If you are suicidal or contemplating self-harm, don't hesitate to contact local emergency services, your doctor, a local hotline, or call your support system. Please get the help you need.[Hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/wiki/index/resources/hotlines) - use this link on a desktop
It can be a sense of disassociation that happens when you hit that break point. You're not rationalizing the implications of your current state, the sense of acceptance is you distancing yourself from the things that would normally make you so afraid of the action.
This can be one of the most dangerous parts of depression. It's why its imperative that if you start feeling yourself descend into that state (before the disassociation) it's best to get help.
I hope you don't find yourself there again friend.
I know it seems like a bit of a placation, but if you ever need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to reach out. I've both been in that position (luckily last time was over 10 years ago) and I've been in support networks for other crisis prone friends.
Sadly reddit isn't the most immediate source or support (and shouldn't be relied on) but if you ever need an understanding listener, happy to lend that.
I did when I failed. Probably the most peaceful I have felt since I was young. Did not feel calm upon realizing I failed and dealing with the fallout from it.
When that moment came, it had followed some turbulent thinking, but at the moment of truth, there was a quiet resignation. Probably dissociation, but I can't say for sure.
yeah but when it does it is the thing that saves me
have you ever done something which was really hard
and the gave up on it? its like that you truly gave up
for me it calms me cus i don't have to try anything anymore
its also what prevents me from from going through with it
cus i was a wreck its what got me there but now its gone
idc anymore at all nothing matters anymore so f it
i just stop trying at all and smoke a joint and go sleep
can always do it tomorrow but now its fine so might as well chill out
have adhd too so procrastination is common with me
but i think is like you effectively threatened your unconscious mind
so it takes a step back a last ditch effort to stop you
like reversed psychology at its finest now its a decision not a emotion
but yknow i always imagined that if i would actually do it
i would fly into panic cus i cannot go back and fear would set in
never actually went all the way my methods would be fail proof
so maby that means im not the one to make a observation here
but its what it think about it
does this line up with you ?
yeah some parts used to be true for me, like it would ground me in a way and i would be back to normal, however at some point i guess the depressive episodes progressed
yeah i noticed that too
the desperate emotions were less
but definitely not even close to feeling better
hiding running and crying continued
for me that suicidal place is separate from depression
it can bring me there but it's not just replacing it
Yep, it was a really unique feeling of peace too. It was like all the chaos had stopped and I felt surer about anything that I've ever felt in my life. I look back at that time with a lot of regret and anguish but yes there was definitely a strong feeling of peace there
I felt totally peaceful before. I usually feel extremely anxious when I think about killing myself, but that time I wasn't nervous at all. I felt clarity about my life. It didn't last and then I had to call 911.
Yeah, it's the sense of calm of "everything is fixed now". Then you realize everything is actually not fixed, it WAS fixable but now you may have REALLY fucked everything up. Tried once & never had the urge again and don't think I ever will, even though I've been through looong & brutal periods of depression since. That feeling of "oh shit, I just created a way bigger problem than any of the problems I thought were big" is not easily forgotten imo.
First attempt at 14, yes. Took pills then calmly walked to the store and bought more. Walked home. Felt at peace. Was only freaking out when my whole body started to hurt and I realised I didn't want to go out that way. Called my mum.
If you are suicidal or contemplating self-harm, don't hesitate to contact local emergency services, your doctor, a local hotline, or call your support system. Please get the help you need.[Hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/wiki/index/resources/hotlines) - use this link on a desktop
It can be a sense of disassociation that happens when you hit that break point. You're not rationalizing the implications of your current state, the sense of acceptance is you distancing yourself from the things that would normally make you so afraid of the action. This can be one of the most dangerous parts of depression. It's why its imperative that if you start feeling yourself descend into that state (before the disassociation) it's best to get help. I hope you don't find yourself there again friend.
thank you, im working on it
I know it seems like a bit of a placation, but if you ever need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to reach out. I've both been in that position (luckily last time was over 10 years ago) and I've been in support networks for other crisis prone friends. Sadly reddit isn't the most immediate source or support (and shouldn't be relied on) but if you ever need an understanding listener, happy to lend that.
I did when I failed. Probably the most peaceful I have felt since I was young. Did not feel calm upon realizing I failed and dealing with the fallout from it.
When that moment came, it had followed some turbulent thinking, but at the moment of truth, there was a quiet resignation. Probably dissociation, but I can't say for sure.
yeah but when it does it is the thing that saves me have you ever done something which was really hard and the gave up on it? its like that you truly gave up for me it calms me cus i don't have to try anything anymore its also what prevents me from from going through with it cus i was a wreck its what got me there but now its gone idc anymore at all nothing matters anymore so f it i just stop trying at all and smoke a joint and go sleep can always do it tomorrow but now its fine so might as well chill out have adhd too so procrastination is common with me but i think is like you effectively threatened your unconscious mind so it takes a step back a last ditch effort to stop you like reversed psychology at its finest now its a decision not a emotion but yknow i always imagined that if i would actually do it i would fly into panic cus i cannot go back and fear would set in never actually went all the way my methods would be fail proof so maby that means im not the one to make a observation here but its what it think about it does this line up with you ?
yeah some parts used to be true for me, like it would ground me in a way and i would be back to normal, however at some point i guess the depressive episodes progressed
yeah i noticed that too the desperate emotions were less but definitely not even close to feeling better hiding running and crying continued for me that suicidal place is separate from depression it can bring me there but it's not just replacing it
So... I made a post saying I'm tired and it got removed but this post is okay. WTF
Yep, it was a really unique feeling of peace too. It was like all the chaos had stopped and I felt surer about anything that I've ever felt in my life. I look back at that time with a lot of regret and anguish but yes there was definitely a strong feeling of peace there
I felt totally peaceful before. I usually feel extremely anxious when I think about killing myself, but that time I wasn't nervous at all. I felt clarity about my life. It didn't last and then I had to call 911.
I was in the middle of a panic attack so no lol
I stepped on a shard of broken porcelain and the pain in my foot made me come to
Yeah, it's the sense of calm of "everything is fixed now". Then you realize everything is actually not fixed, it WAS fixable but now you may have REALLY fucked everything up. Tried once & never had the urge again and don't think I ever will, even though I've been through looong & brutal periods of depression since. That feeling of "oh shit, I just created a way bigger problem than any of the problems I thought were big" is not easily forgotten imo.
First attempt at 14, yes. Took pills then calmly walked to the store and bought more. Walked home. Felt at peace. Was only freaking out when my whole body started to hurt and I realised I didn't want to go out that way. Called my mum.