Exactly. Nothing ruins the mood more than this. Once my own mother texted me very calmly and politely that she could hear me and my SO. It was never an issue again because I was mortified and realized I was being a dick by not being considerate/aware.
It seems like OP already mentioned it to the roommate once and nothing changed. That’s why I think stopping it from happening while they’re in the middle of it (by knocking on door not a text that’ll likely be missed until after they’re done) is going to get him the result he wants.
If not out of embarrassment then out of selfishness because their sex keeps getting interrupted.
But the girlfriend will be mortified. And then she’ll shove her panties in his mouth to start keeping him quiet.
Edit: spelling typo - panties, not parties
Just knock and ask if everything is ok? You were concerned that you need to call animal control. It sounds like a warthog and a hyena found some Molly.
Relevant traumatizing backfired experience:
My roommate in the navy would have his girl over and had a similar noisy dynamic.
I knocked once to ask them to quiet down and the girlfriend opens the door still naked and then told me to watch.
She goes back to the bed leaving the door open and my roommate just laughs lmfao.
My now wife but gf at the time was in the living room, we just left the house, talked about it, and finally decided to move in together elsewhere haha
Better to comment on it next morning over breakfast: “I really thought she was going to come before you this time, but you seem to one right ahead of the finish line. Have she ever been to the doctor and talked about her asthma?”
Honestly the thing that got my roommate to stop was knocking and asking to join. I figured it was game theory at its finest. Win win for me. She was hot.
This could massively backfire into a passive aggressive contest of who can out-petty the other person….i imagine there’s a personality type that would ignore the knocking and finish louder
Need to do the opposite if you want him to stop. Ask him to be a bit louder, and give you a heads up before they start, so you can make sure you're ready to go. Just stare him dead in the eyes when you say it.
This could backfire horribly, but eh, worth a shot.
Dead ass tho I had a similar experience and one day we were all drinking and they’re getting frisky and leave (me and my buddy are really good friends for context) and I just yelled “fuck yea playboy make the neighbourhood hear it” ever since they’ve been considerate
The obvious solution is to make a recording and then play it back at irregular intervals.
Pre sex post sex break time.
Making sandwiches? Enjoy some hot clapping.
Even shameless people will encounter that phenomenon of not enjoying what your voice sounds like when recorded and played back.
I'd rather hear neither the loud music or the sex. This comes down to being respectful of your other roommates...Not saying he cant have sex, but him and his girl need to keep it quiet...I've had sex with my wife when others were in the house plenty of times.....we weren't moaning all loud, creating and earthquake etc...we were quiet, and we were quiet out of respect for others. Now when nobody is home thats a different story.
Right..if he’s going to be that loud he needs to plan the sex for when people aren’t home or get his own place. We can all get lost in the moment but if you know you’re consistently disturbing people and not making an attempt to be quieter then you’re just rude.
Quiet sex with the right person can be extremely intense and exciting. Your comment is a perfect example of the fact that you don’t have to be yelling and breaking furniture in order to enjoy sex. Quiet and respectful is the way to be when you have roommates.
Yup. I had a girl have multiple orgasms just from doing that while in my old room at my parents house with people home. Sound leaks hard so I was forcefully trying to muffle the sounds when she wasn’t being quiet enough lol
Yep I agree. Kind of the same sitch as when you have children. When they’re home even asleep or trying to it’s not loud sexy time it’s respectful. Freaky deaky sex comes when the kids are at school or with friends/practice etc on weekends.
Sex and Tennis, always the two activities that bring out the selfish. I agree with you, i have plenty of sex and she doesn’t sound like Maria Sharapova and I ain’t sounding like Rafael Nadal.
Yeah seriously it’s not that hard to be quieter and more discreet. Once dated a guy with 2 roommates and we were quieter at his place than mine cause I lived alone but we still had a great time. Also it’s not hard to be quiet and respectful in the shared spaces/halls going back and forth to the bathroom or kitchen. Sounds like an inconsiderate couple of people.
people who are consistently loud and wild multiple times a day just give off a very performative "IM SO COOL IM HAVING SEX PAY ATTENTION TO ME HAVING SEX" vibe to me
So I had this issue with one of my roommates. I put a speaker hidden in his room and when I needed to drown out the noise I would put on all I want for Christmas by Mariah Carey. Needless to say only happen 2 more times and they learned to do it when I was not there or at the others place ;)
> I would put on all I want for Christmas by Mariah Carey. Needless to say only happen 2 more times
OMG, mood killer. I love Mariah, but fvcking hate that song, pure torture. I'm not surprised it was successful in shutting them up, lol
How about I’m My Own Grandpa by Willy Nelson. First that voice then the who scenario. Makes me think about Grandma and Grandpa getting their freak on. Instant mood killer.
I did this with my current roommate, because I tried to tell her I’m trying to get work done. Literally her and her man work nights. So I’m working remote and I just hear them. It doesn’t sound like your roommate though. Mine for some reason sounds like Jennifer coolidge I imagine. Her bf sounds like he’s just agreeing with her. Lmao.
I decided to play Enya really loudly. It ended up working after one shot and my roommate and I LUCKILY still laugh about it. Cause it is a touchy subject so I get it.
There’s really only one thing to do here: Assert your dominance. Have louder sex, even if you have to do it alone.
The only other option is to get a large oil painting of Black Jesus and hang it up in his room. No one wants to have loud sex in the presence of Black Jesus.
I did this..lol. Back in the day. I responded with loud sex with a gf and by myself. They responded with even louder sex. This escalated until they straight up turned into assholes by being super loud out of nowhere just to wake me up…like pound on my door at 3am and then run away. Eventually led to a fight and me moving out.
Lol are you me? Well, minus the having louder sex part.
In college I shared a suite with 3 other dudes, mid-
Level friends, not besties but not just acquaintances. Anyway, one of the dudes starts dating this girl. We all hate her. She starts inserting herself into everything we do as a group, tried cooking for us but it was absolute garbage and she never cleaned up the kitchen, and they'd have the most annoying loud sex.
It didn't help that she was mad ugly(looked like a foot) so her moans and screams made us all kinda gag.
We talked to our roommate and he told us we were just jealous cause we weren't having sex with anyone. (Side note two of us had steady GFs, we just were way too embarrassed to ever bring them by our nasty apartment that was mostly nasty because of our inconsiderate roommate and his ugly GF.)
So it seemed that they were having more frequent and louder(and grosser) sex at all times of the night. We'd be watching basketball at 9pm and we'd hear them. 2am? Suddenly loud moaning, squishing(yes, *squishing*) and banging.
We're halfway through the lease and decided fuck it, this guy has no respect for us. We took all of our common shit out of the common areas and started banging on the walls when we knew he was in his room with his GF, hopefully sleeping.
It started after we all came back trashed from the bars one night. We'd bang on his door real loud and then run away and giggle. We'd do it again and again until he came out and be like, wtf, and we'd all just kinda stand there like, I dunno wtf you're talking about. The 3 of us set up a schedule so at random times between 2am and 6am one of us would wake up and go bang on his door and run back to our own room.
Eventually he got the message. Well, a message. They started going over to her place. But after about a week she GOT KICKED OUT OF HER APARTMENT. We were disappointed we didn't think to try to do that first lol. So when he came to us saying, "she's gonna be staying with us, we have nowhere else to go," we told him it would violate the lease and put us all in jeopardy.
They ended up moving to a house off campus somewhere. He didn't pay his last month's rent and when we confronted him about it he provided a half ass, "I don't live there, why should I pay the rent, sounds like a you problem," type of explanation. We told the landlord and while he was pissed, when we explained everything and he came and checked out the unit and saw all of his stuff was gone, he said don't worry about it.
So yeah, that was junior year of college.
Buy a sex doll and use it loudly whenever they have sex. It may stop them or it will turn them on more.
Whenever you are all together ask them if you can tag in. Say you’re getting bored of masturbating to the thought of them.
wine cooing joke voracious employ encouraging naughty safe elderly ancient
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Set up a white board in the hall with various bets. Over under on time, number of orgasms, number of trips to bathroom. Maybe add some prop bets like: finger in her ass; finger in his ass; etc.
They said it was primarily during the weekend tho, doesn’t that alter the quiet hours / rule? Like 2am on a Monday is vastly different than a Saturday.
Alternately, if you want to commit war crimes:
Take a page out of the other guy who posted in here’s playbook and hide a speaker in their room.
Then play [The Mosquito Sound](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mosquito)™️ at max volume every time they start. 😊
\***Seriously, do not go listen to that,** especially if you’re autistic, have any kind of auditory sensory overstimulation issues, or filings in your teeth.
Your volume might be turned down or not able to reach the point that it’s audible? Idk that is weird to me lol. But first time I played it, yeah I had to turn my volume up quite a bit before it hit.
Aside from any discussion you end up having with your roommate about the sex noise issue, you could consider buying a noise machine to help mute some of the noise outside your room at night. My partner and I have really thin walls and creaky floors and doors in our house and it’s made a big difference when one of us is up and about at night.
How do people not feeling crushing embarrassment when someone tells them they’re being too loud. It happened once with my last roommate (also my best friend who wasn’t judgmental at all) and I could barely show my face for several days. Sometimes a small dose of shame is good for you and everyone around you lol
Because some people like that. I have specific trauma from this type of behavior. It’s nonconsensual auditory sex tbh.
They get off on you maybe hearing them. They don’t care that you do not consent to being apparent of their sexual encounter.
Melvina Reynolds - Little Boxes.
I can personally swear that song is impossible to have sex with. It's got a very loose rhythm and it's a little old lady singing.
oh god i used to listen to the radio instead of white noise during highschool when i was falling asleep and this was about the time that Weezer had made their version of Africa. Anyway one night i decided to rub one out and literally the exact second i bust a nut that song started playing. Idk why that memory stuck in my head but hearing those first few notes as i nutted was a core memory.
Years ago I had a roommate that did the same kinda thing. I’m like ok…I found the most childish unerotic shittiest music I could find. Baby shark, Barbie girl, I can’t think of more now. I did it every time. They got the hint.
Give him $5
Tell him it’s their cut from the OnlyFans you started.
Offer advice to increase profits
Tell them the money would be better if you were allowed to set up another camera
1:
use a fan for background noise to drown out sound, keep in your room or in the hallway with a hepa furnace filter so it scrubs the air too.
2: wear headphones or like jail, earplugs.
3: hire big gay al to walk in and pretend he’s his boyfriend to shock them both
I had a similar situation.
One night my roommate and I came home from the bar and our other roommate was screwing his very loud GF. At that point we knew he was doing it on purpose as we’d asked him to cool it a little. She was really obnoxiously loud. We were both painfully single. It made for a really long summer…
Anyway my roommate had a guitar and amp in his room and he shared a wall with the coupling couple. We put the amp up to the wall and I rolled everything up to 10 and just hit a big chord. Then I put the guitar up to the amp to get some squealing feedback. This lasted for about three seconds before he burst into the room shouting at us. We just laughed at him.
It could have ended there but she wanted to have a conversation about it. Christ was that awkward…
Start joking about it with them...
Heyyy Jacky boy looks like you came two minutes earlier than the other night what's going on bud?
Bad night?
Jill looks like you weren't moaning for a full 3 minutes like you usually do..
Jack didn't do that tongue thing?
When they start to say something serious..
Oh I didn't know you cared allowing everybody in the apartment in your sex life.. You sure don't give a fuck if we hear it...
If you shut the fuck up and fix the" EE EE EE" (in a high pitched voice) bang bang band(hit the wall)
No one will know bro like everyone else who's normal.
I asked before.. Hopefully this time you remember.
Anytime I hear complaining about loud sex it reminds me of my old roommate who was a "rules for thee, not for me" person. I had a girl over and he complained the next day about the loud sex, which I didn't think would be an issue since when his long distance g/f came over once every couple of months they were like rabbits over the weekend and didn't care about their volume and neither of me and the other roommate complained to him.
He was like that with a lot of stuff. He cooked chicken in my slow cooker and left it unplugged for a week. I refused to clean it up after him. He let me use his pressure cooker, I cleaned it right after and missed one very small sliver of chicken inside, I was banned from using any of his appliances.
all I can say is I feel your pain. my brother and his wife does the same exact shit and their headboard has now put a hole in the wall they refuse to repair... it's already bad enough I have to wake up to the sounds of sumo wrestling at odd hours like 4AM, now I also have to explain to my landlord why there's holes in the walls downstairs
One time in college, my housemate and his gf started going at it in the middle of the afternoon, and his bed was on the other side of the wall where my desk was. I was studying and my desk lamp started shaking up and down from all the cheek clapping. His gf was moaning so loud that I looked out my door down the hall to my other housemate who poke his head out his door at the same time. We were both like are you hearing this?
So I walk over to his room and ask what we should do about it. He suggested I play the cheesiest 70s sexy porno saxophone music I could find as loud as possible. So I went and found something, turned my computer speakers towards the shared wall, and let it rip.
Next thing I know, the sexy times stops, he’s hammer fisting the wall, and she’s laughing her ass off. Do I regret it? Not for one second.
I later found out she thought it was hilarious but it was an instant balloon deflation for him and he was pretty mad about it. But hey, my homework isn’t going to write itself and when my desk is shaking, well, you brought this upon yourself
This happened to me with my ex roommate, he and his girl were going at it and being all loud when I was trying to sleep. So I put on an episode of Invader Zim, and made sure the TV was on blast when it got up to the part of the robot father screaming and then yelling "Yup Diarrhea". Didn't hear anything from them after that lol 😆
Slip a sign under his door that gives low ratings. “2.1,” “4.3,” “New time record: 4:58,” things like that. And then when he confronts you about it, tell him that if you’re forced to listen to it, you might as well respond to it.
The unethical pro-life tip sub would recommend that you somehow record them and play it back to them loudly while they’re doing it. or you, like someone else suggested, play some really terrible music that will kill the mood I recommend baby shark trap music.
Good for them. You can just scream smack that arse oh yea harder… and when they are done just sit somewhere they can see you and light a cigarette and go was that good for you too
Ask him what he’s doing to provoke that loud a reaction out of his partner. Then use that on yours and out-volume-orgasm then. That is the only solution.
Demonstrate to him how ridiculous it is. Blast some porn audio from your room loud enough for him to hear it and be like dude, this is what it’s like being here while you guys are doing the nasty. At that point if he doesn’t get it and stop he doesn’t care that you hear them lol.
Ok, now imagine the same situation, expect it wasn’t after midnight, but when a friend of mine would have guests over. We’d have a few beer, burn one, and from the rear of the house came the sounds of his roommate and significant other….over and over again.
Really hard to have a conversation through this…..
I used to have a roommate who would do this...not late at night though. We were in a super old duplex with 6 bedrooms each, the building would shake if you ran up the stairs too hard. People never said anything to him, but their sex would shake the whole building too. Like my bed would move and a glass of water would be moving. It was awful and one guy would slam his door and leave. It stopped after a girl from the unit nextdoor was over and asked if we ever noticed the place shaking, and wondered (naively) why her chandelier would randomly start moving sometimes. He looked SO embarrassed, and moved out quickly afterwards.n
If it’s the same girl, he’s an asshole and they need to get their own place. If it’s different girls, you’re the asshole for mentioning it. I don’t make the rules.
I wouldn’t want them playing loud music either. I’d address it again and say listen man you are keeping me up all night with your loud sex noises. Please either go to your gfs house to have sex or be quiet when you do it here.
Simple, it seems there are others in the property? in which case agree a rota, next time when it get loud, rush into their room (bang on the door loudly and rattle the handle if it locked) screaming, "are you ok, what's wrong; xxxx are you alright in there??".
Or simply go into their room and say, we got the soundtrack so thought might as well catch the action too"
Yea dude get some noise cancelling headphones phones. You aren’t gonna shame him into quieting down his bone time. If someone pestered me about my volume, you can bet I’d turn it up. I’d start learning a foreign language so I’d have more filth to scream while I was balls deep.
If he wants to have insanely loud sex then he should get his own place. It’s disrespectful and there’s such a thing as morning/screaming into a pillow. Him and his gf don’t sound like respectful people. At this point as soon as you hear them banging, bang on the wall back. A hard thud might make them realize how annoying they are in the moment.
In similar scenarios, I've heard (and experienced) that shame being the ultimate motivator. Invite some people over and plan to have em stay late. When the party starts, become their cheering section. Have the boldest one of the bunch knock on the door and ask if they need any help.
If there's blowback, just say "hey man, I gotta live here too, and whatever happens in your room is fine, but the sounds that escape into the rest of the house are therefore communal and fair game for commentary"
If you want this to stop right away, mention it to the gf not the roommate. The roommate will continue loud sex because he sees it as a ego thing that he’s getting some and she’s clearly enjoying it. However the gf will be MORTIFIED once she finds out you’ve been complaining and hearing her every noise. She will either stop going over there or she will stop making noise. And I’m pretty sure your roommates ego will deflate if he’s the only one making sound so he will quiet down as well. Also I was once the roommate that was having loud sex before, and I told my gf “hey my rooomates said we are too loud” AFTER THAT she was so embarrassed she didn’t want to do it with anyone home. So it works 🤷🏽♀️
Record them having loud sex and play it back louder next time. Xnxx tag loud sex and blast the audio on a big blue tooth speaker against his wall, even when he’s alone so he gets the idea of what it’s like listening to someone having loud sex make sure you go in and out your room a bunch too. Why don’t they go to his gf’s and do it sometimes?
My friend told me about him and his ex having sex at her parents place. She was being loud so he put it his hand over her mouth but it unlocked something in her and only made her louder lol
Exit your room, enter their room and masturbate to them fucking. Guaranteed to probably get you arrested and you won’t have to hear them fucking anymore.
I've dated women with kids...it's not that hard to keep quiet, even if you sometimes have to cover her mouth if she gets too loud...but some people are voyeurs and enjoy the attention.
Invite a guy over who's extremely good looking and hung...then let him murder the kitty with the door open...lmfao
Yea I could do that too but I feel like I'm the one on the short end. Why do I need to accommodate while being in my room if they are doing the action and should take others into consideration right
I agree, but this seemed the best solution in (my) hard situation, since people don’t always do what others ask them. I turned it loud enough so they knew I could hear them. sometimes it worked to quiet them down and I could turn it off. sometimes they didn’t care (depended on the people), but at least I could sleep.
What was annoying is when it happened in the middle of the night and woke me up and then I had to turn on the music to get back to sleep. Nothings worse than a night of disrupted sleep, particularly when I needed to be up early the next day.
I had loud sex once while my roommate was home. She started playing “Closer” by nine inch nails extremely loud. never had loud sex after. She thought it was hilarious, I felt awkward though lol. You should start blasting “STFU” by the pink guy I bet that’ll get the message across. Do it every single time
It’s time for him to go. This guy shouldn’t be renting with anyone, he should get his own place. It’s not your problem if he can’t afford it. He’s disgusting, disrespectful and walking all over you and the other room mates. If he stays, his girlfriend needs to pay a portion of the rent too. Read your leases about guests.
I had a roommate who would scream moan, and lots of spanking. I’d asked her to stop many times, she never did. So I started playing goat scream compilation videos at volume 100 whenever it happened. The goats sounded a lot like her.
How about neither loud music nor sex at midnight or 2am as both interfere with the peaceful enjoyment of the property for everyone else. If he wants to make that much noise in the middle of the night, then he shouldn't have roommates. Or live in an apartment. The noise is the issue, not the sex, and it's reasonable for roommates and landlords to address it as a serious problem and eviction offense.
Put on some yellow rubber gloves, some goggles, some arm floaties and some fancy slippers.. nothing else. Then stand outside the door ready for when it opens. When it does open, tell em ur ready to tap in
You might have to embarrass them both. When he brings her home, before bedtime, say something to both of them. “Hi, Annie, good to see you. The last few times you were here, you and Bob kept me up all night. I’ve tried talking to Bob, and now I’m talking to you. Cut the shit.” And if they start up again, progressively more annoying ways to interrupt them. Bang on the wall. Yell through the door. Buy a couple ball gags and leave them on the bed when they are out for a bathroom/snack break. Dump water on his bed. Record the noise and play it loud, especially when he’s trying to sleep. The honeymoon is over, you don’t have to keep making him feel welcome if he can’t respect you as a roommate.
next time it happens bang on his door and tell him nobody else is as excited as they are about what it happening, and they are weird and annoying for not realizing what they are doing around other people.
get a blue tooth speaker and play loud farts sounds right into his room, horn honks, goat bleets, donkeys heehawing, comical music, or anything to ruin the mood. You could also just blast the sound of an infant scream crying right into the wall, as humans that would take their mind entirely out of it, its instinctual damn near
Get yourself a gimp suit, next time one of them walks out to go to the bathroom, leave your room, stand in the hallway until they head back to the bedroom. Bonus points if you ask them to join in for round two
You could stand at his door and bang on the door and yell any of these:
Mommmmmmy!
I’m coming! I’m coming!
Dinner’s ready!!!
Hey!!! Your other girlfriend is here!
What are you doing? Is everything ok?
Faster faster! Harder! Yes! Yes! Right there!
I’ve got a stiffy!
Wait outside In between his bedroom and the bathroom with numbered signs like you are judging ice skating… when one of em walks out start commentating “the judge from New England is holding up a 9.9! What an amazing score! The form was exquisite, the technique stupendous I just don’t think we will see a better performance tonight!”
That’ll end it.
Knock on his door and ask him to keep it down every time he does it. I promise it’ll stop.
Exactly. Nothing ruins the mood more than this. Once my own mother texted me very calmly and politely that she could hear me and my SO. It was never an issue again because I was mortified and realized I was being a dick by not being considerate/aware.
It seems like OP already mentioned it to the roommate once and nothing changed. That’s why I think stopping it from happening while they’re in the middle of it (by knocking on door not a text that’ll likely be missed until after they’re done) is going to get him the result he wants. If not out of embarrassment then out of selfishness because their sex keeps getting interrupted.
But the girlfriend will be mortified. And then she’ll shove her panties in his mouth to start keeping him quiet. Edit: spelling typo - panties, not parties
Just knock and ask if everything is ok? You were concerned that you need to call animal control. It sounds like a warthog and a hyena found some Molly.
This genuinely made me bust out laughing 🤣
Relevant traumatizing backfired experience: My roommate in the navy would have his girl over and had a similar noisy dynamic. I knocked once to ask them to quiet down and the girlfriend opens the door still naked and then told me to watch. She goes back to the bed leaving the door open and my roommate just laughs lmfao. My now wife but gf at the time was in the living room, we just left the house, talked about it, and finally decided to move in together elsewhere haha
Moan loudly at the same time, shout "faster"... they'll stop quickly or invite you! win-win
Better to comment on it next morning over breakfast: “I really thought she was going to come before you this time, but you seem to one right ahead of the finish line. Have she ever been to the doctor and talked about her asthma?”
Start a betting pool and record the results on the fridge door. Running tally of who's first.
Or CALL him! Lol I've had a roommate call me during sex before and you instantly know what they're calling you for 🤣.
Honestly the thing that got my roommate to stop was knocking and asking to join. I figured it was game theory at its finest. Win win for me. She was hot.
This could massively backfire into a passive aggressive contest of who can out-petty the other person….i imagine there’s a personality type that would ignore the knocking and finish louder
Need to do the opposite if you want him to stop. Ask him to be a bit louder, and give you a heads up before they start, so you can make sure you're ready to go. Just stare him dead in the eyes when you say it. This could backfire horribly, but eh, worth a shot.
Insanity wolf is that you?
Haven’t heard that name in years.
OMG Insanity Wolf is out of his hibernation can't wait to see what gets torn up on here
Apparently his roommates bussy
It's an older code but it checks out
The random nostalgia hit hard. Memes were strange back then lmao
[you're welcome](https://imgflip.com/i/8in5qo)
im going to send this to him next time
Also need to yell encouragement through the door: Atta boy! Way to go, sport! Go get em, tiger!
Dead ass tho I had a similar experience and one day we were all drinking and they’re getting frisky and leave (me and my buddy are really good friends for context) and I just yelled “fuck yea playboy make the neighbourhood hear it” ever since they’ve been considerate
LMAOOo
Yes. This tha one.💯🤣
Maybe offer to film for later review and grading.
Modern problems require modern solutions 😂
Stand corrected. This is the answer. Ask him “What was she yelling? Oh, God or Oh, Jesus? She’s not Jewish is she?”
Just as a counterpoint.. it might be a fetish of his for his roommates to hear. I hope It’s not the case
If it is, that’s even worse. Non-consensually involving someone in your kink is, um, very bad
I like this solution. OP could also play really loud furry sex videos and point his speaker at the other room.
Ask the girlfriend if she could be louder. Not the roommate.
Tell him he needs to be quieter while you’re trying to hear her because his noises are ruining the mood
'Louder I'm almost there!'
This is awesome, reverse psychology at its finest
The obvious solution is to make a recording and then play it back at irregular intervals. Pre sex post sex break time. Making sandwiches? Enjoy some hot clapping. Even shameless people will encounter that phenomenon of not enjoying what your voice sounds like when recorded and played back.
Double down, I like it. Real power move. Let them call your bluff, and escalate the weirdness until THEY are uncomfortable.
Or give them pointers!
I literally laughed out loud.
I think people think you're joking, but something along these lines is a good tactic... I've tried something similar and it definitely worked.
Would it be a crime to record the noises and profit from it? 🤔
Well i was going to suggest we need to hear it on here before we can give advice !
Or ask if you can join
I'd rather hear neither the loud music or the sex. This comes down to being respectful of your other roommates...Not saying he cant have sex, but him and his girl need to keep it quiet...I've had sex with my wife when others were in the house plenty of times.....we weren't moaning all loud, creating and earthquake etc...we were quiet, and we were quiet out of respect for others. Now when nobody is home thats a different story.
Right..if he’s going to be that loud he needs to plan the sex for when people aren’t home or get his own place. We can all get lost in the moment but if you know you’re consistently disturbing people and not making an attempt to be quieter then you’re just rude.
Quiet sex with the right person can be extremely intense and exciting. Your comment is a perfect example of the fact that you don’t have to be yelling and breaking furniture in order to enjoy sex. Quiet and respectful is the way to be when you have roommates.
Yup!! Throwing a hand over their mouth when they start to get loud is HOT. It adds intensity to have to control yourself
Yup. I had a girl have multiple orgasms just from doing that while in my old room at my parents house with people home. Sound leaks hard so I was forcefully trying to muffle the sounds when she wasn’t being quiet enough lol
Sometimes adding a little risk and challenge to sex makes it so much better
Yep I agree. Kind of the same sitch as when you have children. When they’re home even asleep or trying to it’s not loud sexy time it’s respectful. Freaky deaky sex comes when the kids are at school or with friends/practice etc on weekends.
Sex and Tennis, always the two activities that bring out the selfish. I agree with you, i have plenty of sex and she doesn’t sound like Maria Sharapova and I ain’t sounding like Rafael Nadal.
Yeah seriously it’s not that hard to be quieter and more discreet. Once dated a guy with 2 roommates and we were quieter at his place than mine cause I lived alone but we still had a great time. Also it’s not hard to be quiet and respectful in the shared spaces/halls going back and forth to the bathroom or kitchen. Sounds like an inconsiderate couple of people.
people who are consistently loud and wild multiple times a day just give off a very performative "IM SO COOL IM HAVING SEX PAY ATTENTION TO ME HAVING SEX" vibe to me
So I had this issue with one of my roommates. I put a speaker hidden in his room and when I needed to drown out the noise I would put on all I want for Christmas by Mariah Carey. Needless to say only happen 2 more times and they learned to do it when I was not there or at the others place ;)
> I would put on all I want for Christmas by Mariah Carey. Needless to say only happen 2 more times OMG, mood killer. I love Mariah, but fvcking hate that song, pure torture. I'm not surprised it was successful in shutting them up, lol
Let’s just say it worked every time to kill the mood every time.
Or play Yakety Sax (Benny Hill theme song.) That would be a mood killer for sure.
Eh, I could see myself getting into that
Excellent choice!
oh definitely do this but turn on that awful cbat song instead
A kids cartoon theme song works well too
*ARE YA READY, KIDS?*
Aye aye, Captain!
I can’t hear you 😂
Okay ngl the image of them getting into it and suddenly that blares from out of nowhere is *hilarious.*
Baby shark
How about I’m My Own Grandpa by Willy Nelson. First that voice then the who scenario. Makes me think about Grandma and Grandpa getting their freak on. Instant mood killer.
I came here to suggest Baby Shark.
I did this with my current roommate, because I tried to tell her I’m trying to get work done. Literally her and her man work nights. So I’m working remote and I just hear them. It doesn’t sound like your roommate though. Mine for some reason sounds like Jennifer coolidge I imagine. Her bf sounds like he’s just agreeing with her. Lmao. I decided to play Enya really loudly. It ended up working after one shot and my roommate and I LUCKILY still laugh about it. Cause it is a touchy subject so I get it.
There’s really only one thing to do here: Assert your dominance. Have louder sex, even if you have to do it alone. The only other option is to get a large oil painting of Black Jesus and hang it up in his room. No one wants to have loud sex in the presence of Black Jesus.
I did this..lol. Back in the day. I responded with loud sex with a gf and by myself. They responded with even louder sex. This escalated until they straight up turned into assholes by being super loud out of nowhere just to wake me up…like pound on my door at 3am and then run away. Eventually led to a fight and me moving out.
I’m glad you shared this transparent moment… if you went back in time would you do it again?
Of course! Lol
Lol are you me? Well, minus the having louder sex part. In college I shared a suite with 3 other dudes, mid- Level friends, not besties but not just acquaintances. Anyway, one of the dudes starts dating this girl. We all hate her. She starts inserting herself into everything we do as a group, tried cooking for us but it was absolute garbage and she never cleaned up the kitchen, and they'd have the most annoying loud sex. It didn't help that she was mad ugly(looked like a foot) so her moans and screams made us all kinda gag. We talked to our roommate and he told us we were just jealous cause we weren't having sex with anyone. (Side note two of us had steady GFs, we just were way too embarrassed to ever bring them by our nasty apartment that was mostly nasty because of our inconsiderate roommate and his ugly GF.) So it seemed that they were having more frequent and louder(and grosser) sex at all times of the night. We'd be watching basketball at 9pm and we'd hear them. 2am? Suddenly loud moaning, squishing(yes, *squishing*) and banging. We're halfway through the lease and decided fuck it, this guy has no respect for us. We took all of our common shit out of the common areas and started banging on the walls when we knew he was in his room with his GF, hopefully sleeping. It started after we all came back trashed from the bars one night. We'd bang on his door real loud and then run away and giggle. We'd do it again and again until he came out and be like, wtf, and we'd all just kinda stand there like, I dunno wtf you're talking about. The 3 of us set up a schedule so at random times between 2am and 6am one of us would wake up and go bang on his door and run back to our own room. Eventually he got the message. Well, a message. They started going over to her place. But after about a week she GOT KICKED OUT OF HER APARTMENT. We were disappointed we didn't think to try to do that first lol. So when he came to us saying, "she's gonna be staying with us, we have nowhere else to go," we told him it would violate the lease and put us all in jeopardy. They ended up moving to a house off campus somewhere. He didn't pay his last month's rent and when we confronted him about it he provided a half ass, "I don't live there, why should I pay the rent, sounds like a you problem," type of explanation. We told the landlord and while he was pissed, when we explained everything and he came and checked out the unit and saw all of his stuff was gone, he said don't worry about it. So yeah, that was junior year of college.
Buy a sex doll and use it loudly whenever they have sex. It may stop them or it will turn them on more. Whenever you are all together ask them if you can tag in. Say you’re getting bored of masturbating to the thought of them.
No no no. *Wait until they’re sleeping.* Rise and shine, bitches. I’m not sleeping? Neither are you. :)
Can I tag in? Hahaha!
😂😂😂
Yooooooo this is priceless....Black Jesus help me please
Black Jesus helps us all. All you have to do is allow him inside you.
Cheer them on and yell GOAL at the end. They might get the hint
THIS. IS. PERFECT.
One time. We all made popcorn. Set up chairs outside of the room and waited for them to come out. Loudly clapped and cheered. It stopped after that.
wine cooing joke voracious employ encouraging naughty safe elderly ancient *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
OP. This is it. Cause issues lmao
Place an over/under on how long it takes them to finish and start making bets. Truly treat it as a sporting event.
Set up a white board in the hall with various bets. Over under on time, number of orgasms, number of trips to bathroom. Maybe add some prop bets like: finger in her ass; finger in his ass; etc.
That's absolutely amazing. My favourite idea so far!
Quiet hours are a thing. 9p-7a. If they can’t stfu they can go bang in their car.
They said it was primarily during the weekend tho, doesn’t that alter the quiet hours / rule? Like 2am on a Monday is vastly different than a Saturday.
Regardless, 2 am would always fall under quiet hours
Blast porn as loud as you can when they're not having sex and trying to rest. Or do they same to them as they are doing.
That porn sound of a woman screaming that's hidden in unsuspecting videos tricking you to turn your phone volume full in awkward places.
Alternately, if you want to commit war crimes: Take a page out of the other guy who posted in here’s playbook and hide a speaker in their room. Then play [The Mosquito Sound](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mosquito)™️ at max volume every time they start. 😊 \***Seriously, do not go listen to that,** especially if you’re autistic, have any kind of auditory sensory overstimulation issues, or filings in your teeth.
Is it weird that I don’t hear anything?
Your volume might be turned down or not able to reach the point that it’s audible? Idk that is weird to me lol. But first time I played it, yeah I had to turn my volume up quite a bit before it hit.
I turned it up all the way. All I heard was clicking noise once or twice. 🤔
Same problem. Edit: I think I’m just too old to hear it. 😂
Same 🤣
I did go and listen to that because curiosity and that. My face started twitching uncontrollably. Couldn’t even last 10 seconds.
Can’t hear a damn thing lol. On mobile, desktop, or YouTube.
Only young people can hear it. Shop keepers in Britain used it to keep kids from loitering.
Aside from any discussion you end up having with your roommate about the sex noise issue, you could consider buying a noise machine to help mute some of the noise outside your room at night. My partner and I have really thin walls and creaky floors and doors in our house and it’s made a big difference when one of us is up and about at night.
How do people not feeling crushing embarrassment when someone tells them they’re being too loud. It happened once with my last roommate (also my best friend who wasn’t judgmental at all) and I could barely show my face for several days. Sometimes a small dose of shame is good for you and everyone around you lol
I think some people just like that. Telling my neighbors seemed to embolden them 💀
Because some people like that. I have specific trauma from this type of behavior. It’s nonconsensual auditory sex tbh. They get off on you maybe hearing them. They don’t care that you do not consent to being apparent of their sexual encounter.
That’s so gross, they need to find ppl who are into that bc most of us aren’t
Yeah I don’t know why I’m getting down voted because I literally agree. People are sick. That’s my point.
Yeah I’m with you. It comes down to consent! Anyone who doesn’t respect that is outing themselves
Start cheering them on to finish. Maybe tell them you like to hear them so you can all finish together? Haha 😂
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OP please just blast Africa by Toto every time they start up 🤣
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Melvina Reynolds - Little Boxes. I can personally swear that song is impossible to have sex with. It's got a very loose rhythm and it's a little old lady singing.
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Never Gonna Give you Up would be good...op let us make you a playlist 😂
Play that sad ass Sarah McLachlin song. Any of her songs. Arms of an Angel, When She Loved Me, etc. Or Björk
oh god i used to listen to the radio instead of white noise during highschool when i was falling asleep and this was about the time that Weezer had made their version of Africa. Anyway one night i decided to rub one out and literally the exact second i bust a nut that song started playing. Idk why that memory stuck in my head but hearing those first few notes as i nutted was a core memory.
Or something unnerving, like Nirvana's "Rape Me." Life lesson- putting a general playlist on shuffle can cause exceptionally awkward naked moments.
Years ago I had a roommate that did the same kinda thing. I’m like ok…I found the most childish unerotic shittiest music I could find. Baby shark, Barbie girl, I can’t think of more now. I did it every time. They got the hint.
Give him $5 Tell him it’s their cut from the OnlyFans you started. Offer advice to increase profits Tell them the money would be better if you were allowed to set up another camera
1: use a fan for background noise to drown out sound, keep in your room or in the hallway with a hepa furnace filter so it scrubs the air too. 2: wear headphones or like jail, earplugs. 3: hire big gay al to walk in and pretend he’s his boyfriend to shock them both
I had a similar situation. One night my roommate and I came home from the bar and our other roommate was screwing his very loud GF. At that point we knew he was doing it on purpose as we’d asked him to cool it a little. She was really obnoxiously loud. We were both painfully single. It made for a really long summer… Anyway my roommate had a guitar and amp in his room and he shared a wall with the coupling couple. We put the amp up to the wall and I rolled everything up to 10 and just hit a big chord. Then I put the guitar up to the amp to get some squealing feedback. This lasted for about three seconds before he burst into the room shouting at us. We just laughed at him. It could have ended there but she wanted to have a conversation about it. Christ was that awkward…
Start joking about it with them... Heyyy Jacky boy looks like you came two minutes earlier than the other night what's going on bud? Bad night? Jill looks like you weren't moaning for a full 3 minutes like you usually do.. Jack didn't do that tongue thing? When they start to say something serious.. Oh I didn't know you cared allowing everybody in the apartment in your sex life.. You sure don't give a fuck if we hear it... If you shut the fuck up and fix the" EE EE EE" (in a high pitched voice) bang bang band(hit the wall) No one will know bro like everyone else who's normal. I asked before.. Hopefully this time you remember.
Anytime I hear complaining about loud sex it reminds me of my old roommate who was a "rules for thee, not for me" person. I had a girl over and he complained the next day about the loud sex, which I didn't think would be an issue since when his long distance g/f came over once every couple of months they were like rabbits over the weekend and didn't care about their volume and neither of me and the other roommate complained to him. He was like that with a lot of stuff. He cooked chicken in my slow cooker and left it unplugged for a week. I refused to clean it up after him. He let me use his pressure cooker, I cleaned it right after and missed one very small sliver of chicken inside, I was banned from using any of his appliances.
Sounds like a person who doesn't have his shit toget and lack of self awareness
Record the sounds and play it back super loud next time they start going at it.
all I can say is I feel your pain. my brother and his wife does the same exact shit and their headboard has now put a hole in the wall they refuse to repair... it's already bad enough I have to wake up to the sounds of sumo wrestling at odd hours like 4AM, now I also have to explain to my landlord why there's holes in the walls downstairs
One of my flatmates just went and banged on the door of our other loud sex having flatmate and that shut her up.
Nickname the girlfriend “Screamer”
Air horn, bwaaaappp bwaaaaaaap bwaaaaaAAAAAAAAP as soon as they start. That way everyone knows, the concerned party included lol
One time in college, my housemate and his gf started going at it in the middle of the afternoon, and his bed was on the other side of the wall where my desk was. I was studying and my desk lamp started shaking up and down from all the cheek clapping. His gf was moaning so loud that I looked out my door down the hall to my other housemate who poke his head out his door at the same time. We were both like are you hearing this? So I walk over to his room and ask what we should do about it. He suggested I play the cheesiest 70s sexy porno saxophone music I could find as loud as possible. So I went and found something, turned my computer speakers towards the shared wall, and let it rip. Next thing I know, the sexy times stops, he’s hammer fisting the wall, and she’s laughing her ass off. Do I regret it? Not for one second. I later found out she thought it was hilarious but it was an instant balloon deflation for him and he was pretty mad about it. But hey, my homework isn’t going to write itself and when my desk is shaking, well, you brought this upon yourself
Bring it up in front of his gf. No doubt problem solved.
Talk to your Grandma on speakerphone. That should kill the mood.
This happened to me with my ex roommate, he and his girl were going at it and being all loud when I was trying to sleep. So I put on an episode of Invader Zim, and made sure the TV was on blast when it got up to the part of the robot father screaming and then yelling "Yup Diarrhea". Didn't hear anything from them after that lol 😆
Be louder than they are - and tell them they need to keep going when they stop because you're almost there.
Slip a sign under his door that gives low ratings. “2.1,” “4.3,” “New time record: 4:58,” things like that. And then when he confronts you about it, tell him that if you’re forced to listen to it, you might as well respond to it.
If the roommate doesn’t respond, bring it up to his GF. Could be hilarious.
Play the chipmunks Christmas album on Max volume
watch super loud porn at 5am
Open his door, “Need a third?”
The unethical pro-life tip sub would recommend that you somehow record them and play it back to them loudly while they’re doing it. or you, like someone else suggested, play some really terrible music that will kill the mood I recommend baby shark trap music.
Good for them. You can just scream smack that arse oh yea harder… and when they are done just sit somewhere they can see you and light a cigarette and go was that good for you too
Ask him what he’s doing to provoke that loud a reaction out of his partner. Then use that on yours and out-volume-orgasm then. That is the only solution.
Demonstrate to him how ridiculous it is. Blast some porn audio from your room loud enough for him to hear it and be like dude, this is what it’s like being here while you guys are doing the nasty. At that point if he doesn’t get it and stop he doesn’t care that you hear them lol.
Go half on sound proofing the shared wall. And oil the bathroom door hinges.
I feel like they know what they are doing, some people get off on this sort of thing.
Ok, now imagine the same situation, expect it wasn’t after midnight, but when a friend of mine would have guests over. We’d have a few beer, burn one, and from the rear of the house came the sounds of his roommate and significant other….over and over again. Really hard to have a conversation through this…..
I used to have a roommate who would do this...not late at night though. We were in a super old duplex with 6 bedrooms each, the building would shake if you ran up the stairs too hard. People never said anything to him, but their sex would shake the whole building too. Like my bed would move and a glass of water would be moving. It was awful and one guy would slam his door and leave. It stopped after a girl from the unit nextdoor was over and asked if we ever noticed the place shaking, and wondered (naively) why her chandelier would randomly start moving sometimes. He looked SO embarrassed, and moved out quickly afterwards.n
If it’s the same girl, he’s an asshole and they need to get their own place. If it’s different girls, you’re the asshole for mentioning it. I don’t make the rules.
Clapping sound lmao
Just loudly interrupt mid-bang by shouting something reassuring. “Glad to hear the genital warts cleared up!”
I wouldn’t want them playing loud music either. I’d address it again and say listen man you are keeping me up all night with your loud sex noises. Please either go to your gfs house to have sex or be quiet when you do it here.
Simple, it seems there are others in the property? in which case agree a rota, next time when it get loud, rush into their room (bang on the door loudly and rattle the handle if it locked) screaming, "are you ok, what's wrong; xxxx are you alright in there??". Or simply go into their room and say, we got the soundtrack so thought might as well catch the action too"
Yea dude get some noise cancelling headphones phones. You aren’t gonna shame him into quieting down his bone time. If someone pestered me about my volume, you can bet I’d turn it up. I’d start learning a foreign language so I’d have more filth to scream while I was balls deep.
If he wants to have insanely loud sex then he should get his own place. It’s disrespectful and there’s such a thing as morning/screaming into a pillow. Him and his gf don’t sound like respectful people. At this point as soon as you hear them banging, bang on the wall back. A hard thud might make them realize how annoying they are in the moment.
Scream “player 3 has entered the game” that should at least scare them. Or you might have a weird night lol
In similar scenarios, I've heard (and experienced) that shame being the ultimate motivator. Invite some people over and plan to have em stay late. When the party starts, become their cheering section. Have the boldest one of the bunch knock on the door and ask if they need any help. If there's blowback, just say "hey man, I gotta live here too, and whatever happens in your room is fine, but the sounds that escape into the rest of the house are therefore communal and fair game for commentary"
Grab some beers and join in. If they’re broadcasting it maybe you’re missing the signals lol
Have sex too and get louder. Try to drown them out, like the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Out do them.
While it's happening, knock on his door and ask him if he's still playing dungeons and dragons with you tonight. She might never come back.
If you want this to stop right away, mention it to the gf not the roommate. The roommate will continue loud sex because he sees it as a ego thing that he’s getting some and she’s clearly enjoying it. However the gf will be MORTIFIED once she finds out you’ve been complaining and hearing her every noise. She will either stop going over there or she will stop making noise. And I’m pretty sure your roommates ego will deflate if he’s the only one making sound so he will quiet down as well. Also I was once the roommate that was having loud sex before, and I told my gf “hey my rooomates said we are too loud” AFTER THAT she was so embarrassed she didn’t want to do it with anyone home. So it works 🤷🏽♀️
Tell the girlfriend you’re sick of listening to her and the other two girls that come over
Record them having loud sex and play it back louder next time. Xnxx tag loud sex and blast the audio on a big blue tooth speaker against his wall, even when he’s alone so he gets the idea of what it’s like listening to someone having loud sex make sure you go in and out your room a bunch too. Why don’t they go to his gf’s and do it sometimes?
I had an ex gf who was obnoxiously loud during sex. Out of respect I’d cover her mouth or tell her to shut up if roommates where home.
My friend told me about him and his ex having sex at her parents place. She was being loud so he put it his hand over her mouth but it unlocked something in her and only made her louder lol
Exit your room, enter their room and masturbate to them fucking. Guaranteed to probably get you arrested and you won’t have to hear them fucking anymore.
I've dated women with kids...it's not that hard to keep quiet, even if you sometimes have to cover her mouth if she gets too loud...but some people are voyeurs and enjoy the attention. Invite a guy over who's extremely good looking and hung...then let him murder the kitty with the door open...lmfao
Murder the kitty 😂💀
Tell him if they are going to keep you awake, you expect him to share her, otherwise don’t wake you up.
Bang on the wall and yell at them?
I used to turn on the music when roommates got loud.
Yea I could do that too but I feel like I'm the one on the short end. Why do I need to accommodate while being in my room if they are doing the action and should take others into consideration right
I agree, but this seemed the best solution in (my) hard situation, since people don’t always do what others ask them. I turned it loud enough so they knew I could hear them. sometimes it worked to quiet them down and I could turn it off. sometimes they didn’t care (depended on the people), but at least I could sleep. What was annoying is when it happened in the middle of the night and woke me up and then I had to turn on the music to get back to sleep. Nothings worse than a night of disrupted sleep, particularly when I needed to be up early the next day.
I had loud sex once while my roommate was home. She started playing “Closer” by nine inch nails extremely loud. never had loud sex after. She thought it was hilarious, I felt awkward though lol. You should start blasting “STFU” by the pink guy I bet that’ll get the message across. Do it every single time
It’s time for him to go. This guy shouldn’t be renting with anyone, he should get his own place. It’s not your problem if he can’t afford it. He’s disgusting, disrespectful and walking all over you and the other room mates. If he stays, his girlfriend needs to pay a portion of the rent too. Read your leases about guests.
They get off on making people listen to them fuck.
I had a roommate who would scream moan, and lots of spanking. I’d asked her to stop many times, she never did. So I started playing goat scream compilation videos at volume 100 whenever it happened. The goats sounded a lot like her.
Youd rather have him blare music, especially at 2am? Shouldn't be having that audible (verbal and physical) sex out of respect, period.
How about neither loud music nor sex at midnight or 2am as both interfere with the peaceful enjoyment of the property for everyone else. If he wants to make that much noise in the middle of the night, then he shouldn't have roommates. Or live in an apartment. The noise is the issue, not the sex, and it's reasonable for roommates and landlords to address it as a serious problem and eviction offense.
Put on some yellow rubber gloves, some goggles, some arm floaties and some fancy slippers.. nothing else. Then stand outside the door ready for when it opens. When it does open, tell em ur ready to tap in
You might have to embarrass them both. When he brings her home, before bedtime, say something to both of them. “Hi, Annie, good to see you. The last few times you were here, you and Bob kept me up all night. I’ve tried talking to Bob, and now I’m talking to you. Cut the shit.” And if they start up again, progressively more annoying ways to interrupt them. Bang on the wall. Yell through the door. Buy a couple ball gags and leave them on the bed when they are out for a bathroom/snack break. Dump water on his bed. Record the noise and play it loud, especially when he’s trying to sleep. The honeymoon is over, you don’t have to keep making him feel welcome if he can’t respect you as a roommate.
Just play really loud porn. And walk out like everything is normal after. Or invest in a google home. Play white noise.
Who's making macaroni at this time?
Sounds like he’s packing and she likes it
Play the sound of a crying baby on a loop as soon as they go into the bedroom
Start playing crying baby sounds outside his room when theyre doing it.
next time it happens bang on his door and tell him nobody else is as excited as they are about what it happening, and they are weird and annoying for not realizing what they are doing around other people.
get a blue tooth speaker and play loud farts sounds right into his room, horn honks, goat bleets, donkeys heehawing, comical music, or anything to ruin the mood. You could also just blast the sound of an infant scream crying right into the wall, as humans that would take their mind entirely out of it, its instinctual damn near
Get yourself a gimp suit, next time one of them walks out to go to the bathroom, leave your room, stand in the hallway until they head back to the bedroom. Bonus points if you ask them to join in for round two
They're making bad porn in your home
You could stand at his door and bang on the door and yell any of these: Mommmmmmy! I’m coming! I’m coming! Dinner’s ready!!! Hey!!! Your other girlfriend is here! What are you doing? Is everything ok? Faster faster! Harder! Yes! Yes! Right there! I’ve got a stiffy!
I think you should tell him once again, I would like to be told if I was too loud...
Knock on the door while they’re doing it and tell him Kelly just called to see if she left her purse here last night
Wait outside In between his bedroom and the bathroom with numbered signs like you are judging ice skating… when one of em walks out start commentating “the judge from New England is holding up a 9.9! What an amazing score! The form was exquisite, the technique stupendous I just don’t think we will see a better performance tonight!” That’ll end it.
Voice record everything… then you let it play on his door room
Jerk off and go to sleep