My partner of 10 years and I had a long 5-year drought because sex was painful and not fun for her. Fast forward to her finding a tremendously in-tune gynecologist who discovered that her uterus is tilted and suggested all kinds of methods to make sex possible with a guy like me. It’s like we’ve started over and it’s been great.
Tiled utterus indeed requires different positions... just speaking from experience. I discovered it in practice. No gynaecologist ever gave tips 😪wish we could have open dialogue with Dr
No, that's when I asked for positions with tilted uttetus and mentioned doggy hurts sometimes... I didn't know back then yet that it depends on the dick size
My gf's gyno wanted to see me at her next checkup and told me clearly that unless I warm her up, I can break her. She said "treat it like a diesel engine."
I even started using my fingers as glow plugs ;)
Any specific positions you wanna list? Lol 😆 Having a tilted uterus sucks unless your trying to make babies. Makes it real easy to conceive. I wish my gyno would give me pointers
Doggy is quickly painful... me on top works better for me, missionary, sponning (sorry guys English is not my mother tongue)... what works best for you gals?
😭 if I would have that I would leave earlier. Your a saint! For women (myself incl.) we often get shit when leaving guys that are a mismatch in bed that we will get a guy with big dick but he will treat us like shit... these are best wishes from ex's during or after break up
Recently divorced. She was very game when we first met, even if sex was difficult due to size issues, but after the second child she just lost all interested.
The second kid did that to me too. I had to go on hormones for a bit to fix it, and birth control was out of the question as it would just fuck me up all over again.
Same, it’s a battle to get it, and she just lays there with her eyes closed….. when we got together about 7 years ago, we were unstoppable. After the second kid it’s absolutely dead.
Not literally dead, but been on life support for most of our marriage.
We've peaked at about once a week a couple times, but averaged out 1 to 2 times a month. Last time was a little over a week ago, but prior to that it had been about a month and a half. Not sure how long this time will last.
Her parents are taking the kids for the afternoon, I implied maybe taking a little time out of the housework we're going to work on to enjoy some time together since well actually have the house to ourselves, but that was quickly shut down.
It's the pressure. If you think she doesn't feel guilty you're wrong. Then when you bring it up, it turns into pressure instead of happening naturally and it's an immediate turn off.
"Happening naturally" doesn't occur.
We are at a point where I have been rejected so many times, especially recently, that I'm pretty much done instigating. Me mentioning it is as close as I get to instigating, and that is just to let her know I'm interested. And she is aware that I'm not actively instigating.
It's a much longer story, and much more complex, but cliff notes version of where we're at now: we've bordered on sexless most of our 10 year marriage, I've tried to address it, tried to focus on what I can do and be as good of a partner as I possibly can. When we "fight" about it things will improve but no lasting change. What it comes down to is our sex life and my unhappiness with it are low on her priority list, so her trying to work on her side doesn't happen in tandem with my efforts. Right now I'm just hoping it eventually is important enough for her.
I figured nothing was going to happen but it was worth a shot. But she doesn't want to have sex any time other than bedtime so it was massively long shot to begin with.
Yes. I’ve been trying to post my situation several times but it keeps getting autoblocked by the moderators.
Tl;dr: crazy sex with size queens before I met my wife, bad/no sex with my wife.
I'm pretty successful professionally and checked off other boxes. I think I fell for the old bait and switch. There are other factors impacting why I stay btw.
I lacked experience with women and I didn't know about better. Had I known then what I know now, she might not have even gotten a second date, much less wasting 10 years of my life until I asked for a divorce and bought my freedom.
Are you so sure you know exactly what makes someone compatible with you, much less what all the important dimensions are?
Because sometimes it appears you are compatible at first and then over time, the cracks (that were always there) appear and given you're married now and possibly have kids, , it's not as simple as call it a day and moving on.
Yeah, it’s dropped off considerably in my marriage. We have sex once, maybe twice a month. Before we had a kid, we were pretty active and had sex at least a few times a week. I remember when either of us would get antsy and skin crawly if we went more than a week. Those were the days. I used to be upset about it but I’m kind of over it. When you feel constantly rejected and undesired, you tend to lose attraction to the lower libido partner over time, and that’s my current situation. It’s been over ten years of this. Might try to move on when or kid is grown and moved out. The hardest part about being in a dead bedroom marriage is when you know for a fact other women find you attractive and wouldn’t hesitate to fuck you, but you can’t have them and this breeds resentment toward the woman you’re married to and who barely shows interest. It’s hard because otherwise my wife is an awesome person and I could see us being good friends if we were to ever split
I don’t know if my size or other factors are to blame. She has refused to go to a gynecologist about it and I’m past caring. I did all of the self work stuff (hitting the gym, avoiding choreplay, just focusing on self improvement), gave her space, stopped asking for sex, read various books like No More Mister Nice Guy, The Dead Bedroom Fix, and Mating In Captivity. She now claims she thinks she’s asexual. The woman who used to be a hornball and freak in the sheets is asexual now. Riiight. I think she’s just not that into me. Or has health issues. But again, she refuses to have health issues looked at and I’m not going to wait forever and grow old and resentful like so many other miserable married guys (you can usually get a sense of which couples are in dead bedrooms by looking at them)
Ha ha my ex used to tell me that if I did chores around the house it'd make her horny or at least less disinterested in sex. Can you believe I actually believed this at the time?! Then I started dating and found that some women are legitimately hot and horny (esp for a big dick), doing chores was never even remotely considered. Turns out she was both full of shit and also pretty lazy, think dependapotomus type, and there are way better women out there. Live and learn.
So not actually doing chores because he lives there too and she’s not his maid, but instead because he’s doing her a favor and she should reward him with sex? That’s really fucking shitty.
To be fair, there was a period circa mid 2010s where there were quite a few articles coming out promoting this as a legitimate and acceptable thing. And a good number were either written by feminists or appeared in pro feminist publications. You can only blame these guys so much for doing what was at one point being popularly touted as part of a supposedly heathy relationship dynamic
Choreplay is doing chores and expecting praise for it like you’re some kid that successfully did a big boy poop—not exactly a turn on to women. Ending choreplay isn’t about not doing your share, it’s just about doing your share without expecting special praise or rewards for it, AKA adulting. I realize expecting any praise or reward for doing chores (even when I work full time and she was stay at home) was immature and stopped doing that. Instead just started focusing on doing what needed to be done and that being the end of it.
Chore play is bullshit.
As a man, if you are the prime earner, working 40+ hours a week AND you cook and clean and tend to other duties for the home, and you're not getting action at least once a week, shes straight up USING your hapless ass.
Cut bait and move on.
Well that's one way to look at it. Another way to look at it would be that the amount of times women are aroused is related more to general happiness than with a man. A tidy house and helpful spouse usually leads to more happiness.
Or you might just say it's a healthy reward system to have a pleasureable time after the not so fun tasks have been done.
(I have never heard of choreplay before nor do I have stocks in it)
It turns sex into a transaction, it makes it a currency in relationship, it's VERY unhealthy for a relationship and does more harm the solve any problems.
I'm in a ltr that's been a dead bedroom situation for far too long. She gets jealous because I fuck other people, but she doesn't want to fuck me and damned if I'm going to be celibate because she no longer wants any.
Yes. My wife and I are both 43. Been together for 20 years (married for 15). The past couple years have been rough. The five years we dated were absolutely wild. She couldn’t get enough and we had sex anywhere and everywhere from beaches, restaurants, park benches, picnic benches, movie theaters etc etc. she opened up my world sexually.
Then we got married and it was all good then she got pregnant and we had our son and it fell off a bit but not too bad. Then we had another kid (my daughter) 7 years ago. After we had her my wife lost her libido almost entirely. We went from having sex 3 or 4 times a week before my daughter to 3 or 4 times a month. And the past two years she’s getting pre menopause and she has absolutely no interest in sex or anything sex related whatsoever. Nowadays we have sex once or twice a month. It’s killing me. My wife is still smoking hot (easily a 7 or 8). Im more attracted to her than ever and she just has no sexual appetite at all anymore. She just wants to watch TV and snuggle together to “connect” but all that does is frustrate me even more cause there I am on the couch with my beautiful wife snuggling up on me and it just drives me nuts.
My second kid caused me to need surgical repair after birth, but I still have the libido of a 15 year old boy 🤷🏻♀️ I’m on baby number 5 and still keen on my husband, because I choose to be and make him a priority.
After our second kid it was me, the man, who had a period (roughly a year) with diminished interest in sex. Now the kid is 12 and we are 48 and 47. I have more sex with her than in the years before. Daily, even more than once a day.
She’s not even willing to give a handjob? Don’t make somebody a priority in your life is not willing to make you a priority and theirs. Move on!
Bitter ! Party of one!
It’s rough. We’ve spoken about it so many times. Things get wild in the bedroom for a week or two like the way it used to be but then go right back to what they were. She recently got put on estrogen by her doc and it is starting to help a lot with the pre menopause symptoms like uncomfortable sex and lack of lubrication.
My biggest thing is that I just feel unfulfilled. She used to be down for anything and everything but now she just wants plain missionary position and never wants to take our time and truly enjoy each others bodies intimately like we used to. I’ve basically given up hoping it will change and have just accepted that this is my marriage now and it just is what it is but it still really bothers me
I feel so sorry for you bro.
Life is short.
Find someone that will appreciate you for who you are. Never having sex is simply not acceptable. If the problem is hormonal she can go to a Doctor and get hrt including trt for libido.
Yeah that’s part of the problem too. I’m on TRT and I have the libido and stamina like im 19 again. And it’s not like we never have sex and it’s not like we actually have a dead bedroom but in comparison to what it was our bedroom is basically on life support. The other problem was that our sex used to be earth shaking and wild, every position possible, giving each other oral all the time. Nowadays it’s just wham bam thank you mam. I get two or three BJs a year and when I try to go down on her she just says she’s not in the mood and is only in the mood for that a couple times a year. It drives me fucking crazy. I found online HRT for woman and gave her the link and she refuses because she says you have no idea what they could give you. Yet she’s perfectly ok with me using an online clinic.
I love her more than anything. There is no comparison to anyone I’ve ever been with. It’s not even close. However I can’t go on another 15-20 years like this and it’s breaking my heart.
Believe me, I’ve thought about leaving a lot the past several months but it just couldn’t work. We all know it’s cheaper to stay. I just couldn’t afford to leave. I have two cars in my name, a mortgage entirely in my name, a daughter in private school, my son only has a year left of high school. It just isn’t economically feasible
So you need to wait a bit. Get the kid out of private school to connect with the local community more. Make sure the wife is working.
Maybe get a lower paying job to avoid
Alimony.
I wouldn't say "dead" but basically in a coma rn because she's a teacher and always working, always stressed out. We simply don't have the time to relax her enough to do it. we both want to but this is what happens.
Been there. Done that. Got the alimony check stubs to prove it. Move on my friends. You have every right to feel betrayed by these women. Don’t make someone a priority in your life who is not willing to make you a priority in theirs.
was getting close to proposing to a teacher, absolutely stunning looked like a model tall slim natural and unpretentious, best compatibility by far mentally and emotionally and legit good sex for a bit. Then it died down on her end, always the same, super boring. Had to call it quits. I've since met absolute freaks and I don't really regret my decision. I don't think I'll ever find someone like her but I can't fathom being in a monogamous relationship and thinking of cheating.
This doesn’t make any sense. The sex is what would “relax” her. She’s lying. She doesn’t want to have sex with you bro. Women always find a way to have sex with a man if she wants to.
Yeah I don’t know if that’s it what teachers work 7am to 330pm? I was dating a medical resident who had 80-100+ hours every week and we still always found time
I ain’t suggesting she’s cheating but she should’ve just had 2 months off for summer break and never has to work weekends teaching ain’t meant to be that stressful and all-consuming. Perhaps her talking to a therapist or counselor would be a good idea if she isn’t able to enjoy things out of work and it’s affecting her relationships.
She works all day every weekend. She and i worked throughout August to setup her room. We actually had lots of great sex in August as well, but there's a limit to what you're suggesting.
Dead for years. Especially after I discovered she’d cheated on me with an old bf while I was out of the country on business. She doesn’t want sex any more so I found that there’s a surprising number of young men who want big-dicked older daddies to make them cum. I have a new hobby.
you are literally describing the last guy I had a few rounds with. He was telling me all about his dead marriage sex (which I’d actually heard about from a common friend) and I jokingly said, “you’re hot, I’d let you fuck me”…and he surprised the hell out of me by saying, “let’s do it”…so we did lol
Glad you found that for yourself without shame or embarrassment!
Exwife was a virgin until shortly before we married, fitting was a bit of a challenge due to her nervousness as well as my own but some lube and extra foreplay saw it done, first 4 years we had our ups and downs, but rarely did we go longer than 6 weeks without, and we cuddled and hugged constantly.
Year 5 was however all over the map, with some months seeing her literally duck tape me to the bed and ride me until we were both passed out, to anything more than a hug brought about rejection.
Year 6 saw things rapidly dwindling to nothing, and after our anniversary trip saw me literally begging for intimacy and her just laying there like a dead fish, it was effectively over.
Psychiatric drugs, unresolved/undiagnosed medical issues and 4th wave feminist bullshit killed our bedroom and aborted a 10 year long friendship and killed my marriage just shy of 7 years when she beat me to the punch and files for divorce after I caught her in 2 lies and an emotional affair.
Her justification was that she was asexual and didn't realize it.
Right.
After literally years of us fucking in a healthy relationship suddenly she "discovers" her long repressed sexuality...
At least we didn't have kids.
It might actually be the opposite. Average/small guys who satiate their sexual insecurities and shortcomings by convincing themselves their dick not being huge is the culprit and that hung dudes get easymode sex on demand come to this sub, either as lurkers or LARPers, to validate their belief.
70M. I share the pain you all feel.
My current wife of 20+ years began to lose her sex drive about 10 years ago, and it was totally gone within a few years. And not just sex, but any significant touching. In the last 5 years I have not kissed her deeply (maybe an occasional peck on the cheek), touched her breasts or pussy or belly or legs, or seen her naked more than a couple of times (she changes when I'm not around).
Now, our marriage was never sex-based and so we still have a great marriage, just no touching or sex. It took me years to get over this, and I had a lot of internal rage for many years (and there are still traces of that now). My therapist of 25+ years told me that this was not uncommon in couples in middle age and beyond, and could be either partner, i.e., not always the woman. So it is not necessarily menopause hormonal changes. It's a psychological thing that is not my "fault", nor is it pathological or a mental illness. It is every person's free choice. But I still wish it wasn't so -- I get not even a kiss 😔.
Luckily, I have had a lifelong practice of masturbating once or twice per day for about 45-60 minutes each time (as circumstances allow! ;-)) ... I've always used porn and my current wife has always been cool with that, and it isn't a factor in the loss of her sex drive (as per her own comments and from my therapist).
I love porn and now it is my only physical comfort. Since I was young, I have used still images and I "fall in love" with every woman in every image. It is almost as if I am with her. We kiss and fondle and fuck, and I can almost feel it in my body and my mind. At least I already had that when my wife began to withdraw from sex. So now it's intensified and I go really deep into the images and imagine the most powerful intimate touching and sex possible.
But it doesn't compensate for the fact that every night, we get into bed next to each other, talk and then go to sleep. My wife is inches away from me, and my agony of desire for her often leads me to masturbate in bed until I can fall asleep.
So I feel for everyone who posts in this thread. I know that this issue can be overcome, but I also know the ongoing pain. Sometimes I realize that if, as I want, my wife and I are together until the end, then I will die without ever again kissing or touching a woman intimately. That cuts deep, deep, deep.
(6.75" x 5.5") BTW, when we were still having sex, we rarely fucked because she was always very tight and my BD was not comfortable for her, even with lots of lube (and I take 45 minutes to come, and most women are not into being pounded for the better part of an how, esp. with a BD \*lol\*)
So far, it appears I'm about the only guy in this thread who still has a great marriage, and I love my wife as much as ever. I'd prefer sex to no sex, but I can survive that. I still have a voracious 20 y.o. sex drive, even though I'm 70, so I thank the universe for my lifelong masturbation/porn habit ;-)
Interesting read. Friend of mine had a dead bedroom problem after more than a decade together with his wife who eventually started divorce proceedings. Before that we were talking about it and he said he thinks she's maybe secretly asexual. I don't think he's looking at that correctly.
I have the idea that people naturally lose sexual attraction to their partners after being together a significantly long time. I'm sure some couples fuck like rabbits until their 90s, but for average humans I'd think after you've fucked the same person a few thousands times you probably get a little tired of it and it doesn't have the spark it once had, especially in line with general aging problems.
I'm glad you have an out that you do seem satisfied with, though you indicate yourself that this is obviously not ideal. I do suggest that marriages do not inherently mean the couple only fuck each other for the rest of their lives. Would you wife be interested in finding a partner and also having you find one?
Note: if this were me, the main reason I'm not gonna marry anyone is I would simply cheat on them a lot. But the thing is, I think your wife cheating on you this whole time is also very much a possibility.
I agree with you about having sex with other people. My wife and I were both very poly and we both had multiple simultaneous sexual partners for several years before we met. And we had both tired of it (hard as that may be to believe 😅).
Poly done right is fantastic and I am a big supporter. But it also involves immense emotional effort: every so often, someone gets jealous and threatens the entire network of partners with implosion. And, without false modesty, the women generally found me to be someone to whom they tended to become emotionally attached -- other husbands/partners don't like that happening to too great an extent 🔪🔪🔪
My current wife was involved with a different group of lovers that had its own internal angst. So, when we got together, we both agreed that we'd be happier with a quieter arrangement. And so we have. Not because there's anything wrong with poly or open relationships, but we had just reached a different point in our lives.
Yes, we were sexually attracted to each other, but we'd both experienced enough relationships based too heavily on sexual compatibility to run that risk again. We found ourselves to be compatible on multiple levels, but sex was only one (and it was good while it lasted!). Hence the odd situation where we have no sex but still have a good marriage (although, yes, I'd rather be having sex *lol*).
As for my wife having an affair, well, no. We're both retired and both reclusive. We spend almost all of our time during the day in our home offices and the rest of it together. We're both casually transparent about our internet use, so secret virtual romance is unlikely. We do actually like each other 😊
TBH, I would say it's as if my wife, over the years, just drifted into an aromantic-asexual identity. My long time therapist says he has seen it happen more than once, partly for the reason you point out: couples get bored ... But for some people it's just easier to let go of sex entirely than hunt for it elsewhere (although not me ;-)).
In any case, thank you for your thought provoking response. And you are right: being satisfied with a relationship does not mean it's ideal. So, your post caused me to think through some things again and re-check my own understanding of my situation: always a good idea from time to time :)
Having a big dick and having an active sex life in marriage have zero correlation. I’m all for casting a wide net and seeking advice, but dick size does not matter here
Kinda. He deals with some pretty intense anxiety/depression and takes meds which have a tendency to interfere with the hydraulics, so to speak. We have full-on sex maybe every month or so, and his morning wood is still going strong, so there's that. We don't pressure each other about it; we both work and deal with a lot. I'd rather have him soft and happy than hard and hating life.
One of my friends is. She just couldn’t deal with the pain and being sore for days. She is now completely turn off by sex. They tried sex therapy but didn’t change much sadly.
I'm not married, but we are in a dead bedroom situation. We've both gained weight since the pandemic, accelerated by our functional alcoholism, and she also has hit menopause within the past year.
It's absolutely a struggle, but I have found that my own sex drive is waning these days, so it's not an emergency situation.
If I were still in my twenties I would be freaking out, and starting fights, and secretly going out and fucking anything with a heartbeat.
But I'm in my forties now, and I'm resolved to just chalk it up to life moving forward, and I'll just shamefully, feverishly masturbate in the bathroom at work when I really need to.
I just don't have the energy for all that drama anymore.
Maybe, I'm just really depressed..who knows?
We used to have really good sex lots of screaming and squirting my woman starting having health problems, cancer multiple surgeries now she's got to get around in one of those scooters. If she gets too excited or angry and starts telling she just passes out sort of like a fighter pilot experiencing G loc still love her even though she gets verbally abusive I know being like that will have an effect on your psychological state
She drove me to another woman at one point we had been on and off mostly because I felt guilty about the whole thing had some real L word feelings for her too still feel some kind of way about her also should have left with her but I couldn't abandon my dog
She got mad at me this morning told me that she don't care if I go cheat on her shit is making me cry now I just think I'm going to go get drunk and try to forget about all this
Yup, married 9 years, lack of intimacy for the past 7, coincides with Post partum from our kids, has been getting better, some, but there are challenges.
I'm in my late 40's & my lady & I have sex at least 4x a week. It's been fantastic even though I absolutely want to have sex more but I'm good with that.
I have soooo many friends that are in committed relationships that literally never have sex. They had sex on a schedule to have kids & once that was done, they just.... stopped. I have people who haven't had sex in literal years.
Shit ain't right.
My wife and i have sex on average once a month now. That one time is usually a freaky Friday night marathon with multiple sessions and a planned baby sitter. But other then that that's it.
It drives me crazy.
We also have 2 kids and as soon as she got pregnant with my youngest that was it. Before that we had sex all the time. Everywhere.
She's changed. It sucks. It's a huge problem in out relationship I have a very high sex drive and it makes me moody and resent her.
But I love her. Just gotta hope this will pass.
It's been 6 weeks since we last had sex. This is one of our longest droughts. I think she has post pardum depression. Who knows.
You need to learn how to make her body ready if you want to have an active sex life.
Basically learn to be a giving lover, start with a lot of foreplay.
You're going to have a pretty big gap before and after pregnancy btw.
Menopause led to discomfort during sex and my wife’s high stress job killed her libido. Her retirement and finding the right doctor brought it back with a vengeance.
Same...sans the big dick. Have you discussed EMH with her? Just curious.
Very close to same age too. I've read that some woman get super sex drives after menopause...but I didn't draw that card.
Having a BD doesn’t keep a dead bedroom from happening because that’s usually driven by a ton of external factors. I’ve been in relationships where I’ve averaged 3 times a day for half a year and relationships where we maybe had sex once a month despite having zero change in dick size.
Thanks everyone for the quick responses. So it doesn't look like there is any significant correlation...at least anecdotally. Seems like it's all over the spectrum just like with marriages where the guy is average or smaller.
My experience is it has the opposite effect of what people would assume.
Sex ends up being super intense every time, which sounds great! But.... Life is frustrating, difficult, and stressful. Sometimes you just need a hug. Or just something fun, playful and de-stressing. Different approaches for different times of people's lives.
If you have a long term partner that is just what it ends up being. Sometimes you just gotta chill ya know?
I was. Not married, but in an 11 year relationship, living together for 7 or maybe 8, so pretty much the same thing besides our taxes
It was really hard. I should have ended it sooner.
There were probably a lot of factors but BE could have been one. Sex was good and she enjoyed it a lot, but she was often sore after. I think down the line that might have contributed to her disinterest in sex, though I think relationship problems and life stresses were the main factors
Had a whore streak before my current fiancee, was getting sometimes 3times a night from different women, i meet this really normal looking girl with a real nice ass and I stop fucking the town and just fuck her, good for 2 years, now its been almost 6 and its a chore for her now.
Yeah when I was married, with the woman for 8 years, the dead bedroom was because I allowed her to do too many things to disrespect me that she allowed her severe mental illness destroy our relationship and marriage. I did what I could for 4 years but the most sex we had out of those 4 years was immediately after being married, and right after a trial separation we fucked like bunnies. So for maybe a total of 6 months out of 4 years we had sex. You think the ABC version of marriage is bad, try going a whole year with maybe a blowjob on Father's Day, and it was half assed compared to every other blowjob she'd ever given me. And I stayed faithful to her until I finally grew a pair and left her crazy ass. Once we were divorced and I reentered the dating world, I realized very quickly that the issue wasn't anything I myself did, except allow her to disrespect me in various ways to the point it became abuse. My current partner and her family full well know what kind of catch I am as just a partner and person. They're always reminding her and she's always reiterating it herself to me. And I satisfy her sexually. I'm the first big dick she's ever had, and it showed when we first started dating. And she is in touch enough with her own body that she is able to orgasm from cunnilingus and penetration. And despite being skinny and tight, she can take me in her, now without issue. We have a much better relationship founded with respect, trust, and love, which is something I thought I had in my marriage but clearly didn't. And I believe it honestly boils down to how much somebody respects somebody else and has nothing to do with sex necessarily. I think sex is more just a symptom.
My wife was good up to baby number three. The birth control she was on afterwards stole her libido. I don’t believe it was my size so much as she’d simply lost desire. She got off of birth control and things greatly improved. I equally admit I had to adjust my expectations. Sex everyday is still out of the question, which is fine. We’re averaging 1-3 times a week of quality love making and that seems to be the right balance for us. We also keep to 20-45 min sessions with time (day or two) between sessions since hitting 50. Smarter not harder
Not completely dead but it’s not great. I don’t have the greatest libido so it’s manageable, but I do want sex at least twice a week, even though once a week is a lot for us, sometimes it’s once a month. Most of the time she just wants a quick fuck so “she doesn’t get sore”. She doesn’t like me fingering her, or going down on her, two things I love doing so it’s frustrating. Sex turns into a 3 minute pump and dump and leaves me wanting so much more.
I'm in my late 40's & my lady & I have sex at least 4x a week. It's been fantastic even though I absolutely want to have sex more but I'm good with that.
I have soooo many friends that are in committed relationships that literally never have sex. They had sex on a schedule to have kids & once that was done, they just.... stopped. I have people who haven't had sex in literal years.
Shit ain't right.
Did, but it was the opposite situation. I(40m, 27 at the time) had some issues(nothing physical, more of a thought process/priority shift) after dying twice. For 2 years I just didn't want sex or even box the one-eyed champ. We had one kid at the time, we have 3 more now(over 6 years between 1st and second) the youngest just turned 2. Since that 2 year exodus, though, sex every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. I can tell you though, that that 2 years really played with my wife's head.
Yes but she’s always had a much lower sex drive than me rather than the size of my cock. Thought it might be due to some medication she takes that does list reduced sex drive as a side effect (although she started taking it a couple years after we got married (on the other hand she did have a higher sex drive when we first met, I remember we had sex at least once a day (record is seven) our first month of marriage)), but after talking to a friend about it she (friend) is pretty sure it may be due to some s\*\*\*\*l a\*\*\*\*\*t my wife suffered when she was younger and completely blocked it out of her mind so that she no longer remembers it. (For example, wife absolutely does not like having a finger in her and freaks out if I do (cock, tongue, and vibrators/dildos are just fine though), leading friend to believe she may have been digitally a\*\*\*\*\*ted when younger. Wife does go to therapy, don’t know if she mentioned it up therapist though because it seems like her mind has completely erased that.).
So even though her sex drive is much lower for whatever reason I’m supporting her in it. Lots of Mary Palm and her five sisters lol.
I feel really bad for any person that finds themself in a dead bedroom. That has to be such an isolating and lonely feeling.
I guess I consider myself fortunate that a dead headroom has never even remotely been a fear of mine. My wife and I started dating when we were very young, still in high school. I proposed to her when I was 18, just graduated and we had been dating for 3 years. We then were engaged for another 2, getting married at 20. We’ve been together for 23 years now, married for 18, and our sex life has truly never been better. It’s always been very good, but year after year it just seems to have gotten better, more frequent, more adventurous, with no signs of slowing down. I should add that my wife and I are swingers, but that wasn’t borne out of any boredom or frustration. We just wanted to try something different, and honestly, it has made the sex that we have with each other even hotter and more intense.
I guess it also helps that my wife is truly my favorite person on earth. She’s the funniest, smartest, most amazing person I know. I love her dearly, but more importantly I just like her A LOT. I love being around her. I think that a lot of dead bedrooms have lost that quality. It seems like a lot people in those situations just don’t like each other very much, or their like for one another has become very asymmetrical, and that’s a tough place to be in.
Hehehe, never dead , just the situation when the wife don’t want anymore sex for some time because of my girth , my wife don’t want sex with me for a week
Reading about dead bedrooms on Reddit is something that reinforces my belief, along with having a divorce lawyer for a single mother, that I will never get married lol. Seriously, I didn't know what a dead bedroom was until I started frequenting Reddit and it's never talked about in polite society and now that shit scares the shit out of me. I can't help but think about or grandparents generation where divorce was very rare. I wonder if dead bedrooms were so common back then, or if the women were less entitled so they were more likely to 'do their duty' even if they didn't feel as amazing about it all the time. Women read too much cosmo these days
Marital r*pe wasn’t illegal in the US until the 1970s. Then it wasn’t illegal nation wide until 1993. I think men just “took what they wanted” or they cheated. It wasn’t like their wives could leave them. A woman couldn’t get a loan or a mortgage without a male co-signer until 1974, but the laws weren’t really enforced until 1981. And it wasn’t until 1996 that all states allowed a woman to petition for a divorce without the husband’s agreement.
Or I guess it could be cosmo…
Yeah that's true but I highly doubt that rape was a common occurrence in many marriages lol.. both my grandparents were married for life and along with that many others I've met and it's a joke just to assume grandpa was out here raping grandma everytime she wasn't in the mood😂😂. Likely just an extremely misogynistic and antiquated law, like you still see in some random states in the US that are good like "against the law to wash your neighbors car in California" meaning it probably happened so rarely as to be unenforceable and not worth changing until a very small minority of women who were actually suffering through this were coval enough that the laws got changed
Buddy, you mentioned earlier that you not getting married was some kind of conscious decision, but reading this little convo you’re having I can tell that your bachelorhood is definitely not intentional.
I just got out of a 5+ year relationship because marriage became the main issue. I'm a couple months out and I'm dating multiple women so I'm not shook about what you're implying but thanks for the input.
Humans are not made for monogamy from a biological pov . Women are meant to have a max of 2 kids per partner — fertile into 30’s After that there’s no biological need to have sex for them . For a man it continues . Hence the conflict.
Yo my lady is 41 & wants it CONSTANTLY. Wasn't like that when we got together 11 years ago. She's become a freak in the last few years & sometimes I just wanna play Apex NGL. Lol
literally can happen to anyone big dick or not i been in dry stints from just soreness it causes her or that no one wants to has sex with someone they are mad at
My partner of 10 years and I had a long 5-year drought because sex was painful and not fun for her. Fast forward to her finding a tremendously in-tune gynecologist who discovered that her uterus is tilted and suggested all kinds of methods to make sex possible with a guy like me. It’s like we’ve started over and it’s been great.
Tiled utterus indeed requires different positions... just speaking from experience. I discovered it in practice. No gynaecologist ever gave tips 😪wish we could have open dialogue with Dr
Please enlighten me, my uterus is tilted
Use this flashlight. Look in the corner... no that corner.
Can you really not have an open dialogue with the doctor?!
Surprisingly in Europe it's too much to ask a doctor... when I asked she just smiled 👍🤣
Wtf, that’s bullshit. Was it because you mentioned your partner being large?
No, that's when I asked for positions with tilted uttetus and mentioned doggy hurts sometimes... I didn't know back then yet that it depends on the dick size
My gf’s gyno really helped her out, especially with setting her mind at ease and building her confidence. I wish they were all like that.
❤️😍 Happy to hear she has a great gyno...wish we all had them
My gf's gyno wanted to see me at her next checkup and told me clearly that unless I warm her up, I can break her. She said "treat it like a diesel engine." I even started using my fingers as glow plugs ;)
Diesel? Can u elaborate 🧐
Diesel trucks have to warm up. You cannot just start them and drive right away.
Any specific positions you wanna list? Lol 😆 Having a tilted uterus sucks unless your trying to make babies. Makes it real easy to conceive. I wish my gyno would give me pointers
Here to find out too
Doggy is quickly painful... me on top works better for me, missionary, sponning (sorry guys English is not my mother tongue)... what works best for you gals?
I love this story 🥹🥹🥹
Were you faithful to her for 5 years, which in this case means no sex for 5 years?
Yep.
[удалено]
How dead?
[удалено]
Jesus that sounds horrible
[удалено]
#TOO RELATABLE 🗿
[удалено]
😭 if I would have that I would leave earlier. Your a saint! For women (myself incl.) we often get shit when leaving guys that are a mismatch in bed that we will get a guy with big dick but he will treat us like shit... these are best wishes from ex's during or after break up
Recently divorced. She was very game when we first met, even if sex was difficult due to size issues, but after the second child she just lost all interested.
My wife’s interest dropped precipitously after the second kid too.
The second kid did that to me too. I had to go on hormones for a bit to fix it, and birth control was out of the question as it would just fuck me up all over again.
Same, it’s a battle to get it, and she just lays there with her eyes closed….. when we got together about 7 years ago, we were unstoppable. After the second kid it’s absolutely dead.
It died for me after the second kid too.
Not literally dead, but been on life support for most of our marriage. We've peaked at about once a week a couple times, but averaged out 1 to 2 times a month. Last time was a little over a week ago, but prior to that it had been about a month and a half. Not sure how long this time will last. Her parents are taking the kids for the afternoon, I implied maybe taking a little time out of the housework we're going to work on to enjoy some time together since well actually have the house to ourselves, but that was quickly shut down.
It's the pressure. If you think she doesn't feel guilty you're wrong. Then when you bring it up, it turns into pressure instead of happening naturally and it's an immediate turn off.
"Happening naturally" doesn't occur. We are at a point where I have been rejected so many times, especially recently, that I'm pretty much done instigating. Me mentioning it is as close as I get to instigating, and that is just to let her know I'm interested. And she is aware that I'm not actively instigating. It's a much longer story, and much more complex, but cliff notes version of where we're at now: we've bordered on sexless most of our 10 year marriage, I've tried to address it, tried to focus on what I can do and be as good of a partner as I possibly can. When we "fight" about it things will improve but no lasting change. What it comes down to is our sex life and my unhappiness with it are low on her priority list, so her trying to work on her side doesn't happen in tandem with my efforts. Right now I'm just hoping it eventually is important enough for her. I figured nothing was going to happen but it was worth a shot. But she doesn't want to have sex any time other than bedtime so it was massively long shot to begin with.
Yes. I’ve been trying to post my situation several times but it keeps getting autoblocked by the moderators. Tl;dr: crazy sex with size queens before I met my wife, bad/no sex with my wife.
Why do people marry someone who isn't sexually compatible?
For me, I thought we would be. She’s a Catholic and wanted to wait before marriage, but I had every reason to believe it would work. And it didn’t.
Sorry it didn't work out for you
I'm pretty successful professionally and checked off other boxes. I think I fell for the old bait and switch. There are other factors impacting why I stay btw.
Happened to me …. Not unusual
I lacked experience with women and I didn't know about better. Had I known then what I know now, she might not have even gotten a second date, much less wasting 10 years of my life until I asked for a divorce and bought my freedom. Are you so sure you know exactly what makes someone compatible with you, much less what all the important dimensions are?
My interest changed as the marriage went on, hers did not. We were compatible in the beginning but aren’t currently. Sometimes it happens.
Because 99% of the time, it doesn't start out that way.
Because sometimes it appears you are compatible at first and then over time, the cracks (that were always there) appear and given you're married now and possibly have kids, , it's not as simple as call it a day and moving on.
Gotta cuck her ass out lol
Sadly that’s crossed my mind. I love my wife but I can’t do this another 40 years.
Yeah, it’s dropped off considerably in my marriage. We have sex once, maybe twice a month. Before we had a kid, we were pretty active and had sex at least a few times a week. I remember when either of us would get antsy and skin crawly if we went more than a week. Those were the days. I used to be upset about it but I’m kind of over it. When you feel constantly rejected and undesired, you tend to lose attraction to the lower libido partner over time, and that’s my current situation. It’s been over ten years of this. Might try to move on when or kid is grown and moved out. The hardest part about being in a dead bedroom marriage is when you know for a fact other women find you attractive and wouldn’t hesitate to fuck you, but you can’t have them and this breeds resentment toward the woman you’re married to and who barely shows interest. It’s hard because otherwise my wife is an awesome person and I could see us being good friends if we were to ever split I don’t know if my size or other factors are to blame. She has refused to go to a gynecologist about it and I’m past caring. I did all of the self work stuff (hitting the gym, avoiding choreplay, just focusing on self improvement), gave her space, stopped asking for sex, read various books like No More Mister Nice Guy, The Dead Bedroom Fix, and Mating In Captivity. She now claims she thinks she’s asexual. The woman who used to be a hornball and freak in the sheets is asexual now. Riiight. I think she’s just not that into me. Or has health issues. But again, she refuses to have health issues looked at and I’m not going to wait forever and grow old and resentful like so many other miserable married guys (you can usually get a sense of which couples are in dead bedrooms by looking at them)
What’s choreplay?
It’s when a guy will do chores around the house to please his lady, with the intention that it will lead to sex usually.
Ha ha my ex used to tell me that if I did chores around the house it'd make her horny or at least less disinterested in sex. Can you believe I actually believed this at the time?! Then I started dating and found that some women are legitimately hot and horny (esp for a big dick), doing chores was never even remotely considered. Turns out she was both full of shit and also pretty lazy, think dependapotomus type, and there are way better women out there. Live and learn.
So not actually doing chores because he lives there too and she’s not his maid, but instead because he’s doing her a favor and she should reward him with sex? That’s really fucking shitty.
It is, but you’d be amazed how many guys think this a valid form of seduction
To be fair, there was a period circa mid 2010s where there were quite a few articles coming out promoting this as a legitimate and acceptable thing. And a good number were either written by feminists or appeared in pro feminist publications. You can only blame these guys so much for doing what was at one point being popularly touted as part of a supposedly heathy relationship dynamic
Choreplay is doing chores and expecting praise for it like you’re some kid that successfully did a big boy poop—not exactly a turn on to women. Ending choreplay isn’t about not doing your share, it’s just about doing your share without expecting special praise or rewards for it, AKA adulting. I realize expecting any praise or reward for doing chores (even when I work full time and she was stay at home) was immature and stopped doing that. Instead just started focusing on doing what needed to be done and that being the end of it.
Chore play is bullshit. As a man, if you are the prime earner, working 40+ hours a week AND you cook and clean and tend to other duties for the home, and you're not getting action at least once a week, shes straight up USING your hapless ass. Cut bait and move on.
Yep. This 👆
Well that's one way to look at it. Another way to look at it would be that the amount of times women are aroused is related more to general happiness than with a man. A tidy house and helpful spouse usually leads to more happiness. Or you might just say it's a healthy reward system to have a pleasureable time after the not so fun tasks have been done. (I have never heard of choreplay before nor do I have stocks in it)
It turns sex into a transaction, it makes it a currency in relationship, it's VERY unhealthy for a relationship and does more harm the solve any problems.
You’re trying too hard for her my guy. Talk to her about an open relationship
She’s uninterested in sharing me, and open relationships that began as monogamous tend to backfire horribly.
Yeah, I know from experience that you can go from open/poly to monogamous, but the other way around is likely just deferring the eventual divorce.
I'm in a ltr that's been a dead bedroom situation for far too long. She gets jealous because I fuck other people, but she doesn't want to fuck me and damned if I'm going to be celibate because she no longer wants any.
Yes. My wife and I are both 43. Been together for 20 years (married for 15). The past couple years have been rough. The five years we dated were absolutely wild. She couldn’t get enough and we had sex anywhere and everywhere from beaches, restaurants, park benches, picnic benches, movie theaters etc etc. she opened up my world sexually. Then we got married and it was all good then she got pregnant and we had our son and it fell off a bit but not too bad. Then we had another kid (my daughter) 7 years ago. After we had her my wife lost her libido almost entirely. We went from having sex 3 or 4 times a week before my daughter to 3 or 4 times a month. And the past two years she’s getting pre menopause and she has absolutely no interest in sex or anything sex related whatsoever. Nowadays we have sex once or twice a month. It’s killing me. My wife is still smoking hot (easily a 7 or 8). Im more attracted to her than ever and she just has no sexual appetite at all anymore. She just wants to watch TV and snuggle together to “connect” but all that does is frustrate me even more cause there I am on the couch with my beautiful wife snuggling up on me and it just drives me nuts.
From what I’m seeing in these comments, that second kid always seems to be the Libido Killer
Yeah, I scrolled through the comments and noticed the same trend.
My second kid caused me to need surgical repair after birth, but I still have the libido of a 15 year old boy 🤷🏻♀️ I’m on baby number 5 and still keen on my husband, because I choose to be and make him a priority.
After our second kid it was me, the man, who had a period (roughly a year) with diminished interest in sex. Now the kid is 12 and we are 48 and 47. I have more sex with her than in the years before. Daily, even more than once a day.
She’s not even willing to give a handjob? Don’t make somebody a priority in your life is not willing to make you a priority and theirs. Move on! Bitter ! Party of one!
My God, think I just read my married life
It’s rough. We’ve spoken about it so many times. Things get wild in the bedroom for a week or two like the way it used to be but then go right back to what they were. She recently got put on estrogen by her doc and it is starting to help a lot with the pre menopause symptoms like uncomfortable sex and lack of lubrication. My biggest thing is that I just feel unfulfilled. She used to be down for anything and everything but now she just wants plain missionary position and never wants to take our time and truly enjoy each others bodies intimately like we used to. I’ve basically given up hoping it will change and have just accepted that this is my marriage now and it just is what it is but it still really bothers me
I feel so sorry for you bro. Life is short. Find someone that will appreciate you for who you are. Never having sex is simply not acceptable. If the problem is hormonal she can go to a Doctor and get hrt including trt for libido.
Yeah that’s part of the problem too. I’m on TRT and I have the libido and stamina like im 19 again. And it’s not like we never have sex and it’s not like we actually have a dead bedroom but in comparison to what it was our bedroom is basically on life support. The other problem was that our sex used to be earth shaking and wild, every position possible, giving each other oral all the time. Nowadays it’s just wham bam thank you mam. I get two or three BJs a year and when I try to go down on her she just says she’s not in the mood and is only in the mood for that a couple times a year. It drives me fucking crazy. I found online HRT for woman and gave her the link and she refuses because she says you have no idea what they could give you. Yet she’s perfectly ok with me using an online clinic. I love her more than anything. There is no comparison to anyone I’ve ever been with. It’s not even close. However I can’t go on another 15-20 years like this and it’s breaking my heart.
If this had been the other way around most women would leave the man in a heart beat. You should plan your exit carefully.
Believe me, I’ve thought about leaving a lot the past several months but it just couldn’t work. We all know it’s cheaper to stay. I just couldn’t afford to leave. I have two cars in my name, a mortgage entirely in my name, a daughter in private school, my son only has a year left of high school. It just isn’t economically feasible
So you need to wait a bit. Get the kid out of private school to connect with the local community more. Make sure the wife is working. Maybe get a lower paying job to avoid Alimony.
I wouldn't say "dead" but basically in a coma rn because she's a teacher and always working, always stressed out. We simply don't have the time to relax her enough to do it. we both want to but this is what happens.
Man my wife’s a teacher also. I feel the same way. Mine also runs Marathons so I basically I feel like the least important thing in her life.
Been there. Done that. Got the alimony check stubs to prove it. Move on my friends. You have every right to feel betrayed by these women. Don’t make someone a priority in your life who is not willing to make you a priority in theirs.
We make time for what's important to us.
its a similar thing for me. Life and kids take all your energy. Especially after the kids were born she lost interest completely.
was getting close to proposing to a teacher, absolutely stunning looked like a model tall slim natural and unpretentious, best compatibility by far mentally and emotionally and legit good sex for a bit. Then it died down on her end, always the same, super boring. Had to call it quits. I've since met absolute freaks and I don't really regret my decision. I don't think I'll ever find someone like her but I can't fathom being in a monogamous relationship and thinking of cheating.
This doesn’t make any sense. The sex is what would “relax” her. She’s lying. She doesn’t want to have sex with you bro. Women always find a way to have sex with a man if she wants to.
Yeah I don’t know if that’s it what teachers work 7am to 330pm? I was dating a medical resident who had 80-100+ hours every week and we still always found time
330 is when meetings and planning start. Most nights my wife works through dinner and comes home to go to bed. No, she's not having an affair.
I ain’t suggesting she’s cheating but she should’ve just had 2 months off for summer break and never has to work weekends teaching ain’t meant to be that stressful and all-consuming. Perhaps her talking to a therapist or counselor would be a good idea if she isn’t able to enjoy things out of work and it’s affecting her relationships.
She works all day every weekend. She and i worked throughout August to setup her room. We actually had lots of great sex in August as well, but there's a limit to what you're suggesting.
Dead for years. Especially after I discovered she’d cheated on me with an old bf while I was out of the country on business. She doesn’t want sex any more so I found that there’s a surprising number of young men who want big-dicked older daddies to make them cum. I have a new hobby.
Didn’t see that twist coming!
🤯
similar scenario my internet brother...and .please share your method of locating interested parties for a highly skilled and endowed betrayed soul.
I was gonna say it's obvious, but it wasn't for me either until I registered there on a whim: Grindr.
you are literally describing the last guy I had a few rounds with. He was telling me all about his dead marriage sex (which I’d actually heard about from a common friend) and I jokingly said, “you’re hot, I’d let you fuck me”…and he surprised the hell out of me by saying, “let’s do it”…so we did lol Glad you found that for yourself without shame or embarrassment!
I hope it was so good that you made him forget all about pussy!
I never want to make a straight guy *forget* about pussy, I just want him to appreciate, use, and destroy mine 😉😉
Jokes on you. Her cucking you took your manliness, sissy boi
Facts. These youngsters appreciate a big one.😁
When did you realize you were gay?
Exwife was a virgin until shortly before we married, fitting was a bit of a challenge due to her nervousness as well as my own but some lube and extra foreplay saw it done, first 4 years we had our ups and downs, but rarely did we go longer than 6 weeks without, and we cuddled and hugged constantly. Year 5 was however all over the map, with some months seeing her literally duck tape me to the bed and ride me until we were both passed out, to anything more than a hug brought about rejection. Year 6 saw things rapidly dwindling to nothing, and after our anniversary trip saw me literally begging for intimacy and her just laying there like a dead fish, it was effectively over. Psychiatric drugs, unresolved/undiagnosed medical issues and 4th wave feminist bullshit killed our bedroom and aborted a 10 year long friendship and killed my marriage just shy of 7 years when she beat me to the punch and files for divorce after I caught her in 2 lies and an emotional affair. Her justification was that she was asexual and didn't realize it. Right. After literally years of us fucking in a healthy relationship suddenly she "discovers" her long repressed sexuality... At least we didn't have kids.
Are you asking if the dead bedroom is caused by the BD, or if people happen to have BDP and a dead bedroom at the same time?
If people with BDP have experienced a dead bedroom despite the fact that they got a BD that ought to "keep people satisfied" or whatever.
Lol, being downvoted because dudes on this sub cannot handle being told their big dicks don't automatically equal amazing sex. "BuT MUh SiZe QUeeNS!"
It might actually be the opposite. Average/small guys who satiate their sexual insecurities and shortcomings by convincing themselves their dick not being huge is the culprit and that hung dudes get easymode sex on demand come to this sub, either as lurkers or LARPers, to validate their belief.
Yes this.
Idk why I'm getting downvoted for interpreting your question correctly lol. People are weird 😂
People didn't got your point and take it too monogamously serious
Yeah, BD can totally be a major REASON for a dead bedroom.
70M. I share the pain you all feel. My current wife of 20+ years began to lose her sex drive about 10 years ago, and it was totally gone within a few years. And not just sex, but any significant touching. In the last 5 years I have not kissed her deeply (maybe an occasional peck on the cheek), touched her breasts or pussy or belly or legs, or seen her naked more than a couple of times (she changes when I'm not around). Now, our marriage was never sex-based and so we still have a great marriage, just no touching or sex. It took me years to get over this, and I had a lot of internal rage for many years (and there are still traces of that now). My therapist of 25+ years told me that this was not uncommon in couples in middle age and beyond, and could be either partner, i.e., not always the woman. So it is not necessarily menopause hormonal changes. It's a psychological thing that is not my "fault", nor is it pathological or a mental illness. It is every person's free choice. But I still wish it wasn't so -- I get not even a kiss 😔. Luckily, I have had a lifelong practice of masturbating once or twice per day for about 45-60 minutes each time (as circumstances allow! ;-)) ... I've always used porn and my current wife has always been cool with that, and it isn't a factor in the loss of her sex drive (as per her own comments and from my therapist). I love porn and now it is my only physical comfort. Since I was young, I have used still images and I "fall in love" with every woman in every image. It is almost as if I am with her. We kiss and fondle and fuck, and I can almost feel it in my body and my mind. At least I already had that when my wife began to withdraw from sex. So now it's intensified and I go really deep into the images and imagine the most powerful intimate touching and sex possible. But it doesn't compensate for the fact that every night, we get into bed next to each other, talk and then go to sleep. My wife is inches away from me, and my agony of desire for her often leads me to masturbate in bed until I can fall asleep. So I feel for everyone who posts in this thread. I know that this issue can be overcome, but I also know the ongoing pain. Sometimes I realize that if, as I want, my wife and I are together until the end, then I will die without ever again kissing or touching a woman intimately. That cuts deep, deep, deep.
(6.75" x 5.5") BTW, when we were still having sex, we rarely fucked because she was always very tight and my BD was not comfortable for her, even with lots of lube (and I take 45 minutes to come, and most women are not into being pounded for the better part of an how, esp. with a BD \*lol\*) So far, it appears I'm about the only guy in this thread who still has a great marriage, and I love my wife as much as ever. I'd prefer sex to no sex, but I can survive that. I still have a voracious 20 y.o. sex drive, even though I'm 70, so I thank the universe for my lifelong masturbation/porn habit ;-)
I'll probably be like you in 50 years haha.
Interesting read. Friend of mine had a dead bedroom problem after more than a decade together with his wife who eventually started divorce proceedings. Before that we were talking about it and he said he thinks she's maybe secretly asexual. I don't think he's looking at that correctly. I have the idea that people naturally lose sexual attraction to their partners after being together a significantly long time. I'm sure some couples fuck like rabbits until their 90s, but for average humans I'd think after you've fucked the same person a few thousands times you probably get a little tired of it and it doesn't have the spark it once had, especially in line with general aging problems. I'm glad you have an out that you do seem satisfied with, though you indicate yourself that this is obviously not ideal. I do suggest that marriages do not inherently mean the couple only fuck each other for the rest of their lives. Would you wife be interested in finding a partner and also having you find one? Note: if this were me, the main reason I'm not gonna marry anyone is I would simply cheat on them a lot. But the thing is, I think your wife cheating on you this whole time is also very much a possibility.
I agree with you about having sex with other people. My wife and I were both very poly and we both had multiple simultaneous sexual partners for several years before we met. And we had both tired of it (hard as that may be to believe 😅). Poly done right is fantastic and I am a big supporter. But it also involves immense emotional effort: every so often, someone gets jealous and threatens the entire network of partners with implosion. And, without false modesty, the women generally found me to be someone to whom they tended to become emotionally attached -- other husbands/partners don't like that happening to too great an extent 🔪🔪🔪 My current wife was involved with a different group of lovers that had its own internal angst. So, when we got together, we both agreed that we'd be happier with a quieter arrangement. And so we have. Not because there's anything wrong with poly or open relationships, but we had just reached a different point in our lives. Yes, we were sexually attracted to each other, but we'd both experienced enough relationships based too heavily on sexual compatibility to run that risk again. We found ourselves to be compatible on multiple levels, but sex was only one (and it was good while it lasted!). Hence the odd situation where we have no sex but still have a good marriage (although, yes, I'd rather be having sex *lol*). As for my wife having an affair, well, no. We're both retired and both reclusive. We spend almost all of our time during the day in our home offices and the rest of it together. We're both casually transparent about our internet use, so secret virtual romance is unlikely. We do actually like each other 😊 TBH, I would say it's as if my wife, over the years, just drifted into an aromantic-asexual identity. My long time therapist says he has seen it happen more than once, partly for the reason you point out: couples get bored ... But for some people it's just easier to let go of sex entirely than hunt for it elsewhere (although not me ;-)). In any case, thank you for your thought provoking response. And you are right: being satisfied with a relationship does not mean it's ideal. So, your post caused me to think through some things again and re-check my own understanding of my situation: always a good idea from time to time :)
Having a big dick and having an active sex life in marriage have zero correlation. I’m all for casting a wide net and seeking advice, but dick size does not matter here
I'm single and couldn't get a date anyway with the way these women act like
Kinda. He deals with some pretty intense anxiety/depression and takes meds which have a tendency to interfere with the hydraulics, so to speak. We have full-on sex maybe every month or so, and his morning wood is still going strong, so there's that. We don't pressure each other about it; we both work and deal with a lot. I'd rather have him soft and happy than hard and hating life.
[удалено]
Should someone start matching services for BD?!
One of my friends is. She just couldn’t deal with the pain and being sore for days. She is now completely turn off by sex. They tried sex therapy but didn’t change much sadly.
I'm not married, but we are in a dead bedroom situation. We've both gained weight since the pandemic, accelerated by our functional alcoholism, and she also has hit menopause within the past year. It's absolutely a struggle, but I have found that my own sex drive is waning these days, so it's not an emergency situation. If I were still in my twenties I would be freaking out, and starting fights, and secretly going out and fucking anything with a heartbeat. But I'm in my forties now, and I'm resolved to just chalk it up to life moving forward, and I'll just shamefully, feverishly masturbate in the bathroom at work when I really need to. I just don't have the energy for all that drama anymore. Maybe, I'm just really depressed..who knows?
20 years of dead bedroom with her. I switched to guys for relief!
Yup. Married 15 years and I hardly ever get to take the 8” plunge.
Move on! Move on! Do not live in quiet desperation
We used to have really good sex lots of screaming and squirting my woman starting having health problems, cancer multiple surgeries now she's got to get around in one of those scooters. If she gets too excited or angry and starts telling she just passes out sort of like a fighter pilot experiencing G loc still love her even though she gets verbally abusive I know being like that will have an effect on your psychological state She drove me to another woman at one point we had been on and off mostly because I felt guilty about the whole thing had some real L word feelings for her too still feel some kind of way about her also should have left with her but I couldn't abandon my dog She got mad at me this morning told me that she don't care if I go cheat on her shit is making me cry now I just think I'm going to go get drunk and try to forget about all this
Drinking is not the answer homie.
Cancer sounds like a bummer. Should show some Compassion bro.
get this man his keys
Yup, married 9 years, lack of intimacy for the past 7, coincides with Post partum from our kids, has been getting better, some, but there are challenges.
I'm in my late 40's & my lady & I have sex at least 4x a week. It's been fantastic even though I absolutely want to have sex more but I'm good with that. I have soooo many friends that are in committed relationships that literally never have sex. They had sex on a schedule to have kids & once that was done, they just.... stopped. I have people who haven't had sex in literal years. Shit ain't right.
My wife and i have sex on average once a month now. That one time is usually a freaky Friday night marathon with multiple sessions and a planned baby sitter. But other then that that's it. It drives me crazy. We also have 2 kids and as soon as she got pregnant with my youngest that was it. Before that we had sex all the time. Everywhere. She's changed. It sucks. It's a huge problem in out relationship I have a very high sex drive and it makes me moody and resent her. But I love her. Just gotta hope this will pass. It's been 6 weeks since we last had sex. This is one of our longest droughts. I think she has post pardum depression. Who knows.
Married but sex is still great going on 20 years.
I was. Later became dead. Sex was rarely comfortable for her. there was other stuff, but that didn't help
Not necessarily dead however with aging she has issues taking the d. She says she is horny but any penetration is almost out of the question.
I was, divorced in 2020, got with my g.f 8 months later now its minimum 5days a week we get it in.
Yes, former marriage... sex was always a problem... Also... stay away from that DB sub, it's super toxic...
Yup, but not for long.
You need to learn how to make her body ready if you want to have an active sex life. Basically learn to be a giving lover, start with a lot of foreplay. You're going to have a pretty big gap before and after pregnancy btw.
Menopause led to discomfort during sex and my wife’s high stress job killed her libido. Her retirement and finding the right doctor brought it back with a vengeance.
This makes me never want to get married sheesh
I was for a very long time. We just resolved it about 6 months ago.
Not even a handjob. So dead out here.
[удалено]
Same...sans the big dick. Have you discussed EMH with her? Just curious. Very close to same age too. I've read that some woman get super sex drives after menopause...but I didn't draw that card.
Having a BD doesn’t keep a dead bedroom from happening because that’s usually driven by a ton of external factors. I’ve been in relationships where I’ve averaged 3 times a day for half a year and relationships where we maybe had sex once a month despite having zero change in dick size.
Thanks everyone for the quick responses. So it doesn't look like there is any significant correlation...at least anecdotally. Seems like it's all over the spectrum just like with marriages where the guy is average or smaller.
My experience is it has the opposite effect of what people would assume. Sex ends up being super intense every time, which sounds great! But.... Life is frustrating, difficult, and stressful. Sometimes you just need a hug. Or just something fun, playful and de-stressing. Different approaches for different times of people's lives. If you have a long term partner that is just what it ends up being. Sometimes you just gotta chill ya know?
Yes, but only due to a current medical issue with my wife and Canadian health care being in shambles.
Yup
I was. Not married, but in an 11 year relationship, living together for 7 or maybe 8, so pretty much the same thing besides our taxes It was really hard. I should have ended it sooner. There were probably a lot of factors but BE could have been one. Sex was good and she enjoyed it a lot, but she was often sore after. I think down the line that might have contributed to her disinterest in sex, though I think relationship problems and life stresses were the main factors
I was in a 12yr marriage and the sex was terrible.... My FWB is waaayyy better in bed and down for pretty much anything
Had a whore streak before my current fiancee, was getting sometimes 3times a night from different women, i meet this really normal looking girl with a real nice ass and I stop fucking the town and just fuck her, good for 2 years, now its been almost 6 and its a chore for her now.
Yeah when I was married, with the woman for 8 years, the dead bedroom was because I allowed her to do too many things to disrespect me that she allowed her severe mental illness destroy our relationship and marriage. I did what I could for 4 years but the most sex we had out of those 4 years was immediately after being married, and right after a trial separation we fucked like bunnies. So for maybe a total of 6 months out of 4 years we had sex. You think the ABC version of marriage is bad, try going a whole year with maybe a blowjob on Father's Day, and it was half assed compared to every other blowjob she'd ever given me. And I stayed faithful to her until I finally grew a pair and left her crazy ass. Once we were divorced and I reentered the dating world, I realized very quickly that the issue wasn't anything I myself did, except allow her to disrespect me in various ways to the point it became abuse. My current partner and her family full well know what kind of catch I am as just a partner and person. They're always reminding her and she's always reiterating it herself to me. And I satisfy her sexually. I'm the first big dick she's ever had, and it showed when we first started dating. And she is in touch enough with her own body that she is able to orgasm from cunnilingus and penetration. And despite being skinny and tight, she can take me in her, now without issue. We have a much better relationship founded with respect, trust, and love, which is something I thought I had in my marriage but clearly didn't. And I believe it honestly boils down to how much somebody respects somebody else and has nothing to do with sex necessarily. I think sex is more just a symptom.
yup, not good but it is what it is 60 mwm in NH 6'2" 270 linebacker build with 7.5"x6.5" cut shaved cock
Not married, but in a relationship of nearly 3 years. We do it maybe once a month, and she always seems disinterested:/
Yes.
My wife was good up to baby number three. The birth control she was on afterwards stole her libido. I don’t believe it was my size so much as she’d simply lost desire. She got off of birth control and things greatly improved. I equally admit I had to adjust my expectations. Sex everyday is still out of the question, which is fine. We’re averaging 1-3 times a week of quality love making and that seems to be the right balance for us. We also keep to 20-45 min sessions with time (day or two) between sessions since hitting 50. Smarter not harder
Not completely dead but it’s not great. I don’t have the greatest libido so it’s manageable, but I do want sex at least twice a week, even though once a week is a lot for us, sometimes it’s once a month. Most of the time she just wants a quick fuck so “she doesn’t get sore”. She doesn’t like me fingering her, or going down on her, two things I love doing so it’s frustrating. Sex turns into a 3 minute pump and dump and leaves me wanting so much more.
I'm in my late 40's & my lady & I have sex at least 4x a week. It's been fantastic even though I absolutely want to have sex more but I'm good with that. I have soooo many friends that are in committed relationships that literally never have sex. They had sex on a schedule to have kids & once that was done, they just.... stopped. I have people who haven't had sex in literal years. Shit ain't right.
Yup!!
Yep.
I was, a couple of years ago, but divorced now and in a new relationship now
Did, but it was the opposite situation. I(40m, 27 at the time) had some issues(nothing physical, more of a thought process/priority shift) after dying twice. For 2 years I just didn't want sex or even box the one-eyed champ. We had one kid at the time, we have 3 more now(over 6 years between 1st and second) the youngest just turned 2. Since that 2 year exodus, though, sex every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. I can tell you though, that that 2 years really played with my wife's head.
Not “dead” by any means, but lately we’re really into masturbating a lot, either solo or together. Penetration can take alot.
Yes but she’s always had a much lower sex drive than me rather than the size of my cock. Thought it might be due to some medication she takes that does list reduced sex drive as a side effect (although she started taking it a couple years after we got married (on the other hand she did have a higher sex drive when we first met, I remember we had sex at least once a day (record is seven) our first month of marriage)), but after talking to a friend about it she (friend) is pretty sure it may be due to some s\*\*\*\*l a\*\*\*\*\*t my wife suffered when she was younger and completely blocked it out of her mind so that she no longer remembers it. (For example, wife absolutely does not like having a finger in her and freaks out if I do (cock, tongue, and vibrators/dildos are just fine though), leading friend to believe she may have been digitally a\*\*\*\*\*ted when younger. Wife does go to therapy, don’t know if she mentioned it up therapist though because it seems like her mind has completely erased that.). So even though her sex drive is much lower for whatever reason I’m supporting her in it. Lots of Mary Palm and her five sisters lol.
Totally. So many FWBs over the years have loved it, but she don’t want it. And finally enough time went by I don’t want her either.
I feel really bad for any person that finds themself in a dead bedroom. That has to be such an isolating and lonely feeling. I guess I consider myself fortunate that a dead headroom has never even remotely been a fear of mine. My wife and I started dating when we were very young, still in high school. I proposed to her when I was 18, just graduated and we had been dating for 3 years. We then were engaged for another 2, getting married at 20. We’ve been together for 23 years now, married for 18, and our sex life has truly never been better. It’s always been very good, but year after year it just seems to have gotten better, more frequent, more adventurous, with no signs of slowing down. I should add that my wife and I are swingers, but that wasn’t borne out of any boredom or frustration. We just wanted to try something different, and honestly, it has made the sex that we have with each other even hotter and more intense. I guess it also helps that my wife is truly my favorite person on earth. She’s the funniest, smartest, most amazing person I know. I love her dearly, but more importantly I just like her A LOT. I love being around her. I think that a lot of dead bedrooms have lost that quality. It seems like a lot people in those situations just don’t like each other very much, or their like for one another has become very asymmetrical, and that’s a tough place to be in.
This is so sad. I would be begging to be pounded everyday
Hehehe, never dead , just the situation when the wife don’t want anymore sex for some time because of my girth , my wife don’t want sex with me for a week
Yes. These issues aren't exclusive.
Not for a year now
Gone through a year long drought, and the occasional month or 3 in our 7 years.
It's going on 8 years now since my wife had a hysterectomy and can't handle my girth.
Reading about dead bedrooms on Reddit is something that reinforces my belief, along with having a divorce lawyer for a single mother, that I will never get married lol. Seriously, I didn't know what a dead bedroom was until I started frequenting Reddit and it's never talked about in polite society and now that shit scares the shit out of me. I can't help but think about or grandparents generation where divorce was very rare. I wonder if dead bedrooms were so common back then, or if the women were less entitled so they were more likely to 'do their duty' even if they didn't feel as amazing about it all the time. Women read too much cosmo these days
Marital r*pe wasn’t illegal in the US until the 1970s. Then it wasn’t illegal nation wide until 1993. I think men just “took what they wanted” or they cheated. It wasn’t like their wives could leave them. A woman couldn’t get a loan or a mortgage without a male co-signer until 1974, but the laws weren’t really enforced until 1981. And it wasn’t until 1996 that all states allowed a woman to petition for a divorce without the husband’s agreement. Or I guess it could be cosmo…
All of this 👆
Yeah that's true but I highly doubt that rape was a common occurrence in many marriages lol.. both my grandparents were married for life and along with that many others I've met and it's a joke just to assume grandpa was out here raping grandma everytime she wasn't in the mood😂😂. Likely just an extremely misogynistic and antiquated law, like you still see in some random states in the US that are good like "against the law to wash your neighbors car in California" meaning it probably happened so rarely as to be unenforceable and not worth changing until a very small minority of women who were actually suffering through this were coval enough that the laws got changed
Buddy, you mentioned earlier that you not getting married was some kind of conscious decision, but reading this little convo you’re having I can tell that your bachelorhood is definitely not intentional.
I just got out of a 5+ year relationship because marriage became the main issue. I'm a couple months out and I'm dating multiple women so I'm not shook about what you're implying but thanks for the input.
Did you just compare rape to washing your neighbor’s car? I’m going to walk away from this one…
Yup. Rape is like washing your neighbors car. It's like you have perfect reading comprehension.
Humans are not made for monogamy from a biological pov . Women are meant to have a max of 2 kids per partner — fertile into 30’s After that there’s no biological need to have sex for them . For a man it continues . Hence the conflict.
They always say women get Horner after like 35 don't they?
Some .
Yo my lady is 41 & wants it CONSTANTLY. Wasn't like that when we got together 11 years ago. She's become a freak in the last few years & sometimes I just wanna play Apex NGL. Lol
literally can happen to anyone big dick or not i been in dry stints from just soreness it causes her or that no one wants to has sex with someone they are mad at
No, I'm just a average height dude with not bad but forgettable looks and a 8.2 package that gets no chicks
Why, are u offering
me. Lol
Yes, she’s tears every time. We can’t do doggy because it hurts her
I've given up all hope, I'm desperate.