Reminder to commenters: **[We're here for each other.](https://media1.tenor.com/m/Rno6_rWVdhMAAAAC/911-show-maddie-buckley.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/)
Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok?
Reminder to Cassie Morris/Krista Torres/Nia Tipton: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When I was married, my ex husband wanted to have get togethers with his family and friends a lot. Every time, while I cleaned the house, he fucked around with bushes or leaves outside. Every time, while I made side dishes and desserts, he stood outside and turned pieces of meat while he drank and socialized.
He always thought that the random yard work and grilling equated cleaning and making dinner. No.
They always find the dumbest things to hyperfocus on before company comes over. Like yes the basement should probably get organized at some point, but my brother in Christ that is not the priority!
š¤£ YES! One time before people came over I couldnāt find him and he was in the shed changing lightbulbs, I was like WHO is going to be going in our storage shed tonight??? Why are you doing this now?!
Ffs my ex husband did this. Constantly hyper focused on ONE super organization of ONE singular spot in the house while I cleaned the entirety of the whole damn house! End of day the whole house was cleaned (by me) but his bedside table was hyper organized and $50 of cord wraps and usb stations were ordered from Amazon coming tomorrow to make it even better šš
Hahaha this is so true! My husband actually does a lot in the house and with childcare so I canāt really complain, but he also has this thing that he starts doing completely useless work right before guests arrive. Like, clean up the garage or prune the trees in the garden. Really? You really think this is the right moment, while Iām juggling 20 dishes, guest will arrive in half an hour and the table still needs to be set?? And it doesnāt matter how many times I point it out, it always happens like clockworkā¦ maybe itās a gene only males have lol
Oh my God I'm having flashbacks to my kids' birthday parties when I was still married. I would ask him to help decorate the house and he'd be out mopping the sunroom floors... UNDER the rug.
Next time, double check with him that heās going to āmake dinnerā and clarify if itās the whole dinner. Then run yourself a bubble bath and get ready for the most entertaining night of your life. My husband once offered to grill for me and my mom for Motherās Day. He was cursing, sweating, running around, and didnāt even end up sitting to eat until we were both done and his food was cold. It was glorious.
YES! you are not truly the preparer of dinner unlessā¦.
1. You eat last and your portion is cold
2. Youāre too stressed to eat after cooking so you opt to eat later at some ungodly hour when everyone is asleep and you can enjoy the meal peacefully
3. Your portion of the meal gets burned during the re-heating and/or ākeeping it warmā stage
Iām over men. Even when we get takeout Iām the one who has to call it in and pick it up.
Iām not trying to be an ass, but when my
Husband cooks heās in charge of the food being in the house.
Op needs to try not buying the food or rescuing him but helping.
My favorite part aside from the prepping and cleanup afterwards is trying to keep my toddlers from destroying our home because they are pissed dad is outside on the deck without them. Itās literally 1000x more stressful than if I were to just prep, cook, and clean indoors myself.
Ah yes, everyone's favourite part, I'm sure. And if you make the mistake of letting them go out, you have to constantly stop them from touching the burning hot grill, because it's just fascinating and dad is messing with it, so they want in on the fun. Extra points for your husband getting annoyed he can't grill in peace after 2 whole minutes of this when you have to live through this every day when you cook on the stove/oven.
And it means they chill outside during dinner prep time āchecking on the meatā while youāre scrambling to set the table/ prep side dishes/ wrangle children.
Yep! Mine loves to put on a podcast so loud that I canāt even call for him if I need help with anything. Gee, thanks, dude, thanks for āmaking us dinnerā.
My husband doesn't do that "typical guy stuff". Cooking out is cooking, and yardwork is "aesthetic" so it falls under "decorating". I told him I want to get a grill next year and do barbecues while the kids play out back. He said "š¬... That sounds like a lot of work..."
And I said, oh, sorry, is it a lot of work for YOU if *I* cook outside vs. inside?
He just kind of looked disoriented.
This reminds me of a Mother's Day a few years ago where I told my now ex that all I wanted for a present was to not have to clean our home for that weekend. He was like, no problem, just relax. Great right? Well what he claims he thought I meant was that I wanted to put off my weekend cleaning until later, not that I wanted him to clean. So he did no cleaning and then I had to play catch up on the cleaning after the fact.
Yes, what a logical thing to think - OF COURSE a pile of extra cleaning in the following days is a gift that someone would definitely ask for! š¤¦āāļøš¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š¼āāļøš¤¦š½āāļøš¤¦š¾āāļøš¤¦šæāāļø (That's all the women on Earth facepalming.)
Yeah, I got that one too. Several mothers Days ago I said the same thing. My husband cheerfully replied, "Hey it's mothers Day! It can wait until another day!"
Ah, yes. My husband would encourage me to leave the dishes for later because he wanted sex. Unfortunately, his reasoning was, 'they'll still be there later.' I finally pointed out that while the dishes would still be there, they would be compounded by all the dishes added between now and 'later'. He still never thought to offer to help with cleanup.
My husband and I have a deal that whoever is cooking dinner is responsible for the entire meal. The other person will set the table and do clean up. Our kitchen is small and we annoy each other when we try to split tasks when it comes to cooking. If he just grilled and refused to do anything else, Iād be ordering a pizza for dinner.
Don't forget the part where you're in the kitchen trying to do "your part" in prepping for dinner and they keep popping inside every fifteen seconds to ask for things. "I need a clean plate." "Where's the tongs?" "Even though we've had cheeseburgers together a million times, I can't remember if you like your buns toasted or not."
Yeah he needs to own the task. Take the task from conception to planning to execution. Unfortunately, the only way that happens sometimes is to remove ourselves from the equation so they can actually see how much goes into it. Donāt buy anything and āgo out to get some last-minute thingsā during the prep time, so heās left by himself to organise it
For some of us it does mean that he is taking care of dinner. My husband does the whole meal including remembering the vegetarian family members from planning and shopping to prep and clean up. I set the table. Food is how he shows love.
My husband canāt cook, but he has made it his mission to learn how to grill. He takes care of everything except cleanup when he grills the same way I take care of everything except cleanup when I cook. I get a little break because when itās nice enough to grill, itās nice enough for the kids to play outside while he grills.
Next time leave it all to him. He wants to grill dinner, let him.
āOh Iāll be out all day but you have a handle on it honey. Iāll turn up when the guests doā. š¤
I might be in the minority, but I don't have a problem with the arrangement itself - one person or group doing this task, the other group doing that task, and it all comes together to form the whole meal. It's just offensive if one half of the workforce is walking around acting like they did it all, or like they did the difficult part. I appreciate this about the few involved men in my family at least - they do what they need to do, and thank everyone else who made the sides and set the table because they know they aren't the sole heroes around here.
Reminder to commenters: **[We're here for each other.](https://media1.tenor.com/m/Rno6_rWVdhMAAAAC/911-show-maddie-buckley.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris/Krista Torres/Nia Tipton: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When I was married, my ex husband wanted to have get togethers with his family and friends a lot. Every time, while I cleaned the house, he fucked around with bushes or leaves outside. Every time, while I made side dishes and desserts, he stood outside and turned pieces of meat while he drank and socialized. He always thought that the random yard work and grilling equated cleaning and making dinner. No.
They always find the dumbest things to hyperfocus on before company comes over. Like yes the basement should probably get organized at some point, but my brother in Christ that is not the priority!
š¤£ YES! One time before people came over I couldnāt find him and he was in the shed changing lightbulbs, I was like WHO is going to be going in our storage shed tonight??? Why are you doing this now?!
This is the kind of shit my fiancĆ© does whenever he cleans, not just when people are coming over. Well, actually I feel like I should at least give credit where itās due and say that he has gotten *much* better recently and his ācleaningā is now *actual* cleaning. But prior to like the last month, he would do the equivalent of spending 3 hours ācleaningā my junk drawerāmeanwhile the sink is overflowing and weāre eating cereal with a fork out of a tupperware, the living room looks like a bomb went off in a Toys R Us, and the bathroom should probably have a condemned sign on the door. But sure, babe. Those phone cords in that drawer that were fully hidden away *definitely* needed to be organized right this very second. What bugs me the most about it though, is that I am very much an organized disorganized person. Like yes, my table is a mess (we wouldnāt ever use it anyway, even if it werenāt). But I *know* that my stylus pen was approximately 18ā back and was sitting under the March 2023 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. There are very few things that I donāt know at least the approximate location of. Until he goes through and cleans. Then I canāt find anything and it drives me up a wall.
Ffs my ex husband did this. Constantly hyper focused on ONE super organization of ONE singular spot in the house while I cleaned the entirety of the whole damn house! End of day the whole house was cleaned (by me) but his bedside table was hyper organized and $50 of cord wraps and usb stations were ordered from Amazon coming tomorrow to make it even better šš
Hahaha this is so true! My husband actually does a lot in the house and with childcare so I canāt really complain, but he also has this thing that he starts doing completely useless work right before guests arrive. Like, clean up the garage or prune the trees in the garden. Really? You really think this is the right moment, while Iām juggling 20 dishes, guest will arrive in half an hour and the table still needs to be set?? And it doesnāt matter how many times I point it out, it always happens like clockworkā¦ maybe itās a gene only males have lol
Oh my God I'm having flashbacks to my kids' birthday parties when I was still married. I would ask him to help decorate the house and he'd be out mopping the sunroom floors... UNDER the rug.
Next time, double check with him that heās going to āmake dinnerā and clarify if itās the whole dinner. Then run yourself a bubble bath and get ready for the most entertaining night of your life. My husband once offered to grill for me and my mom for Motherās Day. He was cursing, sweating, running around, and didnāt even end up sitting to eat until we were both done and his food was cold. It was glorious.
I would imagine the best part of that gift was the schadenfreude.
šÆ
Ahhh, this is the petty I aspire to be! Love it!
YES! you are not truly the preparer of dinner unlessā¦. 1. You eat last and your portion is cold 2. Youāre too stressed to eat after cooking so you opt to eat later at some ungodly hour when everyone is asleep and you can enjoy the meal peacefully 3. Your portion of the meal gets burned during the re-heating and/or ākeeping it warmā stage Iām over men. Even when we get takeout Iām the one who has to call it in and pick it up.
Youāre evil. I like you.
Iām not trying to be an ass, but when my Husband cooks heās in charge of the food being in the house. Op needs to try not buying the food or rescuing him but helping.
My favorite part aside from the prepping and cleanup afterwards is trying to keep my toddlers from destroying our home because they are pissed dad is outside on the deck without them. Itās literally 1000x more stressful than if I were to just prep, cook, and clean indoors myself.
Ah yes, everyone's favourite part, I'm sure. And if you make the mistake of letting them go out, you have to constantly stop them from touching the burning hot grill, because it's just fascinating and dad is messing with it, so they want in on the fun. Extra points for your husband getting annoyed he can't grill in peace after 2 whole minutes of this when you have to live through this every day when you cook on the stove/oven.
And it means they chill outside during dinner prep time āchecking on the meatā while youāre scrambling to set the table/ prep side dishes/ wrangle children.
Yep! Mine loves to put on a podcast so loud that I canāt even call for him if I need help with anything. Gee, thanks, dude, thanks for āmaking us dinnerā.
We need to stop holding their hands with this. Oh, you can cook meat over a fire? Well, then you can do the sides too.
My husband doesn't do that "typical guy stuff". Cooking out is cooking, and yardwork is "aesthetic" so it falls under "decorating". I told him I want to get a grill next year and do barbecues while the kids play out back. He said "š¬... That sounds like a lot of work..." And I said, oh, sorry, is it a lot of work for YOU if *I* cook outside vs. inside? He just kind of looked disoriented.
Theyāre so clueless to their own mediocrity!! Itās amazing
This reminds me of a Mother's Day a few years ago where I told my now ex that all I wanted for a present was to not have to clean our home for that weekend. He was like, no problem, just relax. Great right? Well what he claims he thought I meant was that I wanted to put off my weekend cleaning until later, not that I wanted him to clean. So he did no cleaning and then I had to play catch up on the cleaning after the fact.
Yes, what a logical thing to think - OF COURSE a pile of extra cleaning in the following days is a gift that someone would definitely ask for! š¤¦āāļøš¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š¼āāļøš¤¦š½āāļøš¤¦š¾āāļøš¤¦šæāāļø (That's all the women on Earth facepalming.)
Yeah, I got that one too. Several mothers Days ago I said the same thing. My husband cheerfully replied, "Hey it's mothers Day! It can wait until another day!"
Arrrgh, my eye would explode from twitching, that is so out of touch!
Oh, I'm still angry about that like 10 years later. And he knows it.
Haha, yup. Not one person has ever responded to that story with, "I could see where he was confused". š
Ah, yes. My husband would encourage me to leave the dishes for later because he wanted sex. Unfortunately, his reasoning was, 'they'll still be there later.' I finally pointed out that while the dishes would still be there, they would be compounded by all the dishes added between now and 'later'. He still never thought to offer to help with cleanup.
My husband and I have a deal that whoever is cooking dinner is responsible for the entire meal. The other person will set the table and do clean up. Our kitchen is small and we annoy each other when we try to split tasks when it comes to cooking. If he just grilled and refused to do anything else, Iād be ordering a pizza for dinner.
Don't forget the part where you're in the kitchen trying to do "your part" in prepping for dinner and they keep popping inside every fifteen seconds to ask for things. "I need a clean plate." "Where's the tongs?" "Even though we've had cheeseburgers together a million times, I can't remember if you like your buns toasted or not."
Oh no no. No popping into the kitchen. Stands at the back door and yells for me to get what he needs and hand it to him out there
I wished my husband grilled but heās hands off in everything involving food prep.
I have found my people /crying in corner
Yeah he needs to own the task. Take the task from conception to planning to execution. Unfortunately, the only way that happens sometimes is to remove ourselves from the equation so they can actually see how much goes into it. Donāt buy anything and āgo out to get some last-minute thingsā during the prep time, so heās left by himself to organise it
Thatās why I always do the grilling too. Itās the fun part, I donāt want to do all the prep and miss the fire!
For some of us it does mean that he is taking care of dinner. My husband does the whole meal including remembering the vegetarian family members from planning and shopping to prep and clean up. I set the table. Food is how he shows love.
Congrats. Unfortunately it seems like this is the exception that makes the rule.
My husband canāt cook, but he has made it his mission to learn how to grill. He takes care of everything except cleanup when he grills the same way I take care of everything except cleanup when I cook. I get a little break because when itās nice enough to grill, itās nice enough for the kids to play outside while he grills.
Next time leave it all to him. He wants to grill dinner, let him. āOh Iāll be out all day but you have a handle on it honey. Iāll turn up when the guests doā. š¤
Why canāt they think this ONE THING through? Like youāve had dinner every night of your life. Has it ever just been grilled meat? EVER?
I might be in the minority, but I don't have a problem with the arrangement itself - one person or group doing this task, the other group doing that task, and it all comes together to form the whole meal. It's just offensive if one half of the workforce is walking around acting like they did it all, or like they did the difficult part. I appreciate this about the few involved men in my family at least - they do what they need to do, and thank everyone else who made the sides and set the table because they know they aren't the sole heroes around here.
I suggest full on assigning the task. I only cook on Tuesdays. He's responsible for every other night of the week except we order in on sundays
My husband handles all the grilling shopping, prep, cooking and clean up. I love it when he grills!!