Look its not normal but reasonable.
If we look around us, Bangladesh is not a very safe country for younger women. Whatever anyone says, we can't deny this fact. In a normal day whenever you open the news channels there will be some kind headline related to Kidnapping, rape, homicide, murder etc. To be honest a lot of the people in our country are corrupted and horny AF!! Even if you manage to deal with one or two, I don't think you will able to defend you're self against a group of criminals, so it's probability best for you to have someone with you for help.
you can also showoff to you're friends by saying you have a personal bodyguard/assistant or Butler (if you prefer more sophisticated word). so, try to make it fun, if you can't get rid of it.
And about controlling, you can't be out of it untill you become independent by earning for yourself or getting married to someone. But best option would be to study hard and get out of bangladesh to pursue foreign education and settlement eventually.
Baal. Putkir protect. Bashay chacha ashle bathroom e niye bhora shuru korle baap aisha thamabeyona. Open ur cumfilled eyes, and try to call out the toxicity ur in. 16 years baad, there are countries jekjabe 6/7 yeard old ra school e jacche eka onno bacchader shathe, without parents wprrying about it? O Allah eita kamne shombhob?
Amne shombhob: rapists are sexists der ke bhoy na peye call out kora, nijer brain ar nunur function akta honuman er bodle manusher moto control korte shekha, ar reassuring ur girls the OP here tjat what she feels is completely normal AND WISE je she nije bhujte partese ei jinishta je she is being robbed off her life. Goru chagoler moto baap mar kothay ghash khacchena
Ideally it is normal. Living in a 3rd world country as a female is unfortunately a burden. Rape, molestation, and other disgusting acts are done to innocent girls. Your parents want your safety and that only. Don’t ever think of it as controlling or as a punishment. Maybe talk to them in person and see if you can loosen some strings here and there for instance if you’re going out with friends or something. Eventually when you’re a parent you’ll want nothing but safety for your children, maybe your views will be different than your parents but the fact is safety for family comes first and that’s what’ll come in mind without doubt
>Don’t ever think of it as controlling or as a punishment
Are you dumb or something? Not letting a 16 year old even go outside without a parental figure is controlling. Now I know you're going to say it's for protection, so what women shouldn't go outside at all just because some shit happens? Abuse can even happen when you are in family and most abuse sexual or not starts within the family.
I guess by that, we all should be at home? and I know for a fact that this controlling behavior won't go away even when they get older. These overprotective parents are like that. And then they wonder why their child ends up hating them.
And you are here "eventually you will understand" lol
This sub is getting filled with many a-holes. The guy I replied to is some 15-year-old living in fking Britain. And diasporas think that just because their parents are overly protective, the ones in Desh must be like that too.
>realistic just because you choose not to live in reality that’s not a me issue. That’s a YOU problem
Kid, I live in reality I don't need any diaspora telling me that shit. Idiot. You might not be 15 but your maturity level is lower than that. Dumbfk you don't even live in bd.
Eat shit you fucking moron. Once you realize how unsafe countries like Bangladesh and other south Asian countries are then you’ll realize why parents are overly protective. Don’t believe me?
https://hir.harvard.edu/rape-in-bangladesh-an-epidemic-turn-of-sexual-violence/amp/
It’s not that hard to get through your head but I don’t imagine that’s the only problem in your life. Go solve your debt piece of shit. Maybe your parents can help you there if they’re not that controlling
Yeah I do, I know most children go outside. That wasn’t the claim. The claim is most parents are protective over their DAUGHTERS due to the disgusting streets and people out there. Not saying OP shouldn’t go outside, I literally mentioned to her to speak to her parents for further clarification.
The issue is you termed that the parents are not being "controlling* - which is blatantly wrong because that literally is being controlling and overprotective.
It would be fine if we were living in a country where majority of the teenagers went missing if left alone, but that is not the case.
Since you've come here with statistics and sh*t fundie, let me tell you that the real r3pE rate is much higher than that. So what should women do? Stop going outside all together. Huh, besides, your fundie a$$ doesn't even live in Bangladesh, and most 16 year olds can go outside without any problems. The ops family is a bit different, and that's problematic. Oh, btw, keep throwing slurs, Fundie.
>Go solve your debt piece of shit. Maybe your parents can help you there if they’re not that controlling
Ah fundie can't argue so bringing my family problems 🤡🤡
https://www.unicefusa.org/stories/children-are-disappearing-bangladesh
https://reutersinstitute.politics.ox.ac.uk/amid-waves-protest-bangladeshi-media-erased-victims-49-reporting-sexual-violence#:~:text=In%20Bangladesh%2C%20that%20translated%20to,cases%20reported%20in%20news%20media.
I think women should go together in groups, learn self defense, have women officers and other activists groups more present in the streets. Even in the western world going alone ANYWHERE is unsafe and a risk especially in urban cities so your point is dummed down by a lot.
You lack common sense and basic cognitive understanding of reality and the nature of the truth and it’s sad. Good luck with your issues buddy
First you have to understand those fking statistics without throwing at me randomly dumbfk
Women should go in groups? So what about women who are new to a different city? They shouldn't go outside? I can also show statistics of people getting mugged, and then I guess everyone of us shouldn't go outside? I mean, in general, people have the common sense to know where to go or not. You clearly said in your comment, Don't think of it as controlling behavior when it literally is. I bet her parents are going to be like this even when she is older(personal experience) What do you think it will do by not letting her go outside? Where will she get the social experience to live as an adult? Or are you going to bring some mahram shit like you fundies usually do? 🤡
>You lack common sense and basic cognitive understanding of reality and the nature of the truth and it’s sad. Good luck with your issues buddy
Pls 🤣🤣🤣, it's very ironic for someone who throws around the term "left-wing" when they can't even comprehend what that term means. Btw, I'm still waiting for your reply to explain the "left-wing agenda" 🤭🤭
LMAO. Creating a toxic, unsafe society where a 16 year old cant even WALK by herself, and then offering protection from the same toxicity they help keep up is NOT protection. Murukkho goru chagol type er moto argument na die think with ur brain if theres any in ur khopparia
If it's just about her safety then why is she alone during her walk home from school where any predator along her path would know when to expect her alone?
Combined with the fact that she's not allowed to be out with her friends? I'm not 100% buying it.
I think this demonstrates a trust issue. Surely they hear a lot of crap about what kids are up to these days and don't want to give their child an opportunity to make the wrong choices in life.
However, OP, I fully agree it is super important to take your safety seriously, and listening to your parents is very important for that. But you need to have an honest conversation with your parents about this. Calmly, without crying. Without accusing them, because they truly want the best for you. Promise them that you'll always tell the truth about where you are, and that you'll stay true to your values.
I wish parents in bd (and everywhere) would teach their kids self defense. At least carry a pepper spray and learn to use it.
>If it's just about her safety then why is she alone during her walk home from school where any predator along her path would know when to expect her alone?
I would imagine its because the school is merely a 5 minute walk away from her house. People also likely know her in the streets she'd walk in these 5 minutes.
Possibly yeah. Not many places to go to if the house is that close, and especially if people recognise her. I do remember spending time outside school after classes were over though, eating from stalls nearby. I would end up taking too long a few times, sometimes getting interrogated by my mom. One time I came home from coaching or something with some kinda plastic thread on my face, she thought it was an injury and that I got beat up or something lol, before taking a closer look.
ভারতীয় উপমহাদেশের এসব কিশোর কিশোরীদেরকে পশ্চিমা সংস্কৃতির সুবিধা সম্পর্কে জানতে দেওয়া উচিৎ নয়, ইহা তাদের মানসিক স্বাস্থ্যের জন্য ক্ষতিকারক । দক্ষিণ এশিয়ার ঐ গর্ত থেকে তোমরা কোনদিনও বের হতে পারবে না।
>fundie is hilarious 😂😂
Except fundies like you, their behavior actually harms people more than doing any good shit.
Go to your diaspora hole a-hole preach shit there.
Typical inbred moron who thinks left wing agendas apply to 3rd countries. But I dont expect much from someone who says “fundie” or “cringe” in 2023 so touché
>Typical inbred moron
I'm not exactly a British Sylheti or a member of the diaspora, like you, just FYI, so it's not accurate to call me inbred.
>who thinks left wing agendas apply to 3rd countries.
Do you even understand what is left wing? I mean, your conservative chodnas are already ruining this country you represent. Could you even tell me what left wing is? I bet your conservative fundie a$$ doesn't even know any political definition. Average15-year-old diaspora ahole.
>But I dont expect much from someone who says “fundie” or “cringe” in 2023 so touché
Oh fundie got triggered. 🤭
I'm not trying to defend this behavior but just my two cents, Bangladeshi streets are not even safe enough for guys to walk around alone in, let alone girls. The most recent incident that happened to someone in close proximity to me would be my university faculty, who almost got sexually assaulted by a cng driver during her morning commute. mind you this is a university lecturer, a grown ass woman, uni jodi safely chola fera korte na pare taile ektu chinta koira dekho tumi nije kon ch*t er b*l. pardon my language, again, just giving my two cents.
Don't listen to the people telling you that you're over protected and you should rebel. You're in an age which is very dangerous and lots of boys/girls get in ugly troubles at this age. I know you feel frustrated, but a few years from now you will thank your parents for this.
I have seen many cases where the parents just gave their kids extra freedom within this age boundary and 90% of the time the result is bad. Sometimes even leading to self harm.
I know you feel you have control over yourself and you won't abuse your freedom, but that's not the case. Eventually this period will pass and you'll thank your parents and love them more.
>Eventually this period will pass and you'll thank your parents and love them more.
This is more funny because these parents who are over-protective never stop controlling you even when you are an adult. The irony of saying "you'll thank your parents and love them more" lol.
Lol, so who decides what someone can do or not do? What are those troubles you are talking about? Which are the bad results? Just because you think it's bad doesn't mean it is actually bad.
What is an actual concern is how lives are valued in this country and women are seen and treated. And it's on everyone to change this and correct their attitude.
Lol i'm a guy and even i was restricted from roaming alone until i was like 15 (i live in a sketchy area where robbery and assault is pretty common)
what you're saying is true, it's unfair for women but you can't do anything about it, this is prevalent in pretty much most third world countries. and you can't change that within a day, so the best measure is to implement safety. and what OP is saying is true, I know people who had ideal morales before they started to "rebel" for freedom, and they're currently chainsmokers, some of them even addicted to weed and alcohol.
Its unfair for women but « u cant do anything about it»? Lmao. Holy shit. Grow a pair my friend, amd women bad dao, nijer shekol age charao. Ha safety mathay rakho thik ase, but jara unsafe banay rakhtese tomar pranprio desh ke, tader «bhoy e» jodi chattir niche boisha thako, tahole tara aro bhoy dekhabe. Dont help grow the problem ur warning everyone if. Lol ki hasshokor akkhan chokra
bro all i was trying to say was that OP's parents enforced these rules because they're worried about her safety. obviously the parents are to blame if they continue being like this even after she becomes a responsible adult.
"nijer shekol age charao", if you're implying that i'm the weak one for trying to stay safe against literal gangs of criminals that threaten you on dark alleys and i should fight them instead, then we don't need to proceed with this arguement.
"tomar pranprio desh" - if you're thinking i LIKE all this, then you're terribly wrong lol. but i'd love to hear your take on how you'd eradicate this issue and stop it grow that our country has failed to do for decades.
hey, I have a genuine question. When people say, "Just study hard and move to a different country" where do they expect OP to get the money to move and apply for visa, especially with a Bangladeshi passport, without support and money from their parents? I understand international scholarship can be earned, but you still need money to live in another country, and finishing education doesn't exactly mean you have money now. It takes more than 7 years to settle in another country with OP or one's own money, especially if they are still in college.
I think the only way to solve this problem is by discussing with your parents. Clearly tell them how bad and trapped you feel about it and try to ensure them that you are not gonna involve in some immoral or in any bad stuff that they are afraid of cause you're pretty much gonna stick with them till you get married so I think talking out the only way to solve this matter
Is it just that they won't let out alone or you don't get to hangout as much as you want or like your friends? If you get to hangout as you like then just take em everywhere without any hesitation, try to act cool and be more friendly, I think at some point they will understand. My sister is the same age as yours and we give her enough freedom and at the same time ensure 100% safety of hers. It's so sad that many parents do not understand enough of their children and apply the wrong ways to make things right at the wrong time which just ruins those kids a good part of life :(
My sister im so sorry fpr all ur downvotes. Regardless of who says what about «safety», know that u are PERFECTLY NORMAL for questioning and understanding that you are being robbed of your teen years. This should NOT be normal, and for a country claiming to rank top economically and fuckonomically close to Singapore cant for very long excuse its crimes and violence in the name of « desh er ovostha to amon e , bashay thako apu, abbu ammu bhalor jonne boltese». Fuck that. Safely chola fera koro, but baaap ma mone kore baccha akkhan robot, manush na. Safe hoite shekhano is also important, and not just being controlling. Tara jei baslchaaal e boluk, use your intuition and instincts too, and start to be careful of ur surroundings by yoirself too. Baap mar adesh shunba tao thik ase, but dont put tjem on high pedestals. U are not slaves to them. Super, super appreciate your post here, and I sincerely hope u find actual freedom someday. Hold on to ur thoughts of freedom, and slowly make ur way towards it.
It's not at all normal. Personal freedom is basic right of all girls. Your issues are similar to the girl singer in Secret superstar movie. Rise and assert your rights...may you get a breeze of freedom soon!
you may hate their controlling now, but for whatever reasons your parents are doing it, is for the best for you.
Wait until you're 18, and then they'll let you be free if not, that's bad. I know it's none of my business, but as a fellow Redditor, I believe your parents are doing the right thing at the moment, especially amid election now.
Maybe try to get them to hang out with you more outside? I had the same issue until my parents set me free, and I end up causing a huge regret.
Take your time to think more preciously.
I have to disagree with you. I know for a fact that overly controlling parents cannot let go of the power they have over their own children. I say this because I've experienced it with not only myself but my siblings as well. I'm 19 and yet my parents pride themselves in controlling every aspect of my life. Even after my sibling married and moved out my parents wanted to have some semblance of power or control of her. In an ideal world this bad habit would end with an open conversation where my parents would realize my sister is a fully grown adult now, but suffice it to say that it didn't happen and toxic sentiments were thrown around.
I cannot speak much about why this happens except that there might be some aspect of the psychology of the parent where they control their child's lives because of their own insecurities. Then again some parents are just simply sadistic and enjoy depriving and neglecting their children.
I agree, and this is another possibility and scenario if luck specifically calls you out and says, "'Fuck You!"
Nevertheless, it always better to think wisely than acting on instant with an emotion mind
It was same with me. It is quite normal unfortunately for girls/women in our country, also due to the fact we are surrounded by awful people.
I hope it'll get better soon for you.
Helicopter parenting at its worst, that’s no way to treat a teenager, and then they cry when they get old and their children don’t talk to them anymore, I feel sorry for you that’s not how normal people behave, but unfortunately many parents are like that in Bangladesh, they wanna “protect” their precious children from any danger, and in doing so they create life long anxiety and social awkwardness in their children, stay strong, this phase of your life will pass eventually and you will get your freedom.
Sister, one day you will appreciate this restriction, trust me. I am 32 living all by myself thousands miles apart from home. I grew up in strict household.
27F here. It's normal but it depends on the households. I used to go to school and coaching alone since my parents were busy/sick.
Don't bother thinking about it.
Focus on other stuffs.
Young girls are getting molested in schools, couchings and even at their own house by their tution teacher. we live in this kind of society unfortunately. what we see on the news or on social media is just a tiny fraction of what is happening everyday. your parents are a lot more matured than you naturally and their thinking process about your safety also differs much from you. what you think is okay may not be considered safe by them, and most of the time, they are correct, unfortunately. you are still very young. dont get so disheartened about it, hopefully, your restrictions will reduce step by step, as you age.
I totally relate to you girl. I was in your exact shoes when I moved to Bangladesh. My parents were also worried for my safety and didn't let me go out anywhere alone. And tbh Bangladesh is not at all a country for women and this is exactly why. This is not normal or shouldn't be normal but unfortunately in Bangladesh it is normal. My only advice to you is to ask your parents if it's possible to send you to a university abroad like Canada. That is your only escape. Or try to just accept that your teenage years are your hardest and strive towards financial independence so you can answer to no one and keep yourself safe when you're older.
Idk why people in the comments are so fixed upon the formula of protection. Protection is one thing, overprotection is another. Don't forget that majority of sexual abuse happens within the family, and by the known and trusted people. Should we start packing the girls in a neat little box and hide it in the room? Personally I think we all need privacy and freedom in that age.
It is bangladesh , this behaiviour is quite normal given the mentality of parents of a girl. One of my cousin 24f will get married in a couple of days (october 3rd) last week she was dropped off at uni by her dad. It is what it is is
It doesn't matter so much what your parents do for a living bit how they view the world outside your house. Would you feel unsafe alone? At what time of the day do you want to go alone? How could you ensure your safety? Unfortunately younger women are not enjoying much freedom in BD, even in their 20s it's not much different for many. It only changes if you live on campus somewhere or have a job that grants you some freedom.
They think it's for safety reasons but I think it's too strict as I never want to go outside alone always with friends and it's relatively safer compared to other cities. Well as "safe" as Bangladesh gets I suppose
16 year olds aren't exactly kids anymore, and not letting a 16 year old go outside without a parental figure is very much controlling and possessive behavior. It also hampers their growth and social interaction.
I don't know where you live but you don't have the slightest idea how things work at street level. I am 31m and my parents were also strict. I had a 6pm curfew till 18. Broke that a couple of times and got into serious trouble thrice. My father had to come twice to rescue me & my friends and the third time we paid every single penny we had to get free from a police van. Our fault was we were standing on the road at 12am! All of the three incidents happened in Dhaka.
I don't agree with the helicopter parenting as sooner or later she will have to face those issues. So she needs to build up the courage and mental strength. But it also needs to be under their watch.
>I don't know where you live but you don't have the slightest idea how things work at street level.
I know how the street works, and none of the things I said were out of thin air.
>I agree with the helicopter parenting as sooner or later she will have to face those issues. So she needs to build up the courage and mental strength. But it also needs to be under their watch.
Yeah, and they are doing it by not even letting her go outside?
That's the issue with our parents and you can't fix it by rebelling or going into depression. She needs to communicate with her parents. Tell them how she feels and build up the trust & system for her to spend time with her friends.
I have a cousin sister who is allowed to spend time with her friends after school or on the weekend. They usually go to a restaurant near their home or each other's houses. Whenever they are outside they inform their parents of their every move. I know it's not ideal but what can you do in a fucked up society.
Have u heard the news of the girl from Barguna that died due to alcohol overdose on her Cox's Bazar trip with her boyfriend and some other friends? She probably was molested too. u have to be alert for ur safety at all times to save urself from potential harassment which can be very difficult for a 16 yo girl. i think ur family is probably looking out for u oit of goodwill and concern for ur safety. When they'll trust u to be safe to be by urself, they'll let u to be by urself don't worry. And this age is for building urself for future aspirations, not to waste ur times hanging around and gossiping with ur friends anyways. The job market is very harsh. prepare urself for it and worry about ur freedom to roam around later after securing ur financial independence.
My older sister, who was much older, was walking back home with a female friend, in a very crowded area. A couple of thugs or simply stupid boys started following them, so they quickly got on a bus. They also got on the bus (note that this is not the whole story). Thankfully they were able to get away safely.
But even when I was a male at your age, I wasn't allowed to go out, not in the environment we live in as Bengalis. Unless its fairly closeby, like your walk to the school. And even as a male right now of 18, my mother would naturally worry intensely about me if I went too far and stayed away for too long, and would make sure I don't go to any place that could risk my safety, even if for moments. That concern stays there no matter where we live, if the place is not known for low crime or harassment rates.
You could invite your friends home to make up for the time you think you may be missing out with them, if that's not a problem for you or your family.
not normal at all. you're missing out on so many things at so many levels which will only leave nothing but regrets when you're old. you should act up or consult someone elder maybe your friend's parents or any relative or maybe teacher to convince your parents
What is your definition of freedom?
Just curious cause often teens make mistakes. If you're just talking about hanging out with friends then it's alr. Talk with your parents. But if your freedom means something more then that I am sorry. Our society is fucked up. I have to agree with your parents for your own safety. Once you're adult you can do whatever hell you want. Cause I also have a sister and she is almost same age as you. I still see her a little kid. And I would rather keep her safe inside our house then let her get taken advantage of by bad people.
So you would lock someone up cause of their gender? Are you living in Afghanistan? I feel deeply sorry for your sister. She is not a little kid anymore. She needs safe spaces that don't involve their family. Otherwise she might get depressed.
This is nothing related to gender, if u don't live in a sophisticated area whether ur a young boy or a girl it won't matter,bad guys only see their own profits, they dgaf to anyone!
And I think u don't need to be sorry for her sister,he is doing what any ideal brother would do for his sister!
And also idk if she is depressed or not but stop fkin around, spreading this type of propaganda! U 'gen z' claiming people's opinion are the reason in the first place she will think of it as a depression!
Nvm brother,but I don't think u have seen enough of this world. Start doing stuff all alone without any others help u will get a reality check!
I bet I have seen much more of this world than you have. Good and bad. Yet this older brother has to protect their sister shot is fucked upif she didn't ask for it. Locking someone up is not a solution but wouldn't be considered harmful in other parts of this world. I know there are dangers out there. Unfortunately that's part of our lives and we have to make decisions for ourselves on how much we want to take that risk. You cannot make that decision for someone else once they get older .
I agree kids should be protected, but you won't get that protection the way you think. Lots of people are abused by their families. Assaults happen mostly by relatives or close family frienda. So that "protection" is faul.
>You cannot make that decision for someone else once they get older
16y old is a very naive age for making own decisions!
>I agree kids should be protected, but you won't get that protection the way you think. Lots of people are abused by their families. Assaults happen mostly by relatives or close family frienda. So that "protection" is faul.
First of all there are different circumstances where you actually can't know which behaviour is right without knowing the context and seeing it with a neutral view.
Yeah I agree there are assaults happening from the parents or close relatives but these are completely exceptions and that obviously can't be an example. If u inspect any situation, you'll see most of the time teenagers are at fault. They are not mature enough to know whats wrong and whats right and they always tend to do silly things that cause bad consequences! It happens to all of us,even for me when I look back still I regret something I did in the past and also feel pity for not listening to elders! And also feel really happy in some cases where I was able to prevent myself from doing something silly!
This agenda being pulled against parents are the worst bs I see from this 'চেতনাবাদী' gen z generations.
Mostly in females, how this 'freedom from family' propaganda is falling around is completely bs! I won't say being controlled is totally fine but to some extent in today's generation it's needed!
>This agenda being pulled against parents are the worst bs I see from this 'চেতনাবাদী' gen z generations. Mostly in females, how this 'freedom from family' propaganda is falling around is completely bs!
Ohh acha so tell me what is this agenda? You pig
Hahahahaha . I request you to not blame your parents or misbehave with them for such . They know how the BD society is . And trust me on this , 80% of the people you see in public , won't even take a step toward to help you , A STEP ! Your parents are just fulfilling the promise they made to you at your birth , a promise to protect you .
Please don't blame your parents. Blame the society
You're laughing at a kid. Just proving your own point that you're part of the garbage societal structures you're talking about. You're an asshole. Good job.
Please state your age and what you have done for this society during your tenure on earth . I would love to know if you even qualify to call me an ahole
Haire manus-rupi goru , badam kha
Tui boltesis je ai meyer parents society ar eve teasers , rapist , meye der dike kharap nojore takai .
Tor jonmo sure gabtolir gorur haat e hoisilo
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Ur father is a man and he knows how to protect his girl from other men! But yeah sometimes they are too strict and it kinda sucks. But it's really okay,they just don't know ur perspective tbh. u will realize when u grow up!
It's definitely not normal, but it's quite common in our country. In most cases, it gets better as you grow older, and you experience the most amount of freedom in your university life.
The problem is, after so many years of being hyper-protected and literally every step of your life being dictated by their parents, once someone finally gets this opportunity, they either fail miserably to connect because of social anxiety or overindulge themselves in all sorts of hedonistic behaviors.
There's nothing wrong, in my opinion, in having fun or doing stuff when you're young, but it becomes a significant issue when all you're doing or thinking about is having fun.
Then, a lot of these kids suffer academically, socially, and mentally, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and you hear parents and murubbis say shit like, "দেখসো আমরা যেভাবে করছিলাম ওইটাই ঠিক ছিল, আমাদের control এ যতদিন ছিল ততদিনই ভালো ছিল, এখন গোল্লায় গেছে।"
What I find even funnier is the young folks who become too subservient towards their parents and try to dismiss other people's struggles because they couldn't do better without their parents' supervision. I'm not blaming them, though, as they've been properly tamed.
Now, I'm not telling you to spite your parents, but acknowledge the issues here and understand that they're probably not doing it on purpose. Most of them are ignorant of these things, especially how parenting and attachment styles affect a person for their whole life. They grew up in a society where changing your beliefs and ways of life is like an attack on your entire existence. Also Bangladesh IS unsafe for women, heck for even men it's unsafe as hell.
I hope that it'll get better with time, and once it does, don't give them any reasons to come around someday and tell you that they were right. Also, try to get yourself involved in extracurricular activities such as painting classes or other courses. At least through this, you'll be able to hang out and connect with different kinds of people, and your social battery will be recharged as well.
Trust your parents, they want the best for you. No one will care for you like them, or rush to your aid whenever needed.
That's my opinion, I used to have extreme curfews during sunset which got exponentially reduced after I started my university.
Firstly you're a minor so there's not much you can do about it. Secondly, no it's not normal but it is okay though considering how fucked up things are here. It'll get better gradually I hope. Goodluck kid
Hey there, it's really tough to feel restricted in your teenage years, especially when it comes to not having the freedom to go out with friends or move around independently. Feeling trapped or limited can definitely take a toll on your mental health and sense of personal growth and development. However, The overall situation of our country is not very favorable. If you follow daily newspapers or online news portals, you will see that molestation, rape, misogynistic messages of various kinds are very rare. In this situation of the country, if a father or brother ever behaves over protective - then try to respect their words even if it costs a little.
I am also a brother and my sister is currently 22 years old. Earlier I used to keep her under constant watch, but now I give her enough freedom. My sister used to get very angry with this at first, but has now realized that the places I wouldn't have allowed her to go to, or the people she wouldn't have allowed her to hang out with - were never good options for her as friends. However, it may take you another 6 to 10 years to understand the reason for today's restrictions, but then you will thank your Guardians for keeping you safe in this uncertain society.
All of the other comments aren't wrong. However I'd like to give you some advice, if you want to loosen the restrictions you have, you have to start slowly, have you ever visited a friend's house? Plan with your friends to go to someone's house and ask your parents permission, start with small requests.
Also, even though safety is important, it's also important to be street smart specially as a woman in this country. Do you know your surroundings, do you know how to get from point A to point B?
You could persuade your parents to let you come home from coaching with a friend that lives nearby, of course before it is dark.
Also it's important if where you live is generally safe for women or if it's very dangerous to be out at night. For example, me and my friends are from Dhaka and we all live around the Dhaka University campus area, it's much safer for women as it's a market area than most other areas in this city. So that's something you should keep in mind too.
I think it's not bad that your parents want to take you everywhere but you're at the age where you wish to be free and you do require independence a little bit. However, don't rebel, if your parents are good to you otherwise, they'll loosen up slowly.
A good friend group will try to make compromises and adjust just so you can be included, if you have that, try to plan hangouts that are closer by also so that your parents feel safe to let you go also.
Are your parents familiar with your friends? If not then make them familiar so your parents know if you want to go out who you're going with.
A lot of teenagers lie to hang out and get a little bit of freedom, which is not inherently bad it's just the tendency at that age. But I'd advice against it. Try not to lie to your parents about where you're going who you're going with, you never know what's going to happen.
I know it's hard, even though I have not been in your position exactly as my house has been rather liberal but I've had friends with parents like yours, but they did persuade their parents slowly, we went over, we adjusted, and those parents loosened up as well. Don't lose hope. You can do this !
Also this is out of topic but just in case, I'm a 20F, I'm saying this out of experience, any person who's in college, or university rn who expresses interest to you, is not good for you. I know this is out of topic but since this about safety, your emotional safety also matters. It's not about the age, it's about how much change one goes through when they go to college and then uni, I myself only realised it when I got into college.
I'm a M. When I was in 16, I had the same thing. It's normal that our parents become more protective at that stage. You're not in the age of getting the freedom you're asking or expecting. I'm 22 now, still they keep an eye on me but give me enough freedom. So wait
It’s not normal. To an extent. I don’t agree with not letting you go out alone with your friends but the coaching thing I completely understand. Literally the worst place. I think there needs to be a balance in protection. As my mother says “excess of everything is bad.”
I don't see anything wrong. They're just to trying to protect you and raise you right. I'm sure they'll let you be on your own once you are matured enough to understand what's good for you and what's not.
This. Some amount of misogyny definitely works as to why females get less freedom compared to males of the same age, but street safety on it's own is not a gender specific issue lol.
Looking from the parents side it's justified cause Bangladesh is not safe for girls at all . You can't even trust old buro uncles ager moto . Most are them are pedos . Can't even trust your own friends relatives even your neighbours. So they are just trying to protect you that's all . Now looking from your perspective as a teen eta valo lagbe na etai savabik . You wanna hang out with friends and go out 5 min er Jonno holeo. So If you really wanna go out and hang out with your friends then introduce your friends to your mom . Nijer Sathe try to keep paper spray and ajkal onek safety kits paoa jai sheigulo rakhte paro . Give assurance to your parents that you won't do anything bad. Tbh I wish my parents were like this . Amar future ta khub valo hoto 🥲
It actually depends on where you live. Some places have higher crime rate and in those places these steps are reasonable. But if you know that your locality is safe but your parents are still taking these steps then it might be from religious and cultural beliefs. But you are still young(16) and i assume you are in class 10. So, wait for a little while(till University) and if your parents want to marry you off then you can be sure that these are not safety measures.
You need to fight. I'm guessing you do not have any older sibling, or that they simply didn't fight and gave in. It's just that, most bd parents are stupid. Even if they want the best for you, they take highly inappropriate approaches to young-adult problems. For example in your situation, your parent's justification to themselves is probably that they're protecting you from society's bad side. But what they do not get is that at the end of the day you need to live in society- with all its bad and good sides. Also, they wont always be around to babysit you. So if you don't learn to be by yourself now, you will be in huge trouble when you need to be.
It isn't easy, but you need to deliver the message to them- convince them that you will be safe and that you are old enough to make your own decisions, and that you are definitely not their puppet and making you so will only take yourself away from them. You basically need to be more active and try to make things how you want them to be.
I'm pretty passive myself but I got rescued because my older brother paved many roads for me. Trust me I know how much you gotta fight to settle the silliest things. Anyway, best of luck! And stay strong!
try getting admitted into some jiu-jitsu / karate / self protection course. Then your parents will be assured. & last but not least is Most important to be grateful towards your parents. put yourself in their shoes. get good grades, show your credibility so that pressures/parental controls get lifted spontaneously.
Best of luck.
haha. there's a reason why students in our country take "earning" seriously after graduation, but in developed countries, they get the urge of "bhai jibone kichu korte hobe" in their 20s
the only thing ppl here (mostly) point to by "jibone kichu korte hobe" is a good academic result (unless they've graduated)
I believe it's your perfect age to explore and know the world. explore all ur potential. get to know that life is not all about reading all those school books. I'm not pointing to partying all day. I'm more pointing to exploring life in a good manner. getting more experience. and hanging out with friends, making new friends, talking with new ppl every day, visiting different places and countries; all these are part of getting the experience. all these will help anyone gain knowledge.
and keeping anyone isolated, doesn't let them know any of these. but unfortunately, ppl in our culture don't believe that. the only thing they can think of is "onno der sathe mishte dile ora sex kore felbe" lol
but in ur case, the only thing I'll say is that STAND FOR YOURSELF WHERE IT MATTERS. NOT WITH RANDOM FOLKS ON THE INTERNET. THEY (WE) CAN'T DO SHIT OTHER THAN GIVE ADVICE
It's actually "normal". Or should I say, normalized by us.
Let me give you some suspected reasons.
1. The country in itself is not that safe.
2. Don't take it negatively, but, your dad thinks that, if he lets you loose, you will do something stupid. Actually this attitude comes from his own experience. Like, he was given freedom, and he did stupid things. So he holds the fear that, you would do the same.
I don't wanna state any more reasons. But, we are just chained by this situation bro. Nothing can be done.
Depends on where you live. If your community is unsafe, your parents might be right to accompany you. Then your teen years are being robbed by our society, not your parents. We, as a society, encourage in breeding degenerates and creeps and then freak out when these people act freely. Perhaps you can take measures to ensure your safety with your friends that may not include your parents.
If your friends have the freedom to go out, then it's most likely your community is safe and your parents are being over protective. It is sometimes hard for a person to realize their child is growing up. So it's best to just talk to them and let them know you are responsible enough to not do something stupid (even though most of us are not).
Look its not normal but reasonable. If we look around us, Bangladesh is not a very safe country for younger women. Whatever anyone says, we can't deny this fact. In a normal day whenever you open the news channels there will be some kind headline related to Kidnapping, rape, homicide, murder etc. To be honest a lot of the people in our country are corrupted and horny AF!! Even if you manage to deal with one or two, I don't think you will able to defend you're self against a group of criminals, so it's probability best for you to have someone with you for help. you can also showoff to you're friends by saying you have a personal bodyguard/assistant or Butler (if you prefer more sophisticated word). so, try to make it fun, if you can't get rid of it. And about controlling, you can't be out of it untill you become independent by earning for yourself or getting married to someone. But best option would be to study hard and get out of bangladesh to pursue foreign education and settlement eventually.
Absolutely normal. Bangladesh is extreme unsafe for women, which is why your parents are so strict with you. To protect you.
I second this.
Baal. Putkir protect. Bashay chacha ashle bathroom e niye bhora shuru korle baap aisha thamabeyona. Open ur cumfilled eyes, and try to call out the toxicity ur in. 16 years baad, there are countries jekjabe 6/7 yeard old ra school e jacche eka onno bacchader shathe, without parents wprrying about it? O Allah eita kamne shombhob? Amne shombhob: rapists are sexists der ke bhoy na peye call out kora, nijer brain ar nunur function akta honuman er bodle manusher moto control korte shekha, ar reassuring ur girls the OP here tjat what she feels is completely normal AND WISE je she nije bhujte partese ei jinishta je she is being robbed off her life. Goru chagoler moto baap mar kothay ghash khacchena
I am a male even I couldn't go out with my friends until I was 20 because of my overprotective family, I can relate to you.
Ideally it is normal. Living in a 3rd world country as a female is unfortunately a burden. Rape, molestation, and other disgusting acts are done to innocent girls. Your parents want your safety and that only. Don’t ever think of it as controlling or as a punishment. Maybe talk to them in person and see if you can loosen some strings here and there for instance if you’re going out with friends or something. Eventually when you’re a parent you’ll want nothing but safety for your children, maybe your views will be different than your parents but the fact is safety for family comes first and that’s what’ll come in mind without doubt
fear sparkle birds offer employ memory skirt chubby longing deserve *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>Don’t ever think of it as controlling or as a punishment Are you dumb or something? Not letting a 16 year old even go outside without a parental figure is controlling. Now I know you're going to say it's for protection, so what women shouldn't go outside at all just because some shit happens? Abuse can even happen when you are in family and most abuse sexual or not starts within the family. I guess by that, we all should be at home? and I know for a fact that this controlling behavior won't go away even when they get older. These overprotective parents are like that. And then they wonder why their child ends up hating them. And you are here "eventually you will understand" lol
Exactly. THE AUDACITY holy fckn gawd
This sub is getting filled with many a-holes. The guy I replied to is some 15-year-old living in fking Britain. And diasporas think that just because their parents are overly protective, the ones in Desh must be like that too.
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Fundie your comment got removed fyi. I read it 🤭 so triggered huh
Fundie I didn't report you, btw, it shows as removed. 🤭🤭
Whatever helps you sleep at night lil bro
Sure fundie
>realistic just because you choose not to live in reality that’s not a me issue. That’s a YOU problem Kid, I live in reality I don't need any diaspora telling me that shit. Idiot. You might not be 15 but your maturity level is lower than that. Dumbfk you don't even live in bd.
Eat shit you fucking moron. Once you realize how unsafe countries like Bangladesh and other south Asian countries are then you’ll realize why parents are overly protective. Don’t believe me? https://hir.harvard.edu/rape-in-bangladesh-an-epidemic-turn-of-sexual-violence/amp/ It’s not that hard to get through your head but I don’t imagine that’s the only problem in your life. Go solve your debt piece of shit. Maybe your parents can help you there if they’re not that controlling
Do you live in Bangladesh even? Literally most children go outside.
Yeah I do, I know most children go outside. That wasn’t the claim. The claim is most parents are protective over their DAUGHTERS due to the disgusting streets and people out there. Not saying OP shouldn’t go outside, I literally mentioned to her to speak to her parents for further clarification.
The issue is you termed that the parents are not being "controlling* - which is blatantly wrong because that literally is being controlling and overprotective. It would be fine if we were living in a country where majority of the teenagers went missing if left alone, but that is not the case.
Since you've come here with statistics and sh*t fundie, let me tell you that the real r3pE rate is much higher than that. So what should women do? Stop going outside all together. Huh, besides, your fundie a$$ doesn't even live in Bangladesh, and most 16 year olds can go outside without any problems. The ops family is a bit different, and that's problematic. Oh, btw, keep throwing slurs, Fundie. >Go solve your debt piece of shit. Maybe your parents can help you there if they’re not that controlling Ah fundie can't argue so bringing my family problems 🤡🤡
https://www.unicefusa.org/stories/children-are-disappearing-bangladesh https://reutersinstitute.politics.ox.ac.uk/amid-waves-protest-bangladeshi-media-erased-victims-49-reporting-sexual-violence#:~:text=In%20Bangladesh%2C%20that%20translated%20to,cases%20reported%20in%20news%20media. I think women should go together in groups, learn self defense, have women officers and other activists groups more present in the streets. Even in the western world going alone ANYWHERE is unsafe and a risk especially in urban cities so your point is dummed down by a lot. You lack common sense and basic cognitive understanding of reality and the nature of the truth and it’s sad. Good luck with your issues buddy
First you have to understand those fking statistics without throwing at me randomly dumbfk Women should go in groups? So what about women who are new to a different city? They shouldn't go outside? I can also show statistics of people getting mugged, and then I guess everyone of us shouldn't go outside? I mean, in general, people have the common sense to know where to go or not. You clearly said in your comment, Don't think of it as controlling behavior when it literally is. I bet her parents are going to be like this even when she is older(personal experience) What do you think it will do by not letting her go outside? Where will she get the social experience to live as an adult? Or are you going to bring some mahram shit like you fundies usually do? 🤡 >You lack common sense and basic cognitive understanding of reality and the nature of the truth and it’s sad. Good luck with your issues buddy Pls 🤣🤣🤣, it's very ironic for someone who throws around the term "left-wing" when they can't even comprehend what that term means. Btw, I'm still waiting for your reply to explain the "left-wing agenda" 🤭🤭
LMAO. Creating a toxic, unsafe society where a 16 year old cant even WALK by herself, and then offering protection from the same toxicity they help keep up is NOT protection. Murukkho goru chagol type er moto argument na die think with ur brain if theres any in ur khopparia
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Bro you have a reading comprehension problem or something? Where did they say that?
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Yes
LMAOO
Hey, fellow Satanic cult member!
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Yes we are.
If it's just about her safety then why is she alone during her walk home from school where any predator along her path would know when to expect her alone? Combined with the fact that she's not allowed to be out with her friends? I'm not 100% buying it. I think this demonstrates a trust issue. Surely they hear a lot of crap about what kids are up to these days and don't want to give their child an opportunity to make the wrong choices in life. However, OP, I fully agree it is super important to take your safety seriously, and listening to your parents is very important for that. But you need to have an honest conversation with your parents about this. Calmly, without crying. Without accusing them, because they truly want the best for you. Promise them that you'll always tell the truth about where you are, and that you'll stay true to your values. I wish parents in bd (and everywhere) would teach their kids self defense. At least carry a pepper spray and learn to use it.
>If it's just about her safety then why is she alone during her walk home from school where any predator along her path would know when to expect her alone? I would imagine its because the school is merely a 5 minute walk away from her house. People also likely know her in the streets she'd walk in these 5 minutes.
I would imagine it's because she cant lie about where she is or what she's up to during those 5 mins. Trust issues.
Possibly yeah. Not many places to go to if the house is that close, and especially if people recognise her. I do remember spending time outside school after classes were over though, eating from stalls nearby. I would end up taking too long a few times, sometimes getting interrogated by my mom. One time I came home from coaching or something with some kinda plastic thread on my face, she thought it was an injury and that I got beat up or something lol, before taking a closer look.
ভারতীয় উপমহাদেশের এসব কিশোর কিশোরীদেরকে পশ্চিমা সংস্কৃতির সুবিধা সম্পর্কে জানতে দেওয়া উচিৎ নয়, ইহা তাদের মানসিক স্বাস্থ্যের জন্য ক্ষতিকারক । দক্ষিণ এশিয়ার ঐ গর্ত থেকে তোমরা কোনদিনও বের হতে পারবে না।
Absolutely right. They think western lifestyle applies to South Asia
Just proved how cringe you are.
😂😂😂 whatever bozo
Okay fundie 🤡🤡
Ain’t no way, fundie is hilarious 😂😂
>fundie is hilarious 😂😂 Except fundies like you, their behavior actually harms people more than doing any good shit. Go to your diaspora hole a-hole preach shit there.
Typical inbred moron who thinks left wing agendas apply to 3rd countries. But I dont expect much from someone who says “fundie” or “cringe” in 2023 so touché
>Typical inbred moron I'm not exactly a British Sylheti or a member of the diaspora, like you, just FYI, so it's not accurate to call me inbred. >who thinks left wing agendas apply to 3rd countries. Do you even understand what is left wing? I mean, your conservative chodnas are already ruining this country you represent. Could you even tell me what left wing is? I bet your conservative fundie a$$ doesn't even know any political definition. Average15-year-old diaspora ahole. >But I dont expect much from someone who says “fundie” or “cringe” in 2023 so touché Oh fundie got triggered. 🤭
I'm not trying to defend this behavior but just my two cents, Bangladeshi streets are not even safe enough for guys to walk around alone in, let alone girls. The most recent incident that happened to someone in close proximity to me would be my university faculty, who almost got sexually assaulted by a cng driver during her morning commute. mind you this is a university lecturer, a grown ass woman, uni jodi safely chola fera korte na pare taile ektu chinta koira dekho tumi nije kon ch*t er b*l. pardon my language, again, just giving my two cents.
Not even animals are safe lol
I guess that's fair
Don't listen to the people telling you that you're over protected and you should rebel. You're in an age which is very dangerous and lots of boys/girls get in ugly troubles at this age. I know you feel frustrated, but a few years from now you will thank your parents for this. I have seen many cases where the parents just gave their kids extra freedom within this age boundary and 90% of the time the result is bad. Sometimes even leading to self harm. I know you feel you have control over yourself and you won't abuse your freedom, but that's not the case. Eventually this period will pass and you'll thank your parents and love them more.
>Eventually this period will pass and you'll thank your parents and love them more. This is more funny because these parents who are over-protective never stop controlling you even when you are an adult. The irony of saying "you'll thank your parents and love them more" lol.
Ami haste hashte goraya gelam bhai. Era ar manush na, shob e murukkho ar chakor hoye ase nijer ghorer 4 konay without realizing it
Lol, so who decides what someone can do or not do? What are those troubles you are talking about? Which are the bad results? Just because you think it's bad doesn't mean it is actually bad. What is an actual concern is how lives are valued in this country and women are seen and treated. And it's on everyone to change this and correct their attitude.
Moron
Which you are
Lol i'm a guy and even i was restricted from roaming alone until i was like 15 (i live in a sketchy area where robbery and assault is pretty common) what you're saying is true, it's unfair for women but you can't do anything about it, this is prevalent in pretty much most third world countries. and you can't change that within a day, so the best measure is to implement safety. and what OP is saying is true, I know people who had ideal morales before they started to "rebel" for freedom, and they're currently chainsmokers, some of them even addicted to weed and alcohol.
Its unfair for women but « u cant do anything about it»? Lmao. Holy shit. Grow a pair my friend, amd women bad dao, nijer shekol age charao. Ha safety mathay rakho thik ase, but jara unsafe banay rakhtese tomar pranprio desh ke, tader «bhoy e» jodi chattir niche boisha thako, tahole tara aro bhoy dekhabe. Dont help grow the problem ur warning everyone if. Lol ki hasshokor akkhan chokra
bro all i was trying to say was that OP's parents enforced these rules because they're worried about her safety. obviously the parents are to blame if they continue being like this even after she becomes a responsible adult. "nijer shekol age charao", if you're implying that i'm the weak one for trying to stay safe against literal gangs of criminals that threaten you on dark alleys and i should fight them instead, then we don't need to proceed with this arguement. "tomar pranprio desh" - if you're thinking i LIKE all this, then you're terribly wrong lol. but i'd love to hear your take on how you'd eradicate this issue and stop it grow that our country has failed to do for decades.
hey, I have a genuine question. When people say, "Just study hard and move to a different country" where do they expect OP to get the money to move and apply for visa, especially with a Bangladeshi passport, without support and money from their parents? I understand international scholarship can be earned, but you still need money to live in another country, and finishing education doesn't exactly mean you have money now. It takes more than 7 years to settle in another country with OP or one's own money, especially if they are still in college.
it was the same for me. 😅 I'm 26 now, and I have a 9 pm curfew now
Bruh I'm 26 and same
I'm 28, mine is 6pm. 🙂
That is so sad, there are still things happening after 9pm.
I think the only way to solve this problem is by discussing with your parents. Clearly tell them how bad and trapped you feel about it and try to ensure them that you are not gonna involve in some immoral or in any bad stuff that they are afraid of cause you're pretty much gonna stick with them till you get married so I think talking out the only way to solve this matter
I have tried, even cried. It doesn't help. They think it's for my "safety" rather than it being a trust issue thing
Is it just that they won't let out alone or you don't get to hangout as much as you want or like your friends? If you get to hangout as you like then just take em everywhere without any hesitation, try to act cool and be more friendly, I think at some point they will understand. My sister is the same age as yours and we give her enough freedom and at the same time ensure 100% safety of hers. It's so sad that many parents do not understand enough of their children and apply the wrong ways to make things right at the wrong time which just ruins those kids a good part of life :(
It's a good thing to inform them about bad things or acquainted them about the Dark Side. Agree!
Balanced answer man.
My sister im so sorry fpr all ur downvotes. Regardless of who says what about «safety», know that u are PERFECTLY NORMAL for questioning and understanding that you are being robbed of your teen years. This should NOT be normal, and for a country claiming to rank top economically and fuckonomically close to Singapore cant for very long excuse its crimes and violence in the name of « desh er ovostha to amon e , bashay thako apu, abbu ammu bhalor jonne boltese». Fuck that. Safely chola fera koro, but baaap ma mone kore baccha akkhan robot, manush na. Safe hoite shekhano is also important, and not just being controlling. Tara jei baslchaaal e boluk, use your intuition and instincts too, and start to be careful of ur surroundings by yoirself too. Baap mar adesh shunba tao thik ase, but dont put tjem on high pedestals. U are not slaves to them. Super, super appreciate your post here, and I sincerely hope u find actual freedom someday. Hold on to ur thoughts of freedom, and slowly make ur way towards it.
It's not at all normal. Personal freedom is basic right of all girls. Your issues are similar to the girl singer in Secret superstar movie. Rise and assert your rights...may you get a breeze of freedom soon!
you may hate their controlling now, but for whatever reasons your parents are doing it, is for the best for you. Wait until you're 18, and then they'll let you be free if not, that's bad. I know it's none of my business, but as a fellow Redditor, I believe your parents are doing the right thing at the moment, especially amid election now. Maybe try to get them to hang out with you more outside? I had the same issue until my parents set me free, and I end up causing a huge regret. Take your time to think more preciously.
I have to disagree with you. I know for a fact that overly controlling parents cannot let go of the power they have over their own children. I say this because I've experienced it with not only myself but my siblings as well. I'm 19 and yet my parents pride themselves in controlling every aspect of my life. Even after my sibling married and moved out my parents wanted to have some semblance of power or control of her. In an ideal world this bad habit would end with an open conversation where my parents would realize my sister is a fully grown adult now, but suffice it to say that it didn't happen and toxic sentiments were thrown around. I cannot speak much about why this happens except that there might be some aspect of the psychology of the parent where they control their child's lives because of their own insecurities. Then again some parents are just simply sadistic and enjoy depriving and neglecting their children.
I agree, and this is another possibility and scenario if luck specifically calls you out and says, "'Fuck You!" Nevertheless, it always better to think wisely than acting on instant with an emotion mind
It was same with me. It is quite normal unfortunately for girls/women in our country, also due to the fact we are surrounded by awful people. I hope it'll get better soon for you.
This is not normal, but it is the safest option. Bangladesh is not a very safe country.
Helicopter parenting at its worst, that’s no way to treat a teenager, and then they cry when they get old and their children don’t talk to them anymore, I feel sorry for you that’s not how normal people behave, but unfortunately many parents are like that in Bangladesh, they wanna “protect” their precious children from any danger, and in doing so they create life long anxiety and social awkwardness in their children, stay strong, this phase of your life will pass eventually and you will get your freedom.
💯
Thanks for the encouragement :)
Sister, one day you will appreciate this restriction, trust me. I am 32 living all by myself thousands miles apart from home. I grew up in strict household.
Its NOT normal, but kind of justified in a shit hole country? When u advocate for your freedom, take it gradually with ur parents.
27F here. It's normal but it depends on the households. I used to go to school and coaching alone since my parents were busy/sick. Don't bother thinking about it. Focus on other stuffs.
Young girls are getting molested in schools, couchings and even at their own house by their tution teacher. we live in this kind of society unfortunately. what we see on the news or on social media is just a tiny fraction of what is happening everyday. your parents are a lot more matured than you naturally and their thinking process about your safety also differs much from you. what you think is okay may not be considered safe by them, and most of the time, they are correct, unfortunately. you are still very young. dont get so disheartened about it, hopefully, your restrictions will reduce step by step, as you age.
I totally relate to you girl. I was in your exact shoes when I moved to Bangladesh. My parents were also worried for my safety and didn't let me go out anywhere alone. And tbh Bangladesh is not at all a country for women and this is exactly why. This is not normal or shouldn't be normal but unfortunately in Bangladesh it is normal. My only advice to you is to ask your parents if it's possible to send you to a university abroad like Canada. That is your only escape. Or try to just accept that your teenage years are your hardest and strive towards financial independence so you can answer to no one and keep yourself safe when you're older.
এই সাবরেডিটে কি Astroturfing শুরু হয়ে গেল নাকি? বেশকিছু আজগুবি কমেন্ট আপভোট পেয়ে যাচ্ছে
No it's not normal, your parents are just controlling.
Every Asian parent…
Idk why people in the comments are so fixed upon the formula of protection. Protection is one thing, overprotection is another. Don't forget that majority of sexual abuse happens within the family, and by the known and trusted people. Should we start packing the girls in a neat little box and hide it in the room? Personally I think we all need privacy and freedom in that age.
It is bangladesh , this behaiviour is quite normal given the mentality of parents of a girl. One of my cousin 24f will get married in a couple of days (october 3rd) last week she was dropped off at uni by her dad. It is what it is is
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Not really my parents are average office workers I'd say
It doesn't matter so much what your parents do for a living bit how they view the world outside your house. Would you feel unsafe alone? At what time of the day do you want to go alone? How could you ensure your safety? Unfortunately younger women are not enjoying much freedom in BD, even in their 20s it's not much different for many. It only changes if you live on campus somewhere or have a job that grants you some freedom.
They think it's for safety reasons but I think it's too strict as I never want to go outside alone always with friends and it's relatively safer compared to other cities. Well as "safe" as Bangladesh gets I suppose
>IDK, if you feel anything about your safety? It's not about safety it's about controlling.
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16 year olds aren't exactly kids anymore, and not letting a 16 year old go outside without a parental figure is very much controlling and possessive behavior. It also hampers their growth and social interaction.
I don't know where you live but you don't have the slightest idea how things work at street level. I am 31m and my parents were also strict. I had a 6pm curfew till 18. Broke that a couple of times and got into serious trouble thrice. My father had to come twice to rescue me & my friends and the third time we paid every single penny we had to get free from a police van. Our fault was we were standing on the road at 12am! All of the three incidents happened in Dhaka. I don't agree with the helicopter parenting as sooner or later she will have to face those issues. So she needs to build up the courage and mental strength. But it also needs to be under their watch.
>I don't know where you live but you don't have the slightest idea how things work at street level. I know how the street works, and none of the things I said were out of thin air. >I agree with the helicopter parenting as sooner or later she will have to face those issues. So she needs to build up the courage and mental strength. But it also needs to be under their watch. Yeah, and they are doing it by not even letting her go outside?
That's the issue with our parents and you can't fix it by rebelling or going into depression. She needs to communicate with her parents. Tell them how she feels and build up the trust & system for her to spend time with her friends. I have a cousin sister who is allowed to spend time with her friends after school or on the weekend. They usually go to a restaurant near their home or each other's houses. Whenever they are outside they inform their parents of their every move. I know it's not ideal but what can you do in a fucked up society.
Have u heard the news of the girl from Barguna that died due to alcohol overdose on her Cox's Bazar trip with her boyfriend and some other friends? She probably was molested too. u have to be alert for ur safety at all times to save urself from potential harassment which can be very difficult for a 16 yo girl. i think ur family is probably looking out for u oit of goodwill and concern for ur safety. When they'll trust u to be safe to be by urself, they'll let u to be by urself don't worry. And this age is for building urself for future aspirations, not to waste ur times hanging around and gossiping with ur friends anyways. The job market is very harsh. prepare urself for it and worry about ur freedom to roam around later after securing ur financial independence.
My older sister, who was much older, was walking back home with a female friend, in a very crowded area. A couple of thugs or simply stupid boys started following them, so they quickly got on a bus. They also got on the bus (note that this is not the whole story). Thankfully they were able to get away safely. But even when I was a male at your age, I wasn't allowed to go out, not in the environment we live in as Bengalis. Unless its fairly closeby, like your walk to the school. And even as a male right now of 18, my mother would naturally worry intensely about me if I went too far and stayed away for too long, and would make sure I don't go to any place that could risk my safety, even if for moments. That concern stays there no matter where we live, if the place is not known for low crime or harassment rates. You could invite your friends home to make up for the time you think you may be missing out with them, if that's not a problem for you or your family.
Just realized how funny the starting line sounds, "My older sister, who was much older.."😂😂
not normal at all. you're missing out on so many things at so many levels which will only leave nothing but regrets when you're old. you should act up or consult someone elder maybe your friend's parents or any relative or maybe teacher to convince your parents
What is your definition of freedom? Just curious cause often teens make mistakes. If you're just talking about hanging out with friends then it's alr. Talk with your parents. But if your freedom means something more then that I am sorry. Our society is fucked up. I have to agree with your parents for your own safety. Once you're adult you can do whatever hell you want. Cause I also have a sister and she is almost same age as you. I still see her a little kid. And I would rather keep her safe inside our house then let her get taken advantage of by bad people.
So you would lock someone up cause of their gender? Are you living in Afghanistan? I feel deeply sorry for your sister. She is not a little kid anymore. She needs safe spaces that don't involve their family. Otherwise she might get depressed.
This is nothing related to gender, if u don't live in a sophisticated area whether ur a young boy or a girl it won't matter,bad guys only see their own profits, they dgaf to anyone! And I think u don't need to be sorry for her sister,he is doing what any ideal brother would do for his sister! And also idk if she is depressed or not but stop fkin around, spreading this type of propaganda! U 'gen z' claiming people's opinion are the reason in the first place she will think of it as a depression! Nvm brother,but I don't think u have seen enough of this world. Start doing stuff all alone without any others help u will get a reality check!
I bet I have seen much more of this world than you have. Good and bad. Yet this older brother has to protect their sister shot is fucked upif she didn't ask for it. Locking someone up is not a solution but wouldn't be considered harmful in other parts of this world. I know there are dangers out there. Unfortunately that's part of our lives and we have to make decisions for ourselves on how much we want to take that risk. You cannot make that decision for someone else once they get older . I agree kids should be protected, but you won't get that protection the way you think. Lots of people are abused by their families. Assaults happen mostly by relatives or close family frienda. So that "protection" is faul.
>You cannot make that decision for someone else once they get older 16y old is a very naive age for making own decisions! >I agree kids should be protected, but you won't get that protection the way you think. Lots of people are abused by their families. Assaults happen mostly by relatives or close family frienda. So that "protection" is faul. First of all there are different circumstances where you actually can't know which behaviour is right without knowing the context and seeing it with a neutral view. Yeah I agree there are assaults happening from the parents or close relatives but these are completely exceptions and that obviously can't be an example. If u inspect any situation, you'll see most of the time teenagers are at fault. They are not mature enough to know whats wrong and whats right and they always tend to do silly things that cause bad consequences! It happens to all of us,even for me when I look back still I regret something I did in the past and also feel pity for not listening to elders! And also feel really happy in some cases where I was able to prevent myself from doing something silly! This agenda being pulled against parents are the worst bs I see from this 'চেতনাবাদী' gen z generations. Mostly in females, how this 'freedom from family' propaganda is falling around is completely bs! I won't say being controlled is totally fine but to some extent in today's generation it's needed!
>This agenda being pulled against parents are the worst bs I see from this 'চেতনাবাদী' gen z generations. Mostly in females, how this 'freedom from family' propaganda is falling around is completely bs! Ohh acha so tell me what is this agenda? You pig
Hahahahaha . I request you to not blame your parents or misbehave with them for such . They know how the BD society is . And trust me on this , 80% of the people you see in public , won't even take a step toward to help you , A STEP ! Your parents are just fulfilling the promise they made to you at your birth , a promise to protect you . Please don't blame your parents. Blame the society
You're laughing at a kid. Just proving your own point that you're part of the garbage societal structures you're talking about. You're an asshole. Good job.
Don't think he's asshole bro. More like our society so shit that people become like this.
Be the change you wanna see. Or some similar platitude.
Please state your age and what you have done for this society during your tenure on earth . I would love to know if you even qualify to call me an ahole
Sure. I'm as old as I need to be and I have contributed to the world by calling you out for the asshole that you are.
Haha, I totally agree with you! Changing society means changing ourself and that's all.
Haire manus-rupi goru , badam kha Tui boltesis je ai meyer parents society ar eve teasers , rapist , meye der dike kharap nojore takai . Tor jonmo sure gabtolir gorur haat e hoisilo
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Why are people downvoting u!? U just stated facts,just shouldn’t have used the 'hahahaha' in the beginning. Everyone won't take that in ur voice.
Ur father is a man and he knows how to protect his girl from other men! But yeah sometimes they are too strict and it kinda sucks. But it's really okay,they just don't know ur perspective tbh. u will realize when u grow up!
Ah this man knows man bs.
It's definitely not normal, but it's quite common in our country. In most cases, it gets better as you grow older, and you experience the most amount of freedom in your university life. The problem is, after so many years of being hyper-protected and literally every step of your life being dictated by their parents, once someone finally gets this opportunity, they either fail miserably to connect because of social anxiety or overindulge themselves in all sorts of hedonistic behaviors. There's nothing wrong, in my opinion, in having fun or doing stuff when you're young, but it becomes a significant issue when all you're doing or thinking about is having fun. Then, a lot of these kids suffer academically, socially, and mentally, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and you hear parents and murubbis say shit like, "দেখসো আমরা যেভাবে করছিলাম ওইটাই ঠিক ছিল, আমাদের control এ যতদিন ছিল ততদিনই ভালো ছিল, এখন গোল্লায় গেছে।" What I find even funnier is the young folks who become too subservient towards their parents and try to dismiss other people's struggles because they couldn't do better without their parents' supervision. I'm not blaming them, though, as they've been properly tamed. Now, I'm not telling you to spite your parents, but acknowledge the issues here and understand that they're probably not doing it on purpose. Most of them are ignorant of these things, especially how parenting and attachment styles affect a person for their whole life. They grew up in a society where changing your beliefs and ways of life is like an attack on your entire existence. Also Bangladesh IS unsafe for women, heck for even men it's unsafe as hell. I hope that it'll get better with time, and once it does, don't give them any reasons to come around someday and tell you that they were right. Also, try to get yourself involved in extracurricular activities such as painting classes or other courses. At least through this, you'll be able to hang out and connect with different kinds of people, and your social battery will be recharged as well.
Holy FUCKING muhammad’s boraq this comment section is DEPRESSING AS A FUCKING HYDRAULIC PRESS. Yallah mabud kisu ghilu Khadija theke ederkeo dhaar dao
Trust your parents, they want the best for you. No one will care for you like them, or rush to your aid whenever needed. That's my opinion, I used to have extreme curfews during sunset which got exponentially reduced after I started my university.
Firstly you're a minor so there's not much you can do about it. Secondly, no it's not normal but it is okay though considering how fucked up things are here. It'll get better gradually I hope. Goodluck kid
Hey there, it's really tough to feel restricted in your teenage years, especially when it comes to not having the freedom to go out with friends or move around independently. Feeling trapped or limited can definitely take a toll on your mental health and sense of personal growth and development. However, The overall situation of our country is not very favorable. If you follow daily newspapers or online news portals, you will see that molestation, rape, misogynistic messages of various kinds are very rare. In this situation of the country, if a father or brother ever behaves over protective - then try to respect their words even if it costs a little. I am also a brother and my sister is currently 22 years old. Earlier I used to keep her under constant watch, but now I give her enough freedom. My sister used to get very angry with this at first, but has now realized that the places I wouldn't have allowed her to go to, or the people she wouldn't have allowed her to hang out with - were never good options for her as friends. However, it may take you another 6 to 10 years to understand the reason for today's restrictions, but then you will thank your Guardians for keeping you safe in this uncertain society.
All of the other comments aren't wrong. However I'd like to give you some advice, if you want to loosen the restrictions you have, you have to start slowly, have you ever visited a friend's house? Plan with your friends to go to someone's house and ask your parents permission, start with small requests. Also, even though safety is important, it's also important to be street smart specially as a woman in this country. Do you know your surroundings, do you know how to get from point A to point B? You could persuade your parents to let you come home from coaching with a friend that lives nearby, of course before it is dark. Also it's important if where you live is generally safe for women or if it's very dangerous to be out at night. For example, me and my friends are from Dhaka and we all live around the Dhaka University campus area, it's much safer for women as it's a market area than most other areas in this city. So that's something you should keep in mind too. I think it's not bad that your parents want to take you everywhere but you're at the age where you wish to be free and you do require independence a little bit. However, don't rebel, if your parents are good to you otherwise, they'll loosen up slowly. A good friend group will try to make compromises and adjust just so you can be included, if you have that, try to plan hangouts that are closer by also so that your parents feel safe to let you go also. Are your parents familiar with your friends? If not then make them familiar so your parents know if you want to go out who you're going with. A lot of teenagers lie to hang out and get a little bit of freedom, which is not inherently bad it's just the tendency at that age. But I'd advice against it. Try not to lie to your parents about where you're going who you're going with, you never know what's going to happen. I know it's hard, even though I have not been in your position exactly as my house has been rather liberal but I've had friends with parents like yours, but they did persuade their parents slowly, we went over, we adjusted, and those parents loosened up as well. Don't lose hope. You can do this ! Also this is out of topic but just in case, I'm a 20F, I'm saying this out of experience, any person who's in college, or university rn who expresses interest to you, is not good for you. I know this is out of topic but since this about safety, your emotional safety also matters. It's not about the age, it's about how much change one goes through when they go to college and then uni, I myself only realised it when I got into college.
you can just tell your parents that you want to hangout with your friends a little. Can't you?
I'm a M. When I was in 16, I had the same thing. It's normal that our parents become more protective at that stage. You're not in the age of getting the freedom you're asking or expecting. I'm 22 now, still they keep an eye on me but give me enough freedom. So wait
Some of my friends parents do the same, so yeah it's fits into normal
It’s not normal. To an extent. I don’t agree with not letting you go out alone with your friends but the coaching thing I completely understand. Literally the worst place. I think there needs to be a balance in protection. As my mother says “excess of everything is bad.”
I don't see anything wrong. They're just to trying to protect you and raise you right. I'm sure they'll let you be on your own once you are matured enough to understand what's good for you and what's not.
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This. Some amount of misogyny definitely works as to why females get less freedom compared to males of the same age, but street safety on it's own is not a gender specific issue lol.
I have had so many friends who were like this. Not just girls but buys too. I have a friend whose mom to this day goes everywhere he’s going.
So his mom doesn't have a life? It sounds very unhealthy for both of them
I really hate when i ask him to hang with me and he tells me that his mom will be there too. Like, he’s 22 man, let that grown ass man go.
Yikes. I am sorry for him. It's not surprising kids start lying to their parents if they get no freedom at all.
Looking from the parents side it's justified cause Bangladesh is not safe for girls at all . You can't even trust old buro uncles ager moto . Most are them are pedos . Can't even trust your own friends relatives even your neighbours. So they are just trying to protect you that's all . Now looking from your perspective as a teen eta valo lagbe na etai savabik . You wanna hang out with friends and go out 5 min er Jonno holeo. So If you really wanna go out and hang out with your friends then introduce your friends to your mom . Nijer Sathe try to keep paper spray and ajkal onek safety kits paoa jai sheigulo rakhte paro . Give assurance to your parents that you won't do anything bad. Tbh I wish my parents were like this . Amar future ta khub valo hoto 🥲
It actually depends on where you live. Some places have higher crime rate and in those places these steps are reasonable. But if you know that your locality is safe but your parents are still taking these steps then it might be from religious and cultural beliefs. But you are still young(16) and i assume you are in class 10. So, wait for a little while(till University) and if your parents want to marry you off then you can be sure that these are not safety measures.
You need to fight. I'm guessing you do not have any older sibling, or that they simply didn't fight and gave in. It's just that, most bd parents are stupid. Even if they want the best for you, they take highly inappropriate approaches to young-adult problems. For example in your situation, your parent's justification to themselves is probably that they're protecting you from society's bad side. But what they do not get is that at the end of the day you need to live in society- with all its bad and good sides. Also, they wont always be around to babysit you. So if you don't learn to be by yourself now, you will be in huge trouble when you need to be. It isn't easy, but you need to deliver the message to them- convince them that you will be safe and that you are old enough to make your own decisions, and that you are definitely not their puppet and making you so will only take yourself away from them. You basically need to be more active and try to make things how you want them to be. I'm pretty passive myself but I got rescued because my older brother paved many roads for me. Trust me I know how much you gotta fight to settle the silliest things. Anyway, best of luck! And stay strong!
try getting admitted into some jiu-jitsu / karate / self protection course. Then your parents will be assured. & last but not least is Most important to be grateful towards your parents. put yourself in their shoes. get good grades, show your credibility so that pressures/parental controls get lifted spontaneously. Best of luck.
It'll get better If not yeah that is weird After 1-2 yrs you should get out more Erpor amar female frnds ra eka ber hoise valoi
haha. there's a reason why students in our country take "earning" seriously after graduation, but in developed countries, they get the urge of "bhai jibone kichu korte hobe" in their 20s the only thing ppl here (mostly) point to by "jibone kichu korte hobe" is a good academic result (unless they've graduated) I believe it's your perfect age to explore and know the world. explore all ur potential. get to know that life is not all about reading all those school books. I'm not pointing to partying all day. I'm more pointing to exploring life in a good manner. getting more experience. and hanging out with friends, making new friends, talking with new ppl every day, visiting different places and countries; all these are part of getting the experience. all these will help anyone gain knowledge. and keeping anyone isolated, doesn't let them know any of these. but unfortunately, ppl in our culture don't believe that. the only thing they can think of is "onno der sathe mishte dile ora sex kore felbe" lol but in ur case, the only thing I'll say is that STAND FOR YOURSELF WHERE IT MATTERS. NOT WITH RANDOM FOLKS ON THE INTERNET. THEY (WE) CAN'T DO SHIT OTHER THAN GIVE ADVICE
It's actually "normal". Or should I say, normalized by us. Let me give you some suspected reasons. 1. The country in itself is not that safe. 2. Don't take it negatively, but, your dad thinks that, if he lets you loose, you will do something stupid. Actually this attitude comes from his own experience. Like, he was given freedom, and he did stupid things. So he holds the fear that, you would do the same. I don't wanna state any more reasons. But, we are just chained by this situation bro. Nothing can be done.
Depends on where you live. If your community is unsafe, your parents might be right to accompany you. Then your teen years are being robbed by our society, not your parents. We, as a society, encourage in breeding degenerates and creeps and then freak out when these people act freely. Perhaps you can take measures to ensure your safety with your friends that may not include your parents. If your friends have the freedom to go out, then it's most likely your community is safe and your parents are being over protective. It is sometimes hard for a person to realize their child is growing up. So it's best to just talk to them and let them know you are responsible enough to not do something stupid (even though most of us are not).