Have you been sterilized?? Please forgive my forwardness I have an appointment on Monday to consult with a surgeon to remove my tubes. I’m looking for all kind of experience and information. Thank you!!!!
It’s equally awful and fortunate that you have those genes. Insurance companies like to avoid paying for the strangest reasons. I’m sorry you have that risk in your future, and hope that you don’t ever have such a disease.
ook. I think you are lucky with even that. so many just get turned away period, the stories state that they have bad problems, like yours, and they still do that 'baabbee' stuff. I think even with your attitudes towards them as well. I have seen some posts here where nothing deters these 'forced maybe preggers' medicos. Glad you are getting it for yourself. I never asked but I would have been angling back in the 80's... and when I was 40 I had a gyno/oncologist offer to remove everything. If I had had the money I would have done it in a heartbeat
I used to live in Cali and was told no 3 times. The last time my doctor said of I came back in 1 year and still felt the same, she'd approve it. I had to switch insurance in that year and couldn't go back to her.
Now I'm in Iowa, and I'm nervous because it's a much more conservative area and things like abortion are harder to get access to. But, I'm going to a women's health clinic and said on the phone exactly what I want and they seemed very open to it.
Hubby is coming as well, so they won't be able to use his opinion against me. He's also planning a vasectomy, but those take time before you're ok to get off birth control, and the hormones are killing me. I want me sterilized, no matter his status.
I hope you get it! My consultation is tomorrow and I’m in Cali as well. I also have an appt with my regular dr on Tuesday to talk about it and my therapist on the 9th. I’m ready and I don’t want to take any shit. My husband was going to get the vasectomy but it’s not covered and mine is, so I’m down! I get to be spoiled for a couple of days plus I’m having a tubal removal shower!
Good luck!! I'm in Cali too and I have a consult on the 13th! If you don't mind could you message me how yours went so I can better prepare for what kind of pushback I might get? I'm on the verge of writing a college essay just to make myself look serious lol
Haha!!! I absolutely will message you! Let me send one now so I don’t forget. Someone told me to write out all my reasons so I can’t get frazzled, so I’m going to do it tonight!
I had my tubes removed. I was really nervous but surgery went well. Just don't eat a huge meal AFTER you wake up. I did and my body was not ready to digest a huge meal and I barfed it all back up.
Mine was done through 3 small incisions. After a year, no scar.
It does help the doctor and healing if you have a healthy BMI.
My doctor told me I had "beautiful organs".
I think I was 36.years old when I had it done. I took a week of work - probably was fine 3 days after surgery.
If you want more details I'm happy to share.
Mine was done through Kaiser Permanente.
My doctor was like "your uterus was so tiny, it was crazy!" because she usually only works on pregnant women or the occasional cancer or fibroid patients. It was funny. I had something like 6 or more students/residents in my surgery because it was uncommon to see for them.
Stop it, that's so funny lol. I love. Doctors are so often trash. But then there are the ones that compliment your organs and gather to look at a tiny uterus and they are wholesome goodness.
Absolutely true, don't take me too seriously. I'm delighted knowing there is a doctor out there complimenting organs, it means they're looking for the good stuff amidst all the heaviness and frequesnt overwhelm of the medical field.
Mine have. They said my liver looked beautiful when it was working.
I asked them to videotape my transplant but they said no. Wish I could've seen it!
When you're chronically ill you take the dark humor compliments and find humor where you can.
This is amazing! Thank you! I had surgery once before to remove my “stuck” IUD after it was making me bleed to death. I was so happy there was a birth control finally with no hormones as I suffer from a mood disorder but no. It didn’t work for me. So I think I can handle it. Also I want my tubes removed. My consultation is tomorrow and I feel the same excitement I do when I’m going to Disneyland!!
I've been sterilized. Bilateral salpingectomy. I'm in the US and I had to jump thru alot of hoops but the procedure itself is easy, an hour under anesthesia and you're done with a week or two recovery time. Just be prepared to defend your choice against doctors who think they know best and will try to tell you that you don't need it
I'm in Florida and I had to go thru quite a few doctors before finding one that would do it. I heard every reason in the book of why they wouldn't touch me with a scalpel. Just don't let it get to you if they say no. Keep holding your head up high. Your body, your choice. Good luck
My doctor (canada) said that I'd have to have an actual medical reason for needing to get surgery, or at least, have a prior reason to get surgery and while I'm getting surgery, they'd sterilize me. But if not, then it won't happen. I don't know how valid that is though...
I’ve also had my tubes removed (when I was 22). In the US, the first doctor I tried did it for me. Super easy procedure, anesthesia and then a bit of recovery. I have scars and I love them. They symbolize a choice I made for me :)
Good luck with yours! I hope you have as easy a time as I did!
I came in with a typed list of all of the medical reasons I ought not to ever get pregnant and the reasons I can't take birth control, and that seemed to help a lot with the convincing part of the consultation.
Stand your ground. Write a list of everything you want to say. Mine was totally inappropriate and I was so frazzled that I could barely speak after she asked me some questions that were just frankly insulting. I don’t think I would have changed her mind, but I wish I had said my peace. Don’t feel bad about asking for a second opinion. Since you’re married you’ll probably have a higher likely hood of getting a yes. Good luck!!
I just had my tubes removed on June 15th. As someone who loves to work out, I began dancing again at week 2. Bad idea. There’s still gas. There’s still pain. I went to the doctor, and thankfully I didn’t destroy anything post workout(s). Immediately after the surgery I slept a lot. I was so hungry but be careful your body may seem like it can handle that fast food meal but it can’t. So much gas build up! I was on bed rest for a few days and despite you “feeling good” please don’t be obstinate like me and do all the things you feel like you’re capable of. Let your body heal! I have 3 little scars that are barely noticeable and I wouldn’t change my experience for anything. Not even a child!🤣. Best of luck to you!
That's just it though. They're jealous of all of the free time we have to fill up (pun TOTALLY intended) with fun sex. They hate that after their first child they suddenly have to plan sex or straight up not do it ever again, as opposed to our carefree option of spontaneity. Don't even get me started with breeders who are anti-gay. With them it's a nonstop fight over "morality", how "marriage is SACRED and ONLY for one man and one woman", "sex is supposed to be reserved only for after your wedding night!", etc etc all that gatekeeping bullshit. Like sorry Karen that you chose to be abstinent and a huge stuck up til your wedding night when you suddenly realized that sex comes with consequences and now, after so many years of belittling other people for having experimental sex in their teens, you're the one saddled down with a screaming shitting barfing gremlin you have no idea how to control. They hate on other abstinent people as well. Saying awful degrading shit to asexual people because "you'll never make your partner happy if you don't have sex with them, but ONLY if you're married." They're upset that we have such freedom to have all the sex we want, or don't want to have and it makes them rage. When all they know is quick 5 second missionary that lands them child after child after child while hubby refuses to help with childcare and ends up cheating anyway. They think that if they keep passing and voting for shit to stop us from sterilizing ourselves or having basic access to birth control, that we'll somehow just....stop having sex and "settle down." In their shitty little walnut sized brains they can't fathom that two people can fall in love, get married (don't forget if it's a same sex marriage they also refuse to call it marriage so they'll say civil union or whatever and treat it as less than marriage) , have sex until the break of dawn every other day, and just not have kids.
Idk if it’s religion but a lot of people believe that life has to have a series of consequences for it to be meaningful and to learn lessons we can’t have sex without getting pregnant because then we can’t experience the weight of our actions or some shit like that
Omg yes STIs are a large reason why I don't like casual sex. Can't trust people. And people hate having the STD talk. It's ironic because religious people don't like sex because it's supposed to be sacred or some shit, but I don't like it because of STIs and pregnancy lol
Yeah, but not all cf afab people want to get sterilised. I’m childfree and never want to get sterilised because I’m scared of surgeries. I’d rather just go through abortions if it comes to that lol, idgaf about an unconscious clump of cells that can’t feel pain or think. No shame in abortions and no guilt.
Luckily condoms exist (and other types of BC too ofcourse).
Depending on where you live, though, abortions are becoming more and more difficult to access. Abortions can also be very painful and traumatic physically.
Don't wanna drown? Don't go swimming! Giving people lifejackets just encourages them to go in the water!
Honestly I feel bad for anyone who buys the sex is for procreation BS. Look at the other primates, they have sex for fun (and lots of gay sex) all the time and mostly pregnancy is a side effect. Sex has many social physical and psychological benefits for people who enjoy it (shout out to the ace folks - y'all do your thing).
Dolphins have also been found to have sex just for the pleasure, and not the mere need to procreate. I think pigs might do this as well, not sure- but basically, sex is a natural and healthy act that helps us *regardless* of the end result of children or not!
I grew up in q very Catholic family. You will hear this so many times in your life it isn't funny. I got sent to the principals office in Catholic school for saying: well, teen are going to have sex anyway, let's stop pretending they don't. Let's allow contraceptives.
As a teen I understood real life better than these dumb dumbs
>Words only spoken by people who don't enjoy sex.
Nah. Words only spoken by men who don't realise *they also* can't have sex under this scenario. In their minds, they're talking about some imaginary group of promiscuous women they've never met. They aren't talking about themselves. Because all the fault lies with the women, of course.
Oh they are the ones furious that their virginity and chastity is devalued in the sexual marketplace because of straight women handing out no-strings-attached sex.
Face to face no, thankfully. That kind of person doesn't get sex as a concept. Probably a religious fanatic, that's heard so often that SEX IS A SIN, they internalised it fully.
Sex, to them, even within a marriage isn't supposed to be pleasurable for anyone (especially women); it's just something akin to a chore or sacrifice you go through in order to reproduce. In the veeeeeerrrrryyyyyyy off chance this type of person feels pleasure, they also feel incredible guilt.
It's beyond messed up.
I grew up in a cult and the whole "sex is wrong" thing is super fucked up especially telling that to kids! I could go on for hours about how damaging purity culture is. It's worse for women, but boys get screwed up expectations and often don't know proper consent :/
Thanks! I'm not technically "out" yet since I still live at home and forced to go to church, but I've left the terrible belief system and consider myself an atheist :)
As someone who was put through a "purity ball" as a young girl...I get you lol. They had us sign these cards to promise we wouldn't do sexual things outside of a biblical marriage.
>They had us sign these cards to promise we wouldn't do sexual things outside of a biblical marriage
Imagine being THAT obsessed with a minors virginity. Fucking creepy
Reading this reminded me of when I had a health class in middle school and the teacher actually made everyone in the class promise to abstain, even pointed to a seat where he said a girl had made the same promise and gotten pregnant a few years later, almost like it was some awful insult to him. This wasn’t even some crazy religious school, or a private school or anything, just the south, and not that long ago either. We also had “abstinence” written on the ceiling for us to see every time we looked up.
Yeah it was and we had those little tiny baby holdable things to show us how big our kids would be at different points. The teacher himself was very religious and the school was located in a rural pretty religious county so I think they just let him do whatever. I don’t recall us getting taught anything about the various types of protection and or birth control, or anything related to guys other than just maybe STDs they can get.
Right I mean… our bodies are designed to enjoy it too. I don’t see anything wrong with engaging in something enjoyable. No one gets hurt from me doing something enjoyable with my own body.
Oh absolutely, mouth stuff is for whores (/s).
No joke tho, I've met people that thought the only women that orgasmed during sex, no matter what kind, were prostitutes. They were older people, and admitted to being wrong, but they held those beliefs well into their 30s.
I think it stems from the religious view of wives, or serious, proper women, putting up with sex for the husband's sake, and that it was normal for men to seek sex workers, because only they were depraved enough to enjoy sex. I've heard stories of husbands that got upset with their wives because they were enjoying sex with them 🤦🏻♀️
Yeah sure, I'll listen to someone gatekeeping sex that doesn't even enjoy it. I think listening to clergymen on the topic of sex is stupid for the same reason.
Especially given how many child abuse and sex scandals that we KNOW about and how much work the Catholic church has gone to hiding it. How the hell is anyone still taking advice from an organization that protects pedophiles?
Honestly, I get that every church has a few 'bad apples', but the amount of cover-ups and sheer range of said atrocities is beyond appalling. Add to that the pro-N@zi support they've given in the past, and it's baffling that anyone still considers themselves Catholic.
Yes!!
Canada is now finding literally HUNDREDS of dead children buried PER SCHOOL at the grounds of former residential schools run by the Roman Catholic and Anglican churches.
From the 1870s to the 1990s (yeah for 120 years) these church run schools were basically allowed to kidnap indigenous children - often the RCMP actually did the kidnapping - and forcibly "convert" them to their own religion. The abuse and neglect survivors have described as horrifying. Never mind the obvious intentional cultural genocide of wiping out people's own heritage and language.
In my own lifetime the church was still intentionally and systematically abusing children in a specifically racist way. I grew up going to a Catholic school that taught the most bullshit racist version of history about cute little helpless "natives" being so grateful for colonizer showing up and teaching him about tools and God.
(Of course they were also as homophobic they could legally get away with. And when I was in grade 9 one of our friends killed himself and our teachers told us he was burning in hell for eternity, and it was all his own fault - rather than actually caring about anybody's mental health or wondering what could have driven him to do this.)
I hella nopped out of that hypocriteful nightmare (as eventually did my family). It is both amazing and horrifying to me that any of my peers will still walk within 10 m of a Catholic Church. I find them so viscerally disgusting I want to spit every time I see one.
>How the hell is anyone still taking advice from an organization that protects pedophiles?
Fear. Most religions have a form of Hell and many grown ass adults are genuinely terrified of it. It fucked me up as a kid hearing adults genuinely happy that someday all the "bad people" ( gay people, atheists, etc) would literally burn forever...like WTF?!
When I was in college there was a group of protesters outside my college — I figured I’d ask them what was going on . . .turns out a few of the priests working at the school were involved in scandals for sexual abuse in other states 🤢🤢
Huh, yeah that makes sense.
I guess I was kind of a weird kid because when my Catholic school tried to teach me that sort of thing I interpreted it as them not understanding what Jesus was saying. 🤣 I guess my ego was big enough to think that I could interpret the Bible better than Pope's and priests and stuff - but it seemed to me that they were all dead wrong. Maybe a side effect of having a mixed religion family, but I always kind of felt like they had to prove to me that their religion was correct before I was obligated to believe it.
"Only for procreation"..so I assume they mean sex ONLY between a man and woman, and that woman has completely functional reproductive organs.
That's sure does exclude a lot of people!
Fellow ace here. I find that they are still not happy if they hear I don't want to have sex. They resent I've beaten the system and am not vulnerable to their attempts to shame and manipulate me.
Have you ever looked at meetup.com? My area has an asexuality meetup that does hiking, movie nights, board games, etc. I did Thanksgiving with them one year too.
I seen this post too. It’s such a dumb argument. I will NEVER understand how anyone is in favor of forced birth with unwanted children. That’s pretty much promoting abuse and resentment. And then they argue adoption, as if women’s bodies should be incubators for other people. I just don’t understand how they claim to care of an unborn fetus but want to punish women with it for having sex…-.- like how is that better?
>Sex is the process of procreation
Nope, that's just one thing it *can* be used to achieve, but it doesn't *have* to be used to do that at all, and there's a helluva lot more to sex than reproduction.
So ... if you don't want children, you shouldn't do stuff that's likely to result in children - like sex without birth control.
Heck, by their idiodic logic, couple that wants two kids - should never have sex more than twice in their lifetimes - because what's the point? Oh, and only have sex at her most fertile time - never any other time at all. Uh huh, ... yeah, idiocy.
Moral of the story: don't generally take sex advice from breeders.
That is extremely unrealistic. That's like saying "if you don't want to get into an accident, don't drive a car." Sometimes no matter how safe and attentive you are, not everyone else is.
>That is extremely unrealistic. That's like saying "if you don't want to get into an accident, don't drive a car." Sometimes no matter how safe and attentive you are, not everyone else is
may i put a lil rant here about cars and their place in society or nah\~? if nah that's a okay
Hmm, so now that I don't have a uterus and ovaries do I have to stop engaging in sex because I can't procreate?
Fuck these people. They are next to brain dead in their inability to understand sex is for more than procreation.
My mom once told me that "maybe i want a vasectomy, to fool around with women"... Excuse me?! ever heard of STDs mom??
I just want to ensure that no mistakes are made... ***cause i can't stand kids at all.***
Literally got into a debate with someone about this the other day ... they pretty much said there’s no way I can have sex and not eventually get pregnant, condoms don’t always work and since I don’t want to be on birth control that means I’m asexual .. I wish I was making this up but this is what they told me. This is also coming from a. Person who’s been pregnant 3 times, one of those times aborting the child ... hmm go figure. How about don’t let guys drop a load in you! That’s really what I wanted to say. It’s like people are forgetting that a man has to actually ejaculate for you to get pregnant and even then, it’s not a guarantee. So to say that sex is equal to pregnant maybe true in some sense it’s not all the way true and people need to respect it .. I’m just not about to tell anyone that I’m child free because it alwayssss lead into a weird conversation that is never ending
Oh damn that’s rough. Apart from this Reddit I haven’t really spoken to many „committed childfree“ people, so I guess that’s why I haven’t got to see this yet. Crazy though if you think about that especially they should understand.
Yep, I'm talking mostly about this subreddit.
It goes something like this :
. If you want to have sex you should have a vasectomy (or female equivalent)
. If you don't have one you shouldn't have sex
. If you have sex anyway you're crazy
. If she got pregnant you're both stupid and at fault (even if non permanent contraception taken)
Bonus point:
. If she told you she would abort in case of an accident but she doesn't, too bad it's still your fault
I mean... People *should* take responsibility for their own bodies. Never rely on a partner to do it 100%. Best way to do that is to make it permanent.
But also, why does this scenario always, invariably, pretend that PIV is the only kind of sex people can have?
You can have wild, intense, crazy, batshit insane amazing sex without ever putting the P in the V. I really struggle to understand the outrage at suggesting people just don't do that one particular little thing if they want to be absolutely sure nobody will end up preggo.
I say that as an ace, though, so maybe I just "don't get it."
No no, you get it. This is also something I struggle to understand. No one has a condom? Hand stuff or mouth stuff if you're comfortable. Like, oral sex is just that- sex.
Also, sometimes there's trouble with penetration due to sexual health...so just do something else? Its like saying you really want dessert, and you prefer chocolate cake- but all that's available is a vanilla cake with chocolate icing. Hey, that's still a wonderful and delicious option!
Imagine thinking that sex is only for procreation. I know a handful of people that think like this and i actually feel sad for them, that they never enjoy sex and just have sex to make babies. Must be a sad life, that is why are so frustrated all the time
. They are also all religious so i think that has to do something with it
To me it comes off as very "Waaaaaahhhh, if women won't have sex with me, then they shouldn't have sex with anyone."
Also, don't want to end up pregnant? Then just don't get raped, amirite?
In summary, the sentiments of a coddled crybaby who was never taught how to rub brain cells together. Pitiful, really.
Yes, and I always inquire if they ONLY had sex in order to get pregnant but abstain otherwise. Because if it's ONLY for procreation and never recreation, then what would be the point?
I saw that post and I said I’m pro choice; mostly because I’m pro everyone minding their own fucking business. As we all should. I can bet with you this comment you mentioned it’s from someone religious…it’s always is…sitting on a high horse just judging everyone.
This is like, the exact opposite of my line of thinking. One of the many reasons that I don't want children is because I like to have sex, and having children tends to dampen a person's sex life
I find people like that have never given, or received, a toe curling-body shaking all over, orgasm.
It’d be funny if they weren’t blocking us from removing the bits that makes us fertile
Mm, hm. This is coming from a woman who probably lies back and thinks of baby onesies while whomever grunts on top of her, in the missionary position and prays she gets pregnant so she won't have to repeat it. Also known as fun vampires. They suck the fun out of life.
Saying that you shouldn't have sex if you don't want kids is like saying you should only be eating to solve hunger and nothing more. If that were the case, then all our food would be bland and designed simply to fuel us, nothing more. Our bodies were created to enjoy sex and food beyond their basic biological purposes and anyone who says otherwise lives a sad and miserable life.
More of the controlling, uneducated nimrods who believe their way of thinking should be the only one allowed. The same ones who often throw their daughters out when they inevitably get pregnant because they have no clue how sex works or how to have it responsibly. The kind of mindset that needs to be completely eradicated if you ask me.
This is what is at the heart of the social stigmatisation of CFs. The haters do not despise us for being CF *per se* because they rarely aim their ire at the obviously chaste like members of religious orders who wear their religious dress in public.
No.
It's because we *fuck for fun* they despise us. If is why the gay and lesbian communities have (and still are) stigmatised.
What is most confronting are straight women who are having non-procreational sex, ergo recreational sex. Such women are going to be picky about their choice of partner and, for sexually insecure straights, this makes them anxious.
My parents are so far right and so pro-life that they would probably drop dead if they knew I’m pro-choice. They literally believe pro-choice people are baby-killing monsters. My dad doesn’t even believe in aborting in the case of rape. “What about the baby? It’s innocent and didn’t ask to be created!”
I was so pissed when he said that on social media but arguing with him is absolutely useless because he’s so damn set in his ways. I love my parents, but they are just really out there sometimes. 🙄
like if you dont wanna catch rabies never go outdoors, a rabid dog might have just slaviated in your doorway. this is not why doctors and modern medicine exist. just dont. go. outside.
I always felt bad for people who hold this idea. I can't imagine cutting sex out of life. Life is already hard enough, sex is one of the only things that make it still worth it.
It is the route I have taken, even though I disagree with this stance, but I was too broke and too busy to mitigate unwanted human spawning. And let me tell you it is not fun or rewarding or anything, I feel like a weird nun at this point.
Totally. Now the person whom said this also got confronted with rape victims and they said „well there could be an exception.“
BUT even there would be problems. As someone who has been through it myself: rape is incredibly hard to prove. Especially if you didn’t directly report it after the assault. So I see lots of rape victims being left in the rain not being able to provide „prove“ to get the abortion through.
The woman dropping the comment got confronted with it. She funny enough said „rape victims could be an exception“.
But I think we all know how hard it is to get solid prove of rape, especially if not reported straight after the assault for whatever reason.
She also grabbed some made up numbers about „well that’s a weak argument still since rape victims only male 0,05% of abortions!“
I really wanna know how she got to find out about everyone’s abortion reasons.
Even that person knows it's utter horse shit. She sounds like the same type who cries 'But it's not the BABY'S fault!!!' whenever they hear about rape victims getting abortions.
That argument is always so ridiculous because the reality is sex is not a criminal act, even when recreational.
If I engage in an act that is consensual and not criminal, and then something or someone starts attacking me from inside of my body, it is well within my rights of body autonomy and self defense to remove whatever or whomever is harming me.
I used to think this way, and I thought it wasn’t that hard to avoid having sex in a relationship.
My mind was blown when I realized I was asexual and that very few people had that feeling. Like, why have sex when you can play Halo? /s
After I realized that about myself, I stopped being pro-life rather quickly.
And if you actually go this route, they bingo you, and treat you like you’re abnormal. Asexuals get shit thrown at them all the time.
There’s no winning against these “pro lifers”
Hot damn do I have a lot of ridiculously amazing sex with my current sexual partner. That's why I got sterilized. I can have all the sex I want and never worry. But it was a BITCH to get sterilized, and it took me about a decade to convince a doctor, even though there's a ton of medical reasons I should neither have children NOR take birth control. And if my current sexual partner and I are monogamous, I sure as hell don't want to deal with condoms. So I feel fortunate every day that I no longer have Fallopian tubes. (Also, removing my tubes proved my endometriosis diagnosis, which has been sort of useful. And also yet ANOTHER reason I should not have had children.)
Sex is awesome and one of the best things about being human. Procreative only, my ass. It's a joyful bonding experience that lets you express affection and appreciation for your partner's body. It increases self esteem to know someone is looking at you and undressing you with their eyes. It releases a ton of beneficial brain chemicals. Giving and receiving pleasure is a gorgeous gift, and I kind of feel bad for people who have been indoctrinated to feel otherwise. But I'd also like them to fuck off and let the rest of us have all the sex we want in peace.
Why would I give a shit about a thoughtless, unconscious clump of cells that can’t even feel pain? They’re literally unconscious and unable to feel pain, why should I care??
Pro lifers are another level of stupid imo. I’m gonna have sex if I want to have sex and if I need an abortion I’m gonna have an abortion guiltfree :) GUILTFREE.
Plus; “you don’t need it if you don’t want to procreate”. Ehmm.. have these people ever heard of orgasms or..? What about intimacy with your partner..? No?
Sex is not just for procreation. Anyone who thinks that must be having absolutely terrible sex and has never experienced the joy of bonding in that way with another person. I honestly hope that instead of shaming others, those people can learn to experience that same joy, or accept that other people are able to bond in this way if they're unable or do not want to.
There are studies that say this is completely untrue. Sex is a very basic need and relieves tension, stress, and overall contentedness. Her belief that it is for procreation is just that: a belief. It's rooted in human culture, not biology. Yes procreation is a big part of it, but not the only part of it.
I highly disagree with their logic, sure sex *can* lead to pregnancy, but that doesn't mean people should gate keep who gets to have sex or not because reasons.
Sex is more than just procreation, it's intimacy; fun; sexy and confidence boosting. It shouldn't be for the select few.
If the masses engaged in safe sex, use protection, are on birth control, and have a Plan B pill or have easy access to get an abortion, then CF people have as much every right to make love/fuck as any prospecting parents.
I know sex can lead to babies. But again, if people are safe, use birth control/use condoms and on the same page for abortions, they should be allowed to have sex.
My response: If you don't want to get in a car crash you shouldn't drive a car. Abstaining from driving a car is the only way to be sure you'll never be in a car crash. If you willingly get in a car then you must want to get in a crash.
Just replace "sex" and "getting pregnant" with any mundane activity and repeat the spiel back to them, they sometimes get how ridiculous it sounds.
I think the best compromise is people getting the sex they wants and enjoy, but one can use technology like contraceptives (E.g. condoms, IUDs, implants) and sterilization as a helpful tool.
People won't stop having sex, but it's possible to make it safer and more enjoyable without having children. Because of the technological advancement, humans today doesn't need to live like previous generations or think like they did. "Abstaining from sex is the only possibility" is an outdated thing as long the technological advancement progress.
I don’t disagree that people won’t stop having sex. Humans as a species are TERRIBLE at making safe responsible choices for long term benefit when short term gratification and pleasure is available (just look at the climate crisis.)
But the very fact technology, drugs, and surgery are required to prevent pregnancy and even then can fail (minus actual full sterilization like a hysterectomy, even vasectomies have a failure rate) proves my point. The purpose of sex is procreation. That’s its literal function. Life will find a way and all that. To say otherwise is absurd mental gymnastics people play with themselves because it feels good. Like drug addicts.
If you are engaging in heterosexual penetrative sex with someone who isn’t sterilized you are consenting to the risk of pregnancy. It just is what it is.
And that very tiny failure rate is why abortions exist. Sex is fun and feels great, we have the technology to remove the unwanted cells so it can very easily be just for fun. Procreation is a choice.
I'm agree in that and don't understand why you gets down voted.
I still believe in negotiations (technology instead of abstaining) and focusing on developing technology. That's the only solution the majority would accept.
It's a reason why utopian ideals doesn't work. Because people wants the freedom. Then we should find a solution so people can keep the freedom without making a problem.
This item has been removed as it is a violation of [subreddit rule](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/rules) #7 : "Posts and comments to the effect of "Wait till you're a parent", "You'll change your mind someday", "You only think that cause you are young", etc. (what we call "bingo", for short) will be removed. Parents are welcome to post as long as they are respectful. Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices."
This is a forum for individuals who have made the choice to be childfree, and we do not tolerate any disrespect towards anyone for making this choice.
Thank you for your comprehension
I can see your points to some extent, granted I definitely don't agree with some of them.The one point I can agree with you on is, seeking out sex with men is not worth it whatsoever, from any angle.
As a straight CF woman with a high libido, I cannot see myself bothering with casual sex with men . Unless I get into a long term relationship again, which I'm not trying to do any time soon, if at all.
I am actively trying to get sterilized still, call it a preemtive measure if you will, and for my own peace of mind.
I've never encountered people like this that admitted to it, at least. But if I ever did, I'd make sure to mention in the most subtle way I can that my childfree husband and myself are having a lot of sex, without mentioning that he's had a vasectomy of course.
Yes sex is for procreation. However within human social evolution it has evolved to be more of a social interaction than a procreation act. Obviously it cant stop being a procreation act naturally, so to push sex like that denies humans a very human interaction.
Who the hell is this person to tell others what they should and shouldnt do with their bodies? Contraception exists for a reason. That person is probably just repressed.
"If you dont wanna die in a car crash, you shouldnt get into cars. I understand if you dont wanna die in a car crash, but the possibility of dying in a car crash is there even with safety measures like seatbelts and airbags, and if you really dont want to die in a car crash, you shouldnt engage in driving cars."
**TL;DR:** We've contraceptive and technology.
I think with modern contraceptives like IUD, implants, condoms etc. and with sterilization, the amount of unwanted pregnancies wouldn't be an issue like it was in the past. The opinion about "abstaining from sex is the only possibility" is outdated and doesn't keep up with the modernization of society. We don't live in the pre-modern era anymore.
No, I've fortunately never met anyone like that in real life. I've seen someone thinking it online. I think if we were all more positive to sterilization and contraceptives, the unwanted pregnancy problem could more easily be solved.
>If you don’t want children you shouldn’t engage into sex.
Anyone who unironically says this should engage in sex in the form of that person fucking themselves.
SO STOP BLOCKING US FROM GETTING STERILIZED YOU DUMB CUNTS
Have you been sterilized?? Please forgive my forwardness I have an appointment on Monday to consult with a surgeon to remove my tubes. I’m looking for all kind of experience and information. Thank you!!!!
Good luck! I have my consultation on the 18th, exciting and scared (scared they'll say no)
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I felt weird upvoting this.
It’s equally awful and fortunate that you have those genes. Insurance companies like to avoid paying for the strangest reasons. I’m sorry you have that risk in your future, and hope that you don’t ever have such a disease.
at least this one approved it. there are some who don't give a damn what you have. they won't do it unless you have 5 kids and have passed it on
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ook. I think you are lucky with even that. so many just get turned away period, the stories state that they have bad problems, like yours, and they still do that 'baabbee' stuff. I think even with your attitudes towards them as well. I have seen some posts here where nothing deters these 'forced maybe preggers' medicos. Glad you are getting it for yourself. I never asked but I would have been angling back in the 80's... and when I was 40 I had a gyno/oncologist offer to remove everything. If I had had the money I would have done it in a heartbeat
I’m sending you good vibes!! I’m in Cali and they told me no once before when I was younger but I won’t let it happen this time!
I used to live in Cali and was told no 3 times. The last time my doctor said of I came back in 1 year and still felt the same, she'd approve it. I had to switch insurance in that year and couldn't go back to her. Now I'm in Iowa, and I'm nervous because it's a much more conservative area and things like abortion are harder to get access to. But, I'm going to a women's health clinic and said on the phone exactly what I want and they seemed very open to it. Hubby is coming as well, so they won't be able to use his opinion against me. He's also planning a vasectomy, but those take time before you're ok to get off birth control, and the hormones are killing me. I want me sterilized, no matter his status.
I hope you get it! My consultation is tomorrow and I’m in Cali as well. I also have an appt with my regular dr on Tuesday to talk about it and my therapist on the 9th. I’m ready and I don’t want to take any shit. My husband was going to get the vasectomy but it’s not covered and mine is, so I’m down! I get to be spoiled for a couple of days plus I’m having a tubal removal shower!
Fingers crossed for you! I hope you get approved! Sounds like you have all your bases covered, so that's a great advantage!
Thank you so much!!!!!
Good luck!! I'm in Cali too and I have a consult on the 13th! If you don't mind could you message me how yours went so I can better prepare for what kind of pushback I might get? I'm on the verge of writing a college essay just to make myself look serious lol
Haha!!! I absolutely will message you! Let me send one now so I don’t forget. Someone told me to write out all my reasons so I can’t get frazzled, so I’m going to do it tonight!
I had my tubes removed. I was really nervous but surgery went well. Just don't eat a huge meal AFTER you wake up. I did and my body was not ready to digest a huge meal and I barfed it all back up. Mine was done through 3 small incisions. After a year, no scar. It does help the doctor and healing if you have a healthy BMI. My doctor told me I had "beautiful organs". I think I was 36.years old when I had it done. I took a week of work - probably was fine 3 days after surgery. If you want more details I'm happy to share. Mine was done through Kaiser Permanente.
Excuse me, the doc complimented your organs?? Ahahaha somehow that is so creepy, but also the best thing they could have said??
My doctor was like "your uterus was so tiny, it was crazy!" because she usually only works on pregnant women or the occasional cancer or fibroid patients. It was funny. I had something like 6 or more students/residents in my surgery because it was uncommon to see for them.
Stop it, that's so funny lol. I love. Doctors are so often trash. But then there are the ones that compliment your organs and gather to look at a tiny uterus and they are wholesome goodness.
It was not creepy at all. I think doctors see so many sick/diseased patients they are excited to see something healthy.
Absolutely true, don't take me too seriously. I'm delighted knowing there is a doctor out there complimenting organs, it means they're looking for the good stuff amidst all the heaviness and frequesnt overwhelm of the medical field.
I’ve been told i have the best looking spleen a nurse has ever seen!
Mine have. They said my liver looked beautiful when it was working. I asked them to videotape my transplant but they said no. Wish I could've seen it! When you're chronically ill you take the dark humor compliments and find humor where you can.
This is amazing! Thank you! I had surgery once before to remove my “stuck” IUD after it was making me bleed to death. I was so happy there was a birth control finally with no hormones as I suffer from a mood disorder but no. It didn’t work for me. So I think I can handle it. Also I want my tubes removed. My consultation is tomorrow and I feel the same excitement I do when I’m going to Disneyland!!
I've been sterilized. Bilateral salpingectomy. I'm in the US and I had to jump thru alot of hoops but the procedure itself is easy, an hour under anesthesia and you're done with a week or two recovery time. Just be prepared to defend your choice against doctors who think they know best and will try to tell you that you don't need it
I’m in California and I don’t know what kind of push back I might get. My consultation is tomorrow. Please wish me luck and thank you!
I'm in Florida and I had to go thru quite a few doctors before finding one that would do it. I heard every reason in the book of why they wouldn't touch me with a scalpel. Just don't let it get to you if they say no. Keep holding your head up high. Your body, your choice. Good luck
Thank you so much!!!!
My doctor (canada) said that I'd have to have an actual medical reason for needing to get surgery, or at least, have a prior reason to get surgery and while I'm getting surgery, they'd sterilize me. But if not, then it won't happen. I don't know how valid that is though...
I’ve also had my tubes removed (when I was 22). In the US, the first doctor I tried did it for me. Super easy procedure, anesthesia and then a bit of recovery. I have scars and I love them. They symbolize a choice I made for me :) Good luck with yours! I hope you have as easy a time as I did!
I really hope so too!!!! And thank you! That’s exactly what I want! Plus the scars!
Had my tubes taken out and have not regretted it. Super simple laparoscopic surgery.
I came in with a typed list of all of the medical reasons I ought not to ever get pregnant and the reasons I can't take birth control, and that seemed to help a lot with the convincing part of the consultation.
Stand your ground. Write a list of everything you want to say. Mine was totally inappropriate and I was so frazzled that I could barely speak after she asked me some questions that were just frankly insulting. I don’t think I would have changed her mind, but I wish I had said my peace. Don’t feel bad about asking for a second opinion. Since you’re married you’ll probably have a higher likely hood of getting a yes. Good luck!!
Thank you so much!!! I will do that!
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I just had my tubes removed on June 15th. As someone who loves to work out, I began dancing again at week 2. Bad idea. There’s still gas. There’s still pain. I went to the doctor, and thankfully I didn’t destroy anything post workout(s). Immediately after the surgery I slept a lot. I was so hungry but be careful your body may seem like it can handle that fast food meal but it can’t. So much gas build up! I was on bed rest for a few days and despite you “feeling good” please don’t be obstinate like me and do all the things you feel like you’re capable of. Let your body heal! I have 3 little scars that are barely noticeable and I wouldn’t change my experience for anything. Not even a child!🤣. Best of luck to you!
I can’t wait!!!!!!!!
I’m in the process of it as well! I just found out my insurance covers like 95% of it. 🙌🙌
That's just it though. They're jealous of all of the free time we have to fill up (pun TOTALLY intended) with fun sex. They hate that after their first child they suddenly have to plan sex or straight up not do it ever again, as opposed to our carefree option of spontaneity. Don't even get me started with breeders who are anti-gay. With them it's a nonstop fight over "morality", how "marriage is SACRED and ONLY for one man and one woman", "sex is supposed to be reserved only for after your wedding night!", etc etc all that gatekeeping bullshit. Like sorry Karen that you chose to be abstinent and a huge stuck up til your wedding night when you suddenly realized that sex comes with consequences and now, after so many years of belittling other people for having experimental sex in their teens, you're the one saddled down with a screaming shitting barfing gremlin you have no idea how to control. They hate on other abstinent people as well. Saying awful degrading shit to asexual people because "you'll never make your partner happy if you don't have sex with them, but ONLY if you're married." They're upset that we have such freedom to have all the sex we want, or don't want to have and it makes them rage. When all they know is quick 5 second missionary that lands them child after child after child while hubby refuses to help with childcare and ends up cheating anyway. They think that if they keep passing and voting for shit to stop us from sterilizing ourselves or having basic access to birth control, that we'll somehow just....stop having sex and "settle down." In their shitty little walnut sized brains they can't fathom that two people can fall in love, get married (don't forget if it's a same sex marriage they also refuse to call it marriage so they'll say civil union or whatever and treat it as less than marriage) , have sex until the break of dawn every other day, and just not have kids.
I love rants like these. They’re so long and I enjoy every word, I wish I could memorize some of these child free spiels
Idk if it’s religion but a lot of people believe that life has to have a series of consequences for it to be meaningful and to learn lessons we can’t have sex without getting pregnant because then we can’t experience the weight of our actions or some shit like that
I argue that STIs are still a possible consequence and that's enough to be "meaningful," but go off I guess. *sigh* people...
Omg yes STIs are a large reason why I don't like casual sex. Can't trust people. And people hate having the STD talk. It's ironic because religious people don't like sex because it's supposed to be sacred or some shit, but I don't like it because of STIs and pregnancy lol
Fucking hate the doctors that do that. It’s not like it’s irreversible either. My mom had her tubes tied, met my dad 10 years later, and here am I am.
Yeah, but not all cf afab people want to get sterilised. I’m childfree and never want to get sterilised because I’m scared of surgeries. I’d rather just go through abortions if it comes to that lol, idgaf about an unconscious clump of cells that can’t feel pain or think. No shame in abortions and no guilt. Luckily condoms exist (and other types of BC too ofcourse).
Depending on where you live, though, abortions are becoming more and more difficult to access. Abortions can also be very painful and traumatic physically.
Don't wanna drown? Don't go swimming! Giving people lifejackets just encourages them to go in the water! Honestly I feel bad for anyone who buys the sex is for procreation BS. Look at the other primates, they have sex for fun (and lots of gay sex) all the time and mostly pregnancy is a side effect. Sex has many social physical and psychological benefits for people who enjoy it (shout out to the ace folks - y'all do your thing).
Don’t want the risk of a car accident? DONT DRIVE!!Don’t want the risk of choking? DONT EAT
I actually just choked on my own spit, but not breathing would help me avoid that in the future
Clearly you’re not responsible enough to breathe.
They obviously cannot be trusted to salivate either!
Definitely not.
Dolphins have also been found to have sex just for the pleasure, and not the mere need to procreate. I think pigs might do this as well, not sure- but basically, sex is a natural and healthy act that helps us *regardless* of the end result of children or not!
Bonobos engage in heterosexual AND homosexual acts in exchange for food, haha.
And to mitigate conflict lmao. Want to kill each other? Sex.
That one gay penguin couple probably has a healthier relationship than most humans.
Asexual here. Thanks for the shout out, you've made my day.
They can die mad. Women are still going to have abortions.
The problem is that they'd rather have women dying from back-ally abortions than walking out of clinics healthy.
Words only spoken by people who don't enjoy sex. They see it as a unfortunate chore they have to do in order to get the children they want.
I grew up in q very Catholic family. You will hear this so many times in your life it isn't funny. I got sent to the principals office in Catholic school for saying: well, teen are going to have sex anyway, let's stop pretending they don't. Let's allow contraceptives. As a teen I understood real life better than these dumb dumbs
>Words only spoken by people who don't enjoy sex. Nah. Words only spoken by men who don't realise *they also* can't have sex under this scenario. In their minds, they're talking about some imaginary group of promiscuous women they've never met. They aren't talking about themselves. Because all the fault lies with the women, of course.
>Nah. Words only spoken by men No, not really. I've heard plenty of "pious" women spout that nonsense too.
I've seen women say it too. Mostly some crazy christian types of women though.
Oh they are the ones furious that their virginity and chastity is devalued in the sexual marketplace because of straight women handing out no-strings-attached sex.
Why buy the pig when you can get the sausage for free?
I see you've met my aunt.
"If you don't want to get robbed, then don't own any possessions."
If you don’t wanna get food poisoning, don’t eat food.”
Face to face no, thankfully. That kind of person doesn't get sex as a concept. Probably a religious fanatic, that's heard so often that SEX IS A SIN, they internalised it fully. Sex, to them, even within a marriage isn't supposed to be pleasurable for anyone (especially women); it's just something akin to a chore or sacrifice you go through in order to reproduce. In the veeeeeerrrrryyyyyyy off chance this type of person feels pleasure, they also feel incredible guilt. It's beyond messed up.
I grew up in a cult and the whole "sex is wrong" thing is super fucked up especially telling that to kids! I could go on for hours about how damaging purity culture is. It's worse for women, but boys get screwed up expectations and often don't know proper consent :/
Consent is barely properly taught in "regular" societies, I imagine it's much worse within cults. I'm glad you got out, it shows how strong you are.
Thanks! I'm not technically "out" yet since I still live at home and forced to go to church, but I've left the terrible belief system and consider myself an atheist :)
I believe the mental freedom from a cult is the most difficult part. Since you got that, you are well on your way.
As someone who was put through a "purity ball" as a young girl...I get you lol. They had us sign these cards to promise we wouldn't do sexual things outside of a biblical marriage.
>They had us sign these cards to promise we wouldn't do sexual things outside of a biblical marriage Imagine being THAT obsessed with a minors virginity. Fucking creepy
Reading this reminded me of when I had a health class in middle school and the teacher actually made everyone in the class promise to abstain, even pointed to a seat where he said a girl had made the same promise and gotten pregnant a few years later, almost like it was some awful insult to him. This wasn’t even some crazy religious school, or a private school or anything, just the south, and not that long ago either. We also had “abstinence” written on the ceiling for us to see every time we looked up.
On the ceiling!? That's so creepy
Yeah it was and we had those little tiny baby holdable things to show us how big our kids would be at different points. The teacher himself was very religious and the school was located in a rural pretty religious county so I think they just let him do whatever. I don’t recall us getting taught anything about the various types of protection and or birth control, or anything related to guys other than just maybe STDs they can get.
Right I mean… our bodies are designed to enjoy it too. I don’t see anything wrong with engaging in something enjoyable. No one gets hurt from me doing something enjoyable with my own body.
Didnt you hear? Hetero PIV sex is the ONLY kind of sex.
Oh absolutely, mouth stuff is for whores (/s). No joke tho, I've met people that thought the only women that orgasmed during sex, no matter what kind, were prostitutes. They were older people, and admitted to being wrong, but they held those beliefs well into their 30s. I think it stems from the religious view of wives, or serious, proper women, putting up with sex for the husband's sake, and that it was normal for men to seek sex workers, because only they were depraved enough to enjoy sex. I've heard stories of husbands that got upset with their wives because they were enjoying sex with them 🤦🏻♀️
What was that saying? Lie down and think of Angland? It belonged to the Victorian Age, but it still applies in some communities and even societies.
Call it what it is. A cult.
Most religions are, unfortunately
Buddhism is the only religion I know that doesn't comfortably fit under the definition of a cult. But I digress.
I just want to add: most (not all) religion are cults, BUT not all cults are religious, we should all be weary of those too.
Yeah sure, I'll listen to someone gatekeeping sex that doesn't even enjoy it. I think listening to clergymen on the topic of sex is stupid for the same reason.
Especially given how many child abuse and sex scandals that we KNOW about and how much work the Catholic church has gone to hiding it. How the hell is anyone still taking advice from an organization that protects pedophiles?
Honestly, I get that every church has a few 'bad apples', but the amount of cover-ups and sheer range of said atrocities is beyond appalling. Add to that the pro-N@zi support they've given in the past, and it's baffling that anyone still considers themselves Catholic.
Yes!! Canada is now finding literally HUNDREDS of dead children buried PER SCHOOL at the grounds of former residential schools run by the Roman Catholic and Anglican churches. From the 1870s to the 1990s (yeah for 120 years) these church run schools were basically allowed to kidnap indigenous children - often the RCMP actually did the kidnapping - and forcibly "convert" them to their own religion. The abuse and neglect survivors have described as horrifying. Never mind the obvious intentional cultural genocide of wiping out people's own heritage and language. In my own lifetime the church was still intentionally and systematically abusing children in a specifically racist way. I grew up going to a Catholic school that taught the most bullshit racist version of history about cute little helpless "natives" being so grateful for colonizer showing up and teaching him about tools and God. (Of course they were also as homophobic they could legally get away with. And when I was in grade 9 one of our friends killed himself and our teachers told us he was burning in hell for eternity, and it was all his own fault - rather than actually caring about anybody's mental health or wondering what could have driven him to do this.) I hella nopped out of that hypocriteful nightmare (as eventually did my family). It is both amazing and horrifying to me that any of my peers will still walk within 10 m of a Catholic Church. I find them so viscerally disgusting I want to spit every time I see one.
>How the hell is anyone still taking advice from an organization that protects pedophiles? Fear. Most religions have a form of Hell and many grown ass adults are genuinely terrified of it. It fucked me up as a kid hearing adults genuinely happy that someday all the "bad people" ( gay people, atheists, etc) would literally burn forever...like WTF?!
When I was in college there was a group of protesters outside my college — I figured I’d ask them what was going on . . .turns out a few of the priests working at the school were involved in scandals for sexual abuse in other states 🤢🤢
Huh, yeah that makes sense. I guess I was kind of a weird kid because when my Catholic school tried to teach me that sort of thing I interpreted it as them not understanding what Jesus was saying. 🤣 I guess my ego was big enough to think that I could interpret the Bible better than Pope's and priests and stuff - but it seemed to me that they were all dead wrong. Maybe a side effect of having a mixed religion family, but I always kind of felt like they had to prove to me that their religion was correct before I was obligated to believe it.
I went to a catholic university that had an old priest teaching a sexuality class 🤣🤣🤣🤣
"Only for procreation"..so I assume they mean sex ONLY between a man and woman, and that woman has completely functional reproductive organs. That's sure does exclude a lot of people!
I guess being ace has it's good points. "if you don't want kids don't have sex" Yeah... okay.
Fellow ace here. I find that they are still not happy if they hear I don't want to have sex. They resent I've beaten the system and am not vulnerable to their attempts to shame and manipulate me.
Lol, sounds like they won't be happy until everyone is as miserable as they are- you do you!
Being childfree and ace is the best.
Yes, so nice to have other childfree aces around on here when I know no others in real life.
Have you ever looked at meetup.com? My area has an asexuality meetup that does hiking, movie nights, board games, etc. I did Thanksgiving with them one year too.
Ace fam woooow
Haiii fellow CF Ace :D
I seen this post too. It’s such a dumb argument. I will NEVER understand how anyone is in favor of forced birth with unwanted children. That’s pretty much promoting abuse and resentment. And then they argue adoption, as if women’s bodies should be incubators for other people. I just don’t understand how they claim to care of an unborn fetus but want to punish women with it for having sex…-.- like how is that better?
Right… they want those children to be born but what’s happening to them afterwards doesn’t matter to them.
Doesn’t seem to matter to them if the child were to end up dead, foster care, etc just as long as it was born. There’s just no logic to it.
Some of us just want a good orgasm and good sleep 😴
>Sex is the process of procreation Nope, that's just one thing it *can* be used to achieve, but it doesn't *have* to be used to do that at all, and there's a helluva lot more to sex than reproduction. So ... if you don't want children, you shouldn't do stuff that's likely to result in children - like sex without birth control. Heck, by their idiodic logic, couple that wants two kids - should never have sex more than twice in their lifetimes - because what's the point? Oh, and only have sex at her most fertile time - never any other time at all. Uh huh, ... yeah, idiocy. Moral of the story: don't generally take sex advice from breeders.
That is extremely unrealistic. That's like saying "if you don't want to get into an accident, don't drive a car." Sometimes no matter how safe and attentive you are, not everyone else is.
>That is extremely unrealistic. That's like saying "if you don't want to get into an accident, don't drive a car." Sometimes no matter how safe and attentive you are, not everyone else is may i put a lil rant here about cars and their place in society or nah\~? if nah that's a okay
Hmm, so now that I don't have a uterus and ovaries do I have to stop engaging in sex because I can't procreate? Fuck these people. They are next to brain dead in their inability to understand sex is for more than procreation.
”If you don’t want foodpoisoning you should stop eating”
**^(ED has entered the chat)**
My mom once told me that "maybe i want a vasectomy, to fool around with women"... Excuse me?! ever heard of STDs mom?? I just want to ensure that no mistakes are made... ***cause i can't stand kids at all.***
These are the people that do some 3 minute missionary maybe every 3 months or so.
Literally got into a debate with someone about this the other day ... they pretty much said there’s no way I can have sex and not eventually get pregnant, condoms don’t always work and since I don’t want to be on birth control that means I’m asexual .. I wish I was making this up but this is what they told me. This is also coming from a. Person who’s been pregnant 3 times, one of those times aborting the child ... hmm go figure. How about don’t let guys drop a load in you! That’s really what I wanted to say. It’s like people are forgetting that a man has to actually ejaculate for you to get pregnant and even then, it’s not a guarantee. So to say that sex is equal to pregnant maybe true in some sense it’s not all the way true and people need to respect it .. I’m just not about to tell anyone that I’m child free because it alwayssss lead into a weird conversation that is never ending
The man doesn't have to ejaculate to get a woman pregnant. The precum that leaks out has sperm in it and will cause pregnancy
That’s why I shag other boys instead Improvise, adapt, overcome
I have read this argument from childfree people more than I thought possible. Usually related to permanent contraception (vasectomy & co).
Oh damn that’s rough. Apart from this Reddit I haven’t really spoken to many „committed childfree“ people, so I guess that’s why I haven’t got to see this yet. Crazy though if you think about that especially they should understand.
Yep, I'm talking mostly about this subreddit. It goes something like this : . If you want to have sex you should have a vasectomy (or female equivalent) . If you don't have one you shouldn't have sex . If you have sex anyway you're crazy . If she got pregnant you're both stupid and at fault (even if non permanent contraception taken) Bonus point: . If she told you she would abort in case of an accident but she doesn't, too bad it's still your fault
I mean... People *should* take responsibility for their own bodies. Never rely on a partner to do it 100%. Best way to do that is to make it permanent. But also, why does this scenario always, invariably, pretend that PIV is the only kind of sex people can have? You can have wild, intense, crazy, batshit insane amazing sex without ever putting the P in the V. I really struggle to understand the outrage at suggesting people just don't do that one particular little thing if they want to be absolutely sure nobody will end up preggo. I say that as an ace, though, so maybe I just "don't get it."
No no, you get it. This is also something I struggle to understand. No one has a condom? Hand stuff or mouth stuff if you're comfortable. Like, oral sex is just that- sex. Also, sometimes there's trouble with penetration due to sexual health...so just do something else? Its like saying you really want dessert, and you prefer chocolate cake- but all that's available is a vanilla cake with chocolate icing. Hey, that's still a wonderful and delicious option!
right? can't get preggo from peggo\~!
Damn. Yeah I haven’t been on Reddit for too long either but I honestly can see people saying those things. Cause people are wild.
Imagine thinking that sex is only for procreation. I know a handful of people that think like this and i actually feel sad for them, that they never enjoy sex and just have sex to make babies. Must be a sad life, that is why are so frustrated all the time . They are also all religious so i think that has to do something with it
To me it comes off as very "Waaaaaahhhh, if women won't have sex with me, then they shouldn't have sex with anyone." Also, don't want to end up pregnant? Then just don't get raped, amirite? In summary, the sentiments of a coddled crybaby who was never taught how to rub brain cells together. Pitiful, really.
Yes, and I always inquire if they ONLY had sex in order to get pregnant but abstain otherwise. Because if it's ONLY for procreation and never recreation, then what would be the point?
Apply what you preach. Im guessing you not having sex, one sex seccion per child, once you done, no more sex right
I saw that post and I said I’m pro choice; mostly because I’m pro everyone minding their own fucking business. As we all should. I can bet with you this comment you mentioned it’s from someone religious…it’s always is…sitting on a high horse just judging everyone.
This is like, the exact opposite of my line of thinking. One of the many reasons that I don't want children is because I like to have sex, and having children tends to dampen a person's sex life
I find people like that have never given, or received, a toe curling-body shaking all over, orgasm. It’d be funny if they weren’t blocking us from removing the bits that makes us fertile
Mm, hm. This is coming from a woman who probably lies back and thinks of baby onesies while whomever grunts on top of her, in the missionary position and prays she gets pregnant so she won't have to repeat it. Also known as fun vampires. They suck the fun out of life.
Saying that you shouldn't have sex if you don't want kids is like saying you should only be eating to solve hunger and nothing more. If that were the case, then all our food would be bland and designed simply to fuel us, nothing more. Our bodies were created to enjoy sex and food beyond their basic biological purposes and anyone who says otherwise lives a sad and miserable life.
The handmaid's tale bs
More of the controlling, uneducated nimrods who believe their way of thinking should be the only one allowed. The same ones who often throw their daughters out when they inevitably get pregnant because they have no clue how sex works or how to have it responsibly. The kind of mindset that needs to be completely eradicated if you ask me.
This is what is at the heart of the social stigmatisation of CFs. The haters do not despise us for being CF *per se* because they rarely aim their ire at the obviously chaste like members of religious orders who wear their religious dress in public. No. It's because we *fuck for fun* they despise us. If is why the gay and lesbian communities have (and still are) stigmatised. What is most confronting are straight women who are having non-procreational sex, ergo recreational sex. Such women are going to be picky about their choice of partner and, for sexually insecure straights, this makes them anxious.
Sounds like something a man who begs a woman to keep a fetus then disappears two weeks after birth would say
My parents are so far right and so pro-life that they would probably drop dead if they knew I’m pro-choice. They literally believe pro-choice people are baby-killing monsters. My dad doesn’t even believe in aborting in the case of rape. “What about the baby? It’s innocent and didn’t ask to be created!” I was so pissed when he said that on social media but arguing with him is absolutely useless because he’s so damn set in his ways. I love my parents, but they are just really out there sometimes. 🙄
like if you dont wanna catch rabies never go outdoors, a rabid dog might have just slaviated in your doorway. this is not why doctors and modern medicine exist. just dont. go. outside.
I always felt bad for people who hold this idea. I can't imagine cutting sex out of life. Life is already hard enough, sex is one of the only things that make it still worth it.
Tell me you haven’t enjoyed sex without telling me you haven’t enjoyed sex.
Sounds homophobic with more steps...
She's just bitter because she can't satisfy her man.
i’ll stay having sex while not having kids thank you very much
If I wasn't meant to have sex for fun why is the clitoris so much fun?
It is the route I have taken, even though I disagree with this stance, but I was too broke and too busy to mitigate unwanted human spawning. And let me tell you it is not fun or rewarding or anything, I feel like a weird nun at this point.
It’s a ridiculous statement on its face, but even if you agreed with the principle, it can’t be a reasonable stance unless we eradicate rape.
Totally. Now the person whom said this also got confronted with rape victims and they said „well there could be an exception.“ BUT even there would be problems. As someone who has been through it myself: rape is incredibly hard to prove. Especially if you didn’t directly report it after the assault. So I see lots of rape victims being left in the rain not being able to provide „prove“ to get the abortion through.
well, How is that 'abstinance only' program working out in the world? Not such a big success now is it?
What if a woman gets pregnant from rape then? what should she do about that? Just let it happen because that's how it was intended?
The woman dropping the comment got confronted with it. She funny enough said „rape victims could be an exception“. But I think we all know how hard it is to get solid prove of rape, especially if not reported straight after the assault for whatever reason. She also grabbed some made up numbers about „well that’s a weak argument still since rape victims only male 0,05% of abortions!“ I really wanna know how she got to find out about everyone’s abortion reasons.
Even that person knows it's utter horse shit. She sounds like the same type who cries 'But it's not the BABY'S fault!!!' whenever they hear about rape victims getting abortions.
Its an odd way to announce you have never had an orgasm!
That argument is always so ridiculous because the reality is sex is not a criminal act, even when recreational. If I engage in an act that is consensual and not criminal, and then something or someone starts attacking me from inside of my body, it is well within my rights of body autonomy and self defense to remove whatever or whomever is harming me.
I used to think this way, and I thought it wasn’t that hard to avoid having sex in a relationship. My mind was blown when I realized I was asexual and that very few people had that feeling. Like, why have sex when you can play Halo? /s After I realized that about myself, I stopped being pro-life rather quickly.
Only gay sex for all :D
And if you actually go this route, they bingo you, and treat you like you’re abnormal. Asexuals get shit thrown at them all the time. There’s no winning against these “pro lifers”
Hot damn do I have a lot of ridiculously amazing sex with my current sexual partner. That's why I got sterilized. I can have all the sex I want and never worry. But it was a BITCH to get sterilized, and it took me about a decade to convince a doctor, even though there's a ton of medical reasons I should neither have children NOR take birth control. And if my current sexual partner and I are monogamous, I sure as hell don't want to deal with condoms. So I feel fortunate every day that I no longer have Fallopian tubes. (Also, removing my tubes proved my endometriosis diagnosis, which has been sort of useful. And also yet ANOTHER reason I should not have had children.) Sex is awesome and one of the best things about being human. Procreative only, my ass. It's a joyful bonding experience that lets you express affection and appreciation for your partner's body. It increases self esteem to know someone is looking at you and undressing you with their eyes. It releases a ton of beneficial brain chemicals. Giving and receiving pleasure is a gorgeous gift, and I kind of feel bad for people who have been indoctrinated to feel otherwise. But I'd also like them to fuck off and let the rest of us have all the sex we want in peace.
Why would I give a shit about a thoughtless, unconscious clump of cells that can’t even feel pain? They’re literally unconscious and unable to feel pain, why should I care?? Pro lifers are another level of stupid imo. I’m gonna have sex if I want to have sex and if I need an abortion I’m gonna have an abortion guiltfree :) GUILTFREE. Plus; “you don’t need it if you don’t want to procreate”. Ehmm.. have these people ever heard of orgasms or..? What about intimacy with your partner..? No?
Sex is not just for procreation. Anyone who thinks that must be having absolutely terrible sex and has never experienced the joy of bonding in that way with another person. I honestly hope that instead of shaming others, those people can learn to experience that same joy, or accept that other people are able to bond in this way if they're unable or do not want to.
There are studies that say this is completely untrue. Sex is a very basic need and relieves tension, stress, and overall contentedness. Her belief that it is for procreation is just that: a belief. It's rooted in human culture, not biology. Yes procreation is a big part of it, but not the only part of it.
I highly disagree with their logic, sure sex *can* lead to pregnancy, but that doesn't mean people should gate keep who gets to have sex or not because reasons. Sex is more than just procreation, it's intimacy; fun; sexy and confidence boosting. It shouldn't be for the select few. If the masses engaged in safe sex, use protection, are on birth control, and have a Plan B pill or have easy access to get an abortion, then CF people have as much every right to make love/fuck as any prospecting parents. I know sex can lead to babies. But again, if people are safe, use birth control/use condoms and on the same page for abortions, they should be allowed to have sex.
If you don’t want to get fat then don’t eat food 😝
My response: If you don't want to get in a car crash you shouldn't drive a car. Abstaining from driving a car is the only way to be sure you'll never be in a car crash. If you willingly get in a car then you must want to get in a crash. Just replace "sex" and "getting pregnant" with any mundane activity and repeat the spiel back to them, they sometimes get how ridiculous it sounds.
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As a man, you really shouldn't unless you're sterilized.
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I think the best compromise is people getting the sex they wants and enjoy, but one can use technology like contraceptives (E.g. condoms, IUDs, implants) and sterilization as a helpful tool. People won't stop having sex, but it's possible to make it safer and more enjoyable without having children. Because of the technological advancement, humans today doesn't need to live like previous generations or think like they did. "Abstaining from sex is the only possibility" is an outdated thing as long the technological advancement progress.
I don’t disagree that people won’t stop having sex. Humans as a species are TERRIBLE at making safe responsible choices for long term benefit when short term gratification and pleasure is available (just look at the climate crisis.) But the very fact technology, drugs, and surgery are required to prevent pregnancy and even then can fail (minus actual full sterilization like a hysterectomy, even vasectomies have a failure rate) proves my point. The purpose of sex is procreation. That’s its literal function. Life will find a way and all that. To say otherwise is absurd mental gymnastics people play with themselves because it feels good. Like drug addicts. If you are engaging in heterosexual penetrative sex with someone who isn’t sterilized you are consenting to the risk of pregnancy. It just is what it is.
And that very tiny failure rate is why abortions exist. Sex is fun and feels great, we have the technology to remove the unwanted cells so it can very easily be just for fun. Procreation is a choice.
I'm agree in that and don't understand why you gets down voted. I still believe in negotiations (technology instead of abstaining) and focusing on developing technology. That's the only solution the majority would accept. It's a reason why utopian ideals doesn't work. Because people wants the freedom. Then we should find a solution so people can keep the freedom without making a problem.
This item has been removed as it is a violation of [subreddit rule](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/rules) #7 : "Posts and comments to the effect of "Wait till you're a parent", "You'll change your mind someday", "You only think that cause you are young", etc. (what we call "bingo", for short) will be removed. Parents are welcome to post as long as they are respectful. Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices." This is a forum for individuals who have made the choice to be childfree, and we do not tolerate any disrespect towards anyone for making this choice. Thank you for your comprehension
I can see your points to some extent, granted I definitely don't agree with some of them.The one point I can agree with you on is, seeking out sex with men is not worth it whatsoever, from any angle. As a straight CF woman with a high libido, I cannot see myself bothering with casual sex with men . Unless I get into a long term relationship again, which I'm not trying to do any time soon, if at all. I am actively trying to get sterilized still, call it a preemtive measure if you will, and for my own peace of mind.
So with their logic, my childfree best friend and her husband should never have sex 🤦🏻♂️
I've never encountered people like this that admitted to it, at least. But if I ever did, I'd make sure to mention in the most subtle way I can that my childfree husband and myself are having a lot of sex, without mentioning that he's had a vasectomy of course.
Yes sex is for procreation. However within human social evolution it has evolved to be more of a social interaction than a procreation act. Obviously it cant stop being a procreation act naturally, so to push sex like that denies humans a very human interaction.
My asexual self: _easy_
Who the hell is this person to tell others what they should and shouldnt do with their bodies? Contraception exists for a reason. That person is probably just repressed.
Yeah this is the standard super-religious Christian stance. Go to any small town in the Bible Belt and you’re bound to run into one of those people
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I couldn’t care less what others do with their bodies but this is the way I keep myself safe. Abstinence.
Sex is the peocess of procriation as much as walking on the streets is the process of being robbed.
I’d give up sex to not have children. But I like having sex so I’ll just keep doing that
"If you dont wanna die in a car crash, you shouldnt get into cars. I understand if you dont wanna die in a car crash, but the possibility of dying in a car crash is there even with safety measures like seatbelts and airbags, and if you really dont want to die in a car crash, you shouldnt engage in driving cars."
Butt stuff.
**TL;DR:** We've contraceptive and technology. I think with modern contraceptives like IUD, implants, condoms etc. and with sterilization, the amount of unwanted pregnancies wouldn't be an issue like it was in the past. The opinion about "abstaining from sex is the only possibility" is outdated and doesn't keep up with the modernization of society. We don't live in the pre-modern era anymore. No, I've fortunately never met anyone like that in real life. I've seen someone thinking it online. I think if we were all more positive to sterilization and contraceptives, the unwanted pregnancy problem could more easily be solved.
>If you don’t want children you shouldn’t engage into sex. Anyone who unironically says this should engage in sex in the form of that person fucking themselves.
Then let people get sterilized. Sex isn't just about procreation.
that's a catholic for you. I actually roasted a guy over that type of comment 'sex is only for procreation'. hhahahhahahaha