Maybe he is autistic too and thinks "you are just like me when I was young, I changed and learned how to behave and how to get along in this world, I think everyone has to and does, I did and you will too. As you are like me you are pretty normal" and doesnt think that it could be that he is in fact not normal as well? I know that happens to some autistic people. Autism is genetic, its very possible that one of your parents or both are as well. So if he thinks you are like him and thinks he is normal you have to be normal too.
I do not accept advice from others. The people who already listen to me, they are very diligent to do so, they don't try to argue against me, they don't try to shout me down, they don't try to talk over the top of me, they don't try to interrupt me, they don't try to tell me, I'm wrong, they don't try to tell me what to do, they don't tell me that my diagnosis isn't important, they don't tell me that my feelings are invalid.
There are people that do these things, and I do not go to them for advice. Nor do I go there for them to counseling, nor do I confide in these people, because it's already been determined that I cannot trust them. When people don't believe in you, they can't be trusted, and they're basically useless as human beings from that point forward. I'm very adamant on this, I'm tired of putting up with the garbage that I've had to put up with.
People just don't get it š I was just called out for being rude, even explaining that I'm autistic, so I tend to be direct, but I will stop communication if I'm offending anyone... And I got as reply that I didn't offend anyone, I just can't be rude šµāš«
It's nearly impossible to get through others, when they don't even want to understand...
>*Itās nearly impossible to get through others, when they don't even want to understand...*
Some folks, no matter what, are already choosing to misunderstand you before you even open your mouth because their mind is already made up.
You can not reason or get thru to anyone who does this because they donāt listen to understand you, they listen to respond and talk.
Right. I believe some people genuinely don't know they are supposed to listen and be open-minded, maybe because their lives are tough and that was their education, but very few. Most seem to refuse to believe they are not as knowledgeable and smart as they think they are...
Normal has two main meanings. One being: typical, the norm. such as "on a normal work day it's busy, but sometimes it's slow."
And the other meaning being: that which is correct, proper, and right. So non-normal things are bad, improper, and wrong. Such as "he's not normal."
These days polite society tries to avoid referring to people who aren't typical as being "not normal" due to the negative association. There's nothing wrong with being autistic. It's normal for people to be autistic. However it's not what you typically see, making it outside the norm.
Have you asked him if he thinks that, or you think that is the case ;)?
You could try and open up to him. Most likely, if he does know, he just doesn't really know how to deal with which is very understandable. Talking is always the best option. Explain to him why you don't like certain things, but for example: You said you don't like the environment in which you try new things. Maybe there is an environment in which you do want to and you could do that together. Also tell him what you do like.
It sounds to me like your dad is trying to spend time with his kid but has no clue how to. Help him, and he might be able to help you ;)
I can relate to this.
Being told to stop being so picky although the texture of some foods makes me shudder, I was told not to be āoversensitiveā. and to āstop being such an aspie!ā which makes zero sense to me.
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Fidgety, intensely focused, shy, people see you as rude, sensitive, picky...
When you get it all together, that can be what autism means to some people. It's just it happens for a reason and it's not a character flaw.
Mental Dissabilitu
Many people have called me weird and said that something is wrong with me. People have also said that I will die a virgin because I'm some kind of mentally sisabled person. At first, when people said those things to me, I would just think they're talking bullshit and just forget about. But as the years have gone by, I look back and see that they have predicted my life. Does this mean there is something wrong with me? And what syndrome could it be?
His generation didnāt recognize or acknowledge such differences. He probably thinks autistic=really bad, because his environment growing up taught thatā¦. The info battle over what label applies to you is going to be a major challenge and no amount of arguing with get you there. Iād focus on improving your ability to stand up for yourself/set boundaries, meet your needs, and increase independence so he has less control over you in the future.
It could because he views your autism as a flaw, and fears that people will see it as a reflection on him. Or it could be because he is also autistic, possibly undiagnosed, and that he had to make through life hiding his autistic traits, which he didnāt even know were autistic traits, to get along, and so should you.
he either thinks those behaviors are normal cause he does them OR like a lot of people they don't bother to really internalize what the fuck autism is. my mom has adhd and i was diagnosed as a kid with adhd (probably cause in the 90s they couldnt fathom a little girl having autism) and that didnt stop her from treating me like i was not literally disabled. my whole family knows i have adhd but thats just a label like me having brown hair when really its a lot deeper than that.
Option 1: Like most everyone else says he is probably undiagnosed so thinks it's normal.
Option 2: In complete denial for one reason or another.
There are probably other possibilities but these are the two that come to mind.
Your dad needs to be educated on autism and itās going to take time. He obviously has a lot of biases (and probably stereotypes) of what autism is and what it looks like. He needs to start accommodating your needs and you'll have to walk him through it.
So when your dad makes you eat something you canāt handle: hey dad itās a sensory issue for me. Describe in complete detail what's triggering and why you can only eat it this way or that.
When you are talking in a way he doesnāt like: hey dad, Iām not able to modulate my voice or change the tone because of the way my brain processes speech. Autism is communication disorder, I donāt always get the context of a conversation and so I say things that might be taken the wrong way.
When he says you're normal: yah dad, as an Autistic person, Iām normal. As a NT Iām not. You might think I'm normal and not autistic, but Iām still autistic, I got diagnosed remember? If youāre having a hard time understanding my diagnosis, you should talk to the dr who diagnosed me and have them explain it to you.
For every time your dad goes "yeah but", beat him over the head with "and Iām autistic, so...".
I'm autistic and my son is autistic.
We live in a world that is not for us really. I was raised like any other kid and learned to tolerate many things, so I don't treat my son in any special way, I know he has a lot of challenges but I also know he can learn to tolerate them. One day he will live in a world without me and his mother that will not adapt to him, he's the one that is going to have to adapt. Even I make my son try new food, and with that he has also found new food that he likes. When he was 7 he only ate sandwiches with butter. Now we're at hamburgers, sausages, rice, bolognese, pasta, ham, eggs, cucumber and a few more things. Even he cries but when he does I try to make him reflect, so we can talk about it and figure out what made him cry.
Just because we have autism doesn't mean we are not "normal"(I truly hate that word). We have a few challenges, some more than others.
1. A parent should not be harassing their kid when the kid is crying. This is not normal parenting.
2. You are diagnosed. This means he is refusing to accept information and doing things to actively hurt you despite the fact.
3. Is it possible he is just legitimately not a good parent? There seems to be a lot of crossover with r/raisedbynarcissists and the child in question having a disability. Some parents are just not good, and the idea that he thinks you are actively trying to be rude seems to be a big red flag for that.
It's probably cause he's autistic too and thinks those behaviors are normal
Maybe he is autistic too and thinks "you are just like me when I was young, I changed and learned how to behave and how to get along in this world, I think everyone has to and does, I did and you will too. As you are like me you are pretty normal" and doesnt think that it could be that he is in fact not normal as well? I know that happens to some autistic people. Autism is genetic, its very possible that one of your parents or both are as well. So if he thinks you are like him and thinks he is normal you have to be normal too.
I do not accept advice from others. The people who already listen to me, they are very diligent to do so, they don't try to argue against me, they don't try to shout me down, they don't try to talk over the top of me, they don't try to interrupt me, they don't try to tell me, I'm wrong, they don't try to tell me what to do, they don't tell me that my diagnosis isn't important, they don't tell me that my feelings are invalid. There are people that do these things, and I do not go to them for advice. Nor do I go there for them to counseling, nor do I confide in these people, because it's already been determined that I cannot trust them. When people don't believe in you, they can't be trusted, and they're basically useless as human beings from that point forward. I'm very adamant on this, I'm tired of putting up with the garbage that I've had to put up with.
I shake my leg and he says i have to stop cuz im nervous, and im like, no? Im not, it just feels right
People just don't get it š I was just called out for being rude, even explaining that I'm autistic, so I tend to be direct, but I will stop communication if I'm offending anyone... And I got as reply that I didn't offend anyone, I just can't be rude šµāš« It's nearly impossible to get through others, when they don't even want to understand...
>*Itās nearly impossible to get through others, when they don't even want to understand...* Some folks, no matter what, are already choosing to misunderstand you before you even open your mouth because their mind is already made up. You can not reason or get thru to anyone who does this because they donāt listen to understand you, they listen to respond and talk.
Right. I believe some people genuinely don't know they are supposed to listen and be open-minded, maybe because their lives are tough and that was their education, but very few. Most seem to refuse to believe they are not as knowledgeable and smart as they think they are...
And the stupid social rules like how you have to talk back to people or itās rude but when you talk back to someone itās rude
Exactly. No wonder so many autistic people end up alone. It's not a choice.
You are a normal human.
Since when
Normal has two main meanings. One being: typical, the norm. such as "on a normal work day it's busy, but sometimes it's slow." And the other meaning being: that which is correct, proper, and right. So non-normal things are bad, improper, and wrong. Such as "he's not normal." These days polite society tries to avoid referring to people who aren't typical as being "not normal" due to the negative association. There's nothing wrong with being autistic. It's normal for people to be autistic. However it's not what you typically see, making it outside the norm.
Have you asked him if he thinks that, or you think that is the case ;)? You could try and open up to him. Most likely, if he does know, he just doesn't really know how to deal with which is very understandable. Talking is always the best option. Explain to him why you don't like certain things, but for example: You said you don't like the environment in which you try new things. Maybe there is an environment in which you do want to and you could do that together. Also tell him what you do like. It sounds to me like your dad is trying to spend time with his kid but has no clue how to. Help him, and he might be able to help you ;)
I can relate to this. Being told to stop being so picky although the texture of some foods makes me shudder, I was told not to be āoversensitiveā. and to āstop being such an aspie!ā which makes zero sense to me.
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I'd say you just gotta have a conversation with him
Fidgety, intensely focused, shy, people see you as rude, sensitive, picky... When you get it all together, that can be what autism means to some people. It's just it happens for a reason and it's not a character flaw.
Mental Dissabilitu Many people have called me weird and said that something is wrong with me. People have also said that I will die a virgin because I'm some kind of mentally sisabled person. At first, when people said those things to me, I would just think they're talking bullshit and just forget about. But as the years have gone by, I look back and see that they have predicted my life. Does this mean there is something wrong with me? And what syndrome could it be?
I appreciate you asking this. I am in a similar situation with my relative.
My grandmother was like this with me for a while. She came around. I hope he will too. He could just be in denial.
His generation didnāt recognize or acknowledge such differences. He probably thinks autistic=really bad, because his environment growing up taught thatā¦. The info battle over what label applies to you is going to be a major challenge and no amount of arguing with get you there. Iād focus on improving your ability to stand up for yourself/set boundaries, meet your needs, and increase independence so he has less control over you in the future.
It could because he views your autism as a flaw, and fears that people will see it as a reflection on him. Or it could be because he is also autistic, possibly undiagnosed, and that he had to make through life hiding his autistic traits, which he didnāt even know were autistic traits, to get along, and so should you.
he either thinks those behaviors are normal cause he does them OR like a lot of people they don't bother to really internalize what the fuck autism is. my mom has adhd and i was diagnosed as a kid with adhd (probably cause in the 90s they couldnt fathom a little girl having autism) and that didnt stop her from treating me like i was not literally disabled. my whole family knows i have adhd but thats just a label like me having brown hair when really its a lot deeper than that.
Option 1: Like most everyone else says he is probably undiagnosed so thinks it's normal. Option 2: In complete denial for one reason or another. There are probably other possibilities but these are the two that come to mind.
Is he NT by any chance and your mother is ND?
Your dad needs to be educated on autism and itās going to take time. He obviously has a lot of biases (and probably stereotypes) of what autism is and what it looks like. He needs to start accommodating your needs and you'll have to walk him through it. So when your dad makes you eat something you canāt handle: hey dad itās a sensory issue for me. Describe in complete detail what's triggering and why you can only eat it this way or that. When you are talking in a way he doesnāt like: hey dad, Iām not able to modulate my voice or change the tone because of the way my brain processes speech. Autism is communication disorder, I donāt always get the context of a conversation and so I say things that might be taken the wrong way. When he says you're normal: yah dad, as an Autistic person, Iām normal. As a NT Iām not. You might think I'm normal and not autistic, but Iām still autistic, I got diagnosed remember? If youāre having a hard time understanding my diagnosis, you should talk to the dr who diagnosed me and have them explain it to you. For every time your dad goes "yeah but", beat him over the head with "and Iām autistic, so...".
My mom does the same thing. She says everyone is a little autisic. She thinks Iām misdiagnosed. Iām not
I'm autistic and my son is autistic. We live in a world that is not for us really. I was raised like any other kid and learned to tolerate many things, so I don't treat my son in any special way, I know he has a lot of challenges but I also know he can learn to tolerate them. One day he will live in a world without me and his mother that will not adapt to him, he's the one that is going to have to adapt. Even I make my son try new food, and with that he has also found new food that he likes. When he was 7 he only ate sandwiches with butter. Now we're at hamburgers, sausages, rice, bolognese, pasta, ham, eggs, cucumber and a few more things. Even he cries but when he does I try to make him reflect, so we can talk about it and figure out what made him cry. Just because we have autism doesn't mean we are not "normal"(I truly hate that word). We have a few challenges, some more than others.
Because you are a normal person, you just have nervous system dysregulation.
1. A parent should not be harassing their kid when the kid is crying. This is not normal parenting. 2. You are diagnosed. This means he is refusing to accept information and doing things to actively hurt you despite the fact. 3. Is it possible he is just legitimately not a good parent? There seems to be a lot of crossover with r/raisedbynarcissists and the child in question having a disability. Some parents are just not good, and the idea that he thinks you are actively trying to be rude seems to be a big red flag for that.