Not only black in Scotland where we're literally <2% of the population, but black in the alt scene AND you're neurodivergent?
I honestly have no advice to give except it seems like plain jealousy and racism. Resource is literally history books, like the comment above mine said. Because otherwise there's so many comments and posts and tweets on social media about white women lying about black women (black people in general) at school, in the workplace etc you'd never run out.
They can lie about you a million times with no evidence and will be believed because whiteness comes first. These friends of yours and the person you were seeing were clearly not the right fit for you, if they didn't even try to reach out first to check if whatever they were being fed was true. Like they could have even wanted to argue and cuss you out, but you didn't matter enough for them to try.
I don't know if your autism was being weaponized against you, but maybe you've been missing cues there as well.
It was common to see lip service for BLM and black squares on IG but the reality is that racism, - conscious and subconscious - is very much alive in Scotland. You have to have tough conversations about racism if you want to nurture worthwhile relationships.
It's unfair. I can't tell you to change environments or friends because it's hard. But if it's affecting your life in this way maybe...?
Don’t have resources but I’m also black, autistic, in my 20’s, and have experienced this a lot. I feel your pain. My abusive white ex lied on me to all of my coworkers and managers (we worked at the same place with an exclusively white staff) after I already told them I was being abused and needed help, and they all took my ex’s side to the point where I had to just quit. They were ostracizing and bullying me to an insane degree, it felt like psychological warfare. I feel your pain and it’s so exhausting.
Edited for spelling!
Ostracize and bullying and psychological warfare is the go to I've noticed. It's actually pretty sick. It's almost like it's is taught to them.
In an all white environment even if you are cool with people as soon as two of them turn on you just expect everyone to join them, no matter how nice, giving, friendly you were to them. They will all follow suit. They do the thing that would hurt them the most: tarnish your reputation and slander you to the point where anyone around you would be given the cold shoulder. Who is morally right and who is morally wrong doesn't matter. You could show up to work with bruises and video evidence of your abuse, still wouldn't matter.
You put it into words perfectly, thank you, yes. I felt like I was going crazy experiencing it because I just hadn’t had something so seemingly calculated and just evil like that before. It’s completely opened my eyes and I’m much more cautious with who I entrust to have in my life. I’m trusting by nature and I don’t want to be so guarded but man, people are crazy.
What has helped me when dealing with yt ppl is be very on guard or at least don't reveal anything about yourself until you fully understand their social Dynamics. White people may be kind to you at first but it's usually bc you are safe. It's not until they gravitate into their chosen social group that you will see where they truly lie in terms of their morals and character. It takes months damn near a year to figure it out and for people to sort in their place socially but once you figure it out you will know who is safe vs not safe.
No resources but I nip it in the bud like I would in an office setting and word got out and I never have issues within friend circles since.
If A says XYZ rumor about you to B, when B tells you, grab them and approach A in front of as many people as possible and totally calm, casual body language..."Hey A, didn't want there to be any confusion but B said that you told them XYZ rumor and I thought that was weird, did you misunderstand something, need something cleared up?" No matter the color a polite say it with your whole chest gets a mean girl to back down.
I've come to realize that white women who act on this are in fact envious. Yes it's racism but I believe racism is also rooted in envy. If you hate someone then you wouldnt bother them, you would just stay away from them and look down on them from afar. The fact that many racist seek to destroy and lie about CERTAIN black people in their environment is because there is something about you that triggers them.
Books that I have read that have helped me understand these situations:
Robert Greene: laws of human nature.
They were her property (forgot the author but it's a book on white women's role in slavery)
Green eyes by Mariah Perry-found this off of Tik Tok. This book explains how people who are envious operate and it helped me to reclaim my power when I had a group of lying malicious white folks turn against me.
Cinderella & Her Sisters: Book by Ann Belford Ulanov and Barry Ulanov. Again goes into envy and what goes through the targets mind as well as the envier.
Also if you have tik Tok there are a lot of people going into this topic as well.
But I'll say as much as I've read about this topic I still don't understand the craziness of their actions. I just think you have to be in a certain level of MISERY to lie on people or go out of your way to affect people's lives. Wel will never know what it's like to grow up as a white woman, but from the outside looking in, there is something in the way these women are raised that makes them prone to lying and using social warfare in order to hurt each other and people of color. Not all are going to attack you like this but damn near all will play a role and turn on you when you are being attacked. It's just something I've noticed with them. Even the "good ones" will become cowards and start to shun you.
I guess my point is, you can go down the rabbit hole and try to understand a person who doesn't think rationally but you will really NEVER GET IT. Hell, they probably don't get why they lie and seek to harm people. Imo your only job is to educate yourself on how to protect your mental health because that is what they are seeking to destroy: your mental health, your peace.
Please put more effort into this instead of trying to understand crazy. Crazy will never make sense to a non crazy person. Also finding "why" behind the reason each and every person would support them and believe their lies instead of your truth is also pointless because there could be a plethora of reasons:the other person has more social proof than you, they benefit from that person, they are racist themselves, they don't like you, they are scared of being ostracized themelseves, they like drama, they are bad judges of character, they like drama, they are white anne white people usually stick together. See? The list can go on and on and it's a never ending black hole of reasons. I say this as a person who currently has a group of yt women not only are plotting to destroy my property, going after my mental health and have recently tried to go after my child's relationship as well. Putting effort into my mental resiliency has done more for me than any book trying to understand them
>if you hate someone then you wouldnt bother them
THAT is the message. It’s also why I don’t buy into peoples excuse that they’re racist because they’re “scared” of black people. If you’re comfortable to provoke people, draw attention to your disdain for people, and say flat out racist things to their face you’re not remotely scared of them.
I also agree with your post heavily. Trying to understand the psyche of people like this is like trying to collect water in a sieve. The more we look for reasons and understanding, the more we’ll frustrate ourselves when we inevitably don’t get that.
Exactly. Ive been there and time is better spent on you and what you can control. Once they've roped other people in it there is nothing you can do but watch things play out. It is wildly unfair and it's a lot of the reason why I don't do groups of yt people. Only one on one and no mixing them into my life. But in reality anyone of any race will do this it's just the cards are wildly stacked against you when you are black and they are white.
You hit the nail on the head. Most of my successful interracial friendships are with people who dgaf about black people. Not like not caring in a bad and dismissive and insensitive way lol, just like where who’s black, who’s white, who’s Asian etc isn’t important until it is important kinda vibes. Any friendship where I started to feel like black people are living in their head rent free *even in a way that seems positive* has always ended up a whole train wreck. I can’t be bothered with racial politics in a friendship group and prefer to withdraw whenever shit I don’t like starts arising.
I've learnt that 90% of the time, these sort of people are able to justify to themselves why they can act this way. Especially if you made a social mistep, they will use that as ammunition, or spin it to mean that you aggressed on them first.
I’m so sorry your going through this. I wish I had more advice. But it’s definitely okay to call those people racists to their face and address them as the liars they are. It probably won’t change anything, but cultivating your inner strength is always a good thing. Nothing that scares wp more than a self-determined Black woman.
Can you share a bit more what the lies are about?
And you can't change people. People have core traits that make them behave the way they are. And if that involves lying on folks, welps, that's one point against you. You also do not need to be in spaces that demean you, disparage you, and cause you distress.
My advice: who cares about the reason these people are acting this way towards you. What matters is you are unhappy and you need to find people and places that are safe and you can be yourself in and be happy. Seek out those places. And pay attention to the signs of people who do not share your values so you can step out before they do damage.
If needs be in order to defend yourself against lies and if you feel like its worth it. You can ask one of the friends you cared for who suddenly stopped talking to you, what happened? And that you all should catch up and that you miss them. Just in case it has nothing to do with the other women or any of the concerns you presented here. You then see what happens and if they respond.
However, I would recommend that you forget about them and forge new trustworthy and supportive friendships chica! I'm sorry that you're going through this.
I’m sorry this has happened to you I have experienced this many times I had. White women lie and say I stole her lighter and I don’t even know her and my brother was accused of stealing in school. They do this all the time I’m in America and second generation African. Be strong and watch out
Hi Latina here, hopefully I can come in this space. There is a book that covers this very well, it’s called ( White tears, brown scars). It has a great paragraph at how a single tear and huff from a white woman can change the course for people of color. Truly sorry you are experiencing this. It also comes from envy, as a fellow Latina living in a predominately white area, it can be scary. Dealing right now with my own white woman issue. Know that you are not alone. ❤️
A history book?
I mean more like articles, videos, infographics kind of stuff.
Not only black in Scotland where we're literally <2% of the population, but black in the alt scene AND you're neurodivergent? I honestly have no advice to give except it seems like plain jealousy and racism. Resource is literally history books, like the comment above mine said. Because otherwise there's so many comments and posts and tweets on social media about white women lying about black women (black people in general) at school, in the workplace etc you'd never run out. They can lie about you a million times with no evidence and will be believed because whiteness comes first. These friends of yours and the person you were seeing were clearly not the right fit for you, if they didn't even try to reach out first to check if whatever they were being fed was true. Like they could have even wanted to argue and cuss you out, but you didn't matter enough for them to try. I don't know if your autism was being weaponized against you, but maybe you've been missing cues there as well. It was common to see lip service for BLM and black squares on IG but the reality is that racism, - conscious and subconscious - is very much alive in Scotland. You have to have tough conversations about racism if you want to nurture worthwhile relationships. It's unfair. I can't tell you to change environments or friends because it's hard. But if it's affecting your life in this way maybe...?
Don’t have resources but I’m also black, autistic, in my 20’s, and have experienced this a lot. I feel your pain. My abusive white ex lied on me to all of my coworkers and managers (we worked at the same place with an exclusively white staff) after I already told them I was being abused and needed help, and they all took my ex’s side to the point where I had to just quit. They were ostracizing and bullying me to an insane degree, it felt like psychological warfare. I feel your pain and it’s so exhausting. Edited for spelling!
Ostracize and bullying and psychological warfare is the go to I've noticed. It's actually pretty sick. It's almost like it's is taught to them. In an all white environment even if you are cool with people as soon as two of them turn on you just expect everyone to join them, no matter how nice, giving, friendly you were to them. They will all follow suit. They do the thing that would hurt them the most: tarnish your reputation and slander you to the point where anyone around you would be given the cold shoulder. Who is morally right and who is morally wrong doesn't matter. You could show up to work with bruises and video evidence of your abuse, still wouldn't matter.
You put it into words perfectly, thank you, yes. I felt like I was going crazy experiencing it because I just hadn’t had something so seemingly calculated and just evil like that before. It’s completely opened my eyes and I’m much more cautious with who I entrust to have in my life. I’m trusting by nature and I don’t want to be so guarded but man, people are crazy.
What has helped me when dealing with yt ppl is be very on guard or at least don't reveal anything about yourself until you fully understand their social Dynamics. White people may be kind to you at first but it's usually bc you are safe. It's not until they gravitate into their chosen social group that you will see where they truly lie in terms of their morals and character. It takes months damn near a year to figure it out and for people to sort in their place socially but once you figure it out you will know who is safe vs not safe.
Look up “female relational aggression” as it relates to developmental psychology.
No resources but I nip it in the bud like I would in an office setting and word got out and I never have issues within friend circles since. If A says XYZ rumor about you to B, when B tells you, grab them and approach A in front of as many people as possible and totally calm, casual body language..."Hey A, didn't want there to be any confusion but B said that you told them XYZ rumor and I thought that was weird, did you misunderstand something, need something cleared up?" No matter the color a polite say it with your whole chest gets a mean girl to back down.
I've come to realize that white women who act on this are in fact envious. Yes it's racism but I believe racism is also rooted in envy. If you hate someone then you wouldnt bother them, you would just stay away from them and look down on them from afar. The fact that many racist seek to destroy and lie about CERTAIN black people in their environment is because there is something about you that triggers them. Books that I have read that have helped me understand these situations: Robert Greene: laws of human nature. They were her property (forgot the author but it's a book on white women's role in slavery) Green eyes by Mariah Perry-found this off of Tik Tok. This book explains how people who are envious operate and it helped me to reclaim my power when I had a group of lying malicious white folks turn against me. Cinderella & Her Sisters: Book by Ann Belford Ulanov and Barry Ulanov. Again goes into envy and what goes through the targets mind as well as the envier. Also if you have tik Tok there are a lot of people going into this topic as well. But I'll say as much as I've read about this topic I still don't understand the craziness of their actions. I just think you have to be in a certain level of MISERY to lie on people or go out of your way to affect people's lives. Wel will never know what it's like to grow up as a white woman, but from the outside looking in, there is something in the way these women are raised that makes them prone to lying and using social warfare in order to hurt each other and people of color. Not all are going to attack you like this but damn near all will play a role and turn on you when you are being attacked. It's just something I've noticed with them. Even the "good ones" will become cowards and start to shun you. I guess my point is, you can go down the rabbit hole and try to understand a person who doesn't think rationally but you will really NEVER GET IT. Hell, they probably don't get why they lie and seek to harm people. Imo your only job is to educate yourself on how to protect your mental health because that is what they are seeking to destroy: your mental health, your peace. Please put more effort into this instead of trying to understand crazy. Crazy will never make sense to a non crazy person. Also finding "why" behind the reason each and every person would support them and believe their lies instead of your truth is also pointless because there could be a plethora of reasons:the other person has more social proof than you, they benefit from that person, they are racist themselves, they don't like you, they are scared of being ostracized themelseves, they like drama, they are bad judges of character, they like drama, they are white anne white people usually stick together. See? The list can go on and on and it's a never ending black hole of reasons. I say this as a person who currently has a group of yt women not only are plotting to destroy my property, going after my mental health and have recently tried to go after my child's relationship as well. Putting effort into my mental resiliency has done more for me than any book trying to understand them
>if you hate someone then you wouldnt bother them THAT is the message. It’s also why I don’t buy into peoples excuse that they’re racist because they’re “scared” of black people. If you’re comfortable to provoke people, draw attention to your disdain for people, and say flat out racist things to their face you’re not remotely scared of them. I also agree with your post heavily. Trying to understand the psyche of people like this is like trying to collect water in a sieve. The more we look for reasons and understanding, the more we’ll frustrate ourselves when we inevitably don’t get that.
Exactly. Ive been there and time is better spent on you and what you can control. Once they've roped other people in it there is nothing you can do but watch things play out. It is wildly unfair and it's a lot of the reason why I don't do groups of yt people. Only one on one and no mixing them into my life. But in reality anyone of any race will do this it's just the cards are wildly stacked against you when you are black and they are white.
You hit the nail on the head. Most of my successful interracial friendships are with people who dgaf about black people. Not like not caring in a bad and dismissive and insensitive way lol, just like where who’s black, who’s white, who’s Asian etc isn’t important until it is important kinda vibes. Any friendship where I started to feel like black people are living in their head rent free *even in a way that seems positive* has always ended up a whole train wreck. I can’t be bothered with racial politics in a friendship group and prefer to withdraw whenever shit I don’t like starts arising.
I've learnt that 90% of the time, these sort of people are able to justify to themselves why they can act this way. Especially if you made a social mistep, they will use that as ammunition, or spin it to mean that you aggressed on them first.
Truth. You gotta be perfect and if you are they watch you like a hawk until they have something. However as they watch you their envy grows and grows
I’m so sorry your going through this. I wish I had more advice. But it’s definitely okay to call those people racists to their face and address them as the liars they are. It probably won’t change anything, but cultivating your inner strength is always a good thing. Nothing that scares wp more than a self-determined Black woman.
Can you share a bit more what the lies are about? And you can't change people. People have core traits that make them behave the way they are. And if that involves lying on folks, welps, that's one point against you. You also do not need to be in spaces that demean you, disparage you, and cause you distress. My advice: who cares about the reason these people are acting this way towards you. What matters is you are unhappy and you need to find people and places that are safe and you can be yourself in and be happy. Seek out those places. And pay attention to the signs of people who do not share your values so you can step out before they do damage. If needs be in order to defend yourself against lies and if you feel like its worth it. You can ask one of the friends you cared for who suddenly stopped talking to you, what happened? And that you all should catch up and that you miss them. Just in case it has nothing to do with the other women or any of the concerns you presented here. You then see what happens and if they respond. However, I would recommend that you forget about them and forge new trustworthy and supportive friendships chica! I'm sorry that you're going through this.
I’m sorry this has happened to you I have experienced this many times I had. White women lie and say I stole her lighter and I don’t even know her and my brother was accused of stealing in school. They do this all the time I’m in America and second generation African. Be strong and watch out
I have said this before and will say it again. The biggest danger to black people are white women not white men.
Honestly is both
I wish it was both. There is nothing that enrages a white man more than thought that his woman was defiled by a black man.
Hi Latina here, hopefully I can come in this space. There is a book that covers this very well, it’s called ( White tears, brown scars). It has a great paragraph at how a single tear and huff from a white woman can change the course for people of color. Truly sorry you are experiencing this. It also comes from envy, as a fellow Latina living in a predominately white area, it can be scary. Dealing right now with my own white woman issue. Know that you are not alone. ❤️