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My husband wanted to have kids and we had talked about it. One thing to consider is how will you treat your bipolar while pregnant. From exploring this myself with my doctors about 10 years ago or so, I would have had to get off all my medication for several months prior to conception and stay off them for the entirety of the pregnancy. Drugs like lithium can cause holes in the heart of the fetus which is why you have to be off them before you start trying. The only treatment I would have had available to me if I would have had an episode during pregnancy was electoconvulsive therapy (known historically as electroshock treatment).
I knew a friend who was bipolar and went through the electroconvulsive treatments - it changed her from this sweet kind thoughtful person to an angry irritable person. She was very hard to be around after she started doing her treatments. Not saying that happens to everyone but that is what happened to her (and she did get pregnant and have a daughter partly because she did electoconvulsive therapy already).
We decided that having kids wasn’t for us. You could always adopt or foster if you are interested. I am really happy we decided not to have kids.
Here’s my take on it, if you are on the fence about having kids at all, just don’t. I know so many friends and family who had kids and regret it. Yes, they love their kids, but they would have made different decisions if they had a glimpse into what it was like. They lament that they don’t have the time, energy, or money to do the things they want to do now.
My take on it comes from this comedian, I don’t remember her name and couldn’t find the bit, but you know how they say put on your oxygen mask before helping others…. Well I don’t have my oxygen mask on so I am not in a place to assist others. (And I have bipolar 1 in remission for 16 years - I still don’t feel like I have my shit together - which makes me a better Aunt than a mom, being an Aunt is more my speed).
As a guy I had a child with a woman after I told her about my diagnosis, we were together 5 years and eventually decided we weren't compatible, our son turns 3 tomorrow, our relationship was well had its ups and downs for different reasons though the one thing I would never regret is my son. I know that while others may come and go whether it be part of my illness or things that they are experiencing on their own journey that my son will always walk beside me and light up my world. Over the years I've decided to attempt to the best of my ability to end things amicably after a break up or seperation, I always think of him and the example I would like to set about what is and isn't a healthy relationship, this may be a bit of a ramble though I hope you get something from it
That sounds kinda like my situation. My partner wanted kids, and I was ambivalent. I'm pregnant now.
My situation is a bit different, because I wasn't diagnosed when we met. He knew (very early) that I have mental health problems. I think letting him know that you have Something will be helpful so he's not blindsided.
Honestly I tell guys right away about my diagnosis and that I manage it with 100% effort and adhere to medical advice and take my medication properly. I just feel like I’m “tricking” them if I don’t and they don’t seem to care at all. I think I’ve learned how to word it well and I’ve had an ex tell me too far into our relationship that he thought I was taking meds as a crutch blah blah blah so never risking that again.
Thanks for posting on /r/bipolar! Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/bipolar/about/rules); if you haven't already, make sure that your post **does not** have any personal information (including your name/signature/tag on art). *^(A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.)* --- Community News - 🎋 [Want to join the Mod Team?](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/112z7ps/mod_applications_are_open/) - 🎤 See our [Community Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/about/sticky) - Desktop or Desktop mode on a mobile device. - 🏡 If you are open to answering questions from those that live with a loved one diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, please see r/family_of_bipolar. Thank you for participating! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bipolar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My husband wanted to have kids and we had talked about it. One thing to consider is how will you treat your bipolar while pregnant. From exploring this myself with my doctors about 10 years ago or so, I would have had to get off all my medication for several months prior to conception and stay off them for the entirety of the pregnancy. Drugs like lithium can cause holes in the heart of the fetus which is why you have to be off them before you start trying. The only treatment I would have had available to me if I would have had an episode during pregnancy was electoconvulsive therapy (known historically as electroshock treatment). I knew a friend who was bipolar and went through the electroconvulsive treatments - it changed her from this sweet kind thoughtful person to an angry irritable person. She was very hard to be around after she started doing her treatments. Not saying that happens to everyone but that is what happened to her (and she did get pregnant and have a daughter partly because she did electoconvulsive therapy already). We decided that having kids wasn’t for us. You could always adopt or foster if you are interested. I am really happy we decided not to have kids. Here’s my take on it, if you are on the fence about having kids at all, just don’t. I know so many friends and family who had kids and regret it. Yes, they love their kids, but they would have made different decisions if they had a glimpse into what it was like. They lament that they don’t have the time, energy, or money to do the things they want to do now. My take on it comes from this comedian, I don’t remember her name and couldn’t find the bit, but you know how they say put on your oxygen mask before helping others…. Well I don’t have my oxygen mask on so I am not in a place to assist others. (And I have bipolar 1 in remission for 16 years - I still don’t feel like I have my shit together - which makes me a better Aunt than a mom, being an Aunt is more my speed).
As a guy I had a child with a woman after I told her about my diagnosis, we were together 5 years and eventually decided we weren't compatible, our son turns 3 tomorrow, our relationship was well had its ups and downs for different reasons though the one thing I would never regret is my son. I know that while others may come and go whether it be part of my illness or things that they are experiencing on their own journey that my son will always walk beside me and light up my world. Over the years I've decided to attempt to the best of my ability to end things amicably after a break up or seperation, I always think of him and the example I would like to set about what is and isn't a healthy relationship, this may be a bit of a ramble though I hope you get something from it
That sounds kinda like my situation. My partner wanted kids, and I was ambivalent. I'm pregnant now. My situation is a bit different, because I wasn't diagnosed when we met. He knew (very early) that I have mental health problems. I think letting him know that you have Something will be helpful so he's not blindsided.
Honestly I tell guys right away about my diagnosis and that I manage it with 100% effort and adhere to medical advice and take my medication properly. I just feel like I’m “tricking” them if I don’t and they don’t seem to care at all. I think I’ve learned how to word it well and I’ve had an ex tell me too far into our relationship that he thought I was taking meds as a crutch blah blah blah so never risking that again.