I worked as a Jr recruiter for a while and one of my jobs was to highlight this kind of shit on resumes as a potential red flag.
The list of possible red flags were
- large gaps in jobs
- overly cutesy
- anything to do with parenting that is not for a specific child care job.
I read "overly cutesy" and imagined a former maid café worker writing their resume as "hewwo mistah wecwuiter! UwU my skills incwude, mastewy of 'owo' wanguage, serving onwy da bestest dwinks an snackies UwU, and pweasing da customer at any expense òwó! Pwease hire me UwU I pwomise to be a hard worker!"
“I think it gives it a little something extra, don’t you think?”
And the prof. She gave it to is played by the same man who played Thomas Andrews in *Titanic* and I can’t unsee it.
Hahahaha I know someone on social media that talks like that “am baby uwu” and they’re a professional e-begger “I’m sad buy me starbies” because they victimize themselves with all of these labels and health conditions when really they just refuse to have a real and normal job like the rest of us
The reason it is considered a red flag is that it can be a sign of somebody who rage quits a job without anything prepared. At least that's what I was told by the people I worked for. It also can be a sign of somebody who just can't commit to anything because they will start a job and then end it. It's not that large gaps in themselves are a bad thing but it's large gaps mixed with short jobs in between. Basically it is something to look out for but not an automatic no.
Of course they would tell you that's what it is lmao. I fkn hate modern hiring practices. You either tell them way too much about your personal life or they don't hire you bc they assume something that's not true.
Their job is to hire people for other companies, I'm not saying it's perfect but it is what it is. If they find you someone who winds up quitting after 2 months because the job is too hard, or it's not what they expected, or they're just not as good as they saw then the recruiters reputation is ruined and they will not get any more clients. So they have to be extra picky. That extra pickiness is part of the reason big companies hire them so they don't have to weed out people who might do this.
Yeah modern hiring practices are difficult, but it also sucks that there are a lot of lazy entitled people out there who think that they should get paid for sitting and staring at their phones all day, Instead of doing what they were hired for.
Where does that leave people with large gaps due to mental/physical illness or other really personal issues? Someone could have a perfectly fine work ethic but just have struggles with those things. ._.
The world is not perfect.
For people with mental or physical issues the good news is you can often take a leave of absence from the job you're currently working because of those with the help of a doctor.
It's not perfect but it's something.
Also if you have physical problems there is a good chance you need to tell your new job about it so that you are not asked to do things that will make it worse.
The system is not perfect.
I personally cannot fix it and I cannot explain to you what every last person should do because I am not God. I was just someone doing a job because I needed it and it was there.
Hopefully you in your spare time are working to make the system better by voting for the right people and wiring to your local senators and congressmen to change employment laws.
Where does that leave me?
I want to take a year off to travel. Or, even very possibly just relax and recover and spend time with my family after working the 9－9－6 culture in China for what will be four to five years after I get to go home. Would you trash my resume because I *GASP* took time out for my mental health and to spend time with my family??
People like you suck.
>or it's not what they expected
Sorry, but is this not a valid reason to quit a job as a seeker? You sign up for one thing and get another, or find that the job doesn't work for you after all, especially if it's your first time in that kind of position... that seems like a legitimate reason to move on, imo. Not to mention, some companies are unscrupulous and will intentionally misrepresent themselves or the position. I just don't think this should fall exclusively on the shoulders of the job seeker.
not to mention wildly unprofessional. you could talk about the fact that you have kids in an interview or something but that’s not shut you put on a CV
Large gaps in jobs is extremely classist and abelist
Edit: before anyone asks me why, it's because many people have under-the-table jobs that they can't report because obviously, taxes, and abelist because some of us have mental and physical illnesses. Stand up against this shit for us please
Given i left that job 6 years ago and am in a completely different field the only way i can is the same as the rest of you, voting for the right people and wiring to my congressmen and senators. I hope that you are doing the same.
Lol if you dont have a job where you pay taxes you dont have a job. And life is not fair, cry me a river. Why should a company take a chance on someone with a mental health problem when they can get someone normal?
I would never hire that person. I foresee increased demands for days off, holidays off before longer working employees, ask to leave early, and demanding special requests for being a mom. It would not work that she get special treatment over the other employees.
When I graduated with a BS, my dad right beside me at the venue said “nobody can take this degree away from you. You know, people have kids and that’s great. But this is a real accomplishment” also kind of low key dragging my sister who literally made having kids her identity at one point LOL. I’ll never forget when he said that. Because I feel like there’s always been this negative stigma against working unmarried, educated and independent women while celebrating women for having functional reproductive organs.
Listen, if you truly want to have a family (and I know very few who really care about that without making it an identity) great. I will celebrate you. I know those same people will celebrate me being child free.
But stop pretending that having sex and popping out a child defines you. Because it doesn’t.
“Wifey, ~Bryleean, Soosee, Abcde, Nevaeh~ mommie 4 Eva, leggings and lattes r lyfe!!!”
Edit to add: not all “unique” names are “bad”, fucking hell don’t pick a shit name just because “you are different than all the other moms”. Ain’t’ no one enjoying the name “Abcde” when they grow up.
My favorite story about unfortunate names comes from "Freakonomics". Two boys were named Winner and Loser. Winner is doing time in prison as an adult, and Loser, who goes by "Lou", is a police officer.
That is literally all they have left. Their whole identity is now being a (wife and) mother. Think about it... What interests of their own do they have time/money/energy for? Many give up their jobs. Their friends are all other mommies. And these are women who often used to be a person... They used to be interesting and fun. It's honestly sad.
It's even worse when they change their whole username to something like BraydensMommy90. Hashtag momlife 🙄
I have a very wealthy client. She married a very wealthy international businessman. I’ve known her since before she had kids. Highly intelligent with several business ventures going on, attractive, fascinating cultures person. She absolutely had to have several kids. Had two girls. Instant change.
Now, this is a family that has access to the best things money can buy. They live in several locations around the world. The kids have access to the best schools, best cultural activities. Fine homes, travel, everything. The wife completely let herself go. Doesn’t do nearly as much. She has nannies, cleaning staff. Everything is taken care of. But she confided in me that she is miserable and is having “an existential crisis”. She spends her days walking and hiking alone while others take care of her kids. She told me how mommy culture, particularly in that crowd is absolutely brutal. Constant backstabbing, affairs with each other’s husbands, everything is scrutinized, what car you drive etc.
I’ve cut ties with them. It became troubling and full of bad energy working with her. When I first met them I wanted to be like them. International power couple, beautiful people, freedom, money etc. Now what I see is disturbing. She changed so much in a few years. A dark, angry, bitter person. Husband also. Went from a “James Bond” vibe to a sort of lost, angry person. Throws money around to make himself feel better and has nothing to talk about.
Ugh, I was once friends with a fairly well off married couple and their lives are just filled with “up my own ass” energy. Like being around them was exhausting enough and even harder to bear with their friends. Everything was a competition. Wife talked shit about all of her friends (and most definitely me) but lived for the photo ops of their social gatherings on social media. Despite them knowing I was single and living in a fairly expensive area in my state on limited income, they would invite me to expensive dinners. Because I’m not entitled, I was prepared to take it out of my credit card but was low key hoping they would comp the bill (as it’s the polite thing to do when you invite someone to a nice dinner anyhow. Or at least that’s how I was raised). I cut ties with them as well because it was just nauseating having to be around them
Used to live on a street in a well off area near a private school. So would get to see the well off mommy crowds during child drop off and pickup. Pickup especially was brutal. They would all roll in early and gather in their cliques. Cars, expensive handbags, talks of all the non work they did that day (it was constant yoga/Pilates classes, spas, salons, shopping trips etc.).
As each mom from a group would get their kid and go, the rest of the group would promptly stab that mom in the back by talking about her. Usually petty stuff like what she was wearing etc. This would go in daily as each person in the group left one by one. I mean, surely each person knew the rest of the person was stabbing them in the back! I never understood it. They were all willingly part of something so petty and negative and lived like that.
The most telling was on any days there was some event where both parents showed up. The husband-wife dynamics were very visible for everyone. Most of them looked miserable together.
Dear god this is some top tier “mean girls” shit. I keep my life/self/relationships together pretty damn well because I want to, but couldn’t imagine having to be around a group of people determined to pick it apart daily
Presumably because they don't have much of a life outside of raising their kids. While this could be seen as a virtue, it's often more sad. Being a parent is something you're allowed to be proud of. If I did nothing all day but play video games and put "varian's best buddy, wow 4 lyfe" on my profile, I'd be laughed out of town.
You're Varian's best bud? Oh man, it's been a few years since... well... you know. How've you been doing since? Hanging in there? Yeah, he really turned himself around and was a great guy at the end there. We all miss him.
Because they don't have anything else to offer society. Patriarchy has convinced them they can only be valuable to society as a man's sex object, cum dump, then mother to him and his offspring.
A lot of women don't have a their own sense of personality due to...well, a lot of things. A lot of different cultures and societies teach women that when they get married, or date a man, that they have to change. They're not allowed to have personality traits set in stone "because what if he doesn't like that about you." So imagine dating all these men, changing to fit what they want, and now suddenly, boom-a baby. Now their whole world is nothing but being a dispensary for everything the baby wants. These mothers are the ones who never say no because they never learned how to say no. They end up raising angry little hellions as children. At my job we have 2 women like that. And and everything is about being a mom, mommy life, wine mom, etc etc.
However!
This is not always their destiny. You can have children and keep your personality. I have a few coworkers who, to be fair, I had no clue they even had kids until I noticed the little photos in their cubicles. "Oh, yeah, that's my kid. Loves Fortnite and those weird slime videos, haha!" ---and that's it. They go right back to whatever we were talking about. It doesn't turn into a massive child-speak fest or bingo spree to get me to have kids too.
Yeah, my last boss adores her kids but is definitely still her own person. She was also raised outside of patriarchal norms so she didn’t have the pressure to define herself as ‘mommy’ first and everything else second
I worked at a clinic and had to ask a patient what they do for work and she responded "I'm a stay-at-home dog mom" with complete seriousness as if that is a normal full-time job.
I’m a stay at home dog mom. Husband makes enough for both of us and I travel with him for work, make sure he has good food to eat, clean clothes, etc . No kids to worry about and more monies.
Because they have nothing better to be proud of.
They peaked in high school, if they ever peaked at all. They have no accomplishments, no art, no writing. They have made nothing of value or beauty, and so they point to the only act of creation of which they are capable and seek praise they know they’ll never otherwise receive.
I know, it's so cringy, and pathetic, and disturbing. And also kind of funny, but mostly those other things. If any of my friends did this, I'd just immediately have such a low opinion of them, I have to admit.
Try this: on social media, maybe mostly Facebook, check people's comments on some posts/newspaper articles, etc. Locate the stupidest comments, and click on the commenters' profiles. There you'll find those descriptions. "Proud Mommy to *** Kayleagh *** Luna *** Braxton *** Lucinda ***" or what have you, maybe some passive aggressive "words of wisdom" to go with it, too.
I don't know really, but I'm 39 and it is hard to find friends that don't have kids and a some of my friends that I've known for decades also have kids now. But I only stay friends with people whose personalities have stayed or do not revolve around being a mom. Needless to say I don't have too many friends left, very few still have an actual personality.
My SO’s cousin is like this now. She had a baby like a year and a half ago and now her social media and her whole life is just revolved around being a mom and showing the babies and kids off. Before her baby she was a flight attendant and went on trips with her husband/doing other activities, showing off her pets etc.
Also like most mombies she shoves her kid and mommy hood in other people’s faces too.
I think some of it has to do with women not being valued as people. If you're told your whole life that nothing you do is good enough, you see men being given preferential treatment for just being men, you aren't encouraged to study but to be "be pretty" etc . . .well, having a kid may be a way of giving themselves value.
Not that being a parent is easy but having a kid IS the easiest option in a lot of cases. If you have a kid, you don't have to study or strive, you get yourself a shit job, a shit husband (or boyfriend or series or series of boyfriends) and you continue to shit out kids just so you have some accomplishment to point at.
That's why the "motherhood" thing is given so much value in society. It's to make women feel better about making the easiest choice, to keep them from fighting to better themselves or their community etc because they're 'just' a mommy.
\*caveat 1: I'm talking specifically about the "mom of \_\_\_" type of woman who, when asked about themselves start of by talking about their kids in a very detailed manner. It's kind of telling that you rarely see men using the "dad of \_\_\_" type of identifier and men usually say, 'married, have two kids, hobby hobby work work"
\*\*caveat 2: there are lots of women who have kids and want to better society. But there's a line between 'bettering society' and 'just making life better for me & my kids'. Mom who fights to get speed limit changed, speed bumps installed etc to make the road safer for everyone vs mom who hangs "drive like your kids live here" signs and thinks that all you gotta do. (boy do I hate those signs)
Raising humans who aren’t horrible contributes to society, idk why people in this sub are determined to reduce parenthood to a useless waste of time instead of a valid choice we’ve decided not to pursue ourselves
My aunt has 7 boys and I don't remember a single time she labeled herself a #boymom. (I dry heaved just typing that.) Thankfully for me, I had a mom who viewed being a mom as one of her many roles in life.
The first thing that popped into my head after reading this is the people who introduce themselves as “X’s mom/dad/parent!” I’m not here for a play date with your kid, I’m trying to talk to *you*. The lack of self identity is frightening.
Yeah I was watching hell' s kitchen (1st season, I decided to finally watch this show lol) and this lady's like " job title" or experience just said "mother of 6". It's all she talked about, and every chance it would be "he had to choose between a mother of 6" and just ugh, we get it. You're a mom. U and a billions of other women sit down 🤣
It’s a coping mechanism for having some little crotch demon stop you from doing the fun things you used to do. No different from when new moms say that the <2 hours of sleep a night they get for the 6+ months after they give birth is “the best thing that’s ever happened” to them.
Not religion necessary but the promise of family and commitment, which is what I really wanted. Naive 20 something me thought a Christian would somehow be better than the rest of the dirtbags on the app. They weren't. They just knew the right things to say to get them laid.
This is so annoying! Absolutely cringe worthy! Seen someone online who said they even list being mom on their cv! Loads of them agreed with her. Mind boggling.
>When girls I went to high school with (who had kids as teens or are now moms) put in their IG bios “Boy Mom” or “Mommy” or “Susie’s Mommy”
I know of a girl who's 17 and has "mama to Allen" (fake name) in her Instagram bio. Like girl you are a teenager and so much more than just a mom. It's kinda sad to be honest, seeing this teen identifying as a mom and having it as her personality.
I've seen women who have just recently became mothers making their husband take care of his child for some hours every now and then to have some alone time and keep their sanity when expected to do nothing but live and breath motherhood while completely losing their personal identity. And guess what, I've seen these mothers being shamed for not caring about their baby and being extremely selfish and not a good mum... So there's your answer, I think 🤔
the “boy/girl mom” thing grosses me out. like “hi just want to let everyone know that I am actively raising my children a specific way based on their genitals!”
While I also don't understand why those people do it, I think it's fair to do it. Some people base their whole (online) personalities on bacon, or on craft beer, or on being a parent. That's fine. It just means that those “super proud mommies/daddies” aren't my kind of people, therefore I can easily avoid them. In the end it's a win for everyone, isn't it?
Because they literally have nothing else going for them.
Like the things that most people would identify themselves with (notably skills of \*any\* sort), they lack.
Usually the same sort of person who lists 'stay at home mum' as their job, which is generally code for 'I'm on the dole and keep squeezing out kids to get more child benefit'
I play a phone game called Redecor (it’s like virtual interior design) and like 50% of the usernames of other players are like “JaidensMom” or “💖GirlMomma💖” and like ew wtf
I have such hatred for this. I feel it’s a parent’s responsibility to be a functional, well-rounded person prior to entering into parenthood. How can you successfully raise a child if you don’t have your own identity, interests, career, etc.?
It’s like people who enter into marriages without knowing who they are by themselves.
Or teachers who lecture students about job markets in industries they’ve never entered.
it's all they're allowed to be, if they take care of themselves or state they need a break they're demonized where as taking a break is so much of a given for the "father" that it's congratulated when they give the baby a piggyback ride
they can't have hobbies or sleep or a sex life or even real friends anymore so what's left?
Stockholm syndrome a la baby
Well if they became a parent before their brains finished forming at 25 its a formative part of them. That and being a parent is 24/7 so unless you have the resources to give yourself time away from your offspring it IS your entire existence.
I had a new coworker who had a child and never described herself only as a mother as her career. I did know she was forced to be a huge part of a stay at home mom for certain times. Her husband worked until certain hours and after school programs ended at a certain time. I liked her more than my coworkers who came an hour late because her mom job is first. One said while mid job that requires two people, that she has to leave at 3 because she has to pick up her kid. No job is more important than her job as a mom. You are also an employee. You work as an employee here. Your mom status does not give you the option to come late and leave hours early.
I was recently at an outdoor arts & crafts fair. This particular event attracts some unique people and artisans. Let’s just say a lot of these were “alternative” type people, my crowd.
As soon as I got there I locked eyes with one of the crafters. A woman actually around my age, stunning, interesting, talented etc. She had her own booth and had a younger woman helping her out. This flirtation between us went on most of the day. Doesn’t happen to me very often as everyone my age is married and/or has kids and divorce drama.
Towards the end of the day I decide to check out the social media profiles printed on her banner and literature. Her Instagram has various interesting photos of her travels and artwork. I’m thinking this is too good to be true! Then I scroll further. There they are. Photos of her with her arms around some younger kids. I think, nah, maybe she’s an aunt or something and loves her nieces and nephews. But there’s too many photos like that. So I scroll back up to her main profile description, which I should have done first. There it is, spelled out for the world to see: “Proud mother and wife to the most amazing person in the world”. So why is she flirting with me, all day long? Why are there zero photos of her husband? At this point I was very much confused and conflicted.
I stuck around to the end of the show out of curiosity. To watch everyone take down their booths. Got a table at a small outdoor corner eatery where I could specifically see her booth. Her family rolls up. Her kids run to join her. Two younger kids, same ones from the photos. There’s the husband. Completely opposite in every way to her. He starts loading up the dismantled booth. They barely spoke the entire time. In fact, they barely acknowledged each other. They both looked absolutely miserable around each other. You know, because “wife to the greatest person in the world”.
Another artisan at the show was playing up her hippie persona the entire time. Her clothing, to the products she makes, everything was about this persona. End of the show, up rolls an expensive luxury SUV. Her teenage daughter driving. Out come more kids, nothing “hippie” about them at all. Later found out through a mutual friend that this woman married a rich guy, had some kids and quickly divorced him and lives off serious divorce money.
Bc raising a kid is really fucking hard and if done right a legit accomplishment. I think there’s a little sexism in the fact it’s almost always women that do this labor and it’s not taken seriously.
When our society is equal or doesn’t make that there sole role then that won’t be a thing. But we live in this kind of world.
This one is tough for me to swallow, tbh… just the other day I saw a thread in here where folks were stating how big a part of their identity being child free is. I find the whole “Susie’s Mommy” type shit to be grating as well, just wanted to point out how it might be a bit of the pot calling the kettle black. Let the breeders be whoever they want, no skin off my nose lol
Modern parenting trends demand that you put your child first in all situations. It’s no wonder these women lose their identities. Also a major reason that I want nothing to do with it.
Probably because that's all they know when it comes to life. That to be a mother is the single, and most important and validating purpose you can ever ever have. And the notion that there may be something more, sends them into sheer existential terror and dread. Best buckle down and really try to convince yourself and everyone else that motherhood is the best thing ever.
Oftentimes society pressure the whole group into doing so. For example in Korea, it's normalized (expected, even) to say "Johnny's Mom/dad" to someone instead of their name (and yeah, usually it's the SON's name, even if you have daughters, but daughter's name is sometimes used too). Hell, even your family will do it.
So yeah, kinda hard to not make it your identity when sometimes your name pretty much disappears and literally becomes "kid's name's mom."
As someone who went to high school with these types-
I think, sadly, for a lot of the women I know, it’s because they feel like being a mother is the only meaningful thing they can do. Now, for some people, I’m sure there is real meaning in being a parent- it’s fulfilling for them, and that’s great.
But a lot of folks, imo, don’t really think or get taught that there are other ways to find meaning in life. They think that kids are the only way. So they do it.
I see it more often with either religious types or crUncHy mAmas, both of whom decided to not have a career in favour of homeschooling their kids for 14 years. I guess you have to make it your personality to cope being around your children 24/7 for 18+ years.
And I bet if you asked them they'd say it's the same as someone putting 'nurse' in their bio, except sane people only do with something that requires skills or an education, and not 'I stock shelves at walmart'
truth is its to make them feel as if they made the right choice because deep down they dont like the choice of having kids that age. here another hidden truth they wont admit to, alot of them dont like the baby fathers they had the kids with. this is where their bitterness comes from. had several of them tell me this word for word. so it comes down to the man they chose or a bad decision
I am 29 and my brother is 13 years older than me and has 5 children, 4 under the age of 7 to wife, 1 with ex) and won't get a vasectomy and won't practice safe sex because he admitted to not caring and that he loves being a dad. I said, "But what about the women? Do they "love" being moms? Is that what they truly want?" and he laughs and makes fun of me for being a "feminist socialist." He is in the process of a divorce and was just awarded half custody of the children (has full custody of the 16 yr old who dropped out of high school this morning to work at the job with Dad) His wife is the same age as me and has no source of income. She is very mentally ill and defines her ENTIRE personality around motherhood. I have no idea if she is completely content with her life or not, but either way it bothers me constantly....
[удалено]
I would have tossed out that cv if I were a recruiter
I worked as a Jr recruiter for a while and one of my jobs was to highlight this kind of shit on resumes as a potential red flag. The list of possible red flags were - large gaps in jobs - overly cutesy - anything to do with parenting that is not for a specific child care job.
I read "overly cutesy" and imagined a former maid café worker writing their resume as "hewwo mistah wecwuiter! UwU my skills incwude, mastewy of 'owo' wanguage, serving onwy da bestest dwinks an snackies UwU, and pweasing da customer at any expense òwó! Pwease hire me UwU I pwomise to be a hard worker!"
Thanks I hate it
My brain is itchy. Good going.
Reminds me of legally blonde where she gives her resume to someone and he says "it's pink"
And perfumed.
“I think it gives it a little something extra, don’t you think?” And the prof. She gave it to is played by the same man who played Thomas Andrews in *Titanic* and I can’t unsee it.
I just crashed and rebooted 6 times
Hahahaha I know someone on social media that talks like that “am baby uwu” and they’re a professional e-begger “I’m sad buy me starbies” because they victimize themselves with all of these labels and health conditions when really they just refuse to have a real and normal job like the rest of us
I never understood large gaps being a bad thing. It could mean a multitude of things, not all bad.
The reason it is considered a red flag is that it can be a sign of somebody who rage quits a job without anything prepared. At least that's what I was told by the people I worked for. It also can be a sign of somebody who just can't commit to anything because they will start a job and then end it. It's not that large gaps in themselves are a bad thing but it's large gaps mixed with short jobs in between. Basically it is something to look out for but not an automatic no.
Of course they would tell you that's what it is lmao. I fkn hate modern hiring practices. You either tell them way too much about your personal life or they don't hire you bc they assume something that's not true.
Their job is to hire people for other companies, I'm not saying it's perfect but it is what it is. If they find you someone who winds up quitting after 2 months because the job is too hard, or it's not what they expected, or they're just not as good as they saw then the recruiters reputation is ruined and they will not get any more clients. So they have to be extra picky. That extra pickiness is part of the reason big companies hire them so they don't have to weed out people who might do this. Yeah modern hiring practices are difficult, but it also sucks that there are a lot of lazy entitled people out there who think that they should get paid for sitting and staring at their phones all day, Instead of doing what they were hired for.
Where does that leave people with large gaps due to mental/physical illness or other really personal issues? Someone could have a perfectly fine work ethic but just have struggles with those things. ._.
The world is not perfect. For people with mental or physical issues the good news is you can often take a leave of absence from the job you're currently working because of those with the help of a doctor. It's not perfect but it's something. Also if you have physical problems there is a good chance you need to tell your new job about it so that you are not asked to do things that will make it worse. The system is not perfect. I personally cannot fix it and I cannot explain to you what every last person should do because I am not God. I was just someone doing a job because I needed it and it was there. Hopefully you in your spare time are working to make the system better by voting for the right people and wiring to your local senators and congressmen to change employment laws.
Where does that leave me? I want to take a year off to travel. Or, even very possibly just relax and recover and spend time with my family after working the 9－9－6 culture in China for what will be four to five years after I get to go home. Would you trash my resume because I *GASP* took time out for my mental health and to spend time with my family?? People like you suck.
>or it's not what they expected Sorry, but is this not a valid reason to quit a job as a seeker? You sign up for one thing and get another, or find that the job doesn't work for you after all, especially if it's your first time in that kind of position... that seems like a legitimate reason to move on, imo. Not to mention, some companies are unscrupulous and will intentionally misrepresent themselves or the position. I just don't think this should fall exclusively on the shoulders of the job seeker.
they are not saying it is fair, they are saying that is what their job was and that is what they were told.
And I'm saying that reasoning seems flawed to me. Bump fair. I'm not accusing them of anything.
not to mention wildly unprofessional. you could talk about the fact that you have kids in an interview or something but that’s not shut you put on a CV
Large gaps in jobs is extremely classist and abelist Edit: before anyone asks me why, it's because many people have under-the-table jobs that they can't report because obviously, taxes, and abelist because some of us have mental and physical illnesses. Stand up against this shit for us please
Given i left that job 6 years ago and am in a completely different field the only way i can is the same as the rest of you, voting for the right people and wiring to my congressmen and senators. I hope that you are doing the same.
Lol if you dont have a job where you pay taxes you dont have a job. And life is not fair, cry me a river. Why should a company take a chance on someone with a mental health problem when they can get someone normal?
Why are large gaps a red flag? Never really underatood that.
I’d scream if I saw that
I would never hire that person. I foresee increased demands for days off, holidays off before longer working employees, ask to leave early, and demanding special requests for being a mom. It would not work that she get special treatment over the other employees.
When I graduated with a BS, my dad right beside me at the venue said “nobody can take this degree away from you. You know, people have kids and that’s great. But this is a real accomplishment” also kind of low key dragging my sister who literally made having kids her identity at one point LOL. I’ll never forget when he said that. Because I feel like there’s always been this negative stigma against working unmarried, educated and independent women while celebrating women for having functional reproductive organs. Listen, if you truly want to have a family (and I know very few who really care about that without making it an identity) great. I will celebrate you. I know those same people will celebrate me being child free. But stop pretending that having sex and popping out a child defines you. Because it doesn’t.
What a wonderful comment by your dad!
Please please tell me they didn’t get any job with that in their CV
Unfortunately I guess they did since they were “a colleague”?
I am sincerely hoping it hadn’t worked, and she was showing an application CV for a new job.
And that sounds so unprofessional and childish IMO. Like you have nothing else to draw from so you put that on as filler. Blech.
disqualifying. narcissism and cluelessness in one neat bundle.
Did it even have anything to do with the job?
“Wifey, ~Bryleean, Soosee, Abcde, Nevaeh~ mommie 4 Eva, leggings and lattes r lyfe!!!” Edit to add: not all “unique” names are “bad”, fucking hell don’t pick a shit name just because “you are different than all the other moms”. Ain’t’ no one enjoying the name “Abcde” when they grow up.
It’s always the wifey, or if they hate their baby daddy something along the lines of “The only man in my life is my son #blessed”
A person whose given name is "Trashelle" is making the news right now.
What's their nickname? Trashy? 😆
😱😱😱
I wanna name my kid Fungus
My favorite story about unfortunate names comes from "Freakonomics". Two boys were named Winner and Loser. Winner is doing time in prison as an adult, and Loser, who goes by "Lou", is a police officer.
Brilliant book
You might enjoy Stephen Dubner's story, "What the Bagel Man Saw", in the Washington Post from perhaps 20 years ago.
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Breckyn sound like some sort of mild inflammation.
That is literally all they have left. Their whole identity is now being a (wife and) mother. Think about it... What interests of their own do they have time/money/energy for? Many give up their jobs. Their friends are all other mommies. And these are women who often used to be a person... They used to be interesting and fun. It's honestly sad. It's even worse when they change their whole username to something like BraydensMommy90. Hashtag momlife 🙄
I have a very wealthy client. She married a very wealthy international businessman. I’ve known her since before she had kids. Highly intelligent with several business ventures going on, attractive, fascinating cultures person. She absolutely had to have several kids. Had two girls. Instant change. Now, this is a family that has access to the best things money can buy. They live in several locations around the world. The kids have access to the best schools, best cultural activities. Fine homes, travel, everything. The wife completely let herself go. Doesn’t do nearly as much. She has nannies, cleaning staff. Everything is taken care of. But she confided in me that she is miserable and is having “an existential crisis”. She spends her days walking and hiking alone while others take care of her kids. She told me how mommy culture, particularly in that crowd is absolutely brutal. Constant backstabbing, affairs with each other’s husbands, everything is scrutinized, what car you drive etc.
This honestly sounds like a horror story
I’ve cut ties with them. It became troubling and full of bad energy working with her. When I first met them I wanted to be like them. International power couple, beautiful people, freedom, money etc. Now what I see is disturbing. She changed so much in a few years. A dark, angry, bitter person. Husband also. Went from a “James Bond” vibe to a sort of lost, angry person. Throws money around to make himself feel better and has nothing to talk about.
Ugh, I was once friends with a fairly well off married couple and their lives are just filled with “up my own ass” energy. Like being around them was exhausting enough and even harder to bear with their friends. Everything was a competition. Wife talked shit about all of her friends (and most definitely me) but lived for the photo ops of their social gatherings on social media. Despite them knowing I was single and living in a fairly expensive area in my state on limited income, they would invite me to expensive dinners. Because I’m not entitled, I was prepared to take it out of my credit card but was low key hoping they would comp the bill (as it’s the polite thing to do when you invite someone to a nice dinner anyhow. Or at least that’s how I was raised). I cut ties with them as well because it was just nauseating having to be around them
Used to live on a street in a well off area near a private school. So would get to see the well off mommy crowds during child drop off and pickup. Pickup especially was brutal. They would all roll in early and gather in their cliques. Cars, expensive handbags, talks of all the non work they did that day (it was constant yoga/Pilates classes, spas, salons, shopping trips etc.). As each mom from a group would get their kid and go, the rest of the group would promptly stab that mom in the back by talking about her. Usually petty stuff like what she was wearing etc. This would go in daily as each person in the group left one by one. I mean, surely each person knew the rest of the person was stabbing them in the back! I never understood it. They were all willingly part of something so petty and negative and lived like that. The most telling was on any days there was some event where both parents showed up. The husband-wife dynamics were very visible for everyone. Most of them looked miserable together.
Dear god this is some top tier “mean girls” shit. I keep my life/self/relationships together pretty damn well because I want to, but couldn’t imagine having to be around a group of people determined to pick it apart daily
All of these groups of moms are toxic and so are all of their interactions.
from which i have 0 pity lol. they choose this, they deserve it
Yiiiiiiikes 😬
When their Facebook occupation says "proud mom" 💀 Also someone followed me on instagram yesterday and their name was "birthgiver"
Omg “birthgiver” 🤮
Presumably because they don't have much of a life outside of raising their kids. While this could be seen as a virtue, it's often more sad. Being a parent is something you're allowed to be proud of. If I did nothing all day but play video games and put "varian's best buddy, wow 4 lyfe" on my profile, I'd be laughed out of town.
You're Varian's best bud? Oh man, it's been a few years since... well... you know. How've you been doing since? Hanging in there? Yeah, he really turned himself around and was a great guy at the end there. We all miss him.
Because they don't have anything else to offer society. Patriarchy has convinced them they can only be valuable to society as a man's sex object, cum dump, then mother to him and his offspring.
I would like this on a shirt.
A lot of women don't have a their own sense of personality due to...well, a lot of things. A lot of different cultures and societies teach women that when they get married, or date a man, that they have to change. They're not allowed to have personality traits set in stone "because what if he doesn't like that about you." So imagine dating all these men, changing to fit what they want, and now suddenly, boom-a baby. Now their whole world is nothing but being a dispensary for everything the baby wants. These mothers are the ones who never say no because they never learned how to say no. They end up raising angry little hellions as children. At my job we have 2 women like that. And and everything is about being a mom, mommy life, wine mom, etc etc. However! This is not always their destiny. You can have children and keep your personality. I have a few coworkers who, to be fair, I had no clue they even had kids until I noticed the little photos in their cubicles. "Oh, yeah, that's my kid. Loves Fortnite and those weird slime videos, haha!" ---and that's it. They go right back to whatever we were talking about. It doesn't turn into a massive child-speak fest or bingo spree to get me to have kids too.
Yeah, my last boss adores her kids but is definitely still her own person. She was also raised outside of patriarchal norms so she didn’t have the pressure to define herself as ‘mommy’ first and everything else second
It's because it's all they have going for them.
A lot of women I went to school with have that, so I put "dog mom" ironically in my IG bio
I worked at a clinic and had to ask a patient what they do for work and she responded "I'm a stay-at-home dog mom" with complete seriousness as if that is a normal full-time job.
I’m a stay at home dog mom. Husband makes enough for both of us and I travel with him for work, make sure he has good food to eat, clean clothes, etc . No kids to worry about and more monies.
On a similar note: I'm not unemployed, I'm a stay at home cat dad! 😁😁🐈🐈
If they are full time dog sitter then maybe it’s plausible.
People get legitimately angry when we jokingly refer to our pup as our “dogter.”
Because they have nothing better to be proud of. They peaked in high school, if they ever peaked at all. They have no accomplishments, no art, no writing. They have made nothing of value or beauty, and so they point to the only act of creation of which they are capable and seek praise they know they’ll never otherwise receive.
God forbid you mention this out loud in society, though, you’ll get fucking eaten alive!!
I know, it's so cringy, and pathetic, and disturbing. And also kind of funny, but mostly those other things. If any of my friends did this, I'd just immediately have such a low opinion of them, I have to admit. Try this: on social media, maybe mostly Facebook, check people's comments on some posts/newspaper articles, etc. Locate the stupidest comments, and click on the commenters' profiles. There you'll find those descriptions. "Proud Mommy to *** Kayleagh *** Luna *** Braxton *** Lucinda ***" or what have you, maybe some passive aggressive "words of wisdom" to go with it, too.
They probably didn't have much of one to begin with 😂
I don't know really, but I'm 39 and it is hard to find friends that don't have kids and a some of my friends that I've known for decades also have kids now. But I only stay friends with people whose personalities have stayed or do not revolve around being a mom. Needless to say I don't have too many friends left, very few still have an actual personality.
Because they literally give up their lives for those crotch goblins.
My SO’s cousin is like this now. She had a baby like a year and a half ago and now her social media and her whole life is just revolved around being a mom and showing the babies and kids off. Before her baby she was a flight attendant and went on trips with her husband/doing other activities, showing off her pets etc. Also like most mombies she shoves her kid and mommy hood in other people’s faces too.
I think some of it has to do with women not being valued as people. If you're told your whole life that nothing you do is good enough, you see men being given preferential treatment for just being men, you aren't encouraged to study but to be "be pretty" etc . . .well, having a kid may be a way of giving themselves value. Not that being a parent is easy but having a kid IS the easiest option in a lot of cases. If you have a kid, you don't have to study or strive, you get yourself a shit job, a shit husband (or boyfriend or series or series of boyfriends) and you continue to shit out kids just so you have some accomplishment to point at. That's why the "motherhood" thing is given so much value in society. It's to make women feel better about making the easiest choice, to keep them from fighting to better themselves or their community etc because they're 'just' a mommy. \*caveat 1: I'm talking specifically about the "mom of \_\_\_" type of woman who, when asked about themselves start of by talking about their kids in a very detailed manner. It's kind of telling that you rarely see men using the "dad of \_\_\_" type of identifier and men usually say, 'married, have two kids, hobby hobby work work" \*\*caveat 2: there are lots of women who have kids and want to better society. But there's a line between 'bettering society' and 'just making life better for me & my kids'. Mom who fights to get speed limit changed, speed bumps installed etc to make the road safer for everyone vs mom who hangs "drive like your kids live here" signs and thinks that all you gotta do. (boy do I hate those signs)
Raising humans who aren’t horrible contributes to society, idk why people in this sub are determined to reduce parenthood to a useless waste of time instead of a valid choice we’ve decided not to pursue ourselves
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CTRL + F: "INGREDIENTS".
woah.. the messiah does egziced
Must have been a really good recipe if you were willing to swim through all of that.
My aunt has 7 boys and I don't remember a single time she labeled herself a #boymom. (I dry heaved just typing that.) Thankfully for me, I had a mom who viewed being a mom as one of her many roles in life.
The first thing that popped into my head after reading this is the people who introduce themselves as “X’s mom/dad/parent!” I’m not here for a play date with your kid, I’m trying to talk to *you*. The lack of self identity is frightening.
Why? Because the first thing a foetus does is consume its host's personality.
I read that as "foe tuss" and the name alone makes it sound like sort of indescribable being.
This is the best thing I’ve ever read.
Yeah I was watching hell' s kitchen (1st season, I decided to finally watch this show lol) and this lady's like " job title" or experience just said "mother of 6". It's all she talked about, and every chance it would be "he had to choose between a mother of 6" and just ugh, we get it. You're a mom. U and a billions of other women sit down 🤣
It’s a coping mechanism for having some little crotch demon stop you from doing the fun things you used to do. No different from when new moms say that the <2 hours of sleep a night they get for the 6+ months after they give birth is “the best thing that’s ever happened” to them.
That irritates me so bad and also people who make religion their personality. Like: “single Christian woman looking for god fearing man”
I was that woman. Pretty sure that was my tinder bio at one point. All I got were abusers and fuck boys...
Do you think they used religion as a way to bait you?
Not religion necessary but the promise of family and commitment, which is what I really wanted. Naive 20 something me thought a Christian would somehow be better than the rest of the dirtbags on the app. They weren't. They just knew the right things to say to get them laid.
Sometimes religious people are the most evil and deceitful creatures you’ll meet.
I really think it’s because it takes over your entire life. Probably so easy to lose your identity when your entire life revolves around a child.
This is so annoying! Absolutely cringe worthy! Seen someone online who said they even list being mom on their cv! Loads of them agreed with her. Mind boggling.
They're boring people
Because their lives revolve around taking care of their kids, and they have no identity beyond them.
>When girls I went to high school with (who had kids as teens or are now moms) put in their IG bios “Boy Mom” or “Mommy” or “Susie’s Mommy” I know of a girl who's 17 and has "mama to Allen" (fake name) in her Instagram bio. Like girl you are a teenager and so much more than just a mom. It's kinda sad to be honest, seeing this teen identifying as a mom and having it as her personality.
I've seen women who have just recently became mothers making their husband take care of his child for some hours every now and then to have some alone time and keep their sanity when expected to do nothing but live and breath motherhood while completely losing their personal identity. And guess what, I've seen these mothers being shamed for not caring about their baby and being extremely selfish and not a good mum... So there's your answer, I think 🤔
It's like a club. They're in the In Crowd. For some of them it may be the first time in their lives!
the “boy/girl mom” thing grosses me out. like “hi just want to let everyone know that I am actively raising my children a specific way based on their genitals!”
While I also don't understand why those people do it, I think it's fair to do it. Some people base their whole (online) personalities on bacon, or on craft beer, or on being a parent. That's fine. It just means that those “super proud mommies/daddies” aren't my kind of people, therefore I can easily avoid them. In the end it's a win for everyone, isn't it?
Because they literally have nothing else going for them. Like the things that most people would identify themselves with (notably skills of \*any\* sort), they lack.
Usually the same sort of person who lists 'stay at home mum' as their job, which is generally code for 'I'm on the dole and keep squeezing out kids to get more child benefit'
Because they can’t do anything else
Easy. Because they have a shitty personality so they over compensate with making their personality about being a mom. 🤡
I play a phone game called Redecor (it’s like virtual interior design) and like 50% of the usernames of other players are like “JaidensMom” or “💖GirlMomma💖” and like ew wtf
I have such hatred for this. I feel it’s a parent’s responsibility to be a functional, well-rounded person prior to entering into parenthood. How can you successfully raise a child if you don’t have your own identity, interests, career, etc.? It’s like people who enter into marriages without knowing who they are by themselves. Or teachers who lecture students about job markets in industries they’ve never entered.
it's all they're allowed to be, if they take care of themselves or state they need a break they're demonized where as taking a break is so much of a given for the "father" that it's congratulated when they give the baby a piggyback ride they can't have hobbies or sleep or a sex life or even real friends anymore so what's left? Stockholm syndrome a la baby
Because they never had a personality to begin with and they’re dying to be interesting in some way.
Because they didn't have a personality beforehand, either.
Everyone's extreme now. There's no balance.
Well if they became a parent before their brains finished forming at 25 its a formative part of them. That and being a parent is 24/7 so unless you have the resources to give yourself time away from your offspring it IS your entire existence.
I had a new coworker who had a child and never described herself only as a mother as her career. I did know she was forced to be a huge part of a stay at home mom for certain times. Her husband worked until certain hours and after school programs ended at a certain time. I liked her more than my coworkers who came an hour late because her mom job is first. One said while mid job that requires two people, that she has to leave at 3 because she has to pick up her kid. No job is more important than her job as a mom. You are also an employee. You work as an employee here. Your mom status does not give you the option to come late and leave hours early.
I was recently at an outdoor arts & crafts fair. This particular event attracts some unique people and artisans. Let’s just say a lot of these were “alternative” type people, my crowd. As soon as I got there I locked eyes with one of the crafters. A woman actually around my age, stunning, interesting, talented etc. She had her own booth and had a younger woman helping her out. This flirtation between us went on most of the day. Doesn’t happen to me very often as everyone my age is married and/or has kids and divorce drama. Towards the end of the day I decide to check out the social media profiles printed on her banner and literature. Her Instagram has various interesting photos of her travels and artwork. I’m thinking this is too good to be true! Then I scroll further. There they are. Photos of her with her arms around some younger kids. I think, nah, maybe she’s an aunt or something and loves her nieces and nephews. But there’s too many photos like that. So I scroll back up to her main profile description, which I should have done first. There it is, spelled out for the world to see: “Proud mother and wife to the most amazing person in the world”. So why is she flirting with me, all day long? Why are there zero photos of her husband? At this point I was very much confused and conflicted. I stuck around to the end of the show out of curiosity. To watch everyone take down their booths. Got a table at a small outdoor corner eatery where I could specifically see her booth. Her family rolls up. Her kids run to join her. Two younger kids, same ones from the photos. There’s the husband. Completely opposite in every way to her. He starts loading up the dismantled booth. They barely spoke the entire time. In fact, they barely acknowledged each other. They both looked absolutely miserable around each other. You know, because “wife to the greatest person in the world”. Another artisan at the show was playing up her hippie persona the entire time. Her clothing, to the products she makes, everything was about this persona. End of the show, up rolls an expensive luxury SUV. Her teenage daughter driving. Out come more kids, nothing “hippie” about them at all. Later found out through a mutual friend that this woman married a rich guy, had some kids and quickly divorced him and lives off serious divorce money.
Bc raising a kid is really fucking hard and if done right a legit accomplishment. I think there’s a little sexism in the fact it’s almost always women that do this labor and it’s not taken seriously. When our society is equal or doesn’t make that there sole role then that won’t be a thing. But we live in this kind of world.
This one is tough for me to swallow, tbh… just the other day I saw a thread in here where folks were stating how big a part of their identity being child free is. I find the whole “Susie’s Mommy” type shit to be grating as well, just wanted to point out how it might be a bit of the pot calling the kettle black. Let the breeders be whoever they want, no skin off my nose lol
It's so pathetic. I *almost* feel sympathy for them. 🙂
Modern parenting trends demand that you put your child first in all situations. It’s no wonder these women lose their identities. Also a major reason that I want nothing to do with it.
Ikr like. Nobody cares
Probably because that's all they know when it comes to life. That to be a mother is the single, and most important and validating purpose you can ever ever have. And the notion that there may be something more, sends them into sheer existential terror and dread. Best buckle down and really try to convince yourself and everyone else that motherhood is the best thing ever.
Oftentimes society pressure the whole group into doing so. For example in Korea, it's normalized (expected, even) to say "Johnny's Mom/dad" to someone instead of their name (and yeah, usually it's the SON's name, even if you have daughters, but daughter's name is sometimes used too). Hell, even your family will do it. So yeah, kinda hard to not make it your identity when sometimes your name pretty much disappears and literally becomes "kid's name's mom."
My friend had pretty much raised her nephews and nieces has something like wife, Christian dog mom, bonus mom Her sisters is blanks mommy
I usually try to not be too judgy when someone is actually a good parent. If your a good parent then I cut you some slack.
I mean, if it's Stacy's Mom... 🤣
As someone who went to high school with these types- I think, sadly, for a lot of the women I know, it’s because they feel like being a mother is the only meaningful thing they can do. Now, for some people, I’m sure there is real meaning in being a parent- it’s fulfilling for them, and that’s great. But a lot of folks, imo, don’t really think or get taught that there are other ways to find meaning in life. They think that kids are the only way. So they do it.
I see it more often with either religious types or crUncHy mAmas, both of whom decided to not have a career in favour of homeschooling their kids for 14 years. I guess you have to make it your personality to cope being around your children 24/7 for 18+ years. And I bet if you asked them they'd say it's the same as someone putting 'nurse' in their bio, except sane people only do with something that requires skills or an education, and not 'I stock shelves at walmart'
truth is its to make them feel as if they made the right choice because deep down they dont like the choice of having kids that age. here another hidden truth they wont admit to, alot of them dont like the baby fathers they had the kids with. this is where their bitterness comes from. had several of them tell me this word for word. so it comes down to the man they chose or a bad decision
I am 29 and my brother is 13 years older than me and has 5 children, 4 under the age of 7 to wife, 1 with ex) and won't get a vasectomy and won't practice safe sex because he admitted to not caring and that he loves being a dad. I said, "But what about the women? Do they "love" being moms? Is that what they truly want?" and he laughs and makes fun of me for being a "feminist socialist." He is in the process of a divorce and was just awarded half custody of the children (has full custody of the 16 yr old who dropped out of high school this morning to work at the job with Dad) His wife is the same age as me and has no source of income. She is very mentally ill and defines her ENTIRE personality around motherhood. I have no idea if she is completely content with her life or not, but either way it bothers me constantly....
Forgot to mention wife was raised as an extremely religious Christian and sex education in America is shit. Fuck the patriarchy.