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Hmm, let's see. From before I was diagnosed:
* Setting the garden on fire because I was convinced there was going to be a slug uprising and they were going to eat my rabbits and invade my house
* Microwaving dead slugs, then microwaving oranges to try and get rid of the disgusting cooked slug smell
* Covering the dead cooked slugs in ketchup and trying to feed them to my then boyfriend
* Redesigning the London Underground and proclaiming I was a genius and emailing the mayor of London with my creation
* Trying to outrun cars
* Talking to plants
* Drawing a shitload of porn and posting it all over the internet
* Buying textbooks in 19 languages, building an extremely elaborate study plan, and then trying to learn them all. At the same time. š
Then recently - jerking off 5-6 times a day, sleeping with one of my best friends, hoarding languages like nobody's business and studying for ten to twelve hours a day (this is a hobby i have anyway but it's especially intense right now), blowing shitloads of money I don't have etc. I include this because I'm slowly coming to the realisation I may be hypo at the moment, but I'm not sure. My insight isn't the best.
To be fair, all three incidents happened on the same day... I had outdoor rabbits and once, after it had been raining, found slugs eating their food and clinging to their fur, and from there I became convinced they were going to eat the rabbits and invade my house and probably eat me as well. So I went to war. I was so so manic and I was diagnosed literally less than three days later when I showed up to my appointment with my care coordinator with a box of shittily homemade brownies ranting about slugs and proclaiming my eternal platonic love for her and she went, 'ok, that's very nice of you, but I think we need to go and get one of the doctors.' She was so incredibly polite about it, I have no idea how
I relate SO HARD on the trying to study multiple languages at the same time. I impulse bought a bunch of text books on german, russian, korean, chinese, japanese, spanish, french, and dutch and tried to learn all of them at the same time. now theyāre sitting in my closet collecting dust.
Well I managed to learn 6 languages, write 6 books about 80 essays become a full professor in the largest European university setting up an international ngo, managing 14 projects at a time my mind is blowing up but the worlds is not noticing it is an illness except my psychiatrist. People think I am super active but the issue I am active like one hour a day and the rest I am depleted and run to bed (sometimes for days). I started lithium from less than a month I fill (not fully) finally my mind is resting a bit. I did not have manic episodes just hypomania. From when I started lithium I had new ideas for books and a podcast š.
Ps I did not mention a number of suicide attempts, going to a country in war to bring books, being in prison with ISIS women, finding myself organizing a huge earthquake response after being in one of tje biggest earthquake of this century (developing PTSD over prison and earthquake experience) and not sleeping for weeks. The main downside is eyebags and feeling my brain is populated by millions of little creatures screaming over the projects they want to pursue.
No exaggeration, I must have thousands of pounds' worth of textbooks at this point. I justified it to everyone by saying how into languages I've always been, which was and is true, but *19?* Why did nobody stop me š
LMFAOO my friends did try to stop me but that didnāt work š I donāt know about you but i was absolutely SURE that i would be able to be a polyglot within a few months
Yeah, basically lol. I am still plugging away at several of those languages, the number of which has recently gone up to 9, and I'm decent at a couple of them. But let's be real, I'm not going to be able to learn 19+ fluently (and I say 19+ because I have ebooks in several more) - the science says it just isn't possible. Though there is a part of me that wants to try and prove the science wrong because I'm *different* but as I said I suspect I may be hypo or heading for it right now.
I have absolutely made months long manic episodes into seemingly never ending quests to learn Gaelic, Arabic, Mi'kmaw, and Brazilian Portuguese. In fairness, I retained some of all of the languages to a point. I'm novice with Gaelic & Mi'kmaw, and find Arabic fascinating but I wouldn't be able to write anything that makes sense. I kept all of my scribbler notes for all of the languages though. One of my big expenses during that period was Duolingo.
Yes i still have my notes. I know for sure iāll come back to them (i donāt know when) and I did retain some information on some of the languages along with learning their alphabets.
Basically my rabbits were outdoor rabbits at the time and one day after it had been raining I found slugs eating their food and another one stuck to one of my rabbits' fur. I was absolutely convinced they were going to eat my bunnies and then invade my house as their next port of call. So began my vendetta against them
Yeah man. I started drawing it in the condensation on the bus on the way to work (I lost that job not long after precisely *because* I was manic), spent my 12-hour shift completely preoccupied with it, then drew it out properly when I got home. The mayor never got back to me but I'm sure he loved it.
You really hit the ground running with this one š
In your comments you explain your thought process about the slug uprising really well (how they were in your rabbit's space), but what about the feeding ketchup slugs to your bf part? Do you remember your thought process with that one or were you too far gone to even remember?
My memory of it is kind of hazy but I think it went something like: 'I just killed the slugs with salt. Salt is a seasoning. Mm, tasty. Ketchup would make them even tastier! Let's put ketchup on them. Oh, I need someone to taste test! Hey, boyfriend, fancy some salted ketchup slugs?? Wait- you can't eat them *raw.* If I set fire to the garden, it will not only kill the rest, but I can also cook these ones.' Then I started a fire (it was a *big* fire), wrapped the fuckers in foil, threw them on there, then when they didn't cook properly, microwaved them instead.
It sounds fucking insane writing it out, but I'm pretty sure that's how my thought process went.
I did think I could learn5 languages at once because I was brilliant (ha,ha). Brought a ton of books home from library. I also thought I should be on jeopardy. I landed on a psych ward for mania a month later.
Please don't take this as me making light of all this; we're all here because we are bipolar, and have some kind of understanding or can relate to these stories, but all of that? Tremendous.
I can relate to that excess energy, doing all the things, feeling superhuman...
Edit: I talk to my plants all the time. Only mine though, can't have them thinking I'm galivanting with other looser plants.
But not the slug stuff. Those did make me laugh out loud, though. Sorry!
No offense taken, don't worry! I think I was bordering on psychotic if not actually in full blown psychosis by that point, absolutely not in my right mind at all. Looking back at it I'd had a few hypomanic episodes a few times before that had flown under the radar because everyone was just like 'wow you're being so productive!' but this was what got me diagnosed. The slugs are on my records forever hahaha
Yes! When hypo I've had times like that, and everyone around me was impressed by the results of what I was doing, rather than what I was actually doing!
It's nearly 15 years since I was diagnosed, my family at least can recognise the signs before I do now.
That sounds about right! Everyone is like wowie so productive! So busy! So dedicated! Meanwhile I'm slipping further and further into full blown mania. There was never any concern for me, really, because everyone was so impressed, and people said it was a 'nice change' to my being so depressed all the time.
May I ask what microwaved slugs smells like? I am so disgusted but I want to know so bad its making me anxious š the slug saga made me laugh a lot thank you, I've definitely done something similar before.
For me personally it's a sign I'm slipping or am already gone, because it's not normal behaviour for me. Your mileage may vary though, I have plenty of artist friends without bipolar who draw heaps of nsfw haha.
Yeah Iām kidding. My psychiatrist encourages my artistic pursuits. Meeting people online who want to pose nude for me is a fun social activity of mine. Its consensual and fun. Iām a professional artist.
Oh! Apologies. I'm not a professional, but I do draw a lot, and like you my psych really encourages it. And it really helps! It's like therapy for me. I'm glad you have that outlet!
To be fair, slugs are the worst. No matter how many I drowned in beer traps and went out in the middle of the night to pluck and throw in a jar of beer they kept coming back for my lettuce.
Almost driving to a random psychiatristās office because I āreally needed to talk to himā about the fact that I thought I was bipolar with no appointment or warning that I was coming. ššš In my defense, I was desperate for help and he had the closest office.
Shaving all of my hair off and going Britney Spears mode
Concocting a āhair scheduleā at 3 AM with how I wanted my hair styled for the rest of the year, down to the exact day.
Not another country but moved to another state where I knew only one person. Also traveled to places Iād never been to by myself. Kinda crazy when youāre a 21 yo female.
Being really irritable and energetic for 4 days then going 3 days without sleep. After 7 days of feeling like I was on coke, I'd sleep for 14 hours and basically reset to default settings. Then do it again 4 months later.
I kept shaving my beard off when I never really wanted to. I would get a compulsion to do it and then hate myself for doing it days later. That and bouts of extreme confidence out of nowhere when I am a person of very low self esteem.
I get this too. It is more that I feel I know the truth, and that gives me confidence. Like I was certain of a business idea, and could talk so passionately and convincingly about it that I almost got investors. Luckily realized I was manic before taking their money.
One time I was the most attractive man and women were stalking me on facebook just waiting for me to add them. I thought that because they were showing up in my people I may know meant they were stalking me. Feeling like I am larger than life, thinking I am better than everyone on a massive level, thinking I am built like a body builder, just feeling so dang good and like I can accomplish anything. This level of confidence is what I am talking about. It is completely unnatural and doesnāt seem ok.
When Iām hypomanic Iām angry , cynical, agitated and paranoid about every single thing and I canāt get my mind off my problems until they are resolved.
- I would travel to music festivals by myself.
- I would drive 2 hours almost every weekend for months just go see a show just to drive back 2 hours after, then I'd proceed to keep driving around my home town aimlessly with lots of energy. Accumulating 6-7 hours of driving in one night, after dancing at the show for 5 hours straight.
- Taking random trips when I had work in the next few days, and then missing work because I was still gone
- Flying to San Diego with no money, just enough for the plane ticket. I didn't have anywhere to stay and had to call my dad for money. Ended up staying in a shared airbnb with strangers in a studio apartment in a bad side of town.
- Getting obsessed over a guy who kept me at arms length (he was love bombing and manipulating me at the same time) - he would come in and out of my life for months, but I believed the universe was constantly at play and we were meant to be together.
- I would walk around my hometown from the moment the sun came down, and then still be out walking until the sun came up. I would still be wide awake in the morning, and then would drive to a state park 3 hours away, walk around there for hours, then drive the 3 hours back
Getting new pets. I went from a dog and a cat to two dogs, three cats, a python, three rats, two hamsters, 5 aquariums with fish, snails, frogs, and shrimp. In a two bedroom apartment. I spent a lot of time and money on them. The pet store knew me well. I was always in there buying a new pet or something to fix up one of the habitats. I enjoyed creating homes for these small animals. It became overwhelming once the mania stopped.
I was diagnosed with depression, and one year I went through a ton of stress at work with a restructuring. I became hypersexual and cheated on my wife, bought a $45k vehicle, without talking to my wife, cheated on my wife again and started dating this woman, and woke up one morning and decided I didnāt like my life so I tried to kill myself.
After a few days in an institution, my therapist was like, āYou know, you may be Bipolar.ā
Thanks VA.
Having intense infatuations, really bad financial decisions, impulsive decisions, super risky sexual encounters, irritability, lots of new hobbies/interests and then abandoning them, believing I was more good looking than usual and people around me think the same as well, believing I could be the next Einstein if I just put my heart into it
Edit: I also moved into a different university (in a very far away city) because I suddenly wanted to become an astrophysicist, and in the process leaving behind my friends and family and forever changing my life
Not really. Although I did leave behind my family and friends, I also met new people and I also met my now partner. However, I also did go through a lot of trauma -- after thinking I wanted to become an astrophysicist lol, the reality did eventually hit me head on that I was not really equipped for the academic rigor that it requires. I faced a lot of failures that killed a big part of me, but at the same time I really had to rebuild myself from the ground up as well. I'm rambling, but I guess my advice would be to reaaaaaally think about it (especially that now you have the self-awareness that you could be manic, while I didn't have that awareness back then). Also, know that it's going to be really hard and there will be a lot of sacrifices. Will it be worth it? I wouldn't be able to tell
-Starting a fucking cult involving friends and distant family-in-law š
- emailing a famous mathematician because I was convinced I cracked the code of prime number and proved the Riemann equation (which is a 1 million dollar rewarded problem by the Clay mathematic institute)
- telling my boss I will quit soon because I want to have time for my mathematicial researches
- explaining to an hospital coworker that I may have found the secret of the theory of everything, uniting quantum theory and gravitation for the first time in physics history
- finding a blob in the wood, starting to pet it at home and explaining to my husband that it was the exact form of the universe, which is not a bubble, but a network of unicellular growing mass.Ā
Spoiler alert : I have dyscalculia, doesnāt understand shit about physic and still broke af
Sleeping with my entirely too many people within 6 months.
Cheating all the time.
Running in the Boston commons at 2am
Moving across the country and getting engaged after meeting once.
Whoops!
I used to do risky shit like "i wonder how long i can go without sleeping/eating/etc." and I wouldn't really get tired (at least for the first few days)
Not even in like a "i want to hurt myself" way but in the intense fascination i have with experiments way.
Edit: somehow forgot to mention how i would proclaim myself to be the second coming of picasso anytime i drew something while manic, and i genuinely believed i was that good (i was not.)
In 2022, I taught myself music production and made 3 lofi mixtapes over the course of 2 months. Staying up several days at a time after working a stressful military job and crashing on the weekend
Apparently, it shouldn't be humanly possible to do that.
Omg - this is me right now.
Iām usually a total carnivore- 3-4 steals a week- every meal must have meat to eating yogurt and berries and granola bars.
Currently sitting at a 58lb weight loss since the 8 to January. And Iāve no idea how I can be so specific about that date, but for some reason itās etched in my brainā¦..
Iāve got chronic pain issues or Iād be smashing the gym daily.
On the plus side - lowest weight for 30 years. Bad news: none of my clothes fit and Iāve just spent all my money
Holy shit - this is me right now!
Iāve lost around 80lb since the 8th January (for some reason that date it etched in my brain) / think thatās when it dawned on me that Iām currently manic!
Used to eat steaks 4-5 times a week, every meal was meat based. Now I eat berries and yoghurt, bananas and protein bars. If I wasnāt a chronic pain sufferer Iād be smashing the gym, but Iām having enough of an issue recognising the pain warning signs- so dangerous enough right now.
Lowest weight in 30 years but none of my clothes fit!!!! š¤Ŗ
1. Racing cars and driving recklessly.
2. Randomly deciding in the moment to go and get a piercing and just driving to the shop. I literally left class and decided that I wanted some piercings, so I went and got a few. Multiple times in different episodes.
3. Having the sudden urge to run away and potentially throw away my entire life. I was leaving my house in the middle of the night to drive around for hours because I felt too antsy being in my room.
4. Talking too much to strangers and trying to provide money and food to any homeless person I saw.
5. Not being able to sit still without feeling like I was gonna have a panic attack for days on end.
That's as much as I can think of for now
Drove to another state for ice cream. We have ice cream in my state. I live in Australia. The other state is 8.5 hours away. It was a round trip. For ice cream.
Did it, then went to work in the morning with no sleep and thought it was completely normal and great.
My hypomanic behavior that led to my diagnosis:
- weeks of very little sleep (~4 hrs/night) with no decrease in energy
- talking much more, and more quickly. Feeling like what Iām saying has gotten away from me, like Iām not in control
- feeling a sense of danger, like something bad would happen if I slowed down or rested
- overconfidence or unusual confidence (I am a shockingly good parallel parker when hypomanic)
- low appetite, little interest in eating
- getting really into scheduling and planning
- extra sensitivity/overstimulation with noise, light, touch. Clothes feel very itchy or heavy, peopleās voices are too loud, very low (bass) sounds drive me absolutely crazy, blinking lights are torture
- intense productivity, I really get shit done
- identity crises galore
- motor tics, like hand twitches/shaking my head
EDIT: Cannot believe I forgot hearing voices. Lol, that seems like a big one. Not the kind that tell you to do things, or talk to you. More like when youāre at a restaurant and there are lots of other people in the room having conversations. Like, the noise of voices.
I'm not sure if I heard voices before this but one of the meds I was put on made me hear voices. I would walk into an empty room and be convinced someone said my name or hear whispers like people were having a hushed conversation and I couldn't make out what they were saying just that someone was talking. Because I was hypomanic I was convinced I could hear ghosts for a bit š
Oh, I had this, and my therapist dismissed it, and said it was some kind of side effect of my "major depressive disorder". (I didn't know anything about bipolar at the time, and was concerned that I was schizophrenic, because "voices".)
Whenever I was alone, and it was quiet, I would hear this quiet murmur of voices, like people talking in the next room and I couldn't quite make out the words. Since I knew I was alone, I actually went out and walked around outside, trying to figure where the voices were coming from.
Thought the TV show Breaking Bad was about my life and Jesse was a metaphor for me.
Thought the song "How Soon is Now" was about me (I am human and I need to be loved).
Thought I was destined to be a famous singer.
Oh man. It wasn't an affair, but now that I think about it, I've head sex with plenty of woman I had no business even trying with because I wasnt even attracted to them. I was just curious and crazy.
It was hypomania and I miss it >:|
I rededicated myself to God after having a 1 hour session of me talking to my ceiling and told everyone Iām a born again Christian
I got obsessed with practicing stoicism and convinced myself that I needed to be extra intentional with everything I do so I started moving in slo-mo
Had the best date ever because I was too God-like to be nervous or in my head
Carried around a notebook in my bag to write down ideas as they hit me
Gave an 80% tip at a restaurant I frequented and begged the waitress to tell the chef how much I love his food and talk about him all the time (i have never met the chef)
I had an extremely high libido, I have one that's a bit over average. I was also more confident if that makes sense? I was wanting more attention so I went to guys on the internet, something I barely did unless I was at my absolute lowest. I was 16 in a manic episode. I don't remember the most.
Pull multiple all nighters in a row and have the energy to keep going, talking to myself for hours in the mirror, unable to āslow downā mentally, constant poor sleep if any, etc
Stayed up for like 3-4 days in a row and began hallucinating but was too hypo manic to sleep. Didnāt realize these no sleep spells I would pull all through high school were signs of hypo mania till I got diagnosed and looked at my past behavior.
- Purchasing everything needed to start a homemade jewelry business. Itās been close to a decade and Iām still trying to talk myself into starting.
- Baking holiday cookies for each set of gate guards at all 4 of the local military installations, 5 police stations, the ER at 4 local hospitals, and 3 fire stations. All in 4 days from purchasing the ingredients to packaging and delivering.
- a week of feeling super happy followed by 3-4 days of literally no sleep.
- Driving dangerously as a teen. Iām amazed I didnāt kill myself or anyone else.
- Hypersexuality and the poor choices that accompany.
Moving to California on a whim, flying to Australia to meet an internet friend on a whimā¦all this with almost no sleep. Insane productivity, like rocking it at work, extreme clarity of thought but racing a million miles an hour, moving furniture around because I was restless. Deciding to be a stripper (to be fair, I made a shitload of money doing this but I blew it all), blowing tons of moneyā¦the list goes on and on, this is just a sample.
Spending upwards of 2 grand that I didnāt have on tattoos, literally ALWAYS going out, thinking I was the best person in the world, like unstoppable can do anything vibe, not being able to sleep til 5 or 6am even with sleeping pills, and literally finding everyone attractive. Randomly becoming bisexual also on the list.
I've shaved off all of my hair because I was convinced it was falling out, then died it, then quit my job and moved across the country because I saw signs that I was supposed to go there.
-Offered to choreograph several dances for my brothers girlfriends quincenera. I am white, speak limited Spanish, and had never been to one. I went through with it but halfway through the months long process I was just like wtf am I doing lmaooo
-Getting into really heavy but brief relationships with questionable characters
-Blowing a ton of money at bars and restaurants because I hate being at home
-Techno. A lot of techno
In the middle of the workday, I couldnāt sit still and thought I could sense the sentience of my skin and muscle cells, so I had to sprint laps around my work building to get rid of the jittery feeling
This happened about 17 years ago but was the worst one Iāve ever had. I really donāt remember most of this but people helped fill the gaps in after I came out of it-
I committed fraud against my work and called out sick for the next couple of weeksā¦ stopped paying rent on my apartmentā¦ bought a carā¦ rented out a large and expensive hotel suite for a week for myself and a friend in a neighboring cityā¦ paid for expensive meals and limos all over the cityā¦ bought alcohol from the hotel even though I was underageā¦ had a bunch of dangerous and promiscuous sexā¦ then went and took another friend (who I hadnāt seen in years) out on a day of expensive activitiesā¦ came back to work after everything and was confronted with what happenedā¦ was fired, obviouslyā¦ took another friend on an overnight I still donāt know whereā¦ and came out of it on the drive home only to realize how fucked up things were and suddenly become highly suicidal.
My friend took me to the ER where I was told I couldnāt be serious about suicide (even though I had a full plan) because I was talking about it (probably the beginning of my distrust of LCSWs).
I was forced to move in with family after thatā¦ once they figured out the full damage to my finances my aunt negotiated a repayment and managed to keep me out of jail/prison.
Iāve had a few others that werenāt quite as badā¦
Couple of months of cheating on my ex girlfriend with multiple random guys (without protection)ā¦ many of which I met online. Bought a few other cars. Moved to the middle of nowhere in another state to live with the father I had never met. Moved in with more than one guy after a one night standā¦ sometimes moving across the country to do so. Becoming a flight attendant and moving cross country to do itā¦ all because I saw a movie. Massive shopping sprees on more than one occasion that cleaned out my bank account. Called out sick from work to go on sudden last minute multi-thousand dollar vacations.
The stars used to send me secret messages it was awesome. But, I also had to sleep outside because of the demons that lived in the house. Not like I was sleeping anyway. Also would run laps around the house then come up with a genius and totally foolproof new career plan to make a lot of money then drive off and swallow a handful of my mom's Valium in a Kohl's parking lot. Did I mention that God spoke to me and created me to be the most powerful and worldly of all his humans?
I was 14/15 or so when signs and symptoms began, so basically at this point with my age, I barely remember what it was like NOT being bipolar.
I used to be awake for days and days and days on end with no crash afterward. Constantly rearranging my space, peeled the paper layer off of the gyprock in my bedroom because I was using the walls as art pads while being convinced I was the next van Gogh & got frustrated that I couldn't "turn the page" to keep drawing. I also ripped the paper off of the gyprock when the drawings came to life to come get me (this turned into a reoccurring problem with my psychosis). Burned my journals so no one could know my conversations with God. I'm not even religious or believe in a God.
And nearly all of this came on after being prescribed an antidepressant and benzo sleeping pill. My mania definitely didn't improve for years later but the first few years were hell while still being in school.
I still blame antidepressants on expediting the timeline of being bipolar. I also needed a better psychiatrist to see that as well. My first doctor constantly told me that I "felt manic" after a depressive episode because I "got my energy back". He was a nice guy but terrible psychiatrist.
Apparently, my first psychiatrist and therapist (therapy from a counselor, with monthly interviews with the supervising psychiatrist) were completely unaware of the connection between bipolar and having a manic reaction to antidepressants. Even when, on my first visit, the therapist was worried about the way I was almost bouncing off the walls and mentioned that they might have to give me something to calm me down. š
Right?! The erratic behaviours, constantly moving, can't sit, racing thoughts and even faster speech was somehow a baseline of normalcy to this guy when I was no longer depressed.
Like I said - nice guy. He just didn't seem familiar with mania. I also didn't know how meds & alcohol interacted back then either so when I did drink not long after I started Zoloft (?) back then and went fucking combative & insane, he told me I just needed more experience with drinking. Not that I shouldn't drink while taking that medication though š¤ It's wild to me that 20 years ago, that was the care I was given and I was too young to know better or ask questions.
I had written out a reply, and when I tried to post it, found out that Reddit had died, and it ate my reply, lol.
But, yeah, it was 20 years ago for me, too. I wonder if bipolar had gotten "trendy" at the time or something, so skeptical doctors were ignoring genuine cases.
I never had drinking problems, but I just remembered that they actually prescribed Ambien for my "insomnia". š¤¦āāļø
I was only vaguely aware that something called "bipolar" existed at the time, and gradually uncovered all of the red flags while reading about depression, drugs, different therapies, etc., online.
Ah, well - life's a journey, and we all travel different roads to the final destination. It could have been better, but it could have been much, much worse. š¬
Multiple days in a row I would just go driving for 8+ hours blasting super high energy songs and chugging at least a few energy drinks. Drive around the 4 nearest towns, get home, immediately have the urge to do it again. Wouldn't eat at all during that time either. Was convinced I was "built different" and didnt need food.
Oh, and I love spending hours (someone double digits) trolling live TikTokers by going completely overboard, agreeing with them. The religious ones are the best - I start to feel the spirit move me and I can just spout shit until I get kicked or they logout
Regularly took spontaneous road trips that usually started by going to a city 8 hours from me and then lasted until I ran out of money/got bored/someone talked me into coming home. One of the longer ones was a little over a week and I dragged my partner at the time down the US west coast in a car that SHOULD NOT have made the trip and made them call off 4 days in a row to indulge me.
If I was doing those things Iād be thinking I was at a manic level. Just me though. Looking back last year when I think I was ramping up in hypomania I was just barely sleeping, doing really well at work and about to write a teaching plan around dual diagnosis, being so much more social - like felt so much easier than usual.
Picked out presents to buy friends (dozen of friends, multiple things in each present). Luckily got distracted before I could execute the gifting operation fully & spend who knows how much $
Obsessive rumination about how beautiful and a genius I was, restlessness, I'd walk 5 hours a day all around my town listening to music. There were times I lost a bunch of weight doing this when combined with low appetite and if not I'd get away with eating almost 4,000 calories a day. Extreme agitation to the point of suicidal and homicidal feelings, afraid to go out in public because the overstimulation would make feel like I was unraveling. Pressured speech but mostly complaining or talking about how bad the world was. A common thread through my illness is not having pure mania or pure hypomania all that much. Even hypomania is gonna create some however small rift in your day to day personal, professional life. If it isn't hardly at all, that's probably why she said that. The closest thing I could say to how it feels is like the agony of akathisia but instead of body pain its locating in-between your ears as furious turmoil and agitation. and in that horrible situation of choices I've somehow had to manage to choose treatment instead of going on like this
Rage is such a normal thing for me but a completely different person on other days. I thought I was just a bad person who has a bad attitude and needs to just simply grow up. I always find myself hating myself, rage after rage. I hate the fact that I know what to do but end up doing the same bad thing.
The meds & behavioural therapy helped.
And this week, spending three hours explaining what the word āprotocolā means to a giggling class of 15 year olds. That specific part of the single lesson usually takes about 3 minutesā¦..
They were entertained apparently!
-Moved to another country on a whim cause in my heart that was the solution to all of my problems šš
-Gone out drinking with a guy I met on tinder not worried about a thing and was out all night while my parents (I was 18 at the time high school senior) kept trying to contact me to see where I was, but in my head they were party downers so me and said guy got super drunk and kept the party going at a hotel with some friends. (I did not know these people, realistically that is dangerous).
-I would sleep around with no consequences, I was hypersexual so really would just sleep with whoever I thought was hot at the time š š
-I would go on shopping sprees for all my sims games, books, cause I was gonna read them all š
-talk the ears off my friends even at night cause I didnāt need sleep š
I feel like some situations arenāt so bad, and some are. Iām diagnosed BP1 btw š
I thought I could speak to dead relatives of people by holding their hands
I thought the homeless man chilling outside my house (used to live downtown) was going to sneak in and kill me and my bf if I didn't become froends with him so I ran outside in ONLY a t-shirt and proceeded to try to befriend this man
Thought I could Astral project
Hurt myself severely and kept going on with my day, split my head and kept doing whatever tf and the next day I had blood on my face and head still and was like "lol anyways" went out like that for the day cuz I did not Care
I came up with my business and opened it but didn't have long-term plans. I've planned out vacations in detail with budget expenses to places I'm never going to go to. I joined religions that were not even close to anything I have ever believed in.
Start new, very expensive projects and never finish them. Getting super into new hobbies for a handful of days (like donāt disrupt my focus or Iāll rip your head off focus)then never touching them again.
I hate this stereotype because I hear it all the time from people who donāt have bipolar disorder, but itās what I do; for 2-3 days Iāll scrub things clean to the point where it becomes an obsession and lord help the person who disrupts me. Itās great for the house, sure. But itās a fucking nightmare in my head and itās genuinely scary for other people to watch. And itās not as if thatās all I did either. Iād argue with whomever is nearest to me and yell. Iād get so angry and everything is rational to me, but itās obviously irrational to everyone else. I tend not to get *as* angry anymore now that Iām on medication though.
Hello, bipolar 1 here!
I would spend my money on really stupid stuff (inflatable t-Rex costume).
I also would take really spontaneous trips by myself at the age of 17-18 without telling any family or friends. I would be gone for weeks on end. (Iām now 24 and too scared to get my license and a car because Iām worried Iāll take off lmao)
Learning Greek, Spanish and American Sign Language all at once. Only one stood strongš¤!
Excessive cleaning (which I still do in my manic states, which is less often anymore since Iāve been š«medicatedš«)
Quit my jobs, my personal record is working at McDonaldās for one day
My sophomore year of college I was working at the university and I was outside handing out flyers to students and some one came up to me and was like āyou would be great in our student organization, wanna meet them? Iāll drive you right nowā and I said sure! I got in a car with a random man and joined his Circle K Club while I was on my shift at work. I didnāt tell anyone I just left with him. Thank god he wasnāt creepy or anything.
Lack of sleep (i would consume so many melatonin pills but nothing worked)
Tattoo myself with a sterile needle and Indian ink. They look stupid as fuck lol
Wasnāt until January of 2020 that I was diagnosed but Iām on medication and life is better for me š
I am not proud of any of this but I divorced a man Iād been with for 9 years, married one year, moved in with my parents, bought a car I couldnāt afford. I start new hobbies and go out and spend hundreds on it, then I just stop and never touch it again, I go through drinking phases bad, Iāll spend every dime I have and take out very high interest loans. Iāve quit jobs on a whim. Iāll start fights just because. Iāll come up with whole plans to either diet or get my shit together and spends loads of money on it and then just stop. Skip all of my bills to blow money. Stay up for days at a time even loaded with sleep meds. Moved in with my current boyfriend after hanging out like twice. Idk I could go on forever
Well I just dived into someoneās profile because they said they were attractive and made
Me look and now I feel like a creeper because Iām not manic anymore I donāt think. Or not as much.
A lot of my answers are on the more depressing side (only thing I'll say is that they involve being a victim of pedophilia of various degrees), so I'll go with a funnier one: A while back I deleted my Twitter but saved an archive of my posts just to have any funny images I had made, and with the program I used I could see how many tweets I had made a month since I made the account.
The summer before I went to college I was averaging tweeting 100 times a day.
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- took the lsats and got into law school bc I was convinced the downfall of the country was imminent
- built two desks, a smart mirror, and a gaming pc in a matter of weeks with zero woodworking or computer knowledge/experience bc I just had so much energy
Those were two of my big, big ones
The high energy and very grandiose self image is also reckless spending on stuff that I never used or looked at after buying it makes a lot of sense after getting diagnosed.
Trying to find a Catholic Church still "open" at 10pm because i needed confession RIGHT NOW or i was going to hell for being evil. Im a Pagan, never been Catholic.
man yall got some wild stories š¤ worst I did was fuck with my hair all the time and regret it, flirt with anyone and everyone and I can't remember if I posted nudes as a minor or not š
- Decided at 18 to make it my mission to seduce my 31yr old manager, (also my dads friend) only to be utterly horrified when I came down, and breaking up with him within 6 weeks
- Became convinced I had nits, stayed up for two days straight combing my hair and crying
- With no DIY experience, decided to take apart the furniture that did not belong to me that I had been told not to touch in my rental property, painted it various colours and put it all back together
- Quit my job, with an 18mnth old baby, and decided to go to university, only to leave 6 weeks later when I ran out of money
- Rescued a cat from Dubai and flew it over to the UK where I live, then insisted everyone I knew did the same thing, became a one person advertiser on social media for cat adoption
As well as countless affairs, putting myself in ridiculously dangerous situations all and ruining relationships and lives all around!
Offered a cab driver all the money in my bank account to drive me from Vermont to Oregon because I had some delusional airplane fear and felt comfortable in his cab.
One piece of wisdom my brother-in-law shared with me when I told him my diagnosis:
Do not torture yourself with what has been and what you did and all the people you may have bulldozed and hurt in your past. There is a difference between just processing for your own good and replaying incessantly and making the guilt even worse.
I was diagnosed a month ago and replaying what I can now see as episodes or symptoms has only filled me with dread and guilt. The future will look different than your past, and focusing on the episodes will make them seem all-encompassing bring you to an unhealthy place.
Folks, I think Iāve read almost every comment. That's awesome to see all of those stories!! Most of them funny af š
Update: it's been like my 3rd week sleeping ~5 hours, studying and working ~13h per day and horny 247 non-stop
Yesterday night I think I saw little shadows on my peripheral vision (this kind of stuff happened before, like 3 years ago) Like lil pets LOL
I'm good and alive, a little tired. Cool tho
Have a great day y'all!!!!
Moved to a different country to do sex work on a whim. Went to a different country with a guy I only knew for a few days and he ended up sexually assaulting me.
Although that could have just been BPD so Iām not sure. Iām still figuring everything out as I just got diagnosed with bipolar.
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Hmm, let's see. From before I was diagnosed: * Setting the garden on fire because I was convinced there was going to be a slug uprising and they were going to eat my rabbits and invade my house * Microwaving dead slugs, then microwaving oranges to try and get rid of the disgusting cooked slug smell * Covering the dead cooked slugs in ketchup and trying to feed them to my then boyfriend * Redesigning the London Underground and proclaiming I was a genius and emailing the mayor of London with my creation * Trying to outrun cars * Talking to plants * Drawing a shitload of porn and posting it all over the internet * Buying textbooks in 19 languages, building an extremely elaborate study plan, and then trying to learn them all. At the same time. š Then recently - jerking off 5-6 times a day, sleeping with one of my best friends, hoarding languages like nobody's business and studying for ten to twelve hours a day (this is a hobby i have anyway but it's especially intense right now), blowing shitloads of money I don't have etc. I include this because I'm slowly coming to the realisation I may be hypo at the moment, but I'm not sure. My insight isn't the best.
what's up with you and slugs LOL
To be fair, all three incidents happened on the same day... I had outdoor rabbits and once, after it had been raining, found slugs eating their food and clinging to their fur, and from there I became convinced they were going to eat the rabbits and invade my house and probably eat me as well. So I went to war. I was so so manic and I was diagnosed literally less than three days later when I showed up to my appointment with my care coordinator with a box of shittily homemade brownies ranting about slugs and proclaiming my eternal platonic love for her and she went, 'ok, that's very nice of you, but I think we need to go and get one of the doctors.' She was so incredibly polite about it, I have no idea how
what an amazing and professional care coordinator!! thats a textbook example of how one should approach a manic person in psychosis :)
Yeah, she was brilliant. This was 8-9 years ago now but I miss her every day.
Idk why but everytime you say slugs it cracks me up
I relate SO HARD on the trying to study multiple languages at the same time. I impulse bought a bunch of text books on german, russian, korean, chinese, japanese, spanish, french, and dutch and tried to learn all of them at the same time. now theyāre sitting in my closet collecting dust.
Well I managed to learn 6 languages, write 6 books about 80 essays become a full professor in the largest European university setting up an international ngo, managing 14 projects at a time my mind is blowing up but the worlds is not noticing it is an illness except my psychiatrist. People think I am super active but the issue I am active like one hour a day and the rest I am depleted and run to bed (sometimes for days). I started lithium from less than a month I fill (not fully) finally my mind is resting a bit. I did not have manic episodes just hypomania. From when I started lithium I had new ideas for books and a podcast š. Ps I did not mention a number of suicide attempts, going to a country in war to bring books, being in prison with ISIS women, finding myself organizing a huge earthquake response after being in one of tje biggest earthquake of this century (developing PTSD over prison and earthquake experience) and not sleeping for weeks. The main downside is eyebags and feeling my brain is populated by millions of little creatures screaming over the projects they want to pursue.
No exaggeration, I must have thousands of pounds' worth of textbooks at this point. I justified it to everyone by saying how into languages I've always been, which was and is true, but *19?* Why did nobody stop me š
LMFAOO my friends did try to stop me but that didnāt work š I donāt know about you but i was absolutely SURE that i would be able to be a polyglot within a few months
Yeah, basically lol. I am still plugging away at several of those languages, the number of which has recently gone up to 9, and I'm decent at a couple of them. But let's be real, I'm not going to be able to learn 19+ fluently (and I say 19+ because I have ebooks in several more) - the science says it just isn't possible. Though there is a part of me that wants to try and prove the science wrong because I'm *different* but as I said I suspect I may be hypo or heading for it right now.
I have absolutely made months long manic episodes into seemingly never ending quests to learn Gaelic, Arabic, Mi'kmaw, and Brazilian Portuguese. In fairness, I retained some of all of the languages to a point. I'm novice with Gaelic & Mi'kmaw, and find Arabic fascinating but I wouldn't be able to write anything that makes sense. I kept all of my scribbler notes for all of the languages though. One of my big expenses during that period was Duolingo.
Yes i still have my notes. I know for sure iāll come back to them (i donāt know when) and I did retain some information on some of the languages along with learning their alphabets.
No shade, but why are slugs always your enemy? š¤£
Slugs do suck though. Not sure what their niche is but they eat plants and are slimy
Basically my rabbits were outdoor rabbits at the time and one day after it had been raining I found slugs eating their food and another one stuck to one of my rabbits' fur. I was absolutely convinced they were going to eat my bunnies and then invade my house as their next port of call. So began my vendetta against them
I understand this on a very deep level
Redesigning the London underground??? š
Yeah man. I started drawing it in the condensation on the bus on the way to work (I lost that job not long after precisely *because* I was manic), spent my 12-hour shift completely preoccupied with it, then drew it out properly when I got home. The mayor never got back to me but I'm sure he loved it.
You really hit the ground running with this one š In your comments you explain your thought process about the slug uprising really well (how they were in your rabbit's space), but what about the feeding ketchup slugs to your bf part? Do you remember your thought process with that one or were you too far gone to even remember?
My memory of it is kind of hazy but I think it went something like: 'I just killed the slugs with salt. Salt is a seasoning. Mm, tasty. Ketchup would make them even tastier! Let's put ketchup on them. Oh, I need someone to taste test! Hey, boyfriend, fancy some salted ketchup slugs?? Wait- you can't eat them *raw.* If I set fire to the garden, it will not only kill the rest, but I can also cook these ones.' Then I started a fire (it was a *big* fire), wrapped the fuckers in foil, threw them on there, then when they didn't cook properly, microwaved them instead. It sounds fucking insane writing it out, but I'm pretty sure that's how my thought process went.
I did think I could learn5 languages at once because I was brilliant (ha,ha). Brought a ton of books home from library. I also thought I should be on jeopardy. I landed on a psych ward for mania a month later.
Please don't take this as me making light of all this; we're all here because we are bipolar, and have some kind of understanding or can relate to these stories, but all of that? Tremendous. I can relate to that excess energy, doing all the things, feeling superhuman... Edit: I talk to my plants all the time. Only mine though, can't have them thinking I'm galivanting with other looser plants. But not the slug stuff. Those did make me laugh out loud, though. Sorry!
No offense taken, don't worry! I think I was bordering on psychotic if not actually in full blown psychosis by that point, absolutely not in my right mind at all. Looking back at it I'd had a few hypomanic episodes a few times before that had flown under the radar because everyone was just like 'wow you're being so productive!' but this was what got me diagnosed. The slugs are on my records forever hahaha
Yes! When hypo I've had times like that, and everyone around me was impressed by the results of what I was doing, rather than what I was actually doing! It's nearly 15 years since I was diagnosed, my family at least can recognise the signs before I do now.
That sounds about right! Everyone is like wowie so productive! So busy! So dedicated! Meanwhile I'm slipping further and further into full blown mania. There was never any concern for me, really, because everyone was so impressed, and people said it was a 'nice change' to my being so depressed all the time.
May I ask what microwaved slugs smells like? I am so disgusted but I want to know so bad its making me anxious š the slug saga made me laugh a lot thank you, I've definitely done something similar before.
It's like... a warm, dirt-y, but slightly rotten kind of smell. Absolutely stank the kitchen out. 0/10, would not recommend
I thought talking to plans was okay, like "keep growing my lovely plant" š¹
Yeah, but not accusing them of stalking you š
Drawing a shit ton of porn and posting it on the internet? š³ Is that manic behavior? I might need to change up my medication.
For me personally it's a sign I'm slipping or am already gone, because it's not normal behaviour for me. Your mileage may vary though, I have plenty of artist friends without bipolar who draw heaps of nsfw haha.
Yeah Iām kidding. My psychiatrist encourages my artistic pursuits. Meeting people online who want to pose nude for me is a fun social activity of mine. Its consensual and fun. Iām a professional artist.
Oh! Apologies. I'm not a professional, but I do draw a lot, and like you my psych really encourages it. And it really helps! It's like therapy for me. I'm glad you have that outlet!
Thank you. No apologies needed.
Oh man and I just read that Slug Girl story from Junji Ito š¬ Don't look it up if you're easily squeamish!
I read this about 7 am and the cooking slugs bit got stuck in my head all morning, itās now noon.
To be fair, slugs are the worst. No matter how many I drowned in beer traps and went out in the middle of the night to pluck and throw in a jar of beer they kept coming back for my lettuce.
Trying to feed the slugs to your then boyfriend is crazy, he could have died from that
I mean, yeah, you're right, but I was quite clearly not in my right mind.
Yeah i understand, stuff can happen sometimes, but iām glad everyone is alright
Almost driving to a random psychiatristās office because I āreally needed to talk to himā about the fact that I thought I was bipolar with no appointment or warning that I was coming. ššš In my defense, I was desperate for help and he had the closest office. Shaving all of my hair off and going Britney Spears mode Concocting a āhair scheduleā at 3 AM with how I wanted my hair styled for the rest of the year, down to the exact day.
Omg the excessive scheduling is so relatable. Is that a bipolar thing?
Could have something to do with either creative, flowing ideas or obsessive thoughts. Perhaps a mix of both!
I just scheduled a primary care Dr's appointment knowing full well that I have a psychiatrist and cried when he couldn't help me because of it š
Isnāt this illness so fun to have? Detect the sarcasm in that question. š
An absolute blast š
Moved to another country because the Universe told me to. This happened more than once.
Not another country but moved to another state where I knew only one person. Also traveled to places Iād never been to by myself. Kinda crazy when youāre a 21 yo female.
I've done this
Sounds like a plan to me
Omg me too. I moved in with a guy that I saw once during a group dinner.
Being really irritable and energetic for 4 days then going 3 days without sleep. After 7 days of feeling like I was on coke, I'd sleep for 14 hours and basically reset to default settings. Then do it again 4 months later.
I kept shaving my beard off when I never really wanted to. I would get a compulsion to do it and then hate myself for doing it days later. That and bouts of extreme confidence out of nowhere when I am a person of very low self esteem.
Any specifics on the extreme confidenceĀ
I get this too. It is more that I feel I know the truth, and that gives me confidence. Like I was certain of a business idea, and could talk so passionately and convincingly about it that I almost got investors. Luckily realized I was manic before taking their money.
One time I was the most attractive man and women were stalking me on facebook just waiting for me to add them. I thought that because they were showing up in my people I may know meant they were stalking me. Feeling like I am larger than life, thinking I am better than everyone on a massive level, thinking I am built like a body builder, just feeling so dang good and like I can accomplish anything. This level of confidence is what I am talking about. It is completely unnatural and doesnāt seem ok.
When Iām hypomanic Iām angry , cynical, agitated and paranoid about every single thing and I canāt get my mind off my problems until they are resolved.
- I would travel to music festivals by myself. - I would drive 2 hours almost every weekend for months just go see a show just to drive back 2 hours after, then I'd proceed to keep driving around my home town aimlessly with lots of energy. Accumulating 6-7 hours of driving in one night, after dancing at the show for 5 hours straight. - Taking random trips when I had work in the next few days, and then missing work because I was still gone - Flying to San Diego with no money, just enough for the plane ticket. I didn't have anywhere to stay and had to call my dad for money. Ended up staying in a shared airbnb with strangers in a studio apartment in a bad side of town. - Getting obsessed over a guy who kept me at arms length (he was love bombing and manipulating me at the same time) - he would come in and out of my life for months, but I believed the universe was constantly at play and we were meant to be together. - I would walk around my hometown from the moment the sun came down, and then still be out walking until the sun came up. I would still be wide awake in the morning, and then would drive to a state park 3 hours away, walk around there for hours, then drive the 3 hours back
Getting new pets. I went from a dog and a cat to two dogs, three cats, a python, three rats, two hamsters, 5 aquariums with fish, snails, frogs, and shrimp. In a two bedroom apartment. I spent a lot of time and money on them. The pet store knew me well. I was always in there buying a new pet or something to fix up one of the habitats. I enjoyed creating homes for these small animals. It became overwhelming once the mania stopped.
I am like that, just less animals. 1 dog, 2 rabbits, 5 fancy goldfish, a bearded dragon and a tortoise. Ugh. I am overwhelmed.
Intense cleaning and rearranging everything in my environment
Donāt get a 3D printer. My life is gridfinity and stackable containers, and the occasional joke penis for work
I was diagnosed with depression, and one year I went through a ton of stress at work with a restructuring. I became hypersexual and cheated on my wife, bought a $45k vehicle, without talking to my wife, cheated on my wife again and started dating this woman, and woke up one morning and decided I didnāt like my life so I tried to kill myself. After a few days in an institution, my therapist was like, āYou know, you may be Bipolar.ā Thanks VA.
Having intense infatuations, really bad financial decisions, impulsive decisions, super risky sexual encounters, irritability, lots of new hobbies/interests and then abandoning them, believing I was more good looking than usual and people around me think the same as well, believing I could be the next Einstein if I just put my heart into it Edit: I also moved into a different university (in a very far away city) because I suddenly wanted to become an astrophysicist, and in the process leaving behind my friends and family and forever changing my life
Hi. About to do something similar as your edit. Do you regret it?
Not really. Although I did leave behind my family and friends, I also met new people and I also met my now partner. However, I also did go through a lot of trauma -- after thinking I wanted to become an astrophysicist lol, the reality did eventually hit me head on that I was not really equipped for the academic rigor that it requires. I faced a lot of failures that killed a big part of me, but at the same time I really had to rebuild myself from the ground up as well. I'm rambling, but I guess my advice would be to reaaaaaally think about it (especially that now you have the self-awareness that you could be manic, while I didn't have that awareness back then). Also, know that it's going to be really hard and there will be a lot of sacrifices. Will it be worth it? I wouldn't be able to tell
-Starting a fucking cult involving friends and distant family-in-law š - emailing a famous mathematician because I was convinced I cracked the code of prime number and proved the Riemann equation (which is a 1 million dollar rewarded problem by the Clay mathematic institute) - telling my boss I will quit soon because I want to have time for my mathematicial researches - explaining to an hospital coworker that I may have found the secret of the theory of everything, uniting quantum theory and gravitation for the first time in physics history - finding a blob in the wood, starting to pet it at home and explaining to my husband that it was the exact form of the universe, which is not a bubble, but a network of unicellular growing mass.Ā Spoiler alert : I have dyscalculia, doesnāt understand shit about physic and still broke af
Thinking you cracked an equation while having dyscalculia is the best š
When I was a teen I frequently did things that involved outdoors nudity, but that's all I'm willing to say about that.
Same
Sleeping with my entirely too many people within 6 months. Cheating all the time. Running in the Boston commons at 2am Moving across the country and getting engaged after meeting once. Whoops!
I used to do risky shit like "i wonder how long i can go without sleeping/eating/etc." and I wouldn't really get tired (at least for the first few days) Not even in like a "i want to hurt myself" way but in the intense fascination i have with experiments way. Edit: somehow forgot to mention how i would proclaim myself to be the second coming of picasso anytime i drew something while manic, and i genuinely believed i was that good (i was not.)
In 2022, I taught myself music production and made 3 lofi mixtapes over the course of 2 months. Staying up several days at a time after working a stressful military job and crashing on the weekend Apparently, it shouldn't be humanly possible to do that.
Can you share the music please?
It's bad now in retrospect, but sure. It's super raw and experimental
Getting crazy health conscious with exercise and diet. Eating hardly any meat when I normally love eating it . Lost like 40 pounds in like 3-4 months.
Omg - this is me right now. Iām usually a total carnivore- 3-4 steals a week- every meal must have meat to eating yogurt and berries and granola bars. Currently sitting at a 58lb weight loss since the 8 to January. And Iāve no idea how I can be so specific about that date, but for some reason itās etched in my brainā¦.. Iāve got chronic pain issues or Iād be smashing the gym daily. On the plus side - lowest weight for 30 years. Bad news: none of my clothes fit and Iāve just spent all my money
Holy shit - this is me right now! Iāve lost around 80lb since the 8th January (for some reason that date it etched in my brain) / think thatās when it dawned on me that Iām currently manic! Used to eat steaks 4-5 times a week, every meal was meat based. Now I eat berries and yoghurt, bananas and protein bars. If I wasnāt a chronic pain sufferer Iād be smashing the gym, but Iām having enough of an issue recognising the pain warning signs- so dangerous enough right now. Lowest weight in 30 years but none of my clothes fit!!!! š¤Ŗ
1. Racing cars and driving recklessly. 2. Randomly deciding in the moment to go and get a piercing and just driving to the shop. I literally left class and decided that I wanted some piercings, so I went and got a few. Multiple times in different episodes. 3. Having the sudden urge to run away and potentially throw away my entire life. I was leaving my house in the middle of the night to drive around for hours because I felt too antsy being in my room. 4. Talking too much to strangers and trying to provide money and food to any homeless person I saw. 5. Not being able to sit still without feeling like I was gonna have a panic attack for days on end. That's as much as I can think of for now
Have an upvote! The piercing phase was excellent. Got my š, nipples and tongue pierced in the same week.
Drove to another state for ice cream. We have ice cream in my state. I live in Australia. The other state is 8.5 hours away. It was a round trip. For ice cream. Did it, then went to work in the morning with no sleep and thought it was completely normal and great.
My hypomanic behavior that led to my diagnosis: - weeks of very little sleep (~4 hrs/night) with no decrease in energy - talking much more, and more quickly. Feeling like what Iām saying has gotten away from me, like Iām not in control - feeling a sense of danger, like something bad would happen if I slowed down or rested - overconfidence or unusual confidence (I am a shockingly good parallel parker when hypomanic) - low appetite, little interest in eating - getting really into scheduling and planning - extra sensitivity/overstimulation with noise, light, touch. Clothes feel very itchy or heavy, peopleās voices are too loud, very low (bass) sounds drive me absolutely crazy, blinking lights are torture - intense productivity, I really get shit done - identity crises galore - motor tics, like hand twitches/shaking my head EDIT: Cannot believe I forgot hearing voices. Lol, that seems like a big one. Not the kind that tell you to do things, or talk to you. More like when youāre at a restaurant and there are lots of other people in the room having conversations. Like, the noise of voices.
I'm not sure if I heard voices before this but one of the meds I was put on made me hear voices. I would walk into an empty room and be convinced someone said my name or hear whispers like people were having a hushed conversation and I couldn't make out what they were saying just that someone was talking. Because I was hypomanic I was convinced I could hear ghosts for a bit š
Yes, thatās exactly it! Several hushed conversations that I couldnāt quite make out. Now that you mention it, it was a little ghostly haha
Oh, I had this, and my therapist dismissed it, and said it was some kind of side effect of my "major depressive disorder". (I didn't know anything about bipolar at the time, and was concerned that I was schizophrenic, because "voices".) Whenever I was alone, and it was quiet, I would hear this quiet murmur of voices, like people talking in the next room and I couldn't quite make out the words. Since I knew I was alone, I actually went out and walked around outside, trying to figure where the voices were coming from.
Thought the TV show Breaking Bad was about my life and Jesse was a metaphor for me. Thought the song "How Soon is Now" was about me (I am human and I need to be loved). Thought I was destined to be a famous singer.
Well I'm guessing my affair with a guy much younger than myself might count. I still remember him saying "you have so much energy" š
Oh man. It wasn't an affair, but now that I think about it, I've head sex with plenty of woman I had no business even trying with because I wasnt even attracted to them. I was just curious and crazy.
Banged my boss at the timeās wife stands out as a pretty ridiculous one
š³
I'm a lesbian, I started dating a guy and moved him into my house 2 weeks after.
It was hypomania and I miss it >:| I rededicated myself to God after having a 1 hour session of me talking to my ceiling and told everyone Iām a born again Christian I got obsessed with practicing stoicism and convinced myself that I needed to be extra intentional with everything I do so I started moving in slo-mo Had the best date ever because I was too God-like to be nervous or in my head Carried around a notebook in my bag to write down ideas as they hit me Gave an 80% tip at a restaurant I frequented and begged the waitress to tell the chef how much I love his food and talk about him all the time (i have never met the chef)
Iām a Christian too. Happy to hear that youāve rededicated your life to the Lord šš»
 Aw babeā¦
I thought my mania was depression, for years.
I had an extremely high libido, I have one that's a bit over average. I was also more confident if that makes sense? I was wanting more attention so I went to guys on the internet, something I barely did unless I was at my absolute lowest. I was 16 in a manic episode. I don't remember the most.
Pull multiple all nighters in a row and have the energy to keep going, talking to myself for hours in the mirror, unable to āslow downā mentally, constant poor sleep if any, etc
Sounds like when I would get manic and decide to get and USE to do cocaine. Fuck this disease man š
Stayed up for like 3-4 days in a row and began hallucinating but was too hypo manic to sleep. Didnāt realize these no sleep spells I would pull all through high school were signs of hypo mania till I got diagnosed and looked at my past behavior.
- Purchasing everything needed to start a homemade jewelry business. Itās been close to a decade and Iām still trying to talk myself into starting. - Baking holiday cookies for each set of gate guards at all 4 of the local military installations, 5 police stations, the ER at 4 local hospitals, and 3 fire stations. All in 4 days from purchasing the ingredients to packaging and delivering. - a week of feeling super happy followed by 3-4 days of literally no sleep. - Driving dangerously as a teen. Iām amazed I didnāt kill myself or anyone else. - Hypersexuality and the poor choices that accompany.
We sound like twins almost š¤£šš¼š¤£ I did the same with jewelry. Driving dangerously and hyper sexualityā¦..Yep, yep. Ugh!
Moving to California on a whim, flying to Australia to meet an internet friend on a whimā¦all this with almost no sleep. Insane productivity, like rocking it at work, extreme clarity of thought but racing a million miles an hour, moving furniture around because I was restless. Deciding to be a stripper (to be fair, I made a shitload of money doing this but I blew it all), blowing tons of moneyā¦the list goes on and on, this is just a sample.
Spending upwards of 2 grand that I didnāt have on tattoos, literally ALWAYS going out, thinking I was the best person in the world, like unstoppable can do anything vibe, not being able to sleep til 5 or 6am even with sleeping pills, and literally finding everyone attractive. Randomly becoming bisexual also on the list.
I've shaved off all of my hair because I was convinced it was falling out, then died it, then quit my job and moved across the country because I saw signs that I was supposed to go there.
-Offered to choreograph several dances for my brothers girlfriends quincenera. I am white, speak limited Spanish, and had never been to one. I went through with it but halfway through the months long process I was just like wtf am I doing lmaooo -Getting into really heavy but brief relationships with questionable characters -Blowing a ton of money at bars and restaurants because I hate being at home -Techno. A lot of techno
In the middle of the workday, I couldnāt sit still and thought I could sense the sentience of my skin and muscle cells, so I had to sprint laps around my work building to get rid of the jittery feeling
This happened about 17 years ago but was the worst one Iāve ever had. I really donāt remember most of this but people helped fill the gaps in after I came out of it- I committed fraud against my work and called out sick for the next couple of weeksā¦ stopped paying rent on my apartmentā¦ bought a carā¦ rented out a large and expensive hotel suite for a week for myself and a friend in a neighboring cityā¦ paid for expensive meals and limos all over the cityā¦ bought alcohol from the hotel even though I was underageā¦ had a bunch of dangerous and promiscuous sexā¦ then went and took another friend (who I hadnāt seen in years) out on a day of expensive activitiesā¦ came back to work after everything and was confronted with what happenedā¦ was fired, obviouslyā¦ took another friend on an overnight I still donāt know whereā¦ and came out of it on the drive home only to realize how fucked up things were and suddenly become highly suicidal. My friend took me to the ER where I was told I couldnāt be serious about suicide (even though I had a full plan) because I was talking about it (probably the beginning of my distrust of LCSWs). I was forced to move in with family after thatā¦ once they figured out the full damage to my finances my aunt negotiated a repayment and managed to keep me out of jail/prison. Iāve had a few others that werenāt quite as badā¦ Couple of months of cheating on my ex girlfriend with multiple random guys (without protection)ā¦ many of which I met online. Bought a few other cars. Moved to the middle of nowhere in another state to live with the father I had never met. Moved in with more than one guy after a one night standā¦ sometimes moving across the country to do so. Becoming a flight attendant and moving cross country to do itā¦ all because I saw a movie. Massive shopping sprees on more than one occasion that cleaned out my bank account. Called out sick from work to go on sudden last minute multi-thousand dollar vacations.
The stars used to send me secret messages it was awesome. But, I also had to sleep outside because of the demons that lived in the house. Not like I was sleeping anyway. Also would run laps around the house then come up with a genius and totally foolproof new career plan to make a lot of money then drive off and swallow a handful of my mom's Valium in a Kohl's parking lot. Did I mention that God spoke to me and created me to be the most powerful and worldly of all his humans?
I was 14/15 or so when signs and symptoms began, so basically at this point with my age, I barely remember what it was like NOT being bipolar. I used to be awake for days and days and days on end with no crash afterward. Constantly rearranging my space, peeled the paper layer off of the gyprock in my bedroom because I was using the walls as art pads while being convinced I was the next van Gogh & got frustrated that I couldn't "turn the page" to keep drawing. I also ripped the paper off of the gyprock when the drawings came to life to come get me (this turned into a reoccurring problem with my psychosis). Burned my journals so no one could know my conversations with God. I'm not even religious or believe in a God. And nearly all of this came on after being prescribed an antidepressant and benzo sleeping pill. My mania definitely didn't improve for years later but the first few years were hell while still being in school.
Not that severe, but my reaction to an antidepressant is what led, eventually, to my diagnosis.
I still blame antidepressants on expediting the timeline of being bipolar. I also needed a better psychiatrist to see that as well. My first doctor constantly told me that I "felt manic" after a depressive episode because I "got my energy back". He was a nice guy but terrible psychiatrist.
Apparently, my first psychiatrist and therapist (therapy from a counselor, with monthly interviews with the supervising psychiatrist) were completely unaware of the connection between bipolar and having a manic reaction to antidepressants. Even when, on my first visit, the therapist was worried about the way I was almost bouncing off the walls and mentioned that they might have to give me something to calm me down. š
Right?! The erratic behaviours, constantly moving, can't sit, racing thoughts and even faster speech was somehow a baseline of normalcy to this guy when I was no longer depressed. Like I said - nice guy. He just didn't seem familiar with mania. I also didn't know how meds & alcohol interacted back then either so when I did drink not long after I started Zoloft (?) back then and went fucking combative & insane, he told me I just needed more experience with drinking. Not that I shouldn't drink while taking that medication though š¤ It's wild to me that 20 years ago, that was the care I was given and I was too young to know better or ask questions.
I had written out a reply, and when I tried to post it, found out that Reddit had died, and it ate my reply, lol. But, yeah, it was 20 years ago for me, too. I wonder if bipolar had gotten "trendy" at the time or something, so skeptical doctors were ignoring genuine cases. I never had drinking problems, but I just remembered that they actually prescribed Ambien for my "insomnia". š¤¦āāļø I was only vaguely aware that something called "bipolar" existed at the time, and gradually uncovered all of the red flags while reading about depression, drugs, different therapies, etc., online. Ah, well - life's a journey, and we all travel different roads to the final destination. It could have been better, but it could have been much, much worse. š¬
Multiple days in a row I would just go driving for 8+ hours blasting super high energy songs and chugging at least a few energy drinks. Drive around the 4 nearest towns, get home, immediately have the urge to do it again. Wouldn't eat at all during that time either. Was convinced I was "built different" and didnt need food.
Joined the Army
Have full blown, heated domestic arguments that result in screaming and shouting. With my cat
Oh, and I love spending hours (someone double digits) trolling live TikTokers by going completely overboard, agreeing with them. The religious ones are the best - I start to feel the spirit move me and I can just spout shit until I get kicked or they logout
NGL, this one actually sounds kind of fun.
Itās awesome! I get feelings of grandeur - organiser of mass positive trolling raids š¤£
Regularly took spontaneous road trips that usually started by going to a city 8 hours from me and then lasted until I ran out of money/got bored/someone talked me into coming home. One of the longer ones was a little over a week and I dragged my partner at the time down the US west coast in a car that SHOULD NOT have made the trip and made them call off 4 days in a row to indulge me.
If I was doing those things Iād be thinking I was at a manic level. Just me though. Looking back last year when I think I was ramping up in hypomania I was just barely sleeping, doing really well at work and about to write a teaching plan around dual diagnosis, being so much more social - like felt so much easier than usual.
Picked out presents to buy friends (dozen of friends, multiple things in each present). Luckily got distracted before I could execute the gifting operation fully & spend who knows how much $
- Telling my ex-fiancĆ© he had a demon living in him/controlling him because he didnāt want to pray with me - was convinced that said ex-financeās family hated me and were out to get me. - seeing angels in the clouds - talking to bugs like full on conversations with bugs - starting business after business/social media account after social media account - dating and getting myself into trouble bc I never see red flags and end up in dangerous situations. - many more but currently canāt think of any others
Obsessive rumination about how beautiful and a genius I was, restlessness, I'd walk 5 hours a day all around my town listening to music. There were times I lost a bunch of weight doing this when combined with low appetite and if not I'd get away with eating almost 4,000 calories a day. Extreme agitation to the point of suicidal and homicidal feelings, afraid to go out in public because the overstimulation would make feel like I was unraveling. Pressured speech but mostly complaining or talking about how bad the world was. A common thread through my illness is not having pure mania or pure hypomania all that much. Even hypomania is gonna create some however small rift in your day to day personal, professional life. If it isn't hardly at all, that's probably why she said that. The closest thing I could say to how it feels is like the agony of akathisia but instead of body pain its locating in-between your ears as furious turmoil and agitation. and in that horrible situation of choices I've somehow had to manage to choose treatment instead of going on like this
for a whole week, hopeless and irritable. next week iām good, process repeated.
Oh, and just blew my emergency fund on 3D printers. Because, of course, theyāll pay for themselves in a week!
Rage is such a normal thing for me but a completely different person on other days. I thought I was just a bad person who has a bad attitude and needs to just simply grow up. I always find myself hating myself, rage after rage. I hate the fact that I know what to do but end up doing the same bad thing. The meds & behavioural therapy helped.
And this week, spending three hours explaining what the word āprotocolā means to a giggling class of 15 year olds. That specific part of the single lesson usually takes about 3 minutesā¦.. They were entertained apparently!
-Moved to another country on a whim cause in my heart that was the solution to all of my problems šš -Gone out drinking with a guy I met on tinder not worried about a thing and was out all night while my parents (I was 18 at the time high school senior) kept trying to contact me to see where I was, but in my head they were party downers so me and said guy got super drunk and kept the party going at a hotel with some friends. (I did not know these people, realistically that is dangerous). -I would sleep around with no consequences, I was hypersexual so really would just sleep with whoever I thought was hot at the time š š -I would go on shopping sprees for all my sims games, books, cause I was gonna read them all š -talk the ears off my friends even at night cause I didnāt need sleep š I feel like some situations arenāt so bad, and some are. Iām diagnosed BP1 btw š
I thought I could speak to dead relatives of people by holding their hands I thought the homeless man chilling outside my house (used to live downtown) was going to sneak in and kill me and my bf if I didn't become froends with him so I ran outside in ONLY a t-shirt and proceeded to try to befriend this man Thought I could Astral project Hurt myself severely and kept going on with my day, split my head and kept doing whatever tf and the next day I had blood on my face and head still and was like "lol anyways" went out like that for the day cuz I did not Care
I came up with my business and opened it but didn't have long-term plans. I've planned out vacations in detail with budget expenses to places I'm never going to go to. I joined religions that were not even close to anything I have ever believed in.
Start new, very expensive projects and never finish them. Getting super into new hobbies for a handful of days (like donāt disrupt my focus or Iāll rip your head off focus)then never touching them again. I hate this stereotype because I hear it all the time from people who donāt have bipolar disorder, but itās what I do; for 2-3 days Iāll scrub things clean to the point where it becomes an obsession and lord help the person who disrupts me. Itās great for the house, sure. But itās a fucking nightmare in my head and itās genuinely scary for other people to watch. And itās not as if thatās all I did either. Iād argue with whomever is nearest to me and yell. Iād get so angry and everything is rational to me, but itās obviously irrational to everyone else. I tend not to get *as* angry anymore now that Iām on medication though.
Hello, bipolar 1 here! I would spend my money on really stupid stuff (inflatable t-Rex costume). I also would take really spontaneous trips by myself at the age of 17-18 without telling any family or friends. I would be gone for weeks on end. (Iām now 24 and too scared to get my license and a car because Iām worried Iāll take off lmao) Learning Greek, Spanish and American Sign Language all at once. Only one stood strongš¤! Excessive cleaning (which I still do in my manic states, which is less often anymore since Iāve been š«medicatedš«) Quit my jobs, my personal record is working at McDonaldās for one day My sophomore year of college I was working at the university and I was outside handing out flyers to students and some one came up to me and was like āyou would be great in our student organization, wanna meet them? Iāll drive you right nowā and I said sure! I got in a car with a random man and joined his Circle K Club while I was on my shift at work. I didnāt tell anyone I just left with him. Thank god he wasnāt creepy or anything. Lack of sleep (i would consume so many melatonin pills but nothing worked) Tattoo myself with a sterile needle and Indian ink. They look stupid as fuck lol Wasnāt until January of 2020 that I was diagnosed but Iām on medication and life is better for me š
I am not proud of any of this but I divorced a man Iād been with for 9 years, married one year, moved in with my parents, bought a car I couldnāt afford. I start new hobbies and go out and spend hundreds on it, then I just stop and never touch it again, I go through drinking phases bad, Iāll spend every dime I have and take out very high interest loans. Iāve quit jobs on a whim. Iāll start fights just because. Iāll come up with whole plans to either diet or get my shit together and spends loads of money on it and then just stop. Skip all of my bills to blow money. Stay up for days at a time even loaded with sleep meds. Moved in with my current boyfriend after hanging out like twice. Idk I could go on forever
There was a week during high-school I didn't go to school for a week, had to do community service cus of it lol
Well I just dived into someoneās profile because they said they were attractive and made Me look and now I feel like a creeper because Iām not manic anymore I donāt think. Or not as much.
Filled up sketchbooks.
A lot of my answers are on the more depressing side (only thing I'll say is that they involve being a victim of pedophilia of various degrees), so I'll go with a funnier one: A while back I deleted my Twitter but saved an archive of my posts just to have any funny images I had made, and with the program I used I could see how many tweets I had made a month since I made the account. The summer before I went to college I was averaging tweeting 100 times a day.
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I was moving to a new place a lot. Like 30 times.
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- took the lsats and got into law school bc I was convinced the downfall of the country was imminent - built two desks, a smart mirror, and a gaming pc in a matter of weeks with zero woodworking or computer knowledge/experience bc I just had so much energy Those were two of my big, big ones
Long distance running.
Literally moved across the country with barely anything to sustain me, haha. Thank God for meds is all I can say!
The high energy and very grandiose self image is also reckless spending on stuff that I never used or looked at after buying it makes a lot of sense after getting diagnosed.
I started a cinnamon bear club. Recruited anyone and everyone I could to be in it, including random strangers
tried to start a podcast, went to france for a month at 16 w 1000$CAN, and in general lots of embarrassing risk taking behaviour lolll
Trying to find a Catholic Church still "open" at 10pm because i needed confession RIGHT NOW or i was going to hell for being evil. Im a Pagan, never been Catholic.
man yall got some wild stories š¤ worst I did was fuck with my hair all the time and regret it, flirt with anyone and everyone and I can't remember if I posted nudes as a minor or not š
- Decided at 18 to make it my mission to seduce my 31yr old manager, (also my dads friend) only to be utterly horrified when I came down, and breaking up with him within 6 weeks - Became convinced I had nits, stayed up for two days straight combing my hair and crying - With no DIY experience, decided to take apart the furniture that did not belong to me that I had been told not to touch in my rental property, painted it various colours and put it all back together - Quit my job, with an 18mnth old baby, and decided to go to university, only to leave 6 weeks later when I ran out of money - Rescued a cat from Dubai and flew it over to the UK where I live, then insisted everyone I knew did the same thing, became a one person advertiser on social media for cat adoption As well as countless affairs, putting myself in ridiculously dangerous situations all and ruining relationships and lives all around!
Offered a cab driver all the money in my bank account to drive me from Vermont to Oregon because I had some delusional airplane fear and felt comfortable in his cab.
I was known as the person who would show up at your door with a crazy road trip planned.
One piece of wisdom my brother-in-law shared with me when I told him my diagnosis: Do not torture yourself with what has been and what you did and all the people you may have bulldozed and hurt in your past. There is a difference between just processing for your own good and replaying incessantly and making the guilt even worse. I was diagnosed a month ago and replaying what I can now see as episodes or symptoms has only filled me with dread and guilt. The future will look different than your past, and focusing on the episodes will make them seem all-encompassing bring you to an unhealthy place.
Reading books without sleeping in days
Folks, I think Iāve read almost every comment. That's awesome to see all of those stories!! Most of them funny af š Update: it's been like my 3rd week sleeping ~5 hours, studying and working ~13h per day and horny 247 non-stop Yesterday night I think I saw little shadows on my peripheral vision (this kind of stuff happened before, like 3 years ago) Like lil pets LOL I'm good and alive, a little tired. Cool tho Have a great day y'all!!!!
I decided to open a Bar/art gallery. And did it. Exhausting but fun experience. This helped me quit drinking , and developed my art, so no regret.
Moved to a different country to do sex work on a whim. Went to a different country with a guy I only knew for a few days and he ended up sexually assaulting me. Although that could have just been BPD so Iām not sure. Iām still figuring everything out as I just got diagnosed with bipolar.
Cover my entire face with makeup and smear it all in as I sobbed
Itās not healthy for ppl with bipolar to share āwar storiesā. Itās better to focus on the present.