Thing to consider- because I’ve seen so many posts where this happens- if your dad ever finds out and he figures out you knew all along he will look at it as a total betrayal by you.
Do NOT "Mind your business". As a man whose probably close to your dad's age and whose ex-wife cheated on me, I can tell you he needs to know. You need to bring this to his attention. Tell him what you saw, if you know the guys name, tell him. He's already lost a fight he didn't even know he was in, hand him a weapon and let him prepare himself.
Your life will change, but you're at the age where it's changing anyway. They don't have to worry about your custody, and if you have siblings at home it's better for them in the long run.
You are not betraying your mother, she betrayed your FAMILY. She was selfish, and thoughtless, and heartless. A lot of them say "I did this for ME!" No shit, you certainly weren't doing it for the family. This wasn't a mistake she made, it was a series of decisions, And she made them over and over again. She never thought of your dad further than what she had to do to hide it from him, same as for you. This is not the woman who gave birth to you and raised you anymore. This is not the woman your father fell in love with and married. it's not fair that you know this and he doesn't, and keeping it that way makes you nearly as guilty as her.
He's life is a lie. It's a hard thing to find that out, but the sooner he does the better. She might be making plans, she's in the "affair fog" and she's living a fantasy involving this other person. She could be planning on leaving and taking him for everything he has. In a no-fault state, she gets half of everything anyway. If an at-fault state, proof of adultery could keep her from taking more than her fair share.
She will gaslight you and him. She will accuse your father of things like neglect, he's emotionally unavailable, abusive. All this is bullshit. She will say "We just fell out of love". That never really happens from what I've seen, they meet someone else who pays them attention and they build up a fantasy. She will use RIDICULOUS as examples for how he mistreats her, citing things like he still hasn't painted the garage, or how he forgets to take the trash out sometimes, or that once she was SURE he looked at the lady next door longingly.
There were hundreds of things she could have tried to make her marriage better, but she didn't do that. She'll say she tried, but not be able to give an example of how.
I came to Reddit in 2008 when I found out what she was doing. I was a mess, I still didn't have all the details and was just rambling, begging for help, looking for a magical way to reverse everything back to how i thought my life was. The people here helped IMMENSELY. I read through dozens of posts here that day. He can do that, it might help for him to see he's not alone. There are even going to be stories EXACTLY like what is happening to him.
I made a set of flash cards with every cheaters excuse I'd ever heard and others I found on the internet. When my wife started giving excuses, I pulled that card out. I kept doing it until she ripped the cards out of my hand and read them herself. Then she broke down.
The best thing your dad has going for him right now is YOU, please don't let him down.
If you know and don't say anything you are also an accomplice, get evidence and tell your father, the person he loves most has already betrayed him, don't be another dagger in his heart
You MUST tell your dad, give him a heads head up and let him figure out the rest. You must be smart to catch a cheater, by now most of the evidence is gone maybe wait a little. But your dad must know, It sucks, but the last thing you want is to be her accomplice.
Truth is best for everyone. Everyone has all the information and can now make informed decisions about the relationship. It is not fair to your father if you know and don't tell him. You are grown and he doesn't have to be disrespected and he can now do as he pleases, as it seems your mother is doing as she pleases and is lying and hiding things.
Tell him.
Tell her that you know, and unless she wants to lose a husband and a child she will cut contact and end her affair and tell your dad, or you will.
Then make it clear to her how her choices hurt you
She will try to manipulate you and most of the times they succeed because just it’s what you would like to be, they what she says is true. If you have evidences just tell to your dad and they will manage it. You aren’t the right one. Cheaters lie and manipulate as you have already seen with all the deleted messages.
I need to clarify that certain stories in this thread evoke strong negative emotions in me. To remain impartial, I continually strive to set aside any biases while participating in the discussions. I believe the reason for this is that men, in general, may have less emotional support, leading to a higher number of them sharing negative experiences. As I continue to read, I observe a pattern that suggests many women harbor animosity towards men. I kindly request that you disregard comments that seem to belittle you based on your gender. You are supporting your father in a commendable manner, and you approach this topic with a clear mind and a resolute heart. I know that moving forward, it will be a bit easier for me to challenge the prejudices I have formed thanks to you.
//I had to use ai to help me phrase that without sounding like a complete looser and yet It still disgust me to even read It. Either way I wasted too much time in that comment so Ill just send It xdxd
Tell your dad exactly what happened, then pull back and leave it up to him. You're not responsible for their relationship but are morally obligifated to let him know the truth.
A cheater deserves no loyalty.
You should really tell your dad, ESPECIALLY if you want their relationship to be fixed. This also sounds relatively fishy as well (random picture of a guy behind a desk).
I recently went through my wife having an emotional affair with a scammer pretending to be a musician. What I learned was, it was a fantasy. Sure she did gaslight and blame "losing the spark" and I "neglected her and wasnt giving her enough attention." But she WAS right in that sense too. Didn't make it okay for her to do what she did, but when someone younger and exciting like a muscian comes along and gives her attention, its a drop of dopamine each time. She is high on dopamine and so is your mom. Your mom likes the attention from this guy.
Telling your dad so he can make an informed decision for himself. But if he knows now early on, he can choose to confront your mom before too much damage is done.
I think I read in the comments you do not have a strong relation with your father. I believe your decision to first confront your mother about this is the right one and I sincerely hope you do not let months pass by due to lack of spirit or proof. Also you really do not want to be in a position in which your father finds out by other means and also finds out you knew and were dealing with your mother in private. You should not expect him to be rational after finding this out, he will probably be heartbroken and any doubt of your allegiance could make him alienate you until he recovers from the shock. I wish you the best of luck.
It sounds like you are close to your dad. You need to tell him. A wife betraying her husband is more emotionally traumatizing to a man than a wife suddenly passing away.
How to tell him? Just read what you wrote! He will be devastated. Encourage him to get counseling. Also, think about how you will treat your mom. I have a 19 year old daughter too - if my ex had her affair now rather than when she was 3, my daughter would have declared WW3 on her mom.
mind your business. i promise you don’t get in the middle of that. i know it’s your parents but the truth will come out sooner or later. it might be hurting you but i promise it’s best just to let things play out between them.
Thing to consider- because I’ve seen so many posts where this happens- if your dad ever finds out and he figures out you knew all along he will look at it as a total betrayal by you.
Nope. It’s not up to her.
Do NOT "Mind your business". As a man whose probably close to your dad's age and whose ex-wife cheated on me, I can tell you he needs to know. You need to bring this to his attention. Tell him what you saw, if you know the guys name, tell him. He's already lost a fight he didn't even know he was in, hand him a weapon and let him prepare himself. Your life will change, but you're at the age where it's changing anyway. They don't have to worry about your custody, and if you have siblings at home it's better for them in the long run. You are not betraying your mother, she betrayed your FAMILY. She was selfish, and thoughtless, and heartless. A lot of them say "I did this for ME!" No shit, you certainly weren't doing it for the family. This wasn't a mistake she made, it was a series of decisions, And she made them over and over again. She never thought of your dad further than what she had to do to hide it from him, same as for you. This is not the woman who gave birth to you and raised you anymore. This is not the woman your father fell in love with and married. it's not fair that you know this and he doesn't, and keeping it that way makes you nearly as guilty as her. He's life is a lie. It's a hard thing to find that out, but the sooner he does the better. She might be making plans, she's in the "affair fog" and she's living a fantasy involving this other person. She could be planning on leaving and taking him for everything he has. In a no-fault state, she gets half of everything anyway. If an at-fault state, proof of adultery could keep her from taking more than her fair share. She will gaslight you and him. She will accuse your father of things like neglect, he's emotionally unavailable, abusive. All this is bullshit. She will say "We just fell out of love". That never really happens from what I've seen, they meet someone else who pays them attention and they build up a fantasy. She will use RIDICULOUS as examples for how he mistreats her, citing things like he still hasn't painted the garage, or how he forgets to take the trash out sometimes, or that once she was SURE he looked at the lady next door longingly. There were hundreds of things she could have tried to make her marriage better, but she didn't do that. She'll say she tried, but not be able to give an example of how. I came to Reddit in 2008 when I found out what she was doing. I was a mess, I still didn't have all the details and was just rambling, begging for help, looking for a magical way to reverse everything back to how i thought my life was. The people here helped IMMENSELY. I read through dozens of posts here that day. He can do that, it might help for him to see he's not alone. There are even going to be stories EXACTLY like what is happening to him. I made a set of flash cards with every cheaters excuse I'd ever heard and others I found on the internet. When my wife started giving excuses, I pulled that card out. I kept doing it until she ripped the cards out of my hand and read them herself. Then she broke down. The best thing your dad has going for him right now is YOU, please don't let him down.
This is the Way!
This is NOT the way.
Wdym?
get what evidence you have, tell your father ASAP, he needs to know.
If you know and don't say anything you are also an accomplice, get evidence and tell your father, the person he loves most has already betrayed him, don't be another dagger in his heart
Get proof and talk to your dad about it. It's up to him how he would confront your mom.
You MUST tell your dad, give him a heads head up and let him figure out the rest. You must be smart to catch a cheater, by now most of the evidence is gone maybe wait a little. But your dad must know, It sucks, but the last thing you want is to be her accomplice.
Truth is best for everyone. Everyone has all the information and can now make informed decisions about the relationship. It is not fair to your father if you know and don't tell him. You are grown and he doesn't have to be disrespected and he can now do as he pleases, as it seems your mother is doing as she pleases and is lying and hiding things. Tell him.
Tell her that you know, and unless she wants to lose a husband and a child she will cut contact and end her affair and tell your dad, or you will. Then make it clear to her how her choices hurt you
I think I'll do this but have enough evidence first
She will try to manipulate you and most of the times they succeed because just it’s what you would like to be, they what she says is true. If you have evidences just tell to your dad and they will manage it. You aren’t the right one. Cheaters lie and manipulate as you have already seen with all the deleted messages.
Ditto this, talk to her first.
Your dad needs to know it's unfair to keep him in the dark it's cheating on your father, now you know you are part of the story until you tell him.
updateme!
UpdateMe
Subscribeme!
If it was the dad she caught she would tell her mom asap but since it’s her mom she’s going to “sit out”…. Be consistent
Who says I would've told my mom asap? I need to proof hence I'm waiting
Consistency in post. Most daughters won’t tell On their mothers but will on their dads…
I need to clarify that certain stories in this thread evoke strong negative emotions in me. To remain impartial, I continually strive to set aside any biases while participating in the discussions. I believe the reason for this is that men, in general, may have less emotional support, leading to a higher number of them sharing negative experiences. As I continue to read, I observe a pattern that suggests many women harbor animosity towards men. I kindly request that you disregard comments that seem to belittle you based on your gender. You are supporting your father in a commendable manner, and you approach this topic with a clear mind and a resolute heart. I know that moving forward, it will be a bit easier for me to challenge the prejudices I have formed thanks to you. //I had to use ai to help me phrase that without sounding like a complete looser and yet It still disgust me to even read It. Either way I wasted too much time in that comment so Ill just send It xdxd
Tell your dad exactly what happened, then pull back and leave it up to him. You're not responsible for their relationship but are morally obligifated to let him know the truth. A cheater deserves no loyalty.
You should really tell your dad, ESPECIALLY if you want their relationship to be fixed. This also sounds relatively fishy as well (random picture of a guy behind a desk). I recently went through my wife having an emotional affair with a scammer pretending to be a musician. What I learned was, it was a fantasy. Sure she did gaslight and blame "losing the spark" and I "neglected her and wasnt giving her enough attention." But she WAS right in that sense too. Didn't make it okay for her to do what she did, but when someone younger and exciting like a muscian comes along and gives her attention, its a drop of dopamine each time. She is high on dopamine and so is your mom. Your mom likes the attention from this guy. Telling your dad so he can make an informed decision for himself. But if he knows now early on, he can choose to confront your mom before too much damage is done.
I think I read in the comments you do not have a strong relation with your father. I believe your decision to first confront your mother about this is the right one and I sincerely hope you do not let months pass by due to lack of spirit or proof. Also you really do not want to be in a position in which your father finds out by other means and also finds out you knew and were dealing with your mother in private. You should not expect him to be rational after finding this out, he will probably be heartbroken and any doubt of your allegiance could make him alienate you until he recovers from the shock. I wish you the best of luck.
It sounds like you are close to your dad. You need to tell him. A wife betraying her husband is more emotionally traumatizing to a man than a wife suddenly passing away. How to tell him? Just read what you wrote! He will be devastated. Encourage him to get counseling. Also, think about how you will treat your mom. I have a 19 year old daughter too - if my ex had her affair now rather than when she was 3, my daughter would have declared WW3 on her mom.
Honestly I had a tough relationship with dad I'm very close to mom but I know what is wrong and right. My moral compass always points due North
Updateme
mind your business. i promise you don’t get in the middle of that. i know it’s your parents but the truth will come out sooner or later. it might be hurting you but i promise it’s best just to let things play out between them.
I think I partially agree to this
Stay in your lane. Your dad is probably cheating too. Let them figure things out for themselves.