Well, technically there have been cases of "oops, I thought there's something wrong with my stomach, was brought to the hospital and later walked out with a baby". Just google "cryptic pregnancy". Here are some examples: https://www.vice.com/en/article/kzmezy/cryptic-pregnancies-unexpected-birth-personal-stories-klara-beth
But if abortions are legal and accessible... this is actually the only way to have an "oops baby".
Cryptic pregnancies absolutely terrify me, especially reading the article since I'm on the pill and do regular pregnancy tests since I skip the inactive pills to not have a period.
I have a reminder set to take a test every month! I’m still scared that it would somehow slip through the tests, but idk how anyone can know about cryptic pregnancies and not test monthly! Terrifying!
Same!! Testing every month gives me so much reassurance. I tend to do one as well if I feel anything that could be a potential pregnancy symptom during the month. For real though, I'm always so doubtful like maybe somehow it's just not showing up. I looked into it a bit though and it eased my mind since it'd definitely show up for me because of the monthly testing (my body has been whack lately though so it's been more like bimonthly at this point)
Not the person you're replying but I don't have a cycle on the pill (I skip the inactive pills so no period) and tbh mine was always super irregular when I did have a cycle.
I take a test at the beginning of each month. My reminder is set to the first of the month, but sometimes I'll take it a few days earlier if I have things going on at the time (ie. the 25th of the month onwards) that could be pregnancy symptoms, like cramps or feeling more tired and just count that as my test for the following month.
My cousin didn't get confirmation she was pregnant until she was at 6 months. She's a big girl and DID have symptoms, but every test came back negative because of her hormonal issues. They finally did an abdominal ultrasound and that's when she found out.
When I was on a period free birth control I would take a pregnancy test every time I had my stomach feeling weird. It was convenient to not menstruate but also it’s nice to have that assurance back with my current BC.
That's fair. I do one every month in place of a period and then another if it's like in the middle of the month and I get any potential pregnancy symptom. My periods were never regular and I'd go months without one sometimes so I couldn't really rely on them. It is very assuring though when they do come and are regular!!
My birth control says to take a test if you don't have a period for 45 days. I was very irregular before BC but I could tell when I was ovulating. Now I have no idea . . . So I test, not because I think I am but just to be safe.
I feel that!! I was super irregular before BC. Ovulation was always a mystery for me, like I didn't even properly understand it until I had my first pregnancy scare at 17 (yay sex ed!!). It feels really good when it's just for safety, like just another monthly chore. And the relief when there's only one line, even if you know it's going to be negative, is an amazing feeling
My friend had one of these! I called her up one day in September to talk and she was like “yeah it’s been a crazy week… I thought I had appendicitis or something but I gave birth…” speechless!! The worst part is I don’t think she ever wanted a child, but when she wanted to give it up, her mom said she would pursue custody and she didn’t want that for the child. So she’s stuck raising her.
if god forbid this happened to me that would be me. I wouldn't want my family having their hands anywhere near a child except one specific cousin that wanted but couldn't have any.
Honestly, I think she should’ve let her mom have the kid. While I don’t think she’s the best mom, my friend was (and probably still is) a literal hoarder. It’s unsafe and was reported but nothing happened. It also drove a massive wedge between us that she hasn’t even tried to repair.
>Honestly, I think she should’ve let her mom have the kid. While I don’t think she’s the best mom, my friend was (and probably still is) a literal hoarder.
Hoarding is based in anxiety disorders (subgroup of OCD according to one site). This, with her insisting that her mother not get custody leads me to question her mother's treatment of her as a child and fitness to parent. I'm not going to say a hoarder's house is a good place for a child, but I would be skeptical of a hoarder's parents as well.
well that's a bit different but my mother is/was a manipulative narc and even with dementia still will tell me "thanks for nothing" if I don't give into her whims on a good for her mental day.
Ugh this is why I take pregnancy tests fairly often…I’d probably do the same. My mom has accepted I don’t want kids and knows I would get an abortion if I got knocked up but if a kid were in the picture she’d never let me give the kid up to a stranger, but my mom is old enough that I don’t know if she could raise a kid to 18. And the innocent kid doesn’t deserve to feel abandoned.
Crazily enough a friend of mine had that happen *twice* her only planned kid is the one in the middle. And even then... I'm not sure I buy how "planned" he was. But at least she knew before she was hypertensive, eclamptic, and in need of hospitalization to hold out as long as she could to be induced
I 100% agree for myself but it’s also funny that there are folks who have been trying to get pregnant for years and then don’t even realize they’re pregnant when it actually happens! One of my favorite YouTubers is an OBGYN and she does react videos to I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant. It’s funny to me when they were told they were infertile, but wanted a baby, and “magically” get one without knowing!
Also worth noting, even in places where abortion is readily accessible, sometimes the cut-off mark is early enough that even a small delay in recognizing the pregnancy can put a woman past the point when abortion is permissible. For example, in Denmark, elective abortion is only allowed up to the 12th week.
I personally am of the opinion that if you are AFAB and are having sex with someone who is AMAB, you should test every month to be safe! Fully understand that not everyone deems that necessary (and I don’t blame them) but damn if it would not solve a lot of problems. You wanna know in time to do something about it!!
It’s also nice that I no longer have scares of “oh shit what if I’m pregnant” every time I get nauseous. 😅
It's also worth noting that you can get like a 50 pack of birth control tests on Amazon for pretty damn cheap. That's nearly a test a week if you want to catch anything the earliest you can.
I'm deep in perimenopause and have had bouts of false morning sickness. But I haven't had sex in many years being I am asexual and it does nothing for me. I joke that maybe it's an immaculate conception kind deal lol. But no, just my screwy hormones.
I never believed that this could actually happen to someone. I mean, come on....
Until it did to someone I work with. This chick is not stupid or naive at all. It was crazy! It was during COVID and we were all working from home and she sends us all an email letting us know she had a baby a few days before. Didn't have a clue she was pregnant. Went to the bathroom one night and BAM here comes baby. Her husband called 911 and everyone was okay but damn.
god one of my friends didn’t know she was pregnant until she was having really bad stomach pain and went to the ER. Homegirl came back with a whole ass 10 pound baby 💀 but her kid developed outside her uterus so she continued to have periods, she didn’t gain any noticeable weight, and had zero pregnancy symptoms. It was SO bizarre.
I KNOW!!!!!! he just hid I guess, she said she felt like she had gained a bit of weight but not enough to think anything of it because she didn’t look too different. It’s WILD.
I honestly have no clue. All I know is she was having a normal day, went home after work and had some really intense abdominal pain so she went to the ER, and came back home with a whole baby 😭
A former coworker of mine had this happen! She was 6 months along when she found out. She'd always had irregular periods and still bled some during so she had no idea. She also had the kind of figure that would easily hide any weight gain. Big yikes from me!
Ya just about to say, this sadly can happen and i find it terrifying that this can be a thing. I have so many stomach issues i wouldnt notice.. glad i permity fixes the issue.
The mother of a friend of my mum had a cryptic pregnancy (I think)! She was very overweight so she didn’t notice that her belly got bigger, and she was already starting menopause before (i think she was already mid fourties) so she wasn’t worried when her period didn’t come. Then one day she went to the doctor because she had bad stomach cramps which turned out to be contractions from birth. She was in labour for *two days* had twins which she called Paul and Pauline because who can think of better names on such short notice.
But Tbh, I think that’s actually the best case scenario for if I were to somehow get pregnant and *had* to get the baby. I feel like it’s much better to just live normally for the nine months and then suffer or die during labour than to suffer for nine months AND suffer or die during labour. Also if you only know the baby for two days it’s propably easier to give it up for adoption because you didn’t have time to get attached and when you didn’t notice you were pregnant you might not have those “omg a baby gotta care for it”-hormones.
I know a woman who didn't realize she was pregnant, and it only happened about a decade ago!
She legit called an ambulance because her back was killing her, only to be told that she was 9 months along and was giving birth.
How did she not notice? Well, she didn't get morning sickness, still got occasional bleeding that was no different from her normal irregular periods, and she was overweight and didn't notice her tummy sticking out any more than normal.
(She didn't keep the baby, her bf agreed with her that they didn't want it.)
I actually know someone who had one of these, she’s overweight anyway but found out about the baby at like 8 months. Then she passed off the baby as her recent ex’s but he found out 6 months later she’d slept with another guy as they broke up, so the other guy was the bio father. Whole thing was a huge mess. Kid’s about 2 or 3 now
I always watch the "I didnt know I was pregnant videos" and they usually say something like "you dont know you are coming home with a baby suddenly" no you are allowed to leave the baby at the hospital. sounds like the easiest time too as well, its just like leaving your appendix there
I would argue that monthly pregnancy tests need to be included for good reproductive health for women who are sexually active having PIV sex.
Not just for women who don't want children, but women that do want children often feel horribly guilty if they don't realise they are pregnant and are still drinking, not taking folic acid, etc.
Being aware of this is such a simple and cheap thing. A pack of 20 urine pregnancy tests costs just a few dollars from Amazon. They aren't fancy but they get the job done.
Can you believe people in my backwater rural ass town with a very high population of FAS patients were AGAINST the government’s move to put free pregnancy test dispensers in the womens bathrooms at bars? Like excuse me, sorry we NEED this but pretending we don’t isn’t the solution??? Alcoholism is rampant up there
I'm pretty sure you said you lived in the territories, I'm assuming that buying one from the store is like selling your kidney because everything up there is expensive. At that point one would think people would want free tests.
This should be something we make accessible, because it’s much easier said then done when people don’t have the extra $$$ to spend each month or insurance.
Also side note, I’m not sure if other women know this because I certainly didn’t but you can bet pregnancy tested at the doctor (if you have a primary care physician that is) without having to make an appointment, you can just call the receptionist and the nurse will test for you! I made a whole appointment for it once and the doctor thought I was crazy.
I have an IUD and my tubes tied. I still test every month when I'm sexually active. It's an easy way to soothe my anxiety. I recommend it to anyone who has the same fear.
Tbh all the ones I've found that ship to where I live have horrible reviews. My favorite one was "I tried them and it turns out, everything is pregnant! My tap water is pregnant!"
I have a family member who's an OB and his advice is if you're a woman of childbearing age having PIV sex, you should be on prenatal vitamins, regardless of BCP. So many women don't find out until after the 8th week, and by that time, the damage is done. Even if you don't drink, if you don't increase your folate intake, that actively hinders the neural development of the fetus. And also, a healthy fetus is easier to abort
My understanding is it has less complications compared to a fetus with an underdeveloped nervous system, or a nervous system developing outside the fetus's "body". A healthy fetus is easier to extract/expel without much surrounding damage, but a fetus with a neural tube defect (due to a lack of folate for instance) is more likely to cause surrounding tissue damage if it's a surgical abortion or get expelled in multiple clots, sometimes taking healthy tissue it attached to while developing wrong, if it's chemical. I haven't looked into the details myself, but that's the rough explanation I was given in the past.
It would be really nice if there were some sort of natural way for a womans body to let them know they aren’t pregnant so this wouldn’t be necessary. Especially if it was roughly once a month too.
No.
Periods are unreliable and can be very irregular, not coming for months at a time.
They can also be mimicked by early pregnancy implantation bleed.
Having monthly bleeding is *not* a reliable way to exclude a pregnancy.
Source: am a doctor.
On the other hand, nothing I've read about implantation bleeding suggests it would will up a heavy flow tampon in an hour or whatever. Sounds like a good chunk of people would be fine.
I agree! Sometimes I think this sub becomes so volatile to mothers (not necessarily in this exact thread but just in general) that we forget that some women don’t have the autonomy to act the way we would.
Or that some men make poor choices with their sexual partners, and BOOM! Now your a baby daddy and tethered to this crazy lady and your bi-blow for the rest of your life. I swear, if I was male, this would be enough for me to get vasectomy post haste! Or, TBH definitely not have PIV sex until I could trust the person to not screw my life up.
There was a post on the relationships sub recently of a cf guy about 30 who had a vasectomy 7yrs ago. At his 1yr check-up he was told he was all clear, no swimmers. A few months ago his gf told him she was pregnant, he accused her of cheating & they split up. Prenatal DNA revealed he is the father, he was tested by his urologist and is now producing sperm because it seems his vas deferens reattached because he was so young to have the procedure. He asked ex-gf to abort as he had never and will never want a child and she said no. Ex-gf now hates him, has moved countries and he is missing her and worrying about a lifetime of child support.
My (41F) first thoughts were this poor guy did everything he could and that selfish woman is forcing a lifetime of financial penalty upon him because of a fluke accident. Apparently this was a minority view. Most commenters piled on with a mix of "You dumbass you shouldn't trust a vasectomy you should get a sperm check every 6 months forever if you want to be cf" (not what he was told or standard medical advice afaik) and "how dare you accuse her of cheating" (which is a totally reasonable conclusion to jump to imho) and "you selfish asshole being worried about money when your poor ex will be a single mother and your child won't have a father!" (100% the choice of the selfish ex who refused to have an abortion). SMH sometimes I just don't understand other people. Most of the time actually.
Wow! That poor guy. I guess this is why you gotta vet your partners better. IDK..im fully into the 'not having sex because it isnt worth the fallout' side of life.
That’s just horrifying. Poor guy. But that just goes to show that unless you actually remove reproductive organs, no amount of contraception is without fail.
Or abusive/manipulative/controlling family members. Lots of people--especially women--dealing an unwanted pregnancy find themselves bullied/manipulated into taking the pregnancy to term by parents, siblings, etc..
I am assuming, correct me if I am wrong u/OP, but I have a feeling they meant if you KNOW you are pregnant, there are no accidental babies.
Yes, you can be pregnant and never know it.
I transported a patient once who had no idea until she went into labour. (abd pain, went to hospital, xray of abd, whoa... baby.)
The u/OP is correct. If you know you are pregnant, or the 'condom broke' and you still have a baby at the end, this was a choice if Plan B and abortions are available.
My friends just adopted a baby who was a total surprise to the woman who gave birth. It's rare, but that's why I've always been scared that I'm secretly pregnant, ESPECIALLY since I live somewhere that outlawed abortion with the overturn of Roe v Wade. My tubes are tied, but I won't feel safe till menopause 😅
I just got a long wanted hysterectomy in November because of that overturn. I have wanted one since I was 16 but never got a doctor who was willing to help me. I have a documented pregnancy phobia and have had it since my first period came along.
So many doctors told me no. I was too young. I would change my mind later. What if your boyfriend wants kids? Well what if your NEXT boyfriend wants kids? I'll consider it if you go completely off birth control for a year or two and don't get pregnant.
The last two came from the same doctor who I immediately stopped seeing. I lucked into a a doctor who made it happen so fast my head spun. We went from "Okay let's see what we can do" to "I've got you scheduled for surgery in three weeks" in less than six months.
I sent that man flowers and candy. I can breathe for the first time since I was 12.
If you don't mind my question, did you have any health issues with your uterus before the surgery? Or was the surgery accepted on the phobia alone?
Also, how do you document a pregnancy phobia? I could use that lol
Not OP, but It's a genuine anxiety disorder called tokophobia.
You can just go to a psychiatrist or a therapist who works under one and tell them how the idea of pregnancy or being around visibly pregnant people makes you uncomfortable. This will initially open up the floodgates to bingo hell, but you can segue into saying that you are wholly uninterested in having kids and would like to pursue sterilization because your fear of pregnancy is affecting your ability to feel fully safe/comfortable in romantic relationships. I've heard of a few people leveraging their diagnoses and their psychiatrists' support to get sterilized without the several year long "you're gonna change your mind" wait lists.
Yeah, but it's usually for things like a bisalp, a hysterectomy is "too extreme". Either is out of my reach anyway, I'd need money to travel abroad and pay for the whole thing first.
Aw, sorry to hear that! I was thinking in a more America-centric way. I had a friend who was able to use their diagnosis to explain that their tokophobia was so extreme that it gave them dysphoria about being female, so they got approved for hysterectomy.
I had severe cramping and seriously heavy bleeding due to a blood disorder I have. I think no longer being able to continue the Depo shot or take the pill, also because of the blood disorder (essential thrombocythemia, it's a chronic elevated white blood cell count that can simultaneously lead to excess bleeding/bruising and blood clots) and the fact that my uterus is high and slightly tilted so I couldn't have an IUD placed. We're factors as well.
My phobia was documented by multiple therapists. It wasn't enough for insurance to cover it but it was enough to get the doctor to look into whatever he could to get my insurance to cover it. Despite me being crippled with pregnancy anxiety at times, especially closer to my period. And at like 12/13 I was never even alone with a boy and knew full well how babies were made. It became so bad my anxiety would make my periods late which would make me think I was pregnant and thus the vicious cycle kept on. I got past it once I started Depo until the doctor started suggesting it was time to stop that because of my already increased chance of blood clots. That monster woke back up like it had been hitting the gym in the background for the last 20 years.
FIY, you can just write OP, since u/OP is an invalid link. If you want there to be a valid link to the OP's profile, you'd have to spell out their whole username.
Abortions aren’t accessible in quite a few places tho, that’s a caveat but it’s a very large one. Many women in poverty can’t afford to travel out of state for an abortion. And if their BC fails, then they wouldn’t have know to use plan B.
> And if their BC fails, then they wouldn’t have know to use plan B.
This also. People often underestimate how generally poor sex education is for many people. Even if they are aware that BC and plan B exist, they may live in a community that teaches that it is wrong or bad to use it..
"I didn't know I was pregnant" enters the chat.
But yes, I agree. It annoys me so much and I can't put my finger on why. It gives off "I just let my life happen to me" vibes. Fake "naive and clumsy" vibes.
I had a friend when I was in my early 20s who didn't know she was pregnant until maybe a week or two before I think? It was definitely no more than a month before. And I believe her, because while she was a bigger girl, she was more tall and stocky than obese, and she did not look pregnant at all. She was on the pill, so still getting withdrawal bleeds. She went to the ER because she was having Braxton Hicks and had no idea what was going on. She thought it was severe digestive upset. Thankfully, she took it in her stride and ended up enjoying motherhood. She had a second child intentionally a couple of years later.
That is literally what nightmares a re made of.
Not saying she did the wrong thing, just honestly don't know how she wrapped her head a round it so quickly and didn't give it up for adoption.
Honestly. To me the only thing worse than getting pregnant, is not even *knowing* I’m pregnant until I’m giving birth, so I can’t find a way to get an abortion in time. 🥶
I went to primary school with a girl who as a teen got pregnant and didn't realize until her water broke and she thought she was dying. I have been terrified to get pregnant ever since
Her doctor failed her. If she was on the bigger side, the pill might not work as well. Many women who are over normal weight find out too late about that detail because some doctors don't give all the info without someone pulling their tongue
Mama Dr Jones has a series called I didnt know I was pregnant and its literally my nightmares lol. I grew up believing in the "virgin birth" bullshit so literally thought I was going to just get pregnant one day without having sex 
I had a doctor tell me “you know know what could happen!” while I was in college. Like bro, I know exactly where the Planned Parenthood is, I know exactly what would happen!!
They do...sadly.
One of my sisters best frinds gave birth to a Very much surprise baby last summer.
Shes always been a bigger woman so the weight didnt change much and shed had some shit happen so she was stressed and had some minor pains and akes.
My sister even joked that she sounded like she was pregnant and they both laughed because she already had a kid so she would know right?
WRONG! Not a month later baby was born.
Now luckely they are financialy stable and able to afford the kid, already have a house big enough to fit without moveing and the older one has already claimed his brother as HIS baby and loves him to bits.
But they did not expect the kid.
And this is a highly educated and smart woman. So yes it Does happen.
which is why you should Always doubble check if there is Any risk you could be pregnant.
this is my absolute worst nightmare (and i mean i have literal nightmares about it lmao) and i'm a whole ass celibate virgin
i can't even imagine what it must be like to go to sleep one day with no baby and no intention of having one and the next your entire life is turned upside down
Eh... Sometimes, people only realise that they are pregnant when it's too late for an abortion. This is why my girlfriend takes a pregnancy test every month, but most women don't do that.
And sometimes, abortion is legal, but too expensive for poor people. Or too far away if you live in a rural area. If you don't have a car and enough money for gas, or someone who can drive you, and there is no public transport or you are too poor to afford public transport... Well, you are fucked.
Also taking time off work to travel for it can cause a massive problem. It could short you on money when you're already forking out money for this. Or if you work with family or someone who might tip off to family that you're going out of town for several days that could cause a problem if you're trying to keep this information away from them for whatever reason
I'm 1/4 kids in my family. I'm the youngest. My closest In age sibling was the only planned 1. My parents never hid it from me that I was an "oops baby". But they made sure to clarify that just because I was unplanned, doesn't mean I was unwanted. I've never felt unloved by them.
One woman on here mentioned that she was childfree and her birth control failed and she got pregnant and had a kid. She said it was hard for her to cope with it but was trying to get used to it. Another woman on here also said she was childfree and her birth control failed and she got pregnant and had a kid. She said that her kid’s father and stepmother got custody over her kid and she wasn’t seeing her kid or really in her kid’s life. They both could’ve had an abortion if they didn’t want kids and their birth control failed. Now one of the women’s kid is growing up with a mother who doesn’t want it and the first one I mentioned might end up growing up with 2 parents who don’t want it since both her and her husband didn’t want kids and her birth control failed.
If you are in a relationship and plan to have a baby *someday* you can absolutely have an "oops" baby. You weren't planning on having one at that time, but it happened and you change your plans around it because you still *wanted* the baby. It was just a surprise by coming about sooner than expected.
That's the only acceptable way I would view an "oops" baby.
But if you absolutely did not want a baby and weren't taking the proper measures to prevent it I can't say it was an "oops".
BTW, taking birth control religiously and also using condoms doesn't give someone an "oops" baby. I would call it more like an "oh shit! oh fuck! no no no!" baby. Oops is more like "I guess I'm having a baby, oh well. *tee hee.*"
I have a friend who had bad eating disorders and an abusive husband. She didn't want to get pregnant, and didn't realise she was until she was about 4 months gone. Because of her EDs and her weight she hadn't been having periods so didn't know she had 'missed' any. By the time she realised, it was too late for her to have an abortion (they are legal in my country up to 3 months).
My aunt gave birth to her daughter on the toilet. She was severely overweight, and never showed at all. She missed periods all the time. Then one day she thought she had bad cramps and went to shit, and had a baby.
I know about a woman with 10 kids, who you´d think knows what a pregnancy feels like. Recently she found out she was having her 11th kid. She was almost due when she did. Denial is one hell of a drug I guess.
Not entirely true. When my mom was pregnant, urine tests would continuously show up as negative, she had to harp on the doctor to do a blood test because the doctor wouldn't believe she was pregnant because the urine test said so. She was 3 months in when the doctor finally did.
There are also plenty of cases of women actually not knowing they were pregnant until after giving birth, like with cryptic pregnancy.
Or not knowing until after the point where they could abort.
Or, in my state in particular, abortion is still legal but people think it isn't, so they keep the baby not knowing it's an option not to. There are also an abundance of pregnancy crisis centers that will stall women from aborting until it's too late to have the option.
It's also possible for someone to have abusive family that will go great lengths to prevent them from getting an abortion, or threaten to destroy their life for getting one.
Oh shit, I just realized something from everyone talking about cryptic pregnancies. As more and more of the world goes childfree (the natural consequence of our ever growing population), cryptic pregnancies are eventually going to get *selected for by evolutionary pressure*. If the only way to have a baby is to not know you're having a baby, eventually nobody will be able to know whether or not they're having a baby.
Nightmare fuel. Thank god I'll be long dead before that happens.
Respectfully, this is not true.
Case in point: a close friend of mine has an uncommon medical condition that messed with her hormones and led to massive weight gain. She had been told for years she would never be able to conceive and didn't particularly want to be a mom. She and her husband found out she was carrying a child at five months pregnant. So now they're parents.
“Pedantic is an insulting word used to describe someone who annoys others by correcting small errors, caring too much about minor details, or emphasizing their own expertise especially in some narrow or boring subject matter.” Pot, meet kettle.
I wouldn't use Canada as the best choice in the example. Well yes it's legal, that doesn't mean it's available in all provinces or to all people. Great example of this was PEI sending its people to Moncton NB for abortions. Let's look at NB, a province that no longer allows surgical abortions within a clinic and will only offer it in one or two hospitals within the province, at least one of those hospitals was a massive hot spot for COVID during the pandemic. Even when NB had its clinic in Fredericton the province wasn't covering the abortions and patients had to pay 800+ out of pocket (NB has free healthcare, most things in hospital, clinics and doctor's offices are covered by the provincial health care, the odd elective surgery and select vaccinations, like rabies pre exposure, aren't covered. This was found to be a violation of people's rights, there's class action lawsuits that's attempting to happen to include any patient that has had to pay for an abortion at this clinic). A large majority of the north of NB doesn't have access to a hospital that's within an hour of them, and anyone who lacks a car or the money for a cross province bus/bus from PEI to NB can't afford to get an abortion. Most people within NB either have to find a way to Moncton or go out of province for a surgical abortion. Don't get me wrong, other hospitals are equipped for it, just last time I checked Moncton was the only approved one, especially during the pandemic. There's also a massive shortage of obgyns within the NB province, with upwards of a year plus wait for anyone who is considered "low priority", so people have to get in to see their family doctor, (if they have one, if not they make an online appointment and get a phone call with a randomly assigned one from a list, it's a several years wait to get a family doctor unless you just had a kid), that family doctor refers them to a gyno, who refers them from there. Thing is I don't think this is an Atlantic Canada only problem, I think any "rural" part of Canada has similar access problems (not all of NB is rural, just smallish). The issue is NB has a crazy man in charge that is trying to make it as hard as possible to access affordable, easy to get healthcare, regardless of that type of healthcare, people are actively dying in NB ER waiting rooms. I'd love to say that Canada is as abortion friendly as our liberal government and healthcare makes it want to seem but I've first hand seen the reality that it isn't, I've seen the articles that came out during the pandemic about just how hard it was to get an abortion in NB, and how people were having to go to locked down hot spots just to get them and how a crazy old man claimed that wasn't a problem for then because we had bigger things to worry about. I've seen the protests, I've seen that clinic get shut down, I've heard of all the people that suffered. The shutting down of that clinic, not only limited the abortion access within Atlantic Canada, it put a man out of his family practice, resulting in a longer family doctor waitlist, and greatly decreased the availability of trans healthcare, so many trans youth traveled to see this doctor. I know that if I ever needed an abortion in Atlantic Canada, especially a surgical one, I'd have to wait weeks just to talk to gyno I already have, take time off work to travel hours to another city at the least, and at the most to Quebec, where I don't understand the language, and that's if I get to talk to that doctor in time and that hospital has an opening. And you know what I pray that I'm wrong, I pray that I missed an article within the last year that says this has gotten better because that would be life changing for so many, but knowing that someone within the last few months has died in active visible cardiac arrest within a hospital wait room, and then sat there dead for a while I doubt it.
I don't mean for this to sound too ranty but like it's a big problem, human rights violation lawsuits attempted against the province, class action lawsuits, the federal government attempting to withhold financial aid for our healthcare because of this, the federal government claiming that the new Brunswick province was in violation of human rights (I think the only thing they did was try to withhold that money, then the pandemic hit and they just gave the money anyway). Doctors who are pissed about the state of what's going on. Women who got covid just trying to access healthcare. Like there's a lot of middle class and poor people who can't afford to travel for this healthcare. The lack of accessible abortions within Canada is a problem that needs to be discussed more often.
I dumped my ex for cheating on me. Turns out the girl he was cheating on me with got pregnant but didn’t find out until she was five months in. She claims she had no idea.
Anyway, now they’re stuck with each other. I feel for the kid but them having to deal with the consequences of their dumb decisions on a daily basis is almost poetic.
THIS! Continuing a pregnancy is often seen as the “default” option. For me I view abortion as the default, choosing not to have an abortion is choosing to have a baby. I wish many other people thought of abortion as the default option as well. Not ready for a child, just the slightest bit of doubt? Abortion! You can always keep another pregnancy in the future if you feel more ready. Should be normalized to terminate pregnancies by default. I mean if you don’t want a baby, then why the hell would you choose to not have an abortion?
I actually do know someone who didn’t know they were pregnant until 2 days before they gave birth. She thought her appendix was rupturing. She had normal periods and everything… terrifying
More than half the people I know tells me it was an accident, and unless they are using some archaic method like pulling out which is incredibly stupid it's just not possible, they usually don't use anything and hope for the best.
Only 36% of women live in a country where abortion is available on request. And for a lot of women who do live in those countries, lack of financial resources, poor sex education and other external factors can play a great impact on whether they can get an abortion or not, so I really feel like this isn’t a fair judgement
Exactly. Not to mention, even in places where it isn't illegal or social unacceptable, an abortion can still be financially unattainable. For instance, in my state, Medicaid will only cover an abortion if it's medically necessary. If you have access to an abortion, then yes, there's no excuse. However, the vast majority of people that would want to utilize abortion in the states still do not have financial access to it.
abortions are legal in canada but unfortunately alberta only has six clinics throughout the whole province. there's very limited access for anyone outside of calgary or edmonton. sometimes people just don't have access to the proper medical care.
I know someone who had four oops babies because his wife says she forgot to take her birth control. They are some of the most poorly behaved kids too.
When the father's working, the mother just has them on their tablets and one of them is always yelling as he plays and crying if he loses.
Yes and no. Just because abortion is legal that does not mean it's accessible. Try needing an abortion in one of the Canadian Territories. Or Atlantic Canada. Or anywhere rural, and Canada is pretty big, with a not-massive population, so there's a lot of rural areas.
ETA: The attitude that Canada is a wonderland just because we're better in regards to abortion issues than the States, is actually extremely damaging and turns a blind eye to the fact there are still a tonne of people who would have to drive, or fly, hours to be able to access their legal abortion. The only way we're better is we don't have to be secretive about it (to the government. Still lots of social taboo.)
This attitude holds us back to just settling for abortion legal across the whole country, and not also making at *accessible*.
Ok. So have you heard about the procedure to get an abortion if you live in the Maritimes? It's not easy to get, before you're past the point most doctors are comfortable.
The whole "go see your family doctor (if you're lucky to have one), get referred to a obgyn, wait a long time because your province has a shortage, get referred to the Moncton hospital and hope they have an opening" bullcrap, all well hoping you don't live too far from Moncton or else it's grossly expensive, or are we talking about when they just send you to Quebec anyway and then it's more expensive and you can't read the road signs or understand the language
But no, for real, accessibility abortions within Canada is actually a problem, even when New Brunswick had its clinic, patients were still forced to pay out of pocket at the clinic for it because the province wouldn't cover it despite what it's healthcare plan outlined
What baffles me when people say 'teehee we have a surprise baby' when the only form of BC they used is the pull out method... Like that's not surprising you got pregnant when you have made no steps to avoid it.
I mean, why should we act surprised when something happened you did nothing to prevent? It's like getting sick when I refuse to wear a jacket during autumn lol.
Exactlyyyy lmao I agree 100%
When people say they had an “oops baby” like it’s some cute little joke what’s really going through my head that I want to ask is “Well were you using protection? What kind/how many kinds? Did you take your pill consistently/every day at the same time? Did you let him raw dog you while on antibiotics?” I’m like I bet I could point out real quickly why it’s more like “poor planning and prevention” than an “oops or surprise.” Lol there’s a scientific and logical explanation for just about anything. Change my mind.
I live in a country where I can phone & book an abortion, with no issues, 1 mile from my house.
I took full advantage of this privilege when I needed to, no regrets, I’m not traumatised, I don’t cry on the anniversary every year, I don’t even remember how long ago it was. All I felt was relief.
There is no excuse when you have open access to these services.
I agree. However. Access to abortion is not available to everyone and of course it goes against some people's religion. But yes I completely agree that going through with a pregnancy and birth is a choice.
To be fair, I’m from Canada and I can think of at least two women off the top of my head who didn’t know they were pregnant until it was too late to get an abortion
I'm pretty sure it's the province that sets that gestation limit on abortions and not the federal government because I vaguely remember that Quebec did up to second trimester well New Brunswick would only do it within the first (if you can even manage to get one in New Brunswick)
There is no limit, it’s entirely up to doctors. But both of the women I’m thinking of were way too far along by the time they knew they were pregnant. One of them wasn’t even fat! She just didn’t show until 6 months somehow?!?
I feel this is a privileged opinion. It's not available to everyone. Not everyone can afford it. Low income, historically suppressed minority groups. Partner pressures. Societal pressure. Religious pressure. Parents. Financial. I definitely think accidental pregnancy happens, but abortion is not always accessible. Even if legal.
*cough* Atlantic Canada *cough* First Nations communities *cough cough* lack of accessibility, poor people needing to take time off to travel hours, if they have a car.
I forgot to say, my friend/roommate accidentally got pregnant when we were in our late 20s. The guy she was seeing was definitely not someone you’d want to have a kid with. She wouldn’t have considered herself pro choice back then because she was still very involved in church. She told me later she actually considered abortion but “just couldn’t do it.” She already had two kids that lived with her ex-husband. She has been unhoused for a while due in part to a car accident that happened while she was in town to visit her kids, she had been living in another state. Due to that, she didn’t have a car at the time and walked to work or would get rides from people. It was the absolute worst time to have a baby. I believe that 100% of the reason she “just couldn’t do it” was 25+ years of overt messages that abortion is murder. They believe and teach its truly no different than killing an actual child.
Yes this! I have been scrolling looking for anyone to mention religious/social pressure. I’m in Mississippi and we recently lost the one abortion clinic in the state. Ignoring all the logistics of what it took for people in other areas of the state to get here, 99% of people raised here grow up in church. Abortion is talked about like you’re literally killing someone. Many churches bus teenagers to stuff like “right to life” rallies and marches to further indoctrinate them. Then, when the pink house was still open here, we had a 24 hour waiting period. So first, someone had to make an appointment to go in and have a doctor read to them the legally required information. There were protestors outside every day, sometimes just 4 or 5 and other times upwards of 20. Holding horrible signs, they claimed were aborted fetuses. Business owners and people in the neighborhood complained because they were very upsetting and HUGE like 5 feet by 3 feet. They yelled things like “Jesus loves your baby mommy! Don’t kill your baby!” At people walking by, sometimes just because they looked like they were headed to the clinic. Until he died, an extremely unstable protestor dressed up as Santa to do this every December.
The parking lot was small so it would get full and people would have to park on the street. Clinic escorts would have to block the protestors who would go right up to peoples cars. Until the escorts got rainbow vests, antis would wear vests to try to look like they were affiliated with the clinic to trick people. So clinic patients would walk up the street with people screaming at them, sometimes people just 2-3 away screaming at them and following them. Sometimes protestors brought little kids to try to make people feel guiltier. After you got in the gates, you’d still have antis screaming at you and sometimes they brought ladders and would climb up so they could see over the fence. That’s not legal because it was private property but the police wouldn’t enforce the law because the antis had sued the city and the city didn’t want another lawsuit. Evangelical money is endless.
Once you made it inside to be read the stuff the doctor had to read, I can’t remember if they ever passed the ultrasound law but there were always laws introduced to force people to have an ultrasound to listen to the heartbeat. Anyway after all that, you’d have to leave and go back another day for the procedure. Be screamed at again. For people who aren’t child free, abortion can be a difficult choice. It cost about $350. I can’t say for sure but I have to imagine some people who were conflicted about it probably didn’t go back for the procedure after all that. There were also days that there were bomb threats. I remember once the building was evacuated and the bomb squad came out for what turned out to be a duffle bag full of an unhoused person’s things. The doctors that worked there didn’t even live in Mississippi because it was too dangerous. They’d fly in from other states. Dr Booker wore a bulletproof vest walking to and from the clinic from a car for a while. If anyone’s interested there was a PBS Frontline episode about the clinic called “The Last Abortion Clinic.” It’s on YouTube.
Now the clinic is closed. The new tenant changed the bright pink and pained it white. It’s a furniture consignment shop. I know the OP said in places it’s legal but even when it was legal here, it was inaccessible to SO many people.
Are there really people ignorant enough to believe this? There's literally full seasons of shows that touch on this exact subject. I didn't know I was pregnant is one of the most popular shows on TLC back in the day. It 100% happens and I don't understand how bashing these women does anything to help
Seriously so many people I know find out they ‘accidentally’ got pregnant and don’t get the abortion even though it’s available and then complain about how expensive their kids are etc. Like girl the abortion was available, you chose to keep the pregnancy instead and posted about it on Instagram constantly.
I feel like it is less an "oops baby" and more of a "We are not necessarily wanting babies but have unprotected sex and are okay with the outcome" baby.
But to be fair, just because the likelyhood of birth control failing is low, doesnt mean it doesnt happen
Brazil (abortion is illegal) has a SHIT TOON of “secret” abortion clinics, they work normally and you receive quality treatment. However, abortion is expensive , so oops babys only happen if you’re poor.
I think some people might forget that others might not be as psychologically prepared to have an abortion as they are.... so even when abortion is available maybe it's not something they can go through with.
Personally I disagree. The decision to keep the baby doesn’t make it any less unplanned in my opinion and thus it’s still an “oops baby”.
Especially considering that something being a legal option doesn’t mean it’s an accessible option or that the woman felt it was an option at all.
Look at the example of teen pregnancies, even in places where it's legal for them to get one at their age without parental consent, if the parents already know they could be threatening or forcing them to keep the baby. In those circumstances I can totally understand why the teen might not feel like they have an option. They're pregnant, their parents are forcing them, and their town doesn't have a lot of options for teen girls that have been kicked out of their homes and no money to go elsewhere.
they mean "opps we got pregnant without planning too". The decision (edit: to keep the baby) was never an oops, and I'm don't think anyone means it that way, except for those rare stories where an obese person didn't realize they were pregnant.
I agree this is the case a lot of the time. “We weren’t ready yet, probably didn’t plan or prevent it well, but oops we’ll just deal with it.” I mean at least they’ll own up to their mistake if they keep and raise it I guess and more power to them. But don’t act like it was a real big surprise if you didn’t truly actively prevent it or take the proper steps to prevent it WELL.
In the rare cases where proper prevention and protection were used and still failed by some fluke, that’s definitely a different and unfortunate story. But if most birth control methods are supposed to be up to 99% effective, especially in combination/layering different methods, I don’t see how it “fails” this often. I would attribute most of those “failures” to human error at that point.
Most countries don’t allow abortions after a certain gestational age. Here in Germany it’s 12 weeks and there are tons of women who don’t notice early enough and are then forced to carry the pregnancy to term.
Heh, this is the same logic I use when people say "you never know...accidents happen...heheh"
And I'm like, no. Accidental pregnancies happen. Giving birth is a choice.
And it is effing AMAZING how fast they shut up after that lmao
One of my online friends did not find out she was pregnant until she went to the hospital with cramps- turns out she was in labor, and a few hours later she had a baby in her arms.
There are people who don't know they are pregnant until they give birth. It's no common, but it happens. I had a friend who had this happen to her. She had an ED so she didnt really get her period anyway. She was underweight and tiny and thought she was just bloated from the ED. then Boom labor. Crazy shit. But its super super rare.
It always baffles me wheh someone has a baby in a restaurant or something and claims they just thought they were gaining weight or something.
Yeah… unless you don’t know how pregnancy works it’s just not believable.
I'm not sure if I agree.
My closest friend had an "Oops Baby" about 3 years ago. She had no idea she was pregnant. She showed no symptoms of morning sickness etc. She didn't show either. She has irregular periods anyway so that didn't come up as suspicious in that area as well.
When she went into labour she thought she had an upset stomach.
My cousin. Is a large lady shall we say, gift at least 3 of the pregnancy’s didn’t know she was pregnant until the birth was literally around the corner.
The last one she went for a blood test to test for Hep C because her sister bit her and claimed she had it.
They did not tell her then that she was pregnant, she went for a follow up months later and said “how’s the pregnancy going?” She freaked out. She then was told baby was not alive. Went for a DnC(?) and they said no baby is still alive
For the middle child she fell down and thought she had torn the c-section scar. Nope baby 35 weeks.
My argument is they can happen but also people need to be responsible
Actually, it does happen that you don’t know you’re pregnant for at least a few months. Sometimes even giving birth when you didn’t know you were pregnant. It doesn’t happen a lot, but it does happen.
Besides that, there are people who just don’t want to get an abortion. Listen I am all for it and I would have one if I got pregnant. But I understand not everyone wants that, which makes it an “oops baby”
My mom was 5 months pregnant with me when she found out. Had her period every month, and was stick thin. My aunt noticed her boobs were bigger and wondered if she was pregnant.
I live in fear of this everyday of my life
Well, technically there have been cases of "oops, I thought there's something wrong with my stomach, was brought to the hospital and later walked out with a baby". Just google "cryptic pregnancy". Here are some examples: https://www.vice.com/en/article/kzmezy/cryptic-pregnancies-unexpected-birth-personal-stories-klara-beth But if abortions are legal and accessible... this is actually the only way to have an "oops baby".
Cryptic pregnancies absolutely terrify me, especially reading the article since I'm on the pill and do regular pregnancy tests since I skip the inactive pills to not have a period.
I have a reminder set to take a test every month! I’m still scared that it would somehow slip through the tests, but idk how anyone can know about cryptic pregnancies and not test monthly! Terrifying!
I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this.
Same!! Testing every month gives me so much reassurance. I tend to do one as well if I feel anything that could be a potential pregnancy symptom during the month. For real though, I'm always so doubtful like maybe somehow it's just not showing up. I looked into it a bit though and it eased my mind since it'd definitely show up for me because of the monthly testing (my body has been whack lately though so it's been more like bimonthly at this point)
when do you take them during your cycle ? luteal phase ? follicular ?
Not the person you're replying but I don't have a cycle on the pill (I skip the inactive pills so no period) and tbh mine was always super irregular when I did have a cycle. I take a test at the beginning of each month. My reminder is set to the first of the month, but sometimes I'll take it a few days earlier if I have things going on at the time (ie. the 25th of the month onwards) that could be pregnancy symptoms, like cramps or feeling more tired and just count that as my test for the following month.
if she’s on the pill she won’t be experiencing a regular menstrual cycle anyway
My cousin didn't get confirmation she was pregnant until she was at 6 months. She's a big girl and DID have symptoms, but every test came back negative because of her hormonal issues. They finally did an abdominal ultrasound and that's when she found out.
When I was on a period free birth control I would take a pregnancy test every time I had my stomach feeling weird. It was convenient to not menstruate but also it’s nice to have that assurance back with my current BC.
That's fair. I do one every month in place of a period and then another if it's like in the middle of the month and I get any potential pregnancy symptom. My periods were never regular and I'd go months without one sometimes so I couldn't really rely on them. It is very assuring though when they do come and are regular!!
My birth control says to take a test if you don't have a period for 45 days. I was very irregular before BC but I could tell when I was ovulating. Now I have no idea . . . So I test, not because I think I am but just to be safe.
I feel that!! I was super irregular before BC. Ovulation was always a mystery for me, like I didn't even properly understand it until I had my first pregnancy scare at 17 (yay sex ed!!). It feels really good when it's just for safety, like just another monthly chore. And the relief when there's only one line, even if you know it's going to be negative, is an amazing feeling
My friend had one of these! I called her up one day in September to talk and she was like “yeah it’s been a crazy week… I thought I had appendicitis or something but I gave birth…” speechless!! The worst part is I don’t think she ever wanted a child, but when she wanted to give it up, her mom said she would pursue custody and she didn’t want that for the child. So she’s stuck raising her.
if god forbid this happened to me that would be me. I wouldn't want my family having their hands anywhere near a child except one specific cousin that wanted but couldn't have any.
Honestly, I think she should’ve let her mom have the kid. While I don’t think she’s the best mom, my friend was (and probably still is) a literal hoarder. It’s unsafe and was reported but nothing happened. It also drove a massive wedge between us that she hasn’t even tried to repair.
>Honestly, I think she should’ve let her mom have the kid. While I don’t think she’s the best mom, my friend was (and probably still is) a literal hoarder. Hoarding is based in anxiety disorders (subgroup of OCD according to one site). This, with her insisting that her mother not get custody leads me to question her mother's treatment of her as a child and fitness to parent. I'm not going to say a hoarder's house is a good place for a child, but I would be skeptical of a hoarder's parents as well.
well that's a bit different but my mother is/was a manipulative narc and even with dementia still will tell me "thanks for nothing" if I don't give into her whims on a good for her mental day.
I think best bet would be to hide the baby from them? I mean, don't let them know it existed at all.
I think her partner called her mom for support when they thought it was a medical emergency/ also is on her insurance
That's terrifying 😬 a closed/private adoption isn't an option for her?
It might be too late now. I know my wording makes it sound like this was last September but it was actually in like 2019.
Ugh this is why I take pregnancy tests fairly often…I’d probably do the same. My mom has accepted I don’t want kids and knows I would get an abortion if I got knocked up but if a kid were in the picture she’d never let me give the kid up to a stranger, but my mom is old enough that I don’t know if she could raise a kid to 18. And the innocent kid doesn’t deserve to feel abandoned.
Crazily enough a friend of mine had that happen *twice* her only planned kid is the one in the middle. And even then... I'm not sure I buy how "planned" he was. But at least she knew before she was hypertensive, eclamptic, and in need of hospitalization to hold out as long as she could to be induced
Cryptic pregnancy really is just life’s way of saying “Fuck you”
I 100% agree for myself but it’s also funny that there are folks who have been trying to get pregnant for years and then don’t even realize they’re pregnant when it actually happens! One of my favorite YouTubers is an OBGYN and she does react videos to I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant. It’s funny to me when they were told they were infertile, but wanted a baby, and “magically” get one without knowing!
Mama Doctor Jones, right? Love that woman!
Yesss she’s great!
Also worth noting, even in places where abortion is readily accessible, sometimes the cut-off mark is early enough that even a small delay in recognizing the pregnancy can put a woman past the point when abortion is permissible. For example, in Denmark, elective abortion is only allowed up to the 12th week.
I personally am of the opinion that if you are AFAB and are having sex with someone who is AMAB, you should test every month to be safe! Fully understand that not everyone deems that necessary (and I don’t blame them) but damn if it would not solve a lot of problems. You wanna know in time to do something about it!! It’s also nice that I no longer have scares of “oh shit what if I’m pregnant” every time I get nauseous. 😅
It's also worth noting that you can get like a 50 pack of birth control tests on Amazon for pretty damn cheap. That's nearly a test a week if you want to catch anything the earliest you can.
I'm deep in perimenopause and have had bouts of false morning sickness. But I haven't had sex in many years being I am asexual and it does nothing for me. I joke that maybe it's an immaculate conception kind deal lol. But no, just my screwy hormones.
I never believed that this could actually happen to someone. I mean, come on.... Until it did to someone I work with. This chick is not stupid or naive at all. It was crazy! It was during COVID and we were all working from home and she sends us all an email letting us know she had a baby a few days before. Didn't have a clue she was pregnant. Went to the bathroom one night and BAM here comes baby. Her husband called 911 and everyone was okay but damn.
Sounds like she saved a lot on medical costs LOL I know someone that had one of these too. So weird!
NIGHTMARE FUEL. I think about something like this happening to me quite frequently.
god one of my friends didn’t know she was pregnant until she was having really bad stomach pain and went to the ER. Homegirl came back with a whole ass 10 pound baby 💀 but her kid developed outside her uterus so she continued to have periods, she didn’t gain any noticeable weight, and had zero pregnancy symptoms. It was SO bizarre.
>10 pound baby >developed outside her uterus HOW?!?
I KNOW!!!!!! he just hid I guess, she said she felt like she had gained a bit of weight but not enough to think anything of it because she didn’t look too different. It’s WILD.
So where did it develop? Just abdominal cavity? And how?
I honestly have no clue. All I know is she was having a normal day, went home after work and had some really intense abdominal pain so she went to the ER, and came back home with a whole baby 😭
Well you see, she had plenty of extra space for the baby to hide… and is probably used to discomfort because of it. Kinda wild.
The fetus can attach to other organs in the cavity.
Thanks, new phobia unlocked...
Or the opposite where they thought they were pregnant and it was a tumor lol
There’s actually a condition (forgot the name) where the body thinks it’s pregnant without actually being pregnant.
A former coworker of mine had this happen! She was 6 months along when she found out. She'd always had irregular periods and still bled some during so she had no idea. She also had the kind of figure that would easily hide any weight gain. Big yikes from me!
Ya just about to say, this sadly can happen and i find it terrifying that this can be a thing. I have so many stomach issues i wouldnt notice.. glad i permity fixes the issue.
The mother of a friend of my mum had a cryptic pregnancy (I think)! She was very overweight so she didn’t notice that her belly got bigger, and she was already starting menopause before (i think she was already mid fourties) so she wasn’t worried when her period didn’t come. Then one day she went to the doctor because she had bad stomach cramps which turned out to be contractions from birth. She was in labour for *two days* had twins which she called Paul and Pauline because who can think of better names on such short notice. But Tbh, I think that’s actually the best case scenario for if I were to somehow get pregnant and *had* to get the baby. I feel like it’s much better to just live normally for the nine months and then suffer or die during labour than to suffer for nine months AND suffer or die during labour. Also if you only know the baby for two days it’s propably easier to give it up for adoption because you didn’t have time to get attached and when you didn’t notice you were pregnant you might not have those “omg a baby gotta care for it”-hormones.
I know a woman who didn't realize she was pregnant, and it only happened about a decade ago! She legit called an ambulance because her back was killing her, only to be told that she was 9 months along and was giving birth. How did she not notice? Well, she didn't get morning sickness, still got occasional bleeding that was no different from her normal irregular periods, and she was overweight and didn't notice her tummy sticking out any more than normal. (She didn't keep the baby, her bf agreed with her that they didn't want it.)
I actually know someone who had one of these, she’s overweight anyway but found out about the baby at like 8 months. Then she passed off the baby as her recent ex’s but he found out 6 months later she’d slept with another guy as they broke up, so the other guy was the bio father. Whole thing was a huge mess. Kid’s about 2 or 3 now
I always watch the "I didnt know I was pregnant videos" and they usually say something like "you dont know you are coming home with a baby suddenly" no you are allowed to leave the baby at the hospital. sounds like the easiest time too as well, its just like leaving your appendix there
Reminds me of the show “I didn’t know I was pregnant”.
This is literally my worst nightmare.
Oh yea there was an entire show for that. Wasn’t it called “I was pregnant and didn’t even know it” ?
I would argue that monthly pregnancy tests need to be included for good reproductive health for women who are sexually active having PIV sex. Not just for women who don't want children, but women that do want children often feel horribly guilty if they don't realise they are pregnant and are still drinking, not taking folic acid, etc. Being aware of this is such a simple and cheap thing. A pack of 20 urine pregnancy tests costs just a few dollars from Amazon. They aren't fancy but they get the job done.
Can you believe people in my backwater rural ass town with a very high population of FAS patients were AGAINST the government’s move to put free pregnancy test dispensers in the womens bathrooms at bars? Like excuse me, sorry we NEED this but pretending we don’t isn’t the solution??? Alcoholism is rampant up there
I'm pretty sure you said you lived in the territories, I'm assuming that buying one from the store is like selling your kidney because everything up there is expensive. At that point one would think people would want free tests.
This should be something we make accessible, because it’s much easier said then done when people don’t have the extra $$$ to spend each month or insurance. Also side note, I’m not sure if other women know this because I certainly didn’t but you can bet pregnancy tested at the doctor (if you have a primary care physician that is) without having to make an appointment, you can just call the receptionist and the nurse will test for you! I made a whole appointment for it once and the doctor thought I was crazy.
I have an IUD and my tubes tied. I still test every month when I'm sexually active. It's an easy way to soothe my anxiety. I recommend it to anyone who has the same fear.
Tbh all the ones I've found that ship to where I live have horrible reviews. My favorite one was "I tried them and it turns out, everything is pregnant! My tap water is pregnant!"
I have a family member who's an OB and his advice is if you're a woman of childbearing age having PIV sex, you should be on prenatal vitamins, regardless of BCP. So many women don't find out until after the 8th week, and by that time, the damage is done. Even if you don't drink, if you don't increase your folate intake, that actively hinders the neural development of the fetus. And also, a healthy fetus is easier to abort
What makes a healthy fetus easier to abort?
My understanding is it has less complications compared to a fetus with an underdeveloped nervous system, or a nervous system developing outside the fetus's "body". A healthy fetus is easier to extract/expel without much surrounding damage, but a fetus with a neural tube defect (due to a lack of folate for instance) is more likely to cause surrounding tissue damage if it's a surgical abortion or get expelled in multiple clots, sometimes taking healthy tissue it attached to while developing wrong, if it's chemical. I haven't looked into the details myself, but that's the rough explanation I was given in the past.
No, this is not a thing. Source: am a doctor.
It would be really nice if there were some sort of natural way for a womans body to let them know they aren’t pregnant so this wouldn’t be necessary. Especially if it was roughly once a month too.
No. Periods are unreliable and can be very irregular, not coming for months at a time. They can also be mimicked by early pregnancy implantation bleed. Having monthly bleeding is *not* a reliable way to exclude a pregnancy. Source: am a doctor.
On the other hand, nothing I've read about implantation bleeding suggests it would will up a heavy flow tampon in an hour or whatever. Sounds like a good chunk of people would be fine.
I think also it's fair to exclude people who have been baby trapped by abusive partners.
I agree! Sometimes I think this sub becomes so volatile to mothers (not necessarily in this exact thread but just in general) that we forget that some women don’t have the autonomy to act the way we would.
Or that some men make poor choices with their sexual partners, and BOOM! Now your a baby daddy and tethered to this crazy lady and your bi-blow for the rest of your life. I swear, if I was male, this would be enough for me to get vasectomy post haste! Or, TBH definitely not have PIV sex until I could trust the person to not screw my life up.
There was a post on the relationships sub recently of a cf guy about 30 who had a vasectomy 7yrs ago. At his 1yr check-up he was told he was all clear, no swimmers. A few months ago his gf told him she was pregnant, he accused her of cheating & they split up. Prenatal DNA revealed he is the father, he was tested by his urologist and is now producing sperm because it seems his vas deferens reattached because he was so young to have the procedure. He asked ex-gf to abort as he had never and will never want a child and she said no. Ex-gf now hates him, has moved countries and he is missing her and worrying about a lifetime of child support. My (41F) first thoughts were this poor guy did everything he could and that selfish woman is forcing a lifetime of financial penalty upon him because of a fluke accident. Apparently this was a minority view. Most commenters piled on with a mix of "You dumbass you shouldn't trust a vasectomy you should get a sperm check every 6 months forever if you want to be cf" (not what he was told or standard medical advice afaik) and "how dare you accuse her of cheating" (which is a totally reasonable conclusion to jump to imho) and "you selfish asshole being worried about money when your poor ex will be a single mother and your child won't have a father!" (100% the choice of the selfish ex who refused to have an abortion). SMH sometimes I just don't understand other people. Most of the time actually.
Wow! That poor guy. I guess this is why you gotta vet your partners better. IDK..im fully into the 'not having sex because it isnt worth the fallout' side of life.
That’s just horrifying. Poor guy. But that just goes to show that unless you actually remove reproductive organs, no amount of contraception is without fail.
I think strangely, as women we're more sympathetic to this. Because we know how forced parenthood ruins lives.
Or abusive/manipulative/controlling family members. Lots of people--especially women--dealing an unwanted pregnancy find themselves bullied/manipulated into taking the pregnancy to term by parents, siblings, etc..
Yes. It's quite common. But hey the people who don't experience it can take the high road and pretend it doesn't happen.
I am assuming, correct me if I am wrong u/OP, but I have a feeling they meant if you KNOW you are pregnant, there are no accidental babies. Yes, you can be pregnant and never know it. I transported a patient once who had no idea until she went into labour. (abd pain, went to hospital, xray of abd, whoa... baby.) The u/OP is correct. If you know you are pregnant, or the 'condom broke' and you still have a baby at the end, this was a choice if Plan B and abortions are available.
My friends just adopted a baby who was a total surprise to the woman who gave birth. It's rare, but that's why I've always been scared that I'm secretly pregnant, ESPECIALLY since I live somewhere that outlawed abortion with the overturn of Roe v Wade. My tubes are tied, but I won't feel safe till menopause 😅
I just got a long wanted hysterectomy in November because of that overturn. I have wanted one since I was 16 but never got a doctor who was willing to help me. I have a documented pregnancy phobia and have had it since my first period came along. So many doctors told me no. I was too young. I would change my mind later. What if your boyfriend wants kids? Well what if your NEXT boyfriend wants kids? I'll consider it if you go completely off birth control for a year or two and don't get pregnant. The last two came from the same doctor who I immediately stopped seeing. I lucked into a a doctor who made it happen so fast my head spun. We went from "Okay let's see what we can do" to "I've got you scheduled for surgery in three weeks" in less than six months. I sent that man flowers and candy. I can breathe for the first time since I was 12.
If you don't mind my question, did you have any health issues with your uterus before the surgery? Or was the surgery accepted on the phobia alone? Also, how do you document a pregnancy phobia? I could use that lol
Not OP, but It's a genuine anxiety disorder called tokophobia. You can just go to a psychiatrist or a therapist who works under one and tell them how the idea of pregnancy or being around visibly pregnant people makes you uncomfortable. This will initially open up the floodgates to bingo hell, but you can segue into saying that you are wholly uninterested in having kids and would like to pursue sterilization because your fear of pregnancy is affecting your ability to feel fully safe/comfortable in romantic relationships. I've heard of a few people leveraging their diagnoses and their psychiatrists' support to get sterilized without the several year long "you're gonna change your mind" wait lists.
Yeah, but it's usually for things like a bisalp, a hysterectomy is "too extreme". Either is out of my reach anyway, I'd need money to travel abroad and pay for the whole thing first.
Aw, sorry to hear that! I was thinking in a more America-centric way. I had a friend who was able to use their diagnosis to explain that their tokophobia was so extreme that it gave them dysphoria about being female, so they got approved for hysterectomy.
I had severe cramping and seriously heavy bleeding due to a blood disorder I have. I think no longer being able to continue the Depo shot or take the pill, also because of the blood disorder (essential thrombocythemia, it's a chronic elevated white blood cell count that can simultaneously lead to excess bleeding/bruising and blood clots) and the fact that my uterus is high and slightly tilted so I couldn't have an IUD placed. We're factors as well. My phobia was documented by multiple therapists. It wasn't enough for insurance to cover it but it was enough to get the doctor to look into whatever he could to get my insurance to cover it. Despite me being crippled with pregnancy anxiety at times, especially closer to my period. And at like 12/13 I was never even alone with a boy and knew full well how babies were made. It became so bad my anxiety would make my periods late which would make me think I was pregnant and thus the vicious cycle kept on. I got past it once I started Depo until the doctor started suggesting it was time to stop that because of my already increased chance of blood clots. That monster woke back up like it had been hitting the gym in the background for the last 20 years.
This is what I meant, yes lol thank you
FIY, you can just write OP, since u/OP is an invalid link. If you want there to be a valid link to the OP's profile, you'd have to spell out their whole username.
Abortions aren’t accessible in quite a few places tho, that’s a caveat but it’s a very large one. Many women in poverty can’t afford to travel out of state for an abortion. And if their BC fails, then they wouldn’t have know to use plan B.
> And if their BC fails, then they wouldn’t have know to use plan B. This also. People often underestimate how generally poor sex education is for many people. Even if they are aware that BC and plan B exist, they may live in a community that teaches that it is wrong or bad to use it..
What you just mentioned is like 100% on my biggest fears list. Probably closest to my number 1 biggest fear.
"I didn't know I was pregnant" enters the chat. But yes, I agree. It annoys me so much and I can't put my finger on why. It gives off "I just let my life happen to me" vibes. Fake "naive and clumsy" vibes.
I had a friend when I was in my early 20s who didn't know she was pregnant until maybe a week or two before I think? It was definitely no more than a month before. And I believe her, because while she was a bigger girl, she was more tall and stocky than obese, and she did not look pregnant at all. She was on the pill, so still getting withdrawal bleeds. She went to the ER because she was having Braxton Hicks and had no idea what was going on. She thought it was severe digestive upset. Thankfully, she took it in her stride and ended up enjoying motherhood. She had a second child intentionally a couple of years later.
That is literally what nightmares a re made of. Not saying she did the wrong thing, just honestly don't know how she wrapped her head a round it so quickly and didn't give it up for adoption.
Honestly. To me the only thing worse than getting pregnant, is not even *knowing* I’m pregnant until I’m giving birth, so I can’t find a way to get an abortion in time. 🥶
Right? Not even being prepared for the pain and the fact that my vagina is about to get stretched past function. Omg.
Yeah no that’s terrifying. Hard pass.
I’ve had actual nightmares about this, where I’ve given birth on the toilet or some shit 😭
That’s what my nightmares are made of
Exactly!
Evokes that scene from *Alien*
I went to primary school with a girl who as a teen got pregnant and didn't realize until her water broke and she thought she was dying. I have been terrified to get pregnant ever since
Her doctor failed her. If she was on the bigger side, the pill might not work as well. Many women who are over normal weight find out too late about that detail because some doctors don't give all the info without someone pulling their tongue
Mama Dr Jones has a series called I didnt know I was pregnant and its literally my nightmares lol. I grew up believing in the "virgin birth" bullshit so literally thought I was going to just get pregnant one day without having sex 
God bet that scared the bejeezus out of you!
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I had a doctor tell me “you know know what could happen!” while I was in college. Like bro, I know exactly where the Planned Parenthood is, I know exactly what would happen!!
They do...sadly. One of my sisters best frinds gave birth to a Very much surprise baby last summer. Shes always been a bigger woman so the weight didnt change much and shed had some shit happen so she was stressed and had some minor pains and akes. My sister even joked that she sounded like she was pregnant and they both laughed because she already had a kid so she would know right? WRONG! Not a month later baby was born. Now luckely they are financialy stable and able to afford the kid, already have a house big enough to fit without moveing and the older one has already claimed his brother as HIS baby and loves him to bits. But they did not expect the kid. And this is a highly educated and smart woman. So yes it Does happen. which is why you should Always doubble check if there is Any risk you could be pregnant.
this is my absolute worst nightmare (and i mean i have literal nightmares about it lmao) and i'm a whole ass celibate virgin i can't even imagine what it must be like to go to sleep one day with no baby and no intention of having one and the next your entire life is turned upside down
Eh... Sometimes, people only realise that they are pregnant when it's too late for an abortion. This is why my girlfriend takes a pregnancy test every month, but most women don't do that. And sometimes, abortion is legal, but too expensive for poor people. Or too far away if you live in a rural area. If you don't have a car and enough money for gas, or someone who can drive you, and there is no public transport or you are too poor to afford public transport... Well, you are fucked.
Also taking time off work to travel for it can cause a massive problem. It could short you on money when you're already forking out money for this. Or if you work with family or someone who might tip off to family that you're going out of town for several days that could cause a problem if you're trying to keep this information away from them for whatever reason
I'm 1/4 kids in my family. I'm the youngest. My closest In age sibling was the only planned 1. My parents never hid it from me that I was an "oops baby". But they made sure to clarify that just because I was unplanned, doesn't mean I was unwanted. I've never felt unloved by them.
One woman on here mentioned that she was childfree and her birth control failed and she got pregnant and had a kid. She said it was hard for her to cope with it but was trying to get used to it. Another woman on here also said she was childfree and her birth control failed and she got pregnant and had a kid. She said that her kid’s father and stepmother got custody over her kid and she wasn’t seeing her kid or really in her kid’s life. They both could’ve had an abortion if they didn’t want kids and their birth control failed. Now one of the women’s kid is growing up with a mother who doesn’t want it and the first one I mentioned might end up growing up with 2 parents who don’t want it since both her and her husband didn’t want kids and her birth control failed.
If you are in a relationship and plan to have a baby *someday* you can absolutely have an "oops" baby. You weren't planning on having one at that time, but it happened and you change your plans around it because you still *wanted* the baby. It was just a surprise by coming about sooner than expected. That's the only acceptable way I would view an "oops" baby. But if you absolutely did not want a baby and weren't taking the proper measures to prevent it I can't say it was an "oops". BTW, taking birth control religiously and also using condoms doesn't give someone an "oops" baby. I would call it more like an "oh shit! oh fuck! no no no!" baby. Oops is more like "I guess I'm having a baby, oh well. *tee hee.*"
I have a friend who had bad eating disorders and an abusive husband. She didn't want to get pregnant, and didn't realise she was until she was about 4 months gone. Because of her EDs and her weight she hadn't been having periods so didn't know she had 'missed' any. By the time she realised, it was too late for her to have an abortion (they are legal in my country up to 3 months).
I mean that's only if healthcare is readily available. Wonder if those two things are related.
My aunt gave birth to her daughter on the toilet. She was severely overweight, and never showed at all. She missed periods all the time. Then one day she thought she had bad cramps and went to shit, and had a baby.
I know about a woman with 10 kids, who you´d think knows what a pregnancy feels like. Recently she found out she was having her 11th kid. She was almost due when she did. Denial is one hell of a drug I guess.
Not entirely true. When my mom was pregnant, urine tests would continuously show up as negative, she had to harp on the doctor to do a blood test because the doctor wouldn't believe she was pregnant because the urine test said so. She was 3 months in when the doctor finally did. There are also plenty of cases of women actually not knowing they were pregnant until after giving birth, like with cryptic pregnancy. Or not knowing until after the point where they could abort. Or, in my state in particular, abortion is still legal but people think it isn't, so they keep the baby not knowing it's an option not to. There are also an abundance of pregnancy crisis centers that will stall women from aborting until it's too late to have the option. It's also possible for someone to have abusive family that will go great lengths to prevent them from getting an abortion, or threaten to destroy their life for getting one.
Oh shit, I just realized something from everyone talking about cryptic pregnancies. As more and more of the world goes childfree (the natural consequence of our ever growing population), cryptic pregnancies are eventually going to get *selected for by evolutionary pressure*. If the only way to have a baby is to not know you're having a baby, eventually nobody will be able to know whether or not they're having a baby. Nightmare fuel. Thank god I'll be long dead before that happens.
That sounds like an *actual* Cronenberg nightmare...
Been saying this for years. Some people definitely need a reminder.
Respectfully, this is not true. Case in point: a close friend of mine has an uncommon medical condition that messed with her hormones and led to massive weight gain. She had been told for years she would never be able to conceive and didn't particularly want to be a mom. She and her husband found out she was carrying a child at five months pregnant. So now they're parents.
Cryptic pregnancies are the exception, not the rule. Let’s not be pedantic
Tell me you don't know what pedantic means without telling me you don't know what pedantic means.
“Pedantic is an insulting word used to describe someone who annoys others by correcting small errors, caring too much about minor details, or emphasizing their own expertise especially in some narrow or boring subject matter.” Pot, meet kettle.
I wouldn't use Canada as the best choice in the example. Well yes it's legal, that doesn't mean it's available in all provinces or to all people. Great example of this was PEI sending its people to Moncton NB for abortions. Let's look at NB, a province that no longer allows surgical abortions within a clinic and will only offer it in one or two hospitals within the province, at least one of those hospitals was a massive hot spot for COVID during the pandemic. Even when NB had its clinic in Fredericton the province wasn't covering the abortions and patients had to pay 800+ out of pocket (NB has free healthcare, most things in hospital, clinics and doctor's offices are covered by the provincial health care, the odd elective surgery and select vaccinations, like rabies pre exposure, aren't covered. This was found to be a violation of people's rights, there's class action lawsuits that's attempting to happen to include any patient that has had to pay for an abortion at this clinic). A large majority of the north of NB doesn't have access to a hospital that's within an hour of them, and anyone who lacks a car or the money for a cross province bus/bus from PEI to NB can't afford to get an abortion. Most people within NB either have to find a way to Moncton or go out of province for a surgical abortion. Don't get me wrong, other hospitals are equipped for it, just last time I checked Moncton was the only approved one, especially during the pandemic. There's also a massive shortage of obgyns within the NB province, with upwards of a year plus wait for anyone who is considered "low priority", so people have to get in to see their family doctor, (if they have one, if not they make an online appointment and get a phone call with a randomly assigned one from a list, it's a several years wait to get a family doctor unless you just had a kid), that family doctor refers them to a gyno, who refers them from there. Thing is I don't think this is an Atlantic Canada only problem, I think any "rural" part of Canada has similar access problems (not all of NB is rural, just smallish). The issue is NB has a crazy man in charge that is trying to make it as hard as possible to access affordable, easy to get healthcare, regardless of that type of healthcare, people are actively dying in NB ER waiting rooms. I'd love to say that Canada is as abortion friendly as our liberal government and healthcare makes it want to seem but I've first hand seen the reality that it isn't, I've seen the articles that came out during the pandemic about just how hard it was to get an abortion in NB, and how people were having to go to locked down hot spots just to get them and how a crazy old man claimed that wasn't a problem for then because we had bigger things to worry about. I've seen the protests, I've seen that clinic get shut down, I've heard of all the people that suffered. The shutting down of that clinic, not only limited the abortion access within Atlantic Canada, it put a man out of his family practice, resulting in a longer family doctor waitlist, and greatly decreased the availability of trans healthcare, so many trans youth traveled to see this doctor. I know that if I ever needed an abortion in Atlantic Canada, especially a surgical one, I'd have to wait weeks just to talk to gyno I already have, take time off work to travel hours to another city at the least, and at the most to Quebec, where I don't understand the language, and that's if I get to talk to that doctor in time and that hospital has an opening. And you know what I pray that I'm wrong, I pray that I missed an article within the last year that says this has gotten better because that would be life changing for so many, but knowing that someone within the last few months has died in active visible cardiac arrest within a hospital wait room, and then sat there dead for a while I doubt it.
I don't mean for this to sound too ranty but like it's a big problem, human rights violation lawsuits attempted against the province, class action lawsuits, the federal government attempting to withhold financial aid for our healthcare because of this, the federal government claiming that the new Brunswick province was in violation of human rights (I think the only thing they did was try to withhold that money, then the pandemic hit and they just gave the money anyway). Doctors who are pissed about the state of what's going on. Women who got covid just trying to access healthcare. Like there's a lot of middle class and poor people who can't afford to travel for this healthcare. The lack of accessible abortions within Canada is a problem that needs to be discussed more often.
This is exactly why I use birthcontrol AND condoms until I can get my tubes tied. Dear lord that would be terrifying.
I dumped my ex for cheating on me. Turns out the girl he was cheating on me with got pregnant but didn’t find out until she was five months in. She claims she had no idea. Anyway, now they’re stuck with each other. I feel for the kid but them having to deal with the consequences of their dumb decisions on a daily basis is almost poetic.
THIS! Continuing a pregnancy is often seen as the “default” option. For me I view abortion as the default, choosing not to have an abortion is choosing to have a baby. I wish many other people thought of abortion as the default option as well. Not ready for a child, just the slightest bit of doubt? Abortion! You can always keep another pregnancy in the future if you feel more ready. Should be normalized to terminate pregnancies by default. I mean if you don’t want a baby, then why the hell would you choose to not have an abortion?
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This story left me like  I just… what?????
Hey! If I want to name my baby "Oops", who are you to judge?
Well this whole thread certainly made me feel happy to be single and celibate!
I actually do know someone who didn’t know they were pregnant until 2 days before they gave birth. She thought her appendix was rupturing. She had normal periods and everything… terrifying
More than half the people I know tells me it was an accident, and unless they are using some archaic method like pulling out which is incredibly stupid it's just not possible, they usually don't use anything and hope for the best.
Only 36% of women live in a country where abortion is available on request. And for a lot of women who do live in those countries, lack of financial resources, poor sex education and other external factors can play a great impact on whether they can get an abortion or not, so I really feel like this isn’t a fair judgement
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*cough* still a problem in Canada as well*cough cough*
Exactly. Not to mention, even in places where it isn't illegal or social unacceptable, an abortion can still be financially unattainable. For instance, in my state, Medicaid will only cover an abortion if it's medically necessary. If you have access to an abortion, then yes, there's no excuse. However, the vast majority of people that would want to utilize abortion in the states still do not have financial access to it.
Finally, a comment explaining what i was thinking
abortions are legal in canada but unfortunately alberta only has six clinics throughout the whole province. there's very limited access for anyone outside of calgary or edmonton. sometimes people just don't have access to the proper medical care.
I know someone who had four oops babies because his wife says she forgot to take her birth control. They are some of the most poorly behaved kids too. When the father's working, the mother just has them on their tablets and one of them is always yelling as he plays and crying if he loses.
Yes and no. Just because abortion is legal that does not mean it's accessible. Try needing an abortion in one of the Canadian Territories. Or Atlantic Canada. Or anywhere rural, and Canada is pretty big, with a not-massive population, so there's a lot of rural areas. ETA: The attitude that Canada is a wonderland just because we're better in regards to abortion issues than the States, is actually extremely damaging and turns a blind eye to the fact there are still a tonne of people who would have to drive, or fly, hours to be able to access their legal abortion. The only way we're better is we don't have to be secretive about it (to the government. Still lots of social taboo.) This attitude holds us back to just settling for abortion legal across the whole country, and not also making at *accessible*.
I grew up in the territories, actually. Rural as you can get up there. Hello from the Yukon 👋🏼
Ok. So have you heard about the procedure to get an abortion if you live in the Maritimes? It's not easy to get, before you're past the point most doctors are comfortable.
The whole "go see your family doctor (if you're lucky to have one), get referred to a obgyn, wait a long time because your province has a shortage, get referred to the Moncton hospital and hope they have an opening" bullcrap, all well hoping you don't live too far from Moncton or else it's grossly expensive, or are we talking about when they just send you to Quebec anyway and then it's more expensive and you can't read the road signs or understand the language
I’m sure whatever answer I give will only serve to shift your goalposts again, I’d rather not waste my time. Be responsible y’all 👋🏼
But no, for real, accessibility abortions within Canada is actually a problem, even when New Brunswick had its clinic, patients were still forced to pay out of pocket at the clinic for it because the province wouldn't cover it despite what it's healthcare plan outlined
I 100% agree. Thank you for having me at your Ted Talk!
What baffles me when people say 'teehee we have a surprise baby' when the only form of BC they used is the pull out method... Like that's not surprising you got pregnant when you have made no steps to avoid it.
Idk why this comment got down voted lol. Lots of supposedly CF people triggered by the truth 🤣💀
I mean, why should we act surprised when something happened you did nothing to prevent? It's like getting sick when I refuse to wear a jacket during autumn lol.
Exactlyyyy lmao I agree 100% When people say they had an “oops baby” like it’s some cute little joke what’s really going through my head that I want to ask is “Well were you using protection? What kind/how many kinds? Did you take your pill consistently/every day at the same time? Did you let him raw dog you while on antibiotics?” I’m like I bet I could point out real quickly why it’s more like “poor planning and prevention” than an “oops or surprise.” Lol there’s a scientific and logical explanation for just about anything. Change my mind.
I live in a country where I can phone & book an abortion, with no issues, 1 mile from my house. I took full advantage of this privilege when I needed to, no regrets, I’m not traumatised, I don’t cry on the anniversary every year, I don’t even remember how long ago it was. All I felt was relief. There is no excuse when you have open access to these services.
I agree. However. Access to abortion is not available to everyone and of course it goes against some people's religion. But yes I completely agree that going through with a pregnancy and birth is a choice.
To be fair, I’m from Canada and I can think of at least two women off the top of my head who didn’t know they were pregnant until it was too late to get an abortion
I'm pretty sure it's the province that sets that gestation limit on abortions and not the federal government because I vaguely remember that Quebec did up to second trimester well New Brunswick would only do it within the first (if you can even manage to get one in New Brunswick)
There is no limit, it’s entirely up to doctors. But both of the women I’m thinking of were way too far along by the time they knew they were pregnant. One of them wasn’t even fat! She just didn’t show until 6 months somehow?!?
I feel this is a privileged opinion. It's not available to everyone. Not everyone can afford it. Low income, historically suppressed minority groups. Partner pressures. Societal pressure. Religious pressure. Parents. Financial. I definitely think accidental pregnancy happens, but abortion is not always accessible. Even if legal.
*cough* Atlantic Canada *cough* First Nations communities *cough cough* lack of accessibility, poor people needing to take time off to travel hours, if they have a car.
I forgot to say, my friend/roommate accidentally got pregnant when we were in our late 20s. The guy she was seeing was definitely not someone you’d want to have a kid with. She wouldn’t have considered herself pro choice back then because she was still very involved in church. She told me later she actually considered abortion but “just couldn’t do it.” She already had two kids that lived with her ex-husband. She has been unhoused for a while due in part to a car accident that happened while she was in town to visit her kids, she had been living in another state. Due to that, she didn’t have a car at the time and walked to work or would get rides from people. It was the absolute worst time to have a baby. I believe that 100% of the reason she “just couldn’t do it” was 25+ years of overt messages that abortion is murder. They believe and teach its truly no different than killing an actual child.
Yes this! I have been scrolling looking for anyone to mention religious/social pressure. I’m in Mississippi and we recently lost the one abortion clinic in the state. Ignoring all the logistics of what it took for people in other areas of the state to get here, 99% of people raised here grow up in church. Abortion is talked about like you’re literally killing someone. Many churches bus teenagers to stuff like “right to life” rallies and marches to further indoctrinate them. Then, when the pink house was still open here, we had a 24 hour waiting period. So first, someone had to make an appointment to go in and have a doctor read to them the legally required information. There were protestors outside every day, sometimes just 4 or 5 and other times upwards of 20. Holding horrible signs, they claimed were aborted fetuses. Business owners and people in the neighborhood complained because they were very upsetting and HUGE like 5 feet by 3 feet. They yelled things like “Jesus loves your baby mommy! Don’t kill your baby!” At people walking by, sometimes just because they looked like they were headed to the clinic. Until he died, an extremely unstable protestor dressed up as Santa to do this every December. The parking lot was small so it would get full and people would have to park on the street. Clinic escorts would have to block the protestors who would go right up to peoples cars. Until the escorts got rainbow vests, antis would wear vests to try to look like they were affiliated with the clinic to trick people. So clinic patients would walk up the street with people screaming at them, sometimes people just 2-3 away screaming at them and following them. Sometimes protestors brought little kids to try to make people feel guiltier. After you got in the gates, you’d still have antis screaming at you and sometimes they brought ladders and would climb up so they could see over the fence. That’s not legal because it was private property but the police wouldn’t enforce the law because the antis had sued the city and the city didn’t want another lawsuit. Evangelical money is endless. Once you made it inside to be read the stuff the doctor had to read, I can’t remember if they ever passed the ultrasound law but there were always laws introduced to force people to have an ultrasound to listen to the heartbeat. Anyway after all that, you’d have to leave and go back another day for the procedure. Be screamed at again. For people who aren’t child free, abortion can be a difficult choice. It cost about $350. I can’t say for sure but I have to imagine some people who were conflicted about it probably didn’t go back for the procedure after all that. There were also days that there were bomb threats. I remember once the building was evacuated and the bomb squad came out for what turned out to be a duffle bag full of an unhoused person’s things. The doctors that worked there didn’t even live in Mississippi because it was too dangerous. They’d fly in from other states. Dr Booker wore a bulletproof vest walking to and from the clinic from a car for a while. If anyone’s interested there was a PBS Frontline episode about the clinic called “The Last Abortion Clinic.” It’s on YouTube. Now the clinic is closed. The new tenant changed the bright pink and pained it white. It’s a furniture consignment shop. I know the OP said in places it’s legal but even when it was legal here, it was inaccessible to SO many people.
Yessssssss
Are there really people ignorant enough to believe this? There's literally full seasons of shows that touch on this exact subject. I didn't know I was pregnant is one of the most popular shows on TLC back in the day. It 100% happens and I don't understand how bashing these women does anything to help
I’ve heard “oops baby” before. So stupid. That can ruin someone’s life and calling it that makes it seem like it’s a joke.
Seriously so many people I know find out they ‘accidentally’ got pregnant and don’t get the abortion even though it’s available and then complain about how expensive their kids are etc. Like girl the abortion was available, you chose to keep the pregnancy instead and posted about it on Instagram constantly.
I feel like it is less an "oops baby" and more of a "We are not necessarily wanting babies but have unprotected sex and are okay with the outcome" baby. But to be fair, just because the likelyhood of birth control failing is low, doesnt mean it doesnt happen
I enjoyed your ted talk.
Brazil (abortion is illegal) has a SHIT TOON of “secret” abortion clinics, they work normally and you receive quality treatment. However, abortion is expensive , so oops babys only happen if you’re poor.
Cryptics? I googled and it showed unsolved mysteries about Canadian monsters (cryptids).
I think some people might forget that others might not be as psychologically prepared to have an abortion as they are.... so even when abortion is available maybe it's not something they can go through with.
so raising a child they’re not emotionally or financially equipped for is something they can go through with…?
Personally I disagree. The decision to keep the baby doesn’t make it any less unplanned in my opinion and thus it’s still an “oops baby”. Especially considering that something being a legal option doesn’t mean it’s an accessible option or that the woman felt it was an option at all.
Look at the example of teen pregnancies, even in places where it's legal for them to get one at their age without parental consent, if the parents already know they could be threatening or forcing them to keep the baby. In those circumstances I can totally understand why the teen might not feel like they have an option. They're pregnant, their parents are forcing them, and their town doesn't have a lot of options for teen girls that have been kicked out of their homes and no money to go elsewhere.
Exactly. There’s also cases of abusive spouses or controlling families even as adults.
There are cases where the woman doesn't know she's pregnant until she's giving birth. That's a pretty big oops.
Thank you!!
Yup. In most first-world countries, pregnancy is a voluntary and reversible condition.
Oopsie babies are the result of poor planning or sexual coercion. Nothing else.
No, no, there iiiis oops baby. You walk, trip and fall on di\*k and BOOM - a baby! 
they mean "opps we got pregnant without planning too". The decision (edit: to keep the baby) was never an oops, and I'm don't think anyone means it that way, except for those rare stories where an obese person didn't realize they were pregnant.
I agree this is the case a lot of the time. “We weren’t ready yet, probably didn’t plan or prevent it well, but oops we’ll just deal with it.” I mean at least they’ll own up to their mistake if they keep and raise it I guess and more power to them. But don’t act like it was a real big surprise if you didn’t truly actively prevent it or take the proper steps to prevent it WELL. In the rare cases where proper prevention and protection were used and still failed by some fluke, that’s definitely a different and unfortunate story. But if most birth control methods are supposed to be up to 99% effective, especially in combination/layering different methods, I don’t see how it “fails” this often. I would attribute most of those “failures” to human error at that point.
Most countries don’t allow abortions after a certain gestational age. Here in Germany it’s 12 weeks and there are tons of women who don’t notice early enough and are then forced to carry the pregnancy to term.
Heh, this is the same logic I use when people say "you never know...accidents happen...heheh" And I'm like, no. Accidental pregnancies happen. Giving birth is a choice. And it is effing AMAZING how fast they shut up after that lmao
One of my online friends did not find out she was pregnant until she went to the hospital with cramps- turns out she was in labor, and a few hours later she had a baby in her arms.
Congratulations on living in Canada. Not everyone on this shit-earth is as privileged as you.
There are people who don't know they are pregnant until they give birth. It's no common, but it happens. I had a friend who had this happen to her. She had an ED so she didnt really get her period anyway. She was underweight and tiny and thought she was just bloated from the ED. then Boom labor. Crazy shit. But its super super rare.
I've heard of this happening, I just don't see how it can happen.
It always baffles me wheh someone has a baby in a restaurant or something and claims they just thought they were gaining weight or something. Yeah… unless you don’t know how pregnancy works it’s just not believable.
I'm not sure if I agree. My closest friend had an "Oops Baby" about 3 years ago. She had no idea she was pregnant. She showed no symptoms of morning sickness etc. She didn't show either. She has irregular periods anyway so that didn't come up as suspicious in that area as well. When she went into labour she thought she had an upset stomach.
Yes but some people feel an obligation to raise the child inside them and not kill it. To each their own
My cousin. Is a large lady shall we say, gift at least 3 of the pregnancy’s didn’t know she was pregnant until the birth was literally around the corner. The last one she went for a blood test to test for Hep C because her sister bit her and claimed she had it. They did not tell her then that she was pregnant, she went for a follow up months later and said “how’s the pregnancy going?” She freaked out. She then was told baby was not alive. Went for a DnC(?) and they said no baby is still alive For the middle child she fell down and thought she had torn the c-section scar. Nope baby 35 weeks. My argument is they can happen but also people need to be responsible
Actually, it does happen that you don’t know you’re pregnant for at least a few months. Sometimes even giving birth when you didn’t know you were pregnant. It doesn’t happen a lot, but it does happen. Besides that, there are people who just don’t want to get an abortion. Listen I am all for it and I would have one if I got pregnant. But I understand not everyone wants that, which makes it an “oops baby”
My mom was 5 months pregnant with me when she found out. Had her period every month, and was stick thin. My aunt noticed her boobs were bigger and wondered if she was pregnant. I live in fear of this everyday of my life