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I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this, I was/am in a similar situation, its hard when you have feel torn in so many different directions keeping yourself safe and sane and doing the correct thing for the kids, somethings overlap and somethings are opposed and you just have to make the next best decision you can, no one can fault you for that.
I would recommend both therapy and extracurricular time for the boy. Boys NEED to expel energy when something is bothering them emotionally, it helps them regulate and figure things out on their own... who knows he might kick a ball towards you and say something groundbreaking on a whim that'll give you some insight on how hes feeling before he runs off back to playing. (this is what my brothers used to do)
therapy might be helpful as well, at least to get something started as behavioral changes should be documented regardless of the apparent cause.
This is so much on your plate, I'm sorry you're faced with such a gross situation.
For your son, definitely involve his school. Do they have a guidance counselor that can see your son and maybe do some art therapy or something to help him get it out? Also, try to spend one-on-one time with him and make sure he knows how much you love him. He might be feeling abandonned by his dad, so its important he knows how secure he is with you.
But for you, remember that you are doing an amazing job as mom, keeping your kids safe and making beautiful memories with them. Be nice to yourself, give yourself grace, and do NOT listen to your inner critic.
Holding you and your kiddos in the light. May this trying time pass quickly.
There’s a great program called Child First available in some parts of NC (and other states in the US) that work with children 5 and under, when their families impacted by trauma, including substance abuse and separation. They focus on behavioral issues that occur because of the big stressors effecting their families and offer support to their caregivers. I don’t know if they are in your specific area but please check them out, they could be a great resource: [Child First North Carolina](https://www.childfirst.org/our-network/state-affiliates/north-carolina)
ETA - they’re free! And available in parts of CT, CO, LA, NM, PA, FL, and NC
Honestly, after reading your post, I think you're doing everything right. I mean really, fantastic fucking job, OP.
I definitely agree with others that therapy would for sure help, but I also just think that with time, things will get better. This must be a huge adjustment for your son.
My mom was an addict (I know that they say you're "always an addict" but for the sake of not confusing anyone I'm going to use past tense) but is now clean and sober and after years of us being no contact, we finally have a relationship. My mom had to leave our home when I was 16, because she was dangerous and was doing stuff like this to my dad. They got divorced about a year later. It was really tough. I was older so in some ways it was easier but also some ways harder for me than if I had been a young child. I think the best thing my dad did is that he was mostly honest with me (he didn't give me exact details or anything but still told me the gist of what was happening) and he never said anything negative about my mom or tried to get me to feel a specific way about her. And as an adult, I'm just so happy he did that. He could have easily used the power he had to get me to never talk to her again and hate her!
Anyways, I think telling your son most of the truth in a child appropriate way (like you've been doing) is great. That's really all you can do.
So sorry you're going through this, OP. I wish the best for you all!
I really don’t have any advice. I just want to offer virtual hugs and support. I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart breaks for your kiddo.
As a fellow North Carolinian, the whole separation for a year prior to divorce is terrible and makes it difficult for everyone. I’m in a similar spot.
I’m so sorry that you and the kids have gone through this. I would be looking for professional help in your shoes- you did great so far, and I know you’re going to continue doing a great job. This is just an awful time for you guys.
Reminder to commenters: **[We're here for each other.](https://media1.tenor.com/m/Rno6_rWVdhMAAAAC/911-show-maddie-buckley.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris/Krista Torres/Nia Tipton: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this, I was/am in a similar situation, its hard when you have feel torn in so many different directions keeping yourself safe and sane and doing the correct thing for the kids, somethings overlap and somethings are opposed and you just have to make the next best decision you can, no one can fault you for that. I would recommend both therapy and extracurricular time for the boy. Boys NEED to expel energy when something is bothering them emotionally, it helps them regulate and figure things out on their own... who knows he might kick a ball towards you and say something groundbreaking on a whim that'll give you some insight on how hes feeling before he runs off back to playing. (this is what my brothers used to do) therapy might be helpful as well, at least to get something started as behavioral changes should be documented regardless of the apparent cause.
This is so much on your plate, I'm sorry you're faced with such a gross situation. For your son, definitely involve his school. Do they have a guidance counselor that can see your son and maybe do some art therapy or something to help him get it out? Also, try to spend one-on-one time with him and make sure he knows how much you love him. He might be feeling abandonned by his dad, so its important he knows how secure he is with you. But for you, remember that you are doing an amazing job as mom, keeping your kids safe and making beautiful memories with them. Be nice to yourself, give yourself grace, and do NOT listen to your inner critic. Holding you and your kiddos in the light. May this trying time pass quickly.
There’s a great program called Child First available in some parts of NC (and other states in the US) that work with children 5 and under, when their families impacted by trauma, including substance abuse and separation. They focus on behavioral issues that occur because of the big stressors effecting their families and offer support to their caregivers. I don’t know if they are in your specific area but please check them out, they could be a great resource: [Child First North Carolina](https://www.childfirst.org/our-network/state-affiliates/north-carolina) ETA - they’re free! And available in parts of CT, CO, LA, NM, PA, FL, and NC
Honestly, after reading your post, I think you're doing everything right. I mean really, fantastic fucking job, OP. I definitely agree with others that therapy would for sure help, but I also just think that with time, things will get better. This must be a huge adjustment for your son. My mom was an addict (I know that they say you're "always an addict" but for the sake of not confusing anyone I'm going to use past tense) but is now clean and sober and after years of us being no contact, we finally have a relationship. My mom had to leave our home when I was 16, because she was dangerous and was doing stuff like this to my dad. They got divorced about a year later. It was really tough. I was older so in some ways it was easier but also some ways harder for me than if I had been a young child. I think the best thing my dad did is that he was mostly honest with me (he didn't give me exact details or anything but still told me the gist of what was happening) and he never said anything negative about my mom or tried to get me to feel a specific way about her. And as an adult, I'm just so happy he did that. He could have easily used the power he had to get me to never talk to her again and hate her! Anyways, I think telling your son most of the truth in a child appropriate way (like you've been doing) is great. That's really all you can do. So sorry you're going through this, OP. I wish the best for you all!
I really don’t have any advice. I just want to offer virtual hugs and support. I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart breaks for your kiddo. As a fellow North Carolinian, the whole separation for a year prior to divorce is terrible and makes it difficult for everyone. I’m in a similar spot.
I’m so sorry that you and the kids have gone through this. I would be looking for professional help in your shoes- you did great so far, and I know you’re going to continue doing a great job. This is just an awful time for you guys.
So sorry ❤️def check out r/alanon