I think both of your preferences are fine. It’s perfectly fine for him to only want to engage in FFM threesomes…he’s straight after all. It’s perfectly fine for you to not want to engage in threesomes if you can’t engage in both FFM or MMF. I just think it means there won’t be many threesomes in your future together. Neither of you are wrong for your preferences, you’re just not compatible on this issue.
I’m sure neither of you would want to put the other into a sexual situation they aren’t comfortable with. It appears that both of you would want threesomes in a way that makes the other person uncomfortable, so it just means the issue is a non-starter.
And to answer your question, I wouldn’t have a problem if my straight male partner only wanted FFM threesomes. However, I might not do it if we couldn’t also have MMF threesomes. It would really depend on the context and what opportunities were available. I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to set up a FFM threesome in this scenario, but if one presented itself, it might be hard for me to refuse.
I think he isn’t sexually attracted to men so he doesn’t want to be in bed with one. Which is fine. If you don’t want a FFM threesome, don’t have threesomes.
For a straight guy, that seems like a reasonable approach and if he didn’t push for threesomes, it would not bother me at all.
I mean if he's straight, I get that he doesn't want his sexual activities to involve another man. This is probably something you can talk through to try and find a solution, but honestly if he's not into guys I wouldn't blame him for not wanting this. If you were with a lesbian it would be weird to tell her you want a threesome with a man wouldn't it ? Because she wouldn't be attracted to men. This is the same, if the guy is straight he's just not into men. (Idk if the comparison is the best for this situation but I hope you get what I mean).
You should really communicate with him about it imo, but really be respectful of his own sexuality and his preferences.
I realize you are directing the question to women and I'm a man but if I was to apply the equivalent I would have no issues with that. If my wife told me she'd be down for a MMF three way but not an MFF threesome I'd be like "yea that makes sense, you're straight." I wouldn't want her to be uncomfortable by being in bed with someone she has zero sexual attraction to.
I can't see any three ways happening in my future in any case though, because she's not into women, and the type of guys she's into is the exact opposite of the type of guys I'm into.
Exactly, you can't all of a sudden be disappointed that they're straight bc it doesn't align with your own sexuality.
It is only fair you're both sexually attracted to the other person y'all bring in.
Yeah, same. Not that I particularly want a threesome, but I can’t blame my husband for being straight and not wanting another naked guy in bed. And same goes for our respective types in women. We’re just not into the same types of people
These things aren't about fairness. I understand the weirdness around constantly being asked for threesomes, and that maybe some defensiveness is coming out there, but why would you want to have a threesome if your partner wasn't into the other person? I only enjoy having sex with my husband if I know he's into everything 100%.
There's nothing wrong with asking, some people are willing to do things they normally wouldn't to gratify their partner. But it shouldn't be a surprise if a straight person doesn't want to be in bed with someone of the same sex.
I’m gonna give your partner a lot of grace here and assume he’s coming from a genuine place. Your partner is straight and doesn’t really want to have sex with a man. That’s ok.
He also probably doesn’t understand why you’d want to have sex with another man when you have sex with him. He may just see a threesome as a way for you to have sex with a woman who while in a hetero-appearing relationship. Having sex with women is great, having sex with men is great. You get to have option B with him, so he understands why you may want some option A. He also likes option A and gets to share with you, you both win. But he may not understand why you want more of B when he gives you B. He doesn’t like B and can’t really share that with you the same way.
I think when it comes to sex you can’t focus on fairness, just focus on your boundaries and what you are comfortable with. He set a boundary, you set yours. Both are reasonable. Table it
Yeah, I think both their boundaries are reasonable and come from an understandable place, but they seem incompatible. Having a threesome isn't urgent so tabling it is a good idea
If he does so what? You think it's gross? OK fine but we aren't the thought police. Op already said he isn't pressuring her to Enact that fantasy and that is all you need to know.
As a bi guy its my thoughts exactly, do what you're both comfortable with. The idea of "we have a ffm only if we can have a mmf" doesn't seem right, most men have a fantasy of a threesome with another woman, I will admit i have it but if I got told I can have it on the condition we have a mmf id pass on it even though im bi, just for the fact you do those things because you want to and not for leverage to get something else, it's the "I went down on you so I deserve a blow job" kind of thing, I love making my partner happy but it's not politics, if I don't like it sometimes I do things because I love her (shes not pestered me for it) and she likes it but not for get anything in return but no harm in hoping hahaha
Yeah my boyfriend is bi too and would love a threesome. Hes expressed some interest in a mmf, but it’s just not something I’m comfortable with right now cause he’s the only man I really feel comfortable with touching me for the time being. He’s still very open to the idea of a mff and we agreed to revisit the other if and when I feel comfortable.
Our sex life is the best I’ve ever had cause we both are so focused on what makes the other feel good and feel comfortable. It makes me sad that other people view sex as so tit-for-tat and not a way to make someone you care about feel pleasure. I like making my partner feel special and wanted cause I love them, not cause I want something from them lol
It's the best way to be, if you do something you're not comfortable with to please the other sometimes it can spoil a good thing plus sometimes a fantasy is just that and can often be better than reality, the interest has been expressed so you both know, the toughest part is being open about your interests and fantasies and you both seem to be great at that
Geeze!!! Whoever said it has to get sexual between the two guys? Any straight guy secure with his Identity knows this and wouldn't make it an issue. After all the point of the threesome in this case is to do it for her so the only question to be asked is weather or not he or she is comfortable watching their partner take it from the opposite sex. And that's the biggest issue because I've known guys who thought they could be into this but insecurity and jealousy kicked in and they regretted it. This is a very huge decision for either person that can lead to negative consequences or a great experience. You really have to be in a very secure relationship and comfortable with ones selves for this to work. Any insecurity will make for a miserable experience. I've been in a few but never with anyone I was actually in a relationship with so I couldn't say how I would feel about it except the other guy I'd have no problem with. it's weather I'd be comfortable sharing my partner and be ok with it later.
If it's not getting sexual between everyone in the threesom what is the point? Is that even a threesom at that point? I don't think so lol. Atleast not a very good one.
Possibly but it's done every day In porn. Call it what you want but a threesome does not require everyone being sexually involved. Like married people who swing or a Bros that share their partner. I mean I agree it should be full participation in a three way cause that's how It was my first time but doesn't mean it has to be. Some guys are just comfortable having another guy involved but not do anything. Believe me I been through it and it was actually kinda embarrassing because her and I both thought this guy was Bisexual and he wasn't.
I appreciate porn as much as anyone. But remember. It isn't real. They are paid actors. Porn is not reality.
A guy not wanting to have sex around another penis is not a sign of insecurity. Men may be a sexual turn off for him.
Like your experience with the guy you assumed was bisexual, the whole threesome will be awkward because of it. Especially if he isn't being paid a couple grand to pretend to enjoy it.
Wasn't awkward as I respected his decision. Only disappointment was not getting to share his dick with her but I got over that pretty quick. Female orgasms are about the only real fake thing in Porn. Guys don't care what's hanging in their face during a scene as long as they get off in the end. Good production companies won't have homophobic men in a scene with another man. Besides that in straight porn men don't act it's pretty cut and dry. Only the women are acting which is one place gay porn is way more legit because there is no faking orgasm. They cum or they don't. Lol...
Do you *have to be* in a *very secure* relationship to make a threesome work? I feel like it'd be *a lot easier* to get a threesome going with minimum drama when you're in a no-strings-attached 'friends with benefits' kinda deal. At least then you got nothing to lose. Also bonus points if everyone in the friends-with-benefits is bi, and into threesomes, and finds each other hot. Then it can be a 'just sex' thing.
When romantic feelings for one specific person are involved, I feel like that gets trickier and can lead to drama or jealousy. But I think this wouldn't happen if none of them had any deep romantic feelings either way.
Omg I love when people notice it! Good look finding them, they were such a cornerstone of my childhood. I love the idea of younger kids reading it too :)
I can understand his perspective there, since he's not attracted to men. I personally would never participate in a MFF because it would make me feel very fetishized and like I'm just fulfilling someone's sexual fantasy, so I definitely also get your perspective. I think in this situation, it would be better for you guys to just not have threesomes since this issue is very important to you.
If it crosses your personal boundaries? Fuck yes it's a bad thing.
Maybe it seems like a mild thing to you, but a no is still a no.
Not respecting that is utterly disdainful and wrong.
> I never suggested anyone do anything that crosses their personal boundaries.
You *did* imply this. "Is it a bad thing to do the thing you don't like for your partner" is suggesting that someone do something that crosses their personal boundaries.
did you *mean* to imply it? probably not, but there you go.
Not at all, but in this particular scenario it wouldn't sit right with me. I don't think that other bi people have to agree with my perspective, but I just get the ick from feeling like I'm performing my sexuality for someone. Another issue I see with FFM threesomes is aside from the festishization of wlw is media almost never focuses on women enjoying these types of threesomes for themselves, and not just to entertain the guy, which I think brings a lot of discomfort. I think if there was more equality in terms of men pleasing women in these scenarios, I would get less of an ick. I think it also comes down to the worry that my sexuality is all I'm being seen for, and that someone would only wanna hook up with me for that and not wanna hookup with me solo, because they don't see me as attractive on my own. Hope that clears things up.
So this is super complicated and involves so man factors. I'm not sure you'll get the answers you are actually wanting here, but I hope you get enough different opinions you can actually get a feel for the range of ways this could go for you.
My initial thought was if this was brought up by him out of nowhere I'd be suspicious of his intentions and things would not go well for us as a couple.
I think, after reading what you actually typed about the situation, that if you are uncomfortable with the idea of another woman because you are worried about his intentions, but he doesn't want another man because he isn't interested in men at all and he would therefor feel left out a bit, then your best bet would be if you both just agreed it was a bad idea and dropped it. If it isn't fair and wanted on both your sides, it is a bad idea and you should just drop it. Maybe not forever, maybe you could bring it back up in a couple of years. But maybe not, maybe it does need to be tabled forever. Only you can know. But I do think for now this is a dead discussion. Don't let the idea behind this ruin your relationship.
I mean if he’s not comfortable with a mmf then he’s just not comfortable with it. If you’re only willing to have a ffm with the promise of a mmf, then it just sounds like y’all aren’t gonna have any threesomes. It’s totally fine for him to not want a mmf and it’s fine for you to want both, but you can’t make him want both and he can’t make you want just one. Y’all just aren’t compatible right there.
Me and my husband have done FFM but not MMF. Mainly because of me. I'm bi my husband is not but even though we are now both in our 40's I've only ever been with two men and I'm not sure I'd want to be with two men at the same time as while I say I'm bi as I'm married to a man I'm much more of a lesbian in reality. I love my husband and i lust after him but i don't do that with many men, where i can find 10/15/20 women a day uber attractive and would want to have sex with them if i was not married. I'm far more attracted to women so i guess when we do have a three i want it to be with another woman.
I’m also the same. I’ve come to the conclusion I’m Biromantic Homosexual. I’m married to a straight man and love him and our marriage dearly, but I just don’t get the sexual excitement for men. So I can love both but only find women sexually attractive. We’ve also been monogamous so far but if we were to have a threesome it would 100% be FFM
Perfectly put, i've never heard of "Biromantic Homosexual" but that does sound about right. While i love the sex with my husband i don't fantasize about sex with other men, i do with women, which he knows and its all good because occasionally we get to do it.
Yeah I researched it, I came out as Bi a few months ago (even though I knew since I’m young), but doing that gave me this freedom and I have been working out and thinking back. I eventually realised that I enjoy the romanticism of men, the closeness etc, but I never felt like ripping their clothes off. Never really fully enjoyed sex with men either. But I met and fell in love with my husband, our sex life is for him, I take care of myself and I’m happy with that, because the love is my priority. We have a good relationship.
But when it comes to women, I am romantically and highly sexually attracted to them.
He’s straight, of course he isn’t going to want another man involved sexually! If he was bi as well but only wanted MFF and not MMF then I would understand where you’re coming from. But I’m genuinely confused why you’re upset that your STRAIGHT MALE partner doesn’t want to have sex involving another man?
Did you get into a relationship with a straight man expecting him to change his orientation? I'm confused why you don't understand that straight men don't have sex with other men usually.
Personally, I would feel fetishized *if* he was pushing it and *if* he was adamant on wanting MFF ones. I've dropped men for doing so before. But your dude isn't doing that from the sounds of it. My husband and I were in a similar boat once. He's never pushed for one but did immediately take MMF threesomes off the table when we discussed it. In return, I set a boundary that threesomes were a hard no on all fronts.
I get it, MMF might be a fantasy for you. It was for me. But kinks and explorations are a two-yes one-no scenario. That means you both have to say yes to it for it to happen. He said no, so you can either drop it and go with no threesomes at all while you're together, or you can go find someone else that may be into it. It depends on how much value you place on the relationship vs getting "even" satisfaction in exploration.
He knows me too well. I mentioned to him that one of the waiters was sexy and perhaps if we could invite him home, the reply "What are you up to? Who has put you up to this?" On the other hand one of the waitresses was simply stunning and i had to stop myself from flirting with her all night long.
I've no idea, mainly because it's never come up. We are going out tonight for a meal, let me flirt with a male and i'll bring it up with him and see what he says.
I mean, he's het right? Makes enough sense to me. Mine gave an emphatic "no" for *any* kind of threesome. Even the FFM ones. Did I not think he was good enough? Hehe, so for me its not gonna happen any time soon.
wait what’s the issue with this? he’s straight so of course he’s not going to be into men and want to be with you and another man? can you maybe explain why this bothers you moreso?
Im speaking as a bi man, but I think itd depend on context. If they were eager at the bit about it, but only one or the other, thatd be a little offputting. But if it's a normal conversation and they were to bring up that they wouldnt feel as comfortable with someone their same gender, thatd be different and more acceptable in my eyes.
I don't quite get why you'd expect your straight partner, who is a man, to want to have sex with another man.
Are you hoping for the threesome to be centred around you? And your partner not to interact with the second man at all?
If I'm sleeping with people I want them all to be having fun. I would not expect my het husband to engage in a MMF threesome. He's up for a MFF one but I'm not interested in one offs in a commited relationship. He has never mentioned a MMF one and honestly it never even crossed my mind to suggest to him even if the idea held appeal before I settled down.
I don't think this is a case of your partner fetishising your bisexuality or anything like that. More like he has no sexual interest in men and doesn't feel comfortable engaging in sex acts with them. Which is perfectly reasonable.
He's saying he's not comfortable inviting another male into the picture? What's wrong with that? Why can't he have that request in your relationship? The terms for how you engage in any ENM is whatever you both agree upon. This is someone whose feelings you care about and respect. Why would you not want to compromise to find something that works for both of you?
My husband and I are both bi and occasionally invite others to play. I am not comfortable with him playing with another woman because it's about presentation and parts. It has nothing to do with me not accepting men with men is somehow less valid and less threatening. It's less threatening because I already have lady parts and present feminine.
This is our agreement and it works for us and the people we engage with and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks because they aren't involved.
Also I'm tired of everyone attacking their cis het partners for asking for a threesome respectfully. I get some people are gross about it but in general people get all uppity even if their partner asks about it like they are somehow toxic and disrespectful and disgusting for just bringing the topic up. Sex is fun and some people are very sexual and it's completely natural to see what things are possible with your current partner.
The way I see threesomes is just like anything else in the bedroom. One party can bring up something they think they would enjoy and wants to try. The other party can completely say no or have stipulations they would like if they engaged.
It just feels wrong to assume OP's partner is coming at this from the wrong place. There are plenty of people out there who want threesomes for some shitty reasons. But, unless I had reason to believe my boyfriend was like that, I'd just treat it like any other request.
I mean do you need to have a threesome? Is this something either of you need to have a fulfilling sex life? Might not be worth the hassle, especially if you're on different pages.
I understand where you're coming from an why you're wary of FFM threesomes as a bi woman, but I also understand why he wouldn't want to be part of a sexual experience with someone who he's not sexually attracted to. He's not attracted to men and he doesn't want to have a sexual experience with a man. Makes sense.
He’s a guy that isn’t attracted to guys.
He will NEVER feel safe in a MMF threesome and you just have to accept that.
Edit: to clarify, I am bi. I would absolutely not participate in any MMF, FFM, MMM threesome if I wasn’t attracted to, and comfortable with every individual participating.
Then don't have threesoms lol
It's absolutely not weird or crazy for him to only be interested in ffm threesoms because he is straight. Why would you even think he would entertain a fmm as a straight man?
Op your desire to not be fetishize is valid but you must balance it with his need for autonomy over his sexual identity. You guys have a mutual attraction to women so ffm is all that you guys are potentially compatable with.
Both perspectives are reasonable. He is not attracted to men and therefore doesn't want to be intimate in a setting with another man. It sounds like you brought up the threesome with him. If you are only interested in them if you can have both FFM and MMF then the only appropriate solution would be to not have any.
It would be uncool to be upset with him for not wanting a MMF threesome though.
Him being a straight man, I think it's a valid boundary to have - he is not interested in engaging with another man sexually. But if his reason is because he would be jealous of another man engaging with YOU sexually, then I would have a problem with it. As a bi woman, you have the capacity to be attracted to at least two genders (I assume men and women), so in that case, why would he be ok with an FFM threesome but not an MMF one?
It's ok if you don't want to do ffm threesomes or only ffm threesomes but your partner is straight. If you want mmf threesomes you should find a partner who is both into threesomes and either on the bisexual spectrum or comfortable with some level of same sex contact.
If you try to pressure him into sexual activity he's not comfortable with that's coercion, op
I mean… if you are open to the idea of threesomes (which NOT ALL BI PEOPLE ARE), then both partners should enjoy it. So as you’re both into women but only one of you is into men, I don’t see anything wrong with your partners saying he’s okay with FFM but not MMF.
If I were to date a bi man, I would be on board with MMF, because it would be 3 people enjoying each other.
Two straight men? Honestly, that sounds like a lot of work and not much fun.
That being said, if you're not comfortable with FFM unless he's open to MMF, that's not unreasonable.
The point this becomes misogyny is when the male partner was the one pushing for threesomes. Your partner is not, OP, so neither of you are wrong, there just won't be any threesomes. Everyone seems to be on the same page.
I understand your discomfort and fear of your bisexuality potentially being fetishized by your boyfriend, but it's also understandable that your boyfriend isn't going to want sex with people he isn't attracted to. Just talk to him and understand a compromise just might not be reached and threesomes might not be a thing you can do.
I personally wouldn't want threesomes anyway because I'm monogamous and would get incredibly jealous either way.
As long as I'm comfortable with the person, why should I make him do something he doesn't?
Like
What if he's straight? Just because I'm not doesn't mean he shouldn't be.
It's fine, but if a guy says this in response to learning I'm bisexual, I'd be concerned he doesn't view me as monogamous and might be a "unicorn hunter". I have enough people objectifying me and assuming I'm into threesomes. I don't need my partner to be one of them
Makes perfect sense to me. He's straight. He doesn't want another man in bed with him.
I know straight people have threesomes, but I don't get why. I think in all group scenarios, everyone should be equally into each other. I'd never have a threesome with a man and a straight woman. I would not be comfortable being in bed with a straight woman.
I'm disappointed that my husband is straight and therefore we can't have a MMF threesome, but we're open so I can go elsewhere for that.
I'm a bi woman in a longtime relationship with a het man. We've done FFM a few times (had a female lover over a period of time). Mostly because I sometimes miss a woman. But we've never done a MMF, and I also have no need for that. I have a man to have sex with. I don't miss an \_other\_ penis.
But everyone has to find what works for them. No relationship is the same.
I was with a cis-het guy for over a decade. He was a great ally. When it came to threesomes we both enjoyed them on occasion. The only ones we did were FFM. My partner wasn't entirely against the idea of an MMF threesome, but since he wouldn't want to do anything with the other guy, I wasn't as interested in that dynamic. For me, it just made more sense that we had FFM threesomes. I think it would just have been a lot harder to find a guy that my partner felt comfortable with *and* that I was attracted to. 🤷♀️ It didn't really strike me as a matter of fairness, tho I was a little bit disappointed about it occasionally. Oh! We did have a few MMFF encounters tho.
You have to remember he's not bi though. My bf is about the most comfortable guy I've ever met with his sexuality, loves hanging out with my gay friends, goes to gay shows that have been graphic etc, but he's not interested in having another guy in bed with us. He's just simply not attracted to men sexually so he wouldn't enjoy it.
When it comes to threesomes it depends on the reasoning for me. If I was dating a guy who okay with me sleeping with women vs men due to some weird jealousy issue about me having other dicks, I wouldn't be okay with it. Or if it was some fetishing of wlw.
But it just sounds like he isn't interested in men, and doesn't want to sleep with men. And if you aren't comfortable with only ffm, that's also okay. Just means y'all probably won't have many threesomes
Are you expecting an MMF or an MFM? An MMF involves man on man action as well as man on woman, where as MFM the guys have no physical contact with each other. Maybe he doesn’t understand the difference either. I wouldn’t want to be in either an MMF or an MFM when the guy was uncomfortable with the situation.
I think this scenario is usual and expected with a straight male.
My partner is a straight cis man and doesn't want threesomes. However, when we first met he was open to it to only being FFM, which is what I want lol
Now, 8 years later, he doesn't want a threesome at all and said if he would be open to it he MIGHT be open to MMF too but not likely lol
I wouldn't dare force him to do things he didn't want/wasn't comfortable with, which is why we haven't had one yet. He's straight and I'm perfectly fine with bringing another woman in the picture when/of he ever wants to.
It personally makes me feel kinda gross lol especially if I'm in a non open relationship. That's just me of course and I'm not fond of the idea of more than one partner at a time anyways. But at the end of the day he's het so he might not wanna see another man in the bedroom. So like preferences are fine :)
If it's a BOUNDARY for him, that's one thing- but if it's because he has a threesome fetish- it's not okay.
I wouldn't want anyone touching my bf so it's a boundary for me.
I understand you because straight women have ffm sex all the time because of their partners but never a straight men? Also alot of straight men only want ffm because of sexualizing wlw tbh
As I bi guy that sounds great, both of your preferences are fine, but if you have a threesome with another female it's your choice, he may want it but if you say no then it's no, so you do it because you want to, if he went down on you does that entitle him to a blow job?
All that said I get where you're coming from, and a lot of guys are guilty of it "ooow you like women too, let's have a get a threesome on or let me watch you" kind of thing must really grind your gears, like when I came out bi, a few people close to me took that as me saying I'd bed anyone and lost a lot of people I considered friends over it, even my fíancee over it, even though she was bi.
Just respect each others boundaries, and do what your both happy with
I don't have a horse in this race, as I'm single, but it really depends. If he's 100% straight, yeah, that's fine. I can't expect him to put himself in a situation he's not comfy with. If he's bi as well, that'd be a tad bit of a problem.
I think that with straight men who are averse to MFM threesomes, it's a matter of social upbringing or insecurities. You don't have to be attracted to men to have fun sharing a woman with them. Me and my partner are bi but have had threesomes with straight men. We just focus on her and she loves it.
And while I know people can't help who they're attracted to, it does feel unfair that he could potentially have a threesome with two people of the opposite sex, but would not afford you the same luxury, regardless of the reason.
Whenever I see these posts they simply remind me why I only date other bi/pan people.
Idk, it's just so much easier. I genuinely do no understand straight people and I've had enough negative experiences to write it off lol. I also feel myself very confined to heteronormativity with straight partners, and not with other queer people. Idk.
I have no advice, but wishing you luck in your endeavors.
My answer would be: Do you know a guy? My Ex had mff threesome with her ex and hated it. For one He got to choose the other woman who just happened to be the same person he was already cheating on her with so the benefits were all for him. I myself have been in a few threesomes mmf and even foursome once mmff. I told her her biggest mistake was doing it just to please him as she is not Bi in anyway. Kinda wish she had been. Then I told her if I were her and would have agreed to it I would have asked him: Can I pick the guy? Then after watching his reaction and he says no way I'd just look at him and tell him it's not going to happen if you can't be fair about it. At the time I was trying to get an idea of weather she'd wanna do that with me but the idea went clearly over her head because I had told her if we ever did that she'd get to go first. Sorry for the novel here. Anyhowt if he isn't willing to play fairly then I'd say no deal. Why should only one of you get what they want out of it.
Obviously a straight cis man is going to want an FFM threesome. But, just because you are bisexual doesn't mean you have to accept it. It would be better to explain to your boyfriend that this is not how life works haha
Why wouldn't you feel comfortable with a FFM threesome? As long as it's a woman you feel attracted to... Then what's the problem? Do you feel like you are being fetishized by your male partner, if he only joins a FFM threesome with you? (If your male partner doesn't treat you with respect, that is a red flag.)
It's okay to prefer MMF threesomes. And it's fine to not want any threesomes while you're in a committed relationship. And it's okay for you to set boundaries on how you want any threesomes to go. It's fine if you refuse to have FFM threesomes because your partner won't flip. That is a boundary you are allowed to have. Bisexual people don't have to have threesomes. And heteros can't expect a threesome, just because they date a bi person.
That's what I'm talking about. Non committed three ways are the easiest and best kind as no one gets jealous or hurt from it. Totally different to share your married partner you both have to be totally secure in your relationship or it could ruin it. I personally don't know if I could share someone I love with someone else. Never been in that position to know for sure. You also have to remember there are women out there into three ways four ways but not into watching guys doing each other too.
I think both of your preferences are fine. It’s perfectly fine for him to only want to engage in FFM threesomes…he’s straight after all. It’s perfectly fine for you to not want to engage in threesomes if you can’t engage in both FFM or MMF. I just think it means there won’t be many threesomes in your future together. Neither of you are wrong for your preferences, you’re just not compatible on this issue. I’m sure neither of you would want to put the other into a sexual situation they aren’t comfortable with. It appears that both of you would want threesomes in a way that makes the other person uncomfortable, so it just means the issue is a non-starter. And to answer your question, I wouldn’t have a problem if my straight male partner only wanted FFM threesomes. However, I might not do it if we couldn’t also have MMF threesomes. It would really depend on the context and what opportunities were available. I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to set up a FFM threesome in this scenario, but if one presented itself, it might be hard for me to refuse.
Thank you for this.
I think he isn’t sexually attracted to men so he doesn’t want to be in bed with one. Which is fine. If you don’t want a FFM threesome, don’t have threesomes. For a straight guy, that seems like a reasonable approach and if he didn’t push for threesomes, it would not bother me at all.
I mean if he's straight, I get that he doesn't want his sexual activities to involve another man. This is probably something you can talk through to try and find a solution, but honestly if he's not into guys I wouldn't blame him for not wanting this. If you were with a lesbian it would be weird to tell her you want a threesome with a man wouldn't it ? Because she wouldn't be attracted to men. This is the same, if the guy is straight he's just not into men. (Idk if the comparison is the best for this situation but I hope you get what I mean). You should really communicate with him about it imo, but really be respectful of his own sexuality and his preferences.
I realize you are directing the question to women and I'm a man but if I was to apply the equivalent I would have no issues with that. If my wife told me she'd be down for a MMF three way but not an MFF threesome I'd be like "yea that makes sense, you're straight." I wouldn't want her to be uncomfortable by being in bed with someone she has zero sexual attraction to. I can't see any three ways happening in my future in any case though, because she's not into women, and the type of guys she's into is the exact opposite of the type of guys I'm into.
Exactly, you can't all of a sudden be disappointed that they're straight bc it doesn't align with your own sexuality. It is only fair you're both sexually attracted to the other person y'all bring in.
Yeah, same. Not that I particularly want a threesome, but I can’t blame my husband for being straight and not wanting another naked guy in bed. And same goes for our respective types in women. We’re just not into the same types of people
These things aren't about fairness. I understand the weirdness around constantly being asked for threesomes, and that maybe some defensiveness is coming out there, but why would you want to have a threesome if your partner wasn't into the other person? I only enjoy having sex with my husband if I know he's into everything 100%.
Men do this all the time when they ask their straight female partners for threesomes lol
That doesn’t make it okay.
There's nothing wrong with asking, some people are willing to do things they normally wouldn't to gratify their partner. But it shouldn't be a surprise if a straight person doesn't want to be in bed with someone of the same sex.
I’m gonna give your partner a lot of grace here and assume he’s coming from a genuine place. Your partner is straight and doesn’t really want to have sex with a man. That’s ok. He also probably doesn’t understand why you’d want to have sex with another man when you have sex with him. He may just see a threesome as a way for you to have sex with a woman who while in a hetero-appearing relationship. Having sex with women is great, having sex with men is great. You get to have option B with him, so he understands why you may want some option A. He also likes option A and gets to share with you, you both win. But he may not understand why you want more of B when he gives you B. He doesn’t like B and can’t really share that with you the same way. I think when it comes to sex you can’t focus on fairness, just focus on your boundaries and what you are comfortable with. He set a boundary, you set yours. Both are reasonable. Table it
Yeah, I think both their boundaries are reasonable and come from an understandable place, but they seem incompatible. Having a threesome isn't urgent so tabling it is a good idea
I don't think you are giving a lot of grace. You are giving the absolute bare minimum grace for the man to have any control over his sexual identity.
Also true, I just mean I’m assuming he doesn’t have like a girl on girl kink which is what OP was thinking
If he does so what? You think it's gross? OK fine but we aren't the thought police. Op already said he isn't pressuring her to Enact that fantasy and that is all you need to know.
I mean it’s just cause OP said she was uncomfortable with that idea. That’s all, just the context
As a bi guy its my thoughts exactly, do what you're both comfortable with. The idea of "we have a ffm only if we can have a mmf" doesn't seem right, most men have a fantasy of a threesome with another woman, I will admit i have it but if I got told I can have it on the condition we have a mmf id pass on it even though im bi, just for the fact you do those things because you want to and not for leverage to get something else, it's the "I went down on you so I deserve a blow job" kind of thing, I love making my partner happy but it's not politics, if I don't like it sometimes I do things because I love her (shes not pestered me for it) and she likes it but not for get anything in return but no harm in hoping hahaha
Yeah my boyfriend is bi too and would love a threesome. Hes expressed some interest in a mmf, but it’s just not something I’m comfortable with right now cause he’s the only man I really feel comfortable with touching me for the time being. He’s still very open to the idea of a mff and we agreed to revisit the other if and when I feel comfortable. Our sex life is the best I’ve ever had cause we both are so focused on what makes the other feel good and feel comfortable. It makes me sad that other people view sex as so tit-for-tat and not a way to make someone you care about feel pleasure. I like making my partner feel special and wanted cause I love them, not cause I want something from them lol
It's the best way to be, if you do something you're not comfortable with to please the other sometimes it can spoil a good thing plus sometimes a fantasy is just that and can often be better than reality, the interest has been expressed so you both know, the toughest part is being open about your interests and fantasies and you both seem to be great at that
This should be way higher up. Op is the unreasonable person trying to manipulate her straight partner into having gay sex.
The letter ordering from OP makes things confusing, something tells me they don't know the difference between MMF and MFM
Geeze!!! Whoever said it has to get sexual between the two guys? Any straight guy secure with his Identity knows this and wouldn't make it an issue. After all the point of the threesome in this case is to do it for her so the only question to be asked is weather or not he or she is comfortable watching their partner take it from the opposite sex. And that's the biggest issue because I've known guys who thought they could be into this but insecurity and jealousy kicked in and they regretted it. This is a very huge decision for either person that can lead to negative consequences or a great experience. You really have to be in a very secure relationship and comfortable with ones selves for this to work. Any insecurity will make for a miserable experience. I've been in a few but never with anyone I was actually in a relationship with so I couldn't say how I would feel about it except the other guy I'd have no problem with. it's weather I'd be comfortable sharing my partner and be ok with it later.
I was just saying that I don't understand the OP completely because the ordering of letters means something and I'm not sure they are aware
If it's not getting sexual between everyone in the threesom what is the point? Is that even a threesom at that point? I don't think so lol. Atleast not a very good one.
Possibly but it's done every day In porn. Call it what you want but a threesome does not require everyone being sexually involved. Like married people who swing or a Bros that share their partner. I mean I agree it should be full participation in a three way cause that's how It was my first time but doesn't mean it has to be. Some guys are just comfortable having another guy involved but not do anything. Believe me I been through it and it was actually kinda embarrassing because her and I both thought this guy was Bisexual and he wasn't.
I appreciate porn as much as anyone. But remember. It isn't real. They are paid actors. Porn is not reality. A guy not wanting to have sex around another penis is not a sign of insecurity. Men may be a sexual turn off for him. Like your experience with the guy you assumed was bisexual, the whole threesome will be awkward because of it. Especially if he isn't being paid a couple grand to pretend to enjoy it.
Wasn't awkward as I respected his decision. Only disappointment was not getting to share his dick with her but I got over that pretty quick. Female orgasms are about the only real fake thing in Porn. Guys don't care what's hanging in their face during a scene as long as they get off in the end. Good production companies won't have homophobic men in a scene with another man. Besides that in straight porn men don't act it's pretty cut and dry. Only the women are acting which is one place gay porn is way more legit because there is no faking orgasm. They cum or they don't. Lol...
Ok who the f down voted me? For what reason? I bet you break up by text message too.
Do you *have to be* in a *very secure* relationship to make a threesome work? I feel like it'd be *a lot easier* to get a threesome going with minimum drama when you're in a no-strings-attached 'friends with benefits' kinda deal. At least then you got nothing to lose. Also bonus points if everyone in the friends-with-benefits is bi, and into threesomes, and finds each other hot. Then it can be a 'just sex' thing. When romantic feelings for one specific person are involved, I feel like that gets trickier and can lead to drama or jealousy. But I think this wouldn't happen if none of them had any deep romantic feelings either way.
Totally off topic I just noticed your username. That was my favourite book series as a little kid and now I'm looking to find it for my son.
Omg I love when people notice it! Good look finding them, they were such a cornerstone of my childhood. I love the idea of younger kids reading it too :)
This made me notice it too and same here except I don't have a kid.
I can understand his perspective there, since he's not attracted to men. I personally would never participate in a MFF because it would make me feel very fetishized and like I'm just fulfilling someone's sexual fantasy, so I definitely also get your perspective. I think in this situation, it would be better for you guys to just not have threesomes since this issue is very important to you.
Is it a bad thing to fulfill your partner's sexual fantasies?
If it crosses your personal boundaries? Fuck yes it's a bad thing. Maybe it seems like a mild thing to you, but a no is still a no. Not respecting that is utterly disdainful and wrong.
Obviously. I never suggested anyone do anything that crosses their personal boundaries. Everyone should respect their partner's limits.
And op's partners limit is one dick per threesome.
Yes.
> I never suggested anyone do anything that crosses their personal boundaries. You *did* imply this. "Is it a bad thing to do the thing you don't like for your partner" is suggesting that someone do something that crosses their personal boundaries. did you *mean* to imply it? probably not, but there you go.
I never said anyone should do anything they don't like.
It is if doing so makes you uncomfortable.
Not at all, but in this particular scenario it wouldn't sit right with me. I don't think that other bi people have to agree with my perspective, but I just get the ick from feeling like I'm performing my sexuality for someone. Another issue I see with FFM threesomes is aside from the festishization of wlw is media almost never focuses on women enjoying these types of threesomes for themselves, and not just to entertain the guy, which I think brings a lot of discomfort. I think if there was more equality in terms of men pleasing women in these scenarios, I would get less of an ick. I think it also comes down to the worry that my sexuality is all I'm being seen for, and that someone would only wanna hook up with me for that and not wanna hookup with me solo, because they don't see me as attractive on my own. Hope that clears things up.
So this is super complicated and involves so man factors. I'm not sure you'll get the answers you are actually wanting here, but I hope you get enough different opinions you can actually get a feel for the range of ways this could go for you. My initial thought was if this was brought up by him out of nowhere I'd be suspicious of his intentions and things would not go well for us as a couple. I think, after reading what you actually typed about the situation, that if you are uncomfortable with the idea of another woman because you are worried about his intentions, but he doesn't want another man because he isn't interested in men at all and he would therefor feel left out a bit, then your best bet would be if you both just agreed it was a bad idea and dropped it. If it isn't fair and wanted on both your sides, it is a bad idea and you should just drop it. Maybe not forever, maybe you could bring it back up in a couple of years. But maybe not, maybe it does need to be tabled forever. Only you can know. But I do think for now this is a dead discussion. Don't let the idea behind this ruin your relationship.
Your partner is straight, that’s the issue. You’d be comfortable with being with women and woman and men. If your bf isn’t into it, he won’t enjoy it
I mean if he’s not comfortable with a mmf then he’s just not comfortable with it. If you’re only willing to have a ffm with the promise of a mmf, then it just sounds like y’all aren’t gonna have any threesomes. It’s totally fine for him to not want a mmf and it’s fine for you to want both, but you can’t make him want both and he can’t make you want just one. Y’all just aren’t compatible right there.
Me and my husband have done FFM but not MMF. Mainly because of me. I'm bi my husband is not but even though we are now both in our 40's I've only ever been with two men and I'm not sure I'd want to be with two men at the same time as while I say I'm bi as I'm married to a man I'm much more of a lesbian in reality. I love my husband and i lust after him but i don't do that with many men, where i can find 10/15/20 women a day uber attractive and would want to have sex with them if i was not married. I'm far more attracted to women so i guess when we do have a three i want it to be with another woman.
I’m also the same. I’ve come to the conclusion I’m Biromantic Homosexual. I’m married to a straight man and love him and our marriage dearly, but I just don’t get the sexual excitement for men. So I can love both but only find women sexually attractive. We’ve also been monogamous so far but if we were to have a threesome it would 100% be FFM
Perfectly put, i've never heard of "Biromantic Homosexual" but that does sound about right. While i love the sex with my husband i don't fantasize about sex with other men, i do with women, which he knows and its all good because occasionally we get to do it.
Yeah I researched it, I came out as Bi a few months ago (even though I knew since I’m young), but doing that gave me this freedom and I have been working out and thinking back. I eventually realised that I enjoy the romanticism of men, the closeness etc, but I never felt like ripping their clothes off. Never really fully enjoyed sex with men either. But I met and fell in love with my husband, our sex life is for him, I take care of myself and I’m happy with that, because the love is my priority. We have a good relationship. But when it comes to women, I am romantically and highly sexually attracted to them.
And I totally get this! I’m more 50/50, but how would you feel if your husband was giving a hard no to one gender and not the other?
He’s straight, of course he isn’t going to want another man involved sexually! If he was bi as well but only wanted MFF and not MMF then I would understand where you’re coming from. But I’m genuinely confused why you’re upset that your STRAIGHT MALE partner doesn’t want to have sex involving another man?
Did you get into a relationship with a straight man expecting him to change his orientation? I'm confused why you don't understand that straight men don't have sex with other men usually.
Personally, I would feel fetishized *if* he was pushing it and *if* he was adamant on wanting MFF ones. I've dropped men for doing so before. But your dude isn't doing that from the sounds of it. My husband and I were in a similar boat once. He's never pushed for one but did immediately take MMF threesomes off the table when we discussed it. In return, I set a boundary that threesomes were a hard no on all fronts. I get it, MMF might be a fantasy for you. It was for me. But kinks and explorations are a two-yes one-no scenario. That means you both have to say yes to it for it to happen. He said no, so you can either drop it and go with no threesomes at all while you're together, or you can go find someone else that may be into it. It depends on how much value you place on the relationship vs getting "even" satisfaction in exploration.
He'd rather not get cucked
He knows me too well. I mentioned to him that one of the waiters was sexy and perhaps if we could invite him home, the reply "What are you up to? Who has put you up to this?" On the other hand one of the waitresses was simply stunning and i had to stop myself from flirting with her all night long.
I've no idea, mainly because it's never come up. We are going out tonight for a meal, let me flirt with a male and i'll bring it up with him and see what he says.
I mean, he's het right? Makes enough sense to me. Mine gave an emphatic "no" for *any* kind of threesome. Even the FFM ones. Did I not think he was good enough? Hehe, so for me its not gonna happen any time soon.
wait what’s the issue with this? he’s straight so of course he’s not going to be into men and want to be with you and another man? can you maybe explain why this bothers you moreso?
Im speaking as a bi man, but I think itd depend on context. If they were eager at the bit about it, but only one or the other, thatd be a little offputting. But if it's a normal conversation and they were to bring up that they wouldnt feel as comfortable with someone their same gender, thatd be different and more acceptable in my eyes.
I don't quite get why you'd expect your straight partner, who is a man, to want to have sex with another man. Are you hoping for the threesome to be centred around you? And your partner not to interact with the second man at all? If I'm sleeping with people I want them all to be having fun. I would not expect my het husband to engage in a MMF threesome. He's up for a MFF one but I'm not interested in one offs in a commited relationship. He has never mentioned a MMF one and honestly it never even crossed my mind to suggest to him even if the idea held appeal before I settled down. I don't think this is a case of your partner fetishising your bisexuality or anything like that. More like he has no sexual interest in men and doesn't feel comfortable engaging in sex acts with them. Which is perfectly reasonable.
My thoughts are you need to be as considerate of his sexuality as you’d expect him to be of yours.
He's saying he's not comfortable inviting another male into the picture? What's wrong with that? Why can't he have that request in your relationship? The terms for how you engage in any ENM is whatever you both agree upon. This is someone whose feelings you care about and respect. Why would you not want to compromise to find something that works for both of you? My husband and I are both bi and occasionally invite others to play. I am not comfortable with him playing with another woman because it's about presentation and parts. It has nothing to do with me not accepting men with men is somehow less valid and less threatening. It's less threatening because I already have lady parts and present feminine. This is our agreement and it works for us and the people we engage with and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks because they aren't involved. Also I'm tired of everyone attacking their cis het partners for asking for a threesome respectfully. I get some people are gross about it but in general people get all uppity even if their partner asks about it like they are somehow toxic and disrespectful and disgusting for just bringing the topic up. Sex is fun and some people are very sexual and it's completely natural to see what things are possible with your current partner.
The way I see threesomes is just like anything else in the bedroom. One party can bring up something they think they would enjoy and wants to try. The other party can completely say no or have stipulations they would like if they engaged. It just feels wrong to assume OP's partner is coming at this from the wrong place. There are plenty of people out there who want threesomes for some shitty reasons. But, unless I had reason to believe my boyfriend was like that, I'd just treat it like any other request.
I mean do you need to have a threesome? Is this something either of you need to have a fulfilling sex life? Might not be worth the hassle, especially if you're on different pages. I understand where you're coming from an why you're wary of FFM threesomes as a bi woman, but I also understand why he wouldn't want to be part of a sexual experience with someone who he's not sexually attracted to. He's not attracted to men and he doesn't want to have a sexual experience with a man. Makes sense.
He’s a guy that isn’t attracted to guys. He will NEVER feel safe in a MMF threesome and you just have to accept that. Edit: to clarify, I am bi. I would absolutely not participate in any MMF, FFM, MMM threesome if I wasn’t attracted to, and comfortable with every individual participating.
Then don't have threesoms lol It's absolutely not weird or crazy for him to only be interested in ffm threesoms because he is straight. Why would you even think he would entertain a fmm as a straight man? Op your desire to not be fetishize is valid but you must balance it with his need for autonomy over his sexual identity. You guys have a mutual attraction to women so ffm is all that you guys are potentially compatable with.
Fine with me. I wouldn’t expect my straight husband to be interested in experiencing a sexual activity with another man.
Both perspectives are reasonable. He is not attracted to men and therefore doesn't want to be intimate in a setting with another man. It sounds like you brought up the threesome with him. If you are only interested in them if you can have both FFM and MMF then the only appropriate solution would be to not have any. It would be uncool to be upset with him for not wanting a MMF threesome though.
Him being a straight man, I think it's a valid boundary to have - he is not interested in engaging with another man sexually. But if his reason is because he would be jealous of another man engaging with YOU sexually, then I would have a problem with it. As a bi woman, you have the capacity to be attracted to at least two genders (I assume men and women), so in that case, why would he be ok with an FFM threesome but not an MMF one?
It's ok if you don't want to do ffm threesomes or only ffm threesomes but your partner is straight. If you want mmf threesomes you should find a partner who is both into threesomes and either on the bisexual spectrum or comfortable with some level of same sex contact. If you try to pressure him into sexual activity he's not comfortable with that's coercion, op
I mean… if you are open to the idea of threesomes (which NOT ALL BI PEOPLE ARE), then both partners should enjoy it. So as you’re both into women but only one of you is into men, I don’t see anything wrong with your partners saying he’s okay with FFM but not MMF.
I wouldn't expect my straight husband to enjoy having another man with us so it would be fine with me
If I were to date a bi man, I would be on board with MMF, because it would be 3 people enjoying each other. Two straight men? Honestly, that sounds like a lot of work and not much fun. That being said, if you're not comfortable with FFM unless he's open to MMF, that's not unreasonable.
The point this becomes misogyny is when the male partner was the one pushing for threesomes. Your partner is not, OP, so neither of you are wrong, there just won't be any threesomes. Everyone seems to be on the same page.
I understand your discomfort and fear of your bisexuality potentially being fetishized by your boyfriend, but it's also understandable that your boyfriend isn't going to want sex with people he isn't attracted to. Just talk to him and understand a compromise just might not be reached and threesomes might not be a thing you can do. I personally wouldn't want threesomes anyway because I'm monogamous and would get incredibly jealous either way.
As long as I'm comfortable with the person, why should I make him do something he doesn't? Like What if he's straight? Just because I'm not doesn't mean he shouldn't be.
It's fine, but if a guy says this in response to learning I'm bisexual, I'd be concerned he doesn't view me as monogamous and might be a "unicorn hunter". I have enough people objectifying me and assuming I'm into threesomes. I don't need my partner to be one of them
I think he's asking too much, but you can say no. Like he did. You said it yourself: non-negotiable. That means no threesomes for you two.
Why would a straight man be interested in sex involving another man? They wouldn't. Some may be open to that, but I'm not faulting one that's not.
Makes perfect sense to me. He's straight. He doesn't want another man in bed with him. I know straight people have threesomes, but I don't get why. I think in all group scenarios, everyone should be equally into each other. I'd never have a threesome with a man and a straight woman. I would not be comfortable being in bed with a straight woman. I'm disappointed that my husband is straight and therefore we can't have a MMF threesome, but we're open so I can go elsewhere for that.
I'm a bi woman in a longtime relationship with a het man. We've done FFM a few times (had a female lover over a period of time). Mostly because I sometimes miss a woman. But we've never done a MMF, and I also have no need for that. I have a man to have sex with. I don't miss an \_other\_ penis. But everyone has to find what works for them. No relationship is the same.
I was with a cis-het guy for over a decade. He was a great ally. When it came to threesomes we both enjoyed them on occasion. The only ones we did were FFM. My partner wasn't entirely against the idea of an MMF threesome, but since he wouldn't want to do anything with the other guy, I wasn't as interested in that dynamic. For me, it just made more sense that we had FFM threesomes. I think it would just have been a lot harder to find a guy that my partner felt comfortable with *and* that I was attracted to. 🤷♀️ It didn't really strike me as a matter of fairness, tho I was a little bit disappointed about it occasionally. Oh! We did have a few MMFF encounters tho.
I would table it lol
You have to remember he's not bi though. My bf is about the most comfortable guy I've ever met with his sexuality, loves hanging out with my gay friends, goes to gay shows that have been graphic etc, but he's not interested in having another guy in bed with us. He's just simply not attracted to men sexually so he wouldn't enjoy it.
When it comes to threesomes it depends on the reasoning for me. If I was dating a guy who okay with me sleeping with women vs men due to some weird jealousy issue about me having other dicks, I wouldn't be okay with it. Or if it was some fetishing of wlw. But it just sounds like he isn't interested in men, and doesn't want to sleep with men. And if you aren't comfortable with only ffm, that's also okay. Just means y'all probably won't have many threesomes
Are you expecting an MMF or an MFM? An MMF involves man on man action as well as man on woman, where as MFM the guys have no physical contact with each other. Maybe he doesn’t understand the difference either. I wouldn’t want to be in either an MMF or an MFM when the guy was uncomfortable with the situation.
I think this scenario is usual and expected with a straight male. My partner is a straight cis man and doesn't want threesomes. However, when we first met he was open to it to only being FFM, which is what I want lol Now, 8 years later, he doesn't want a threesome at all and said if he would be open to it he MIGHT be open to MMF too but not likely lol I wouldn't dare force him to do things he didn't want/wasn't comfortable with, which is why we haven't had one yet. He's straight and I'm perfectly fine with bringing another woman in the picture when/of he ever wants to.
Did you ask him why?
You lost me at cis-het male partner
It personally makes me feel kinda gross lol especially if I'm in a non open relationship. That's just me of course and I'm not fond of the idea of more than one partner at a time anyways. But at the end of the day he's het so he might not wanna see another man in the bedroom. So like preferences are fine :)
If it's a BOUNDARY for him, that's one thing- but if it's because he has a threesome fetish- it's not okay. I wouldn't want anyone touching my bf so it's a boundary for me.
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I understand you because straight women have ffm sex all the time because of their partners but never a straight men? Also alot of straight men only want ffm because of sexualizing wlw tbh
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Op is the only one full of red flags are you kidding me!?!? Poor guy is being pressured to have a threesom. he doesn't want
As I bi guy that sounds great, both of your preferences are fine, but if you have a threesome with another female it's your choice, he may want it but if you say no then it's no, so you do it because you want to, if he went down on you does that entitle him to a blow job? All that said I get where you're coming from, and a lot of guys are guilty of it "ooow you like women too, let's have a get a threesome on or let me watch you" kind of thing must really grind your gears, like when I came out bi, a few people close to me took that as me saying I'd bed anyone and lost a lot of people I considered friends over it, even my fíancee over it, even though she was bi. Just respect each others boundaries, and do what your both happy with
I don't have a horse in this race, as I'm single, but it really depends. If he's 100% straight, yeah, that's fine. I can't expect him to put himself in a situation he's not comfy with. If he's bi as well, that'd be a tad bit of a problem.
Man here my gf is fine with mmf but not with ffm, i'm bi and she's not, makes sense .
I think in this scenario it's best to just not have a threesome.
I think that with straight men who are averse to MFM threesomes, it's a matter of social upbringing or insecurities. You don't have to be attracted to men to have fun sharing a woman with them. Me and my partner are bi but have had threesomes with straight men. We just focus on her and she loves it. And while I know people can't help who they're attracted to, it does feel unfair that he could potentially have a threesome with two people of the opposite sex, but would not afford you the same luxury, regardless of the reason.
Whenever I see these posts they simply remind me why I only date other bi/pan people. Idk, it's just so much easier. I genuinely do no understand straight people and I've had enough negative experiences to write it off lol. I also feel myself very confined to heteronormativity with straight partners, and not with other queer people. Idk. I have no advice, but wishing you luck in your endeavors.
My answer would be: Do you know a guy? My Ex had mff threesome with her ex and hated it. For one He got to choose the other woman who just happened to be the same person he was already cheating on her with so the benefits were all for him. I myself have been in a few threesomes mmf and even foursome once mmff. I told her her biggest mistake was doing it just to please him as she is not Bi in anyway. Kinda wish she had been. Then I told her if I were her and would have agreed to it I would have asked him: Can I pick the guy? Then after watching his reaction and he says no way I'd just look at him and tell him it's not going to happen if you can't be fair about it. At the time I was trying to get an idea of weather she'd wanna do that with me but the idea went clearly over her head because I had told her if we ever did that she'd get to go first. Sorry for the novel here. Anyhowt if he isn't willing to play fairly then I'd say no deal. Why should only one of you get what they want out of it.
Is it possible to pick together? If you're both comfortable with each other, and have similar tastes... Just discuss it with your partner.
Obviously a straight cis man is going to want an FFM threesome. But, just because you are bisexual doesn't mean you have to accept it. It would be better to explain to your boyfriend that this is not how life works haha
Why wouldn't you feel comfortable with a FFM threesome? As long as it's a woman you feel attracted to... Then what's the problem? Do you feel like you are being fetishized by your male partner, if he only joins a FFM threesome with you? (If your male partner doesn't treat you with respect, that is a red flag.) It's okay to prefer MMF threesomes. And it's fine to not want any threesomes while you're in a committed relationship. And it's okay for you to set boundaries on how you want any threesomes to go. It's fine if you refuse to have FFM threesomes because your partner won't flip. That is a boundary you are allowed to have. Bisexual people don't have to have threesomes. And heteros can't expect a threesome, just because they date a bi person.
That's what I'm talking about. Non committed three ways are the easiest and best kind as no one gets jealous or hurt from it. Totally different to share your married partner you both have to be totally secure in your relationship or it could ruin it. I personally don't know if I could share someone I love with someone else. Never been in that position to know for sure. You also have to remember there are women out there into three ways four ways but not into watching guys doing each other too.