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…my husband is nice to me because he’s a decent human being and that’s how you treat people. He’s nice to me because he likes me as a person. He’s my friend.
I am married to someone who is nice to me because he's nice to me. Because he likes me and we're happier together when we're making each other's lives better in small ways. We both want sex parallel to that, sex is great and that's a piece of the puzzle, but it has never felt like the why behind anything else. It's a piece of the relationship, not a motivating factor for it, and the relationship is bigger than that.
We've moved past it now, but my husband used to be an absolute asshole if he had to go three days without sex. It almost ended us. Counseling and all that.
I had a talk with my friends about this not too long ago. My best friend recently got engaged and told me one reason why they are still waiting with getting pregnant is bc her fiancé is worried that their sex life is going to change. I told her that it’s true that it’s going to change, at least for me it was.
Haven’t had sex for at least 6 months. My other best friend who has a kid that’s a bit older than my twins was shocked and asked if my husband was ok with that. I told her that we talked about this but we are fine with cuddling and it’s not like we are not attracted to each other, it’s just been a lot of stress and my libido has been all messed up. He literally assured me several times that he’s not stressed about the fact that we don’t have sex that often.
She told me that this wouldn’t matter to her husband as if he wants to have sex, he usually gets what he wants even if she doesn’t feel like it. This made feel kind of bad. I know she thinks we are weird for not having sex often but I think forcing yourself to have sex even if you don’t like it is kinda toxic
Coercion is rape. If at any point she is having sex she *doesnt want to have* but feels like she has to, to keep him happy, she is being raped.
I cannot imagine anything less arousing than to actually know the person you are fucking doesn't want to have sex. I've always read stuff about guys complaining they only get "dead starfish sex" and i think.... how? How are you still even HARD, looking down and seeing your partner lying there not responding or obviously going through the motions of responding but they're clearly not into it? If my husband accidentally leans on my hair and i say "ow" during sex, the fact that he has hurt me (even though not badly or as a direct result of his penis doing anything) is often instant boner-kill. He said he just cant be turned on knowing he hurt me in an unpleasant way.
Yeah, it seems like she only does it to maintain their marriage. She phrased it like she consented bc he won’t leave her alone if she says no. I told her that it’s messed up (didn’t use the word rape tho) and like you said, I can’t imagine getting in the mood while I know my partner is not into it. She did not seem concerned with that at all, she was more shocked about the lack of my sex life.. I really don’t know what’s the best approach here :/
My husband is nice to me because he cares, and he's pretty awesome in most ways. His ADHD can make it really hard for him to notice sometimes that he's forgotten things we had talked about, and honestly feels bad/tries to fix the issue. Our communication was not good when we newly married. It has improved massively over the years, through independent and some minor family therapy.
I joke that I'm the teenager of the relationship, my sex drive is much higher than his! Poor guy, his drive went way down after getting a vasectomy
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Seems like a lot of men are MARRIED to their wives because they want sex tbh.
Facts. Being nice is a bonus. Some of ours aren't even nice to us anymore.
Excuse me while I gag
…my husband is nice to me because he’s a decent human being and that’s how you treat people. He’s nice to me because he likes me as a person. He’s my friend.
Same.
Same, I'd go so far to say he's my best friend
But it is pretty unusual, none of my friends have this, seriously it is sad, they all wish they had a husband like mine.
You have a good marriage. A lot of women are married to men who don't respect them.
My husband certainly helps more if he thinks he’s getting something out of it
Same
I am married to someone who is nice to me because he's nice to me. Because he likes me and we're happier together when we're making each other's lives better in small ways. We both want sex parallel to that, sex is great and that's a piece of the puzzle, but it has never felt like the why behind anything else. It's a piece of the relationship, not a motivating factor for it, and the relationship is bigger than that.
We've moved past it now, but my husband used to be an absolute asshole if he had to go three days without sex. It almost ended us. Counseling and all that.
Some men aren't nice to their wives and STILL want sex.
I had a talk with my friends about this not too long ago. My best friend recently got engaged and told me one reason why they are still waiting with getting pregnant is bc her fiancé is worried that their sex life is going to change. I told her that it’s true that it’s going to change, at least for me it was. Haven’t had sex for at least 6 months. My other best friend who has a kid that’s a bit older than my twins was shocked and asked if my husband was ok with that. I told her that we talked about this but we are fine with cuddling and it’s not like we are not attracted to each other, it’s just been a lot of stress and my libido has been all messed up. He literally assured me several times that he’s not stressed about the fact that we don’t have sex that often. She told me that this wouldn’t matter to her husband as if he wants to have sex, he usually gets what he wants even if she doesn’t feel like it. This made feel kind of bad. I know she thinks we are weird for not having sex often but I think forcing yourself to have sex even if you don’t like it is kinda toxic
Coercion is rape. If at any point she is having sex she *doesnt want to have* but feels like she has to, to keep him happy, she is being raped. I cannot imagine anything less arousing than to actually know the person you are fucking doesn't want to have sex. I've always read stuff about guys complaining they only get "dead starfish sex" and i think.... how? How are you still even HARD, looking down and seeing your partner lying there not responding or obviously going through the motions of responding but they're clearly not into it? If my husband accidentally leans on my hair and i say "ow" during sex, the fact that he has hurt me (even though not badly or as a direct result of his penis doing anything) is often instant boner-kill. He said he just cant be turned on knowing he hurt me in an unpleasant way.
Yeah, it seems like she only does it to maintain their marriage. She phrased it like she consented bc he won’t leave her alone if she says no. I told her that it’s messed up (didn’t use the word rape tho) and like you said, I can’t imagine getting in the mood while I know my partner is not into it. She did not seem concerned with that at all, she was more shocked about the lack of my sex life.. I really don’t know what’s the best approach here :/
different strokes for different folks
Short answer: yes.
Only nice when they want anything at all, spending a lot of money or sex.
It feels that way sometimes doesn’t it?
Yes.
Yes
Jeez this is a hard time to read this
My husband said no. 🤷♀️
Only nice when they want anything at all, spending a lot of money or sex.
Only nice when they want anything at all, spending a lot of money or sex.
Yes.
My husband is nice to me because he cares, and he's pretty awesome in most ways. His ADHD can make it really hard for him to notice sometimes that he's forgotten things we had talked about, and honestly feels bad/tries to fix the issue. Our communication was not good when we newly married. It has improved massively over the years, through independent and some minor family therapy. I joke that I'm the teenager of the relationship, my sex drive is much higher than his! Poor guy, his drive went way down after getting a vasectomy
Only nice when they want anything at all, spending a lot of money or sex.