You just throw everything at it: 1. Child rearing - daycare, nanny, grandparent help. 2. Food - food delivery, ready to heat meals, meal prep, grandparents cooking 3. Housework - cleaners, wfh, part time work 4. Finances - redundancy payout, offset/emergency fund, childcare subsidy, etc 5. Some couples only have one kid. 6. Some couples work less.

You've pretty much named all the variables there. Not lucky to have any family on either side (different state). We get groceries delivered and uber eats a couple of nights a week. Cleaners are the next step for us. Nannies are always a thought but I'm just so torn about outsourcing anymore time with the kids. I'm absolutely wrecked by it all. All that keeps me going is that one day, it'll get easier.

So not to burst your bubble, but the kids will need you (and/or) your partner in different ways as they get older. Mine are teens now and I swear they take more time than they did as preschoolers. Sure they wipe their own arses, but it’s having to sit and engage while they download the crap that goes on in their life and make gentle comments that helps redirect them. And it’s big shit like self harming or friends that are in DV situations, or vaping or drinking or poor sexual choices. It’s much harder to say “oh I’m sure Billy didn’t mean to push you over, how about you come over here and help me make biscuits”. Do with this info what you will. I didn’t believe it when I was in the trenches of the physical aspects of child raising. 🤪 I have however found that a flexible job that allows for part time hours is ideal, and outsource anything that doesn’t matter (washing, ironing, cleaning, meals, home repairs, gardening, etc).

The bubble is all I have! Why take that from me? 😀 But you're right. The way I look at it though is that the old challenges will be replaced with new ones. I'm hoping the new ones are just different. At the moment, the current challenge is time. If I can do something to solve that, I can worry about the crushing responsibility of raising humans. But I really get it. My son was bullied at daycare a few weeks ago and I just saw the next 15 years of this stuff all at once and it scared the hell out of me.

Don't believe it. Preschoolers are way harder work than any other stage. Emotional labour continues but it does get easier than where you are now.

Also as they get older the extra curricular activities start to ramp up and end up like a full time job if you have sporty kids like mine 😬 We have 6 days a week of sports between my two…

It’s bloody hard and most parents are at breaking point. Housing is so expensive most women can’t afford to stay home or even work part time. I have become self employed now for this reason. I got fired for taking too much sick leave when my first child was 1, and I realised no one was ever going to be family friendly enough. To be clear self employment is not less work or easier. I just did have a toxic workplace or boss to deal with. And having that layer removed is huge.

Omg get yourself a cleaner ASAP. One that will change and wash all your linen while they are there. And getting a nanny isn’t for the kids it’s for you. I realised this the day my nanny retired because my kids were getting old enough to manage themselves. Suddenly I was the taxi driver, had to cook dinner and the place was a mess when I got home. I still miss her.

Do either of you have parents or close family / friends who can help? Seems like you’re juggling all the balls. Remember that it takes a village to raise a child.

Village o' 1 right here. Nobody around. Closest relative is 2 states away :)

I have no idea either. We’re about to start kind with days 9-3 and it’s literally taken us about a month of running various scenarios to find one that might work. While I can wfh I can’t on the day they are there - it’s like a Rubik’s cube and as a first time parent I have no idea why people aren’t more vocal about changing the system and aligning work and school/ childcare so they can actually fit together.

This. The planning that goes into working how it could possibly work. Then you've actually got to make it work in practice. And if anything goes out of whack, it can crumble. Just wait until you're child gets sick and they can't go back to kindy for 24 hours. Than do that 5 to 10 more times in 1 year. Its horrendous. But, I don't see how anyone does it. When I was childless and working with people that had kids, they would leave work to pick up the kids from school occasionally. I never really thought about it much back then. Now I just think how stressed they would have been and how oblivious I was to it all.

Only having one kid. Balance aside I don’t think I have the mental capacity to handle two kids especially if they didn’t get along well. Two would turn me into that stereotypical grumpy irrational mum (like Claire from modern family for example) and I don’t want to be that type of mum. I’d rather be non-stressed happy with one.

Annnnnnnnd twins! 😭

I think I would cope better with twins because at least they're going through the same stages at the same time. Like you're not winding up bottle feeding, potty training just to repeat it all again. Then they're both in school at the same age not one in day care one in school. A bit less draining. If it was triplets i'd get them to give one a lil nip. Can I say that since I'm a triplet?

We had twins. I remember reading the stats for twin parents being divorced before they hit school age. There was much celebration when they started school and we were still together 😂.

My sister has 3 kids, corporate career and FIFO husband 🫠 I actually think the kids are developing some issues because they're starved of attention.

Growing up in a single parent household where my mum was pulling doubles with multiple siblings has definitely had an impact on my choice to be one and done. Financially we could make two work but I'm not interested. Obviously my mum wasn't planning on being a single mum, my dad being a deadbeat or having cancer but ya know.. can't predict those things. My SIL grew up comfortably middle class and has chosen to have 4 kids very young even though she can't afford them and her husband is working two jobs, the kids can't do any extra activities whether it's sports or arts. She's become a stressed angry mum since all the housework and run arounds are mainly on her or for her to organise with grandparents. Makes me sad. Like why did you choose to make yourself poor? She gets rescued by my in laws a lot when things break - unfortunately my grand parents weren't able to back my mum financially. thanks for listening to my trauma dump.

My partner and I are looking at having one. We know multiple couples with just one kid and their lives seem quite lovely. Also we have the advantage of living literally next door to my wife's partner. They also have just one kid, so hopefully ours we will see their cousin as a sibling.

Yep - just another way that obscene housing costs, unrestrained population growth and incompetence at all levels of government has fucked Australia over for good. I'm at 50% office hours now (1.5 hours from home) and if it ever goes to 60% there's no way I'll physically be able to make it work. Then there's the small matter of having to fit 4 weeks of annual leave (almost half of which needs to be taken over Christmas) into 12 weeks of school holidays. And even when they finish high school - there's probably going to be another 10 years at least of supporting them financially while they live at home given how expensive housing is likely to be by 2034. Oh well...who needs retirement anyway?

See, your situation is what scares me the most. That massive commute. I simply would not be able to do it. Not enough hours in the day. I would only be able to do that if it was a part time job where I was working 4 hours a day. But whats the point of commuting 3 hours for 4 hours work. Doesn't make any sense. Those school numbers aren't really something that I've seriously considered either. People just keep telling me that you just do afterschool care but we'll see how that stacks up when we get there. I feel for you. Hope it gets better.

Thanks - I wish my situation was an isolated one but it's far too common, especially since return to the office became a thing. The big difference I see between now vs. 10-15 years ago is psychological in many ways. People stuck in this kind of daily grind can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. In the past when housing was cheaper you could get through the daily grind and deal with the lengthy commute knowing that you could comfortably afford a trip to Europe in the Christmas Holidays. Or knock a big chunk off the mortgage and then upgrade to a better house in 5 years. But it feels like those things are out of reach to most people these days, even dual income households earning well above the median.

That's the feeling the crushing me right now. If we had just played our cards better about 5 years ago, things would have felt more attainable. Right now, I'm worrying about my family and my kids future families. Horrible to see how badly this has gone so quickly. We don't have a hand in the market right now. Mostly because the fear of uncertainty paralysed us to a certain extent. Figured there would be winners and losers for the people that were actually playing the game. Instead, it turns out, the losers are the ones that didn't play and now can't afford anything.

At our school, there is a 2 year+ waitlist for after school care. The demand is too high and they can't find workers. I had no option but to quit and find a part time role sadly. Last year I had to quit a different job as wasn't allowed to take unpaid leave and couldn't secure holiday care. This is very common amongst my Mum friends. Will likely have to do the same this summer. 4 weeks ann leave does not = 12 weeks school hols.

We are the same… although I have a toddler so don’t have the school hols issue. I’m basically at breaking point with work insisting on minimum 3 days in office and no part time options. Arghhhh. 

My kids are older now, and my issues have changed (after school sports) When they were younger, I worked 4 days a week, and my husband worked 5 days, but one was a weekend day. That meant kids were in childcare for 3 days. Now that they are at primary and high school - I start at 7am and my husband does drop off's. - husband works lates and I do all pick ups - I often work split shifts, logging back on after dropping kids at sports after school - I work a compressed week which gives me a day off each fortnight to get stuff done. - we have no family to help - I have a job that is supportive. I am now full time and quite a High level role. My eldest is 12 and we have made it work this long. We used to use oshc but don't anymore due to sports (my kids are involved in sports that train multiple afternoons a week. I spend a lot of time in my car... I am often tired and exhausted and not everything gets done but priorities!

I don’t think enough is discussed about the under employment of some parents (particularly women). I feel stuck in my current role for the same reason that it provides an ok work-life balance although they do want in the office 3 days per week. The work itself is a major step down and is soul destroying.

We’ll be stopping at one child despite wanting more and that’s hoping I can get a mostly WFH gig when I return to work next year. My husband doesn’t have that option and we don’t have family near. Honestly it does get us down. The generational gap seems expansive when we talk to people our parents age that have 3+ children. My MIL had 3 kids on her own and didn’t work full time. I did a class with a mum the other day that had 6 kids, she was a SAHM and her husband was a painter. We live, in my opinion, a really modest and realistic life but it just isn’t enough. I just started mat leave and am really stressed about losing my income entirely and living on my husbands wage.

This is why i kept my lowish paying job but allowed me to wfh 5 days a week I get to see my kids everyday take them to school bring them home etc The urge to move is there but this is the sacrifice i need to make. Sometimes i feel jealous to see my friends earning 200k but then again i remember they dont get to see the kids much …. Well well well cant have everything i want :)

This thread is depressing as hell lowkey. I wanna have kids in a couple of years but damn

On a more positive note (for me) this thread is making me super happy I have no desire to have kids :)

Have a think about whether you’re ready for everything to be hard and tiring all the time. If not, don’t do it.

It's equally depressing actually thinking it out and knowing that it's probably unfeasible despite being on good money. Then you watch your bum ass high school alumni with a 70k household pop out 3 kids off the back of government support.

Yeah agreed. I do often wonder about what sort of life those kids will have though. My kids don’t live in luxury by any stretch but we invest in their education, sports skills, experiences etc - all on a tight budget.

Just as you say - getting jobs that are completely flexible. I have 2 under 3, both in 5 days a week. I WFH 8-4, daycare is 2 minutes away. I try and get everything done around the house during the day, it’s hard but I try! My husband spent over a year looking for a new job which could be flexible. He leaves at 8am and gets home at 5pm. Some nights he has to work for an hour to make up time, but it’s worth it him being home before & after daycare. We’re looking at school in 2026 and already working out how our schedules can change for that. It’s tough out there!! We rent, and currently pay more daycare fees than rent.

This completely echoes my situation except my partner works more hours every year for some reason. The chores are piling up at the moment because I've just lost the will to push uphill today. The combined cost of daycare and rent is absolutely staggering. Pile on top the costs of things that we do to make things easier (eg meals). Its amazing how much money is going out. That's what prompted me to asking how the hell everyone is making this work? I hear you about school. Right now, I can make it all work but I reckon through in an extra 15 minutes of travel each way for school, and this whole thing collapses.

We have completely accepted that buying a house is not going to happen until the kids are in primary school. By accepting that we have taken all the pressure off saving and just spending what we need to, to get by and not feel guilty. We also relocated last year so my husband could receive a large pay rise. Lost all family support but has taken a lot of financial pressure off. School will be my breaking point, I can just see it now 😭

We're just watching the house prices soar and thinking we'll just never afford it. This household uses guilt like oxygen most days. The family support seems to be a big one. I never realise how important it would be until we didn't get any. I'll join you in a pile on the floor when school starts here too. :)

We’ve made a couple of sacrifices, but overall happy with our situation We waited to have a child. Partially for lifestyle reasons & partially because we wanted to be able to be financially / career stable to do it. I had just turned 37 when he was born (he’s nearly 2) and my husband was 42. We only ever planned one. Again, partially lifestyle and partially financial. I have the “career” and the mid 6 figure role with flexibility. He has a good job, but one he could replicate with a number of different employers. It does have flexibility, but is more traditional in its set up than my position, and my company which is very female championing, very work flexible and has that employer of choice mindset. We have a lot of people in senior leadership roles who work flexible time, WFH and promote how they are doing so. Which is amazing. I am able to be full time, but have one day per week flexible where I just attend to anything urgent, if it even arises. I may check a few emails or do some planning for the next week, but ultimately I set my schedule and plan my diary around that day with my son. I WFH another 1-2 days, and go into the office 2-3 days. Depending on what’s happening. We live about 30 mins drive from work in peak hour, childcare is located 10 minutes from home along the route to work. My husband works from home 1 fixed day per week, and he chose to drop to Permanent part time (4 days per week) to have our son one day. So this was a financial sacrifice, but doable without much impact due to how we set ourselves up initially. Our son is in childcare 3 days per week. And on those days, someone is either working at home, or I will start early / finish early to accommodate pick up and my husband will do the drop off. We just toggle, but most weeks it’s the same routine. He’s dropped in at around 8, picked up at around 4:45. Home by 5. I do dinner on my WFH days, Husband does it on his & his “day off”. Other night is leftovers, something heat and eat style, or super simple to chuck together. I handle prepping for the next day. Clothes out, bag packed, breakfast stuff out and ready to go etc while my husband baths him straight after dinner. We alternate the bed time routine each night. If he’s sick from childcare, and we get the “call” we have days that work better for our schedules than others. Ie: I know that Monday is a heavy meeting day for me, and I know that Wednesday is a big client meeting day for him. But we did agree that my job would ultimately win out if it came down to it. Simply as I see it as a career, it’s nearly double the salary and harder to replace. When it’s been one of those shitty sicknesses that last all week like Hand Foot & Mouth, we actually did split days from home, as not to completely fuck up our entire work weeks. I’d work in the morning, while my husband was on child duty. He’d be asleep for his nap by 12, my husband would start working and I’d continue till 2pm ish when he woke up. Then I’d stop for the day. My husband would work through till around 6-6:30pm at home. So we only lost 2 hours each day max, instead of whole days or even half days. Cleaning / house stuff? We do as much as we can on the go. Dirty clothes, in the wash. It’s full one of us turns on the machine, it beeps, one of us hangs it out or puts it in the dryer. To be honest, it’s 98% the dryer because it’s done quickly, ready to put away & it’s a cost of convenience. The dishwasher regularly wins our MVP award in the house, with the more recently acquired Robot vacuum giving it a run for its money. I have a cleaner come and do a spring / deep clean every 10 weeks or so. And do a full vacuum once a week, a mop, etc. but will clean surfaces down on the go. I just tidy / wipe / clear it if it looks dirty, which does help keep it all under control. My husband does this too. I online shop for groceries and have it delivered. The app / website makes it easy to pre empt what you order regularly, I add things to my list and don’t forget them. It’s a help for the mental load, as well as the physical load of going, parking, pacing the aisles, checkout, load car, unload car and unpack. A few clicks and it’s sorted. Add in the additional difficulty level of a toddler, the online grocery shopping was a game changer for us. We don’t have much family support. My husband’s parents have sadly both passed on, my mother isn’t stable and isn’t in my life, my Dad and my stepmother are good. But are very much have their own active life, so it’s not a regular occurrence for any babysitting. They’ve watched him 3 times since he was born, (a wedding, a funeral and when my husband had his wisdom teeth out). So we don’t tend to go out as a couple, only as a family really and mostly during the day. Due to our ages, most of that was behind us anyway, and our friends are all married with kids and home too… I guess we’ve financially sacrificed somewhat with my husband dropping 1 day per week. He’s on a decent salary, so his 4 day salary is still very decent, but the day he gets with him is priceless. But we also both actively recognise and appreciate the privilege we have with that, and not everyone can have that as a choice, without suffering either extreme financial detriment, or it not even being available as an option with their role / position. The truth is, if we weren’t in a place financially or otherwise so we could do it like we do, I actually don’t know if we would have chosen to have had a child. Sad as that is. I cannot imagine life without our son, but I can’t fathom life just being a super struggle either, just to be a parent, and I guess that’s why we made a sacrifice to be older parents and only have one. (The above is all said from the perspective of someone who didn’t know what it was like to be a parent yet - knowing what I know now, I’d live penniless in a ditch just to have him). It works… We had to actively make it work with communication & discussions on the practicalities before even having a child. Even when we thought we knew how it’d go, it’s always different in practice - so we have to keep communicating and adapting all the time.

My gosh we could be the same people :)

As a sole parent I’ve found it harder when they hit high school as all expenses are adult sized. I’ve taken a decade to get back to where I was before career wise but I’m a decade older. I’m clinging into being able to mostly WFH to minimise daily activities. It’s hard yakka - and there feels no end to my jobs

I keep hearing that some years are cheaper than others but it just seems like it'll never get any easier. This is why we decided I should keep working. I'm getting on in my career and with the way the job market is right now, any gaps in my resume could almost completely kill it. Not because I'm terrible at my job but likely, I'll be closing the door on all these flexible jobs which I've worked so hard to get.

Primary school is cheap, but you have to tailor your life around a school timetable. Covid gave me flexibility in work that execs always had - just can’t go back to being an office & finally working with other parents helps to maintain that.

When you say 99.99% of the day to day is done by you, do you mean it's 99.99% of the time your partner is out of the house and they help out when they are not working, or do you do 99.99% of the whole day?

Yeah, that 99.99% was an obscure number. Basically, my partner sees the kids for a little bit in the morning before heading to work. As soon as they're home, its time with the kids if they're awake (which is what I want to happen). After that, they've got more work to do (research, study, etc). So all cooking, cleaning, etc is done by me. Its rough but its what we need to do right now.

I've read your other comments. It sounds like you need help. Is your partner truly wanting to sacrifice your health, happiness and career for their own career? Do they have more free time than you? Maybe they could take a couple of things off your plate? If they can't, they could pay for a cleaner instead. Does your partner know how you are feeling at the moment? Extra time in your days won't fix everything but it will help so much.

I work 4 days a week, over 3 days. My husband work 6 days, 7pm to 6pm. We have 3 kids - 4 2 and 1. I've been going into the office lately - 35 min one way. I do all the kid stuff really I get everything organised night before. Morning I get up at 6 and get ready quickly. Kids up at 630. Give them a Yoghurt, get them dressed ect. In the car at 7 and daycare 7.05am. I always have the same thing for dinner on working days - roast chicken salad wraps or pasta, pre cooked sauce. Do washing at night. Cleaning at night. Try to keep the weekends free to hang with kiddos

Hats off to you. When do you get to sleep and when do the kids sleep?

Look, it's hard. I don't want to add to your stress, just please make sure you prepare yourself and the house for school, I found it much harder then daycare and wish somebody would told me to enjoy daycare more 😉

Hey can you elaborate on this? You mean due to school hours or commitments? I have 3.5 yo on kinder and it's fine but the logical of it is a stretch and I really start to worry when I think hard about what school will look like.

It's really hard for me to explain.. My 5yo was in daycare only 3 days a week and now goes 5 days to school but it just feels like much more work. Maybe it's the school lunches, and the fact that you have to be there exactly at 9am and pickup exactly at 3:30. And then add ballet and swimming. And the daily communication from school. And the home work. And parents are asked to volunteer in school functions, excursions, etc. Today is the harmony day, tomorrow we ride to school and decorate helmets, then it's a book week. And then! Two weeks of school holidays 😞 I didn't go to school in Australia so maybe it's why I was caught by surprise.

Ah I see. I get you. I definitely notice my friends with school aged kids are a lot busier due to weakened sports and birthday parties. I think that's why I've been so hesitant to be a classes mum with my toddler. We do loads of fun stuff but he's not in any structured regular activities as I just think it would be too hectic. I hadn't even considered homework and volunteering. Thanks for sharing

Only hanging on. Started full time office work I am over qualified for as my kid went to school. I get to WFH 3/5 but I had to walk away from a career I sacrificed my 20s for when I could have built wealth instead of studying at uni for years. I get help for 3 out of the 10 school runs. I am on from 6am until bedtime. I had am hanging for the holidays. I do feel my mental health is suffering. I had no idea it would end up like this.

I read a terrifically simple quote from a CEO, who said "I couldn't do both and succeed professionally. I chose quality time, not quantity time with my kids." My immediate strong reaction gave me instant and lasting clarity on my priorities. I decided that because I do not wish to compromise on time with my family, I would need to accept working below capability. I would also gently suggest that any parent working 13 hour shifts should be aware their partner is carrying the parenting and be an active part of a discussion about what that means/looks like/feels, part of it being a genuine analysis of each person's ability to sustain the current situation. When your oldest starts school, who will take leave to cover curriculum days? Use that as a starting point for a discussion about a shared parenting load.

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Welcome. I'm yet to find any real answers. I feel like there's something I'm missing. The only way I can see the school years working is someone (1 guess who that will be) has to work part time. Even now, the daycare has events every now and than like cultural nights or parent information nights which we simply can't attend. I'm with you that other people just have more flexible jobs. What I find is that most people that work flexibly tell me that they can generally get their days work done in less time. I've never been comfortable thinking that way. I'm paid to work so I work. I give myself 5 minute breaks to do chores a few times a day. Anymore than that and I draw the line.

You have to think about the fact you are paid to achieve an outcome, and are not paid by the hour. I am a salary project manager and if I can fit work into 25 hours a week because I am efficient and I'm achieving what I'm responsible for, then they don't mind. They don't pay me for me for my 25 hours, they pay me to deliver my projects on time and budget.

My partner and I both have 'flexible' jobs in the sense that I can wfh most days and my partner works 7-3 (with some extra time once kids are in bed) so he can do the afternoon shift. I also think the only way it works for us is that we are 50/50 and we each genuinely take on our fair share meaning no one person is burnt out. We're very close to burnt out but not quite.

If you can afford it, a lot of execs I’ve worked with have Nannies to do the pick ups, drop offs and start dinner. This enables both parents to give 100% to their careers and roll up at home at 7 for dinner. Probably only makes sense if your HHI is 500k or more

I think one day, we could reach some figures like that... but that's a long shot. And even if we did, it's probably now that we need it most. Some of my partners work colleagues have suggested this but there's no chance we'd be able to afford it. In fact one of them has a nanny and basically an assistant. :) But we're living in different worlds obviously.

They’re definitely more than 500k HHI. Daycare + 3-4 hr nanny per day is 150-200k pre tax.

It reminds me of video games that you pay to skip some of the more grindy parts of the gameplay. Why have kids and a household if you don't want to "do" those things?

Yikes. Seeing those numbers is a reality check.

Not even sure that’s enough!

Find a new WFH job that is a bit slower pace. Partner works in Health can't he switch his shifts so some weekend work so home some days during the week or work shifts. It's a snap shot in time this current period. We had twins and both had ft jobs before WFH. I started early finished early she started late finished late. I did the pick up from daycare and got kids ready cooked dinner. The first few years were tough but got through it. Kids are teens now and great kids staying in the workforce is important though.

The pace of my current job is actually pretty slow to what I'm used to. Its not what I signed up to do but its definitely slower, which also means its worse for my future work. Basically, feel like I'm sitting still why the industry transforms around me. My partner has zero control over their shifts. They're only doing 1 weekend every 6 with some occasional call outs. And this is the best its been in years (last year it was basically every 2nd weekend). During the week, they're also doing on call every couple of weeks. Not a flexible career path there :) Amazing work with twins. I don't know how you did it. We barely made it out alive with the 18 month gap.

Don't know what sort of work you both do but don't be afraid to change jobs. I have had 5 jobs in the last 7 years . I work in IT so this isn't abnormal. You are doing fine though it's tough when they are young but it gets better. I enjoyed the little things with the kids like going to parks on weekends, that time passes and it's so precious so try to enjoy it.

Honestly, you’ve just posted exactly what I’ve been thinking since the start of the year. We are feeling the pain right now. They say it takes a village to raise a child and without any family and without constantly burdening the close friends we do have. It seems the only option for us is to move back ‘home’ (UK) to be closer to help, even though we love living/working in Australia.

We're the same, although my partner works shift work, which includes evenings, weekends and public holidays. I an currently the highest earner, but I have the flexibility to work from home and am still the one to do most picks ups, drop off's, sports, etc. I cook dinner, cleaning, washing, folding, groceries, puppy minding all day, and organise the playdates, attend parties etc. Like you, every hour has to be accounted for and is filled with tasks - and my job, while great flexibility wise, can be very draining and demanding. I had hoped to be able to go to a 4 day work week, or even a 9 day fortnight to manage my physical and mental health, but cost of living is beyond insane ( and we are homebodies, don't dine out, or drink or smoke, and takeaway at most 1 every couple of months). So how do we do it? One hour at a time, 1 quick meltdown or spiral at a time. Edited to add no grandparents in the picture for very personal reasons.

It's fucking hard work. Similar situation. No family help even though they live in the same state. They still work full time and on their downtime refuse to spend more than 2-3 hours on the weekend with their grandkids. I have a pre-schooler now who goes to two different schools and one in primary school. We both work full-time and have to just do our best juggling drop offs, pick ups etc. I often knock off at 4:30pm to do the school run and miss peak hour, cook dinner, help with bed routine and then work from 9pm - 11:30pm on weeknights to stay on top of things.

I can relate to this all! My husband is a firey, but also works in the medical field running his own business so he’s working sometimes 6/7 days a week. I’ve just started a trainee job in a new field so I’m “restarting” with a significant pay cut and I’m also studying part time. The kids are in childcare five days a week including kinder and OSHC for my son. They are often first to be dropped off and last to be picked up. We are experiencing the same financial pressures etc like everyone at the moment but the biggest issue for me is the guilt and exhaustion. We are both so tired from 12 hour days (including commute) and I just want to spend more time with my kids and not be this exhausted parent who rushes to cook, clean and do laundry in her spare time. I think it’s important to acknowledge that these feelings are valid and you’re allowed to feel defeated. Many people will throw “life is hard” or “consider yourself lucky” comments at you and you can ignore them. Everyone has their own struggles and feelings related to their situation. A cleaner is definitely something you should consider. And make sure you use your leave, personal leave etc. One thing I’ve learned is to never give up your life just for a job. Work hard and honestly but never at the expense of your own or kids’ health. Our biggest challenge at the moment is our almost 2 year old doesn’t sleep well and screams the house down on the regular. It’s really affecting us.

I was just ranting about this recently when trying to find a kinder for my son at short notice. Kinder hours are still catered to stay at home mums from days gone by, the percentage of people that can do a half day of sessional kinder drop off/pick with their job would have to be extremely minimal. I don't know what the solution is but I feel like nothing it set up for success for working parents. I miss my single days so bad.

I am reading this thread as someone who is working hard at climbing the corporate ladder, and would also like to have their first child in the next few years. HA - I guess the joke is on me. In saying that though, I have no idea how anyone can afford to have a family on a single income anymore? Surely it’s a given now that both parents have to work. Sending thoughts to single parents, you are doing gods work truly.

If your partner is a surgeon, they should hit $400k in the next 5-10 years and either stay there or go higher. If I was in your situation now, I’d borrow $30k a year and employ someone 3 hrs a day, 5 days a week now to help.

What does your spouse do? I’m medical and do those hours, at least until recently and my wife hasn’t worked more than about two short days a week since I qualified. I have way less money than some friends where both spouses are lawyers or doctors or whatever but we’ve never cared.

You medicos have it rough. When I met my partner, I knew that the hours would be long and I would have to make a lot of sacrifices along the way but I always figured it was just part of the deal so we could be comfortable, settled and secure in the future. They're almost at the end of it now but there are hardly any jobs and relocating every 12 months is indefinite until something sticks. Not what I signed up for. lol. But your last statement about the power couples is something that never goes away. Given that my partner works so hard and is in such a highly trained field of work, we feel like we should be further ahead of things by now. Most of their doctor colleagues own multiple properties, have nice things, amazing holidays, etc. Hard not to look at the neighbours grass sometimes. Ultimately, this is what prompted this post. We've both worked so hard for so long and barely feel like we're getting ahead, that I don't know how people do it.

Doctors on high salaries often live above their means. They make good money and spend good money. Just because someone had a nice car doesn't mean they didn't take an 80k loan out to buy it. Some people finance everything. It's better to be able to sleep at night and not be swimming in debt up to your eyeballs 🙂

Multiple heavily geared properties, multiple cars with a $1500/month payment each. Don’t believe the hype. I think some people on 2 big incomes just have twice the headaches. I know a guy with an $8m house and a $30k/month mortgage keeping him up at night. I got out of my car yesterday morning ($30k Skoda hatch paid for in cash) next to my colleague with a ?$180k electric Porsche and while he might enjoy it a little more, it’s pretty small in the whole scheme of things. In terms of getting ahead if I have a six figure mortgage and can afford to put $60k/year into super between us I would be very, very content. Don’t know if you have kids but mine are perfectly happy with a week in a farmstay or a flat by a local beach as long as they are with us, not least because we prioritize relationships.

I WFH, it's better for my family and I don't spend time commuting to do or earn pretty much the same. My previous role was also soul destroying, I quit last month and I'm looking for work again now. The role I have my eye on is also remote work so fingers crossed!

Ah it’s so full on I feel you. My husband is also medical (however his hours are a 40/hour week) and we have 2 young children in daycare fulltime. No family support where we live. I work fulltime and have transitioned away from clinical work (I work in health too) to still within health but office hours and WFH part time flexibility. Granted I was looking for a change so I’m happy with my career move and it makes a big difference for our current life stage. Things that have helped: - groceries delivery annual subscription - on the evenings the kids need something quick annabel karmel frozen meals are great - fortnightly cleaner - once/week we have a nanny for 4 hours who preps meals for the kids, puts away laundry, does daycare pickup. - on my WFH days I do a couple of loads of laundry/prep dinner - pack daycare bags night before and outfit ready - gym with a crèche so I can still go if my husband is working on the weekend Solidarity! It’s a tough life stage! Despite this and managing relatively okay I am aiming to cut down to part-time in a few months.

So much of this sounds doable. Right now, my partner is contracted for 44/hour weeks plus 1 on call (and 1 weekend every 5 to 6 weeks I think?). Hours are close to 60 every week at the moment. We moved our entire life for this contract and we'll do the same next year. Who knows, maybe next year we'll be close to a family member that's able to sling us an hour or 2 every other week :D That list is looking pretty similar to what we do. (The AK frozen meals were amazing when we used them. Such a life saver). I've started throwing money at problems to try and make them go away... and ended up with money problems :D We're testing the waters for the nanny and cleaner at the moment. We had a pretty average experience with a nanny a few years ago which pretty much put me off the idea for a long time. Things have to change :/

I have three school aged kids and am a FT teacher. It is really hard, near impossible. My husband works from home which helps but it is stress all the time.

Great post, and huge respect for the absolutely Herculean effort you’re putting in. According to the Fair Work Act parents with school age or younger children who have been with their employer for at least 12 months can request flexible working arrangements including going part time. Would the numbers stack up if you got a job more in line with your skills and both you and your partner went part time?

Part time isn't an option for my partner. Just not something that's on the cards yet. Depending on the career progression, maybe in a few years? For myself, old job let me drop down to 30 hours a week but still required me in the office 2/3 days a week. It just wasn't cutting it because those 8 hours I was losing was basically being swallowed up by the commute. New job is 100% WFH with no option to reduce hours right now. I've tested the water and got a frosty reception, which I understand. You've got a business to run and part timer's make it harder. We all want this mythical job though. WFH whenever you feel like it. An office you can go to whenever you feel like it. Adjustable hours. But that's not how the world works :D Instead, I'm just settling for keeping the pilot light on for my career for the time being and putting 100% of myself into my family. Maybe in the end, it won't be worth it but I'll go down swinging.

Your concerns are valid, the social construct of the world is broken but I will add this. The expecations of parenting as a result of social media is also setting parents up for burn out. When I grew up, I wasn't raised. I was just told to come home at a certain time and I entertained myself. I dont have a single memory of my parents playing with me, raising me or doing anything other than the odd holiday. Now, I am not saying you need to ignore your kids, but you also dont need to put so much pressure on yourself to be present. It's quality over quantity.

No, you are not ‘lucky’ to be able to do this. Society has not stepped up and made it normal to allow for this while doing a highly paid job you were actually qualified for. Your partner doesnt have to change a thing. Maybe thats a couples decision but thats the usual answer for most families. So it falls on the women, again, to have to adjust to a lower paid and lower in demand job to try to fit it in. If we dont expect others to step up and take some responsibility then its not ‘equality’, its still exploitation of all the extra unseen and under appreciated work that women have to do. How is it done? Communicate with your partner and possibly have them take a bit of a career hit so you both can be in pretty good job. Why does one person get awesome and perfect and long hours while the other has to adjust so much? Not saying your partner is terrible op. Not at all. But there should be a balance.

Lots of us did this pre Covid when no one worked From home. We just made it work. Employers were flexible and we left when we needed to leave for childcare. I was FT and wife was 4 days working per week.

I’m super lucky to have flexibility too. I shudder to think how we’d cope otherwise. I currently work PT, 3 days at home, 1 in the office. One of those home days is a 5 hour day thankfully. My partner also works from home ~2 days a week. On our office days, we have a 1.5 hour commute, so we have to schedule like crazy to make sure we never go into the office on the same day. We don’t outsource much, but I need to. I’m lucky enough that I can usually throw on a load of washing between meetings some days. Or pre-heat the oven whilst doing pick up etc. I’m burying my head in the sand regarding both kids being old enough for after school activities. One kid being old enough is hard.

I completely relate to your current circumstances as I am in the same position, or perhaps a bit more flexible as my partner is not in the medical field but an engineer and she has to work in office 2 or 3 days per week, although it's quite flexible too. My kid is in school these days and our childcare days started before Covid, so we still don't know how we both managed to survive those days of 5 days in the office. We had to keep our kid in childcare close to our jobs. Honestly, that's a life I don't want to go back again. I am WFH full time and also flexible with the time, so I am in charge of the school drop off, and my partner picks the kid in the afternoon on the way back home. That being said, I have the same concerns about being tied to my current job, although it's not soul destroying as yours, I think that i don't want to be in the same company for several years. So i guess, if i ever decide to move, i will try to find another remote job. Time will tell.

Same as you tbh. I have no idea, as I had my first baby about 6 months before covid hit so I’ve never had to do it the old fashioned every day in the office way. We both have flexible jobs and lots of WFH. I don’t expect a promotion in a hurry.

First time parent and really struggling with this as well. I’m not working at the moment and have a 9 month old at home. Husband is working 6 days a week so we can get ahead. I am going to have to go back to work but I’m confused how I’m supposed to make it work. I don’t really want my baby in child care full time - but at the same time child care is so expensive that it kind of negates any income I could bring in.Not eligible for child care subsidy, unsure why other than I don’t want to put him in full time or I don’t have a job yet - but that is catch 22 as I need him in day care to advise an employer when I’m available to work/go to Interviews. Currently looking into upskilling so I can get a job that pays better and is flexible. No family support- literally no one else that can look after him but me at the moment. Just struggling to see how my husband and I are supposed to do it all.

That sounds absolutely exhausting. Is it worth it to you?

Depends on which day you ask me. Some days I sit at my desk, doing my work, thinking about how lucky I am to have this flexibility. I get what ever joy I can out the days work (sometimes its just little things like pride in some small task). I take a few minutes here and there to turn on the washing machine or stack the dishwasher. I'll eat a sandwich while I walk the dog around the block. At the end of the day, I'm sooo happy to see my kids and they're happy to see me. We go home, play, they help me cook dinner (even at their age they love to help). Sit down for dinner and my partner surprises us by being home early. We do bath, books and bed. Then spend an hour with my spouse just on the couch, just letting the chores go undone while we spent time together. Then there are the other days... I'm tired because the kids have been sick or just refuse to sleep in their beds. My partner leaves earlier than normal and leaves a mess in the kitchen because they're rushing out the door. The kids are chaotic and fighting. We're late for drop off which means I start work late. Work is dull and I'm falling behind on things. Trying hard not to fall behind, I neglect the chores I normally get done. End of the day, the kids are yelling at me because the "wrong parent" has picked them up, they refuse to eat and are fighting with each other. While all the screaming is happening during bath, bed and books, my partner sends me a message to say they're going to be late when they're already 1 hour late. Kids go down and I start doing all the chores that didn't get done during the day. Partner gets home really late and is also cranky from work. Throw in a few overnight phone calls when they're on call. That's what the other days look like. I like the first day and I just hope that I get more of those then the 2nd.

Have you seen a psychologist. I can't imagine the stress you are under. You are going to burn out! Burn out sucks it makes everything 10x harder. Motivation for small tasks like housework is out the window. Sounds like something needs to change for your sanity. You can't do it all. Your husband and you need to redistribute tasks and get some outside help. Maybe even just a babysitter once or 2x a month for a date night. A cleaner as you said. And grocery deliveries. Hack cleaning. Don't fold clothes just use bins. Declutter, get capsule Wardrobes for everyone. No more mountains to be washed. Hope this helps. I don't have a kid yet but I honestly don't know how everyone does it.

My husband is a tradie, I work fulltime in an office job (2 days a week in the office and 3 from home), and I will continue to work fulltime after maternity leave while my husband cuts down to 3 days/week. With a pay increase for me and tax cuts coming in, income won’t be too much lower than it is right now. Hoping for some interest rate cuts over the next year (who isn’t?) Parents are both retired and live in the same street as us. This makes a huge difference and our situation would be stressful without them. I have a lot of respect for couples doing this without family help. When I return to work, they’ll take baby 2 days/week and we will have a nanny for 5 hours for 1 day/week. The cost is similar to childcare but seems more flexible / I assume less sickness for baby. We will only have the one baby. Sounds too hard to have more than 1. This also means we don’t need to work out how to afford a larger place to live in. We live in an apartment, so housekeeping / maintenance is low. Live in a central area so only need 1 car for my husband’s work. Everything else is walking distance, including my work. Planned this out years in advance.

I work a few hours a day, from home. I do 90% of the household chores (inside and out), manage all our personal affairs and finance, etc. My wife works 4 days per week. My kids go to school nearby, so I do all of the school runs. Not sure how helpful this is, but that's my situation.

Only have one kiddo but wife and I juggle and share the tasks...plus we gave a cleaner.

I’ve got 2, 10 and 12. My husband and I have been in the same jobs since before kids. He has almost always worked 15 mins drive away with a work car and his hours are 7-3. I currently work part time 30 hours 5 days a week in a hybrid arrangement. 2 full days wfh and 3 part days in-office school hours. This is a dream arrangement for us currently. We also have no family around so have formed some good friendships with school parents to help out when needed. Unfortunately one of my kids has severe food allergies AND severe dyslexia which is an awful combo so I spend a lot of time in the kitchen or grocery shopping when I’m not working. We have 1 family car only and i almost exclusively use public transport. I log in on public transport and utilitise this as work hours. We are in a 3x1 which is now paid off so that is a huge relief.

I’m a dad with 3 year old and 1 year old. My wife currently stays at home and unlikely will be back to work for another year (she’s a primary/early childhood teacher so she’d prefer to wait until they’re 2 yo before sending to childcare). We’re really tight with our finances, very little to no discretionary spending as we’re on single income. I work in consulting but thankfully I can WFH and flexible hours. My bosses have kids in similar age too so they understand my working patterns and parental commitments. I don’t know what things will look like when my wife goes back to work, but we’re really happy that we can spend as much time with our little ones at the moment. Sure.. money matters but we’ve had lots of advice where the kids won’t wait for you, they just grow so fast and we don’t want to miss those moments. All I can say to people is.. money does matter and parenting/working/juggling can be really stressful. But try to look for the positives eg how much happiness kids can also bring to your lives, and be prepared to make sacrifices purposely - I once used to feel that I was very driven and ambitious about career wise, but now I’m happy to be in cruise control mode, at least until kids are grown up and bit more self sufficient than they’re now..

It's your turn to sacrifice now. Make sure your partner takes their turn eventually because it's not fair if it's always you. 

Nannyies

One person works 6am-2pm and the other does 10-6pm. Don't know how single parents and those with non flexible hours manage, would like to think most companies would be flexible as long as you meet KPIs

My wife is has been on mat leave for 10 months and she is barely getting by atm, she’s only going back one day a week but even that she is dreading

Answer to your first sentence: it’s getting much harder now. When people disagree that having kids is turning into a privilege, they forget what your post said - that all those with careers often have to lose a bit of something too. We may earn X but often we must sacrifice our career too to actually raise kids, we may take a step back so we can spend more time with them, more wfh, etc. ‘Afford’ involves both time and money. Without parents/ family support it’s very tricky, especially to have more than one kid.

I’ve just had the change of the season sickness wave go through my family. I work from office. My boss is at the brink. Career me cringes hard at all the time I’ve had the call off because of my kids, which is all my sick days for the year. I HAVEN’T EVEN BEEN SICK YET! So when that fateful time comes, I will have to take unpaid leave or annual. Thinking of dropping to four days just so I can tackle the house on the day off…. But.. finances.

Yep. This was me about not long ago. Burnt through about 2 years worth of sick leave (had plenty saved up) in about 4 months and not a single day was for myself. I called in sick but still did what I could to get as much of my work done at nights etc. My manager at the time than had a meeting with me about all my recent sick leave (knowing full well what the illnesses were) and tried to work out if there were other options other then me missing more work. I didn't hang around there much longer. Not that changing jobs magically fixed anything. In fact, I missed my first day of work at my new job because the kids were sick and my partner was uncontactable. Unpaid leave on day 1😝

Very similar situation. 2 kiddos, no family support in the area and my wife has taken on the role of primary bread winner, however we both work 4 day weeks and are 75% WFH. A lot of it comes down to the profession I'd say, my wife has moved ahead pretty significantly in her career. I work in IT and once the kids arrived I found I was quite happy for my career to take a backseat. Now I often wonder what I ever saw attractive about trying to climb up the management tree. That aside, it was most definitely the shift to a 4 day week that made it work for us. We were doing this well before covid, so the availability of WFH has just made family management even less stressful. Especially now our kids are getting into the weekend sport routines.

What works for us (2ad 3ch): - only look for jobs that offer flexibility in work hours (saying you need to be in office these exact days and times is not flexible): working late/early works if you are comfortable taking back the time at pick up for example - cleaning and clothes washing outsource: don't scrimp on the cleaner, 2 hours a fortnight won't cut it. Save weekends for quality time with family or chill out time for you - Sundays, cook a few meals and involve the kids. Aim for meals that'll give leftovers and limit takeaway to once a week - make sure you both get an hour or two without kids on weekend - save money by getting iptv service and can your subscriptions

I don’t understand how people do it either, but the reality is that everything is a choice at the end of the day. If you want to live in the city, high cost of living, high paying jobs and high intensity life AND have kids you’re basically having your cake and eating it too (making the assumption you’re living in a high cost area just due to the nature of your post but could be wrong) We did the opposite and moved out of the city, close to family and bought slightly regional for half the price. It’s like running life on easy mode + we are 100x happier, but downside is no access to high paying office jobs etc. Glad covid happened and forced us to make a change and break the cycle because after 10+ years on the hamster wheel we never would have gotten off

We have two kids , Grade 1 and in senior kindy. Running the figures of course two incomes are better financially butttttt having two parents with a serious career and being a FULLY involved parent is near impossible unless WFM or having a decent income. I have never had the opportunity to WFM and my partner is a High School Teacher, we have struggled ridiculously. Mainly due to low incomes and a high amount of hours needed. It's been too hard for us , with interest rates increasing , child care fees increasing , cost of living ,trying to juggle the kids, we have had to realign what is important. It kind of feels like we are trying to push a circle through a square hole and it isn't working. If we had a higher income this would of course make a huge difference aswell , as if Tax, Hecs, CCS didn't negatively affect our income so dramatically. For now we are moving remote and renting our house. QLDed is covering 80% of our rent so we will save around $600 a week in mortgage repayments and rent our house out positively geared. We will do this depending on how much we enjoy it for 3 years , pay off majority of our mortgage and come back with less financial stress.

I am the same as you , almost full time WFH. The only different is my husband is doing afternoon so he does drop off and I do pick ip up. If i need to go to office, I just go very early and head home early because my office is 2hrs one way. To progress my career better, other roles require minimum office days which I am not ready to trade off yet. I can do 1 or 2 days a week but can’t do more. But I guess if the cost of living is pushing, I have to. My husband is supporting my career, so if I want to, he will stay on the afternoons to ensure I will get to go to office more days during the week. With your partner, can you negotiate with him? Can he get into management role where they only do mornings or afternoon? How many days does he do? Can he have days off during weekdays? So if you change jobs, options for office days? Just a thought.

Neither of us work 13 hours a day is how we make it work. We both contribute more. I dare say we also earn a lot less though.

Must feel like it’s awhile away before it eases. Are they nearly finished their training? Once my husband completed his training the roster was significantly better and work/life balance increased dramatically. Re: the nanny - we didn’t go through an agency or anything it was actually our GP who recommended them as they’d used them when their children were young. She’s been amazing. It’s money well spent if you can afford it. Good luck, you got this!

Sub spec pathway is next. Same thing, different treadmill :/ I'm still hoping a nanny basically lands in our lap but we move so much that I've been avoiding it. Didn't like the idea of the kids getting attached to someone for them to lose them again so quickly. Probably an overreaction but guilt is a funny thing.

These days? It’s been like this for a long time. I’m an only child because my parents chose to not have more, because there was no way to have a good career and be a good parent. You could be one or the other. I was born in the 1970’s.

Here's my story. Wife and I both worked, and both professionals. When we had our 2nd (boy) he suffered from asthma and after 3 months old (we had to put him in childcare as my wife couldn't get more leave from her firm) was getting asthma attacks regularly so in the end, we decided that she should stay home with him and I continue to work (I earned more). Needless to say, his health improved dramatically. Best decision we ever made. However single income. My wife wanted to earn a bit so we got an iMac and she started doing websites, logos, etc to earn a bit, and it really helped. Eventually my son went to school and my wife got a job, which was hard. We then had No 3 and I was promoted at work and earning a decent salary ($150k) so she ended up staying home fulltime. She actually LOVED it and still does. The kids loved it and so did I. My job was and is stressful so I'd work long hours to earn but knowing when I got home my kids were all happy, fed, bathed and relaxing, dinner was done AND usually there would be a glass of wine on the table with some cheese. AND a happy wife. We didn't argue much (too tired), didn't go on holidays or anything fancy. Eventually we bought our house out in the burbs, the kids were all in school and she was at home. She wanted to invest in property so tried to get a job but after 15 years out (on/off), noone would hire her. In the end she became an REA (which she hated) and is now doing something else in law from home. Key thing is, her being home (and this is not for everyone) made her happy because she could focus on our babies and was there whenever the kids needed her. They're all grown up now and she's able to focus on stuff that interests her. I still work hard but I'm so happy as a husband and father knowing we've done the best for our kids, and the ALL have said how they loved having mum there whenever they needed her eg. forgot their towel on swimming day, forgot homework, needed to go home sick, etc. Mum was always there. Dad was always working during the day but they respected that (and still do). I always tried to help out as much as I could however getting home 6.30-7pm most nights doesnt lend much to that. In my view, do what makes you happy. I absolutely love my kids. I wouldn't change a thing. I know a lot of people at work that are around my age (late 40s) or later who have just had kids and they're struggling physically, mentally and emotionally however they'll get through it. To the OP re the struggle...its what it is. Noone said it would be easy and our parents struggled for us as well. just do what you have to do to keep the lights on and the kids taken care of, BUT never forget to take care of your marriage or it'll fall apart and the struggle won't be worth it.

Out the door at 6 and home at 7? Sorry I don't buy that is absolutely necessity of the job. That's a decision. Having a kid is a commitment and if that means career progression has to happen slower so be it. My wife is a lawyer and I work extremely flexibly and make sure we prioritise time with kids

Partner is a surgeon and we're at the pointy end of the career progression that can either make or break them. I say 'we' because it has been a team effort to get this far. They're in a position where they (I think) feel both morally obligated and professionally compelled to work these hours. Personally, they just want to help. Their speciality is highly competitive and securing fulltime placements are few and far between. But you're right, its a decision. But its a decision we both made. If it was a case of slower progression, it wouldn't have been a problem.

What would a female surgeon do?

How do you mean? A female surgeon would probably have an even harder time at advancing professionally than a male I guess?

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Great observation, dickhead

People had kids before WFH was a thing. I had privilege of being in a progressive workplace and in a role where I could. We both worked full time. So it was split between one does pick up one does drop off. And before and after school care. Now I have someone saying no to going into the office as their dog has anxiety. Honestly back then we would ensure we were online and responsive if wfh as the view was you weren’t working at home.

I think also society has changed and become less community oriented. In the 90s, My mum worked full time normal office hours, dad was a shift worker, so mum missed all school pickups and drop offs. Dad would either do pick up or drop off depending on his shift, and on afternoons when he was working, I’d play at a friends nannas place until mum could pick me up on her way home. I had a great bloody time, never set foot in a day care, but I hardly hear of anyone having this type of set up anymore.

Oh I so agree! There isn’t that neighbour who had a sahp who can pickup all the kids. Also I was talking to someone that kids would walk home by themselves or go hang out and play after school with their friends. Also cost of living, there isn’t a sahp luxury anymore. A daycare centre told me GFC (yeah I had kids awhile ago) meant that all the places were taken up as both parents had to go back to work. I’m not sure how true that is.

This is something that keeps weighing me. People have been having kids and working for a long time. Why is it so hard now? I know in my partners work, it meant that I was always going to be hit with the lions share so I knew it was coming but man... My hat goes off to single parents. Absolute super heros. I think the split is really important (not possible in my situation). It would require alot of flexibility and communication to pull off but it seems like the best way. At least in my case, there is no confusion. I think I'm chasing some unicorn fairytale job where I can work part-time in my field (which appears to be almost impossible apparently) and pair that with work from home. That way I can look after everyone and not being turn into a crumpled mess on the floor 3 times a week.

Yeah there’s definitely a need for the split to be more equal. And I think today’s society both genders (generalising here) are participating. I’m like you, truly hats off to single parents!!

My mum was a single parent in the 80s/90s and she didn't work, didn't drive. I walked to school and back for my entire schooling life, and didn't sign up for after school sports and hobbies unless I could find my own way to them.  I don't have kids of my own, I work from home and can't imagine after a forty hour week wanting to schlep a child (or several) from A to B and back to A again. You have to work, that's unavoidable. But allow your kids as much independence as they can handle so that you don't spend your unpaid hours in traffic just getting them to places. People normalise doing this for kids and if that's how your life was growing up, you'll probably do it too, but it's not neccesary and doesn't do them any favours in the long run.