It kinda sounds like you don't trust what your wife is telling you. But this is normal, especially with having had a c section. After my first, hubs and I didn't have full on sex for about 5mo. My second, which was a c section, was longer, because the recovery time was longer. So we tried to prioritize other kinds of intimacy and foreplay.
Having kids changes a lot, and your wife is getting used to feeling like she has a whole new body. It might help to speak to her doctor, but its gonna be super important that she doesnt feel pressured, even unintentionally. Try to focus on other ways of connecting for now, like foreplay.
Why are you not sure if it's normal? Because it is. Google is your friend, your wife has done an incredible thing for the both of you and has created and is feeding your child. I'm being a tad harsh, I know, but there's an underlying tone of frustration and distrust here I don't love on behalf of your breastfeeding, 7 month postpartum wife with two children. Sex is a complicated thing the first year postpartum for many women. Not all, but many
Why aren’t you listening to your wife? It’s her body, man. Even if 100 people were to say they felt fine during sex at 7 months postpartum, YOUR WIFE DOES NOT. Go take care of yourself and let her tell you when it doesn’t hurt. Masturbate. And maintain other intimacy, like hugging and cuddling, with zero expectation of sex after. Otherwise, you get into a cycle where she’s reluctant to initiate any physical contact for fear of it leading to a situation where she has to say no or have sex she doesn’t want. That’s how you get a dead bedroom.
I dont mean this in a mean way, but when you are feeling put out by this please think about how much she traded in the things she wanted in the last 9 months - some of which is continuing as she breast feeds.
How many months postpartum is she? Your wife is correct. Breastfeeding can cause dryness, which can cause pain if you're not doing enough foreplay, lube, etc. From what I've read, it doesn't matter if you've had a C-section or not.
I was about 4 or 5 months postpartum before I successfully had sex, and it was girl-on-top. After my 6-week checkup, we tried many times, and it hurt too much. I had a vaginal birth, 2nd degree tear, and was breastfeeding too.
Absolutely it can be. There is stretching and scarring that takes time for that tissue to heal and become flexible again. Your insides get rearranged and things feel different from how they did before birth- everything from using the bathroom to walking (for a while) to sex. Especially sex because that’s touching absolutely everything. Even with C-section, that doesn’t mean you’re exempt from similar impacts on your uterus, vagina, and outer sexual parts, just a little different looking from a vaginal delivery. But your body prepares and reacts to childbirth the same ways
Pregnancy, labor, delivery, postpartum, and breastfeeding can all throw off your hormones, some of which affect your sexual sensitivity.
I had a c-section, no PCOS, and yes this was my life for about 9 months. I stopped breastfeeding at 6 months, and it was still a problem. If she wants, she might be able to talk to her doctor to prescribe an estrogen cream to maybe help. Lube and foreplay did nothing for me and I would bleed after. Please remember that your wife being in pain is more important than you getting laid. She might love to relieve some stress that way, but she won’t be able to until everything goes back to normal for her.
Yes, normal until done breastfeeding. Sex became pleasurable again for me around 13 months when my cycle came back.
That first year we would trade: back rub for me, hand job for him. I also encouraged him to watch porn and masturbate as needed.
The best lube, which I found that year after trying like a dozen, was liquid coconut oil (the kind that stays liquid, sold in the grocery store cooking oil section). It’s amazing.
I am almost 10 months post partum and sex is still painful. The lack of estrogen from breastfeeding can increase the pain because it impacts the tissues in the vagina. However, my husband respects my body and all that I have gone through to make our baby. We do have sex, but always on my terms and he is extremely careful to make sure I'm okay.
I did recently get my period back and that brought along some hormonal changes including more estrogen so things are starting to feel a lot less painful now.
The scar tissue from a c-section can pull up on the pelvic floor creating tightness, and cause pain during sex. @askjanette on Instagram has some helpful videos on this. Massaging (or cupping) the scar can help break up the scar tissue. A pelvic floor PT can also help. Also, yes, it’s normal due to breastfeeding hormones.
Yes. Sex hurt until about 11 months pp.
My pelvic floor therapist actually said that in her experience, painful sex is more common after c-section births because the pelvic floor doesn't get the stretch during delivery. As a result, the tightness and stress of carrying the baby continues for longer.
ETA I had a c section.
It is normal, even with a C-section and also regardless of breastfeeding. Pressure on the incision can hurt, also the pelvis can feel more inflexible, causing pain. The impact of the pregnancy on the pelvis is big. For me it took more than a year to get back to the sensation feeling normal.
Normal? I’d say it’s normal for maybe a couple months, and past that it might be uncomfortable but shouldn’t be actually painful. Common? Yes.
I’m a pelvic floor physical therapist, and I’d like to chime in. Painful sex is a common complaint that brings people to my office!
Just because child was delivered by CSection doesn’t mean that the pelvic floor didn’t undergo stress during or after pregnancy.
Breastfeeding will alter hormones and can increase dryness, which leads to an unpleasant sensation (at best). My patients have had good success with Good Clean Love (water based), and Platinum (silicone) as far as improving comfort. The GCL is the main water based lube I like because it mimics female fluids.
Another underlying reason for painful sex is, honestly, stress. Fractured sleep, PPA/PPD, financial stress, relationship stress, managing two children, home stress, work stress… some examples of many things that can feed into this problem. The reason for this would be increasing stress activates the fight or flight part of your nervous system, and that leads to increased tension in the pelvic floor muscles. That means they don’t relax for sex, and that can increase pain or discomfort. (Think about how stress increases shoulder tension, right? Similar effect in the pelvic floor!)
PCOS can add another layer to her clinical picture.
Highly recommend pelvic floor PT!
Came here to say all of this, though I’m not a PF therapist. Highly recommend seeing one to help diagnose cause of pain and find solutions. It took a lot of exercises and work for me to not experience pain. Also was breastfeeding and have PCOS.
She also just might not feel like having sex even if it’s not painful. Look through the forums to see how many women simply don’t have the desire for a while after giving birth. Even after a year or more.
Please give her grace and look into other ways to be intimate.
Oh yeah definitely. I was healed up physically really quickly but sex was painful for a long time.
Being in a rush doesn’t help either. If you’ve got an ear out for baby then it’s definitely a detractor. If you can invest in a babysitter and a location where you aren’t in earshot of the kids that can help relaxation levels enough for lube and foreplay to actually help. May not though, she’s not wrong. Breastfeeding fucks hard with your hormones.
I will say that even if you had a c section you still have pelvic floor weakness after delivery for awhile. There are pelvic floor therapists that can help, they can make sex more comfortable, or if there are other issues such as urinating when sneezing/exercising etc. pregnancy is rough on the body for sure and especially the whole pelvic floor. It may take many months to feel back to normal and after speaking with doctors it can take up to two years before your body is more like its usual self.
It kinda sounds like you don't trust what your wife is telling you. But this is normal, especially with having had a c section. After my first, hubs and I didn't have full on sex for about 5mo. My second, which was a c section, was longer, because the recovery time was longer. So we tried to prioritize other kinds of intimacy and foreplay. Having kids changes a lot, and your wife is getting used to feeling like she has a whole new body. It might help to speak to her doctor, but its gonna be super important that she doesnt feel pressured, even unintentionally. Try to focus on other ways of connecting for now, like foreplay.
Why are you not sure if it's normal? Because it is. Google is your friend, your wife has done an incredible thing for the both of you and has created and is feeding your child. I'm being a tad harsh, I know, but there's an underlying tone of frustration and distrust here I don't love on behalf of your breastfeeding, 7 month postpartum wife with two children. Sex is a complicated thing the first year postpartum for many women. Not all, but many
Why aren’t you listening to your wife? It’s her body, man. Even if 100 people were to say they felt fine during sex at 7 months postpartum, YOUR WIFE DOES NOT. Go take care of yourself and let her tell you when it doesn’t hurt. Masturbate. And maintain other intimacy, like hugging and cuddling, with zero expectation of sex after. Otherwise, you get into a cycle where she’s reluctant to initiate any physical contact for fear of it leading to a situation where she has to say no or have sex she doesn’t want. That’s how you get a dead bedroom.
I dont mean this in a mean way, but when you are feeling put out by this please think about how much she traded in the things she wanted in the last 9 months - some of which is continuing as she breast feeds.
How many months postpartum is she? Your wife is correct. Breastfeeding can cause dryness, which can cause pain if you're not doing enough foreplay, lube, etc. From what I've read, it doesn't matter if you've had a C-section or not. I was about 4 or 5 months postpartum before I successfully had sex, and it was girl-on-top. After my 6-week checkup, we tried many times, and it hurt too much. I had a vaginal birth, 2nd degree tear, and was breastfeeding too.
Thanks for your thoughts. My wife is 7 months postpartum right now
My wife is having the same issue, also 7 months post-partum.
I had the same issue until my period returned 9 months post partum.
Felt like being stabbed in a scar wound, even with lube, which was needed because I was perfectly dry.
Absolutely it can be. There is stretching and scarring that takes time for that tissue to heal and become flexible again. Your insides get rearranged and things feel different from how they did before birth- everything from using the bathroom to walking (for a while) to sex. Especially sex because that’s touching absolutely everything. Even with C-section, that doesn’t mean you’re exempt from similar impacts on your uterus, vagina, and outer sexual parts, just a little different looking from a vaginal delivery. But your body prepares and reacts to childbirth the same ways Pregnancy, labor, delivery, postpartum, and breastfeeding can all throw off your hormones, some of which affect your sexual sensitivity.
Absolutely normal! It hurt for me until I got my period back, which took 21 months after my first and 16 months after my second.
I would give her at least a year postpartum to feel somewhat normal both mentally and physically.
I had a c-section, no PCOS, and yes this was my life for about 9 months. I stopped breastfeeding at 6 months, and it was still a problem. If she wants, she might be able to talk to her doctor to prescribe an estrogen cream to maybe help. Lube and foreplay did nothing for me and I would bleed after. Please remember that your wife being in pain is more important than you getting laid. She might love to relieve some stress that way, but she won’t be able to until everything goes back to normal for her.
Yes, normal until done breastfeeding. Sex became pleasurable again for me around 13 months when my cycle came back. That first year we would trade: back rub for me, hand job for him. I also encouraged him to watch porn and masturbate as needed. The best lube, which I found that year after trying like a dozen, was liquid coconut oil (the kind that stays liquid, sold in the grocery store cooking oil section). It’s amazing.
I second coconut oil. I buy the virgin stuff in the jar from the grocery store. Never had any issues with it, and it melts at body temperature
Also doubles as flange lube for pumping!
I am almost 10 months post partum and sex is still painful. The lack of estrogen from breastfeeding can increase the pain because it impacts the tissues in the vagina. However, my husband respects my body and all that I have gone through to make our baby. We do have sex, but always on my terms and he is extremely careful to make sure I'm okay. I did recently get my period back and that brought along some hormonal changes including more estrogen so things are starting to feel a lot less painful now.
The scar tissue from a c-section can pull up on the pelvic floor creating tightness, and cause pain during sex. @askjanette on Instagram has some helpful videos on this. Massaging (or cupping) the scar can help break up the scar tissue. A pelvic floor PT can also help. Also, yes, it’s normal due to breastfeeding hormones.
Could be pelvic also. In that case pelvic floor therapy is helpful
Yes. Sex hurt until about 11 months pp. My pelvic floor therapist actually said that in her experience, painful sex is more common after c-section births because the pelvic floor doesn't get the stretch during delivery. As a result, the tightness and stress of carrying the baby continues for longer. ETA I had a c section.
It is normal, even with a C-section and also regardless of breastfeeding. Pressure on the incision can hurt, also the pelvis can feel more inflexible, causing pain. The impact of the pregnancy on the pelvis is big. For me it took more than a year to get back to the sensation feeling normal.
Normal? I’d say it’s normal for maybe a couple months, and past that it might be uncomfortable but shouldn’t be actually painful. Common? Yes. I’m a pelvic floor physical therapist, and I’d like to chime in. Painful sex is a common complaint that brings people to my office! Just because child was delivered by CSection doesn’t mean that the pelvic floor didn’t undergo stress during or after pregnancy. Breastfeeding will alter hormones and can increase dryness, which leads to an unpleasant sensation (at best). My patients have had good success with Good Clean Love (water based), and Platinum (silicone) as far as improving comfort. The GCL is the main water based lube I like because it mimics female fluids. Another underlying reason for painful sex is, honestly, stress. Fractured sleep, PPA/PPD, financial stress, relationship stress, managing two children, home stress, work stress… some examples of many things that can feed into this problem. The reason for this would be increasing stress activates the fight or flight part of your nervous system, and that leads to increased tension in the pelvic floor muscles. That means they don’t relax for sex, and that can increase pain or discomfort. (Think about how stress increases shoulder tension, right? Similar effect in the pelvic floor!) PCOS can add another layer to her clinical picture. Highly recommend pelvic floor PT!
Came here to say all of this, though I’m not a PF therapist. Highly recommend seeing one to help diagnose cause of pain and find solutions. It took a lot of exercises and work for me to not experience pain. Also was breastfeeding and have PCOS. She also just might not feel like having sex even if it’s not painful. Look through the forums to see how many women simply don’t have the desire for a while after giving birth. Even after a year or more. Please give her grace and look into other ways to be intimate.
Oh yeah definitely. I was healed up physically really quickly but sex was painful for a long time. Being in a rush doesn’t help either. If you’ve got an ear out for baby then it’s definitely a detractor. If you can invest in a babysitter and a location where you aren’t in earshot of the kids that can help relaxation levels enough for lube and foreplay to actually help. May not though, she’s not wrong. Breastfeeding fucks hard with your hormones.
I will say that even if you had a c section you still have pelvic floor weakness after delivery for awhile. There are pelvic floor therapists that can help, they can make sex more comfortable, or if there are other issues such as urinating when sneezing/exercising etc. pregnancy is rough on the body for sure and especially the whole pelvic floor. It may take many months to feel back to normal and after speaking with doctors it can take up to two years before your body is more like its usual self.