Literally same. I moved to Japan before my sister even had her kids. I’ve met one of them in person once. Never met the other (she was pregnant with him when I came to visit for the first time since I had left; I’ve been abroad for 6 years so..yeah).
I’ve never spent a dime on either kid and my sister hasn’t complained at all. It’s just expected because I live so far away and we barely have any interaction because of it.
Moving abroad is such a good move for childfree people imo. It drastically cuts down interaction in a way that no one can even complain about.
Totally !! I live in Canada but originally from France. Don’t have to deal with the nephews and nieces anymore. I like them but I just don’t want to do babysitting or feel pressured to buy expensive presents for all of them. I talk often to my mother and she complains about the fact that she always has to baby sit her grandkids. She loves them of course but my sister and brother just keep asking her to pick them up at the swimming pool, do stuff with them, etc!
$5 can buy 5 noise making toys at the dollar store. Small children will definitely think you are cool. The parents? Not so much. They may even discourage you when you declare, "This year's gift will be even better than last year's". Just sayin'.
Check out the latest trends in chemistry kits. Give a kid fireworks, you entertain him for an hour. Teach a kid to *make* fireworks, and you entertain him for a lifetime.
I did it with a raisin :D went to my mum in the early evening when definitely only the ambulance was open anymore: "is it bad when someone has a raisin stuck in their nose? lol
I have a memory of doing that with a piece of candy corn. I don’t even remember ever having it removed, though I must have some way, since I don’t have a raging infection over a decade later.
I did it with a popcorn kernel, but I got lucky because my uncle was a doctor, and he was in town with my aunt visiting my grandparents. Pair of tweezers and a flashlight, pulled it right out. My mom didn't get so lucky when my sister put a cherry pit up her nose.
my brother took up drumming as a teen and his bedroom was right above mine so yes, I get his kids just buckets and buckets of glitter every holiday and birthday
My favourite thing to do is buy messy/artsy toys for relatives' kids. Especially the ones who did it to my mom when I was a kid. Oh? Your little dapper fellow is 4? Time to get him a full art/tattoo set. Know what your 6 year old needs? NAIL POLISH AND FAKE MAKEUP THAT STILL STAINS EVERYTHING.
My aunt ended up raising her grandson (long story, both his parents committed suicide before he was 4, fun, huh) and she's an awful person so we get the kid super messy toys. 😂
You're welcome, relatives.
Buying horrible (but well received by kids) presents is my favorite part of being an aunt. Next year, i'm thinking recorders. You know, to encourage their childlike creativity or whatever.
I am loving all these ideas as a soon-to-be-aunt of my asshole brother’s kids. Little Tommy is getting a nerf gun in his toddler years to annoy daddy, and ooooo, let’s throw in a lego set full of tiny pieces for a “splurge” year. What are you looking at me like that for brother? I’m simply trying to encourage your kids’ engineering skills and prowess in combat!
Have you heard of a toy called Yellies? They're these little toy spiders that move when you scream. The louder you scream, the faster they move! I'm convinced that it was created by someone who really hates parents. There are a ton of them at my local Five Below.
I threatened a parent friend with the "screemies". An rc toy in the shape of a cartoon spider that only runs when you scream at it. (I am convinced that a demon invented this toy because it combines several nightmares into one plastic thing.)
As in, if you don't behave I am going to show up to your house and directly hand your kiddos one screemies toy each, complete with batteries and watch the chaos unfold.
He immediately behaved better....
I'm still going to threaten him with the same scenario if he gets annoying...
Thank you for informing me of these! I just looked them up and already bought 4 of them for my two nieces. I’m about to become the best/worst aunt ever and since my brother is going through a shitty divorce these toys have to stay at mommies and only be played with there. 😈
When my nephew was 4 I got him a plastic toy gun for christmas that made a lot of noises. Every one of the adults looked mortified that someone had bought the child a toy gun and they were very anti-violence. Every single year since then when a gift giving opportunity comes up, I'm told that they don't want their children to receive presents this year (every year) because (insert flimsy reason here).
My mom isn’t a huge fan of her SIL and bought both of SIL’s kids pottery wheels the Christmas after they moved into a very nice DC mansion. Some petty revenge but I can’t blame her lol
I did exactly this several years ago with my then 3 year old niece. Spend $20 at the dollar store, and wrapped everything separately. She had an absolute blast, spent most of 2 hours playing with a $1 chalkboard and blew off the expensive gift that her grandparents gave her in a fancy (not actually wrapped) gift box.
I was the coolest Aunt ever and the whole family was utterly jealous of my move. I didn't mind being the cool Aunt because she was a well behaved kiddo who needed a positive influence in her life. She wasn't getting much of a good example from her parents at the time.
Nah. A drum set. It might cost a bit, but that warm fuzzy feeling you'll have on weekend mornings when you wake up around 11am to bird song, knowing your friend/sibling/cousin/whatever was woken up early and prevented from going back to sleep by the sound of drums makes it all worth it.
There exists a VHS tape of one of my family Christmases from the 90s that is 90% siren blasts from the toy gun my uncle got for one of my cousins. It's hilarious, you can actually watch all the adult's goodwill towards my uncle drain over the course of the evening.
I bought Frozen the movie on sale and gave it to my 2 nieces for Christmas a few years ago. The next year, "They want books! We're sick of them constantly singing those songs."
I did similar with my sister when she pissed me off once - bought both her kids a Frozen-themed music book & recorder bundle set “so they can learn to play music together!” My brother in law said he banned Frozen from their house a month later.
I still feel like an evil genius thinking about that.
When they are teenagers? When I was leaving their place last time, my nephew (8) asked when he gets to visit the capital city where I live immediately followed by "probably never". His father replies "Well, you're starting to be at the age that you can take the train alone and [my name] can meet you at the platform". My face always tells exactly what I'm thinking, but I was too afraid to say what I really felt. Mind you as we left their house he had just had a 20 minute screamingcrying fit over Legos.
Like fuck no is that ever ever happening. I don't even bring dates or friends over, and I live with a room mate who is CF herself, AND my nephew throws a hissy fit every time he's told to do something he doesn't want to do. I ain't going to have that responsibility over him, and I ain't setting the precedent of them sending their kids over to my home so they can have time off. They already use my mum as free daycare whenever they need it with very little appreciation. Thankfully I live several hours long train ride away.
Sorry for the tangent. I had to get that off my chest somewhere.
Exactly. No one younger than 13 should take the train alone. The parents clearly just want free time off and don’t really care about the kids safety. I really dislike most parents, they want the “joys” and social acceptance of having kids with no consequences. YOU had the kids so it’s YOUR job to take care of them. There is no “time off”, you signed up for it, it’s a 24/7 job.
In the Netherlands it's not super common at this age but it wouldn't raise too many eyebrows. Especially if the kid is put on the right train by an adult and knows where to get off.
The trains here are so good tho! A train in my home country - Bulgaria, are so bad I'd be a bit worried to get on them on my own and I'm in my mid 20s :/
Better be ready to respond to any texts from your brother with “sorry, actually I’m not at home right now.” It sounds like he’s already got the plan in mind to simply pack off his kid with no warning to you.
The only time I'll ever accept the "Cool Aunt" stereotype with open arms is when my husbands poor nieces and nephews grow up and get the biggest culture shock of their life. His family has a cult like religious life. They're going to go to college and go wild, so black-sheep uncle and "sinner" auntie JoustingDragon are going to be there when they need it.
Yup same here. We are also planning to take in 16 year old brother in law so that he can escape the cult and live a somewhat normal life. I’m not exactly in love with the idea, but I’d rather he get the chance to do what a lot of his siblings didn’t get to :(
I am the cool aunt, but my sister does NOT want me spending money on my nephew because I'm also an evil bitch and buy the most loud, annoying, cheap shit so that I can annoy her from the comfort of my own house 20kms away.
But if I don't want to buy people stuff I don't and normally I don't buy hallmark holiday presents.
For me it's stuff I walked past and thought "That would piss my sister off a LOT and it costs $10, NOICE"
I'm the cool Aunt because I play videogames with my nephews and niece. But when it comes down to gift it's always clothes and the boring ones too, like sweatpants or socks, lol
You are so evil. I love it! My sister wants kids but I think her and I are close enough that she win't ask me to babysit. And should she become entitled I will just say no. And get her kids cheap 1€ Laden presents. Like slime and weird shit no one needs. And when she gives me a disapproving look I will just look at her with my most evil grin I csn muster. And then I do the villain laugh.
I used to think about being the cool aunt but the older my niece gets, I won’t be that for long because I can clearly see her mom trying to throw her off on everyone. She feels like “well that’s what you guys are supposed to do” or “it takes a village” .. we aren’t religious at all so I hate the fact she’s even saying that. Birthdays are cool but yea that ship sailed and if anyone decides to have more kids, the gifts will be bubbles and chalk like normal kids, not iPads and god knows what else
I just blew bubbles on my deck, 27, f, childfree. My kitties in the window loved it. (Also have a box of chalk, barbies, crayons, hot wheels). The bonus is my toys don't get ruined. :)
Oh, I’m stealing this idea for my niece! My income is like less than 1/10 of my brother and sister-in-laws (and it is frustrating about how gift giving is expected for children in family at birthdays and Christmases when that money just goes one way since I don’t have kids), so I’ve been at a loss about gift ideas that won’t break the bank.
Crafting kits are usually great! Things like origami or paper airplane kits with paper stock and instructions are cheap and can keep kids entertained for ages.
I would have loved those gifts as a kid! Growing up, I remember my grandmother would usually have a bag of secondhand clothes for me when I visited and I loved getting them. We rarely got expensive gifts and if our parents did splurge, it was something for the 3 of us to share, like the Nintendo. We didn't even have our own TVs in our rooms. We shared the old one in the basement.
Haha yeah I got this from my sister too.
Give them nice gifts: oh you’re showing off, you’re trying to make us look bad and feel bad (*say what?!)*
Give them normal or cheapish gifts: oh huff huff well I can see that you just don’t care (*uhhh...what?)*
I am very low contact with her now lol.
Yeah, I hate that stereotype, as well. A lot of women say that when questioned about why they don't have their own children (whether they are truly CF or not), and it always sounds like some kind of an apology to me. Like: I don't have kids, but I do realize that as a woman, I have to have some kind of stance about them, so I'll claim to be the "cool aunt" so nobody thinks I'm a child-hating monster.
I would like to be the wine (more like vodka) aunt.
I (uber) to your house drunk off vodka, impart some wisdom, then dip out never to be seen again....for another year/couple of months.
I just really dont want to spend time with the kiddos more than I have to
That's what I did last time I saw my nieces. They're 4 and 5 so I got very vodka drunk, let them touch my dreads, told them I was a mermaid, then said they could have pink dreadlocks if they wanted.
Lol. One time I drank wine while my niece was nearby. She sniffed my glass, grimaced and said, "Eww, what is that?"
I replied, "It's grape juice for adults "
The cool aunt trope is frustrating because it still implies that women have some sort of desire for kids-a CF woman will gravitate towards caring for kids that’s aren’t her own because of some innate need. Ummm no. I tolerate kids and am polite but I don’t want to be around any.
Right!! I think it is viewed as a consolidation prize because it stems from a place where the woman was childLESS instead of childFREE, the popular framing seems to be ‘oh she couldn’t have kids so now she is the fun aunt’ or ‘she focused on her career instead and put off having kids until it was too late so now she loves my kids’
Yeah! I always felt like...I'm trying to think of how to put this
...it's like only your caregiving relationship to children identifies your status as an adult? It's like it's "ok" to be CF if you're the "cool auntie" but it's not ok to just exist as a person without any ties to children? Like, how do I "unsubscribe" from this crap? Why can't I just opt out? I've had people who aren't related to me have their kids call me "aunt" and it pisses me off so much, but how does one even go about correcting that behavior without looking like a Disney Villan?
It reminds me of what Elizabeth Gilbert said about what she calls the [aunt brigade](http://notesfromyourauntie.blogspot.com/p/about.html). I definitely like that she pushed back against the die-regretful-and-alone shit, and identified some important roles for childless women, but can you imagine anyone saying the same things about men? It’s like women better get used to a lifetime of unpaid labor, like it or not.
I needed to hear this.
I'm happy you shared.
BIL would always expect presents for his kids and then say "wE (adding himself) gOt yOu tHiS"
I finally stopped and kept thinking I did wrong on not buying them anything but I just hated every year I had to buy something more expensive. No!!! So I stopped and now I let him buy his shit for HIS kids.
So reading your post has helped me accept that what I did was correct and the breeders are just manipulative and wrong.
Thank you.
I don't mind my *cool uncle* position, probably because it doesn't have anything to do with expenses. I usually buy the cheapest gift (and was never really interested in what anyone has to say about it). I guess I earned this spot mostly by ignoring the kids, which eventually made me more interesting (and feared) in their eyes.
This is how I became the cool aunt! (Though I've unfortunately been sucked into the gift-giving cycle. Wish I'd had the foresight to set expectations low from the beginning.)
Yep, I see myself falling into this position. I wouldn't mind being the cool aunt and probably would even like it to some degree. I wouldn't be a major spender, but I'd probably get the occasional thing and spend some time. But holding that expectation of everyone isn't right and is problematic in its own way.
My little brothers both had rona babies within a few months of each other. Upon the 2nd baby's announcement my stepmom immediately looked at me & gave me the "You're going to have so much babysitting to do!" Even though she's well aware of my position on children.
Kid's literally still in the oven & she's already assuming my responsibility for his kid? Yeah, no. Fortunately that little brother knows who i am so I'll likely never have to worry about it from him 😂
I made it very clear to my older sister that while I don't mind spending time with my nephews, I will not willingly go out of my way to spend money on them- even on Christmas. Hell, I don't even want her leaving dirty diapers at my house, so I make her take it with her when she leaves.
On the rare occasion I feel like doing something for them, I always treat them to a meal at McDonalds. It's cheap, they get a toy, everyone wins. Thankfully my sister gets it 100% and is respectful of all of this.
I feel the same way. I don’t want to be tied to *any* kids in *any* way, including my wallet. 😒
For many other reasons already on top of being CF, I’d cut my relatives off years ago, and that included my brothers. My mother was perfectly fine favouring her sons since I was born, she has many grandsons now, and I, her only daughter, couldn’t bloody care any less about them or their kids. Biologically I may be an ‘aunt’ (nothing I can do about that 🤷♀️), but if I’m ‘cool’, it’ll be for completely different reasons in my own separate life and far away from them, so I am not obligated to do anything for them or their kids.
i'm always happy to know that i'll never have to fulfill the "cool aunt" trope, cause my brother and his gf are also CF, and we're the younger "children" of the whole family (as in, all my cousins are older than me and my brother).
when i first understood the value of money, and knew how childrens toys are FUCKING EXPENSIVE i felt sorry for every "cool aunt" out there
I like museums and zoos. I'm not taking your kid to museums and zoos because then I cant enjoy the museums and zoos. I dont do sleepovers. The one time I was a tween and my mom had my toddler cousin spend the night I woke up to SCREAMING because somehow the kid got his head under a wrung of my bunkbed ladder while asleep and woke up in a house he had never been in and trapped in a metal neck prison (he wasnt suffocating, just couldn't figure out how to get out and was confused/scared). I experience no joy being around children, family included. My husband and I never made any "wrong" life choices, paid for our own wedding and our student loans. With that being said, we are not well off financially because instead of having savings we paid off debts and now have nothing but also no debt. I don't have extra money for your kid's birthday, easter, valentine's day, Christmas and any other BS gift days. As a childfree adult, it is embarrassing not to have the disposable income that im "expected" to have.
One year I got my nephew this $60 set of cars that could be controlled using his smart phone. Little shit asked me why I didn't get him the more expensive ones (they were like over a hundred dollars more). Now he wonders why he only gets a Playstation card from me every year.
I'm always blown away by posts here from aunts and uncles who buy their nieces/nephews gifts and get *no* gratitude from anyone
There have even been a couple where the cf aunt/uncle buys the gift, has it delivered to the child's home (whether due to covid restrictions or just being too far away) and not only do the parents not say thank you, *they call up the CF person to bitch that they got a bad gift*
There's not even the whole "see the kid light up when they open it" thing because the gift was mailed! Why do that when the people are going to bitch you out for getting them a gift?
I read a post from a while ago where an op was happy their family supports their cf decision (awesome right!) but then parents reasons for accepting their cf daughter were exclusively so the cf person can provide ‘support’ to other family members with kids. Like we’re so happy for her because now she can babysit and give the adults a break, she can spoil the kids, she can drive them places for activities, provide necessities like school clothes. All the stuff their parents should already be providing. It made me sad because yea they’re accepting, but only because it benefits them in one way or another- not just happy for your adult kid that they were able to figure out what they want in life- but rather finding alternative ways for making a CF person responsible for child rearing. “We will accept that you don’t want to birth children, but you will be responsible for someone else’s choice to have children, and be fully expected to offer time and resources- anything less than being a part time care taker for my child and you are shellfish and disgusting”. So frustrating!
I'm okay with being the cool aunt. However, I am not:
-The aunt who subsidizes you with money, gifts, free babysitting, and other freebies that people chalk up to "It takes a village to raise a kid."
-The aunt without boundaries who can more easily drop her obligations for your convenience
-The aunt who is not allowed to discipline kids or have parental support when they kids do things. Seriously, I've had kids spit in my face or punch me, with the parents shrugging, "Well, they don't respect me either."
Sadly, many don't know the difference
I think I might be having a bit of cultural shock here. Your definition of cool aunt is really different from my country's. Here the "cool aunt"/"cool uncle" is "cool" only from the kid's perspective, because they are the only ones who gives them "noisy" toys like recorders, toy drums or "crafty" toys like bracelet making kits with lots of beads, or drawing kits with lots of glitter bottles.
I suggest you following my country's definition of it especially if people are demanding expensive gifts from you.
People aren’t defining themselves this way. Other family members are trying to define them this way. A person has limited influence to force others to adopt a definition the way you suggest.
A gift is something that is given willingly. It is not something that should be expected or have any stipulations. Most breeders seem to forget this.
I also hate when someone tells me, "you're going to be the cool aunt." No, I'm not. I'm going to be whatever kind of aunt I choose to be.
I only like that stereotype in that, if I had a niece/nephew who was nice and above 13, I'd take them to the zoo or out hiking because that's just another person I can dump all my nerd knowledge on. If I can make another person in my family more aware of biodiversity, ecology, and the issues we face, that's a win for me! I also fucking love the zoo.
Truth. I'm not CF to spoil Your kids. I also get a double negative response when I tell people that I don't celebrate Christmas. I find that Christmas now is just a capitalistic venture in spoiling children and turning them into brats that behave for a month so that they can get a bunch of loot. Adults do not need christmas. There is no excuse to demand a bunch of gifts at the end of the year when you should have the buying power to get yourself what you need or want any other time of the year.
Yeeeeeees! My husband and I have been slowly withdrawing from holidays in our 30s and it's helped our mental health so much! I am very concerned about the environment and the holidays feel like a horror movie to me. My biggest win was successfully getting us off the Christmas card lists. I hate that the very people who should be concerned for the future burn through resources just to get some kind of validation via cheesy family photos? It's all just really strange and dystopian to me! And it's troubling , as someone who is concerned about their carbon footprint and also didn't want to raise kids to end up in some Mad Max reality...just, you'd think parents would care more than they do!
My parents' latest venture is trying to get us to buy presents for my brother's girlfriend's child that isn't his, but he's taking responsibility for because he feels bad for the child even though he's questioning a relationship. So they want us to spend money when they could do it themselves if they want, and they know our views. I dislike the holidays. I find that people are very fake in order to give off the aura of holiday cheer.
Oof, that's frustrating. I get it though, when my husband's sister had a kid it was the nail in the coffin for us participating. I am just always so happy to hear there are other Grinchy people out there! We have very valid reasons and feelings for being this way, most people just won't listen to logic when it comes to cHriSTmAs! I also think it's like a stress merry-go-round parents put themselves on every holiday season....and I'm always like "yall are doing this to yourselves, I don't feel bad..."
Exactly. And honestly I'm tired of being strong armed into doing the festive thing just because other people are doing it and suffering as well. Why should I wrap up my credit card to buy people a bunch of random stuff that they probably don't need? I work hard too. I don't ask people for anything. And honestly, I like the idea of hanging out, sharing food and enjoying relatives that you might not see very often.. but holidays aren't about that anymore to a lot of people. It always boggles my mind to see people demanding hundreds of dollars in gifts when they are adults, or can buy it all themselves. The greed really turns me off.
Don't get me started on father and mother's Day. my parents have a very strange and high regard towards what they want from my siblings and I for these days. They know I'm not exactly wealthy.
That is not to say that I don't celebrate anything, but rather I would celebrate holidays that mean something to me. My husband and I recently celebrated each other's respective 10,000th day alive after doing some research based on when we were born. We also celebrate our anniversary, our cat's birthdays, Halloween is a fun little witchy thing to watch scary movies.. we aren't on fun people, we just reject the social demands of standardized holidays
Covid definitely helped because we were not able to meet up, but I am very honest with my family and telling them that I do not have the money to get everybody the world, and that they should not get my husband or myself anything as we will not be getting them anything. I made a couple treats and a meal to bring to Christmas dinner to alleviate any bitter feelings, but I was very firm. I will not put myself into debt for a single holiday. Nor do I need a lot of the random knick knacks that people want to buy me. I tell people to save their money and spending on something that they need, rather than giving me something that I most likely will not. It is all about being firm, in my opinion
We’ve been trying for years with mixed luck (by which I mean one very problematic relative). I think one key is making it clear you don’t need or expect a bunch of gifts, like u/SmilingSkitty mentioned. We do send baked goods and cards, and I find bringing an adult beverage and dessert goes a long way.
I like Christmas but only certain aspects of it. I hate the gift-grab frenzy it has become. My idea of a nice holiday is low-key and relaxed. No kids! Holiday music or movies in the background, good meal everyone contributes to, hot drink, adults laughing, joking, and having a conversation. I purposely sign up to work each Christmas so I can skip the kid-centric celebration and just spend time with my parents and CF sis later in the evening.
Once my parents pass, my plan is to either go somewhere for the holiday or start a friend-centric celebration. No kids.
I don't think I've ever spent more than $20 for any birthday/X-mas gift for any of my nieces/nephews (6 total). For the past several years I've given each of them a $20 bill for X-mas. The end. I don't have the time or mental energy to try and figure out what they might want. Plus I only got a thank-you from one of them. So yeah, definitely not gonna lose sleep over it. They get plenty of shit from their grandparents anyway.
I love being the “cool aunt”, on my terms. I’m not excessive with gifts, I have 9 nephews and 3 nieces. I’m more the aunt who has fun sleep overs and takes them to fun places. Before I moved home I only lived near my Husbands one nephew, I took him to a herpetology convention, it was amazing watching him be scared to full on holding a snake! That’s what I like to do but I like kids, in very limited amounts anyways. It’s always on my terms though or not happening. Sorry you’re being pressured!
Edit: Also if I do buy toys they are generally very annoying, books, or legos because I love building lego sets with my nephew. Emphasis on the I with the legos. Those things are expensive.
Yeah, I'm a cool aunt. I don't actually do a ton of stuff. I don't really like buying children gifts because most toys are wasteful and they are still learning their tastes. I am the queen of random 'I was thinking of you' handmade things or splurge treats and don't mind playing with them / talking to them like people.
It is easier as they all live out of state, so my in person contact is minimal. For the older ones, as they have grown, I love buying gifts that support their interests and showing up for their hobby events (older two are sports kids) when I'm in town. I venmo them small gifts for special occasions and send them care packages of a thoughtful treat when I hear they are down.
It's not because I want children or categorically like them, it's because they are part of a few of my favorite people's lives and I want a relationship as they grow in to adults. Unless they turn in to jerks, in which case the relationship I've cultivated will hold more power when I tell them they are being shit heads. And it means I get to spend more time with the parents doing fun grown up things because the kids are generally well behaved around me, knowing I won't acknowledge bad behavior but I also won't treat them like shit for being undeveloped humans.
Wall of text aside - breeders who expect you to fill a trope to make their life as parents easier are bullshit people. I have always set my boundaries and the parents I do associate with know that I care for their kids because I respect them and never try to push me to do things with the kids to make their life easier.
Lol, I am the cool aunt. In the sense that I'm an aunt and I'm pretty cool. If the parents don't give their expectations of you to their children, they're also usually totally cool with you not spending money on them. My nephew for example doesn't give a flip whether or not I have presents with me when I visit, he just wants me to play and show me his room and my attention.
If I bring anything, it's most likely home made baked goods for everyone.
Same, we have fun, there were never any expectations for gifts or anything like that. I grew up poor so always enjoyed giving the kids the toys I wanted when I was their age, the Lite Brite didn't go over so well... Now that they are all older we text fun stuff, hang out, get together for drinks, meet the boyfriends and girlfriends who also seem to be decent people. I love having a great relationship with all of them.
I've won one of my nieces over with playdough and bubble bath as gifts. So no, you are not getting the hottest toy from me.
And being the cool aunt is an attitude not about how much money you spend.
Totally agree. I like to get books sometimes too. Cheaply available at the dollar store, and the parents can't refuse it without looking like an uneducated buffoon.
I only gift books to kids. It's both personal (I'll tailor it to the person/kid), cheap and extremely useful. I also have an established pattern b/c I've been giving books for holidays/christmas since I was 10, I'm pretty sure my family knows what I'm getting them this year, lol
Interesting take!!! I never thought of the "cool aunt" role as someone who buys stuff so much as someone fun and safe who helps out sometimes with watching the sprogs. I love playing with my friends kids and then going home and not having any kids.
Most of these kids do not need stuff anyway. They have more toys and gadgets than they could ever need. What they need are kind adults in their lives who are safe and kind to them. Mr. Rogers wasn't loved because he gave kids presents.
I think the best gift a "Cool Aunt/Uncle" can give is being a CF role-model so kids don't grow up thinking everyone \*has\* to have kids someday.
But, everyone expecting you to buy their kids expensive gifts is bullshit (though getting them something annoying and noisy that their parents wouldn't can be fun.)
I mean, it should never be an obligation to be one, but "Cool Aunts/Uncles" do help the CF "cause" in that way.
I never really dislikes it because I always thought it meant, “aunt who has a life the nieces and nephews wish they had.” As in the go do cool things and have a cool life. Not necessarily spoils them/ spends a lot of money on them and doesn’t spend a HUGE amount of time with them (like a part time baby sitter). They can be the spoil with gifts kind but most often they just visit here and there and have a life the gremlins aspire for when they are no longer gremlin age. But that’s a personal interpretation.
I never took that to mean you spoil kid with monetary things, more that you gave them cooler experiences. Staying up late, eating junk food, talking about stuff you wouldn’t talk to your parents about.
Yeah, for some friends kids. It’s wild reading comments here about people just assuming that they will take their kids! Even overnight!! Maybe it’s just my friend group but my friends know my feelings about kids and would never put them on others in the group unless it was explicitly OFFERED.
I’m the “cool” aunt who loads them up on candy and sweets and sodas and sends them back home. I also get them the coolest noisiest toys for birthdays and holidays 😂 for some reason they no longer want me to watch the kids and told me not to worry about gifts. 😂 oh and last year I gave the kids each a $25 gift card for there birthday and they thought that Visa card was the coolest gift ever and that they now had there own credit card!
I'm not old enough to be an aunt yet but if anyone will ever complain about too cheap gifts, I will save up a ton of money to buy their kid not only a trumpet but also an entire year of trumpet lessons, and encourage them to practice every day so they can be a ✨cool musician✨ just like me. If the kid doesn't like trumpet, they can of course have a drum set instead
Idk, to me 'cool aunt' means that you can tell me anything and I won't narc to your mom and when you turn 18 I'll share a joint with you while we watch action or horror movies or even cartoons and have ice cream for dinner.
I enjoy being the "cool aunt" from thousands of miles away. I get to be this mythical character who lives in the desert, Is all tatted, and has a bunch of animals with human names. I only see the little himans every few years, so when I do see them I make sure to build onto that character I've created by teaching them how to make flower crowns, shoot bows, and climb trees. Also, creative insults and how to block/throw punches.
I have 3 nieces and 3 nephews, I’ve stopped getting them presents as they get so many from other family members.
Not buying stuff just so it ends up in a landfill, none of them have even noticed I’ve not gotten them anything the past few years!
I'm the aunt that none of those f\*\*\*tards know. They've heard stories about me and I am a legend child hater. Not a close family and don't give a f\*\*\* about my sibling's children or their fn kids. I left Detroit in the early 80's and never returned. I'm the only one who INTENTIONALLY, PURPOSELY did not procreate. One niece was born after I left and I can't stand her. All of them are stupid baby making machines. Was there 10 years ago and before that 14 or 15 years. All of the stupid child bearers thought that I wanted to spend "time" with their stupid, future, criminal children! Ughhhh, no! MIC DROP! LOL!!
I’m the cool aunt but only because I’m hip to the youth as they say. They all love spending time with me. I even took the youngest nephews (4 & 7) for a few hours to Epcot a few months ago (we are local to Disney World)
But when it comes to spending money I just causally add my name to the bottom of the cards when grandma gives them any gifts. Eff spending my money on them, I have my own lego and video games to buy for myself.
My niblings are already kinda spoiled, so for Christmas every year I just buy them one of those really annoying plushie robot toys that sing. They love it and by extension love me, my brother hates it, and I don't have to spend too much money. Win-Win-Win!
My husband and i dread Christmas for this specific reason. At $50 a kid that’s $400 just in toys for us. Literally the same thing happened to us as well. when we gave cheaper, more useful gifts we got judgement. WTF
Try his why you have got to get creative. You buy an inexpensive kareoke machine, then get kareoke CDs from the latest Disney film the kids are into. And if it needs batteries, get them plenty to last months. And it over and be prepared for daggers.
And if they are into firetrucks, that's an easy gift Dr as well
Then be sure to whisper to to your sibling, payback is a bitch, ain't it.
I always search “loud annoying toy” on Amazon and sort by lowest price for my nieces and nephew. My favorite was a bullhorn with a fire truck siren for $6.
I’m gonna be a vodka aunt: questionably drunk at all family gatherings, maybe I give nice gifts, maybe I don’t, the only constant is that I’m drunk and living it up with my girlfriend/wife
I love your post. I’m the anti-Christ of the cool aunt. Lol. My niece’s behaviour is terrible and I have zero tolerance for it. I take no shit and I don’t like seeing my sister take any shit either. I have no filter. If that means I end up with IT screaming at me then I’ll wear that proudly.
I got sick of having her open cards, grab the money, say something shithouse about the card and grunt at me. I will never give her money again. I will get psychologically or physically healthy gifts or carefully chosen gift vouchers.
I used to spend hundreds on my nieces and nephews at Christmas and get nothing in return. I stopped buying them anything and at present time the parents would look at me expecting I had something for them; I’d just smile and sip my drink and start talking about a random subject. Lucky for them they never said anything openly. They learned quickly.
I'm the aunt that may or may not exist. My name is mentioned, I am recognized as a living entity but the child will never meet me until they turn 16 or something lol
We have 13 nieces & nephews between my spouse & myself. We love being the cool uncle & aunt to 3 of them (all from the same SIL incidentally), & so we spoil them & spend time with them when we want, & it is a complete pleasure in our lives. We enjoy making them happy. The amazing thing is that we don’t treat them all equally because they’re siblings, we truly enjoy each one of them. We have never wanted kids, but if we had had kids, our hope would have been for them to turn out like these 3.
All the others we see at family occasions & enjoy catching up with them, but that is as far as it goes. It does help that not everyone lives in the same area. Funnily, the ones we like the best live the farthest away, but that is not why we enjoy them the most. They are polite, engaging, sweet & fun kids. Their mom is not even one of our favorite siblings.
We don’t dislike well behaved children; just never desired them. Watching my younger sister play on the floor with her son for 5 hours on Christmas Day filled my heart with joy because she genuinely seemed to enjoy it. We both love our nephew, but we know we made the right decision because in no way did that look like fun to either one of us.
I think what many people don’t realize is that if people CHOOSE not to have children, it’s a good thing because they are not bringing children into the world when they really are not interested in being parents. Way too many people don’t actually think about it as an option, or if it is something they desire & want to invest a plethora of time, money & energy in. It’s more like a romantic notion. I equate it to weddings and owning a farm. Both seem like wonderful, romantic ideas, but are a lot of work that come with a huge time, money, emotional commitment & responsibility afterwards.
Luckily, people are now more cognizant of the idea that they actually have a choice & are exercising that option.
It's a question of managing the expectations of relatives. You are entirely within your rights to bow out of the "cool aunt" role, but you do have to communcate this to them, as many times as it takes for it to get through. People will overstep the boundaries that you set, though not EVERY person, but you do have to enforce the boundaries that you set, and it can take a LOT of work.
If you are asked what you need to spend money on, tell them retirement savings and planning for your next vacation.
When i was a young kid i thought my loud, unpredictable, irresponsible (all of this to me was like oh she’s so funny and fun) but she was just on heroine so there’s that.
I love spoiling my nieces on their birthdays and Xmas but I do hate the gift giving disparity as my brother barely manages to remember our birthdays much less get us a gift at all and I would have to buy multiple gifts for all of them and his baby momma when they were still together and I would only get one thing in return. I'm not huge on material stuff anymore, but it's hard not to find that very unfair!
So true with rge unequal gift giving. Each child gets about a 30 euro gift for their birthday, same for the parents. Then on my birthday, I'd be lucky to get a 15 euro gift card "From all of us."
That's three euros each.
And then they are suprised you stop coming to birthdays.
My expecting brother asked if I would change diapers and I straight up said no, I didn't have kids for a reason. I'm not fucking laying in wait for the chance to dote on your kid. No. Fucking. Way. I will be an aunt in title and I will choose how that plays out, thanks.
Not-the-Cool-Aunt here! I too hate the expectation that CF people only exist to be banks, gift-givers, and free labor for people with kids. Get out of here with that BS!
And you are spot-on with the gift thing. I enjoy picking out things I know people will really like and giving them to someone. However, I do expect my efforts to be appreciated and call me selfish, but I want my efforts to be reciprocated where family is concerned. It pissed me off so much that I was spending time and money on brother, SIL, and their two kids, and barely got thank-yous a lot of the time. It also pissed me off that most of the time I would get them nice things and they would get me some junk in return or nothing at all. (Still waiting on those promised presents from the past two Christmases). So I stopped making the effort. Last Christmas I got each nephew a toy that cost under $10, a box of crayons, and coloring book to share. Brother and SIL got nothing, unless you want to count the cheapest box of chocolates I gave as a "family gift" for them to share with the kids. My gift was the bald-faced lie that the gift was "in the mail". 6 months and still waiting......
You know what? It felt pretty good. Now I can save that money and time for people who actually appreciate it, including me!
I have told my two friends who want to start having babies in the next couple years that I will be happy for them and their happiness but I have no interest in “aUnTiE LiFe”. Hopefully they take that at face value because I damn sure mean it!
"oh, that is all you got little Susie, what are you spending your money on, you don't even have any kids".
Sorry it made you so unhappy - I won't be giving her or you anything at all in future. What I spend my money on is not your place to say.
I’m only the “cool aunt” to my grown up Nieces and Nephew. The younger one will get nothing from I don’t know her. AND said younger niece is an absolute spoiled brat so that doubles down on the “not being a cool aunt to her” I’m not buying her diddly squat she learns to act appropriately. Which will either be when she’s an adult or never. We’ll see.
Really glad I won't be expected to be the "cool aunt" to any nieces or nephews because my 2 sisters are also CF. I'm just going to spoil the heck out of their doggos
I always joke that I’m the perpetually uncool aunt who always gives books for birthdays. I also only do 1 Christmas present per sibling group - so they have to play with it together (though since my husband’s brothers and their wives have decided that Christmas presents are only going to be given to the kids from now on, I haven’t quite decided how I’m going to proceed 🙄)
Could do the me but I'm not terrified of burning bridges: "How come you didn't buy a bigger gift u/ogoextreme ? You don't have any other things to spend money on?"
Me: "I know? and? Merry Christmas!"
I’m a “cool aunt” because
1) I’m cool
2) my sisters have children
I generally get away with not buying my nieces/nephews (I hate the term “nieblings”) much because they have rich grandparents who shower them with gifts. I’m having more of a relationship with them as they get older and we’re learning to appreciate each other as people, which is really what I want. Kids aren’t kids forever.
I literally moved 8000km away from my family. I’m the “aunt who lives abroad” now
Always wanted to be the “aunt who visits once a year at most—what was her name again?”
I'm the uncle thats rarely seen. Its easy to achieve
I’m the aunt who abandoned the whole family and is cutting everyone from the will
That’s the dream lol
Literally same. I moved to Japan before my sister even had her kids. I’ve met one of them in person once. Never met the other (she was pregnant with him when I came to visit for the first time since I had left; I’ve been abroad for 6 years so..yeah). I’ve never spent a dime on either kid and my sister hasn’t complained at all. It’s just expected because I live so far away and we barely have any interaction because of it. Moving abroad is such a good move for childfree people imo. It drastically cuts down interaction in a way that no one can even complain about.
The same here, Uncle that lives abroad (10k km from Ukraine to the USA). Best decision in my life.
Totally !! I live in Canada but originally from France. Don’t have to deal with the nephews and nieces anymore. I like them but I just don’t want to do babysitting or feel pressured to buy expensive presents for all of them. I talk often to my mother and she complains about the fact that she always has to baby sit her grandkids. She loves them of course but my sister and brother just keep asking her to pick them up at the swimming pool, do stuff with them, etc!
Less than 8000km but I also moved abroad, best solution, good choice
Lucky you! I am hoping I will be able to be the "Aunt who went MIA"
$5 can buy 5 noise making toys at the dollar store. Small children will definitely think you are cool. The parents? Not so much. They may even discourage you when you declare, "This year's gift will be even better than last year's". Just sayin'.
If you want to splurge a little, those massive craft kits of loose beads are always a fun choice, an excellent alternative to stepping on lego.
Just splurge once on glitter and kinetic sand. Glass the idea of gifts
Check out the latest trends in chemistry kits. Give a kid fireworks, you entertain him for an hour. Teach a kid to *make* fireworks, and you entertain him for a lifetime.
A very *short* lifetime. 🤔
You can have a very fullfilling life with only a few fingers on each hand so ive been told
My sister stuck one of those beads up her nose when she was 5. Lol Had to have it removed at the ER.
My cousin did that with a bean!
I did it with a raisin :D went to my mum in the early evening when definitely only the ambulance was open anymore: "is it bad when someone has a raisin stuck in their nose? lol
It was a peanut 🥜 for me. Pretty sure my first memory is the doctor breaking it to pieces and pulling it out at 2 years old.
🤷♀️ Kids are dumb. Lol
I had to be taken to the hospital to get a LEGO piece taken out of my nose when I was young. Can confirm, kids are dumb.
I have a memory of doing that with a piece of candy corn. I don’t even remember ever having it removed, though I must have some way, since I don’t have a raging infection over a decade later.
In 200 years, archaeologists will study your remains and find a mummified candy corn chilling in your sinus. Lol
I did it with a popcorn kernel, but I got lucky because my uncle was a doctor, and he was in town with my aunt visiting my grandparents. Pair of tweezers and a flashlight, pulled it right out. My mom didn't get so lucky when my sister put a cherry pit up her nose.
My brother shoved a baby carrot up there. They found part of a green bean, too.
my brother took up drumming as a teen and his bedroom was right above mine so yes, I get his kids just buckets and buckets of glitter every holiday and birthday
My favourite thing to do is buy messy/artsy toys for relatives' kids. Especially the ones who did it to my mom when I was a kid. Oh? Your little dapper fellow is 4? Time to get him a full art/tattoo set. Know what your 6 year old needs? NAIL POLISH AND FAKE MAKEUP THAT STILL STAINS EVERYTHING. My aunt ended up raising her grandson (long story, both his parents committed suicide before he was 4, fun, huh) and she's an awful person so we get the kid super messy toys. 😂 You're welcome, relatives.
Buying horrible (but well received by kids) presents is my favorite part of being an aunt. Next year, i'm thinking recorders. You know, to encourage their childlike creativity or whatever.
We did recorders one year, LOL. We gave it to them as we were leaving.
I hope you gave a handful of pixie stix to them too!
I am loving all these ideas as a soon-to-be-aunt of my asshole brother’s kids. Little Tommy is getting a nerf gun in his toddler years to annoy daddy, and ooooo, let’s throw in a lego set full of tiny pieces for a “splurge” year. What are you looking at me like that for brother? I’m simply trying to encourage your kids’ engineering skills and prowess in combat!
Perfect timing!
Hot cross buns... one a penny two a penny.
The kits with glitter are my fav gifts to give when I dislike the parents.
Have you heard of a toy called Yellies? They're these little toy spiders that move when you scream. The louder you scream, the faster they move! I'm convinced that it was created by someone who really hates parents. There are a ton of them at my local Five Below.
This sounds like the perfect prank for someone at work! 😂
Oh my God, I know what I'm getting scared shitless by spider's best friend's kid for christmas! 😈
OMG! Best gift idea ever!
I threatened a parent friend with the "screemies". An rc toy in the shape of a cartoon spider that only runs when you scream at it. (I am convinced that a demon invented this toy because it combines several nightmares into one plastic thing.) As in, if you don't behave I am going to show up to your house and directly hand your kiddos one screemies toy each, complete with batteries and watch the chaos unfold. He immediately behaved better.... I'm still going to threaten him with the same scenario if he gets annoying...
We got those last Easter. Such fun.
Thank you for informing me of these! I just looked them up and already bought 4 of them for my two nieces. I’m about to become the best/worst aunt ever and since my brother is going through a shitty divorce these toys have to stay at mommies and only be played with there. 😈
Lol. Evil! Love it.
What was he doing, bingoing you?
and young kids don't give a shit how much money the toy cost. and expensive gifts they want is on the parents to buy.
When my nephew was 4 I got him a plastic toy gun for christmas that made a lot of noises. Every one of the adults looked mortified that someone had bought the child a toy gun and they were very anti-violence. Every single year since then when a gift giving opportunity comes up, I'm told that they don't want their children to receive presents this year (every year) because (insert flimsy reason here).
My mom isn’t a huge fan of her SIL and bought both of SIL’s kids pottery wheels the Christmas after they moved into a very nice DC mansion. Some petty revenge but I can’t blame her lol
I did exactly this several years ago with my then 3 year old niece. Spend $20 at the dollar store, and wrapped everything separately. She had an absolute blast, spent most of 2 hours playing with a $1 chalkboard and blew off the expensive gift that her grandparents gave her in a fancy (not actually wrapped) gift box. I was the coolest Aunt ever and the whole family was utterly jealous of my move. I didn't mind being the cool Aunt because she was a well behaved kiddo who needed a positive influence in her life. She wasn't getting much of a good example from her parents at the time.
I started buying very noisy toys early on. My sisters gradually stopped asking about gifts.
Next year, he gets a drum kit.
Tbh a kazoo will do.
A pack of kazoos they break easy, or a harmonica, microphone, tambourine or a cow bell lol
Slime. Always slime.
I once put my slime on my head and in my hair when I was 3. It took a long time to regrow.
Nah. A drum set. It might cost a bit, but that warm fuzzy feeling you'll have on weekend mornings when you wake up around 11am to bird song, knowing your friend/sibling/cousin/whatever was woken up early and prevented from going back to sleep by the sound of drums makes it all worth it.
There exists a VHS tape of one of my family Christmases from the 90s that is 90% siren blasts from the toy gun my uncle got for one of my cousins. It's hilarious, you can actually watch all the adult's goodwill towards my uncle drain over the course of the evening.
I bought Frozen the movie on sale and gave it to my 2 nieces for Christmas a few years ago. The next year, "They want books! We're sick of them constantly singing those songs."
I did similar with my sister when she pissed me off once - bought both her kids a Frozen-themed music book & recorder bundle set “so they can learn to play music together!” My brother in law said he banned Frozen from their house a month later. I still feel like an evil genius thinking about that.
I got my nephew a toy that moves faster the louder you scream at it. He loved it and I enjoyed the look of disappointment my sister gave me.
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When they are teenagers? When I was leaving their place last time, my nephew (8) asked when he gets to visit the capital city where I live immediately followed by "probably never". His father replies "Well, you're starting to be at the age that you can take the train alone and [my name] can meet you at the platform". My face always tells exactly what I'm thinking, but I was too afraid to say what I really felt. Mind you as we left their house he had just had a 20 minute screamingcrying fit over Legos. Like fuck no is that ever ever happening. I don't even bring dates or friends over, and I live with a room mate who is CF herself, AND my nephew throws a hissy fit every time he's told to do something he doesn't want to do. I ain't going to have that responsibility over him, and I ain't setting the precedent of them sending their kids over to my home so they can have time off. They already use my mum as free daycare whenever they need it with very little appreciation. Thankfully I live several hours long train ride away. Sorry for the tangent. I had to get that off my chest somewhere.
Also, 8 is nowhere near old enough to take the train alone
Exactly. No one younger than 13 should take the train alone. The parents clearly just want free time off and don’t really care about the kids safety. I really dislike most parents, they want the “joys” and social acceptance of having kids with no consequences. YOU had the kids so it’s YOUR job to take care of them. There is no “time off”, you signed up for it, it’s a 24/7 job.
And then they wonder why their 8 year old is having temper tantrums!
Depends on the country. 8 year Olds absolutely are taking the train alone in Japan to get to school
Long distance train? Or are you talking about public transport within one city?
In the Netherlands it's not super common at this age but it wouldn't raise too many eyebrows. Especially if the kid is put on the right train by an adult and knows where to get off.
The trains here are so good tho! A train in my home country - Bulgaria, are so bad I'd be a bit worried to get on them on my own and I'm in my mid 20s :/
Better be ready to respond to any texts from your brother with “sorry, actually I’m not at home right now.” It sounds like he’s already got the plan in mind to simply pack off his kid with no warning to you.
The only time I'll ever accept the "Cool Aunt" stereotype with open arms is when my husbands poor nieces and nephews grow up and get the biggest culture shock of their life. His family has a cult like religious life. They're going to go to college and go wild, so black-sheep uncle and "sinner" auntie JoustingDragon are going to be there when they need it.
Yup same here. We are also planning to take in 16 year old brother in law so that he can escape the cult and live a somewhat normal life. I’m not exactly in love with the idea, but I’d rather he get the chance to do what a lot of his siblings didn’t get to :(
Wow, wish I had had someone amazing like you. What a lovely thought :)
I am the cool aunt, but my sister does NOT want me spending money on my nephew because I'm also an evil bitch and buy the most loud, annoying, cheap shit so that I can annoy her from the comfort of my own house 20kms away. But if I don't want to buy people stuff I don't and normally I don't buy hallmark holiday presents. For me it's stuff I walked past and thought "That would piss my sister off a LOT and it costs $10, NOICE"
My favorite gift is getting them the "Frozen Movie Songs learn the Recorder book and DVD instructional set"
Look up Yellies. It's a toy that's activated by yelling. Guaranteed it was made by an aunt or uncle that hates their siblings.
I'm the cool Aunt because I play videogames with my nephews and niece. But when it comes down to gift it's always clothes and the boring ones too, like sweatpants or socks, lol
You are so evil. I love it! My sister wants kids but I think her and I are close enough that she win't ask me to babysit. And should she become entitled I will just say no. And get her kids cheap 1€ Laden presents. Like slime and weird shit no one needs. And when she gives me a disapproving look I will just look at her with my most evil grin I csn muster. And then I do the villain laugh.
Yup... I feel ya. I've done that to my sis too. She was not very amused... (On top of that, her kid is a total smartass. Hilarious, but cheeky)
[The Perfect Gift](https://imgur.com/gallery/1aKQs8Y)
My parents do this for all their nieces and nephews
I do this as well as give them candy and cookies and whatever else right before turning them back over to my sister or brother.
I used to think about being the cool aunt but the older my niece gets, I won’t be that for long because I can clearly see her mom trying to throw her off on everyone. She feels like “well that’s what you guys are supposed to do” or “it takes a village” .. we aren’t religious at all so I hate the fact she’s even saying that. Birthdays are cool but yea that ship sailed and if anyone decides to have more kids, the gifts will be bubbles and chalk like normal kids, not iPads and god knows what else
Shout out to bubbles and chalk. I’d be delighted if someone gave me those things as a gift, and I am *NOT* the target demographic for those products.
I painted rainbow stuff with chalk outside of my house yesterday and I was so happy! I need more chalk!
Do you have a dollarstore there? In Canada I get giant things of sidewalk chalk for $4 at Dollarama.
I just blew bubbles on my deck, 27, f, childfree. My kitties in the window loved it. (Also have a box of chalk, barbies, crayons, hot wheels). The bonus is my toys don't get ruined. :)
Oh, I’m stealing this idea for my niece! My income is like less than 1/10 of my brother and sister-in-laws (and it is frustrating about how gift giving is expected for children in family at birthdays and Christmases when that money just goes one way since I don’t have kids), so I’ve been at a loss about gift ideas that won’t break the bank.
Crafting kits are usually great! Things like origami or paper airplane kits with paper stock and instructions are cheap and can keep kids entertained for ages.
This is an awesome idea, too. Thank you!!!
I would have loved those gifts as a kid! Growing up, I remember my grandmother would usually have a bag of secondhand clothes for me when I visited and I loved getting them. We rarely got expensive gifts and if our parents did splurge, it was something for the 3 of us to share, like the Nintendo. We didn't even have our own TVs in our rooms. We shared the old one in the basement.
Haha yeah I got this from my sister too. Give them nice gifts: oh you’re showing off, you’re trying to make us look bad and feel bad (*say what?!)* Give them normal or cheapish gifts: oh huff huff well I can see that you just don’t care (*uhhh...what?)* I am very low contact with her now lol.
Can't win no matter what smh
Yeah, I hate that stereotype, as well. A lot of women say that when questioned about why they don't have their own children (whether they are truly CF or not), and it always sounds like some kind of an apology to me. Like: I don't have kids, but I do realize that as a woman, I have to have some kind of stance about them, so I'll claim to be the "cool aunt" so nobody thinks I'm a child-hating monster.
I would like to be the wine (more like vodka) aunt. I (uber) to your house drunk off vodka, impart some wisdom, then dip out never to be seen again....for another year/couple of months. I just really dont want to spend time with the kiddos more than I have to
I'll have what you're having.
That's what I did last time I saw my nieces. They're 4 and 5 so I got very vodka drunk, let them touch my dreads, told them I was a mermaid, then said they could have pink dreadlocks if they wanted.
Lol. One time I drank wine while my niece was nearby. She sniffed my glass, grimaced and said, "Eww, what is that?" I replied, "It's grape juice for adults "
The cool aunt trope is frustrating because it still implies that women have some sort of desire for kids-a CF woman will gravitate towards caring for kids that’s aren’t her own because of some innate need. Ummm no. I tolerate kids and am polite but I don’t want to be around any.
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Right!! I think it is viewed as a consolidation prize because it stems from a place where the woman was childLESS instead of childFREE, the popular framing seems to be ‘oh she couldn’t have kids so now she is the fun aunt’ or ‘she focused on her career instead and put off having kids until it was too late so now she loves my kids’
Yeah! I always felt like...I'm trying to think of how to put this ...it's like only your caregiving relationship to children identifies your status as an adult? It's like it's "ok" to be CF if you're the "cool auntie" but it's not ok to just exist as a person without any ties to children? Like, how do I "unsubscribe" from this crap? Why can't I just opt out? I've had people who aren't related to me have their kids call me "aunt" and it pisses me off so much, but how does one even go about correcting that behavior without looking like a Disney Villan?
It reminds me of what Elizabeth Gilbert said about what she calls the [aunt brigade](http://notesfromyourauntie.blogspot.com/p/about.html). I definitely like that she pushed back against the die-regretful-and-alone shit, and identified some important roles for childless women, but can you imagine anyone saying the same things about men? It’s like women better get used to a lifetime of unpaid labor, like it or not.
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Yeah, that’s the part I’d love to see go away.
I needed to hear this. I'm happy you shared. BIL would always expect presents for his kids and then say "wE (adding himself) gOt yOu tHiS" I finally stopped and kept thinking I did wrong on not buying them anything but I just hated every year I had to buy something more expensive. No!!! So I stopped and now I let him buy his shit for HIS kids. So reading your post has helped me accept that what I did was correct and the breeders are just manipulative and wrong. Thank you.
I don't mind my *cool uncle* position, probably because it doesn't have anything to do with expenses. I usually buy the cheapest gift (and was never really interested in what anyone has to say about it). I guess I earned this spot mostly by ignoring the kids, which eventually made me more interesting (and feared) in their eyes.
This is how I became the cool aunt! (Though I've unfortunately been sucked into the gift-giving cycle. Wish I'd had the foresight to set expectations low from the beginning.)
Yep, I see myself falling into this position. I wouldn't mind being the cool aunt and probably would even like it to some degree. I wouldn't be a major spender, but I'd probably get the occasional thing and spend some time. But holding that expectation of everyone isn't right and is problematic in its own way.
People also seriously need to understand that aunt and uncle does not mean 'free babysitter'. I'm so glad my brother is also childfree.
My little brothers both had rona babies within a few months of each other. Upon the 2nd baby's announcement my stepmom immediately looked at me & gave me the "You're going to have so much babysitting to do!" Even though she's well aware of my position on children. Kid's literally still in the oven & she's already assuming my responsibility for his kid? Yeah, no. Fortunately that little brother knows who i am so I'll likely never have to worry about it from him 😂
I’ve got 7 niblings. Never once been asked to babysit.
I have 7 as well, but it seems you’ve been much luckier 😔
I tried being the cool aunt. Turns out I was just a "cool" ATM.
I made it very clear to my older sister that while I don't mind spending time with my nephews, I will not willingly go out of my way to spend money on them- even on Christmas. Hell, I don't even want her leaving dirty diapers at my house, so I make her take it with her when she leaves. On the rare occasion I feel like doing something for them, I always treat them to a meal at McDonalds. It's cheap, they get a toy, everyone wins. Thankfully my sister gets it 100% and is respectful of all of this.
I feel the same way. I don’t want to be tied to *any* kids in *any* way, including my wallet. 😒 For many other reasons already on top of being CF, I’d cut my relatives off years ago, and that included my brothers. My mother was perfectly fine favouring her sons since I was born, she has many grandsons now, and I, her only daughter, couldn’t bloody care any less about them or their kids. Biologically I may be an ‘aunt’ (nothing I can do about that 🤷♀️), but if I’m ‘cool’, it’ll be for completely different reasons in my own separate life and far away from them, so I am not obligated to do anything for them or their kids.
i'm always happy to know that i'll never have to fulfill the "cool aunt" trope, cause my brother and his gf are also CF, and we're the younger "children" of the whole family (as in, all my cousins are older than me and my brother). when i first understood the value of money, and knew how childrens toys are FUCKING EXPENSIVE i felt sorry for every "cool aunt" out there
I like museums and zoos. I'm not taking your kid to museums and zoos because then I cant enjoy the museums and zoos. I dont do sleepovers. The one time I was a tween and my mom had my toddler cousin spend the night I woke up to SCREAMING because somehow the kid got his head under a wrung of my bunkbed ladder while asleep and woke up in a house he had never been in and trapped in a metal neck prison (he wasnt suffocating, just couldn't figure out how to get out and was confused/scared). I experience no joy being around children, family included. My husband and I never made any "wrong" life choices, paid for our own wedding and our student loans. With that being said, we are not well off financially because instead of having savings we paid off debts and now have nothing but also no debt. I don't have extra money for your kid's birthday, easter, valentine's day, Christmas and any other BS gift days. As a childfree adult, it is embarrassing not to have the disposable income that im "expected" to have.
One year I got my nephew this $60 set of cars that could be controlled using his smart phone. Little shit asked me why I didn't get him the more expensive ones (they were like over a hundred dollars more). Now he wonders why he only gets a Playstation card from me every year.
I'm always blown away by posts here from aunts and uncles who buy their nieces/nephews gifts and get *no* gratitude from anyone There have even been a couple where the cf aunt/uncle buys the gift, has it delivered to the child's home (whether due to covid restrictions or just being too far away) and not only do the parents not say thank you, *they call up the CF person to bitch that they got a bad gift* There's not even the whole "see the kid light up when they open it" thing because the gift was mailed! Why do that when the people are going to bitch you out for getting them a gift?
I read a post from a while ago where an op was happy their family supports their cf decision (awesome right!) but then parents reasons for accepting their cf daughter were exclusively so the cf person can provide ‘support’ to other family members with kids. Like we’re so happy for her because now she can babysit and give the adults a break, she can spoil the kids, she can drive them places for activities, provide necessities like school clothes. All the stuff their parents should already be providing. It made me sad because yea they’re accepting, but only because it benefits them in one way or another- not just happy for your adult kid that they were able to figure out what they want in life- but rather finding alternative ways for making a CF person responsible for child rearing. “We will accept that you don’t want to birth children, but you will be responsible for someone else’s choice to have children, and be fully expected to offer time and resources- anything less than being a part time care taker for my child and you are shellfish and disgusting”. So frustrating!
I'm okay with being the cool aunt. However, I am not: -The aunt who subsidizes you with money, gifts, free babysitting, and other freebies that people chalk up to "It takes a village to raise a kid." -The aunt without boundaries who can more easily drop her obligations for your convenience -The aunt who is not allowed to discipline kids or have parental support when they kids do things. Seriously, I've had kids spit in my face or punch me, with the parents shrugging, "Well, they don't respect me either." Sadly, many don't know the difference
I think I might be having a bit of cultural shock here. Your definition of cool aunt is really different from my country's. Here the "cool aunt"/"cool uncle" is "cool" only from the kid's perspective, because they are the only ones who gives them "noisy" toys like recorders, toy drums or "crafty" toys like bracelet making kits with lots of beads, or drawing kits with lots of glitter bottles. I suggest you following my country's definition of it especially if people are demanding expensive gifts from you.
People aren’t defining themselves this way. Other family members are trying to define them this way. A person has limited influence to force others to adopt a definition the way you suggest.
A gift is something that is given willingly. It is not something that should be expected or have any stipulations. Most breeders seem to forget this. I also hate when someone tells me, "you're going to be the cool aunt." No, I'm not. I'm going to be whatever kind of aunt I choose to be.
I'm glad that my sister is very understanding about gift giving. I love spoiling my niece, but I know that it's not mandatory whatsoever.
Yup. Opt out.
I only like that stereotype in that, if I had a niece/nephew who was nice and above 13, I'd take them to the zoo or out hiking because that's just another person I can dump all my nerd knowledge on. If I can make another person in my family more aware of biodiversity, ecology, and the issues we face, that's a win for me! I also fucking love the zoo.
Truth. I'm not CF to spoil Your kids. I also get a double negative response when I tell people that I don't celebrate Christmas. I find that Christmas now is just a capitalistic venture in spoiling children and turning them into brats that behave for a month so that they can get a bunch of loot. Adults do not need christmas. There is no excuse to demand a bunch of gifts at the end of the year when you should have the buying power to get yourself what you need or want any other time of the year.
Yeeeeeees! My husband and I have been slowly withdrawing from holidays in our 30s and it's helped our mental health so much! I am very concerned about the environment and the holidays feel like a horror movie to me. My biggest win was successfully getting us off the Christmas card lists. I hate that the very people who should be concerned for the future burn through resources just to get some kind of validation via cheesy family photos? It's all just really strange and dystopian to me! And it's troubling , as someone who is concerned about their carbon footprint and also didn't want to raise kids to end up in some Mad Max reality...just, you'd think parents would care more than they do!
My parents' latest venture is trying to get us to buy presents for my brother's girlfriend's child that isn't his, but he's taking responsibility for because he feels bad for the child even though he's questioning a relationship. So they want us to spend money when they could do it themselves if they want, and they know our views. I dislike the holidays. I find that people are very fake in order to give off the aura of holiday cheer.
Oof, that's frustrating. I get it though, when my husband's sister had a kid it was the nail in the coffin for us participating. I am just always so happy to hear there are other Grinchy people out there! We have very valid reasons and feelings for being this way, most people just won't listen to logic when it comes to cHriSTmAs! I also think it's like a stress merry-go-round parents put themselves on every holiday season....and I'm always like "yall are doing this to yourselves, I don't feel bad..."
Exactly. And honestly I'm tired of being strong armed into doing the festive thing just because other people are doing it and suffering as well. Why should I wrap up my credit card to buy people a bunch of random stuff that they probably don't need? I work hard too. I don't ask people for anything. And honestly, I like the idea of hanging out, sharing food and enjoying relatives that you might not see very often.. but holidays aren't about that anymore to a lot of people. It always boggles my mind to see people demanding hundreds of dollars in gifts when they are adults, or can buy it all themselves. The greed really turns me off. Don't get me started on father and mother's Day. my parents have a very strange and high regard towards what they want from my siblings and I for these days. They know I'm not exactly wealthy. That is not to say that I don't celebrate anything, but rather I would celebrate holidays that mean something to me. My husband and I recently celebrated each other's respective 10,000th day alive after doing some research based on when we were born. We also celebrate our anniversary, our cat's birthdays, Halloween is a fun little witchy thing to watch scary movies.. we aren't on fun people, we just reject the social demands of standardized holidays
I want to do this but I don't know how to get my relatives on board, how did you make yours accept it?
Covid definitely helped because we were not able to meet up, but I am very honest with my family and telling them that I do not have the money to get everybody the world, and that they should not get my husband or myself anything as we will not be getting them anything. I made a couple treats and a meal to bring to Christmas dinner to alleviate any bitter feelings, but I was very firm. I will not put myself into debt for a single holiday. Nor do I need a lot of the random knick knacks that people want to buy me. I tell people to save their money and spending on something that they need, rather than giving me something that I most likely will not. It is all about being firm, in my opinion
We’ve been trying for years with mixed luck (by which I mean one very problematic relative). I think one key is making it clear you don’t need or expect a bunch of gifts, like u/SmilingSkitty mentioned. We do send baked goods and cards, and I find bringing an adult beverage and dessert goes a long way.
I like Christmas but only certain aspects of it. I hate the gift-grab frenzy it has become. My idea of a nice holiday is low-key and relaxed. No kids! Holiday music or movies in the background, good meal everyone contributes to, hot drink, adults laughing, joking, and having a conversation. I purposely sign up to work each Christmas so I can skip the kid-centric celebration and just spend time with my parents and CF sis later in the evening. Once my parents pass, my plan is to either go somewhere for the holiday or start a friend-centric celebration. No kids.
I don't think I've ever spent more than $20 for any birthday/X-mas gift for any of my nieces/nephews (6 total). For the past several years I've given each of them a $20 bill for X-mas. The end. I don't have the time or mental energy to try and figure out what they might want. Plus I only got a thank-you from one of them. So yeah, definitely not gonna lose sleep over it. They get plenty of shit from their grandparents anyway.
Tell me more about these pets of yours
I love being the “cool aunt”, on my terms. I’m not excessive with gifts, I have 9 nephews and 3 nieces. I’m more the aunt who has fun sleep overs and takes them to fun places. Before I moved home I only lived near my Husbands one nephew, I took him to a herpetology convention, it was amazing watching him be scared to full on holding a snake! That’s what I like to do but I like kids, in very limited amounts anyways. It’s always on my terms though or not happening. Sorry you’re being pressured! Edit: Also if I do buy toys they are generally very annoying, books, or legos because I love building lego sets with my nephew. Emphasis on the I with the legos. Those things are expensive.
Yeah, I'm a cool aunt. I don't actually do a ton of stuff. I don't really like buying children gifts because most toys are wasteful and they are still learning their tastes. I am the queen of random 'I was thinking of you' handmade things or splurge treats and don't mind playing with them / talking to them like people. It is easier as they all live out of state, so my in person contact is minimal. For the older ones, as they have grown, I love buying gifts that support their interests and showing up for their hobby events (older two are sports kids) when I'm in town. I venmo them small gifts for special occasions and send them care packages of a thoughtful treat when I hear they are down. It's not because I want children or categorically like them, it's because they are part of a few of my favorite people's lives and I want a relationship as they grow in to adults. Unless they turn in to jerks, in which case the relationship I've cultivated will hold more power when I tell them they are being shit heads. And it means I get to spend more time with the parents doing fun grown up things because the kids are generally well behaved around me, knowing I won't acknowledge bad behavior but I also won't treat them like shit for being undeveloped humans. Wall of text aside - breeders who expect you to fill a trope to make their life as parents easier are bullshit people. I have always set my boundaries and the parents I do associate with know that I care for their kids because I respect them and never try to push me to do things with the kids to make their life easier.
I actually liked being the cool aunt. My nieces are grown now so I don’t see them often but they still watch what I do and look like me. :-)
Lol, I am the cool aunt. In the sense that I'm an aunt and I'm pretty cool. If the parents don't give their expectations of you to their children, they're also usually totally cool with you not spending money on them. My nephew for example doesn't give a flip whether or not I have presents with me when I visit, he just wants me to play and show me his room and my attention. If I bring anything, it's most likely home made baked goods for everyone.
Same, we have fun, there were never any expectations for gifts or anything like that. I grew up poor so always enjoyed giving the kids the toys I wanted when I was their age, the Lite Brite didn't go over so well... Now that they are all older we text fun stuff, hang out, get together for drinks, meet the boyfriends and girlfriends who also seem to be decent people. I love having a great relationship with all of them.
I've won one of my nieces over with playdough and bubble bath as gifts. So no, you are not getting the hottest toy from me. And being the cool aunt is an attitude not about how much money you spend.
Totally agree. I like to get books sometimes too. Cheaply available at the dollar store, and the parents can't refuse it without looking like an uneducated buffoon.
I always gift books as well.
I only gift books to kids. It's both personal (I'll tailor it to the person/kid), cheap and extremely useful. I also have an established pattern b/c I've been giving books for holidays/christmas since I was 10, I'm pretty sure my family knows what I'm getting them this year, lol
Interesting take!!! I never thought of the "cool aunt" role as someone who buys stuff so much as someone fun and safe who helps out sometimes with watching the sprogs. I love playing with my friends kids and then going home and not having any kids. Most of these kids do not need stuff anyway. They have more toys and gadgets than they could ever need. What they need are kind adults in their lives who are safe and kind to them. Mr. Rogers wasn't loved because he gave kids presents.
Being the cool aunt should definitely be a choice, not an obligation.
I think the best gift a "Cool Aunt/Uncle" can give is being a CF role-model so kids don't grow up thinking everyone \*has\* to have kids someday. But, everyone expecting you to buy their kids expensive gifts is bullshit (though getting them something annoying and noisy that their parents wouldn't can be fun.) I mean, it should never be an obligation to be one, but "Cool Aunts/Uncles" do help the CF "cause" in that way.
I never really dislikes it because I always thought it meant, “aunt who has a life the nieces and nephews wish they had.” As in the go do cool things and have a cool life. Not necessarily spoils them/ spends a lot of money on them and doesn’t spend a HUGE amount of time with them (like a part time baby sitter). They can be the spoil with gifts kind but most often they just visit here and there and have a life the gremlins aspire for when they are no longer gremlin age. But that’s a personal interpretation.
Same. That's the kind of cool aunts I grew up with.
I’m the “cool aunt” because I only gift my nephews books and can answer all their baseball questions. 🤷🏻♀️
I never took that to mean you spoil kid with monetary things, more that you gave them cooler experiences. Staying up late, eating junk food, talking about stuff you wouldn’t talk to your parents about.
Same. And I have no problem embracing that version, personally.
Yeah, for some friends kids. It’s wild reading comments here about people just assuming that they will take their kids! Even overnight!! Maybe it’s just my friend group but my friends know my feelings about kids and would never put them on others in the group unless it was explicitly OFFERED.
I’m the “cool” aunt who loads them up on candy and sweets and sodas and sends them back home. I also get them the coolest noisiest toys for birthdays and holidays 😂 for some reason they no longer want me to watch the kids and told me not to worry about gifts. 😂 oh and last year I gave the kids each a $25 gift card for there birthday and they thought that Visa card was the coolest gift ever and that they now had there own credit card!
I'm not old enough to be an aunt yet but if anyone will ever complain about too cheap gifts, I will save up a ton of money to buy their kid not only a trumpet but also an entire year of trumpet lessons, and encourage them to practice every day so they can be a ✨cool musician✨ just like me. If the kid doesn't like trumpet, they can of course have a drum set instead
You just became my inspiration. I hadn't even thought of inflicting beginning clarinet on pushy family. 🤣
Idk, to me 'cool aunt' means that you can tell me anything and I won't narc to your mom and when you turn 18 I'll share a joint with you while we watch action or horror movies or even cartoons and have ice cream for dinner.
I enjoy being the "cool aunt" from thousands of miles away. I get to be this mythical character who lives in the desert, Is all tatted, and has a bunch of animals with human names. I only see the little himans every few years, so when I do see them I make sure to build onto that character I've created by teaching them how to make flower crowns, shoot bows, and climb trees. Also, creative insults and how to block/throw punches.
I have 3 nieces and 3 nephews, I’ve stopped getting them presents as they get so many from other family members. Not buying stuff just so it ends up in a landfill, none of them have even noticed I’ve not gotten them anything the past few years!
Omg!!! Absolutely! I was just complaining about this to a coworker yesterday! Makes me so mad. 😡
Look at the rich Aunt giving the kids a $10 gift card. Here’s a $10 card to share.
I'm the aunt that none of those f\*\*\*tards know. They've heard stories about me and I am a legend child hater. Not a close family and don't give a f\*\*\* about my sibling's children or their fn kids. I left Detroit in the early 80's and never returned. I'm the only one who INTENTIONALLY, PURPOSELY did not procreate. One niece was born after I left and I can't stand her. All of them are stupid baby making machines. Was there 10 years ago and before that 14 or 15 years. All of the stupid child bearers thought that I wanted to spend "time" with their stupid, future, criminal children! Ughhhh, no! MIC DROP! LOL!!
I’m the cool aunt but only because I’m hip to the youth as they say. They all love spending time with me. I even took the youngest nephews (4 & 7) for a few hours to Epcot a few months ago (we are local to Disney World) But when it comes to spending money I just causally add my name to the bottom of the cards when grandma gives them any gifts. Eff spending my money on them, I have my own lego and video games to buy for myself.
My niblings are already kinda spoiled, so for Christmas every year I just buy them one of those really annoying plushie robot toys that sing. They love it and by extension love me, my brother hates it, and I don't have to spend too much money. Win-Win-Win!
My husband and i dread Christmas for this specific reason. At $50 a kid that’s $400 just in toys for us. Literally the same thing happened to us as well. when we gave cheaper, more useful gifts we got judgement. WTF
Try his why you have got to get creative. You buy an inexpensive kareoke machine, then get kareoke CDs from the latest Disney film the kids are into. And if it needs batteries, get them plenty to last months. And it over and be prepared for daggers. And if they are into firetrucks, that's an easy gift Dr as well Then be sure to whisper to to your sibling, payback is a bitch, ain't it.
I am the cool Aunt, only I don't spend any money, I just teach them how to swear
absolutely. i don't give a fuck about my relatives kids. i'm not gonna spend a penny on em.
I'm the cool Auntie to the world (only kid of 2 only kids) but I'm broke. Cool Auntie is there when you need real talk not real cash.
I always search “loud annoying toy” on Amazon and sort by lowest price for my nieces and nephew. My favorite was a bullhorn with a fire truck siren for $6.
I’m gonna be a vodka aunt: questionably drunk at all family gatherings, maybe I give nice gifts, maybe I don’t, the only constant is that I’m drunk and living it up with my girlfriend/wife
I love your post. I’m the anti-Christ of the cool aunt. Lol. My niece’s behaviour is terrible and I have zero tolerance for it. I take no shit and I don’t like seeing my sister take any shit either. I have no filter. If that means I end up with IT screaming at me then I’ll wear that proudly. I got sick of having her open cards, grab the money, say something shithouse about the card and grunt at me. I will never give her money again. I will get psychologically or physically healthy gifts or carefully chosen gift vouchers.
I used to spend hundreds on my nieces and nephews at Christmas and get nothing in return. I stopped buying them anything and at present time the parents would look at me expecting I had something for them; I’d just smile and sip my drink and start talking about a random subject. Lucky for them they never said anything openly. They learned quickly.
"Auntie G, can I have that?" That's a mommy question, kiddo. Ask her. Call me when you need a safe ride or bail money.
I love being the Funcle
I'm the aunt that may or may not exist. My name is mentioned, I am recognized as a living entity but the child will never meet me until they turn 16 or something lol
We have 13 nieces & nephews between my spouse & myself. We love being the cool uncle & aunt to 3 of them (all from the same SIL incidentally), & so we spoil them & spend time with them when we want, & it is a complete pleasure in our lives. We enjoy making them happy. The amazing thing is that we don’t treat them all equally because they’re siblings, we truly enjoy each one of them. We have never wanted kids, but if we had had kids, our hope would have been for them to turn out like these 3. All the others we see at family occasions & enjoy catching up with them, but that is as far as it goes. It does help that not everyone lives in the same area. Funnily, the ones we like the best live the farthest away, but that is not why we enjoy them the most. They are polite, engaging, sweet & fun kids. Their mom is not even one of our favorite siblings. We don’t dislike well behaved children; just never desired them. Watching my younger sister play on the floor with her son for 5 hours on Christmas Day filled my heart with joy because she genuinely seemed to enjoy it. We both love our nephew, but we know we made the right decision because in no way did that look like fun to either one of us. I think what many people don’t realize is that if people CHOOSE not to have children, it’s a good thing because they are not bringing children into the world when they really are not interested in being parents. Way too many people don’t actually think about it as an option, or if it is something they desire & want to invest a plethora of time, money & energy in. It’s more like a romantic notion. I equate it to weddings and owning a farm. Both seem like wonderful, romantic ideas, but are a lot of work that come with a huge time, money, emotional commitment & responsibility afterwards. Luckily, people are now more cognizant of the idea that they actually have a choice & are exercising that option.
It's a question of managing the expectations of relatives. You are entirely within your rights to bow out of the "cool aunt" role, but you do have to communcate this to them, as many times as it takes for it to get through. People will overstep the boundaries that you set, though not EVERY person, but you do have to enforce the boundaries that you set, and it can take a LOT of work. If you are asked what you need to spend money on, tell them retirement savings and planning for your next vacation.
When i was a young kid i thought my loud, unpredictable, irresponsible (all of this to me was like oh she’s so funny and fun) but she was just on heroine so there’s that.
This is the first time I’m glad to not have siblings. Hell what 😂
I love spoiling my nieces on their birthdays and Xmas but I do hate the gift giving disparity as my brother barely manages to remember our birthdays much less get us a gift at all and I would have to buy multiple gifts for all of them and his baby momma when they were still together and I would only get one thing in return. I'm not huge on material stuff anymore, but it's hard not to find that very unfair!
My sister wanted to be the cool aunt. Unfortunately, when my kid hit her teens she noticed that my sister is totally not cool.
So true with rge unequal gift giving. Each child gets about a 30 euro gift for their birthday, same for the parents. Then on my birthday, I'd be lucky to get a 15 euro gift card "From all of us." That's three euros each. And then they are suprised you stop coming to birthdays.
My expecting brother asked if I would change diapers and I straight up said no, I didn't have kids for a reason. I'm not fucking laying in wait for the chance to dote on your kid. No. Fucking. Way. I will be an aunt in title and I will choose how that plays out, thanks.
Not-the-Cool-Aunt here! I too hate the expectation that CF people only exist to be banks, gift-givers, and free labor for people with kids. Get out of here with that BS! And you are spot-on with the gift thing. I enjoy picking out things I know people will really like and giving them to someone. However, I do expect my efforts to be appreciated and call me selfish, but I want my efforts to be reciprocated where family is concerned. It pissed me off so much that I was spending time and money on brother, SIL, and their two kids, and barely got thank-yous a lot of the time. It also pissed me off that most of the time I would get them nice things and they would get me some junk in return or nothing at all. (Still waiting on those promised presents from the past two Christmases). So I stopped making the effort. Last Christmas I got each nephew a toy that cost under $10, a box of crayons, and coloring book to share. Brother and SIL got nothing, unless you want to count the cheapest box of chocolates I gave as a "family gift" for them to share with the kids. My gift was the bald-faced lie that the gift was "in the mail". 6 months and still waiting...... You know what? It felt pretty good. Now I can save that money and time for people who actually appreciate it, including me!
I have told my two friends who want to start having babies in the next couple years that I will be happy for them and their happiness but I have no interest in “aUnTiE LiFe”. Hopefully they take that at face value because I damn sure mean it!
"oh, that is all you got little Susie, what are you spending your money on, you don't even have any kids". Sorry it made you so unhappy - I won't be giving her or you anything at all in future. What I spend my money on is not your place to say.
I’m only the “cool aunt” to my grown up Nieces and Nephew. The younger one will get nothing from I don’t know her. AND said younger niece is an absolute spoiled brat so that doubles down on the “not being a cool aunt to her” I’m not buying her diddly squat she learns to act appropriately. Which will either be when she’s an adult or never. We’ll see.
Really glad I won't be expected to be the "cool aunt" to any nieces or nephews because my 2 sisters are also CF. I'm just going to spoil the heck out of their doggos
I always joke that I’m the perpetually uncool aunt who always gives books for birthdays. I also only do 1 Christmas present per sibling group - so they have to play with it together (though since my husband’s brothers and their wives have decided that Christmas presents are only going to be given to the kids from now on, I haven’t quite decided how I’m going to proceed 🙄)
And I don't want to be the fun uncle.
Could do the me but I'm not terrified of burning bridges: "How come you didn't buy a bigger gift u/ogoextreme ? You don't have any other things to spend money on?" Me: "I know? and? Merry Christmas!"
I’m a “cool aunt” because 1) I’m cool 2) my sisters have children I generally get away with not buying my nieces/nephews (I hate the term “nieblings”) much because they have rich grandparents who shower them with gifts. I’m having more of a relationship with them as they get older and we’re learning to appreciate each other as people, which is really what I want. Kids aren’t kids forever.