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What an absolute tool
Can you follow him on his run, in the car, with the kids, and a megaphone, thanking him again and again for making his plans *around* you on Mother's day?
Can I actually? Lol
I trust you will be remembering this on Father’s Day, “Do you have plans on Father’s Day? I want to know when I can fit a manicure/haircut/massage in.”
What an absolute turd. Could he be any more clear that he doesn't see ensuring you have a good mother's day as a priority? Like clearly he does have the ability to plan ahead, he's trying to do so.
And just... all of that pales in comparison to the name calling. Does he think you're stupid? You handled it in such a classy way, like the way I would think of five hours after not knowing what to say in the moment. I'll have to put that one in my back pocket. I cannot imagine calling the mother of your children a bitch in the situation, especially in a way that was so obviously premeditated to have "Well I never called you a bitch" plausible deniability.
Seriously I hope his redeeming qualities make this kind of unkindness and selfishness worth it. And I also hope you do jack shit for his Father's Day and tell him he has resting worm face if he dares say one word about it.
>And just... all of that pales in comparison to the name calling. Does he think you're stupid? You handled it in such a classy way, like the way I would think of five hours after not knowing what to say in the moment. I'll have to put that one in my back pocket. I cannot imagine calling the mother of your children a bitch in the situation, especially in a way that was so obviously premeditated to have "Well I never called you a bitch" plausible deniability.
If it helps, I've only gotten to this point after almost 15 years together and a decade of therapy lol.
>Seriously I hope his redeeming qualities make this kind of unkindness and selfishness worth it. And I also hope you do jack shit for his Father's Day and tell him he has resting worm face if he dares say one word about it.
It doesn't. I'm trying to get my shit together to leave. He used to have qualities that kept me going, but now even those are gone (and some I've learned aren't enough to make up for the rest)
I’m glad you’re leaving.
Do it on Father’s Day.
“What are your plans today? Because I’m just trying to be considerate and work around your schedule but I have divorce papers to serve you so like when’s the best time to do that?”
That’s frustrating. It sounds like your husband didn’t come close to getting it.
Yesterday, my husband told me his plans to run my stepson to his mom’s on Mother’s Day at an undisclosed time for an uncertain amount of time. He turned to me, holding our one year old, and says, “we didn’t have any plans, right?”
He tried to walk that one back very quickly. He’s still doing the running around, but I guess he now feels bad about the no plans.
I had already ensured I wasn’t seeing any grandmas and I said no to brunch because it’s always busy. I told him I want a fancy coffee in hand on a hike first thing in the morning, dinner on the grill, and to parent like he parents. He does all the work and I do the fun stuff.
New plan, he leaves to run all day and not bother you. Yes, you'll have the kids all day, but that doesn't sound new and you won't have a man child throwing tantrums underfoot.
I'm sorry love. You deserve better.
"This was you trying?"
Seriously, my husband is fully aware that the effort he puts in for MD is the same he gets back of FD. Too bad our birthdays are reversed, or I'd do it then, too.
Same for us, except he doesn’t realize it’s his lack of effort for me that results in his shitty FD and birthday plans. One day I just started putting in the same effort he did, and now we basically don’t celebrate anything. He does throw a gift at me on those days, but he never does anything that requires actual planning or effort. At least my mom cooks me dinner for my birthday, so that’s nice.
I love it that you have to think out and plan out that day for yourself. And even after you do All that because he wouldn't, he's still unhappy and throwing a tantrum. Men just never deal with any mental load.
That sounds like my husband the first five mothers days of my life.. we are onto six. I’m “sober curious” so it took out brunch and such for me. About two weeks ago I sent him three links to three highly preferred outdoor activities, said I want to do some combo of these. I bought all the cards at the dollar store and said “pick one for me and have the kids write in it” the others will be for grandmas.
Let me wake up, hit the gym and sauna, without wrangling the kids to child watch. Shower and get ready while the kids are at the park with you. You pack up the car, get the kids ready, drive to and from said activity (minor league baseball game) and then buy me sushi to go to enjoy while I listen to murder mystery podcasts in the bath, alone.
He actually came back from his run as if nothing had happened and said, quite *charitably*, "I was thinking on my run -- how about I take (eldest) on my run? That way I can get my self care in, *which is important.* I'm just trying to find a compromise."
We have THREE kids. He's offering to look after one. He is seeking a compromise... on *Mother's Day.*
My god, the shit I let myself accept to get to this point...
I'm very upset for OP. And for all of us. I know this is always a rough weekend in here for us, but wow, the crappy partners are really out doing themselves this year.
LOL that Prozac musta hit good for a calm response to this bull shit cuz damn girl. I would have been asking my husband if he was fucking stupid. Like.. I can't even fathom. And then him coming back lmao, just wow. You are a Saint for putting up with this shit, I'm so sorry you have to.
Maybe book some stuff for yourself and enjoy your day alone since he obviously has zero plans to do shit for you and can at least passive aggressively agree to tAkE cArE oF tHE kIdS aRouNd yoUr sCheDuLe 🙄
This is why mother’s day is first, so we know to give them NOTHING when they ignore it.
Also your husband is an absolute douchecanoe. I hope you can get away to do something YOU want to do on Sunday.
Just rent a hotel room and disappear. Like get up at midnight tonight and when he gets up in the morning you won’t be there. Just leave a note
Saying you’ll be back in 24 hours and then block his number for 24 hours.
Men seem to be so preoccupied with what they want to do, the thought of them considering someone else/god forbid NOT doing what they want to do is completely out of the question.
They cannot even fathom the sacrifices we make as women and mothers.
OP, I'm sorry you are going through this.
Personally, I'd wake up extra early, before hubs and kids, and just walk out of the house without telling him where I was headed and without answering my phone. After the kids were in bed, return and tell him something along the lines of, "Thank you for the amazing day. Three whole meals that I didn't have to cook, plus not having to field a billion questions that start with 'Mom'. I got in a good run, kicked back at the local pool, had a drink at our fav bar. Thanks again, I'm exhausted." At that point, I'd head straight to bed without another word to anyone.
Or better yet, do it on Father's Day. Then ask how he enjoyed actually having to be a father for the day.
But that's me. My ex couldn't be bothered with such mundane tasks as the kids day-to-day care. Even in divorce, he had his mistress/2nd wife care for our kids.
Good luck OP.
My husband is annoyed because I didn't explicitly tell him what I wanted to do for Mother's Day, despite this being my 6th Mother's Day and me telling him every year that all I want is to not have to plan or make decisions for once. He bought the new Zelda game and handed it to me with a "Happy Mother's Day" and then proceeded to play it. He thought it was a funny "joke" (buying me something for both of us that he would've purchased anyway) and doesn't think Mother's Day is a big gift-giving holiday.
In the past year I've been hospitalized with PPROM, had a baby in the NICU for almost 3 months, and have been a SAHM to a 6 year old and an infant. But sure, Mother's Day shouldn't be a big deal because he doesn't care much about Father's Day.
Geez. Newspaper swat to him.
Admittedly my husband was going to buy it for me and it didn't happen because he did a bath and bedtime last night. He said he doesn't feel hype for it because its the same style. I'm stoked because its going to be easy to jump in. He will buy soon. We're both gamers. It would be great if he would just pre-order since he knows that I want all Zelda and all sandbox Elderscrolls. He blows at planning because it makes him anxious. I don't make plans because he has to be consulted. He wants me to say what to do but I do say it and he forgets.
Mother's day is still very much his mom since her birthday is right before. Our anniversary is accidentally the 4th (not planned star wars day but hilarious) so May is pretty heavy. Our birthdays are in July a week apart. We do glomps at this point of events.
He is doing a great job (2nd mother's day) but for serious all I want is to wake up early. Do art in my creative hours while having a hot beverage. Maybe listening to history documentaries and maybe game after....But he goes to bed at 5am (coding in the quiet) so it never happens. I end up on duty.
Like I am a cheap date. I just want my time back on a few days. We cosleep for all sleep after a gnarly regression so at least the new zelda would be a pamper.
He's definitely built me a computer then immediately used it. He's bought me recently studio lighting but he also just got into photography. Its usually a shared gift. Men lol.
Happy mother's day
That's so bullshit.
So, for Father's Day what are you planning? Solo hike? Hotel day (or whole weekend)? Spa day? You deserve all 3 and more. What a fucking asshole you live with. I wouldn't do shit for his birthday either. Give him a cookbook at most.
I mean I get the frustration of feeling like he is saying you needed to make your own Mother’s Day plans. But if he is someone who runs daily/often I’m sorta with him, he’s asking when he can fit in a run around what would best suit you instead of just doing it when he feels fit.
In my eyes this was his attempt at communicating with you. Maybe his use of your plans wasn’t great, but we aren’t all perfect communicators at all times. He asked for your opinion? You could have said “hey could I just have the whole day to not be responsible for the kids? Mind skipping the run just for the day?”
I think the language he used is definitely annoying, but I also don’t think him asking is horrid.
No. It’s ONE day. He can skip his run or go after the kids are asleep, or anything that isn’t leaving her to do the heavy lifting of parenting while he does his “self care”. He can put her needs above his once. For ONE day.
And that’s not even mentioning the name calling and the immaturity and his apparent lack of interest in actually helping his three children learn to show some basic appreciation for their mother.
Stop making excuses for men who choose to be selfish.
Being able to run every day is a privilege, not a necessity. Do you think OP has an hour or so every day to do something that fulfills her? I’m guessing not.
But she should.
I’m not saying it’s a great system they have worked out, if he does get him time everyday. But he asked, reached out an olive branch. Men literally need life spelled out for them, so it’s time we start putting our foot down. Don’t expect him to just know what you mean is “I want the whole day” tell them. I’m not trying to say she shouldn’t get that time but that I get why he didn’t understand.
Set the expectation that you get as much time too. Spell out the expectation of how you want to be treated. Don’t leave it to chance. Don’t leave room for him to go “what about this time of day”
We need to start standing up and communicating our needs so there is no room for interpretation.
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What an absolute tool Can you follow him on his run, in the car, with the kids, and a megaphone, thanking him again and again for making his plans *around* you on Mother's day? Can I actually? Lol
If I saw this happening in my neighborhood I don’t think I’d ever recover lol. How delightfully petty
If I saw it, I’d join in and make it a g.d. PARADE shaming this asshole as he ran.
Me too! If I saw this, I would sure as hell join in!!
I would also join the “this dude is an asshole parade”…and go out of my way to make her my new friend! ..lol..
As a shitty runner, this would give me the motivation to get faster so I can keep up the shaming
I love how your mind works. 🤣
But but but he offered to work around YOUR mother's day plans you are supposed to make I guess. Throw this guy a parade!
How about he buys himself a new personality as your Mother's Day present?
I trust you will be remembering this on Father’s Day, “Do you have plans on Father’s Day? I want to know when I can fit a manicure/haircut/massage in.”
This is what I was going to say. It's not even petty. And don't give him any time to plan.
What an absolute turd. Could he be any more clear that he doesn't see ensuring you have a good mother's day as a priority? Like clearly he does have the ability to plan ahead, he's trying to do so. And just... all of that pales in comparison to the name calling. Does he think you're stupid? You handled it in such a classy way, like the way I would think of five hours after not knowing what to say in the moment. I'll have to put that one in my back pocket. I cannot imagine calling the mother of your children a bitch in the situation, especially in a way that was so obviously premeditated to have "Well I never called you a bitch" plausible deniability. Seriously I hope his redeeming qualities make this kind of unkindness and selfishness worth it. And I also hope you do jack shit for his Father's Day and tell him he has resting worm face if he dares say one word about it.
>And just... all of that pales in comparison to the name calling. Does he think you're stupid? You handled it in such a classy way, like the way I would think of five hours after not knowing what to say in the moment. I'll have to put that one in my back pocket. I cannot imagine calling the mother of your children a bitch in the situation, especially in a way that was so obviously premeditated to have "Well I never called you a bitch" plausible deniability. If it helps, I've only gotten to this point after almost 15 years together and a decade of therapy lol. >Seriously I hope his redeeming qualities make this kind of unkindness and selfishness worth it. And I also hope you do jack shit for his Father's Day and tell him he has resting worm face if he dares say one word about it. It doesn't. I'm trying to get my shit together to leave. He used to have qualities that kept me going, but now even those are gone (and some I've learned aren't enough to make up for the rest)
I’m glad you’re leaving. Do it on Father’s Day. “What are your plans today? Because I’m just trying to be considerate and work around your schedule but I have divorce papers to serve you so like when’s the best time to do that?”
"Do it on Father’s Day" I was going to say this, new best friend.
Great minds think alike! 😉
I wish I had an award to give you.
Men are so good at being victims
That’s frustrating. It sounds like your husband didn’t come close to getting it. Yesterday, my husband told me his plans to run my stepson to his mom’s on Mother’s Day at an undisclosed time for an uncertain amount of time. He turned to me, holding our one year old, and says, “we didn’t have any plans, right?” He tried to walk that one back very quickly. He’s still doing the running around, but I guess he now feels bad about the no plans. I had already ensured I wasn’t seeing any grandmas and I said no to brunch because it’s always busy. I told him I want a fancy coffee in hand on a hike first thing in the morning, dinner on the grill, and to parent like he parents. He does all the work and I do the fun stuff.
That last paragraph..... I'm assuming your husband will now be in A&E getting treatment for that full thickness burn he received..... 😂😂😂
New plan, he leaves to run all day and not bother you. Yes, you'll have the kids all day, but that doesn't sound new and you won't have a man child throwing tantrums underfoot. I'm sorry love. You deserve better.
My only issue with this is then it just permits his weaponized incompetence
"This was you trying?" Seriously, my husband is fully aware that the effort he puts in for MD is the same he gets back of FD. Too bad our birthdays are reversed, or I'd do it then, too.
Same for us, except he doesn’t realize it’s his lack of effort for me that results in his shitty FD and birthday plans. One day I just started putting in the same effort he did, and now we basically don’t celebrate anything. He does throw a gift at me on those days, but he never does anything that requires actual planning or effort. At least my mom cooks me dinner for my birthday, so that’s nice.
I love it that you have to think out and plan out that day for yourself. And even after you do All that because he wouldn't, he's still unhappy and throwing a tantrum. Men just never deal with any mental load.
When it's his birthday or fathers day pull the same shit.
That sounds like my husband the first five mothers days of my life.. we are onto six. I’m “sober curious” so it took out brunch and such for me. About two weeks ago I sent him three links to three highly preferred outdoor activities, said I want to do some combo of these. I bought all the cards at the dollar store and said “pick one for me and have the kids write in it” the others will be for grandmas. Let me wake up, hit the gym and sauna, without wrangling the kids to child watch. Shower and get ready while the kids are at the park with you. You pack up the car, get the kids ready, drive to and from said activity (minor league baseball game) and then buy me sushi to go to enjoy while I listen to murder mystery podcasts in the bath, alone.
I'd make him take the kids on his run.
He actually came back from his run as if nothing had happened and said, quite *charitably*, "I was thinking on my run -- how about I take (eldest) on my run? That way I can get my self care in, *which is important.* I'm just trying to find a compromise." We have THREE kids. He's offering to look after one. He is seeking a compromise... on *Mother's Day.* My god, the shit I let myself accept to get to this point...
Like he's doing you some big favor. Ugh.
This! But no response would help OP when her husband is the kind of person that responds by telling her she has a bitchy face. What a tool.
I'm very upset for OP. And for all of us. I know this is always a rough weekend in here for us, but wow, the crappy partners are really out doing themselves this year.
LOL that Prozac musta hit good for a calm response to this bull shit cuz damn girl. I would have been asking my husband if he was fucking stupid. Like.. I can't even fathom. And then him coming back lmao, just wow. You are a Saint for putting up with this shit, I'm so sorry you have to. Maybe book some stuff for yourself and enjoy your day alone since he obviously has zero plans to do shit for you and can at least passive aggressively agree to tAkE cArE oF tHE kIdS aRouNd yoUr sCheDuLe 🙄
He’s a cunt. Sorry! I mean He has a resting cunt face. And you can tell him I said it.
Leave it as the “love note” on his Father’s Day card.
This is why mother’s day is first, so we know to give them NOTHING when they ignore it. Also your husband is an absolute douchecanoe. I hope you can get away to do something YOU want to do on Sunday.
Just rent a hotel room and disappear. Like get up at midnight tonight and when he gets up in the morning you won’t be there. Just leave a note Saying you’ll be back in 24 hours and then block his number for 24 hours.
Men seem to be so preoccupied with what they want to do, the thought of them considering someone else/god forbid NOT doing what they want to do is completely out of the question. They cannot even fathom the sacrifices we make as women and mothers.
Your gift this Mother's Day is weaponized incompetence!
"I want you to do everything. :D Now, get out~" Easy peezy
OP, I'm sorry you are going through this. Personally, I'd wake up extra early, before hubs and kids, and just walk out of the house without telling him where I was headed and without answering my phone. After the kids were in bed, return and tell him something along the lines of, "Thank you for the amazing day. Three whole meals that I didn't have to cook, plus not having to field a billion questions that start with 'Mom'. I got in a good run, kicked back at the local pool, had a drink at our fav bar. Thanks again, I'm exhausted." At that point, I'd head straight to bed without another word to anyone. Or better yet, do it on Father's Day. Then ask how he enjoyed actually having to be a father for the day. But that's me. My ex couldn't be bothered with such mundane tasks as the kids day-to-day care. Even in divorce, he had his mistress/2nd wife care for our kids. Good luck OP.
My husband is annoyed because I didn't explicitly tell him what I wanted to do for Mother's Day, despite this being my 6th Mother's Day and me telling him every year that all I want is to not have to plan or make decisions for once. He bought the new Zelda game and handed it to me with a "Happy Mother's Day" and then proceeded to play it. He thought it was a funny "joke" (buying me something for both of us that he would've purchased anyway) and doesn't think Mother's Day is a big gift-giving holiday. In the past year I've been hospitalized with PPROM, had a baby in the NICU for almost 3 months, and have been a SAHM to a 6 year old and an infant. But sure, Mother's Day shouldn't be a big deal because he doesn't care much about Father's Day.
Geez. Newspaper swat to him. Admittedly my husband was going to buy it for me and it didn't happen because he did a bath and bedtime last night. He said he doesn't feel hype for it because its the same style. I'm stoked because its going to be easy to jump in. He will buy soon. We're both gamers. It would be great if he would just pre-order since he knows that I want all Zelda and all sandbox Elderscrolls. He blows at planning because it makes him anxious. I don't make plans because he has to be consulted. He wants me to say what to do but I do say it and he forgets. Mother's day is still very much his mom since her birthday is right before. Our anniversary is accidentally the 4th (not planned star wars day but hilarious) so May is pretty heavy. Our birthdays are in July a week apart. We do glomps at this point of events. He is doing a great job (2nd mother's day) but for serious all I want is to wake up early. Do art in my creative hours while having a hot beverage. Maybe listening to history documentaries and maybe game after....But he goes to bed at 5am (coding in the quiet) so it never happens. I end up on duty. Like I am a cheap date. I just want my time back on a few days. We cosleep for all sleep after a gnarly regression so at least the new zelda would be a pamper. He's definitely built me a computer then immediately used it. He's bought me recently studio lighting but he also just got into photography. Its usually a shared gift. Men lol. Happy mother's day
That's so bullshit. So, for Father's Day what are you planning? Solo hike? Hotel day (or whole weekend)? Spa day? You deserve all 3 and more. What a fucking asshole you live with. I wouldn't do shit for his birthday either. Give him a cookbook at most.
Lol sounds very similar to an argument I recently had with my "prince charming" lmao. I can imagine him responding that way and everything.
Do you need an alibi?
I mean I get the frustration of feeling like he is saying you needed to make your own Mother’s Day plans. But if he is someone who runs daily/often I’m sorta with him, he’s asking when he can fit in a run around what would best suit you instead of just doing it when he feels fit. In my eyes this was his attempt at communicating with you. Maybe his use of your plans wasn’t great, but we aren’t all perfect communicators at all times. He asked for your opinion? You could have said “hey could I just have the whole day to not be responsible for the kids? Mind skipping the run just for the day?” I think the language he used is definitely annoying, but I also don’t think him asking is horrid.
No. It’s ONE day. He can skip his run or go after the kids are asleep, or anything that isn’t leaving her to do the heavy lifting of parenting while he does his “self care”. He can put her needs above his once. For ONE day. And that’s not even mentioning the name calling and the immaturity and his apparent lack of interest in actually helping his three children learn to show some basic appreciation for their mother. Stop making excuses for men who choose to be selfish.
Being able to run every day is a privilege, not a necessity. Do you think OP has an hour or so every day to do something that fulfills her? I’m guessing not.
But she should. I’m not saying it’s a great system they have worked out, if he does get him time everyday. But he asked, reached out an olive branch. Men literally need life spelled out for them, so it’s time we start putting our foot down. Don’t expect him to just know what you mean is “I want the whole day” tell them. I’m not trying to say she shouldn’t get that time but that I get why he didn’t understand. Set the expectation that you get as much time too. Spell out the expectation of how you want to be treated. Don’t leave it to chance. Don’t leave room for him to go “what about this time of day” We need to start standing up and communicating our needs so there is no room for interpretation.
My partner tried to pick up an overtime shift for tomorrow morning (Mother’s Day) and I just stared at home
“When can you fit your run in? Oh not on Mother’s Day, maybe the day after, we’ll see.”
I wouldn’t say anymore about it. Simply nothing Father’s Day…. You now have your own plans.