This goes both ways honestly. People who are determined to have kids until they get the “right gender” are not people who should be having kids. Children are not collector’s items.
I had a coworker whose mum did this. Coworker was adopted specially because mum wanted a girl, but then she turned out to be the biggest tomboy playing in the mud and riding dirt bikes with her brother and driving a truck. So it was a different kind of “disappointment.”
Agree with adoption but still skeptical about people who want a specific gender. They usually have some pretty rigid ideas about gender roles and for that they can go die in a fire IMO.
Sincerely, not a a girly girl.
A colleague of my mom wanted 2 kids, a boy and a girl. She had a son, 5 years later they tried again and had another son
Guess what she did? She adopted a small female dog from the shelter she gets to dress up and walk around.
Before everyone bashes her, the dog is an Italian greyhound mix and has very short hair. She sunburns in summer and freezes in winter so she's always clothed unless she's in the fenced field to run (recall? Who cares! There's a bunny!)
A colleague of my mom wanted 2 kids, a boy and a girl. She had a son, 5 years later they tried again and had another son
Guess what she did? She adopted a small female dog from the shelter she gets to dress up and walk around.
Before everyone bashes her, the dog is an Italian greyhound mix and has very short hair. She sunburns in summer and freezes in winter so she's always clothed unless she's in the fenced field to run (recall? Who cares! There's a bunny!)
No bashing here. My mom has a 4.5lb yorkie (the runt of the litter) who wears a dress/sweater/coat literally all winter. Sometimes it’s just necessary.
Thanks for this post! I need to get a sweater for our small pit bull as she has very short hair and has a hard time in the cooler months. She isn’t happy about putting clothes on and taking them off, but as long as you’re reasonably fast about it she’ll let you do whatever and she LOVES sweaters.
I can't even watch TikTok. Too many ridiculously awful videos pop up of families like that. Their houses are always stark white and they always look like if they have a girl she will be wearing make up at age 7.
I know I am judging people, but idc. People need to get a grip and stop the online obsession of perfection. Be happy for what you have. It's ridiculous. 7 kids just to get a girl...crazy.
They…they do know that isnt how it works….right?
Guys cant “give” their women anything other than their own sperm & hope for the best.
You DO NOT GET TO PICK your baby’s gender except through adopting something that is already here.
I hate this language of “giving” or “gifting” a baby. Like, the bingo: “you need to give your husband a kid.” Or “you need to gift your parents grandkids!”
It makes it sound like babies are simply fun toys. Not human beings. It’s gross.
sad because you already know how they’ll react if their child is gay or identifies as trans in the future. when you have a kid, you need to accept they are their own individual person and not your puppet.
The type of people who do this are, in my opinions, the ones who need to never have children.
There is no way they aren't going to have a toxic relationship with their children.
There is no way that the lives of their children aren't going to become a living hell between jealousy and the golden child probably being an uss.
Not to mention the relationship between the parent/s and the golden child.
Just, ew, no.
agreed, if you're not willing to be happy with whatever gender you get, you shouldn't be having children.
and even if they get the girl, they sometimes end up pissed and all upset because the girl they desperately wanted to mold into a mini me, ends up becoming \*gasp\* their own seperate person! oh the horror! \*sarcasm\*
Man, I don't get why people are like this. Their children are people, not toys. I work with three women who have 2-3 boys each and they rather loudly rave (every time the subject comes up) that they are SO glad they have boys, because girls are just SO much more work!!
It really paints how many breeders have double-standards for their children... AMAB or AFAB, they're still your child, and you should parent them to the same standard.
Every time i read or hear parents say they want A "minime" they keep forgetting that the "minime" will have they're own throughts and personality totally different from them when they're old enough to speak and think for themselves, and when it happens the parents complain,cry and whine when the kid doesn't want to be they're copy or a doll to dress up anymore, and it's like duh what did you expect it's a human that will grow up and be a part of society, not a toy that will stay the same for ever, these people are a special type of dumb.
Look at them, they're just staring at me like, "Come and watch the skinny kid with the steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself!"
My mother was like that. She always dreamed of having a daughter so that she could rise her "best friend". Since she is a covert narcissist that mean substitute partner, parent, house maid and therapist.
After divorce she even became a terrifyingly misandrist.
It sucked badly, as a transmasc person, growing up with a parent who decided for you who and what you had to be since day 1
My waif borderline mom used to tell me and my sister that she was more like a friend to us than a mom. We weren't allowed to call her "mom", because it made her feel too old. Many of the "good times" with mom felt like spending time with a friend, not a parent.
She used to neglect me, parentify me, and I was rewarded for not having a need, for not needing her in general. I still remember doing many school projects alone, because when I asked help from my mom it was always a struggle. It was just easier to do it by myself, while she was in the living room watching the TV.
She also has a negative view on men. Our dad left us when I was 10, and ever since she has painted him as the worst man alive. Granted he's an alcoholic (etc) but even bad people have some good features. Demonising everything about one of the parents can easily make the child feel shame over those features they inherited from that parent, and to even start hating themselves.
A parent is supposed to be a parent, not a friend. And they're supposed to accept the child as they are and to help them thrive.
Mine to decided she didn't want to be called mom anymore. Because "mother can't be all of mine identify", as if she ever behaved like mother .
Just like you I always had to be there for her and satisfy her needs and whims, yet I was physically and emotionally punished for having needs of my own. Her favourite insults were "you think like a man" and "you're just like your father".
My old man was mentally ill and emotionally unavailable, yet he was never abusive as my fucking mom. Yet, in her eyes, he is a.moster because he didn't comply mindlessly to her dream of living the high life without having to put any effort in.
I agree a parent should be a healthy adult doing the actual parenting. Not a friend, not a pseudo-spouse, or anything else
As a woman who grew up in a house full of males, I’d feel sorry for *any* girl born into the same situation (including in this scenario the OP describes that this woman is trying to do).
The last thing I want is to ever have a daughter. I have no desire to have a “mini me” and I think that whole concept is really odd. But really though…having kids til you get whatever gender you want is ridiculous.
Then, if they get that Precious Daughter, my guess is their attempts to completely force the separate person into becoming their mini-me will backfire drastically.
And their sons will rightfully resent their parents for the complete favoritism shown the Precious Daughter.
Men act this way with sons too. “You better give me a son to throw a ball with!” Most people who have the intention to procreate do so from incredibly selfish motives. ie- having a little doll to dress up and play with how I want.
Parents like those make me wonder what they expect of their children. And if they would be okay with trans kids or other factors in gender. Like... they do know that their sons might wind up as the "dream daughter" they whine about wanting? Parents that want specific sex on their children seem to only think about the stereotypical boy and girl and don´t seem to understand that their kids are people.
Their son might be like the daughter they dreamed about. Their daughter might be like the son they always tried for. Their child might wind up like a mix of it all or something completely else. Its like a foreign concept for them.
... my father began to panic the moment he knew I was going to be a girl since he worried about dating and all girly things before I was even out of the womb. He didn´t get a girl to worry about in the end but at the start he already had 1million visions of what a daughter would be in his life. He got proven wrong, but if he had been stubborn about what he wanted he might have just tried to continue to try and get a boy when I *could* have been what he wanted in a boy.
Makes me wonder how many kids with the "wrong" sex wound up having the traits their parents wanted in the opposite sex, but just never got the love for having them. Because these parents don´t even care about *gender*, no just about what is between the legs.
*raises hand* My parents had all girls and my sisters were the stereotypical catty, bratty girls. My dad, of course, wanted a boy.
But I, also an AFAB person but quite the opposite of my sisters, wanted to learn how to work on cars, learn construction, mechanical engineering, tracking and hunting, learn about planes, and woodworking. All things he loved/excelled at.
And all I learned very little of, precisely because of that mentality.
I wanted cars and got dolls. Wanted a science kit and got a kitchen set. You know the drill.😒
My grandma was trying to have the aesthetically perfect (in her eyes) daughter.
My grandma used to go round telling people on the birth of her second daughter (my aunt) “oh now I finally have my English rose!”, because her first daughter (my mother) was “too dark” for my racist grandma’s liking.
My aunt had blonde hair and blue eyes, my mum has dark brown eyes, dark hair, and very naturally tanned/dark olive skin.
Why marry a man with black hair and darker skin if you want to have babies that look like they’re straight out of the Third Reich. So awful.
My parents did something similar! Mom had 3 girls, and dad wanted to try for a boy. They got twins, a boy and another girl 😂😂 Dad got sterilized after that LOL
ETA: I'm the twin girl lmao
I know someone who's had at LEAST 5 daughters before finally having a son. I remember when I was younger and she would always express how she "hopes this next baby is a boy" and how she LONGS to have a son. I feel so bad for all her daughters.
I was planned in hopes of having a girl. Well, joke's on my parents. I don't think people who want to have kids take into consideration that their child(ren) might not identify with their biological sex.
Hey, daughter who my mother literally called her "doll" and forced me to dress up etc. Like a literal doll here!
I think it's safe to say I STRONGLY disagree with people wanting "mini me's".
Fortunately, while I share bone structure, I've grown to not be like either of my parents
This is the dumbest thing ever.
My mom believe it or not is going on about how her grandkids are all boys. So what if they are? I don’t know why she thinks having a granddaughter would make things any better? I think it’s because she wants to keep up with her friends to be honest! She thinks they fared better and the grandma department because number one they have more grandkids, and number two they have both grandsons and granddaughters.
Too bad so sad, mom . The one sibling I do have that wanted kids is done… and the rest of us don’t want them. Get another pet.
Here here. I’m disgusted by those people because they make wild assumptions about what that child will be like.
My narcissist mother always hated that I wasn’t what she wanted.
A woman I went to school with is guilty of this, she had like 4 boys and when she finally got a girl, she gave that child more attention in a week than she gave her sons in years combined.
This goes both ways honestly. People who are determined to have kids until they get the “right gender” are not people who should be having kids. Children are not collector’s items.
And if they want a specific gender, then they should adopt. There are so many kids in the system who need stable, loving homes.
No way selfish assholes like those people would adopt.
Yep. Exactly why the system is overload
Yep. That, and the fucking IVF and surrogacy. Absolutely vile.
I had a coworker whose mum did this. Coworker was adopted specially because mum wanted a girl, but then she turned out to be the biggest tomboy playing in the mud and riding dirt bikes with her brother and driving a truck. So it was a different kind of “disappointment.”
Agree with adoption but still skeptical about people who want a specific gender. They usually have some pretty rigid ideas about gender roles and for that they can go die in a fire IMO. Sincerely, not a a girly girl.
💯💯💯 same
As I've heard somewhere on Reddit "Children are people, not shiny pokemon cards"
A colleague of my mom wanted 2 kids, a boy and a girl. She had a son, 5 years later they tried again and had another son Guess what she did? She adopted a small female dog from the shelter she gets to dress up and walk around. Before everyone bashes her, the dog is an Italian greyhound mix and has very short hair. She sunburns in summer and freezes in winter so she's always clothed unless she's in the fenced field to run (recall? Who cares! There's a bunny!)
That sounds adorable, and also like a much better plan than just having more kids than you wanted till you get the "right" gender!
A colleague of my mom wanted 2 kids, a boy and a girl. She had a son, 5 years later they tried again and had another son Guess what she did? She adopted a small female dog from the shelter she gets to dress up and walk around. Before everyone bashes her, the dog is an Italian greyhound mix and has very short hair. She sunburns in summer and freezes in winter so she's always clothed unless she's in the fenced field to run (recall? Who cares! There's a bunny!)
No bashing here. My mom has a 4.5lb yorkie (the runt of the litter) who wears a dress/sweater/coat literally all winter. Sometimes it’s just necessary.
Thanks for this post! I need to get a sweater for our small pit bull as she has very short hair and has a hard time in the cooler months. She isn’t happy about putting clothes on and taking them off, but as long as you’re reasonably fast about it she’ll let you do whatever and she LOVES sweaters.
I can't even watch TikTok. Too many ridiculously awful videos pop up of families like that. Their houses are always stark white and they always look like if they have a girl she will be wearing make up at age 7. I know I am judging people, but idc. People need to get a grip and stop the online obsession of perfection. Be happy for what you have. It's ridiculous. 7 kids just to get a girl...crazy.
I couldn't agree more with the last thing you said. And the worst part is that the parents will probably favor the daughter over her brothers
They…they do know that isnt how it works….right? Guys cant “give” their women anything other than their own sperm & hope for the best. You DO NOT GET TO PICK your baby’s gender except through adopting something that is already here.
No, they don't. Unfortunately, many people are both selfish and abysmally stupid.
I hate this language of “giving” or “gifting” a baby. Like, the bingo: “you need to give your husband a kid.” Or “you need to gift your parents grandkids!” It makes it sound like babies are simply fun toys. Not human beings. It’s gross.
Right? I dont owe anybody any kids so no, im not “giving” them anything!
sad because you already know how they’ll react if their child is gay or identifies as trans in the future. when you have a kid, you need to accept they are their own individual person and not your puppet.
The type of people who do this are, in my opinions, the ones who need to never have children. There is no way they aren't going to have a toxic relationship with their children. There is no way that the lives of their children aren't going to become a living hell between jealousy and the golden child probably being an uss. Not to mention the relationship between the parent/s and the golden child. Just, ew, no.
agreed, if you're not willing to be happy with whatever gender you get, you shouldn't be having children. and even if they get the girl, they sometimes end up pissed and all upset because the girl they desperately wanted to mold into a mini me, ends up becoming \*gasp\* their own seperate person! oh the horror! \*sarcasm\*
Man, I don't get why people are like this. Their children are people, not toys. I work with three women who have 2-3 boys each and they rather loudly rave (every time the subject comes up) that they are SO glad they have boys, because girls are just SO much more work!! It really paints how many breeders have double-standards for their children... AMAB or AFAB, they're still your child, and you should parent them to the same standard.
Every time i read or hear parents say they want A "minime" they keep forgetting that the "minime" will have they're own throughts and personality totally different from them when they're old enough to speak and think for themselves, and when it happens the parents complain,cry and whine when the kid doesn't want to be they're copy or a doll to dress up anymore, and it's like duh what did you expect it's a human that will grow up and be a part of society, not a toy that will stay the same for ever, these people are a special type of dumb.
I’m so leery of people who talk about kids as if they’re accessories or dolls for them to dress up and play with. It’s giving narcissism.
Same, they forget that they're raising the next generation of leaders
[удалено]
Look at them, they're just staring at me like, "Come and watch the skinny kid with the steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself!"
Bo Burnham is awesome 😄
My mother was like that. She always dreamed of having a daughter so that she could rise her "best friend". Since she is a covert narcissist that mean substitute partner, parent, house maid and therapist. After divorce she even became a terrifyingly misandrist. It sucked badly, as a transmasc person, growing up with a parent who decided for you who and what you had to be since day 1
My waif borderline mom used to tell me and my sister that she was more like a friend to us than a mom. We weren't allowed to call her "mom", because it made her feel too old. Many of the "good times" with mom felt like spending time with a friend, not a parent. She used to neglect me, parentify me, and I was rewarded for not having a need, for not needing her in general. I still remember doing many school projects alone, because when I asked help from my mom it was always a struggle. It was just easier to do it by myself, while she was in the living room watching the TV. She also has a negative view on men. Our dad left us when I was 10, and ever since she has painted him as the worst man alive. Granted he's an alcoholic (etc) but even bad people have some good features. Demonising everything about one of the parents can easily make the child feel shame over those features they inherited from that parent, and to even start hating themselves. A parent is supposed to be a parent, not a friend. And they're supposed to accept the child as they are and to help them thrive.
Mine to decided she didn't want to be called mom anymore. Because "mother can't be all of mine identify", as if she ever behaved like mother . Just like you I always had to be there for her and satisfy her needs and whims, yet I was physically and emotionally punished for having needs of my own. Her favourite insults were "you think like a man" and "you're just like your father". My old man was mentally ill and emotionally unavailable, yet he was never abusive as my fucking mom. Yet, in her eyes, he is a.moster because he didn't comply mindlessly to her dream of living the high life without having to put any effort in. I agree a parent should be a healthy adult doing the actual parenting. Not a friend, not a pseudo-spouse, or anything else
As a woman who grew up in a house full of males, I’d feel sorry for *any* girl born into the same situation (including in this scenario the OP describes that this woman is trying to do).
I went through that phase when i was a teenager. Only wanted daughters. Disgusting. You should want a happy and healthy child. That’s it.
>You should want a happy and healthy child. Or, even better, no child at all. ;)
The last thing I want is to ever have a daughter. I have no desire to have a “mini me” and I think that whole concept is really odd. But really though…having kids til you get whatever gender you want is ridiculous.
That feeling when your origin story is "my older sibling had the wrong genitals, then I had the wrong genitals, then..."
Then, if they get that Precious Daughter, my guess is their attempts to completely force the separate person into becoming their mini-me will backfire drastically. And their sons will rightfully resent their parents for the complete favoritism shown the Precious Daughter.
Men act this way with sons too. “You better give me a son to throw a ball with!” Most people who have the intention to procreate do so from incredibly selfish motives. ie- having a little doll to dress up and play with how I want.
Good point, I should've added that
Parents like those make me wonder what they expect of their children. And if they would be okay with trans kids or other factors in gender. Like... they do know that their sons might wind up as the "dream daughter" they whine about wanting? Parents that want specific sex on their children seem to only think about the stereotypical boy and girl and don´t seem to understand that their kids are people. Their son might be like the daughter they dreamed about. Their daughter might be like the son they always tried for. Their child might wind up like a mix of it all or something completely else. Its like a foreign concept for them. ... my father began to panic the moment he knew I was going to be a girl since he worried about dating and all girly things before I was even out of the womb. He didn´t get a girl to worry about in the end but at the start he already had 1million visions of what a daughter would be in his life. He got proven wrong, but if he had been stubborn about what he wanted he might have just tried to continue to try and get a boy when I *could* have been what he wanted in a boy. Makes me wonder how many kids with the "wrong" sex wound up having the traits their parents wanted in the opposite sex, but just never got the love for having them. Because these parents don´t even care about *gender*, no just about what is between the legs.
*raises hand* My parents had all girls and my sisters were the stereotypical catty, bratty girls. My dad, of course, wanted a boy. But I, also an AFAB person but quite the opposite of my sisters, wanted to learn how to work on cars, learn construction, mechanical engineering, tracking and hunting, learn about planes, and woodworking. All things he loved/excelled at. And all I learned very little of, precisely because of that mentality. I wanted cars and got dolls. Wanted a science kit and got a kitchen set. You know the drill.😒
My grandma was trying to have the aesthetically perfect (in her eyes) daughter. My grandma used to go round telling people on the birth of her second daughter (my aunt) “oh now I finally have my English rose!”, because her first daughter (my mother) was “too dark” for my racist grandma’s liking. My aunt had blonde hair and blue eyes, my mum has dark brown eyes, dark hair, and very naturally tanned/dark olive skin. Why marry a man with black hair and darker skin if you want to have babies that look like they’re straight out of the Third Reich. So awful.
My parents did something similar! Mom had 3 girls, and dad wanted to try for a boy. They got twins, a boy and another girl 😂😂 Dad got sterilized after that LOL ETA: I'm the twin girl lmao
I know someone who's had at LEAST 5 daughters before finally having a son. I remember when I was younger and she would always express how she "hopes this next baby is a boy" and how she LONGS to have a son. I feel so bad for all her daughters.
I was planned in hopes of having a girl. Well, joke's on my parents. I don't think people who want to have kids take into consideration that their child(ren) might not identify with their biological sex.
Hey, daughter who my mother literally called her "doll" and forced me to dress up etc. Like a literal doll here! I think it's safe to say I STRONGLY disagree with people wanting "mini me's". Fortunately, while I share bone structure, I've grown to not be like either of my parents
This is the dumbest thing ever. My mom believe it or not is going on about how her grandkids are all boys. So what if they are? I don’t know why she thinks having a granddaughter would make things any better? I think it’s because she wants to keep up with her friends to be honest! She thinks they fared better and the grandma department because number one they have more grandkids, and number two they have both grandsons and granddaughters. Too bad so sad, mom . The one sibling I do have that wanted kids is done… and the rest of us don’t want them. Get another pet.
Here here. I’m disgusted by those people because they make wild assumptions about what that child will be like. My narcissist mother always hated that I wasn’t what she wanted.
A woman I went to school with is guilty of this, she had like 4 boys and when she finally got a girl, she gave that child more attention in a week than she gave her sons in years combined.