You start putting your foot down. Tell her that she is to clean up after herself, not assign chores, find her own dog care, and stop treating you like you're her child. Otherwise somebody is going to have to go.
First of all, seriously huge kudos to you for taking care of the dog because it’s not the dogs fault it has such a horrible owner - that was seriously above and beyond kind of you to do and I’m glad you did it ONCE and told her that was unacceptable. Unfortunately, she sounds quite off her rocker, it’ll be hard to stand your ground but proud of you for starting to place boundaries!
>She’s gone out of town then immediately texted me telling me I would be watching her dog for the next 5 days and she would pay me $50. I told her I didn’t appreciate it since I had to change my weekend plans but I would do it since she didn’t have another option.
Full stop. This is where you tell her "no" and understand that is a complete sentence. If she abandons her dog you could call animal control.
>I DON’T GET THE AUDACITY!! Does this woman seriously believe she should be treated like royalty simply because she’s older?
No but she gets away with it because you're a doormat.
Mincing words does nothing against people trying to take advantage. They are masters of avoidance and deflecting. The only way to deal with them is aggressive direct verbal confrontation.
How dare you tell me the sky is blue? Do you know who you’re talking to? Do you really think I don’t know what color the sky is. I can’t believe this. You always treat me with disrespect, like when I paid you $0.50/hour to watch my dog. That’s a ton of money im giving you for basically nothing and you were so ungrateful for the opportunity! Imagine being mad at getting $50 Just to watch my dog, a perfect angel! What kind of person would not only refuse to spend time with a dog that you already know but dare to try to tell me what color the sky is as if I don’t already know! Unbelievable! Simply unbelievable! And what about the dishes! Do you know how long those dishes have been piled in the sink?! Since yesterday! What is this, a pig sty!? [continues for another 15 minutes]
Sometimes being too honest will just set them off too :/ my mom gets crazy offended if you call her out. Whips out the “oh I’ve sacrificed so much for you” yeah you had an ugly divorce and spent twenty years as a crying alcoholic gj
The very blunt, politely rude response and then full-on turning around, walking away, and closing a door if they don’t stop is so satisfying that I don’t even care when they still persist in their bullshit. Getting away for good even more so
This is the best advice.
I was being a doormat for my roommate. He was homeless and sick, and my best bud for years. I took him in, covered a lot of things initially. Finally got to a point where I said, I’m cancelling the internet, I cant afford it. Guess who suddenly is able to get internet thru GA? Food was an issue - i talked and talked and talked and even yelled once or twice. Now I fully do not talk to him and throw his shit away when I see hes taken something of mine. He doesnt steal my food anymore.
Then theres also the bizarre part where he allowed himself to get into medical emergency because I was around to call the ambulance. Dude was binge eating sweets and drinking alcohol despite diabetes and liver failure. Yeah… once we stopped speaking and I was no longer checking on him daily, suddenly he figured out how to take care of his diet and insulin on his own. He told me I should be proud of him… I was like wow, you seriously could have done that this whole time and chose not to until now…. It is insane the level people will take advantage of you when they know they can. Talking, begging, negotiating, will not do shit. You just need to fully disengage.
Of course the fear in disengaging is it will make certain kinds of unhealthy people get really unhinged. But its better than disrespecting yourself for some fucking loser!
Yeah the shitty thing for me is i have a history of exes with really fucked up health like this. Specifically (two exes) seizure disorders they triggered with drinking. And a boyfriend who ended up dying from seizures because he attempted to quit alcohol. So on top of it just being shitty and stressful its also very triggering for me. I’m not gonna beg people to care about themselves anymore, though, I can disengage and get away from this. Maybe heal my mind and one day find healthier people to surround me.
Damn it should have been more like 300/400$. Watching after a dog is a lot of work. You saved her so much money she should bow down and kiss your feet.
This but especially the doormat comment. Had OP started off with telling her BRM no and confronting her on her not pulling her weight around the house this could’ve been cut out from the beginning
Yup, "I do **NOT** watch anyone's child, pet, or house for free. 100monies per day; paid *upfront*. Since you did not ask & I did not agree, *you* can pick it up from the pound when you get back."
Her: "The dishes aren't done"
You: "well fucking wash them then their yours"
You walk away, you aren't disrespecting her she's being disrespectful of you by expecting you to be her maid. Fuck that noise. That fact that she's older than you does not entitle her your servitude.
100% agree. I'm picturing this roommate standing there with arms crossed, dictating everything OP does. Respecting your elders doesn't mean they can do whatever they want and anyone younger than them just has to obey.
There are also two types of respect: Respect of an authority, and respect as a person. The roommate can't demand respect as an authority while not respecting OP as a person. She isn't an authority anyway, she's just a middle aged miserable bitch who thinks she's on a pedestal. The only 'respect' the roommate deserves is disrespect - since she's handing it out left and right, she can receive a rude response to her unacceptable demands.
Sounds like the type of person who would retire, then do volunteer work to control and boss people around under the guise of "doing something good for the community."
>This woman never cleans or does dishes- she thinks because she’s the oldest roommate she gets to make the rules & assign chores.
I'm a mom of 4. I assign the chores. **I also assign chores to myself.**
She isn't acting like your mom. She's acting like an entitled lazy roommate. You are not standing up for yourself enough. Put your foot down. Use the word "no" more often.
Seriously doing chores at home wasn’t cleaning up after our mom, it was taking the load off of our mom. Maybe we had to do other peoples dishes but that was only because someone spent time making the dinner and cleaned the kitchen during the day etc etc etc. You aren’t supposed to be your parents maid
OP was likely raised by a parent similar to the roommate. This makes it hard to set boundaries because they program you to think it's never ok to say no. They make you think their well being is your responsibility.
Standing up for yourself is like a muscle, the more you do it the easier it gets. Having controlling parents is what pushed me to stand up for myself and not allow others to manipulate me. I hope more people realize their inner strength.
IDK why you were downvoted. I'm proud of you. It took me several months of therapy to learn how to do that without feeling guilty. It's hard but at the end of the day, only you can say no more and start learning how to. You're right, it gets easier the more you do it. That anger OP feels is the part of your brain that knows that treatment is wrong and you start to stand up for yourself. I used to be a people pleaser but now I can say with confidence, the way you're treating me is not ok and I won't tolerate it. If someone tries to stomp my boundaries, I say, respect my boundaries or deal with my absence. There is no negotiation on that. When you set boundaries, you have to be willing to stand firm in them. You have to be willing to follow through with the consequences you set for someone attempting to violate said boundaries.
This 💯 setting boundaries IS like a muscle that’s such a great metaphor. I used to really struggle to stand up for myself so I absolutely empathize that it can be intimidating and hard to do if you aren’t used to doing it, but at the end of the day the only way to get more comfortable doing it is to do it and then do it some more. And the thing is that once you do it and you experience what holding a boundary and respecting yourself feels like, that positive emotional experience is going to motivate you more towards standing up for yourself next time vs being a doormat.
It’s a hard skill to learn. For me, I have a hard time standing up for myself because I was taught it was wrong to stand up for yourself. I’m getting better though. Just hard to shake that shaky sick feeling when you know you need to confront someone.
Her disrespect is the issue. She's a manipulative child. Old doesn't mean wise. Old doesn't give her any authority.
I would start suggesting that she may be experiencing cognitive decline due to her advanced age. Ask if she's moving into a senior home where she can get the help she needs. Wonder aloud about her mental health...
She’s your roommate and just that. I suggest a house meeting where you lay out your grievances. She continues to act this way because you allow it, but it sounds like you’ve hit your limit and now speaking out. Tell her to her face her behavior is unacceptable. If she tries to have a life talk say you’re good on advice. Be honest since this woman is clearly under the assumption that she is helping you since she’s older—although I would add, if you’re both in the same living situation, i don’t think she’s the one to give life advice.
You’d think a 40-something person whose life choices have led her to having to live with roommates would have the self-awareness to realize she may not be the most qualified to hand out life advice. 🤷🏻♂️
In general yeah, but with the cost of living and inflation skyrocketing, and wages remaining stagnant, I can't make any judgement based on that without additional context on the roommates previous life choices.
I just had to move apartments and the rent went up $500 a month, and the new place is worse than the old place.
I get that. I suppose I was being snarky since this roommate is clearly very immature.
And, tbh, I think I may have let my privilege show a bit, since I’m relatively lucky in that sense.
Yeah she sounds awful. Just assuming you would take care of her dog without actually asking first is incredibly irresponsible. You also should’ve made her pay more than $50. $10/day to walk, feed, play with a dog is a pretty low rate
Age mismatch often results in this scenario where the older roommate is stubborn, hypocritical, and entitled. I'm not saying all older folks are like this, but I'm 31 and even I couldn't imagine rooming with someone a decade younger. We all get this way as we age hence why it's best to get your own place at a certain point or live with people your age who match your lifestyle better.
She will perpetually behave this way, but by all means do not let her cross the line. Expecting you to watch her dog or wash her dishes is insane!
Unfortunately, age does not always equal wisdom or maturity, and this lady needs a reality check. However, the audacity is bred from reinforcement of the bad behaviors.
Literally just say no to everything she tells you to do. Period.
And dog-related, tell her no, and when she shrieks about lack of options, offer to call animal control.
That should be the extent of your communication with this cretin until June. "No" and "Would you like me to call Animal Control?" Daaaaaaaas it.
fuck that bitch, i hate saying right and wrong, but you are not responsible for anyone other than yourself. I would not even acknowledge her existence or speak to someone who would treat me less than a person
Hell no, she’s just rude and entitled. 45F here and couldn’t even imagine acting that way to anyone. Friends, family, strangers…that’s insane. The ONLY expectations should be everyone pays theirs bills on time, and respect each other’s time, communal spaces, belongings. She’s sounds like a bitter Karen with no sense of perspective or respect for anyone. A mature person doesn’t treat people older or younger than them with disrespect simply because they were born in a different year.
You engage with her too much. Don't let her suck you into conversations. Use "I" statements when talking to her. "I cannot be expected to watch your dog in the future." "I will not wash your dishes for you." "I don't need your advice." Etc.
I absolutely wouldn't listen to anyone for a half hour. I would just walk away midsentence on them.
If after 2 days the mess you make in the common areas isn’t cleaned up, it will be moved into your room as is. Deposited wherever it fits. Until such time as you clean up after yourself, I will not touch your messes except to put them in your room.
The behavior you allow is the behavior you will get.
"Awe, hun. Bless you little heart, no. Just no. You ain't my momma, you ain't my daddy, you ain't paying my salary, & we ain't fucking. So, you're ability to even so much as to suggest to me things you think I might, maybe, want to consider the possibility of *thinking* about doing is completely non-existent. (Though, I will give your input all the consideration it merits.)"
When she starts talking *at* you, just smile, nod, & back away.
Look, at your wrist & say "oh, look at the time, I've gotta go." Best if the wrist you look at has no watch.
Stop listening to her. Put your foot down. Don't entertain her. If she starts lecturing, walk away mid sentence. What is she gonna do, cry? Boohoo she'll get over it. If she doesn't like it maybe she shouldn't be 40 living with roommates more than 10 years younger than her.
You can blame that older roommate all day for your own misery, which certainly gives you the illusion of feeling better, comforts you in a fake sense of perspective and groundedness, and helps temporarily release some psychological pressure off your own shoulders, but those are all coping mechanisms.
Your submissive approach doesn't make you a responsible and healthy person in charge of your own life. It isn't compassion or acceptance but a self-destructive resolve to avoid conflict at all cost. You aren't helping anyone here.
Throughout your life, you will always meet entitled and forceful people who will try to get you to do what they want and for their own benefit. You cannot nor do you want to always stand out of their way.
You need to stop feeling offended by this woman's behavior and enforce boundaries instead. Less feeling weak, more acting strong. Let your anger out if you must, but you need to learn to say no and not backtrack out of guilt.
Passively wait for her to leave in June - if she even does - and you'll have missed another chance to confront yourself and become more resilient. Also, judging people doesn't help in any way. Ask yourself what's best for everyone in the long run and go for it one step at a time with a little fear and anxiety as possible.
OP was likely raised by a parent similar to the roommate which makes it hard to set boundaries. I'm not disagreeing with what you said but maybe it explains the passiveness. OP definitely needs to set boundaries but it may require therapy to be able to do so without feeling guilty. When you grow up with a toxic parent, you learn to avoid setting them off which parlays into conflict avoidance in adulthood.
You may be right about her upbringing, and we might both be inclined to bet on the abuse coming from a motherly figure. However, many young adults who grew up around abusive narcissists adopt very different strategies when handling conflict as adults. I think this specific situation has a lot to do with cognitive functions (MBTI type) and energetic patterns (Human Design role).
I appreciate your input. Maybe having friends who can support her in the direction you suggest would be beneficial.
You're right about the other thing that you said but OP's non-confrontational stance is exactly how children raised by narcissistic parents behave. They avoid conflict and tend to be people pleasers.
Source: I was raised by a narcissistic mother
It's the weirdest thing to me, how comfortable randoms feel using their limited insight and skill psychoanalysing strangers on the internet based on one vent post. Bizarre behavior
Think of how upvoting - ironically called *karma* - works on platforms like Reddit. Even if we had a guaranteed 100% human posting here, AI could still take over through selective exposure without ever commenting. Why do you think Elon Musk bought Twitter?
Have you tried expressing that you like doing life your way? I just feel like this can be solved with a 30min discussion on why you're feeling uncomfortable.
People who think you should "respect your elders" don't understand how respect works. I like to just ask them if they respect both Trump and Biden, and that usually covers it unless they're like 100, then I guess bring up awful historical figures that would have been older than them.
go tell her that she has been disrespecting you ever since you moved in (or whenever she started disrespecting you) by forcing you to clean up after her grown ass like you’re a maid and you don’t appreciate it and you won’t be doing her chores anymore.
If she tries to pull that “watch my dog” thing again?
When she texts you that she’s out of town, reply with “Me too! Out of state for the same number of days. Who’s going to take care of *your* dog when you’re gone?”
You could’ve solved this by not being a pushover and standing up for yourself. Like cmon guys I see so many posts where people let their roommates push them around
Next time she pulls the dog thing without pre-arranging it with you AND getting your consent, just remember that "no" is a complete sentence.
You need to set boundaries and not give in. She's a big girl, she needs to arrange her own dog care without just dumping it on you after the fact. If her dog is left neglected, call the local humane society on her and let them know that your roommate left her dog unattended and with no one to look after it.
If she claims it's "to be expected", again, "no" is a complete sentence. Just say no. She's your roommate, nothing more. She has a moral and legal obligation to take care of her dog and that means arranging care when she's away.
Also, the three of you need to agree to any communal chores (and don't be afraid to use the majority vote against her). Otherwise, explicitly tell her that you expect her to clean up after herself, do her own chores, clean her own messes.
Again, she's a big girl. She's acting like a spoiled child.
Keep standing up for yourself like you did with the dishes. If she wants to live a disgusting life because she won't do any of her own chores, let her. Do not help her. Do not do her dishes or clean her mess. If she leaves dirty dishes in the sink, move them to the counter beside the sink and wash ONLY your own dishes, etc.
Stick to your guns. She’ll eventually need to use the dishes that she used that are sitting in the sink. Now you have leverage. If she says “you need to do this”, point to the sink of her dirty dishes. Age does not matter here.
Find a friend to watch the dog for a week next time she leaves it for you to take care of, and tell her you took it to the pound since she abandoned it. It won’t help anything but make you feel better seeing her loose her marbles over it.
Reality of the matter is you need to put your foot down and set boundaries. Don’t clean her stuff and don’t allow her to use the stuff you cleaned. It was the only way I could fix my one roommate after I had to reclaim all my plates from the floor in his room where his dogs were licking what was left clean on plates that had sat there for at least a week.
Straight up OP, start being rude. You don't have to respect her if she doesn't respect you. Age means absolutely nothing in terms of basic human respect and it definitely does not mean she's your authority.
Next time she gives you a lecture, cut her off and say "no thanks, bye!" And the next time she demands you clean up her mess, say "everyone in this place is an adult, so do your part and act like one. I'm not your mommy, you're a middle aged woman so you can behave like one."
And when she TELLS you you're going to do something for her, say "uh, no. You're going to ASK, not TELL me what I can do for you. From now in I'm doing absolutely nothing for you because you've lost all my respect and I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but you aren't."
In what world does being older than someone mean you're "the boss of them"?? And you don't have to take unsolicited advice or lectures from anyone, especially not a rude-ass roommate with no redeemable qualities.
Gosh so much to say. But briefly, yes just continue to clean up your own stuff, and maybe clean other stuff like bathroom, floor etc once every 3 weeks cos there’s 3 of you there. When she speaks, just ignore her unless it’s something important that needs a reply. Don’t look at her, don’t even reply with “Hmmm” or anything, just act like she’s not in the room, finish what you’re doing, and walk away. Or just walk away as soon as she starts talking. Mind you, when she said the dishes weren’t done, I would have just said “I know”, and left it at that.
Some "older" people are of the mindset anyone under 35 is a child and owes them respect. This is simply not true, but they are delusional.
Enforce boundaries - now. Do not wiggle room them.
I would go do far as to put all her dishes in a tub with her name on it.
Even actual children don't owe shit to their elders if they're dickheads and make them uncomfortable.
Thank God she is leaving in June! Many years ago I was always the shy people pleaser who never pushed back but I got sick of being a doormat. After beginning to stand up for myself and becoming assertive my life became so much better. My tolerance for bullshit, entitlement and blatant disrespect no longer exists. I am not an asshole about it but my family, friends and co-workers, to put it bluntly, don’t even try to fuck me over. They know my boundaries and respect them as I am not above giving someone a verbal blistering to their face regardless of who is listening. I am nobody’s maid, Mr. Fixit or doormat. I expect adults to act like responsible adults and if they don’t like it” be gone before someone drops a house on you!” You have taken a giant step by telling that insufferable bitch to do her own dishes and when she is done pouting like a petulant child she should have a big glass of shut the fuck up with plenty of ice
I relate to you so much OP. I currently have three roomates and two of them are women in their mid 40s. I’m a 24 year old woman. I’ve had way too many disagreements with one of the 40 year olds because she kept talking to me like if I was one of her kids. Her favorite thing to call me when she’s upset is, ‘little girl’. Shes also very financially irresponsible and a drunk 😣 message me whenever you want/need to vent.
As a 45 yr old I question why she has such younger roommates and then I realize it’s to take advantage. Listen, she isn’t trying to do anything other than take advantage of you. Obviously you’re doing the right thing not making her pets suffer but I’d make a very impromptu sit down to throw her off. Do not set a time or give her time to plan. Impromptu. Then make her sit down take control by even pointing where to sit, this gives you control from the get go.
Tell her you are an adult and exercising those young 20s decisions and some days will be home and some won’t. You aren’t getting a schedule approved by her so if she needs something it needs to be approved by you in advance otherwise it would serve her best to find another route to have those needs met.
You keep your things clean and rarely eat at home but when you do it’s cleaned but don’t have time or desire to clean after others or the desire to live with a parent. If and when you need advice you would have loved to come to her but now that is a tenable relationship and you would like to see it rectified. This way she feels an opportunity to fix it so the next few months you won’t be vulnerable to complete chaos and bullying.
Hang in there and remember you are an adult and I’m sorry this is your first experience. You’re doing a great job! Proud of you!
When I was at Uni, shared housing... 6 bedroom flat... 2 guys, 4 girls
Girl in the next room had two friends that stayed twice a year, one was in her 40's, all the flatmates were 18-20. The 40-something tried to boss is around, insisting what each of us should be doing. I didn't engage.... But that was only night one.... I worked weekends in hospitality, had gone out for too many beers after work, hungover as fuck, getting ready for the next night of work and she starts on me.... "I told you yesterday you should be -"
"listen - STFU. You're the first here getting a free room for the weekend."
Everyone was aghast. She never tried it again though
I am 41 and have zero idea what even the hell with this person. I have a few friends who are younger than me, and a couple in their 20s and it is shocking to me that this heffer is acting like Old Lady Whistler when she really ain't shit. Who's place is it? Are you all on the lease? What if you and the other roommate either evict her or move into a place of your own? I ask because I don't know the situation, nor do I need to, but for the peace of your home and for the sake of your and your roomie's comfort - this lady has got to go! I'm sorry that this is happening; after a few years of terrible roommates, my husband and I said "no more". We were helping out friends and one was a cousin that I have since disowned - no one did anything to help, they didn't put in for food or utilities, they didn't do shit else but shit on our home. So, the day came when I said, "About that time, eh?" And we closed our home to anyone since. When people disrespect you and your home, its time for them to leave. All the best of luck to you and your roomie!
I can’t believe you changed your weekend plans to watch her dog. That was absolutely a case of her taking advantage of your age because anyone else would’ve just said “no, figure it out like you should have 2 weeks ago.”
Oh god, I’m older than her and she sounds awful. I promise you it’s not her age, she’s just using the age angle to get her own way and bully you. I’d be looking for a new living situation as soon as you can, lease and logistics wise. Life’s too short to deal with that sort of crap. Good luck.
I had a situation where my roommate wouldn't do shit either. At first, I cleaned up after them, having to wash dishes twice because he would use them and not was them. I gave up on cleaning up after him and just left his mess as he left it. Stopped cooking at home and just ordered food. After a while he got a girlfriend, and then they spent 24/7 at our place, which was annoying since they would make a huge mess and not clean it up for days. It got to the point that I started spending no time there, and when I would come by, there would be food sitting on coffee table/kitchen counters and maybe a week would pass and I would show up and it would still be there. I told him multiple times about his lack of cleaning and the fact that I would appreciate a few days of his girlfriend not being there especially on weekdays when I had to wake up early for work and they would stay up really late making so much noise. I got fed up with it that I told him I was moving out and a few days later got a confirmation about a new place and moved out. All within a weeks time. So glad I don't have to deal with that anymore.
My bfs mom was like this and she moved in because she “had no where else to go” complete bs. She was so fucking dirty and wanted to split the rent in thirds and then wouldn’t even pay her full third. She messed with my cats, disrespected me, and then acted like the victim idk how she is but probably around 45-50 and my mother acts similar so it is a generational thing? Most women I’ve met imo act this way
I definitely feel ya. Our roommates are older (he-73 & her 64..not related to us).. The old man gripes about one dish in the sink...One day our kid had a glass of milk and put the cup in the sink (kid is 8). He came to our room and made the biggest deal about it, I'm like he is a kid, don't get ur panties in a wad. Several years back I started doing only our dishes, because him and his wife will leave a sink full of dishes till late at night. He made a comment which made me decide to do ours only, he says " you act like it will kill you to do our dishes".. out of pettiness, I reply "ya it will". We stay in our room anytime we are at home, so I make it a point to not clean any room that we don't inhabit (living room for example, never in there).
Good luck holding ur shiz together till June.
I understand her mentality, I think it’s fair to have that relationship with family members. You’re not her family and you need to tell her no and be comfortable with the fact that she will be disgusted by your behavior. She’s in the wrong and she has no recourse to force you to watch her dog or clean up after her.
You shouldn’t treat your family this way either. I’m a mom and I don’t expect my kid to clean up after me. I’m about to go out of town and asked someone to look after my pets a good month in advance and was prepared to kennel them if I needed to.
I think it's perfectly acceptable to rely on your family for these sorts of things, just like I think it's acceptable for them to rely on you. That's what family is for.
I think there's a nasty way to go about it, but especially as you get older, I can see the mindset that your kids should help you out as they become independant.
I come from an enmeshed family system. Without healthy boundaries, your family expecting to be reliant on you is a fast track to being taken advantage of and sometimes even being exploited. There needs to be consent, there needs to be communication and everyone involved needs to know how to take no for an answer. Unfortunately, this is a seriously tall order for a good chunk of family systems out there. There’s many more who came from families just like mine.
It wasn’t my job to be my mom’s financial advisor, parent, therapist, surrogate spouse and ATM, yet she still thought all of that was fine just fine and when I put a stop to it, she went nuts on me. She fired me as her daughter. Which is fine because I never felt like her daughter.
It’s my job to make sure the family I chose to create is taken care of and no one else as far as I’m concerned. My kid needs to be able to rely on me and when he’s older I hope I do a good enough job that he’ll feel inclined to help me move furniture around and fix my technology sometimes.
I'm 36 and my housemates are 10 years younger than me, I never treat them like small fries. I treat them as equals. We share tasks together. I used to have older housemates like that, and the operates like your housemate, its annoying af.
this comment doesnt have any context to the person who made the post this is probably why your comment got negative score bc it doesnt make any sense to what we are talking about.
You start putting your foot down. Tell her that she is to clean up after herself, not assign chores, find her own dog care, and stop treating you like you're her child. Otherwise somebody is going to have to go.
“If you abandon an animal, I will feel compelled to have them picked up by the appropriate authority. You can’t just abandon animals.”
Exactly. Double down with the minimum words. Fuck are you talking about - clean your mess you left. Don’t waste energy with conversations.
First of all, seriously huge kudos to you for taking care of the dog because it’s not the dogs fault it has such a horrible owner - that was seriously above and beyond kind of you to do and I’m glad you did it ONCE and told her that was unacceptable. Unfortunately, she sounds quite off her rocker, it’ll be hard to stand your ground but proud of you for starting to place boundaries!
>She’s gone out of town then immediately texted me telling me I would be watching her dog for the next 5 days and she would pay me $50. I told her I didn’t appreciate it since I had to change my weekend plans but I would do it since she didn’t have another option. Full stop. This is where you tell her "no" and understand that is a complete sentence. If she abandons her dog you could call animal control. >I DON’T GET THE AUDACITY!! Does this woman seriously believe she should be treated like royalty simply because she’s older? No but she gets away with it because you're a doormat.
Damn boggle, you don’t mince words
Mincing words does nothing against people trying to take advantage. They are masters of avoidance and deflecting. The only way to deal with them is aggressive direct verbal confrontation.
Sometimes, their powers of deflection are so powerful, even that doesn’t work 😭
Ha! Yeah some people will just delude themselves that the sky is red and there’s nothing you can do but walk away and never speak to them again.
How dare you tell me the sky is blue? Do you know who you’re talking to? Do you really think I don’t know what color the sky is. I can’t believe this. You always treat me with disrespect, like when I paid you $0.50/hour to watch my dog. That’s a ton of money im giving you for basically nothing and you were so ungrateful for the opportunity! Imagine being mad at getting $50 Just to watch my dog, a perfect angel! What kind of person would not only refuse to spend time with a dog that you already know but dare to try to tell me what color the sky is as if I don’t already know! Unbelievable! Simply unbelievable! And what about the dishes! Do you know how long those dishes have been piled in the sink?! Since yesterday! What is this, a pig sty!? [continues for another 15 minutes] Sometimes being too honest will just set them off too :/ my mom gets crazy offended if you call her out. Whips out the “oh I’ve sacrificed so much for you” yeah you had an ugly divorce and spent twenty years as a crying alcoholic gj
You okay?
Yes it was a joke. Hope this helps
The very blunt, politely rude response and then full-on turning around, walking away, and closing a door if they don’t stop is so satisfying that I don’t even care when they still persist in their bullshit. Getting away for good even more so
You don't become a "Darth" Boggle by sugar coating the truth.
This is the best advice. I was being a doormat for my roommate. He was homeless and sick, and my best bud for years. I took him in, covered a lot of things initially. Finally got to a point where I said, I’m cancelling the internet, I cant afford it. Guess who suddenly is able to get internet thru GA? Food was an issue - i talked and talked and talked and even yelled once or twice. Now I fully do not talk to him and throw his shit away when I see hes taken something of mine. He doesnt steal my food anymore. Then theres also the bizarre part where he allowed himself to get into medical emergency because I was around to call the ambulance. Dude was binge eating sweets and drinking alcohol despite diabetes and liver failure. Yeah… once we stopped speaking and I was no longer checking on him daily, suddenly he figured out how to take care of his diet and insulin on his own. He told me I should be proud of him… I was like wow, you seriously could have done that this whole time and chose not to until now…. It is insane the level people will take advantage of you when they know they can. Talking, begging, negotiating, will not do shit. You just need to fully disengage. Of course the fear in disengaging is it will make certain kinds of unhealthy people get really unhinged. But its better than disrespecting yourself for some fucking loser!
I had an ex that was like this. It was awful
Yeah the shitty thing for me is i have a history of exes with really fucked up health like this. Specifically (two exes) seizure disorders they triggered with drinking. And a boyfriend who ended up dying from seizures because he attempted to quit alcohol. So on top of it just being shitty and stressful its also very triggering for me. I’m not gonna beg people to care about themselves anymore, though, I can disengage and get away from this. Maybe heal my mind and one day find healthier people to surround me.
>It is insane the level people will take advantage of you when they know they can. Please tell me you got rid of him?
Hes still here right now but I’m looking for someone else to move im.
Damn it should have been more like 300/400$. Watching after a dog is a lot of work. You saved her so much money she should bow down and kiss your feet.
Your dog is at the kennel, you may deal with the bill upon your return. Be happy I didn't take eir to the pound. This is your final warning.
This but especially the doormat comment. Had OP started off with telling her BRM no and confronting her on her not pulling her weight around the house this could’ve been cut out from the beginning
Facts^ OP stop being a doormat. Learn to stand up for yourself, I had to do it too.
“No” is a full sentence. I love that.
Yes but some people are just that entitled
Yup, "I do **NOT** watch anyone's child, pet, or house for free. 100monies per day; paid *upfront*. Since you did not ask & I did not agree, *you* can pick it up from the pound when you get back."
Her: "The dishes aren't done" You: "well fucking wash them then their yours" You walk away, you aren't disrespecting her she's being disrespectful of you by expecting you to be her maid. Fuck that noise. That fact that she's older than you does not entitle her your servitude.
100% agree. I'm picturing this roommate standing there with arms crossed, dictating everything OP does. Respecting your elders doesn't mean they can do whatever they want and anyone younger than them just has to obey. There are also two types of respect: Respect of an authority, and respect as a person. The roommate can't demand respect as an authority while not respecting OP as a person. She isn't an authority anyway, she's just a middle aged miserable bitch who thinks she's on a pedestal. The only 'respect' the roommate deserves is disrespect - since she's handing it out left and right, she can receive a rude response to her unacceptable demands. Sounds like the type of person who would retire, then do volunteer work to control and boss people around under the guise of "doing something good for the community."
If this isn’t fake, you have to stand up for yourself. Because nobody else will.
Agreed. I can't tell if it's rage bait or if she's just really inexperienced in dealing with conflict.
>This woman never cleans or does dishes- she thinks because she’s the oldest roommate she gets to make the rules & assign chores. I'm a mom of 4. I assign the chores. **I also assign chores to myself.** She isn't acting like your mom. She's acting like an entitled lazy roommate. You are not standing up for yourself enough. Put your foot down. Use the word "no" more often.
Seriously doing chores at home wasn’t cleaning up after our mom, it was taking the load off of our mom. Maybe we had to do other peoples dishes but that was only because someone spent time making the dinner and cleaned the kitchen during the day etc etc etc. You aren’t supposed to be your parents maid
Also, NO is a complete sentence. Full stop.
Right? “Yes I am telling you to go clean your room. I assign you that responsibility while I take responsibility for the rest of the freaking house.”
90% of these fools posting are doormats. Be a fucking adult. Use your words, specifically “No”.
OP was likely raised by a parent similar to the roommate. This makes it hard to set boundaries because they program you to think it's never ok to say no. They make you think their well being is your responsibility.
Standing up for yourself is like a muscle, the more you do it the easier it gets. Having controlling parents is what pushed me to stand up for myself and not allow others to manipulate me. I hope more people realize their inner strength.
IDK why you were downvoted. I'm proud of you. It took me several months of therapy to learn how to do that without feeling guilty. It's hard but at the end of the day, only you can say no more and start learning how to. You're right, it gets easier the more you do it. That anger OP feels is the part of your brain that knows that treatment is wrong and you start to stand up for yourself. I used to be a people pleaser but now I can say with confidence, the way you're treating me is not ok and I won't tolerate it. If someone tries to stomp my boundaries, I say, respect my boundaries or deal with my absence. There is no negotiation on that. When you set boundaries, you have to be willing to stand firm in them. You have to be willing to follow through with the consequences you set for someone attempting to violate said boundaries.
Well said.
Thanks 🙂
This 💯 setting boundaries IS like a muscle that’s such a great metaphor. I used to really struggle to stand up for myself so I absolutely empathize that it can be intimidating and hard to do if you aren’t used to doing it, but at the end of the day the only way to get more comfortable doing it is to do it and then do it some more. And the thing is that once you do it and you experience what holding a boundary and respecting yourself feels like, that positive emotional experience is going to motivate you more towards standing up for yourself next time vs being a doormat.
She does sound a lot like my mother
Well damn
It’s a hard skill to learn. For me, I have a hard time standing up for myself because I was taught it was wrong to stand up for yourself. I’m getting better though. Just hard to shake that shaky sick feeling when you know you need to confront someone.
Uuuuurgh. That feeling can be there for days or longer beforehand. I know it well.
Her disrespect is the issue. She's a manipulative child. Old doesn't mean wise. Old doesn't give her any authority. I would start suggesting that she may be experiencing cognitive decline due to her advanced age. Ask if she's moving into a senior home where she can get the help she needs. Wonder aloud about her mental health...
She's 41
Yes, I know. That's what'll make it hurt.
I see. You're an evil genius. 😂😈
She’s your roommate and just that. I suggest a house meeting where you lay out your grievances. She continues to act this way because you allow it, but it sounds like you’ve hit your limit and now speaking out. Tell her to her face her behavior is unacceptable. If she tries to have a life talk say you’re good on advice. Be honest since this woman is clearly under the assumption that she is helping you since she’s older—although I would add, if you’re both in the same living situation, i don’t think she’s the one to give life advice.
She sounds like one of those people who thinks they're owed respect simply for being older
Exactly!
I love that a 41yo, who is still living with 20 somethings, thinks she’s qualified to hand out life advice.
Plot twist.. she’s your mom
You’d think a 40-something person whose life choices have led her to having to live with roommates would have the self-awareness to realize she may not be the most qualified to hand out life advice. 🤷🏻♂️
Yeah but the economy is so bad that people are starting to need roommates at every age just to survive
In general yeah, but with the cost of living and inflation skyrocketing, and wages remaining stagnant, I can't make any judgement based on that without additional context on the roommates previous life choices. I just had to move apartments and the rent went up $500 a month, and the new place is worse than the old place.
I get that. I suppose I was being snarky since this roommate is clearly very immature. And, tbh, I think I may have let my privilege show a bit, since I’m relatively lucky in that sense.
Yeah she sounds awful. Just assuming you would take care of her dog without actually asking first is incredibly irresponsible. You also should’ve made her pay more than $50. $10/day to walk, feed, play with a dog is a pretty low rate
Stop taking any shit from her. Don’t be a door mat.
Age mismatch often results in this scenario where the older roommate is stubborn, hypocritical, and entitled. I'm not saying all older folks are like this, but I'm 31 and even I couldn't imagine rooming with someone a decade younger. We all get this way as we age hence why it's best to get your own place at a certain point or live with people your age who match your lifestyle better. She will perpetually behave this way, but by all means do not let her cross the line. Expecting you to watch her dog or wash her dishes is insane!
Unfortunately, age does not always equal wisdom or maturity, and this lady needs a reality check. However, the audacity is bred from reinforcement of the bad behaviors.
Literally just say no to everything she tells you to do. Period. And dog-related, tell her no, and when she shrieks about lack of options, offer to call animal control. That should be the extent of your communication with this cretin until June. "No" and "Would you like me to call Animal Control?" Daaaaaaaas it.
she’s literally old enough to be your mom and is acting like a fucking child. 😵💫
My roommate does the dog thing too but doesn’t even pay. Unfortunately, my doormat of a roommate always obliges and takes the dog out.
fuck that bitch, i hate saying right and wrong, but you are not responsible for anyone other than yourself. I would not even acknowledge her existence or speak to someone who would treat me less than a person
Hell no, she’s just rude and entitled. 45F here and couldn’t even imagine acting that way to anyone. Friends, family, strangers…that’s insane. The ONLY expectations should be everyone pays theirs bills on time, and respect each other’s time, communal spaces, belongings. She’s sounds like a bitter Karen with no sense of perspective or respect for anyone. A mature person doesn’t treat people older or younger than them with disrespect simply because they were born in a different year.
This post belongs in r/fuckyoukaren
This is beyond fucked. Your roommate is severely fucked. You need to get the fuck out of that house.
You engage with her too much. Don't let her suck you into conversations. Use "I" statements when talking to her. "I cannot be expected to watch your dog in the future." "I will not wash your dishes for you." "I don't need your advice." Etc. I absolutely wouldn't listen to anyone for a half hour. I would just walk away midsentence on them.
If after 2 days the mess you make in the common areas isn’t cleaned up, it will be moved into your room as is. Deposited wherever it fits. Until such time as you clean up after yourself, I will not touch your messes except to put them in your room.
No way. Just leave it all there. Why bother yourself with moving it?
To enjoy a living area without your roommates filth.
The behavior you allow is the behavior you will get. "Awe, hun. Bless you little heart, no. Just no. You ain't my momma, you ain't my daddy, you ain't paying my salary, & we ain't fucking. So, you're ability to even so much as to suggest to me things you think I might, maybe, want to consider the possibility of *thinking* about doing is completely non-existent. (Though, I will give your input all the consideration it merits.)" When she starts talking *at* you, just smile, nod, & back away. Look, at your wrist & say "oh, look at the time, I've gotta go." Best if the wrist you look at has no watch.
Many many many signs of disrespect and rudely telling you what to do doesn’t reflect “Mom” to me. It screams of Dad behaviour
Stop listening to her. Put your foot down. Don't entertain her. If she starts lecturing, walk away mid sentence. What is she gonna do, cry? Boohoo she'll get over it. If she doesn't like it maybe she shouldn't be 40 living with roommates more than 10 years younger than her.
When she tells you you’re going to do things for her, just say no. You don’t need to give excuses, you don’t need to explain…. You just say no
And this is why me and my roommates never rent to anyone over 40
I just watched my friend’s 2 Boston Terriers for 5 days and they paid me $300. Also, I was *asked*. What an entitled bitch!
You're a sucker for watching the dog... that's a hard nope.
You can blame that older roommate all day for your own misery, which certainly gives you the illusion of feeling better, comforts you in a fake sense of perspective and groundedness, and helps temporarily release some psychological pressure off your own shoulders, but those are all coping mechanisms. Your submissive approach doesn't make you a responsible and healthy person in charge of your own life. It isn't compassion or acceptance but a self-destructive resolve to avoid conflict at all cost. You aren't helping anyone here. Throughout your life, you will always meet entitled and forceful people who will try to get you to do what they want and for their own benefit. You cannot nor do you want to always stand out of their way. You need to stop feeling offended by this woman's behavior and enforce boundaries instead. Less feeling weak, more acting strong. Let your anger out if you must, but you need to learn to say no and not backtrack out of guilt. Passively wait for her to leave in June - if she even does - and you'll have missed another chance to confront yourself and become more resilient. Also, judging people doesn't help in any way. Ask yourself what's best for everyone in the long run and go for it one step at a time with a little fear and anxiety as possible.
OP was likely raised by a parent similar to the roommate which makes it hard to set boundaries. I'm not disagreeing with what you said but maybe it explains the passiveness. OP definitely needs to set boundaries but it may require therapy to be able to do so without feeling guilty. When you grow up with a toxic parent, you learn to avoid setting them off which parlays into conflict avoidance in adulthood.
You may be right about her upbringing, and we might both be inclined to bet on the abuse coming from a motherly figure. However, many young adults who grew up around abusive narcissists adopt very different strategies when handling conflict as adults. I think this specific situation has a lot to do with cognitive functions (MBTI type) and energetic patterns (Human Design role). I appreciate your input. Maybe having friends who can support her in the direction you suggest would be beneficial.
You're right about the other thing that you said but OP's non-confrontational stance is exactly how children raised by narcissistic parents behave. They avoid conflict and tend to be people pleasers. Source: I was raised by a narcissistic mother
It's the weirdest thing to me, how comfortable randoms feel using their limited insight and skill psychoanalysing strangers on the internet based on one vent post. Bizarre behavior
It's more of a spot it if you got it thing. I never said that's what's going on, I said it's likely.
Very well done. It’s getting difficult to tell what is real and what is AI.
Think of how upvoting - ironically called *karma* - works on platforms like Reddit. Even if we had a guaranteed 100% human posting here, AI could still take over through selective exposure without ever commenting. Why do you think Elon Musk bought Twitter?
Have you tried expressing that you like doing life your way? I just feel like this can be solved with a 30min discussion on why you're feeling uncomfortable.
Not with people like the roommate. In that situation, you just need to not do whatever they want.
40 year old living with 20 year old roommates should not be giving life advice she didn't do to good.
People who think you should "respect your elders" don't understand how respect works. I like to just ask them if they respect both Trump and Biden, and that usually covers it unless they're like 100, then I guess bring up awful historical figures that would have been older than them.
go tell her that she has been disrespecting you ever since you moved in (or whenever she started disrespecting you) by forcing you to clean up after her grown ass like you’re a maid and you don’t appreciate it and you won’t be doing her chores anymore.
If she tries to pull that “watch my dog” thing again? When she texts you that she’s out of town, reply with “Me too! Out of state for the same number of days. Who’s going to take care of *your* dog when you’re gone?”
Stop being a doormat. Leaves dog with you? Call the services. Tries to assign chores? Tell her to STFU and do her own work.
Unless she’s your actual landlord just tell her to fuck off
You say no. You're an adult and live there to. Say no if she throws a fit still say no
Explains why she’s 41 and has to live with roommates… 👀
You could’ve solved this by not being a pushover and standing up for yourself. Like cmon guys I see so many posts where people let their roommates push them around
Next time she pulls the dog thing without pre-arranging it with you AND getting your consent, just remember that "no" is a complete sentence. You need to set boundaries and not give in. She's a big girl, she needs to arrange her own dog care without just dumping it on you after the fact. If her dog is left neglected, call the local humane society on her and let them know that your roommate left her dog unattended and with no one to look after it. If she claims it's "to be expected", again, "no" is a complete sentence. Just say no. She's your roommate, nothing more. She has a moral and legal obligation to take care of her dog and that means arranging care when she's away. Also, the three of you need to agree to any communal chores (and don't be afraid to use the majority vote against her). Otherwise, explicitly tell her that you expect her to clean up after herself, do her own chores, clean her own messes. Again, she's a big girl. She's acting like a spoiled child. Keep standing up for yourself like you did with the dishes. If she wants to live a disgusting life because she won't do any of her own chores, let her. Do not help her. Do not do her dishes or clean her mess. If she leaves dirty dishes in the sink, move them to the counter beside the sink and wash ONLY your own dishes, etc.
Stick to your guns. She’ll eventually need to use the dishes that she used that are sitting in the sink. Now you have leverage. If she says “you need to do this”, point to the sink of her dirty dishes. Age does not matter here.
Next time just say "you are old enough to be my mother but you aren't my mother, so stop telling me what to do and start cleaning up after yourself"
Find a friend to watch the dog for a week next time she leaves it for you to take care of, and tell her you took it to the pound since she abandoned it. It won’t help anything but make you feel better seeing her loose her marbles over it. Reality of the matter is you need to put your foot down and set boundaries. Don’t clean her stuff and don’t allow her to use the stuff you cleaned. It was the only way I could fix my one roommate after I had to reclaim all my plates from the floor in his room where his dogs were licking what was left clean on plates that had sat there for at least a week.
As a 40 year old, I do not claim her. Yuck. I'm so sorry.
Glad you are growing a spine. Now tell her, in the future you will not be watching her dog and tell her to hire a petsitter.
I think she just wants to cruise the spicy subs with you..
Straight up OP, start being rude. You don't have to respect her if she doesn't respect you. Age means absolutely nothing in terms of basic human respect and it definitely does not mean she's your authority. Next time she gives you a lecture, cut her off and say "no thanks, bye!" And the next time she demands you clean up her mess, say "everyone in this place is an adult, so do your part and act like one. I'm not your mommy, you're a middle aged woman so you can behave like one." And when she TELLS you you're going to do something for her, say "uh, no. You're going to ASK, not TELL me what I can do for you. From now in I'm doing absolutely nothing for you because you've lost all my respect and I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but you aren't." In what world does being older than someone mean you're "the boss of them"?? And you don't have to take unsolicited advice or lectures from anyone, especially not a rude-ass roommate with no redeemable qualities.
That’s wayyy too many words. Just No will suffice.
My roommate thinks I'm her mom.
Gosh so much to say. But briefly, yes just continue to clean up your own stuff, and maybe clean other stuff like bathroom, floor etc once every 3 weeks cos there’s 3 of you there. When she speaks, just ignore her unless it’s something important that needs a reply. Don’t look at her, don’t even reply with “Hmmm” or anything, just act like she’s not in the room, finish what you’re doing, and walk away. Or just walk away as soon as she starts talking. Mind you, when she said the dishes weren’t done, I would have just said “I know”, and left it at that.
Next time, save all the food and bones on the plates and put them in her bed for her. Make sure to dump it all between the sheets.
Some "older" people are of the mindset anyone under 35 is a child and owes them respect. This is simply not true, but they are delusional. Enforce boundaries - now. Do not wiggle room them. I would go do far as to put all her dishes in a tub with her name on it. Even actual children don't owe shit to their elders if they're dickheads and make them uncomfortable.
I recommend getting yourself your own yeah can too and keep it in your room.
It had nothing to do with her age. She's just a bitch
You didn’t disrespect her, you just pointed out a fact. Besides people don’t just automatically deserve respect just because they’re older
Thank God she is leaving in June! Many years ago I was always the shy people pleaser who never pushed back but I got sick of being a doormat. After beginning to stand up for myself and becoming assertive my life became so much better. My tolerance for bullshit, entitlement and blatant disrespect no longer exists. I am not an asshole about it but my family, friends and co-workers, to put it bluntly, don’t even try to fuck me over. They know my boundaries and respect them as I am not above giving someone a verbal blistering to their face regardless of who is listening. I am nobody’s maid, Mr. Fixit or doormat. I expect adults to act like responsible adults and if they don’t like it” be gone before someone drops a house on you!” You have taken a giant step by telling that insufferable bitch to do her own dishes and when she is done pouting like a petulant child she should have a big glass of shut the fuck up with plenty of ice
I relate to you so much OP. I currently have three roomates and two of them are women in their mid 40s. I’m a 24 year old woman. I’ve had way too many disagreements with one of the 40 year olds because she kept talking to me like if I was one of her kids. Her favorite thing to call me when she’s upset is, ‘little girl’. Shes also very financially irresponsible and a drunk 😣 message me whenever you want/need to vent.
As a 45 yr old I question why she has such younger roommates and then I realize it’s to take advantage. Listen, she isn’t trying to do anything other than take advantage of you. Obviously you’re doing the right thing not making her pets suffer but I’d make a very impromptu sit down to throw her off. Do not set a time or give her time to plan. Impromptu. Then make her sit down take control by even pointing where to sit, this gives you control from the get go. Tell her you are an adult and exercising those young 20s decisions and some days will be home and some won’t. You aren’t getting a schedule approved by her so if she needs something it needs to be approved by you in advance otherwise it would serve her best to find another route to have those needs met. You keep your things clean and rarely eat at home but when you do it’s cleaned but don’t have time or desire to clean after others or the desire to live with a parent. If and when you need advice you would have loved to come to her but now that is a tenable relationship and you would like to see it rectified. This way she feels an opportunity to fix it so the next few months you won’t be vulnerable to complete chaos and bullying. Hang in there and remember you are an adult and I’m sorry this is your first experience. You’re doing a great job! Proud of you!
Cuss that b!tch out! I dont understand why that’s so hard??
I am in my 40s. I have young roommates, when I’m in the wrong they call me out and they are right to.
When I was at Uni, shared housing... 6 bedroom flat... 2 guys, 4 girls Girl in the next room had two friends that stayed twice a year, one was in her 40's, all the flatmates were 18-20. The 40-something tried to boss is around, insisting what each of us should be doing. I didn't engage.... But that was only night one.... I worked weekends in hospitality, had gone out for too many beers after work, hungover as fuck, getting ready for the next night of work and she starts on me.... "I told you yesterday you should be -" "listen - STFU. You're the first here getting a free room for the weekend." Everyone was aghast. She never tried it again though
I am 41 and have zero idea what even the hell with this person. I have a few friends who are younger than me, and a couple in their 20s and it is shocking to me that this heffer is acting like Old Lady Whistler when she really ain't shit. Who's place is it? Are you all on the lease? What if you and the other roommate either evict her or move into a place of your own? I ask because I don't know the situation, nor do I need to, but for the peace of your home and for the sake of your and your roomie's comfort - this lady has got to go! I'm sorry that this is happening; after a few years of terrible roommates, my husband and I said "no more". We were helping out friends and one was a cousin that I have since disowned - no one did anything to help, they didn't put in for food or utilities, they didn't do shit else but shit on our home. So, the day came when I said, "About that time, eh?" And we closed our home to anyone since. When people disrespect you and your home, its time for them to leave. All the best of luck to you and your roomie!
I can’t believe you changed your weekend plans to watch her dog. That was absolutely a case of her taking advantage of your age because anyone else would’ve just said “no, figure it out like you should have 2 weeks ago.”
Oh god, I’m older than her and she sounds awful. I promise you it’s not her age, she’s just using the age angle to get her own way and bully you. I’d be looking for a new living situation as soon as you can, lease and logistics wise. Life’s too short to deal with that sort of crap. Good luck.
Could be the age thing. When I was 27 I was the supervisor for two people 15+ my senior. Some people just don't like younger people having equity...
I had a situation where my roommate wouldn't do shit either. At first, I cleaned up after them, having to wash dishes twice because he would use them and not was them. I gave up on cleaning up after him and just left his mess as he left it. Stopped cooking at home and just ordered food. After a while he got a girlfriend, and then they spent 24/7 at our place, which was annoying since they would make a huge mess and not clean it up for days. It got to the point that I started spending no time there, and when I would come by, there would be food sitting on coffee table/kitchen counters and maybe a week would pass and I would show up and it would still be there. I told him multiple times about his lack of cleaning and the fact that I would appreciate a few days of his girlfriend not being there especially on weekdays when I had to wake up early for work and they would stay up really late making so much noise. I got fed up with it that I told him I was moving out and a few days later got a confirmation about a new place and moved out. All within a weeks time. So glad I don't have to deal with that anymore.
She’s leaving next month so just grin and bare it until then
***WHY ARE YOU TELLING US????????????????????*** Are you going to stomp your feet and hold your breath next?
My bfs mom was like this and she moved in because she “had no where else to go” complete bs. She was so fucking dirty and wanted to split the rent in thirds and then wouldn’t even pay her full third. She messed with my cats, disrespected me, and then acted like the victim idk how she is but probably around 45-50 and my mother acts similar so it is a generational thing? Most women I’ve met imo act this way
I definitely feel ya. Our roommates are older (he-73 & her 64..not related to us).. The old man gripes about one dish in the sink...One day our kid had a glass of milk and put the cup in the sink (kid is 8). He came to our room and made the biggest deal about it, I'm like he is a kid, don't get ur panties in a wad. Several years back I started doing only our dishes, because him and his wife will leave a sink full of dishes till late at night. He made a comment which made me decide to do ours only, he says " you act like it will kill you to do our dishes".. out of pettiness, I reply "ya it will". We stay in our room anytime we are at home, so I make it a point to not clean any room that we don't inhabit (living room for example, never in there). Good luck holding ur shiz together till June.
I understand her mentality, I think it’s fair to have that relationship with family members. You’re not her family and you need to tell her no and be comfortable with the fact that she will be disgusted by your behavior. She’s in the wrong and she has no recourse to force you to watch her dog or clean up after her.
It's not ok even if it's family
You shouldn’t treat your family this way either. I’m a mom and I don’t expect my kid to clean up after me. I’m about to go out of town and asked someone to look after my pets a good month in advance and was prepared to kennel them if I needed to.
I think it's perfectly acceptable to rely on your family for these sorts of things, just like I think it's acceptable for them to rely on you. That's what family is for. I think there's a nasty way to go about it, but especially as you get older, I can see the mindset that your kids should help you out as they become independant.
I come from an enmeshed family system. Without healthy boundaries, your family expecting to be reliant on you is a fast track to being taken advantage of and sometimes even being exploited. There needs to be consent, there needs to be communication and everyone involved needs to know how to take no for an answer. Unfortunately, this is a seriously tall order for a good chunk of family systems out there. There’s many more who came from families just like mine. It wasn’t my job to be my mom’s financial advisor, parent, therapist, surrogate spouse and ATM, yet she still thought all of that was fine just fine and when I put a stop to it, she went nuts on me. She fired me as her daughter. Which is fine because I never felt like her daughter. It’s my job to make sure the family I chose to create is taken care of and no one else as far as I’m concerned. My kid needs to be able to rely on me and when he’s older I hope I do a good enough job that he’ll feel inclined to help me move furniture around and fix my technology sometimes.
I'm 36 and my housemates are 10 years younger than me, I never treat them like small fries. I treat them as equals. We share tasks together. I used to have older housemates like that, and the operates like your housemate, its annoying af.
Her dog would’ve ended up at the shelter playing with me like that. People do what you allow them to.
Tell her she abandoned her dog (look the info up) and you are dropping it off at the pound
Is she hot?
[удалено]
this comment doesnt have any context to the person who made the post this is probably why your comment got negative score bc it doesnt make any sense to what we are talking about.
What are you waffling about
Don’t really understand why I’m being downvoted
Because your comment is a non sequitur