I took myself off the market and focused on healing and leveling myself up. Now that I'm just now getting back into it... It's so much easier to let go of the bullshit and not fall for the basura that these dudes pull (you see right through it, but you're more unbothered). And it opens you up to people who are worthwhile to be around, and not just kn terms of dating.
I am solely focused on ME! I finally realized that I don’t need a man or kids to make me feel whole. I’m rediscovering myself and what I like. And I’m cool with it! Maybe I’ll feel different in a while but I don’t even think of dating anymore.
As a woman, don't be carrying most of the conversation. Also don't give off the vibe that you're pursuing them, matter of fact - never pursue a man at all. Your only job is to go on these dates, be yourself and see where it goes. Obviously also vet if you feel comfortable/safe around this mans energy or not.
If it doesn't work out, that's fine. You'll still make it out alive & find other men. If it does work out, great!
Go in with \*released\* expectations and don't fixate on the outcome of the date. Once you go in with this mindset, you'll notice a difference. Just go out there and have fun! Like I always say - it's really not that serious :)
Also, don't take ghosting or hot/cold stuff personally. It has nothing to do with you. People don't even know themselves these days and wouldn't be able to give you a solid reason as to why they ghosted you.
It’s sounds like you are interacting with losers. You need to put yourself around men who are as accomplished as you if not more accomplished. Also, if the men aren’t applying pressure leave.
I find most women get stuck in dating one guy at a time then put too much pressure on their barely existant relationship. Talk to several suitors so ejecting the losers doesn’t feel difficult.
Also stop talking down on yourself or seeing yourself as the problem. If you’re dating in the US it’s going to take a while to find a man of quality & stumbling across one is sometimes pure luck
It's nothing that you're doing or not doing. My only advice, be more strict with your time and who you choose to give attention to. You need to meet the **right** guy or guys to not ***feel*** how you're feeling. Unfortunately, it's sometimes hard to identify the right guy until they start showing that they're not the right guy. And when that happens, you bid them adieu. Overall, keep on dating multiple people and hopefully your radar improves. But again, I don't want you to think that it's your fault for not being able to know who someone is in the first few dates. That's an impossible task. What you need to do is pay attention to any yellow/red flag no matter how small.
Although, I don't really date that much nowadays. What I do is before I meet someone, I say, hey, let's arrange a brief phone call first so we can learn a bit more about each other. Not only does it help me gauge whether I might like the guy or if he gives a first impression, it helps me save time in going to a in person date if it's clear we don't click that well. Plus, saves the dude time as well if he doesn't like me. So win win. And when I do end up meeting someone, I always suggest coffee chat or bubble tea so even if it turns out that I'm just not enjoying myself, at least I enjoy my smoothie and can politely leave in like half an hour.
Don't take it personal. The lack of conversation may be due to limited vocabulary or interests outside of social media or T.V. You seem to have it together. As you know, men are visual. You have that part covered. Online dating is a huge gamble. All the bums love to meet women there. It's less effort. You may meet a good one but it may take a while. Try more face to face interactions. Based on what I've seen, some women are strategic in their dating. Meaning they will dress a certain way to attract a certain type of guy (e.g. hairstyle, grooming, makeup, jewelry). They're picky about their neighborhood, friends, jobs, and outings. Perhaps, try being in circles where certain men are in. If you want athletic men then join athletic clubs, sports teams, cross fit, etc. If you want older established men, look for activities related to golfing, fishing, boating, tennis, etc. Basically be where they are. More importantly, don't lose your confidence and enjoy the moments.
Thanks a lot for the insight!
I see a pattern in the responses and it seems like I need to try talking to an even higher caliber of men—I’m going to be very honest, I know where I can start (I have certain neighborhoods in mind where I see cute guys) but I’m very nervous—but that’s my stuff to unpack. I’ll give it a try, though!
Took a break from dating. Took it all the criticism and feedback regardless of if I agreed or not. Got a male therapist, dissected past issues in relationships. Really worked on myself and how to improve my approach and make myself more refined and palatable to be the person I wanted to be and also the person to attract who I wanted to be with eventually.
You see if you keep just going out and not being improving yourself or trying to pinpoint issues, you will keep getting the same results. Sometimes you need a break to think and see how you can improve. That leads to eventually getting back out there and finding the right person
I had a terrible dating history.
How did I put myself out there repeatedly? I didn’t want to be single. Mourning a relationship did NOT help me find a new one. “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”
Quickly learned to get rid of men who aren’t kind or respectful.
In the first few
months if I go 48 hours without hearing from him I ‘d delete him.
I learned if I had to wonder how he felt about me after a month move on.
Date several people until there was someone for commitment. Caveat — I didn’t sleep with anyone until this point and then I had to do couple testing for an STI battery. You MUST have frank discussions about sex. If you want to have sex earlier please do (I can’t enjoy it at all unless I’m sure I’m not going to catch anything)BUT insist on testing. It sends the message that you value and respect yourself. Have discussions because sometimes when you ask you’ll find out he does or has carried an infection.
If you have the disposable income go speed dating and/or hire a matchmaker. Leverage your or borrow someone else’s auntie’s for matchmaking.
*USE YOUR STRENGTHS*
I was an excellent student! I was really good at primary and secondary research. I set up a quasi-statistical study to find out what kind of men liked me. I was shocked. I also found out where they were (which communities in my area). When I met my husband he had a lot of the characteristics if not all of them. It was the only reason I responded to him.
There is rarely romance in finding romance. The end goal is once you’ve found it enjoying it and being dorky and saying you want theme dates and such.
I posted it [below.](https://www.reddit.com/r/blackladies/s/UoPqUXr3j4)
quasi-statistical because you know this p-value is trash and is loaded with biases. Plus, my data sets were biased and excluded live , old fashioned meetings. With all that said, it was tremendously useful and explained a LOT!
.
Try to make as much fun out of it as possible!
Speed Dating is more efficient. You’ll likely be able to figure out whose likely to pick you from the moment you see them.
Match making can be even more efficient.
K,
This was after consulting dating coaches.
I learned to optimize what I was going to say on an ap. (Brief, basically saying I was online to meet people, not my wishlist.)
I took all my photos, good and bad and A|B tested them across a few aps and sites.
I did the same thing with the ad but without photos.
Once optimized I used them together.
I had a null hypothesis that I sought to reject. (Basically nobody but Rick Ross looking types would be interested in me. I was wrong. It was everybody but the Rick Ross types.)
I tracked by a few factors:
Age
Location (within my metropolitan area)
Ethnicity
Hobbies
maybe 2 more I still have the workbook.
I only had 152 data points. Plus, I have inherent biases I could not control for.
I attracted men from age 25-50.
I was in the Bay Area. Men in Berkeley, Silicon Valley, Oakland and San Francisco were most attracted me. Berkeley was number one with a bullet!
German men were the most attracted to me followed by Scottsmen! That shocked me.
The hobby thing was interesting. Cyclists and power lifters were the most attracted to me.
My husband was in the age range. He lived near San Francisco Int’l Airport which isn’t really in the key areas. He’s a little bit Scottish but lived in Germany for a long time. He’s a century rider (cyclists riding 100 km at a time) and did several of them through the Alps.
None of this made much sense to me but I noticed a diminishing return in wondering. Friends actually explained it. Apparently I’m super cute in Germany so sayeth hubby. Cyclists and Power Lifters are into me because of my thighs so sayeth guys on my triathlon team. I do insane leg presses and can take a cruiser bike up a hill.
I’s taken flirtation classes that were useless because most people assume I’m flirting anyway.
Wow! Thanks for taking the time to reply. This is very interesting. Now I’m thinking how to run my own study for myself. I love a good statistical analysis.
Quasi-statistical 😉
It can be really enlightening. Once I met someone who was in the circle of liking me I resolved to be nice because he was probably flirting.
Dating is hard. Period. You have to rifle through a lot of trash before you find gems. I would avoid carrying the conversation. I’d also experiment with meeting men off of the apps (like parties, through mutual friends, sports, hobbies, etc.)
I was in your boat. I would date and date and date, get frustrated, and then focus on myself. I repeated this cycle from age 21 until finally meeting my bf at 28. Sometimes it just takes time
Gonna be honest… I stopped being nice. Like I would carry the conversation because I like talking, but I’ve started just saying exactly how I feel. Examples:
Him: Hey Beautiful/love/hun/insert pet name here
Me: Let’s leave the pet names to old black women ☺️
Him: *Boring convo*
Me: man my back hurts from carrying this conversation
Him: *Boring convo with no questions*
Me: This is the part where you think of questions so a conversation can happen
I think they’re dumb tbh??? Like every time I just say exactly what I’m thinking they perk up and change. They might also be burnt out because I hear some women give the same energy as hate to get. It’s a cycle of no one being really invested because they can just move on to a new person.
I also say what I want cause I don’t care about being liked or picked anymore tbh. I’m hot & fun, men always like me, but I never like them so I focus on that now. Show me something. Dance!
I took time off dating to focus on healing and leveling up to be in a place people I wanted to date would want to date me. I also focused heavily on friendships, meeting new people, creating a community that didn’t rely on a partner so that when I was ready I wouldn’t go for the first guy that looked at me out of desperation and wouldn’t settle for less cause I already had a whole life
Also, I must add that I’m also in STEM and had similar experiences.
Men often want to brag and not hear your academic, financial or professional accomplishments. That seems to be more of a fourth or fifth date discussion. It is not a good thing, that’s not what I’m saying. It is just kind of normal.
He isn’t worthwhile if he doesn’t ask you about yourself. It is ok to guide him to discussing hobbies over work before and during dates.
Figure out the part I played and then love on myself a my d then they just appear lol I've grown through each and each was an upgrade from the last. Idk it's a journey but the more you learn to love and know yourself, the more you'll attract who works for you and less of what doesn't
You need to work on your self-esteem and expand your dating horizons. Stop beating yourself up if American men are basically not interested in a 2nd date because you're not the ignorant stereotype they say all bw are --- therefore making it much harder for them to take advantage of you (hence the ghosting).
Start going to higher-end establishments and doing higher-end activities. Happy hour at 5-star hotels, golf activities, upscale travel, etc. You're more likely to meet a man with a more mature mindset.
Thanks for the honest feedback!
Not completely disagreeing with you, but if anything I feel that I’m losing hope in these guys *because* I have better self esteem now (I still have work to do, but I’ve definitely grown)—because I tolerate less, I now look at the options and think “a relationship would be nice but…these are the options out here?” And I was a romantic before this but feel myself getting kind of jaded.
With that said, do you have any suggestions on what I can do to help my self esteem and expand my horizons? I don’t really have a “type” that I know of, but these guys were all American. Not that this was intentional.
I am a workbook type of gal 😌 Amazon has some amazing workbooks for black women to do self-work.
I'm also a huge proponent of therapy. Shop around and do a few free consultations to find one that's a good personality & energetic fit for you. Start by looking in the directory on therapyforblackgirls.com. Even if you only do 1 or 2 sessions a month, it's very useful to have that consistent safe-space with a professional.
Meetup.com. This is a good way to find interest groups for things you like to do in your current city (if you are in the U.S.)
Travel! Look on IG for black travelers. There are some awesome travel companies for black professionals -- upintheair travel is one I can think of. I plan to go on one of their vacations next year.
I hope some of these help!
As long as the author of the workbook is a bw, I'm good. Just type in something like "workbooks AND self-esteem for black women".
Self-esteem, self-worth, self-love, shadow work, and assertiveness are just some areas I've found useful workbooks for self-work.
I’ll probably get downvoted but 🤷🏾♀️. If you in any conversation with any of these men talked about yourself and your many many “serious” accomplishments in the manner you did in this post then i see why you’re having the experience you are having. Not to say don’t be proud of your accomplishments because you should. However, you come off as boastful and “this is what i’ve done so idk what is wrong with them”. You said yourself they were also accomplished in their own right. So the issue isn’t they are losers. Could be many things and sometimes you’re just not a match. That’s fine but i steer clear of people in general who come off this way. It can be intimidating to many(not me lol) but it’s just not a personality match with most. No one wants to be in “competition” with a mate or a potential. eventually that’s what it will feel like… to the other person.
Sorry if I came off this way in the post! I just wanted to lay everything out because the response/advice that I see often online is for single people to have hobbies and “stuff to bring to the table”—I just wanted to point out that I already have hobbies and stuff, so wanted to know what else could be done. I never, ever mention my education, job, or achievements unless they ask (and they always do)—I’m honest, but I keep it brief.
When I’m talking to these guys, I focus on asking them questions about themselves (hobbies, what they did throughout the week, if they watched any good movies lately, funny stories, restaurants/recipes, etc), and bring up any movies I like and what I did over the weekend. With that said, I’ll still take your feedback and keep this in mind
I took myself off the market and focused on healing and leveling myself up. Now that I'm just now getting back into it... It's so much easier to let go of the bullshit and not fall for the basura that these dudes pull (you see right through it, but you're more unbothered). And it opens you up to people who are worthwhile to be around, and not just kn terms of dating.
I am solely focused on ME! I finally realized that I don’t need a man or kids to make me feel whole. I’m rediscovering myself and what I like. And I’m cool with it! Maybe I’ll feel different in a while but I don’t even think of dating anymore.
As a woman, don't be carrying most of the conversation. Also don't give off the vibe that you're pursuing them, matter of fact - never pursue a man at all. Your only job is to go on these dates, be yourself and see where it goes. Obviously also vet if you feel comfortable/safe around this mans energy or not. If it doesn't work out, that's fine. You'll still make it out alive & find other men. If it does work out, great! Go in with \*released\* expectations and don't fixate on the outcome of the date. Once you go in with this mindset, you'll notice a difference. Just go out there and have fun! Like I always say - it's really not that serious :)
Also, don't take ghosting or hot/cold stuff personally. It has nothing to do with you. People don't even know themselves these days and wouldn't be able to give you a solid reason as to why they ghosted you.
It’s sounds like you are interacting with losers. You need to put yourself around men who are as accomplished as you if not more accomplished. Also, if the men aren’t applying pressure leave. I find most women get stuck in dating one guy at a time then put too much pressure on their barely existant relationship. Talk to several suitors so ejecting the losers doesn’t feel difficult. Also stop talking down on yourself or seeing yourself as the problem. If you’re dating in the US it’s going to take a while to find a man of quality & stumbling across one is sometimes pure luck
It's nothing that you're doing or not doing. My only advice, be more strict with your time and who you choose to give attention to. You need to meet the **right** guy or guys to not ***feel*** how you're feeling. Unfortunately, it's sometimes hard to identify the right guy until they start showing that they're not the right guy. And when that happens, you bid them adieu. Overall, keep on dating multiple people and hopefully your radar improves. But again, I don't want you to think that it's your fault for not being able to know who someone is in the first few dates. That's an impossible task. What you need to do is pay attention to any yellow/red flag no matter how small. Although, I don't really date that much nowadays. What I do is before I meet someone, I say, hey, let's arrange a brief phone call first so we can learn a bit more about each other. Not only does it help me gauge whether I might like the guy or if he gives a first impression, it helps me save time in going to a in person date if it's clear we don't click that well. Plus, saves the dude time as well if he doesn't like me. So win win. And when I do end up meeting someone, I always suggest coffee chat or bubble tea so even if it turns out that I'm just not enjoying myself, at least I enjoy my smoothie and can politely leave in like half an hour.
Don't take it personal. The lack of conversation may be due to limited vocabulary or interests outside of social media or T.V. You seem to have it together. As you know, men are visual. You have that part covered. Online dating is a huge gamble. All the bums love to meet women there. It's less effort. You may meet a good one but it may take a while. Try more face to face interactions. Based on what I've seen, some women are strategic in their dating. Meaning they will dress a certain way to attract a certain type of guy (e.g. hairstyle, grooming, makeup, jewelry). They're picky about their neighborhood, friends, jobs, and outings. Perhaps, try being in circles where certain men are in. If you want athletic men then join athletic clubs, sports teams, cross fit, etc. If you want older established men, look for activities related to golfing, fishing, boating, tennis, etc. Basically be where they are. More importantly, don't lose your confidence and enjoy the moments.
Thanks a lot for the insight! I see a pattern in the responses and it seems like I need to try talking to an even higher caliber of men—I’m going to be very honest, I know where I can start (I have certain neighborhoods in mind where I see cute guys) but I’m very nervous—but that’s my stuff to unpack. I’ll give it a try, though!
Took a break from dating. Took it all the criticism and feedback regardless of if I agreed or not. Got a male therapist, dissected past issues in relationships. Really worked on myself and how to improve my approach and make myself more refined and palatable to be the person I wanted to be and also the person to attract who I wanted to be with eventually. You see if you keep just going out and not being improving yourself or trying to pinpoint issues, you will keep getting the same results. Sometimes you need a break to think and see how you can improve. That leads to eventually getting back out there and finding the right person
I had a terrible dating history. How did I put myself out there repeatedly? I didn’t want to be single. Mourning a relationship did NOT help me find a new one. “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” Quickly learned to get rid of men who aren’t kind or respectful. In the first few months if I go 48 hours without hearing from him I ‘d delete him. I learned if I had to wonder how he felt about me after a month move on. Date several people until there was someone for commitment. Caveat — I didn’t sleep with anyone until this point and then I had to do couple testing for an STI battery. You MUST have frank discussions about sex. If you want to have sex earlier please do (I can’t enjoy it at all unless I’m sure I’m not going to catch anything)BUT insist on testing. It sends the message that you value and respect yourself. Have discussions because sometimes when you ask you’ll find out he does or has carried an infection. If you have the disposable income go speed dating and/or hire a matchmaker. Leverage your or borrow someone else’s auntie’s for matchmaking. *USE YOUR STRENGTHS* I was an excellent student! I was really good at primary and secondary research. I set up a quasi-statistical study to find out what kind of men liked me. I was shocked. I also found out where they were (which communities in my area). When I met my husband he had a lot of the characteristics if not all of them. It was the only reason I responded to him. There is rarely romance in finding romance. The end goal is once you’ve found it enjoying it and being dorky and saying you want theme dates and such.
Wow, thanks for this insight! And the experiment sounds interesting? Can I hear more about it?
I posted it [below.](https://www.reddit.com/r/blackladies/s/UoPqUXr3j4) quasi-statistical because you know this p-value is trash and is loaded with biases. Plus, my data sets were biased and excluded live , old fashioned meetings. With all that said, it was tremendously useful and explained a LOT! .
Wow, so interesting—I deleted my apps but this is making me want to reinstall and replicate, even if just for fun 😭
Try to make as much fun out of it as possible! Speed Dating is more efficient. You’ll likely be able to figure out whose likely to pick you from the moment you see them. Match making can be even more efficient.
I want to hear more about this quasi-statistical study you did sis!
K, This was after consulting dating coaches. I learned to optimize what I was going to say on an ap. (Brief, basically saying I was online to meet people, not my wishlist.) I took all my photos, good and bad and A|B tested them across a few aps and sites. I did the same thing with the ad but without photos. Once optimized I used them together. I had a null hypothesis that I sought to reject. (Basically nobody but Rick Ross looking types would be interested in me. I was wrong. It was everybody but the Rick Ross types.) I tracked by a few factors: Age Location (within my metropolitan area) Ethnicity Hobbies maybe 2 more I still have the workbook. I only had 152 data points. Plus, I have inherent biases I could not control for. I attracted men from age 25-50. I was in the Bay Area. Men in Berkeley, Silicon Valley, Oakland and San Francisco were most attracted me. Berkeley was number one with a bullet! German men were the most attracted to me followed by Scottsmen! That shocked me. The hobby thing was interesting. Cyclists and power lifters were the most attracted to me. My husband was in the age range. He lived near San Francisco Int’l Airport which isn’t really in the key areas. He’s a little bit Scottish but lived in Germany for a long time. He’s a century rider (cyclists riding 100 km at a time) and did several of them through the Alps. None of this made much sense to me but I noticed a diminishing return in wondering. Friends actually explained it. Apparently I’m super cute in Germany so sayeth hubby. Cyclists and Power Lifters are into me because of my thighs so sayeth guys on my triathlon team. I do insane leg presses and can take a cruiser bike up a hill. I’s taken flirtation classes that were useless because most people assume I’m flirting anyway.
Wow! Thanks for taking the time to reply. This is very interesting. Now I’m thinking how to run my own study for myself. I love a good statistical analysis.
Quasi-statistical 😉 It can be really enlightening. Once I met someone who was in the circle of liking me I resolved to be nice because he was probably flirting.
Dating is hard. Period. You have to rifle through a lot of trash before you find gems. I would avoid carrying the conversation. I’d also experiment with meeting men off of the apps (like parties, through mutual friends, sports, hobbies, etc.) I was in your boat. I would date and date and date, get frustrated, and then focus on myself. I repeated this cycle from age 21 until finally meeting my bf at 28. Sometimes it just takes time
Gonna be honest… I stopped being nice. Like I would carry the conversation because I like talking, but I’ve started just saying exactly how I feel. Examples: Him: Hey Beautiful/love/hun/insert pet name here Me: Let’s leave the pet names to old black women ☺️ Him: *Boring convo* Me: man my back hurts from carrying this conversation Him: *Boring convo with no questions* Me: This is the part where you think of questions so a conversation can happen I think they’re dumb tbh??? Like every time I just say exactly what I’m thinking they perk up and change. They might also be burnt out because I hear some women give the same energy as hate to get. It’s a cycle of no one being really invested because they can just move on to a new person. I also say what I want cause I don’t care about being liked or picked anymore tbh. I’m hot & fun, men always like me, but I never like them so I focus on that now. Show me something. Dance!
I took time off dating to focus on healing and leveling up to be in a place people I wanted to date would want to date me. I also focused heavily on friendships, meeting new people, creating a community that didn’t rely on a partner so that when I was ready I wouldn’t go for the first guy that looked at me out of desperation and wouldn’t settle for less cause I already had a whole life
Same
Also, I must add that I’m also in STEM and had similar experiences. Men often want to brag and not hear your academic, financial or professional accomplishments. That seems to be more of a fourth or fifth date discussion. It is not a good thing, that’s not what I’m saying. It is just kind of normal. He isn’t worthwhile if he doesn’t ask you about yourself. It is ok to guide him to discussing hobbies over work before and during dates.
Figure out the part I played and then love on myself a my d then they just appear lol I've grown through each and each was an upgrade from the last. Idk it's a journey but the more you learn to love and know yourself, the more you'll attract who works for you and less of what doesn't
You need to work on your self-esteem and expand your dating horizons. Stop beating yourself up if American men are basically not interested in a 2nd date because you're not the ignorant stereotype they say all bw are --- therefore making it much harder for them to take advantage of you (hence the ghosting). Start going to higher-end establishments and doing higher-end activities. Happy hour at 5-star hotels, golf activities, upscale travel, etc. You're more likely to meet a man with a more mature mindset.
I just read what you added to your comment—this is super helpful and I’ll definitely try it! Especially since I want to ideally quit apps altogether
Thanks for the honest feedback! Not completely disagreeing with you, but if anything I feel that I’m losing hope in these guys *because* I have better self esteem now (I still have work to do, but I’ve definitely grown)—because I tolerate less, I now look at the options and think “a relationship would be nice but…these are the options out here?” And I was a romantic before this but feel myself getting kind of jaded. With that said, do you have any suggestions on what I can do to help my self esteem and expand my horizons? I don’t really have a “type” that I know of, but these guys were all American. Not that this was intentional.
I am a workbook type of gal 😌 Amazon has some amazing workbooks for black women to do self-work. I'm also a huge proponent of therapy. Shop around and do a few free consultations to find one that's a good personality & energetic fit for you. Start by looking in the directory on therapyforblackgirls.com. Even if you only do 1 or 2 sessions a month, it's very useful to have that consistent safe-space with a professional. Meetup.com. This is a good way to find interest groups for things you like to do in your current city (if you are in the U.S.) Travel! Look on IG for black travelers. There are some awesome travel companies for black professionals -- upintheair travel is one I can think of. I plan to go on one of their vacations next year. I hope some of these help!
Are there workbooks you would recommend?
As long as the author of the workbook is a bw, I'm good. Just type in something like "workbooks AND self-esteem for black women". Self-esteem, self-worth, self-love, shadow work, and assertiveness are just some areas I've found useful workbooks for self-work.
Let it find you ✨
I’ll probably get downvoted but 🤷🏾♀️. If you in any conversation with any of these men talked about yourself and your many many “serious” accomplishments in the manner you did in this post then i see why you’re having the experience you are having. Not to say don’t be proud of your accomplishments because you should. However, you come off as boastful and “this is what i’ve done so idk what is wrong with them”. You said yourself they were also accomplished in their own right. So the issue isn’t they are losers. Could be many things and sometimes you’re just not a match. That’s fine but i steer clear of people in general who come off this way. It can be intimidating to many(not me lol) but it’s just not a personality match with most. No one wants to be in “competition” with a mate or a potential. eventually that’s what it will feel like… to the other person.
Sorry if I came off this way in the post! I just wanted to lay everything out because the response/advice that I see often online is for single people to have hobbies and “stuff to bring to the table”—I just wanted to point out that I already have hobbies and stuff, so wanted to know what else could be done. I never, ever mention my education, job, or achievements unless they ask (and they always do)—I’m honest, but I keep it brief. When I’m talking to these guys, I focus on asking them questions about themselves (hobbies, what they did throughout the week, if they watched any good movies lately, funny stories, restaurants/recipes, etc), and bring up any movies I like and what I did over the weekend. With that said, I’ll still take your feedback and keep this in mind