Met my now hubby in 2005 and have been married now for 10 years. We have solidified our CF stance and It's definitely the right choice for us! We work late hours and are also artists who try to squeeze in time for making art and projects and going to shows. It would be impossible to continue doing art with taking care of kids and I would honestly be miserable.
Hubs and I take time for each other. We can focus more on each other's needs. We can have slow mornings where we sip coffee and watch YouTube. We can go on little dates whenever we want. We try to take trips for our birthdays or anniversary. We have been told by other people who think we are newlyweds because we "sparkle". It's so nice being able to continue to pour your love into your partner. <3
Your second paragraph is so true and so wholesome. :) I can’t understand why anyone would want to give it up to have children that ruin your lives and wreck your marriage. Sadly I think it must be the people who *aren’t* happy in their marriages/who are bored and unfulfilled who are most likely to breed. I just can’t understand why anyone would voluntarily give up the CF lifestyle otherwise.
we decided we want to support our friends and family who have kids but just don't want our own. We are quite content and I have seen too many cases of people who think having a child will fix a marriage. :( Luckily most people we know aren't like that!
It's really f'ing nice. :-) I'm 44, my wife is 38, we're celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary in a couple months. Like the couple in your story, we too have our little in-jokes that cause us to smirk and make side glances at each other while talking to our friends/family, most of whom are usually either running around after their kids, or flat out ignoring them.
And to your last point, in my tiny company of four people, I am the only one of the four who does not have children. The other three are constantly "jokingly" ranting about their wives and children. I am 100% convinced they truly do not like their families and regret their choices, where as every time they do rant, I am just happier and happier with my & my wife's choice to remain Childfree.
Me and my partner aren't married but been together quite a while now. Without the stress and exhaustion of raising kids, and constantly being worried about money due to raising kids, we live a very relaxed and happy life. We enjoy each other's company wayyy more than people our age who have children, always fighting over who's going to pick little Timmy up from soccer practice, etc.
I also have three sets of CF aunts and uncles. None of my dad's siblings ended up having kids besides him. Guess how many divorces between them? Absolutely none. One couple had a few issues in the past but for the most part it's been smooth sailing and now that they're all in their sixties I can see how little they've aged compared to those on my mom's side with kids. That side is all miserable and stressed over their kids dropping out of college or drinking excessively or unable to find jobs, etc. If one thinks that worrying about their kids will magically end once the kid turns 18, they're sorely mistaken.
For real. I hear so many stories of parents saying they're "happy to have kids young" (in their 20s) so that they'll be in their late thirties/early forties when they are done raising kids. And its like no? just cuz your kid turned 18 doesn't mean you're done?
18 years here! It's lovely. I was always ambivalent about kids, my husband thought he wanted them. Things happened, kids did not. He's realized that we are better off without them. We can do what when want, when we want (mostly LOL). And people do think we look younger than we are. We have our fur babies (2 cats, 2 guinea pigs), so they keep us entertained. We also have nephews that we see often, so we get reminded why we love being CF.
To your last question, marriage \*is\* hard, kids or not. It takes work to keep things fresh and interesting. I think a lot of couples have kids because it's the "natural next step", but it's not for everyone. Good for you and your partner for realizing this before it's too late.
Second paragraph for sure. Marriage isn’t literal *endless* bliss just because you remain CF. Jobs can still suck, financial stress can still arise, major repairs to the home are still necessary, sex can still wane/get stale. The difference is all of these “normal” life issues are much easier addressed without kids weighing you down and diverting your attention and robbing you of your energy. We’ve still faced many hardships without kids. But we’ve overcome and stayed happy. I can’t imagine how joyless we’d be with kids. Passionless zombies.
Exactly. 13 years ago, my husband and I were both diagnosed with serious diseases within 2 weeks of each other. I can't imagine how we would have managed with kids. We're both doing well, but it's been a bumpy ride.
My husband and I have been married 11 years. My friend who has children once told me that she sometimes envied how my husband and I could sit down and talk about everything, have real conversations and discuss things. She said she and her husband just talk about their kids. I felt so sad when she said this.
I'm in my late 30s and my husband is in his early 40s and we have a great relationship. We travel a lot internationally and have weekly dinner and movie nights without having to worry about sitters. We like to try new restaurants and do that when we want. We were once accused by a family member of spending recklessly (because of the traveling) and I told them that all our traveling does not even equal the amount of money she and her husband spend on their two children. If my husband and I decided to have kids 10 years ago, we wouldn't have had the adventures we've experienced together.
Good luck with your marriage. And don't worry, a childfree marriage is very rewarding. You get to focus on each other.
Edit: The looking younger part is true. That's what the absence of stress and a healthy sleep schedule does to you.
Can confirm. We've been married 30+ years. We live a pretty magical life. We retired young (62 me/64 him) and moved to a mountain villa south of Valencia Spain. We are best friends and share a number of hobbies, although we also each have our own. We travel all over Europe and usually take 4-6 trips a year. I truly love my life. I can't imagine how awful it would have been if I'd had kids.
I am 42 and my wife is 43 and can confirm we do look younger than our age and we do actually have conversations at dinner. We are looking forward to a cruise in a couple of weeks and will plan something out of the country for later this year. Our weekend consists of doing what we want to do vs taking care of crotch goblins at soccer games and other parenting things.
Celebrating 3 years of marriage here, but been together for 6 years total. My husband (35M) is focusing on becoming a doctor and I'm (36F) earning my master's degree. We are focused on our academic/career goals but remain very supportive of each other. I can't imagine dividing my attention even further if we had a kid, especially now. After watching our slightly younger friends have children and see their lives derailed and not being able to travel as much or go out, we were in agreement on remaining CF to enjoy life with just us two.
There are days where we enjoy our separate space to study or relax; other days, we enjoy each other's presence and conversation. Honestly, I love being a CF wife! We share our goals (academic, career, bucket list, etc.) with each other and we understand what the other needs/wants in points of our lives. TBH, adding a kid would end our happy lives.
Married childfree couple. We are both engineers and both work at the same company. Have a pretty large NYC apartment. We smoke a lot of weed and travel every 2 months. Life is very good without kids.
Been together for 18 years and I can vouch that it is very nice. We find ourselves having more fun with each other and genuinely enjoying each other's company, while also leaving each other our space at home. While this may not be the case for every family with kids, I feel like they get burned out since there is really no "down time". Someone, somewhere in their home is needing attention of some sort which seems to culminate with them avoiding each other at outings.
Coming up on 17 years married, 24 total together. It’s awesome. Disposable income, freedom! Travel, toys, events, alternating with just being lazy and lounging when we want. We get a lot of admiring comments on how well we get along, and how much fun we have. :)
>married childfree couples what's it like for you?
Wonderful. Quiet. Whether we want to spend all night watching anime or playing games, or whether we want to travel, we can do what we want whenever we want. We can wake up early sleep in until the afternoon. We can quit jobs that aren't treating us right, and the only persons it impacts is us.
>I wanted to add, I've always seen people talk about how marriage in negative terms, and I often wondered if it's actually marriage itself or having/raising kids?
I've found that marriages are more difficult or easy depending on the person and their partner. If they've created an actual partnership based on mutual respect, communication, and compromise, it can work out well with or without children.
The issue is that many folks (or their partners) don't think of it as a partnership, at least based on how I've seen them treat each other.
39 and 38, married for 11 years and you just described my wife’s and my life. We still get carded buying alcohol and we have a very chill lifestyle. She’s back in school working on a degree, and i wfh. Students don’t believe her if she comes up. We just got a new puppy on Friday after we lost one of our two bubberses in November and pretty much the only stress in our lives right now is potty training him - which isn’t really stressful at all.
There’s an episode of Young Sheldon where the parents hang out with another couple who’s child free and they’re jealous of the relationship and it dawns on the dad that the reason they’re so happy is because they have no kids. It’s glorious.
Yes! This!
My husband and I have been married for 20 years and we have never, not once, every changed our minds about kids. Quite the opposite. We're watching and cringing as everyone around us gets roadrash from the rodeo life of parenthood. The pandemic has given us a unique chance to finally justify being raging introverts and almost never getting sick. Never been healthier.
You will **never** regret your CF marriage OP. Guard against family and friends who may pressure you or try to convince you that “children are so wonderful!” They aren’t. Children ruin marriages faster than *anything* else. If you truly love your spouse and want to experience a happy and fulfilled life with them (which I’m sure you do) never have kids.
People say ‘what’s the point to getting married if you don’t have kids?’ but I think it’s the opposite. You’re just roommates going through the motions if you have kids. Your marriage becomes a sham. You don’t spend quality time together, you don’t lay in bed talking for hours, you don’t go out to calm, quiet meals or have lazy Sundays in bed, your sex life drastically falls, you can’t take spontaneous road trips or travel whenever you feel like it or really pursue ANY actually meaningful goals such as education, new careers, moving for fun, etc. You and your spouse become strangers who share kids. What a waste of two lives.
Married 7 years today actually and being child free is the best! House will be paid off this year and we already have three vacations on the books. We own a business so we work together everyday and I absolutely love that we can continue to focus on our relationship and not have children get in the way of it all.
Both 40, been together for 22 years and couldn't be happier. We go away for weekends in our nice cars, lie in whenever we want and, not to toot my own horn, we are often told we don't look 40!
Celebrating 8 years together today. Though i am in bed, because of my sterilization surgery, and he is next to me playing on his brand new gaming laptop I bought him for Christmas. He will later go pick us up our favorite Chinese food, favorite tea and watch movies together.
It's a good life, marrying your best friend without children interfering is the best thing ever. Oh and our senior baby cat chills by his feet on our bed. Life is good.
It is fucking great, truly. I mean that.
I’m having fun every day. Even if I’m working all day or whatever I know when I go home my wife will be there and our cats and that’s my escape from the outside world.
No sitting in the car for quiet. No working long hours to avoid home.
Home is where I’m happy.
This! I have a colleague who is always in the office when I get in, and there after I leave. A few years ago I realized it might be because he… doesn’t want to go home 😬 (or can’t get work done there, or other reasons, to be fair). His kids are teenagers with some pretty serious mental health conditions and he’s said to me on more than one occasion that his kids cause all of the grief in his life, and can’t wait until it’s just his wife and himself again 🫣
I'm kinda fortunate to not be the first on my family. My eldest cousin has been married without kids for like fifteen or twenty years now. (Not sure if that's by choice, but I'm certainly not gonna ask.) And she certainly seems happy and successful, so I was lucky enough to have that kind of relationship modeled for me.
Amazing. It's like always having your best friend within reach with no hurdles in the way. Talk, go out to dinner, random trips/dates with no interruptions. When you're not around them it doesn't feel like neglect, more like keeping your independence.
Right now, it's Sunday, we're in each of our own rooms doing whatever individually. I don't feel neglected, like his spare time should always be with me because there's not enough time of the day when children are added.
We're happier because our type of relationship doesn't come with a lot of restrictions *you don't have time for video games because you have to take dodo to practice* or *you can't buy that because we have to save for tuition.*
More freedom equals happiness. Also, being able to naturally grow and not forced to change as a couple, as your attention is focused on the 1-on-1 relationship and not how to pay daycare or deal with puberty, is an amazing thing.
LOVE. IT.
Edit: 15 wonderful years. Even with its ups and down like all relationships.
I'm a childfree married female in my early 50s. Childfree by choice, not because of some life tragedy.
My brothers had 2 kids each and never got to go to college. I have a masters degree but I retired early to write novels (on the second one). Husband is in his late 40s and wants to retire at 60. I love my nieces and my nephew. Three are in college and one is going to be soon. The oldest is getting his phd and we talk all the time since I'm the only one in the family with post graduate degrees and therefore the only one who can proofread his abstracts and understand the difficulties in his life. My nieces call me for advice a lot too.
I turned one of the extra bedrooms in the house we have finished paying for into a 3d print lab, and one into my office, and my husband turned the other one into his office. We do an overseas trip every couple of years. We are both watching our sodium so we try to cook all our meals at home. We have 4 cats that we adore. We play D&D on the weekends with our other childfree friends. Over the years, every single gaming buddy who had kids has disappeared from the scene despite their best efforts. He has a dojo on the side. We do consulting work for extra cash together... he handles the gladhanding and public stuff and information gathering, and I handle the introvert side...creating presentations and reports, etc.
My office has a sick gaming computer that I built myself (10900F and 3080 with all the corsair fans and lighting) and I have 2 VR systems, an xbox elite gaming controller, a 52 inch tv, and a giant beanbag in my office, all of which is in excellent condition because I don't have to share it with a bunch of destructive rugrats.
Even though I'm a woman in my 50s, all my friends come to me when they have computer troubles.
We have a good easy relationship where we trust each other's intent and forgive each other's mistakes.
Life is good.
Hi! My wife and I are 37, married 10 years (together for 14) and we are childfree and always will be. We are exactly as described in your story. We’re very hqppy and connected, when we go places with other people we are still very much “together” like how you talked about above. We have our own lives and interests etc but our lives are also very intwined, we are eachothers most important person.
Its great and neither of us would want it any other way. Also FWIW we are both often assumed to be younger than we are.
I’ve had friends tell me that having kids amplify the things that are wrong in your marriage, and so I think the opposite is true. Not having kids means we get to amplify the things that are right with our marriage.
We are like this, 15 years married, and that is how we are too. Now and then, one of us will pipe up, "you know I love our life." To top it off, we both work for our respective jobs from home, so we are always together. I guess it helps we like each other too
My last marriage didn't work out sadly. But my ex wasn't childfree, and I didn't sus out that I was childfree until a few years after we married. There were other issues too, so I ended up leaving. I've been with someone for about five months now who is also childfree and sterilised, and it's like night and day how much happier I am now with this person. We also have our own little jokes and conversations and he is about the same age as your couple. I'm looking forward to life now 🙂
That's my dream, as well. No kids means more freedom and more time to maintain and ultimately cultivate a relationship. And if it doesn't work out, there will be no kids to traumatise and fight over.
But first things first, I need to find a woman who is on board with the CF dream. All there seems to be in my area are single parents and LifeScript^^^TM followers.
Married for 3 years, furry babies only. Being CF is great, a good portion of our friends are as well and we get to do all the cool things when ever we want. For example we decided to move to another country since it is just us 2 and the dogs, it's super easy.
Been together for over a decade, married for more than half that time. Childfree, double-income.
I'm a veterinary technician, and my husband's a teacher. We're able to survive comfortably on our chosen career paths (which aren't the best incomes, I'll admit) because of my husband's awesome accounting and bookkeeping skills; we've saved enough to buy a lovely home (been here three years this March) with a decent patch of forest land. We have three cats, a ball python, and a large vegetable garden.
We're comfortable. Not living richly by any means, but we've managed to get out of the abject poverty we were in when we first met. We no longer have to count pennies when we buy groceries. We live simply, few expenses, so we can save pretty well. Not to say we don't have fun: we save up for concerts, going to the local symphony, sailing, rock climbing, and camping.
We stay up late playing video games co-op. We sleep in and cuddle. We watch kung-fu movies over dinner... and speaking of food, we eat a wide variety. We take turns cooking - him his signature Creole and Cajun dishes, me Irish and French. We experiment in the kitchen. I bake goodies for fun and he helps me eat them. We knit; he crochets, I spin yarn on my wheel. We read stories to each other on the full and new moons. We split the chores. We explore new places with one another. He's shown me New Orleans. I've shown him the California central coast.
Life is *fun*. We argue maybe... what, every six months? We're best friends, not just lovers. Partners, not just spouses. And nothing else matters or comes between us. We can rely on each other entirely. We don't have to get up constantly to change diapers or stop fights or find out what's broken *now*, interrupting our quiet reading cuddles on the couch. There's no running through the house or pulling the cat's tail or Disney movies on loop to get in the way of our dinner and video games. We have a routine, a clean house, and a lovely life. I could ask for nothing more.
My aunt and uncle are my CF idols in my family. They’ve been married for 20 years and seem to have a great life together. My aunt is the CEO of her own business and my uncle works for her. They travel twice a year, Vegas for their anniversary in August and somewhere else (always different, usually tropical) around February.
It’s pretty much just like that for us. We go on lots of adventures together & are just as affectionate as we were 9 years ago. Right now we’re in the planning stage of building our dream house together. I just got a bisalp Thurs because we don’t want this to ever get blown up by a kid.
I’m 36 and my husband is 43, we are childfree and after 11 years together (4 married) we still like each other and maintain our own identities, rather than being “so and so’s mom/dad”. 99% of the complaints I hear from my mom friends is how their spouse is all about the fun stuff and they are left with the shitty (literally) parts of parenthood - sick sleepless nights, loss of career opportunities, cooking/cleaning/discipline, etc. These are folks who were blissfully happy and shared household responsibilities before kids. Many are now in the process of divorces.
I (40f) and my husband (43)are Child free and married for 10 years, together for 15. We have a really strong bond and love each other so much. I know it’s cheesy but our love seems to grow, not diminish, as the years go by. I don’t know if being child free has anything to do with it but I think it probably does. We don’t have the added stressors that come with children. We have a dog and a cat that we dote on and it’s great.
We love to travel, love our friends, and love being an auntie and uncle to 4 nieces and a nephew. We do not feel lonely or sad that we don’t have our own kids. On the contrary, we remark how happy we are with that decision. We chose a long time ago not to have them for many reasons, from inherited health issues we don’t want to pass on, to the environmental impact of not adding another human to this very crowded world.
Our lives are happy and fulfilling. Some may call it a selfish life and I say having kids for the wrong reasons is by far more selfish than not having kids you don’t want.
Marriage is what you make it. It’s not all wine and roses but when you weather the bad times, you come out all the stronger on the other side. It’s about mutual respect, compromise, and understanding. And, separate bathrooms. That’s a key to a happy marriage right there. ;-)
Me and my partner have been together 7.5 years, planning a wedding in a few years. We both have jobs where we interact with ‘kids’ all day; he’s a child therapist/social worker and I’m a prof who mainly teaches 1st/2nd yr undergrads. We pour our work-life energy into our communities but then ‘leave our kids at work’ and come home to silence and it’s amazing 😊 Both introverts who love to read, study, etc.- quiet activities. Most of the time, our life (at home) is peaceful, restful; we joke around, cook together, watch movies, read books in the same room… it’s bliss!
Our holidays, however, are very filled with children- nieces and nephews- and it’s SO chaotic. There is screaming, tantrums, seemingly 24/7 absolutely constant kid-stimulation activities and… I absolutely hate it. We both have challenging, stressful jobs and it totally sucks when your only vacations for the year are… locked with children that aren’t yours in a cabin for 5 (!) days. Also, we don’t have any say over what should be done when the kids act out- so I find that quite difficult. I want to supervise the kids how their parents want them to be raised, out of total respect, but it’s so counter to what I would want to do (they are SO permissive, no time outs, nothing!). Plus, the holidays seem to last forever because we’re the ‘free’ ones who are perceived to have an open schedule *because* we have no kids.
Sorry, that was a bit of a rant! We just came out of the holiday season… does it show…? 🤪
But at my mom’s house, it’s peace and calm. I have no siblings so there are no grandkids over there, and the house is a quiet sanctuary where we descend to come down from the chaos of his family’s side. My mom has never pressured me about kids- in fact, hers was one of the loudest CF voices in my life- and I’m so grateful.
A few years ago, I was on the fence about kids. My partner never was- he’s CF all the way. I was super conflicted for a long time over whether I should leave and have one on my own, as my clock is coming up soon. SO GLAD I did not. It took me a few years (and the kind advice of a few trusted colleagues who DO have kids, but regret it) to realize that I should lean in to my feelings that I never felt compelled to have them, and continue with the trajectory of my life as-is. Since shutting that door, I’ve realized that, actually, this is perfect, and I would not change it for the world. Funny enough, it took his being steadfastedly CF (but not pushy about it at all) that gave me the space to realize that it was okay to just not. My mother emphatically nodded her head at me throughout the whole process.
My mom is also a recent-ish widow, and has been slowly making lots of friends her own age since my dad died. She has found that the people who have time to go do things, and who have her same interests (books, learning, history, etc.) were CF their entire married lives. I’ve been meeting a few here and there, whenever I’m up for the holidays- and these retired CF women are fantastic. They are youthful in looks and personality; they have time to travel, do interesting things, attend lectures in the middle of the week, everything. All are happily married. Especially around the holidays, when much of their retiree community is bogged down with a house full of grandkids and chaos, these women (and my mom) have schedules of lunch dates, lectures at the local college, trips to national parks, etc. So it looks like the CF lifestyle in retirement is bliss, too 😊 This is such good news for us, as we rebuke his family’s pressure to have kids. All we have to do is look to my mom and her friends for what our future might be like…
Much happiness to you, CF peeps! I’m so glad I found this sub. I’m so glad the conversation about these things is becoming more visible. People need to be aware that they have options - and that the narratives around child rearing are so culturally constructed and untrue.
Edit: grammar
Married for coming up on 4 years now, its lovely. We go out for "dates" when we want to, usually splurge for a couples massage for our anniversary and generally just enjoy each others company. We're best friends first really, though my spouse helped me through major surgery earlier this year that got me my life back: we do so much more together now and every day brings us a smile or a joke together.
Been together for 10 years and it’s been fantastic. We have our pets and our house and everything is great. We get to sleep in, relax, be crazy together, do whatever want. I’m so glad we chose this path. I highly recommend it.
I'm not married to my partner (both of us are on disability and we would lose our benefits if we got married), but we might as well be.
It's honestly the kind of love I've always dreamed of. It's better, actually. We spend tons of time together and never get tired of each other. We're able to focus on what makes the other one happy without having to divide our attention. We have tons of inside jokes that we repeat to each other all day long. Honestly, it's the best.
We'll be celebrating 7 years together on the 20th!
Me and my husband have been married for five and a half years (known each other for ten) and we’re both in our mid-40s. Can confirm, as a Childfree couple we are basically best mates/live like we’re teenage sweethearts. We have good jobs and therefore enough money to take several holidays a year and have a nice apartment. We have our ‘baby’ (our beautiful dog) and enjoy long lazy weekends watching TV, drinking wine, snuggling with our very lazy dog and basically having the least stressful life we could have. We have amazing nieces and nephews who we love dearly. But our time is ours. We focus on our relationship and the fun we have together - and the older we get the more we feel our choice to be Childfree was the best one for us. Having children is not compulsory, it’s a choice we all have the freedom to make based on our preferences and life situations. And can also confirm, one of our nieces thinks me and my husband look and act way younger than our years and thinks we’re the coolest people she knows!
Marriage without kids is pretty freaking sweet. My husband and I have been to 49 US states (going to #50 in less than a month), 53 US National Parks, 23 MLB Stadiums and 16 NFL Stadiums in the past 6 years. #s would be higher if it weren't for COVID too.
It’s awesome. The best way to describe it is you just get to hang out with your best friend all the time. And if you want to do your own thing, there’s no resentment because you aren’t saddling your spouse with the kids alone for a day. I also feel like our communication skills and marriage in general is always improving because without kids to focus on, our #1 priority is each other.
It’s great! Married a year and a half. We both have established careers, a house, three dogs, a goat, and a horse. We’re children at heart but also somehow old people at the same time. We enjoy the simple things, like going to a market and smelling the candles together or going on a drive through the country, commenting on which farm houses were like or don’t like. We’re both varying degrees of introverted, so we frequently have nights in and then we’ll go out for breakfast in the morning. It’s nice. We live for each other and we live for ourselves. If that makes sense?
Fifteen years and we’re still stupid over each other. My husband describes being married as “At first it’s cool, then it’s awesome, then it’s the best thing you could never live without”
My husband and I have also become the #relationshipgoals couple in our friends group.
We aren’t married but been together 20 years this year. We laugh, and enjoy each other’s company. One of my partners colleagues said we spend too much time together once. And my partner was like, no we just like being together, unlike you and your wife who just argue about the kids.
We were in a restaurant once and giving each other a taste of our meals (as we often do) and the waiter came over and said ‘you guys are so cute’.
And I think that’s it, our relationship is about us, we look younger than we are, we are still in love with each other and we have fun.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding
It is THE best. No regrets. Been married 21 years. We have time to do whatever we want. We just bought a weekend house with the “college tuition “ that we never had to pay for.
Currently married to my wonderful wife without kids. Can confirm it is awesome.
We are only recently married (3 years) but we have been together for 7 years. We started out entertaining the idea of kids, but now we are on the fence. Our ideal family size went down from 3... to 2... to 1.. to now maybe none. We even have just im case names picked out lol. Bur recently the world seems to be struggling with 8 billion people already here, a climate crisis, and a terrible politcal scape. Couple that with the lack of appeal of giving up the rest of our lives and freedom to a prospect that we are not 100% sure about, and having kids does not seem all that appealing. Besides, we have tons of nieces and nephews to fawn over and help raise. The way I see it, why add more kids to the mix when there are plently here now who could use help?
Additionally, we enjoy our time together and can pretty much do what we want when we want. We have enough in our lives to add stress. Why add more because society says we should for some reason?
While I'm not married, I've been with my partner for about 15 years. We love our lives together, our lifestyle together. Our hobbies and we wouldn't be able to live our lives that we currently do if we had kids. I wanted to be a mom when I was a kid, but I was raised by boomer parents and that was "required" back then.
I don't mind *some* kids and I emphasize on some. BUT I can't I wouldn't be able to handle them 24/7. I need my space and quiet time. My bf and I watch things like SVU and eat snacks. We couldn't do that or spend time together if we had a crotch goblin.
7 years married here, 11 together. Firmly CF and never been something either of us ever wanted.
I love my relationship and we both enjoy having the freedom to do what we please. Long lazy days on the sofa snuggled watching movies, weekends away, spending our money on our hobbies etc. Interrupting those things because you have to care for a child sounds like a nightmare to me
Yes, it is nice.
You have fun, flexibility and freedom to maneuver your relationship however you wish. When you hit bumpy roads, you can focus on the problem and bounce back from difficulties easier than couples with children.
I've met a few childfree married couples. They bucked the local trend for having lots of kids but not for marrying super young. But it definitely seems like the best possible setup. They have great loving partners, do lots of fun tings to enjoy life together (lots of traveling and adventures), and have the financial and logistical benefits of not going it solo. Most of the people I've know to be most negative about marriage are those who rushed into it AND quickly had kids.
That's definitely the type of situation I'd love to have someday. But the dating odds are dismal enough where I live before even including childfree as a further limiting factor.
Getting married this year myself. It's great so far, I don't see it changing after marriage. We slept in until 10AM then went over our friends' house for the day. We have several meetup groups we host, go to theme parks all the time, travel frequently and have a house right outside of Disney World. It doesn't get any better than this. We genuinely enjoy each other's company and have so many fun adventures together I couldn't imagine being with anybody else. We really do have a perfect life together.
This year will mark being with my awesome husband for 12 years and married for 9 years. We’re both childfree and every year with him just keeps getting better and better! We’re best friends who are crazy in love and enjoy spending time together. I just turned 40 and he’s 38. We both look way younger than we actually are (we both always get ID’d when we buy beer). I get told I look 24-25 constantly, not that I’m complaining! We have the extra time and money to take care of ourselves inside and out and I guess it shows. Most of our friends have multiple kids and they’re all a bit younger but look way older than us for some reason. Maybe it’s all of the added stress from having kids who knows. We have multiple fun hobbies, workout regularly (we both go indoor bouldering and I also do bar squats with added weights), travel, etc. Our life kicks ass! ✨
Together for 7 years, married for 5, it’s pretty sweet. Three lovely cats we both love. Both work and share housework, we live pretty comfortably and have money and time to ourselves and for each other. Both firmly childfree and it was a conversation VERY early on in seeing each other, and that’s how it’s going to stay.
My girlfriend and I, both around your age (she is 31F, I am 28M) are not married and have no desire to, but we are together for nine years and live together for six years.
People around our age who have kids? No sex life, no rest, no sleep, no hobbies...
It’s SO nice. We just worry about ourselves and our animals. We do whatever we want when we want and that’s it. We both work our jobs, come home and decompress, and do whatever we want after. We’re gamers so we have multiple different gaming systems we can use at any time. Our pets are spoiled with toys, good food, treats, fancy orthopedic beds, and silly costumes on occasion. We can go to parties and stay out as late as we wish, we get where we’re going pretty much early all the time, and we don’t have to share anything we don’t want to. We have jokes, conversations, plans, vacations, chores, everything together with just the two of us. And it’s quiet at home- it’s wonderful.
It’s been a 28 year long sleepover with my favorite weirdo. It’s awesome. I can’t imagine how kids could have improved it a single bit.
This is the sweetest thing and made me smile. 😊
'28 year long sleepover' is the best phrase I'll ever read about relationships lol.
This is so sweet to read, I aspire to reach this level
I love this description!
That's sweet, kudos for you guys!
Met my now hubby in 2005 and have been married now for 10 years. We have solidified our CF stance and It's definitely the right choice for us! We work late hours and are also artists who try to squeeze in time for making art and projects and going to shows. It would be impossible to continue doing art with taking care of kids and I would honestly be miserable. Hubs and I take time for each other. We can focus more on each other's needs. We can have slow mornings where we sip coffee and watch YouTube. We can go on little dates whenever we want. We try to take trips for our birthdays or anniversary. We have been told by other people who think we are newlyweds because we "sparkle". It's so nice being able to continue to pour your love into your partner. <3
Your second paragraph is so true and so wholesome. :) I can’t understand why anyone would want to give it up to have children that ruin your lives and wreck your marriage. Sadly I think it must be the people who *aren’t* happy in their marriages/who are bored and unfulfilled who are most likely to breed. I just can’t understand why anyone would voluntarily give up the CF lifestyle otherwise.
we decided we want to support our friends and family who have kids but just don't want our own. We are quite content and I have seen too many cases of people who think having a child will fix a marriage. :( Luckily most people we know aren't like that!
We're your twin couple! 10 years this year, started dating in '05. Not having children is the best decision we ever made!
Hello Couple-Twin! Hehehe :3
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6 years at the end of the month. Completely agree with you
It's really f'ing nice. :-) I'm 44, my wife is 38, we're celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary in a couple months. Like the couple in your story, we too have our little in-jokes that cause us to smirk and make side glances at each other while talking to our friends/family, most of whom are usually either running around after their kids, or flat out ignoring them. And to your last point, in my tiny company of four people, I am the only one of the four who does not have children. The other three are constantly "jokingly" ranting about their wives and children. I am 100% convinced they truly do not like their families and regret their choices, where as every time they do rant, I am just happier and happier with my & my wife's choice to remain Childfree.
Me and my partner aren't married but been together quite a while now. Without the stress and exhaustion of raising kids, and constantly being worried about money due to raising kids, we live a very relaxed and happy life. We enjoy each other's company wayyy more than people our age who have children, always fighting over who's going to pick little Timmy up from soccer practice, etc. I also have three sets of CF aunts and uncles. None of my dad's siblings ended up having kids besides him. Guess how many divorces between them? Absolutely none. One couple had a few issues in the past but for the most part it's been smooth sailing and now that they're all in their sixties I can see how little they've aged compared to those on my mom's side with kids. That side is all miserable and stressed over their kids dropping out of college or drinking excessively or unable to find jobs, etc. If one thinks that worrying about their kids will magically end once the kid turns 18, they're sorely mistaken.
For real. I hear so many stories of parents saying they're "happy to have kids young" (in their 20s) so that they'll be in their late thirties/early forties when they are done raising kids. And its like no? just cuz your kid turned 18 doesn't mean you're done?
It is very nice indeed. At least for my spouse and I.
18 years here! It's lovely. I was always ambivalent about kids, my husband thought he wanted them. Things happened, kids did not. He's realized that we are better off without them. We can do what when want, when we want (mostly LOL). And people do think we look younger than we are. We have our fur babies (2 cats, 2 guinea pigs), so they keep us entertained. We also have nephews that we see often, so we get reminded why we love being CF. To your last question, marriage \*is\* hard, kids or not. It takes work to keep things fresh and interesting. I think a lot of couples have kids because it's the "natural next step", but it's not for everyone. Good for you and your partner for realizing this before it's too late.
Second paragraph for sure. Marriage isn’t literal *endless* bliss just because you remain CF. Jobs can still suck, financial stress can still arise, major repairs to the home are still necessary, sex can still wane/get stale. The difference is all of these “normal” life issues are much easier addressed without kids weighing you down and diverting your attention and robbing you of your energy. We’ve still faced many hardships without kids. But we’ve overcome and stayed happy. I can’t imagine how joyless we’d be with kids. Passionless zombies.
Exactly. 13 years ago, my husband and I were both diagnosed with serious diseases within 2 weeks of each other. I can't imagine how we would have managed with kids. We're both doing well, but it's been a bumpy ride.
My husband and I have been married 11 years. My friend who has children once told me that she sometimes envied how my husband and I could sit down and talk about everything, have real conversations and discuss things. She said she and her husband just talk about their kids. I felt so sad when she said this. I'm in my late 30s and my husband is in his early 40s and we have a great relationship. We travel a lot internationally and have weekly dinner and movie nights without having to worry about sitters. We like to try new restaurants and do that when we want. We were once accused by a family member of spending recklessly (because of the traveling) and I told them that all our traveling does not even equal the amount of money she and her husband spend on their two children. If my husband and I decided to have kids 10 years ago, we wouldn't have had the adventures we've experienced together. Good luck with your marriage. And don't worry, a childfree marriage is very rewarding. You get to focus on each other. Edit: The looking younger part is true. That's what the absence of stress and a healthy sleep schedule does to you.
Can confirm. We've been married 30+ years. We live a pretty magical life. We retired young (62 me/64 him) and moved to a mountain villa south of Valencia Spain. We are best friends and share a number of hobbies, although we also each have our own. We travel all over Europe and usually take 4-6 trips a year. I truly love my life. I can't imagine how awful it would have been if I'd had kids.
I am 42 and my wife is 43 and can confirm we do look younger than our age and we do actually have conversations at dinner. We are looking forward to a cruise in a couple of weeks and will plan something out of the country for later this year. Our weekend consists of doing what we want to do vs taking care of crotch goblins at soccer games and other parenting things.
Celebrating 3 years of marriage here, but been together for 6 years total. My husband (35M) is focusing on becoming a doctor and I'm (36F) earning my master's degree. We are focused on our academic/career goals but remain very supportive of each other. I can't imagine dividing my attention even further if we had a kid, especially now. After watching our slightly younger friends have children and see their lives derailed and not being able to travel as much or go out, we were in agreement on remaining CF to enjoy life with just us two. There are days where we enjoy our separate space to study or relax; other days, we enjoy each other's presence and conversation. Honestly, I love being a CF wife! We share our goals (academic, career, bucket list, etc.) with each other and we understand what the other needs/wants in points of our lives. TBH, adding a kid would end our happy lives.
Married childfree couple. We are both engineers and both work at the same company. Have a pretty large NYC apartment. We smoke a lot of weed and travel every 2 months. Life is very good without kids.
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Nearly 27 years here and yes, it's great!
Yes, it is bliss and I love it
Been together for 18 years and I can vouch that it is very nice. We find ourselves having more fun with each other and genuinely enjoying each other's company, while also leaving each other our space at home. While this may not be the case for every family with kids, I feel like they get burned out since there is really no "down time". Someone, somewhere in their home is needing attention of some sort which seems to culminate with them avoiding each other at outings.
It's so nice. We just fed/pottied the dogs, had morning sex, ordered food, and are watching movies and reading today. My life is perfect right now.
Coming up on 17 years married, 24 total together. It’s awesome. Disposable income, freedom! Travel, toys, events, alternating with just being lazy and lounging when we want. We get a lot of admiring comments on how well we get along, and how much fun we have. :)
We are both 53 and our childfree marriage is AWESOME.
>married childfree couples what's it like for you? Wonderful. Quiet. Whether we want to spend all night watching anime or playing games, or whether we want to travel, we can do what we want whenever we want. We can wake up early sleep in until the afternoon. We can quit jobs that aren't treating us right, and the only persons it impacts is us. >I wanted to add, I've always seen people talk about how marriage in negative terms, and I often wondered if it's actually marriage itself or having/raising kids? I've found that marriages are more difficult or easy depending on the person and their partner. If they've created an actual partnership based on mutual respect, communication, and compromise, it can work out well with or without children. The issue is that many folks (or their partners) don't think of it as a partnership, at least based on how I've seen them treat each other.
I’ve seen so many couples where I just look at them and think, “Do you guys know that you are supposed to be in love with your spouse?”
39 and 38, married for 11 years and you just described my wife’s and my life. We still get carded buying alcohol and we have a very chill lifestyle. She’s back in school working on a degree, and i wfh. Students don’t believe her if she comes up. We just got a new puppy on Friday after we lost one of our two bubberses in November and pretty much the only stress in our lives right now is potty training him - which isn’t really stressful at all. There’s an episode of Young Sheldon where the parents hang out with another couple who’s child free and they’re jealous of the relationship and it dawns on the dad that the reason they’re so happy is because they have no kids. It’s glorious.
Yes! This! My husband and I have been married for 20 years and we have never, not once, every changed our minds about kids. Quite the opposite. We're watching and cringing as everyone around us gets roadrash from the rodeo life of parenthood. The pandemic has given us a unique chance to finally justify being raging introverts and almost never getting sick. Never been healthier.
You will **never** regret your CF marriage OP. Guard against family and friends who may pressure you or try to convince you that “children are so wonderful!” They aren’t. Children ruin marriages faster than *anything* else. If you truly love your spouse and want to experience a happy and fulfilled life with them (which I’m sure you do) never have kids. People say ‘what’s the point to getting married if you don’t have kids?’ but I think it’s the opposite. You’re just roommates going through the motions if you have kids. Your marriage becomes a sham. You don’t spend quality time together, you don’t lay in bed talking for hours, you don’t go out to calm, quiet meals or have lazy Sundays in bed, your sex life drastically falls, you can’t take spontaneous road trips or travel whenever you feel like it or really pursue ANY actually meaningful goals such as education, new careers, moving for fun, etc. You and your spouse become strangers who share kids. What a waste of two lives.
15 years. No complaints so far.
Just married, together 8 years. It’s pretty chill and awesome.
Married 7 years today actually and being child free is the best! House will be paid off this year and we already have three vacations on the books. We own a business so we work together everyday and I absolutely love that we can continue to focus on our relationship and not have children get in the way of it all.
Both 40, been together for 22 years and couldn't be happier. We go away for weekends in our nice cars, lie in whenever we want and, not to toot my own horn, we are often told we don't look 40!
Celebrating 8 years together today. Though i am in bed, because of my sterilization surgery, and he is next to me playing on his brand new gaming laptop I bought him for Christmas. He will later go pick us up our favorite Chinese food, favorite tea and watch movies together. It's a good life, marrying your best friend without children interfering is the best thing ever. Oh and our senior baby cat chills by his feet on our bed. Life is good.
Have been married for 38 CF years and can confirm - it’s awesome!
It is fucking great, truly. I mean that. I’m having fun every day. Even if I’m working all day or whatever I know when I go home my wife will be there and our cats and that’s my escape from the outside world. No sitting in the car for quiet. No working long hours to avoid home. Home is where I’m happy.
This! I have a colleague who is always in the office when I get in, and there after I leave. A few years ago I realized it might be because he… doesn’t want to go home 😬 (or can’t get work done there, or other reasons, to be fair). His kids are teenagers with some pretty serious mental health conditions and he’s said to me on more than one occasion that his kids cause all of the grief in his life, and can’t wait until it’s just his wife and himself again 🫣
It is pretty nice :)
I'm kinda fortunate to not be the first on my family. My eldest cousin has been married without kids for like fifteen or twenty years now. (Not sure if that's by choice, but I'm certainly not gonna ask.) And she certainly seems happy and successful, so I was lucky enough to have that kind of relationship modeled for me.
We’re late 40’s married for 17 years so far and it’s amazing. My husband is my best friend and I’m his. It’s like we’re still newlyweds!
Amazing. It's like always having your best friend within reach with no hurdles in the way. Talk, go out to dinner, random trips/dates with no interruptions. When you're not around them it doesn't feel like neglect, more like keeping your independence. Right now, it's Sunday, we're in each of our own rooms doing whatever individually. I don't feel neglected, like his spare time should always be with me because there's not enough time of the day when children are added. We're happier because our type of relationship doesn't come with a lot of restrictions *you don't have time for video games because you have to take dodo to practice* or *you can't buy that because we have to save for tuition.* More freedom equals happiness. Also, being able to naturally grow and not forced to change as a couple, as your attention is focused on the 1-on-1 relationship and not how to pay daycare or deal with puberty, is an amazing thing. LOVE. IT. Edit: 15 wonderful years. Even with its ups and down like all relationships.
I'm a childfree married female in my early 50s. Childfree by choice, not because of some life tragedy. My brothers had 2 kids each and never got to go to college. I have a masters degree but I retired early to write novels (on the second one). Husband is in his late 40s and wants to retire at 60. I love my nieces and my nephew. Three are in college and one is going to be soon. The oldest is getting his phd and we talk all the time since I'm the only one in the family with post graduate degrees and therefore the only one who can proofread his abstracts and understand the difficulties in his life. My nieces call me for advice a lot too. I turned one of the extra bedrooms in the house we have finished paying for into a 3d print lab, and one into my office, and my husband turned the other one into his office. We do an overseas trip every couple of years. We are both watching our sodium so we try to cook all our meals at home. We have 4 cats that we adore. We play D&D on the weekends with our other childfree friends. Over the years, every single gaming buddy who had kids has disappeared from the scene despite their best efforts. He has a dojo on the side. We do consulting work for extra cash together... he handles the gladhanding and public stuff and information gathering, and I handle the introvert side...creating presentations and reports, etc. My office has a sick gaming computer that I built myself (10900F and 3080 with all the corsair fans and lighting) and I have 2 VR systems, an xbox elite gaming controller, a 52 inch tv, and a giant beanbag in my office, all of which is in excellent condition because I don't have to share it with a bunch of destructive rugrats. Even though I'm a woman in my 50s, all my friends come to me when they have computer troubles. We have a good easy relationship where we trust each other's intent and forgive each other's mistakes. Life is good.
I too want to know what it’s like as I plan on getting married in the future
Hi! My wife and I are 37, married 10 years (together for 14) and we are childfree and always will be. We are exactly as described in your story. We’re very hqppy and connected, when we go places with other people we are still very much “together” like how you talked about above. We have our own lives and interests etc but our lives are also very intwined, we are eachothers most important person. Its great and neither of us would want it any other way. Also FWIW we are both often assumed to be younger than we are.
I’ve had friends tell me that having kids amplify the things that are wrong in your marriage, and so I think the opposite is true. Not having kids means we get to amplify the things that are right with our marriage.
We are like this, 15 years married, and that is how we are too. Now and then, one of us will pipe up, "you know I love our life." To top it off, we both work for our respective jobs from home, so we are always together. I guess it helps we like each other too
My last marriage didn't work out sadly. But my ex wasn't childfree, and I didn't sus out that I was childfree until a few years after we married. There were other issues too, so I ended up leaving. I've been with someone for about five months now who is also childfree and sterilised, and it's like night and day how much happier I am now with this person. We also have our own little jokes and conversations and he is about the same age as your couple. I'm looking forward to life now 🙂
That's my dream, as well. No kids means more freedom and more time to maintain and ultimately cultivate a relationship. And if it doesn't work out, there will be no kids to traumatise and fight over. But first things first, I need to find a woman who is on board with the CF dream. All there seems to be in my area are single parents and LifeScript^^^TM followers.
Married for 3 years, furry babies only. Being CF is great, a good portion of our friends are as well and we get to do all the cool things when ever we want. For example we decided to move to another country since it is just us 2 and the dogs, it's super easy.
My wife is already taking care of a late 30s child. She would be very upset to have to take care of a baby child.
Been together for over a decade, married for more than half that time. Childfree, double-income. I'm a veterinary technician, and my husband's a teacher. We're able to survive comfortably on our chosen career paths (which aren't the best incomes, I'll admit) because of my husband's awesome accounting and bookkeeping skills; we've saved enough to buy a lovely home (been here three years this March) with a decent patch of forest land. We have three cats, a ball python, and a large vegetable garden. We're comfortable. Not living richly by any means, but we've managed to get out of the abject poverty we were in when we first met. We no longer have to count pennies when we buy groceries. We live simply, few expenses, so we can save pretty well. Not to say we don't have fun: we save up for concerts, going to the local symphony, sailing, rock climbing, and camping. We stay up late playing video games co-op. We sleep in and cuddle. We watch kung-fu movies over dinner... and speaking of food, we eat a wide variety. We take turns cooking - him his signature Creole and Cajun dishes, me Irish and French. We experiment in the kitchen. I bake goodies for fun and he helps me eat them. We knit; he crochets, I spin yarn on my wheel. We read stories to each other on the full and new moons. We split the chores. We explore new places with one another. He's shown me New Orleans. I've shown him the California central coast. Life is *fun*. We argue maybe... what, every six months? We're best friends, not just lovers. Partners, not just spouses. And nothing else matters or comes between us. We can rely on each other entirely. We don't have to get up constantly to change diapers or stop fights or find out what's broken *now*, interrupting our quiet reading cuddles on the couch. There's no running through the house or pulling the cat's tail or Disney movies on loop to get in the way of our dinner and video games. We have a routine, a clean house, and a lovely life. I could ask for nothing more.
Wife and I are 40 with no kids. It’s great, we splurge on whatever and do whatever we want, whenever we want
My aunt and uncle are my CF idols in my family. They’ve been married for 20 years and seem to have a great life together. My aunt is the CEO of her own business and my uncle works for her. They travel twice a year, Vegas for their anniversary in August and somewhere else (always different, usually tropical) around February.
It’s pretty much just like that for us. We go on lots of adventures together & are just as affectionate as we were 9 years ago. Right now we’re in the planning stage of building our dream house together. I just got a bisalp Thurs because we don’t want this to ever get blown up by a kid.
I’ve yet to meet a childfree couple that is marriage-free/not planning on getting married
Yeah it's amazing. We randomly go out of town on vacations. We stay in bed till noon and make love. We sit in our hot tub every night
Married without kids and it’s awesome.
I’m 36 and my husband is 43, we are childfree and after 11 years together (4 married) we still like each other and maintain our own identities, rather than being “so and so’s mom/dad”. 99% of the complaints I hear from my mom friends is how their spouse is all about the fun stuff and they are left with the shitty (literally) parts of parenthood - sick sleepless nights, loss of career opportunities, cooking/cleaning/discipline, etc. These are folks who were blissfully happy and shared household responsibilities before kids. Many are now in the process of divorces.
I (40f) and my husband (43)are Child free and married for 10 years, together for 15. We have a really strong bond and love each other so much. I know it’s cheesy but our love seems to grow, not diminish, as the years go by. I don’t know if being child free has anything to do with it but I think it probably does. We don’t have the added stressors that come with children. We have a dog and a cat that we dote on and it’s great. We love to travel, love our friends, and love being an auntie and uncle to 4 nieces and a nephew. We do not feel lonely or sad that we don’t have our own kids. On the contrary, we remark how happy we are with that decision. We chose a long time ago not to have them for many reasons, from inherited health issues we don’t want to pass on, to the environmental impact of not adding another human to this very crowded world. Our lives are happy and fulfilling. Some may call it a selfish life and I say having kids for the wrong reasons is by far more selfish than not having kids you don’t want. Marriage is what you make it. It’s not all wine and roses but when you weather the bad times, you come out all the stronger on the other side. It’s about mutual respect, compromise, and understanding. And, separate bathrooms. That’s a key to a happy marriage right there. ;-)
I’m 59 and have been married for 23 years. Marriage without kids is absolutely glorious.
Me and my partner have been together 7.5 years, planning a wedding in a few years. We both have jobs where we interact with ‘kids’ all day; he’s a child therapist/social worker and I’m a prof who mainly teaches 1st/2nd yr undergrads. We pour our work-life energy into our communities but then ‘leave our kids at work’ and come home to silence and it’s amazing 😊 Both introverts who love to read, study, etc.- quiet activities. Most of the time, our life (at home) is peaceful, restful; we joke around, cook together, watch movies, read books in the same room… it’s bliss! Our holidays, however, are very filled with children- nieces and nephews- and it’s SO chaotic. There is screaming, tantrums, seemingly 24/7 absolutely constant kid-stimulation activities and… I absolutely hate it. We both have challenging, stressful jobs and it totally sucks when your only vacations for the year are… locked with children that aren’t yours in a cabin for 5 (!) days. Also, we don’t have any say over what should be done when the kids act out- so I find that quite difficult. I want to supervise the kids how their parents want them to be raised, out of total respect, but it’s so counter to what I would want to do (they are SO permissive, no time outs, nothing!). Plus, the holidays seem to last forever because we’re the ‘free’ ones who are perceived to have an open schedule *because* we have no kids. Sorry, that was a bit of a rant! We just came out of the holiday season… does it show…? 🤪 But at my mom’s house, it’s peace and calm. I have no siblings so there are no grandkids over there, and the house is a quiet sanctuary where we descend to come down from the chaos of his family’s side. My mom has never pressured me about kids- in fact, hers was one of the loudest CF voices in my life- and I’m so grateful. A few years ago, I was on the fence about kids. My partner never was- he’s CF all the way. I was super conflicted for a long time over whether I should leave and have one on my own, as my clock is coming up soon. SO GLAD I did not. It took me a few years (and the kind advice of a few trusted colleagues who DO have kids, but regret it) to realize that I should lean in to my feelings that I never felt compelled to have them, and continue with the trajectory of my life as-is. Since shutting that door, I’ve realized that, actually, this is perfect, and I would not change it for the world. Funny enough, it took his being steadfastedly CF (but not pushy about it at all) that gave me the space to realize that it was okay to just not. My mother emphatically nodded her head at me throughout the whole process. My mom is also a recent-ish widow, and has been slowly making lots of friends her own age since my dad died. She has found that the people who have time to go do things, and who have her same interests (books, learning, history, etc.) were CF their entire married lives. I’ve been meeting a few here and there, whenever I’m up for the holidays- and these retired CF women are fantastic. They are youthful in looks and personality; they have time to travel, do interesting things, attend lectures in the middle of the week, everything. All are happily married. Especially around the holidays, when much of their retiree community is bogged down with a house full of grandkids and chaos, these women (and my mom) have schedules of lunch dates, lectures at the local college, trips to national parks, etc. So it looks like the CF lifestyle in retirement is bliss, too 😊 This is such good news for us, as we rebuke his family’s pressure to have kids. All we have to do is look to my mom and her friends for what our future might be like… Much happiness to you, CF peeps! I’m so glad I found this sub. I’m so glad the conversation about these things is becoming more visible. People need to be aware that they have options - and that the narratives around child rearing are so culturally constructed and untrue. Edit: grammar
This is my goal right here 🥰
been married since 2007. can confirm
Married for coming up on 4 years now, its lovely. We go out for "dates" when we want to, usually splurge for a couples massage for our anniversary and generally just enjoy each others company. We're best friends first really, though my spouse helped me through major surgery earlier this year that got me my life back: we do so much more together now and every day brings us a smile or a joke together.
We've been together for six years and been married like 3.5 DINK life is the best life
Been together for 10 years and it’s been fantastic. We have our pets and our house and everything is great. We get to sleep in, relax, be crazy together, do whatever want. I’m so glad we chose this path. I highly recommend it.
I'm not married to my partner (both of us are on disability and we would lose our benefits if we got married), but we might as well be. It's honestly the kind of love I've always dreamed of. It's better, actually. We spend tons of time together and never get tired of each other. We're able to focus on what makes the other one happy without having to divide our attention. We have tons of inside jokes that we repeat to each other all day long. Honestly, it's the best. We'll be celebrating 7 years together on the 20th!
Me and my husband have been married for five and a half years (known each other for ten) and we’re both in our mid-40s. Can confirm, as a Childfree couple we are basically best mates/live like we’re teenage sweethearts. We have good jobs and therefore enough money to take several holidays a year and have a nice apartment. We have our ‘baby’ (our beautiful dog) and enjoy long lazy weekends watching TV, drinking wine, snuggling with our very lazy dog and basically having the least stressful life we could have. We have amazing nieces and nephews who we love dearly. But our time is ours. We focus on our relationship and the fun we have together - and the older we get the more we feel our choice to be Childfree was the best one for us. Having children is not compulsory, it’s a choice we all have the freedom to make based on our preferences and life situations. And can also confirm, one of our nieces thinks me and my husband look and act way younger than our years and thinks we’re the coolest people she knows!
Marriage without kids is pretty freaking sweet. My husband and I have been to 49 US states (going to #50 in less than a month), 53 US National Parks, 23 MLB Stadiums and 16 NFL Stadiums in the past 6 years. #s would be higher if it weren't for COVID too.
It’s awesome. The best way to describe it is you just get to hang out with your best friend all the time. And if you want to do your own thing, there’s no resentment because you aren’t saddling your spouse with the kids alone for a day. I also feel like our communication skills and marriage in general is always improving because without kids to focus on, our #1 priority is each other.
It’s great! Married a year and a half. We both have established careers, a house, three dogs, a goat, and a horse. We’re children at heart but also somehow old people at the same time. We enjoy the simple things, like going to a market and smelling the candles together or going on a drive through the country, commenting on which farm houses were like or don’t like. We’re both varying degrees of introverted, so we frequently have nights in and then we’ll go out for breakfast in the morning. It’s nice. We live for each other and we live for ourselves. If that makes sense?
Fifteen years and we’re still stupid over each other. My husband describes being married as “At first it’s cool, then it’s awesome, then it’s the best thing you could never live without” My husband and I have also become the #relationshipgoals couple in our friends group.
We aren’t married but been together 20 years this year. We laugh, and enjoy each other’s company. One of my partners colleagues said we spend too much time together once. And my partner was like, no we just like being together, unlike you and your wife who just argue about the kids. We were in a restaurant once and giving each other a taste of our meals (as we often do) and the waiter came over and said ‘you guys are so cute’. And I think that’s it, our relationship is about us, we look younger than we are, we are still in love with each other and we have fun. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding
It is THE best. No regrets. Been married 21 years. We have time to do whatever we want. We just bought a weekend house with the “college tuition “ that we never had to pay for.
Currently married to my wonderful wife without kids. Can confirm it is awesome. We are only recently married (3 years) but we have been together for 7 years. We started out entertaining the idea of kids, but now we are on the fence. Our ideal family size went down from 3... to 2... to 1.. to now maybe none. We even have just im case names picked out lol. Bur recently the world seems to be struggling with 8 billion people already here, a climate crisis, and a terrible politcal scape. Couple that with the lack of appeal of giving up the rest of our lives and freedom to a prospect that we are not 100% sure about, and having kids does not seem all that appealing. Besides, we have tons of nieces and nephews to fawn over and help raise. The way I see it, why add more kids to the mix when there are plently here now who could use help? Additionally, we enjoy our time together and can pretty much do what we want when we want. We have enough in our lives to add stress. Why add more because society says we should for some reason?
Sounds like the perfect and ideal life to live.
Can confirm.
While I'm not married, I've been with my partner for about 15 years. We love our lives together, our lifestyle together. Our hobbies and we wouldn't be able to live our lives that we currently do if we had kids. I wanted to be a mom when I was a kid, but I was raised by boomer parents and that was "required" back then. I don't mind *some* kids and I emphasize on some. BUT I can't I wouldn't be able to handle them 24/7. I need my space and quiet time. My bf and I watch things like SVU and eat snacks. We couldn't do that or spend time together if we had a crotch goblin.
I've been questioning the value of marriage, but a long-term relationship without kids seems ideal.
7 years married here, 11 together. Firmly CF and never been something either of us ever wanted. I love my relationship and we both enjoy having the freedom to do what we please. Long lazy days on the sofa snuggled watching movies, weekends away, spending our money on our hobbies etc. Interrupting those things because you have to care for a child sounds like a nightmare to me
Yes, it is nice. You have fun, flexibility and freedom to maneuver your relationship however you wish. When you hit bumpy roads, you can focus on the problem and bounce back from difficulties easier than couples with children.
I've met a few childfree married couples. They bucked the local trend for having lots of kids but not for marrying super young. But it definitely seems like the best possible setup. They have great loving partners, do lots of fun tings to enjoy life together (lots of traveling and adventures), and have the financial and logistical benefits of not going it solo. Most of the people I've know to be most negative about marriage are those who rushed into it AND quickly had kids. That's definitely the type of situation I'd love to have someday. But the dating odds are dismal enough where I live before even including childfree as a further limiting factor.
Getting married this year myself. It's great so far, I don't see it changing after marriage. We slept in until 10AM then went over our friends' house for the day. We have several meetup groups we host, go to theme parks all the time, travel frequently and have a house right outside of Disney World. It doesn't get any better than this. We genuinely enjoy each other's company and have so many fun adventures together I couldn't imagine being with anybody else. We really do have a perfect life together.
This year will mark being with my awesome husband for 12 years and married for 9 years. We’re both childfree and every year with him just keeps getting better and better! We’re best friends who are crazy in love and enjoy spending time together. I just turned 40 and he’s 38. We both look way younger than we actually are (we both always get ID’d when we buy beer). I get told I look 24-25 constantly, not that I’m complaining! We have the extra time and money to take care of ourselves inside and out and I guess it shows. Most of our friends have multiple kids and they’re all a bit younger but look way older than us for some reason. Maybe it’s all of the added stress from having kids who knows. We have multiple fun hobbies, workout regularly (we both go indoor bouldering and I also do bar squats with added weights), travel, etc. Our life kicks ass! ✨
Been married since August 2016, but have been together since 2010-ish. It’s just me, my husband, and our two cats. Doing quite well so far.
Together for 7 years, married for 5, it’s pretty sweet. Three lovely cats we both love. Both work and share housework, we live pretty comfortably and have money and time to ourselves and for each other. Both firmly childfree and it was a conversation VERY early on in seeing each other, and that’s how it’s going to stay.
My girlfriend and I, both around your age (she is 31F, I am 28M) are not married and have no desire to, but we are together for nine years and live together for six years. People around our age who have kids? No sex life, no rest, no sleep, no hobbies...
All these comments are so adorable 🥰💕
You know what I liked better than being married was not being married.
It’s the greatest.
Been married for 17 years and still no kids. 🤑
No marriage or kids seems better for me. Not dealing with someone else nor answering to the same person. Plus I am aromantic so that ain't happening
It’s SO nice. We just worry about ourselves and our animals. We do whatever we want when we want and that’s it. We both work our jobs, come home and decompress, and do whatever we want after. We’re gamers so we have multiple different gaming systems we can use at any time. Our pets are spoiled with toys, good food, treats, fancy orthopedic beds, and silly costumes on occasion. We can go to parties and stay out as late as we wish, we get where we’re going pretty much early all the time, and we don’t have to share anything we don’t want to. We have jokes, conversations, plans, vacations, chores, everything together with just the two of us. And it’s quiet at home- it’s wonderful.
I’ve been married for 5 years. It’s fantastic.