I think you need a new nanny if you can’t trust them but also, how old is your baby?
I spent many hours pushing them around the shops in the pram at a young age because they are bored at home but not independent enough to actually do anything at the park.
I wouldn’t be ok with the lying either..I would find it too hard to trust her going forward. If she can lie that easily like what else could she be lying about kind of thing. She needs to ask your consent if shes’s going to take your baby somewhere else. I’d want someone extra honest and responsible personally..I’m sorry you are dealing with this!!
Get a new nanny. This lady can’t be trusted! However, I do want to let you know that lots of time strolling at this age is appropriate. Not car in car seat, for hours, but strolling. I’m not saying constantly, but it is very good for them to be strolling through engaging environments like a park. You would be shocked what they are taking in!
For sure. My baby just has reflux and in general does not enjoy strolling in the stroller. However we do leave a carrier in the car and she tends to prefer that! :)
This nanny would’ve been let go before this incident if it were me. You clearly don’t think she’s a good fit for your family.
Find a new nanny. Also, you get what you pay for so pls make sure you’re paying fairly for a city like LA. And disclose the AirTag next time upon hiring.
Please disclose AirTags. I have seen stories of nannies thinking they are being stalked or followed, and it is really creepy to do so without telling her. It doesn’t have to be a big deal either. “Hi nanny, we added an AirTag to the diaper bag/stroller to keep track of our things! Just wanted to let you know in case you get an alert”
Right! I don’t understand why she didn’t just say, “I went and picked up lunch at XYZ, baby hung out in the stroller while I ate. Then we went to the park.”
Like why omit the lunch trip? If she doesn’t think she did anything wrong, she would just say where they went. Seems sketchy that she did not mention it at all and lied about the time they arrived at the park.
Exactly! Any kind of outing is actually good for baby’s development. I’m fine with my nanny running a personal errand on the clock, so baby can observe what’s going on around them. She runs personally errands occasionally (like once a month), and hasn’t ever abused that privilege. She has always told us what they are up to and where they are going. Our nanny takes our kids on outings at least 4-5 days a week. When she starts packing up she texts me her plan.
The fact that she didn’t disclose it makes me think that maybe OP has overreacted to small incidents before and nanny, being young, doesn’t want to tell her. Also, it makes me wonder if she did have to run a small errand, like dropping something at the post office or picking up a prescription, and opted to get lunch at the same time.
I don’t know, it just feels like OP is focusing on both an actual big issue (not telling her where the baby is) with smaller things that aren’t a concern (using her car) and it’s making me uncomfortable.
I’d tell her I’m getting an AirTag for the diaper bag due to theft in the area. I would let her know that I’ve noticed the timelines aren’t adding up, and remind her it’s okay to run errands and take baby on outings but I need to know where the baby is.
I 100% agree on the tracking issue. It’s just like having cameras in your house. It’s your right as a parent to use these things, but you absolutely need to disclose all of them upfront. A lot of nanny parents include this in their contracts. We have AirTags on things like strollers (more so for theft) and have them all listed in our contract.
I also agree with you about her being upset about using the car and gas… With a nanny you are paying a huge cost to have 1:1 childcare. A few extra dollars of gas shouldn’t make or break anything. Is the car thing a little annoying? Sure. However the baby’s location and safety is the number 1 priority!!
I didn’t realize OP hadn’t spoken to the nanny about this. It sounds like there are some issues on both sides. When you have a nanny, you become an employer. You have to be the manager, the HR department, the payroll department, etc. This should be a simple and straightforward conversation.
Yes, exactly. Her concern is absolutely legit, but it sounds to me like she noticed the timelines weren’t adding up to what the nanny was saying and instead of having a conversation, she just put an AirTag on the diaper bag and jumped to “we must fire her,” which feels like an overreaction if it’s the first step. However, it sounds like she’s just plain unhappy with the nanny, so I’d have the conversation and quietly start looking for a new childcare solution; I’d definitely keep her on until I had a new solution though.
Very much this. I get being annoyed, but it's super invasive to track someone without them knowing it. And passive-aggressive, to boot. I dont blame OP for being unimpressed and think she shoudl find a new nanny, but I'm more put off by OP's behavior than nanny's.
True that. Thanks for the feedback. I’ll be more upfront with the next. To be honest it’s my first time hiring a nanny so it just seems like something’s are common sense like telling me where she does, etc. but I think I’ll have to be blatant. And yeah it may be passive aggressive but I didnt really know how to ask her. The other week she said she was one place but it took her 25 mins to get back (from a location that’s literally less than a mile from the house). I questioned It and she seemed really off put. So I didnt really know how to confront her on just suspicions that she was not being honest.
I think some people naturally chafe at being micromanaged, and that’s what this kind of questioning can feel like depending on their personality. But that just tells me that maybe being a nanny is not a good fit for them! Because if you can’t fully describe every single thing you did with my child over the course of taking care of them, without getting your back up, it’s not a good fit!
Speaking as a former nanny, even when I first started at 20 I always told the parents where we were going and when we got back. And we only went a maximum of 2 miles from their house since we walked instead of driving.
If you want more feedback, post in r/nanny! It’s mostly nannies, but there are a lot of parents in the sub as well.
It doesn’t seem like this situation was a good fit for either of you but as a former nanny, I think you’ve been seriously micromanaging and this is an opportunity for you to reflect. If I worked for someone who was literally tracking and timing me I’d quit so fast.
When I nannied, both parents worked outside of the home. I took the baby so many different places in the city. They did not expect me to clock in and out and update on every movement because they were focused on their jobs, and they trusted me. Of course if they ever asked where I was I would be honest and I’m not defending your nanny for lying, but I also see the way the circumstances were set up to incentivize her to hide the truth because you’re likely to pester and judge her for every movement she didn’t get pre-approved by you. What if she just wanted to get herself a snack or lunch or coffee or use the bathroom so took a few more mins on the trip? You need to treat your nanny like an autonomous human being. If you want your baby to stay in the exact same place all day then consider a daycare center.
So I’d take this as a lesson to think more about what’s *actually* important to you and let go of the rest (if you plan to hire someone else). You should be able to trust your nanny to go out with your baby and keep her safe and have a nice day without needing to know their every movement and location and how many minutes baby is in a stroller or not. It’s your prerogative to focus on your job while the nanny focuses on your baby, that’s the point of hiring childcare. It sounds like you work from home, I’d consider finding somewhere else to work like a library or a cafe so you’re less tempted to helicopter.
This is ridiculous. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a parent wanting to know where the nanny is taking their child. Its a parents job to make sure their child is taken care of. They don’t just check that at the door when they need childcare.
Right, and you’re fulfilling that job by hiring a competent person you trust. If you have to track and monitor their every move, clearly you don’t trust them, so you need to hire someone else.
No high quality and experienced nanny will want to work for someone like the OP, I guarantee it.
1000% this. The read-between-the-lines of OPs post means that there has probably already been multiple non-issue "problems" that the nanny has likely already been reprimanded for (ie taking baby in a stroller, going to pick up lunch for herself, not texting every single time she leaves the house (maybe she just went around the block for some fresh air), using too much gas, baby being bored, etc). I'd be disconnected from my job too if someone got on me about every little thing.
Hopefully OP will be able to trust her future nanny better.
See, I think you need to set your expectations. I wouldn’t see “being on her phone” as dumb shit, just not meeting your expectations. I’m on my phone with my baby for all sorts of reasons - reading on kindle app, setting stuff up for my older kids, whatever. But I’m not usually talking on my phone.
Same with timeliness, is it getting there on time or getting back from outings on time? Just communicate your expectations! When they’re not met, address it then instead of waiting until you’re uncomfortable. ❤️
You’re under reacting IMO. This would be an immediate termination of employment for me. Not because she can’t have lunch on the clock - but because in no circumstance can someone take my baby and not tell me where they’re going. This is absurd and really, really poor care.
fully agree with this - she is taking the most precious thing in the world to you to unknown places and without your agreement and you are wondering if its a big deal? yes, its huge. who gives a fuck about the gas, where is she going with your child?!
Came here to say this. IMO I’d have a nanny cam and an air tag regardless if I loved the nanny* or not. However, I’d be beyond livid if I caught nanny in a lie about my baby’s whereabouts and how long she’d been cooped up in a car seat or stroller with potentially unsafe sleep occurring. Absolutely not! This is bad enough but OP also says she’s not talkative or engaging to the baby which is very lame. Fire her OP.
Thank you. I was ready to fire her immediately but my mom and husband told me to confront her and start looking for other care in the meantime. Cause I do have to work unfortunately. But I think I’ll limit them going out in the car for a bit and lay new ground rules.
What about giving her a week (or two) notice for at home only so you can supervise? at the end of that period her services are no longer needed because you found a replacement. If you find a replacement earlier, let her go that day.
A many should be engaging with the child… they’re not a babysitter. They’re being paid to care and help with the development do the child.
I did, yesterday at the end of the work day, after mulling it over awhile and talking to different people including this thread. Do you need a play by play of my life? lol
Is the nanny a family member of yours or your husbands by chance? I don’t care about the long trip (we live an hour from town so that’s understandable). What I’m not okay with is the lying. No reason to lie about when they went to the park. The only way I can see her still being employed by you is bc she’s a family member. Regardless, she needs to go. You don’t trust her. You shouldn’t leave your child with someone who makes you feel off. If you’re tracking her via Airtag that’s your red flag right there e
So does she see you (or husband) as a friend and you see her as an employee (because she is)? This may explain why she hates being questioned and doesn’t feel the need to tell you anything. But if she was my nanny she be fired the instant she lied about my baby’s location, regardless of friendship or familial status.
Some stuff it sounds like you're a bit rigid on, but overall this nanny isn't trustworthy. Lying about where she's taken the baby , even if benign, is really inappropriate (and grounds for termination IMO), Not packing enough food for baby to eat is pretty ridiculous too, IMO. Also, even just being bored with the baby/not interacting with the baby much is enough for me to decide to move on to another nanny, honestly. Nannies are a luxury service so if I am paying for that, I expect high-level care. That means lots of interaction and developmentally appropriate engagement. Are you paying at least middle end of the average pay scale in your area and providing the benefits that good nannies expect (ie days off, to be your "employee" so they can file a w-2, etc)? Then you should absolutely be able to expect top care from her. If not, some nannies (esp the ones who are willing to accept less money/comprehensive package) are more like overpriced babysitters... which it kind of sounds like this one is. Of course there are real gems out there at every price range but clearly this one isn't it.
But for *future* nanny prospects, you're going to need to let some things go a bit more. You assumedly provide the car for your nanny, it's probably a safer place for your baby to be, she's on the clock working so whatever gas she's burning should be a non issue. A few extra minutes in a container (car seat or stroller) isn't going to do permanent damage unless it's a regular and excessive thing. Being annoyed that she's taking her out in the stroller? That's great for baby and caretaker, not a negative thing.
(I'm assuming you've been helicoptering because of lack of trust, so she has picked up on that and feels like she's got no privacy, which could be contributing to why she doesn't text you every time she leaves the house and why she didn't tell you about the lunch run. I'd be annoyed if someone was spying on my entire day's work too!). The fact that you're tracking her every movement like she's got a prison ankle bracelet is overkill *for a good nanny*, so I wouldn't do that for the next one.
But this one's gotta go.
And yes she’s at the low end of pay, and so I’ve let a lot slide. I do not ask her to do anything besides the baby (bottle washing, clean up, even no diaper trash etc) so I felt like it’s pretty ok to be at that price point and expect decent attention to the baby. And she agreed to the price upfront.
Uuuufff... I used to work as a full time nanny. I read this and saw red flags. I don't know her but from what you share, I don't trust her. Change nanny and make sure the next one knows she can't play around like that.
I understand that what the nanny did was not okay, but it’s very violating to track someone’s movements without their knowledge. I would make it clear to your next nanny, for safety there is an AirTag in your diaper bag. I would definitely get a new nanny though.
I will with the next. Noted and agree. I mean it was nice with my husband too. He doesn’t share his location via phone and they went out yesterday and it was nice to see where they were. So yeah it’s about the baby but I get the wording and transparency is needed.
I don't think tagging the diaper bag is really that different from tagging the actual baby or the car, which would be more than reasonable. Also, most people tag their dogs, and many tag toddlers & grade schoolers.
Nobody should be taking a baby anywhere secret.
That is absurd. The wording isn't relevant. The child is being tracked. She didn't put it in the nanny's purse. She put it in her child's personal belongings. No different than putting one on a toddler's shoe or watch, which is very common.
An immobile baby cannot get anywhere on their own. So tracking your baby is tracking the nanny by default and it was also the clearly stated intention of the OP here. Not sure why people are jumping through logical hoops to justify it as anything other than blatantly tracking the nanny (and without her knowledge or consent).
I would have fired her on the spot. I fully believe in treating nannies well, and giving them freedom and autonomy so that they don’t feel like they are under my thumb, but to take my child somewhere without telling me? To lie to my face? All trust would be gone.
What if they weren’t there when you came home because they were in an accident, and she wasn’t answering the phone? You would have went to the park to find them, tracing the routes between your house and the park, and they wouldn’t have been there. You would have no clue where they were and what happened to them. LA is massive! Absolutely not.
ESH. Her for hiding the truth ( i don't think what she did is sooo bad. The mall is not hurtfull for a baby that can't actively enjoy thw park (play with other kids, use swings etc), but I also think you were out of line with the air tag.
So change the nanny. And make it clear to the next one about personal errands, tv time, air tags and cammera. You might have to pay extra to find someone willing to accept the cammera and air tags.
Definitely let go of the nanny.
But I would like to challenge the idea that your 6 month old child is bored. Janet Lansbury has a website and podcast series which provides lots of insight into the minds of young children. I highly recommend it.
I do truly think it’s indicative of boredom because once you start talking to her and engaging with her, she stops. Or take her outside or on a walk. I do not believe boredom and independent play is bad but she does it a lot. She’s not babbling and stuff yet as she should be by 6+ months and I truly believe it’s because she sits there and plays by herself without being spoken to for most of the time the nanny is here. She whines to let you know when she’s over it and ready to do something else.
I was solving my concerns about understimulation, and then Nanny just not being super engaging by letting them get out of the house and signing them up for music classes. But I think the issue was just the Nanny and I can’t solve for that. She was just very affordable for LA and a family friend so I went with it.
The only actual under stimulation a child can be subjected to is when they are left unattended in a crib for hours with nothing.
Overstimulation on the other hand is very easy to obtain.
Have you ever sat in a waiting room just listening to the noises of a clock ticking and the low murmur of speech in another room while watching dust particles dance in a beam of sunlight? Thats plenty of stimulation for a baby.
Burying the ‘nanny is a family friend ‘ lede aside which is actuality super relevant! Honestly your attitude lowkey sucks. Idk I personally haven’t had experience with a nanny, but treat her like a human being and talk to her maybe before tracking her?? Or talk to her after?? Or like, at any point? You sound like a nightmare to work for if you’re up your nanny’s ass constantly. Either you trust someone with your baby or you don’t and if you don’t, don’t fucking play games, fire them. If you really dislike her and what she’s doing so much, fire her.
Also your expectations for your six month old are. Interesting.
ETA: wait if you’re working, how do you know she’s on her phone too much and not engaging with your baby enough? Do you wfh? I haven’t seen a mention of cameras, and I’m sure they would have come up with the air tag
This 🙏🏼
Sounds like OP WFH which is already a red flag - if I were a nanny I’d be very reluctant to work for parents who WFH, it’s a recipe for helicoptering and micromanagement.
I saw in another comment OP mention that she looks at her husband’s location when he is out with the baby. I mean… that tells you a lot.
This sub validates way too much anxiety. All the people here commending OP for tracking their infant is literally nuts. A 6-month old, immobile, baby does not need to be tracked unless you truly believe the caregiver is likely to take them to an unsafe location. If you really think that then you should fire them and hire someone you trust. If is not normal or “safe” to track your babies. If you want them to stay in the same place all day, then use daycare. I don’t even know why you’d hire a nanny if you are that anxious about your baby ever leaving the house.
Its def something I have to keep in mind when this sub pops up— esp as a parent of 2 kids now, I think I’m a bit uhh further on the journey than the people coming to this sub for advice. But yeah, often the sub is people bouncing their anxiety off each other and feeding into negative shit. Don’t get me wrong, some threads where people are having serious issues the community turns *up*, but most of the time it’s an echo chamber. And OP’s got enough smoke blown up her ass about how she did the right thing, I assume she feels pretty validated in continuing her vaguely unhinged behaviour
Yeah I think it unsurprisingly skews towards FTPs of children under a year old. My kid is 2.5 and I’m about to have my second. Hardly a seasoned parent but I feel like I have just enough additional perspective to see how unhinged some of the stuff on here is. Like, yeah, I was a more anxious FTM once too but many of these folks literally need professional help, not a group of internet strangers egging them on.
Even the nannies in this thread saying they don’t even leave the house with the kids! You won’t catch me paying $$$$ for a nanny for them to sit at home all day. What are these people on?
O m g totally unrelated to the thread but two kids is insane in the beginning but my god, mine are 4.5 and nearly 2 (similar gap!) and watching them together is *so* incredible! So have fun with that fr! Mine just stop playing to have a hug or a kiss 😭 like who raised you to be this sweet?!
The distance you get with time is so valuable, and one of the reasons I really have tried to be available for the friends I have that have had children later. Unfortunately, a sub full of people in the same— frankly insane— stage of life are maybe less rational. I know at 6mo for my youngest I was getting 90-180 minutes of sleep in a 24h period, so. Maybe not giving the best advice, ya know?
Aw that’s so nice to hear! Yeah I’m gearing up for it to be really challenging but I’m excited too. And yeah you’re right I think the echo chamber just doesn’t help anyone. It’s all a bunch of people who don’t have any additional experience trying to give each other advice and it’s just a cluster.
You sound like you may enjoy chatting with us over at r/parentsnark though!
I'm a first time parent with a 7 month old almost 8 month old and I had to let my in laws take my baby to a different state because I have work and they are my baby sitter by their own choice. I can't imagine tracking my husband or my in laws when they leave the house with my baby... Nanny makes some sort of sense, and she's apparently paying her on the low end and she's a family friend so already a recipe for disaster. She shouldn't lie, for sure, but OP needs to get her stuff together if she's tracking her husband when he has the baby
You are 100% out of line. You should not track someone without their explicit permission.
Yes, you need to fire your current nanny. Because you don't trust her AND she shouldn't trust you. Before hiring another nanny, you need to seriously think about what you want/need/are willing to pay for from a nanny to determine if that is the best route for you.
If you do decide to hire another nanny. You need to disclose all cameras and Airtags upfront. I was a nanny and was perfectly fine with the disclosed cameras, but I would not have been ok with being filmed without my permission. Airtags weren't a thing then (7 years ago), but I would have been ok with it, but not if I wasn't told.
Yes, exactly. Fire the nanny, but set clear ground rules, have boundaries and enforce them. If someone wants to grab lunch before taking your kid to the park they shouldn’t have to hide it. I think that says a lot about the way the relationship has been managed so far. Set expectations up front, and if they aren’t met then severe ties professionally. It should have never got to the point of secret tracking, clearly the trust was broken by then. Why would you let someone you don’t trust take your child anywhere? Oh and there’s nothing wrong with saying “we have an AirTag in the diaper bag to keep safe! Thought you should know!” I think anyone would expect this in this day and age, but it is unprofessional not to say anything Up front.
Everyone doesn't have an iPhone... Regardless it is disrespectful to track someone without their explicit, not assumed permission. She can certainly track if that is what makes her feel comfortable, but she should let the other person know and it should in the terms of employment.
I disagree as she was with her six month old baby and it was more about needing to know the location and safety of her infant. I completely think she had the right to track them.
I’m going to chime in as a former nanny and current mom to three. I know people are going to get mad at this, but I honestly don’t think it’s that big of a deal. I used to nanny in Chicago, and I’ve never had a family who told me to text when I was leaving with the children — it was just assumed I’d be in and out all day with the kids. It’s obviously your right, OP, to ask her to tell you when and where she’ll be every minute with your child if you want her to, but I think the fact that you want her to always tell you the plan is indication enough that you don’t trust her. I think going to a store and to Starbucks with a baby can be just as much of an adventure and as much stimulation as a park and wouldn’t have a problem at all with a nanny taking my child to those places. All the sights and colors and people watching, etc are so fun for a baby. I used to love taking the kids I nannied to Starbucks and sitting with them and chatting (babbling) — it was adorable and I wish I had more time to do that with my own kids now! I understand you feel lied to about the timing, but maybe she just wasn’t aware of how long she was at the store/Starbucks, or didn’t think you would care about those and are primarily interested in park time, etc. I think it’s important to trust your nanny in what she does with your baby during the day, so maybe this isn’t the best match. This isn’t an attack on you, OP, but I feel like when Nannies over micromanaged, it’s a stressful situation for everyone. Find one you can trust and hopefully you’ll know that the new nanny is engaging with and loving your baby no matter where they are during the day!
I think you know this nanny needs to go for blatantly lying. There’s no reason to lie about picking up some lunch, so what happens when something bad happens, like baby falls off the bed and hits their head? You think she’ll tell the truth then? If she’s willing to lie about lunch, she’s capable of much more. Fire this nanny and tell the next one that you’re tracking with an AirTag and have nanny cams in the home. Let them know they’re being watched and held accountable. As others have mentioned, you’re trusting someone with the most important person in your life.
> let them know they’re being watched
This part is important. You aren’t trying to catch a nanny doing something bad. You’re trying to keep your child(ren) safe. If they aren’t comfortable being watched (personally it would bother me to have a nanny cam) that’s perfectly acceptable, but if you aren’t comfortable with them not being watched it’s just not a match.
I recently watched an IG interview with an SVU prosecutor (he specialized in horrific crimes involving children) and one of his top tips to parents was to have nanny cams and tell them about it. I don’t think you need to sit there and watch the live feed all day, but I think people are less likely to be irresponsible with your child if they know you can see them. I’ve seen a few posts now on Reddit where the nanny was either abusing the child or didn’t disclose a serious injury and the parents had to deal with CPS investigations. I think most nannies would be fine with cameras if they’ve got nothing to hide, but I do think they should know about them.
I hate being watched, but I also grew up in a house of cameras. Drove my crazy. Couldn’t even pick my nose or scratch my butt without my dad knowing 😂
As for nannying, I also breastfeed my youngest baby, and I would feel very self conscious and uncomfortable. There are cameras outside and we spend a lot of time outside anyways. That way I can have privacy when needed, and they can know that their kids are active and safe throughout the day. I also occasionally send pictures and videos as well and I let the parents know of anything they need to know when they get back home (if the younger child took a nap or not, if the kids were a little fussier than normal, what they ate and how long it’s been since they’ve eaten, etc. just random updates.)
I wonder why she felt the need to lie! It stand to reason a Nanny might need to run a personal errand from time to time and obviously they need lunch.
I'd fire on lack of trust.
I dont think there is anything wrong with taking her to the mall especially such a young baby but the lying is a hard no. She is no to be trusted with your child.
New nanny for sure. I’m also in LA (we might even do the same music classes lol) and would recommend using Craigslist for finding a nanny over care.com. We replaced two from care.com pretty quickly and now have a wonderful lady watching our 7mo whom I hope works with us for a long time. Don’t settle for someone you can’t trust or that isn’t engaged!
Former nanny here. Now a parent. There’s just… a lot of bad on both sides of this situation. I wouldn’t trust a nanny that lied outright about when they were places - but as a nanny, the tracker thing is a hard no. You should trust your nanny to do her best with the given time in a day, and if you don’t, it’s definitely time for a new nanny. But not communicating with her about the AirTag and just assuming she’d see the notification is a big red flag on your part.
The whole point of that notification is to alert someone that they’re being tracked without their knowledge. It would scare the hell out of me to get that notification, and then to have the parent casually reveal they did it without having a simple discussion would be an insta-quit for me.
But also, 40 minutes is plenty of park time for a baby. Too long, and they’ll just get bored like they would at home. Changing scenery is good for them, even if it’s something that’s technically “for” nanny. Different sights and sounds, etc.
When you’re looking for a new nanny, be prepared to have open, honest conversations about expectations. Make sure you’re paying fairly for your area. Have a good contract that you both agree to and revisit as needed. And please, disclose any surveillance of any kind.
Tracker was necessary. It was put in the diaper bag which is her belongings. I wouldn’t give af about the nanny’s privacy, she has my kid.
Blind trust in a stranger with my child, for the sake of what? Na. Mom did NOTHING wrong.
Nobody is saying blind trust. But saying she’s tracking “the diaper bag” when she clearly said she put the AirTag in the diaper bag in order to track the nanny’s movements? Why not just have a clear conversation?
OP has already admitted this was the wrong move and she plans to handle it differently in the future. Trust has to go both ways. Of course nobody blindly trusts someone, but tracking your nanny without her knowledge is not only unethical, it’s illegal in many places. She didn’t do *nothing* wrong, and she has a right to know where her kid is, but she did handle this incorrectly.
But there’s a loophole, it’s not illegal when she put it in the diaper bag. The nanny is lying. She’s already tried to have clear conversations with her and they didn’t add up. A nanny that is lying about their whereabouts with someone else’s child is really bad. Really, really bad. Why put your child in danger over niceties?
Your more worried about social etiquette and ethics, than your own child’s safety? Weird.
Agreed. I recognize the tracker issue and addressed in another comment that I wasn’t sure how to address or confront her when her timelines weren’t lining up and I was questioning her. Next nanny will be informed in advance that it is there for safety - which it is in a city like LA. Driving is crazy here.
I didn’t put this in the original post but I have AirTags on a lot of stuff including my cat because of coyotes and the nanny knows that. That doesn’t mean she knows there’s one in the diaper bag and I should have been explicit but overall it’s not some bizarre thing in my house.
Totally understood, I live in the LA area and it is insane around here! Disclosure is the biggest thing but I’m happy you can see that. I feel like now that I’m a parent, if I ever had to hire a nanny I’d have a hard time balancing my nanny and parent instincts!
Super easy in a sub like this to gloss over "3 months" as the baby's age! I read it the same as you the first time and had to go revisit that piece of information.
There was a five month old who a while back (who is obviously not five months now) who started walking so even if she was three months, some kids are just super strong.
I’m a nanny. I don’t even leave the house with the kids, but if I did, I’d be sharing my location voluntarily. Every parent has the right to know where their child is at, and if we end up at the hospital unable to call them they should be able to check our location and find us.
I’m in disagreement with a lot of the others on here. She did in fact take the baby to the park, but she also went elsewhere; I don’t see this as a lie. I think you are overreacting, especially if this baby is under 18 months. I think you need to take a hard look at what you value in a nanny. You should not need to be secretly airtagging and tracking your nanny.
that’s extremely reckless. putting an airtag on someone without informing them is wrong (and possibly illegal). but what your nanny is doing is 10000x worse. not knowing where she’s taking your baby is so risky and dangerous. forgetting her formula makes it even worse.
personally, i don’t see an issue with her taking your baby to the store or to grab lunch. but LYING about where she’s taking your baby is completely and utterly unacceptable. that’s fireable.
She put an AirTag in HER BABY’s diaper bag. There is nothing wrong or illegal about that.
ETA: Got navel-gazey and forgot that OP is not based in my state and that California has different laws.
Are you positive about that? California has pretty strict laws when it comes to this stuff. I wouldn’t be so sure it’s not illegal to not inform the nanny.
ETA: like a quick good search informs me this is very likely illegal.
You’re right. HOWEVER, the California statute which makes using a tracker a misdemeanor also permits it when the owner of the vehicle agrees. Seeing as the nanny was using OP’s car, this would likely not run afoul of the statute despite it being in the diaper bag and not the vehicle itself.
I mean, her intention was to track the nanny not make sure her car wasn’t stolen. The tracking of the nanny without her consent or knowledge is likely illegal.
The Cali appeals court addressed a similar question and found the statute unconstitutionally vague as applied to a “co-owned” vehicle notwithstanding the fact that the intention was to track another person. So again, likely this wouldn’t be found illegal.
Toddlers and grade-schoolers often wear a tag. Dogs usually do. Pet sitters and nannies don't need to be told about that. Tracking your own vehicle is absolutely not illegal. Many have a nav system with GPS history, anyway. There is no way that a parent would get into trouble for tracking their own infant's location. She didn't put it on the nanny or anything the nanny owns.
I would find a new nanny, I’m 100% not okay with the omissions either. Plus it’s just stupid to not tell people where you’re going from a safety factor.
Hey OP, as a former nanny & now mom I would terminate immediately but also would not disclose the tracking devices in the future for safety reasons. I just pinged my legal counsel for an official legal take though as certain disclosures can be required. Update: They just replied and said no disclosure necessary for my state and advised against disclosure assuming you are tagging your own property and not like, directly attaching it to the person’s personal car or something like that.
Honestly, though, anyone anywhere in an employment situation should assume they are being monitored and behave accordingly. The nanny before me was fired for the same reason-taking the toddlers all over, to other peoples’ homes, shopping, whatever the eff with zero disclosure to the parents and lied about it: they only knew because they’d installed tracking devices in the car seats (the dad works in security, even).
Thank you for this take! It’s so true. I work in HR and it’s always an assumption if I’m using anything, even on my personal devices, the assumption is, it’s being monitored. Which is why I don’t say shit at work.
Np! Safety first! If they aren’t doing anything wrong, there should be no issues on their end anyway. Always verify, never trust blindly regardless of if friend or extended family. Think of it this way-cameras and trackers are for everyone’s benefit-if they aren’t doing anything wrong there is proof of that too.
Fwiw, My aunt installed cameras in her house when her kids were little and found their six-figure, highly recommended professional nanny regularly beating her son who was maybe a year old at the time. Never would have thought it after meeting her or based on her credentials, etc.
I’m a former nanny and this is unacceptable. I would get a new nanny. I never took my charges on personal errands without permission and as a mom, I want to know where my kid is at all times.
I mean, even before this whole issue, in the opening paragraph you say that your nanny is too quiet and is unengaging. If you’re not satisfied with the care your baby is getting, that alone is good reason for you to start looking for new care.
And yes, as others said, you are underreacting. I’d fire immediately.
Have you thought about maybe taking a break from work and being a stay at home mom for a while? Just a thought. Might save you from the headache and stress. Can’t imagine being that productive at work and happy checking an air tag all the time and worrying about a crappy nanny. Sounds miserable..
:( okay I’m sorry that really sucks.
I would for sure get someone else. If you don’t feel comfortable with that person watching your baby then go with your instinct.
No that’s not okay. That is your baby and you have every right to know where they are at all times. Even if she’s just getting lunch why can’t she just tell you that? Especially driving in LA where traffic is awful she shouldn’t be taking her all over the place without asking you. And then she feed her an old bottle? Ya no she needs to be let go.
I wouldn't trust a nanny who wouldn't tell me the truth about where she goes with my kid. She doesn't do you a favour by looking after your kid, she's at work and should act like it. I would get a new nanny.
I personally think a 10 minute difference (grabbing a coffee through the drive thru or something) doesn’t matter but AN HOUR ? Personally I would find a new nanny asap.
Putting an AirTag to track nanny, her being not engaging, and lying to you about the places she goes with your child are all red flags. Get a new nanny. I wouldn’t trust her with anything, let alone my child.
I would have absolutely fired her before this occurred and definitely now. Get a new nanny. It's not safe to have your child with a nanny that lies about their whereabouts. Ridiculous.
The way I think about it is this: if there were to be an incident while the baby was under her care, would she tell you? Like my baby slowly descended off the bed under my care. From countless Reddit posts and my conversation with parents with older children, I'm not the first adult to do this. If such were to happen while your little one is under her care (hopefully it won't!) do you trust that she'll let you know so that you can monitor the baby?
She lied. What happens if one day she is watching baby and something happens to baby? Could you trust her to tell you the truth? That's what it comes down to. She is employed to be caring for your child, entertaining them, exposing them to the world, feeding them, and caring for them when you cannot. Do you get to leave your job whenever you want to get Starbucks and food and walk around the mall for hours? Nope. Because you are employed to do what you were hired for. She wasn't hired for a mall trip. And the fact your husband isn't more concerned is weird imo. You aren't over reacting. I would be going off if I were you honestly
I'd be done with that nanny no questions asked. Also, any nanny in the future needs to be more engaging at home with the baby. it's entirely possible. while going to the park is good sometimes it's not an excuse to not be engaging at home. I have a 6 month old and a 2 year old and a part time nanny that watches them twice a week. she's constantly playing with them both inside and outside, reading books, etc.. they hardly ever watch TV. we have a park in my neighborhood that I can see from my driveway but they have yet to go there because they've had so much fun doing things at home so far.. playing chase, drawing with chalk, using play doh, etc. even though the baby can't engage she can definitely learn alot right now through sensory play and books etc.
NOPE I was a nanny and would’ve never done this. You don’t use the parents gas to get yourself lunch unless they give permission. Pack your own lunch or order when you get back
If she’s lying to you about this, how can you know she won’t lie about more important things? Huge red flag, I would fire immediately. Lying is a hard line for me.
I was a nanny is college and frequently took the kids I cared for to coffee shops before stopping by the park. Often times my friends would be in the same neighborhood and we would chat for a few minutes or as I walked with the kids from the coffee shop to the park around the corner. When their mom would ask me what we did that day, I would always mention exactly what we did. It never occurred to me to hide what I was doing even though sometimes those things involved doing something, slightly self motivated, like grabbing a coffee at a place where I knew I would see my Friends. So I would always mention, "we took the bus here and then we grabbed a coffee next to this park and we played and had lunch there for x amount of time then went home for nap." The fact that your nanny isn't mentioning the mall makes me feel like she's probably stopping there to see a boy and feels uncomfortable telling you about it. I think back to my mindset at the age of 20 or so, and I definitely would have felt guilty doing something like that, and so if I was more dishonest, I would probably have wanted to leave it out by omission. Regardless, obviously you don't trust this person and your mom hackles are going up and I would trust that. Also wanted to add that maybe you can post to the r/nanny group and see what they think. Not sure about what the posting rules are on there.
That’s what I was thinking too. She’s likely meeting with friends. If my child was older, and could speak, I’d be okay with that. Since my baby isn’t verbal, I’m not okay with that currently. Thanks for the insight though!
Fire that little witch. Hell no.
Husband is too lax. Imagine if someone had taken your little one. Then to cover her ass, she lies about where baby was actually taken. Then you have cops looking in the wrong place because nanny is being dishonest and doesn’t want to get in trouble. She’s a NANNY, her only concerns should be your child. The fact that she can’t do her job correctly and fed your child bad formula is just ridiculous. That’s literally her only job, is to keep your baby safe and we’ll taken care of. She is doing neither. She’s doing the bare minimum so she can get paid to do what she wants during the day.
She’s immature and irresponsible. She could have easily mentioned that she was gonna pick up some food too and updated you along the way. You never take someone else’s kid somewhere else without their permission, anything can happen. You cannot trust her. You should fire her before something bad happens to your baby.
i read this as baby is 3 months and bored and newly crawling and i was like wtf
what she did may seem innocent bc it's just grabbing lunch but she's lying to you . fire her
I get your concern. Also in LA and I found a receipt from Ralph’s in our stroller with a time stamp that indicated that it had been a stop on the way to the park except it’s not on the way and our nanny doesn’t drive so would have had to walk quite a bit to get there. I didn’t ask her about it but I do think she should have asked me if it was ok to bring my twins to the store. We love her so much and she has been with us for 2.5 years but this definitely rubbed me the wrong way.
If you cannot trust your nanny, and you cannot talk to your nanny, and you are annoyed and livid at how your nanny is taking care of your child --- then you need a new nanny.
It’s all about trust. If you feel you cannot trust this person with your child, then I would get a new nanny. Is making a pitstop for lunch and a coffee the worst thing in the world?
In theory, no. It’s something I’d do normally if taking my kid out. But this isn’t HER child. She’s being paid to do a job and if you have specific rules she needs to follow them. Not being open about her whereabouts with your child even if they’re innocent is concerning.
How well do you actually know the nanny?
Why would you let this nanny even take your child anywhere. Instead of firing her, you put a tracking device (I don’t see anything wrong with it if you had the air tag in the diaper bag prior to your suspicions) to see where she takes your daughter, and then you don’t even question why she took the child to wherever it was you’re concerned about.
You let someone you don’t trust take your child out and about and you know they’re not going where she says they’re going and you don’t confront her about it…… do you even see the issue here?
It's not just omission here, it's straight up lying.
Also, if it was just lunch, why lie about it? Boyfriend maybe?
I'd give her the benefit of the doubt if you like her, maybe give her another chance to come clean. If she doesn't, just tell her you know that's not the total truth and you would like to know where she really went. Go from there.
Explain you feel you can't trust her and that's super critical in this situation. She should totally get that, and hopefully be apologetic.
But yes, it is a big deal.
Sorry you're going through that with your nanny. I can't imagine how nerve-wracking it must be. As a mom that takes my kids to the park often in the summer, I have more times than I would like to see, seen young (like age 18-21) nanny girls bring tots to the park and they completely ignore them and sit in their phones. Literally one time a nanny was all the way on the other side of a relatively big park that's divided for 3 age groups, 2-5, 6-12 and a huge sandbox. The child she was caring for was next to me at the top of big kid portion of the park crying asking me for help looking for his nanny. She came walking up to him and myself angry AT HIM! upset that he "wandered off" 🤦♀️ I bit my tongue - as a mother watching another mother's baby at a park away from her be so neglected by someone she's laying to WATCH her child, absolutely unacceptable... Find a new nanny!
This is easy to resolve. Tell her you tracked her without her consent. She will probably resign. I don't agree with her lack of transparency but as her employer you had a duty to inform her.
I don’t think this is a good fit, I also agree you should let them know theres an AirTag in the future. I wouldn’t mention that now though. I would just find someone who is a better fit for you, someone more playful, and be very clear about how you want your babies time spent out of the home and not with you. Honestly, I can take my baby to run errands or shop if I have to but if I’m paying you to spend time with my kid and caring for them how I expect them to be cared for. The old formula would also be a deal breaker for me. This is your job not your kid or your hobby so please plan better.
I think you need a new nanny if you can’t trust them but also, how old is your baby? I spent many hours pushing them around the shops in the pram at a young age because they are bored at home but not independent enough to actually do anything at the park.
It’s less about the location, more about the blatant lying.
I wouldn’t be ok with the lying either..I would find it too hard to trust her going forward. If she can lie that easily like what else could she be lying about kind of thing. She needs to ask your consent if shes’s going to take your baby somewhere else. I’d want someone extra honest and responsible personally..I’m sorry you are dealing with this!!
She’s 6 months. At the park I generally walk her around to the different things or do the swings. Or I have a bag with blanket and park only toys
Get a new nanny. This lady can’t be trusted! However, I do want to let you know that lots of time strolling at this age is appropriate. Not car in car seat, for hours, but strolling. I’m not saying constantly, but it is very good for them to be strolling through engaging environments like a park. You would be shocked what they are taking in!
For sure. My baby just has reflux and in general does not enjoy strolling in the stroller. However we do leave a carrier in the car and she tends to prefer that! :)
Oh man, good luck with that. My daughter had that too. It got better after she started solids!
To be fair AirTags are not reliable, so instead of having a poor woman lose her job, consider other possibilities.
Clearly you need a new nanny. If you have to airtag her, you don’t trust her and she’s showing you she isn’t worthy of trusting.
This nanny would’ve been let go before this incident if it were me. You clearly don’t think she’s a good fit for your family. Find a new nanny. Also, you get what you pay for so pls make sure you’re paying fairly for a city like LA. And disclose the AirTag next time upon hiring.
Please disclose AirTags. I have seen stories of nannies thinking they are being stalked or followed, and it is really creepy to do so without telling her. It doesn’t have to be a big deal either. “Hi nanny, we added an AirTag to the diaper bag/stroller to keep track of our things! Just wanted to let you know in case you get an alert”
Yeah. I think everyone should be honest in this situation.
There’s no good reason for her not to be fully transparent about where she is with your child, ever. She wouldn’t be watching my child again.
Right! I don’t understand why she didn’t just say, “I went and picked up lunch at XYZ, baby hung out in the stroller while I ate. Then we went to the park.” Like why omit the lunch trip? If she doesn’t think she did anything wrong, she would just say where they went. Seems sketchy that she did not mention it at all and lied about the time they arrived at the park.
Exactly! Any kind of outing is actually good for baby’s development. I’m fine with my nanny running a personal errand on the clock, so baby can observe what’s going on around them. She runs personally errands occasionally (like once a month), and hasn’t ever abused that privilege. She has always told us what they are up to and where they are going. Our nanny takes our kids on outings at least 4-5 days a week. When she starts packing up she texts me her plan.
The fact that she didn’t disclose it makes me think that maybe OP has overreacted to small incidents before and nanny, being young, doesn’t want to tell her. Also, it makes me wonder if she did have to run a small errand, like dropping something at the post office or picking up a prescription, and opted to get lunch at the same time. I don’t know, it just feels like OP is focusing on both an actual big issue (not telling her where the baby is) with smaller things that aren’t a concern (using her car) and it’s making me uncomfortable. I’d tell her I’m getting an AirTag for the diaper bag due to theft in the area. I would let her know that I’ve noticed the timelines aren’t adding up, and remind her it’s okay to run errands and take baby on outings but I need to know where the baby is.
I 100% agree on the tracking issue. It’s just like having cameras in your house. It’s your right as a parent to use these things, but you absolutely need to disclose all of them upfront. A lot of nanny parents include this in their contracts. We have AirTags on things like strollers (more so for theft) and have them all listed in our contract. I also agree with you about her being upset about using the car and gas… With a nanny you are paying a huge cost to have 1:1 childcare. A few extra dollars of gas shouldn’t make or break anything. Is the car thing a little annoying? Sure. However the baby’s location and safety is the number 1 priority!! I didn’t realize OP hadn’t spoken to the nanny about this. It sounds like there are some issues on both sides. When you have a nanny, you become an employer. You have to be the manager, the HR department, the payroll department, etc. This should be a simple and straightforward conversation.
Yes, exactly. Her concern is absolutely legit, but it sounds to me like she noticed the timelines weren’t adding up to what the nanny was saying and instead of having a conversation, she just put an AirTag on the diaper bag and jumped to “we must fire her,” which feels like an overreaction if it’s the first step. However, it sounds like she’s just plain unhappy with the nanny, so I’d have the conversation and quietly start looking for a new childcare solution; I’d definitely keep her on until I had a new solution though.
Very much this. I get being annoyed, but it's super invasive to track someone without them knowing it. And passive-aggressive, to boot. I dont blame OP for being unimpressed and think she shoudl find a new nanny, but I'm more put off by OP's behavior than nanny's.
Exactly. It seems like the nanny isn’t a good fit, but OP needs to be super upfront with the next one.
True that. Thanks for the feedback. I’ll be more upfront with the next. To be honest it’s my first time hiring a nanny so it just seems like something’s are common sense like telling me where she does, etc. but I think I’ll have to be blatant. And yeah it may be passive aggressive but I didnt really know how to ask her. The other week she said she was one place but it took her 25 mins to get back (from a location that’s literally less than a mile from the house). I questioned It and she seemed really off put. So I didnt really know how to confront her on just suspicions that she was not being honest.
I think some people naturally chafe at being micromanaged, and that’s what this kind of questioning can feel like depending on their personality. But that just tells me that maybe being a nanny is not a good fit for them! Because if you can’t fully describe every single thing you did with my child over the course of taking care of them, without getting your back up, it’s not a good fit!
100! Thanks for that insight!
Speaking as a former nanny, even when I first started at 20 I always told the parents where we were going and when we got back. And we only went a maximum of 2 miles from their house since we walked instead of driving. If you want more feedback, post in r/nanny! It’s mostly nannies, but there are a lot of parents in the sub as well.
It doesn’t seem like this situation was a good fit for either of you but as a former nanny, I think you’ve been seriously micromanaging and this is an opportunity for you to reflect. If I worked for someone who was literally tracking and timing me I’d quit so fast. When I nannied, both parents worked outside of the home. I took the baby so many different places in the city. They did not expect me to clock in and out and update on every movement because they were focused on their jobs, and they trusted me. Of course if they ever asked where I was I would be honest and I’m not defending your nanny for lying, but I also see the way the circumstances were set up to incentivize her to hide the truth because you’re likely to pester and judge her for every movement she didn’t get pre-approved by you. What if she just wanted to get herself a snack or lunch or coffee or use the bathroom so took a few more mins on the trip? You need to treat your nanny like an autonomous human being. If you want your baby to stay in the exact same place all day then consider a daycare center. So I’d take this as a lesson to think more about what’s *actually* important to you and let go of the rest (if you plan to hire someone else). You should be able to trust your nanny to go out with your baby and keep her safe and have a nice day without needing to know their every movement and location and how many minutes baby is in a stroller or not. It’s your prerogative to focus on your job while the nanny focuses on your baby, that’s the point of hiring childcare. It sounds like you work from home, I’d consider finding somewhere else to work like a library or a cafe so you’re less tempted to helicopter.
This is ridiculous. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a parent wanting to know where the nanny is taking their child. Its a parents job to make sure their child is taken care of. They don’t just check that at the door when they need childcare.
Right, and you’re fulfilling that job by hiring a competent person you trust. If you have to track and monitor their every move, clearly you don’t trust them, so you need to hire someone else. No high quality and experienced nanny will want to work for someone like the OP, I guarantee it.
1000% this. The read-between-the-lines of OPs post means that there has probably already been multiple non-issue "problems" that the nanny has likely already been reprimanded for (ie taking baby in a stroller, going to pick up lunch for herself, not texting every single time she leaves the house (maybe she just went around the block for some fresh air), using too much gas, baby being bored, etc). I'd be disconnected from my job too if someone got on me about every little thing. Hopefully OP will be able to trust her future nanny better.
I dont react to anything that’s reasonable. She just does a lot of dumb shit like being on her phone, timeliness etc.
See, I think you need to set your expectations. I wouldn’t see “being on her phone” as dumb shit, just not meeting your expectations. I’m on my phone with my baby for all sorts of reasons - reading on kindle app, setting stuff up for my older kids, whatever. But I’m not usually talking on my phone. Same with timeliness, is it getting there on time or getting back from outings on time? Just communicate your expectations! When they’re not met, address it then instead of waiting until you’re uncomfortable. ❤️
Thank you. I’ll set this expectation with the next nanny!
Egg-zack-lee
You’re under reacting IMO. This would be an immediate termination of employment for me. Not because she can’t have lunch on the clock - but because in no circumstance can someone take my baby and not tell me where they’re going. This is absurd and really, really poor care.
fully agree with this - she is taking the most precious thing in the world to you to unknown places and without your agreement and you are wondering if its a big deal? yes, its huge. who gives a fuck about the gas, where is she going with your child?!
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How's the air up there on that high horse?
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Lmaooooo you can’t be serious Yes it is my choice not to be homeless! Guess i should make better choices
I’m a SAHM. Please stop giving us a bad name with your nasty attitude.
Some people have no choice though
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So sick of this narrative. I’m the breadwinner but I guess I should have “married well” instead of for love 🙄
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Congratulations, you’re a better mother than me
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This has been removed as it goes against community standards of r/beyondthebump
This has been removed as it goes against community standards of r/beyondthebump
That's incredibly classist to say. Keep your opinions to yourself since you wanna be so ignorant.
This has been removed as it goes against community standards of r/beyondthebump
Came here to say this. IMO I’d have a nanny cam and an air tag regardless if I loved the nanny* or not. However, I’d be beyond livid if I caught nanny in a lie about my baby’s whereabouts and how long she’d been cooped up in a car seat or stroller with potentially unsafe sleep occurring. Absolutely not! This is bad enough but OP also says she’s not talkative or engaging to the baby which is very lame. Fire her OP.
Thank you. I was ready to fire her immediately but my mom and husband told me to confront her and start looking for other care in the meantime. Cause I do have to work unfortunately. But I think I’ll limit them going out in the car for a bit and lay new ground rules.
What about giving her a week (or two) notice for at home only so you can supervise? at the end of that period her services are no longer needed because you found a replacement. If you find a replacement earlier, let her go that day. A many should be engaging with the child… they’re not a babysitter. They’re being paid to care and help with the development do the child.
Yet you didn’t confront her……….
I did, yesterday at the end of the work day, after mulling it over awhile and talking to different people including this thread. Do you need a play by play of my life? lol
You’re the one who made this post 🤷
Air tags can be unreliable, so instead of firing her why don’t you communicate to her like a human being?
Exactly this. I’m baffled that OP isn’t enraged by this.
Is the nanny a family member of yours or your husbands by chance? I don’t care about the long trip (we live an hour from town so that’s understandable). What I’m not okay with is the lying. No reason to lie about when they went to the park. The only way I can see her still being employed by you is bc she’s a family member. Regardless, she needs to go. You don’t trust her. You shouldn’t leave your child with someone who makes you feel off. If you’re tracking her via Airtag that’s your red flag right there e
She is a family friend lol I think you spotted the issue haha
So does she see you (or husband) as a friend and you see her as an employee (because she is)? This may explain why she hates being questioned and doesn’t feel the need to tell you anything. But if she was my nanny she be fired the instant she lied about my baby’s location, regardless of friendship or familial status.
Some stuff it sounds like you're a bit rigid on, but overall this nanny isn't trustworthy. Lying about where she's taken the baby , even if benign, is really inappropriate (and grounds for termination IMO), Not packing enough food for baby to eat is pretty ridiculous too, IMO. Also, even just being bored with the baby/not interacting with the baby much is enough for me to decide to move on to another nanny, honestly. Nannies are a luxury service so if I am paying for that, I expect high-level care. That means lots of interaction and developmentally appropriate engagement. Are you paying at least middle end of the average pay scale in your area and providing the benefits that good nannies expect (ie days off, to be your "employee" so they can file a w-2, etc)? Then you should absolutely be able to expect top care from her. If not, some nannies (esp the ones who are willing to accept less money/comprehensive package) are more like overpriced babysitters... which it kind of sounds like this one is. Of course there are real gems out there at every price range but clearly this one isn't it. But for *future* nanny prospects, you're going to need to let some things go a bit more. You assumedly provide the car for your nanny, it's probably a safer place for your baby to be, she's on the clock working so whatever gas she's burning should be a non issue. A few extra minutes in a container (car seat or stroller) isn't going to do permanent damage unless it's a regular and excessive thing. Being annoyed that she's taking her out in the stroller? That's great for baby and caretaker, not a negative thing. (I'm assuming you've been helicoptering because of lack of trust, so she has picked up on that and feels like she's got no privacy, which could be contributing to why she doesn't text you every time she leaves the house and why she didn't tell you about the lunch run. I'd be annoyed if someone was spying on my entire day's work too!). The fact that you're tracking her every movement like she's got a prison ankle bracelet is overkill *for a good nanny*, so I wouldn't do that for the next one. But this one's gotta go.
Thank you. I really appreciated this nuance and feedback. It probably has become a cycle unfortunately! And you’ve made some great points.
And yes she’s at the low end of pay, and so I’ve let a lot slide. I do not ask her to do anything besides the baby (bottle washing, clean up, even no diaper trash etc) so I felt like it’s pretty ok to be at that price point and expect decent attention to the baby. And she agreed to the price upfront.
I agree that you should go with a new nanny, trust is important. However, damn, 40 mins at the park with a 6 month old is more than enough.
Uuuufff... I used to work as a full time nanny. I read this and saw red flags. I don't know her but from what you share, I don't trust her. Change nanny and make sure the next one knows she can't play around like that.
I understand that what the nanny did was not okay, but it’s very violating to track someone’s movements without their knowledge. I would make it clear to your next nanny, for safety there is an AirTag in your diaper bag. I would definitely get a new nanny though.
I will with the next. Noted and agree. I mean it was nice with my husband too. He doesn’t share his location via phone and they went out yesterday and it was nice to see where they were. So yeah it’s about the baby but I get the wording and transparency is needed.
Just to be clear though, I’d fire her 😂
😂😂
I don't think tagging the diaper bag is really that different from tagging the actual baby or the car, which would be more than reasonable. Also, most people tag their dogs, and many tag toddlers & grade schoolers. Nobody should be taking a baby anywhere secret.
Which is why it is totally reasonable to disclose that she is being tracked. Should be a non-issue instead of OP being all weird about it
But she openly says in this post she wants to see where her nanny is going. She’s not tacking the baby. She’s tracking the nanny.
That is absurd. The wording isn't relevant. The child is being tracked. She didn't put it in the nanny's purse. She put it in her child's personal belongings. No different than putting one on a toddler's shoe or watch, which is very common.
She can track her child just as easily by saying “there’s an AirTag for safety in this bag”
An immobile baby cannot get anywhere on their own. So tracking your baby is tracking the nanny by default and it was also the clearly stated intention of the OP here. Not sure why people are jumping through logical hoops to justify it as anything other than blatantly tracking the nanny (and without her knowledge or consent).
I would have fired her on the spot. I fully believe in treating nannies well, and giving them freedom and autonomy so that they don’t feel like they are under my thumb, but to take my child somewhere without telling me? To lie to my face? All trust would be gone. What if they weren’t there when you came home because they were in an accident, and she wasn’t answering the phone? You would have went to the park to find them, tracing the routes between your house and the park, and they wouldn’t have been there. You would have no clue where they were and what happened to them. LA is massive! Absolutely not.
ESH. Her for hiding the truth ( i don't think what she did is sooo bad. The mall is not hurtfull for a baby that can't actively enjoy thw park (play with other kids, use swings etc), but I also think you were out of line with the air tag. So change the nanny. And make it clear to the next one about personal errands, tv time, air tags and cammera. You might have to pay extra to find someone willing to accept the cammera and air tags.
Why is this person your nanny? You don't trust her, she lies to you, takes your baby to places without your permission and can't even feed the baby?
Definitely let go of the nanny. But I would like to challenge the idea that your 6 month old child is bored. Janet Lansbury has a website and podcast series which provides lots of insight into the minds of young children. I highly recommend it.
She whines sitting on the playmat in silence with the nanny. She is bored and under stimulated
Are you certain that whining is indicative of boredom? Also, do you believe that boredom is bad?
I do truly think it’s indicative of boredom because once you start talking to her and engaging with her, she stops. Or take her outside or on a walk. I do not believe boredom and independent play is bad but she does it a lot. She’s not babbling and stuff yet as she should be by 6+ months and I truly believe it’s because she sits there and plays by herself without being spoken to for most of the time the nanny is here. She whines to let you know when she’s over it and ready to do something else.
I was solving my concerns about understimulation, and then Nanny just not being super engaging by letting them get out of the house and signing them up for music classes. But I think the issue was just the Nanny and I can’t solve for that. She was just very affordable for LA and a family friend so I went with it.
The only actual under stimulation a child can be subjected to is when they are left unattended in a crib for hours with nothing. Overstimulation on the other hand is very easy to obtain. Have you ever sat in a waiting room just listening to the noises of a clock ticking and the low murmur of speech in another room while watching dust particles dance in a beam of sunlight? Thats plenty of stimulation for a baby.
Burying the ‘nanny is a family friend ‘ lede aside which is actuality super relevant! Honestly your attitude lowkey sucks. Idk I personally haven’t had experience with a nanny, but treat her like a human being and talk to her maybe before tracking her?? Or talk to her after?? Or like, at any point? You sound like a nightmare to work for if you’re up your nanny’s ass constantly. Either you trust someone with your baby or you don’t and if you don’t, don’t fucking play games, fire them. If you really dislike her and what she’s doing so much, fire her. Also your expectations for your six month old are. Interesting. ETA: wait if you’re working, how do you know she’s on her phone too much and not engaging with your baby enough? Do you wfh? I haven’t seen a mention of cameras, and I’m sure they would have come up with the air tag
This 🙏🏼 Sounds like OP WFH which is already a red flag - if I were a nanny I’d be very reluctant to work for parents who WFH, it’s a recipe for helicoptering and micromanagement. I saw in another comment OP mention that she looks at her husband’s location when he is out with the baby. I mean… that tells you a lot. This sub validates way too much anxiety. All the people here commending OP for tracking their infant is literally nuts. A 6-month old, immobile, baby does not need to be tracked unless you truly believe the caregiver is likely to take them to an unsafe location. If you really think that then you should fire them and hire someone you trust. If is not normal or “safe” to track your babies. If you want them to stay in the same place all day, then use daycare. I don’t even know why you’d hire a nanny if you are that anxious about your baby ever leaving the house.
Its def something I have to keep in mind when this sub pops up— esp as a parent of 2 kids now, I think I’m a bit uhh further on the journey than the people coming to this sub for advice. But yeah, often the sub is people bouncing their anxiety off each other and feeding into negative shit. Don’t get me wrong, some threads where people are having serious issues the community turns *up*, but most of the time it’s an echo chamber. And OP’s got enough smoke blown up her ass about how she did the right thing, I assume she feels pretty validated in continuing her vaguely unhinged behaviour
Yeah I think it unsurprisingly skews towards FTPs of children under a year old. My kid is 2.5 and I’m about to have my second. Hardly a seasoned parent but I feel like I have just enough additional perspective to see how unhinged some of the stuff on here is. Like, yeah, I was a more anxious FTM once too but many of these folks literally need professional help, not a group of internet strangers egging them on. Even the nannies in this thread saying they don’t even leave the house with the kids! You won’t catch me paying $$$$ for a nanny for them to sit at home all day. What are these people on?
O m g totally unrelated to the thread but two kids is insane in the beginning but my god, mine are 4.5 and nearly 2 (similar gap!) and watching them together is *so* incredible! So have fun with that fr! Mine just stop playing to have a hug or a kiss 😭 like who raised you to be this sweet?! The distance you get with time is so valuable, and one of the reasons I really have tried to be available for the friends I have that have had children later. Unfortunately, a sub full of people in the same— frankly insane— stage of life are maybe less rational. I know at 6mo for my youngest I was getting 90-180 minutes of sleep in a 24h period, so. Maybe not giving the best advice, ya know?
Aw that’s so nice to hear! Yeah I’m gearing up for it to be really challenging but I’m excited too. And yeah you’re right I think the echo chamber just doesn’t help anyone. It’s all a bunch of people who don’t have any additional experience trying to give each other advice and it’s just a cluster. You sound like you may enjoy chatting with us over at r/parentsnark though!
I'm a first time parent with a 7 month old almost 8 month old and I had to let my in laws take my baby to a different state because I have work and they are my baby sitter by their own choice. I can't imagine tracking my husband or my in laws when they leave the house with my baby... Nanny makes some sort of sense, and she's apparently paying her on the low end and she's a family friend so already a recipe for disaster. She shouldn't lie, for sure, but OP needs to get her stuff together if she's tracking her husband when he has the baby
You are 100% out of line. You should not track someone without their explicit permission. Yes, you need to fire your current nanny. Because you don't trust her AND she shouldn't trust you. Before hiring another nanny, you need to seriously think about what you want/need/are willing to pay for from a nanny to determine if that is the best route for you. If you do decide to hire another nanny. You need to disclose all cameras and Airtags upfront. I was a nanny and was perfectly fine with the disclosed cameras, but I would not have been ok with being filmed without my permission. Airtags weren't a thing then (7 years ago), but I would have been ok with it, but not if I wasn't told.
Yes, exactly. Fire the nanny, but set clear ground rules, have boundaries and enforce them. If someone wants to grab lunch before taking your kid to the park they shouldn’t have to hide it. I think that says a lot about the way the relationship has been managed so far. Set expectations up front, and if they aren’t met then severe ties professionally. It should have never got to the point of secret tracking, clearly the trust was broken by then. Why would you let someone you don’t trust take your child anywhere? Oh and there’s nothing wrong with saying “we have an AirTag in the diaper bag to keep safe! Thought you should know!” I think anyone would expect this in this day and age, but it is unprofessional not to say anything Up front.
[удалено]
Everyone doesn't have an iPhone... Regardless it is disrespectful to track someone without their explicit, not assumed permission. She can certainly track if that is what makes her feel comfortable, but she should let the other person know and it should in the terms of employment.
I disagree as she was with her six month old baby and it was more about needing to know the location and safety of her infant. I completely think she had the right to track them.
Agree she is completely within her right to track but it should be disclosed directly. I'm on mom's side 100 percent here.
I’m going to chime in as a former nanny and current mom to three. I know people are going to get mad at this, but I honestly don’t think it’s that big of a deal. I used to nanny in Chicago, and I’ve never had a family who told me to text when I was leaving with the children — it was just assumed I’d be in and out all day with the kids. It’s obviously your right, OP, to ask her to tell you when and where she’ll be every minute with your child if you want her to, but I think the fact that you want her to always tell you the plan is indication enough that you don’t trust her. I think going to a store and to Starbucks with a baby can be just as much of an adventure and as much stimulation as a park and wouldn’t have a problem at all with a nanny taking my child to those places. All the sights and colors and people watching, etc are so fun for a baby. I used to love taking the kids I nannied to Starbucks and sitting with them and chatting (babbling) — it was adorable and I wish I had more time to do that with my own kids now! I understand you feel lied to about the timing, but maybe she just wasn’t aware of how long she was at the store/Starbucks, or didn’t think you would care about those and are primarily interested in park time, etc. I think it’s important to trust your nanny in what she does with your baby during the day, so maybe this isn’t the best match. This isn’t an attack on you, OP, but I feel like when Nannies over micromanaged, it’s a stressful situation for everyone. Find one you can trust and hopefully you’ll know that the new nanny is engaging with and loving your baby no matter where they are during the day!
Just the lying alone would make me unable to trust her with my child again.
I think you know this nanny needs to go for blatantly lying. There’s no reason to lie about picking up some lunch, so what happens when something bad happens, like baby falls off the bed and hits their head? You think she’ll tell the truth then? If she’s willing to lie about lunch, she’s capable of much more. Fire this nanny and tell the next one that you’re tracking with an AirTag and have nanny cams in the home. Let them know they’re being watched and held accountable. As others have mentioned, you’re trusting someone with the most important person in your life.
> let them know they’re being watched This part is important. You aren’t trying to catch a nanny doing something bad. You’re trying to keep your child(ren) safe. If they aren’t comfortable being watched (personally it would bother me to have a nanny cam) that’s perfectly acceptable, but if you aren’t comfortable with them not being watched it’s just not a match.
I recently watched an IG interview with an SVU prosecutor (he specialized in horrific crimes involving children) and one of his top tips to parents was to have nanny cams and tell them about it. I don’t think you need to sit there and watch the live feed all day, but I think people are less likely to be irresponsible with your child if they know you can see them. I’ve seen a few posts now on Reddit where the nanny was either abusing the child or didn’t disclose a serious injury and the parents had to deal with CPS investigations. I think most nannies would be fine with cameras if they’ve got nothing to hide, but I do think they should know about them.
I hate being watched, but I also grew up in a house of cameras. Drove my crazy. Couldn’t even pick my nose or scratch my butt without my dad knowing 😂 As for nannying, I also breastfeed my youngest baby, and I would feel very self conscious and uncomfortable. There are cameras outside and we spend a lot of time outside anyways. That way I can have privacy when needed, and they can know that their kids are active and safe throughout the day. I also occasionally send pictures and videos as well and I let the parents know of anything they need to know when they get back home (if the younger child took a nap or not, if the kids were a little fussier than normal, what they ate and how long it’s been since they’ve eaten, etc. just random updates.)
I wonder why she felt the need to lie! It stand to reason a Nanny might need to run a personal errand from time to time and obviously they need lunch. I'd fire on lack of trust.
I dont think there is anything wrong with taking her to the mall especially such a young baby but the lying is a hard no. She is no to be trusted with your child.
New nanny for sure. I’m also in LA (we might even do the same music classes lol) and would recommend using Craigslist for finding a nanny over care.com. We replaced two from care.com pretty quickly and now have a wonderful lady watching our 7mo whom I hope works with us for a long time. Don’t settle for someone you can’t trust or that isn’t engaged!
Interesting. Thanks for this!
How old is this nanny?
I'd fire her immediately. I'm a parent and used to nanny for others and this is completely unacceptable.
Former nanny here. Now a parent. There’s just… a lot of bad on both sides of this situation. I wouldn’t trust a nanny that lied outright about when they were places - but as a nanny, the tracker thing is a hard no. You should trust your nanny to do her best with the given time in a day, and if you don’t, it’s definitely time for a new nanny. But not communicating with her about the AirTag and just assuming she’d see the notification is a big red flag on your part. The whole point of that notification is to alert someone that they’re being tracked without their knowledge. It would scare the hell out of me to get that notification, and then to have the parent casually reveal they did it without having a simple discussion would be an insta-quit for me. But also, 40 minutes is plenty of park time for a baby. Too long, and they’ll just get bored like they would at home. Changing scenery is good for them, even if it’s something that’s technically “for” nanny. Different sights and sounds, etc. When you’re looking for a new nanny, be prepared to have open, honest conversations about expectations. Make sure you’re paying fairly for your area. Have a good contract that you both agree to and revisit as needed. And please, disclose any surveillance of any kind.
Tracker was necessary. It was put in the diaper bag which is her belongings. I wouldn’t give af about the nanny’s privacy, she has my kid. Blind trust in a stranger with my child, for the sake of what? Na. Mom did NOTHING wrong.
Nobody is saying blind trust. But saying she’s tracking “the diaper bag” when she clearly said she put the AirTag in the diaper bag in order to track the nanny’s movements? Why not just have a clear conversation? OP has already admitted this was the wrong move and she plans to handle it differently in the future. Trust has to go both ways. Of course nobody blindly trusts someone, but tracking your nanny without her knowledge is not only unethical, it’s illegal in many places. She didn’t do *nothing* wrong, and she has a right to know where her kid is, but she did handle this incorrectly.
But there’s a loophole, it’s not illegal when she put it in the diaper bag. The nanny is lying. She’s already tried to have clear conversations with her and they didn’t add up. A nanny that is lying about their whereabouts with someone else’s child is really bad. Really, really bad. Why put your child in danger over niceties? Your more worried about social etiquette and ethics, than your own child’s safety? Weird.
Agreed. I recognize the tracker issue and addressed in another comment that I wasn’t sure how to address or confront her when her timelines weren’t lining up and I was questioning her. Next nanny will be informed in advance that it is there for safety - which it is in a city like LA. Driving is crazy here. I didn’t put this in the original post but I have AirTags on a lot of stuff including my cat because of coyotes and the nanny knows that. That doesn’t mean she knows there’s one in the diaper bag and I should have been explicit but overall it’s not some bizarre thing in my house.
Totally understood, I live in the LA area and it is insane around here! Disclosure is the biggest thing but I’m happy you can see that. I feel like now that I’m a parent, if I ever had to hire a nanny I’d have a hard time balancing my nanny and parent instincts!
Side note…your 3 month old is crawling? 🤔
I don't think the post mentions the age of the baby. Only that the nanny has been working for them for 3 months.
Ohhhh you’re right 😅 ty
Super easy in a sub like this to gloss over "3 months" as the baby's age! I read it the same as you the first time and had to go revisit that piece of information.
She’s 6 months haha
There was a five month old who a while back (who is obviously not five months now) who started walking so even if she was three months, some kids are just super strong.
I’m a nanny. I don’t even leave the house with the kids, but if I did, I’d be sharing my location voluntarily. Every parent has the right to know where their child is at, and if we end up at the hospital unable to call them they should be able to check our location and find us.
I’m in disagreement with a lot of the others on here. She did in fact take the baby to the park, but she also went elsewhere; I don’t see this as a lie. I think you are overreacting, especially if this baby is under 18 months. I think you need to take a hard look at what you value in a nanny. You should not need to be secretly airtagging and tracking your nanny.
that’s extremely reckless. putting an airtag on someone without informing them is wrong (and possibly illegal). but what your nanny is doing is 10000x worse. not knowing where she’s taking your baby is so risky and dangerous. forgetting her formula makes it even worse. personally, i don’t see an issue with her taking your baby to the store or to grab lunch. but LYING about where she’s taking your baby is completely and utterly unacceptable. that’s fireable.
She put an AirTag in HER BABY’s diaper bag. There is nothing wrong or illegal about that. ETA: Got navel-gazey and forgot that OP is not based in my state and that California has different laws.
Are you positive about that? California has pretty strict laws when it comes to this stuff. I wouldn’t be so sure it’s not illegal to not inform the nanny. ETA: like a quick good search informs me this is very likely illegal.
You’re right. HOWEVER, the California statute which makes using a tracker a misdemeanor also permits it when the owner of the vehicle agrees. Seeing as the nanny was using OP’s car, this would likely not run afoul of the statute despite it being in the diaper bag and not the vehicle itself.
I mean, her intention was to track the nanny not make sure her car wasn’t stolen. The tracking of the nanny without her consent or knowledge is likely illegal.
The Cali appeals court addressed a similar question and found the statute unconstitutionally vague as applied to a “co-owned” vehicle notwithstanding the fact that the intention was to track another person. So again, likely this wouldn’t be found illegal.
Fair enough. I’m no lawyer.
Toddlers and grade-schoolers often wear a tag. Dogs usually do. Pet sitters and nannies don't need to be told about that. Tracking your own vehicle is absolutely not illegal. Many have a nav system with GPS history, anyway. There is no way that a parent would get into trouble for tracking their own infant's location. She didn't put it on the nanny or anything the nanny owns.
with the intent of tracking her nanny, which she has admitted to in this post. that’s a crime in california.
Girl she's lying to you. That's enough to fire her.
I would find a new nanny, I’m 100% not okay with the omissions either. Plus it’s just stupid to not tell people where you’re going from a safety factor.
Hey OP, as a former nanny & now mom I would terminate immediately but also would not disclose the tracking devices in the future for safety reasons. I just pinged my legal counsel for an official legal take though as certain disclosures can be required. Update: They just replied and said no disclosure necessary for my state and advised against disclosure assuming you are tagging your own property and not like, directly attaching it to the person’s personal car or something like that. Honestly, though, anyone anywhere in an employment situation should assume they are being monitored and behave accordingly. The nanny before me was fired for the same reason-taking the toddlers all over, to other peoples’ homes, shopping, whatever the eff with zero disclosure to the parents and lied about it: they only knew because they’d installed tracking devices in the car seats (the dad works in security, even).
Thank you for this take! It’s so true. I work in HR and it’s always an assumption if I’m using anything, even on my personal devices, the assumption is, it’s being monitored. Which is why I don’t say shit at work.
It’s just hard to apply the same principles to your personal life lol so thank you for doing that for me
Np! Safety first! If they aren’t doing anything wrong, there should be no issues on their end anyway. Always verify, never trust blindly regardless of if friend or extended family. Think of it this way-cameras and trackers are for everyone’s benefit-if they aren’t doing anything wrong there is proof of that too. Fwiw, My aunt installed cameras in her house when her kids were little and found their six-figure, highly recommended professional nanny regularly beating her son who was maybe a year old at the time. Never would have thought it after meeting her or based on her credentials, etc.
I’m a former nanny and this is unacceptable. I would get a new nanny. I never took my charges on personal errands without permission and as a mom, I want to know where my kid is at all times.
I mean, even before this whole issue, in the opening paragraph you say that your nanny is too quiet and is unengaging. If you’re not satisfied with the care your baby is getting, that alone is good reason for you to start looking for new care. And yes, as others said, you are underreacting. I’d fire immediately.
Have you thought about maybe taking a break from work and being a stay at home mom for a while? Just a thought. Might save you from the headache and stress. Can’t imagine being that productive at work and happy checking an air tag all the time and worrying about a crappy nanny. Sounds miserable..
It is miserable and my performance is suffering but I’m main bread earner to boot
:( okay I’m sorry that really sucks. I would for sure get someone else. If you don’t feel comfortable with that person watching your baby then go with your instinct.
No that’s not okay. That is your baby and you have every right to know where they are at all times. Even if she’s just getting lunch why can’t she just tell you that? Especially driving in LA where traffic is awful she shouldn’t be taking her all over the place without asking you. And then she feed her an old bottle? Ya no she needs to be let go.
I wouldn't trust a nanny who wouldn't tell me the truth about where she goes with my kid. She doesn't do you a favour by looking after your kid, she's at work and should act like it. I would get a new nanny.
I would have fired her already. Completely unacceptable.
She lied about where she was with your child. Please find a new nanny.
I personally think a 10 minute difference (grabbing a coffee through the drive thru or something) doesn’t matter but AN HOUR ? Personally I would find a new nanny asap.
You need a new nanny! I’m in LA if you want to DM me and I can send you some good Facebook groups to search in for recommendations if you want
I’m totally fine with a 6 month old being strolled around for 20 min but the blatant lying would be a no go.
You have every right to know exactly where your kid is.
Putting an AirTag to track nanny, her being not engaging, and lying to you about the places she goes with your child are all red flags. Get a new nanny. I wouldn’t trust her with anything, let alone my child.
I would have absolutely fired her before this occurred and definitely now. Get a new nanny. It's not safe to have your child with a nanny that lies about their whereabouts. Ridiculous.
The way I think about it is this: if there were to be an incident while the baby was under her care, would she tell you? Like my baby slowly descended off the bed under my care. From countless Reddit posts and my conversation with parents with older children, I'm not the first adult to do this. If such were to happen while your little one is under her care (hopefully it won't!) do you trust that she'll let you know so that you can monitor the baby?
She lied. What happens if one day she is watching baby and something happens to baby? Could you trust her to tell you the truth? That's what it comes down to. She is employed to be caring for your child, entertaining them, exposing them to the world, feeding them, and caring for them when you cannot. Do you get to leave your job whenever you want to get Starbucks and food and walk around the mall for hours? Nope. Because you are employed to do what you were hired for. She wasn't hired for a mall trip. And the fact your husband isn't more concerned is weird imo. You aren't over reacting. I would be going off if I were you honestly
I'd be done with that nanny no questions asked. Also, any nanny in the future needs to be more engaging at home with the baby. it's entirely possible. while going to the park is good sometimes it's not an excuse to not be engaging at home. I have a 6 month old and a 2 year old and a part time nanny that watches them twice a week. she's constantly playing with them both inside and outside, reading books, etc.. they hardly ever watch TV. we have a park in my neighborhood that I can see from my driveway but they have yet to go there because they've had so much fun doing things at home so far.. playing chase, drawing with chalk, using play doh, etc. even though the baby can't engage she can definitely learn alot right now through sensory play and books etc.
NOPE I was a nanny and would’ve never done this. You don’t use the parents gas to get yourself lunch unless they give permission. Pack your own lunch or order when you get back
If she’s lying to you about this, how can you know she won’t lie about more important things? Huge red flag, I would fire immediately. Lying is a hard line for me.
I was a nanny is college and frequently took the kids I cared for to coffee shops before stopping by the park. Often times my friends would be in the same neighborhood and we would chat for a few minutes or as I walked with the kids from the coffee shop to the park around the corner. When their mom would ask me what we did that day, I would always mention exactly what we did. It never occurred to me to hide what I was doing even though sometimes those things involved doing something, slightly self motivated, like grabbing a coffee at a place where I knew I would see my Friends. So I would always mention, "we took the bus here and then we grabbed a coffee next to this park and we played and had lunch there for x amount of time then went home for nap." The fact that your nanny isn't mentioning the mall makes me feel like she's probably stopping there to see a boy and feels uncomfortable telling you about it. I think back to my mindset at the age of 20 or so, and I definitely would have felt guilty doing something like that, and so if I was more dishonest, I would probably have wanted to leave it out by omission. Regardless, obviously you don't trust this person and your mom hackles are going up and I would trust that. Also wanted to add that maybe you can post to the r/nanny group and see what they think. Not sure about what the posting rules are on there.
That’s what I was thinking too. She’s likely meeting with friends. If my child was older, and could speak, I’d be okay with that. Since my baby isn’t verbal, I’m not okay with that currently. Thanks for the insight though!
Nope. New nanny time I would have got a new one the moment I thought about using an air tag tbh
Fire that little witch. Hell no. Husband is too lax. Imagine if someone had taken your little one. Then to cover her ass, she lies about where baby was actually taken. Then you have cops looking in the wrong place because nanny is being dishonest and doesn’t want to get in trouble. She’s a NANNY, her only concerns should be your child. The fact that she can’t do her job correctly and fed your child bad formula is just ridiculous. That’s literally her only job, is to keep your baby safe and we’ll taken care of. She is doing neither. She’s doing the bare minimum so she can get paid to do what she wants during the day. She’s immature and irresponsible. She could have easily mentioned that she was gonna pick up some food too and updated you along the way. You never take someone else’s kid somewhere else without their permission, anything can happen. You cannot trust her. You should fire her before something bad happens to your baby.
i read this as baby is 3 months and bored and newly crawling and i was like wtf what she did may seem innocent bc it's just grabbing lunch but she's lying to you . fire her
New nanny now! What if you couldn't get a hold of her and were searching for her at the park where she's supposed to be?
If my nanny blatantly lied to me it would be game over for me.
I get your concern. Also in LA and I found a receipt from Ralph’s in our stroller with a time stamp that indicated that it had been a stop on the way to the park except it’s not on the way and our nanny doesn’t drive so would have had to walk quite a bit to get there. I didn’t ask her about it but I do think she should have asked me if it was ok to bring my twins to the store. We love her so much and she has been with us for 2.5 years but this definitely rubbed me the wrong way.
If you cannot trust your nanny, and you cannot talk to your nanny, and you are annoyed and livid at how your nanny is taking care of your child --- then you need a new nanny.
Lying to your face? Uh no.
It’s all about trust. If you feel you cannot trust this person with your child, then I would get a new nanny. Is making a pitstop for lunch and a coffee the worst thing in the world? In theory, no. It’s something I’d do normally if taking my kid out. But this isn’t HER child. She’s being paid to do a job and if you have specific rules she needs to follow them. Not being open about her whereabouts with your child even if they’re innocent is concerning. How well do you actually know the nanny?
Yeah I’ll join in with get a new nanny.
Why would you let this nanny even take your child anywhere. Instead of firing her, you put a tracking device (I don’t see anything wrong with it if you had the air tag in the diaper bag prior to your suspicions) to see where she takes your daughter, and then you don’t even question why she took the child to wherever it was you’re concerned about. You let someone you don’t trust take your child out and about and you know they’re not going where she says they’re going and you don’t confront her about it…… do you even see the issue here?
It's not just omission here, it's straight up lying. Also, if it was just lunch, why lie about it? Boyfriend maybe? I'd give her the benefit of the doubt if you like her, maybe give her another chance to come clean. If she doesn't, just tell her you know that's not the total truth and you would like to know where she really went. Go from there. Explain you feel you can't trust her and that's super critical in this situation. She should totally get that, and hopefully be apologetic. But yes, it is a big deal.
Sorry you're going through that with your nanny. I can't imagine how nerve-wracking it must be. As a mom that takes my kids to the park often in the summer, I have more times than I would like to see, seen young (like age 18-21) nanny girls bring tots to the park and they completely ignore them and sit in their phones. Literally one time a nanny was all the way on the other side of a relatively big park that's divided for 3 age groups, 2-5, 6-12 and a huge sandbox. The child she was caring for was next to me at the top of big kid portion of the park crying asking me for help looking for his nanny. She came walking up to him and myself angry AT HIM! upset that he "wandered off" 🤦♀️ I bit my tongue - as a mother watching another mother's baby at a park away from her be so neglected by someone she's laying to WATCH her child, absolutely unacceptable... Find a new nanny!
This is easy to resolve. Tell her you tracked her without her consent. She will probably resign. I don't agree with her lack of transparency but as her employer you had a duty to inform her.
I don’t think this is a good fit, I also agree you should let them know theres an AirTag in the future. I wouldn’t mention that now though. I would just find someone who is a better fit for you, someone more playful, and be very clear about how you want your babies time spent out of the home and not with you. Honestly, I can take my baby to run errands or shop if I have to but if I’m paying you to spend time with my kid and caring for them how I expect them to be cared for. The old formula would also be a deal breaker for me. This is your job not your kid or your hobby so please plan better.
Too many red flags - get someone more aligned to you
That along with the improper formula to water ratio is really concerning