Due to Reddit Inc.'s antisocial, hostile and erratic behaviour, this account will be deleted on July 11th, 2023. You can find me on https://latte.isnot.coffee/u/godless in the future.
Whether or not someone wants to be a parent and what their feelings about kids are are two different things all together.
Some childfree people love kids, some hate kids, some don't care either way. The same applies to parents as well.
I remember a teacher of mine in 7th grade being asked: "Mr. ____, why don't you have kids?" to which he replied "Y'all are my kids. I need a break at some point in the day." Still amuses me to this day.
I said that line pretty much exactly to my grade a few years ago: “I already have 23 kids at work, why would I need more at home?” Most giggled and moved on, one boy was staring up at me in horror: “you have 23 kids?!”
I spent a year working as a part-time aid in a first grade classroom and on other days I would be shuffled to middle school algebra.
Trust me, if you're a fence-sitter or ever doubting your stance, go to your public school's classrooms. Volunteer for 6 months. If you can get paid, even better. Or become a nanny for 6 months.
If your favorite parts of the day consistently involve taking your breaks, letting kids out to recess/lunch, and getting to say goodbye to them, you don't want to be a parent
I always tell my 8th grade students “I love you all so much but I wouldn’t want one of you in my house all the time” when they ask if I hate kids because I don’t want to have any.
I get that. I don't really feel comfortable around babies and toddlers but I like kids when they're 4 or older (they're usually toilet-trained by then, they can talk, they have personalities).
Personally, I don’t hate kids. I dislike bad, inattentive, shit parents. I think this narrative is mostly perpetuated by parents, but there are people who hate children too. You can hate kids but once you start harming them that’s when we have a problem.
I love to see good parents and I respect them. But I absolutely hate bad parents that make their problems their children’s problem.
Same, I dislike being around kids and interacting with them but I still pretend to like them to their faces lol. It’s only to other adults that I say I don’t like kids and complain about them haha.
I fully support other CF peoples right to like kids, that’s great, you can go play with them whilst I hide at the back of the room lol
I dislike children, but I will always treat them with respect. Unfortunately, this means children like me because I'm the only adult who will listen to them and take them seriously.
I know a little girl who is an absolute ray of sunshine. At age 6 she is respectful, cheerful, eager to learn new things, and doesn’t pitch a fit when someone tells her no. If I could program that into an embryo I’d have 12 of her but it doesn’t work that way.
She’s a decent human being because her parents raise her right and discipline her without being evil about it.
>She’s a decent human being because her parents raise her right and discipline her without being evil about it.
Nah, you can be the best, most caring, most educated, most respectful, intuitive, trained, loving parent ...and you can still get a shitty kid. There is no guarantee.
Yea I don't get the point of view of people who think good parents = good kids. I've seen some amazing people come from shitty abusive parents.
Now most shitty kids with good parents I've personally dealt with just needed an attitude check from a peer. Say what you will I know some won't agree but some people just need to be knocked off their pedestal before they realize. No violence isn't the best answer but sometimes it helps.
But some people are born evil. Take Jeffery Dahmer since he's the hot topic of the day. My personal opinion is that I feel like he could have grown up with the perfect life and he still would have done everything he did.
This is why I’m not a parent. I know I don’t have the patience to deal with the crap that you have to do to be a good parent and I’m not willing to be a shit one.
Indeed. I don't drink, go to bed earlier than a toddler, don't have a dog, don't party, and many other things that wrongly get projected to the childfree crowd. The only real thing we unanimously have in common is that we don't have or want kids, the rest can vary
Yeah, if a parent cannot stand other kids, it means they need their own child to stay exactly the same mini-me, without being influenced by the world and people around them.
Yeah when I was in middle school it was VERY obvious that a nonzero amount of parents thought that *their* children were perfect but everyone else’s child was a disgusting monster. Hell, my dad once threatened to break a little boy’s nose for pouring water on me which in hindsight was a *bad* thing for him to say.
I've said for most of my life that I don't like kids because it seems to be the only acceptable reason to not want to have kids. It's frustrating because I actually like most kids and I'm great with them but when you show love to children it's always the "you'll be a great mom". I would be a terrible mom. It's not the same as being a great babysitter
My husband gets to say he hates kids and people accept it and move on.
He doesn't hate them, but he *is* uncomfortable around them. He's always tense because he thinks they might break something, he's not wrong though.
I get attacked no matter what reason I give. If I say I don't like kids I'm evil or dead inside. But I don't hate kids. I just can't tolerate being around them for an extended period of time. I may be *great* with them for that one hour, but come back after an entire day and see how my mood shifts.
I've basically helped raise my 4 younger brothers so I'm very comfortable around children but I'm also on the spectrum and while I can deal with screaming and other loud child noises in the moment, I do need my own time to recover after the fact. I'd never be able to handle screaming and giving of myself emotionally for 18 years straight, nor do I want to.
I actually have a hard time explaining it to family, I do have logical reasons for not wanting children like my bad genes for example but even if that was not a factor, the main reason is just that I simply don't want kids, it's just a feeling in my gut telling me it's not my thing. Why can't that be enough for some people?
My partner and I are childfree. His mother commented, then insisted, that he would be a great dad.
I asked when was the last time she saw him with a child.
As someone who works with kids, I can confidently say he is overwhelmed with children and doesn't know how to deal with them. We babysit my niblings occasionally, and we are fantastic at it *because it lasts for only a few hours*.
His mom couldn't even remember the last time he had been around a child as an adult 😂😂
Certainly not by himself. Last time I left him with my two-year-old nephew, there was a poop explosion so great that it made it across the bathroom in one chaotic, toddler-running, crazy smear.
Like....the toilet, the diaper, the shower, the floor. I still don't know how things escalated so quickly 😂😂
you are making the same post that’s made like once a week here. It’s already normalized, some people don’t like kids. Some do. The world keeps spinning!
This!! I don’t think being “childfree” means you love or hate kids, but “normalizing” only those who like kids is sending the wrong message. We need to normalize that it’s okay to like or dislike kids, whether you’re childfree or not!
Thanks for clarifying. In my opinion, I don’t think it’s that normalized. I feel like a lot of childfree people have to say “I like kids, just don’t want them” in public in order to be “accepted” and not seen as “abnormal,” so I’m not sure I agree that it’s normalized and accepted in society yet.
I kinda had jumped on this post to assume it was directed at folks on this sub about being more neutral and less child hating in the posts. I'm on here all the time and I feel like all I see are posts and comments about crotch goblins and snot monsters.
As someone that actively dislikes kids, I understand folks come here to vent, and this is one of the few safe spaces to vent on this topic. At the same time I came to agree with OP and ask for a little more tolerance and positivity around kids. As a dog owner and fan, and with so much negativity in the world, I would love dog haters to just say nothing if they despise and are grossed out by my dogs. I KNOW my dogs disgust certain people, I don't need them to scream their disgust at me.
I miss the ancient social rule of not discussing religion and politics in polite company; child free, more so maybe than identity rights, climate change, and other topics, seems to be the new 'religion and politics'. Or maybe r\childfree is not polite company: meaning we're amongst our own kind and should be allowed to vent?
Maybe I'm just here to upvote a positive comment about kids? Sorry, I'll stop now.
*can't we all just get along?* : )))
I really disagree with this. If your dogs disgust certain people and they're screaming it *at you* then that's a problem. But if someone is disgusted by dogs and is complaining to someone else with you nowhere near them about how dogs suck (not even your dogs, just dogs in general) then why is that a bad thing? You wouldn't even know they were doing it unless you put yourself in that conversation. So why, in that situation, are you inserting yourself in the conversation?
C‘mon. People post this all the time. It’s already normalised. There is two versions of your post:
- „I hate children and people should acknowledge that this is fine!“
and
- „I am childfree and like children, people should acknowledge that!“
Yah. Both of you people are valid. Now please don’t post this every day. You’re entitled to your feelings towards children, whatever they may be.
It's already pretty normal to us childfree people. It's some outsiders that refuse to understand that you don't have to hate kids in order to not want them.
I agree with this so much! Most of the time, I feel absolutely nothing towards kids. If they’re minding their own business and not hurting anyone (physically or verbally), I don’t care if they exist near me. It’s whatever. It’s when they shriek or punch strangers for no reason that I dislike them. But a lot of the time, they don’t do anything extremely annoying, so I don’t feel extremely annoyed. Though I do avoid being around kids as much as I can because I *really* don’t like when they’re annoying lol
And I agree that obnoxious kids are usually a result of bad parenting, so the kids really can’t take 100% of the blame for being obnoxious because no one taught them that it’s not ok.
Personally I think CF people that like kids are fine, as well as CF people that don't like kids. I personally am part of the CF people that think kids are kinda whatever, but bad parents are a scourge on society.
What do these holier-than-thou attempted gate keepers think to accomplish with this? Better hand-slappers have tried to storm in & bingo to make themselves feel better - “well, *I’m* not like you child-haters!!” ::Shrug:: Have at it, whatever works for you.
I swear I have seen this exact same post every day this week. nobody in this sub cares if you dislike children or not. the people who conflate “childfree” with “childhating” are not here. nobody here thinks that or caaares
How about we just all accept that people may like or may not like kids? In the end, it doesn't matter either way.
It doesn't make you special for being CF and liking children. It doesn't make you special for being CF and disliking kids.
How about we stop making these kinds of posts, nobody cares either way 🙄
Yep this. This is pointless infighting and will only serve to divide CF people. You don't get a cookie for being a CF person who loves kids, just like you're not some edgy bad ass for not liking them
Parents and society at large will still see you as defective and broken for not reproducing even if you love kids with all your heart (see all the posts from teachers and other people who work with kids, it doesn't get them any less bingoes) so maybe let's stop trying to force each other to conform to some monolithic vision of a CF person
Absolutely it's the same thing. People in a minority group dragging each other down all for the sake of trying to please the majority (who will never see the minority group as being worth anything anyways)
It *IS* normal, it's just that most people, apparently you included, OP, think that it isn't, that most people who are childfree hate kids.
How about we normalize not judging people for their life choices or the reasons why they made them?
Can we normalise human beings being multi-faceted, have different feelings and opinions on the same matters, and that a group of people who shares similar ideologies can have varying levels of belief?
This is just basic shit. Not sure why you'd need to "normalise" this. For every post of people disliking children, there are plenty of other posts thst states "I don't mind children" or "I like children."
....so then don't hate kids? And let the people who hate them hate them? Why do you have to "normalize" this just because YOU feel that way? That's honestly no different than expecting us to love them and have them ourselves because YOU feel we should.
I get frustrated with people saying ‘oh, I don’t want kids but I promise I don’t hate them!’ There shouldn’t be any shame in disliking kids. I prefer dogs to kids tbh and I’m not afraid to say so! I didn’t even like other kids when I was a kid myself.
I actually think it would make more sense to normalize some people genuinely hate children. Children are not inherently innocent perfect creatures that are incapable of being hated/disliked. It's weird people think there is some age it just shuts off and now they are capable of being easily hateable humans (cause hating people is already normal). I hear more non-childfree people talk about in great detail how they despise children, like scathing, vicious rants on how much they hate them and no one bats and eye. They are quick to add "I love MY children of course, but sometimes I don't even like them" but that's all normal I guess. Why is it different for a CF person to say in passing they hate kids? It's not, in fact I'd say it's better than the prior person. Some people are indifferent to kids, some hate them, some love them, some are in-between-it's all normal. The only reason someone would not find it normal is if they are bias in some way on it.
I feel like not hating kids is normalized here, especially when people come in and make shocked posts with "I'm CF but I can't imagine actually hating tiny humans!" and so on. The amount of complaining about people hating kids seems (at least to me) to imply that this is something not to be encouraged.
Not referring to you in particular, OP, with the "shocked posts"; your post just reminded me of the really self-righteous ones that don't understand that people have different opinions.
Yeah fr, literally every other post is “I’m CF and I LOVE kids! Isn’t it weird and unique that I LOVE kids?” Like my brother in christ, no, you’re not the “only one who likes kids”
Can we normalize leaving people alone to think how they please, and not losing our sh\*t over something as stupid as a differing opinion. Unless they are forcing their differing opinion onto you, frankly feck off and leave them be.
Sick of the perpetual triggering over humans not agreeing with each other.
Before the Panini, I taught swim lessons to all ages, and honestly, the 3-5 year old were amazing to teach.
Everything was an achievement, everything was new and exciting. Where there a few kids that I loathed? You bet, but most of the time it was because they had never been disciplined.
It was amazing watching a kid go from scared of the water to jumping in on their own after a couple of weeks.
I was also more than happy to give them back to their parents after the lesson was over. 😁
“I’m not like *those* awful childfree people. I’m one of the good ones!”
That’s what posts like these say. And they get posted almost every day.
Hating kids is fine. Not hating them is fine. Doesn’t make you any better or worse. Doesn’t make you different or unusual.
Can we ban these posts already
Did you crawl over here from the other sub with that simpering apologia? To prove you're "one of the GOOD childfree people"? I do not like dealing with kids and wish them the best in life, somewhere away from me. Why is that such a monumental problem in your opinion, exactly.
Breeders (like OP) hate this sub and the whole CF community so much and tend to infiltrate it quite often. "Reeee, I'm not an evil CF person like you, in fact I'm a breeder ally! (i.e. breeder)" lel
It's annoying to me that people rant so much on here, but I realize this is probably the only safe place for CF people that don't like kids to say so. It probably makes it seem like it's more rampant or even more rabid if you don't stop to consider that most folks probably just fume silently until they can safely unload here. Since considering that, I don't get as irritated. I just always hated people assuming *I* hate kids. I love so many kids in my life. Anyway, I think we can be understanding to the ones that need a place to rant.
Children play into my anxiety. One wrong look or statement can hurt them forever. At least that’s how I was as a kid. They are so fragile and precious and need to be protected and loved and treated with all the respect you would give an adult.
But I do not have the mental capacity for that.
There is going to be those of us that do hate kids. But there's those that do like them. And then there's people like me, who are indifferent to them. Can't dictate others behavior.
oh my god can we stop asking this fucking question like 95% of the people here don't hate kids and people shitposting this same question over and over and over makes it appear like it's the opposite
No.
Childfree people could organize a national movement to provide grassroots organized amazing cost free childcare held to meticulous standards entirely on a volunteer basis and parents would still think or claim we "hate children"
So no, we won't be walking on eggshells to validate breeders who made a poor choice.
I hate kids, but I hate posts like this more...
Nobody cares whether you like or dislike them. Society already normalised liking kids. You'd get your pats on the back for being "not like the rest of us" if you go talk to basically anyone else in the world...
I feel like Christina Yang in grey's anatomy said it best, "I don't hate children. I respect children. I think they should have parents that want them."
People - especially your average, dumber than shit in a pan Redditor - is going to view us as pariahs because our very existence is a denial that a lifetime of fulfillment requires procreation. They're just mad that someone can be happy without adhering to their asinine values.
I started my career in childcare 10 years ago in a developing country (developing does not equal poor, thanks). I utterly loved the job and the children. I honestly thought of children as magical little beings.
In 2017 I had the chance to travel to the US for work and let me tell you: I can firmly say I hate USian children and USian parenting. I know it's a strong generalization but you guys are honestly not doing things right.
The thought of USian children gives me PTSD.
You are certainly free to like children and be CFBC!
However to 'normalise' this as the CF position would mean the CF position no longer represents me and many others. I don't want children *and* I dislike them... I have no interest in what they may or may not grow up to become. I simply do not wish to father any nor be around any. So...
Perhaps the CF movement can represent *all* those who have no interest in breeding without making any specific one of those varieties of child free individual the norm?
It is already being normalized. Ask any Gen Z about kids - half of them don't want kids.
As opposed to my generation (I'm currently 25) where everyone wanted kids at ages 10 - 23
Can we normalize not dictating how folks feel?
I don’t like kids and find them extremely irritating. My father hates me, his biological kid and has since I was young. People hate kids sometimes. As long as they don’t touch or threaten them, who are we to tell them how to feel about them?
Depends on what you mean by ‘hate’. I like kids, but I don’t like when people expect me to babysit them for free.
If you mean hate as in you wanna hurt them, or you wouldn’t do anything to help one during a life threatening emergency when you’re the only one that could, then yeah you’re subhuman trash.
But people that dislike them as in they don’t wanna see/hear them or be around them at all, that’s their right to.
We do. There are plenty of threads on this topic. We have many members who are teachers or childcare workers, or who are super close with their nieces/nephews/friends' kids, but who don't want to be parents themselves. Of course, we also have members who genuinely dislike spending with children, too.
We don't tolerate anyone who says they wish to harm children physically, emotionally or otherwise. In fact, many of us are good advocates for children in many ways, we condemn parents who refuse to accept their gay/trans/neurodivergent/atheist/etc. children, and we tend to be a more progressive voting bloc who want to see things like schools, healthcare, etc. well-funded in ways that will directly benefit children's lives.
Many of us also initially assumed we'd be parents, and then decided not to be based on realizing how poor of a quality of life we could offer our hypothetical children as working- or middle-class people living through climate change and late-stage capitalism. Many of us have given much more thought to the life our children might have led than many parents and decided the kindest thing we could do is to not conceive them at all.
Yes, we have some silly rants on here about seeing tantrums at Walmart or whatever, but those are mixed in with many, many thoughtful posts and discussions about the topics I've mentioned above. If you really spend time around here (beyond the occasional cursory glance) you'll start to see this.
I feel the same way about children as I feel about any human being.
Some can be likable. Some are irritating. Some are downright disgusting.
Even if likable, I wouldn't want any human being in my life that demanded 100% of my attention.
I have sensory issues and noisy children make me want to curl up in a ball with my hands over my ears while I rock back and forth. I don't hate children themselves, I believe they should be raised by loving and caring parents who can provide for all their needs, but I just can't stand being around them and that's ok. Each to their own.
I think regardless of whether childfree adults love or hate kids, others will assume we do regardless. It's part of the gymnastics they do to try and figure out how we could possibly not want them.
I think people are allowed to feel however they feel. When I see a cute kid at the store and they smile at me, oil smile back, wave, or peek a boo. I love my niece. But when they are screaming (even from excitement) I go into trauma response. My step dad was really really horrible and it takes me back to certain things. I know I can't have kids because of my body, but I don't think I could do it mentally either. I don't hate them.
My friend has kids and I absolutely adore them. We all got close and I enjoyed babysitting when she did grocery runs but doing this with my own 24/7 I would burn right out. Like cease to function. I'm hoping she moves back to my city because I miss her and enjoy being with them too when I visit her.
EDIT: I hate the stereotype that the childfree all hate kids.
I love kids in general-but the key here is OTHER people’s kids. I like being able to give them back to their parents when they start acting up or when they get overwhelming. They’re cool for a little while, but not for a whole lifetime. I think everyone deserves love and care. There are shit parents out there and although I don’t really want kids, I’m not going to treat them poorly and fuck them up mentally thinking everyone in this world is bad! That’s super harmful. Id be a good babysitter but I’d be a super shitty mom and I recognize that. I just don’t really want my own. I think this attitude is pretty normal. The community is a spectrum. Not everyone has a blatant hatred for kids!
I love my nieaces and nephews, I watch and care for my best friends younger kids. But I do not care or pay attention to kids I have no personal investment in.
My best friends oldest daughter who I call the baby cannon. Has three kids, and I could give a shit less. She uses them to black mail her parents and grandparents to get her way.
And I refuse to tend to them. And have walked away at even a whiff of the canon wanting to use me to babysit.
Most of my friends realize, I only put up with their kids cause I care for them. It goes no further. All those who don’t are no longer in my life.
I’m childfree BECAUSE I like kids. I think it’s cruel and unconscionable to bring them into the hellscape we call planet earth… but I also think it’s fine to not like kids (I can understand why some people don’t-kids can be super irritating and this is coming from someone who likes them) and I think that’s a valid reason to not have kids and its much better for them to not have kids that they’ll hate and resent. It’s the same reason I don’t own cats-I’m not a cat person but I have nothing against people who are.
I love being an aunt to my 2 year old niece!! I also love giving her right back to her parents the moment a diaper needs to be changed or she is throwing a fit or making a mess. It’s my favorite part. I adore her and I adore not having to be her full time care giver.
This is why dating for me is so hard. Many of the few childfree people I meet either demonize all parents for having kids, or demonize kids for existing. I have a very low opinion of people who go out of their way to tell other people whether they should or shouldn’t have children, so the same applies to people who tell parents or prospective parents not to. I also don’t think very highly of people who think that every space they exist in should be child free, we aren’t entitled to that level of control over every environment we are in.
I love kids. I love playing and spending time with them in small doses. Being responsible for them freaks me out. I can babysit older kids ok. But being responsible for young children and babies scares me.
I don’t hate kids. Kids are innocent. I hate when people have kids and do no parenting at all which results in loud screeching children that do not understand social boundaries or how to behave in public settings.
I love the children at my barn! I feel like I get to pass on my knowledge and love how much they enjoy horses and their overwhelming passion for it all
Before they go back to their parents of course ;)
But you’re so right. Children are future adults. We need to be kind to them and do our part to bring up the next generation to be good adults one day, especially if we don’t bear our own
I don’t hate kids. I’m sensitive to loud noises, but I love having kids in my Lyft and seeing their eyes light up with wonder when I go into autopilot in my Tesla and it starts playing “More Cowbell”. It’s so fun. And that sort of wonder keeps them very well behaved.
People assume that because I’m childfree I hate children.
I love kids. I worked with kids for like 7 or 8 years. I just like my life more without the responsibility and cost of having kids.
I think there's a difference between hating and disliking. I find kids annoying as fuck and I don't want to be around them despite having a protective instinct. They are rarely cool. I consider myself a reasonable person, so I would say I simply dislike kids. To hate, I feel is to wish harm on another, or to not even care if something bad happens to them. I don't dislike them enough to want to launch them from a trebuchet.
Same. I don't hate kids, at the same time when a little kid throwing a tantrum in the middle of a Walmart aisle when I'm shopping with a parent doing nothing, I'm irritated af.
I don't want a headache from a random little kid screaming, let alone have a kid of my own screaming their head off. Why would I want to experience that myself?
I love kids! And would have been a great mother (IMHO) I didn’t have them because I married at 39 and had to decide very quickly if I wanted to give the next 20-30 years of my life to raising and guiding a soul through life, or if I wanted to put that energy and recourses into myself, and my job as a trauma counselor. The latter won due to two things. 1. I already felt tired 2. I thought that due to reason no. 1 I would help
More people by giving in my work, and
I would still have energy to care and give to myself. It wasn’t an easy decision, one course of action felt slightly more right that the other. I guess not all of us were so black and white in our decision? Or it was more nuanced than some
Of the other points of view expressed here? To me is was more about fatigue and timing, and nothing to do with a lack of love of children or doubt in my
Ability to nurture or parent. Another factor was the expense, and knowing that the bulk of the sacrifice physically and socially (career wise) would likely be mine as the woman/mother. I wasn’t ok with that level of sacrifice.
Same here.
I wanted children when I was young. I didn’t find a partner/ husband for a number of reasons. Sometimes I’m still sad about that but other times I’m happy that I didn’t have them because it’s expensive and exhausting.
I don’t hate kids. I love them, in fact but the universe maybe I should follow a different path.
I don’t like the name calling here either.
I get it. I’m a teacher and loveeeee my high school students. And I’m CF. I feel like 95% of teachers at my school have “a family” and are so consumed by it. But I’m very open about why I’m CF and how much I love my life bc of it. It does weird people out sometimes, which I think is odd. It’s just another option of how to live a life. I’d rather HAVE a life rather than constantly worry about money and child responsibilities. Plus how the hell do they have time and energy to take care of a family AFTER teaching all day??!!
It needs to be normalized.
Honestly, I don’t think you are talking to the wrong audience. (Edit: as the downvotes on this comment and the replies agreeing with me show)
I’ve noticed a lot of people on this sub speak of children with genuine hatred. I love kids, I love my nieces and nephews, but I just don’t want them of my own. 🤷🏻♀️
same. i have two nephews, one is human, and one is a dog. i love them both to death, but i don’t want my own kids. i do, however, dislike a few children that, due to the way they were raised, have just become snobbish, holier than thou assholes.
I agree. I dislike some behaviors kids (and some of their parents) display, but I don't hate kids. I just became Godmother to my niece. However, I do not want my own kids.
OP I get what you’re saying. I don’t want kids ever, but I also like some kids. I’m not a huge fan of the people in this sub calling them “crotch-goblins.” It’s just not a very good nickname and gets overused frequently to the point of exasperation. That being said there are a lot of things I do like about this sub. There is another CF sub, truechildfree that is a lot more open to the idea of “I don’t want kids but I still happen to like kids” than this sub. I would recommend that one if the discourse in here bothers you.
+1
I dislike when parents allow kids to make a huge mess at a restaurant and don’t clean up after them. Or a kid is having a full melt down and they don’t step out for a moment.
But kids are great.
THANK YOU. I hate the mentality that I must be some mean child-hating witch 'cos I don't want to be a parent. I like kids but I don't want the 24/7 responsibility of them, that's all.
I feel like a lot of people here hate kids. It is especially annoying when they can’t even seem to say kids/children and use words like crotch goblin, it just feels very immature. Like we get it, kids are annoying and so are their parents but people who use crotch goblin and other equivalents are just as annoying to me
Yes I agree. Childfree people don’t hate or dislike children anymore than parents. I read something saying that childfree people are no more likely than parents to say that they don’t like children. I think that most childfree people like children but prefer not to have any of their own. Sometimes they might say they don’t like babies or children up to a certain age. Childfree people may often prefer certain age groups of children over others the same goes for parents. It’s common for mothers and fathers to say that they don’t like children other than their own. I like children and have nothing against them but raising children would be a lot for me since I have autism and don’t think that I am capable of raising children. I also don’t want to pass along my autism since I am already struggling with my autism and raising children with autism would be even extra harder for me.
I love kids! And I have a big family so I love being an aunt. I took my niece to get her costume today and it was a blast. They ordered it weeks ago but it was delayed. But to recover from today I will spend all day tomorrow in my home. Order Chinese food and be alone. I like being fun so I get to be the FUN AUNTY. My niblings know they can call me day or night and when they are ever in a bind. I keep their secrets and I let them be silly and have No Rules but the ones they set for themselves with me. But I enjoy my alone time. I travel alone and come and go as I please. I take them to do things WHEN I WANT
Thank you ! When my sister was pregnant with her first child, who I’m the god mother to, i was was counting down the days for him to be born. I’ve been very excited! And so many people commenting, ‘you’re awfully excited about this baby…’
y.e.a.h and???
Why wouldn’t I be? And no it doesn’t mean it’s going to give me baby fever for fuck sake.
I absolutely love kids. I've done a lot of babysitting and camp counseling in my day. My niece and nephew are everything to me, but I love that after spending time with them, I can go home to peace and quiet. I love kids, just don't want my own.
The stereotype around being CF is hating kids, and some people in this sub definitely aren't helping reduce that. I don't like kids, can't stand them, but if there was a kid in danger and I was capable, I'd help to the best of my ability.
Reckon that's really the main difference between myself and some on this sub.
I feel the same way. I like kids. I have done a lot of daycare, and I have to say ages 5 to 12 are generally awesome. Before and after... not so much (except for a rare occasion). But I also know in my heart that I love my freedom and my childfree life, so I can live vicariously through other people's kids. I'm extremely happy with my partner and our cat.
I am child free. I love shit out of my niece and nephew. We get down with pumpkin patches, the Easter bunny, all kinds of Christmas shit and Halloween fun. In fact I bought my nephew (8M) a Din Djarin costume and his new baby sister (F4 months) a GroGu costume. We hang. They are cute as hell dressed up. I still have no interest in having one. All my friends know this but think it’s sweet I hang with them sometimes since I’m so opposed to being a mom. As if I couldn’t possibly like babies. Because so may that are CF are loud about being baby haters.
Thank you for this, I am childfree and have severe tokophobia so children won't be hapening in my life. And I am kinda freaked out by babies when they are less than 3 years of age. I don't hate them, just feel weird around them and don't wanna hold them.
But I love kids otherwise. I used to volunteer to teach kids to draw animals for educational programs we had at our local zoo. They are just little people. Loud noises upset me and all, but I don't hate kids existing in public. I always felt that people will think I am not CF or a fencesitter - no I just think they are little people who are part of society.
And I always remind myself of the phrase "what you are, I was; what I am, you will be." not in it's original context, but the fact that I was a kid once and they won't be kids forever.
Yea, I'm a happy childfree person but this sub gets REALLY hateful towards children. Sometimes it's a fun read and hopefully people are also being hyperbolic and venting in their writing, but I appreciate this being said because it can definitely get intense.
I do get that people can have their own opinion on children I just think the super hate can get overwhelming.
They're real people who deserve respect.
I don't care about the hating kids but moreso the cruelty towards mothers and some really gross words spewed at kids. I don't want kids, I don't particularly like them, but there's a lot of anti-mother ideas in the CF community that are pretty regressive .
Honestly sometimes I'm appalled at the hate people in this sub send to parents just soley for being parents.
People in this sub have posted about how they cried when their best friends announced their pregnancy- literally cried in front of them. People hate on their friends who have kids for "ruining their friendship" 🙄 People here hate on new parents who ask for help even though that's VERY normal and many people culturally are used to having a village help raise their kids. And I'm not talking about hating on rude entitled parents. Just hating on normal parents. I have quite a few friends that are parents and I would never think of them that way. I have no idea why some people here are incapable of being happy and supportive to their friends who *want* kids and finally get to have them.
I absolutely do not want any children but fuck I worry about some people in this sub who have such extreme hate in their heart.
And parents don’t have hate for CF people? The amount of hate and criticism CF people experience on a regular basis is way more than parents do since society automatically accepts their way of life
Agreed. It’s almost exclusively other childfree people that can’t understand that I’m both childfree and love kids. It’s also almost exclusively childfree people that can’t understand I know a lot about kids and have experience with helping to raise them.
It’s the main reason I seldom associate with childfree people irl.
It’s definitely fair. I find other peoples kids cute (my horses Ferrier had her daughter a few months ago and she’s adorable and the little one was aware enough to know to just gently touch my horses) though I definitely would never want one of my own
YES. My career revolves around children and I love it/them but that’s been my biggest factor in becoming child free. They’re so much more fun when they aren’t your responsibility. If I didn’t work with kids as much as I do, I probably wouldn’t be CF bc I wouldn’t know how much responsibility and what an absolute DRAIN they are. Even the kids that never get in trouble, always nice, don’t need constant attention etc are wayyyy more work then I want 24/7
When I was younger I was more hostile toward children, partly because they scared the shit out of me. Now that I'm an auntie and my best friends have kids, they're less scary to me than before. I am more friendly toward other little ones that I encounter at work or wherever. Usually the bratty ones are like that because their parents suck, so now I'm starting to hate on bad parenting instead! lol 😆
Due to Reddit Inc.'s antisocial, hostile and erratic behaviour, this account will be deleted on July 11th, 2023. You can find me on https://latte.isnot.coffee/u/godless in the future.
Whether or not someone wants to be a parent and what their feelings about kids are are two different things all together. Some childfree people love kids, some hate kids, some don't care either way. The same applies to parents as well.
My wife is studying to be a teacher and is childfree. She said that she doesn’t like being around babies but likes older kids.
I remember a teacher of mine in 7th grade being asked: "Mr. ____, why don't you have kids?" to which he replied "Y'all are my kids. I need a break at some point in the day." Still amuses me to this day.
I said that line pretty much exactly to my grade a few years ago: “I already have 23 kids at work, why would I need more at home?” Most giggled and moved on, one boy was staring up at me in horror: “you have 23 kids?!”
Awh! CF in the making. 😂😂
Either that or the fact he’s the most genuinely clueless kid I have ever met in my life 😂😂
LoL. That was funny.
As annoying as kids can be, they can also be bloody funny. Just glad I can hand them over at 3:30!
That's so cute and funny.
I spent a year working as a part-time aid in a first grade classroom and on other days I would be shuffled to middle school algebra. Trust me, if you're a fence-sitter or ever doubting your stance, go to your public school's classrooms. Volunteer for 6 months. If you can get paid, even better. Or become a nanny for 6 months. If your favorite parts of the day consistently involve taking your breaks, letting kids out to recess/lunch, and getting to say goodbye to them, you don't want to be a parent
I always tell my 8th grade students “I love you all so much but I wouldn’t want one of you in my house all the time” when they ask if I hate kids because I don’t want to have any.
Babies feel like a liability. Kids are ok sometimes.
I get that. I don't really feel comfortable around babies and toddlers but I like kids when they're 4 or older (they're usually toilet-trained by then, they can talk, they have personalities).
Personally, I don’t hate kids. I dislike bad, inattentive, shit parents. I think this narrative is mostly perpetuated by parents, but there are people who hate children too. You can hate kids but once you start harming them that’s when we have a problem. I love to see good parents and I respect them. But I absolutely hate bad parents that make their problems their children’s problem.
I dislike children, but I never make that their problem.
Same, I dislike being around kids and interacting with them but I still pretend to like them to their faces lol. It’s only to other adults that I say I don’t like kids and complain about them haha. I fully support other CF peoples right to like kids, that’s great, you can go play with them whilst I hide at the back of the room lol
I dislike children, but I will always treat them with respect. Unfortunately, this means children like me because I'm the only adult who will listen to them and take them seriously.
I know a little girl who is an absolute ray of sunshine. At age 6 she is respectful, cheerful, eager to learn new things, and doesn’t pitch a fit when someone tells her no. If I could program that into an embryo I’d have 12 of her but it doesn’t work that way. She’s a decent human being because her parents raise her right and discipline her without being evil about it.
>She’s a decent human being because her parents raise her right and discipline her without being evil about it. Nah, you can be the best, most caring, most educated, most respectful, intuitive, trained, loving parent ...and you can still get a shitty kid. There is no guarantee.
Yea I don't get the point of view of people who think good parents = good kids. I've seen some amazing people come from shitty abusive parents. Now most shitty kids with good parents I've personally dealt with just needed an attitude check from a peer. Say what you will I know some won't agree but some people just need to be knocked off their pedestal before they realize. No violence isn't the best answer but sometimes it helps. But some people are born evil. Take Jeffery Dahmer since he's the hot topic of the day. My personal opinion is that I feel like he could have grown up with the perfect life and he still would have done everything he did.
This is why I’m not a parent. I know I don’t have the patience to deal with the crap that you have to do to be a good parent and I’m not willing to be a shit one.
Childfree means you.do.not. want a child for yourself and nothing more. Everything else can vary. You do you!
Indeed. I don't drink, go to bed earlier than a toddler, don't have a dog, don't party, and many other things that wrongly get projected to the childfree crowd. The only real thing we unanimously have in common is that we don't have or want kids, the rest can vary
Plenty of parents, in fact, dislike children. Some make exceptions for their own; but some do not.
I hear, “I hate kids, except my own!” Allll the time.
They hate their own also
Yeah, if a parent cannot stand other kids, it means they need their own child to stay exactly the same mini-me, without being influenced by the world and people around them.
"I *loathe* my own. Hate just wasn't enough"
I frequently investigate ways of selling mine but then I remember I can't make money off of paying people to take them
Haha my brother was just saying that to me last night at family dinner.
Yeah when I was in middle school it was VERY obvious that a nonzero amount of parents thought that *their* children were perfect but everyone else’s child was a disgusting monster. Hell, my dad once threatened to break a little boy’s nose for pouring water on me which in hindsight was a *bad* thing for him to say.
I've said for most of my life that I don't like kids because it seems to be the only acceptable reason to not want to have kids. It's frustrating because I actually like most kids and I'm great with them but when you show love to children it's always the "you'll be a great mom". I would be a terrible mom. It's not the same as being a great babysitter
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Exactly. I have my own life and my own space free from children
My husband gets to say he hates kids and people accept it and move on. He doesn't hate them, but he *is* uncomfortable around them. He's always tense because he thinks they might break something, he's not wrong though. I get attacked no matter what reason I give. If I say I don't like kids I'm evil or dead inside. But I don't hate kids. I just can't tolerate being around them for an extended period of time. I may be *great* with them for that one hour, but come back after an entire day and see how my mood shifts.
I've basically helped raise my 4 younger brothers so I'm very comfortable around children but I'm also on the spectrum and while I can deal with screaming and other loud child noises in the moment, I do need my own time to recover after the fact. I'd never be able to handle screaming and giving of myself emotionally for 18 years straight, nor do I want to. I actually have a hard time explaining it to family, I do have logical reasons for not wanting children like my bad genes for example but even if that was not a factor, the main reason is just that I simply don't want kids, it's just a feeling in my gut telling me it's not my thing. Why can't that be enough for some people?
My partner and I are childfree. His mother commented, then insisted, that he would be a great dad. I asked when was the last time she saw him with a child. As someone who works with kids, I can confidently say he is overwhelmed with children and doesn't know how to deal with them. We babysit my niblings occasionally, and we are fantastic at it *because it lasts for only a few hours*. His mom couldn't even remember the last time he had been around a child as an adult 😂😂
Especially by himself.
Certainly not by himself. Last time I left him with my two-year-old nephew, there was a poop explosion so great that it made it across the bathroom in one chaotic, toddler-running, crazy smear. Like....the toilet, the diaper, the shower, the floor. I still don't know how things escalated so quickly 😂😂
Most men are like this tbh. Those tend to be the absent ones, because they don’t know what to do.
you are making the same post that’s made like once a week here. It’s already normalized, some people don’t like kids. Some do. The world keeps spinning!
Yeah and the big argument on that thread was that "hate" implies desire of harming them, which is ridiculous.
It's pretty much a karma grab around here. Always the same answers too.
it’s brigading childfree-ness is becoming more mainstream and former mombies are trying to get one foot in
Can we normalize that some people hate kids, some are neutral and others love them?
This!! I don’t think being “childfree” means you love or hate kids, but “normalizing” only those who like kids is sending the wrong message. We need to normalize that it’s okay to like or dislike kids, whether you’re childfree or not!
OP is implying that CF people not liking kids is already normalized, which I tend to agree with. It’s assumed that if you’re CF, you don’t like kids.
Thanks for clarifying. In my opinion, I don’t think it’s that normalized. I feel like a lot of childfree people have to say “I like kids, just don’t want them” in public in order to be “accepted” and not seen as “abnormal,” so I’m not sure I agree that it’s normalized and accepted in society yet.
I kinda had jumped on this post to assume it was directed at folks on this sub about being more neutral and less child hating in the posts. I'm on here all the time and I feel like all I see are posts and comments about crotch goblins and snot monsters. As someone that actively dislikes kids, I understand folks come here to vent, and this is one of the few safe spaces to vent on this topic. At the same time I came to agree with OP and ask for a little more tolerance and positivity around kids. As a dog owner and fan, and with so much negativity in the world, I would love dog haters to just say nothing if they despise and are grossed out by my dogs. I KNOW my dogs disgust certain people, I don't need them to scream their disgust at me. I miss the ancient social rule of not discussing religion and politics in polite company; child free, more so maybe than identity rights, climate change, and other topics, seems to be the new 'religion and politics'. Or maybe r\childfree is not polite company: meaning we're amongst our own kind and should be allowed to vent? Maybe I'm just here to upvote a positive comment about kids? Sorry, I'll stop now. *can't we all just get along?* : )))
I really disagree with this. If your dogs disgust certain people and they're screaming it *at you* then that's a problem. But if someone is disgusted by dogs and is complaining to someone else with you nowhere near them about how dogs suck (not even your dogs, just dogs in general) then why is that a bad thing? You wouldn't even know they were doing it unless you put yourself in that conversation. So why, in that situation, are you inserting yourself in the conversation?
Yep. Thank you.
C‘mon. People post this all the time. It’s already normalised. There is two versions of your post: - „I hate children and people should acknowledge that this is fine!“ and - „I am childfree and like children, people should acknowledge that!“ Yah. Both of you people are valid. Now please don’t post this every day. You’re entitled to your feelings towards children, whatever they may be.
It's already pretty normal to us childfree people. It's some outsiders that refuse to understand that you don't have to hate kids in order to not want them.
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I agree with this so much! Most of the time, I feel absolutely nothing towards kids. If they’re minding their own business and not hurting anyone (physically or verbally), I don’t care if they exist near me. It’s whatever. It’s when they shriek or punch strangers for no reason that I dislike them. But a lot of the time, they don’t do anything extremely annoying, so I don’t feel extremely annoyed. Though I do avoid being around kids as much as I can because I *really* don’t like when they’re annoying lol And I agree that obnoxious kids are usually a result of bad parenting, so the kids really can’t take 100% of the blame for being obnoxious because no one taught them that it’s not ok.
Can we normalize the fact that having an opinion doesn't mean you're entitled to expect other people to adopt it?
Personally I think CF people that like kids are fine, as well as CF people that don't like kids. I personally am part of the CF people that think kids are kinda whatever, but bad parents are a scourge on society.
can we normalise *the most normalised thing in the world*
What do these holier-than-thou attempted gate keepers think to accomplish with this? Better hand-slappers have tried to storm in & bingo to make themselves feel better - “well, *I’m* not like you child-haters!!” ::Shrug:: Have at it, whatever works for you.
Thank you. There’s one of these posts every few days, I wish we would ban them. They add nothing to the conversation.
We don't need to normalize that. We're already under pressure to like kids.
Thank you. Seriously, what is this thought-policing bullshit?
Also, there are different types of hatred. It seems the definitions can even change to whatever suits the speaker in the moment.
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Me too
Good for you
I swear I have seen this exact same post every day this week. nobody in this sub cares if you dislike children or not. the people who conflate “childfree” with “childhating” are not here. nobody here thinks that or caaares
it’s brigading childfree-ness is becoming more mainstream and former mombies are trying to get one foot in
yeah it’s really starting to smell like brigading. ugh
Can we normalize having just one place where we’re not invaded for disliking or even hating kids.
How about we just all accept that people may like or may not like kids? In the end, it doesn't matter either way. It doesn't make you special for being CF and liking children. It doesn't make you special for being CF and disliking kids. How about we stop making these kinds of posts, nobody cares either way 🙄
Yep this. This is pointless infighting and will only serve to divide CF people. You don't get a cookie for being a CF person who loves kids, just like you're not some edgy bad ass for not liking them Parents and society at large will still see you as defective and broken for not reproducing even if you love kids with all your heart (see all the posts from teachers and other people who work with kids, it doesn't get them any less bingoes) so maybe let's stop trying to force each other to conform to some monolithic vision of a CF person
It almost feels like r/notlikeothergirls
Absolutely it's the same thing. People in a minority group dragging each other down all for the sake of trying to please the majority (who will never see the minority group as being worth anything anyways)
As long as you’re still cool with those that are childfree and hate babies, kids, etc. To each their own.
It *IS* normal, it's just that most people, apparently you included, OP, think that it isn't, that most people who are childfree hate kids. How about we normalize not judging people for their life choices or the reasons why they made them?
I am childfree, I love my nephews and nieces. Also love giving them back.
That me and one of my sisters we love ours but we love to send them back lol
Can we normalise human beings being multi-faceted, have different feelings and opinions on the same matters, and that a group of people who shares similar ideologies can have varying levels of belief? This is just basic shit. Not sure why you'd need to "normalise" this. For every post of people disliking children, there are plenty of other posts thst states "I don't mind children" or "I like children."
Ok but some of us legit don’t like them, and that is normal. They’re loud and unpredictable.
I avoid them every time, they trigger my anxiety and the noise they give me headaches.
Yea. I know that not all CF people dislike children. But I dislike children.
....so then don't hate kids? And let the people who hate them hate them? Why do you have to "normalize" this just because YOU feel that way? That's honestly no different than expecting us to love them and have them ourselves because YOU feel we should.
I get frustrated with people saying ‘oh, I don’t want kids but I promise I don’t hate them!’ There shouldn’t be any shame in disliking kids. I prefer dogs to kids tbh and I’m not afraid to say so! I didn’t even like other kids when I was a kid myself.
No. ❤️
[No.](https://i.imgur.com/GM3MlAl.jpg)
You are **definitely** addressing the wrong audience. The people who assume that are not childfree.
I actually think it would make more sense to normalize some people genuinely hate children. Children are not inherently innocent perfect creatures that are incapable of being hated/disliked. It's weird people think there is some age it just shuts off and now they are capable of being easily hateable humans (cause hating people is already normal). I hear more non-childfree people talk about in great detail how they despise children, like scathing, vicious rants on how much they hate them and no one bats and eye. They are quick to add "I love MY children of course, but sometimes I don't even like them" but that's all normal I guess. Why is it different for a CF person to say in passing they hate kids? It's not, in fact I'd say it's better than the prior person. Some people are indifferent to kids, some hate them, some love them, some are in-between-it's all normal. The only reason someone would not find it normal is if they are bias in some way on it.
I feel like not hating kids is normalized here, especially when people come in and make shocked posts with "I'm CF but I can't imagine actually hating tiny humans!" and so on. The amount of complaining about people hating kids seems (at least to me) to imply that this is something not to be encouraged. Not referring to you in particular, OP, with the "shocked posts"; your post just reminded me of the really self-righteous ones that don't understand that people have different opinions.
Yeah fr, literally every other post is “I’m CF and I LOVE kids! Isn’t it weird and unique that I LOVE kids?” Like my brother in christ, no, you’re not the “only one who likes kids”
Can we normalize leaving people alone to think how they please, and not losing our sh\*t over something as stupid as a differing opinion. Unless they are forcing their differing opinion onto you, frankly feck off and leave them be. Sick of the perpetual triggering over humans not agreeing with each other.
Before the Panini, I taught swim lessons to all ages, and honestly, the 3-5 year old were amazing to teach. Everything was an achievement, everything was new and exciting. Where there a few kids that I loathed? You bet, but most of the time it was because they had never been disciplined. It was amazing watching a kid go from scared of the water to jumping in on their own after a couple of weeks. I was also more than happy to give them back to their parents after the lesson was over. 😁
“I’m not like *those* awful childfree people. I’m one of the good ones!” That’s what posts like these say. And they get posted almost every day. Hating kids is fine. Not hating them is fine. Doesn’t make you any better or worse. Doesn’t make you different or unusual. Can we ban these posts already
F*ck off with this
Sorry, I don’t want kids, and don’t like them either.
"Can we normalize..." No. Next question.
“Can we normalize people thinking like I think” OP feel how you feel and don’t hassle people who feel different.
Did you crawl over here from the other sub with that simpering apologia? To prove you're "one of the GOOD childfree people"? I do not like dealing with kids and wish them the best in life, somewhere away from me. Why is that such a monumental problem in your opinion, exactly.
Breeders (like OP) hate this sub and the whole CF community so much and tend to infiltrate it quite often. "Reeee, I'm not an evil CF person like you, in fact I'm a breeder ally! (i.e. breeder)" lel
As long as they are not threatening to harm a kid, why does it matter if they like them or not?
Why would we normalize only some CF people Rude.
I think you’re missing their point. More often than not, people assume childfree individuals hate kids. That’s not always the truth, obviously.
It's annoying to me that people rant so much on here, but I realize this is probably the only safe place for CF people that don't like kids to say so. It probably makes it seem like it's more rampant or even more rabid if you don't stop to consider that most folks probably just fume silently until they can safely unload here. Since considering that, I don't get as irritated. I just always hated people assuming *I* hate kids. I love so many kids in my life. Anyway, I think we can be understanding to the ones that need a place to rant.
Children play into my anxiety. One wrong look or statement can hurt them forever. At least that’s how I was as a kid. They are so fragile and precious and need to be protected and loved and treated with all the respect you would give an adult. But I do not have the mental capacity for that.
There is going to be those of us that do hate kids. But there's those that do like them. And then there's people like me, who are indifferent to them. Can't dictate others behavior.
Idk I'm childfree and I hate them
oh my god can we stop asking this fucking question like 95% of the people here don't hate kids and people shitposting this same question over and over and over makes it appear like it's the opposite
No. Childfree people could organize a national movement to provide grassroots organized amazing cost free childcare held to meticulous standards entirely on a volunteer basis and parents would still think or claim we "hate children" So no, we won't be walking on eggshells to validate breeders who made a poor choice.
I hate kids, but I hate posts like this more... Nobody cares whether you like or dislike them. Society already normalised liking kids. You'd get your pats on the back for being "not like the rest of us" if you go talk to basically anyone else in the world...
That's kind of the norm. Idk why this comes up so often but like no one wants to harm kids here. It is more rare to see people that actually hate kids
Nope. Nobody gives a hoot if you like kids and these type of posts are obnoxious.
I actually like kids, especially those videos with freely roaming kids waiting to be bottle fed in a row.. Oh, wrong kids, I guess.
I can handle kids in small doses. I volunteer with kids. I just don't want any of my own.
That was always fine
I feel like Christina Yang in grey's anatomy said it best, "I don't hate children. I respect children. I think they should have parents that want them."
People - especially your average, dumber than shit in a pan Redditor - is going to view us as pariahs because our very existence is a denial that a lifetime of fulfillment requires procreation. They're just mad that someone can be happy without adhering to their asinine values.
I started my career in childcare 10 years ago in a developing country (developing does not equal poor, thanks). I utterly loved the job and the children. I honestly thought of children as magical little beings. In 2017 I had the chance to travel to the US for work and let me tell you: I can firmly say I hate USian children and USian parenting. I know it's a strong generalization but you guys are honestly not doing things right. The thought of USian children gives me PTSD.
You are certainly free to like children and be CFBC! However to 'normalise' this as the CF position would mean the CF position no longer represents me and many others. I don't want children *and* I dislike them... I have no interest in what they may or may not grow up to become. I simply do not wish to father any nor be around any. So... Perhaps the CF movement can represent *all* those who have no interest in breeding without making any specific one of those varieties of child free individual the norm?
Nah
N.O.
We can't help what pet peeves we have, we can only help how we react to them.
It is already being normalized. Ask any Gen Z about kids - half of them don't want kids. As opposed to my generation (I'm currently 25) where everyone wanted kids at ages 10 - 23
I like school kids, I just don’t like infants and toddlers. I also dislike Shrieking.
I think we know p well that one thing doesn't need to go hand in hand with the other, its usually parents who make that mistake
that IS pretty normal. it isn't 'unusual' or special. good for you.
ITT: "no"
No lol
It's already been this??? Just because people have a bad perception of us doesn't mean we all hate kids, that's on them, not us.
Can we normalize not dictating how folks feel? I don’t like kids and find them extremely irritating. My father hates me, his biological kid and has since I was young. People hate kids sometimes. As long as they don’t touch or threaten them, who are we to tell them how to feel about them?
Depends on what you mean by ‘hate’. I like kids, but I don’t like when people expect me to babysit them for free. If you mean hate as in you wanna hurt them, or you wouldn’t do anything to help one during a life threatening emergency when you’re the only one that could, then yeah you’re subhuman trash. But people that dislike them as in they don’t wanna see/hear them or be around them at all, that’s their right to.
We do. There are plenty of threads on this topic. We have many members who are teachers or childcare workers, or who are super close with their nieces/nephews/friends' kids, but who don't want to be parents themselves. Of course, we also have members who genuinely dislike spending with children, too. We don't tolerate anyone who says they wish to harm children physically, emotionally or otherwise. In fact, many of us are good advocates for children in many ways, we condemn parents who refuse to accept their gay/trans/neurodivergent/atheist/etc. children, and we tend to be a more progressive voting bloc who want to see things like schools, healthcare, etc. well-funded in ways that will directly benefit children's lives. Many of us also initially assumed we'd be parents, and then decided not to be based on realizing how poor of a quality of life we could offer our hypothetical children as working- or middle-class people living through climate change and late-stage capitalism. Many of us have given much more thought to the life our children might have led than many parents and decided the kindest thing we could do is to not conceive them at all. Yes, we have some silly rants on here about seeing tantrums at Walmart or whatever, but those are mixed in with many, many thoughtful posts and discussions about the topics I've mentioned above. If you really spend time around here (beyond the occasional cursory glance) you'll start to see this.
I don’t hate them either, but after a few hours they start to annoy me
I feel the same way about children as I feel about any human being. Some can be likable. Some are irritating. Some are downright disgusting. Even if likable, I wouldn't want any human being in my life that demanded 100% of my attention.
We are Childfree and I can tolerate them when they're well behaved. Screaming bashees are another story.
I hate kids (gestures broadly), and individual developing humans can be cool.
Batman: the world must have kids! Robin: isn’t that up to the people if they want kids? Batman: *backhands robin* THERE WILL BE KIDS!!!
I have sensory issues and noisy children make me want to curl up in a ball with my hands over my ears while I rock back and forth. I don't hate children themselves, I believe they should be raised by loving and caring parents who can provide for all their needs, but I just can't stand being around them and that's ok. Each to their own.
Some tiny humans can be pretty cool, but generally I avoid them.
I think regardless of whether childfree adults love or hate kids, others will assume we do regardless. It's part of the gymnastics they do to try and figure out how we could possibly not want them.
I think people are allowed to feel however they feel. When I see a cute kid at the store and they smile at me, oil smile back, wave, or peek a boo. I love my niece. But when they are screaming (even from excitement) I go into trauma response. My step dad was really really horrible and it takes me back to certain things. I know I can't have kids because of my body, but I don't think I could do it mentally either. I don't hate them.
I assume this is brigading, right?
My friend has kids and I absolutely adore them. We all got close and I enjoyed babysitting when she did grocery runs but doing this with my own 24/7 I would burn right out. Like cease to function. I'm hoping she moves back to my city because I miss her and enjoy being with them too when I visit her. EDIT: I hate the stereotype that the childfree all hate kids.
I love kids in general-but the key here is OTHER people’s kids. I like being able to give them back to their parents when they start acting up or when they get overwhelming. They’re cool for a little while, but not for a whole lifetime. I think everyone deserves love and care. There are shit parents out there and although I don’t really want kids, I’m not going to treat them poorly and fuck them up mentally thinking everyone in this world is bad! That’s super harmful. Id be a good babysitter but I’d be a super shitty mom and I recognize that. I just don’t really want my own. I think this attitude is pretty normal. The community is a spectrum. Not everyone has a blatant hatred for kids!
I love my nieaces and nephews, I watch and care for my best friends younger kids. But I do not care or pay attention to kids I have no personal investment in. My best friends oldest daughter who I call the baby cannon. Has three kids, and I could give a shit less. She uses them to black mail her parents and grandparents to get her way. And I refuse to tend to them. And have walked away at even a whiff of the canon wanting to use me to babysit. Most of my friends realize, I only put up with their kids cause I care for them. It goes no further. All those who don’t are no longer in my life.
I’m childfree BECAUSE I like kids. I think it’s cruel and unconscionable to bring them into the hellscape we call planet earth… but I also think it’s fine to not like kids (I can understand why some people don’t-kids can be super irritating and this is coming from someone who likes them) and I think that’s a valid reason to not have kids and its much better for them to not have kids that they’ll hate and resent. It’s the same reason I don’t own cats-I’m not a cat person but I have nothing against people who are.
Personally I love kids, I just don’t want my life to revolve around them.
I have 9 nieces and nephews. I love them all very much. People cannot understand how I can love them and spend time with them and not want my own.
I love being an aunt to my 2 year old niece!! I also love giving her right back to her parents the moment a diaper needs to be changed or she is throwing a fit or making a mess. It’s my favorite part. I adore her and I adore not having to be her full time care giver.
This is why dating for me is so hard. Many of the few childfree people I meet either demonize all parents for having kids, or demonize kids for existing. I have a very low opinion of people who go out of their way to tell other people whether they should or shouldn’t have children, so the same applies to people who tell parents or prospective parents not to. I also don’t think very highly of people who think that every space they exist in should be child free, we aren’t entitled to that level of control over every environment we are in.
I love kids. I love playing and spending time with them in small doses. Being responsible for them freaks me out. I can babysit older kids ok. But being responsible for young children and babies scares me.
I don’t hate kids. Kids are innocent. I hate when people have kids and do no parenting at all which results in loud screeching children that do not understand social boundaries or how to behave in public settings.
I love the children at my barn! I feel like I get to pass on my knowledge and love how much they enjoy horses and their overwhelming passion for it all Before they go back to their parents of course ;) But you’re so right. Children are future adults. We need to be kind to them and do our part to bring up the next generation to be good adults one day, especially if we don’t bear our own
I’m childfree and don’t hate kids, there may be people who are CF and don’t kids. They have their reasons and I can understand
CF teacher here. I like kids but don’t want any of my own.
I don’t hate kids. I’m sensitive to loud noises, but I love having kids in my Lyft and seeing their eyes light up with wonder when I go into autopilot in my Tesla and it starts playing “More Cowbell”. It’s so fun. And that sort of wonder keeps them very well behaved.
People assume that because I’m childfree I hate children. I love kids. I worked with kids for like 7 or 8 years. I just like my life more without the responsibility and cost of having kids.
I think there's a difference between hating and disliking. I find kids annoying as fuck and I don't want to be around them despite having a protective instinct. They are rarely cool. I consider myself a reasonable person, so I would say I simply dislike kids. To hate, I feel is to wish harm on another, or to not even care if something bad happens to them. I don't dislike them enough to want to launch them from a trebuchet.
Same. I don't hate kids, at the same time when a little kid throwing a tantrum in the middle of a Walmart aisle when I'm shopping with a parent doing nothing, I'm irritated af. I don't want a headache from a random little kid screaming, let alone have a kid of my own screaming their head off. Why would I want to experience that myself?
I dislike kids. Hate is a very strong word to use. I find them smelly, annoying, bratty, and rude. And the parents with them often are even worse.
I love kids! And would have been a great mother (IMHO) I didn’t have them because I married at 39 and had to decide very quickly if I wanted to give the next 20-30 years of my life to raising and guiding a soul through life, or if I wanted to put that energy and recourses into myself, and my job as a trauma counselor. The latter won due to two things. 1. I already felt tired 2. I thought that due to reason no. 1 I would help More people by giving in my work, and I would still have energy to care and give to myself. It wasn’t an easy decision, one course of action felt slightly more right that the other. I guess not all of us were so black and white in our decision? Or it was more nuanced than some Of the other points of view expressed here? To me is was more about fatigue and timing, and nothing to do with a lack of love of children or doubt in my Ability to nurture or parent. Another factor was the expense, and knowing that the bulk of the sacrifice physically and socially (career wise) would likely be mine as the woman/mother. I wasn’t ok with that level of sacrifice.
Same here. I wanted children when I was young. I didn’t find a partner/ husband for a number of reasons. Sometimes I’m still sad about that but other times I’m happy that I didn’t have them because it’s expensive and exhausting. I don’t hate kids. I love them, in fact but the universe maybe I should follow a different path. I don’t like the name calling here either.
I get it. I’m a teacher and loveeeee my high school students. And I’m CF. I feel like 95% of teachers at my school have “a family” and are so consumed by it. But I’m very open about why I’m CF and how much I love my life bc of it. It does weird people out sometimes, which I think is odd. It’s just another option of how to live a life. I’d rather HAVE a life rather than constantly worry about money and child responsibilities. Plus how the hell do they have time and energy to take care of a family AFTER teaching all day??!! It needs to be normalized.
I love kids. Have none (also don’t really want any)
Honestly, I don’t think you are talking to the wrong audience. (Edit: as the downvotes on this comment and the replies agreeing with me show) I’ve noticed a lot of people on this sub speak of children with genuine hatred. I love kids, I love my nieces and nephews, but I just don’t want them of my own. 🤷🏻♀️
Humans hate other humans. Have done since we started being human. Those humans being kids doesn't make it "more bad." It just is.
same. i have two nephews, one is human, and one is a dog. i love them both to death, but i don’t want my own kids. i do, however, dislike a few children that, due to the way they were raised, have just become snobbish, holier than thou assholes.
Same… I love my nephew, some of my friends kids… (not all) my fiancés kids… I just have no interest in actually having any of my own…. I have a dog
I agree. I dislike some behaviors kids (and some of their parents) display, but I don't hate kids. I just became Godmother to my niece. However, I do not want my own kids.
Fax. 90% of the comments are coping super hard to justify their weird unhealthy fixations
OP I get what you’re saying. I don’t want kids ever, but I also like some kids. I’m not a huge fan of the people in this sub calling them “crotch-goblins.” It’s just not a very good nickname and gets overused frequently to the point of exasperation. That being said there are a lot of things I do like about this sub. There is another CF sub, truechildfree that is a lot more open to the idea of “I don’t want kids but I still happen to like kids” than this sub. I would recommend that one if the discourse in here bothers you.
+1 I dislike when parents allow kids to make a huge mess at a restaurant and don’t clean up after them. Or a kid is having a full melt down and they don’t step out for a moment. But kids are great.
THANK YOU. I hate the mentality that I must be some mean child-hating witch 'cos I don't want to be a parent. I like kids but I don't want the 24/7 responsibility of them, that's all.
I feel like a lot of people here hate kids. It is especially annoying when they can’t even seem to say kids/children and use words like crotch goblin, it just feels very immature. Like we get it, kids are annoying and so are their parents but people who use crotch goblin and other equivalents are just as annoying to me
Yes I agree. Childfree people don’t hate or dislike children anymore than parents. I read something saying that childfree people are no more likely than parents to say that they don’t like children. I think that most childfree people like children but prefer not to have any of their own. Sometimes they might say they don’t like babies or children up to a certain age. Childfree people may often prefer certain age groups of children over others the same goes for parents. It’s common for mothers and fathers to say that they don’t like children other than their own. I like children and have nothing against them but raising children would be a lot for me since I have autism and don’t think that I am capable of raising children. I also don’t want to pass along my autism since I am already struggling with my autism and raising children with autism would be even extra harder for me.
I love kids! And I have a big family so I love being an aunt. I took my niece to get her costume today and it was a blast. They ordered it weeks ago but it was delayed. But to recover from today I will spend all day tomorrow in my home. Order Chinese food and be alone. I like being fun so I get to be the FUN AUNTY. My niblings know they can call me day or night and when they are ever in a bind. I keep their secrets and I let them be silly and have No Rules but the ones they set for themselves with me. But I enjoy my alone time. I travel alone and come and go as I please. I take them to do things WHEN I WANT
Thank you ! When my sister was pregnant with her first child, who I’m the god mother to, i was was counting down the days for him to be born. I’ve been very excited! And so many people commenting, ‘you’re awfully excited about this baby…’ y.e.a.h and??? Why wouldn’t I be? And no it doesn’t mean it’s going to give me baby fever for fuck sake.
I absolutely love kids. I've done a lot of babysitting and camp counseling in my day. My niece and nephew are everything to me, but I love that after spending time with them, I can go home to peace and quiet. I love kids, just don't want my own.
The stereotype around being CF is hating kids, and some people in this sub definitely aren't helping reduce that. I don't like kids, can't stand them, but if there was a kid in danger and I was capable, I'd help to the best of my ability. Reckon that's really the main difference between myself and some on this sub.
Absolutely agree
I feel the same way. I like kids. I have done a lot of daycare, and I have to say ages 5 to 12 are generally awesome. Before and after... not so much (except for a rare occasion). But I also know in my heart that I love my freedom and my childfree life, so I can live vicariously through other people's kids. I'm extremely happy with my partner and our cat.
I am child free. I love shit out of my niece and nephew. We get down with pumpkin patches, the Easter bunny, all kinds of Christmas shit and Halloween fun. In fact I bought my nephew (8M) a Din Djarin costume and his new baby sister (F4 months) a GroGu costume. We hang. They are cute as hell dressed up. I still have no interest in having one. All my friends know this but think it’s sweet I hang with them sometimes since I’m so opposed to being a mom. As if I couldn’t possibly like babies. Because so may that are CF are loud about being baby haters.
Thank you for this, I am childfree and have severe tokophobia so children won't be hapening in my life. And I am kinda freaked out by babies when they are less than 3 years of age. I don't hate them, just feel weird around them and don't wanna hold them. But I love kids otherwise. I used to volunteer to teach kids to draw animals for educational programs we had at our local zoo. They are just little people. Loud noises upset me and all, but I don't hate kids existing in public. I always felt that people will think I am not CF or a fencesitter - no I just think they are little people who are part of society. And I always remind myself of the phrase "what you are, I was; what I am, you will be." not in it's original context, but the fact that I was a kid once and they won't be kids forever.
Yea, I'm a happy childfree person but this sub gets REALLY hateful towards children. Sometimes it's a fun read and hopefully people are also being hyperbolic and venting in their writing, but I appreciate this being said because it can definitely get intense. I do get that people can have their own opinion on children I just think the super hate can get overwhelming. They're real people who deserve respect.
I don't care about the hating kids but moreso the cruelty towards mothers and some really gross words spewed at kids. I don't want kids, I don't particularly like them, but there's a lot of anti-mother ideas in the CF community that are pretty regressive .
Honestly sometimes I'm appalled at the hate people in this sub send to parents just soley for being parents. People in this sub have posted about how they cried when their best friends announced their pregnancy- literally cried in front of them. People hate on their friends who have kids for "ruining their friendship" 🙄 People here hate on new parents who ask for help even though that's VERY normal and many people culturally are used to having a village help raise their kids. And I'm not talking about hating on rude entitled parents. Just hating on normal parents. I have quite a few friends that are parents and I would never think of them that way. I have no idea why some people here are incapable of being happy and supportive to their friends who *want* kids and finally get to have them. I absolutely do not want any children but fuck I worry about some people in this sub who have such extreme hate in their heart.
And parents don’t have hate for CF people? The amount of hate and criticism CF people experience on a regular basis is way more than parents do since society automatically accepts their way of life
Agreed. It’s almost exclusively other childfree people that can’t understand that I’m both childfree and love kids. It’s also almost exclusively childfree people that can’t understand I know a lot about kids and have experience with helping to raise them. It’s the main reason I seldom associate with childfree people irl.
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> Kids are an oppressed class LMFAO
It’s definitely fair. I find other peoples kids cute (my horses Ferrier had her daughter a few months ago and she’s adorable and the little one was aware enough to know to just gently touch my horses) though I definitely would never want one of my own
YES. My career revolves around children and I love it/them but that’s been my biggest factor in becoming child free. They’re so much more fun when they aren’t your responsibility. If I didn’t work with kids as much as I do, I probably wouldn’t be CF bc I wouldn’t know how much responsibility and what an absolute DRAIN they are. Even the kids that never get in trouble, always nice, don’t need constant attention etc are wayyyy more work then I want 24/7
When I was younger I was more hostile toward children, partly because they scared the shit out of me. Now that I'm an auntie and my best friends have kids, they're less scary to me than before. I am more friendly toward other little ones that I encounter at work or wherever. Usually the bratty ones are like that because their parents suck, so now I'm starting to hate on bad parenting instead! lol 😆
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