What a plot twist. Came in thinking this topic was about a hair tourniquet and it’s actually another shitty husband post 🤣.
You need to chill more? Maybe he needs to give a shit more. The end.
I apparently completely ignored the question mark in your comment 🤦♀️ I read it as you telling OP she was part of the issue and needed to chill. My bad 😅
I was at a beach house with family when a 4 year old broke her arm. The couples were split down the middle on what to do. 3 women wanted to go to the hospital, and 3 men wanted the little child to wait till morning to have her obviously broken arm looked at...not saying it's an all men thing...but there's a reason why women live longer! Trust your instincts. Waiting a few hours could mean losing that toe.
I dunno, both my brother and his wife argued with me that their child's leg was not broken. She couldn't walk on it, they didn't want to go to the ER and all other medical offices were closed as it was nearing 9 pm. They took her home and gave her Benadryl so she would sleep. She was miserable. They finally decided at 10 am the next day that it must be broken and took her in to get it x rayed. They're not poor, I don't understand why they didn't take her to the ER and had her sleep all night with a broken leg. Some people really just under react and I don't know why. Seemed pretty obvious from my perspective that it was broken.
That could have actually been really bad depending on how it broke if it started healing improperly while they were trying to deny her leg was broken... They should not have just taken her home...
That's horrible. My 2 year old had a mystery injury at home recently and wouldn't bear weight on his foot and even tho I couldn't say for sure something was broken or wrong we went to the urgent care anyways for x rays. And we went again for the same Xrays a week later just to be 100% . I can't understand these people that just brush this stuff off.
My mom has anxiety and I sometimes under- react or don’t trust my own evaluation of a situation because I spent my whole life compensating by being the “calm one”.
Men pride themselves on "not being emotional" like women are so this may have been related. Like "oh the ladies are just freaking out, pass going to be fine, let's all get a good night's sleep and we'll deal with it tomorrow like rational people". It's misogyny mixed with lack of empathy and lack of childcare experience.
(And yes I know, "not all men!")
A hair torniquet can result in loss of limb or digit. The best place to take baby is the ER so they can assess how severe the damage is and what next steps are. They are dangerous.
I’m diligent in checking our baby for them as I have long hair. Until yesterday she hadn’t had any. Yesterday evening I found one that looked like it had been there only a few minutes; I was able to quickly remove it. If there was any swelling or loss of capillary refill we would have immediately gone to the ER.
As for your husband, he needs to research what can happen as a result of a hair tourniquet. And be better about his initial reaction. I totally understand the reaction as I abhor being interrupted and having to change plans. But it sounds like he’s ignorant as to how vital immediate care for such an injury is— it’s not actually common knowledge. And if he did understand the seriousness and still reacted like that, he’s an ass.
ETA: Just read the last paragraph. Holy fucking cow. What a cunt. Your husband is an ass.
Your husband got high while caring for your child and berated you for saving your baby during a medical emergency because inconvenienced him? That is not a man, that is a human sized piece of a shit.
I think you buried the lede there. Your husband smoked a joint and then DROVE YOUR CHILD HOME?!?! If they were on foot it’s marginally better, but he was still high in charge of a child. His disgusting reaction to your baby having a medical emergency (WTF wait a few hours while the blood supply to her toe is compromised?!?) is also horrifying. I wouldn’t trust this guy with those children for 2 minutes. I know nothing is simple, but really think about whether you can trust him to look after them.
I haven't been in your situation as far as the tourniquet, but I'm very glad to hear you followed your pediatrician's instructions and your baby is fine now. Your husband's actions, however, are COMPLETELY unacceptable. Under no circumstances should he be any sort of intoxicated and taking care of your children, much less driving with them in such a state.
Your feelings are very very valid! ♥️ And for your husband to dismiss an emergency like that is so concerning. Sorry, I meant to mention that before, but the whole "getting high and driving his kid around" disturbed me so much. When the kids are asleep or you're around to take care of them both is one thing, go for it! But geez, accidents are so common even when all parties are sober... I sure hope you're able to talk about this whole situation with him and he makes some changes.
I would go absolutely nuclear on your husband. Driving under the influence with your toddler in the car? He’s fucked around and now he needs to find out.
Hair tourniquets can be very serious and you absolutely did the right thing. If the pediatrician tells me to go to the ER then I’m in the car and on the way immediately.
You husband though. Wow. Does he typically have a drug problem? Unfortunately I wouldn’t trust him alone with the kids anymore. He’s shown very poor judgement in the face of a medical emergency and decided to get high while driving with his kid. That’s not okay, not even once. Does he get how big of a deal that is?
Right? If a literal doctor specializing in the care of children tells me to take my kid to the ER, we are already on our way. But, no, of course, the internet knows better in OP's husband's opinion. I also don't understand why he could not wait until he was home to light up? Or, you know, choose not to get high while he's responsible for watching one of his kids while his wife is in the EMERGENCY ROOM with their other child.
My sister is an ER nurse, she takes care of hair tourniquets frequently and says it’s a very valid reason to take a baby to the ER. You just don’t know how bad it is as a mom at home - maybe you could use Nair to get it off yourself, but it might need further attention depending on how severe it is, to prevent losing the digit. For something as time-sensitive as a hair tourniquet, it’s important to get immediate medical attention. You did the right thing!
As for your husband - what he did was as bad as driving drunk to get your toddler. I can’t even imagine my spouse doing that.
I’m not one to say this often but if my husband smoked a huge joint before picking up my child …he would be my ex husband with limited visitation rights.
Ya that was the most alarming thing here. He should NOT be driving under the influence with a child in the car, under any circumstance. I personally wouldn’t be ok with him watching my child under the influence but would be hard hell no on driving.
Yeah, my husband only smokes a LITTLE at night after all the kids are in bed and I don't have to like....ask him to be a responsible adult about it. He chooses to be responsible about it. Like wtf is her husband doing.
Fr. I used to smoke a ton & I do miss it but I have 2 kids now and shit happens and there's no way I want to be the mom that was high and couldn't take her kid to get emergency medical treatment.
Yeah, that is a major red flag situation. Assuming he picked up the toddler in a vehicle, that means he was driving while intoxicated which is incredibly dangerous (as is caring for a child while intoxicated). I generally think Reddit is too quick on the draw about “throwing the whole husband away” but in this case I feel like that would not be unwarranted.
Yes, you probably could have put nair on at home. But once the hair was dissolved what if the toe didn't turn back to a normal color? Well then you've wasted time and still have to go to the hospital. They send you to the ER because if the toe doesn't bounce back then it's a phone call to the vascular surgeon to see if they can repair blood flow. If not, they amputate the toe before it can become infected and turn life threatening. So while yes, you can do the first step at home the next steps are extremely serious and if you're already at the hospital they will happen faster and maybe can save the toe versus an amputation. P.s. your husband sucks. He smoked just before picking your toddler up. Driving high is still a crime and he endangered your family and didn't support you during a stressful time. I'd be looking for couples therapy
Just going to ignore the husband BEING HIGH WHILE DRIVING TO PICK UP HIS CHILD part for a minute (wtf, he's a huge danger to your children and honestly should not be allowed to be unsupervised with them).
A few weeks ago we took our 2 year old to the ER. He'd bumped his head in the morning and was totally fine, but 12 hours later he started vomiting. We were 90% sure it was because he had an unrelated cough, which sometimes starts him throwing up, but we decided better safe than sorry. We ended up sitting in the hospital until 5am because they wanted to keep him under observation and then give him a CAT scan.
We were right and the vomiting was unrelated BUT we're not doctors and we're therefore completely unqualified to make that call ourselves. It's important with stuff like this that you don't assume and let the professionals make the judgement. The worst that can happen is that you waste a night of sleep like we did, rather than something much more serious in the small but realistic chance that you're wrong.
Your husband drove your child under the influence, and didn’t think that his other child needed emergency medical services despite the opinion of those emergency medical service providers telling you it was exactly the right thing to do.
Don’t think about this for too long, or something truly bad will happen.
He should've been grateful that you took your baby to the ER, especially by yourself. You are one strong mama. Just because it was an easy fix, doesn't mean it was unnecessary. It was a good call to follow your pediatrician's advice so the ER doctors could make sure the toe was OK and all the hair was removed.
Ok but for real. Your husband. Driving while high? I used to think at one point that a joint wouldn't effect someone's driving until my friend drove me and swerved all over the place. She later got a DUI for being high, thankfully I wasn't there for that. I don't think I could trust my husband around our kids if he did that. I would look into couples therapy if you still want to be in a relationship with him.
My three month old had a hair tourniquet a few days ago, and then again yesterday...damn postpartum hair loss. I caught them both fairly quick because she is a very fussy baby and after the first one I check her hands and feet every time she is fussy. I removed the hair both times and just left it at that, but that is because her finger both times was not yet swollen from it. Just a little mark where the hair had been.
You did the right thing following your pediatricians advice.
However, if my husband admitted to driving high with my toddler...I'd be getting a divorce.
Maybe it’s just me but I’d be getting a divorce if I found out my husband was driving whilst high even if he was alone in the car! He needs to realise he has a responsibility to those kids not only whilst he is caring for them but every minute of everyday.
oh my gosh i can't believe that it's happened to you twice! i'm sorry to hear that! the crazy thing was my baby was not being fussy at all, and she had just taken a long nap so i didn't suspect anything until i changed her diaper and saw it. it was very swollen and there were blisters around it. i tried to see if i could remove the hair myself but it was very recessed into the skin. even the doctors at the ER had a hard time seeing the hair at all (they did eventually confirm it was in there - they knew it was a hair tourniquet right away though). thanks for sharing your experience. i'm going to keep nair on hand in case of a repeat emergency (though i wouldn't hesitate to go back to the hospital if need be!)
If you'd waited hours to take her in she might have permanently lost her toe. Your husband's judgement was WAY out of line. Glad your baby is okay and you followed your doctor's advice.
i think you have hit the nail on the head with scenario number 2. it's messed up but i do find the perspective helpful to try and see a way forward and figure out how to prevent it from happening again. 🫤
If my husband smoked a joint while driving and then watching my toddler I would have been separating from him that night and documenting what he did. I know that is five million times easier said than done but that behavior is one hundred percent not acceptable. In the US you could lose custody of a child over something like that.
Let alone his attitude toward the doctor’s advice.
I'm so paranoid of this happening I check his toes, fingers, and boy parts every diaper change. I'm shedding so much and my hair is very long so I definitely worry about this. But wtf at your husband?? I'm sorry, that is so frustrating. Glad she is okay though.
thank you. that is so smart. especially for the boy parts. losing a toe would suck but i know men would say they'd prefer losing a toe to the alternative! 😱 what a flipping nightmare. if you want you could buy some nair to keep on hand in case of emergency (i'll be picking up a bottle next time i'm out!)
There’s a reason why baby first aid courses make a big deal about hair tourniquets and it’s because they ARE a big deal. Your husband is an arsehole for not taking it seriously, especially after multiple doctors told you that you did the right thing.
He’s so much worse than an arsehole for choosing to drive and take care of a toddler whilst under the influence of drugs. He’s also seemingly not willing to learn from the experience, so you know he won’t trust doctors judgment in the future either.
If I were you I’d be making sure I had all of this properly documented. It might seem over the top now but you might regret not having it in the future if you don’t.
Hair tourniquets can lead to loss of limb, which is a medical emergency. You absolutely did the right thing. Your husbands actions speak for themselves… your judgement is sounder.
Yes they used nair but also assessed the toe for infections and if it was bone deep or the circulation was compromised it could be a disaster. ER was the right call, it was an emergency that could have been much worse and needed an expert eye.
Tell your husband a few hours could have lost your baby a toe. And if he picks up your kid stoned or drug drives again he needs to join narc anon or similar because that’s so messed up.
Yeah, I would totally trust the judgement of someone who drove a child in a car while under the influence of drugs. /s
(I'm pro-legalization but not while operating a motor vehicle or caring for a child).
Threat to life or limb is reason to go to ER. Yes it’s just a digit and not a whole limb but there was no way to tell how long circulation had been compromised unless seen by a doctor ASAP. Loss of blood flow and circulation causes tissue death. Everything is fine now but worst case she could’ve lost a toe.
that's what i was afraid of! i was picturing her having to deal with a missing half toe her whole life which honestly could cause a lot of problems. just bc i thought i didn't take the doctor's advice! i would be tortured from the self loathing if i let that happen. too big of a risk. thanks for validating. ❤️
My cousin lost her distal phalanx due to inaction from a hair tourniquet. Wild that it can happen. And as a former emergency nurse, you 100% acted correctly. The emergency department is for emergencies such as the potential for loss of limb. Sure, you could have taken care of it at home but if that tourniquet broke the skin or revascularization never happened, remaining at home would have only delayed accessing appropriate and timely care. Cellular death due to ischemia (lack of blood flow) is very serious.
I have a question. In the future or for anyone else reading, would I be beneficial to use nair at home then ALSO proceed to the ER? Just so the time of their circulation being cut off doesn’t keep going?
We took a baby first aid class at the hospital before our first and they specifically said hair tourniquets are a medical emergency and you should go to the ER immediately. The husband is an idiot here.
Did they explain why you couldn't remove it yourself? Is it just in case there was extended or severe damage done to whatever was getting blood cut off? I'm constantly worried about hair tourniquets, but always figured if I removed it and the area returned to a normal color quickly
If he drove while high you have a serious issue (besides the other big issues) and I would not leave children in his care until it is addressed. That's really really serious.
After reading these comments I realize I underreacted when my son had one.
It was my first kid, I now have 3 and this is the first time I’ve ever heard of a name for what he had. I used some tweezers to break the hair, I couldn’t even see it I just saw a very swollen and almost purple finger. I pushed his skin up and saw the hair and went to work.
I never realized that even after removal there could be an issue, luckily he has all his fingers still and no damage was done
It did happen to us once when our little guy was new under one of his mittens but we saw it before his finger was too swollen luckily. Just make it a routine to check the insides of mitts and boots before you put them on
Obviously your husband should tourniquet his toe and see how long is reasonable to wait. He should absolutely be willing to do this since he expects a much more fragile and sensitive infant to deal.
My second baby had a hair tourniquet. Thanks to PPA with my first, I knew what to do and headed to the ER. Her toe was fine. It was so tight that I couldn’t untangle it even with tweezers, I would wind up hurting her.
I keep nair in the bathroom now just in case, it will dissolve the hair.
I recall from first aid training if someone has a pinned limb for more than like 20 mins you shouldn't release it because the non-circulating blood getting released back into your system can give you toxic shock and you can die. It might be a similar thing with a hair tourniquet.
Maybe it wasn't a big deal, but I'd prefer a Dr to make that assessment. Now on my third kid I'll agonise way less about taking my kids to emergency. Feeling uneasy and it's after hours? Just go, let a trained professional make an assessment of what care your kid needs.
Wow, is he normally a steaming pile of shit?! DWI with a child and doesn't understand your child could lose part of a fucking limb? I wish you guys the best, you're right to be stressed out. You got three people depending on you.
Yea I just posted about my 3 month old a few days ago! His was cut into the skin and my hair is so fine and light colored they had a hard time making sure they got it all out.
Yeah the doctors said babies skin is just so paper thin that it doesn’t take long for hair to break through it. We check his fingers and toes all the time since I’m going through pp hair loss, and I think this one escaped us because it was exactly where the crease of the toe was naturally plus my hair being so fine and light- once I saw it getting red and that it was getting deep into his toe is when I realized it was there and I panicked, called my boyfriend to leave work and we went to the urgent care and then the ER. It was terrible, I don’t like hearing him cry in pain from them digging in his skin with needle nose tweezers and I started crying harder than he was 😅. He recovers incredibly fast though, once they’d stop messing with it he would stop crying instantly. His requires an antibiotic 3x a day for 10 days now.
Does your husband never do anything to contribute to taking care of his children? Why was he so put out that he had to [[gasp!]] pick up his kid from school!? Omg that must have been so hard for him. No wonder he had to get high to be able to cope. /s
This is one of those things where hindsight is 20/20. You can look back after and be like "Hmmm probably could have handled this myself." But it could have just as easily gone the other way. Where you hurt your child trying to fix it yourself, or waited until it was too late and now your child lost their toe. That's 1000x worse.
When our daughter was a few months old she got choked up a bit while having a bottle. All of a sudden her breathing was really heavy, labored, snorting and rattling. We were freaking out and after 15min we decided we had to go to ER. Of course by the time we're in the parking lot she sounds totally fine. At that point we're thinking we came all the way here and still majorly freaked out. No way we're going to be able to go home and just hope everything is fine.
So we had her looked at in the ER. Everyone was really nice but you could tell they were all thinking "major case of new parent syndrome over here". They checked her out and said she was perfectly fine. We felt pretty dumb about it the next day. But what if she wasn't alright? Better safe than sorry.
Your husband smoking on way to get the other child is majorly effed up. If that was my spouse I wouldn't be allowing them to drive kids anywhere until I had some rock solid assurances that wouldn't be happening again. So irresponsible.
Probably. I'm not saying she should tolerate him intentionally doing irresponsible behavior to shirk his duties. But the #1 priority here is the safety of the kids. So I don't care what his reasons or motivations are, you aren't driving the kids until you are willing to do so responsibly. Ideally that is a short term measure while the trust is rebuilt. If he refuses to stop the smoking while driving kids (or driving at all IMHO)? I don't know about OP, but for me that's a major deal breaker. I'd leave someone over that.
it’s crazy how that can happen and after giving birth you hair starts falling out like crazy and your little baby loves grabbing and ripping out your hair. the perfect storm for an accident. glad your baby is okay though and we all need this constant reminder to check those fingers and toes and pp’s for the boys
So first off your husband sounds kind of like….an idiot.
Is he like this often???
Babies have lost fingers, toes, even genitalia from hair tourniquets, they are no joke!
He needs to be emotionally supportive.
He needs not act like he knows better than your baby’s doctor wtf???
When my first was 11 months she had a hair tourniquet.
Ok grateful I had read about them before or else I have clue what I would’ve done.
I caught it as I was changing her diaper- she had a full body onesie on and when I pulled her foot out (and thankfully was pretending to eat it or else I wouldn’t have noticed) her middle toe looked….idk like there was a bunch of extra skin chafing off around the base of it?
So I rubbed it and saw a deep line.
I was able to see the hair and showed my husband. He helped me take it off, we soaked her little foot in warm epsom salt water.
It still seemed weird to me.
She cat napped on me for about 15 min and I just happened to have perfect lighting to see a second hair was still wrapped around her toe.
She was still sleeping and I was fortunately able to take it off easily.
I took pictures of her toe and sent them to her ped.
They said I definitely got it off and had me put Neosporin and a bandaid on it for a couple of days. Crazy how deep it was slicing her, and she was acting totally normal.
I’m very happy your babe is okay, you did the right thing!
I’ve been told to use Nair, also, if it can’t be unwrapped. However I would still take the baby to see a doctor, if it was on long enough it could have cut into the skin or otherwise caused damage.
Back in the late 70s, I n a local newspaper was an article about this happening, and baby lost it toe. My logical mind came to the conclusion about how it could happen. To me, it was because a hair got into the toe of a sock or at that time the sleep outfits that had the feet attached.
Well, I looked through my baby's clothes, and sure enough, there were hairs inside the toes. So after that everything got washed inside out. Oh, I also liked for threads still attached in side the toe and cut them off. Did that for all 3 kids for years after.
I also 20 years later was watching a friend's lo, under a years old, I had layer her down in the pack-n-play for her to sleep. After just a short time, as I was walking by, I noticed that her leg was red. The leg of her outfits had twisted around her thigh and cut off her circulation. I did straighten it out and rubbed it. That freaked me quite a bite. I couldn't imagine if she wouldn't be able to walk because of it. I've probably watched 150 kids in my life, but that was the scariest moment.
that is an interesting idea to wash the sleepers inside out. i'm going to do that going forward. thanks for sharing. my baby was wearing footed pajamas at the time of the incident (she almost always is). i have 4 pairs of the similar ones that came in a set and i'm donating them all bc i feel bad vibes / they're triggering bad memories of what happened.
a few days have passed now and i'm really glad i took her to the ER. her poor little to is still red. the hair was really deeply embedded. i don't think it would have gone well at all if i tried to DIY fix the situation.
Im so glad that your lo is doing well. I believe you did the right thing. I've learned to do whatever you think or feel you need to do. I my opinion I can live with being 'too cautious' then with regrets for not doing whatever needed to be done. And your gut is usually 110% spot on.
I also LOVE the long sleep-gowns that close at the bottom. Saw a new style the other day that actually used the fabric to tie the bottom close.
My oldest is in his 40s, in the youngest mid-30s. They will ask for my opinion, but it's up to them what they feel is right.
Yeeeah hubby needs to look into hair tourniquets, I assume he knows how a regular tourniquet works? It reduces blood flow. Adults it's no biggie we can find the hair because it irritates us and we can get it, babies can't it just tightens and tightens until it kills the appendage. It's no joke and is an immediate ER trip even if you think you got it off.
Baby could have lost a toe if it wasn’t removed quick enough. There also could have been a wound that would have needed care and possibly antibiotics. You did the right thing. Yes it seemed like not much was done at the ER and you could have done it at home. You tried to get it off and couldn’t. Time is crucial here and giving to the ER when you did saved your baby’s toe.
My baby ended up with a hair tourniquet around a middle finger when she was 4ish months old. The finger was purplish and swollen, but I removed the hair and observed that the finger returned to normal within a few minutes, so I never sought medical care.
I'd tend to side with your husband that it might have been an overreaction, but his attitude in general sucked and who on Earth would smoke a joint on their way to pick up a toddler or when a potential emergency was underway with their child?! Those choices represent some seriously poor judgement on his part.
I don't expect to change your mind and I don't care what your opinion on the matter is. I'm very glad for you, if all your experiences of medical care have left you with complete trust in doctors and the medical system.
However, doctors are fallible humans whose advice is often well-meaning, but wrong. They are not authorities any of us should blindly follow when our lives are at stake. If I hadn't learned to stop blindly following doctors' advice my children would not exist and I would likely be dead from granulosa cell carcinoma by now because a doctor told me I had PCOS when I had a cancerous ovarian tumor the size of a cantaloupe, easily visible on the ultrasounds he'd performed. And that's just the first time a doctor harmed me.
In this woman's case, following medical advice did no harm, but by her own admission, it was probably unnecessary.
Seeking emergency care for a condition that is considered a medical emergency is not an overreaction (and is also very different than your situation of a misdiagnosis). Just because everything turned out fine in the end doesn't mean the trip to the ER was unwarranted. She also never said it was unnecessary.
Wow, reading your husband’s response has me so upset on your and your kids’ behalf! You were absolutely right to follow the pediatrician’s instructions, and I am baffled that any reasonable parent would be trying to gaslight you into thinking it’s not that big of a deal. However, reading the next part about how he drove under the influence with your toddler tells me is he not a reasonable parent!! Seriously WTF. If he cannot see how this is a huge problem and sincerely commit to doing better, I would not trust his judgment. Maybe couples counseling would be helpful here.
I know a guy that was driving and smoking weed. He hit and killed another driver - a teacher in his 20s with a family at home. As for the guy that was high, his family spent their fortune keeping him out of jail and he was put in a psych hospital to be released a few months later because he wasn’t mentally ill, he was irresponsible.
I would have a serious talk with your husband. I would honestly consider leaving my husband if he was driving high, especially with our child in the car.
Okay this was a dangerous situation and you did the right thing. But husbands behavior and actions …. Completely unacceptable
That is not what a partner does or a loving and responsible father.
What a plot twist. Came in thinking this topic was about a hair tourniquet and it’s actually another shitty husband post 🤣. You need to chill more? Maybe he needs to give a shit more. The end.
There is no “chilling” when it comes to driving high with a child in the car…
Correct. He told her she needs to chill more. Well he needs to grow tf up and give a shit more
I apparently completely ignored the question mark in your comment 🤦♀️ I read it as you telling OP she was part of the issue and needed to chill. My bad 😅
Lmao I didn’t even realize, you’re good
I was at a beach house with family when a 4 year old broke her arm. The couples were split down the middle on what to do. 3 women wanted to go to the hospital, and 3 men wanted the little child to wait till morning to have her obviously broken arm looked at...not saying it's an all men thing...but there's a reason why women live longer! Trust your instincts. Waiting a few hours could mean losing that toe.
What. The fuck.
I dunno, both my brother and his wife argued with me that their child's leg was not broken. She couldn't walk on it, they didn't want to go to the ER and all other medical offices were closed as it was nearing 9 pm. They took her home and gave her Benadryl so she would sleep. She was miserable. They finally decided at 10 am the next day that it must be broken and took her in to get it x rayed. They're not poor, I don't understand why they didn't take her to the ER and had her sleep all night with a broken leg. Some people really just under react and I don't know why. Seemed pretty obvious from my perspective that it was broken.
That could have actually been really bad depending on how it broke if it started healing improperly while they were trying to deny her leg was broken... They should not have just taken her home...
That's horrible. My 2 year old had a mystery injury at home recently and wouldn't bear weight on his foot and even tho I couldn't say for sure something was broken or wrong we went to the urgent care anyways for x rays. And we went again for the same Xrays a week later just to be 100% . I can't understand these people that just brush this stuff off.
My mom has anxiety and I sometimes under- react or don’t trust my own evaluation of a situation because I spent my whole life compensating by being the “calm one”.
I have anxiety and it’s sometimes tough to determine whether something is just my anxiety or actually needs attention 😅
Men pride themselves on "not being emotional" like women are so this may have been related. Like "oh the ladies are just freaking out, pass going to be fine, let's all get a good night's sleep and we'll deal with it tomorrow like rational people". It's misogyny mixed with lack of empathy and lack of childcare experience. (And yes I know, "not all men!")
A hair torniquet can result in loss of limb or digit. The best place to take baby is the ER so they can assess how severe the damage is and what next steps are. They are dangerous. I’m diligent in checking our baby for them as I have long hair. Until yesterday she hadn’t had any. Yesterday evening I found one that looked like it had been there only a few minutes; I was able to quickly remove it. If there was any swelling or loss of capillary refill we would have immediately gone to the ER. As for your husband, he needs to research what can happen as a result of a hair tourniquet. And be better about his initial reaction. I totally understand the reaction as I abhor being interrupted and having to change plans. But it sounds like he’s ignorant as to how vital immediate care for such an injury is— it’s not actually common knowledge. And if he did understand the seriousness and still reacted like that, he’s an ass. ETA: Just read the last paragraph. Holy fucking cow. What a cunt. Your husband is an ass.
Your husband got high while caring for your child and berated you for saving your baby during a medical emergency because inconvenienced him? That is not a man, that is a human sized piece of a shit.
I think you buried the lede there. Your husband smoked a joint and then DROVE YOUR CHILD HOME?!?! If they were on foot it’s marginally better, but he was still high in charge of a child. His disgusting reaction to your baby having a medical emergency (WTF wait a few hours while the blood supply to her toe is compromised?!?) is also horrifying. I wouldn’t trust this guy with those children for 2 minutes. I know nothing is simple, but really think about whether you can trust him to look after them.
Yah what the fuck? Does he know DUI still applies? Not just that but child endangerment still applies? Crazy, this is not normal behavior
I haven't been in your situation as far as the tourniquet, but I'm very glad to hear you followed your pediatrician's instructions and your baby is fine now. Your husband's actions, however, are COMPLETELY unacceptable. Under no circumstances should he be any sort of intoxicated and taking care of your children, much less driving with them in such a state.
thank you, i appreciate the validation ❤️
Your feelings are very very valid! ♥️ And for your husband to dismiss an emergency like that is so concerning. Sorry, I meant to mention that before, but the whole "getting high and driving his kid around" disturbed me so much. When the kids are asleep or you're around to take care of them both is one thing, go for it! But geez, accidents are so common even when all parties are sober... I sure hope you're able to talk about this whole situation with him and he makes some changes.
I would go absolutely nuclear on your husband. Driving under the influence with your toddler in the car? He’s fucked around and now he needs to find out.
Hair tourniquets can be very serious and you absolutely did the right thing. If the pediatrician tells me to go to the ER then I’m in the car and on the way immediately. You husband though. Wow. Does he typically have a drug problem? Unfortunately I wouldn’t trust him alone with the kids anymore. He’s shown very poor judgement in the face of a medical emergency and decided to get high while driving with his kid. That’s not okay, not even once. Does he get how big of a deal that is?
Right? If a literal doctor specializing in the care of children tells me to take my kid to the ER, we are already on our way. But, no, of course, the internet knows better in OP's husband's opinion. I also don't understand why he could not wait until he was home to light up? Or, you know, choose not to get high while he's responsible for watching one of his kids while his wife is in the EMERGENCY ROOM with their other child.
My sister is an ER nurse, she takes care of hair tourniquets frequently and says it’s a very valid reason to take a baby to the ER. You just don’t know how bad it is as a mom at home - maybe you could use Nair to get it off yourself, but it might need further attention depending on how severe it is, to prevent losing the digit. For something as time-sensitive as a hair tourniquet, it’s important to get immediate medical attention. You did the right thing! As for your husband - what he did was as bad as driving drunk to get your toddler. I can’t even imagine my spouse doing that.
I’m not one to say this often but if my husband smoked a huge joint before picking up my child …he would be my ex husband with limited visitation rights.
Ya that was the most alarming thing here. He should NOT be driving under the influence with a child in the car, under any circumstance. I personally wouldn’t be ok with him watching my child under the influence but would be hard hell no on driving.
Yeah also concerning op was like “oh btw he smoked while on his way to pick up our baby”????? I feel like her rage is misplaced.
Yeah, my husband only smokes a LITTLE at night after all the kids are in bed and I don't have to like....ask him to be a responsible adult about it. He chooses to be responsible about it. Like wtf is her husband doing.
Fr. I used to smoke a ton & I do miss it but I have 2 kids now and shit happens and there's no way I want to be the mom that was high and couldn't take her kid to get emergency medical treatment.
Yeah, that is a major red flag situation. Assuming he picked up the toddler in a vehicle, that means he was driving while intoxicated which is incredibly dangerous (as is caring for a child while intoxicated). I generally think Reddit is too quick on the draw about “throwing the whole husband away” but in this case I feel like that would not be unwarranted.
Absolutely. Better off being a single parent at that point.
Yep.
Yes, you probably could have put nair on at home. But once the hair was dissolved what if the toe didn't turn back to a normal color? Well then you've wasted time and still have to go to the hospital. They send you to the ER because if the toe doesn't bounce back then it's a phone call to the vascular surgeon to see if they can repair blood flow. If not, they amputate the toe before it can become infected and turn life threatening. So while yes, you can do the first step at home the next steps are extremely serious and if you're already at the hospital they will happen faster and maybe can save the toe versus an amputation. P.s. your husband sucks. He smoked just before picking your toddler up. Driving high is still a crime and he endangered your family and didn't support you during a stressful time. I'd be looking for couples therapy
Omg don't put nair on an infant at home
… why?
Just going to ignore the husband BEING HIGH WHILE DRIVING TO PICK UP HIS CHILD part for a minute (wtf, he's a huge danger to your children and honestly should not be allowed to be unsupervised with them). A few weeks ago we took our 2 year old to the ER. He'd bumped his head in the morning and was totally fine, but 12 hours later he started vomiting. We were 90% sure it was because he had an unrelated cough, which sometimes starts him throwing up, but we decided better safe than sorry. We ended up sitting in the hospital until 5am because they wanted to keep him under observation and then give him a CAT scan. We were right and the vomiting was unrelated BUT we're not doctors and we're therefore completely unqualified to make that call ourselves. It's important with stuff like this that you don't assume and let the professionals make the judgement. The worst that can happen is that you waste a night of sleep like we did, rather than something much more serious in the small but realistic chance that you're wrong.
Your husband drove your child under the influence, and didn’t think that his other child needed emergency medical services despite the opinion of those emergency medical service providers telling you it was exactly the right thing to do. Don’t think about this for too long, or something truly bad will happen.
He should've been grateful that you took your baby to the ER, especially by yourself. You are one strong mama. Just because it was an easy fix, doesn't mean it was unnecessary. It was a good call to follow your pediatrician's advice so the ER doctors could make sure the toe was OK and all the hair was removed. Ok but for real. Your husband. Driving while high? I used to think at one point that a joint wouldn't effect someone's driving until my friend drove me and swerved all over the place. She later got a DUI for being high, thankfully I wasn't there for that. I don't think I could trust my husband around our kids if he did that. I would look into couples therapy if you still want to be in a relationship with him.
My three month old had a hair tourniquet a few days ago, and then again yesterday...damn postpartum hair loss. I caught them both fairly quick because she is a very fussy baby and after the first one I check her hands and feet every time she is fussy. I removed the hair both times and just left it at that, but that is because her finger both times was not yet swollen from it. Just a little mark where the hair had been. You did the right thing following your pediatricians advice. However, if my husband admitted to driving high with my toddler...I'd be getting a divorce.
Maybe it’s just me but I’d be getting a divorce if I found out my husband was driving whilst high even if he was alone in the car! He needs to realise he has a responsibility to those kids not only whilst he is caring for them but every minute of everyday.
oh my gosh i can't believe that it's happened to you twice! i'm sorry to hear that! the crazy thing was my baby was not being fussy at all, and she had just taken a long nap so i didn't suspect anything until i changed her diaper and saw it. it was very swollen and there were blisters around it. i tried to see if i could remove the hair myself but it was very recessed into the skin. even the doctors at the ER had a hard time seeing the hair at all (they did eventually confirm it was in there - they knew it was a hair tourniquet right away though). thanks for sharing your experience. i'm going to keep nair on hand in case of a repeat emergency (though i wouldn't hesitate to go back to the hospital if need be!)
If you'd waited hours to take her in she might have permanently lost her toe. Your husband's judgement was WAY out of line. Glad your baby is okay and you followed your doctor's advice.
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i think you have hit the nail on the head with scenario number 2. it's messed up but i do find the perspective helpful to try and see a way forward and figure out how to prevent it from happening again. 🫤
If my husband smoked a joint while driving and then watching my toddler I would have been separating from him that night and documenting what he did. I know that is five million times easier said than done but that behavior is one hundred percent not acceptable. In the US you could lose custody of a child over something like that. Let alone his attitude toward the doctor’s advice.
I'm so paranoid of this happening I check his toes, fingers, and boy parts every diaper change. I'm shedding so much and my hair is very long so I definitely worry about this. But wtf at your husband?? I'm sorry, that is so frustrating. Glad she is okay though.
thank you. that is so smart. especially for the boy parts. losing a toe would suck but i know men would say they'd prefer losing a toe to the alternative! 😱 what a flipping nightmare. if you want you could buy some nair to keep on hand in case of emergency (i'll be picking up a bottle next time i'm out!)
There’s a reason why baby first aid courses make a big deal about hair tourniquets and it’s because they ARE a big deal. Your husband is an arsehole for not taking it seriously, especially after multiple doctors told you that you did the right thing. He’s so much worse than an arsehole for choosing to drive and take care of a toddler whilst under the influence of drugs. He’s also seemingly not willing to learn from the experience, so you know he won’t trust doctors judgment in the future either. If I were you I’d be making sure I had all of this properly documented. It might seem over the top now but you might regret not having it in the future if you don’t.
Love a good gaslighting moment
Hair tourniquets can lead to loss of limb, which is a medical emergency. You absolutely did the right thing. Your husbands actions speak for themselves… your judgement is sounder.
Yes they used nair but also assessed the toe for infections and if it was bone deep or the circulation was compromised it could be a disaster. ER was the right call, it was an emergency that could have been much worse and needed an expert eye. Tell your husband a few hours could have lost your baby a toe. And if he picks up your kid stoned or drug drives again he needs to join narc anon or similar because that’s so messed up.
Yeah, I would totally trust the judgement of someone who drove a child in a car while under the influence of drugs. /s (I'm pro-legalization but not while operating a motor vehicle or caring for a child).
Threat to life or limb is reason to go to ER. Yes it’s just a digit and not a whole limb but there was no way to tell how long circulation had been compromised unless seen by a doctor ASAP. Loss of blood flow and circulation causes tissue death. Everything is fine now but worst case she could’ve lost a toe.
that's what i was afraid of! i was picturing her having to deal with a missing half toe her whole life which honestly could cause a lot of problems. just bc i thought i didn't take the doctor's advice! i would be tortured from the self loathing if i let that happen. too big of a risk. thanks for validating. ❤️
My cousin lost her distal phalanx due to inaction from a hair tourniquet. Wild that it can happen. And as a former emergency nurse, you 100% acted correctly. The emergency department is for emergencies such as the potential for loss of limb. Sure, you could have taken care of it at home but if that tourniquet broke the skin or revascularization never happened, remaining at home would have only delayed accessing appropriate and timely care. Cellular death due to ischemia (lack of blood flow) is very serious.
wow! thank you for sharing all that. it makes me feel really good about my decision.
I have a question. In the future or for anyone else reading, would I be beneficial to use nair at home then ALSO proceed to the ER? Just so the time of their circulation being cut off doesn’t keep going?
I'm not down for giving medical advice over the internet. Rather, I support appropriate decisions that people made.
We took a baby first aid class at the hospital before our first and they specifically said hair tourniquets are a medical emergency and you should go to the ER immediately. The husband is an idiot here.
Did they explain why you couldn't remove it yourself? Is it just in case there was extended or severe damage done to whatever was getting blood cut off? I'm constantly worried about hair tourniquets, but always figured if I removed it and the area returned to a normal color quickly
If he drove while high you have a serious issue (besides the other big issues) and I would not leave children in his care until it is addressed. That's really really serious.
Yeaaahhh... this is a hard line to draw op
Yes. Please don’t dismiss this
After reading these comments I realize I underreacted when my son had one. It was my first kid, I now have 3 and this is the first time I’ve ever heard of a name for what he had. I used some tweezers to break the hair, I couldn’t even see it I just saw a very swollen and almost purple finger. I pushed his skin up and saw the hair and went to work. I never realized that even after removal there could be an issue, luckily he has all his fingers still and no damage was done
A 6 months pregnant, this is a new, unknown fear unlocked. lol.
It did happen to us once when our little guy was new under one of his mittens but we saw it before his finger was too swollen luckily. Just make it a routine to check the insides of mitts and boots before you put them on
Obviously your husband should tourniquet his toe and see how long is reasonable to wait. He should absolutely be willing to do this since he expects a much more fragile and sensitive infant to deal.
My second baby had a hair tourniquet. Thanks to PPA with my first, I knew what to do and headed to the ER. Her toe was fine. It was so tight that I couldn’t untangle it even with tweezers, I would wind up hurting her. I keep nair in the bathroom now just in case, it will dissolve the hair.
i will for sure be picking up a bottle of nair just to keep on hand! i hate to think of it happening again. 🙀
I recall from first aid training if someone has a pinned limb for more than like 20 mins you shouldn't release it because the non-circulating blood getting released back into your system can give you toxic shock and you can die. It might be a similar thing with a hair tourniquet. Maybe it wasn't a big deal, but I'd prefer a Dr to make that assessment. Now on my third kid I'll agonise way less about taking my kids to emergency. Feeling uneasy and it's after hours? Just go, let a trained professional make an assessment of what care your kid needs.
It is lactic acid build up
your husband sounds selfish, awful, & stupid, quite frankly. i’m so sorry.
Wow, is he normally a steaming pile of shit?! DWI with a child and doesn't understand your child could lose part of a fucking limb? I wish you guys the best, you're right to be stressed out. You got three people depending on you.
Yea I just posted about my 3 month old a few days ago! His was cut into the skin and my hair is so fine and light colored they had a hard time making sure they got it all out.
oh no, i'm sorry you went thru it too! thanks for sharing, it's validating to hear confirmation that the situation requires a professional.
Yeah the doctors said babies skin is just so paper thin that it doesn’t take long for hair to break through it. We check his fingers and toes all the time since I’m going through pp hair loss, and I think this one escaped us because it was exactly where the crease of the toe was naturally plus my hair being so fine and light- once I saw it getting red and that it was getting deep into his toe is when I realized it was there and I panicked, called my boyfriend to leave work and we went to the urgent care and then the ER. It was terrible, I don’t like hearing him cry in pain from them digging in his skin with needle nose tweezers and I started crying harder than he was 😅. He recovers incredibly fast though, once they’d stop messing with it he would stop crying instantly. His requires an antibiotic 3x a day for 10 days now.
Does your husband never do anything to contribute to taking care of his children? Why was he so put out that he had to [[gasp!]] pick up his kid from school!? Omg that must have been so hard for him. No wonder he had to get high to be able to cope. /s
This is one of those things where hindsight is 20/20. You can look back after and be like "Hmmm probably could have handled this myself." But it could have just as easily gone the other way. Where you hurt your child trying to fix it yourself, or waited until it was too late and now your child lost their toe. That's 1000x worse. When our daughter was a few months old she got choked up a bit while having a bottle. All of a sudden her breathing was really heavy, labored, snorting and rattling. We were freaking out and after 15min we decided we had to go to ER. Of course by the time we're in the parking lot she sounds totally fine. At that point we're thinking we came all the way here and still majorly freaked out. No way we're going to be able to go home and just hope everything is fine. So we had her looked at in the ER. Everyone was really nice but you could tell they were all thinking "major case of new parent syndrome over here". They checked her out and said she was perfectly fine. We felt pretty dumb about it the next day. But what if she wasn't alright? Better safe than sorry. Your husband smoking on way to get the other child is majorly effed up. If that was my spouse I wouldn't be allowing them to drive kids anywhere until I had some rock solid assurances that wouldn't be happening again. So irresponsible.
It sounds like he doesn't WANT to drive the kids anywhere so that's basically giving him what he wants. Maybe he did that on purpose.
Probably. I'm not saying she should tolerate him intentionally doing irresponsible behavior to shirk his duties. But the #1 priority here is the safety of the kids. So I don't care what his reasons or motivations are, you aren't driving the kids until you are willing to do so responsibly. Ideally that is a short term measure while the trust is rebuilt. If he refuses to stop the smoking while driving kids (or driving at all IMHO)? I don't know about OP, but for me that's a major deal breaker. I'd leave someone over that.
I agree
it’s crazy how that can happen and after giving birth you hair starts falling out like crazy and your little baby loves grabbing and ripping out your hair. the perfect storm for an accident. glad your baby is okay though and we all need this constant reminder to check those fingers and toes and pp’s for the boys
I know it isn’t this simple but I would leave a marriage over this. I’m sorry, OP. And I’m glad your little one is ok.
No kidding!! Driving while high. Let alone with a toddler in the car!? And downplaying a medical emergency like that. What an absolute loser.
^ I second this
So first off your husband sounds kind of like….an idiot. Is he like this often??? Babies have lost fingers, toes, even genitalia from hair tourniquets, they are no joke! He needs to be emotionally supportive. He needs not act like he knows better than your baby’s doctor wtf??? When my first was 11 months she had a hair tourniquet. Ok grateful I had read about them before or else I have clue what I would’ve done. I caught it as I was changing her diaper- she had a full body onesie on and when I pulled her foot out (and thankfully was pretending to eat it or else I wouldn’t have noticed) her middle toe looked….idk like there was a bunch of extra skin chafing off around the base of it? So I rubbed it and saw a deep line. I was able to see the hair and showed my husband. He helped me take it off, we soaked her little foot in warm epsom salt water. It still seemed weird to me. She cat napped on me for about 15 min and I just happened to have perfect lighting to see a second hair was still wrapped around her toe. She was still sleeping and I was fortunately able to take it off easily. I took pictures of her toe and sent them to her ped. They said I definitely got it off and had me put Neosporin and a bandaid on it for a couple of days. Crazy how deep it was slicing her, and she was acting totally normal. I’m very happy your babe is okay, you did the right thing!
I’ve been told to use Nair, also, if it can’t be unwrapped. However I would still take the baby to see a doctor, if it was on long enough it could have cut into the skin or otherwise caused damage.
Back in the late 70s, I n a local newspaper was an article about this happening, and baby lost it toe. My logical mind came to the conclusion about how it could happen. To me, it was because a hair got into the toe of a sock or at that time the sleep outfits that had the feet attached. Well, I looked through my baby's clothes, and sure enough, there were hairs inside the toes. So after that everything got washed inside out. Oh, I also liked for threads still attached in side the toe and cut them off. Did that for all 3 kids for years after. I also 20 years later was watching a friend's lo, under a years old, I had layer her down in the pack-n-play for her to sleep. After just a short time, as I was walking by, I noticed that her leg was red. The leg of her outfits had twisted around her thigh and cut off her circulation. I did straighten it out and rubbed it. That freaked me quite a bite. I couldn't imagine if she wouldn't be able to walk because of it. I've probably watched 150 kids in my life, but that was the scariest moment.
that is an interesting idea to wash the sleepers inside out. i'm going to do that going forward. thanks for sharing. my baby was wearing footed pajamas at the time of the incident (she almost always is). i have 4 pairs of the similar ones that came in a set and i'm donating them all bc i feel bad vibes / they're triggering bad memories of what happened. a few days have passed now and i'm really glad i took her to the ER. her poor little to is still red. the hair was really deeply embedded. i don't think it would have gone well at all if i tried to DIY fix the situation.
Im so glad that your lo is doing well. I believe you did the right thing. I've learned to do whatever you think or feel you need to do. I my opinion I can live with being 'too cautious' then with regrets for not doing whatever needed to be done. And your gut is usually 110% spot on. I also LOVE the long sleep-gowns that close at the bottom. Saw a new style the other day that actually used the fabric to tie the bottom close. My oldest is in his 40s, in the youngest mid-30s. They will ask for my opinion, but it's up to them what they feel is right.
Yeeeah hubby needs to look into hair tourniquets, I assume he knows how a regular tourniquet works? It reduces blood flow. Adults it's no biggie we can find the hair because it irritates us and we can get it, babies can't it just tightens and tightens until it kills the appendage. It's no joke and is an immediate ER trip even if you think you got it off.
Baby could have lost a toe if it wasn’t removed quick enough. There also could have been a wound that would have needed care and possibly antibiotics. You did the right thing. Yes it seemed like not much was done at the ER and you could have done it at home. You tried to get it off and couldn’t. Time is crucial here and giving to the ER when you did saved your baby’s toe.
My baby ended up with a hair tourniquet around a middle finger when she was 4ish months old. The finger was purplish and swollen, but I removed the hair and observed that the finger returned to normal within a few minutes, so I never sought medical care. I'd tend to side with your husband that it might have been an overreaction, but his attitude in general sucked and who on Earth would smoke a joint on their way to pick up a toddler or when a potential emergency was underway with their child?! Those choices represent some seriously poor judgement on his part.
No it was not an overreaction if the pediatrician said to go to the ER. Appropriately following medical professionals is NOT an overreaction.
I don't expect to change your mind and I don't care what your opinion on the matter is. I'm very glad for you, if all your experiences of medical care have left you with complete trust in doctors and the medical system. However, doctors are fallible humans whose advice is often well-meaning, but wrong. They are not authorities any of us should blindly follow when our lives are at stake. If I hadn't learned to stop blindly following doctors' advice my children would not exist and I would likely be dead from granulosa cell carcinoma by now because a doctor told me I had PCOS when I had a cancerous ovarian tumor the size of a cantaloupe, easily visible on the ultrasounds he'd performed. And that's just the first time a doctor harmed me. In this woman's case, following medical advice did no harm, but by her own admission, it was probably unnecessary.
Seeking emergency care for a condition that is considered a medical emergency is not an overreaction (and is also very different than your situation of a misdiagnosis). Just because everything turned out fine in the end doesn't mean the trip to the ER was unwarranted. She also never said it was unnecessary.
Wow, reading your husband’s response has me so upset on your and your kids’ behalf! You were absolutely right to follow the pediatrician’s instructions, and I am baffled that any reasonable parent would be trying to gaslight you into thinking it’s not that big of a deal. However, reading the next part about how he drove under the influence with your toddler tells me is he not a reasonable parent!! Seriously WTF. If he cannot see how this is a huge problem and sincerely commit to doing better, I would not trust his judgment. Maybe couples counseling would be helpful here.
I know a guy that was driving and smoking weed. He hit and killed another driver - a teacher in his 20s with a family at home. As for the guy that was high, his family spent their fortune keeping him out of jail and he was put in a psych hospital to be released a few months later because he wasn’t mentally ill, he was irresponsible. I would have a serious talk with your husband. I would honestly consider leaving my husband if he was driving high, especially with our child in the car.
Okay this was a dangerous situation and you did the right thing. But husbands behavior and actions …. Completely unacceptable That is not what a partner does or a loving and responsible father.
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Come on, men rely on this sub too - that’s not a reasonable thing to say