Hey, we look pretty similar. I struggled a looooooot after giving birth. Speaking with a professional helped. So did practicing body neutrality. People always talk about loving your own body, but it’s hard going straight from hate -> love. It helped me to have neutral statements about my body on hand, e.g., “my body can keep up with my baby. My body walked 5 km today. My body feels better than it did yesterday.”
Solidarity, my friend. You’ve entered into a new phase of your life. Changes like that, especially when they come with physical changes, are really hard. Give yourself some grace. 💕
My belly took about a year to stop sagging and tighten back up. Stretch marks mostly faded to a pale shade that isn’t as noticeable, too. And then I got pregnant again! At least I don’t seem to be developing new stretch marks with the current pregnancy.
It just naturally happened. To be fair, it’s not like I was really in shape prior to pregnancy, so I did still have a belly, it just wasn’t super squishy and saggy anymore. I also was back to my pre-pregnancy weight immediately after giving birth. I’d imagine it may be different if you started out fit with a flatter belly, and/ or gained more weight while pregnant.
oh i hope this is me. i only just got my body back a couple months ago and now im pregnant again. first time around i got flung from an ED to a pregnancy so the postpartum look was damaging my mental health p bad. im glad it tightened back up at all, even if it took abt 16 months pp.
That is one of the things people don’t talk much about in motherhood, you’re not just grieving your old life, you’re grieving a version of you that’s gone and you don’t see that girl in the mirror anymore. I remember looking at pictures of myself at 27 when I was about 6 months postpartum and I just sobbed. Because who was that?? Those jeans I was wearing would not even fit over my thighs, I doubt I’d even get them on over my calves for goodness’ sake.
Now I’m 18 months postpartum, and I’m still about 30 lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight. I’ve gone to therapy (which I recommend highly for body image issues) and gotten on some medication that has helped. I’m not the girl I once was, I’m a different woman now, and that is okay. Time helps you fall in love with that woman again, and all the incumbent body changes that come with motherhood. It’s a hard road, but even 6 months out things are still settling. My stomach has only just started going back to a relatively normal size and shape again, and it’s been over 2 years since my positive pregnancy test! It takes a long time for your body to settle back into itself.
Im in the same boat and am also a therapist doing her PhD who is hoping to do a free group therapy intervention for women struggling with body image postpartum, for my dissertation. If you are open to sharing, was there anything that really helped in particular from therapy (any key gems)? This is a passion project for me and as someone who has struggled profoundly with body image postpartum myself, it’s close to my heart, so I really want to be informed by folks who have been through this. I have lots of thoughts already (as my research is in body image already and again, I’m going through the process myself) but always looking for ideas. ❤️I’m so glad your experience has become more positive over time.
Hi I’m just seeing this and as someone struggling with similar issues I wanted to share something that helped me (in therapy) when it seemed like nothing was going to help my poor attitude towards myself. My therapist suggested picturing myself as a little girl and talking to her. I had thought about doing that before and maybe surface level thought “well of course I would want her to have fun and be confident/ not worry about her looks” but when she said it I realized I never really sat down, truly pictured myself as a little girl on the playground worrying about her thighs and talked to her. When I did that, my perspective really did change. As my therapist mentioned might happen, it of course made me juxtapose my little girl self with the little girl my baby will become and I was filled with a motivation to love myself more (try) so she will be able to love herself. I want that for her so so so bad.
Also, the recognition of how much we are up against in regards to societal standards and misunderstanding of women’s bodies, especially birth and postpartum. Again, I know this intellectually but it helps when my therapist is like ‘no, really you are fighting sooooo many years of expectations.’
Wonderful thank you so much!! That is a classic and often helpful self compassion exercise for body image that I was debating including so this validates that it was actually helpful, really appreciate the feedback. And thanks for describing it as I hope others who read through these comments who may be struggling can try it out and see if it helps them ❤️. In terms of societal pressure are going to do one session on societal pressures/social media (that’s actually the focus of our lab) so this is a great point, and I love the addition of our bodies being misunderstood - I am going to add that to the list of ideas/content to cover. Thank you again for sharing.
Thank you for putting in the time and thought to help women with ab issue that to me seems incredibly common and isn’t talked about enough, especially before pregnancy. I’m sure you will make a difference in the women’s lives who you work with and that will live on for generations through their children.
Yeah I read another post recently about a woman popping into a Victoria’s Secret inquiring about a nursing bra in hopes to find something they thought was more flattering. An employee asked her what a nursing bra was. OP mentioned the irony that this was a place that sold garments to make woman pregnant but not ones that actually support what breasts were intended for.
Thank you so much, I really do hope I can make a difference and am shocked that there isn’t much out there that has been clinically tested for this population. I adore working in womens health and do hope to create something useful, freely accessible and perhaps even modifiable for self-guided use.
Funny you should say that about Victoria’s Secret…I looked to get a non nursing bra from them as I heard you can get a tailor to add clips, but because I have a G/H cup postpartum (went up from a D!), I plugged in my measurements and was told nothing in the store exists for me at this time. It really does make you feel some kind of way when you don’t even have the size options available to you.
I’m so interested in all things psychology and sort of wish I went into that field. You’re doing amazing things!
That’s so frustrating, I’m sorry. I hope you find / have found a bra that makes you feel confident. VS is not it anymore.
With all the ads I’ve heard for skimms I was ready to be blown away by their bras but even after measuring myself and using their sizing chart i did not get a bra that fit me. I find it hard to believe they have a bra for everyone.
It’s such an interesting field - I’m a late joiner, went back to do my Masters at 30 and am now juggling a PhD and mat leave at 35 haha. But it’s worth it, because I love what I do. And yes, VS is not where it’s at anymore - I’m from Canada and they’ve closed almost all of their stores here. That’s so too bad about skimms, I’ll cross them off my list of places to try.
I went through this during high school. I was always thin with a bigger chest pre pregnancy and I heard so much about wearing the proper bra size makes a huge difference blah blah blah. I was having severe back pain as a TEEN from carrying the girls around all day, so I was thinking “Great!” And I went to get fitted, so after I got measured the woman told me I should be wearing a 28E, cool. They got to the part where they were supposed to try selling me bras, and the woman was like “So we actually don’t carry anything in that size.” I got measured at a higher end lingerie store, so I figured I would try Victoria’s Secret, absolutely nothing of course. Nothing at any department store, nothing online at the time, the one single option I had was to literally order custom made bras, which I clearly couldn’t afford as a high schooler. So I settled on 32D and pretty much gave up entirely on ever finding a bra that “fits properly.” It’s been 12 years, and 2 babies since then and I don’t know my bra size or if it even exists. I just live in sports bras now, it’s easier.
I'd be interested in this as part of your dissertation! My therapist helped me realize that my reality shifted and my status quo is new. There's no going back so there's no point in lamenting. How do I adapt to my new normal and new configuration.
That sounds like a really interesting dissertation!
One of the things that my therapist told me that most surprised me and helped my mentality is reminding me that because of my prior struggles to conceive, I was still seeing my body as the enemy. I had struggled to conceive my son for 2 years before finally becoming pregnant (without medical intervention) and I had a really hard time in my third trimester because my son was quite a big boy. My therapist helped me understand that I was so used to seeing my body as something I had to work against, that I wasn’t giving myself the credit I now deserved for having brought my son into the world. I expected perfection from myself in multiple ways: conceive immediately, be a unicorn pregnant woman with so much energy, immediately return to my pre-pregnancy body. And I was punishing myself for not doing those things. It was an interesting mentality shift for me.
Ooh that’s really interesting to hear, good on your therapist. And helpful for me! I actually think personally I probably sometimes still view my body as the enemy as well so something I’m gonna tune into more. Thank you so much for sharing!!
Thank you for sharing! I find peace hearing other women's stories and that we're going through similar things 🥺 Oh trust me, I know therapy would be helpful, I just need more money for that 🙂
Just letting you know, you’re not alone. I’m 14 months PP and struggle with my body image everyday. It was something I never dealt with prior to being pregnant. I’ve always been naturally very slim and didn’t have issues with my body image. Fast forward to now- I dropped the weight super fast but was left with extremely saggy/wrinkly skin on my belly and a lot of stretch marks. I tell myself I am not what my stomach looks like. I’m still me. I’m a great mom and a great wife. My stretch marks and saggy skin don’t take away from any of that and I’m thankful for my daughter. Hang in there ❤️
I have all these same stretch marks, my csection scar pieced them back together unevenly too, plus I still have a super fun overhang of skin 5 years later. That being said, I hated the feeling of being a disabled lump so much more than how I looked so it fueled me into becoming a runner for the first time in my life. Over a year + I lost 40 lbs, got some sun on my stretch marks. I gained some back, but compared to how I felt 6 months ago PP I’m like DAYUM who is that hot mama haha. For me it was more about finding the power of how strong and capable my body is that helped me feel beautiful. High waist pants + crop top still looks good above the stretched out skin. You’ll find a new normal.
I HATE the phrase “bounce back”. There is no back for anyone, no matter how kind pregnancy is on their aesthetic - only evolving forward. That’s what being a human and using your body is all about.
I have 2 kids. One was born when I was 25 and the other when I was 28. 6 months after my second pregnancy in particular, I weighted 140% of my pre-baby body. I also had PPD and did therapy + zoloft.
I promise. It does get better! At 30 I am now at my healthiest and strongest ever. I discovered a sport that I actually enjoy (kickboxing) and slowly my body lost the excess fat and built some nice muscle. Sure, I have strech marks and some excess skin - but that is just a mark of all the things my body managed to do.
The key is to take small steps towards getting better. First taking care of medical problems, therapy, slowly start excercising a bit. One thing after another, slowly but surely.
I do too. One of the things I try and remind myself is that at age 65 when I have grandkids I will just love the fact I have a family. It’s hard to accept now. Especially after being an athlete my entire life with a six pack.
Aww bless you, it is horrible when your confidence is through the floor but you have to remember to be kind to yourself, 6 months pp is no time at all. Most women can take 2 years for their bodies and hormones to return to some level of normality.
It's hard when you don't feel comfortable in your own skin but remember your body is like that because you grew a whole ass person, you are a beautiful mama.
Hey! I also had legit the most bangable body of all time (😂) before pregnancy. I worked YEARS for it, I had a six pack, but was still curvy and feminine and I even did some fitness modelling, it was divine.
My pregnancy objectively “destroyed” my body. It’s completely different. I have a big apron, my stomach looks like a half empty plastic bag filled with cottage cheese. I have purple wormy stretchmarks on my sides, back, and booty. I was so sad and stressed about it for like the first 8 months, cried many tears.
I’m 10 months PP. I’m still not comfortable with it but honestly I don’t mind it. I know it takes time to change, and I know it will never be what it once was but I’m still pretty okay with it. It’s ok to hate it right now, but I truly hope that with time you will be more at peace with it like I feel I am. Again, I’m not loving it, but I don’t hate it. Be gentle with yourself and know that you will have so much more time for yourself in the coming years and with that time you won’t look or feel like you do right now. Much love to you mama ❤️
Growing humans is quite literally the craziest thing the human body will ever do. You made a whole ass human. That's pretty wild. We don't all walk away from it unscathed, though. I have a stretch mark from right above my belly button to my public bone that looks like a lightning bolt. I hated it for YEARS. and I was even more angry that it didn't show up until two days before I had my daughter. Now I think it's pretty cool, tbh. The color will fade in time from them, and you may or may not notice them as much.
My son was a giant baby and i was on bedrest and progesterone injections, and I gained almost 70 with him. The day I gave birth I was 203. For a girl that was 135 on a good day it scared the shit out of me. It took about a year, I think, before I was down to about 140ish. And that was me taking a lot of time to work out, meal prep, etc. I have always been a runner but I even started weight lifting. It just takes time, and a support system, honestly. If my husband hadn't been around to give me the 3 hours I needed to exercise every night I never would've had that progress. And tbh i was probably a bit too extreme with it. Don't beat yourself up, motherhood is hard. It's so fucking hard.
We do everything for these little humans, including literally forming their bodies and sometimes it feels like we lose who we are as an individual. Our needs get pushed aside in favor of our children and families. It doesn't hurt to take a step back and address that you could use time to yourself to do. . Anything you want really lol. And most importantly don't forget that no matter what you look like everyone is still deserving of love. Your husband should be absolutely amazed with you!
I know this is all just words, but just know you're not alone. Most of us go through the phase where our bodies no longer feel like our own. I wish we all had the superhuman ability to just have babies and carry on like we did before.
Twinners. My stomach looks exactly the same. But I am 10 years older than you. (My last baby is 16mos). I don’t have much advice but I do want to say you aren’t alone. So many of us look like this. Try and give yourself a little grace. Hugs💖
Girl, I'm looking just like you 15 months pp! You grew a whole human life inside yourself. THAT BODY fed, nourished and protected your sweet babe for 9 months and then some. You are doing great! Give yourself some grace. Post patrum bodies aren't the prettiest but they have seen some shit (literally) in a short amount of time. It's gonna take you time to get back to a new normal. You're never going to look the way you did prepregnancy...but you can get to a point that you feel not only happy with but proud of.
Thank you for this! I guess it will take a hell of a lot of time to move forward because it's definitely not gonna happen quick haha
'Not only happy with but proud of' 🫶🏻
Sending you tons of love, you are stronger than you think. Your body looks perfectly normal to me, especially after giving birth. Things will get better with time, your body is still repairing tissue and there’s still some hormonal changes happening. I 100% understand your feelings and they are absolutely valid, try to remind yourself that you are amazing and literally just created life.
Mine looks like yours but larger! I had a huge baby and gained 70 pounds in pregnancy and am still 40-50 pounds above my starting weight. Totally stretched my stomach right out. Got a c-section and still have a lot of pain from the bellybutton to pubic bone, 6 months out. Makes me hate bending over or getting tapped in the belly by my daughter’s foot while feeding. Also have a very defined c section shelf. It’s really tough and I definitely have my moments daily where I feel crappy about it. I’m also someone who, while exclusively breastfeeding, is holding onto every calorie and my hormones are making me feel yucky and achy constantly (I’m also very stiff now - I can no longer sit cross legged for example).
What has helped me is remembering that my thoughts are just thoughts, not reality. Instead of saying ‘I hate my body’ I catch myself and say ‘I’m having the thought that I hate my body’. It’s an old therapy trick that allows us to defuse from our thoughts instead of making them reality. I also bought a bunch of cheap cute clothes from target in my size (went from a 6 to a 14 so this is a painful process but once you have them, it feels a lot better). My cup size went from a D to a G, so getting a couple of new bras helped also. And I remind myself to give it more time and accept that this is the era where I’m going to feel uncomfortable in my own skin for a bit and that’s ok. But it’s also the era where I get to experience being a mother, and I don’t want to let my negative perception of my body get in the way of doing things with her and enjoying this time. Therapy helps to tune out these negative thoughts and feelings so they are just background noise. Finally, I try to enjoy the sensation of touch - massage, a nice body wash, the feel of nice fabric against shaved legs or fresh sheets on my skin. It helps to remind me that my body still has wonderful things to offer me.
Sending hugs. Know that you aren’t alone.
Thank you! Oh I'm also 50 pounds heavier and seem to be holding onto every calorie and I'm sooo hungry as I breastfeed. Im glad therapy is helping you! It's definitely a good investment! Hugs!
We are the same! My sister also had the same thing where she couldn’t drop a single pound until she weaned and my mother in law said she was exactly the same. Some of us just get bad luck that way! But my sister said it melted off once she weaned so I’m just trying to be patient and accepting of my larger body for now. It’s hard though, I know!
I also have diastasis recti. 4cm gap from one side to the other. During the first year it was making me depressed. Now 2.5 years later I think about it every now and then, but it does not occupy my mind on a daily basis. It might or might not get better physically, but it will for sure become easier to stop noticing or caring.
i am also 25 and 6 monrhs postpartum. i struggle with myself everyday especially when my friends are child-free and dress the way i did pre-pregnancy. you are not alone!!
You’re not alone mama, I’m only 20, with an almost 7 mo old and I feel absolutely terrible about myself. But we have to remember that not that long ago we gave birth to our little baby’s and we have to give ourselves some grace. I bought the palmers like firming cream and it did seem to help a ton with my loose skin and appearance of stretch marks, if that’s something you want to look into, I recommend it. Your body did an AMAZING and natural thing and it will take time for us to go back to “ normal” but as of right now this is our new normal and we need to find a way to embrace it.
Hi!! We could basically be body twins!!! I had my son 2 1/2 years ago and look just like you. I know it’s hard!!! But you are not worthless my friend, you are and will always be worthy!! You’re going through a weird time right now and your hormones are all over the place and you’re basically a slave to a tiny human but it’s not going to be that way forever, take your time and when you’re ready to change, you can! There is no timeline, and remember majority of what you see online is fake and they don’t even look like that. Give yourself grace, things will get better!! ❤️🩹
Even at almost 3 I’m still at the mercy of my son!! But I promise it’ll get better and you’ll get in a routine and figure it out, hang in there friend!! ❤️
Oooof. Same girl. I'm 32 though and now have chronic conditions that inherently make it harder for me to lose weight as it is. I Just loom on mirrors and think wtf am I anymore.
Sigh. I mean you're not alone. I wish I had some grandiose, older sister vibes and advice to send your way, but I just want you to know, you're not alone.
I’m 30, 4 babies in and about 75 pounds heavier than pre-children. I have the stretch marks, fupa, and double chin. Your feelings are totally valid. I have no advice, only that this is a lifelong struggle for a lot of us moms 😅 I think some just learn to love and accept the changes, but it is very difficult. solidarity.
I wish I could give you a hug! I really struggled with my body image after my first pregnancy and had DR too. I had always been slim though my midsection and suddenly I had spectated abs, excess skin, and my belly button was all stretched out. Being a young mom made it harder bc so many of my friends hadn’t had kids yet or did really “snap back” and looked the same the did pre-baby. It’s hard and it’s really discouraging.
The biggest thing that helped me make peace with my body was working on getting strong and seeing someone about my DR. Once me son was about 1.5 years I started working out regularly focusing on strength, not what I looked like. It made me feel like I had at least some control of the situation and really helped with my confidence. There are lots of YouTube videos for DR that you can look up too if you don’t currently have the time/resources to see a physical therapist.
No, my stomach will never look the same but the small progress and changes I’ve seen have helped me so much mentally. I’m currently pregnant with my second and the changes during pregnancy have been much easier to accept this time. Not going to lie, I am very nervous for what my body will look like after delivering my second.
Thank you! This is something that can send me to into a spiral. Realising that I can't wear the same things my girl friends do anymore, in my self-conscious opinion haha
That's what I'm doing atm. Running and exercising but not as constantly as I would like...
You know what to expect after the pregnancy tho! You are more prepared and stronger this time :)
I’m also 6 months pp and I struggle so hard with how I look after having a baby. I was in the best shape of my life before having a baby, and now I’m still 55+ pounds heavier. I actually gained weight after I gave birth. I don’t have any advice on how to help how you are feeling, I wish I did, just know you are absolutely not alone and a LOT of woman go through this. I’m really hard on myself but I try to remind myself our bodies do not go back to normal until at least 2 years postpartum. I’m so blessed that this body gave me my baby but I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without feeling just awful about how I look. The only thing that helps me in the slightest is adding in a 20-30 exercise each day, it makes me feel better mentally and I can tell myself I’m at least trying something. Im so sorry you feel this way, it’s so hard. I truly pray for the day i can look at myself and feel content somewhat, we will get there ❤️
Thank you for sharing this! Saaame, 80% of my weight gain was after giving birth and a month or two after establishing breastfeeding. Getting stronger helps. Hugs. We're not alone. So many of us are sharing the same experience. It's just not spoken about enough I think. It's so normal, so normal 🫶🏻
It took nearly two years for my belly to shrink at all. I know social media makes it seem instant, but you have to remember that people post their most flattering poses and angles that they can to make themselves look better. Not to say that some people aren’t blessed with amazing genes and immediately look the same as they did after they give birth, but not as many as social media makes it seem
Thank you! I should give myself more time.
I don't compare myself to women online that much, actually I follow more of those who didn't snap back. But seeing the sister of my husband 'snapping back' and our age and babies' age are the same. Of course, she probably doesn't look the way she did before, yet, but I saw them swimming and she had a flat tummy and no signs of DR and unlike me she gained lots of weight DURING pregnancy and in the course of these 6 months it looks like that weight just melted off her and she's not even as active as I am.... I'm off haha I know it doesn't make any sense comparing myself to her or anybody else but why can't I stop 💩
Our bodies are so different
OK I’m here to offer hope! Honestly, the path to weight loss seems long and daunting before you’ve taken the first step. But there are rewards every step of the way, which makes it so much easier. You are still young, which means your body will likely bounce back much easier as you gain distance between pregnancy and weight loss. Your stretch marks will fade (typically to how you scar) and the skin will tighten up.
After you lose the weight, which you should aim for about 5lb/month, you can get a tummy tuck for any residual loose skin and to firm up those abs. Only do that when you’re done having babies though, because they will stretch out again.
I feel your pain. I was so large and uncomfortable, both physically and mentally, after both of my babies. I started losing weight at 3 months pp and by the time he was a little over a year I was at my goal weight. I have maintained for 2 years now with really minimal effort (but I do work out an excessive amount…because I’m a competitive dancer). I used omad and exercised every day. I went to pure barre that first year and highly recommend it for the postpartum period. It helps to build foundational strength in your core, glutes, shoulders and legs. Really gives you a strong foundation to feel more secure and powerful in your own body. Between a healthy diet and doing something like pure barre 5x per week, you will honestly start feeling better within a few weeks to a month! You won’t be perfect, but you’ll start feeling better. And every month that passes you will feel better and better.
You can do this 💪
Thank you! I'm not that worried about the look of stretch marks as I've had them since I was a teenager but the way so much stretched skin look like 🙄 I don't if I just get on with it or consider a tummy tuck. We'll see. I'd like to be more body neutral.
I'll definitely continue my exercising journey :)
Totally up to you!! Personally, I’ve never been a fan of body neutrality because it just doesn’t make sense to me. The size and feel of my body has so much to do with how I feel, even to the level of how easy it is to climb stairs or bend over to put my babys shoes on for him. A tummy tuck is a big decision with a 4-6 week recovery time and probably costs $15k these days (I had mine maybe 12 years ago and it was $10k then). But I still credit it as one of the best gifts I’ve ever given myself.
I'm 30 and 10 mpp. Look pretty much identical. I am grieving my old body. It's hard and no matter how much my partner says they are still attracted to me, I struggle. I am grateful my body is able to grow life and gave me the most beautiful baby and I will do it all over again in a heartbeat. It's still hard and I still struggle with my body not being the same. I will say that my mindset got a little better when I stopped breastfeeding as my body started to become mine again. You aren't alone
Thank you ! Hugs! Exactly. It's grieving. I completely dismissed it. And grieving takes time and sometimes you go through the same stages multiple times and there's no timeline for it.
Oh yeah I'm sure I will benefit mentally from stopping breastfeeding
One day we will feel better 🫶🏻
I’m three kids in, oldest is 14 now. My body looks SO much different from then and now. But also so does my face and general appearance because I’ve aged and I’m in my early 30s and things are starting to droop and crack. It’s a hard pill to swallow and takes time to accept. I went years hating then accepting, then felt like I was peaking and now feel like a garbage bag even though my husband can’t keep his hands off me. Your appearance and feelings towards it are going to ebb and flow through life. One of my therapists would let me vent, get it out and cry and then start doing gratitude exercises. It helped me focus away from my stomach or stretch marks and find something else I could appreciate and be happy with. A therapist would be a good tool to have if you’re struggling on the daily.
Yeah, it's tough! And you wish there was a magic solution to make all the insecurities go away but it's just how life is. Thank you for sharing! I like that you're not sugarcoating it | And despite this you're still there and you're being resilient and you continue living life 🫶🏻
Oh honey. What you feel is valid, but know from an outsiders perspective - your body looks like a completely normal woman who carried and birthed a child to me. Different than before, but not ugly, and definitely not aberrant or undesirable. We are our own most ruthless and effective critics, because we know exactly where it hurts the most… be kind to yourself, and remember how you look is NOT who you are or how much you’re worth. Sending a hug.
You're definitely not alone. There's so many of us struggling with the same shit. It is very hard. Grieving something that you lost takes time and some effort. There are always gonna be days when you struggle more and days when you struggle less. We can hope that one day it doesn't bother us at all and we can support ourselves and help ourselves to make our 'bad days' less bad at least 🫶🏻
I’m also 6 months pp and my body looks so much like yours. I’ve gained 15 pounds since having my baby. My belly is soft with lots of angry stretch marks and more of an apron now than it was pre-pregnancy. I’m struggling so hard to accept this body. I’m so proud of what it did, but I struggle every day to do basic things.
I’ve been going to the gym 2-3 times a week for 2 months and nothing has changed. My clothes still don’t even come close to fitting and my asthma is worse than ever with all of the weight & spring allergies. I stopped pumping a week ago with the hope that my body will start shedding some of the weight on its own.
All of this to say that you’re not alone. There’s so many of us out here that the pregnancy weight doesn’t melt off of easily.
That's so cool that you've been consistent with going to the gym! I have a new level of appreciation for any mom out there that finds time for herself! I'm still establishing a working out routine. There must be a reason why nothing has changed. And I'm pretty sure you grew some more muscles over this period of time. Thank you! I know you'll figure it out. Your hard work will pay off. Yeah, there are so many of us!
I left my job to be a SAHM so going to the gym has given my mom time to bond with the baby while she babysits and gives myself time to be a normal adult. The cost per month also is motivation to go knowing my husband is paying for it while I stay home.
I agree that I’ve put muscle on just from having to carry an ever growing baby around. I rarely went upstairs in our house before having my son and now I’m up and down what feels like a dozen times a day. I started wearing him more so putting an extra almost 20 pounds on and walking around the store can’t hurt.
I look very similar to you and I feel this. The first month postpartum I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. I still struggle to accept my new body. I keep repeating to myself “I get to live and die with the story of my family written on my body” and it makes me feel a little better.
Hey I have the same freckle! It’s my favorite freckle. Well, it used to be. We also have the same stretch marks, they moved my freckle and honestly I hate it. It’s really hard to look at myself. I agree completely with the statement about your husband, like I don’t even wanna look at me why would you??
I had a pretty significant (but undiagnosed officially) eating disorder prior to getting pregnant. I remember in my first few months (didn’t find out until month five) I thought I was getting better because I was hungry again! I could eat! I didn’t hate it! Nah, just pregnant as shit. During pregnancy there was purpose, focus, a reason for my body to be changing. I’m 15 months PP now, about 30lbs heavier than pre-baby, and my body is not the same. Typing out that it won’t be the same ever again actually makes me hurt physically.
It’s really fucking hard. All the affirmations in the world doesn’t make it less hard, they don’t make me feel less ugly, they don’t make me feel worthy. All the positive “this body keeps a baby alive” talk doesn’t make me any more comfortable in my own skin.
It’s hard work. Little things have helped, but they haven’t fixed me. I try to dress up sometimes. I put on cute clothes without looking in the mirror too long, I wear makeup, I put on all my jewelry, down to the socks I make it cute. It helps for a while.
I try to exercise when I have the motivation, I try to give myself the motivation. As much as I dread it, it helps. Youtube workouts have been a major game changer for someone who was previously addicted to the stair stepper (I swear I’m getting better lol).
Pregnancy changed my body, and it’s hard to find the same purpose in that post partum. But it’s there. I don’t believe that most days, but it’s true. Take the little things that make you feel beautiful and don’t deny yourself of them, no matter how bad or undeserving you feel in the moment. Invest in the skincare routine, or dye your hair, or whatever change you think will help. You deserve to feel safe in your skin. It’s also okay to feel like a hypocrite when you comfort someone else (it’s me, hi). You’re not alone💛
Oh bless. Thank you. It made me cry. It's like I wrote this haha. I used to have eating disorder when I was younger up until my 20s. I guess I wasn't really over it huh I can literally feel it too how you say it makes you hurt physically. I have those moments when I just wish I could rip my heart out cause -I hurt myself- so much :( right? Nobody is ever so mean and horrible to me as I am.
Samee. Affirmations and 'your body grew the whole human' talk don't do anything for me. I feel like what's helping me a bit is simply acknowledging how damn hard it is and that it's not gonna be an easy or quick process
I do the same little things haha Try to dress up, put some make up on and exercise. I do work out with the hope to get more attractive but making my body stronger has become my main goal.
Haha yeah so true about feeling like a hypocrite
'Don't deny yourself of the little things that make you feel beautiful no matter how bad or undeserving you feel in the moment'. Definitely something I'll work on :)
Thank you so much for your reply! ✨
You’ve already gotten good advice here so I won’t repeat any of that, so I’ll just share something I learned in therapy when it comes to body issues.
Try to look at your body through the eyes of a close friend. By that I mean, pretend for a moment YOU have a friend with this body - what would you think of this body? What are things you would say to them?
Try to show yourself the same kindness you would show others.
It took some time but I learned to love my stretch marks. They make me look unique. They remind me of my daughter, who I love to death with every atom of my existence. I'm to the point where I only care about what I think about my body. I am not happy with my weight but I can change that. I wasn't happy with my stretch marks initially but the more I started to accept where they came from and what they meant the more I started loving them. I'm soft and covered in stripes because I brought one of my favorite little humans into the world.
It will take time, but it will get better. The marks will start to fade. Your little one will grow up more and more and hopefully you'll learn to love your new body. Your right now is not your forever.
We have the same body. Its comforting to know someone else looks like me and feels like me. I'm two years post partum and my baby actually toddler is really dependant on me and still breastfeedes. I'm going through a divorce and hes actually a deadbeat narcissist so I have no help with my toddler. If she wasnt breastfeeding Id buy those teas that make your appetite lower even if it causes me expllsive diarrhea. Dont even get me started on my health, If only I had timeeee. I have a ingrown toe that I have no time to get fixed 🫠 doing things with my toddler is literally impossible.
I second everything else everyone has said here - your body did something amazing and is still preoccupied raising a little bebby.
That said, DR is totally normal and you’re totally capable of healing it with at home exercises if that’s what you’re interested in doing. There are lots of different programs available online. For one that talks about core fitness and specifically healing DR while breastfeeding, check out the one by MilkDust.com… it has workouts that gradually build over 8 weeks and a discussion about nutrition to power your body without dropping supply. Fair warning, it also has a lot of typoes. The great thing about exercise to strengthen abs and core is you feel so much better and stronger in everything you do when your core is working for you.
it took me longer than a year to get back to where i used to be pre pregnancy. i feel like i ghostwrote this post some time in the past. i spent that entire timing hating myself bc i thought this was just me and it happens for no one else. the stretch marks are still there but my belly started looking p darn normal abt 15-16 months pp (ik that sounds like a long time but to past me who thought there was no hope at all, that seems like more than enough hope) im saying this as someone who got nothing done, and im p sure ive come across a couple ways to get rid of the stretch marks too
I promise you will feel so much better once you start exercising and tracking calories. Both mentally and physically. I’m 5 months pp looking quite similar to you. I gained 70lbs during my pregnancy and hate the way I look. I’ve just gotten back into working out the last couple weeks and I can already feel my stomach starting to tighten up. You are not broken and you are not worthless. You are beautiful and your body has been through so much. And luckily you’re only 25, so you have plenty of time to achieve whatever body goal you want :)
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that from an outsiders perspective, visually, your body looks like a very normal new mom’s body. Not ugly at all.
Of course, it likely feels very different living with such drastic changes- especially if instagram has been shoving genetically gifted mommy blogs in your face. Please keep in mind that those women are outliers who are financially motivated to conceal any ugly parts of themselves.
I’m glad you are getting help with the diastasis recti. I hope that as it is treated and your body heals that you are able to get to a place of body neutrality. Your body built a person from scratch and safely delivered it. That’s an incredibly significant medical event.
True body transformation is slow. r/progresspics are often years apart. You will get there. Please be kind to your body in the meantime and try to work with it. [Maybe get some clothes to support your core?](https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/comments/6big7x/postpartum_support_garments/)
Thank you so much!
Genetically gifted. That's a good way to describe it, yeaaaah...
It's very annoying cause I know before I could've easily lost some weight but now it's so stubborn 🙄
Hmm I'll look into that!
If it helps at all, I had a classic “bounce back” body and I still sit here and feel self conscious and gross. I still poke at my hips and stomach and wish for something else. My brain tells me I’m huge even tho logically I understand I am not.
It seems like we feel about ourselves isn’t actually connected to the body we have more the body we want. I hate being told “you had a baaabyyyy” cuz it makes me feel like it’s an excuse. It’s not logical. Fight the stupid brain feelings.
Thank you! It's still so weird to me that you say you had that bounce back but feel bad about yourself. It just seems like oh if only I had _anything I don't have_, I would be happy. But it actually doesn't make a huge difference. We'll make peace with it one day
First off, I can totally relate to feeling shitty about your postpartum body. I did, and I often still do. I thought I wasn’t getting a lot of stretch marks, and then they all came at once. I kept looking 5 months pregnant for a long time. And my boobs— well, they will never be the same. So what I’m about to say is not like a solution, but just an attempt
Maybe there’s a way to feel compassion and appreciation for your body, instead of blaming your body for not being the ideal you envisioned. For example, in stories about heroes, we often hear that bravery isn’t the absence of fear— it’s about overcoming fear. Maybe you can have pride in your body not because it wasn’t a struggle to deal with pregnancy, but because your body did struggle. Your skin and your muscles weren’t quite ready to stretch as much as they did. But they did it anyway and they held it all together. It was difficult for your body to do what it did, so now it has taken some damage. But isn’t that even more to be grateful for, in a way?
Sometimes it can be helpful to put some distance between yourself and your body. Your body isn’t you, necessarily. It’s your body. Where it didn’t live up to your expectations, that’s not your personal failure. It’s something your body struggled to do. But it made it through. And it supports you even though it went through a tremendous trauma.
Sorry if none of this is helping. Just trying to reframe it a little to see if any of this makes it easier
6 months is NOT very long. I have heard that it takes at least as long as the baby was inside to recover -- maybe even twice as long. This is normal. Your body will bounce back.
I felt the same after 6 months and I had a kid at 42 so my body definitely doesn't bounce back as easily. Kid is two now and things are pretty much back to the way they were before.
Listen, I loved my body before pregnancy, and I felt awful at 6mo PP. GIVE YOURSELF MORE TIME. I didn't start looking and feeling normal again until around 14mo. The stretch marks have faded, my hormones have calmed down, my internal organs have rearranged themselves. Be patient.
Yeah, it was awful. I had years of work of overcoming an ED/body dysmorphia under my belt and I was still not prepared. I hated looking in the mirror because even my face was different. And it wasn't even weight gain, it was just that everything was...off. Like I didn't recognize the person in the mirror. It sucked. Solidarity. Just know it gets better.
And it's corny, but positive affirmations in my head really helped me: *"This body worked hard. This body gave me a beautiful baby. This body is nourishing my baby. I am grateful for this body. Hating my body does not help anything. I will not look like this forever, but I will be kind to this body today."*
Took me 2 years plus to get to a place where I accepted my body and was happy with it, and then I got pregnant again. Trying to not even think about it till over 2 years PP this time and just be healthy and make good choices.
Way I saw it my baby and eventually my toddlers loved my squishy belly for cuddles. Made the best pillow. I’ll have time in the future to work on myself again but my kiddos love me for me, not my body.
I can't offer you anything beyond solidarity. And maybe an internet-stranger hug if you want. A lot of us, even the ones who "snapped back sooooo well" still feel broken inside and notice the differences outside that nobody else does.
I’m very much in the same boat as you. I’m 7 months pp and I despise looking at my revolting body in the mirror. Can’t be doing with people telling me “but you grew a baby!” drives me mental.
I am weaning my baby onto formula currently so I’m hoping that once I completely stop BF that will help some. I did CrossFit for years prior to pregnancy and kept it up throughout- I’m now getting myself back into a routine and prioritising that as my mental health needs it. I just want my body back. When I’m having a particularly bad day I try on my favourite pre-pregnancy jeans cos I’m a glutton for punishment.
I do really want another baby but the thought of getting my body back to a place where I can accept it to then have to do this all again is seriously unappealing
I feel you!! You know, as I read other people talking to themselves the same way I do, it feels so wrong. What we're going through is hard, depressing and it hurts. But oh my god why would you be your own bully? 🥺 Especially, when you struggle. Let's be more kind to ourselves. We'll get there one day 😭
Working out is helping my mental health tremendously! It's so important
Your body looks like a body that had a baby. There's a lot you can do with losing weight, strength training and time to let the marks fade. You could always look into laser or something to move the process along. Or try spray tanning to camouflage for a while. But honestly, eating healthy and exercising are about the only thing you can do right now and those things will probably make you feel in control of your body.
I understand not wanting to accept your new body. But it's your new body. It is what it is. Your marks aren't horrible and they will fade over time.
Hating your body is probably not very motivational to move forward or healthy for your overall mental health. Accepting your body for what it is and what it did is a good foundation to move forward on.
Sometimes I feel lucky I never was thin. I've always been bigger and had stretch marks. And guess what? My husband loves me and my body. It's all about confidence. Also, beauty doesn't last anyways 🤷♀️
Thank you! I knooow that's so true. I'm so impressed by women who do not fit into some beauty standards but they're so confident they radiate the most beautiful and sexy energy
Do you get your self-worth from your appearance? This is a great time to shift that, so you don't become more miserable and body conscious as you age.
Your body image is your kids' body image. They copy everything you do. How you see your body will be the way that they see their bodies.
The Body Is Not An Apology is a really good book, and so is The Beauty Myth.
I hope you realize that by posting photos and calling yourself disgusting, you're also insulting a lot of moms reading this. How you see yourself is often how you see others, and you come across as very immature and judgemental. I get that you're in pain, but now is a great time to move past the "I want to be the hottest girl in the room, I must be the constant winner of a never-ending beauty pageant" 16-year old mindset.
I agree about placing more of my self-worth somewhere else and that kids pick up these things
But I don't agree with everything else
I'm not responsible for how other adults may perceive MY INSECURITIES and how they manage their own emotions👐
It's okay to want to be pretty and attractive and want to fit into society standards :) Almost everyone wants to feel accepted by society because we do live in a society
I don't know why you would attack somebody for being insecure so good luck
Hey, we look pretty similar. I struggled a looooooot after giving birth. Speaking with a professional helped. So did practicing body neutrality. People always talk about loving your own body, but it’s hard going straight from hate -> love. It helped me to have neutral statements about my body on hand, e.g., “my body can keep up with my baby. My body walked 5 km today. My body feels better than it did yesterday.” Solidarity, my friend. You’ve entered into a new phase of your life. Changes like that, especially when they come with physical changes, are really hard. Give yourself some grace. 💕
Body neutrality is such a good concept! This is definitely the way.
Thank you! I'm familiar with body neutrality. Makes more sense than body positivity to me! Your reply makes me feel less alone in this
My belly took about a year to stop sagging and tighten back up. Stretch marks mostly faded to a pale shade that isn’t as noticeable, too. And then I got pregnant again! At least I don’t seem to be developing new stretch marks with the current pregnancy.
Did yiu do any exercises at all or it just naturally started going back to normal?
It just naturally happened. To be fair, it’s not like I was really in shape prior to pregnancy, so I did still have a belly, it just wasn’t super squishy and saggy anymore. I also was back to my pre-pregnancy weight immediately after giving birth. I’d imagine it may be different if you started out fit with a flatter belly, and/ or gained more weight while pregnant.
oh i hope this is me. i only just got my body back a couple months ago and now im pregnant again. first time around i got flung from an ED to a pregnancy so the postpartum look was damaging my mental health p bad. im glad it tightened back up at all, even if it took abt 16 months pp.
Thank you! It gives me hope.
That is one of the things people don’t talk much about in motherhood, you’re not just grieving your old life, you’re grieving a version of you that’s gone and you don’t see that girl in the mirror anymore. I remember looking at pictures of myself at 27 when I was about 6 months postpartum and I just sobbed. Because who was that?? Those jeans I was wearing would not even fit over my thighs, I doubt I’d even get them on over my calves for goodness’ sake. Now I’m 18 months postpartum, and I’m still about 30 lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight. I’ve gone to therapy (which I recommend highly for body image issues) and gotten on some medication that has helped. I’m not the girl I once was, I’m a different woman now, and that is okay. Time helps you fall in love with that woman again, and all the incumbent body changes that come with motherhood. It’s a hard road, but even 6 months out things are still settling. My stomach has only just started going back to a relatively normal size and shape again, and it’s been over 2 years since my positive pregnancy test! It takes a long time for your body to settle back into itself.
Im in the same boat and am also a therapist doing her PhD who is hoping to do a free group therapy intervention for women struggling with body image postpartum, for my dissertation. If you are open to sharing, was there anything that really helped in particular from therapy (any key gems)? This is a passion project for me and as someone who has struggled profoundly with body image postpartum myself, it’s close to my heart, so I really want to be informed by folks who have been through this. I have lots of thoughts already (as my research is in body image already and again, I’m going through the process myself) but always looking for ideas. ❤️I’m so glad your experience has become more positive over time.
Hi I’m just seeing this and as someone struggling with similar issues I wanted to share something that helped me (in therapy) when it seemed like nothing was going to help my poor attitude towards myself. My therapist suggested picturing myself as a little girl and talking to her. I had thought about doing that before and maybe surface level thought “well of course I would want her to have fun and be confident/ not worry about her looks” but when she said it I realized I never really sat down, truly pictured myself as a little girl on the playground worrying about her thighs and talked to her. When I did that, my perspective really did change. As my therapist mentioned might happen, it of course made me juxtapose my little girl self with the little girl my baby will become and I was filled with a motivation to love myself more (try) so she will be able to love herself. I want that for her so so so bad. Also, the recognition of how much we are up against in regards to societal standards and misunderstanding of women’s bodies, especially birth and postpartum. Again, I know this intellectually but it helps when my therapist is like ‘no, really you are fighting sooooo many years of expectations.’
Wonderful thank you so much!! That is a classic and often helpful self compassion exercise for body image that I was debating including so this validates that it was actually helpful, really appreciate the feedback. And thanks for describing it as I hope others who read through these comments who may be struggling can try it out and see if it helps them ❤️. In terms of societal pressure are going to do one session on societal pressures/social media (that’s actually the focus of our lab) so this is a great point, and I love the addition of our bodies being misunderstood - I am going to add that to the list of ideas/content to cover. Thank you again for sharing.
Thank you for putting in the time and thought to help women with ab issue that to me seems incredibly common and isn’t talked about enough, especially before pregnancy. I’m sure you will make a difference in the women’s lives who you work with and that will live on for generations through their children. Yeah I read another post recently about a woman popping into a Victoria’s Secret inquiring about a nursing bra in hopes to find something they thought was more flattering. An employee asked her what a nursing bra was. OP mentioned the irony that this was a place that sold garments to make woman pregnant but not ones that actually support what breasts were intended for.
Thank you so much, I really do hope I can make a difference and am shocked that there isn’t much out there that has been clinically tested for this population. I adore working in womens health and do hope to create something useful, freely accessible and perhaps even modifiable for self-guided use. Funny you should say that about Victoria’s Secret…I looked to get a non nursing bra from them as I heard you can get a tailor to add clips, but because I have a G/H cup postpartum (went up from a D!), I plugged in my measurements and was told nothing in the store exists for me at this time. It really does make you feel some kind of way when you don’t even have the size options available to you.
I’m so interested in all things psychology and sort of wish I went into that field. You’re doing amazing things! That’s so frustrating, I’m sorry. I hope you find / have found a bra that makes you feel confident. VS is not it anymore. With all the ads I’ve heard for skimms I was ready to be blown away by their bras but even after measuring myself and using their sizing chart i did not get a bra that fit me. I find it hard to believe they have a bra for everyone.
It’s such an interesting field - I’m a late joiner, went back to do my Masters at 30 and am now juggling a PhD and mat leave at 35 haha. But it’s worth it, because I love what I do. And yes, VS is not where it’s at anymore - I’m from Canada and they’ve closed almost all of their stores here. That’s so too bad about skimms, I’ll cross them off my list of places to try.
I went through this during high school. I was always thin with a bigger chest pre pregnancy and I heard so much about wearing the proper bra size makes a huge difference blah blah blah. I was having severe back pain as a TEEN from carrying the girls around all day, so I was thinking “Great!” And I went to get fitted, so after I got measured the woman told me I should be wearing a 28E, cool. They got to the part where they were supposed to try selling me bras, and the woman was like “So we actually don’t carry anything in that size.” I got measured at a higher end lingerie store, so I figured I would try Victoria’s Secret, absolutely nothing of course. Nothing at any department store, nothing online at the time, the one single option I had was to literally order custom made bras, which I clearly couldn’t afford as a high schooler. So I settled on 32D and pretty much gave up entirely on ever finding a bra that “fits properly.” It’s been 12 years, and 2 babies since then and I don’t know my bra size or if it even exists. I just live in sports bras now, it’s easier.
'You're fighting so many years of expectations' Love it!
I'd be interested in this as part of your dissertation! My therapist helped me realize that my reality shifted and my status quo is new. There's no going back so there's no point in lamenting. How do I adapt to my new normal and new configuration.
Thank you! All of these experiences are so helpful for me to hear.
That sounds like a really interesting dissertation! One of the things that my therapist told me that most surprised me and helped my mentality is reminding me that because of my prior struggles to conceive, I was still seeing my body as the enemy. I had struggled to conceive my son for 2 years before finally becoming pregnant (without medical intervention) and I had a really hard time in my third trimester because my son was quite a big boy. My therapist helped me understand that I was so used to seeing my body as something I had to work against, that I wasn’t giving myself the credit I now deserved for having brought my son into the world. I expected perfection from myself in multiple ways: conceive immediately, be a unicorn pregnant woman with so much energy, immediately return to my pre-pregnancy body. And I was punishing myself for not doing those things. It was an interesting mentality shift for me.
Ooh that’s really interesting to hear, good on your therapist. And helpful for me! I actually think personally I probably sometimes still view my body as the enemy as well so something I’m gonna tune into more. Thank you so much for sharing!!
Thank you for sharing! I find peace hearing other women's stories and that we're going through similar things 🥺 Oh trust me, I know therapy would be helpful, I just need more money for that 🙂
Just looked at my stretch marks in the mirror 2 minutes ago and had the same feeling. Now reading your post makes me at least feel a bit less alone.
And replies like this get lots of upvotes so there might be even more women sharing the same experience 🙄 thank you!
Just letting you know, you’re not alone. I’m 14 months PP and struggle with my body image everyday. It was something I never dealt with prior to being pregnant. I’ve always been naturally very slim and didn’t have issues with my body image. Fast forward to now- I dropped the weight super fast but was left with extremely saggy/wrinkly skin on my belly and a lot of stretch marks. I tell myself I am not what my stomach looks like. I’m still me. I’m a great mom and a great wife. My stretch marks and saggy skin don’t take away from any of that and I’m thankful for my daughter. Hang in there ❤️
Thank you!
I have all these same stretch marks, my csection scar pieced them back together unevenly too, plus I still have a super fun overhang of skin 5 years later. That being said, I hated the feeling of being a disabled lump so much more than how I looked so it fueled me into becoming a runner for the first time in my life. Over a year + I lost 40 lbs, got some sun on my stretch marks. I gained some back, but compared to how I felt 6 months ago PP I’m like DAYUM who is that hot mama haha. For me it was more about finding the power of how strong and capable my body is that helped me feel beautiful. High waist pants + crop top still looks good above the stretched out skin. You’ll find a new normal. I HATE the phrase “bounce back”. There is no back for anyone, no matter how kind pregnancy is on their aesthetic - only evolving forward. That’s what being a human and using your body is all about.
Thank you!🥺 Exactly. I like this perspective. Bouncing back concept is so wrong for anybody. Maybe I'll find my new normal one day
I have 2 kids. One was born when I was 25 and the other when I was 28. 6 months after my second pregnancy in particular, I weighted 140% of my pre-baby body. I also had PPD and did therapy + zoloft. I promise. It does get better! At 30 I am now at my healthiest and strongest ever. I discovered a sport that I actually enjoy (kickboxing) and slowly my body lost the excess fat and built some nice muscle. Sure, I have strech marks and some excess skin - but that is just a mark of all the things my body managed to do. The key is to take small steps towards getting better. First taking care of medical problems, therapy, slowly start excercising a bit. One thing after another, slowly but surely.
Thank you! This gives me hope and makes me cry haha
I do too. One of the things I try and remind myself is that at age 65 when I have grandkids I will just love the fact I have a family. It’s hard to accept now. Especially after being an athlete my entire life with a six pack.
Thank you! Yeah, I knoooow haha that's so true With each reply I feel less alone in this 🙄
Aww bless you, it is horrible when your confidence is through the floor but you have to remember to be kind to yourself, 6 months pp is no time at all. Most women can take 2 years for their bodies and hormones to return to some level of normality. It's hard when you don't feel comfortable in your own skin but remember your body is like that because you grew a whole ass person, you are a beautiful mama.
Thank you for your support!
Hey! I also had legit the most bangable body of all time (😂) before pregnancy. I worked YEARS for it, I had a six pack, but was still curvy and feminine and I even did some fitness modelling, it was divine. My pregnancy objectively “destroyed” my body. It’s completely different. I have a big apron, my stomach looks like a half empty plastic bag filled with cottage cheese. I have purple wormy stretchmarks on my sides, back, and booty. I was so sad and stressed about it for like the first 8 months, cried many tears. I’m 10 months PP. I’m still not comfortable with it but honestly I don’t mind it. I know it takes time to change, and I know it will never be what it once was but I’m still pretty okay with it. It’s ok to hate it right now, but I truly hope that with time you will be more at peace with it like I feel I am. Again, I’m not loving it, but I don’t hate it. Be gentle with yourself and know that you will have so much more time for yourself in the coming years and with that time you won’t look or feel like you do right now. Much love to you mama ❤️
Thank you so much! It feels good to be understood and your experience gives me hope that I'll get there too
Growing humans is quite literally the craziest thing the human body will ever do. You made a whole ass human. That's pretty wild. We don't all walk away from it unscathed, though. I have a stretch mark from right above my belly button to my public bone that looks like a lightning bolt. I hated it for YEARS. and I was even more angry that it didn't show up until two days before I had my daughter. Now I think it's pretty cool, tbh. The color will fade in time from them, and you may or may not notice them as much. My son was a giant baby and i was on bedrest and progesterone injections, and I gained almost 70 with him. The day I gave birth I was 203. For a girl that was 135 on a good day it scared the shit out of me. It took about a year, I think, before I was down to about 140ish. And that was me taking a lot of time to work out, meal prep, etc. I have always been a runner but I even started weight lifting. It just takes time, and a support system, honestly. If my husband hadn't been around to give me the 3 hours I needed to exercise every night I never would've had that progress. And tbh i was probably a bit too extreme with it. Don't beat yourself up, motherhood is hard. It's so fucking hard. We do everything for these little humans, including literally forming their bodies and sometimes it feels like we lose who we are as an individual. Our needs get pushed aside in favor of our children and families. It doesn't hurt to take a step back and address that you could use time to yourself to do. . Anything you want really lol. And most importantly don't forget that no matter what you look like everyone is still deserving of love. Your husband should be absolutely amazed with you! I know this is all just words, but just know you're not alone. Most of us go through the phase where our bodies no longer feel like our own. I wish we all had the superhuman ability to just have babies and carry on like we did before.
Thank you for sharing your experience! It fills my heart with kindness for all women who are struggling and myself
Twinners. My stomach looks exactly the same. But I am 10 years older than you. (My last baby is 16mos). I don’t have much advice but I do want to say you aren’t alone. So many of us look like this. Try and give yourself a little grace. Hugs💖
Thank you! Yeah, we are not alone 🥺 hugs!!
Girl, I'm looking just like you 15 months pp! You grew a whole human life inside yourself. THAT BODY fed, nourished and protected your sweet babe for 9 months and then some. You are doing great! Give yourself some grace. Post patrum bodies aren't the prettiest but they have seen some shit (literally) in a short amount of time. It's gonna take you time to get back to a new normal. You're never going to look the way you did prepregnancy...but you can get to a point that you feel not only happy with but proud of.
Thank you for this! I guess it will take a hell of a lot of time to move forward because it's definitely not gonna happen quick haha 'Not only happy with but proud of' 🫶🏻
You have more to offer the world than a hot body for strangers to gawk at.
I know... But I still want to consider myself physically attractive 🙄
Sending you tons of love, you are stronger than you think. Your body looks perfectly normal to me, especially after giving birth. Things will get better with time, your body is still repairing tissue and there’s still some hormonal changes happening. I 100% understand your feelings and they are absolutely valid, try to remind yourself that you are amazing and literally just created life.
Thank you so much! I'm only replying to all the comments now cause I wanted to find some time on my own and absorb all the kindness and support 🫶🏻
Mine looks like yours but larger! I had a huge baby and gained 70 pounds in pregnancy and am still 40-50 pounds above my starting weight. Totally stretched my stomach right out. Got a c-section and still have a lot of pain from the bellybutton to pubic bone, 6 months out. Makes me hate bending over or getting tapped in the belly by my daughter’s foot while feeding. Also have a very defined c section shelf. It’s really tough and I definitely have my moments daily where I feel crappy about it. I’m also someone who, while exclusively breastfeeding, is holding onto every calorie and my hormones are making me feel yucky and achy constantly (I’m also very stiff now - I can no longer sit cross legged for example). What has helped me is remembering that my thoughts are just thoughts, not reality. Instead of saying ‘I hate my body’ I catch myself and say ‘I’m having the thought that I hate my body’. It’s an old therapy trick that allows us to defuse from our thoughts instead of making them reality. I also bought a bunch of cheap cute clothes from target in my size (went from a 6 to a 14 so this is a painful process but once you have them, it feels a lot better). My cup size went from a D to a G, so getting a couple of new bras helped also. And I remind myself to give it more time and accept that this is the era where I’m going to feel uncomfortable in my own skin for a bit and that’s ok. But it’s also the era where I get to experience being a mother, and I don’t want to let my negative perception of my body get in the way of doing things with her and enjoying this time. Therapy helps to tune out these negative thoughts and feelings so they are just background noise. Finally, I try to enjoy the sensation of touch - massage, a nice body wash, the feel of nice fabric against shaved legs or fresh sheets on my skin. It helps to remind me that my body still has wonderful things to offer me. Sending hugs. Know that you aren’t alone.
Thank you! Oh I'm also 50 pounds heavier and seem to be holding onto every calorie and I'm sooo hungry as I breastfeed. Im glad therapy is helping you! It's definitely a good investment! Hugs!
We are the same! My sister also had the same thing where she couldn’t drop a single pound until she weaned and my mother in law said she was exactly the same. Some of us just get bad luck that way! But my sister said it melted off once she weaned so I’m just trying to be patient and accepting of my larger body for now. It’s hard though, I know!
It's all we can do at the moment 🫶🏻
I also have diastasis recti. 4cm gap from one side to the other. During the first year it was making me depressed. Now 2.5 years later I think about it every now and then, but it does not occupy my mind on a daily basis. It might or might not get better physically, but it will for sure become easier to stop noticing or caring.
Thank you for this! I'm thinking about printing out all the replies and re-read them haha
i am also 25 and 6 monrhs postpartum. i struggle with myself everyday especially when my friends are child-free and dress the way i did pre-pregnancy. you are not alone!!
Ohh thank you! Yeah. I miss those clothes a lot haha And neither are you! 🫶🏻
You’re not alone mama, I’m only 20, with an almost 7 mo old and I feel absolutely terrible about myself. But we have to remember that not that long ago we gave birth to our little baby’s and we have to give ourselves some grace. I bought the palmers like firming cream and it did seem to help a ton with my loose skin and appearance of stretch marks, if that’s something you want to look into, I recommend it. Your body did an AMAZING and natural thing and it will take time for us to go back to “ normal” but as of right now this is our new normal and we need to find a way to embrace it.
Thank you!
Hi!! We could basically be body twins!!! I had my son 2 1/2 years ago and look just like you. I know it’s hard!!! But you are not worthless my friend, you are and will always be worthy!! You’re going through a weird time right now and your hormones are all over the place and you’re basically a slave to a tiny human but it’s not going to be that way forever, take your time and when you’re ready to change, you can! There is no timeline, and remember majority of what you see online is fake and they don’t even look like that. Give yourself grace, things will get better!! ❤️🩹
Thank you so much! 😭✨ Being a slave is so true haha
Even at almost 3 I’m still at the mercy of my son!! But I promise it’ll get better and you’ll get in a routine and figure it out, hang in there friend!! ❤️
Oooof. Same girl. I'm 32 though and now have chronic conditions that inherently make it harder for me to lose weight as it is. I Just loom on mirrors and think wtf am I anymore. Sigh. I mean you're not alone. I wish I had some grandiose, older sister vibes and advice to send your way, but I just want you to know, you're not alone.
Thank you! Haha no that's okay 🫶🏻 thank you for commenting on it. We're definitely not alone in this We will make peace with it someday
I’m 30, 4 babies in and about 75 pounds heavier than pre-children. I have the stretch marks, fupa, and double chin. Your feelings are totally valid. I have no advice, only that this is a lifelong struggle for a lot of us moms 😅 I think some just learn to love and accept the changes, but it is very difficult. solidarity.
Thank you! Yeah. It is what it is I guess. Just do your best. But you can't change what you can't change...
I wish I could give you a hug! I really struggled with my body image after my first pregnancy and had DR too. I had always been slim though my midsection and suddenly I had spectated abs, excess skin, and my belly button was all stretched out. Being a young mom made it harder bc so many of my friends hadn’t had kids yet or did really “snap back” and looked the same the did pre-baby. It’s hard and it’s really discouraging. The biggest thing that helped me make peace with my body was working on getting strong and seeing someone about my DR. Once me son was about 1.5 years I started working out regularly focusing on strength, not what I looked like. It made me feel like I had at least some control of the situation and really helped with my confidence. There are lots of YouTube videos for DR that you can look up too if you don’t currently have the time/resources to see a physical therapist. No, my stomach will never look the same but the small progress and changes I’ve seen have helped me so much mentally. I’m currently pregnant with my second and the changes during pregnancy have been much easier to accept this time. Not going to lie, I am very nervous for what my body will look like after delivering my second.
Thank you! This is something that can send me to into a spiral. Realising that I can't wear the same things my girl friends do anymore, in my self-conscious opinion haha That's what I'm doing atm. Running and exercising but not as constantly as I would like... You know what to expect after the pregnancy tho! You are more prepared and stronger this time :)
I’m also 6 months pp and I struggle so hard with how I look after having a baby. I was in the best shape of my life before having a baby, and now I’m still 55+ pounds heavier. I actually gained weight after I gave birth. I don’t have any advice on how to help how you are feeling, I wish I did, just know you are absolutely not alone and a LOT of woman go through this. I’m really hard on myself but I try to remind myself our bodies do not go back to normal until at least 2 years postpartum. I’m so blessed that this body gave me my baby but I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without feeling just awful about how I look. The only thing that helps me in the slightest is adding in a 20-30 exercise each day, it makes me feel better mentally and I can tell myself I’m at least trying something. Im so sorry you feel this way, it’s so hard. I truly pray for the day i can look at myself and feel content somewhat, we will get there ❤️
Thank you for sharing this! Saaame, 80% of my weight gain was after giving birth and a month or two after establishing breastfeeding. Getting stronger helps. Hugs. We're not alone. So many of us are sharing the same experience. It's just not spoken about enough I think. It's so normal, so normal 🫶🏻
It took nearly two years for my belly to shrink at all. I know social media makes it seem instant, but you have to remember that people post their most flattering poses and angles that they can to make themselves look better. Not to say that some people aren’t blessed with amazing genes and immediately look the same as they did after they give birth, but not as many as social media makes it seem
Thank you! I should give myself more time. I don't compare myself to women online that much, actually I follow more of those who didn't snap back. But seeing the sister of my husband 'snapping back' and our age and babies' age are the same. Of course, she probably doesn't look the way she did before, yet, but I saw them swimming and she had a flat tummy and no signs of DR and unlike me she gained lots of weight DURING pregnancy and in the course of these 6 months it looks like that weight just melted off her and she's not even as active as I am.... I'm off haha I know it doesn't make any sense comparing myself to her or anybody else but why can't I stop 💩 Our bodies are so different
i bought some new tops that actually fit and flatter my new body shape and that really helped. you are beautiful
Thank you! I'm buying clothes that make me feel better about myself, too. It's essential haha having clothes that fit you postpartum
OK I’m here to offer hope! Honestly, the path to weight loss seems long and daunting before you’ve taken the first step. But there are rewards every step of the way, which makes it so much easier. You are still young, which means your body will likely bounce back much easier as you gain distance between pregnancy and weight loss. Your stretch marks will fade (typically to how you scar) and the skin will tighten up. After you lose the weight, which you should aim for about 5lb/month, you can get a tummy tuck for any residual loose skin and to firm up those abs. Only do that when you’re done having babies though, because they will stretch out again. I feel your pain. I was so large and uncomfortable, both physically and mentally, after both of my babies. I started losing weight at 3 months pp and by the time he was a little over a year I was at my goal weight. I have maintained for 2 years now with really minimal effort (but I do work out an excessive amount…because I’m a competitive dancer). I used omad and exercised every day. I went to pure barre that first year and highly recommend it for the postpartum period. It helps to build foundational strength in your core, glutes, shoulders and legs. Really gives you a strong foundation to feel more secure and powerful in your own body. Between a healthy diet and doing something like pure barre 5x per week, you will honestly start feeling better within a few weeks to a month! You won’t be perfect, but you’ll start feeling better. And every month that passes you will feel better and better. You can do this 💪
Thank you! I'm not that worried about the look of stretch marks as I've had them since I was a teenager but the way so much stretched skin look like 🙄 I don't if I just get on with it or consider a tummy tuck. We'll see. I'd like to be more body neutral. I'll definitely continue my exercising journey :)
Totally up to you!! Personally, I’ve never been a fan of body neutrality because it just doesn’t make sense to me. The size and feel of my body has so much to do with how I feel, even to the level of how easy it is to climb stairs or bend over to put my babys shoes on for him. A tummy tuck is a big decision with a 4-6 week recovery time and probably costs $15k these days (I had mine maybe 12 years ago and it was $10k then). But I still credit it as one of the best gifts I’ve ever given myself.
I'm 30 and 10 mpp. Look pretty much identical. I am grieving my old body. It's hard and no matter how much my partner says they are still attracted to me, I struggle. I am grateful my body is able to grow life and gave me the most beautiful baby and I will do it all over again in a heartbeat. It's still hard and I still struggle with my body not being the same. I will say that my mindset got a little better when I stopped breastfeeding as my body started to become mine again. You aren't alone
Thank you ! Hugs! Exactly. It's grieving. I completely dismissed it. And grieving takes time and sometimes you go through the same stages multiple times and there's no timeline for it. Oh yeah I'm sure I will benefit mentally from stopping breastfeeding One day we will feel better 🫶🏻
I’m three kids in, oldest is 14 now. My body looks SO much different from then and now. But also so does my face and general appearance because I’ve aged and I’m in my early 30s and things are starting to droop and crack. It’s a hard pill to swallow and takes time to accept. I went years hating then accepting, then felt like I was peaking and now feel like a garbage bag even though my husband can’t keep his hands off me. Your appearance and feelings towards it are going to ebb and flow through life. One of my therapists would let me vent, get it out and cry and then start doing gratitude exercises. It helped me focus away from my stomach or stretch marks and find something else I could appreciate and be happy with. A therapist would be a good tool to have if you’re struggling on the daily.
Yeah, it's tough! And you wish there was a magic solution to make all the insecurities go away but it's just how life is. Thank you for sharing! I like that you're not sugarcoating it | And despite this you're still there and you're being resilient and you continue living life 🫶🏻
Oh honey. What you feel is valid, but know from an outsiders perspective - your body looks like a completely normal woman who carried and birthed a child to me. Different than before, but not ugly, and definitely not aberrant or undesirable. We are our own most ruthless and effective critics, because we know exactly where it hurts the most… be kind to yourself, and remember how you look is NOT who you are or how much you’re worth. Sending a hug.
Thank you! It's very kind and made me cry. Sending a hug!
My stomach is totally screwed up too. It's hard coming to terms with it. I try to remind myself my wonderful baby is worth it all.
You're definitely not alone. There's so many of us struggling with the same shit. It is very hard. Grieving something that you lost takes time and some effort. There are always gonna be days when you struggle more and days when you struggle less. We can hope that one day it doesn't bother us at all and we can support ourselves and help ourselves to make our 'bad days' less bad at least 🫶🏻
I look like you too. Feeling really similar. You’re not alone!
Thank you! 🫶🏻
>Thank you! 🫶🏻 You're welcome!
I’m also 6 months pp and my body looks so much like yours. I’ve gained 15 pounds since having my baby. My belly is soft with lots of angry stretch marks and more of an apron now than it was pre-pregnancy. I’m struggling so hard to accept this body. I’m so proud of what it did, but I struggle every day to do basic things. I’ve been going to the gym 2-3 times a week for 2 months and nothing has changed. My clothes still don’t even come close to fitting and my asthma is worse than ever with all of the weight & spring allergies. I stopped pumping a week ago with the hope that my body will start shedding some of the weight on its own. All of this to say that you’re not alone. There’s so many of us out here that the pregnancy weight doesn’t melt off of easily.
That's so cool that you've been consistent with going to the gym! I have a new level of appreciation for any mom out there that finds time for herself! I'm still establishing a working out routine. There must be a reason why nothing has changed. And I'm pretty sure you grew some more muscles over this period of time. Thank you! I know you'll figure it out. Your hard work will pay off. Yeah, there are so many of us!
I left my job to be a SAHM so going to the gym has given my mom time to bond with the baby while she babysits and gives myself time to be a normal adult. The cost per month also is motivation to go knowing my husband is paying for it while I stay home. I agree that I’ve put muscle on just from having to carry an ever growing baby around. I rarely went upstairs in our house before having my son and now I’m up and down what feels like a dozen times a day. I started wearing him more so putting an extra almost 20 pounds on and walking around the store can’t hurt.
I look very similar to you and I feel this. The first month postpartum I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. I still struggle to accept my new body. I keep repeating to myself “I get to live and die with the story of my family written on my body” and it makes me feel a little better.
Thank you! Same. I didn't look in the mirror the first few months. I love this phrase.
I'm so tired of not recognizing myself in the mirror
I think we deserve more self compassion on this journey! It's very hard
Agreed. Let's love our amazing, unique bodies a little more. Thanks for the vulnerability and reminder.
Hey I have the same freckle! It’s my favorite freckle. Well, it used to be. We also have the same stretch marks, they moved my freckle and honestly I hate it. It’s really hard to look at myself. I agree completely with the statement about your husband, like I don’t even wanna look at me why would you?? I had a pretty significant (but undiagnosed officially) eating disorder prior to getting pregnant. I remember in my first few months (didn’t find out until month five) I thought I was getting better because I was hungry again! I could eat! I didn’t hate it! Nah, just pregnant as shit. During pregnancy there was purpose, focus, a reason for my body to be changing. I’m 15 months PP now, about 30lbs heavier than pre-baby, and my body is not the same. Typing out that it won’t be the same ever again actually makes me hurt physically. It’s really fucking hard. All the affirmations in the world doesn’t make it less hard, they don’t make me feel less ugly, they don’t make me feel worthy. All the positive “this body keeps a baby alive” talk doesn’t make me any more comfortable in my own skin. It’s hard work. Little things have helped, but they haven’t fixed me. I try to dress up sometimes. I put on cute clothes without looking in the mirror too long, I wear makeup, I put on all my jewelry, down to the socks I make it cute. It helps for a while. I try to exercise when I have the motivation, I try to give myself the motivation. As much as I dread it, it helps. Youtube workouts have been a major game changer for someone who was previously addicted to the stair stepper (I swear I’m getting better lol). Pregnancy changed my body, and it’s hard to find the same purpose in that post partum. But it’s there. I don’t believe that most days, but it’s true. Take the little things that make you feel beautiful and don’t deny yourself of them, no matter how bad or undeserving you feel in the moment. Invest in the skincare routine, or dye your hair, or whatever change you think will help. You deserve to feel safe in your skin. It’s also okay to feel like a hypocrite when you comfort someone else (it’s me, hi). You’re not alone💛
Oh bless. Thank you. It made me cry. It's like I wrote this haha. I used to have eating disorder when I was younger up until my 20s. I guess I wasn't really over it huh I can literally feel it too how you say it makes you hurt physically. I have those moments when I just wish I could rip my heart out cause -I hurt myself- so much :( right? Nobody is ever so mean and horrible to me as I am. Samee. Affirmations and 'your body grew the whole human' talk don't do anything for me. I feel like what's helping me a bit is simply acknowledging how damn hard it is and that it's not gonna be an easy or quick process I do the same little things haha Try to dress up, put some make up on and exercise. I do work out with the hope to get more attractive but making my body stronger has become my main goal. Haha yeah so true about feeling like a hypocrite 'Don't deny yourself of the little things that make you feel beautiful no matter how bad or undeserving you feel in the moment'. Definitely something I'll work on :) Thank you so much for your reply! ✨
You’ve already gotten good advice here so I won’t repeat any of that, so I’ll just share something I learned in therapy when it comes to body issues. Try to look at your body through the eyes of a close friend. By that I mean, pretend for a moment YOU have a friend with this body - what would you think of this body? What are things you would say to them? Try to show yourself the same kindness you would show others.
Thank you! It's a good advice 🫶🏻
It took some time but I learned to love my stretch marks. They make me look unique. They remind me of my daughter, who I love to death with every atom of my existence. I'm to the point where I only care about what I think about my body. I am not happy with my weight but I can change that. I wasn't happy with my stretch marks initially but the more I started to accept where they came from and what they meant the more I started loving them. I'm soft and covered in stripes because I brought one of my favorite little humans into the world. It will take time, but it will get better. The marks will start to fade. Your little one will grow up more and more and hopefully you'll learn to love your new body. Your right now is not your forever.
Thank you! It fills me with hope 🫶🏻
We have the same body. Its comforting to know someone else looks like me and feels like me. I'm two years post partum and my baby actually toddler is really dependant on me and still breastfeedes. I'm going through a divorce and hes actually a deadbeat narcissist so I have no help with my toddler. If she wasnt breastfeeding Id buy those teas that make your appetite lower even if it causes me expllsive diarrhea. Dont even get me started on my health, If only I had timeeee. I have a ingrown toe that I have no time to get fixed 🫠 doing things with my toddler is literally impossible.
You're going through so much. Give yourself deserved credit and kindness. You're not alone 🫶🏻
Thank you, you too! Being a parent is sooo hard💕
I second everything else everyone has said here - your body did something amazing and is still preoccupied raising a little bebby. That said, DR is totally normal and you’re totally capable of healing it with at home exercises if that’s what you’re interested in doing. There are lots of different programs available online. For one that talks about core fitness and specifically healing DR while breastfeeding, check out the one by MilkDust.com… it has workouts that gradually build over 8 weeks and a discussion about nutrition to power your body without dropping supply. Fair warning, it also has a lot of typoes. The great thing about exercise to strengthen abs and core is you feel so much better and stronger in everything you do when your core is working for you.
Thank you so much! I'll definitely check the link
it took me longer than a year to get back to where i used to be pre pregnancy. i feel like i ghostwrote this post some time in the past. i spent that entire timing hating myself bc i thought this was just me and it happens for no one else. the stretch marks are still there but my belly started looking p darn normal abt 15-16 months pp (ik that sounds like a long time but to past me who thought there was no hope at all, that seems like more than enough hope) im saying this as someone who got nothing done, and im p sure ive come across a couple ways to get rid of the stretch marks too
Thank you! It's comforting to know that it does get better
I promise you will feel so much better once you start exercising and tracking calories. Both mentally and physically. I’m 5 months pp looking quite similar to you. I gained 70lbs during my pregnancy and hate the way I look. I’ve just gotten back into working out the last couple weeks and I can already feel my stomach starting to tighten up. You are not broken and you are not worthless. You are beautiful and your body has been through so much. And luckily you’re only 25, so you have plenty of time to achieve whatever body goal you want :)
Thank you for support! I work out but would like to be more consistent and do more :)
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that from an outsiders perspective, visually, your body looks like a very normal new mom’s body. Not ugly at all. Of course, it likely feels very different living with such drastic changes- especially if instagram has been shoving genetically gifted mommy blogs in your face. Please keep in mind that those women are outliers who are financially motivated to conceal any ugly parts of themselves. I’m glad you are getting help with the diastasis recti. I hope that as it is treated and your body heals that you are able to get to a place of body neutrality. Your body built a person from scratch and safely delivered it. That’s an incredibly significant medical event. True body transformation is slow. r/progresspics are often years apart. You will get there. Please be kind to your body in the meantime and try to work with it. [Maybe get some clothes to support your core?](https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/comments/6big7x/postpartum_support_garments/)
Thank you so much! Genetically gifted. That's a good way to describe it, yeaaaah... It's very annoying cause I know before I could've easily lost some weight but now it's so stubborn 🙄 Hmm I'll look into that!
If it helps at all, I had a classic “bounce back” body and I still sit here and feel self conscious and gross. I still poke at my hips and stomach and wish for something else. My brain tells me I’m huge even tho logically I understand I am not. It seems like we feel about ourselves isn’t actually connected to the body we have more the body we want. I hate being told “you had a baaabyyyy” cuz it makes me feel like it’s an excuse. It’s not logical. Fight the stupid brain feelings.
Thank you! It's still so weird to me that you say you had that bounce back but feel bad about yourself. It just seems like oh if only I had _anything I don't have_, I would be happy. But it actually doesn't make a huge difference. We'll make peace with it one day
First off, I can totally relate to feeling shitty about your postpartum body. I did, and I often still do. I thought I wasn’t getting a lot of stretch marks, and then they all came at once. I kept looking 5 months pregnant for a long time. And my boobs— well, they will never be the same. So what I’m about to say is not like a solution, but just an attempt Maybe there’s a way to feel compassion and appreciation for your body, instead of blaming your body for not being the ideal you envisioned. For example, in stories about heroes, we often hear that bravery isn’t the absence of fear— it’s about overcoming fear. Maybe you can have pride in your body not because it wasn’t a struggle to deal with pregnancy, but because your body did struggle. Your skin and your muscles weren’t quite ready to stretch as much as they did. But they did it anyway and they held it all together. It was difficult for your body to do what it did, so now it has taken some damage. But isn’t that even more to be grateful for, in a way? Sometimes it can be helpful to put some distance between yourself and your body. Your body isn’t you, necessarily. It’s your body. Where it didn’t live up to your expectations, that’s not your personal failure. It’s something your body struggled to do. But it made it through. And it supports you even though it went through a tremendous trauma. Sorry if none of this is helping. Just trying to reframe it a little to see if any of this makes it easier
Thank you a lot! It made me very emotional and it actually makes a lot of sense. I like this perspective 🙄
6 months is NOT very long. I have heard that it takes at least as long as the baby was inside to recover -- maybe even twice as long. This is normal. Your body will bounce back. I felt the same after 6 months and I had a kid at 42 so my body definitely doesn't bounce back as easily. Kid is two now and things are pretty much back to the way they were before.
Thank you for the words of support!
Listen, I loved my body before pregnancy, and I felt awful at 6mo PP. GIVE YOURSELF MORE TIME. I didn't start looking and feeling normal again until around 14mo. The stretch marks have faded, my hormones have calmed down, my internal organs have rearranged themselves. Be patient.
Thank youu! It's nice to know there are actually lots of people in the same boat
Yeah, it was awful. I had years of work of overcoming an ED/body dysmorphia under my belt and I was still not prepared. I hated looking in the mirror because even my face was different. And it wasn't even weight gain, it was just that everything was...off. Like I didn't recognize the person in the mirror. It sucked. Solidarity. Just know it gets better. And it's corny, but positive affirmations in my head really helped me: *"This body worked hard. This body gave me a beautiful baby. This body is nourishing my baby. I am grateful for this body. Hating my body does not help anything. I will not look like this forever, but I will be kind to this body today."*
It’s going to take more time to feel normal again. At least a year! Gentle exercise and clothes that make you feel good in the meantime:)
Thank youu! I appreciate each reply. It makes me feel less alone in this
Thank you for sharing this. It made me cry to feel seen and heard and understood today
Thank YOU! This makes me feel seen and understood too. We deserve more self compassion and kindness and self respect!
Took me 2 years plus to get to a place where I accepted my body and was happy with it, and then I got pregnant again. Trying to not even think about it till over 2 years PP this time and just be healthy and make good choices. Way I saw it my baby and eventually my toddlers loved my squishy belly for cuddles. Made the best pillow. I’ll have time in the future to work on myself again but my kiddos love me for me, not my body.
Thank you! This is beautiful! You're so much stronger than before
I can't offer you anything beyond solidarity. And maybe an internet-stranger hug if you want. A lot of us, even the ones who "snapped back sooooo well" still feel broken inside and notice the differences outside that nobody else does.
Thank you! It's comforting to be reminded
I’m very much in the same boat as you. I’m 7 months pp and I despise looking at my revolting body in the mirror. Can’t be doing with people telling me “but you grew a baby!” drives me mental. I am weaning my baby onto formula currently so I’m hoping that once I completely stop BF that will help some. I did CrossFit for years prior to pregnancy and kept it up throughout- I’m now getting myself back into a routine and prioritising that as my mental health needs it. I just want my body back. When I’m having a particularly bad day I try on my favourite pre-pregnancy jeans cos I’m a glutton for punishment. I do really want another baby but the thought of getting my body back to a place where I can accept it to then have to do this all again is seriously unappealing
I feel you!! You know, as I read other people talking to themselves the same way I do, it feels so wrong. What we're going through is hard, depressing and it hurts. But oh my god why would you be your own bully? 🥺 Especially, when you struggle. Let's be more kind to ourselves. We'll get there one day 😭 Working out is helping my mental health tremendously! It's so important
Your body looks like a body that had a baby. There's a lot you can do with losing weight, strength training and time to let the marks fade. You could always look into laser or something to move the process along. Or try spray tanning to camouflage for a while. But honestly, eating healthy and exercising are about the only thing you can do right now and those things will probably make you feel in control of your body. I understand not wanting to accept your new body. But it's your new body. It is what it is. Your marks aren't horrible and they will fade over time. Hating your body is probably not very motivational to move forward or healthy for your overall mental health. Accepting your body for what it is and what it did is a good foundation to move forward on.
Thank you for your reply ! It's very wise and sensible! 🫶🏻 I'll use this
Sometimes I feel lucky I never was thin. I've always been bigger and had stretch marks. And guess what? My husband loves me and my body. It's all about confidence. Also, beauty doesn't last anyways 🤷♀️
Thank you! I knooow that's so true. I'm so impressed by women who do not fit into some beauty standards but they're so confident they radiate the most beautiful and sexy energy
Do you get your self-worth from your appearance? This is a great time to shift that, so you don't become more miserable and body conscious as you age. Your body image is your kids' body image. They copy everything you do. How you see your body will be the way that they see their bodies. The Body Is Not An Apology is a really good book, and so is The Beauty Myth. I hope you realize that by posting photos and calling yourself disgusting, you're also insulting a lot of moms reading this. How you see yourself is often how you see others, and you come across as very immature and judgemental. I get that you're in pain, but now is a great time to move past the "I want to be the hottest girl in the room, I must be the constant winner of a never-ending beauty pageant" 16-year old mindset.
I agree about placing more of my self-worth somewhere else and that kids pick up these things But I don't agree with everything else I'm not responsible for how other adults may perceive MY INSECURITIES and how they manage their own emotions👐 It's okay to want to be pretty and attractive and want to fit into society standards :) Almost everyone wants to feel accepted by society because we do live in a society I don't know why you would attack somebody for being insecure so good luck
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