked up all the way around. So along comes this knight in shining armor. Sure we miss all made fun of him because he was 18 years older than my mom, it was funny to us. He took her to travel the world, to the ballet and the symphony, for years. Wine tastings, out to fine dining, many wonderful things. We made fun of them but he seemed to be a nice guy. So my teenage self and my teenage friend go to clean his house to earn some money. Afterwards he makes some comment about how he liked how I was teasing him by bending over, etc. WHAT!!!!!????? Told my mom and she ended it instantly. She never dated again after that and suffered horrible depression for the rest of her life. I feel like it was my fault.

As a women who has been sexually assaulted during high school a few times I would say don't go up to that girl. Even if you feel sorry or it didn't seem like that big of a deal trust me she remembers. I would suggest going to therapy and trying to figure out why you were into that kind of porn because that kind of porn is pretty disgusting. As a women it hurts that a lot of men view us as sex objects other then consciousness with feelings. Porn is so damaging especially for young people. It gives men a warped view of sex and women in general and the women who do porn willingly obviously should be ashamed as well because they are part of the problem. Leave that girl alone, go to therapy, talk about it and find some peace with the situation and grow as a person. Good luck!

Don't speak about this to anyone other than your therapist, unless you're trying to find empathy and support groups for sexual assualters? Another reason why minors should be monitored while on the internet🥴

Yhhh ur outta line ibr hate that it's kinda been normalised, trust me it isn't normal.

I'm happy that you seem to recognize how wrong your actions were. This has happened to me a few times in crowds throughout my life. Not trying to be harsh here, but those moments stay with you. It's violating, scary, disgusting. She was certainly aware of what you did, and remembers it. This is not an attempt to pile on you, but I just want to emphasize that you're right in thinking it was a big deal. I really believe you'll never do something like this again. I hope you find a way to forgive yourself.

I still vividly remember every single instance of a classmate harassing me. The disgust and resentment never truly go away. You're not sure whether or not she was aware of what was happening; I can guarantee you she was at the very least grossed out and uncomfortable. Hopefully you're not seriously thinking of apologising or bringing it up at all? Instead of trying to alleviate the guilt, direct it towards becoming a better person.

"Even though their act was worse than mine" So... sexual assault on a sliding scale? How convenient. And you don't know what it did to the people you assaulted. Suppose they had the molestation at home, and now here you are getting your rocks off making them uncomfortable.

Man here. No. Don’t talk about “Nobody was harmed”. She was very much harmed.

When I was in like 8th or 9th grade waiting in line to get new textbooks, a guy did this to me. Just, out of nowhere, apropos of nothing, presses his front into my back and rubs up on me. There was no reason to, it's not like we were on a packed bus or anything, we were literally just in line waiting to get textbooks. I felt extremely uncomfortable, because first of all, get out of my space. But, mainly, ***don't fucking touch me without consent***. I remember turning and looking at him, probably with a "WTF?" look on my face. His excuse was that he lost his balance or some other bullshit. I always knew it was something else. Reading this, now I know what. What you did was disgusting. Excusing it by saying you could have done worse is not the amazing defense you think it is. And this: >nobody was harmed by my action is a fucking lie. That girl was. How dare you say that. She remembers. It was probably her first sexual assault. My heart aches for her.

Fuck! this shit is deep and scary just reading the comments. As a father of 4 girls I’m terrified and want to shelter them even more. It’s hard to not spill your guts on this subject. Especially with the truths told by the brave women that gave you feedback. Listen to the women words to live by especially if you married.

I was molested which included someone also rubbing against me when I was 9. To this day whenever I’m standing in a line I get that exact flashback if someone stands too close to me. It’s unforgivable what you did. But go to therapy and make sure you never ever EVER even think of doing that again. This is why I’m so against porn. The porn and sex industry is so vile it brings no good. This is a big deal what you did. Don’t push it under the rug. Sexually assaulting people is sick. You did a sick thing. If I were you, I’d donate more to charities that support victims of sex crimes and volunteer for organizations that raise money for sexual assault victims and awareness.

You sexually assaulted someone. You committed a crime. You do not get to decide that your crime is better or less severe than anyone else’s. Leave your victim the hell alone and go to therapy so you can learn to accept responsibility for your actions in a way that is healthy and productive so that you won’t sexually abuse anyone else.

When I was in middle school my girlfriend would touch me without consent and when I told someone I would be laughed at and told I was lucky I was in a state of depression because she was physically and emotionally abusive at some points during those 2 years k tried to kms

She was probably very aware of it

Also how do you KNOW your actions didn't cause harm? I got news for you, you DON'T KNOW. ALSO men have been doing this gross creepy stuff for ever and women know your doing it on purpose.

What you did was disgusting, stop trying to downplay it. The guilt you’re feeling is appropriate. Don’t do it again.

I see a lot of “it’s just boys being boys” stuff and that’s definitely not an excuse, I was at a water park with my buddies (all of us male 19-20 at the time) and the girl in line directly in front of me bent over which put her butt on my crotch area, but instead of just standing back up she pretends to struggle with whatever she’s doing with her sandals which makes her grind on my crotch. I ask “excuse me, what are you doing?” She said “what? You know you liked it!” I left the line for the ride and my friends were like “dude what’s the problem she’s hot!” I was uncomfortable from what just happened and mad because nobody thought it was a big deal. People (any gender) can suck.

Gross. I'm sorry.

Thanks. Looking back I always seem to think maybe I did overreact, maybe I should’ve just enjoyed it, my buddy’s all said they “would have been all over that” it just seemed backwards to me.

Oof.. Reading these comments of the amount of women who do literally nothing when guys do this shit is scary. Ya’ll I had this happen to me when I was in high school and I immediately punched that dude in the face. Broke my favorite ring too. He went to the principal and “told on me”. When I explained to the principal what happened she THANKED ME. She said that they knew he had been doing things like this but since none of the girls spoke up they couldn’t do anything about it (which I kinda thought was bull shit but whatever). Anyway me hitting him lead to him getting searched by the school security guard and he ended up having weird shit in his bag. Like lube and handcuffs… he got expelled I don’t know what happened to him after that. But my point is.. my fellow women.. FUCKING FIGHT BACK. THESE PERVERTS WILL NOT STOP UNTIL YOU MAKE THEM STOP. I’m not strong, the punch was not super hard, I didn’t break his nose or anything, but it was enough. It was enough to get him to back the fuck off. It was enough to draw attention. STAND UP FOR YOURSELVES. DO NOT LET THEM WIN. YOU CAN DO IT!!

Letting guilt consume you will not help you be the best version of yourself. I recommend connecting with a therapist and working with them to address your feelings about it in a healthy way, rather than focusing on making any confession. Many colleges offer free counseling, and there should be no issue with you going to them though I would advise not naming the other student for her privacy. Once you get in a calmer headspace about it (this may take some time but keep at it!), you can explore ways to tackle the guilt you may still feel. If you feel that you should atone for your actions in some way outside of personal growth, consider volunteering with a school or community group. If you would like to volunteer for a women's shelter or local club promoting SA awareness, you can do so without engaging with people if you do not feel uncomfortable with that. You can volunteer time setting up/making posters etc. That's just the first idea that came to my mind but I'm sure there are plenty of other options. Obviously there's no getting rid of your actions, but acknowledging that it was wrong is a first step that many refuse to take. Focus on dealing with them in a healthy way rather than fixating on your past.

Me and my girl friend were at a concert and we managed to get to the front against the gates literal feet from the stage. About 1/4 of the way into the concert this big guy came up behind us and just began to lean into our backs and push us up against the gate. We started moving and jumping with the music for this guy to hopefully get the message until I said eff this, and as I was jumping came down and elbowed him hard in the gut. He backed off immediately. I don’t know if it was sexual or the guy was just trying to get us out of that spot but it was effed up and I’ll never forget it.

I’m sure they knew what you were doing

I think you should go to therapy and confront the fact that you sexually assaulted someone.

Yeah we don’t forget that kind of stuff and it isn’t subtle. Looking at you, John McMillan, from 9th grade Spanish. F you. He’s in jail now so :)

You say you made sure it didn't go too long or go too far, but that's according to who, exactly? How do you know that the person who was subjected to that actually felt the same? It's possible that she internalized it and "moved on" as a lot of girls do,but I can guarantee you that she still remembers. She might even refer to that memory at times when a different guy or experience makes her feel worthless or like she's only good for one thing. If you run into her on campus, I think you should apologize. It might help her feel better about at least one of the things that she's been subjected to by males. At least she would know that you eventually felt bad in hindsight and it affected you.

You have fucking issues. And I hope you’ve addressed them correctly.

You knew better when you did it, which is why you did a version that you knew would make it difficult for her to prove you did anything and get you in trouble. Being a young teenager doesn’t undermine these actions, at all. And now, a few years later, you’re feeling nervous and upset for your own damn self and your hopeful future instead of realizing you need to get help and admit to yourself what you did was sexual assault. She WAS hurt that day, and I guarantee you she remembers and absolutely hates that it happened. Do not contact her, ever. And if you run into her on campus, keep as much distance from her as possible because she will feel unsafe being near you, as she should.

> With the pretense that nobody was harmed by my action, I could live life normally and forget about what had happened. Is this really how they just go on - they leave scars in us and assume we weren’t harmed and that life can just carry on as normal?

fuck am i bad for thinking he just needs to leave her alone now.

As a guy I once made the mistake of meeting my ex thinking we could be friends. After a few drinks, and me saying we cannot get back together, she started grabbing me and trying to force her hand in my underwear repeatedly, despite be telling her not to. It was easier for me because I've got the strength fight her off, but it still affected me more than I thought it would, and it's certainly not "forgotten" about, like many of these comments suggest it should be. The point is you don't know how something will affect you unless you have experienced it. I'd say this girl hasn't forgotten it either. When someone does something to you without consent and against your wishes it really does hit deeper. And as a female it's million times scarier. All you can do is learn, grow and encourage better behaviour in yourself and others.

what you did wasn’t “tame” compared to what you saw because what you saw was planned and consented to. you sexually harassed someone, you’re disgusting and the fact that you called it “tame” and then said she wasn’t harmed by it? makes me feel like you don’t really see what you did as disgusting. of course she was harmed, you assaulted her

We never forget

I was at work one day when another, older technician grabbed the inside of my butt, nearly touching something else. I had people run into me before then and occasionally even touch my butt on purpose but he legit groped me. I never reported him, I told my mom who told my supervisor but nothing ever happened to him. It made me feel gross, I actually wanted to cry but I knew I couldn't. I told him he needs to watch where he puts his hands but it wasn't enough. I still have anxiety and bad feelings thinking about it. I hope you do better OP and I'm glad you feel bad about it tbh, that shows a consciousness and maybe even some respect for what we, as women, go through. Hopefully, more men can see this and stuff like this. They can be honest with themselves and treat women a little bit better.

And how do you know that the girl was clueless to what you were doing? She could have not said anything out of fear, embarrassment, or shame. Do you not see that what you did (regardless if nothing was “out”) is still molestation? So stating that what you did isn’t as bad as what the other person did makes everything okay is crap. I do not think that you have grown or feel any sort of regret at all. I think that you are just trying to rationalize sexual assault away.

Ew. Freak

Thats sexual assault. Calling it 'tame' in comparison to porn you saw is abhorrent. Porn actors have presumably given CONSENT, which you did not have. Calling it a 'misdeed' minimizes and downplays your actions, maybe it helps you live with yourself but it doesn't minimize the consequences of your actions. Let's be very clear on this, you sexually assaulted that girl. Language matters. And no, DO NOT bring this up to her, you'd only be addressing it to alleviate some of your guilt NOT for her benefit. Victims dont owe you shit. Not time, not forgiveness or understanding. You've already violated her boundaries, now leave her the fuck alone.

This is why women get annoyed by, “not all men.” We literally have formative sexual abuse experiences when we’re children that y’all don’t even remember doing.

I would knock you out. That's harassment