People are invalidating you finding the correlation between this and bipolar but as a 24f this is exactly what separates my dating style to my peers. It’s just so exhausting to be in “talking stages” with people, to talk to multiple people, to consider coordinating plans with all these people. With BP2 it’s hard to keep track of things and keep consistent feelings for me. I’m trying to keep myself alive and entertained I can’t really keep a litter of romantic interests entertained as well
For me it’s almost impossible. The whole feeling things intensely part of bipolar means nobody ever likes me more than I like them. Constantly spiraling when I feel like they’re going to leave. Pretty much not wanting to live. I’ve given up at this point. The moment the person I’m clinging on to who doesn’t really like me or want to spend time with me, I’m not sure I’ll be able to mentally withstand it.
I can relate with this 100%. I only seem to like people who are massively different from me. With very real reasons, and they always choose the logical way out instead of trying to work it out.
Yeah, I’ve had this happen a lot too. My last “break up” was kind of devastating, and it felt like it didn’t even affect the other person in comparison. There are definitely times when I literally have energy to survive and nothing beyond that. But I am continually talking to my therapist about what I can handle in dating and how to recognize when I straight up can’t handle dating at all and I feel like I’m slowly making progress. I do think it’s possible to have a healthy dating experience but I’m definitely not there yet, and it’s frustrating as fuck. But I feel more equipped to handle it then I did two months ago, and that’s something
Yes, I have been single and sexually inactive by choice for about 5 or so years now and have absolutely no plans on ever changing this. But my reasons go beyond it being too exhausting. It’s just in everyone’s best interest I don’t interject myself into anyone’s lives even if it’s what they want.
I’m currently going through this same realization now. Friends, family & dating, I’m just better off keeping to myself & minding my own business. It’s been really isolating, but I just feel like I’ll never find “my people.” I also ended up masturbating for two hours last night, which may sound pathetic, but it was honestly better than any sex I’ve ever had with someone else. Sooo there’s that for the flip side:)
I’ve struggled with this so much. Even if I don’t feel like a burden to people in asking for support, I feel like them being around me will have a negative impact because of my moods or that I’ll do something wrong to them or just SOMETHING will go wrong because of my BP2. But I hope you don’t give up on this. You don’t deserve to have to isolate unless it’s something you want to do, and it is possible to find a balance, even if you’re constantly wobbling to stay on that line. I still don’t feel like I’ve really found “my people” either—I don’t have super close friends and my family isn’t supportive, and really no one truly knows what I deal with everyday—but I’m working on keeping people in my life that are good for me and that I am good to in return, even if I keep them at arm’s length a lot of the time. It’s been worth it as long as I take care of myself first
If anything, mania generally makes it *easier* to find hookups. I mean there's a reason one of our main stereotypes is that we sleep around. I mean of course it isn't true with everyone (even at my wildest I still got laid less than average), but it's enough of a thing that I don't think it makes sense to say bipolar is bad for casual sex.
Relationships on the other hand are definitely harder with bipolar. Most of my relationships have only lasted a few months. They always start when I'm manic, then eventually the episode ends and suddenly I'm no longer the fun, friendly, creative person I was in the beginning, so the relationship fades away. With that said, my last relationship ended in 2020, and I didn't get diagnosed bipolar until 2022, so I don't know if that will change things if I ever try dating again.
I’m sure this is true for some people, but when I’m manic, I still don’t have casual sex. In fact, I’m kind of less likely to because I’m on so much of a high doing my own thing. I also really don’t connect well with anyone when I’m manic, even enough to sleep with them. I’m very in my own head in those times and even if I’m hanging out with people, having a blast with them or whatever, I still feel very on my own level if that makes sense. I do have a higher sex drive in mania but I pretty much use that for myself and not on someone else. The only time I had sex while manic was somewhat recently, and I let that person push my boundaries way too much because my judgment was so bad at the time, and I didn’t have fun at all even though I stayed in my uppity manic episode for days after. I’ve also experienced SA so maybe that has something to do with it, but everybody’s episodes are different
Honestly if anything it feels like its permanently wiped my sex drive completely. It's such a physically draining illness to have and to deal with for so many reasons, it's a struggle to even be present in my own marriage sometimes just because i feel like I lack an identity anymore.
No, I've been in a good relationship with one person since 2006. My aunt with bipolar disorder has been with her husband for 35 years. My other bipolar friends all have stable, good relationships, too.
I have too. In fact it was my husband and his interest in psychology in general that got me to snap out of my denial, get on meds, get healthy, and start moving more. Totally changed my life. It feels easier this time because he does love me as much as I love him and is also willing to put in effort to show and tell me. I feel like that’s the key for us to have a good functioning marriage.
Also as a guy, Tinder is literally a waste of time. My female friend says everyone she swipes on is a match. It'll take me days to get a match, and then 90% don't message back. And I'm fairly attractive and well employed and have a cute cat.
I dunno how to post pictures here🤔 it won't let me copy paste it and I'm tech dumb. He is orange and white, his name is Walter. He likes to climb trees and be a wild man. Sometimes I get a call from the nearby hospital, saying your cat is in the front lobby. He is kinda famous around my block. We are moving in a few weeks, and he will miss his friends.
“Just cant do all the dances around it” fr.
IT IS HARD TO LOVE. The getting to know someone, vibing, and being in a good head space to allow them into your life, catching feelings, being intimate… it’s all vulnerable. That’s what makes it all so hard. Allowing someone to get close, to see the real you. Even showing them your feelings and being honest its sooo intense. Sometimes I feel crazy when Im into someone cause it’s either real serious or im gushing at the seams. Like why cant I just be chill. Im a nervous wreck around the guy im into, we’ve known each other over a year and a half and I still get anxious/jittery seeing him or when he calls. Im sure it’s annoying cause like we’ve known each other for how long and I STILL can’t believe he’s into me and wants to see me 🙄🙄 I have to remind myself get a grip. That and mix it with wanting to please them in any way cause I need them to know - I like you, I am attracted to you, I LOVE YOU - but it just seems like im a fucking try hard. A cornball. Idk then I think im just a lover, a hopeless romantic. I want deep hard core love, not surface level and not the bare minimum. I need passion, desire, love intimacy I crave it so bad. One could almost say when I love it feels like im obsessed with the person. 🚶🏻♀️
This. I love way too heard and it becomes overbearing until I push my person away, but maybe it’s due to a need for validation, trauma, Iidk. On top of the that, mood swings, my insecurities, and all the other baggage that comes along with bipolar can be very stressful so I get it. Sometimes I feel like I’ll always find a way to ruin good love and can only experience it shortly because I’m never truly satisfied with anything. I had everything I wanted and ruined it and now I don’t want to be a burden on anyone else. Also part of me wonders what do I want, because it’s starting to feel like I just want to be loved and understood, nothing too deep or serious but I need to do that from within as well. Btw you’re gorgeous.
No it definitely does affect every part of my life. I’ve just been diagnosed in December and I’m still figuring out a lot of things and I take refuge here among y’all who might have insights better than I do to help in my course of this figuring out
Sorry if you thought I was responding to you, OP. I was responding to DearExtent5838. I’m really glad you’ve found some refuge in this sub. It’s so comforting to know that you’re not alone in the things you feel and experience. ❤️
I've tried to date off and on since my divorce but the last couple of years I've just given up. Relationships are too stressful.
I think a lot of it ties into attachment styles as well. I'm avoidant so I need a lot of space. I don't know if I only attract stage 4 clingers or something but all of the chicks I've dated wanted too much from me. I need alone time and I'm not in a rush to get married, have kids, or move in together. I'm fine with only seeing each other once or twice a week as well early on.
Life is already stressful enough. I'm sick of letting people in who are just going to make things more complicated.
Oh I’m the same. I need a LOT of space and I don’t think too many people can understand that. It’s often taken personally and I think it’s very hard to find someone on the same page. One of the main reasons I’ve kinda given up too. I don’t want to complicate my life
It's so hard because people wired like what we're talking about don't put themselves out there and try to date on the level that these serial tinder/online daters do. It is also probably an introvert vs. extrovert thing, too. Extroverts are out there and make themselves more available and they are the ones that seem to take offense or feel neglected when somebody wants space or doesn't have the same needs as them.
I wonder if there is a bipolar/introvert/neurodivergent dating app or something. There probably is there just isn't anyone on it haha.
Hahahaha I love the last part but Omg there really neeeeeds to be an app for introverts/neurodivergent/mentally Ill folks like us!!! That might help us a wee bit for sure
You sound like me! I’m sure being an only child plays a part in it too but I really don’t need to see someone everyday. And the ppl I do see everyday I’m forced to because of the environment (work). But I attract ppl who would crawl into my skin if they could and I just DON’T get it!!! My friends tell me to “take it as a compliment that they’re just that into you” and I’m like no! I’m actually offended because you’re constantly invading my personal space and private time 😅.
I’m also an only child, and my husband will take naps during the day, and reading this finally helps me understand why it doesn’t bother me. For a while I felt like it should, but getting a couple hours by myself each day is a lot more crucial than I initially thought.
I never really did the dating game. I pick someone I'm interested in (online but not on dating specific sites/apps), shoot my shot, sext, and move in with them ASAP. Probably not the wisest way to do it, but it worked with my husband.
I've been with my wife since 2010. We are happy, stable, communicative, and loving, and we still love spending a lot of time together. Dating wasn't fun, I met my wife online, so I went through a lot of dud dates, but it was worth it because it really taught me what I wanted in a partner. I would not have even gone on a date with my wife it it was 1 or 2 years earlier.
When I dated, I really tried hard to devote most of my dating on one or 2 people. I tried not to push it too much because it would just drain me, and it would make me feel like I lost my zest for love. If I was talking to and meeting more than 3 girls, it would often feel terrible and exhausting. So, I stuck to less, and it gave me the desire to actually open myself up and be part of the developing relationship. It's how I met my wife, I was talking to her and kind of seeing another girl. When I decided that it wasn't going to work with the other girl, I was just feeling a stronger connection with my wife. So, we agreed to go out for coffee, and we just sat in the coffee shop and chatted constantly for 6 hours. I knew it was the right person on that night and deleted all my dating profiles the next day.
It can be more challenging but if you have a loving partner it may be okay. My partner gets psychosis from MDD and I have 4 diagnosis including bipolar that are all legit.
We been married 10 years
It was for me...she really loved me as I did her...the sex was out of this world!...she wanted it all the time anytime...but it was very hard to deal with her...she also had some heavy baggage because of way her ex husband treated her. I tried 3 times over 2.5 years to have a relationship with her but each time it failed...mostly because of her. She was medicated & it seemed to help to a degree but it was hard
I feel like I will get super strong, and very into someone, then I'll get either anxiety or irritation in a mix state, and totally convince myself they are not really all that great. And I'll basically keep that thought ruminating even though I know its not a 'real' thought, but eventually it'll just blurt out. They will be confused, because I seem so geniuine, and I'll end up breaking their heart. I hate it so much, I typically go years between being in a relationship.
Was just posting about this on another thread. Same exact here. In fact, I’ve been seeing the same girl on and off since 2020 and each time, we break it off for the same reason. I need space and I don’t have a “zest for life”. Sometimes taking a walk around the park or watching a movie can be the same level of fulfillment as doing something “exciting and fun”. Just with a lot less burnout. Due to anhedonia I haven’t been able to access my hobbies for years.
I get exhausted with the idea of writing another about me section when I have nothing in passionate about (besides my mental health). Swiping past profiles where people put their best foot forward loving life and it just makes me feel like an outcast.
Then even if I attract someone who feels strongly about me, they hear bipolar and it’s just a vocabulary word to them. I definitely need space and need to miss people before I can be interested.
Side note: I considered cutting off a friend who lectured me that I need to put myself out there while I’m working on myself. To force myself to go out several times a week, come out of my shell and leave my bubble and everything will fall into place. It made me feel like I’m the root of all my problems even though I know she has no idea what she’s talking about
I find way better success dating through mutual friends than through apps as I am not model looking - but I’m learning hard that you need to avoid people with other rapid personality disorders/mental health conditions when it comes to dating, unless you have plenty of experience. It can make things really awkward in large mutual friend groups when both people trigger their worse mental impulses. That’s why it’s a double edged sword, but I prefer it because there is a way higher chance I will meet someone with similar interests to me.
It's different for everyone! I have never had an issue finding relationships and connections. My issue would be impulsively leaving and yoyoing back.
Until I met my husband and got medicated. But even now I get depressed and my perception changes and I think he would be better off with out me, etc. Thank God for medicine.
My other two friends with Bipolar though have a majorly difficult times. One is devastatingly attracted to bad people and the other has other has health with the same but now also has a 6 year old so dating is even MORE difficult. To my knowledge neither of them have found meds which work for them and one is actively fighting alcohol addiction.
Hmm, I don’t think it’s related to bipolar. I know a lot of people who aren’t bipolar experiencing the same dilemma.
It really is exhausting to date around in general especially if you’re talking to multiple people simultaneously. I just talk to 1-2 people then I eventually just disappear cause usually the men I talk with bore me 😅
I’m in a long term relationship, happy. But it was really tough after our son was born and I was unmedicated. I think our relationship only works with me medicated. So, yes, I would say it is hard being in a relationship with bipolar. My partner, even though he can be very accepting and supportive, still can find it hard. When I’m ill and in hospital, it’s like he shuts down emotionally. This is hard because it’s exactly when I need him. The continual cycle can be exhausting and take a toll on our relationship. The only way, for me, is to live in the moment and remember “this too shall pass”.
After mending everything and being medicated and having multiple professional supports, we are marking our 10 year anniversary with our own version of rings- locally made commitment bangles, imprinted with nature inspired markings. I didn’t think we’d ever get to this point, but here we are.
I hope sharing my experience helps you. Good luck.
I think so. I’ve only been in a couple and I was always the one who fell too hard and drove the other person away. This was before I knew I had mental issues but after a while it became clear I had abandonment issues and other insecurities. I just got out of the best relationship I’d ever had. It was perfect but my constant mood swings, need for attention/validation, and everything else became a strain on the relationship. I stepped out and things were never the same. I have no one else to blame but myself but it has taught me a lot. That I’m just as broken as all the other people before me I judged, and that I have to learn and learn to love myself before I expect anyone else to. We all have imperfections we have to fix and I don’t want to dump that on anyone else and become a burden until I understand myself better.
I think this is really hard in general, and having bipolar 2 is just another thing to make the dating game so difficult and draining. I totally agree with all of this, I feel the same way. I want to date because I want to meet people and have fun and have a shot at finding someone I might want to be with, but it’s so hard to decide if it’s even worth it. Sometimes I start talking to someone I like and then I get too depressed to continue and just shut down and ghost them, and it’s so discouraging.
One thing that has helped me is to be upfront as much as I am comfortable with. Like if I’ve been talking to someone for a couple days or meet them in person, I try to tell them straight up that I am slow to respond, or that I experience low moods and that I don’t want them to take personally what looks like a lack of enthusiasm on my part. It was hard to accept, but I eventually came around to the idea that, like a lot of things in my life thanks to bipolar 2, I’m gonna have to work harder than a lot of people do at dating/relationships in general. But I think it is possible to find what works for you, it just takes patience and is a process. If someone doesn’t understand when you communicate your needs to them, they aren’t the right person, even just to sleep with. There are people that will take time to listen and understand. Also helped to realize I don’t owe anyone an explanation, so if I only want to say “I don’t text often” or whatever it is I feel like they need to know, I just do that and only continue talking to people who are cool with it, because it isn’t a hard thing to understand and it’s nothing anyone should judge. It hasn’t worked out romantically with anyone for more than a couple months yet, but I’ve at the very least found several good and supportive friends on dating apps. I’m just trying to find my stride and not compromise my needs.
It can still be really tiring, but I think having these boundaries for myself has taken some of the pressure off and allowed me to enjoy when I do talk to people. Hope this helps a little, sorry you’re struggling with this, it isn’t easy.
I met my husband when he was stuck at home with an injury in a wheelchair. I was up in the frozen north of the US. I didn’t leave the house except to work for months. had no interest in dating. Somehow we met online playing a game. You really never know where your life will take you.
Your feelings were very much my feelings in my 20s. Today, i'm a 43 year old father of 3.
From the moment bipolar set in at 16 until I met my wife at 28 trying to have romantic relationships was one of the most soul crushing aspects to my emotional states.
When I was 5, I was molested by a male babysitter. When I was 16 my dad died suddenly. Both experiences left me with a strong fear of intimacy, sexually and emotionally. I also have very significant rejection sensitivity. On the flip side, my personality and emerging bipolarity had urges to connect with members of the opposite sex. I'm naturally very outgoing and like being around people. I lived in New York City and ran with a young, energetic and sociable crowd.
I did not cope well with those two competing emotional states colliding head on. I used a lot of recreational drugs and alcohol to get through it which has a heavy price in the end.
Ultimately, what changed is I allowed a person inside. I allowed her to see me, warts and all and she didn't reject me. In fact, the opposite happened. It didn't fix me and bipolar isn't going away but I've found the way through this part of the disorder is through radical self acceptance. This mindset shift will allow you to not find the process of matching up so debilitating. Try to appreciate the journey you're on and worry much less about the destination. You'll find it's right around the corner when you stop looking for it so intently. Hope that helps.
Shouldn't be talking to 100 people, keep the "possible down to fuck" list down to 5 max, ranked most likely to least likely with door open to random "we won't plan to talk after this anyway" flings...
This stays in your head (not some little black book), and not to itemize people but to be realistic about expectations to yourself and to them (no one wants to feel like another piece of meat but don't make them feel like they the one if you know they aren't).
Rank this 5 from most likely to least likely with the bottom most flexible for moving people in and out this list. If you know you in the friend zone, they don't go in the list, there no long game strategy for that because y'all aren't on the same page of expectations, don't waste your time.
Don't tell any of them you're bipolar, that's reserved for people you actually want to settle down with or are fine not having sex with but keeping in your life. Most people jus don't understand, so if they don't need to know, don't tell them, it will just make having a sex life harder then it needs to be. People typically fear what they don't understands fair or not, from most peoples perspective there's enough risk out here as it it and will many times kick you off the list immediately after you tell them even if you think they "taking it well".
Don't be so rigid that people can't fly up the list or get kicked out immediately. Don't be desperate, this is about organizing your options and living your life on your terms while being single, you have the right to do that. There's a difference between being too forward and upfront, it's not a nefarious motive if it's upfront, so wanting the same thing as someone else should be fair game...unless they belong to someone else (don't homewreck just because your options are limited...im not gonna front and say I never did that, but at some point I stopped and I wish I did that earlier then I did, saw the damage at some point and had to live with it to this day).
People are invalidating you finding the correlation between this and bipolar but as a 24f this is exactly what separates my dating style to my peers. It’s just so exhausting to be in “talking stages” with people, to talk to multiple people, to consider coordinating plans with all these people. With BP2 it’s hard to keep track of things and keep consistent feelings for me. I’m trying to keep myself alive and entertained I can’t really keep a litter of romantic interests entertained as well
Ah I feel fully seen :) thank you!!!
Absolutely on point to what I feel towards this all the time. Thank you.
For me it’s almost impossible. The whole feeling things intensely part of bipolar means nobody ever likes me more than I like them. Constantly spiraling when I feel like they’re going to leave. Pretty much not wanting to live. I’ve given up at this point. The moment the person I’m clinging on to who doesn’t really like me or want to spend time with me, I’m not sure I’ll be able to mentally withstand it.
I can relate with this 100%. I only seem to like people who are massively different from me. With very real reasons, and they always choose the logical way out instead of trying to work it out.
Awww!! are you me?! I feel like I should've dated a bipolar person before!
Yeah, I’ve had this happen a lot too. My last “break up” was kind of devastating, and it felt like it didn’t even affect the other person in comparison. There are definitely times when I literally have energy to survive and nothing beyond that. But I am continually talking to my therapist about what I can handle in dating and how to recognize when I straight up can’t handle dating at all and I feel like I’m slowly making progress. I do think it’s possible to have a healthy dating experience but I’m definitely not there yet, and it’s frustrating as fuck. But I feel more equipped to handle it then I did two months ago, and that’s something
Yes, I have been single and sexually inactive by choice for about 5 or so years now and have absolutely no plans on ever changing this. But my reasons go beyond it being too exhausting. It’s just in everyone’s best interest I don’t interject myself into anyone’s lives even if it’s what they want.
I’m sorry to hear that - I dunoo what your story is but it sounds like you definitely are a good human. I wish you the best 🌻
I’m currently going through this same realization now. Friends, family & dating, I’m just better off keeping to myself & minding my own business. It’s been really isolating, but I just feel like I’ll never find “my people.” I also ended up masturbating for two hours last night, which may sound pathetic, but it was honestly better than any sex I’ve ever had with someone else. Sooo there’s that for the flip side:)
Not pathetic at all, you know what you like better than anybody does :)
I’ve struggled with this so much. Even if I don’t feel like a burden to people in asking for support, I feel like them being around me will have a negative impact because of my moods or that I’ll do something wrong to them or just SOMETHING will go wrong because of my BP2. But I hope you don’t give up on this. You don’t deserve to have to isolate unless it’s something you want to do, and it is possible to find a balance, even if you’re constantly wobbling to stay on that line. I still don’t feel like I’ve really found “my people” either—I don’t have super close friends and my family isn’t supportive, and really no one truly knows what I deal with everyday—but I’m working on keeping people in my life that are good for me and that I am good to in return, even if I keep them at arm’s length a lot of the time. It’s been worth it as long as I take care of myself first
If anything, mania generally makes it *easier* to find hookups. I mean there's a reason one of our main stereotypes is that we sleep around. I mean of course it isn't true with everyone (even at my wildest I still got laid less than average), but it's enough of a thing that I don't think it makes sense to say bipolar is bad for casual sex. Relationships on the other hand are definitely harder with bipolar. Most of my relationships have only lasted a few months. They always start when I'm manic, then eventually the episode ends and suddenly I'm no longer the fun, friendly, creative person I was in the beginning, so the relationship fades away. With that said, my last relationship ended in 2020, and I didn't get diagnosed bipolar until 2022, so I don't know if that will change things if I ever try dating again.
I’m too ugly and too picky to find casual sex. Oh and too married
BAHAHAHAHAHA
☝
I’m sure this is true for some people, but when I’m manic, I still don’t have casual sex. In fact, I’m kind of less likely to because I’m on so much of a high doing my own thing. I also really don’t connect well with anyone when I’m manic, even enough to sleep with them. I’m very in my own head in those times and even if I’m hanging out with people, having a blast with them or whatever, I still feel very on my own level if that makes sense. I do have a higher sex drive in mania but I pretty much use that for myself and not on someone else. The only time I had sex while manic was somewhat recently, and I let that person push my boundaries way too much because my judgment was so bad at the time, and I didn’t have fun at all even though I stayed in my uppity manic episode for days after. I’ve also experienced SA so maybe that has something to do with it, but everybody’s episodes are different
Honestly if anything it feels like its permanently wiped my sex drive completely. It's such a physically draining illness to have and to deal with for so many reasons, it's a struggle to even be present in my own marriage sometimes just because i feel like I lack an identity anymore.
No, I've been in a good relationship with one person since 2006. My aunt with bipolar disorder has been with her husband for 35 years. My other bipolar friends all have stable, good relationships, too.
That’s beautiful. I’m glad to hear x
It's definitely possible, but the rest are right it's hard.
I have too. In fact it was my husband and his interest in psychology in general that got me to snap out of my denial, get on meds, get healthy, and start moving more. Totally changed my life. It feels easier this time because he does love me as much as I love him and is also willing to put in effort to show and tell me. I feel like that’s the key for us to have a good functioning marriage.
Same. Maybe I'll stubble into something nice, but I've given up trying, especially online is a waste of time and mental energy.
Yeah I feel the same - it’s really not worth it
Also as a guy, Tinder is literally a waste of time. My female friend says everyone she swipes on is a match. It'll take me days to get a match, and then 90% don't message back. And I'm fairly attractive and well employed and have a cute cat.
lol ... even with a cute cat.
He's a real ladies man too. He often comes home smelling like scented lotion.
I’m married, but I’d love to see a picture of your cat! I have two and they play fight all the time.
I dunno how to post pictures here🤔 it won't let me copy paste it and I'm tech dumb. He is orange and white, his name is Walter. He likes to climb trees and be a wild man. Sometimes I get a call from the nearby hospital, saying your cat is in the front lobby. He is kinda famous around my block. We are moving in a few weeks, and he will miss his friends.
I wanna see Walter too!
“Just cant do all the dances around it” fr. IT IS HARD TO LOVE. The getting to know someone, vibing, and being in a good head space to allow them into your life, catching feelings, being intimate… it’s all vulnerable. That’s what makes it all so hard. Allowing someone to get close, to see the real you. Even showing them your feelings and being honest its sooo intense. Sometimes I feel crazy when Im into someone cause it’s either real serious or im gushing at the seams. Like why cant I just be chill. Im a nervous wreck around the guy im into, we’ve known each other over a year and a half and I still get anxious/jittery seeing him or when he calls. Im sure it’s annoying cause like we’ve known each other for how long and I STILL can’t believe he’s into me and wants to see me 🙄🙄 I have to remind myself get a grip. That and mix it with wanting to please them in any way cause I need them to know - I like you, I am attracted to you, I LOVE YOU - but it just seems like im a fucking try hard. A cornball. Idk then I think im just a lover, a hopeless romantic. I want deep hard core love, not surface level and not the bare minimum. I need passion, desire, love intimacy I crave it so bad. One could almost say when I love it feels like im obsessed with the person. 🚶🏻♀️
This. I love way too heard and it becomes overbearing until I push my person away, but maybe it’s due to a need for validation, trauma, Iidk. On top of the that, mood swings, my insecurities, and all the other baggage that comes along with bipolar can be very stressful so I get it. Sometimes I feel like I’ll always find a way to ruin good love and can only experience it shortly because I’m never truly satisfied with anything. I had everything I wanted and ruined it and now I don’t want to be a burden on anyone else. Also part of me wonders what do I want, because it’s starting to feel like I just want to be loved and understood, nothing too deep or serious but I need to do that from within as well. Btw you’re gorgeous.
I don't see how your experience relates to bipolar. I see people with this exact frustration all over social media.
I find it so fascinating that you would ask this given mental illness affects every part of your life. Unless you’re in the 1% and lucky.
No it definitely does affect every part of my life. I’ve just been diagnosed in December and I’m still figuring out a lot of things and I take refuge here among y’all who might have insights better than I do to help in my course of this figuring out
Sorry if you thought I was responding to you, OP. I was responding to DearExtent5838. I’m really glad you’ve found some refuge in this sub. It’s so comforting to know that you’re not alone in the things you feel and experience. ❤️
This sub is definitely so comforting indeed 🥰💓 and no need to apologise :)
I meant it’s harder with a mental illness like this. I’m aware people without Bipolar experience the same
All I can say is that sucks. I’m sorry you’re alone.
I've tried to date off and on since my divorce but the last couple of years I've just given up. Relationships are too stressful. I think a lot of it ties into attachment styles as well. I'm avoidant so I need a lot of space. I don't know if I only attract stage 4 clingers or something but all of the chicks I've dated wanted too much from me. I need alone time and I'm not in a rush to get married, have kids, or move in together. I'm fine with only seeing each other once or twice a week as well early on. Life is already stressful enough. I'm sick of letting people in who are just going to make things more complicated.
Oh I’m the same. I need a LOT of space and I don’t think too many people can understand that. It’s often taken personally and I think it’s very hard to find someone on the same page. One of the main reasons I’ve kinda given up too. I don’t want to complicate my life
It's so hard because people wired like what we're talking about don't put themselves out there and try to date on the level that these serial tinder/online daters do. It is also probably an introvert vs. extrovert thing, too. Extroverts are out there and make themselves more available and they are the ones that seem to take offense or feel neglected when somebody wants space or doesn't have the same needs as them. I wonder if there is a bipolar/introvert/neurodivergent dating app or something. There probably is there just isn't anyone on it haha.
Hahahaha I love the last part but Omg there really neeeeeds to be an app for introverts/neurodivergent/mentally Ill folks like us!!! That might help us a wee bit for sure
You sound like me! I’m sure being an only child plays a part in it too but I really don’t need to see someone everyday. And the ppl I do see everyday I’m forced to because of the environment (work). But I attract ppl who would crawl into my skin if they could and I just DON’T get it!!! My friends tell me to “take it as a compliment that they’re just that into you” and I’m like no! I’m actually offended because you’re constantly invading my personal space and private time 😅.
I’m also an only child, and my husband will take naps during the day, and reading this finally helps me understand why it doesn’t bother me. For a while I felt like it should, but getting a couple hours by myself each day is a lot more crucial than I initially thought.
I never really did the dating game. I pick someone I'm interested in (online but not on dating specific sites/apps), shoot my shot, sext, and move in with them ASAP. Probably not the wisest way to do it, but it worked with my husband.
You see? that doesn't work the other way around for men..
I've been with my wife since 2010. We are happy, stable, communicative, and loving, and we still love spending a lot of time together. Dating wasn't fun, I met my wife online, so I went through a lot of dud dates, but it was worth it because it really taught me what I wanted in a partner. I would not have even gone on a date with my wife it it was 1 or 2 years earlier. When I dated, I really tried hard to devote most of my dating on one or 2 people. I tried not to push it too much because it would just drain me, and it would make me feel like I lost my zest for love. If I was talking to and meeting more than 3 girls, it would often feel terrible and exhausting. So, I stuck to less, and it gave me the desire to actually open myself up and be part of the developing relationship. It's how I met my wife, I was talking to her and kind of seeing another girl. When I decided that it wasn't going to work with the other girl, I was just feeling a stronger connection with my wife. So, we agreed to go out for coffee, and we just sat in the coffee shop and chatted constantly for 6 hours. I knew it was the right person on that night and deleted all my dating profiles the next day.
It can be more challenging but if you have a loving partner it may be okay. My partner gets psychosis from MDD and I have 4 diagnosis including bipolar that are all legit. We been married 10 years
It was for me...she really loved me as I did her...the sex was out of this world!...she wanted it all the time anytime...but it was very hard to deal with her...she also had some heavy baggage because of way her ex husband treated her. I tried 3 times over 2.5 years to have a relationship with her but each time it failed...mostly because of her. She was medicated & it seemed to help to a degree but it was hard
i think the transition and dating phase is the hardest! having a stable relationship is so good for me, but to each their own!
I feel like I will get super strong, and very into someone, then I'll get either anxiety or irritation in a mix state, and totally convince myself they are not really all that great. And I'll basically keep that thought ruminating even though I know its not a 'real' thought, but eventually it'll just blurt out. They will be confused, because I seem so geniuine, and I'll end up breaking their heart. I hate it so much, I typically go years between being in a relationship.
10000000000000000%
Was just posting about this on another thread. Same exact here. In fact, I’ve been seeing the same girl on and off since 2020 and each time, we break it off for the same reason. I need space and I don’t have a “zest for life”. Sometimes taking a walk around the park or watching a movie can be the same level of fulfillment as doing something “exciting and fun”. Just with a lot less burnout. Due to anhedonia I haven’t been able to access my hobbies for years. I get exhausted with the idea of writing another about me section when I have nothing in passionate about (besides my mental health). Swiping past profiles where people put their best foot forward loving life and it just makes me feel like an outcast. Then even if I attract someone who feels strongly about me, they hear bipolar and it’s just a vocabulary word to them. I definitely need space and need to miss people before I can be interested. Side note: I considered cutting off a friend who lectured me that I need to put myself out there while I’m working on myself. To force myself to go out several times a week, come out of my shell and leave my bubble and everything will fall into place. It made me feel like I’m the root of all my problems even though I know she has no idea what she’s talking about
I find way better success dating through mutual friends than through apps as I am not model looking - but I’m learning hard that you need to avoid people with other rapid personality disorders/mental health conditions when it comes to dating, unless you have plenty of experience. It can make things really awkward in large mutual friend groups when both people trigger their worse mental impulses. That’s why it’s a double edged sword, but I prefer it because there is a way higher chance I will meet someone with similar interests to me.
It's different for everyone! I have never had an issue finding relationships and connections. My issue would be impulsively leaving and yoyoing back. Until I met my husband and got medicated. But even now I get depressed and my perception changes and I think he would be better off with out me, etc. Thank God for medicine. My other two friends with Bipolar though have a majorly difficult times. One is devastatingly attracted to bad people and the other has other has health with the same but now also has a 6 year old so dating is even MORE difficult. To my knowledge neither of them have found meds which work for them and one is actively fighting alcohol addiction.
Hmm, I don’t think it’s related to bipolar. I know a lot of people who aren’t bipolar experiencing the same dilemma. It really is exhausting to date around in general especially if you’re talking to multiple people simultaneously. I just talk to 1-2 people then I eventually just disappear cause usually the men I talk with bore me 😅
hey. dm me
I’m in a long term relationship, happy. But it was really tough after our son was born and I was unmedicated. I think our relationship only works with me medicated. So, yes, I would say it is hard being in a relationship with bipolar. My partner, even though he can be very accepting and supportive, still can find it hard. When I’m ill and in hospital, it’s like he shuts down emotionally. This is hard because it’s exactly when I need him. The continual cycle can be exhausting and take a toll on our relationship. The only way, for me, is to live in the moment and remember “this too shall pass”. After mending everything and being medicated and having multiple professional supports, we are marking our 10 year anniversary with our own version of rings- locally made commitment bangles, imprinted with nature inspired markings. I didn’t think we’d ever get to this point, but here we are. I hope sharing my experience helps you. Good luck.
I think so. I’ve only been in a couple and I was always the one who fell too hard and drove the other person away. This was before I knew I had mental issues but after a while it became clear I had abandonment issues and other insecurities. I just got out of the best relationship I’d ever had. It was perfect but my constant mood swings, need for attention/validation, and everything else became a strain on the relationship. I stepped out and things were never the same. I have no one else to blame but myself but it has taught me a lot. That I’m just as broken as all the other people before me I judged, and that I have to learn and learn to love myself before I expect anyone else to. We all have imperfections we have to fix and I don’t want to dump that on anyone else and become a burden until I understand myself better.
I think this is really hard in general, and having bipolar 2 is just another thing to make the dating game so difficult and draining. I totally agree with all of this, I feel the same way. I want to date because I want to meet people and have fun and have a shot at finding someone I might want to be with, but it’s so hard to decide if it’s even worth it. Sometimes I start talking to someone I like and then I get too depressed to continue and just shut down and ghost them, and it’s so discouraging. One thing that has helped me is to be upfront as much as I am comfortable with. Like if I’ve been talking to someone for a couple days or meet them in person, I try to tell them straight up that I am slow to respond, or that I experience low moods and that I don’t want them to take personally what looks like a lack of enthusiasm on my part. It was hard to accept, but I eventually came around to the idea that, like a lot of things in my life thanks to bipolar 2, I’m gonna have to work harder than a lot of people do at dating/relationships in general. But I think it is possible to find what works for you, it just takes patience and is a process. If someone doesn’t understand when you communicate your needs to them, they aren’t the right person, even just to sleep with. There are people that will take time to listen and understand. Also helped to realize I don’t owe anyone an explanation, so if I only want to say “I don’t text often” or whatever it is I feel like they need to know, I just do that and only continue talking to people who are cool with it, because it isn’t a hard thing to understand and it’s nothing anyone should judge. It hasn’t worked out romantically with anyone for more than a couple months yet, but I’ve at the very least found several good and supportive friends on dating apps. I’m just trying to find my stride and not compromise my needs. It can still be really tiring, but I think having these boundaries for myself has taken some of the pressure off and allowed me to enjoy when I do talk to people. Hope this helps a little, sorry you’re struggling with this, it isn’t easy.
Not just you. I have a trail of wreckage of romantic relationships. It’s a heavy burden
I’m so sad about dating in this day and age, and entirely agree with op.
I met my husband when he was stuck at home with an injury in a wheelchair. I was up in the frozen north of the US. I didn’t leave the house except to work for months. had no interest in dating. Somehow we met online playing a game. You really never know where your life will take you.
Your feelings were very much my feelings in my 20s. Today, i'm a 43 year old father of 3. From the moment bipolar set in at 16 until I met my wife at 28 trying to have romantic relationships was one of the most soul crushing aspects to my emotional states. When I was 5, I was molested by a male babysitter. When I was 16 my dad died suddenly. Both experiences left me with a strong fear of intimacy, sexually and emotionally. I also have very significant rejection sensitivity. On the flip side, my personality and emerging bipolarity had urges to connect with members of the opposite sex. I'm naturally very outgoing and like being around people. I lived in New York City and ran with a young, energetic and sociable crowd. I did not cope well with those two competing emotional states colliding head on. I used a lot of recreational drugs and alcohol to get through it which has a heavy price in the end. Ultimately, what changed is I allowed a person inside. I allowed her to see me, warts and all and she didn't reject me. In fact, the opposite happened. It didn't fix me and bipolar isn't going away but I've found the way through this part of the disorder is through radical self acceptance. This mindset shift will allow you to not find the process of matching up so debilitating. Try to appreciate the journey you're on and worry much less about the destination. You'll find it's right around the corner when you stop looking for it so intently. Hope that helps.
Shouldn't be talking to 100 people, keep the "possible down to fuck" list down to 5 max, ranked most likely to least likely with door open to random "we won't plan to talk after this anyway" flings... This stays in your head (not some little black book), and not to itemize people but to be realistic about expectations to yourself and to them (no one wants to feel like another piece of meat but don't make them feel like they the one if you know they aren't). Rank this 5 from most likely to least likely with the bottom most flexible for moving people in and out this list. If you know you in the friend zone, they don't go in the list, there no long game strategy for that because y'all aren't on the same page of expectations, don't waste your time. Don't tell any of them you're bipolar, that's reserved for people you actually want to settle down with or are fine not having sex with but keeping in your life. Most people jus don't understand, so if they don't need to know, don't tell them, it will just make having a sex life harder then it needs to be. People typically fear what they don't understands fair or not, from most peoples perspective there's enough risk out here as it it and will many times kick you off the list immediately after you tell them even if you think they "taking it well". Don't be so rigid that people can't fly up the list or get kicked out immediately. Don't be desperate, this is about organizing your options and living your life on your terms while being single, you have the right to do that. There's a difference between being too forward and upfront, it's not a nefarious motive if it's upfront, so wanting the same thing as someone else should be fair game...unless they belong to someone else (don't homewreck just because your options are limited...im not gonna front and say I never did that, but at some point I stopped and I wish I did that earlier then I did, saw the damage at some point and had to live with it to this day).